South Park - Season 17 Edit

A Baltimore left!

A big dick in your mouth.

A big rally to tell the government

A Blu ray player. 96% off

A burglar broke in. He was black.

A camp which is for troubled kids like you,

A contagion outbreak of the worst kind.

A few words about my wiener.

A ginger cow.

A goth believes that, deep down, the world is totally fucked up,

A kid's got to find some way to make a living, don't he?

A lady never queefs in her lover's face

A little girl is making big waves

A little tiny wiener still so pleasing to the eye

A long time ago, but he won't forget.

A map of Japan, $100 rebate,

A marriage has to be more than that.

A marriage has to include fulfillments of fantasy

A new Elmo doll this Christmas.

A new Elmo doll.

A parental lock?

A person.

A possibility for peace in the Middle East.

A red headed cow.

A special Black Friday Bunduru.

A stand your ground law. Stand my ground?

A tingling sensation in your strange.

A verdict has just been handed down

A what?

A whole new slew of shows that use graphic sex

A wizard king, yes.

A young wizard who believes that Sony

A&E, Oxygen, and Oprah's network,

Aaah!

Aah!

Aah...Hike!

About the fight on Friday. Certainly.

About the wedding. Yeah, sure, what about it?

About what?

About what?

About your little brother?

About your parents not getting the channels easily.

Above all the petty commercialism, okay?

According to the Nielsen ratings,

According to the prophecy,

Add fullness to the breasts, lengthen the torso.

Adults like documentaries.

After all the years of holy wars and hatred,

After rampant allegations of sex with young boys.

After telling a mother she couldn't line up

After us emos take over the earth?

Against an entire group of people

Against my country, and I'm gonna have to hide out

Against those thousands of other shoppers.

Aghhh!

Agreed.

Agrees with who?

Ah ahem.

Ah, go to hell, you grief er!

Ah, they just don't listen.

Ah, too good, too, too good.

Ah, yes, here we go.

Ah, yes, I'm afraid intellilink mixed that up,

Ah, yes, Paladin Butters. Are you enjoying it?

Ah, yes, so this is where the government

Ah, you have to pay for the bundle.

Ah! Aghh!

Ah! Ah! [banging on door]

Ah! Oh, man.

Ah. [chuckles nervously]

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh! Oh, God! Oh, God!

All hail the princess!

All his blogs and emails have been watched

All I do is help the emos get into their human host.

All I'm saying is that when the time comes,

All networks that sexualize spousal homicides

All of a sudden, you seem to think

All of November?

All our emails and Twitter accounts.

All our men are ready.

All over the world.

All right, all right, think of it this way.

All right, all right. Let's calm down.

All right, and your name?

All right, bro. I'll catch you at recess.

All right, but if you try to punch me,

All right, Cartman, joke's over.

All right, girls, we're gonna trim that fat

All right, guys, here's the deal.

All right, guys, looks like we've got a wedding to plan.

All right, hold up. Hold up.

All right, keep an eye on all three of 'em.

All right, keep an eye on him. Let me know if anything changes.

All right, listen up.

All right, listen up.

All right, listen.

All right, now, I really do need to take a shit.

All right, now, look here.

All right, now, the French Revolution

All right, now, you say that you witnessed your friend

All right, sir, here a clipboard you can use

All right, so far, we agree there'll be no automatic rifles,

All right, sorry, kid.

All right, stop, stop, stop!

All right, that's enough!

All right, we got to do something.

All right, we're gonna get you out of here,

All right, what the hell is going on here?

All right, what's up, everybody, what's up?

All right, you want a rifle, like this .22 caliber.

All right?

All right.

All right.

All right. King Joffrey is still at King's Landing,

All right. Now, let's find Zimmerman.

All she does now is hang out with the douche bag emo kids.

All the ones with murder porn.

All the panic, crashing planes, and chaos

All the way from Israel to speak with me,

All the way from Israel to speak with me,

All these people are going to be gaming on Xbox.

All those phone calls can take a lot of manpower.

All we're asking is that you do for us

All we're trying to do

All you need to know

All: Chakam balada.

All: Hail Mike.

All: Ho.

All: Oh, God.

All: Shoot it!

All: The princess!

All: We are cows, proud and true!

All: Who are you yelling for? South Park!

All: Wow.

All: Yay!

All: Yay!

All: Yeah, yeah, do we rock?

All: Yeah, yeah, do we rock?

All: Yeah! Wait, wait.

All: yeah.

Also preparing for winter.

Although he survived the shooting,

Always listening in on my phone calls.

Always watching.

An apology? He shot me!

An original rap song

And 461 were seriously injured.

And a big tidal wave of peace and serenity

And a hip hop fiance who loved her very much "

And a jury will now decide his fate.

And a little girl loses her life.

And a touch pad interface.

And agree that PlayStations are better, she'll consider it

And all because of a red cow discovered by a young boy

And all he talks about is sex.

And all you've done since then is waste our time

And allow you to automatically preorder

And and emos are horrible.

And any thought you have is uploaded to the Internet

And apparently two boys have shocking news

And apparently, we're not the only parents

And as for the little boy

And as you can see behind me,

And as you're sitting there on the toilet

And ask them for help.

And being too stubborn to admit it wasn't working...

And Billy Turner has narrow shoulders.

And Black Friday is upon us.

And came over and picked me up and threw me down a well!

And Channel 9 News,

And cheating on each other for years.

And desire sometimes.

And doing everything you do.

And emos are going to rule the world."

And even ol' Eric Cartman.

And even when I'm 50 and you're 45,

And everyone's gonna think I'm super cool.

And fight for PS4s?

And fight for Xboxes with us on Black Friday.

And get all peaceful about it.

And get all their secrets out to the public,

And go to the bathroom at the same time.

And going back to normal.

And grind on another person.

And has been taking a daily laxative since last may.

And having talks of betrayal in it!

And he dangles it around for all his men to see.

And he did not deserve to get beheaded like that.

And he snuck out to go to Red Robin?

And he's really upset that you two aren't getting along.

And he's totally cool to his parents.

And his wiener gently hangs down between his legs.

And his wiener is about this big.

And how did I get such a beautiful wife?

And I am not going to rest until photoshopped images

And I didn't like the song, and so I yelled,

And I I want to do it in front of everyone,

And I I was at Barnes & Nobles with my mom.

And I know it was especially wrong

And I need to get to the bottom of it.

And I owe you, Kyle, and you, Davin, my sincerest apologies.

And I really am sorry. I'm sorry, that's okay.

And I said no?

And I sang My Country 'Tis of Thee 100 times,

And I saw my dad out in this field.

And I thought everyone would be super pissed off

And I thought it'd be a good way to make money.

And I want to thank you for using intellilink.

And I was all, "No way!" No way.

And I was like, "No way!"

And I was not the verdict."

And I watched America's Got Talent twice!

And I wouldn't let him.

And I'll bet you it's this little ****** right here

And I'll tell him about what.

And I'll try to be cool about it.

And I'm a sneaky little bee.

And I'm forgiven again?

And I'm sick of you kids dressing up

And I'm your captain, Wendy!

And I've got news for you.

And I've got news for you.

And if all I ever do is play to kids, then I'll be a joke.

And if it wouldn't be too much trouble,

And if society won't fix it, I will!

And if the first people inside their mall all got Xboxes,

And if we should betray Clyde or not.

And if you want my help,

And in a few days, they'll be honoring

And innuendo to make spousal murder more titillating.

And is an immediate threat to you.

And Israel is once again a place of conflict and turmoil.

And it can be something you and your brother

And it is password protected with a security code

And it looks like Microsoft's new Xbox One

And it may be a suicide mission,

And it may be your fault.

And it says, "You might also be interested

And it seems there's never enough detectives

And it wants to forgive you

And it would best to just get it out in the open.

And it'll all be fine, mkay?

And it's about time, Niles.

And it's all of our problem.

And it's all over the news.

And it's all smut, and it's garbage, and it's trash!

And it's being taken the wrong way.

And it's not even gonna be a fight.

And Jason has freckles,

And just get to the dragons?

And keep me from getting my kids Christmas presents,

And kicked me off.

And knows how to look good.

And left you in charge of the company, Steve,

And let's filter through the skins.

And letting go of all my wrongdoings

And look at what we did.

And make sure it runs smoothly.

And makes average girls feel horrible about themselves.

And maybe get those things off my record, off the cloud,

And measures are being taken to stop him.

And meet me at Village Inn

And more time at home.

And must include the purchase of 300 channels in Portuguese.

And my family is already smiling.

And my family's already smiling.

And my friends and I have to be the first ones

And my friends were all like, "Dude, Cartman,

And my friends, Stan and Kyle, Craig and Token,

And no splotches on her legs, and perfect everything.

And none other than Bill Gates himself

And nothing in this world is going to stop me!

And now foofa has announced a raunchy performance

And now I have chosen my side,

And now let us honor the little boy

And now that everyone knows what you're doing to Santa,

And now they're screwing up Minecraft too.

And now winter comes again.

And now you are reaching canadian puberty.

And now, a plane has apparently gone down

And on Alec Baldwin's new television show via Shitter

And on to all your Shitter followers.

And people are already gearing up.

And phone calls, um, how do I know which people to start with?

And please watch over Mommy and Daddy

And puts it in his face, and she says

And realize that refugees from Syria

And rip them off the walls and burn them.

And see if he'll bring petition forms.

And see if I can expose some of their secrets.

And see if you like to know the truth.

And seeing if other things can come and knock it down.

And seeing if you've accepted the government into your heart.

And send them directly to the Internet.

And she actually apologized to me.

And she had to go to this camp for two weeks.

And she just had a baby!

And she smokes a pipe. She can blow them rings

And she was like, "Yeah, soon it will be too late."

And she's a hobbit! That's not his girlfriend.

And sleep is very important to your success at school.

And so far it's been an unmitigated disaster.

And so we are gonna hear from a guest speaker.

And some ignorant people don't know the difference.

And somehow this place is taking kids like us

And someone who you used to call guy

And spousal homicides.

And stop being so defensive.

And streamlined intellilink.

And suggests you state your purpose.

And swing her into some old guy's head.

And talking on speakerphone.

And telling us what they did wrong.

And thank you, President Obama,

And that land won't be home so long as folks out there

And that Sony is helping to arm all of our

And that's all you know? What else did she say?

And that's me

And that's to find a place where the contagion can't reach us.

And that's when I masturbated to Game of Thrones.

And that's why she sucks, all right?

And the a is born.

And the big winner here decidedly is Channel 9 News.

And the director stated, "Hey, it came with the territory."

And the fair Lady McKormick will want to hear about it.

And the home of the brave,

And the need for other species to acknowledge their pain.

And the next gen gaming devices are hitting the shelves.

And their back stories, and then having them die.

And their poser ass plastic fangs.

And then all I have to do is go back to this place

And then DMVs everywhere can become a place

And then go buy her some flowers,

And then go get all the Xboxes.

And then go tell her I love her.

And then I I put my wiener through the hole.

And then I'm gonna put all their secrets up on Twitter.

And then Kenny became a Japanese Princess.

And then those lame os can be lamer to some other posers?

And then to everyone else on Shitter.

And then we can hit a McDonald's

And then we're gonna burn this whole place down.

And there was my dad, frozen in the lake.

And there.

And there's already been a lot of bloodshed

And there's dragons and zombies on the way.

And there's more where that came from.

And there's no time left.

And they all said Jaden Smith could kick your ass.

And they are most likely about to go totally 'nanas.

And they dug up a bunch of holes and punched his trees.

And they needed to be gotten rid of.

And they said they were sending over an engineer.

And they say they want to switch sides.

And they won't understand until it is far too late.

And they're gonna be huge! You won't believe it.

And things are gonna go off!

And this guy's wiener is, you know, huge, right?

And this is a great idea, mkay?

And this little person was singing a song.

And three months later, your wife queefed in your face.

And three months later, your wife queefed in your face.

And to give you the powers you need

And to you, my friend.

And to you, my old friend, Princess Kenny.

And told her that her tits belonged in a morgue,

And tomorrow, will speak before the state senate

And tone those bodies.

And try to talk to him. You can win him over again.

And turning them emo.

And use the 80% to get the gaming systems

And vaginas and stuff,

And wants to blow up the Lincoln memorial.

And was gonna hang out at the Village Inn.

And we all know what that means.

And we are not going to be beat by that traitor whore, Kenny!

And we believe, sir, that many people

And we don't have any privacy anymore.

And we figured out how.

And we get inside that base and you reveal

And we hope you will voice all your concerns to us,

And we just need the goddamn gold package.

And we just want to be sure he's satisfied with the service.

And we probably won't be able to stop them from watching

And we should have Fall Out Boy play at the Super Bowl

And we torched the plant leader.

And we want them removed, please.

And we're desperate.

And we're gonna be together and be happy forever.

And we're sorry we burned down the Hot Topic at the mall.

And welcome to the most fascinating time of your life.

And what's your brother's intelligrated smart name?

And what's your name, little boy?

And when her husband comes home,

And when they do something wrong,

And when you asked me if I'd lied,

And while she was looking for a book,

And who do we have on our side?

And why does standing your ground

And why was that?

And will team up with Cartman as well.

And you buttholes will have nothing!

And you didn't suspect anything

And you get to work outside and learn about responsibility.

And you know it! The fight is over, Cartman.

And you know what they told me?

And you never deal with us again.

And you never go. Fine! You want to go

And you owe each other an apology,

And you say she just showed up like this?

And you start coughing up blood and need to see the nurse.

And you swear you'll be okay with that?

And you're going to shoot him. It's the only way.

And you're gonna have to find that line,

And you're not just being a hater?

And your face, you need to figure it out quick.

And your five year old son was eaten, is that correct?

And your government wants you to be happy.

And your wife's been putting up with it.

And, Niles, what are you hearing?

And, Tammy, it's getting fierce out there.

And, um, I was totally wrong, and you were right, Kyle.

And, you know, I want to be able

Annie has thin hair, and Heidi Turner's butt is flat!

Another 10% off Black Friday deals.

Any files on Eric Cartman?

Anybody seen Lisa Berger?

Anyone with information regarding patient zero

Anything?

Apparently, he stopped Microsoft

Apparently, you called Butters' girlfriend a hobbit.

Appear to have, for some reason,

Are back at each other's throats,

Are derivatives of Poe's work... motherfucker.

Are likely to meet refugee status

Are required to be labeled for what they are fake.

Are there no other factions we can call to our aid?

Are these people nice?

Are we all agreeing to decapitations?

Are we really doing this again?

Are you for real?

Are you guys gonna go to the Fall Out Boy concert?

Are you just an asshole? Is that it?

Are you outside or something?

Are you scared?

Are you sure, Fart Boy?

Are you well liked at your school?

Aren't you, Token?

Around you, miles, mkay?

As fat and unimportant.

As he has in the past

As he went to question the possible suspect.

As mall security? What?

As soon as their guest of honor cuts the ceremonial red ribbon.

As the go to next gen console.

As we told the others, sir, we can fix it.

As you know, Black Friday is the day

At #keepthegovernment outofmybusiness.com.

At a camp for troubled teens was a setup?

At Clyde's house, at Scott Malkinson's house.

At each other.

At incredible deals on Friday,

At least she didn't try to sit on him.

At Mike Douglas' house, and I fucked Kim Basinger.

At Red Robin if she was. Guys, guys, not those tables.

At the dawn of war, I stand alone

At the South Park mall. Back to you, Tom

At this amazing deli run by two faggots in Chelsea.

At what I exposed about the government,

Automatically let you preorder Metal Gear Solid V?

Available at South Park Mall, starting Black Friday.

Aw, shit, I think I think I'm going to faint.

Aw!

Back away! [knife plunges]

Back to you.

Back, all of you!

Bah! Bah! Bah!

Bahhh!

Bahhhh!

Bahhhh!

Based on his award winning poem

Bashing that guy's head apart out of my eyes.

Battle lines are being drawn.

Be able to see the school nurse

Be sure to look up Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Because 96% of the time

Because a soft wiener isn't threatening,

Because at your local company,

Because cable makes it so convenient.

Because he wanted to be a princess,

Because he was trying to harvest the sugar cane with a hammer.

Because I know in my heart

Because I wanted you to go with me to therapy,

Because I was wrong, Kyle.

Because I'm making a fool of myself out here.

Because if people knew how we did it,

Because it does help us slip through the crowd

Because it's wrong.

Because nobody likes a girl who's jelly.

Because now that you're older, you're discovering

Because of course, the key thing here

Because of something that happened

Because of the prophecy of a miraculous red cow.

Because of the Trayvon Martin verdict?

Because one kid's dad actually went and killed his mom.

Because people should be okay with the way they look.

Because she has a movie coming out on Friday,

Because she's goth,

Because that's how babies are born.

Because that's how Xbox people are.

Because they taste so yummy.

Because they want a war to promote their product.

Because we all live forever in the cloud.

Because we have a hot news story to report.

Because we're trying to keep our parents

Because what because he's cute?

Because Xbox people don't care about the truth

Because you keep losing sleep, mkay?

Because you've always been a good student, mkay?

Before I knew it, they were all around me, biting, clawing.

Before I'm able to expose their entire operation.

Before that bitch walks in

Before this entire country is up in flames.

Being abused by her parents.

Being said around this school,

Besides that he's cute?

Besides us, it's the book club and Janice Pinkerton.

Betray you come on. Did you see Prometheus?

Between being a feminist and being a hater, mkay?

Between games, movies, and TV offered by Xbox One.

Bill Clinton.

Bill Gates? I gotta go.

Bitch, how you not the hobbit again?

Bitch, if you the hobbit, you need to let me know right now,

Bitch, remember when you went off

Bitch, that movie you got coming out is called The Hobbit?

Bitch, you not a hobbit, right?

Blabbing, prissy little skank!

Black Friday is over.

Black Friday prices to 96% off

Black Friday? Come on, that can't be real.

Black Friday.

Black Friday... [continues in Japanese]

Black Friday's about to happen,

Black guy in the back!

Black people say, "Hey, hey, hey."

Black people say, "Hey!"

Blocking our TV content?

Bodies, shopping bags.

Boo, Wendy Testaburger, boo

Boo, Wendy Testaburger, boo.

Boo, Wendy, boo! Boo, Wendy.

Boo, Wendy, boo.

Boo, Wendy. Liar.

Boo! Boo, bad, boo.

Boo.

Boom! Aw, y'all just got lit up, cup!

Both: Daddy!

Boy, Eric, I sure do admire your courage

Brad Pitt fighting zombies! No, Token! Token!

Brad Pitt, aah!

Bro, you got to, um, email Dex about the rally

Brother against brother, friend versus friend.

Bullshit.

Bump that shit, bro. Be the bigger person.

But

But a woman's outward appearance isn't all that matters, mkay?

But all I get are more floppy wieners in my face.

But all I get is wiener, wiener, wiener.

But an emo thinks that deep down,

But apparently a war is escalating.

But apparently there's some breaking news

But Bebe bought the lock from the cable company.

But but, Wendy, Kim Kardashian

But Butters and Scott won't be able to get their PS4s.

But calling a little girl "fat and ugly" is never mkay.

But central computer designated his status

But cooler."

But Daddy and I love our little muffin,

But denied my right to be called princess by birth,

But everyone else has already decided to go with Xbox,

But everyone in town tries to be the first

But everything was totally fine where he was.

But first, I'd like to share with you

But foofa, man I bet she's got some sweet strange.

But goths are more prone to be depressed

But have you ever noticed that almost every time

But he's been dead for 150 years.

But I am done forever with Game of Thrones

But I am sick and tired of getting to know people here,

But I can guarantee that before this is over,

But I can shoot anyone I want in Florida?

But I fear I cannot be seen

But I have a better idea. This isn't our war, you guys.

But I have a different standard when it comes to my women.

But I hope that we're clear that this is my army.

But I hope that we're clear that this is my army.

But I know that everyone in America

But I saw the puppet show version at Casa Bonita.

But I think that place turned you into an emo.

But I want a PS4, not a crappy Xbox.

But I warn you,

But I'll have to live with this the rest of my life.

But I'm close, very close

But I'm optimistic. Uhhuh.

But if we plan, strategize, and fight together,

But in her memory,

But Islam and Christianity as well

But it looks like it's already claimed another fatality.

But it should clean up all of pat's mistakes.

But it turns out Kyle was right.

But it wasn't me. It wasn't my fault.

But it's a double bluff.

But it's like he hates me.

But it's not just our responsibility to give them

But it's not true. Kyle, I'm being serious.

But just go.

But keep quiet 'cause it's top secret.

But Lisa Berger is going out with Clyde.

But many say the chance for peace is real

But maybe you'll listen to our special guest,

But most times they show a man's wiener,

But my parents always told me, "If you do something horrible,

But nobody cares!

But now get ready for lust, betrayal, and murder

But now let's discuss how a man and woman make love.

But please watch over him too.

But says he is on his way.

But she better watch her jelly behavior.

But she love me, right? Mommy love me?

But sometimes I accidentally tweet things

But soon we will be fighting the greatest battle

But Stan is still the nuts and balls of their operation

But that is what happened. It is!

But the boys aren't even noticing the rest of us anymore.

But the brave can't be free if the land isn't home,

But the fact is, we can do something about this.

But the government is actually able to monitor

But the only thing I have in common with Aquaman anymore

But then a bunch of kids online called me a grief er

But then I let my provider Jehovah into my heart.

But then I realize, all these things,

But then I started thinking,

But there is a very fine line, Wendy,

But there's a young blacksmith

But they are expecting me.

But they never seem to show up.

But they won't be able to get grades.

But they're keeping us safe.

But this is the best part,

But this is very top security stuff,

But this morning I saw a red haired, light skinned cow,

But this one kid says that he's a wizard

But today I will get him a Playstation.

But we have to walk right into the middle of the vampires

But we have to work together.

But we need a translator.

But we thought you should see this.

But we're the ones who pay the cable company.

But we've finally had some counseling.

But what price is safety, Kyle?

But what's that gonna solve?

But when they do show a straight guy's wiener,

But you are never going to be a real princess

But you can't suck farts and be a dick about it.

But you couldn't just ask me,

But you guys got too many people on your side,

But you know what I've learned?

But you need to have some more confidence, okay?

But you never wanted to listen to me, Kyle.

But you said they were on their way,

But you're too fat for me.

But, Lisa, that's great.

But, my friends, we must still find others

But, uh, we've got a bigger problem here,

But, you know, Eric has his side as well.

Butters Butters, the key to our victory

Butters, Butters, come here for a sec.

Butters, what happened?

Butters, would you please let me show you something

Butters, you seem to be somewhat obsessed with wieners.

Butters, your dad threw you down a well?

Butters!

Buzz, buzz.

Buzz, buzz.

By making powerful alliances.

By now you've probably noticed some changes in your body.

By now, most of the urban cities will be compromised.

By thousands of waiting shoppers

Bye.

C Could you maybe just tell me?

Called the "Brack Friday Bunduru,"

Can actually do together, mkay?

Can Elmo smell your genitals?

Can I ask you something?

Can I go back to class now?

Can I help you, sir?

Can I help you?

Can I watch you go potty?

Can they have? [bus approaching]

Can they remove the parental lock?

Can we take the plane to Los Angeles?

Can we talk to your supervisor, please?

Can we try this without Wendy?

Can you go to the cabin and get in bed?

Can you just tell me why you like Cartman's farts so much?

Can't do anything? You're the NSA.

Can't now, Mom, I've got an emergency.

Can't we just learn this Minecraft game

Can't you see that all we're trying to do

Captain, we have an incoming FaceTime request

Captain! Captain!

Cartman hasn't been telling the truth.

Cartman, are you feeling all right?

Cartman, don't you do this.

Cartman, he's got everyone on Sony's side.

Cartman, no! No more!

Cartman, we should probably talk about our chances.

Cartman, you don't have to worry.

Cartman, your side won, dude.

Cartman's army is getting bigger every day.

Cartman's farts in my tummy?

Chakam balada!

Chakam balada.

Cheap Xbox Ones? For reals?

Checks up on its citizens.

Cheer squad roll call!

Cheer squad roll call!

Cheer up, Kyle.

Children of darkness, I would help you,

Choose side o."

Clean that shit up.

Clear the streets! Everyone clear the streets!

Clyde sent me her pics.

Clyde sent me these. Don't be jel.

Clyde?

CNN has just received word

CNN has just received word that a verdict

Colorado somewhere?

Colorado's top rated brother sister news team

Come in the way of what's rightfully ours.

Come on in, I'll tell you everything

Come on in.

Come on in.

Come on out, and there won't be any trouble.

Come on over here. I built us a fire.

Come on upstairs, and I'll show you around,