South Park - Season 1 Edit

A fecalphiliac is somebody who's obsessed with mookie stinks, Kyle.

A little higher and you've got it.

A lot of our fans ask us:

A Mr. Hankey Construction Set!

A pig and an elephant's genes won't splice.

A rare duck billed platypus! It's coming right for us!

A reward for fans who pay attention?

A small, white bread, mountain town called South Park.

A squeaker!

A whole world of opportunity is opening up.

Actually, sometimes a man doesn't love a woman...

Adiposity. Corpulence.

After all, hunting sober is like fishing sober.

After Cartman eats Weight Gain 4000, he gains 700 pounds.

After centuries of waiting, I finally have the Triangle of Zinthar!

After I'm on television, I'm gonna be totally famous.

After this, my uncle will take me hunting in Africa.

Aliens!

All I wanted was to genetically engineer something useful. I failed.

All right then, here's a tulip.

All right, boys. Show us what you've brought.

All right, but take your grampy with you.

All right, everyone, it's time to give out canned food to the poor.

All right, I'll roshambo you for it. Ready?

All right, men, give her everything you've got!

All right, Richard!

All right. Yeah, okay.

All the blood and mucus, the sound of bone and sinew coming apart...

All the little Indians to the center of the stage.

All the little pioneers on this side of the stage.

All the other zombies will turn back to normal.

All this time... Why didn't you tell me, Father?

All we know right now is that some of our children...

All we know right now...

All you bastards ruined Christmas.

All you have to do is fart and the visitors are sure to come.

All you need to know is Miss Ellen's a lesbian...

Amen.

An elephant have sex with a pig.

An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig

An elephant takes a while to get drunk.

An elephant won't make love to a pig.

And a videotape that might embarrass him.

And action!

And black Army CIA helicopters and trucks.

And can't we do a little better than creamed corn...

And Channukah can be cool too.

And for dying for my sins. That was nice of you.

And he throws it to Kyle, the little ******* kid.

And here's another present, from Wendy

And I dug up your great grandma's skeleton and had my way with her.

And I will be the biggest, most famous person ever!

And if you ain't Fiona Apple, I don't give a rat's ass!

And in the very, very black corner...

And Kyle has a dad? And Kenny has a dad?

And maybe we can beat them even more next year.

And now back to America's Stupidest Home Videos.

And now back to Jesus and Pals.

And now back to Jesus and Pals...

And now I am so close.

And now our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us about Christopher Columbus.

And now our very own South Park Elementary chef...

And now, a fireside chat with the creators of South Park:

And now, a fireside chat with the creators of South Park:

And now, a fireside chat with the creators of South Park:

And now, America's Stupidest Home Videos.

And now, America's Stupidest Home Videos. Here's your host, Bob Saget.

And now, here to present the award...

And now, our last talent show finalist...

And now, South Park Elementary presents The Birth of Jesus.

And slowly my bedroom door opened. The next thing I remember..

And so now, sit back, relax, and enjoy "An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

And sometimes the man puts his hoo hoo dilly...

And that's who she was with last: Mr. Garrison.

And the award for the very best costume goes to...

And the person who scored highest on the quiz..

And the president responded by saying, quote:

And the winner is, naturally, "Little Boy Being Hit by a Train."

And then I saw him

And then, Ned picked up the grenade and boom! Blasted his arm clear off!

And they had big heads and black eyes.

And this is old Scratch. Say hi, old fellow!

And to think, I actually watched your HBO special.

And we must stop cutting down Christmas trees.

And Wendy, I'm still not believing the labor pains.

And what a nice alarm clock! Thank you, Stan

And what did Wendy get me? Oh, it's the Yellow Mega Man!

And when John Stamos' older brother hits that high F, boom!

And without the swelling, you'll really notice.

And you only got 20 minutes before Sanford and Son is on!

And you'll be all like, "Hey, get out of my ass, you stupid rainbows!"

And your socks smell like a garden?

And, finally, "Young Child Gets Hit by a Train."

Ants in the Pants? Ants in the...?

Ants in the Pants?!

Any of you blokes know what's for lunch today?

Anybody know any non Santa or non Jesus Christmas songs?

Anybody know what a canned food drive is? Yes, Eric.

Anyhoo, I want you all to meet your new substitute, Miss Ellen.

Anyone here could be your father. I'm afraid you're never going to know.

Anyway, all of y'all sit back, relax and enjoy "Pink Eye."

Anyway, I'll put together a crack team of my best workers...

Anyway, if you'll come with me in my car...

Anyway, Kenny, Yellow Mega Man is only $8.95.

Anyway, sit back, relax and have a rootin' tootin' good time...

Anyway, some of you have brought something special for show and tell.

Appetizer.

Are you guys a... A couple, if you know what I mean?

Aren't they ever gonna wake up?

Aren't you curious about the insanity Barbra exhibits?

Aren't you hungry, Kenny?

As horrible as they were, they felt like a part of me.

As I turn and look into the sun...

As some people try to save their town, others look for the missing people.

As the day progresses, more South Park residents...

As UFO sightings increase...

As your counselor...

Ask them for your little brother back.

Asked why he was wreaking havoc on his hometown...

At 5, she wanted to be a singer.

At first I was happy you took him, but I've learned something:

At least I have the walkie talkie Robert gave me.

At least let us sc**** him off the field!

At my lab, we can do DNA genetic testing.

At this rate, all my cattle will die before the winter's through.

Athletes are treated better because they're better people.

Aw, heck. Do I have a choice?

Back to Terrance and Phillip.

Back to Terrance and Phillip.

Back to the studio

Barbra!

Barf is gross.

Be a man, Stan. Just say, "Hey, woman! You shut your mouth and make babies!"

Be careful not to fall in the pool below you.

Be here at this time tomorrow to discuss the terms.

Be passive, okay?

Beautiful, it's absolutely beautiful. My son, I think we've finally done it.

Bebe, this is your line.

Because Cartman cheated and won the essay contest.

Because I burn them and kill them?

Beefcake. Beefcake!

Before we start, here's a non offensive...

Before you beat my face into a bloody pulp...

Behold my Patrick Duffy leg!

Behold, he is already upon us.

Behold, the Evil One approaches.

Being a big fat ass.

Being gay is part of nature and a beautiful thing.

Being naughty with the football.

Being new can be tough. But I'm your friend, m'kay?

Being on TV or some stupid assassination?

Bench.

Bet you wish you didn't give me that triangle. Dumb ass!

Betting against your lord and savior. I am disgusted!

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

Billy, help me stick this fork in the outlet.

Billy...

Birthday!

Bitch. Your mom is a bitch.

Black as the night.

Blessed art thou. Next caller, you're on the air.

Bob Saget.

Bob.

Book depository. Depository.

Boring!

Boy, looks like this kid needs some therapy.

Boy, Mr. Hat, being hot and sexy is fun for a while, but it does get boring

Boys, I need to get serious for a minute.

Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students, for our science fair project...

Boys, what drove you to the edge and changed you into demonic bastards?

Brains

Brains.

Brilliant idea.

Brilliant idea. Huge, elephant sized pigs.

Bring in more diverse food...

Bring me Jesus!

Brush and floss. Where has that finger been?"

But all must take every precaution

But as an extra incentive...

But by 6, her goal was to rule the universe.

But he didn't give it back. I kicked him...

But he's our science fair project!

But I think we've learned some important lessons. I think...

But I won the environmental essay contest!

But I'll try to make things as easy as possible for all of us.

But I'm changing that to Yellow Mega Man...

But I've gotta put a hat on my master's head.

But it was here, right here. There was a techno dance club.

But Kenny's dead now. You're always gonna be my nephew.

But my dog found his own way. That makes him smarter...

But now, hot lava will engulf them...

But remember, if you play "I'm Natasha Henstridge" with your friends...

But she's coming to South Park, and I know how to make it better.

But that thing just beat Leonard Maltin and Sidney Poitier.

But there's a part of homosexuality that's unexplored...

But this next one, "Damien," is our favorite.

But this year we're gonna booby trap it.

But those poor turkeys, they're all dead.

But tomorrow is grocery day, Eric.

But we have to kill him every episode. This is one of our favorite deaths.

But you don't get involved with the child.

But, Mom, I need it for tomorrow!

By Friday, we'll clone a whole human. Good luck with your pig.

By the way, did you ever see that movie Contact?

Bye bye. Merry Christmas.

Bye, Kyle. Happy Channukah.

Bye, Kyle. There's no reason for you to come...

Bye, Miss Ellen!

Bye, Wendy.

Call me. I'm in the book.

Camel.

Can anybody tell me who left these arrowheads here?

Can I eat in the living room, Mom?

Can I have my walkie talkie back?

Can I help you?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Can we beat the spread against Middle Park?

Can you make an elephant smaller?

Can't anybody help me? Doesn't anybody care?

Can't go on.

Care to put your tongue in my mouth?

Careful now, Kenny. Those are very, very dangerous

Carlos!

Carol, where are the porta potties?

Carry on.

Cartman doesn't know a rain forest from a Pop Tart.

Cartman Gets an Anal Probe

Cartman, goddamn it!

Cartman, how come my invitation...

Cartman, those pictures were taken, like, last month.

Cartman? Oh, boy, I was worried there for a second.

Cartman? What are you doing dressed up like an Indian with a bear necklace?

Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut

Cartman's not showing up for school.

Caught you red handed! No pictures of Kathie Lee!

Check it out, dude. It's got little drawings on it.

Chef says you have to make love by the fire.

Chef, call Robert Smith of The Cure.

Chef, the South Park Cows' coach, is nervous.

Chef, you're so strong.

Chef!

Chef!

Chef!

Children, as you all know, Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford...

Children, I have some difficult news.

Children, Nancy Sinatra was a choice piece of ass...

Children, our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us all about genetic engineering.

Children, remember the Save Our Fragile Planet essay contest...

Children, that was a long time ago, but I'll tell you what I remember.

Children, that's a problem we've all had to face at some time or another.

Children, these kinds of shows are senseless, vile trash.

Children, we could make a fortune with this.

Children, we've just received word from the mayor...

Children, you can't stick a drunk pig with a drunk elephant...

Children, you shouldn't not like somebody...

Chocolate milk!

Christ, look at that little bastard go!

Christ.

Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh, my!

Christmas Poo? You mean Mr. Hankey.

Church and state are separate.

Code six. 1 05 northbound, Route 52.

Columbus discovered America and was the Indians' best friend.

Combine my elephant with a potbellied pig and make potbellied elephants.

Come back here, you pompous son of a pansy!

Come back here!

Come back here! Come back! Damn it, we were so close!

Come down here, you stinking aliens!

Come on in, little fellow. Nobody will ever oppress you here.

Come on you guys, let's go home.

Come on, Chef, haven't you heard of a "manage oh three"?

Come on, children, what can be so bad? It's Salisbury steak day.

Come on, everybody, back to New York.

Come on, everybody, let's do the drunken barn dance.

Come on, gang, don't fight.

Come on, get the go cart going.

Come on, grab those cans, little boy!

Come on, hurry up.

Come on, keep drinking.

Come on, kiddies. Eat more.

Come on, kill it!

Come on, let me kick you in the nuts for it!

Come on, let's go! What the...?

Come on, Mary, push!

Come on, Ned. And keep quiet.

Come on, Ned. Let's get to the bookie!

Come on, people. We've got to turn this place around.

Come on, sissy. Hit me. Hit me!

Come on, Stan, don't you know where you would go?

Come on, Stan.

Come on, you little bitch.

Come on, you little wuss, fight!

Come on! We'll get a delay of game penalty.

Come on. I have an idea.

Come on. Kyle's mom will make tuna fish sandwiches.

Come on. We can still catch the end of the fight.

Come to school with me so I can prove I'm not crazy.

Coming this Sunday, a television event that will blow you away.

Coming up next on the special, Phillip farts on Terrance and laughs.

Congratulations on writing the winning paper.

Corny Thanksgiving!

Could it be that aliens are trying to make contact with us on Earth?

Couldn't we rotate who doesn't have a helmet?

Couple of days? Terrance will have his clone tomorrow.

Cows, I got you cornered. Let's see you get away now.

Crap!

Crazy cracker's always leaving detergent.

Cup her perky breasts in my hands and put my hand on her nice, tight buns.

Cut the damn rope, already!

Cut! Print that. Excellent, Sid.

Daddy, no!

Damien

Damn it, I didn't have an anal probe! Screw you guys, I'm going home.

Damn it, I gave it to you so you would shut up!

Damn it, where's your car?!

Damn it!

Damn it! My little brother's trying to follow me to school again.

Damn this beautiful face of mine. Damn it to hell!

Damn your black heart, Streisand!

Damn, baby, you cut right to the chase.

Damn, he could be anywhere! I'll send out an APB.

Damn, I'm not the only one who's thought of killing her.

Damn! Damn! I guess it will just have to be you and me, Miss Cartman.

Damn! I gave you sweet loving five minutes ago!

Dance! Dance, damn you!

Dang, you guys.

Darling, look. Thanksgiving turkeys.

Dead people getting up and walking around...

Death

Death to the holy. The wrath of the fallen angels now waits for you all!

Deformed how?

Democrats piss me off!

Did any of you see the alien spaceship last night?

Did you hear? Kathie Lee Gifford is coming to South Park!

Did you notice that mole on her neck with hair growing out of it?

Did you see that? I was imperiled by that ferocious charging buck.

Didn't Mr. Garrison teach multiplication?

Didn't you notice how her left arm is longer than the right one?

Die!

Dildo!

Disintegration is the best album ever!

Do we go to the fight or Cartman's birthday?

Do you actually think that Kathie Lee Gifford would enjoy this?

Do you come at the gene splicing of DNA from personal experience?

Do you have strong ethical views on whether we should tamper with nature?

Do you hear something? I think I hear flower children calling.

Do you know where he is?

Do you like to dance?

Do you need to go to the nurse?

Do you need to sit in the corner until your gas is under control?

Do you need to sit in time out for a minute?

Does anybody have a can opener?

Does he think we're crazy?

Does my hair look okay?

Does the triangle have two snakes joined at the middle?

Doesn't seem right without Kyle.

Don't be gay, Spark. Don't be gay.

Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!

Don't ever walk with your gun unless the safety's on.

Don't feel too bad, kid. I never knew who my father was either

Don't forget your assignments. They're due for everyone but Stan.

Don't get too carried away now.

Don't hurt me.

Don't kick the baby.

Don't let him touch you, or you'll die.

Don't look there, Phillip, you're gonna get farted on.

Don't mind him. He's a very disturbed little boy.

Don't shoot anything human.

Don't touch your eyes. I'll prescribe some antibiotics.

Don't try any of that cow hypnosis on me, all right?

Don't worry, dude, we can watch it at my house.

Don't worry, we'll take care of him.

Don't y'all worry, you just wait till halftime.

Don't you ever learn?

Don't you see? Kenny's a zombie. Along with everyone else in town.

Don't you see? This is the one time of year...

Down by the fire?

Drive the car, damn it! Drive!

Duck and cover

Dude, check it out. Cartman's mom made chili.

Dude, dolphins are the second smartest animal on the planet.

Dude, he's gonna fart on his head again.

Dude, I can't wait to win that $ 1 0,000.

Dude, Jesus is getting his butt kicked. You've got to fight, Jesus.

Dude, Kenny is dead. See?

Dude, sick!

Dude, this is pretty f* * * ed up.

Dude, this is pretty f* *ked up right here.

Dude, we have to tape Not Without My Anus.

Dude, we should be videotaping this. We could make another $ 1 0,000.

Dude, what does the note say?

Dude!

Dumb asses! You give up on your stupid science fair project?

Elvis? I'm Evel Knievel

Engelbert Humperdinck was the first man on the moon. Who was the second?

Eric Cartman.

Eric is obviously suffering from some kind of emotional distress, m'kay?

Eric kicks ass.

Eric, keep quiet! I'm trying to sleep.

Eric, the day I met your father, it was like magic.

Eric, what do you think you're doing?

Eric, you are the coolest guy in the world. This is tremendous tea.

Even old Scratch here.

Every turkey dies. Not every turkey truly lives.

Everybody go home!

Everybody in town is upset with you.

Everybody, you gotta help the children!

Everyone came as Chewbacca?

Everyone thinks that to do South Park, we must be wild rock stars...

Everyone, let's give Casey and his weed a big hand.

Everyone, regardless of your religion, should celebrate Christmas...

Everything should be spliced with everything.

Evil down to their black hearts, which pump not blood...

Excellent, A minus.

Excellent.

Except for Kenny's family. To them, $6.99 is two years' income.

Except for that last one, he's a bit tubby.

Except when it comes to Barbra Streisand. We hate her.

Excuse me, I am a lost little boy. Could you help me?

Excuse me, Kitty.

Excuse me. I just talked to the bookie.

F* * * * * g f* * *heads.

F* *k you.

Farewell, fools.

Fart.

Fartboy? Perhaps they won't call me that anymore.

Feel my wrath!

Fight, damn it.

Filling in for quarterback is number 1 2, Kyle Broflovski

Finally, a boy from South Park, Colorado..

Finally, the triangle is mine!

Fine. How are you guys?

Fine. We were just about to run it from the top.

Fire drill, fire drill! Everybody out! Okay, children, this is your chance.

Fire in the hole!

First contact with the alien visitors. I've gotta get myself ready.

First South Park, then the world.

First, I kick you in the nuts. Then you kick me in the nuts.

First, it's "Dog Who Puts Hat on Master's Head."

Five minutes until recess is over, you little bastards.

Follow your dreams.

Food's here. That's it for the appetizers.

Fools. You are all fools.

For crimes against this country, you are to be shot into the sun.

For instance, here's a monkey with four asses.

For recipes, please press one. For product placement, press two.

For several months, we were locked into a cold, dark, little room...

For shocking people who give granola.

For so long I've waited to find the other triangle.

Forget about that genetic engineering.

Forget it. No Kathie Lee, no public interest.

Four boys from South Park, Colorado...

French people piss me off.

Friends?

From everyone's accounts, I've narrowed down Eric's possible father...

From the Egyptian pharaohs to the shoguns of Japan.

Fumble! Middle Park gets the ball, they run for a touchdown!

Gay dog.

Gayness has existed since the beginning of time.

Gently, yet firmly.

Get him out of here before he hurts anybody.

Get it off, get it off me!

Get off my property, you brain eating zombie bastards.

Get outside her, Ned! I can't get a shot in from here.

Get the hell out of here, Johnson. I don't want no goddamn pinkeye.

Get the hell out, I said! Party's over, get out, goddamn it!

Get to sleep and think about how your mother has to clean that bathroom.

Give me a little pepper. Give me a little salt.

Give them hell, Stanley!

Go ahead

Go away, Indian Companion!

Go find another table, new kid.

Go to your homes and arm your...

Go to your homes and arm yourselves with whatever you can.

God bless America. You get into my office before anyone else sees you.

God bless you, Kathie Lee!

God, please deliver those darling kids from...

God, please deliver...

Goddamn it, give me my triangle!

Goddamn it, I just got that van! How are we supposed to get home?

Goddamn it, not again.

Goddamn it, they didn't do anything to my ass! It was just a dream.

Goddamn it.

Goddamn, I love football!

Goddamn, that's a big fat ass!

Golly, that isn't very nice. I'd sure like to teach him a lesson.

Good boy. Now shake.

Good boy. Now, don't be gay!

Good idea. Okay, Stanley, you're next.

Good job, Einstein! Why don't we build a rocket?

Good luck. If they get out of control, just use this tear gas

Good!

Good.

Good. It looks like they've taken the trees down.

Good. Yeah, listen, the little needle's moving.

Goodbye, guys. It was nice meeting you.

Goodbye, Stanley! Peace be with you.

Goodbye! Thank you for your help. Visit us again.

Goodbye. Bring me lots of gifts. I always believed in you.

Goodness. Would anybody mind cleaning my erasers?

Got it.

Grab a lot, son

Grandpa, I had no idea how bad it was for you.

Great instincts.

Great party, Wendy.

Green Mega Man goes with Red and Yellow...

Green Mega Man it is.

Gross, Stan. Sick.

Guns and bullets seem to be a recurring theme.

Guys, I was just kidding!

Guys, my mom's getting a Ferris wheel.

Guys, shut up. I'm not under alien control.

Guys, who would you say are your role models?

Hang up the lights, string up the banners, castrate the cows!

Happy Valentine's Day, Stan

Happy, happy Thanksgiving. Let her rip!

Has Kathie Lee Gifford offended you? Was she flattered by her depiction?

Have anything besides four assed animals?

Have either of you actually been abducted?

Have either of you ever killed anyone?

Have some pie, cake and ice cream.

Have you been outcast?

Have you ever had something happen but nobody believed you?

Have you forgotten the pain and suffering Kathie Lee caused you?

Have you seen anyone like this?

Have you seen Sparky? He's not back.

Haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King!

Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy?

Having a little brother is special.

Having a nose job is better than I thought.

Having imaginary friends is fine, but this won't do!

He built a wicker basket!

He can do cool stuff with his voice. Show them.

He comes out of the toilet and gives gifts to people with high fiber diets.

He comes out of the toilet...

He could be under alien control.

He couldn't have gone far, unless something drug him off.

He didn't grow up in a normal place like here

He farted right on his head.

He has Patrick Duffy for a leg and weaves baskets.

He helped them win their war against Frederick Douglass...

He just needs some training, that's all. Sit, Sparky.

He keeps throwing things around...

He kept seeing this brown piece of Christmas poo everywhere.

He lives alone on this mountain and weaves baskets and other crafts.

He makes stuff up. Don't believe him.

He must have followed me. You see, he is smart.

He needs to run his ass around the block.

He said I could have his pudding. Ask him yourself.

He said, "To hell with Kathie Lee Gifford!"

He showed me his sanctuary and took me on a boat ride...

He still looks gay.

He usually follows me.

He was the most beautiful piece of ass I'd ever seen in South Park.

He was with me the whole time.

He'll stay here. Then with Stan, then me.

He's at the 50, the 40, the 30...

He's dangerous. His brain is identical to yours. I need you to help me find him.

He's doing something to his ass.

He's got a gun!

He's just confused.

He's my son. I adopted him.

He's not kicking his ass, but he's doing something.

He's of no use to me. I'll have to burn the room.

He's out of control. We have to destroy him!

He's part Doberman and wolf. He's the toughest dog.

He's saving us!

He's talking like the new kid.

He's tearing my cafeteria apart.

He's tearing up the house. Stop him!

He's the last person I saw with your mom.

Hear that? We get $3,000. That's enough for your DNA tests.

Heck, I haven't even started yet.

Heck, I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world.

Hell, yeah, I got the triangle.

Hell's bells.

Hello there, little boys.

Hello there, little pup! I'm Big Gay Al

Hello there. Love the Elvis costume, Chef.

Hello, children.

Hello, children.

Hello, children. How are you?

Hello, children. What's all this about a new teacher?

Hello, Indian Companion.

Hello, little boy. Do you know who I am?

Hello, Mrs. Cartman. How are you today?

Hello, this is Frank Hammond, South Park Radio, AM 900.

Hello?

Hello? No, it's a... Vas deferens?

Hello. I'm Phillip. They call me Pip because they hate me.

Hello. You must hurry.

Help!

Help! Sons of bitches!

Her mother's a jackal. Her father's an insurance salesman.

Her weak point is the nose.

Here begins pain. The new domination...

Here comes the unholy butthole now.

Here in the middle of Africa, food is extremely scarce.

Here is Miss Ellen and our leader. Her name is Makesh Alaq Makarakesh.

Here it comes.

Here she comes!

Here we are.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here with a special report, a quadriplegic on a pony.

Here you go, Kyle. Here's yours, Stan.

Here you go, turkeys.

Here, hon. I packed you Cheesy Poofs and Happy Tarts.

Here, I have rabbits spliced with fish to make little bunny fish.

Here, I made you powdered doughnut pancake surprise.

Here, let me sing you a little song. It might clear things up.

Here, sit down, have some cocoa, and tell Mr. Hat all about it.

Here, Stan, this is for you.

Here, Swiss cheese spliced with chalk and a beard.

Here, we see the Stevens on a picnic.

Here, you children sit down and let me explain about where babies come from.

Here's a video that shows a very disturbed boy.

Here's the same gun with a wood finish.

Here's your sports watch, son. Sorry for the mix up.

Here's yours, Wendy, and here's yours, Clay.

Hey everybody, look who's here, the AFC Champion Denver Broncos

Hey, Cartman.

Hey, Chef.

Hey, Chef. Look.

Hey, come back! We didn't even get to do our play!

Hey, come on! That was roughing!

Hey, dudes.

Hey, gang. It's our friend Indian Companion.

Hey, he's like Rudolph.

Hey, how about Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo?

Hey, I didn't get a gun!

Hey, I don't have to take that kind of crap from you scrawny weaklings!

Hey, I'll kick your ass!

Hey, I'm on TV! I'm on TV!

Hey, Kenny.

Hey, look, Kenny's okay!

Hey, look!

Hey, look. I think Kenny's okay.

Hey, new kid.

Hey, Stan, now what are we gonna do for entertainment?

Hey, Stan, your dog been to any pride marches lately?

Hey, Stan. I'm open, I think.

Hey, Terrance, now that you farted I think I might fart too.

Hey, that kind of looks like Tom Selleck

Hey, they're all dressed up like ghosts too.

Hey, wait a minute. When do I get to be on television?

Hey, wait. When do I get to make sweet love?

Hey, Wendy, what's a f* * *?

Hey, what's going on? Let go of me!

Hey, what's that?

Hey, where are you all going? They don't even know what Walden is.

Hey, where's little Stanley?

Hey, who cut your hair, Stevie Wonder?

Hey, yeah.

Hey, you were supposed to kill me.

Hey, you will not get away with this!

Hey, you're gonna miss it, Kenny.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Down here! We are ready for your wisdom.

Hey! I know a certain young man who's itching for detention!

Hey! ******* people can't eat Christmas snow.

Hey! Wait a minute! What is that thing?

Hi, fellas. It's so super to see you!

Hi, Grandpa, I brought my friends over.

Hi, Jesus, I have a dog and he's a homosexual.

Hi, kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.

Hi, little fella, how are you doing?

Hi, Wendy.

Hi, what's up?

Hike me the ball, somebody run and I'll throw. Ready? Break!

Hike the damn ball!

Hippie! Go back to Woodstock if you can't shoot.

His name was Chief Running Water.

His tongue? Chef? Chef is my dad?

Hitler was famous too.

Hold on now. You got to help the children.

Hold on, Kenny!

Hold the football like you'd hold your lover.

Hold this walkie. Help me fight her.

Holy crap, dude. Satan is huge!

Holy crap, Ned! That's the biggest goddamn deer I've ever seen!

Holy crap!

Holy crap!

Holy crap! She wants to meet me at Stark's Pond after school.

Holy poop on a stick!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray! Hooray for Mr. Garrison! He's back. Mr. Garrison is back!

Hope you kids like chocolate peanut butter cream puffies...

How about a nice chocolate chicken potpie then?

How about I use a helmet today and someone else doesn't?

How about more of that good loving?

How about Stan, our South Park quarterback star?

How about the dreidel song, bubee?

How about we get in shape? We want to look our best on TV, don't we?

How about we make you a nice, scary ghost costume?

How big is he? I bet he weighs 400 pounds!

How could he be mad with such pretty hair?

How dare you include the Nativity in a school play! My son is *******!

How did your preoccupation with homosexuality develop?

How do I put this?

How do you create a show like South Park and remain pure and wholesome?

How like a turtle, the sun looks

How luscious, our creature has come to fruition.

How many lives does Kenny have left?

How many years has it been? Thirty? Forty?

How much weight does Cartman gain in this episode?

How the hell do we know who the original zombie is?

How was Miss Ellen suddenly arrested for...?

How?

Howdy ho, Chef.

Howdy ho, ho, ho!

Howdy ho, Kyle.

Howdy ho, Kyle.

Howdy ho, Mr. Hankey.

Howdy ho, Mr. Hankey.

Howdy ho!

Howdy ho!

Howdy ho!

Howdy, folks. Gosh, you sure do smell nice and flowery.

Hunger is an enemy that we all must fight.

Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut. Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut...

I aced that test. I'm gonna win that dinner.

I actually met him in beginning filmmaking.

I ain't helping. I wanna eat pie.

I am going to f* *king kill you guys, seriously!

I am Hakeem Kurashki of the nation of Iraq.

I am not under alien control!

I am Skuzzlebutt, lord of the mountains!

I am so pissed off right now.

I am, however.

I apologize for that and turning your friend into a platypus.

I asked you to kill me, Billy, but I was wrong.

I baked cookies. Would anybody like one?

I believe in Mr. Hankey.

I believe.

I bet I could clone a human being before you cross an elephant and a pig.

I bet if Walden was a sitcom you'd know what it was!

I brought my makeup kit. What are we doing?

I brought my war buddy, Ned, to keep things safe

I can say with certainty that I am not anti Semitic.

I can see its head!

I can't believe she was a criminal Iraqi fugitive.

I can't blow it now that I'm so close. It must be handled carefully.

I can't concentrate because my dog is gay.

I can't concentrate on grading papers with all this excitement.