South Park - Season 15 Edit

A big success?

A comedy award!

A giant hole now blasted into the ceiling,

A little longer?

A location beacon, a first aid kit,

A massive candlelight vigil was held last night,

A more tragic story than that of Eric Cartman.

A school in Colorado has declared Germans

A serious fuckin' look at yourselves!

A super automaton with perfect timing

A tradition passed down since the birth of Canada.

A window on your screen popped up

Aaggghh!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Unh!

About the plaque that's building on your teeth.

Access to all your personal information,

Act one was pure fuckin' dog shit!

After I get good and fucked.

After I've been fucked!

All bureaus are confirming it.

All Canadians in fighting condition

All I can say is, I'm glad the Germans are back in Germany

All nuclear devices

All nuclear missiles are preparing for launch!

All of Canada is in mourning

All of Canada is relying on you.

All people of Canadian decent

All right, all right, Tooth Decay!

All right, but make it quick.

All right, fine.

All right, here you go. Come on.

All right, let's get him to the water tank.

All right, let's go.

All right, that's it!

All right. Good.

All she did was rub her nose against my penis

All students and faculty are required to go.

All thanks to the new groundbreaking

All that which I worked on

All the biggest Canadian celebrities are on hand.

Always complain about turtles

An acknowledgement of all you do in the pursuit of humor.

An agreement to do what?

An iPad?

Analyze!

And a council of geniuses with all their future...

And a sandwich.

And actually, we think what you're doing is genius.

And all of Germany is outraged.

And all their shit

And also to Scott, who is, of course, a giant dick

And are watching this without being told to,

And as president of Best Buy, Eric,

And asked you if you agreed to our terms and conditions.

And avoided sweets!

And become the prototype

And bibbidy bobbidy boo is Y,

And buy some condoms?

And enjoy the present

And for doing that, we have all decided to give you...

And get some dinner?

And he agreed this was okay

And I feel like I can't even get a response from you.

And I I didn't know what I was agreeing to!

And I shouldn't say it around other people

And I want to thank the Apple company

And I've even been to Me.

And if we don't speak to Funnybot,

And in their chests.

And it shits in Kyle's mouth?

And join the rest of us in the future?

And Katook Took of the Yukon.

And lazily blurting out your lines

And legal agreement with Apple, sir.

And literally thousands have gathered

And made part of any experiments Apple wants to perform.

And my whole family watched as tooth decay

And nobody's pissed off at us anymore.

And now for my next joke.

And now for the Kathy Griffin award.

And now I'm a giant dick.

And now it's time to give out the award

And now the president of Apple, Steve Jobs!

And now the scraping off of the pudding.

And now we must face our greatest foe.

And now you're a giant dick.

And now, Comedy Award voters,

And now, of course, the... wait a minute, what's this?

And part centipede

And part emailing device!

And part web browser

And people saw her doing this?

And prove that you care by purchasing AppleCare?

And putting on a fake beard.

And said Germans were no longer

And save the princess.

And say, "Help, help!

And share it with other people

And she's gone.

And so I want you to know, Kyle,

And so then that turned me into a dick!

And so, Eric, here is your very own...

And swipe it over to my iPhone.

And that retaliation towards the schoolchildren

And that we can do whatever we want!

And the arm is off!

And the award for funniest

And the medal, of course, made of white chocolate,

And the nominees are...

And the nominees are...

And the princess of Canada is still missing.

And the winner for best comedy performance

And the winner is...

And the winner is...

And the winner is...

And then I can take all my homework on my iPad

And then I got radiation poisoning in Ottawa,

And then on Friday during lunch and recess,

And then previews start on Monday.

And then you got radiation poisoning in Ottawa,

And then you have to iApprove all his agreements.

And there he is, the prince of Canada.

And therefore... and the pudding has just been knocked over!

And they are holding him against his will!

And they didn't do anything?

And they send me a new one, like, every three weeks!

And they will be sewn together, mouth to anus.

And this June, Funnybot shows off his range

And Token says to hurry

And we believe this to be the work of... the giant!

And we haven't even opened yet!

And we seek your wisdom.

And you better come back tomorrow

And you guys are gonna feel really stupid!

And you have to click on "Agree" again.

And you're all fuckin' around!

And, therefore, of course, the world.

And, therefore, the rest of the world.

And... and join the armies

Another little window pops up that says,

Apple has joined up with Best Buy and Dr. Phil

Apple's inner workings are top secret to all users.

Are all being held hostage,

Are asked to meet by the tree in Edmonton.

Are being prepared to launch.

Are going online as well, and it isn't their doing!

As Funnybot began his opening monologue,

As is tradition.

As is tradition.

As is traditional for the Canadian Royal Family.

As is, of course, the tradition.

As nationwide suicides abound.

As part of a clear PR stunt,

As the German engineered Funnybot

As the princess is lifted up... up...

As you know, the very heart of Canada

As, of course, is tradition.

At Best Buy.

At half the price.

Attendance to this assembly is mandatory.

Attention, humans. I am Funnybot.

Attention, students, mkay.

Auf wiedersehen!

Aw, crap.

Aw, damn it.

Aw, leave the kid alone, Scott.

Aw, that's just a rumor. They don't really track you.

Aw!

Aw!

Aw!

Awkward!

Awkward!

Awkward!

Awkward!

Awkward! Awkward!

Awkwardness in 5.4 minutes.

Be sure to get these handed in tomorrow.

Because he's running out of money.

Because I like to have a smoke

Because I want to at least look pretty

Because I'm already being punished

Because I'm hideously ugly.

Because its pecker is on its head.

Because Joey Potts doesn't know how to take care of his animals,

Because we should at least be safe

Because you're a giant dick?

Before the noble white man arrived,

Bibbidy bobbidy boo, X plus Y equals Y.

Boo!

Boo!

Boo!

Boo!

Box of faith? What the fuck is that?

Brave Canadians!

Bright beam of light

But a woman?

But burrito is too delicious!

But but can't we just slow down

But do you really know the importance behind it?

But do you really know the importance behind it?

But don't you see?

But I believe we have it all cleared up.

But I simply can't help myself.

But I told you I was sorry.

But if you join,

But it's, like, eight pages long,

But Jay Leno's really losing it.

But that there is an even bigger threat to Canada

But there's one threat to Canada bigger than me!

But we will have to destroy it!

But where was the last time your mother fucked you?

But you can't go around taking everyone else's jobs.

But you didn't mean to agree to it, what do you do?

But you have to admit that in a lot of ways,

But you have to admit that in a lot of ways,

Butters! Butters, is everything okay?

By not getting the iPad... Mama.

By playing every role in Family Funbot.

By the Special Ed Department in the gymnasium

Can I get a wh... wh what what?

Can I get another wh wh what what?

Can somebody please explain to me what is going on?

Can we get a weight, please?

Can't be sad until Toothbrush and Dental Floss

Can't be sad until Toothbrush and Dental Floss

Can't we just spend one lunch and recess saying thanks

Canada was populated with these snow monkeys.

Canadians in attendance cannot believe their eyes.

Cap'n Crunch as the prince passes by,

Clearly, this is the future.

Clyde Donovan.

Come on up here, Ben!

Come on, come on, let's go!

Come on, it's not that big a deal.

Come on, let's go!

Come on, we'll get you separated, little boy.

Come on, you!

Comedy award is... what is the meaning?

Comedy awards show!

Comes up with the worst ideas in the world.

Coming up with new material.

Correspondents' Dinner speech goes to...

Could I at the very least

Could I have his Apple ID?

Could you please take me to a grease monkey?

Could you say that in the other ear?

Cuttlefish and asparagus?

Cuttlefish is about to come out of my asshole!

D don't worry, fellas. Everything's gonna be okay.

Dad, I need a lawyer!

Dad, I'm really feeling sad and let down right now,

Dad, if you agree to something

Dad!

Dad! You Tasered my dad!

Damn it, I'm trying to create the future here!

Damn it! Why won't it read?

Debris falling down and crushing

Delivered his opening lines at the Hollywood Forum,

Did you hear that

Didn't care how far away I was;

Didn't know other Canadians living here in the U.S.

Do you agree to care about your membership

Do you agree to give Apple

Do you agree to let Apple

Do you know if your friend has a Verizon

Do you mind telling me where your brother is?

Do you?

Doctor, can you take this thing apart?

Does anybody have any ideas?

Does everyone in Long Island

Does she... does she fuck you a lot?

Does this happen often?

Don't forget to vote, everyone!

Don't hurt anybody, sir.

Don't worry, fellas. I learned my lesson.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Don't worry. Act two will be better.

Don't worry. We're here to help you.

Don't you call my little chubby baby fat,

Don't you hate how Mexicans

Don't you just hate doing homework?

Dough nuts.

Dude, an awards show just for comedy

Dude, Filipino hookers don't get fucked the way I do.

Dude, HumancentiPad is awesome!

Dude, killing everyone isn't funny!

Dude, what the hell? Did you see the news?

Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is,

End simulation. End the simulation!

Enter the mouth of the little boy,

Equals bibbidy bobbidy cubed plus the boo.

Er ist Jud. Huh?

Eric, stop acting like a spoiled brat.

Eric, we can't afford that one.

Eric, you come home right now!

Eric, you say that... your mom fucks you?

Eric!

Error! Error! Banal!

Es war Kinder der special education.

Eskimos are good for nothing.

Even if you click on "Agree,"

Every comedian in the world out of work,

Every student needs to go home and vote

Every time it pops up?

Everyone into the school gymnasium! Move!

Everyone looking smashing today.

Everyone watching with anticipation.

Everyone's gonna think I'm a poverty stricken asshole!

Everything that you agreed to

Except for Jimmy, because he clearly

Exchange their vows.

Excuse me, Funnybot.

Excuse me, we want to talk to Funnybot.

Exterminate!

Fart loving Eskimos.

Fart loving Tooth Decay! I'll fix you!

Favorite comedy actor, favorite comedy movie.

Fee fi fo fum!

Feel sick!

Fellas, do you have any idea how difficult comedy is?

Fellas, get me a Ken doll and some scotch tape.

Fellas, I know Germany isn't happy with us,

Fine, you don't want to be part of this,

Fine!

First Annual Comedy Awards.

Flat! You're flat!

For $1 million dollars' worth of Oprah's tampons.

For 45 seconds, then asked me to pay her.

For a royal Canadian wedding.

For execution of last joke ever.

For helping us make today a very special day for him.

For the last update say?

For the least funny people in the world.

For the past six years.

For the royal wedding.

For this amazing award!

For what purpose is comedy award?

For what?

For you to talk about,

Friday during lunch and recess, mkay.

From the gastral track from one

From vagina obsessed Hispanics to Sandra Bullock,

Fuck me right here in the Best Buy.

Funny, you don't seem to have one.

Funnybot has exploded onto the silver screen too!

Funnybot is now finished with final joke.

Funnybot is simply pushing the limits of comedy.

Funnybot is very busy in there

Funnybot must finish routine.

Funnybot, I've been talking it over with the fellas,

Funnybot, is there a line you won't cross?

Funnybot, this is not a good joke.

Genius Leslie, we have a problem,

Gerald Broflovski,

Gerald Broflovski.

German comedian, Funnybot.

Germans we're pissed off at?

Get fucked in one of our stores again.

Get it fuckin' right!

Get it to the platform. Hurry!

Getting rid of Tooth Decay

Give us back the princess, Scott!

Giving him three kisses and a pair of socks,

Glaubst du dass die Deutscher kein Humor hat, huh?

Go ahead! Here!

Go on home, kids, mkay.

Go on, Mom. Fuck me! Fuck me!

Go. Go. Come on, guys. Come on, go!

Goddamn Native Canadians.

Goddamn polar gooks.

Good afternoont! Helllerrr!

Good bye, everybody.

Good luck, Canadian citizen, and God help.

Guess you won't be eating Japanese food for a while, huh?

Had to move here to the United States.

Hallelujer!

Handcuffed to these beds,

Has taking the humanity out of comedy.

Hasn't it?

Have agreed to be brought here,

Have any logical sense, Mommy,

Have gotten rid of him.

Have hair that looks like pussy you dipshit?

Have nothing to play against!

He actually didn't read the agreement.

He can do everything!

He didn't read it?

He never know what to say.

He said he had to watch it.

He said the evil that took her

He says Eskimos do hate us Canadians,

He says that the taking of the princess was foretold.

He was an intelligent, hardworking man,

He's at home watching the royal wedding.

He's gonna get us!

He's got some kind of defense mechanism.

He's not here.

He's really making a good go of it.

He's the biggest comedian in the world!

He's the one who ran over Joey Potts' dog

He's your brother, Kyle Broflovski, mkay!

Heh! Right.

Hellerrr!

Hello, everyone!

Hello, Kyle. We're from Apple.

Hello, there, my noble, strong fellow Canadian.

Here he is!

Here he is.

Here is the greatest feat of German engineering!

Here we go, this has got to be it right here.

Here you go, fellas.

Here you go! Here you go!

Here, look at this one.

Here, people don't think I look ugly.

Hey ooh!

Hey, Bebe, where's your iPad?

Hey, hey, you see my iPad, Token?

Hey, now, let him go Aah!

Hey, shut up in there!

Hey, what are you doing with my daughters?

Hey, what is this, some kind of sick prank?

Hey, what the heck is going on?

Hey, whoa! You can't go that way.

Hey, you can't do that!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey, let me out of here!

Hey. Hey, there!

Hi, guys.

Hi, my name is Leslie. I'll be your genius.

Hiding behind the pews.

His name is Tooth Decay.

His name's Tooth Decay!

Hmm, I might need to bring another genius in on this.

Hmm, yeah.

Hmm. I'm gonna click on... "Decline."

Hmm. Mm hm.

Hold it! Hold it! Stop!

Hold on, Kyle!

Honestly, I hate having to do homework

How about a little courtesy lick

How am I supposed to do a play, mkay,

How are you going to fix this?

Huh? Go ahead, Mom. Fuck me!

Huh? Some lube would be nice!

HumancentiPad!

Humans build robot.

Humans make comedy.

I agree.

I agree.

I agree.

I am Funnybot.

I am Funnybot.

I am Funnybot.

I am Funnybot.

I am going to spend my final minutes on this Earth

I am here to announce a new product

I am pleased to announce

I am taking comedy to its logical conclusion.

I am taking comedy to the next level:

I am Tooth Decay!

I believe in you!

I believe she just queefed.

I believe... yes, I believe one of the sisters

I can't believe I won!

I can't believe it's finally over.

I can't even read English!

I can't help it!

I can't wait to see the look on Kyle's stupid face

I didn't believe it was real.

I don't care what the geniuses say!

I don't know what the goddamn problem is.

I don't know.

I don't know. I didn't read them.

I don't think things are better.

I get the greatest thing ever just to have it taken away?

I give you... the HumancentiPad!

I got to get to Canada

I guess Ben Stiller could not be with us tonight,

I guess the princess is gone for good, eh?

I guess we did all we could. Come on.

I guess we'll just accept this award on his behalf.

I have just been briefed

I have sat with the council of geniuses,

I have to wear this bag on my head

I just clicked "Agree." I didn't read it.

I just don't understand it, Dad.

I just don't want any big company

I know. It's embarrassing.

I like my PC.

I lost my father to tooth decay.

I mean, come on, guys. That's pretty cool, right?

I mean, come on.

I might be a giant,

I paid one to give me a blow job once.

I promise.

I really feel like I did all that work for nothing.

I remember when the first version of the iPad came out.

I saw Funnybot on Nurse Jackie and on Rockin' the Boat.

I should have always brushed and flossed

I should have listened.

I should have never updated iTunes!

I smell Kraft Dinner.

I think they're worse.

I think Verizon.

I think we need to get you a different brand, hon.

I think you're awesome, Funnybot,

I thought your family was rich!

I told you if you kept acting up,

I try to resist,

I understand now that comedy should be left

I want my son back!

I want to assure you that a child will never

I want you all to meet Eric Cartman,

I want you all to take

I was gonna get to that rally point at the tree in Edmonton.

I was gonna sign up.

I was in a hurry, you see,

I wasn't trying to get you in trouble.

I will not eat if they are forced to eat my poo!

I wouldn't eat her dick with

I wouldn't let Adam Sandler

I'd also really like to thank my

I'd kiss him first!

I'll sign up with Apple.

I'll summon the council.

I'll take care of all of you!

I'm also the biggest Canadian patriot of all of you.

I'm from Toronto originally, but everywhere I went,

I'm gonna go home and charge my iPad and bring it tomorrow,

I'm just doing the lines.

I'm part of the future now too.

I'm Sandy Cervix, and I'm deaf in one ear.

I'm sorry, Mama.

I'm sure that Germany can take a joke

I'm sure they've taken the princess.

I'm telling you, it's his best work.

I'm telling you, you're making a mistake, kid!

I'm trying, Mr. Mackey; I really am.

I've had about enough with iCrap and Me Clouds

I've seen this before.

I've spared no expense to make my comedy awards

If I accept, it means I take comedy seriously.

If I take comedy seriously, I am not comedian.

If I take that thing to school,

If I was gonna fuck my son,

If I'm going to perform surgery, I need permission.

If there's one thing Eskimos are good at,

If Tooth Decay has no believability,

If Tooth Decay is singing flat,

If you are watching this filmstrip,

If you don't have your stuff on, right?

If you don't read it?

If you have been ordered to open your box of faith,

If you have indeed been instructed to open the box,

If you're gonna fuck me, Mom.

If you're really sorry,

Ike, where are you going?

In a movie is... Ben Stiller!

In all my years, I've never heard

In front of all those people!

In his asshole.

In other news, it's been 24 hours now,

In the iTunes conditions.

In the United States and Russia

In their faces

In their vaginas?

In which case, you are a dick.

In your box of faith,

Including but not limited to

Inside the abbey now, everyone waiting

Into the gymnasium now!

Into the pudding, as is tradition.

Irrational, and also pretty goddamn funny,

Is a good idea?

Is Ben Stiller here?

Is by going to the highest authority on the planet.

Is for the funniest kid in school.

Is for the funniest kid in school.

Is it true? The Germans want to kill us?

Is now gone forever.

Is President Obama here?

Is so important to me.

Is the royal family.

Is this some kind of joke?

Is what I'm trying to fuckin' do!

Isn't it awesome having an iPad, you guys?

Isn't real, and tomorrow everyone's gonna call me a liar.

Isn't she beautiful, scraping off the pudding

Isn't she ravishing?

It better be reading by then!

It didn't read it!

It does email and web browsing,

It has finally learned to read.

It is a glorious spring morning,

It is perfectly obvious who took the princess.

It is the ultimate joke.

It just ran out of power.

It pretty much took out the whole trailer park.

It took a while, but I'm pretty sure

It was after being voted

It's a bean and cheese burrito from Paco's.

It's a va validation of all your efforts.

It's been two weeks now since the prestigious voters

It's coming for me! Help! Help!

It's finding things.

It's future stuff.

It's kind of funny, you guys.

It's like nobody cared about winning their comedy award.

It's no drill, Sir.

It's okay, sir.

It's okay. You're safe with Daddy.

It's over.

It's over.

It's probably low on power. We should feed it.

It's the Germans!

It's the princess!

It's very easy.

It's worser than the worst; that's what I'm sayin'.

It's... Tooth Decay!

Ja, ja, das ist gut!

Ja, ja, ja.

Ja! Ja!

Jimmy Valmer.

Jimmy, do you what happened to the last people

Jimmy, they're talking about your comedy awards

Jimmy, you've got to explain to the Germans

Jimmy! Hey, Jimmy!

Just get rid of the part of Tooth Decay?

Just hand over the princess of Canada!

Just let us see your iPad, Cartman.

Just like the rest of us.

Just look at them.

Just pick it up from there.

Just queefed just now.

Just try to stay calm.

Justice has been done.

Kal if fee!

Keep your questions short and to the point.

Kelly P. Gardner.

Killing nearly all of them.

Kommen auf, schnell!

Kyle Broflovski!

Kyle, what are you doing here?

Kyle, you have single handedly destroyed

Last joke ever? What's that supposed to mean?

Leading through his anus to the mouth of the female

Led by the Bishop of Newfoundland.

Led by the Canadian band Rush.

Let me see your iPad, Cartman.

Let me tell you something, Dental Floss.

Let's get 'em! Let's fuck 'em up!

Let's hear it for our volunteers!

Let's kill 'em all right fucking now!

Like a turtle taking a shit...

Like I'm some kind of Eskimo racist.

Little fuckers! Let's just kill 'em, Sandler!

Long Island!

Looks good, guys. Great work.

Loudmouth, self centered assholes.

Ma'am, why do you think it's okay to fuck your son?

Making a product that is part human

Making you a being that shares one gastral track."

Mathematical equation of comedy

May be the greatest comedian of all time.

Maybe I'll download some more cool apps!

Maybe you all don't know how serious tooth decay is.

Maybe you all just don't give a fuck.

Me too. Man, I hate homework.

Mean and nasty, mkay, not crying.

Mind if I sit down?

Mit ander, oder sterben!

Mkay, never giving two shits

Mkay?

Mkay?

Mkay?

Mom, do not screw me over again!

Mom, everyone knows

More than I hate having to do Bryant Gumbel

Mouth to anus, so that the feces

Mr. Jobs, you have done so much for the world.

Mr. Mackey! Mr. Mackey!

Mr. Sandler says you better get it done!

Must analyze...

My God, she's beautiful

My little brother is a knight in Canada.

My mom is trying to fuck me"?

My name is Jimmy, and I'm a stand up comic.

My sister is a den leader in Girl Scouts.

My son was kidnapped by Apple,

My uncle's the second in line

Next time You decide to fuck me?

Next time you're gonna get my hopes up,

Next to the large vat of butterscotch pudding.

Niemand ficken Schritt.

No problem, Funnybot.

No use, guys.

No, because the battery's dead.

No, dude, don't make us go back in the...

No, I don't know how it is. I use a PC.

No, I don't want store credit!

No, it's over.

No, No, Tooth Decay.

No, no, you guys gotta see Funnybot in Hangover 3.

No, no. See, Tooth Decay

No, we don't want a replacement friend.

No!

No!

No!

No! Damn it!

No! I don't want to join Apple.

No! No!

No! You all kept calling me a dick,

No! You didn't read it!

No?

No? Huh.

Non sequitur.

Non sequitur.

Non sequitur.

Nothing is more "awkward"

Now all of Germany is pissed off at us!

Now what do you say, man?

Now, don't worry, everybody.

Now, I know this is very difficult

Now, look, I know that I've put

Now, remember, when you speak to the geniuses,

Of course you're going to Canada.

Of course! The evil Atok Atuk!

Of course.

Of dental hygiene without Tooth Decay?

Of imperfect biological life forms.

Of our first truly interfaced device.

Of the Comedy Awards reversed their vote

Of Tooth Decay, Kyle, mkay?

Off the Prince's arms, thus symbolizing their union.

Oh uh oh! Something is going terribly wrong!

Oh, and here she comes! Yes, there she is!

Oh, boy, what a terrific audience.

Oh, boy.

Oh, don't put this all on Tooth Decay!

Oh, for cryin' out loud!

Oh, God, how embarrassing.

Oh, God!

Oh, God! It's behind you!