♯ Archer - Season 7 Soundboard

A big, fat electric cable up his asshole?

A cat puking on your duvet cover.

A father, a father who'd like

A feeling that I assure you is mutual.

A fire, a camera crane collapsed...

A glass house?

A good detective and a good spy share a lot of skills,

A hundred feet above the canyon!

A jumpy SWAT team dying to go full on Attica,

A lawyer named Alan Shapiro.

A little? You almost killed me!

A mother! The one thing

A murder victim has to be a human being.

A pitcher of water and a towel?

A round must've clipped the gas line to the stove.

A slow and agonizing death? Right?

A space at Country Day for his...

A trap, and he's still alive,

A, Perry opened Japan to the West.

A... Casper was the Friendly Ghost.

A.J. was up all night with the croup.

A.J.'s tuition for Country Day preschool.

About communicable diseases.

About the cops or the insurance company?

About the thing?

About three sizes too small as it is.

About... Mexico?

Absolutely nothing to do with it!

Absolutely. And thank you for the autograph.

Accessing digit... al...

Actually, in California, you can record a conversation

Actually, my dear, I need to go meet with my investors

Actually, no. Could you grab me

Actually, not much more than just driving it,

After a brief stint as a drug dealer.

After I kill all you idiots, I'm

After the whole biker voicemail fiasco...

After... Oh, my!

Again, not married to that. Yes, we are!

Again, that's if we don't get murdered.

Ah ha! So you do have a price.

Ah, but doesn't the cunning rat

Ah, no, it's gone. Okay stay hard! What?

Ah, Swirling Archer. Remember?

Ah, that's what the patent office said.

Ah! As if

Ah! I couldn't have murdered Ellis.

Ah. Ooh.

Aha!

Aha! But also, isn't the question moot?

Aha! But his CPU is working perfectly!

Ahem, your hand seems to be on my thigh.

All night with their dicks in their hands

All over four different boroughs.

All right, Cyril, I get it.

All right, Cyril.

All right, Grabney Coleman! What?

All right, listen up.

All right, now step three.

All right, so what's the plan, guys?

All right, you heard the man.

All right, you heard the man. Let's go, let's go, let's go!

All right. But please hurry.

All right. My guys are in position

All right. So we just barge into his dressing room and...

All right. There better be some damn...

All right. You have five minutes.

All righty, I guess let's get 'em

All that matters to me is that you return the disk.

All the way from here to Liberia.

All these millions of records line by line,

All these shoots sabotaged,

All this nonsense about doubling the bet.

All this stuff from from

All we need is one high profile case.

All you got is baby pictures, a Sub Club card and...

Alleged murder and dismemberment.

Already did, so...

Alrighty then, see ya at like, 10:00?

Also, maybe, a little a lot crazy.

Although "anywhere" usually has some kind of sounds.

Although I can feel just the slightest draft, but...

Although if this is for real, I'll never forgive myself.

Although, I guess so is everything.

Although, I have to say...

Although, I'd probably be an officer.

Although, if you had worded that a bit more delicately

Although, no matter who or what ends up killing me,

Although, silver lining... bet I could eat a whole big bowl of germs right now.

Although...

Although... Wh She's obviously got a vagina.

Always worked for Sterling.

Am I attracted to her? Obviously. I mean, come on.

Am I? There is literally no question I ever wanted to hear...

Ambush him!

An endless ticker tape, and we are the data!

An extremely punitive non disclosure agreement.

An obnoxiously good mood?

And a B.A. in Criminal Justice.

And a letter of recommendation for Abbiejean...

And a roll of gaffer tape.

And a room full of hostages, one of whom...

And A.J

And A.J. is going to get one of those spaces,

And A.J. is going to school here

And all new coping, whatever that is.

And all these so called "accidents."

And all this time, I thought it was just a sex tape!

And also a re insurance scam,

And also a.

And also Bea Benaderet's film debut

And also blew me up in a grain elevator!

And also in prep school

And also when is Cyril's birthday?

And also, dahoy.

And also, Giuseppe, I'm pretty sure this is actually germicide, so...

And also, what is it good for?

And and and and and and and!

And apparently her business

And apparently I'm the only one who's gonna say it, so...

And Archer has infiltrated these guys...

And as such, she deserves our legendary service package,

And B, a dimmer switch is way easier.

And B, possibly extremely lucrative!

And because it was a closed adoption with any record of it sealed,

And besides, we're only 25 cents a day, plus expenses.

And by "jets," obviously I mean your actual cooling jets, so...

And comb through millions of records!

And confidence is the key.

And didn't you letter all four years?

And do I rent a girdle? Are there gonna be dress fittings?

And Ellis doesn't want the police involved.

And even if he were, he wouldn't want a blob like you.

And even if the deductible was, like...

And even if we get a case,

And exchange...

And find out where Veronica Deane is with that damn necklace!

And for being in direct violation of the Nuremberg Code,

And for your information, this stupid break wasn't my idea.

And fully licensed private investigator.

And get everything you can on the owner,

And get some cologne on those balls. You're coming with us.

And get those steel doors open.

And give your valuables to Mr. Boingo.

And good old fashioned brute force.

And hands. I Look,

And hands. What, it's for this other... nothing.

And have your guts for garters, you hear me?

And he asked us to take him to a strip club.

And he tells two friends.

And he was like, "This blows dicks.

And here's the whats... Lana's pissed at Archer

And here's to a lucrative reunion.

And here's to what the shit?

And him? They say that as of midnight

And hope she's taken in by carnies.

And hope we can cross reference that

And how do you not have a gun?

And how much is all this costing?

And how much is that costing you?

And how to defend against, yes?

And I actually do have tinnitus, so...

And I always felt like I was missing a big piece of,

And I can assure you this internal affair

And I did not tell you to stop.

And I don't know who's doing it,

And I doubt even God knows why,

And I get going

And I get it. I get why you did.

And I give the orders around here.

And I kinda feel like it's gonna be ruined

And I mean, with your cheekbones...

And I need to talk to you. Now.

And I really need to check in with my babysitter, so...

And I shall pose as an executive producer,

And I should take the fast way down too, so

And I started screaming, because I look down

And I suppose he's blending?

And I think A.J. really is, then it doesn't matter where they go to school.

And I think it's a win win.

And I want the job done as soon as possible.

And I want you deeply involved.

And I was in here with you, until almost the very stroke of 3:00.

And I will be... more than happy to testify to that.

And I will pay more than fairly for its return.

And I will pay your agency $100,000.

And I wish y'all every happiness,

And I'll be here, slowly drying.

And I'll deny I ever said this,

And I'm just hopin'

And I'm late for a wardrobe fitting, so...

And I'm not going to cheat my wife out of ten million dollars.

And I'm not sure it's the best thing for her.

And I'm sure that's the last time we'll hear anything about that. Not.

And I've seen some pretty crazy stuff.

And if he goes, you can find yourself another female lead.

And if someone is trying to sabotage the movie,

And if Veronica Deane

And if you seduce her before Cyril does,

And in addition to cash and some jewelry,

And in which will be $100,000.

And it is very much mine. Any questions?

And it's a totally shit boat,

And it's all about your dong!

And it's all echoing off the tiles,

And it's not human!

And it's the maid's night off.

And just to reiterate, waterboarding will

And kids, also, maybe. I don't know

And Lana? The locks aren't gonna pick themselves.

And longer answer... Where's the, uh...

And Malory is gonna be okay.

And may I please have some of said champagne?

And maybe I brought some of this on myself,

And maybe if she murdered this guy.

And meanwhile, you were doing...

And more importantly, how?

And more importantly, they're robots.

And now as an adult you're a bully.

And now for step two.

And now if you'll excuse me,

And now the, uh, centerpiece of Ms. Deane's collection.

And now, for these damn cuffs!

And now, Ms. Deane

And obviously you thought we were

And of course, it goes without saying

And on the off chance you plan to shoot anything today,

And out.

And panic equals dead hostages.

And please don't take this the wrong way,

And plus, Jerkleton, I've got this.

And ready to blow the doors on your command.

And remain with you in a supervisory capacity.

And repeatedly, come to think of it.

And science, which actually I don't even understand, so..

And see if the cat licks it up: we cut the power.

And sexually, would you say...

And she is...

And she tells two friends.

And she's also Veronica Deane, you big jealous bitch!

And she's still alive, you guys!

And shut up.

And since apparently Archer's penis is like a crack pipe...

And since we can assume there's a safe

And so about a jillion cops showed up,

And so help me God, if you people try anything...

And so I want one of you...

And so I want to hire you.

And so on and so on and so on.

And so on and so on down the line

And so then they let everyone go.

And so, now, what was your idea?

And so, to reiterate...

And so, when I said "suckin' amazing"...

And some kick ass advertising.

And soon I will be Mrs. Rompers.

And sorry in advance for what's about to happen.

And speaking of guarding the Tsarina,

And speaking of not knowing...

And speaking of, where is Pam?

And take them over to that headmaster.

And that even if they did want pizza

And that is exactly what I was going to tell myself to do, so...

And that is just fine with us.

And that is reward enough for me.

And that makes it better?

And that may or may not be a metaphor.

And that, ladies and germs,

And that's exactly what we're gonna do, smart guy.

And the cargo is pathetic petty jealousy.

And the fee was?

And the throttle linkage is jammed wide open.

And the toilet's full of piss. Whitney had pissed in it.

And then after that, the head clown...

And then apologize to one of 'em?

And then clear your throat!

And then grow up to be a titan of industry

And then he punches me, hard, and I'm choking on the blood

And then I am gonna let him have it!

And then I saw this little guy.

And then I'm going to kill everybody!

And then jump off a bridge, holding a giant toaster.

And then maybe, in his paranoid mind,

And then not be able to see the road

And then plunge us off the cliff, and then if you're still alive,

And then she swoons, and I catch

And then slowly, after many years,

And then start pounding Armagnac.

And then take his place.

And then talk again, but only to help me think of a way to kill Barry.

And then they're gonna shoot

And then Veronica Deane's like,

And then we stuffed him in trash cans

And then Whitney looks down at me

And then you got me upside down, over the toilet,

And then, boom, we're outta here.

And then, if you hear from Rompers and his gang..

And then, you know...

And then... wait. Where are we going?

And there is a bit of a clock on this, so...

And these are tiny quiches,

And these guys are losing their shit.

And they each go upstairs with whoever,

And they let most of the hostages go.

And this is all a huge waste of time.

And Thoreau was a idiot.

And two...

And watch in amazement. Haha!

And watch them together.

And we have actually met.

And we're dead.

And we're taking him to a strip club

And what are you doing here?

And what makes you suspect sabotage?

And what really chaps my cheeks,

And what the hell are you wearing?

And whatever the coroner drives, probably a van...

And when I get back from lunch,

And where exactly are we going?

And where the hell is Pinky Brewster?

And whether it's your personal relationships, or Archer?

And while I appreciate your firm's hard work,

And while the situation on the ground may be somewhat fluid...

And while we wait for the M.E.,

And while you're at it, add a case of champagne.

And while you're at it, negotiate

And who might this person be?

And whoever these bastards are,

And whose fault was that?

And why is it so frickin' hot?

And wished to arrange its return.

And with that having been said

And would you say he's... accomplished?

And yes, it is.

And yes, yes, dude, I will pay you,

And yesterday, there was some kind of malfunction

And yet almost as satisfying as not helping you

And you can be sure that the minute...

And you can't let those fans down!

And you have no idea what that means.

And you hear people say it's bad, but you think,

And you just left it? You left me!

And you live for that, don't you?

And you take it for granted!

And you talking is helping! So, what do you think is on that disk?

And you want us to steal it!

And you were gonna pay the clowns, so you didn't have to worry

And you were in charge here?

And you were just going to do it?

And you!

And you'll... have to have your brain's

And you're also babysitting Carol.

And you're going down for it!

And you're just gonna...

And you're not gonna screw this up for her, Archer!

And you're not, like, hungover, or...

And your cashier's check for $100,000.

And Zissner's worth God knows how many millions,

And, according to County Hospital's records,

And, also, you have a vagina.

And, Archer, you're in L.A.? What's your line?

And, by extension, then, the steel doors.

And, if anything, more beautiful than ever.

And, oh, my God, what of shoes?

And, so, what did we learn?

And... spoiler alert..

Any idea where she is?

Any questions, little Miss Blintzen?

Anymahoo, apparently she shot another guy.

Anything that needs private investigating...

Anything you think you may or may not have overheard,

Anyway, now I'm worried the cops might actually think Lana did it, so...

Anyway, since she and Crane divorced,

Anyway, so keep your chin up, or down I guess.

Anyway, you each had

Anyway, you're both so obviously and profoundly unhappy

Apparently Ellis hired him to protect you during the shoot

Apparently not.

Apparently not. And conversely,

Archer

Archer has your assignments, so listen up!

Archer is my bodyguard,

Archer Kane? Kane Archer? I'll leave the name blank.

Archer, hey, I'm glad you're here.

Archer, I want you to kill me. I'm sorry?

Archer, one of my detectives. He's...

Archer, wait!

Archer, we all had to..

Archer, what are you doing?

Archer, you can't do this... yet.

Archer, your professionalism never ceases to amaze me.

Archer!

Archer! Can you at least put some money on my canteen account?

Archer?

Archer? Archer.

Archer? Shall we?

Archer? Swirling Archer?

Archer. It's lunchtime there.

Archer. Wha ?

Are gonna have a long talk, Archer.

Are infatuated with Veronica Deane,

Are there any more hostages inside?

Are we doing this?

Are we not even considering public school?

Are whippits still a thing? Point is...

Are you Cyril, you followed me?

Are you insane?

Are you kid...

Are you kidding? I could

Are you out of your mind?

Are you sure?

As a matter of fact,

As a matter of fact, Mr. Shapiro will be

As a matter of fact, why don't

As a secret agent does not. Well, you're lucky they did,

As are you, Veronica, you just confessed.

As dangerous as you with a firearm?

As I was saying...

As if Los Angeles needed another minus.

As indentured servants to mine.

As it were, so... hmm.

As much as I hate, hate, hate, hate...

As promised, your computer disk.

As these two are ever going to be.

At any prep school in L.A.!

At first I thought

At his house, so I assume the disk is there,

At least this time you're not hooked up to a car battery.

At least until the ingrown hairs turn me back into Bumplestiltskin.

At local businesses and theme parks?

At the "The Swindon Hotel for happy hour."

At the office and go...

At the present time, you are all persons of interest.

At the same time so they know the other one's doing it.

At this rate Mother, we will get clients.

At this rate, we'll be here all night.

Aw, damn it!

Aw, damn you! Goddamn you all to hell!

Aw, leave him alone.

Aw, man. Lousy timing

Aw, thank God. Okay. Gunshot residue testing and the truth...

Aw. Yeah, her husband didn't even wake up.

Aww, sleepy, babies.

Ba Ba Ba Batter r ry l l l low.

Baby! Baby, come on. We gotta get out of here.

Back for all of our medical bills?

Back in ten minutes. Be ready.

Back to work, you... you goldbricks.

Bad dog!

Bad guys will hear the shotgun!

Bad news is, the doors and windows are hermetically sealed,

Bang his model wife on a mattress stuffed with doubloons.

Barry, listen to me. Okay, but remember,

Barry, oh man, I mean how could it occur to you

Barry, you could, ya know, help!

Barry? Hey, dummy.

Barry's about to violate the First Law of Robotics...

Batubatu... battery.

Bawk, bawk.

Be Archer and a bad guy!

Be eligible for food stamps.

Because A, it's super skeevy, and...

Because California is assholes.

Because Cyril Figgis, man without sense,

Because he is both sad and pathetic.

Because he said so, you little snot!

Because here's my concern...

Because I didn't make out with Ellis Crane!

Because I don't have a mobile carrier. Why not?

Because I find it interesting that you were bullied in school,

Because I honestly didn't know! How could you not?

Because I thought he had cancer.

Because I took a bunch of painkillers at the office!

Because I was busy beating your ass?

Because I was getting over pneumonia,

Because I'm about to burn this damn

Because I'm gonna... um,

Because I'm pretty sure that all those mental patients

Because if A.J. gets into pre pre at Country Day,

Because my pool needs to be retiled.

Because obviously you can't have a

Because out here, you can buy liquor at the grocery store?

Because Sandpiper Crane was insuring the productions

Because she's two, Lana!

Because somebody left them out, Lana.

Because somehow, some stupid idiot

Because studies have shown that if a child's intelligent,

Because that crazy dago

Because that dude's CPU's... totally dickholed.

Because that winter I was in the hospital for five weeks.

Because they've already had one fire.

Because this.

Because we're getting 30 bucks a day as extras! Each!

Because we've already had one fire.

Because what other explanation could there possibly be

Because yes.

Because you are not gonna find any gunshot residue

Because you said we were on a break!

Because you scream at me when I don't!

Because you, prolapsed rectum that you are,

Because your bullying days are over!

Because, not even in this order,

Because... Shut up.

Before you answer that, remember you signed

Before you start cramming your trash dick...

Besides ruining that dress,

Besides, it looks like that enormous Lana Kane person is the real killer.

Bet she hasn't cried like that since Prohibition.

Bet you're surprised to see me though, huh?

Bitch, you better 'pologize!

Blackmail. I'm afraid so.

Bleached Asshole, and she's pissed at Archer

Blech.

Blend.

Boolean search, hypnosis,

Boop. Sorry, had to take that.

Born at County Hospital close to your dates,

Both of them bullied the absolute shit out of me.

Both wonderful and goopy, but...

Both. Well, it's been a while

Bought a sweet old circus elephant just to murder it.

Brakes on the Datsun Honey Bee.

Bravo One, Bravo Two, listen up.

Bugs Meany is wiping his ass on our towels?

Building permits Oh, and especially look

Bullet went right through his Rolex.

Bulletproof.

Bungle the invasion of Cuba first?

But Yeah, Lana.

But a time of death estimate

But also it is.

But as for Tennessee Tuxedo here, I want to talk to her.

But as much as I'd like to take credit for that...

But as much as I'd love to lie here and bask

But can they really not find this Hinkins guy?

But check this out.

But Crane was going on and on about not wanting to lose the insurance...

But don't tell me you never fantasized about killing your bullies, Cyril.

But either way, nobody got assassinated.

But either way, not cool.

But either way, when I had cancer,

But even if I did kiss her, which I didn't,

But even if it's not, don't worry about...

But every possible permutation of this password

But first I gotta figure out which

But first, wash your gunpowdery hands.

But for another, more accurate thing,

But for me it's murder.

But he's so goddamn immature, he thinks it's funny

But his tiny little back's broken!

But how many volts do you think we have with

But I admit, I'm cautiously optimistic.

But I also think I want the lavender

But I am not sleeping with that woman, so...

But I couldn't have murdered Ellis.

But I don't have a vagina! But as God is my witness,

But I don't know where she... [grunts]

But I feel that there's a better other Barry in here.

But I grew up in an orphanage. I never met my mother,

But I have to trash you guys in my online review.

But I haven't even been tested yet.

But I hope it was great for you, Ivy,

But I meant what's going on hors d'oeuvre wise.

But I think this needs to happen,

But I think we should do what these people say. They're unhinged.

But I think you could also help me

But I was a pussycat compared to Whitney. Yup.

But I was actually murdering you well, Ivy for money.

But I would like to call my babysitter.

But I'll tell you this, Swirling.

But I'm afraid I'll tear up,

But I'm talking about this new line of work.

But I've really given it some serious thought,

But if I can hypnotize you, you all

But if you try anything foolish...

But in Italian.

But it's almost the stroke of 3:00.

But kiddo, you're not gonna sit here on your keister

But let me ask you this.

But long story short, I didn't make varsity that spring

But mascara? Huh, whole big thing.

But my client will not be frog marched into a police station

But my next step is to have

But nobody can hypnotize me if I didn't wanna be.

But none spring to mind. Okay then.

But now I'm worried she might fall for Archer.

But now that you say it, it makes total sense.

But obviously I would bang him for that

But once we find this Hinkins guy, you can just...

But only because my other options are somehow even worse.

But only because the CIA blacklisted us.

But our whole parenting philosophy is sort of, uh,

But pretend I'm not HAL 9000.

But rest assured, my dear,

But since I'm just a lowly waiter...

But so far, they've made no demands.

But somehow still does... has coulrophilia.

But Sterling was an excellent spy.

But surely the necklace is insured.

But that is not why I came to L.A.

But that's not the main thing.

But that's ridiculous.

But the back hangs off a cliff, like,

But the coconuts. The naked tequila.

But the household staff says she hasn't been home since yesterday.

But the KGB built him. I'm sure all his circuits are shielded.

But the money's not in my house. It's, it's, it's

But the name of the Florida shell company is...

But then they double cross me

But there's easier ways to almost

But this might end up... a murder mystery.

But to do that,

But unfortunately...

But until all the fuss dies down,

But until we do have a suspect...

But what do they want? And where is this?

But what do we wear? Is it, like, gowns and gloves?

But what kind of sick, twisted, bastard...

But what makes you think it's Crane?

But what? I mean, you can't go like that.

But whatever CIA bullshit you want

But whatever, lame.

But when the SWAT team smashes in here and yells,

But which is which? Should I shoot one..

But why come to us? Why not the police?

But you didn't know a crime was going to occur

But you have to hypnotize each of us,

But you'd better just wind in that neck, Mr. Man.

But your butt is like ka kow.

But, darling, surely you don't think that I could have murdered Ellis?

But, darling, they were so terribly goopy from our love making!

But, I mean, don't get me wrong.

But, like, old school baller.

But, please, do make yourself at home.

But, uh...

But, Veronica, what evidence?

But, ya know, who's to say if that's any worse

But...

But... But how?

But... I doubt they've gotten the disk yet.

But... What? Okay, wait. How are there two of you?

Buyin' into Whitey's bullshit.

By a shell corporation in Florida,

By jamming a big, fat electric cable up its asshole?

By loving and supportive parents.

By Stevie.

By Veronica Deane, by the way,

By Veronica Deane.

Bye, hon. Oww!

C'mon, Swirling, where are you?

Called it. No, you didn't!

Calm down, Cyril. It's just a, um, corporate security evaluation.

Calm down, I thought I was killing the other guy.

Can convince a human that the machine is also human.

Can you do that for me?

Can't Cheryl do that?

Can't hear anything.

Can't you go to Switzerland, or

Carol, no! Don't touch that dimmer! Wait a minute...

Carol? Her name's Cher

Carol? She's about ten feet below that.

Cause he is lookin' muy Rico Suave.

Cell phones to Mr. Oingo.

Certified by your licensed employer, who is me.

Cheers!

Children of all ages,

Clean...

Clinically dead from drowning!

Cloth kind in the first place?

Clump!

Come here, come here, come here, come here.

Come on, beat it! 23 skidoo!

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

Come on, Lurch. Let's see what's in that belly of yours!

Come on, stop.

Come on, this is pretty basic stuff

Come on, we can still catch...

Come on, ya rat shyster. Move it.

Come on.

Come on. Don't you have faith in your man?

Come on. Let's go. Here we go. Move it, move it, move it.

Come to my house tonight, and we'll talk.

Come... I don't know, mother. Fleeing to Mexico?

Commercial driver's license.

Completely...

Complications from AIDS?

Consent to the test being conducted at my office.

Consider it crushed.

Convinced I was actually drowning

Cornholed both my fiancées, got me turned into a robot,

Could Damn it, I'm underground!

Could paralyze a gorilla.

Could pass the fricking Turing test!

Could you both please shut up and do what I hired you to do?

Could you hold this for me?

Couldn't work as an investigator under my license.

Couple things

Crabs aren't a disease!

Crafted for Empress Maria Alexandrovna in 1855,

Crammed in the fusebox as it is.

Creepy Dulles brothers are in it.

Cyborg. I won't bore you with all the details,

Cyril And... go!

Cyril Figgis, Figgis Agency.

Cyril, c'mon

Cyril, come on. You can't do it.

Cyril, I am so mad at you right now, my mouth tastes like copper

Cyril, if you were me, I'd drink a bunch of antifreeze

Cyril, let's go!

Cyril, please! Stop interrupting.

Cyril, stop it! I mean it, hang up!

Cyril, the answer to that question is almost always yes.

Cyril, what're you

Cyril, why aren't you calling Ray?

Cyril, you need any last minute pointers?

Cyril!

Cyril! I swear to God I will leave you!

Cyril! What?

Cyril?

Dammit and fifty thousand dollars, so

Dammit! Should've gone to the owl thing.

Damn it, Archer!

Damn it, people, my mother is buried alive!

Damn it, Veronica Deane already left?

Damn it!

Damn it! [sighs]

Damn it.

Damn it. What is this, a chair factory?

Damn machine. You need a Ph.D.

Damn, Cyril!

Damn!

Damn.

Dang! You don't have to be hurtful.

Darn. I must've left my wallet in my other clothes.

Deadly Velvet is going to be a cinematic tour de force,

Deadly Velvet will redefine the genre.

Deal.

Detonate, ingress, take out hostiles

Dickhead threatens to waterboard you?

Did he not?

Did he say to the right or to the left?

Did I know this? When was this?

Did she... [laughing]

Did you give her bourbon?

Did you have to punch her in her bony face?

Did you learn nothing from this?

Did you see that? Malory just winked at that guy

Did you, um...

Die, we're gonna die, we're gonna die...

Do I get a bikini wax? And I don't know my tiara size!

Do I need to mess with "program"?

Do not speak to me. You have said quite enough.

Do the good old "three Mississippi."

Do we... Do we have that technology?

Do with a movie about three sailors,

Do you have any idea how long this is going to take?

Do you have children?

Do you realize what skin oil can do to the factory finish?

Do you really need to do that right now?

Do you smell that?

Do you think the optimal

Do you think there's anything about Archer

Do you want to talk about how you bully me?

Do you...

Do you... like it around the rim?

Does it involve scraping a CIA asset off the roof of a Datsun Honey Bee?

Doesn't automatically make him *******.

Doesn't do you a bit of good without a witness.

Doesn't even make sense.

Doesn't get her wrinkly old ass out here with the Tsarina,

Doesn't help much, that could be anywhere.

Doesn't reflect our ability as investigators, so...

Dog Tits! Yeah, shut up.

Doing unspeakable things with bananas.

Doing what we're best at?

Don't ask. You'll gag.

Don't be shitty. I'm in progress.

Don't count your chickens before they're hatched!

Don't do it!

Don't engage him! You need to be on the first mode of transport to Mexico.

Don't even bother packing, just grab a fake passport

Don't know what I was expecting

Don't make me go through that.

Don't scream. Because you have no reason to feel threatened

Don't shoot!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

Don't start.

Don't try to body shame me!

Don't worry

Don't worry about it. I really feel like we should.

Don't worry, Mr. Crane. We won't let that happen.

Don't you break my cables! Come on, people!

Don't you say it! No mummy!

Don't you think it's a little premature to be celebrating?

Don't you worry.

Done, done, done, done,

Dressed as a clown.

Driven by a white cop, it sounds like the LAPD

Dude, check this out. What if I paid you 500, and you kill Ivy?

Dude, it's me! Ivy!

Dude, take it! I feel amazing.

Due to your various relationships with the victim,

Duh. And since the front of the house by the road is guarded 24/7,

East Berlin, Warsaw. Ugh, Khartoum?

Eat a dick, gravity. Aww.

Eat a dick, mansion.

Eckerd, I'm not gonna ask you again

Eckerd. But follow my lead in there.

Egress, drop mic. We're out.

Eh, Luigi! Piccolo aiuto, eh?

Eh...

Either it fascinates or appalls you.

Either one,

Ellis Crane, Academy Award winner.

Ellis Crane, both professional and personal...

Ellis, should we get back to the set?

Enema! Just talking about enemas, and, uh,

Enough to shoot a mule?

Enter Sandman.

Especially if you weren't exposed to

Especially Project MK ULTRA!

Especially when she's wearing...

Even a tiny spark

Evenin'.

Every exit has been booby trapped.

Every last bit of this computing power!

Every minute of which, the doctors tell me,

Every one of which was tipped off by the LAPD!

Every phone line has been cut.

Every time I look in the goddamn mirror!

Every.

Everybody cool their respective jets.

Everybody!

Eww, he's *******?

Eww!

Exact time of death, 2:14 p.m.

Exactly! I'm not going to be the only chump

Exactly.

Exactly. Okay. Let's do this!

Excellent. Yes.

Except for maybe Whitney. Oh, and Hitler.

Excuse me

Excuse me, Miss Deane?

Excuse me. Hi. Pardon me.

Excuse me. Pardon me. Think you're gonna flirt...

Experiments by Nazi war criminals,

Exqueeze me?

Fair enough. So let's circle back

Fair's 18.50, Miss.

Faites comme chez vouz, as the French say.

Fashioned out of a baby doll nightie.

Fawning all over Ellis Crane.

Feckless

Feckless Son to Blame. Look

Feel like I should say a few words.

Fighting somebody bigger and stronger than you? Crazy, right?

Files, disks, all kinds of stuff!

Find his way off a sinking ship?

Find out everything you can about this house

Find out who could benefit from cost overruns

Find your stupid mother, which there's no way I'm gonna do!

Fine. Carol, you're head of research.

Finished?

First I need to stash the Tsarina, which...

First of all

First of all, not a Smith & Wesson.

First of all, that brawl started

First of all, you are a mean drunk on germicide.

First of all...

First off, killer marketing campaign.

First thing, I'm taking a long hot bath

Floating in her pool as we speak.

Fluid on the ground, on the walls...

For 's sake!

For a fee.

For a nanosecond that I would help you?

For a private investigator's license, but an entire career

For a woman like, well,

For any blueprints. Oh, man!

For being so forward,

For buying that automobile?

For California deciding that a stupid law degree

For five years?

For good measure, and get Barry to touch said dimmer switch...

For now at least, yeah, I think so.

For reasons known but to God.

For slapping the dog piss outta Cyril.

For ten times what they could ever make at the box office!

For the hostages, which they don't,

For the love of Christ, woman!

For these hardworking folks, Barry.

For this thing. It's like the Univac.

For though mightily I toil and strive,

For three months? There are literally two companies!

For very long.

For what? Something called a pompa di benzina?

For which, I am prepared to pay your agency s... $50,000.

Forget I said that.

Formation for that is a clump?

Found him attractive?

Found it on the ground over there by the table.

Found who? Your mom! At least I think I did.

Fragmentation round.

From assassinating a visiting Soviet dignitary,

From Hyogo prefecture,

From my nose, and then you dunk me, and hold me under for...

From one of those hilarious swirlies. Hm?

From police custody, and almost none of them are good?

From St. Josh!

From the production insurance?

From the public records. Plat map, utilities,

Front, backside, whatever. Nobody in or out.

Full of rats and throw that bag into the river.

Fully licensed investigator. And you are?

Gabey, Chip and Ozzie, who fall

Gee, I don't know. Training?

Geez! Make up your mind, America!

Geezy Petes!

Gentlemen, thank you for coming.

Genuine feelings for Veronica Deane.

Get a load of Obi Wan Attorney.

Get back to work, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Get down! Move!

Get everybody down here!

Get her some chicken croquettes.

Get on the ground!

Get out!

Get out. Or will it?

Gets a thousand applicants for ten spaces in pre pre.

Getting you out of here.

Giggles, go with her.

Giggles! Yum Yum! Pinky Brewster!

Gillette! Residue test. Let's go.

Gimme, Cyril. Dammit! Get off. Stop it! Archer!

Giuseppe keeps it in the back for me.

Give me 90 seconds on the lock.

Give me that.

Give my regards to all the molestees.

Go ahead, Swirling! Shoot me!

Go crazy, use the frickin' bidet!

Go for Harris. Uh huh

Go to her!

Go, go, go, go, go!

God, I'm going to enjoy this.

Goddamn it, Krieger. I told you to... Wait.

Goddamn it, this better not be a ruse!

Goddamn it, this is classic Archer!

Goddamn it, wash everything!

Goddamn it!

Goddamn it! You will comply!

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it. Would you go?

Goddamn you all to hell!

Goddamn, I wish I was married!

Goes to turn on the milking machine and gets electrocuted.

Gonna just leave that there? Lana?

Good evening, Archbishop.

Good for you. Good for you.

Good job, guys! Doing great!

Good luck finding her without the coordinates!

Good news is, I got you the last slice of pepperoni and mushroom.

Good night, sweet prince.

Good, because just to reiterate...

Good, you're doing great.

Gosh, the times we live in, huh?

Got a license for that?

Got it! Wait, what? Wait, what?

Great police work.

Great.

Great. Shut your guess hole. Oh, come on!

Gripping?

Guards! Yeah, but besides that?

Guess we oughta... get crackin'.

Guess we're lucky the police don't shoot lawn darts.

Gulp.

Ha!

Ha! From you?

Ha! Now just to see where the hell I am...

Ha! So long, Idaville!

Ha! Then it's a bet.

Had Shocking Blue been a band

Had to be the goofy pink one.

Haha! Ow! Haha! Ow!

Hair and makeup, hair and makeup, hair and makeup,

Hair and makeup, hair and makeup!

Hallway led back to the foyer.

Hang on a sec.

Hang on, honey.

Hang on! There's

Hang on. I got a big old wad of toilet paper stuck on my shoe.

Hang on. I had something for..

Has gone so well for you in the past.

Has his own frickin' detective agency

Has recently begun working

Has since been proven to be improper coal storage,

Have a digital recorder in their CPU.

Have a seat. Yep.

Have an erection?

Have been in her dressing room for a while now.

Have gun will travel reads the card of a man ♪

Have I... Ha! I wish to amend

Have to climb up on a trash can.

Have to come see my one man show,

Have you ever had bourbon?

Have you... killed people before?

He and I are on a first name basis,

He asked, idiotly.

He can't tell you where Miss Archer is!

He didn't even pour any water on you.

He didn't have sideburns.

He didn't say "suspects". Yet.

He died 40 years before the sinking of the Maine,

He follows me, I kill Whitney, he kills me,

He just soaks me.

He said he was in possession of the disk

He said like a drunk jealous bitch.

He thinks that for the past five years maybe

He was gonna die tonight, Cyril. For him it's just Tuesday.

He was her alibi.

He was totally making out with her, Malory,

He was totally...

He what? You what? Under false pretenses, Cyril!

He won't say another word.

He would've gotten loose or yelled or...

He'd make millions.

He's a huge producer. He makes those massive, stupid, sharky blockbusters.

He's an alcoholic. He didn't know

He's awesome.

He's doing it because he loves me.

He's great

He's not the one trying to shuck your lady corn.

He's not. But there's somebody up

He's on the board, Archer. One word from him, and A.J. is in.

He's probably sneaking around out there, as we speak,

He's riddled with clap!

He's the handsome gentleman in blue!

He's the handsome gentleman in orange.

He's the Whitney in Stratton Whitney.

Health insurance, a huge mortgage..

Hedge fund. Mm.

Hello, Cyril Figgis, owner and lead investigator of The Figgis Agency.

Hello, Cyril Figgis. Owner, CEO,

Hello?

Hello? Who are you?

Hello. Pardon me.

Hello. Right in front of me...

Hello. Uh, Sterling Archer.

Help me prevent a former CIA agent,

Help!

Helped by Marlon Jerkins over here, just because

Her dumb ass broke the damn thing.

Her excuse was hamentashen, and you didn't even blink!

Her, and there is a moment, and...

Here we go, here we go, here we go!

Here you go, ladies. Hotel Swindon.

Here you go.

Here's a headline. Malory Archer bankrupt.

Here's an idea! Turn on the A/C!

Hey oh!

Hey, bub, remember?

Hey, congratulations... Oh, thanks, man.

Hey, Cyril, come here!

Hey, dummy.

Hey, Eckerd, come move your goddamn car outta my spot,

Hey, first of all, she kissed me. I didn't kiss her.

Hey, guys, as much as I'm loving this,

Hey, guys.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey... It's all good, buddy!

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Calm down.

Hey, I know you're upset, but we are gonna find Barry's mother,

Hey, I'm coming to you as a man here.

Hey, knock it off, you two!

Hey, Malory, do you have a minute?

Hey, Mr. Rompers.

Hey, neck bird, come here a second!

Hey, no! Save it for the camera.

Hey, not cool!

Hey, Ray! You getting any tips?

Hey, Rompers, guess...

Hey, Spirou, where's the main bar?

Hey, Swirling!

Hey, what's happening? Are you okay?

Hey, where the heck are my pants?

Hey, whoa! Calm down!

Hey, you know what?

Hey, you said you're the muscle.

Hey, you should ask Veronica Deane if her agent reps gay porn stars.

Hey!

Hey! I'm not the asshole here! Whitney!

Hey! Whoa whoa whoa...

Hey! Yeah, that's the ol' pepper!

Hey! You need to get your old, tiny, fake policeman ass

Hey. Are you up for a dangerous mission?

Hey. Yeah, I need you to come back to the studio real quick.

Hi. Sterling Archer.

Hi. With some C list C word!

Hinkins is at the Tuntford Arms,

Hinkins, if it was even supposed to...

Hinkins! Hinkins, wait! Damn it!

Hint! It wasn't great!

His name's Furlock Bones.

Hm, "Zissner, office, meeting, 10:00."

Hm, let's see.

Hm, like five hours?

Hm?

Hm? And all the sports drank conveniently spilled

Hm? Uh, hm. Uh, yes...

Hm. Because I'm not an actress?

Hm. I guess slightly more than...

Hm. Maybe a hint of diesel?

Hm. Me too.

Hmm, and if I routed it all to a single circuit,

Hmm, pretty sure those are real zebras.

Hmm? Infiltrated the enemy, huh?

Hmm.

Hmm. Also, why are we wearing tuxedos?

Hmm. Sterling never mentioned a sister.

Hmm. You could hit his house with a coconut.

Hmm... two.

Hmm... What?

Ho ly shit.

Hollywood legend Veronica Deane.

Holy shit house! That must

Holy shit snacks.

Holy shit, $100,000?

Holy shit, did she just eat a g****?

Holy shit, I wonder if this is how Tenzing Norgay always feels.

Holy shit, now I know you're crazy.

Holy shit!

Holy shit! Jeezy Petes!

Holy shit! What?

Holy shit... I know, right?

Holy shitsnacks!

Home invasion. You break into my house,

Honestly, even if it had been Curaçao,

Honestly, I don't see what could possibly go wrong.

Hope I'm not allergic to clown blood.

Hosted by her ex husband, Ellis Crane,

House down and sift through the ashes.

House, risking his life to save ours.

How clean and fresh they make you feel.

How could you be attracted to a homicidal maniac?

How could you even tell if she was still hot?

How did you, um...

How do we stop Archer from hooking up with Veronica?

How do you not have a gun?

How have you never been in one of my pictures?

How have you never been waterboarded?

How is everything your fault?

How is that a kid's toy? Which means I don't know

How is that basic?

How much time do you have?

How should I know?

How the hell am I gonna tell which clown is Archer?

How the hell did I get so turned around?

How the hell does this have anything to

How the hell is that a toy for kids?

How was that my fault?

How we always used to call you Swirling?

How would he? Except for two sleepy grizzly bears,

How would one go about being on it?

How you doing, bub?

How you like that, Ivy?

How... Uh... Okay. Shut up. I'm almost at the station,

How's it going? Trent Whitney, murder victim.

How's nobody?

Huh?

Huh? Oh no, no, no. I've been planning this for weeks.

Huh? We're still in production.

Huh.

Huh. In what sense?

Huh. Jeezy Petes!

Huh. Well, the good news is...

Hush puppies Uh, damn! That's better.

Hypnotize everybody in this office.

I Awhile, Archer.

I But even if we could hack in

I Hello, Richard Stratton the fourth,

I Ivy, I'm not a hit man, I'm a

I Look, if this was easy

I Transgendered frogs!

I um I'm a a private investigator?

I [bleep] you on a blimp.

I absolutely cannot.

I actually used to be the world's greatest secret agent?

I already am.

I also find it interesting that you,

I always am.

I am serious.

I am so angry at you right now!

I am your host,

I am, yeah. Freshman year I didn't make varsity

I assume we can expect discounts

I assume you have access to a firearm?

I assume you're all familiar with The Manchurian Candidate?

I be... I beg your pardon?

I beg your pardon?

I bet Archer's charging them twice that.

I bet I killed, like, 20 guys,

I bet I'd still be a little oogy.

I bet Krieger can seduce Barbie Zissner before you.

I bet this was his plan all along

I bet you ask guys that a lot.

I better not smell marijuana!

I can explain.

I can't believe you weaseled out of it

I can't believe you're a private eye.

I can't even. And Archer,

I can't get anyone else on such late notice, and...

I can't imagine what it would be like to know when you're gonna die.

I can't promise that.

I can't, I gotta go drive my car now,

I can't. Why not?

I could ask you the same thing.

I couldn't care less, Mr. Archer.

I demand immunity from this idiotic Jo Jo Dancer bullshit.

I did it for her.

I didn't cast her in Deadly Velvet.

I didn't even say that while I was being waterboarded.

I didn't know I'd be going to a funeral.

I didn't know it... it would be like that.

I didn't know we were drinking.

I didn't. You just told me.

I do not, no.

I do, Cyril. I really do,

I do, yeah But you can't shoot me in the face.

I don't care if it's...

I don't care. I won't tell you.

I don't drive a cab, super sleuth!

I don't know if that's better or worse.

I don't know who she's into.

I don't know, he's crazy!

I don't know.

I don't know. I couldn't hear him!

I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying

I don't know. I think Pam's got a better chance

I don't know. Maybe.

I don't know. You said look everywhere.

I don't think his problem was with the food shape.

I don't think she wanted to hear about how you've been struggling

I don't think that's gonna be a problem.

I don't want to jinx it,

I don't want to know!

I don't want you spreading around.

I don't, actually.

I drank a whole big thing of germicide.

I dunno. Maybe you people can handle this job, so...

I feel like I do. And how do you think you're gonna pull this off?

I feel like I made that very clear.

I found her!

I got Huh? I dunno, ask her.

I got about a buck fifty in pennies

I gotta drive my automobile, on road!

I gotta go get my car smogged!

I gotta say,

I guess we go with Plan X.

I guess we'll have to go find it!

I guess, since we're hourly now.

I guess, what, mulatto bastard?

I guess... I don't know. Ice stairs?

I hate to say it, but I believe you.

I have a fabulous bungalow in Las Caletas.

I have a plan, but I'm going to need you to trust me

I have a teensy tiny favor to ask of you.

I have absolutely no need for a bodyguard, so...

I have been since the first time I laid eyes on her.

I have every reason.

I have no pinky toe! You asshole!

I have tinnitus.

I have to be a hundred percent sure.

I heard all this commotion out here.

I heard you were getting your ass beat.

I honestly don't even know. I lost consciousness.

I hope not. I can actually eat.

I hope we never meet again.

I I... Well, no. No.

I just made love to Veronica Deane.

I just need a moment to change

I just want it to drip, but there's no button for drip!

I killed seven Krauts with a shovel,

I kinda think you should worry about it before then.

I knew I shouldn't have worn it.

I knew that was coming.

I knew when I asked you for help

I know all kids can be bullies, but at private school

I know exactly who you are.

I know you took out the green clown, and... and...

I know, but Oh my God, BPA!

I know, but I was going for the whole...

I know, but it's very nearly 3:00.

I know, Cyril, but think of the alternative. His hands are tied.

I know, right?

I know, right? How awesome is it to be back,

I know. Believe me,

I know. I look like a whore.

I know. I'm actually banned for life from Willemstad.

I know. Thank you.

I learned that the cabinet

I learned... Wow.

I let you talk me into this boondoggle!

I lied, I got like, 20 more. Go!

I mean I still have feelings!

I mean Well, I'm not! And ya wanna know why?

I mean, even if Archer did basically cheat on me with Veronica Deane...

I mean, even Pam and Carol are showing some talent for it.

I mean, how's Mother?

I mean, I didn't know it. I had no idea whatsoever.

I mean, I do have tinnitus,

I mean, in all my years of accounting,

I mean, just pizza, but...

I mean, like, four million.

I mean, maybe it didn't end well for

I mean, my God, the victim's jealous lover?

I mean, not that I think it'll come to that.

I mean, not you, per se, but people,

I mean, really, darling

I mean, unless you're down for road head.

I mean, we're computating as fast as we can,

I mean, when Veronica finds out you did this.

I mean, when was the last time you even saw your penis?

I mean, yeah, right? I mean, right?

I mean, you haven't really hurt anybody.

I mean, you made it sound like you were going to...

I mean, you... you... you..

I mean...

I mean... And I thought we were over that.

I mean... Or Gillette?

I meant Archer.

I meant, where is she?

I might actually be able to use you.

I must have gotten a bonk on the noggin,

I need you to get your big, bushy Bob Ross ian head

I prefer my margaritas on the beach in Mexico.

I protected you in a hostage situation,

I really could have fallen for you.

I refuse to stoop to his level.

I remember exactly where I was, Archer.

I said do the cameras first!

I said we'll keep you updated.

I should be worried about, I'd never get anything done!

I shoulda drowned you in piss when I had the chance, you little fa

I simply cannot believe

I smelled fire.

I spent freshman year in the hospital!

I startle you, you shoot me.

I suppose there's really no telling.

I swear to God, one more word out of you,

I swear to God, you people, the...

I swear to God, you people.

I swear, if I have to pull this van over...

I think he's behind this company

I think I may have found a clue.

I think I may have just the thing.

I think I'm supposed to be somewhere.

I think it's neither the time nor the

I think it's safe to assume he doesn't eat shellfish.

I think my husband is cheating on me.

I think my wife is cheating on me.

I think technically it's a loincloth?

I think technically she's an octoroon bastard,

I think that in my next life

I think that in my next life, I'm gonna come back as a movie star

I think that went about as well as it could have.

I think that's mostly via ropes?

I think you mix it with mole's blood.

I think you wildly overestimate that relationship.

I thought he was hinting at it!

I thought I might have a chance.

I thought I told you not to wash your hands!

I thought it would be safer than being a spy.

I thought maybe you dopes had stumbled

I thought she did.

I thought she was talking about the

I thought that was rhetorical.

I thought you said the divorce business was shabby.

I thought you were a producer.

I told you not to call her.

I told your dumb ass...

I totally just Encyclopedia Browned that thing.

I tried to talk Ms. Deane out of wearing it, but...

I truly appreciate the sacrifices

I turned them into little, wiggly pugs.

I vote we go rinse it off with a mojito.

I wanna hire you! I

I wanna see her, put her up on the monitor.

I want to see how you're gonna crack the big case.

I want you to Edison this elephant.

I want you to follow Archer tonight, and Oooh, can't.

I want you to go there and recover it.

I wanted her to sign this head shot.

I wanted to be the gruff but lovable driver,

I wanted to see what would happen.

I was biathlon, obviously.

I was gonna say $10,000.

I was gonna say Franz Turdinand.

I was in Veronica's dressing room ripping Archer like a rented mule!

I was just explaining some basic tenets

I was mad at her... I mean, Jesus!

I was strapped to a board and so

I was with you, Archer.

I wasn't gonna pay you anyway, so...

I will double it!

I will execute a hostage and shove

I will personally frame you for this murder!

I will personally sew you into a canvas bag

I will skull **** you so hard, legally speaking,

I wish I'd blown off both of you guys's kneecaps.

I won't pay one thin dime of this

I wonder if this is how Tenzing Norgay felt.

I would date him.

I would if it had a negative impact on Cyril.

I would love to.

I would take the form of, uh, an eagle. What about you?

I would think "person" was implied.

I would think none of your concern.

I would've worn a black one.

I wouldn't go in there if I were you.

I wouldn't have to bury ladies out in the desert!

I, um Uh, that is to say, uh, it's uh

I, um...

I...

I... I don't know.

I... I heard you scream.

I... I really need to use the restroom.

I... No, yeah, no... I... You know, I...

I... No! No, that's the exact opposite of what I want.

I... What?

I'd be getting drunk too, in his shoes...

I'll be in my dressing room!

I'll bet you my share of the 20 grand

I'll call a van for the rest of you.

I'll give you $1,000 for a ride to the nearest bar.

I'll just lay this right here, on this table.

I'll need video confirmation, of course

I'll never forget that moment.

I'll spend writhing in agony.

I'll take Carol, and we will laugh all the way to the bank.

I'll take the lobby. You two take that stairwell to the roof.

I'll try.

I'm afraid I must.

I'm already here.

I'm also supposed to be pooling tips.

I'm Barbie Zissner.

I'm Cyril Figgis, owner, CEO,

I'm dying. Liver cancer, stage four.

I'm goin' infrared, Lana.

I'm going to go home, kiss my wife goodbye,

I'm going to go kill some evil clowns.

I'm gonna assume it's some sort of costume birthday party?

I'm gonna come back as a movie star.

I'm gonna get you out of here.

I'm gonna give you something to scream about.

I'm gonna go guard some priceless emeralds.

I'm gonna have to do a very bad thing.

I'm gonna make a run for the car. Meanwhile, you clear out the safe!

I'm gonna seduce the dick off that dude.

I'm gonna sneak up on him from the side.

I'm here.

I'm in. I can use the money

I'm just a walking titanium endoskeleton.

I'm just gonna pop out, give 'em a quick rinse, and...

I'm making an executive decision.

I'm not drunk! Wait, I am drunk.

I'm not really sure how to put this,

I'm not schlepping to Staten Island

I'm not sure I'm following you.

I'm not the one running out of oxygen here.

I'm not the one who brought it up!

I'm okay!

I'm on it.

I'm paying you a fortune to do?

I'm picturing a gay wizard.

I'm serious, Ray. I'm about to punch you

I'm so turned on, I think I'm actually getting dehydrated.

I'm sorry I have to run,

I'm sorry you've wasted your time, but I can assure you

I'm sorry, boss. We just can't find her.

I'm sorry, what what's happening?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Have we met?

I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that.

I'm sorry. I honestly thought

I'm sorry. I'm babbling.

I'm sorry. Is there another option?

I'm sorry. Is this the Figgis Agency?

I'm Sterling Archer, private investigator.

I'm still on Eastern time.

I'm straight.

I'm sure I would've been the prime suspect.

I'm sure it was only because you were

I'm sure the bullying had some influence on my decision,

I'm sure you all remember my client,

I'm sure you could. But unless it's helping you leave me alone

I'm sure you'll understand when I say

I'm talking fieldcraft! Stealth! Teamwork!

I'm the guy with the gun! Not the asshole, with eight toes!

I'm too wound up!

I'm willing to double it again.

I've been comparison shopping for the best rate plan.

I've been embezzling from the fund and also maybe sleeping with his wife?

I've been searching for my entire goddamn life,

I've got maybe three months left,

I've got Pam. And you've got Cheryl.

I've never seen anything like it.

Icicles and hit 'em with a hammer.

Idiot!

Idiot! Ow!

Idiot. Some kind of drug, maybe, but...

If any of you repeat anything said in this room,

If her agent reps gay porn stars.

If I could just reconnect with my birth mother, maybe,

If I have to pull his spine out through his face.

If I want to talk, I will call you.

If I was electrocuted, how the hell were you gonna find your mother?

If I'm helping Lana's new pretend boyfriend make a movie.

If it's poor people.

If she hasn't already.

If that helps.

If the insurance company pulls the bond or, God forbid,

If there could ever be a "best time"

If we run into anybody, which hopefully we won't, but...

If we try to escape, they'll kill us.

If we win, you get his share.

If you can believe it.

If you enjoy starving to death.

Imagine what it was like for a lonely, skinny 13 year old kid

Impossible! Unless we can override

Impossible.

In 3 D! Ow!

In a grain elevator! Oww!

In and out.

In case those assholes find you in here.

In fact, everybody put your hands in your damn pockets!

In fact, I bet he's already taken out a clown,

In fact, I bet they do these hookups in the same hotel

In front of God and everybody!

In love with three crazy gals,

In principal photography on that, or...

In reverse order, no, I was mildly thirsty, and he wants to hire us.

In some bizarre murder suicide,

In some sort of insurance fraud,

In such a public setting.

In the In the safe he had

In the back of a prowler with no door handles

In the face with your own fists.

In the field house, and you just laid into me,

In the hall the rest of my life?

In the meantime, every time the phone rings,

In the meantime, maybe I should hold on to the Tsarina.

In the middle of the goddamn night.

In the well toned flesh.

In the, uh... whatcha madoo... HVAC.

In there, dressed as clowns.

In this post coital glow...

In...

Incapacitate one of them

Infrared, alarm bypass,

Instead of a lemonade stand,

Instead of that pathetic little fanboy make out session at the...

Instead of the sandalwood. Right?

Intentionally "secretly" leaked

Into something more comfortable.

Into the icy black waters of failure.

Into the world of high priced Hollywood divorces!

Into Veronica Deane's very old twatch.

Intruder!

Is ambiguous, poorly worded burns.

Is confidence. Which Pam's got by the shitload.

Is for everybody to...

Is gonna frame me for murder.

Is how that helps my client, Veronica Deane.

Is it hers? Hard to tell with no serial number.

Is it just to rub it in his face?

Is it? Are you trying to electrocute me?

Is L.A. making me soft?

Is make Pam put on some clothes.

Is now I have to have that exact same

Is only exact to within maybe one hour, so...

Is something on the order of ten to the ninth power, so

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Is that clear?

Is that it's a felony.

Is that really necessary?

Is that supposed to make it better?

Is that who we're meeting with?

Is the one who made out with Veronica Deane!

Is the very best you can expect.

Is there anything you'd like to say to me?

Is this mirror not working or...

Is this the Figgis Agency?

Is trying to sabotage my latest picture, Deadly Velvet.

Is why you would think it even remotely acceptable

Is... But is now a great time, or even a not very bad time?

It also means potentially dangerous eye strain

It can never end, you see! It's a... It's a Mobius strip!

It could've been quite flattering, so...

It felt like I got kicked in the chest by a mule.

It helps my leg, Cyril,

It is a proven fact that torture makes

It is just criminal what they get paid.

It just kind of seems a little more complicated than it needs to be.

It just kinda screams, "I'm guilty."

It proves I'm a great investigator.

It puts the lotion in the basket!

It really frames your face.

It says here "grind." It's already ground from the store!

It seems like there's even more, I dunno, elitism or snobbery or whatever.

It was beautiful, and you blew it out!

It was because you were flirting with Ellis Crane!

It was clearly the Age of Steam.

It was my repressed desire to sleep with my own mother."

It was probably the cops again.

It was yours!

It wasn't any of us. He hired us for protection.

It would take like, gigawatts worth of volts.

It, to get the insurance money...

It'll cut through two feet of reinforced concrete

It's a generator running an air pump!

It's a joke. Lighten up, Fritz Lang.

It's a lotta money, Cyril, which I have to go earn for the agency now!

It's a sexual attraction to clowns.

It's about the murder.

It's all just so very sensitive.

It's blue Curaçao, you dumb idiot.

It's burglary. Or maybe home invasion,

It's getting hard to tell the kettles from the pots around here.

It's goin' great!

It's got spinoff written all over it.

It's got, like, a third of the acid,

It's gotta be under warranty.

It's in Tom's house, and and Bill's house.

It's insured for triple what they could hope to make at the box office.

It's just like Predator!

It's like Patton and Churchill had a baby.

It's much more important that learning is fostered in the home

It's nice to see you again, Ms. Deane.

It's nine o'clock in the morning.

It's not enough to prove anything.

It's not my birthday!

It's not supposed to make it anything!

It's not that bad.

It's nothing you haven't seen before.

It's obviously Ivy.

It's okay. I was gonna do that, too.

It's okay. We just wanna talk.

It's our only bargaining chip.

It's safer than being a librarian!

It's the Figgis Agency.

It's the past tense of "are."

It's your basic cuckold fetish porn.

Ivy, Hildy and Claire, during a

Ivy.

Ivy's a cuckold, betrayed by his wife and friend.

Ja, ja! Untzergrabben! Untzergrabben!

Ja! Und Cyril ist Der Falkonmeister!

Je ne sais quoi. Exactement. Ciao!

Je sus!

Jealous.

Jealous. Hey, how's Ron?

Jeezy Petes! See?

Jesus Christ!

Jesus Christ. And if I'm being honest, yeah,

Jesus, glad I'm not allergic to mink.

Jesus, Ivy. Yeah.

Jesus, lady, earballs!

Jesus, really?

Jesus! No wonder Mozart went deaf.

Jethro's mom? Uh, Tweety's Granny?

Jo Jo Dancer, Ihr Leben Ruft!

Jump!

Jumped out at the last second, Cyril.

Just a standard safe cracking kit.

Just blow off everybody's kneecaps

Just go!

Just how stupid do you think I am?

Just like you do with everything else!

Just maybe, we could find him.

Just promise me you won't scream.

Just remember to breathe

Just throw this out there,

Just wait for the van, dummy.

Keep it down back there!

Ken Hinkins, who was brainwashed in the MK ULTRA program,

Kids? I think owls?

Knockout gas was an actual thing.

Knockout gas!

Know we'd put sleeping pills in it.

Krieger, break room now, goddamn it! So, is it cool if I

Krieger, I suppose you'll just have to be

Krieger, if I worried about a fraction of the stuff

Krieger, looking at you. Okay, then.

Krieger, nobody gives a shit about Doonesbury. Now, come on, chop chop

Krieger, you have one of these god awful monstrosities

Krieger?

Krieger. Krieger!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies... and... gentlemen...

Lana Kane, private investigator.

Lana Kane...

Lana, everything the CIA does

Lana, I want you to tail him tonight, and

Lana, it's $20,000.

Lana, she can't steal what's already hers.

Lana, this is Hollywood.

Lana, you and I will break into the house,

Lana!

Lana! Lana, we're

Lana...

Lapping, force balancing, uh...

Left me to die in outer frickin' space!

Let me drive the truck,

Let me see.

Let's get some unis on the gates,

Let's go, folks. Nothing to see here.

Let's go, ladies. Move it, move it, move it. Let's go!

Let's go, people. The clock is ticking.

Let's go, you dumb idiots.

Let's just say I have my ways.

Life insurance won't pay out on a suicide,

Like a bad penny.

Like a bunch of yardbirds, and you spritz me?

Like a common criminal before God knows how many cameras,

Like a folksy B.A. Baracus.

Like a haiku...

Like Casper the Ghost.

Like I said, "You never know!"

Like I've been saying for years.

Like Jimmy Caan used in Thief.

Like non reinforced... butter.

Like ol' Whitey Crane over there,

Like some homoerotic prep school swirlie.

Like the dimmer switch in the bullpen,

Like the time Star Trek went to Chicago.

Like, a s..

Like, hire a clown, tinnitus people.

Like, is he good at plowing?

Like, their extradition treaty, or...

Linkage jam.

Lipstick, they don't really mind,

Listen, I bet you guys are getting

Literally drowned! I was actually

Literally, the only thing about Los Angeles

Little? It was a massive insurance scam,

Long time, no see!

Longwater! Just like the

Look

Look out!

Look, all that crazy drug stuff was

Look, not many people know this, all right,

Look, the Soviets were kicking our ass in the Cold War.

Look, we're running out of time here.

Look, whatever he's paying you,

Looking for any records with your given name,

Looks like a robbery. But I thought he had cancer

Looks like a runaway forklift.

Lower your voice. Ow.

Luigi won't let anybody ride in the cab.

Luke Skywalker and Han Solo.

Madam, you wound me.

Made from certified Kobe beef

Made that rabbit a vegetable with

Magnets! Especially for dumb idiots like you.

Mail forwarded to the ceiling!

Make a tape, and then go home

Make me. Ow!

Making men fall in love with you?

Malibu, there's my address.

Malory Archer.

Malory, he was *******!

Malory! Ellis wants to hire the agency

Malory! Mother!

Man down! Man down! Man down!

Man, I don't feel so great.

Man, I hope not.

Man, I'd rub it in his face!

Man, it really looks like the '40s.

Man, Veronica Deane.

Man, what ever happened to blimps?

Man, you ever do that...

Man? It's basically an appliance.

Mancy Drew.

Many of whom, after World War II..

Matter of fact, I can't smell anything.

Mature conversation about this.

Mawp. ...not really surprising.

May I ask how you heard of our agency?

May I speak with you a moment, please?

May we talk somewhere privately?

Maybe 'cause it's upside down.

Maybe he wanted to be interrupted every five seconds.

Maybe if we used someone as bait.

Maybe it was 20 years ago, but if anything,

Maybe just do it into your hand, phrasing.

Maybe spilled an electrolytic solution on the floor

Maybe there's a workshop with pliers, a car battery...

Maybe this was just an accident.

Maybe twenty pounds on me, and you cornered me

Maybe we should... Y You know,

Maybe you'd be more comfortable in your office.

Maybe.

Me and her b b b boned. What?

Me and you... is this not the best?

Me what?

Me, on the other hand...

Me.

Meaning?

Meanwhile, I guess we get killed by a bunch of clowns,

Mechanic, and maybe occasional muscle.

Meh? Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh?

Merely an ill advised attempt at levity.

Merely for the sake of argument, let's say you are,

Mexico.

Might as well leave her by a dumpster at the county fair

Might as well.

Million!

Mind if I, uh, beep boop?

Mine would be Lance Biggerstaff.

Miss Deane? I have kind of a fanboy request.

Mm hmm.

Mm mm.

Mm, I guess... almost like there's a vast number of things

Mm, mwah. Back soon.

Mm, no

Mm, no. We've got a few minutes.

Mm, nope. Just those hideous clowns.

Mm, yes, of course! And we'll dance naked on the beach in Mexico...

Mm.

Mm. Ah.

Mm. Mm hm.

Mmm, no, I think just the three.

Money and cancer, then! Jesus!

Moot! The question is moot,

More hot pizzas? What do ya say?

More than that. Much more.

Mother took it away. What?

Mother, if you're not gonna help,

Mother! Mother, are you all right?

Mother! Move, idiots!

Mother! Ow! Stop it. I am gut shot, woman!

Mother! Still can't hear you.

Mother? She can't hear you.

Mother...

Move the cables! Careful!

Move those cans. Now!

Move, you idiots. They got the disk!

Mr. Archer one of the public records that came back on that guy's address!

Mr. Archer? Mr. Archer.

Mr. Archer? Mr. Stratton will see you now.

Mr. Nurple and Mr. Giggles will escort you.

Mr. Rompers.

Mr. Shapiro, please, as I said on the phone,

Mr. Stratton, I have Mr. Archer.

Mr... Archer, was it?

Mrs

Mrs. Deane Ms.

Mrs. Donald Zissner.

Ms. Deane isn't a standard client, Cyril.

Must be her cheat day.

Must've called 911.

My bush looks like I'm sitting on Jerry Garcia's face.

My coffee as a cold brew, iced!

My dear, how can this be?

My eyes!

My God, get it together.

My God, it must be worth millions!

My God, Lana, you look like hell.

My God, she's got all these bills to pay...

My housekeeper found this under her windshield wiper at the supermarket.

My investors back out, I'll be ruined!

My office, two o'clock. Yep.

My partner paid him to kill me.

My plan is in shambles!

My pleasure.

My previous statement.

My share against yours.

My what?

My wife will be at a fundraiser.

My... Wait. You don't think I did it?

Nah, somebody definitely tampered with it.

Name something a clock would Ray.

Name something a clock would say.

Narrowly missing several crew members.

Nghung. Wait.

Nice try, Krieger. Who am I, the Road Runner?

Night vision, grappling hooks

Nine, you Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Nine!

No blacks or ****.

No idea where Veronica Deane is.

No o o!

No shit, you killed all your good flora.

No shit. You like her?

No, actually, I do know, because... I'm sorry...

No, as my gay porn name.

No, as my gay porn name. Not bad

No, but for real, though, the CIA

No, but seriously, don't feel bad

No, but this is!

No, but without psychotropic drugs.

No, Creepy Spice, I used chloroform.

No, dummy, that was just a ruse.

No, hair joke. Something about braids?

No, I actually I actually got it

No, I can't. Okay? Tonight I have to bake a huge batch of hamentashen

No, I did not.

No, I don't get this at all.

No, I don't.

No, I guess they but I can't, um

No, I just mean...

No, I merely tried to!

No, I'll get it.

No, I'm I mean I'm, I'm, I'm

No, I'm dead serious.

No, I'm fine here.

No, I'm on the board.

No, it isn't! Because all my K bots

No, it isn't. Shut up. It'll work.

No, it was...

No, it's a test to see if a machine's artificial intelligence

No, it's the exact opposite of that!

No, Jethro Dull, it's for a case.

No, Lana dear, listen.

No, let's say tomorrow. Elevenish?

No, Miss Kane, not dark.

No, no, but you can.

No, no, no, don't run! I got them... treats.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait!

No, no, no! Don't!

No, no, no! Stop, stop, stop! Okay, okay, okay.

No, no, no. No, yeah, I got it.

No, no, no. Wa wa wa wa wait

No, no, they're not.

No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait!

No, no! You can just feast

No, none of that. Just pure hypnosis.

No, none of this is that.

No, not a robot! Again, I don't understand all the science, but...

No, not just follow her.

No, not yet, Mr.... Shapiro, was it?

No, not... Wait... Look, I'm in love with Veronica.

No, nuh uh! There's nothing between

No, on the contrary, it's wonderful.

No, seriously.

No, so if you ever have

No, sorry for that.

No, that!

No, that's a quote by Wilfrid Noyce.

No, the van's not here, but it looks like we've got another homicide...

No, this is the face

No, uh, this does not look good.

No, we need to catch Crane in the act somehow.

No, we're not doubling the bet.

No, you didn't.

No, you goose. As a romantic getaway!

No, you idiot!

No, you idiot! One of those two.

No, you...

No, you're just the one

No, you're not. You're coming to me as a robot mummy!

No!

No! No! No! No!

No! Yeah.

No! You don't! You just have to break into a safe!

No.

No. But murder is

No. How does that help the situation?

No. I ate 'em all. Because we're all gonna get shot.

No. I'll protect Veronica Deane.

No. Just three. Are you sure?

No. Meaning just... you know...

No. Oof!

No. You all took it for granted.

No... Yes, you totally should have.

Nobody knows.

Nobody. Get out of here, Krieger!

Noice.

Noir.

None of this is even remotely necessary.

None of your collective beeswax.

Nope.

Nope. Or even your actual date of birth!

Not a competition.

Not a Spanish harbor mine.

Not a word.

Not affect me in any way whatsoever.

Not for him. Plus it's really loud,

Not just me. Lana?

Not me, necessarily, but the me I could've been, ya know?

Not me. Cyril or Krieger.

Not six months. The longest one was only

Not that kind of crane. Ellis Crane.

Not that she's capable of aspirating her own vomit.

Not the one hogging the phone.

Not the world's tiniest drag queen?

Not to a crime, anyway. But I'm afraid I do have to confess

Not to kill him? That's extortion!

Not to leave town without checking with us.

Not to mention a stock manipulation scam...

Not tomorrow, buddy. Then all they're gonna see is,

Not washing our hands...

Not you, Ms. Archer!

Nothing? Nope.

Nothing. You're going to have sex.

Now I have to wash my hands again.

Now I want you to figure out a way to zap Barry

Now that I think about it, let's

Now what are we gonna do about the hostage situation?

Now you're all birds of prey.

Now, good day.

Now, I believe there was some mention of holes?

Now, if you think you're up to the task,

Now, listen here, you... you rounder.

Now, Mr. Crane, how can we help you?

Now, please, give your

Now, remember, Carol. The key here, as with most things,

Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Now, then, Gillette...

Now, then, Mr. Crane,

Now, we do not wish to harm you.

Now, why are you here?

Obviously I meant "suckin' bullshit."

Obviously more than that, Lana.

Of a very dark and twisted iceberg.

Of both time and oxygen!

Of course I do, just like I knew you were headed for trouble

Of Dr. Krieger is full of our faces.

Of fieldcraft to these three.

Of seducing Zissner than Gluella DeVil over here.

Of surprised I didn't remember

Of the men and women who serve in our armed forces,

Of the private eye movie?

Off the roof, on live television!

Oh and keep it on "mute." Carol.

Oh and your wife's car, since she's

Oh for the fine, I'll do it myself!

Oh ho ho ho. So now it's "Ellis"?

Oh ho ho, so now it's "Lana"?

Oh hush, you big baby. It's just a through and through.

Oh my God, Framboise! Remember her?

Oh my God, I am.

Oh my God, I look like the Terminator!

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, Archer!

Oh my God, who's Archer, no!

Oh my God. Yeah, not great.

Oh right, I forgot about Miss Archer.

Oh right, that makes What? One, two, three, go!

Oh that. Yeah, that's gas. What?

Oh, Alan can handle that.

Oh, and as for the rest of you...

Oh, and bigger question:

Oh, and how old is Ellis Crane?

Oh, and it's a musical?

Oh, and put me down for 15 minutes of investigative work.

Oh, and so guess who I saw last night?

Oh, and the band, which...

Oh, and the joke's on you, because if I have rabies, now you've got it!

Oh, and there should be a bottle of champagne chilling.

Oh, and what about Project Artichoke, before Ultra,

Oh, baby,

Oh, before becoming an unlicensed private investigator.

Oh, damn it!

Oh, damn it! Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn it!

Oh, darling. Don't you know I do?

Oh, eat my asshole!

Oh, Ellis Crane, the movie director.

Oh, for Goddamn it, Pam!

Oh, for Mother, when the word gets out that Sterling Archer,

Oh, for God's sakes, what now?

Oh, for the... She's 50!

Oh, for the... Sterling!

Oh, for...

Oh, for... She's like 50!

Oh, get over yourself, Rain Man.

Oh, give it a rest.

Oh, God, no.

Oh, God! Ow!

Oh, God. I'm gonna die.

Oh, goddamn it.

Oh, good. I do hate to drink alone.

Oh, good. You made it.

Oh, here's one. When do I start negging her?

Oh, hey, good, you got the ammo?

Oh, hi. Uh, so sorry. I thought

Oh, how dare you!

Oh, huh uh, you don't get to take the easy way out, Ivy.

Oh, I betcha we can work something out.

Oh, I can't believe this

Oh, I know that. But wait. Hang on...

Oh, I was hopin' T.C. was gonna come pick us up in the chopper.

Oh, I will.

Oh, I'll tell you what we're doing.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Please, by all means.

Oh, I'm sorry, Lana, is there a grace period?

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. It's opposite day.

Oh, is that the box where they kept informed consent?

Oh, it's not Alan's fault, darling.

Oh, let her enjoy it, Sterling.

Oh, man, I can't believe

Oh, man, you never rent a mule.

Oh, man!

Oh, man.

Oh, man. We're just like the Wonder Twins, right?

Oh, Mr....

Oh, my God, Cyril.

Oh, my God, did you shit yourself?

Oh, my God, even a baby knows that.

Oh, my God, even for Idaville,

Oh, my God, how are you still alive?

Oh, my God, I'm such a fatty.

Oh, my God, jealous much?

Oh, my God, Pam! I forgot to give

Oh, my God, that dress. Oh, bejeezles, right?

Oh, my God, what didn't happen?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Seriously?

Oh, my God! You are hands down the

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. First of all...

Oh, my God. That dress?

Oh, my head.

Oh, my tits, what? How could He's a frickin machine!

Oh, no. Just a bedroom safe,

Oh, not you, buddy. Not...

Oh, oh my God, rumaki.

Oh, oh, oh, and some sherbet!

Oh, okay, but my larger, sort of overall concern

Oh, please forgive me, Miss...

Oh, please, Carol couldn't seduce a Spaniard.

Oh, please, Mother.

Oh, please! That's merely the tip

Oh, please.

Oh, preesh. Okay, so

Oh, quit your griping, you three.

Oh, really, 'cause I'd like to meet those guys.

Oh, really?

Oh, really? Because from where I'm sitting,

Oh, relax

Oh, right.

Oh, right. Goddamn it.

Oh, right. Plus I was wearing a stra...

Oh, right. They are electric.

Oh, right. Yeah, that thing's

Oh, shit yeah, lady, climb on up!

Oh, shit! I hope Mother's okay.

Oh, shit! The pennies!

Oh, shit. Hinkins, wait!

Oh, shit. Right. Limp, bloody corpses.

Oh, shut up and come on!

Oh, shut up. It's not that bad.

Oh, so that's how it is now, huh?

Oh, sorry, Lana. You big sexy galoot.

Oh, Sterling, I know exactly what you're going to say.

Oh, thank God, he's right about something.

Oh, that is not good.

Oh, they can totally pass the Turing test.

Oh, they did, did they?

Oh, this is vole's blood.

Oh, uh, just gave her another spritz

Oh, uh...

Oh, um, yeah.

Oh, wait. This is vole's blood.

Oh, we can do that? Lemon squeezy.

Oh, we're just hemorrhaging money.

Oh, well then, can I borrow Krieger?

Oh, well, gracias, amigo.

Oh, well, that's just stupid.

Oh, well... Really?

Oh, whatever. I was beating your...

Oh, wow, it's a female lead?

Oh, yes. Yes.

Oh, you just sort of skulk around.

Oh, you worry about everything.

Oh, you. I'm actually his mother,

Oh, you're asking me. Sorry

Oh, you're serious.

Oh, you're way prettier than her.

Oh!

Oh! I'll make a note.

Oh! Mother of

Oh! Uh, both. Sorry.

Oh.

Oh. So, do you clank, or Oww!

Oh. Sorry.

Oh. Sorry. Yes. More than you know.

Oh. That actually was a sex tape,

Oh. Well, then, theoretically, me gusto mucho

Oh. Yeah, that is pretty upsetting.

Oh..

Okay, A, I'm pretty sure chickens give live birth, like sharks.

Okay, but But wait, if you fry Barry's CPU,

Okay, but Wait, what's to keep you from just leaving me here?

Okay, but the perfect is the enemy of the good.

Okay, come on. I'll brief you while we get ready.

Okay, count off!

Okay, hypothetically...

Okay, I almost said 20 million,

Okay, I think that red one's the leader,

Okay, I was kinda saving this for...

Okay, if you can seduce this woman...

Okay, Jesus, go to the bathroom.

Okay, let's do this.

Okay, let's go put some stank on it.

Okay, let's go seduce this broad.

Okay, me too. A little.

Okay, now I just gotta find Archer.

Okay, now to see if I can override the security system

Okay, obviously there's been some sort of misunderstanding here, so...

Okay, okay, so, then, let me throw this out there

Okay, okay, wait, wait!

Okay, okay. And we're gonna be looking into all that,

Okay, Pam, this is our target location.

Okay, people, listen up.

Okay, people, uh, listen up.

Okay, so call Ray, on your cell!

Okay, so cut the alarm and jam the cell phone signal.

Okay, so I promised Ivy I'd kill you.

Okay, so if anybody asks, it's Cyril's birthday,

Okay, so if you feel it coming,

Okay, so now we're doing this.

Okay, so now what, now what?

Okay, so the doors and windows are sealed.

Okay, so where and when?

Okay, so, do you have change for 10... let me finish... drams of vole's blood?

Okay, so, I've been watching like a hawk,

Okay, so...

Okay, that doesn't sound right. It's not.

Okay, that's... Oh, come on. Stop it.

Okay, the best I can tell, basically,

Okay, what's this guy's name?

Okay, you got comms, night vision,

Okay, you're all free to go!

Okay! But just for a second.

Okay! I'm not the one taking all night to give me back my stuff!

Okay! Jesus!

Okay.

Okay. All right. Did I, or did I not, let you drive?

Okay. All right. I'm ready. Let's do this

Okay. And in light of your various professional,

Okay. How about for starters,

Okay. Jesus, why are you in such

Okay. Make sure they're secure.

Okay. Nobody move. Nobody do anything.

Okay. Now I get it

Okay. Okay

Okay. Okay, here we go.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay!

Okay. So we'll just follow you in the van,

Okay. There's a nice way to do that.

Okay. You wanna explain this?

Old clients of mine. I got 'em out of jail,

Old people love sherbet!

On my vagina.

On second thought, I will have a glass of that.

On some level, I think we both did.

On still being a massive dickhole.

On the floor, full of electrolytes?

On the picture as a technical advisor.

On whose command? Who the hell is in charge here?

Once they find her enormous fingerprints on the gun.

One of these scrote licks is him.

One.

One...

Only if Zissner's into archeology.

Only to find out later that all the coyotes left

Onto some sort of mafia shakedown.

Ooh, chop chop what? What are we chopping?

Ooh, Joan Crawford's gonna be so jealous.

Ooh, what about me? What about me?

Ooh! Bubbly!

Ooh! Looks so good!

Ooh! We could throw acid in her face

Ooh.

Ooh. How about I seduce her?

Ooh. How about I seduce him?

Ooo kay. Nope, still lost.

Or an astronaut or some other shit!

Or at least our best five inches.

Or delays in production.

Or even if.

Or forever, once Veronica Deane fakes her whatever bullshit evidence on me.

Or horseshoes.

Or I could hold that one, maybe.

Or I'll throw you off this set so fast you'll...

Or it won't, once we can catch him red handed,

Or maybe the dining room?

Or move, basically.

Or Nazi Germany, for whatever idiot reason.

Or not. But get in that van!

Or Pinky or Giggles or Yum Yum,

Or shooting your first mule.

Or suspects.

Or the belly. Or in the legs.

Or this!

Or up to your ankles in camel blood.

Or what?

Or why she even bothers to answer the phone.

Or you, or Ray, or you, Lana,

Or your goddamn brain chips, like you

Or, in some cases, personal relationships with the victim,

Or... not that.

Or... softly awesome.

Oscar winning director and also total jit rag.

Other than my ex husband's refusal to let me get on with my life,

Oughta be quarantined in the sick burn unit

Oughta call it the Weak Bloodlines Foundation.

Our scientists had to think outside the box.

Our standard rate would be

Our? Um...

Ours. As in mine and Archer's.

Out effing standing.

Out of my space! I'm trying to do real policeman shit!

Out of your ass, because we've got a bet to win!

Outstanding.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ow!

Ow! Come... Ow! Damn it! Come on!

Ow! Hey, cut it out

Ow! Quit squeezing the puppy, Lennie!

Oww! Archer, lower your voice!

Oww! Seriously.

Owww!

P.I. work is gonna be a total cakewalk!

Paging Dr. Freud! Dr. Sigmund

Pam, I doubt the man is bisexual.

Pam, if a single one of these has left this building,

Pam, please, this is serious.

Pam, shut up!

Pam, tell him the best part.

Pam. Hey, in case you've forgotten,

Pam... craft services.

Pam's my ride home.

Pants, hell. Where's that damn cat?

Pardon me. Yep. S Sorry.

People are falling on shit. Like the ground.

Perhaps we should begin anew.

Pff. More like Rico... not Suave.

Pff. The Cousin Oliver of Africa.

Pfff, a robot's like

Pfff, see about this bullshit.

Phrasing, boom.

Phrasing, doing great,

Place nor the Slater to discuss it!

Please disregard my previous statement.

Please rewind to Milkly's heinous murder and play it back for us.

Please stop saying "pre pre." Shut up.

Please, have a seat. Oh, okay, thanks, uh...

Please, just do as they say!

Please, take your time.

Please, this is all very simple.

Please, we do not wish to harm you!

Please, you've come all this way.

Please. I'll tell you where he is.

Please. She's like 100. She's like 50.

Plus I didn't give you cancer.

Plus morphine when you're not even my robot supervisor!

Plus no DUIs.

Plus now with A.J.

Plus with the restraining order,

Plus you're the world's biggest dick.

Plus, awww. Oh, the treats. Give 'em the treats.

Plus, I bet she'd prefer the acid.

Plus, I bet this only affects women.

Plus, I didn't give you cancer.

Plus, it didn't hear what I said, because... spoiler alert...

Pneumonia! From what, complications from AI Ow!

Pneumonia. From what?

Post label?

Prank John Huston with some coconuts...

Presenting him with an itemized bill.

Presenting you evidence of Miss Kane's guilt tomorrow morning.

Presumably in a safe.

Pretend to mack on, but not really,

Pretty hungry in there again, huh?

Pretty impressive detective work, if I do say so myself.

Probably because it's so dark in here.

Probably could've made the Olympic team,

Probably made from endangered quail eggs, or...

Probably Mexico. Go to John Huston's house,

Probably so people driving by have to watch him

Probably why they put 'em on there. Rimshot.

Probably, but that's not the point.

Professional whats? What do we have to do, more work?

Protecting my client

Prove it. I can't!

Psst!

Psst. Lana, come here.

Public school.

Put on his clothes and mask, and infiltrated the enemy.

Put your faith in us.

Ray, come on. Be a team player.

Ray, get her to the van.

Ray, they're terrible people!

Ray!

Ray! Ray, come in here!

Ray? You care to join us?

Real goal of Project MK ULTRA,

Real life crush boner for her,

Really drugged and hypnotized people?

Really get inside the mind of the private detective.

Really Wanna Plow My Mom" Freud!

Really?

Really? Hi, Lana Kane. Hello.

Really? That late?

Really? What? Yes!

Really? You don't...

Really? You think so?

Recommendation letter. Got it

Regarding the Italian Prime Minister's murder and dismemberment

Relatively.

Relax. They're not gonna hit us with those suppressors on,

Remember the Maine!

Remember?

Rest of his life to slap Cyril.

Reverse cryptographic hash function,

Right before winter break.

Right in the middle of a mystery?

Right?

Right? Come here. What are we doing?

Right? I don't know.

Right? We've got champagne.

Right. I mean, yeah.

Rim Schott.

Rim Schott. How was that funny?

Rim shot! That'd be a good porn name.

Rimshot.

Rimshot. Yeah, that could be your name.

Robots can't testify in court.

Room 302, under the name "Swenders."

Run!

Running her fat mouth.

Said the man with a relative called, Uncle Paw Paw.

Said the spider to the... clown.

Samuel Johnson tells us that puns are the lowest form of comedy,

Sandhill Crane could just be a coincidence.

Says the man who pays

Scarrah Fawcett and Baby Huey?

Scopolamine or something like that.

Scopolamine, the zombie drug.

Scopolamine? Why would I have been?

Searching for your battered corpses,

Second, you've each been given a non disclosure agreement to sign.

Secure the friendlies, achieve

See if she knows who tried to weight him down

See if she knows who tried to weight him down...

See what I did there? Pun wise?

See ya tonight.

See? Easy peasy zombie squeezy.

See? She's comin' down to the station.

Seems like a lot of running.

Seems like a pretty big risk.

Seems like it'd be easier just to take out the trash cans.

Seriously, don't ask.

Seriously, we were made for this!

Seriously, worst happy hour ever. And I hate to do it,

Seriously, you gotta shut up.

Seriously?

Seriously? What is it with everybody washing their hands?

Seriously.

Seriously. I could maybe help you unwind.

Seriously. That must be so sticky.

Shall set you free!

Shall we?

Shame it took us an entire spleen to get here.

Shape charges on steel doors here and here,

Shapiro, that little rat.

Shapiro? What are you doing here?

Shapiro's at your bail hearing right now,

Sharknoid, Sharknoid 2, Sharknoid 3 In 3 D, Sharknoid 4, Shark...

Shaven.

She agreed to pay us $20,000.

She almost makes me Q my G.

She can't eat a bunch of diamonds and emeralds.

She certainly did.

She could have a teeny little stripper pole, and

She has no idea.

She is a film legend.

She knows when my birthday is.

She knows you're a woman, right?

She lives in L.A.!

She might fall in some weird semblance of love with you.

She needs the bathroom again.

She said, phrasing? Boom. Huh?

She wants to wear the Tsarina to a fund raiser

She was basically just gigantic sunglasses and a big hat!

She was incredible in Shanghai Moon.

She was, until we made a sizable donation

She...

She's 80 pounds. This stuff

She's a person of interest in the other murder we're working.

She's comin' down to the station.

She's embarrassing herself. That's what.

She's hotter now Oww!

She's not a candy ass like these ones.

She's set through eighth grade.

She's the one who's gonna find you.

She's, like, 50.

She's...

She's... My name is Veronica Deane.

Shh shh shh shh...

Shh, shh, shh.

Shh, shush, shush, shush.

Shh! Ow! Ow...

Shh.

Shh. I know. I want them to.

Shh...

Shit's catching on fire.

Shit's falling on people.

Shitheel.

Shitter's clogged!

Shoo, shoo!

Shoo! Shoo! Sha! Sha!

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Sha! Sha!

Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo. Sh...

Shooo, whoo whoo whoo whoo...

Shooooo, wahhhhh...

Short answer, prevent World War III

Shotgun!

Shoving pizza in your gob like it owed you money.

Shut that damn thing off! Lame!

Shut up and brush your teeth, comb your beard,

Shut up, and all the records were lost in the fire,

Shut up, and they all saw me.

Shut up! And then you call Ray.

Shut up! Well, guess what!

Shut up.

Shut up. And you were just gonna do it?

Shut up. Somehow qualifies an otherwise total idiot

Shut your mouth, or I swear to Christ in His heaven

Shut... up!

Since I've seen her in anything, but man,

Since when do you get a free pass around here just for having a vagina?

Sinking, Oingo, as are my dreams,

Sixty seconds on alarm and phone.

Slater, is that really necessary?

Snapping necks and cramming ears full of ice picks.

So Cheryl here..

So Cyril... accounting. Get into those books.

So do you have any reason to suspect

So does minding my business.

So get on the table, idiot.

So glad you could rejoin us. Take him somewhere.

So great. The rest of you, asses in the van!

So hey, again, I'm sorry.

So hey, private investigator.

So I brought you some Sports Drank to

So I really want us to think about A.J. going to public school.

So I was the road head ee.

So I'd suggest a combination of dictionary attack,

So I'll just go ahead and say it.

So I'll just wait for you here, or...

So I'm screaming, and you're both laughing,

So if Crane really is behind all these accidents,

So if we can wedge ourselves into that divorce...

So if you wanna find your mother

So if you'll excuse me,

So it's not a death sentence anymore, is my point

So listen up! These are your assignments.

So listen, I know you've had your heart set on AJ going to Country Day,

So not only do you not know

So now we gotta go see Jo Jo Dancer.

So now, we have to go through

So one more beardy son of a bitch like you

So that's your plan.

So then it was a full on siege.

So there is.

So there were a couple of holes!

So there's no need to worry.

So this is all just a big joke to you, huh?

So to get back at her, Archer's gonna

So try to act like professionals.

So two days later, your cock's wet?

So we're going to a no shit black tie Hollywood gala?

So we're going to need all of you to go undercover, so...

So we're gonna need everybody to come down to the station,

So what, some movie star lives here?

So what, you think you're literally gonna pimp me out?

So what, you're going to do it?

So what's the deal? How's that going?

So while you're getting the money out of the safe What?

So why don't you go over there and turn up that dimmer?

So you are gonna take his case, and you are gonna solve it,

So you hired those clowns to steal

So you thought today would be a good day to try on your big boy britches

So you want me to answer that or...?

So you want us to follow him and...

So you want us to quit doing our jobs

So you'll be out of here before...

So you're gonna want to take him out first.

So you're just gonna cheat on Lana.

So you're saying now would be the best time to go? If...

So, all this time, you knew that I killed Ellis.

So, apparently, you shan't.

So, Archer..

So, Detective. See you at elevenish?

So, do you have more bullets, or...

So, hey, should I get some new clothes?

So, how'd you know this wasn't a combat shotgun,

So, how's it feel to be such an idiot?

So, if we're done with the heroics...

So, if y'all are done having your little post fight makeup sex fight

So, is it like a stamp, or stickers...

So, listen, I know the CIA sucks at everything,

So, Miss Kane, you can ride with me...

So, Mr. Stratton, are you a teacher here, or...

So, my guess would be the fuel pump?

So, no one is technically fleeing, because no one is under arrest.

So, no, Archer. I didn't confess.

So, please, can you just go find us a way out of here?

So, pretty sure he honestly has

So, questions? Comments?

So, should we go, or do you need to

So, should we head there now, or...

So, since you're the only person on the planet

So, the Hide A Wee Home For Children...

So, the Tsarina is worth...

So, then, to repeat,

So, this is Crab Rangoon, it is going in the refrigerator,

So, uh, we can test your hands for gunshot residue!

So, uh, what do we do now?

So, what did we learn?

So, what do you want us to do?

So, what say we, uh, send in some

So, yeah, just cool your jets...

So, you want us to guard the necklace.

So, you're actually kind of nuts, huh?

So, your alibi is that you were busy committing felony assault.

So! Who's it gonna be, big guy?

So? Some panhandle trash bird?

So... hey, what were you saying about un doubling the bet?

So... maybe we can actually make a go of this!

Some bullshit job

Sometimes doing nothing is a plan!

Son of a Can't have anything nice.

Son of a bitch!

Son of a... bitch ass clown!

Son of a... Could've sworn this

Sorry about the, uh...

Sorry, sorry. It won't be 10:00.

Sorry, that was my jam.

Sorry.

Sorry. What?

Spanish Fly

Speaking of... Archer,

Specifically, the towel dispensers.

Spirals into a televised cluster fluck.

Spoiler alert... came to work for the C I goddamn A!

Stalking? It's just hamentashen!

Stay cold, Pony Boy. [laughs]

Step three's no prize.

Step two's always a bitch.

Ster ling!

Sterling Archer, man without fear, are running away from your bully.

Sterling Archer.

Sterling is with Shapiro as we speak,

Sterling!

Sterling! Archer?

Sterling! For God's sake, man.

Still though... It is pretty hot.

Still, though...

Stop it!

Stop talking!

Strangle you to death with my bloody and broken hands!

Stripped down to their unterpantzen.

Stupid argument all over again with Archer!

Such a pleasure to meet you.

Suck it, Bechdel Test.

Suction cups, this crazy spray,

Suppressing fire!

Sure can run good.

Sweet Jesus Metal Christ! Whoa, my God!

Sweet Jesus! What?

Swift and brutal reprisals!

Swim in tequila, dance naked on the beach by firelight...

Swirling?

Szhee!

Take a right on Sunset.

Take her to the Brown Derby for the early bird special,

Take him out? With what?

Take it however you want.

Take me to my house that I live in!

Take the bet. Double it.

Take the wheel, dummy! And you!

Tammy Jo Stamps, age 16.

Tania here has decided she's got Stockholm Syndrome.

Tapas of pata negra jamón iberico,

Taxi!

Tear this place apart, room by room!

Tell him!

Tell that to Carol!

Tell us what the Archer Agency can do for you.

Ten grand my butt.

Ten thousand, my butt! I knew it!

Than being forced to watch you die

Thank you, Cerise.

Thank you, my good sir. Finished?

Thank you.

Thank you. A thousand bucks?

Thank you. That's very accommodating.

Thanks to you and Archer, who lied to the cops with her.

Thanks to your new best friend, Darth Barry!

Thanks, guys!

Thanks. And also sorry, but I don't feel like you've earned a tip, so...

That aren't about Bea Benaderet?

That bail is paid, and now I would like to go home, please!

That can happen to you between now and when you're released

That caused you to leave a bunch of clues in the safe!

That cornucopia of nature's treasures.

That doesn't make me want to vomit.

That generator's only got about 12 more hours'

That I couldn't have killed Ellis...

That I shit my sweatpants.

That I'd like to kill more than Ivy, and since I haven't yet,

That is all you do! Now can we go, before Shapiro knows we're here?

That is also true. California is a two party consent state, so...

That is so baller.

That is so classic you!

That is what I'm trying to find... Damn it, woman!

That Lana Kane murdered Ellis.

That means... the man in the pool is...

That only works in the movies.

That poor devil may be paralyzed.

That Ray can seduce Barbie Zissner before you.

That sound. I think it's the break.

That sounds like a really bad idea.

That this matter is strictly confidential.

That ULTRA doesn't end with me!

That was clearly implied!

That was her,

That was my hand.

That was obviously sarcasm

That was so great, and you're just... so great!

That was technically not a word.

That was the CIA's mind control program, right?

That was the worst thing I've ever experienced in my...

That was your plan?

That was, like, four hours ago!

That wasn't even 15 seconds!

That wasn't me. It was this one.

That women would find to be a turnoff?

That would lead to World War III.

That would've killed a normal man.

That you would actually have sex with a man.

That your great great grandchildren

That, and I'm pretty sure my ribs are shattered.

That, no, I wasn't going to.

That... ohh...

That'll do, Milkly, that'll do.

That's Wait, is it double jeopardy?

That's 'cause he's my mother's...

That's a nice house.

That's all Carol told you?

That's bullshit. How did he know?

That's exactly the sort of rumor

That's just about enough of... What...

That's kind of the whole point.

That's me! Little baby Barty D.!

That's my point.

That's not even...

That's not what we do! Oh, my God.

That's On the Town!

That's painless, instantaneous.

That's right.

That's the good news.

That's the spirit. Shut up.

That's the thing.

That's what happened, and we're just some innocent hostages

That's what he said.

That's where I grew up! Took in a newborn baby,

That's why he made that big donation

That's why I was so confused.

That's... Ow! Okay! Ow!

The Wait, are you invisible now?

The agency could find him, ass, but this is off the books.

The baby was put up for adoption by a young woman named...

The bathroom situation's a nightmare.

The brake line's cut, the steering wheel's tied off,

The break that we're on!

The cause of which... spoiler alert...

The CIA force fed LSD didn't give it!

The controls for these panic doors.

The core group.

The damn things swabbed for DNA!

The disk is rightfully mine,

The Figgis Agency values your business,

The first bus outta this hick town!

The free pass for havin' a vag. Duh.

The furthest thing you can be from an anim

The guys who haven't been standing around

The headline there was a bag of rats.

The idiot.

The insurance bond is actually reinsured

The investors on this movie

The kindly Wizard of Menlo Park,

The minute you laid your eyes on that washed up old crone.

The mountaineer? Yes!

The movie star?!

The one that shit in my mouth.

The only idiot in here

The only thing Archer's cramming is a very average sized dick

The only thing I need protection from is this clunky dialogue.

The only thing you eat is cocktail onions.

The orphanage where you grew up burned down.

The perps wouldn't eat it 'cause they

The point is, legally speaking,

The pool did not contain a dead waiter.

The poor man's Frank Langella?

The quarry may change but never the hunt!

The question is how do we catch him?

The rest of you, I guess maybe carpool.

The restrooms.

The right agency for the job.

The safe and the bullets!

The same kind of split second decision making

The shit out of me with beanbags, which...

The Swindon? Nice. Sunset Lounge or main bar?

The thing here is that I am not paying you!

The tiny pinholes...

The Tsarina shall not be mine.

The Tsarina, an emerald and diamond necklace

The Veronica Deane case, I know

The victim had a defensive wound.

The what?

The what? What... What brake?

The when I don't want to know.

The whole idea is to blend in, so...

The whole thing is just so...grubby!

The world's greatest former secret agent,

The writing is literally on the wall,

The... Wait, what?

Their hedge fund shorted the insurance company's stock.

Their limp and bloody corpse

Their password security's probably just eight bit,

Their respective rate plans!

Them curtains match the rug, 'cause I like that.

Then arrest her! For murder!

Then I bid you good day and goodbye.

Then she's basically guaranteed a slot

Then who the hell was

Then why does Archer get to do whatever he wants

Then why not just leave her here?

Then why would you decide...

Then why's Krieger dressed up like Evil Nazi Bob Ross Knievel?

Then you were trying so hard to make Lana look guilty?

Then you've got nothing to worry about.

There he is.

There who should know where he is.

There! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh!

There's a nice way to do that.

There's already been three accidents on set

There's just too much at stake here.

There's me. I'm gonna draw his fire.

There's no way one of these damn "inepticons"

There's six gunmen out there whose leader is insane,

Thermal lance. For the safe!

They gave them LSD every day for six months.

They made us quit doing that. There was a whole big thing about it.

They must not want you dead just yet.

They really make you feel sexy.

They said if he has sex with Veronica, she'll fall head over heels for him.

They stole a computer disk with, I suppose

They'd need a Grenade!!

They'll buy that. It's so sad and pathetic and Cyril y.

They'll see it.

They're going to kill me.

They're gonna execute everybody.

They're obviously good enough to pass the Turing test.

They've got robots. It's cool. We've already been through all this. So...

Think in a much larger sense

Third best birthday. [groans]

Third...

This could actually help you!

This is a deconstructed slider

This is gonna be suckin' amazing!

This is just a ruse. I clamped your car.

This is Lana Kane. Leave a message.

This is Mr. Shapiro's address,

This is no time to be taking your damn drugs, you hippie dropouts.

This is not a weave! Okay!

This is now an active homicide investigation,

This is our daughter, A.J.

This is our first case, and we're gonna crush it,

This is the Archer Agency.

This is the world's most expensive Mc10:35.

This is too many hostages."

This is weird, right?

This is your daughter's future, you dickhead!

This other thing, but anyhoo.

This place is on lockdown.

This stupid party is so boring!

This whole time, I thought Ellis Crane... was the one behind all this.

Thomas Edison! Remember? When he killed that elephant

Those perps gotta be panicking by now,

Though my good friends call me Ivy.

Thought I had a joke, but...

Thoughts about hiring you people.

Three months and not a single client.

Three. Tuh... what, we're just not telling the women about this?

Through how that's supposed to work?

Throwing yourself at Ellis Crane.

Thus triggering a chain of geopolitical events

Tick tock, tick tock.

Time's a bit of a factor here.

To catch her in the act.

To crack the password we need

To cushion the blow about this,

To describe something, what are they

To discuss such private matters

To divert attention from the

To do this, a movie set is huge,

To do what, kill another scientist?

To do what? Open an Adolf E. Cheese?

To find some record of your birth mother's name.

To finish my Voight Kampff machine.

To get this damn thing to make ice?

To go undercover on the set.

To guard the the Tsarina.

To have his Ferrari trucked around on a flatbed.

To have your picture taken with a donkey painted to look like a zebra.

To help you cockblock Archer?

To kill me...

To make the Olympic What the?

To the stupid food allergy charity.

To watch the mother of his child hauled off to jail.

To work for the CIA again?

To your skill sets, such as they are,

Told you! Dumbass idiot cops!

Tonight. Wait, when? What?

Tonight. Why wait? I'll be home alone,

Topped with queso Torta del Casar.

Traffic, birds, a train. Here there's just nothing.

Treating deferred revenue as earned revenue,

Treats! No, no, no, no, wait!

Trick question. It's today.

Truly inspiring, Cyril.

Trust me, if there's a hell, those

Trust me, Lana, she's still hot.

Try one second, gnome nuts.

Try the Internet.

Try to keep up!

Trying to make Archer...

Turns out I aspirated water in my lungs.

Two pounds of pennies jammed in the fusebox?

Two squads of six, breach formation,

Ugh, Jesus, I'll turn up the stupid dimmer.

Ugh, what is this, a stairs factory?

Ugh!

Ugh! Are we at least gonna get paid

Ugh! Are you?

Ugh! Have you no decency, man?

Ugh! Why? Shut up! Why?

Ugh! You are so gross.

Ugh.

Ugh. Didn't I murder you one time?

Ugh. May we talk somewhere...else?

Ugh. Okay, uh, let's see.

Uh uh. Or the town, or even the county.

Uh, Barry? Yeah, wait, how'd you

Uh, dahoy.

Uh, duh, sex tape!

Uh, excuse me? Because Krieger chopped him up,

Uh, first of all, I dated Lana for three years.

Uh, hang on. Actually...

Uh, how should I know?

Uh, I did not, actually.

Uh, I don't think you want to get bitchy with me

Uh, I don't... uh, Pam? I'll get the next one.

Uh, I produce results.

Uh, is he joking?

Uh, just in the very brief time since you left, yes.

Uh, just you?

Uh, let's see. It says here... "main bar."

Uh, let's see. Zissner said she'd be

Uh, Miss Kane, rather, who, as you know,

Uh, no.

Uh, no. I have diarrhea, so...

Uh, okay, like Like, just brick him.

Uh, there's a mouse caught in

Uh, we found Lana's diary!

Uh, well, um...

Uh, wha...

Uh, who...

Uh, why is everybody clowns?

Uh, yeah. Literally scores of them

Uh, yeah. So, here's the thing here...

Uh, yeah. Uh, then what do you want us to do?

Uh, your attire will be provided.

Uh...

Uh... [chuckles nervously] w what's Plan X?

Uh... [chuckles]

Uh... happy hour.

Uhh, we should probably hear him out.

Uhmm...

Um, and also can I go to the bathroom? No.

Um, and then another time,

Um, are you...

Um, dammit. Um...

Um, probably a ton of other examples.

Um, sure.

Um. Point. Taken.

Um...

Umm...

Unfortunately, I don't think

Unless you want me to turn down... ten grand.

Unlike this cryptic idiocy!

Until almost the stroke of 3:00.

Until I finish my breakfast burrito, I...

Until... well, I lost the trail in Liberia.

Us to do, Slater, the answer is no.

Us, and we're gonna die!

Veronica Deane!

Veronica Deane.

Veronica Deane. Can you believe it?

Veronica Deane's new bodyguard.

Veronica!

Veronica! Veronica!

Very long before they recorded "Venus"?

Volume! Jesus!

W What? What do you mean?

Wait a minute! I've actually drowned before!

Wait a minute. If you didn't know he was *******,

Wait a minute. If you're Veronica Deane,

Wait for it... Sandhill Crane.

Wait, are we doing Jesus!

Wait, but she hired us to seduce him.

Wait, how did you do all this since just last night?

Wait, no, hang on.

Wait, so did...

Wait, the second I qualify for my P.I. license,

Wait, wait, wait I got something for this

Wait, wait, wait!

Wait, what am I saying? All the other

Wait, what are we all washing?

Wait, what happened to jamming

Wait, what just happened?

Wait, what, at his house? Yes.

Wait, what?

Wait, what? Everybody?

Wait, what? Yeah, dude,

Wait, you two know each other?

Wait! No, no, no! Don't move! We can...

Wait! No, no! No! No!

Wait! Tiny Montana.

Wait? Yeah. That's what she said.

Wait. As in illegal, or...

Wait. But if that's a cyborg...

Wait. Can't you eliminate us by testing our hands

Wait. How long was I out?

Wait. I thought she was banned from there.

Wait. MK ULTRA...

Wait. Really? Yeah, you're just kind of a hick.

Wait. That's why you're here?

Wait. Where are you guys going?

Wait. You had sex with her.

Wait... or both?

Waiting to find out who's behind this. So. Step one.

Walk in here with you idiots smoking reefers

Walking into that police station with unwashed hands!

Warranty's in Italian.

Was a pile of titanium gears and a shitty weave.

Was about to pay me $300,000?

Was it Ain't Two Dee Two?

Wasn't it just... so... wonderful.

Wasn't six hours in this hell hole enough?

Wasted all the ammunition!

Way back! When he was, ya know...

We already tried that!

We are gonna have to ask you

We can drink you through this.

We can't know.

We could be there in four hours.

We could do two in the back of the head:

We could swim in the ocean...

We deserve to celebrate.

We didn't leave...

We don't have a lot of time here.

We don't need a thermal lance, ass.

We gotta take it real easy. These ex ULTRA guys are really jumpy, so...

We gotta wash our hands?

We have a 10:00 with Mr. Zissner?

We have to find out which one is him.

We just made $100,000! Well, minus expenses, which

We just need to mix it with some mole's blood.

We just slam the door open and say...

We may not need to go, after all.

We maybe just had our anniversary.

We need to basically hack into the state's vital records database,

We said only number ones, Krieger!

We think Crane was caught up

We think Ellis Crane might be the one who's sabotaging the production.

We'll be out of here in no time.

We'll go talk to the staff, maybe jog somebody's memory.

We'll see you there this afternoon.

We're coming out. They let us go

We're fine. Everything's great.

We're going as fast as we can!

We're here because Shapiro hired us.

We're here for a placement interview.

We're hugging it out!

We're not. Because Country Day

We're over the worst of the stickiness.

We're taking on new clients right now, so

We're way over maximum voltage.

We've been here, like, four minutes.

We've got an exact time of death.

Wearing that necklace to a crowded event

Welcome to this robbery.

Well he's paying me a hundred

Well I just don't want to suffer.

Well no, obviously I don't wait, why did you hesitate there, on "ten"?

Well, "whom," but yeah.

Well, a lot of it's the Brazilian.

Well, a Terminator.

Well, A, I don't think he even has an asshole, not that I was looking,

Well, advise on technical matters, of course,

Well, after they formally charge Lana Kane with Ellis's murder.

Well, all right, Cyril.

Well, and also a human being.

Well, and presumably urine.

Well, apparently you're not.

Well, as Lana can confirm...

Well, but are you actually mad at me,

Well, but he's gonna be busy flying around,

Well, but I

Well, but I haven't been a private investigator

Well, but so is painting the walls in here

Well, but this is a Grande Cuvée, so...

Well, excellent work.

Well, except for kinda...

Well, excuse me, Dr. Han Fastolfe.

Well, fewer.

Well, fingers crossed.

Well, first to buy you some clothes.

Well, for one thing, it's a great cause

Well, for starters,

Well, good luck with no vagina! Ugh.

Well, he's the one sneaking around, scaring people

Well, here's a quote by me:

Well, how'd it go?

Well, I can't say I blame him.

Well, I don't have it on me obviously, but...

Well, I don't really want to go down to the police station either, so...

Well, I guess a bunch of cop cars,

Well, I hope you brought enough painkillers to share with the class!

Well, I know you like putting stuff in guys' mouths.

Well, I mean, I think we should put our best foot forward here.

Well, I mean, it was kind of a license.

Well, I mean, yeah, but...

Well, I suspected. All that "stroke of three" stuff?

Well, I think it's all just a big dumb coincidence,

Well, I think she's..

Well, I think the first thing we should do

Well, I would have if I had a jacket,

Well, I... Wait. Was that sarcastic, or...

Well, I'll worry about that bridge when I come to it!

Well, I'm a private investigator, so

Well, I'm afraid that someone, or someones,

Well, I'm sorry, Mother.

Well, I'm sorry. I didn't know I was going to get called up

Well, I've got faith in mine.

Well, I've made a lot of enemies in this town.

Well, I've tried to match the various production departments

Well, if it was to see the Aztecs play, I got some bad news.

Well, if she's going Everybody go to the damn bathroom!

Well, if we live through this, we

Well, it ain't a shitty one.

Well, it better be the cameras. Ray, are you doing the cameras?

Well, it certainly sounds suspicious.

Well, it was very upsetting.

Well, it's about time. Pay the man, Lana.

Well, it's better than driving a cab!

Well, it's hard to say, really.

Well, it's not cobwebby anymore.

Well, it's obvious. It's basically right next door, for God's sake.

Well, just use the sink here, silly.

Well, let's at least hear him out

Well, maybe you can pout your way out.

Well, my darling Alan...

Well, my goodness, what a relief.

Well, not thank you, necessarily, but...

Well, not, um, you know, technically, but No.

Well, one of you, anyway.

Well, or any of the Tigers.

Well, otherwise Mother screams at her.

Well, our Okay.

Well, Ray, a machine is like a desert.

Well, she's not in the basement.

Well, shooting him would've been better than that.

Well, short term, anyway.

Well, sir, I think, technically, you.

Well, sweetheart, today just might be your lucky day.

Well, take a page from his book.

Well, technically, they both work for me, so...

Well, that does it, missy!

Well, that's a good question, Lana,

Well, that's not a crime. Is it?

Well, their loss. Now, come on. Put your money where your fat blue mouth is.

Well, then put some damn clothes on!

Well, then you can tell Lana that two can play at that game.

Well, then you're a mean drunk on blue Curaçao.

Well, then, shit. Where to begin? Umm...

Well, then. Wait. Four?

Well, then... in that case,

Well, they're under a lot of stress.

Well, this sure as hell isn't.

Well, um, for a case of this nature

Well, usually, kettles have whistles.

Well, wait! So Longwater was all just a grubby little insurance scam?

Well, we can't call the police.

Well, we're not married to that, but

Well, what do you think?

Well, what the heck is that thing?

Well, what's legendary about that?

Well, what's the plan? To escape!

Well, whom or whatever's blood it is,

Well, y'all heard the man. Come on!

Well, yeah. I mean, it almost always is,

Well, yes, but...

Well, yes! Because it's so totally obvious

Well, you didn't even have one.

Well, you guys were all pretty sweaty,

Well, you know, the ex wife, a bitter divorce.

Well, you say that... Archer.

Well, you should be! Why the hell

Well, you shouldn't give me that power

Well, you...

Well, you'd better, missy

Well, you're not gonna "yummy ******* cookies" your way out of this one.

Well?

Well? Anything suspicious so far?

Well? What are you waiting for?

Well...

Welp, guess I'm gonna need a bucket of ice

Were kidnapped, ****d, and murdered...

Were you gonna say, "This time it's personal"?

Wh Exactly, so

Wh Hey, don't forget to get a

Wh wh wh wha...

Wh... How many have you shot?

Wh... I'm the one who knows macramé.

Wh... Jesus.

Wh... Reprisals!

Wh... That is the least best part.

Wh... Why do I need a babysitter?

Wha The money, you idiot!

Wha... You hate me so much

What about good old pills and vodka?

What about you? I'll be fine.

What am I gonna do, Lana, stand out

What appears to be a very crudely drawn "vagina pass."

What are ya, shootin' 'em yourself?

What are you doing?

What are you ninnies doing?

What are you talking about?

What are you, 9 years... Ow!

What are you, in the shower? Hello?

What bet?

What case? What are you talking about? And why wasn't I informed?

What did I say about running your mouth?

What does a technical advisor even do?

What does Lana think she's doing?

What have I been saying? Something about bears.

What I don't know, Mr. Archer,

What if he didn't open the safe?

What is happening?

What is he doing? Sterling's got the

What is love?

What is taking so long?

What is that? A thing from Star Wars?

What is this "no new clients" bullshit?

What is this, NORAD?

What is what good for?

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with you?!

What kids are into these days.

What possible difference could it make,

What pre pre school she goes to?

What river? It's a concrete slab.

What the

What the And B, compared to espionage,

What the Whitney?

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell can you possibly be comparing?

What the hell happened here?

What the hell was in the safe?

What the hell, man? I needed that

What the hell, Tunt?

What the shit, Ivy, what are you

What the shit, Krieger?

What the shit?

What the...

What the... That little bitch!

What with the whole murder investigation...

What, are you trying to welsh on me?

What, as an actress or for this homicide?

What, back when I was what, Lana? Human?

What, did she die of old age?

What, I'm a flamboyant Hollywood producer.

What, in size and/or shape?

What, like a protection racket?

What, no!

What, some cheating husband, fake whiplash?

What, sticky?

What, were you being intentionally vague?

What, why you're stalking this guy?

What, you thought I'd pick you?

What?

What? Are you kidding me?

What? Are you shitting me?

What? Biathlon, I know,

What? Bluntz & Blintzen?

What? His license?

What? How long is that gonna take?

What? I don't even remember that.

What? I mean, worst case we fry some circuits.

What? I said I'm in love with Barry.

What? It's a proven concept.

What? It's not "noice!" Noyce.

What? No, I I shouldn't have joked about that.

What? No, no, God, no.

What? No! They said, "Don't wash them."

What? Oh, for the love!

What? Robbery? It's not robbery, Lana.

What? Seriously, dude?

What? Shut up, it's amazing!

What? Shut up. If anything,

What? That was an unrelated note to self!

What? That... That's how you do it.

What? The fact that he's a Hollywood lawyer

What? Then you swoop in and take care of her,

What? What is that?

What? What?

What? Why do you think?

What? Why?

What? Yeah.

What? You're gonna park in an alley, and let me go

What?! But Mr. Shapiro wanted to meet me

What...

What... makes... her... tick.

What're we doing? Um, I think Whitney

What're you doing here? Checking out the toilets?

What're you... I'm not in this!

What're you... Where the hell would you get mole's blood?

What's a C.D.L.?

What's going on here?

What's happening? What are we doing?

What's her problem?

What's that supposed to mean?

What's the big idea, kicking my guts out?

What's the matter? C'mon, Lana.

What's up her bleached asshole?

What's wrong with you, lady?

Whatever the hell Ray's doing.

Whatever, Pocket Tony Montana.

When Carol messed up the messages.

When he's clearly much better suited

When I was joking about everybody having vaginas, but...

When I'm totally unfazed by this.

When it's this bushy, the clippers just get stoved up.

When someone uses the term "exclusive"

When this is over, remind me to kick your tits off.

When we were spies, you murdered the Prime Minister of Italy.

When you factor in all the repairs.

When you have 2,000 hours of investigative work

When you started recording!

When you're finished here, un clump!

When, just now? When I saved your life?

Where are you, Veronica Deane?

Where did you learn that, the army?

Where even is the safe? Dammit...

Where is that? Where is she?

Where you dick bags got innocent people addicted to morphine?

Where? Show me. I wanna see it. Where?

Where... What happened?

Where's Gillette?

Where's Veronica Deane?

Where's Veronica?

Whereas you and I are on a break!

Whew! No.

Whew. Thank you.

Which better be as racist as it looks.

Which brings us to our penultimate item,

Which by the way is in a black woman's skin,

Which concerns... yet again, and to no great surprise..

Which hole?

Which I accidentally recorded onto a disk

Which I got because, during that swirlie,

Which I guess shouldn't surprise me,

Which I haven't gotten any yet, so...

Which I think is the whole point here.

Which I think might be turning septic,

Which I will conveniently leave open,

Which I wouldn't bet on, I Wait, shut up!

Which I've always wanted to do.

Which includes, um Get me the disk,

Which is easier on Mr. Tum Tums.

Which is kind of creepy since

Which is pumping air to... Carol?

Which is the tactical equivalent of

Which is what we're hatching a plan to do.

Which is why he's out there right now,

Which is why I invented the rocket propelled grappling hook!

Which leaves Sterling.

Which means a bunch of cops didn't shoot

Which means he would stand to benefit if production were shut down.

Which means I'd be stuck doing drop offs and pick ups every day.

Which means your mommy is running out

Which reminds me we need to add an extra $1,200 to that.

Which shows laser beams, and just in case there's a guard dog,

Which technically, you do not.

Which they totally can. Go ahead. Ask them anything about anything.

Which was mind control through hypnosis and torture.

Which was so wonderful, darling.

Which was written because of medical

Which were pretty suspicious.

Which you were extremely clear about.

Which, again, very clear on that.

Which, by the way, is a total waste of time,

Which, come on, we're better than that.

Which, do you think they're currently

Which, if you already knew Hinkins was here...

Which, looking back, I'm kind

Which, ya know, not doing that.

Which..

Which...

Which... Why do you even have those?

Whichever is worse.

While a simple hostage negotiation

Who are you, Wheeler and Woolsey?

Who care... Wait, what?

Who cares?

Who did what?

Who do I have to murder around here

Who is having major second

Who is macking on Lana, who's totally full of crap

Who puts a table there?

Who said what in Italian?

Who started the brawl that got us all arrested.

Who the heck is shooting at us?

Who the hell were those guys?

Who was christened Bartholomew Aloysius Dylan.

Who we're supposed to be guarding.

Who, by the way, Lana, kissed me,

Who?

Who'd been to six different boarding schools since he was five!

Who's celebrating? We're out of liquor!

Who's got

Whoa oa oa!

Whoa, that kinda hurt.

Whoa!

Whoever's doing it, they obviously

Whoo hoo! Painkillers!

Whoo!

Whoo! Barry's baggin' some tea!

Whoops.

Whose cobwebby old snooch, by the way, I can smell from here.

Whose policy is reinsured by a shell corporation in Panama,

Whuzza...

Why are you dressed like a prostitute?

Why are your frickin' cyborgs here?

Why aren't you in the bar?

Why aren't you in the Sunset Lounge?

Why did he hire me to do that?

Why did you do that?

Why didn't you tell us you were bleeding like a Russian princess?

Why do we have to clean it up?

Why do you even bother to answer the phone?

Why do you have our heads?

Why do you want me to touch the light switch?

Why does a divorce lawyer have grenades?!

Why don't we just find his mother?

Why don't you try putting some Spanish Fly in her Brass Monkey?

Why is Slater here? Why are you drinking champagne with him?

Why not? And in summertime,

Why not? Don't get shitty with me!

Why were you killing anybody?

Why won't you answer me? What do you want?

Why would anyone do such a thing?

Why would I be asking rhetorical questions?

Why would I shoot you in the legs?

Why would she be in the refrigerator?

Why would we?

Why would you think that?

Why wouldn't I be?

Why, just so she can bury him?

Why, that wasn't so bad.

Why, what are you..

Why, you need some?

Why?

Why? Because, you giant flapping anus,

Why? Shut up! Why?

Why'd you get the loopy, old timey

Why'd you mention shellfish? He's allergic!

Will make more money if production shuts down.

Will spend their short, miserable lives

Will you idiots please leave so I can beat this man's ass in private?

Will you shut up and come on!

Will you shut up? I came out here to find someone.

With a little help from those odious twits at Stratton Whitney!

With a nice stiff drink.

With a stuntman's airbag

With a tarragon aioli.

With a... person?

With all that germicide you drank.

With an ounce of lead.

With an ounce of lead. Found it on the ground, over there by the table.

With enough juice to shut down his CPU.

With flash bangs, and/or beanbags,

With my colleagues, Smith & Wesson.

With pleasure.

With shape charges and flash bangs.

With some Longwater evidence.

With the $100,000 I'm going to pay you.

With these crazy eyes, and he screams at me

With what you truly believe are

With what, AIDS?

With what? And also, no, I couldn't.

With what? We didn't bring guns. What?

With who you became, that I bet you're both gonna die

With who, Veronica Deane?

With whom. And, no, not Veronica Deane,

With you people's tiny brains.

With, say, five rounds in the tube?

Within the borders of the United States is illegal

Without even consulting me, the owner of the agency...

Without the other party's consent, if you believe

Woman, you do not want to light this particular fuse.

Won't make a damn bit of difference!

Wonder if that's got anything to do

Wonder why she didn't pick up.

Working on a plan to trap Veronica Deane

World's shittiest Falkonmeister.

Worst case, an innocent migrant farmhand

Worth of fuel, and once it runs out...

Would anyone else like to join Mr. Shapiro?

Would be murder victim!

Would be reason enough to kill you!

Would you care to tell the detectives...

Would you have sex with a man for $7,000?

Would you say that to the headmaster?

Would you say women, on the whole,

Wouldn't you like to...

Wow, say what you will about cyborgs.

Wow, still got that stammer, huh?

Wow, that sounds pretty dark.

Wow, that was way easier than I thought it would be.

Wow, think of how good you'd have to be

Wow! Off to meet my birth mother.

Wow! Suck it, Alan Turing!

Wow.

Wow. It is kind of like a crack pipe.

Wow. Name a handsome Hollywood power lawyer

Wow. Okay, so if we live through this,

Wow. Talk about smooth sailing

Wow. Yeah, Mother, good call,

Y... Because you're supposed to be guarding her.

Ya know, in general, I guess.

Ya like an elbow to the throat?

Yay!

Yeah I'm not the maid or the nanny.

Yeah, again, it's not gonna be

Yeah, and he's not going to.

Yeah, and honestly I am too scared to face that.

Yeah, Archer, I remember.

Yeah, Archer, it is getting dark,

Yeah, because they'll be easy to check.

Yeah, because trying to kill Barry

Yeah, but Yeah, but shut up!

Yeah, but give him some morphine or something to shut him up,

Yeah, but I didn't

Yeah, but I... Oh, come on, Lana.

Yeah, but maybe his reaction would give him away.

Yeah, but she was all tore up drunk.

Yeah, but why prep school?

Yeah, but you didn't know that.

Yeah, Crane hired us.

Yeah, Cyril!

Yeah, exactly. Why?

Yeah, good luck with that. Yeah, so how do you wanna die?

Yeah, good point. But, funny story,

Yeah, good, keep him talking.

Yeah, he almost made the Olympics.

Yeah, hey, uh, you know what? My hands are pretty goopy, too.

Yeah, hi. Alan Shapiro, attorney for Veronica Deane?

Yeah, how you holdin' up?

Yeah, I am all over that action.

Yeah, I don't know. How would that even...

Yeah, I don't think she's bisexual.

Yeah, I should probably know that...

Yeah, I think maybe we can do better.

Yeah, I was gonna say...

Yeah, I, uh

Yeah, I... Wait. What do you mean "were"?

Yeah, I'm almost positive you did.

Yeah, it leaves him right here 'cause I'll be damned

Yeah, it's since been, uh, discredited, but...

Yeah, just gonna give them some space,

Yeah, Lana, but this time it's, um...

Yeah, Lana. Ow!

Yeah, look out, gay porn.

Yeah, me too. Pony up, neckbone.

Yeah, my freshman year, you two were seniors.

Yeah, no, I just didn't wanna get in that head space

Yeah, no. Never mind.

Yeah, okay, sure, glad to help.

Yeah, probably why she's such a bitch.

Yeah, probably why they put them on there.

Yeah, right up until he shot himself through both the wrist and the face.

Yeah, right!

Yeah, right? Okay, so Ray.

Yeah, right? Okay, so...

Yeah, right? Pretty great.

Yeah, see? When we feather it out like that,

Yeah, she's really losing her shit.

Yeah, so did she struggle?

Yeah, so do you and kitty wanna lick me

Yeah, so listen. The whole thing about...

Yeah, so then do that.

Yeah, so whaddya say we "get crackin'"?

Yeah, so, uh, you wanna throw it at me now?

Yeah, that does make more sense.

Yeah, that's like the first law of robotics.

Yeah, that's our rate for that.

Yeah, that's the proverbial rub.

Yeah, that's... not great.

Yeah, the gun's just a conversation piece.

Yeah, there ya go, get on up in here.

Yeah, they were kind of oddly sexual

Yeah, we just freeze 'em into giant

Yeah, well Ellis and I will be in his dressing room, so...

Yeah, well, so does barging in there

Yeah, what were you gonna say, smart guy?

Yeah, who is she, Kate Warne?

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, you don't forget a hoof to the tits.

Yeah, you don't have to say it every time.

Yeah, you gotta blend,

Yeah, you mentioned...

Yeah, you were.

Yeah, you're like a silver fox.

Yeah! 'Cause I remember you, Lana Kane.

Yeah? Well, get in line, lady!

Yeah.

Yeah. For five eighths of you.

Yeah. Lana.

Yeah. Look out, gay porn.

Yeah. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Yeah. Not great. For you.

Yeah. So, I'm gonna need a half a million in...

Yeah. So, uh, yeah. We'll just leave you to it.

Yeah. Sorry. I've been giving that some thought,

Yeah. Tell him how you kissed her.

Yeah. That and $300,000.

Yeah. The second you blow the doors,

Yeah. We actually even kissed.

Yeah. Well, you may be right about that.

Yeah. Win for you.

Yeah. You're relieved, gnome nuts. Gimme that.

Yeah... Not accepted. But...

Yep, he was, uh, actually worse.

Yep, yep, yep! Okay.

Yep! Yep, yep, yep!

Yep.

Yep. Because of all the swirlies.

Yep. Just one of the many perks of having a C.D.L.

Yep. We were just merciless.

Yep. You remember Trent Whitney, right?

Yes, almost exactly 3:00,

Yes, Archer, I do. And that alone

Yes, Archer. It's Ellis. And Lana.

Yes, darling, but only to you.

Yes, dickhole, I clank! Happy?

Yes, Doctor.

Yes, duh, but it's not 20 grand, Ron Measly, so you can count me out.

Yes, I am, Barry, because I blew your ass up

Yes, I did. This set is dangerous.

Yes, I do. Somebody left an entire palm print, Lana.

Yes, I know.

Yes, I suppose this is as attractive

Yes, it does.

Yes, it would appear your "phantom" has struck agai...

Yes, Lana, I was doing the cameras.

Yes, we probably shall.

Yes, we're to meet Zissner in his office at 10:00.

Yes, what mere mortal could resist

Yes, what? Shut up.

Yes, which means both holes hurt!

Yes, you did! I was right there!

Yes, you! Idiot!

Yes! or..

Yes! Trust me, it's a good plan.

Yes?

Yes? Oh, hello, Alan.

Yes.

Yes. And also tape it.

Yes. Grip.

Yes. Undercover, at the fund raiser.

Yes. Veronica Deane

Yesterday, a lawyer named Alan Shapiro contacted me.

Yet.

Yo! Faceman! In the van! Now!

Yoo hoo, bellboy, which way is the Sunset Lounge?

You and I find ourselves

You animal!

You are all persons of interest in an active homicide investigation.

You are all so frickin' sued!

You are on!

You are under my complete control.

You assholes! If they live, you die.

You blew it out! Damn you!

You bug eyed son of a...

You buttlicks.

You can open a Swiss account

You can tell Slater and the rest of those vampires at the agency

You can, though. Please, I'm begging you,

You can't go within 500 feet of the school,

You can't murder a machine!

You can't put lipstick on a pig.

You can't record me without my permission!

You can't say shit like that!

You can't tell, can you?

You can't zap somebody's brain with LSD...

You caught me, didn't you?

You come back after he gets the chair.

You could have just tied him up.

You could pose as technical advisor.

You could probably paint that on the wall.

You cyborg son of a bitch!

You dick! Hey, shut up!

You didn't invent that.

You didn't think about that, did ya, Poovey?

You do realize I'm not that kind of a doc

You don't have to. It's on tape.

You don't know the hospital where you were born.

You don't need to get tested, they have a suspect.

You ever wonder how Casper died?

You finished?

You get five, uh, hundred...

You give up your buddy just because some

You got a license for that?

You got a real knack for this. Thanks.

You got doggy treats loaded up with tranquilizers, which I call

You got six or seven of these mopes

You got what you wanted!

You have no idea who this person is

You have to spend money to make money.

You heard him.

You hired me to meet some blackmailers

You hired me.

You hired those clowns to steal the Tsarina!

You just call her up and ask her out?

You just ruined our entrée

You just went!

You keep a civil tone here with Ms. Kane,

You killed it.

You know

You know he's straight, right?

You know Sterling is somewhere in this

You know what Excuse me.

You know what's amazing?

You know, I was going to, and then I realized

You know, if we don't get murdered.

You know, like the old timey Superman mov

You know, Thoreau said, "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."

You know, we could just confront Crane

You know, you guys could help.

You leave me to craft all the service by myself?

You lied to me!

You little... All right, Lana, you have a bet.

You lost me.

You maniac! You blew him up!

You maniacs!

You mean besides the critics?

You mean smoke.

You mean steal it. I mean

You might call it, sensitive information?

You never bother to consult me on anything.

You out, one way or another.

You people had better be hard at work!

You played lacs with him, right?

You realize how ridiculous you are,

You saw Shanghai Moon.

You say "bulletproof?"

You say what your captors wanna hear.

You see, my home was burgled recently,

You shot me, shattered both my femurs,

You should ask Veronica Deane

You should cut your losses and surrender.

You should do the camera first.

You should've done with Veronica Deane,

You shut up!

You shut up! Because I'm catching

You son of a

You spend your whole life in espionage,

You spritz me?

You still gotta get Ms. Archer, and

You suck it, missy! And even though

You sure you wanna know this?

You take your mother for granted? Fine!

You think he knows Ray?

You think I won't kill you?

You think I'm gonna be that dumb? Oh, my God.

You think to yourself "Pretty gay sport," but

You trying to think of a lesbian joke?

You turn up the damn dimmer! No, Barry, you do it!

You walk in a room and you forget why?

You wanna try and make me? Huh?

You were center middies. Yep.

You were Commodore Perry.

You were flirting with Crane

You were going to murder me 'cause I picked on you a little bit?

You were just questioning her ten hours ago!

You were saying?

You were saying... Mexico? After...

You were willing to risk that? Oh, that is classic you!

You will die here tonight.

You!

You... also dick! With just a hint of Oscar Wilde.

You'd be a big, weeping dick

You'll pass yourself going.

You're a cuckolding thief, and between us, clearly an alcoholic.

You're a one hitter quitter.

You're either crazy or rich or both.

You're free to go. Actually, you're all free to go.

You're going to jail! Well, you say that.

You're going to make a few enemies.

You're gon...

You're gonna go do the job

You're gonna have to go in from the rear.

You're gonna want a brain scan,

You're kidding.

You're still on probation for the gun charge and the stalking.

You're welcome.

You've been in tighter spots than this.

You've been running from those two your entire life.

Your 10:00 is here.

Your beady little eyes on my... endoskeleton!

Your birth mother's name... No.

Your ex husband is behind this?

Your margarita. Salt around the rim?

Your robo doppelganger takes the fall,

Yours is a world of mystery and adventure.

Zissner wants us to prove his wife's cheating on him,

Zissner, meeting, office, 10:00?

2,000 hours?

10 rounds, custom made, hand loaded.

15 minutes is the smallest manageable increment.

24 hour shore leave in New York?

32 caliber, hollow point, copper jacketed

4220 Arroyo Canyon Road.

Huge fan. So great.

"I'm sorry I kissed that old woman"? Mm, okay.

[all gasp] Five minutes is up. Let's go!

[beeping] Oh, for the...

[both grunting] ♪♪

[Cheryl] Make me. Ow! [slap lands]

[coins jingling] Oh, so, did she ask about me, or...

[gasps] [gasps] No, no, no, not the phone!

[gasps] What about calzones? [snaps fingers]

[groans] [sighs]

[grunts] I said radio silence!

[horn blaring] Ow! Come on!

[laughs] She's broke.

[Pam, Lana] Archer? No?

[phone ringing] [gasps] I bet that's them!

[radio chatter] [Boingo] I do.

[screaming] [both groan]

[sighs] Well... [bones crack]

[slap lands] Damn it! I said knock it off!

[snoring] [Pam laughing] Welp.

[toilet flushing] [Krieger] Oh, my God!

[toilet flushing] [Lana] Oh, please!

[yelling] [groans]

[zipper zips up] I hope you're not on septic.

A forklift. And a forkwad.

a hundred and seventy four days. That is six months.

Aah! Damn! Shoo! Shoo! Sha! Sha!

Ah, you got a real knack for this. Rim Schott.

Ahaa! What?

All of you! No! Now wait a minute.

All righty... None of this is admissible!

And he witnessed everything! Copley? Yep, yep, yep!

And here. Hold this. Wait. What? No.

And I know you like 'em mature! Case in point!

and if I were you... Yes?

And mine. Oh, now...

And now I bet they're gonna kill me! Yeah, probably.

And speaking of hemorrhaging... What in the hell happened?

and start throwing coconuts. Which I've always wanted to do.

And tape it. Shut up!

And that means what? What?

And we're not telling the men? Why would we?

And you think they will? I... Archer, do you love me?

And, gee, I wonder why that is. Lana!

And, uh, how are you holding up? Pff.

And... you think they will. Oh, I should think so.

Archer! That would be Ms. Archer to you.

Archer. Hmm? What? What are we doing?

Archer... Yes, Lana?

Are we? I am.

Are you kidding me? How is that fair?

Are you literally insane? No, but I'll tell you what is,

B ugh. I want to double the bet.

Bec... That one was.

because I can't remember anything! Ohahhh!

Because. Whatever you do... You are not to wash your hands!

Both. Loved her in Shanghai Moon.

but in the meantime... We've all got alibis.

But other than that... We have no idea.

but then we heard a gunshot, so... Gimme that.

But there's no clock in here, so... What do you think...

But this guy's been calling the shots. What?

Can't we at least talk about it? All right, darling. Calm down.

Cheryl. Yes, Doctor

Come on! I'm sorry. How rude of me.

Comin' down to the station, right? Uh, yup.

Coming! And bring the others!

Cool what? Coulrophilia. Apparently,

Could we... Cyril, I swear to God...

Damn it. You'd have to be, like..

Damn. Just damn or daaaaaaamn!

Desk drawer. Ugh!

Discredited for being batshit crazy! It wasn't...

Do you hear that? What?

Do you think she's in on the caper? Or just giving him props

Doesn't even makes sense. [frustrated yelling]

Donny? Babe.

Double it! No!

Dunch? Mother, what the hell is going on?

Eckerd! Slater!

Eh, duh. What?

Eh... Guys, come on.

Elevenish it is! Looking forward to it.

everybody here in the office? Yep, yep, yep!

Ew. Pam!

Eww! What?

for each of us? No!

for gunshot residue? Hmm? Wha... Y Yes!

For? D I Y Brazilian.

Get in there! But, Veronica, what about Mexico?

Give you five to two odds. No! Krieger, get out here!

go negotiate us some coffee. [line ringing]

God, she is so great! Huge fan. Huge!

God! Oh, I gotta go!

Goddamn it! No ho!

Goddamn it! Shut up.

Goddamn it! Give me that! And obviously,

Goddamn it. Five to one!

Goddamn it. What? Okay.

Good morning. Hi,

Good, because I'm not gonna tell you. Yes, you are.

Great shot, Archer. Yeah, right?

Grubby? Grubby?! Excuse me.

Hang on! Excuse me. Pardon me.

He said no. Aah!

He was flirting with me! Oh, my God!

He what? Do what? I what?

He's going up! Why are you still talking?

Hey, this is a crime scene! Hang on, hang on!

Hey! Now who's the idiot?

Hm? Hm. Yeah, screw them.

Hmm? Okay!

Holy shit snacks! Wh... Pam?

Hope you're happy! Uh, duh... Free cornrows.

How did you change so fast? Oh! Um...

How would I know that? So you just barged in?

Huh... Well, now who's a racist? That's not racist.

I didn't. What?

I doesn't matter! I feel like it does!

I don't know. Have you got Krugerrands? I mean...

I don't remember. Well...

I don't want to... Hold it! Hold it right there!

I got I got Krieger... I got Cyril...

I have some. No!

I hope. That's disgusting.

I know, but... She has diarrhea!

I mean, maybe blondie here. As if.

I never agreed to that. Yes, you absolutely did!

I owe him one. So, you'll protect me?

I think it'll come out. Phrasing. Still, though.

I thought he said right. He said to the left.

I wanna double the bet. No.

I was putting away the blintzes. I bet.

I wore it bec... Because, come to find out,

I... I don't know, Cyril.

I... I have diarrhea.

I... No.

I... Or nouveau noir, if you must,

I... Speaking of vaginas...

I... Two. Eckerd, I'm serious.

I'd like your word, please! You have it!

I'll tell the cops she... She certainly had a motive.

I'm gonna die. Shh, hush, no you're not,

I'm such an idiot. Oh, I wouldn't say that, darling.

I'm sure you are. Because I could kind of use your help.

I'm... Aww, Li'l Baby Elton...

If anything. Well, for starters, beanbags.

if I give you a blow job? Mmmm... no.

If there is, you neglected to tell me. There's an acceptable amount of time

in the same boat. What?

Including you, Miss Kane. With our sincere apologies.

Is it hers? Hard to tell with no serial number.

Is this not ringing any... Alan?

Isn't that what you told me? Uh, yes?

It is if you're black. There are black Welsh people.

It was a hamentashen! Yeah.

it will collect evidence of a crime. Aha!

It's actually about your mother. Oh. Is she in this burrito?

it's dead! Wait, but... Goddamn it!

It's for work! Wait, what are you all doing here?

It's got real bullets and everything. I...

It's not always about you! Wha... And second of all,

Jesus. Not cool, Pam.

Just down the beach from John Huston. Really?

Knockout gas. Yeah.

Lana, Sterling feels awful about that. Phht!

Lana... No o o o!

Let me through! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Let's go. Whatever. Okay, okay.

like a D girl wannabe... What?

Like breadsticks. Move those lights, you fools!

Like medicine baller. Shh.

Looking for acid. No, we're not.

Lunch? It's 5:30.

Malory. Yes, Doctor

maybe the killer struck again. Ha!

Maybe. I'm sorry?

Maybe. Then I think I have a 10:00 appointment.

Maybe. Yes. There you go! You go to Mexico,

Maybe... Carol!

more than that! Okay, cool.

Move, move, move, move! Who died and made you hall monitor?

Mr. Shapiro! Boom! Square gets the square!

Mrs. Mrs. Zissner, of course, yes.

My ass! My mouth. Wait.

Name 20 more. No, the bet stands.

Name one. Uh, Shirley Bassey.

No shit. Wait, what are you...

No, but... Then sorry. My hands are tied.

No, dummy! Yes! It's the only explanation!

No, no, no! [all yelling]

No, you couldn't! Oh, you can't!

No! I mean... you know... After all, he was killed at 2:14,

No! No! [whistles] Excuse me

No. And what are you looking at?

No. Or what this is about.

No. Then, yeah, I'd love that.

Nope. You little...

Not great! [feedback]

Not me! Wha... Mother?

Not you! Not great, though.

Note to self... [group] Krieger!

Oh, for God's sake! Ugh, wasn't done!

Oh, goddamn. Really?

Oh, my God, he's right. Yeah, that'll happen.

Oh, my God, that dress? Right?

Oh, my God. What's he doing here?

Oh, nice! Pretty good.

Oh, please. One kiss.

Oh, really? An actress? Who's crazy?

Oh, shut up! Seriously!

Oh, that's too bad. Yeah, well...

Oh, totally. Whatever that is.

Oh, who remembers? I do.

Oh, yeah? He knows I didn't kill Ellis!

Oh! Shut up!

Oh. Well, even if he was... Which he was!

Oh... Dude, is that blackface?

Ohh... First of all, I didn't do it!

Ohhh! Yeah. Super.

OKAY, A: They're not robots. Nobody cares.

Okay, honey. Paparazzi. Paparazzi!

Okay, is everybody in? Yes!

Okay, so, if you're right... Which...

Okay, so... Kate Bradley?

Okay, we can be there... Wait a minute.

Okay! Stop! Ow! Ow! Excuse me, green one?

Okay. [chuckles] Wow!

Okay. Then you're on. Sweet!

On angel dust. Wha...

on my hands. Uh, you never know.

Ooh! He's handsome!

Ooh! Or how bout a freeze ray? Uh...

Or in the attic. Or in the refrigerator.

our job is to catch them. Discreetly.

Out of my way. Follow that ass.

Ow! Cut it... Had me worried sick!

Pam! I will stop, but I will not apologize.

Pamela. Yes, Doctor.

Pff. I'll take that as a "barely."

Phone. Let's go. Well, we just tried to call them,

Please, don't go. All right

Posing. The technical advisor.

Really? Excuse you?

Really? My God, yes.

Really? Well, you know, people with vaginas.

Remember her in Shanghai Moon? Oh, my God

Remember? Ugh.

Right? Hm?

Right? Pam, that shit doesn't work.

Rimshot. Yeah, that could be your name.

Rompers! [Rompers] Goddamn it!

S'up, ding dong? Wh... Why the hell are you in here?

Second of all, this. No, no, no, no, no.

See what I did there? What are you doing here?

See, I... Oh. Yeah.

Shapiro! You saw me! Did I?

She's... a movie star! Yeah. Because she's special.

Shh. What?

Shoo, shoo, shoo! Shoo! Krieger!

Shooo... What?

Shut up! So wait... Shut up!

Shut up. Do you think emeralds melt? Why?

Silence, woman. Yes, Doctor.

So go ahead. Huh?

So then Krieger! What?

So wait a second... You lease that surly bastard.

So... Think you're so goddamn smart.

Thanks for the champagne. No, no, no! Wait, wait!

Thanks, Lois and Clark. It's Lewis and... oh.

Thanks. Thanks, assholes! Yeah. Yeah, right?

That dress? Right?

That is true. Besides, it's your word against mine.

That's almost $7,000. I...

That's so sad. Oh.

That's the thing here! What the shit, Slater?

the bullies who tormented a scrawny teenage boy with no friends? You!

The Frank Sinatra movie? Oh, my God.

Then why am I suddenly so lucky? Because it looks like...

There. See? Unfortunately...

They gone? Yep.

think it's too much? I... You know, I think it would be.

Through the lobby to the left, sir. Thanks. Cyril, tip the young man.

to seduce my husband and tape it. To seduce my wife and tape it.

to the big show. Nobody's calling you anywhere.

To the house... Zerp!

to their endowment fund. Wh... How sizable?

Too bad! Could we at least use the bathroom?

Too obscure? I mean...

took his, uh... ♪ ♪

Typical. Oh, man.

Typical. Shut up.

Typical. Who's a zebra?

Ugh! Seriously.

Uh huh. However you choose to self identify.

Uh, boosh? And or kakow?

Uh, dahoy? What, the robot?

Uh... Hey, no!

Uh... Typical.

un clump. Did he hire you to bang her?

Unless we can find some mole's blood. No.

Veronica Deane. Ha!

Wait a minute. I think the best thing at this point

Wait, what? I'm waiting.

Wait, what? Mental patients, Lana.

Wait, what? Yes! He said everybody.

Wait, what? You'll do nothing of the sort.

Wait. Uh, what? What the...

Wait. Not... Yes! Literally!

Wait. You wait. What?

We get it! Let me finish. Sharknoid Five.

We made millions! I mean, Jesus!

We wouldn't want that. She will, however...

Well, how'd it go? [groans] Not great.

Well, I... Doesn't matter.

Well, I... Excuse me.

Well, let me tell you something, Herr Doktor! Oh!

Well, that sounds terrible. It is terrible.

Well, that's a little harsh. And also inaccurate.

Well, yeah, but... You knew that I was secretly having

Well, yeah. Mm hm.

Well? Well, what?

Well... [bones cracking]

Were we? Ughhh!

Wh... Who else? Veronica!

What are you doing? Shut up.

What are you... I'm gonna double the bet.

What bet? No, shut up.

What is wrong with you? Oh ho ho!

What on earth is going on? Because whatever it is, my client had

what say we focus on the mission here? I am focused, Slater!

What? And so I apologize

What? Anyway,

What? Because what I don't see...

What? Damn it, Archer.

What? First of all, she kissed me.

What? I said, here is good.

What? Oh, my...

What? Are you kidding? Archer, it's...

What's happening? Don't y'all know?

Where were you on waterboarding day? Uh...

Where'd you get 7,000? I divided 20 by 3, Cyril.

Which... you let me know.

Who could forget? Right?

Who is? Well, get the hell out of here.

Who says she's pimping you? Why does she get to get pimped out?

Who? [imitating Giggles] "Who"?

Who? Typical.

Who? You, Otto Von Jizmarck.

Who's Ellis Crane? I knew it.

Who's Veronica? Jesus! What the...

Whoa, gross. Oh, God.

Whoa! Son of a... Jesus!

Whoa. Oh, my God.

Whoo hoo... Goddamn it. Dollars.

Whoo. Thousand.

Whoo. Yeah.

Why are they crawling? Oh, sorry.

Why does she get special treatment? Because she is special.

Why would I be? No, I mean you wouldn't,

Why would I? What?

Why? Well, he and Veronica

Why'd you come to us? Well, for one thing, I saw this.

Wish me luck, friends! Good luck.

with the evidence. The flimsy evidence.

With the exception of my client! Of course.

With your goddamn human breast milk. Okay! Geez!

Ya know... What? You were the one

Yay! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!

Yeah, he's right. You did. That does sound like you

Yeah, Lana. Holy shit snacks!

Yeah, or I could hold it, or... I'm sorry. Who are you guys?

Yeah, too sleepy. What is this?

Yeah, we kicked the shit out of him. So embarrassing.

Yeah. In its entirety.

yeah. Super. So, that

Yeah. Plus, let Archer handle it. Wait. Let who?

Yep

Yep! Whoa! What the shit, man?

Yep. [dial tone]

Yes, Doctor. Tell Cheryl to come in here.

Yes, it does. Archer?

Yes, sir. Okay.

Yes! Are you... How bad could it be?

Yes! She's a real menace.

Yes. Well, bravo, Archer. Bravo.

You are exactly the one! First of all...

You are under my... Ow! You son of a...

You better not wash those hands! I won't!

You can just cool your jets in there. Yes, Doctor.

You do? And I know exactly what to do.

You do. Sterling, it's me.

You done? Yes.

You idiots! Us?

You like her? As an actress, or for this homicide?

You little... Ow!

You never know... Uh, figure of speech?

You'd better do something. Let's go! Come on!

Your hands are so big! [straining]

...hunt you bastards down

'cause deep down, he's got a

'cause deep down, she's totally

'cause I've really got this warm, hopeful feeling right now,

'Cause it's like, up here, so...

'Cause my theory is Casper and Spooky

'cause she thought he was a Hollywood honcho

'cause she thought he was macking on

'Cause they're our only way out of here.

"And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

"Drop your weapons," we won't be able to,

"I don't know what got into me. I can only assume

"Malory"? What happened to "Ms. Archer"?

"Negging"? Jesus Christ, what grade are you in?

"Oh, By The Way, Deep Down, I

"Oh, those people probably have vaginas."

"Zissner, office, meeting, 10:00."

"Zissner"? Wait, as in Don Zissner?

[Archer, Lana] Oh, right.

[Archer] Okay, so

[Archer] So, good news and bad news.

[Archer] What the shit?

[beeping]

[both grunting]

[both] Oh, shit!

[Cheryl] Ugh! Finally!

[clears throat] Okay, so, uh, hey, uh...

[clicks off]

[Cyril] We're gonna die, we're gonna

[distorted] Come on! No!

[distorted] Oh, no!

[distorted] This was my...

[gasps] But h how did you know?

[groans]

[grunts]

[guffaws] Quit dicking around

[huffs]

[imitating Veronica] "Archer, you saved me and the Tsarina!"

[laughing continues]

[overlapping pleading]

[overlapping responses]

[Pam, Lana] Goddamn it!

[phone continues ringing]

[phone ringing]

[police radio chatter]

[quietly] It will if you shut your fat mouth.

[quietly] Lawn dart rifle.

[quietly] You really think this is gonna work?

[ringing continues]

[Rompers] Now, you listen to me, pig!

[screams]

[Shapiro whimpers]

[Shapiro] But you must realize, Mr. Archer,

[Shapiro] So, hey, listen...

[shivering] ha ha, ho ho ho...

[sighs]

[sighs] Okay, cowboy, let's do it your way.

[sighs] Split them up, men and women.

[sighs] What, did I walk onto the Titan...

[singsongy] Ready when you are.

[sobbing] We're gonna die! We're gonna die...

♪ ♪

♪ A knight who is armored with a savage tan ♪

♪ Hot lunch! ♪

♪ Lunch, hot lunch! ♪

♪ Uh, 99 bottles of beer on the... Ow! ♪

♪ You get it from hot lunch Pam ♪

♪♪

Archer - Season 7
Archer is an American animated television series that debuted in 2009, created by Adam Reed. Known for its smart humor, witty banter, and thrilling action, Archer has gained a massive following over the years. Season 7, released in 2016, takes our beloved characters on a hilarious new adventure in a new setting. The cast of Archer is incredibly talented, giving life to their animated counterparts with their top-notch voice acting. H. Jon Benjamin voices the eponymous character, Sterling Archer, a suave and arrogant spy who is both skilled and clueless at the same time. Joining him is Aisha Tyler as the fierce and confident Lana Kane, Sterling's on-again, off-again love interest and fellow agent at the International Secret Intelligence Service (ISIS). The rest of the brilliant cast includes Jessica Walter as Mallory Archer, Sterling's domineering and manipulative mother who also happens to be the head of ISIS; Judy Greer as Cheryl/Carol Tunt, the eccentric and often unhinged secretary with a penchant for bizarre behavior; Amber Nash as Pam Poovey, the crude and wild HR director who is always up for an adventure; Chris Parnell as Cyril Figgis, the nerdy and insecure comptroller who often finds himself caught up in dangerous situations; and Lucky Yates as Dr. Algernop Krieger, a morally ambiguous scientist with a love for all things strange and experimental. In Season 7, the archer gang undergoes a major change as they leave the spy world behind and turn their talents to the private detective business. Set in 1947 Los Angeles, the season takes inspiration from classic film noirs, offering a fresh and captivating twist to the series. The season's main story arc revolves around Archer's search for the killer of his partner, Woodhouse (voiced by the late George Coe). As Archer grapples with his grief and spirals into a self-destructive path, the team takes on various client cases that often intertwine with the central mystery. The season delves into the gritty underbelly of Los Angeles, filled with shady characters, dangerous mobsters, and of course, hilarious shenanigans. Archer Season 7 not only pays homage to film noirs of the past but also delivers its signature brand of humor, filled with pop culture references and quick-witted dialogue. The writing remains sharp and hilarious, continuing to keep fans engaged and entertained throughout the season. With stunning animation and exceptional storytelling, Archer Season 7 stays true to the series' unique style. The attention to detail in recreating the atmosphere of 1940s Los Angeles is impressive, capturing the noir aesthetic and adding a touch of Archer's outlandish charm. The team behind the show does a remarkable job of blending the classic noir elements with the series' trademark blend of comedy and action. If you're a fan of Archer or a newcomer to the series, Season 7 is a must-watch. With its engaging storyline, captivating setting, and unforgettable characters, it offers a fresh and exciting take on the spy-comedy genre. You can rewatch your favorite episodes or catch up on Season 7 by playing and downloading the sounds at our website. Archer Season 7 stands out as a remarkable addition to the series, showcasing the show's ability to reinvent itself while maintaining its core essence. As Archer and his team navigate the dark streets of Los Angeles, their misadventures and witty one-liners will keep you laughing and entertained from start to finish. So grab your detective hat, pour yourself a bourbon (or three), and join the Archer gang on this thrilling and hilarious journey through the world of private investigation.
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