Archer (2009) - Season 3 Edit

A bar? Or, whatever. Cantina?

A beautiful man. Blue eyes, full lips, black, thick, wavy hair.

A black astronaut, Cyril. That's like killing a unicorn.

A helicopter. There's an old Huey down by the dock...

A helicopter. There's an old Huey down by the dock...

A jury? When you don't believe me?

A lot, actually. He's kind of a mess.

A lot, actually. He's kind of a mess.

A mental ward. White walls, white sheets...

A murder I'm trying to get a handle on, so could you shut up a second?

A round must have cut the brake line! That's okay, I got it.

A round must have cut the brake line! That's okay, I got it.

A ruse, you big dumb idiot.

A spark of recognition in his eyes. Know what he's looking at?

A spark of recognition in his eyes. Know what he's looking at?

A surprise! I hate surprises.

A what? This is actually, ahem, the ISIS safe house.

A zentai covers the face and head. I think a catsuit just stops here.

A, because he thinks they're imaginary, and B, the safe house doesn't have a

A, because he thinks they're imaginary, and B, the safe house doesn't have a...

A, because you're all crap. And B, who cares? We're not gonna land it.

Aah!

Aah! And this conversation isn't over!

Aah! And this conversation isn't over!

Aah! Five 0. Five 0.

Aah! Ow!

Aah! Ow!

Aah! Ow! Ka klunk.

Aah! That sounds like a private matter.

Aah! What the ? COMPUTER: Explosive decompression.

Aah! What the hell?! Damn guy. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Abomination? Baby, come on, you're not an abomination.

Acted without thinking.

Actually Krieger. More type, less gripe.

Actually, I don't think I'm in any shape to dance now, Barry.

Actually, I have no idea. They just used to say that in the hospital.

Actually, is it a five point harness, or ?

Actually, it'll be better if she thinks We're married!

Actually, not making much progress.

Actually, not making much progress.

Actually, yeah, gotta give him the sploosh.

Afraid I don't have the ingredients to recreate this exact breakfast, sir.

After I shaved and stuff, I took a pretty long nap, so

After seeing a tiger get murdered, Lana?

After they seen Pam ee?

After you blew me off for Katya, the big titted cyborg.

Again, 0w!

Agent Gillette, monitor this woman's vital signs

Agent Kane, are you all right?

Agent Kane, come with me. I may need some help getting us to Horizon.

Ah, great. And I am sorry I screwed your wife.

Ah!

Ah! Or her sole female descendant.

Ah! You're taking me to the premiere?

Ah! You're taking me to the premiere?

Ah. "Ms." Archer, I beg your pardon. Don't.

Ah. And gas is not so bad way to die.

Ah. And you have no idea where he went.

Ah. Archer, we don't have

Ah. I think perhaps you are confusing this with a zoo.

Ah. Seriously, I bet that would've killed a lesser man.

Ah. Seriously, I bet that would've killed a lesser man.

Ah. Thanks, I'll check

Aha, you like wear garter?

Aha, you like wear garter?

Aha, you like wear garter?

Aha! But I shoot gun many times...

Aha! But I shoot gun many times...

Ahem. Couple things.

Ahem. Hey, so, what happened was somebody ordered room service...

Ahem. I forgot to close the bar.

Ahem. None taken.

Ahem. Wow.

Aim!

All five minutes of it. At which point, Ms. Archer will probably dissolve me in a drum of acid...

All five minutes of it. At which point, Ms. Archer will probably dissolve me in a drum of acid...

All I wanted was to mourn the murder of my crazy hot Russian fiancée...

All I wanted was to mourn the murder of my crazy hot Russian fiancée...

All I'm saying is there's a million green rectangle y reasons to complete the mission...

All of you.

All right, I'll let you get back to your, uh

All right! No, no, no. What are you doing?

All these drugs and weapons, attempted murder of police officers.

All they have to do Who cares why?

ALL: Aah! COMPUTER: Sink rate, sink rate.

ALL: Archer? Hang on.

ALL: Barry?

ALL: Drink, drink, drink!

ALL: Huh? Barry! Yeah, and I brought bubbly.

ALL: What? That sounds great. Best of luck.

ALL: What's Phase Three?

Allergies. To what, making sure people get on trains?

Almost there.

Almost, nothing.

Also a blanket. The AC in my room's stuck on freeze.

Also a blanket. The AC in my room's stuck on freeze.

Although hopefully not flaky.

Although I guess someone must have spilled a drink.

Although I was talking about an actual animal farm.

Although not nearly as badly as I am now.

Although, good point, Trish.

Although, I am curious why she wouldn't take off that trench coat

Although, I assume there's a bar?

Although, I assume there's a bar?

Although, I guess it has been a long time.

Although, if I was a gambling man

Although, if I was a gambling man...

Although, neither is Riley. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Although, neither is Riley. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Always with the forgetting.

Always with the forgetting.

Am I seeing things?

Am I?!

Am not very fond of you. I mean, we have such history together, and

An airboat! And the head nurse falls in love with him...

An airboat! And the head nurse falls in love with him...

An apt metaphor.

An idiot, maybe. Wha ?

And Malory!

And 1000 bucks that's a tiger, Lana.

And a giant ass whipping.

And after I kill you and defile your cyborg y corpse, I'm gonna

And afterward, if Sterling want, he can still get some DNA from my body...

And again, I'm just incredibly sorry.

And again, I'm just incredibly sorry.

And again, the satellite is locked on the beacon...

And almost 9:30, Pam, in case you were thinking about...

And also a bunch of shaving cream and toilet paper. Ha, ha, ha.

And also because Katya needs a W 9.

And also I need to use the bathroom. A, it's called the head, and, B, no.

And also possibly Archer's father.

And also quit talking to you, because now I'm pretty sure that was just a recording.

And also, because Hello, friends of ISIS.

And also, is anybody gonna ask how and why I knew to show up here'?

And as you can Well, it's over there now...

And at least your own mother didn't just play chicken with your life!

And Barry doesn't like!

And before you see one thin dime, I want to talk to Sterling

And before you see one thin dime, I want to talk to Sterling.

And brilliant. When I'm done, each of us will walk out carrying a small parcel.

And call me the very instant you have an update.

And can it be fired with an erection?

And Cyril is utterly, laughably unqualified to be a field agent.

And do you realize you're insane? He wouldn't, by definition

And don't even think about doing anything crazy like defecting.

And don't get all girly on me. Check!

And don't take this the wrong way, but thank Christ!

And especially nobody from ISIS. LANA: Okay.

And even as the famines begin, global war will erupt...

And even more unclear on who you are.

And got us to dispose of the body. Ew.

And guess how that turned out.

And has anyone heard from Sterling? No Yes! He's out...

And he hasn't touched any of his bank accounts, so unless he Oh

And he wasn't always into that.

And he's looking out the window, the afternoon sun on his face.

And he's looking out the window, the afternoon sun on his face.

And here we go. They weren't even cold in the ground...

And hopefully an infusion of much needed capital.

And how can you explain that?

And I figured, eh, what's the hurry?

And I for one am gonna go watch Hooper and masturbate till my fingers bleed

And I for one am gonna go watch Hooper and masturbate till my fingers bleed.

And I for one would be delighted.

And I for one would be delighted.

And I for one would love to walk you down the red carpet.

And I for one would love to walk you down the red carpet.

And I hate this word, Barry, but this is gonna be epic!

And I honestly mean that

And I honestly mean that.

And I hoped I would never have to say this...

And I just assume that includes his spleen. I think that ship might have sailed.

And I just assume that includes his spleen. I think that ship might have sailed.

And I only had a second to answer, so I thought, "What would Lana do?"

And I promise

And I think we all know why. Carol!

And I thought you were scared of robots. I No, not Katya, she's different.

And I thought, "Oh, well, this will teach him."

And I won't lie to you. This mission will be dangerous.

And I would really like that open marriage to include...

And I'll bet on it. Go on.

And I'll bet on it. Go on.

And I'll go try to convince Malory that you'll be an asset to ISIS.

And I'm really rich and this is my manservant, Jerkins.

And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like I was ashamed of you.

And I'm telling you that I didn't sign up for Animal Farm in space.

And I'm telling you to do it.

And I've had nothing but liquor and mangoes for three months...

And ideally before tomorrow at dawn.

And if Calzado's men got Cyril, we'll rescue him when we get Calzado.

And if I let you up, are you gonna do anything stupid?

And if I let you up, are you gonna do anything stupid?

And if I were you, I'd come to terms with that...

And if I were you, I'd come to terms with that...

And if they don't, I'm going to.

And if we don't file her W 9, that first check will take, like, eight weeks.

And if you crash it... I won't.

And if you're wondering why we call it that...

And in return, did they hand you a signed receipt for the prisoner?

And is Krieger hard at work?

And isn't. Uh...

And it's all my fault because instead of doing my job, I was here...

And just what the hell is this?

And knowing that my colleague's life was in danger, I

And let me be the first to welcome you back into the dating pool.

And mankind can finally slip the surly bonds of Earth...

And maybe a son.

And maybe you wouldn't get rich, but at least it's an honest living.

And my mourning period for, um... Katya?

And my mourning period for, um... Katya?

And my place is currently flooding, so... Hotel.

And my point is, until you can look at your mother...

And my point is, until you can look at your mother...

And my possible father.

And neither is your situation. Ha! Heh heh

And neither is your situation. Ha! Heh heh.

And no DNA left for papa test. Nope.

And not in that sick bathroom, so There's a utility sink in my lab.

And not just... Well, mostly me, of course, but Dr. Krieger helped too.

And not to diminish the accomplishments of Dr. Charles Drew, but

And not to diminish the accomplishments of Dr. Charles Drew, but..

And now he's supposed to be here for guard duty.

And now I Sorry. Now I do actually see your point.

And now I... Sorry. Now I do actually see your point

And now, bastardo, I kill you!

And once your ISIS buddies find out that you kidnapped me and come find me...

And once your ISIS buddies find out that you kidnapped me and come find me...

And over there, strapped to a chair and shot to death...

And people in hell want ice water.

And point?

And remember, smiley face.

And remember, these are mutineers. Even if they try to

And second of all... What are we talking about?

And since I don't know which faction is behind the mutiny

And since I haven't called in, ISIS should be calling me anytime now.

And since I haven't called in, ISIS should be calling me anytime now.

And since there's nothing in these logs, I, too, would like some answers.

And since we've wasted a shitload of time already, I feel pretty good about this bet.

And since we've wasted a shitload of time already, I feel pretty good about this bet.

And smug it would be, because tell you I most certainly did.

And so begins the hunt for the most dangerous game!

And so E.Z. gave me a choice:

And so he started introducing all these accoutrements very gradually.

And so here's what I propose:

And so I think an apology is in order

And so now I gotta come to him as the law. And you accuse me of planning a murder?

And so, with your permission, while you breakfast on the terrace...

And sooner would be better than later.

And spoiler alert, it sucks!

And stealing cars.

And thank you. Krieger, wait.

And thanks so much for that. Cyril.

And that includes Europe, Lana, my Brazilian au pair.

And that we spare Malory the details of your time on Pirate Island.

And that we spare Malory the details of your time on Pirate Island.

And that, guys, I guess, is a pretty long answer...

And that, Mrs. Archer

And that?

And that's awful how?

And that's her saying that.

And that's twice! Sorry, ignore me, my whole thing is I just crave attention.

And the black guy is okay with this?

And the erection's really not appropriate. I'm still happy

And the last thing you need is another drink.

And then hides him somewhere, like an idiot kid hiding a lamp he broke.

And then hides him somewhere, like an idiot kid hiding a lamp he broke.

And then I get to have sex with My wife, you son of a bitch!

And then I just forgot about it, because that same night, I met

And then I just forgot about it, because that same night, I met...

And then just send me to fat camp and pray to God...

And then kill each other again. And call me, so I can watch you do it.

And then kill each other again. And call me, so I can watch you do it.

And then somebody get me a number 10 can of tomatoes.

And then try Lana's sat phone.

And then try Lana's sat phone.

And then you almost got everyone killed, and...

And then? Then we'll see. We'll keep it loose.

And then? Then we'll see. We'll keep it loose.

And then? What, he's on his own?

And they get chased by dirty cops, but in the end they win!

And they get chased by dirty cops, but in the end they win!

And this guy. What is that?

And this will be the final chapter in the McKlusky trilogy.

And this will be the final chapter in the McKlusky trilogy.

And this, this is your master plan? Huh? Heh.

And try not to shoot me in the Oh, shit.

And two Hang on.

And two more on the Intrepid. Stowaways, almost as good as her.

And two, not really liking your tone.

And two, you obviously don't know what "boarding party" means.

And until you Oops. Hang on. What ?

And until you... Oops. Hang on. What...?

And was also identified as a sleeper agent by the head of the KGB.

And we slowly tilt up to see a man's face: Gator McKlusky.

And what...

And whatever my equivalent of sploosh is, which I guess is just sploosh.

And where the hell is Sterling when I need him?

And who gives this woman to be wed in holy matrimony?

And who the hell taught you how to drive?

And why aren't you with the other trainees?

And why do you need so much blood?

And why does it always reek of paint?

And with your morphology, your IQ, your medical history

And you better have a talk with him!

And you cannot date Burt Reynolds. Can, am, and will continue to do so.

And you cannot date Burt Reynolds. Can, am, and will continue to do so.

And you don't have to keep repeating it. We've established where it is.

And you don't need one to know you'll suck at being a field agent.

And you just got a screenplay credit.

And you just got a screenplay credit.

And you know this how, exactly?

And you let her do it. I...

And you need your head examined if you think that abomination is ever going to work for ISIS.

And you never mind and also shut up.

And you opened it?

And you opened it?

And you say you got this from a KGB sleeper?

And you were gonna pay for it yourself, no assessment or anything.

And you were gonna pay for it yourself, no assessment or anything.

And you? Do you think I am a monster?

And you. You lose my son, you'll have to drink your meatball subs through a straw.

And you're just so...

And you're not one of my dick bosses, so can I help you?

And you're under arrest, albeit extra judicially.

And you've already given Cyril some training.

And, again, just really sorry about your nephew.

And, Drake, you can forget all about your crazy little Martian sex cult.

And, hey, watch out for that Adolf Hitler. He's a bad egg.

And, man, against those pinkieless bastards, you had better come correct.

And, more importantly, tried to murder me.

And, Mother, the constable wishes a word.

And, of course...

And, Riley, do I have to kill everyone myself? Huh? Oh.

And, uh, speaking of questions...

And/or my new hot tub.

And/or the police could show up. Oh, for the Now what do we do?

Animal Farm is a book.

Answer me. No, I've said too much alrea...

Anthropologist.

Anthropologist.

Any questions?

Any worse. ls what I was gonna say.

Anyhow...

Anyway, effective immediately, I'm promoting Cyril to field agent.

Anyway, he wants Randy's dope farm for himself or he'll kill him, so I gotta go and...

Anyway, Savio was in Italian intelligence

Anywhere. Which is where Archer could be.

Anywho, he's on a little island called Wapuni in French Polynesia.

Apparently that's my grieving process.

Apparently the intruders downloaded a virus into the mainframe.

Apparently. This intel's a week old.

Apparently. This intel's a week old.

ARCH E R: Sterling Archer.

Archer

Archer Saw an electrical fire in the simulator.

ARCHER : A perfectly nice dinner, Calpurnia.

ARCHER : Hello? Sterling, dear, it's me. There's

ARCHER : Mainly because I have an incredibly addictive personality.

ARCHER : Will you come on? Grr!

ARCHER : Yeah, and here you go.

ARCHER : You've reached Sterling Archer's voice mail.

Archer broke both of Wu's arms.

Archer doesn't want to come back, so I don't know how Riley's gonna get him on a plane.

Archer goes to Burt's hotel room.

Archer goes to Burt's hotel room.

Archer, don't talk, just listen. ARCHER: Why, what's up? What do

Archer, don't! GILLETTE: Everybody down!

Archer, hey, about this expense report Not now, Cyril.

Archer, hey, about this expense report... Not now, Cyril.

Archer, stop it! ARCHER: Let me land it!

Archer, the important thing is that we're home.

Archer, the important thing is that we're home.

Archer, they were Redshirt freshmen, Lana, who I was grooming.

Archer, they were... Redshirt freshmen, Lana, who I was grooming.

ARCHER: And Lana can't even stand up.

ARCHER: And so here's what I propose:

ARCHER: Ba dum bum!

ARCHER: But, I mean, Barry did murder her.

ARCHER: Calls us...

ARCHER: Come on, Cyril, beat it. Get out of here.

ARCHER: Cyril, it's all you, buddy. You got it. Climb, climb.

ARCHER: Cyril? CALZADO: No breakfast for you.

ARCHER: Cyril? Cyril!

ARCHER: Cyril? Oof! Unh!

ARCHER: Five more minutes! God.

ARCHER: For once? Oh, my God, Columbia Hou ?

ARCHER: Happy, Cyril?

ARCHER: Heh, heh. Do you not'?

ARCHER: Hello? Oh, man. Hold on. Sterling? Sterling, dear, it's me.

ARCHER: Hello? Sterling, it's

ARCHER: Here they are, God, geese at the trough.

ARCHER: Hey, so listen.

ARCHER: Hmm. Like vampires? No! Nothing like vampires, idiot!

ARCHER: How you doing, Riley? How the hell do you think I'm doing?

ARCHER: I did that. ...the other pedal flushes it.

ARCHER: I have a question, Mother.

ARCHER: I know, look at our defenders.

ARCHER: I swear to God, if I went blind right this very second, I'd be okay with that.

ARCHER: I'm sorry.

ARCHER: I'm sorry.

ARCHER: Jesus!

ARCHER: Katya! You're alive!

ARCHER: Lana! LANA: Archer!

ARCHER: Leave it!

ARCHER: Maybe even what? Executive producer.

ARCHER: Mother, what is in this man's ass? MALORY: Oh, please.

ARCHER: No thanks to you.

ARCHER: No, it doesn't. Ugh.

ARCHER: No!

ARCHER: Noah, seriously, I swear to God, stop.

ARCHER: Not for long they're not.

ARCHER: Not sure that's helping. Yeah? Well, neither are you!

ARCHER: Now who's got a vagina problem?

ARCHER: Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

ARCHER: Oh, my God! That's right!

ARCHER: Okay, so Aah.

ARCHER: Okay, the airlock's closed. Happy?

ARCHER: Okay, the airlock's closed. Happy?

ARCHER: Ow! Jesus, Krieger, that's the bone.

ARCHER: Ow! Oh, eat a dick, jungle!

ARCHER: Phase Two? What's Phase ?

ARCHER: So he put the, uh...? In his own ? MALORY: Yes. Hush.

ARCHER: Somebody get his goddamn gun!

ARCHER: Spoon him! What do you mean, spoon him?

ARCHER: Sucks. Bet he knew how to make sauce.

ARCHER: The bridge. Yes, I heard you. So unless we're going the wrong way...

ARCHER: The crease, idiots! Guard the crease!

ARCHER: The hell is wrong with you, Lana?

ARCHER: The tiger says...

ARCHER: Then I think I took a cab.

ARCHER: They're running out of time, Pam. Oh, all right.

ARCHER: Ugh. Oh, God. Ugh.

ARCHER: Ugh. What is that? I've never smelled that smell in America.

ARCHER: Uh, Barry? Yo. Yeah, let's get it on, brother.

ARCHER: Uh, little help? No, you're good.

ARCHER: WD 40, Mother.

ARCHER: Well, then why not just say "kilometer"?

ARCHER: What are you doing? CYRIL: Heh, heh, heh. You'll see.

ARCHER: What, Lana? LANA: I

ARCHER: Which I guess will be never.

ARCHER: Yeah, funny stuff.

ARCHER: Yeah. She did look pretty happy, huh?

ARCHER: Yes, this LZ, you dumb ass.

ARCHER: Yes. LANA: No!

Archer! Don't yell at me.

Archer! Quit screwing around with the robot and shut the damn airlock already!

Archer! Sorry, go on, Trish.

Archer! Whoa!

Archer! You had, like, an actual moment of self awareness in space, so

Archer?

Archer? Burt.

Archer? Burt.

Archer.

Archer. ...michelada.

Archer. And then it came to me.

Archer. His mother, dating his man crush?

Archer. His mother, dating his man crush?

Archer. Ray is dying.

Archer. Ray is dying.

Archer. What, you want one?

Are the accommodations to your liking? Honestly?

Are the cuffs really necessary?

Are we doing ? Did I mention I have a surprise for you?

Are you done? Hang on.

Are you finished?

Are you gonna type random words in there the rest of your life?

Are you gonna type random words in there the rest of your life?

Are you gonna type random words in there the rest of your life?

Are you k You're still mad about that?

Are you like dating, or...? It's...

Are you ready? No.

Are you really that selfish?! ARCHER: Apparently!

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you serious? On my...?

Are you sure they can't get in?

Are you telling us that?

Are you? Cyril, here, make yourself useful.

Are you...? And I am being serious here. Are you insane?

Are you...? Sterling, you left it unlocked in an unattended garage.

As always. Not always.

As he grew older, Savio's tastes became more and more exotic.

As hypothesized, after mind shredding hallucinations...

As I was saying, it's possible for the EMP to stop a man's heart.

As of right now, I'm What the ? Looking for this?

As the crack dealers move to nicer ones? This better be good, Krieger.

As to that, you can name your price.

As we fought, it became more like, like dancing.

As you can imagine. Yeah, this good to hear.

Ass.

At least I'm not sky captain of "I ran away from home."

At least you got a honeymoon. My fiancée was murdered.

At least you have one.

Aw, but I love it when Malory bails you out of one of your idiot jams.

Aw, but I love it when Malory bails you out of one of your idiot jams.

Aw, crap snacks! How could this get ?

Aw, honey.

Aw, man, I just totally lost face.

Aw, nice one, other Barry.

Aw, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw. And here all this time I thought it was because you were ashamed of us.

Aw. That's actually kind of sad. All right, here's the plan.

Aw. That's actually kind of sad. All right, here's the plan.

Awesome.

Awesome. And remember, it's us or them.

Awkward.

Aye freaking aye.

Babe, what're you hungry for?

Babe, you wanna...? Oh, uh, sorry, darling.

Baby, I don't care about the chips and gears, and, I assume, some hinges...

Banana saddle, sissy bar.

Bar is to be stocked with non alcoholic beverages.

BARRY : Archer!

Barry doesn't wear a shirt.

Barry gave me up so you'd trust Jakov on the rest.

BARRY: Bone dancing. Shut up!

BARRY: No!

BARRY: Oh, I think other Barry might.

BARRY: Ow. Is that the best you've got?

Barry!

Barry!

Barry!

Barry! CHERYL: Polo!

Barry? Barry. Barry.

Barry? Was here?

Barry? Wow, I was hoping I'd bump into you.

Bawk!

Be a lamb and take those to the kitchen.

Be that as it

Beautiful, smart, funny, successful. Mm. Like, one of those, tops.

Beautiful, smart, funny, successful. Mm. Like, one of those, tops.

Because apparently there's no proof that we did

Because Barry is a psychopath.

Because Barry's got a master plan...

Because believe me when I tell you, ain't nothing you can do to help him.

Because did you know that in Chinese, the words for crisis and opportunity are the same?

Because even if we didn't need all the manpower we can get...

Because he thinks he's going to move in with me!

Because he's not paralyzed! And is that not the stuff of miracles?

Because I burn clean, Cyril. Because I don't glop up my engine with bear claws.

Because I can change the date for you on that Omicron Spacemaster.

Because I fear that one faction, led by radical nationalists, has mutinied.

Because I get those a lot.

Because I need a small cadre of highly trained agents...

Because I wasn't sure if you knew what amenable actually meant.

Because I will gobble them up.

Because I won't I can't let anyone jeopardize the success of this mission.

Because I'm kind of surprised to see you married.

Because I'm part of everybody. Damn that blabbermouthing Pam!

Because if and when Nikolai shows up here, he's not staying at my place.

Because if it is, pretty elaborate.

Because if it was Oh.

Because if you don't kill me and I get loose...

Because if you don't kill me and I get loose...

Because it sure as shit ain't a surprise party, Krieger. You big fat liar.

Because not only am I lightheaded, but certain parts of me are

Because of a stupid bicycle?

Because of our loyalty.

Because of the Cubans or because Burt Reynolds is doing your mom?

Because of the Cubans or because Burt Reynolds is doing your mom?

Because one night, all those years ago in Rome...

Because Phase Two is a little rough

Because she ripped it out! Wait, your liver?

Because shut up. Oh, jungle zing.

Because since you've all been half assedly phoning it in

Because that dude is out of his damn mind.

Because that would mean she called the cops on herself.

Because that's exactly the brand of unparalleled professional excellence...

Because that's exactly the kind of decisive action this mission calls for.

Because that's the high level of care that I am taking of it.

Because the floor is lava!

Because the last thing you want is Lana, hold up a sec.

Because the liquor stores aren't open yet, and she made me pour out all the booze!

Because then what?

Because there are no Cubans. Uh...

Because there are no Cubans. Uh...

Because there's nothing special about today whatsoever, Mother.

Because they, or we, I guess, don't know how to tell you...

Because this thing feels amazing.

Because we are totally vulnerable.

Because we are totally vulnerable.

Because we would be amenable to that.

Because we're in a dungeon.

Because we're in a dungeon.

Because who's to say you're not using him for sex?

Because you can bet every KGB agent and freelance assassin...

Because you can forget ransom, now you and your friends will die here.

Because you can forget ransom, now you and your friends will die here.

Because you could never be bothered to get a real job!

Because you left the hospital in a wheelchair!

Because you'd be dead. Houdini's dead?

Because you'd be dead. Houdini's dead?

Because you're going to get Calzado, dead or alive.

Because you're going.

Because your job? That's a job for sissies. Oh, yeah? Well, guess what!

Because, as I may have mentioned Fifty times.

Because, as I may have mentioned... Fifty times.

Because, uh, it looks like you're sitting here with a gun, right?

Before I kick this ladder over in the hopes of paralyzing you for real...

Begin clinical trial 14.

Being looked for by people who don't want to find him.

Being made an ass, he really doesn't.

Beset on all sides by idiots.

Besides leaving your cooch in the sink? BOTH: Pam!

Besides suffering from gigantism? Shut up.

Besides the danger of drunk driving, it's obviously a huge design flaw.

Besides the stuff about Jakov, which obviously is what you meant, so

Besides, throwing money away like that would displease El Contador.

Best man. Well, best available.

Birds eye view of lacrosse!

Birds eye view of lacrosse!

Birthday voicemail, Mother. I gotcha, heh, heh, heh.

Black, bitter, preferably fair trade.

Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails.

Bloop! The welsher says CYRIL: Psst!

Boarding party, into the airlock.

Boring conversation anyway.

Both, I guess. Look

BOTH: Don't ask. And follow up...

BOTH: Don't ask. Just get it out of here, please.

BOTH: Great

Brett, shut up. What else does it do?

BRETT: Phrasing, boom. MALORY: Brett!

Bring it.

Bring it.

Bring them.

Bring them.

BUCKY : I don't have pencil. It's an idiom!

BUCKY: Aah! LANA: Unh...

BUCKY: Sterling Archer.

Bullying Cyril isn't gonna make Burt Reynolds stop shtupping your mom.

Bullying Cyril isn't gonna make Burt Reynolds stop shtupping your mom.

Burglars, Lana, that's why I'm here and not up to my ears in stewardess.

Burt Reynolds didn't give you a black eye, the floor did.

Burt Reynolds didn't give you a black eye, the floor did.

Burt Reynolds is on line one!

Burt Reynolds is taking me to a movie premiere tonight, so

Burt Reynolds is taking me to a movie premiere tonight, so...

Burt, dear, what a lovely surprise.

Burt, dear, what a lovely surprise.

Burt, no!

Burt, no!

Burt, watch the goddamn road. Oh, shit.

Burt, watch the goddamn road. Oh, shit.

BURT: Don't you wanna help your friends? ARCHER: I don't care about them.

BURT: Emotional intimacy.

BURT: I'm sitting here with just a mustache and memories of last night.

BURT: You know what your problem is? ARCHER: My pants are wet?

Burt? Oh, no. No. Yeah. Yeah.

Burt? Oh, no. No. Yeah. Yeah.

But I can assume!

But Lana. What has gotten into you?

But Obviously, I cannot allow you to live.

But after that, it's just snippets

But could you close your eyes?

But Cyril, machines can hurt people.

But damned if I'm gonna contribute to the obesity epidemic.

But Drake wants to use the Intrepid to push Horizon to Mars...

But even if he is, which he is No, he isn't!

But even if he is, which he is..

But even still, Riley, you gotta be quicker.

But ever since then, once a year, he'd slip away...

But first I need some clean clothes. This is not mud all over my pants.

But first, let's me and you cut a rug.

But go ahead. I mean, start.

But he drinks a lot, so...

But he got murdered.

But I can tell you right now, my heart won't be in it.

But I didn't... You know.

But I didn't... You know.

But I do not know these people.

But I do remember her being the best sex I've ever had in my life.

But I don't see why that means you have to drink my Glengoolie Blue

But I don't want Mother talking to Bucky.

But I don't want Mother talking to Bucky.

But I guess that was too much to ask!

But I guess that was too much to ask!

But I guess you're out of luck, because we had a...

But I guess you're out of luck, because we had a...

But I guess you're out of luck, because we had a...

But I have to island hop to refuel.

But I have to say, you don't look like me.

But I meant about Katya.

But I want to know how you got aboard.

But I'm still very proud of you.

But I'm willing to, you know, let bygones be gone by the wayside.

But I've never even heard of Pangu.

But if I find out the KGB is behind this You won't!

But if we begin now, using the lessons learned aboard Space Station Horizon...

But if you're trying to actually escape

But if you're trying to actually escape...

But in meantime, you think I will be safe?

But it can land on water, right? Isn't that the whole point?

But it's just a pot test, right?

But Malory, I assumed Which you shouldn't have.

But Ms. Archer said What, Pam?

But nobody is gonna save you, Archer

But now I guess the Archers of Loafcrosse...

But now I guess the Archers of Loafcrosse...

But Randy thinks we are!

But remember earlier, when you said you and I were friends?

But remember earlier, when you said you and I were friends?

But rest assured we are on it, and Archer is on it, and...

But right now this?

But seriously, I bet I will be late, so go ahead and pull the trigger on those martinis.

But she did, she came home with me.

But since apparently money is no object...

But since you're on such an accelerated training schedule

But so did you talk to him about responsibility when you gave it back?

But Spacebot...

But speaking of, it's about suppertime.

But thank you all so much for coming.

But that totally wasn't my fault.

But the co op board was like, "But what'll we do with the garbage?"

But the co op board was like, "But what'll we do with the garbage?"

But then it sort of turned into this whole weird cryptofascist CIA shit show...

But then you started getting weird.

But these other three, whatever, who cares? I mean, Noah's a slave.

But these other three, whatever, who cares? I mean, Noah's a slave.

But this better not be a ruse. Heh, heh. A ruse?

But this is!

But this time, get in there. All you've been doing is giving one side hell.

But this will take hours, so we'll just bring you a report when it's done.

But those bullet holes don't prove anyone else was here.

But we can expect heavy resistance. I'm sure the mutineers are armed.

But we can't do any of that "mail somebody a finger" shit

But we haven't been trained properly! To what? Wear a seat belt?

But we searched for so long to find the perfect human female specimen.

But who? Which one?

But why do you care? A, you're gay...

But why dwell on that? We're home.

But why dwell on that? We're home.

But why you make la vendetta?

But why? After all this time?

But you come in here, guns blazing, half cocked, and probably half drunk...

But you do probably want to go wash your lips now.

But you do see one another?

But you gotta admit, you were extremely pick on able.

But you probably wanna go ahead and slow down.

But you probably wanna go ahead and slow down.

But you probably wanna go ahead and slow down.

But you see, even the majestic Bengal tiger is too easy to kill. It's boring...

But, no, you didn't listen to me. And then you lied to me.

But, specifically, now, about Katya.

By God, if you were my servant, I'd have you over my knee in a trice.

By marrying her? Okay, that actually was Peter Lawford's.

By tending bar and banging newlyweds?

By the new head of the KGB, who is also a cyborg.