Archer - Season 1 Edit

A little something? Oh, that is just classic you.

A nice start to a new start.

A pen store. And yet...

A problem.

A real smackarooni.

A secret agent.

A sex tape of Mother?

A supercool ISIS field agent like Archer, but...

A welcome mat at your back door. Archer.

A whole lot of money to get this back.

A whole, like, squad of hot little Filipina masseuses.

A wrinkled old man like you.

A. k.a. Duchess."

Aah! And how the hell are your hands that freaking strong...?

Aah! Damn it! When did we get a bulletproof door?

Aboard the Chum Guzzler.

About a jillion. Damn it.

About a million. But Cheryl was scared to come in here...

About boarding school. And really, sorry about Cyril

About Conway boning your mother. Oh, my...

Absinthe makes me black out.

Active doubles, passive doubles, dangled moles...

Actually cooks the fish. Try it.

Actually seems kind of gay. Maybe because our penises are touching.

Actually, I don't have any cash.

After four weeks. What are you, a lesbian?

After how you treated me?

After the kitchen, then vasectomy maybe.

After the Popeye incident, sir.

After the stunt he pulled in Berlin?

Again? Seriously, Pita...

Against you, and your mother, and ISIS, and...

Agent Kane. What?

Agent Sterling Archer of ISIS. Wait, you know who I am?

Agents Archer and Kane, of ISIS. What?

Ah. Kill Mother.

Ah. My vulva is smoother than a veal cutlet.

Ah. Okay. Probably merits a follow up.

Ahem. Mm hm.

Ajax a success, Teheran is ours, stop.

All aboard, for safety and adventure!

All day, like some sort of henge? Okay.

All of San Marino could fit in the South Bronx.

All right, I'm going. Shitty flying rats.

All right, just pull the knife out.

All right, you yellow sons of bitches.

All right! Obviously, I need to make a decision

All that Schützie. And holy shit, did I honk down a bunch of absinthe?

All the gear those sweaty tech dweebs normally... Oh!

Almost all of it, but...

Almost two hundred miles an hour. Big whoop, that little squishy...

Along with my appetite.

Already off to Monaco?

Also, be nicer to Woodhouse, stop.

Also, you should all be nicer to Pam.

Although this is a non smoking area, sir.

Always primed and ready for action.

An exotic woman on the bed...

An ODIN black flag operation!

An unreliable asset and security risk."

And 16 titanium screws couldn't fix. Come on, don't be shitty.

And a follow up question: Why did he just call me son?

And after you take Archer to the...

And all because Mother cooked up...

And all of a sudden he's Judge Crater. Oh, for God's sake!

And all we need is a stand in, who resembles Schmeck's Cuban contact...

And almost...

And also a dealbreaker.

And also the fact that this is a direct order.

And also woefully esoteric.

And anybody else, Rambone? No.

And as you may or...

And besides, we're not going far.

And by "don't worry", do you mean the chick's gonna be doing the handy?

And cut me out of the will. Ugh. Archer.

And don't even get me started on Miss Gillette.

And done, but if you still want us to steal you that gigantic diamond...

And either way, can we do it without that thing?

And even though you were gonna shoot and or frag me...

And fling acid in your face. Thank you.

And for God's sake, take a shower.

And forgot to give my new address to his stupid boarding school.

And from the looks of it, not to mention the lemur...

And grab the keys to that car.

And he will not stop until I am dead. So, what, just a life on the run?

And he's actually quite handsome.

And here's a conversation ender. Adios.

And his name's not really Krenshaw, it's Kremenski.

And how dare you steal my son away from me?

And how exactly would we do that?

And I am slicing it like a butcher. Just keep at it.

And I broke my watch. And I'm sorry for that.

And I don't know if you knew this, but Framboise and I were...

And I don't want another one of your sullen whores using my medicine cabinet..

And I drove her right into his arms.

And I for one am fed up.

And I have so much love to give.

And I need to feel confident.

And I need to get in my safe, so open the goddamn door already!

And I need you ready, locked, and loaded.

And I suppose that makes it better.

And I think I just had a flashback, so...

And I will find it much more enjoyable...

And I'll have nothing left to remind me of Conway.

And I'm circumcised. So it can... It doesn't work like that.

And I'm so open to that.

And I'm sure I don't need to remind you...

And if I am Archer's father...

And if it gets ruined...

And if it happens again I'll put a lock on it...

And if memory serves, not only handsome, but also...

And if ODIN made you a better offer, what kind of mother would I be...

And if the Needle kills Utne, we won't even get our per diem.

And if you can't see it in your heart to forgive me...

And if you ever get tired of playing JV ball...

And if you violate that trust, or the food, there's...

And if you violate that trust, or the food, there's...

And if you were half as smart as she was..

And if you weren't so busy trying to bang that waitress...

And it makes for fascinating reading.

And it makes you temporarily gay?

And it's a big dangerous world out there.

And it's not broadening Cyril's horizons.

And just have you live in my garden. I would like some new clothes.

And just where the hell is she?

And just who the happy hell..

And kill the arms dealer trying to sell them, Spirodon Skorpio.

And knit a onesie for it. Jesus Christ.

And Lana deserves a real ring, so...

And last but not least... I'm sorry, I don't know your name.

And laughing in there with Uncle Buddy! Sterling, I'm warning you.

And let us paint the walls with your brains.

And let's do that. Right after we shove...

And let's just knock off the giggling.

And M! As in Mancy!

And make Torvald happy. Um, phrasing?

And making it hard to drop a deuce.

And markers, and maybe even some glitter.

And mastectomy coupons.

And maybe you just got your face kicked off.

And maybe, if you stand on those tiptoes, your huge apartment.

And me neither. Because even though that whole weekend...

And Mexican whore house y. So I'm sure your cook feels at home.

And Miss Fire Hazard in there bricked up the only stairwell.

And named it this exact situation.

And no muffin. See? Time lost is muffin lost.

And nobody touch anything.

And not that it's any of your beeswax, but I did not have sex with Skorpio.

And now I feel like a dick so come on.

And now I'm short a slightly darker black one.

And now my baby is gone!

And now not only are you hiring another agency...

And now you tell me it doesn't work.

And on second bell, I come out, all John Wooey...

And on top of that suck salad...

And on top of that suck salad...

And once Facilities cleans his brains out of it...

And once they do? Let's just say you better learn to use some chopsticks, buddy.

And Pam, Krieger, Carol. All the...

And parting her moist lips...

And people think Jane's stupid.

And pump a round into his prostitute. Wait, what?

And ready to eliminate the target.

And Rudi's an interior decorator. God, he's the best in Miami.

And said, "Help me showcase my intellect."

And scream, "Look at those babies, old man.

And she begs me to take her back, so then Cyril commits suicide."

And she says she can't go to hospital...

And Skorpio's raping her senseless... Oh!

And slowly I am rubbing it around... Goddamn it.

And so basically we are totally unprepared for this mission.

And so, here are the keys and the deed...

And so, I must now go into hiding.

And so, remember how I said we'd just hired someone?

And speaking of lame, my code name...

And spoiler alert, it ends with a closetful of my suits on fire.

And starts trying to get all up in everything?

And Sterling. But this gun, it was a gift.

And that does not for a young boy a very merry Christmas make.

And that is a Cuban hit squad.

And that is? I thought you were off to the fair with your prize turnip.

And that Ramón guy's a Cuban agent...

And that supply closet is just packed with posterboard...

And that's all you have to say?

And that's the game, Lana. Survival.

And that's the reason I don't have sex with my co workers.

And that's your message? My God, who...?

And that's your message? My God.

And the ass reduction you so need.

And the boob job. That you so need.

And the cafeteria, and...

And the cartridge is full of a deadly super toxin called...

And the fact your mother died in a fire.

And the last sensation that you feel before you die...

And the rest you can set aside for Pita's inevitable medical expenses.

And the safety's off so be careful, it could go off for, like...

And the skinny bitch ectomy you need.

And the third system is state of the art voice activation

And the third's from maintenance, finally off his lazy ass to fix the AC.

And then Agent Mgumbe... You going to this lame ISIS picnic?

And then I shove his hawk face right into her big brown boobs...

And then it's "Who has the ability to survive?"

And then set those pajamas on fire!

And then slap Saran Wrap on the hole.

And then they can control his brain.

And then... yeah! Oh, yeah!

And there goes the last Steuben.

And think about how you're not the boss of me.

And this is the locker room.

And this may be old cliché...

And those were his last words.

And threat. Woodhouse. Yes.

And to plan covered elective surgery.

And unsubstantiated rumor I will not tolerate at ISIS.

And very eager to sit here quietly in the corner...

And voicemail again. Huh.

And we'll just see how tough Sterling is...

And we'll see who's smirking...

And what about that are you still not getting, exactly?

And what the hell are you wearing, Woodhouse?

And what your pathetic life will be like without old Mommy dearest.

And what, you need more room to chop vegetables?

And what?

And when I think about Archer, and so I blew him off.

And while you're not ever speaking to me, jump up your own ass and die.

And who are you, Comrade Questions?

And why doesn't your voicemail just say, "Leave a message, I'm a jackass"?

And yet you lecture me. Lovely.

And yet, you always do.

And you can have your dick son back.

And you don't even call me back? Well...

And you expect me to believe that?

And you froze all of Sterling's accounts?

And you have no trace of Cuban accent.

And you might want to duck.

And you think an appropriate response is to ruin my suit?

And you think you can make that unhappen if you give Lana a tiny flake of brown mica?

And you, scuff that luggage, and I'll cut your hamstrings for you.

And you're cool with Krieger shucking your side corn?

And you're gonna give her that if she says no?

And you're the last man I was in bed with.

And, again, you do realize it'll be totally destroyed in the process.

And, Cyril, ignore her.

And, Cyril, it's a rescue mission, okay?

And, uh, I'm supposed to run what we call a honey pot on him.

And, uh, someone broke the elevator.

Any way we can bump that to five?

Apparently not, so...

Apparently the kind that scrimps on background checks.

Apparently uses the same awful decorator as my mother.

Appealing. What, is it Pam?

Aquiline nose of yours. Wait, what?

Archer train me? To be a field agent?

Archer, come on, man, let's go.

Archer, do something.

Archer, I need your help! I think I'm losing it here, man!

Archer!

Archer! Jesus, God! What?

Archer! Me of all people?

Archer! Cyril, what are you doing here?

Archer? Cyril? What're you...?

Archer? Hello? He hung up.

Archer? Oh, what the hell? Where the **** are you going?

Archer. Ha. Sterling Archer.

Are you an idiot? Or do you just think I am?

Are you feeling ready to buy?

Are you idiots still even here?

Are you kidding? 36 guys?

Are you out of your big fat Russian skull?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you still here?

Are you...? You're looking for the answer "yes"?

Aren't you?

Around women. Really?

As also am I. So if you will excuse...

As it happens, I am here with a child.

As long as nothing goes wrong on this flight.

As much as I can take from you. Hey! Phrasing!

As my beautiful companion. Ha ha.

As you're gunned down by ISIS agents.

Ass.

Ass. If you love it, put a ring on it. Okay, so you go fix this.

At a mother's suffering, Barry, you asshole!

At ease, Career Admiral, Malory was getting impatient on Salsa.

At least tell me it's separate beds.

At the, uh... The whatchamacallit.

At this point, really anything.

Aw, damn it, we... Where is the hobbit guy?

Ay, dios mío!

Baby, I really need you to trust me. Okay, now...

Baby! You came back to me!

Ballistically similar to g****s?

Balls deep in some French chick. Ex boyfriend, I bet.

Bang.

Barry "We have this whole huge history together" Dillon?

Barry, does this make up for Framboise?

Barry, hi.

Barry, if you touch me, I swear to God I will put you in the ground.

Barry, you asshole!

Barry? I guess, go ahead and call Facilities or whatever

Bartleby, the Scrivener? Anybody?

Because a man like you, Cyril, doesn't deserve a woman like Lana.

Because after losing Agent Pak last year...

Because after three months of whatever it is we're doing...

Because all you're gonna get is holes. L... I mean holes in you...

Because all you're gonna get is holes. L... I mean, holes in you...

Because for a second there, I was like... I mean, not in a racist way, but...

Because for Utne to buy it, everyone must act surprised.

Because he is so tired.

Because he turns women into whores.

Because he'll be back, crying for his mommy.

Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly?

Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly?

Because I am officially out of gin.

Because I bet I just, like, reek of her.

Because I don't want Sterling to end up with a woman like Lana Kane?

Because I have a... Why did you call?

Because I kept screaming it.

Because I knew you'd be here, because you don't trust Lana with Mr. Archer.

Because I made the bomb threat!

Because I think you have some serious and unresolved issues with your father.

Because if I had shot you in the face, I'd be living here.

Because if they don't steal me that huge diamond...

Because if you let me in the mainframe, I'll drop these doughnuts.

Because in one hour, the world's most dangerous terrorists...

Because it's already soaked into the fibers, dumbass.

Because let me tell you, I was black ops.

Because my dad won the Navy Cross.

Because my mommy's not the boss.

Because of Pam's huge mouth

Because our employer was very clear: We are not to harm the hostess.

Because she's, quote, "tripping balls."

Because there is lamp everywhere.

Because there's gonna be some neurological damage.

Because these corporate bag munchers...

Because this is a huge opportunity for me...

Because this is what was there, Lana!

Because this malaka is ripped.

Because we actually agree on something. Wait, really?

Because we're one big family.

Because when I hand the notorious Duchess to the KGB...

Because when your co workers put food in the refrigerator...

Because you don't know how to share, beyotch.

Because you have information that I want.

Because you learned nothing from it.

Because you're exactly the opposite of Archer?

Because, commie, I have something called a mortgage.

Because, let's see, Ramón is Latino... And Latinos are all about machismo.

Beep, beep, beep.

Before he chops her battered corpse into fish food.

Before I give in to you belly achers.

Before you blew the damn drop!

Besides incredibly awkward?

Besides the fact that now both of our shirts reek of curry.

Bet he's hatching some half assed, vodka soaked scheme to...

Bet this seems pretty weird.

Black. Ass. Son of a bitch. Heh.

Blathering about your vulva. Hey, first of all...

Blowing it up will send the stock price down to zero.

Bock, bock.

Boy, you are just so determined not to be cool about this.

Break in to the ISIS mainframe.

Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.

Burying some Dominican guy's rooster. Fun.

But a non circumcised ******* guy, that's not weird to you?

But apparently you're not.

But apparently you're too busy showing off your vealy vulva!

But baby, don't you know I...

But could you be a lamb and disarm it anyway?

But Cyril Figgis ain't buying it.

But don't you deduct it on your taxes or something?

But even if you zip lined across...

But even though I do all that...

But for all we know, this could be insulin.

But he also knows how to work all the computers and satellites and shit.

But her I want to poison most of all.

But I already have a father. His name was John Fitzgerald Archer

But I am liking the jamming imagery.

But I am sure he is very strong.

But I can't freaking talk right now!

But I could talk sense into him. After all, I am his father.

But I don't know if it's gonna be a good fit.

But I got a bad feeling about Mother's little "Project Conway."

But I seriously feel crappy about that. No.

But I was the first to recognize its potential as a tactical garment.

But I wonder what Lana thinks?

But I'm sure you had a good reason to lie to me...

But if he's on the plan of Frau Archer...

But if I find one single dog hair when I get back...

But if we unite, we can put a stop to it.

But if you don't mind, I'd prefer to keep...

But if you try to double cross me...

But in the long run the HSA makes a lot more sense than flex accounts.

But instead he just starts choking the shit out of you...

But is it supposed to be brown?

But is Soviet technology...

But it looks like we're picketing the cleaners.

But it's not you, it's your weak, womanny hands.

But keep them limbered up. I have a big surprise planned for dinner...

But l... Oh, shit, my rug.

But look, you be careful with Skorpio. He won't hesitate to kill you.

But not so good for you, Mr. Archer.

But only on the "what," mind you, not the "why."

But Senator, we now have a subway museum...

But seriously, it does sound like we're about to be overrun, so...

But so then this one starts freaking out, and long story short...

But someday I'm gonna write a book about this place. Mm hm.

But suave master spy, Sterling Archer, stands alone.

But that doesn't mean anything. I mean...

But that Framboise chick must have been a prostitute before she got this gig.

But that is my decision, Ms. Archer.

But that never stopped J. Edna Hoover from persecuting Martin Luther King...

But that's a lot of money.

But the 21 gun salute.

But the military funeral.

But the stereotype thing got me thinking...

But there, you see. It's gone.

But there's only one way to find out. Give me that.

But they're not trained. We haven't done this yet.

But this party is different. And very important...

But this time you may not find the target...

But wait, would that cheer you up? Me and you, a little revenge anal?

But we have ways of making you talk.

But we've got a problem. A problem or a blessing?

But what I have seen...

But what if you kill them both?

But what of the financial arrangements?

But when it exits this window.

But which shall it...? Oh!

But why hasn't she called? I mean, what if she's in danger?

But you have a certain thickness about you...

But you make shitloads more than we do.

But you promised me breakfast.

But you promised me Ruby Foo's.

But you were quite insistent... What was I?

But you're all dried up in there.

But your mother is, so...

But, I mean, morality aside, how do you keep track of all these lies?

But, wait, it gets worse

By accident. We could explain.

By dosing Danny the intern's coffee.

Call girl. It's not an insult, Cyril.

Called the element of surprise?

Called the element of surprise?

Came this close to leaving...

Can you get it? Sorry. I also need cab fare.

Can you just get out of the way!

Can't or won't?

Can't or won't?

Can't wait to tell Trudy Beekman all about it.

Can't you read, ass douche? You're not supposed to be here without a kid.

Captain, dear, where would it do the most damage?

Carol? Carol?

Carol? Carol.

Carol.

Carries you out of a burning building, lays you on the sidewalk.

Cause I'm gonna pretend you're Alex Karras.

Charles, ISIS employs some of the world's foremost...

Check the Kaiser Wilhelm suite.

Cheryl, I swear to God...

Classic misdirection.

Coarse.

Code name Duchess.

Combine the pampering of a cruise ship...

Come on people, talk to me!

Come on, 22 black.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, can't you guys do something?

Come on, Ms. Archer. You've been in there ten hours.

Come on! It's not Larry Luftwaffe, that's...

Come on. Everybody shoots. Hey, I wanna go. Bam!

Come on. I bet Mr. Archer already went all double oh ninja on Skorpio's ass.

Come on. Lana, why the hell are...?

Come on. She doesn't need a corner office...

Come see me.

Come, my dear. Before the party, I must relax...

Commence Operation "Rub Len Trexler's Big Fat Nose In It."

Commence Operation: "Something about I rescue Lana...

Compulsively blabby self.

Confirmed a naughty nellie's breaking our after work phone rule.

Conway, wait. Just answer me one question.

Conway! That was amazing.

Cost of living adjustment.

Crack open a tube of cookie dough and talk?

Cristal. Yet another offering of unrefrigerated meat and/or seafood.

Crunch!

Crunch. No, wait, Beefheart.

Curiously oppressive brand of love?

Cyril did that. This is what a real field agent uses.

Cyril doesn't normally storm off without even kissing me goodbye!

Cyril Figgis, ISIS comptroller and...

Cyril Figgis, ISIS Comptroller.

Cyril Figgis.

Cyril Figgis.

Cyril Figgis.

Cyril tried to get his plan to cover a penis ensmallment?

Cyril would totally freak. Malory, let me stay with you.

Cyril, bare your soul.

Cyril, call 911 from their phone and leave it off the hook...

Cyril, come on. Don't listen to...

Cyril, go get some gravlax.

Cyril, goddamn it, you're smothering Lana.

Cyril, I need a little favor.

Cyril, my favorite section head.

Cyril, right this second...

Cyril, they have to update those bennie forms every quarter.

Cyril, trust me. Give her some space.

Cyril, we've got big problems.

Cyril! You know, your whole trust thing, and I've tried to, okay?

Cyril? Cyril, come on. Let go.

Cyril? Cyril, you get your ass out here right now.

Cyril? With another woman?

Cyril.

Cyril. Are you cheating on me?

Cyril. Under no circumstance is Lana to know about our little...

Cyril's already freaked out enough about us sharing this shoebox...

Cyril's off somewhere with Mr. Archer.

Da, but is a little unprofessional.

Da, is very... Ahem. Pretty nice boat.

Da, is why I fall in love with you.

Damn ass hammered shit!

Damn it, he's a prospective investor!

Damn it, look what you... Shouldn't you be off cooking a rabbit somewhere?

Damn it, where the hell are all the drones?

Damn it, yes. Seriously, thanks.

Damn it. So I poisoned like, five innocent security guards?

Damn right you will. Idiot.

Damn that crazy, jealous Russian.

Damn your bloodshot eyes, I'm serious.

Damn, I had something for this too. Damn it.

Danger zone!

Danny!

Danny. Danny, stop running. We gotta keep that heart rate down, buddy.

Darker. Ahem!

Darling, please. Don't say that.

Dealing with. Oh, Ramón.

Decidedly monochromatic.

Definitely come in. I mean, we did kind of fill the position...

Definitely Russian, possibly a Jew. I don't know. Thoughts?

Déja vu, huh? I'm having a nightmare and you lock me out of your bedroom?

Destiny? No, she's not passable. With that Adam's apple...

Did Cyril run by here crying in a woman's bathrobe?

Did not learn anything.

Did she just race card me, or are you totally just gay for her?

Did that when you were 13. 12. And why does Nikolai Jakov...

Did you see Brian's Song? Same thing pretty much happened.

Did you set this whole thing up...

Did you wanna finish that? Did you wanna finish...

Didn't need a varsity letter to get those, did I?

Different. Oh!

Dios mío. Is your ego so large...

Discount? Hello, this is Fiacci.

Discussing KGB operations with you. What? I tell you everything.

Disembark, Cyril. We're about to...

Disregard ISIS burn notice on Agent Archer..

Ditto the sound sensor. And the stupid code cloner.

Diversity requirements.

Do not make me do this. But Lana...

Do not make this about them.

Do not speak to me like a child, Manfred. I hate when you do that.

Do something bad to your bones.

Do you even hear how totally batshit insane you sound?

Do you know he called out her name once when we f...?

Do you not even skim the briefings in your inbox?

Do you not hear that?

Do you not see me rocking this chiseled slab of hard man body?

Do you really wanna open this can of trust breachy worms...

Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Does not have herpes.

Doesn't anyone work around here? And Cyril...

Doesn't it?

Doesn't it? Oh, uh, Woodhouse, I told my guests you'd pack their lunch.

Don't be snotty. And Sterling, if there is a bomb...

Don't get any on that snappy suit.

Don't just stand there, idiots. Yeah, come on. Get them out of there.

Don't listen to her, Cyril. If there's one thing women totally love...

Don't talk to me about fire hazards.

Don't think these goggles were properly calibrated.

Don't try, do. And here, use this.

Don't underestimate Skorpio. There's a reason the bounty on him is so high.

Don't use this. She switches all the labels on her medicine.

Don't worry about it. I get a deal on those, 90 cents a ball.

Don't worry, this is a normal smell.

Don't you have any cooler clothes?

Don't you have better things to do than mince around and gawk?

Douche.

Dozing off in first class, then seeing you on my flight when I get up to pee!

Dr. Krieger is doing for ISIS in our Applied Research Division?

Dr. Krieger's covert team installed these surveillance cameras...

Drinks and fish balls. You ring first bell for dinner.

Drones. Hey, come on!

Drones. They're not picketing the cleaners, they're picketing ISIS.

Dude, swear to God. She gave me a Jane Hathaway.

Dude, that whole agency's not so good at their jobs.

Duh and or hola.

Duh! You think I'm an idiot? I know he wants to marry Mother...

Duh. Woodhouse. Get in position.

East German crap, probably a GK 31 or 32.

Eat grenade, stupids.

Eighty sixed? Uh uh. You don't eighty six me.

Either A, I tell Lana what happened on that scratchy green office rug...

Either way, we have a plane to catch.

Elke, what is the matter? Are you...?

Elke? Is everything all right?

Eve. It was only Christmas Eve

Even a hint of a problem on our maiden voyage...

Even a mouse triggers it.

Even though you totally depend on us.

Evening, you beautiful girl.

Every last crumb of that sandwich.

Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me.

Everybody's personal medical records.

Everyone shoots the chippy. That way, we're all in it together.

Ew, kill. Bang.

Ew.

Exactly, and so I say, no union.

Exactly, and so I say, no union.

Exactly! That's indicative of your whole attitude, Mother!

Exactly. All right, drop them there...

Exactly. And I'm gonna file a hostile work environment lawsuit...

Exactly. You're not Archer. That's what's so great about you.

Excellent. ODIN will find it much harder...

Except for the Negress, the women are...

Excuse me, sir. L...

Excuse me. Lana?

Exercise terminated.

Fabulous. Yeah, she's actually not.

Falls right onto your popped out eyeball.

Family, almost, is what they were.

Feltchley, you dirty Sassenach.

Fidel will keep sending hit squads...

File a customer service complaint. I'm sure Popeye'd love to hear it.

Filthy coat, can't tell what's cow's blood and what's yours.

Find some Tupperware, we take food to go.

Fine!

Fine! Keep your stupid bounty, then! And keep your pathetic, clingy boyfriend.

Fine! She thinks I won't go? Well, guess what!

Fine. What is the job?

First of all, you have no right to interfere with my operation.

First person to untie me, guy or gal...

For a pre paid mobile phone. No, no!

For beet rations in my Blahniks? Come on.

For example, my real name is Kremenski.

For ISIS to continue enjoying Title 6 tax incentives...

For my goddamn flex account!

For record of activities in Krakow.

For that security probe. Which means no bonuses for us.

For the agent you're supposed to meet.

For the last time, you idiot! It's not hydrogen...

For this dinner party. There's no scheme hatchery.

For this party, everything must be as perfect...

For what? The lying woman I risk my career for?

For you to be jealous of Conway...

For your information, I've just been reviewing your operations account.

Forever and always.

Forget the eye bandage, but the hair, the strong jaw line.

Fort Kickass. Ugh! Mr. Archer, you could help.

Freaking ODIN. I can't believe this. How many are there?

Free Irishmen will never bow down before the English crown.

Freeze every one of his accounts! And then get me Woodhouse.

Frodo and Salsa were my operations.

From the man who used an entire KGB surveillance team...

From the sweet old Korean lady?

From the...? There's no glare.

From what, this sandwich?

Full bodied woman but nobody will have sex with me.

Full metal jacket...

Gay sex. Have you ever played jai alai?

Gee, thanks for helping us catch Kasparov.

Get a mirror. Oh, dear God, did I drink absinthe?

Get away from me, you disgusting woman

Get him out of here!

Get it?

Get me some video of hot man on man action by tonight...

Get my son out of there. What the hell are you people waiting for?

Get on the floor, you tacky ass, white after Labor Day wearing bitches.

Gets the insanely lucrative UN contract.

Give me a hanjo.

Give me that, you oaf!

Give me that. Some idiot dropped a fish ball on my Azerbaijani rug.

Glad to hear it. Whoever you are.

Go away.

Go staple my heart back together!

Go thwart something!

God damn it! We're moving!

God, Cyril, would you go?

God, do we hate Pam.

God, I said the cap slips off the poison pen for no reason.

God, it's like my brain's that tree, and you're those little cookie elves.

God, she is gonna freak when... Wait, where's Charles and Rudi?

God, that is just...

God, this is so classic Mother.

God, you know how much I hate that.

God, you're a natural.

God! Sweet Jesus, the goggles!

Goddamn it, we're dealing with some profound issues here...

Good luck, honey. It's too heavy!

Good news. Shut up, Pam.

Good show, Archer. Really saved my bacon there.

Good to hear. Please excuse us. Mm hm.

Got it? Yeah, I see it! Ready?

Gotta be the grip.

Gotta get my turtleneck. I'm not defusing a bomb in this!

Great champagne, ridiculous food...

Guess what. She wasn't the only one Cyril cheated with.

Guess who has breast cancer.

Guests come in from the beach, they're all sandy or whatever, and...

H.R. Mediations are supposed to be confidential, Pam, you manatee.

Ha ha ha! L... Mother!

Ha ha. No, ma'am.

Ha, ha. I'm gonna leave you to think about that whole line of reasoning...

Ha, ha. Unlike these drinks. Come, my dear...

Ha! About what, exactly?

Ha! I'll outlast you. I'm naked and I've got half a lime...

Ha! I'll suck it straight off this grimy linoleum...

Ha! Seriously though, you should look through some of her design catalogs.

Ha! She thought you were a man. Shut up. Cyril, baby...

Ha. Alternate voicemail.

Ha. And entire KGB art department...

Ha. How's that for bread and roses?

Hanging with Woodhouse... Who's fine by the way.

Have I made myself clear?

He and I were both up for command of the Excelsior, but...

He couldn't pick up a phone book? Nine years old, and bawling...

He just came up to me and was like: "Byoop!"

He just gets a pass?

He knows krav maga, he'll kick your balls through your hat...

He played fast and he played loose. And in the end, he got burned

He sort of offered me a job at ODIN

He was a fighter ace, and he won the Navy Cross.

He'll be begging me to take him back.

He's a diversity double whammy.

He's a fully integrated multi fetish artificial being.

He's already been briefed.

He's gone. I killed my baby boy...

Head of the KGB or Len Trexler, head of ODIN!

Head up your ass!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? So, what would you say if I told you...

Hello? Darling?

Hello? Ha! Sterling? Sterling, listen very... Wha...?

Hello. Mother. What? Really?

Helo's 10 4, just needs you to upload their GPS coordinates...

Help me get that drawer unstuck.

Here's room service. Who ordered champagne?

Here's the thing about Brett.

Here's the thing...