Archer (2009) - Season 5 Edit

A baby shower. KENNY LOGGINS: Oh.

A baby shower. MALORY: Wh...?

A bar, then! Whatever!

A beanbagging arms dealer, so that now, almost inexplicably,

A bid?

A brain chip. It was just the sticker off the backpack of a little Lego

A buyer for twenty kilos of our cocaine.

A country. MALORY: And it's in the

A criminal. And I hate to say it, but it's

A district attorney to blackmail,

A drug dealer, I stand by you. Oh oh oh! And you don't seem to

A finder's fee? Five thousand a kilo.

A freshly squeezed juice, a cocktail, a sandwich of your own choosing?

A goddamn baby knows, in craps, you never bet on the hard ways! Ow!

A gut shot husband and an idiot son who just

A guy. Taxi!

A half ton of cold blooded fury,

A hem! And I am Cherlene?

A hundred bucks? Depends who you ask, Lana.

A jillion million! Jesus! Be more gross

A landline and played the message from my phone, then put

A little closer to nineteen and a half?

A little compressed, but whatever.

A Long Island Iced Tea?

A lot better than I would've imagined.

A mirror, a needle and thread, and a straight razor.

A party. With an enormous cake!

A penis in my vagina.

A Poppin' Fresh costume, and taintsweaty,

A question?

A real thing...

A slippery slope! It's the world's most addictive drug.

A spa day!

A tiger. And C "guapo" means

A tiger. Where did you think you are,

A toast! CHERLENE: I just don't see how it's possible.

A ton of cocaine?

A witness to coerce, a judge to bribe...

A, "Chinese y" is not an insult.

A: not the Internet, B: only works in...

Aaaaaah!

About 15 steps ahead

About 90 goddamn times

About her contact, no picture,

About it in my art journal! CALDERÓN: She is going to bring us some tanks, so that we

About it. Just let it go.

About it. PAM: Because it kind of seems

About money

About that rim jo... Ow! Seriously, please stop hitting

About that thing where you said you're cleaning up your act

About two grand a month on the Gilfcam.

Absolutely not. CHERLENE: ♪ Revvin' up your

Accept your surrender! Dibs! I'm in charge! Cyril, get out of the...

Access the computer terminal at reception, so just follow my

Accounting firm after this job.

Actually follow my lead or... PAM: Hang on, let me grab a

Advise. KENNY LOGGINS: K Log.

After Fidel's hitmen try to kill me

After the flashbangs, but before Other Fat Mike gets shot.

Again, seriously asking.

Again, you'll never make it back to Myrtle Beach.

Against your... That is a federal offense!

Agent Holly is the prime target, but...

Ah ah!

Ah, Ah, it's your loss!

Ah, Madame First Lady. So good of you to join me.

Ah!

Ah... Or a lot of the other shit I do.

Aha! But this way, my way, Archer thinks

Aha! See, that's what I resent.

Aha! Yes. And what is on my finger, you

Aha! You're forgetting a key

Ahem. Miss what?

Air strike on the palace is a go, and I suggest we take Calderón's jet.

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER: Beechcraft, please identify. RAY: Guys?

Airplane air is so dry, plus you're breathing in God knows

All I ask, is one small favor...

All I wanted.

All kidding aside, I maybe should go to a hospital.

All right! Turn it off! Turn it off!

All right. Where are we?

All those jobs are awesome.

All tied up like a sexy little Christmas ham.

ALL: Eh... LANA: Oh, my God. CHERLENE: Oh, get over

ALL: Happy baby shower! (cork pops)

ALL: Wait, what?! ARCHER: Yeah, seriously, what?

All... well, almost all the pills Pam ate a bunch, and I'm

Alligators or your mother! ARCHER: What's the

Alligators! And do not even think about it,

Alligators! ARCHER: No. No, no, no. No

Almost... there.

Alright, Sterling, calm down.

Alright, uno rampageeo! Okay, Lana,

Also called a shivaree? You know, it's that thing where

Alternative is a belly landing in a swamp filled with

Although I have no reason to think that.

Although, I guess I could always go back to being a defense attorney.

Although...

Always answers his phone in the field, so I'm...

Always get stuck together. But I kind of don't mind it. CYRIL: Hmm, actually I don't

Am I a clone of you? Did you all grow up together... in an actual house with an

Am I right, fellas? ARCHER: Are you?

Am I right, fellas? Fellas, am I right?

Amazing! A toast. CHERLENE: No, like literally

Amphetamines?!

An actual acorn?

An office in Miami, and that office is gonna need

An unwed mother?!

ANCHORMAN: from San Marcos tonight, as the Communist rebel

And Hey, how is your mother?

And "gaping hole" are kind of begging for it.

And a corpse.

And also agree to permanently cease and desist any and all ISIS operations."

And also country music.

And also the rebels!

And also too spilly. Now, what's with all the yelling?

And also, what the hell happened to you?

And apparently I'm not good at it.

And apparently, they've got your house completely

And B, ISIS owned that penthouse, so

And B: If they weren't sitting on a

And banging the old lady with a strap on...

And being dragged off to God knows what terrible fate...

And both of whom bring up extremely uncomfortable

And by "it," I meant the moment. Not his penis.

And by awesome you mean delusional.

And by that I mean his... you know...

And can I just go on record as saying I think this is an extremely

And Chinese y!

And did you ever think maybe your fleet of

And do you have to do that

And don't call a fraternity a frat!

And don't worry about La Culebra, gringos, you are not going there.

And fear is their bacon bits.

And fifty times twenty I think we're probably

And for what it's worth, I'm pretty sure I just invaded Laos

And for what it's worth, we all kind of liked you the way you were.

And get our money And cocaine and cocaine

And have to have her baby in prison?

And honestly, not your best trait.

And how is that tone necessary?

And I believe there was some mention of throwing a bone into me?

And I didn't even get to meet her tiger.

And I hate to say this but our filthy peasants, so as to brighten their lives with your music.

And I know it sounds crazy, but I like them as much as cocaine.

And I mean from everything

And I think we should move on, they're not gonna let you kill a guy.

And I want to make that little gal famous. Are you her manager, Mrs...?

And I'd love nothing more than to shoot back, Pam,

And I'll take the fondue set. Because you were a total

And I'm excellent in the field, so...

And I'm not a doctor, but...

And I'm pretty sure I smelled a skeleton.

And if there's one thing I love more than triumph,

And if you want Archer so damn bad, you can go get him your...

And ISIS did do a lot of bad stuff.

And it can only be paid with Pam's blood.

And it definitely isn't your semester abroad.

And it sounds like the solution is more cocaine, so turn left up

And it's not that we don't appreciate criticism.

And it's not the only thing. Why can't you keep it in your pants?

And kudos.

And let me handle this. Because the problem, Gustavo... CALDERÓN: Ooh.

And let you walk alone ♪

And like 50 times I lied.

And look how tiny. I don't even need a drill I

And Mac Davis can totally suck it.

And maybe we can barter with them for a ride, or...

And no one's doing anything to find him!

And no, Kenny Loggins, there's no way to make up for almost

And not that I care what any of you think, about anything, but I lost everything

And now we're surrounded,

And one extremely flat tire, so...

And order because the cops can't or won't...

And remember, I got dibs on the tiger.

And say nothing!

And seriously, Lana, sorry for what I said.

And since I can't write a genre defining country song

And since the coke's in the shape of

And so, by the power

And so, I wanted to distribute your records among

And so, if I could direct your attention to these

And some ammo! You were really gonna shoot me in the

And spend the rest of our lives together, Lana.

And start asking around for the woman who runs the entire Cali cartel?

And stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoof.

And swim down!

And talk about who's probably waiting at this airstrip.

And thank you, George Bore well, for that clunky analogy in

And that being said,

And that plane's probably loaded with coke.

And the bourbon's kicking in, so, uh, you can pretty much name

And the only thing that was left, you idiots either lost,

And the sooner we can move out of this enormous,

And the sooner we sell this cocaine,

And the sweets. We're gonna round that down

And the whole time he was screwing the asses off all the

And then back up a sec. You're endangering your life for beauty?

And then bought a ton of goddamn cocaine.

And then go get a cake. Okay, Ray...

And then got a hand transplant from an actual bear.

And then got dropped in some different dirt and then Pig Pen came along and

And then he moves the rock and comes out of his cave stronger

And then it's like wave after wave crashing over you, into you, and...

And then tell me what happened to the hundred pounds of...

And then use them to play, in its entirety and on your

And then we whang 'em with our shovels, right?

And then you didn't die, and then a few years went by and I

And then you're going on the Grand Old Opera, and I don't

And then, by some other, even bigger miracle,

And there were two of each color and you know this

And they had the money! Why go to the trouble

And they're gross. It basically tastes like a fart

And this other five spoiler alert she ate!

And this regular tie means nothing, I don't like bow ties

And this whole other thing with the Yakuza.

And to be honest, having second thoughts about it.

And unless there's anything else?

And unless you people want to wind up classified as enemy combatants, you...

And wait, what's his, uh... the name of... Brett!

And we totally got away. So, all set.

And we're also the rebels.

And we've got about a five hour flight home, with Pam...

And what did I say about that horn?!

And what happened with getting "FBI"

And what is that

And what is this? An ocelot pelt?!

And what's with the "lickbag" stuff?

And when that drug money starts pouring in,

And when we get in there, you keep it zipped

And where were you during all that?

And who's gonna die if you don't get rich managing

And why is that?

And why on Earth would you want to?

And you actually have no right to search this house.

And you are in a mundo of caca.

And you can all suck it because I am gonna play professional lacrosse.

And you didn't even take a moment?

And you don't think I'm a kidnapping risk?!

And you have as much as you say...

And you, sir, will keep a civil tongue in your head

And you'll just have to put that on my... whatever... crime tab.

And you're already addicted to cocaine.

And you're okay with that.

And, also, this is a baby.

And, Chi, I swear to God, mention the compass again and just see what happens.

And, I'm sorry, the money is where, exactly?

And, Krieger, I hope you have a lot more where this came from

And, sir, I'm afraid your breakfast will be four minutes late.

And, wait, how much is that in pounds?

And, yeah, he's a weirdo, but I think Agent

And... RICKY: Mr. Loggins, please

Answer the

Any more?! We were never in love!

Any of anyone's business, but I had dinner with Ron.

Anybody? Not a big Robert Newton Peck crowd, huh?

Anything about the CIA deal.

Anything valuable. Ooh, like that ridiculous white painting.

Anything. All they do is suck money in. They take our taxes...

Anything. MALORY: Well, then that makes two of us.

Anyway, to buy the weapons, we needed to... monetize the cocaine.

Anyway! I go into hiding, change my name,

Anyway. Okay, now, Comandante, arrest these people.

Anywhere else? It's bad enough I have to drive 24 hours straight

Apparently Calderon is barely clinging to power.

Apparently. SLATER (chuckles): What, did

Appropes.

ARCHER (burps): Should I know who that is?

ARCHER (chuckles): Yeah, Rando's awesome.

ARCHER (scoffs): Beanbagged. MALORY: Oh, whichever. ARCHER: It's a fairly

ARCHER (sighs): Because I didn't get shot with buckshot.

Archer and money and liquor.

Archer Vice.

Archer, I think she's... I think she's...

Archer, my water just broke.

Archer, shut up. You shut up.

Archer, that is the sweetest thing anybody has ever given me,

Archer, what're you Lana, we're gonna need

ARCHER: ...whatever unit of measurement of cocaine!

ARCHER: "Danger Zone," Lana. You know, how I'm always saying

ARCHER: (chuckles) But can you imagine banging in

ARCHER: (chuckles) Look, I put my weapon down, I'm not a

ARCHER: (sighs) And I'm curious why didn't you remind

ARCHER: Ah. I will concede that point.

ARCHER: All right, here's the penthouse.

ARCHER: And what their reaction will be to three total

ARCHER: Anonymous sex, if you must know. MALORY: Ew!

ARCHER: Anyway, right about then...

ARCHER: Ar ar ar archer

ARCHER: Ar ar ar Archer...

ARCHER: Are you done? RAY and CYRIL: Yes.

ARCHER: But Miami's, like, right over here

ARCHER: But they were already cooked; what good does it do

ARCHER: Crocodylus acutus! And maybe even...

ARCHER: Cyril, do not panic. Just get out.

ARCHER: Cyril! For the love of Christ, man.

ARCHER: Don't do that. Don't ever do that!

ARCHER: Eh... I mean... RAY: Hello?

ARCHER: Exciting, isn't it? (Cyril yelping)

ARCHER: God damn it!

ARCHER: God forbid. KRIEGER: Right? CYRIL: And as for who's the

ARCHER: God...

ARCHER: Goddamn it... PAM: Clones! ARCHER: What?

ARCHER: Gomez was gonna steal it.

ARCHER: Good instincts back there, Pam.

ARCHER: Good, because if there's one thing I'm good at,

ARCHER: Hands off me, Lurch. Look at my suit.

ARCHER: Hang on. Yes? LANA: Okay. So.

ARCHER: Hey, shut up! CYRIL: You shut up!

ARCHER: Hey... Aah! (Pam screams)

ARCHER: Huh. You think this is somehow

ARCHER: I absolutely know where we're going.

ARCHER: I didn't catch that. MALORY: Oh, for...

ARCHER: I don't know, bird masks? LANA: What?

ARCHER: I don't know, maybe a little jealous.

ARCHER: I don't know. I mean, it couldn't hurt, but...

ARCHER: I honestly don't. KENNY LOGGINS: Liar.

ARCHER: I should let you go. KENNY LOGGINS: Look, I'm...

ARCHER: I was hoping you'd do that.

ARCHER: I will if you shut your... mouth.

ARCHER: I, uh... sold some artwork?

ARCHER: I'm 'a plant a red fern for ya, jug.

ARCHER: It wasn't anonymous, Lana. I thought she was the maid.

ARCHER: It's just a thing I do.

ARCHER: Jesus, will you relax? (gulping)

ARCHER: Lana. Lana.

ARCHER: Loggins! (Loggins grunts)

ARCHER: Man, I am blowing this jug.

ARCHER: Manos arriba!

ARCHER: Mm, not according to this.

ARCHER: Mm... no, but, that being said, I do think he needs

ARCHER: Mother, hush. Lana, come on, if any of you ISIS women is Molly Ringwald...

ARCHER: No, Cyril, of course I'm not mad...

ARCHER: No, it isn't!

ARCHER: No, no, let's just go with her thing.

ARCHER: No, unfortunately we ran into some...

ARCHER: Odie, hush! Uh, you were saying?

ARCHER: Oh, come on, how long are you guys gonna stay mad at me?

ARCHER: Oh, my God, Lana, I've had only, like, eight drinks.

ARCHER: Oh, not everything, Pam

ARCHER: Oh, so you have heard that.

ARCHER: Oh, uh, no. I I think I'm okay for right now.

ARCHER: Oh! S Sorry. You kind of trailed off like

ARCHER: Okay, A, Lana loves Kenny Loggins.

ARCHER: Okay, not that, but A) a palace this big definitely has an ice machine,

ARCHER: Okay, so, uh... I guess I'll go if...

ARCHER: Okay, there's $200 for the uniforms, $100 for the

ARCHER: Okay, well, let's circle back to who's an idiot,

ARCHER: Ooh. KENNY LOGGINS: (coughs) You

ARCHER: Or a woman you literally bump into on the train.

ARCHER: Ow. (grunts) Ma, they done killed old Rando.

ARCHER: Ow. CYRIL: Oh, shut up.

ARCHER: Pam. Danger zone. ♪ Wait, wait, wait, no.

ARCHER: Really? Wow, okay, that explains...

ARCHER: Right? LANA: And what happened to

ARCHER: Should I know... MALORY: Oh for God's sake,

ARCHER: So, phrasing's just dead then? LANA: What is your...?

ARCHER: Sorry. SLATER: What have you done

ARCHER: Tell you in a minute

ARCHER: The... Lana, the song.

ARCHER: Uh, excuse me, Mr.Loggins?

ARCHER: Uh, we obviously d... Oh. Hardy har, Mother.

ARCHER: Uh, well, to give Mr. Loggins his wardrobe.

ARCHER: Uh, yeah, on money

ARCHER: Uniform, towels, the usual maid stuff! LANA: The... whoa whoa whoa

ARCHER: Wait, that was a hootenanny?

ARCHER: Wait, what? And also who?

ARCHER: Wait, what? PAM: Huh?

ARCHER: Wait, what? Why wouldn't they just...? MALORY: Sterling, shut up

ARCHER: Wait, why? CYRIL: Why maybe not?

ARCHER: Wait! Ray, you said the Colombians were flying to

ARCHER: We... SLATER: I'm not done.

ARCHER: We're not losing me blowing this jug.

ARCHER: What do you mean why? (coughs)

ARCHER: What was that, Ray?

ARCHER: What? CHERLENE: Ooh.

ARCHER: Whoa, whoa... LANA: You're not emasculating

ARCHER: Why are we not doing "phrasing"?

ARCHER: Why didn't you file a flight plan?!

ARCHER: Will don't! PAM: Wait, so if Woodhouse is

ARCHER: Woooooo!! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

ARCHER: Yeah, and I don't know about you, but

ARCHER: Yeah, good, okay. 'Cause this time, I may actually

ARCHER: Yeah, Krieger. LANA: Archer.

ARCHER: Yeah, Lana. MALORY: Shut up.

ARCHER: Yeah, that's fair! Kick out the guy whose custom

ARCHER: Yeah, we... PAM: Hey, I appreciate you're

ARCHER: Yes, I'm kidding. Because you want to know what I

Archer!

Archer!

Archer!

Archer! Sorry, three.

Archer! What... are you doing?

Archer! Who the hell...

Archer.

Archer... Okay, so, remember when you had cancer?

Archer's just been trying too hard.

Are just mildewy, and not... Mildewy and dead hookery.

Are messed up! I just leveled the playing field!

Are not. (chuckles) You know, I mean, if

Are we in the Orinoco drainage basin?

Are we seriously done with "phrasing"?

Are you

Are you crazy? They'll kill us.

Are you crazy?! This car is worth one quarter of

Are you done?

Are you done?!

Are you not?! Lana, it's the A Team

Are you okay? (Archer coughs)

Are you shitting me? I can't hear anything over

Are you shitting me?!

Are you sure you cannot make love to me just once more?

Are you talking about your balls?

Are you, like, sure you brought it?

Are you? PAM: Nope! KRIEGER: Goddamn it.

Are you...? Wait, which is it?

Aren't co ed, right?

Arriba! God damn it! Manos arriba!

Arson.

As America's number one country singer.

As balls. That's why everybody likes me now.

As dictator, and we all enjoyed this little break from him,

As if American demand for cocaína wasn't already

As in neither, you dummy. This is how you steal a painting.

As in who cares. MALORY: The United States.

As in... this is a good thing?

As is leaving before Calderón pays us for that shipment of weapons, so...

As is my drink. (sighs) CYRIL: Why do we always have

As long as I brought back the money!

As opposed to what, Cyril?

As plates?

As sad as it is, deep down, he just wants your approval, and

As we speak, my scientists are working on a secret weapon, and soon I will water our coca

As well as me because we stood in my kitchen and counted.

As what?

As you can see, there's nothing illegal going on.

Ass. And, Pam, that's not a bad idea.

Assassins, the KGB, the IRA remember, North Korea,

Assu... Ow! Ow!

At any price. ARCHER: Who the hell is

At Dr. Feldman's, whose security system is a joke, by the way. And so I guess it maybe wasn't

At the morgue.

Ate it, is that things could be a lot worse.

AUTOMATED VOICE: ...is full, leave it.

AUTOMATED VOICE: The mailbox of...

Autopilot. There's nothing for me to do.

Aw, Baby Archer, who's a jeawous baby?

Aw, but look at him.

Aw, crap.

Aw, quit your literal bellyaching.

Aw, what a scary new feeling for you

Aw!

Aw!

Aw! Aw!

Aw! Look, she's almost not terrifying.

Aw! What are you people, hourly?

Aww mercy, thank you... Ya know, if we could go back in

Aww... All the gardeners are running away.

Ay. ¿Qué tiene adentro, hebillas?

B I bet there's a pretty decent chance La Madrina owns

B hole about the fork. It's not even real LCreue.

B)... LANA: "B" is hey, shut up, because I want to talk to you

Baby, please don't go ♪

Baby, please don't go ♪

Baby, please don't go, yeah ♪

Baby? Baby. Baby!

Bac Os on our prison salad. Besides, technically, Woodhouse

Bad idea?

Badge.

Ballast, and what better to simulate bricks of cocaine than,

Bank Since I Can't Keep A Man Because In Addition To My Jillion Neuroses

Barter with what, Cyril?

Bastard sh... Ow! ARCHER: Cyril, shut your

Bastard. I didn't know it was the CIA's cocaine.

Be a feather in your cap. They might even make you director.

Be going to marriage counseling and... (mumbles)

Be mad as a goddamn hatter.

Be that as it may, why are you here?

Beaker's boss!

Beaker's boss.

Beanbag," you think Beanie Baby, not... internal bleeding.

Beanbag. ARCHER: Medical fact, Cyril.

Beanbagged, Pam. (others gasp, groan)

Bears my initials, and I do hereby certify..."

Became the new head of the KGB

Because spoiler alert those didn't really work out so great!

Because correct me if I'm wrong, but that entire document

Because I don't fly

Because I got drunk to cope with the fact

Because I never had a father, Lana?

Because if by some miracle, I get the keys...

Because if we miss that taping, I won't be responsible for my actions.

Because it touched your... junk.

Because it's gonna be hard to go back to an

Because it's the perfect killing machine.

Because nobody made you two come here.

Because nobody made you two come here.

Because selling cocaine to cocaine dealers doesn't really

Because she was busy having choke sex with a murderous cyborg, who then

Because then, the last thing you'll ever hear, besides a pistol cocking behind your head,

Because there's a chance I can make this all go away,

Because these trunks feel light. Do you swear they're full of

Because this entire country's about to be up to its tits in U.S. Marines.

Because this nearly microscopic, wittle bitty guy is my new and

Because turns out, he's actually very good at

Because we're about to get murdered for it!

Because where the hell is my gun?!

Because why do you always crash

Because why do you always get paralyzed?

Because you just assume everything's gonna work out for you.

Because you may not actually find this to be all that relaxing.

Because you suddenly decided to take up skydiving.

Because you're an asshole!

Because, spoiler alert, they're unisex.

Because... Shut up! This is what we're doing!

Because... you and I are going to get Kenny Loggins to play

Because... You dum dums,

Bedrooms, bathrooms, bathrooms, other bathrooms,

Beechcraft, identify. RAY: Guys! ARCHER: Goddamn it, tell him

Beechcraft. LANA: Ray! RAY: Uh, Slater sent us?

Been a fortune. MALORY: Well, I can afford

Been paid... (sighs) Look, I hate to ask, but

Been waiting forever to use that.

Been working on a bit of a side project.

Before when this whole goddamn thing was your fault?!

Begging for it. Eh...

Being a crippled cyborg!

Being magnificent and crepuscular.

Besides ninety percent of all mosquitoes and Cubans

Besides that.

Bet you can forgive the debt of honor, right?

Big dossiers with all the information you could

Birth cheese. I only had $200.

Bitch to scrub your brains out of the grout.

Bitches, I am pregnant!

Blah, blah, blah.

Blame for this shipment of weapons being late

Blind woman! You bring shame on your family!

Blitko. So we have, in this area, these very geometric shapes, in these

Body Inspector." God, is Myrtle Beach not the

Bolshevik lesbian couples! Then PBS mixes it all in with their huge N.E.A. grants,

Bonded courier! Ron?!

Boom, it's good to go zoom. CYRIL: So, why are we in

Booze, and soft cheeses, I'm also supposed to abstain from bus crashes!

Bor... (grunts) (gunshot, glass shatters)

Borgnar that night in Caracas. It's not for sale

Both, either, all. They'd shoot me on sight, Lana.

BOTH: Kilos. MALORY: Kilos, thank you,

Breathe, friend. Because, uh... Wow. Okay.

Bribe some federal agents. Well, at least put a seatbelt on it!

Bribe with what? The government seized the

Briefcase. What the hell is even in that

Bright side. With any luck at all, it will

Browser history and... No, no, no, no, no... oof!

Bucks of amphetamines, so now they're gonna cut her head off.

Bumfights!

Bunch of cocaine in the jungle and then continue stumbling into

Bunsen frickin' Honeydew!

Burnt to the ground.

Bus station toilet. But for cocaine.

Bus with the worst driver on the planet! (Ray muttering)

But But there's always

But I gave mi palabra.

But What's her problem?

But Cyril and if you tell him I said this, I'll break your

But don't worry. We're gonna get out of here and

But even though it's very delicate, it can withstand a surprising amount of shit.

But explain all that to the Brazos County judge, and maybe he'll...

But first, business, then

But for the rest of us trapped in the realm of possibility...

But he's got all these fake wires in here, that don't connect to any...

But how do we get paid? KRIEGER: With a totally

But I cannot lose mentsu. What you call "face

But I get it, the Bushido code, the whole Japanese thing, I get

But I just this second realized why you want to stay

But I need you to focus on me,

But I realize now that I was mistaken.

But I tested it, it's very pure.

But if all Moto wants is his drugs...

But if I do, I I apologize for

But if we're doing a new thing and nobody told me that I'd

But if you didn't...

But in our current situation I would argue that cocaine is more dangerous,

But it's exactly what you deserve.

But let's just press on, operating under the assumption that

But lunch is still a firm twelve.

But maybe we should try to sell out to an

But mostly treason.

But my water just broke, so...

But neither are people who need a roll of quarters to take a shower!

But now I live here, so...

But now it's not funny. Well, not as funny.

But only for three days, right?

But only if you people don't try to save your own necks

But only towels. KRIEGER: Hey, are there more towels?

But seriously? A floor model?

But since I did... KRIEGER: Taaaaanks! You jerks.

But since that, um, special "plaster" in your cast

But so far, being an international arms dealer is not.

But thank you. Aw, and thank you, Pam.

But that's okay, because I'm pinning my hopes for the

But that's patched into the actual house wiring,

But the point is, we are highly trained

But the saddest part is no one does.

But think about it, every bullet's got to leave at least a

But this is Archer we're talking about, so probably not.

But this way, we have twenty kilos of pure,

But umpteen babies later. My God, Sterling loved her.

But what about the hundred pounds of coke you dumped on the highway?

But what do they...

But what do you think is gonna happen when three

But when we're digging our own graves they're gonna get cocky

But, I mean, the big present, obviously, is, uh...

But, Pam, if there ever are any, this comes out

But, Presidente, the rebels, they have smashed

But... ARCHER: Pam!

But... CHERLENE: Then you know it's

But... how is that possible?

But... KENNY LOGGINS: You think

Buy this business with some little money I borrow from Mamá,

By ratting out everyone else!

By threatening to tell Calderón about the first time.

C co oh. Um...

C... I... A.

Calderon, seen here volunteering at the hospital, comforting the

CALDERÓN: "Outlaw Country," "Hoochie Coochie Coochie Man," "Travis County Limitado."

CALDERÓN: And well I do! Please forgive me. MALORY: I mean...

CALDERÓN: Are you sure? The room is okay? CHERLENE: Yeah, it's fine, whatever.

CALDERÓN: Boom! (laughing): Yeah. Can I please bring you anything?

CALDERÓN: Eh? (muttering in agreement) KRIEGER: Hey, what's

CALDERÓN: Gas? MALORY: I'm sorry? CALDERÓN: You have gas?

CALDERÓN: Hmm. Hmm... Maybe to start?

CALDERÓN: I I cannot believe it is actually you.

CALDERÓN: I misunderstood. I apologize. MALORY: And well you should!

CALDERÓN: I was just showing them the Blitko. JULIANA: Do you like what you

CALDERÓN: It's in the mountains far, far away where we will crush the communist rebel

CALDERÓN: My wife. (Archer grunting)

CALDERÓN: No, no, but I cannot afford to do this! MALORY: Oh, please.

CALDERÓN: No, please, of course, I am willing to do whatever it takes.

CALDERÓN: Okay, you sit there. Uh... you.

CALDERÓN: Ooh. MALORY: And so, if you want any more weapons, you'll have to

CALDERÓN: Silencio! Who is in charge here? COMANDANTE: Señor Presidente,

CALDERÓN: So, the stories are true. KRIEGER: What stories?

CALDERÓN: Viva Cherlene! Viva Cherlene! TROOPS (chanting): Cherlene!

CALDERÓN: Wait, really? Anything? MALORY: Yes?

Calm down, Colonel Panic. Listen the shelling has stopped.

Calm down. Jesus, it's not like you killed

Can I finish? Can I finish?

Can I stop you?

Can inject it right through the temple.

Can totally be absorbed through the skin,

Can we get Ron to a hospital?

Can you believe it is so amazing? Everyone, toast.

Cannonball!

Cannot kill the spirit of San Mar..

Cannot make love to me just once more?

Cap'n Crunch here just took all the coca fields back

Captives; we're about to be their business partners.

Care if it kills you be...

Carol, listen to me very closely.

Case law regarding search and seizure is actually

Casts smell bad when you take 'em off it's a

Certainly was not! CYRIL: Wait, then where did it come from?

Chance that at some point in the future we're gonna have sex, so...

Change the word "cocaine" to "Cookie Puss" and that's how her

Charge. COMANDANTE: I... (gunshots)

CHARLENE: ♪ Got too much time And nowhere to go ♪

Charles, por favor! You have your cocaine,

Charles, por favor! You have your cocaine,

Cherlene, go pick or grin or something, and the rest of

Cherlene, I now pronounce us husband and wife.

Cherlene, stop this at once. As your husband, I command you.

CHERLENE: ♪ You'll never know what you can do until you get it

CHERLENE: Cut! Okay, whoa!

CHERLENE: Don't you, like, have a war to go to? (scoffs)

CHERLENE: Duh, we were shooting my album cover.

CHERLENE: Goddamn it! ARCHER: Whoa!

CHERLENE: Goddamn it! What did I tell you about

CHERLENE: Goddamn it! Who the hell drilled my box?! ARCHER: So, we're just done

CHERLENE: How? It came out, like, yesterday. CALDERÓN: Yes!

CHERLENE: I think it's pretty sexy.

CHERLENE: I'm not cleaning it up.

CHERLENE: Lame. KRIEGER: Well, if we ever do,

CHERLENE: Oh, my God! It's starting! MALORY: What is?

CHERLENE: Oh, please. She knows we're in here

CHERLENE: Outlaw different country woooooo!

CHERLENE: Phrasing, boom! ARCHER: Thank you. (moans)

CHERLENE: Uh, duh, it's called the golden hour.

CHERLENE: We're losing the light!

CHERLENE: What the hell is wrong with you?

CHERLENE: What? PAM: Krieger's selling the

CHERLENE: What's up her gigantic giant ass?

CHERLENE: Woooooo hoo! (Calderón gasps) CALDERÓN: Yes, yes, yes, yes,

Cherlene! LANA: Wait a minute, you said eight drinks!

Cherlene's happy... CHERLENE: Outlaw country,

CHERLENE/LOGGINS: ♪ Highway to the danger zone

Cheryl, build a fire and get some pokers hot!

CHERYL: I don't understand what you're saying.

Chile, Nicaragua, uh... Oh! Iran?!

Chocolate chip ice cream. In your refrigerated drawer.

Chokepoints as in junctions, like the main foyer, the

Christ on drums, people! What?!

Claims relating to the death of your employee... Brett, uh, Bunson?

Classic Rando. And don't worry, Calderon's good

Clichés, really. Karaoke, pachinko, subway

Clone bone!

Clubber am I? ARCHER: Hmm, I guess the janitor everybody thinks is

Clyde, is that you?

Cobra whiskey and ladyboys. I mean...

Cocaine and where the hell is Gomez, full goddamn stop!

Cocaine anonymously and completely risk free.

Cocaine aren't people you want as friends, Pam. And not to sound elitist,

Cocaine in the kitchen can be lawfully seized as evidence.

Cocaine online. MALORY: Are you insane?

Cocaine puddin. Ooh, cocaine puddin.

Cocaine she was eating.

Cocaine, do we even still have half of it left?

Cocaine, which just mysteriously appeared at ISIS and that Malory

Cocaine?

Cocaine. ARCHER: What?! No!

Coins because the damn government took away our...

Coke and lock her in the cage till she's clean?

Colombia with millions of dollars of cocaine?!

Colombia? What are they doing in Colombia?

Colombia. LANA: Which..

Colored maids. No, that's a terrible

Combination good bye/thank you blow job.

Come here, boy!

Come on, Cyril, pick one.

Come on, move it, up, up, up! MALORY: Well, of all the... CALDERÓN: Please, Cherlene.

Come on, Ray, there has to be somewhere to land besides the

Come on, you can do this.

Come on, you guys are acting a little... insane.

Come on. We're not gonna let the Yakuza kill you.

Communists who are murdering our brave young fruits, and to

Compare to helping overthrow democratically elected

Competition, Ron! He's my child.

Consummate.

Cost 40 millions. MALORY AND ARCHER: What?! CALDERÓN: Yes, it is an Ivan

Could happen? (tires squealing) TROOPS: Get on the ground!

Couldn't leave it in the rocket. And we couldn't just leave it

Couldn't tell, because you seemed pretty

Count Krieg... Ow! Ow!

Counterfeit money in the one hand and my schlong in

Counting backwards from a million years, and when you get

Country album should be hardcore...?

Country or country music? 'Cause I'm first lady of both!

Country singer Cheryl and a Pam who... tits.

Country welcome for Cherlene!

Country." KENNY LOGGINS: Yeah,