American Dad! - Season 2 Edit

A Cueryo cosmotinian. I first had one on Fire Island.

A different handmade bear for every holiday.

A face down snow angel...

A friend showed me one and, honey, Miss Patti just loved them.

A gay group?

A gay would,ve checked for dirt this way.

A gay would,ve said "Equal Rights Amendment....

A genius. Look

A girl at the bank told me about this place.

A good rut, like 200 years of democracy, or a bad rut, like UNICEF?

A jar containing evidence that Carver didn't invent peanut butter.

A little Dead Poets and the rest is just lies.

A little more flesh colored with a nose

A little place called London Bridge.

A man with a winter secret.

A map I found years ago.

A mere 1,000 years after the creation of Earth...

A perfect follow up to the chocolate chip waffles.

A pleasure.

A pre emptive strike. Of course.

A rut with nothing exciting in it.

A seagull? Where? Don't let it touch me with its feet.

A secret society dedicated to concealing this truth at all costs.

A whole island made of fire? How manly.

A world with no children. Future generations will thank us.

About the naked lady who drove me home from the library...

About the street racer you saw last night.

Above the sink? Oh, yeah. Here they are.

Absolutely. All business.

Accordingly, I am now going to paint all of your houses at once.

Actually, I didn't make a dessert tonight.

Actually, I kind of met someone.

Actually, I kinda see their point. I mean, if you,re not Christian...

Actually, Stan, I'll meet you downstairs.

Actually, we haven't talked in a few years.

Adios, sucker. The Brain. "

Afraid of what they don't understand.

Afraid so, Bob. You see, I've got a very busy...

After the war, our nation was healed by the belief...

After this simple procedure, you will be unsuitable towards manufacture children.

Afterwards, I'll probably just finish up paperwork at the office...

Agathor, cover me!

Agathor! You were awesome, dude.

Agathor!Agathor!

Age 7: I put my little cousin's doll in a river and watched it float away.

Age 11: When my parents wouldn't let me have a fourth cupcake...

Age 15: I put a bunch of flies in a blender...

Ah, Abe Lincoln, the first Republican, pure and perfect.

Ah, come on, Debbie. Let's go swab the steak sauce out of my ear.

Ah, look at you. basking in the love of your family

Ah, my beauties, my tranquil beauties, calm me.

Ah, Saturday Sunday's Friday.

Ah, Stan, that's too tight.

Ah, the hell with it. Choke on my Rod!

Ah, the lighting of the town Christmas tree.

Ah, this is more like it.

Ah. Feels good to laugh.

Ahoy, fair masticators. Behold your fondue.

Alien? Don't be ridiculous.

All hail

All hail the mighty Agathor.

All he has is the shirt on his back and the $1,600 I gave him to pay this quarter's kid tax.

All I have to do is get married by next week...

All I know is I have a casserole dish filled with mousetraps and I'm going.

All I need is $40 for gas.

All in favor of making Krispy Kreme McDonalds our new drummer?

All is lost. Okay, that was fun.

All my regular clothes felt silly.

All of civilization was destroyed by a nuclear holocaust.

All right, all right. I,ll sign.

All right, all right. You win.

All right, I'll call her.

All right, I'll go with you.

All right, Steve, we are moments away from getting a lifetime supply...

All right, target identified.

All right, that's it

All right, there they are.

All right, we're in the clear.

All right! Let's go screw some sheep!

All right.

All right. 17 Lake Drive. This is where Osama's living.

All right. Assignment, people.

All right. Foreplay.

All Smith does is talk, he doesn 't know how to listen.

All that damn fool had to do was drive the van to Florida.

All the clues are things that President Peanut wears.

All the other men are dead, and the sonar's shot

All this Christmas stuff might make you feel a little uncomfortable.

All this time, I thought I was proving I was so grown up...

All those guys you slept with before me meant nothing.

All we do is take it for granted and they're willing to work...

All your fat sweaty toes shoved in there...

Alma. Alma, wake the kids. It's finally happened.

Almost there, Dad. Hey, look. Funny pages from 1916.

Alright. Miss Fonda, lie down. You can finish the cat food later.

Alright. Ms. Fonda. Action!

Although, that could just be the Intriguinol I took this morning.

Always remember. You,re a whore.

Am I getting good reception? Can you see the game?

An alien. My very own alien.

An autographed George Brett baseball?

An exact replica of your cheerleading outfit...

An insurance salesman in Ohio wants to fly me to Disneyland.

And a machine that turns water into cocaine. I'll just hang onto this.

And after seeing you as Lincoln's "special friend......

And another thousand to sell in my store.

And as a proud member, it's up to me

And B: before they cut and styled my hair.

And be careful. They're watching you.

And beautiful women will pay me to have sex with them?

And being kidnapped by heavily armed skinheads.

And don't forget to look in their weirdly deep orc butts.

And ends with you on a boat to Mykonos wearing a pair of"assless... chaps.

And flipped for a profit!

And get girls. Chicks dig a guy with a fatwa on his head. I'll go tell my dad.

And good bye, struggling gay actor.

And he asked me to teach this class.

And he completely ignores me. It makes him so much hotter.

And he doesn't work as an accountant at MacMillan & Sachs.

And he never tried to impress her by shooting President Reagan

And his cell mate is in there because he just ****d Scott Bakula.

And I can't live under the roof.

And I can't think of anyone else I,d rather share it with.

And I do not perform with another act

And I don't need this childproof lock on the Internet.

And I found you.

And I had some great times suckling.

And I learned something. We,re wrong about gays. I was wrong.

And I taught my boy wrong.

And I told you if I was responsible...

And I told you to light a match

And I took your husband back to 1970, and he bolted on me.

And I was planning to have sex with you.

And I won't let you ruin that.

And I,m here to strike it rich as a comedy writer for television.

And I,m not gonna let them have you. This isn't over.

And I,m not too drunk or too full for sex. Too bad it's not sex night.

And I'll do whatever it takes to keep her from saying them, as God is my witness.

And I'll need two forms of ID. Passport's okay, or a utility bill with your current...

And I'll never be too busy for you. You're my alien.

And I'm gonna collect the bounty. Tie him up.

And if a girl calls and there's a shot at boob...

And if we don't, then life isn't worth living... for any of us.

And if you criticize me, then you don't love me.

And if you don't love me, then you must hate me.

And in answer to your next question, I like a sneaker with a large tongue.

And in this direction, from youngest

And its Zionist allies. But even better...

And Jane Fonda is filming her Oscar winning role in Klute.

And just go back to Ace Ventura.

And my bounty.

And my job is to save the world.

And next time, Smith, I won't be using a midget.

And nobody wants Punch Drunk Love. Just give us Water boy

And now give me an R.B.O. Choctaw!

And now he's injured.

And now look. You have become one of the skankiest hos...

And now to just separate the fossil sites from the porn sites.

And now you,re dumping me to skate with Roger? Why, Stan? Why?

And now, representing the Langley Conservatives, Stan Smith.

And our kids are the proof.

And right now, I want to send them a big thank you basket from the Body Factory.

And see if the rattrap snagged us some din din.

And slender. God.

And so Francine nursed Stan's wounded soul back to life.

And so I say to you, graduates of the Naval Academy...

And so Stan fought his competitive urges...

And so the safety of our nation will forever be ensured.

And so what was a season of joy for most couples...

And Steve's where?

And stop enjoying my mural

And tell Esteban that ellobon****n sends his regards.

And that dress she wore at our wedding.

And that house, my friends, will be re surfaced with an aged lime wash...

And that's how you kill a bear.

And that's how you spot your typical homosexual female.

And that's how you spot your typical homosexual female.

And that's where babies come from

And that's where fossils come from.

And the Christmas Rapist is on the loose.

And the pot is shaped like a hat. It's the last piece of the puzzle.

And the twilight Absolut

And the way Stan stared at me when I was talking.

And the way you portrayed him with his boyfriend

And the world was young and gay

And then I made the most terrible blunder.

And there's a very interesting take on T.S. Eliot's work.

And these are walls.

And they all lived happily ever after.

And they drove the dinosaurs underground.

And they won't rest until everyone else is gay with them.

And this is my most prized possession.

And this way, she won't be joke.

And those hippies would have worn themselves out dancing in the mud..

And those shoes didn't help.

And though that moment only lasted seconds...

And toss it accurately enough to hit the netting or metal ring.

And watch bad television.

And watching Ricki Lake

And we need that blood to shed for oil.

And what kind of an idiot points a loaded gun at a child?

And when they find it, they'll destroy it.

And where did that swivel chair come from?

And who's this lovely young lady?

And why would you do that?

And you always will be. Look.

And you are a shepherd.

And you can think about that while you,re sleeping on the couch!

And you know what? That's what I,m best at.

And you remember what happened to her.

And you, Agathor does not choose to use his muscles.

And you,re not allowed to use the muscles in your legs.

And you,re the only gay guy I know who's still in town.

And you're embarrassing me in front of your family.

And you've never once gotten them in stores in time for a holiday.

And, therefore, isn't an appropriate place for religious icons.

And, you know, move out of this tunnel.

Another time. No, this is the tale of Stan Smith...

Another year on this planet and I ha haven't I haven't accomplished squat!

Answer her. That's your wife.

Any luck finding me a blender?

Any other drink is little more than a weapon of mass dehydration.

Anyway, back to the skating story.

Anyway, can you help me find him?

Anyway, Francine's curiosity finally got the best of her.

Anyway, I know how to defeat Steve.

Anyway, it's been a while, so I was thinking tonight...

Anyway, it's on sale for $50 million.

Anyway, madam, I wanna dispute some of these charges on my cell phone bill.

Anyway, this time I'm going to do it.

Anyway, you were right.

Anyway, you,re boring, and Francine's stuck on the street racer...

Anywho, we're registered at Williams Sonoma.

Apparently, this is where I belong.

Apresmoile deluge

Are you and your dad close?

Are you here to give Jane her massage?

Are you kidding,? I know everything about fossils. Steve, grab a pen.

Are you kidding? There's a rich tradition of alien bounty hunters.

Are you mad, woman? Once the kids are out of the house...

Are you Steve, Toshi, Barry and Snot?

Are you still writing that letter to President Bush?

Are you sure you're okay to drive?

Are you sure? You'd be giving up your dream.

Aren't we all just slaves?

Arise and awaken, Stan Smith.

Arnie, come bring your mama one of them brownies.

Arnie, stop chewing on the line.

Arnie, stop playing with the curtain.

As a woman, I could tell.

As for you, old friend, I think you'll like Mexico.

As God as my witness, I will be beloved.

As I was saying, how in the hell...

As long as he could, but it was a losing battle.

As punishment for your insolence...

As soon as that bell rings, we,ll be in the money.

As sweet as owning that PlayStation you've been lusting after?

As teddy bears were cute

As the backbone of our last presidential election, they,re still sticking with us.

As the two smartest people in the house...

As you can see, I,m going to do very well.

Assembled liberal media...

Astatine. How could I forget? It has the words "teen" and "ass" in it.

At first I thought it was Aretha Franklin, but then she said she wasn't.

At the Republican National Convention.

At the risk of sounding a little meshuga...

At this part of our routine, I want you to do a salchow from a Mohawk entry.

Atop a redneck's lawn

Attention, everyone.

Attention, everyone. I have incredible news.

Attention, neighbors. An important part of any relationship is vulnerability...

Attention, neighbors. It's me again.

Audience Laughing ]

Awesome, Dad! You,re the most abortion hating, stem cell research opposing...

Awesome. So here's what I think we should do.

Baby, you treat me so fine.

Baby, you,re gonna shine tonight shine the stars down from heaven.

Back me up and I'll buy it for you.

Back of the line.

Bacon fled and was arrested 20 minutes later, across the country, in Hollywood.

Bad guy? Look who's talking.

Bad Stan!

Bad Stan! I don't know. I like it both ways.

Bad Stan! Oh, oh, I meant to say, "Bad Stan!... and then slapyou.

Bad Stan. Bad Stan!

Baseball.

Be nice.

Be ready for that dawn

Beat it. Roger never wants to see you again.

Beats me. One minute I,m talking about President Nixon and Jane Fonda...

Beautiful,Jane. That fork thing genius.

Because Greg is a bastard!

Because I am hurting. Very much so.

Because I didn't think of it.

Because I entered us in a little couples competition down at the rink.

Because Paco is a person.

Because that's the last fun you're gonna have for a long time.

Because that's what prison's like, right?

Because the economics of television have changed, Steve

Because the thought of you being with someone else was driving me crazy.

Because there's only been one mutant. He was half human, half divine.

Because they,re letting me speak at the convention.

Because they're no longer our neighbors.

Because Travis is such a loner, he's desperate for any interaction...

Because when stupid people get nervous, they talk about shiny things.

Because winning some stupid contest means more to you than your own wife!

Because you got caught in the gravity of my invite.

Because you,ve forgotten the true meaning of Christmas.

Because you're not my alien.

Because your son stopped by the office today and dropped off this.

Before a dangerous mission back in the,80s.

Before she goes to Vietnam and ruins Christmas.

Before you go, I have your Bush essays.

Behold the Pibbmobile.

Beloved. I feel I am beloved.

Ben Roethlisberger.

Ben..

Better. We're getting a Ping Pong table.

Bingo!Forty seven days into his presidency...

Bingo.

Blood for oil.

Bob, no.

Bob, no.

Bob, would you say this is where they put the "Pibb" in "Mr. Pibb"?

Bobby Brown. He's black. Bobby Brown. I did it.

Born in the bayou.

Boy, I have never told a guy about my nose job on the first date before.

Boy, that that was exciting, huh?

Boy, this is the first time I've relaxed since I took office, and it feels good.

Boy, you are rusty.

Boys are ready?

Brandeis. Reformed. Ashkenazi. Haven't seen the car.

Breakfast blend? That could work. Where are the filters?

Bret, Bret. Tell this guy I,m okay.

Bruce Willis wants them. That girl who played Tank Girl wants them.

Buck up. We,re gonna make it through this. We still have 20 bucks.

Buckle was right. Mutants!

Buckle? Do people go by "Buckle"?

Buddy, I'm not ready yet.

Bueno. Muchasgracias, Toshi

Bullock moved my desk to the bathroom.

Bullock's made us work late every night this week.

Buried behind the Olive Garden. The one in Richmond.

But after what you did to your brother, you,re just heartless!

But America's a big boy now, and so am I.

But as "regardless... is already negative, it's a logical absurdity.

But ask me if I want a mimosa.

But ask yourself, will you jackknife or cannonball?

But back home, you said you were about to make a fortune in silver.

But Cleveland constructed an ingenious plan...

But don't you have to start charging eventually?

But every night, he returns to this very factory...

But first I'm gonna need something from you.

But gay men are never catty.

But how about that Jodie Foster? Pretty hot, huh?

But I am! I,ve changed! You gotta believe me!

But I can't be running around and making you grilled cheese for the next 18 years.

But I can't keep them out here forever. There's only one thing to do.

But I can't promise anything.

But I checked the hotel for all the Smiths

But I couldn't help feeling you were one good sentence away

But I did meet someone

But I do well, though. I make a living. I'm comfortable. Waiter.

But I don't understand, sir.

But I have a faculty meeting in the morning.

But I must have you.

But I never want you to find out. So it's just for me to know.

But I was so competitive I couldn't accept we'd lost.

But I will come home and tell you about it.

But if Francine thinks this is gonna save our marriage..

But If I hear that you die before me, I'll leave a rose on your grave every year.

But if that were true, that would mean my son is a worthless piece of crap...

But if this doesn't work out, remember, I told you...

But in my heart I knew it. I knew you wouldn't have sex with her.

But it doesn't mean we stop respecting you.

But it seems like that blind date was a big success.

But it was all for nothing. The association refused to change our score.

But it was an accident. That doesn't make you a monster.

But it was the regionals and I wanted to win more than anything.

But it's really they who pretend to teach me.

But just think, soon we,ll be able to mate worry free.

But knowing you feel this way has turned me right around.

But life

But maybe we can make do with some Michelob Ultra and diet pills.

But my desk is right here.

But nothing could have prepared her for what she was about to see.

But now he's left me. And look how old Maria's gotten.

But now he's older, breaking free

But now I know it's just fun! That Peanuts Christmas special finally makes sense.

But now I've got all this responsibility and pressure.

But now the liberals have decided that Christmas is offensive

But now you,ve inspired me.

But only because that is what I want.

But please wait 30 minutes before eating...

But relax. This isn't a bad thing. It's an opportunity.

But Stan was about to learn...

But that's the surprise. You think my stories won't end, but they do.

But the code. I was so sure.

But the guy just doesn't get it!

But the most important part of Christmas is you and the kids.

But then we discovered he plagiarized a chunk of it from Willy Wonka.

But they did choose to be Republicans

But they were supposed to be on the hook.

But this is the only peanut plant in this whole place.

But we can't afford that.

But we're just two consumers. How can we possibly do this alone?

But we're supposed to play the July 4th Festival.

But we've based so much of our love on your soda.

But what about my investments? What about all my racehorses?

But when I,m Agathor, there is no pain, no wedgies, no heartache.

But when something in the past gets changed, it affects the future!

But who would do something so awful?

But why did we have to come to a Burger King to read the map?

But you began arguing over who would shower first.

But you don't need it, Francine. You,re already a mother.

But you screwed things up. You have to make them right.

But you told me we hate the gays.

But you won't... I've forgotten my point.

But you, you have a sex garden...

But you,re clearly not the kind of person we want speaking for us at the convention.

But you,re never gonna win an Oscar hopped up on the dope.

But you,re not married, and you,re a total whore!

But you're so young

But, and we mean it, don't bring a thing.

But, Mr. Bacon, you've already had five premium bottles.

But, no, she had to revitalize their dying movement...

But, Stan, if the Soviets control the U.S., there really won't be a Christmas.

But, Stan, we have to do something.

Buy Moby Dick and tear it up... by Monday.

Buy the house, don't buy, you're comped. Don't let it influence your decision.

Bwap! Did my interpretive dance sell it?

By doing my own play about Abraham Lincoln.

By finding stupid people and mocking them.

By God, these people love America as much as they love brunch.

By going to North Vietnam and humanizing the enemy.

By the way, can you believe this kid tax?

Bye bye. See you soon.

Can I borrow a quarter?

Can I borrow some money? I'm all out of Cougar Boost.

Can I come out of the pantry now, babe?

Can I have everyone's attention? I,ve just been handed this injunction...

Can I say, Jacob, your nose job, the doctor did fantastic work.

Can it! You,re the Adam Sandler of this house.

Can we take one of those old western photos together?

Can you believe we'll meet Denzel Washington?

Can you bring me a towel?

Can you drop me off at the dealership? They gotta repack me.

Can you guys believe it? We,re about to skinny dip with Svetlana.

Can you keep it down? Huh? No one's looking at you.

Can you tell me the last place I used it?

Can you think of anything more American?

Can't a brother get a "Run, Roger...?

Can't a guy sit in the closet and get drunk with Francine's shoes...

Can't even drink myself to death.

Can't have nice things!

Can't reach it. Steve, I'll help you up.

Can't tell how many people tried to pee on me that summer.

Can't we just stay up here with Buckle?

Can't you watch Grey's Anatomy with a non blended drink?

Careful. These stairs will be dangerous without a banister.

Carl, fix Agent Smith's car so that it will start.

Carry the noodle...

Cars.

Carved everything you see.

Carver? The peanut butter guy?

Celine Dion.

Chapter One.

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, listen to me.

Charlie? Charlie? What's your name again?

Check it out. I blinded us with science.

Check it out. It's so sensitive, you can hear a moth fart.

Check your fingernails for dirt.

Cheese makes me feel better.

Cheetah.

Cheetos.

Childhood stolen from them, forced to grow up before they're ready.

Chlorine. Bromine. Crap.

Chowing down on Dunkaroos

Christmas is dead!

CIA. Your house has been seized to help in the war on terror.

Classic Bob.

Clearly Jon Stewart was ****d as a child.

Cleveland learned of a black botanist who had hundreds of uses for peanuts.

Click on "Over 35 and Never Married."

Clorox bleach gets your whites white.

Coffee! I'll get you coffee. How do you take it?

Cold water? Great idea. Pool hopping.

Come back here, baseball.

Come in, come in. Now, I love these built ins.

Come on, already.

Come on, Anne Heche, you confused son of a bitch.

Come on, boys.

Come on, Debbie.

Come on, Don. I'm just an actress.

Come on, Francine, I'm sick of working late.

Come on, honey. I just wanted to show you that you,re more important to me than winning.

Come on, kids, let's just go home. You can ride in the back.

Come on, let's go watch you die

Come on, mountain man. Come to papa.

Come on, people. Give me one original way to assassinate somebody...

Come on, Stan! Let me show you how much fun ice skating can be!

Come on, Steve. You're our only hope to save Jeff.

Come on, Sveti! Ditch the suit!

Come on, you're not still mad about last night are you?

Come on. Come on. We can still fix this.

Come on. It's brilliant.

Come on. Let's keep this convention pure. Just like you taught me.

Come under the big tent. The Grand Old Party just got grander.

Come with me.

Concentrate very hard and try to switch souls with this beetle.

Condoms, diaphragm, can of sperm repellent.

Congratulations, Smith, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard.

Congratulations. You just made your first million.

Consuela!

Corn fields, a silo, behind a cow, under a tractor

Cougar Boost energy drink. I gotta cram for finals.

Couldn't be happy with just being the tooth fairy.

Couldn't rise to the occasion, not even a little

Course, you've also ingested enough poisonous berries to kill a small elephant.

Creamy. No, no, that means nothing.

Crowd's a little older, but, boy, do they love wang.

Cucumber sandwich! Tight!

Cup of your hottest coffee, please.

Curiouser and curiouser.

Cut!

Dad kidnapped Jeff, but he got away and now he's hiding at his dad's farm.

Dad was telling the truth.

Dad would never do anything that mean.

Dad, a museum curator was murdered and his dying message led me to this

Dad, Bush is gone.

Dad, do you know anything about fossils?

Dad, he doesn't have any. He's an unregistered visitor.

Dad, I'm old enough to decide who to do my report on.

Dad, Old Glory wasn't a flag.

Dad, stop.

Dad, there it is.

Dad, you can help me with my report.

Dad, you can't just uproot people from their homes.

Dad, you can't let Steve and Roger stay in the tree house.

Dad.

Dad. Dad.

Dad. Dad. Dad.

Dad's trying to scare us again so we'll respect him.

Daddy, Daddy.

Daddy, do something. No one's looking at me.

Daddy's breaking all the presents Chinese kids made for me.

Damn it, Francine! What's so hard about doing it flawlessly the first time?

Damn it, Roger, he's getting away!

Damn it, Roger! Get a hold of yourself!

Damn it, Roger. I warned you. You should have listened. I told you...

Damn it, this isn't over! Not by a long shot!

Damn it!

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it. Where would Hayley take a drunken president?

Damn right. Here they come.

Damn. Gotta be all self running and whatnot.

Damn. The Lipton woman outfoxed me again.

Dang it. It's been so long, I forget.

Daniela, I was tougher on you than all the rest...

Danny doesn't know where Bin Laden is because Bin Laden doesn't live in DC.

Dark forces have banded together

Darling, I,ve changed. Let me show you how much I care about you.

Darling, I'm here because I'm a big fan of your bears.

Dead in the cornfield, crows pecking out your eyes. Mama can't find you for weeks.

Dead kid. Mama's crying as she takes your crayon drawings off the fridge.

Debbie broke up with me.

Debbie.

Defecit loving, affirmative action despising, Bible thumping xenophobe I know.

Deformed? I'm just as God made me, madam

Delicious, refreshing, and totally lacking in pretension.

Delightful.

Democrats weren't born Democrats.

Desperate...

Destroying your children's presents and terrifying Roger?

Dictate how we celebrate Jesus, birthday?

Did he fail because our viewers didn't buy enough bears?

Did I ever tell you about this choice burrito I had...

Did it work?

Did it work?

Did somebody say "hot wire"?

Did someone order a sexy Persian wingman?

Did you enjoy the barbecue, sir?

Did you enjoy your Steak umms, Henry?

Did you even read the invitation?

Did you know Abe had a personal bodyguard named Captain David Derick son?

Did you know D.N.A. is in poo? ,Cause I sure didn't.

Did you know Greg and Terry have an illegal alien walking their dog?

Did you know he's in Sylvan?

Did you see Stan filling his pockets with shrimp?

Did you see that, Hayley? They respect me

Did you see that? The Indian?

Didn't look like you were talking to your reflection.

Didn't we already go through a security check?

Didn't you hear?

Dig in. We'll use the pelt for napkins and save the wishbone for game night.

Do I have the finger?

Do something!

Do we milk this Bacon thing for all the free stuff we can get?

Do you even know what a chromosome is?

Do you expect me to take your word...

Do you have any idea what a nightmare you put me through?

Do you have your high school diploma? No? They got that too?

Do you know how much you screwed up my life?

Do you know what super diarrhea is, Stan?

Do you live here? Because I could live here.

Do you really have to go right this second?

Do you want manufacturers of super tight T shirts to go out of business?

Do you want to crawl back to your idiot father and admit you were wrong?

Do you, Patrick, promise to..

Do, do, do, do, do

Doing tequila shots, Jell O shooters, Cement Mixers, Dr. Pepper Bombs...

Domino, bitch

Don't be frightened by the way I look. I'm gentle and kind.

Don't be ridiculous. I can't cheat on you

Don't complain to me when you can't rip up your midterm.

Don't diminish my invention.

Don't even think about running.

Don't forget our soiree on the third.

Don't judge me, fatty!

Don't know what it meant.

Don't know. Nobody's seen him for days.

Don't look at me. I'm hideous. I'm a noseless freak.

Don't look at me. That's tap water. Oh, wait, that was vodka.

Don't panic. We'll start a grassroots campaign to save Mr. Pibb.

Don't say that. We'll get through this

Don't they have college on your planet?

Don't try to find me.

Don't turn this around. You missed your curfew.

Don't worry about being suspended.

Don't worry, babies. Help is on the way.

Don't worry, buddy, we'll get you fixed up.

Don't worry, honey. I'll help you put this horrible business behind you.

Don't worry. I wasn't trying to kill you. I'm just a drunk driver.

Don't worry. Sutherland's my new target.

Don't worry. There are ways to treat it:

Don't you feel like you,re kind of missing out on your actual life?

Don't you think I know that?

Don't you think I know that?

Don't you think that's a better story than two grown ups ice skating?

Don't you yell al him, Gilbert. He's your brother.

Don'you tell me you voted for he who shall not be named!

Donald Sutherland!

Donald Sutherland?

Double Scotch.

Driving. I think it was the car.

Dropped my Rolos.

Dude, that rocked. Who are you?

Dude, what am I doing wrong?

Dude.

Dumb ass.

Duper, the president will be coming to your house for dinner.

Each one for a different man I slept with.

Earned run average?

Either you are or you,re not. It's not a choice.

Eleven forty. If I don't email this to work by midnight, it doesn't count.

Enjoy.

Enough. Give me the jar and let's be done with it.

Especially not a chilled bottle of Clos du Bois Chardonnay.

Esperanza, get Patti LaBelle a Calistoga.

Esteban Mortia is back in business.

Ethan, I wanted people to think I was smart. But I,m an idiot.

Ethically, I don't think I should.

Europe was created by history, America by philosophy.

Even Debbie didn't find you attractive.

Even if it means I have to talk to the creepy librarian with the burned ear.

Even if it's just with his own reflection.

Even in Catcher in the Rye. Filthy, filthy book.

Even though, as Republicans, we used bashing them...

Evening. Evening. Making things even.

Eventually.

Ever since I first became a father, I,ve dreamed of being done with kids.

Every day was Tanqueray

Every night Bacardi

Every time I try to access a site, I get this:

Everyone hates everyone. So I'm not despised.

Everyone knows the juiciest fruit is bought on the roadside.

Everyone, remain calm. Bears won't attack if you're perfectly still.

Everyone's looking!

Everyone's looking! Everyone's looking!

Everything was going so well

Everything's so delicious. Mr. Smith, can you pass the potatoes?

Exactly.

Exactly.

Excellent. We,re having a mixer at our headquarters later tonight.

Except I'm you.

Except there won't be a 4.

Except your nights will be filled with unsheathed, unwrapped pounding.

Excuse me, ladies.

Excuse me, miss.

Expecting someone a little less take you to jail y?

Explaining the premise of Quantum Leap to the guy.

Face, that's catch your dream money, that's what that is. So what's the scam?

Fantastic performance, Stan. This is BretandJason.

Fantastic. I'll handle all the arrangements.

Fantastic. Why didn't I know about the Log Cabin Republicans before?

Farewell, simpleton.

Fell prey to the carnivorous hawk that is my mind.

Fifty grand?

Finally someone brave enough to take a swipe at New Jersey.

Finally, my ear popped.

Finally, the..

Find the keys, Steve. Take us to the keys.

Find the monocle.

Fine, Stan. But if you don't want her to say "I told you so"...

Fine.

Fine. They can sing in the festival.

Finger in a Hot Pocket. Oh, wait, still need a finger.

Finished. Buckle's got nothing on me.

First thing we,ll need to do is raise $80 to buy you a costume.

First thing you gotta do is let me soup up your car a scooch.

First time anyone's come to see me in a year and a half.

First up, a life size Margaret Thatcher robot.

First, your boss called about you leaving...

Five times. I wanted to make sure it was consistently meaningless, and it was.

Flavored syrup is then mixed with thousands of gallons of water.

Florida? We're in Florida? Man, I can't be in Florida!

Follow that, bitch.

Follow your heart and get rid of anything that stands in the way of your dreams.

For as long as I can remember you telling me I,ve dreamed of this day.

For Francine.

For God's sake, Republicans are the people who say we can't get married.

For he who is not afraid to risk life and limb for a neighbor in need...

For the Supreme Court? Is there a vacancy?

Foreplay, then intercourse!

Forget it. I think we should go with our first choice:

Forget it. I'm tired of looking at you. Go down to the lake.

Forget it. You,ll stay off my man zone until you,re in hot flashes.

Forget your crazy dream of popping corn above sea level.

Forget your report on Carver. Just do it on Will Smith.

Forgive me, O great and powerful Agathor!

Forming the possessive singular of nouns...

Fought for this country.

Francine and I are gonna go have the maritals.

Francine cried and cried

Francine doesn't think things that she doesn't say. She's not a dog.

Francine followed her husband He's a superhero?

Francine followed her husband at a safe distance.

Francine told me all about your partner's injury. But you,re past that.

Francine was dangerously close to saying the four words...

Francine, a long time ago, I hurt someone.

Francine, get dinner ready. The president's hungry.

Francine, he has the third rated Sunday talk show. He loses to Bob Schieffer.

Francine, I came back here to save Christmas.

Francine, I finally found you.

Francine, I thought about what you said about having a baby.

Francine, I will make these people like me.

Francine, I,m going to completely lose my Christmas cheer...

Francine, I,ve told you, sandwiches should be cut in triangles...

Francine, it's time you learned the truth.

Francine, remember the cow.

Francine, start the car!

Francine, stop. My penis is not a dog. It's Batman.

Francine, that was just what I needed.

Francine, that's the fourth time you,ve said that. What doesn't make sense to you?

Francine, they,re not in New York.

Francine, this roast is terrific and your get up is beautiful.

Francine, why didn't you warn me about Avery's unbelievably sexy accent?

Francine, why not just replace Steve?

Francine, wife order DirecTV now...

Francine, you dig another fire pit since Hayley's will be piss poor.

Francine, you look great. Steve, handsome as hell.

Francine!I've been a fool!

Francine?

Francine. What are you doing here? This isn't home

Frankly, it was a hassle. But worth it, like Klaus's costume.

Frannie, bar whores. Bar whores, Frannie.

Freeze! Hands in the air!

From now on, I'll be living my life as a woman.

From now on, you,ll just stay home with me.

From the first snowflake to the first thaw...

Fudge.

Fun from far away, but really scary up close.

Fun? Does it look like fun to speed and twirl about the ice...

Funky!

Funny or mean? Funny or mean?Stan?

Funny story. You like funny stories. This is your type of humor.

Funny.

Further, further. I can still see her neck.

Gays! They,re everywhere!

Geez. That That would have been ugly.

Gentlemen, the solution to our problem is spread before us.

Gentlemen, to our genius.

George Stephanopoulos.

George Washington Carver didn't invent peanut butter.

Get away from my bowl. Get a job.

Get it? Because Mexican clothes are like Mexican food for moths.

Get it? Me neither.

Get it? Sounds like continent.

Get out. Get out of my bedroom.

Get up, Roger! What the hell's wrong with you?

Get up. What's going on?

Get your whore jacket off me.

Getting Scorsese off drugs means he never did all the cocaine...

Gilbert, I told you.

Give it up, buttface. He's my alien now.

Give it up, Francine.

Give it up, loser

Give it up. You're wrong, okay?

Give me a chance.

Give me that. I'll put in this sharpening stone.

Give me the number, you crazy Jew.

Go back to the cold.

Go sleep with another woman.

God bless Ameri...

God forbid you should spend any time with me.

God, Ethan is so hot.

God, I guess I'm a little rusty. Need to ease into it a bit.

God, I hope they're not too young.

God, I'm so hung over. Last night is such a haze.

God, it's freezing in here! Why is the door open?

God, really? Hey, how's the slow motion on your machine?

God, Stan! It's not the Olympics.

God, that was so tight.

God, you can be so selfish. I,m doing this for me.

God, you can be such a douche.

God, you have such muscles.

God! Scroll down.

God. He's wedged into the mouth...

Goes on

Going dancing or sailing or, uh

Gold. Okay. Uh, well, let's take the first sketch.

Good evening, sir. Have you been drinking?

Good God, woman! Couldn't you have just had a Red Bull and a sugar cookie?

Good God! That's a tough shot!

Good idea. Could be mutants down there.

Good news, guys. We've just been asked to perform...

Good night, guys. Oh, look who stopped kissing.

Good one.

Good to have you back, Dad.

Good work, Dad.

Good, because we're starving.

Good. Let's begin.

Got you again. Deuce, deuce. Two times.

Gotta dust off the old single Stan threads.

Gotta go. We have to check into our suite at the Radisson.

Grass on the field! Go shoot the president!

Great girls. I can make the ugly one cry like that.

Great idea, Jackson.

Great job, Paco. I might just make a holiday yet.

Great record release party, Roger.

Great work, Steve. All we need now...

Great, Francine. Real quality "wifing....

Great. Well, Roger, I guess it's just you and me.

Greg and Terry handsome, successful, eligible bachelors.

Greg, act casual. Get your stuff and meet me outside.

Greg, keep your head up, for God's sake!

Greg, you were on break at the time.

Gross. Gross.

Guess what we're doing right now, this second.

Guilty. And the worst part is, it almost cost me my friends.

Ha! She fell,cause she was trying to hold up her husband. Smooth move, doofus!

Hack. Hacky. Hack and the Hacktones.

Hands off my man!

Hang on.

Hang on. I'm coming

Happy holidays!

Happy holidays.

Happy Valentine's... Crap.

Hating gays is hate we could be using on the Democrats.

Have a kiss fight to see who gets to eat the fruit that touches my syrup at IHOP.

Have fun.

Have it your way.

Have made a choice to be gay.

Have you seen Donald Sutherland?

Have you slept with her yet?

Haven't seen this guy in a while

Having a Russian bride sure has its advantages

Having bulbous eyes and leathery skin and scary teeth makes you a monster.

Hayley

Hayley snuck him the back.

Hayley, can you get the door for us?

Hayley, can you wrap this up?

Hayley, I'm here because of your father.

Hayley, me and Exmack wanna keep partying...

Hayley, wait. She hung up.

Hayley, you and I were supposed to repopulate the Earth together.

Hayley, you should join us too.

Hayley, your mother insisted.

Hayley,just so we,re clear, you,re only coming...

Hayley!

Hayley. Mr. President.

He can't help it if he's deformed.

He doesn't need you. It's time for me to cut loose, footloose.

He got caught with 300 pounds of pot, but he skipped bail.

He had food on his neck. How long has that been there?

He hasn't spoken to his dad in years. His mom ran away before he was born.

He hopped on the train.

He just sucks. He sucks so hard.

He kept asking about my shoes.

He managed to climb up there right after he scrawled a message in his own blood.

He must have lost to Mondalein '84

He owes me something like $42,000.

He said he's putting it into an account for me. Is that, um

He said I was spending too much time with you, and not focusing on my career.

He said it was time the truth came out. We have to tell everyone.

He started it.

He sure did.

He thought I was as interesting

He was certain the most bitter Confederate would embrace slaves...

He was stabbed and left for dead.

He was the one in the hot tub with the big lady from Dolores Claiborne?

He would introduce this delicious spread to the South...

He'd rather play with boobs than me

He'justs very, very, very, very... sad.

He'll find me, Steve. He'll find me and kill me.

He's a figure skater!

He's adorable.

He's been sober for 15 years.

He's challenging us.

He's cute. But I still have a problem with the name.

He's getting something from this kid he wasn't getting from you.

He's gonna kill me! You were right. Help!

He's got the gift. Lead us to the keys, boy.

He's had quite a shock, but he'll be fine

He's invited me, his bodyguard, David Derickson, to sleep over... again.

He's like Harrison Ford dipped in chocolate.

He's not one of those "doctor" sodas...

He's passed out, Mom. He's been binge drinking since Thanksgiving.

He's so upbeat and friendly, even though he has a terrible father.

He's the kind of soda I'd like to have a beer with.

He's the one I have to kill.

Hear that? They love you, Lar, and so do I.

Heath Ledger has a head cold. That's why he's in his sweater.

Heck, Stan, your daughter's not a lost cause.

Hell, no. I just wanna collect that bounty.

Hello, Bruce? Have Rumer and Tallulah meet me.

Hello, Dad. Wow, that's a nice manicure you have.

Hello, everybody. Please, come in and talk about yourselves at length.

Hello, everyone. We got a real treat for you tonight.

Hello, Father. Wondering how I escaped from the basement?

Hello, New York.

Hello, Sheriff Perkins? Henry Fischer. Yes, father of the illustrious Jeff Fischer.

Hello, White House? We've found Bin Laden.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Am I speaking to an astronaut?

Hello? Anyone home?

Hello? Bitch hung up on me.

Hello? Larry!

Hello. Are you curator of the Smithsonian Peanut Museum?

Help me up, Stan.

Help me.

Help you pee blood

Hence its nickname: the Windy City.

Henry and I made up. He asked me to move in with him.

Her final wish was that I would take care of her poor, orphaned child.

Her name's Joanna. We had the most magical evening.

Here they are. Wish me luck.

Here to challenge Agathor to mortal combat.

Here we are, safely away from all the devastation.

Here we go.

Here you go. I'm also a singer songwriter

Here, drink this.

Here, Mr. S. I wanted to give you my wedding dowry in advance:

Here, put your gun in your hand and shoot her.

Here. Take my baby gravy.

Here. They're in here.

Here. We can jam out to this.

Here. You keep that. So we,re gonna go.

Here's 49 moves that won't compromise the integrity of the structure.

Here's some brownies for my little runaways.

Here's what we do. After they finish singing...

Here's your lunch, Steve.

Hero? Thanks to you...

Hey after yogurt, let's try the reverse bulldog again.

Hey Grandpa. Were you ever a shark?

Hey, babe. I missed you so much I wrote a song for you.

Hey, baby.

Hey, boy! What day is this?

Hey, buddy. You want to ride inside the bus?

Hey, champ. Get enough sleep last night?

Hey, check it out.

Hey, dork of ages, have you seen my

Hey, Ethan.

Hey, Ethan. Don't you love literature? It's so uninhibited.

Hey, fellas. What's going on?

Hey, good news, Sid. We got ourselves a regular crate expert.

Hey, guy. Don't be down.

Hey, guys. Miss me?

Hey, have you seen my car mix? No? Fine!

Hey, Hayleykins, wanna play Jenga?

Hey, hey, come on. We all just got off on the wrong foot.

Hey, hey, don't leave. The party's not over.

Hey, hey, don't worry. We all make mistakes.

Hey, hey, hey, everybody, it's your favorite neighbor.

Hey, hold on. I,m gonna put you on speaker.

Hey, I didn't screw up, okay?

Hey, I know the perfect match. Your friend Melinda.

Hey, I'm doing the back page of Vanity Fair next week

Hey, I'm gonna just go in the kitchen and steal your food.

Hey, I'm not the problem, you're the problem.

Hey, look at me. I'm a TV antenna

Hey, look at that dangerous pool.

Hey, look at that smile

Hey, look, it's the Suit!

Hey, look. Someone picked out all my favorite stuff.

Hey, losers! Die already! Earth belongs to the young!

Hey, mine.

Hey, Mom, want to help me build a birdhouse out of Popsicle sticks?

Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Is Steve ready to walk to school?

Hey, now, friend, hold on. What is that?

Hey, remember when I put up the shelf in the garage?

Hey, Roger, we have something that might cheer you up.

Hey, Roger. Get this. Beauregard, the greyhound riding half man

Hey, Steve, it's Thursday night.

Hey, Steve. Want to steer?

Hey, Suit, you,re the bomb! All these other guys got nothing, on you. You are

Hey, that's the Secret Service.

Hey, this is my boy, Baruz. He imports rugs.

Hey, this is my friend Manny. He's the...

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, what does this mean, "add to registry"?

Hey, why don't we throw a party of our own?

Hey, wine guy. Kevin Bacon wants another free bottle...

Hey, you.

Hey! Maybe the score is not important to them!

Hey! You,re not supposed to fall asleep with a concussion.

Hi, baby. Happiest day of my life.

Hi, Henry.

Hi, honey.

Hi, Jeff.

Hi! Hi, Gilbert!

Hi.

Hi. I have to sell my house because my neighbors don't like me.

Hi. My name's Stan Smith. I seem to have lost my credit card.

His father planted drugs on him without him knowing.

His middle name is Lawrence. What a freak.

His name was Ricky and we kept him in a secret government lab...

His name, Armey Neilstrong.

His report cards have improved dramatically.

Hit it,Joshua.

Hmm? Okay, Abe.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. This sandwich could use a little something.

Hold it now. That smells like a marijuana cigarette.

Hold on a second. You were a fish.

Hold up. Hold up, yo.

Hold.

Hole in one. Victory swig.

Holiday Rapist!

Holiday Rapist! I mean, Christmas Rapist!

Holy fuck. We just tried to call you. Don't move.

Honey, good news. The neighbors no longer hate me.

Honey, it's been three weeks.

Honey, no one's criticizing you. We're your family.

Honey, wake up. We,re at the ice rink.

Hot air.

Hotter than the burning flesh of Shel Silverstein in hell

Hotter than the pair of speakers I bought today off the back of a truck.

Hotter than three rats fornicating in a wool sock.

How about George Washington Carver? He invented peanut butter.

How about some angry, no baby sex?

How am I gonna explain that to Jesus?

How am I gonna get $50,000?

How can I live with myself?

How can you associate with them? You said they,re tearing apart the fabric of this nation.

How can you hear what I'm thinking?

How come you never told me?

How come? Is it a volume issue?!

How could he say such things? Doesn't he know everyone loves me?

How could he...?

How could I have destroyed America?

How dare you talk that way about the Dub? At least he's not a lush.

How dare you.

How does a boy this small make a smell that large?

How else could you possibly follow the highly cerebral story line?

How interesting I find that. Please, continue.

How long were you planning on keep us up here? Forever?

How many of you sitting in this room have even seen a black person?

How many times have I told you?

How old are you? What do you know?

How would you folks like to come by old Buckle's for a nice hot meal?

How would you like to come work for me?

How,d you find a partner?

How...? How could she do that?

How's our house gonna help in the war on terror?

Howdy

Howdy, pilgrim.

Howdy.

Howdy. Who wants to be the first buckaroo through these double doors?

Huge mistake. very bad idea.

Hugs?

Huh, I always thought it was. So why am I in bed with you with my shirt off?

Huh, that doesn't hurt half as bad as I thought

Huh?

Huh. I thought we decided against that.

Hurry up, Roger. Grey's Anatomy starts in just three minutes.

I I just wanted to tell you how inspiring you are, Professor.

I Is it a car? Uh, some kind of car?

I adopted him after his mother died while toiling to feed her family.

I already know how to talk. So the remaining 10% of the work will be learning about fossils.

I always mix them up. Not the golfer. The guy in About Schmidt.

I always thought people ice skated to escape their haunted pasts.

I always wear a wire.

I am a god!

I am a pilgrim in an unholy land!

I am a rock. I am an island. I am incontinent.

I am a shepherd.

I am about to tell you something that will change the face of history.

I am getting him back if it's the last thing I do.

I am gonna cut you like day old challah.

I am honored, sir.

I am hung to the over. Give me that juice bag.

I am sick of your snide comments.

I am the Ghost of Christmas Past

I am the hit of the neighborhood. Our neighbors love me.

I appreciate that, Stan, but I think it's time for me to hang it up.

I asked a follow up question. I'm listening.

I asked Hayley if I could squeeze her boob.

I bared my soul, I painted their houses, I drowned their kids.

I believe they,re still in the microwave.

I bet he measures his seasonings using a hooker's navel.

I bet you,d have to do something really special to impress a girl like that.

I brought it down from the attic for dramatic effect.

I brought my bike.

I called Hasbro.

I can 't believe our special bond must break

I can also slow roast a chicken in my mouth.

I can be as smart as you.

I can move the workers there. I can sneak them out later tonight.

I can't believe I,m giving you away on your wedding day

I can't believe there's lava under Washington, D.C.

I can't believe they took Francine.

I can't believe this turns some people on.

I can't believe we stole a car.

I can't believe you got married.

I can't believe you, Stan.

I can't believe you're still upset. It's been a week.

I can't feel my arms.

I can't go back to the tooth fairy guild.

I can't live under the roof of a man...

I can't think with that clock ticking.

I can't wait to enroll here. People are finally gonna take me seriously.

I can't wait to get started.

I cannot hear those words again.

I cared before that.

I chose my mother. That set me back a bit.

I consider the whole genre one long song.

I could live in the sea. I'd make friends with a whale.

I could,ve "de brined... his pickles.

I couldn't find confetti, so I shredded a few napkins.

I crashed in Roswell in,47. Thanks for finally asking

I created disco, you know.

I deserve a little respect.

I did it. I finished the Mother's Day bears.

I didn't fall in love with Mr. Pibb. I fell in love with you, Francine.

I didn't think I did it, but it's clearly me on the tape.

I do love this night air!

I do quite well.

I do, don't I? Fladnag, check these bodies for treasure.

I don't care about the money!

I don't care how hot this is. I'm not waiting 10 minutes.

I don't care how hot this is. I'm not waiting 10 minutes.

I don't care if I,m a loser every day for the rest of my life...

I don't care if your deadbeat boyfriend lives in his van...

I don't care. I wanna be a mom again.

I don't even like Indian food. What are you gonna do to fix this?

I don't even think I have to take these shorts off.

I don't feel anything. You must not be doing it right.

I don't get it.

I don't get this. I danced to Madonna.

I don't have any bones in my arms, which makes me a natural on the drums.

I don't have any drugs. I,m totally clean.

I don't have time for nonsense. I have to finish my essay.

I don't know about you, Smith, but some of us have families to go home to.

I don't know anyone in Victorville.

I don't know how that pot got in my van.

I don't know if you know this, but I love disguises.

I don't know what it is!

I don't know what to do. Why does he stay, Hayley?

I don't know what you did, but I am not gonna let you...

I don't know what you,ve done, Stan, but kudos.

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a med student at Georgetown.

I don't know why I did it.

I don't know, Roger. That sounds kind of mean.

I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

I don't know. I usually like to have my wits about me.

I don't like it any more than you do.

I don't miss her six month supply of casseroles.

I don't need any more friends, Steven.

I don't need respect. You know, I,m gonna quit trying to do The Majestic...

I don't need to know what goes on in your bedroom.

I don't need to see the cash. Well, Hannigan, what's it gonna be?

I don't normally move this fast.

I don't really like to use slo mo or pause it or anything,,cause that's hard on the tape.

I don't see anything.

I don't think I needed all this.

I don't think I should leave his side. Right, Roger?

I don't think I,m gonna make it, Steve.

I don't understand. I thought you and Melinda hit it off.

I don't understand. Why would Stan run away?

I don't wanna have to go threesies on the reward money.

I don't wanna wear a suit. I wanna be naked.

I drank merlot. How come I don't feel anything?

I drive an M3 with tricked out ground effects.

I drove my husband into the well toned arms...

I even have his home address: 17 Lake Drive.

I expected as much. My comedic samplings are sublime.

I feel funny.

I feel light headed.

I feel like a Jew outside of New York or Los Angeles.

I feel like Steve is here with us

I feel like Tara Reid on an average Tuesday.

I feel like we,re in a rut.

I feel weird. Something's happening to my body

I feel... I feel...

I felt like Jane Goodall just talking to her.

I figured out how to buy Dollywood.

I float away, and you get a bag of food scientifically formulated for aging cats.

I found a book at Barnes & Noble that says:

I found a new boy...

I found her living in your closet, Steve. She's a Russian bride, not a Russian whore.

I found it.

I found it.

I found this old New Yorker in the bathroom...

I gave up sleuthing when the case of the missing bike horn...

I go to remove the amulet from betwixt my cheeks.

I got an idea. I saw this in a movie once. Hop with me.

I got arthritis. I can't even tie my damn boots.

I got involved in a little trouble...

I got it all wrong. Sutherland pushed her into politics.

I got it. Okay, first we hire a midget.

I got other people I can sell to.

I got plenty of time. I already took my bath

I got remarried. Francine, could you take a picture of us?

I got the Memaris.

I got your Christmas right here.

I gotta go.

I gotta lighten this sucker up.

I gotta rock it. Gotta rock it. Gotta do it. If you don't know, now you know.

I gotta say, I've lived in this neighborhood a long time...

I gotta write this down. "Evolution is like IKEA for animals."

I guess I could give us another chance after all

I guess I should wait another day before going to the police.

I guess I wanted Dollywood so bad, I was willing to believe anything.

I guess I'm gonna have to start treating you like an adult.

I guess that explains the statue.

I guess they're not here.

I guess we just need to keep trying.

I guess you and I have different definitions of "silly".

I guess you were all three.

I guess you were right. I'm just a lost cause.

I guess, in a way, Jeff and I are kindred spirits.

I had the perfect last sentence. What was it? Damn it. No time

I had to build an interstellar communication device.

I had to make the switch? I thought it was a magic backpack or something.

I had to pull out all the stops.

I hate disguises. And I'd rather stay in the attic than wear your uniform.

I hate to break it to you, Stan, but I thinkyou,re straight.

I have a justice I need to push through.

I have a perfectly good hag in my kitchen.

I have a rowboat, so it's no big deal to dump stuff

I have been making the decisions that keep this family on track for 20 years.

I have my report due tomorrow.

I have no idea what he's talking about, but I feel terrible.

I have one of those.

I have our hot jams tape.

I have something big you'll wanna get your hands on.

I have something I've been saving for just this occasion.

I have to admit, I,m a little nervous.

I have to figure out a way to win him back from my stupid brother.

I have to get those bears shipped out by tomorrow.

I have to go back in time and make Taxi Driver.

I have to pee now. Whenever I get tied up, I have to pee.

I heard Bullock's got another all nighter planned for us.

I heard there's a new bad ass driver in this mug. They call him "The Suit....

I heard what everyone said. It was uncomplimentary.

I heard what you said about me. I was eavesdropping.

I heard you showering with Jeff. I finally meet him. How do I look?

I hope ponies are illegal.

I hope this is sweat.

I hope you brought your checkbook.

I hurt her very, very badly.

I just have to decide on the right look.

I just hit a possum!

I just hope I don't premarital in the car on the way home.

I just need to find a really desperate girl.

I just need to hire some help.

I just ran into Hallworthy at the ice machine.

I just thought you got, like, a boner in gym class or something.

I just thought you should know that.

I just wanna get Jeff to Florida and out of my life.

I just want you to hate where hate deserves.

I just wanted that extra rush to feel that high.

I kicked your ass.

I killed Melinda? I don't remember anything.

I killed my dad because of you.

I knew if my partner had been the conscious one, she would have done the same for me.

I knew it was only a matter of time.

I knew this was a bad idea. I told you...

I know how I,m gonna show Steve what it means to be a true Republican

I know I've done some terrible things, but I'll fix it.

I know it looks rough right now, but

I know it must be hard for someone like you to lose someone like me, but

I know some of you aren't ripping up your homework like I ask.

I know that.

I know this wasn't your plan.

I know what,ll cheer you up, honey.

I know you don't want any more kids, but do we have to go to these lengths?

I know, isn't he great?

I know, Johnny. But please, Mommy's almost there.

I know! When did they change it up?

I know. I can't believe you believe that either.

I know. I guess I was wrong about who was going to kick whose ass.

I know. I just doubled your clientele. I got a brain for business.

I know. I know I'm not the brain, but just hear me out.

I know. I,ve spent time in Denver.

I like beans and such.

I like soul crushing sarcasm as much as the next guy...

I live with my parents. Big house, no yard.

I long to caress your...

I look Italian. Try "Frappuccino." Hold on. I got a beep. Hello?

I looked up to you. I I listened to your every word.

I lost half a pound since Tuesday.

I lost Roger, Hayley.

I love him.

I love it when you kids get along.

I love that man.

I love their world, but I,m not one of them.

I love you so much.

I love you.

I love you.

I made it to the mall in time last night.

I made it!

I made lemonade and fudge.

I mean really went out. I wanna see a show.

I mean the stain. I call the stain a "she... like a ship.

I mean, come on, I'm wearing other things.

I mean, I,m the guy who suggested a separate drink fridge.

I mean, what kind of cheap bastard does that?

I mean, yes, Francine's bat cave grosses me out every now and then, but

I must be losing it.

I must have forgotten to turn off my surveillance equipment.

I must plan my next move carefully.

I need help, people. My blender broke last night...

I need more time for my report on George Washington Carver

I need one last sentence to make it perfect.

I need something for dogs so they can pick up the scent.

I need to be reminded of what Christmas is all about.

I need to get back to my home planet.

I needed more excitement!

I never looked at it like that. I guess I have been a little hard on you.

I never meant your family any harm.

I never said anything, because it sounded so fey.

I never thought I could be happy again.

I never thought I could feel this way about someone other than my wife.

I only invited him because our folks had to escape Tehran together.

I planted it to commemorate the first time we ever made love.

I poured the contents of the can into a saucepan...

I prayed to a fricking elephant!

I pretend to teach them.

I probably should have taken her to the hospital..

I promise I will find us something to eat within the hour.

I promise you, son, I will not rest until I get every single ribbon, trophy...

I pushed him into this and now he's falling for another woman.

I put all of our money in the stock "SJ.P.... It's a sure thing.

I put out lobster, caviar, and a bowl of $ 10 bills.

I realized you were right. I should have known how important Agathor was to Steve.

I really just don't wanna be alone.

I represent your father.

I said I want a rematch!

I said I'll get you when I'm ready!

I said I've got my science project.

I said that dress made you look like a pig.

I saved your soul, Dad.

I scored two tenderonis. I don't know their names.

I see what's going on here. He's clearly jealous of my shelf.

I see your point. That sounds perfectly reasonable.

I sell ex, but I don't use it

I sensed something when I was working on him.

I shall strike you down with a single

I should have just married Chad.

I shouldn't have confessed to two people I was gonna kill.

I sold you fake tickets and still all you wanna do is help me.

I started to feel better on Tuesday, but I pushed it and now I have this mucus...

I still can't believe it. Over a hundred thousand orders.

I stopped Steve from shooting a deaf kid. I'm a hero.

I suppose that kind of makes us brothers.

I tell ya something right now. He crazy.

I think "four score... sounds better than 80..

I think Ethan's really loosening up.

I think I hear your testicles. Yeah, you hear that?

I think I know where he went. Be right with you.

I think I'll stop by Melinda's today and get the details.

I think there might be some kind of conspiracy.

I think this place is trying to do too much.

I think we did some sweet maneuvers from that movie Backdraft.

I thought his stories would never end.

I thought she was a terrorist. Curse my CIA honed reflexes.

I thought that was Hollywood make believe...

I thought you knew. The Log Cabin Republicans are a gay group.

I thought you were feeding them.

I told you so

I told you so.

I told you so.

I told you so.

I told you, Francine, I heard your note, I considered it, and I don't agree.

I told you, that flask wasn't mine.

I told you, that rum wasn't mine.

I took sacred vows on our wedding day, and I don't take vows lightly.

I took the better part of a bottle of amaretto...

I tried to be nice.

I tripped on your walkway and I need compensation. I'll take a check.

I used to love Christmas.

I used to watch this show with Steve.

I wanna call my mother and tell her I just met the girl I wanna nail in the bathroom.

I wanna fix it, but it's a dangerous journey. I can't do it without you.

I wanna golf

I wanna golf

I wanna memorize every line in his face...

I want that van gone by the time I get home.

I want to make so much money I can tell people...

I want to skate with Francine.

I wanted to bring him inside! But you wouldn't let me!

I wanted to go get him!

I wanted to mix up our routine, but this was too much.

I wanted to mix up our routine, but this was too much.

I was a frat dude who owned a baseball team. Life was fun.

I was about to make a killing in silver and use the money to buy a popcorn maker!

I was also roommates with Rick Schroder. You want to hear about that?

I was an lmagineer at Disney. We'd build this crap in our sleep.

I was being spontaneous.

I was gazing at her naked body, but all I could think of was you.

I was his bodyguard, and he was my everything.

I was in the middle of trading stocks online.

I was in the middle of trading stocks online.

I was just walking through.

I was making a serious point.

I was making my grandchildren some of your French onion soup.

I was nearly attacked by a sex crazed mountain man because of you.

I was really starting to doubt myself.

I was right about the pole, wasn't I?

I was so invited that it invited everything around it.

I was so sick of Jeff. And now, I can't stop thinking about him

I was trying to settle on a pair of sunglasses when I realized how we could get the money.

I was wrapped up in my science fair. I yelled at him...

I was wrapped up in my science fair. I yelled at him...

I went by her apartment to apologize and she wasn't there.

I went in with a deviated septum and figured...

I will be after I hear the sobering wisdom of Miss Dolly Parton.

I wish Dad hadn't added those noodles to make them last twice as long

I won't get to see him for a long time.

I won't know whose sperm I,m getting.

I won't tell anyone.

I won't.

I wonder how you say "Hold the door... in Russian.

I would like to sell them on my Shopping Network show.

I wrote a song about it. I think it got the point across.

I wrote down everything my dad told me, and I got an "F... on my report.

I, uh Yeah, I wanted to talk to you too.

I, uh, said "Merry Christmas....

I,d I,d like the key to my bike lock.

I,d love to find something in between going to the same restaurant every Friday...

I,d say it's about 80% baby laxative.

I,ll do whatever it takes.

I,ll go get Pictionary.

I,ll have the new issue of Cherry, and keep the change, my good man

I,ll miss all that. But at least I,ll still have you and the kids.

I,ll say! Now that Coach saw me with Svetlana...

I,ll tell you what it's doing here.

I,ll try C 9.

I,m a winner, Ma! Look at me now!

I,m alive!

I,m Clifford. Stan hired me to guard this passage.

I,m coming for you, Francine!

I,m coming for you, Francine!

I,m coming, Mama.

I,m gonna handle this my way.

I,m gonna join New York's long tradition of wealthy, obnoxious weirdos.

I,m gonna kick your ass.

I,m gonna take a shower, then we,ll recharge with frozen yogurt.

I,m gonna write that down in my journal of amazing things Hayley said, volume three.

I,m gonna write the play from the point of view..

I,m here to make a splash too.

I,m just a clumsy oaf who likes to nap, eat Nutter Butters...

I,m making a scrapbook of me and Debbie.

I,m naked!

I,m not a loser!

I,m not gay. I,m just enjoying the lifestyle.

I,m not having sex with guys.

I,m not stupid.

I,m not that great at songs yet, but once I poke a guy, I,ll be a regular Sondheim.

I,m not. I hate this place. Good night!

I,m probably gonna miss a lot of elevators at first.

I,m Professor Baxter. And you,ll be respecting me this semester.

I,m Professor Guggenheim.

I,m proud of you. Come on, bring it in

I,m sorry for abandoning you, Francine. And I don't just mean this competition.

I,m sorry Mary Todd takes so many long trips, Mr. Lincoln.

I,m sorry. Is that the one where

I,m using it to break up the main story so you don't get bored.

I,m using it to break up the main story so you don't get bored.

I,m your mom. That's what moms do.

I,ve been doing it right since J.v. football.

I,ve been locked in there for so long, I went all Nell and invented my own language.

I,ve been waiting my whole life for this.

I,ve got Hartshorn and Sweiding debuting their "Mustang Sally... routine in Berlin.

I,ve spent four years developing him into the most dangerous fighter...

I'd like to breathe her bath water.

I'll also need health insurance, two weeks paid vacation...

I'll be right here. You get the drift.

I'll be seeing you around, Agent Smith.

I'll bet he couldn't handle the celebrity, so he hid from the public eye.

I'll enjoy some music, then take them in after their performance.

I'll fix it everything, I swear.

I'll get it, Dad.

I'll get you something to drink right away.

I'll go first

I'll just clean up, then. I know you like a tidy house.

I'll pay you $2 an hour and all the Mr. Pibb you can drink.

I'll stop by and make their week.

I'll take a thousand.

I'll take care of you, Mom. I'm a wagon wheel.

I'll tell you what: It means we're looking for a horny midget that plays it safe.

I'll think of you.

I'll try and hold it, but...

I'm a Christian.

I'm a hypocrite too, Dad. I used Paco to get at you...

I'm a lost cause, remember?

I'm actually kind of hungry.

I'm afraid we cannot allow you to continue making pronouncements...

I'm afraid we've got some chocolate in our peanut butter.

I'm Bill Cutler, local midday news anchor.

I'm calling it the "Sandra Oh."

I'm definitely getting lighter. I think I'm becoming immune to gravity.

I'm divorcing you

I'm doing a report on George Washington Carver.

I'm doing the grown up thing here.

I'm freaking out, Stan.

I'm getting used to it. You know, in the Third World countries...

I'm going now. I'm sorry.

I'm going to a neighborhood party. Not sure if I'm invited.

I'm going to have intercourse with you. I'm divorced. It's fine.

I'm going to India to care for the poor.

I'm gonna call the da Vinci family. You're gonna owe them so much money

I'm gonna go round up a posse.

I'm gonna go rub his nose in my nose.

I'm gonna go take a lap, pounce on the first badonkadonk I see.

I'm gonna need a minute.

I'm gonna need two tickets on your next flight to the Garden of Eden.

I'm gonna pay a hobo to say we were playing squash...

I'm gonna stop him before he consummates the marriage.

I'm gonna take my contact out, dip it in, and put it back in my eye.

I'm gonna top this off.

I'm gonna turn this cheese sandwich into a panini.

I'm in charge of tire inflation at the bike shop.

I'm in here, Stan. I'm fine. Thank you.

I'm just a bit rusty at pitching woo.

I'm just gonna go

I'm kidding. I'm Mexican.

I'm Krispy Kreme McDonalds.

I'm leaving, Stan. I killed someone and it's tearing my soul apart.

I'm listening, I'm looking in your eyes...

I'm looking at the hook. Not there.

I'm looking for one slaw.

I'm looking for someone. Last name Smith.

I'm not a kid. You don't have to tell me lies anymore.

I'm not afraid of you anymore.

I'm not going anywhere. Mr. President, there's so much I wanna ask you.

I'm not going back to that filth hyde cade without some Purell

I'm not gonna end up a worn out ho...

I'm not gonna make a bunch of promises...

I'm not marriage material, and she's so desperate.

I'm not sure we should try and bring Bin Laden in by ourselves.

I'm not your dad! You have your own dad.

I'm not. I'll commit to anything. I'm on a six year cell phone plan.

I'm on it.

I'm playing at Sarah's Coffeehouse next Thursday.

I'm pretty sure that makes him a black belt.

I'm scared

I'm serious. Look, there's coded messages everywhere.

I'm sick of this baloney.

I'm so full, and now I have to hunt something for my family.

I'm so glad you were able to track Melinda down.

I'm so proud of my son. In fact, his is the wall where I keep all his awards.

I'm so sick and tired of that job. I want to be my own boss.

I'm sorry dinner was late.

I'm sorry for pushing you into this situation.

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but that's what you've done.

I'm sorry, are you saying "juice"?

I'm sorry, could you repeat that? You're in What istan?

I'm sorry, Dad. I'm...

I'm sorry, Francine, there's no conceivable way we can get around this.

I'm sorry, Francine. I took sacred wedding vows today...

I'm sorry, Henry.

I'm sorry, sir. I'm going to follow this through.

I'm sorry, son.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm staying in here with you, belly.

I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm sure.

I'm surrounded by neighbors who love me.

I'm surrounded by people who hate me. It's our wedding all over again.

I'm thinking.

I'm thirsty from rocking it so hard.

I'm through messing around. She's at the second row.

I'm trying to create a drink that matches the show in both taste and sinfulness.

I'm useless as a car on bricks

I'm your wife.

I've admitted I was wrong. I took the wind out of your sails.

I've already booked the Crystal Room at the Hyatt for next June.

I've been banging around in the dryer for three hours. Feel how soft.

I've been up all night. Sit down. I've got news.

I've come for you, Hayley. I got us a room at the Marriott.

I've ended a life in its prime.

I've found redemption here by devoting my life to the neediest of the needy.

I've gone over that whole terrible night two times in my head...

I've got a good life up there.

I've got it. A brilliant ending to my...

I've got it. The first national garden.

I've had it with you, Roger. Get the hell away from me.

I've lived that life, and Stan saved me from it.

I've never slept with anyone except you

I've recovered my sense of fun is what I've recovered

I've saved your lives once already, haven't I? Hold your position.

If anyone has left a toddler locked in their car...

If anyone needs me, I'll be celebrating in the bathtub.

If anyone's ruined Christmas, it's you!

If Arnie lived past a year and a half.

If children get less than eight hours of sleep...

If he hears us, he'll send us all to the Cornfield Motel.

If I can't get to know Jeff face to face like a regular person...

If I can't say it, I,m not gonna celebrate it.

If I can't turn myself in...

If I don't get someplace where they understand this holiday pronto.

If I wanna get rid of Jeff, I'll have to do something cunning and subtle.

If I'm late, Misters Greg and Terry give me so many pinches.

If it isn't Beauregard Les Fontaine...

If it means anything, I'll always miss you.

If it weren't for lo, the ice moon of Jupiter...

If my family finds out the world didn't end...

If my terminology is correct, I,m a power top. I,ll get my jacket.

If only it weren't for the baby

If only there was a place you could make any claim you want with no proof...

If that doesn't commemorate our Savior's birth, I don't know what does.

If they infect you, you could become one of them.

If they think you're a boob now...

If we can pull this off, we'll each make 50 grand.

If you and Hayley made out in the closet next to a dead guy.

If you don't like it, we're got Akiko is waiting in the wings.

If you get on that boat with those Republicans...

If you give me your address, I'll send it back to you

If you had just waited for me to finish, you'd know I want nothing from you.

If you hadn't come home late with booze, this wouldn't have happened.

If you have a coupon, insert it now.

If you sink my battleship, I should have to take off a piece of armor!

If you stop for more than five minutes, they'll have a barbecue.

If you went into the closet with Professor Baxter and talked about ideas.

If you were my alien, I'd play with you all day...

Imagine: Empty playgrounds, free of children shouting and laughter.

In a pile of angel vomit.

In celebrity news, Kevin Bacon was involved in a hit and run accident..

In fact, maybe the love of one of your bears will heal him.

In fact, now that we,re about to see one, I can admit that my story...

In fact, we might get married one day, so you might as well get used to him.

In order to ensure maximum verisimilitude...

In order to have easy access to the water fountain...

In other words, there goes the neighborhood.

In ten years, you could be making 5 bucks an hour...

In the entire kingdom of Krapnor.

In the New York Times, on the internet.

In the words ofthe founding father ofthe Republican party, Abraham Lincoln...

In this town, with our brains, we,ll turn it into millions in no time.

In this world, "Roodpart... is probably some ancient, mystic word

Incredibly, mashing them up and eating them wasn't one of them.

India? But what are we supposed to do for food?

Inspire them to respect me.

Instead of me getting my ass kicked in all these nickel and dime cons...

Irregardless of what you think of me, I,m still your father.

Irregardless, I,m glad to be home too.

Is dinner not ready yet? Great final question, Hayley.

Is exactly what you would say if we were getting a divorce tomorrow

Is it my own vineyard? Oh, Francine, you knew.

Is it over?

Is Roger doing a bit? Roger, start over.

Is something wrong?

Is that right? Well, aren't you a little...

Is the coast clear? Good, I can join.

Is there a dip for the $ 10 bills?

Is there an ethicist in the house?

Is this a nickel?

Is this heaven?

Is this his flower?

Is this right?

Isn't he adorable.

Isn't it terrible? I'd be way too uncomfortable...

Isn't this the Hollywood Stock Exchange?

It almost looks like the occupants...

It appears we have a pig in our truffle patch.

It looks like you have mad salchow disease!

It makes me high like one too. Maybe that's what it is.

It means you did a great job.

It means you prepared them for the world.

It says here that the square is public land...

It says, " Black people changing the face of America. " What a boob.

It should be me eating dinner with the president right now, not Duper.

It shouldn't be so hard to find confetti.

It starts with them asking to borrow a wrench...

It took you 45 minutes to figure that out?

It turns out that being gay is not a choice.

It was 1865. The North's victory over the South was imminent.

It was a boat. We,re not seizing the day at all.

It was just a matter of finding the right way to combine the words...

It was just a momentary lapse of judgment.

It was my fault. I disobeyed captain's orders and jeopardized the mission.

It was Oscar Wilde.

It was their first real winter together, and she was truly happy

It wasn't making love, it was sex.

It wasn't until thirty one years later that the plan was resurrected...

It worked for the garbage disposal...

It wouldn't fit through the door, so I had to take off the wheels.

It'll cover my losses for when he got busted with my marijuana.

It's a Cueryo cosmotinian.

It's a ******* affair. I'll be impersonating a Jew.

It's a lot like America, on Opposite Day.

It's a playbill from the night Lincoln was assassinated.

It's a rosebush.

It's a simple footwork sequence going from your right outer edge skating backward...

It's a terrible, terrible abomination!

It's about a guy who gets thrown into a jail cell...

It's about being here in the greatest country in the world.

It's about bloody time.

It's about Roger and his lies.

It's an essay. The CIA operative who writes the best one...

It's an ongoing dialogue between man and beverage.

It's been my honor, sir.

It's CIA grade, high tech, highly illegal surveillance equipment.

It's deeper than that, sir.

It's electricity, but it's gotta be physical.

It's even on Union Brand, America's first peanut butter.

It's failure, and it don't wash off.

It's falling down.

It's for science.

It's fun to play dress up. Not all the time, but sometimes. Not this time.

It's gone. The gift is gone.

It's gonna be so much fun!

It's got his blood and all the names he considered for peanut butter.

It's gotta be pushing things. Like a watch

It's happening. I'm finally making my dream come true.

It's hard to talk like this. Dude, you rule.

It's having someone to drink them with.

It's him. It's the mountain man. He's found us.

It's impossible.

It's impossible.

It's Joanna. She doesn't play games. What a gal. I'm gonna take this upstairs.

It's just a nickname, honey. It doesn't mean anything.

It's just I hate to lose, and I don't own a Koosh ball...

It's just my girlfriend wanted me to say something...

It's just one.

It's just, I haven't seen a woman in over a decade and I'm so desperate.

It's like "fatty" or "baby penis."

It's like I,m blacked out at a frat house.

It's like I,ve been asleep my whole life.

It's like you,ve reached into the future to bring back hit after hit.

It's my bubbie down in Boca.

It's nice to know what you really think of me.

It's no use. It's not gonna happen tonight.

It's no wonder he stopped playing with you.

It's not about having "kiss my ass" money.

It's not about winning. It's all about fun.

It's not dumb, Roger. My dad's a genius. He knows everything.

It's not his mind you need.

It's not magic. Something's gotta be pushing things.

It's not milk time.

It's not that many.

It's not too late. Go to him and tell him you made a mistake.

It's not what you have right here, it's what you have right here.

It's okay, Arnie. It would have taken a crane to get her out.

It's okay. I'll teach you how to talk later.

It's Oscar. He's a huge fan of your bears.

It's so cute that Steve has a little girlfriend.

It's so nice having you over, Debbie.

It's so nice to finally spend a normal winter with my husband.

It's starting again. Your dad went out in the middle of the night, and he hasn't come home.

It's the American dream, Francine.

It's the same symbol as the dot over the I in Jiffy.

It's time the truth came out. Come see me at 3:00.

It's time to announce who will be speaking for us...

It's time to dispel that stereotype... through a lavish musical number.

It's time to tease some pedophiles on the Internet.

It's time, Steven.

It's too dangerous. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you.

It's true. Believe me. I tried and it didn't work.

It's true. It's true. Look at me. Look at me. You are.

It's true. You,re bored of me, aren't you?

It's two months later

It's unlocked.

It's very simple. If I become gay...

It's working.

It's200a. m. We'rein Mr. Lincoln's bedroom.

Its bolder taste and graphics appeal to young adults...

Its name was Michael Eisner.

Ja,Ja, and you lost it all, and Clive Davis hogged your eight ball.

Jackass.

Jackpot!

Jacob, I have spent the last 10 years...

Jacob, what's the rush?

Jane,you have the power to be so much more than that.

JDate, huh?

Jeez, Frank, it's called a breath mint.

Jeez, Roger, you're making Kevin Bacon look like a total douche.

Jeff, there's a magical amulet! I can bring Agathor back to life.

Jeff, what are you doing here?

Jeff, you wanna get some pizza?

Jeff, your dad is a humungous jerk.

Jeff's dad probably has him halfway to Florida by now.

Jeff's never had anyone looking out for him...

Joanna and I traded rooms with some bald guy.

Joanna got half of everything in the divorce.

Joanna got joint custody. We get him every other weekend.

John Houseman reading Elements of Style.

Johnny, happy birthday, dude.

Johnny, you saved my life.

Johnny.

Jump back. Do you know who I am, clerk face?

Just a little bit farther for your anniversary surprise.

Just an old strip club.

Just as long as I get to lose with you.

Just be careful, Stan. And keep moving.

Just can't get PowerPoint to open.

Just get him something, Dad. He's so depressed

Just how I like,em. Dumb as a bag of Mississippi mud.

Just kidding, partner. You know, sometimes in life you meet people who..

Just let me spend one last night with my dad.

Just like porn stars do with their genitals.

Just like the legacy of George W. Bush.

Just like the neighbors.

Just once would it kill you to say, "Good idea, Roger"?

Just something to help her relax.

Just stay there. I'm coming to get you.

Just tell your friends. My business is word of mouth.

Just think of all those dogs waiting to be put down.

Just three more days until I get to speak at the R.N.C. Sip?

Kathy Bates. I am Kathy Bates.

Keep them in your pockets. They only work in your pockets

Keeps people from hurting each other. It's all about kindness. And music.

Kids are supposed to leave you.

Kids, give your new mom a kiss goodbye.

Kill him, and you,ll get Jeff back.

Kill Jane Fonda.

Kindly enter for your vasectomy.

Kiss my ass, Hayley. It's already working.

Klaus had a little accident. We're gonna need some paper towels.

Klaus, these girls don't look that desperate.

Klaus, your scales are especially shiny today, my friend.

Knock yourself out, buddy. I,ll be over here killing goblins

Kubalek, work your dwarfish magic on that portal.

Kudos to the way you conned my dad into getting us this popcorn machine.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna tell you about a little place I know.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Kevin Bacon.

Lalengua 'dela" cinema es universal

Langley Falls's premier hair stylist.

Later, Professor.

Lead us to the keys.

Leave me alone. I need to bone up on my halogens for the science club.

Let go of me

Let him know he'll be taking the reins. This isn't my cell phone.

Let me buy us a round of drinks. Waiter, 15 kamikazes.

Let me just have them for tonight so my son can play with his band.

Let me know how it turns out.

Let me move these flowers so you have more light.

Let me take you home, Abe, one last time.

Let the email soar.

Let's bring on the charm

Let's check out our competition.

Let's get out of here.

Let's go home, Iris.

Let's go to dinner.

Let's go. I gotta keep moving...

Let's just go back to our cardboard box...

Let's just keep this between us.

Let's just make a run for it.

Let's just say the world has yet to recognize your genius.

Let's just start slow.

Let's kill his parents next. Let's kill them all.

Let's make a list of people she hasn 't slept with.

Let's pack a picnic and go shoot rats in the junkyard.

Let's roll, hos.

Let's see. "Mono" means "one," and "cole" is a type of slaw.

Let's see. "S....

Let's see. They're putting their dad in a barrel...

Let's see. We have Smiths in room 313, 520 and 1611.

Let's see. Y's.

Let's talk about it over drinks. Maybe at my place?

Let's talk about it over your brains.

Let's try not to leave our dirty fingerprints all over 1974.

Lies. It's like you have to lie to live.

Like a neatly folded flag.

Like children of every color being at the same McDonald's.

Like he'd never eaten a lavender herring.

Like hell you will!

Like how in the hell...

Like I was having a conversation with the actual mirror?

Like in the movie Wall Street?

Like me after a couple of beers.

Like peanut butter.

Like remembering Tony Curtis already.

Like the fast mouse in them Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Like when I saw The Sixth Sense and vowed to never tell the big twist...

Like when I saw Unbreakable and vowed to never tell anyone the big twist...

Like, any type of bug? A bug with a lot of legs?

Like, if you told him to eat a bug, he'd have to eat a bug?

Lincoln 's plan was simple.

Lisa Collins is such a skank.

Listen to my every word if you want to live.

Listen, I'll overlook the fact that you didn't compliment my outfit...

Listen, Stan. I know you love Reagan.

Literally.

Literally. I I live right under the roof, and I hate it.

Little by little, with love and support. she made skating fun for Stan.

Little kid's gonna tell me all about crates. Professor Crate over here.

Loneliness.

Look at her, Steve. That is the most tasty, low fat 9/11 memorial ever.

Look at him clear that fence. Didn't even sc**** his junk.

Look at him. How cute is he? Go on, tell him you don't love him.

Look at me. I'm running unopposed.

Look at me. When I was her age, I was blitzed off my ass 24/7.

Look at my boobies....

Look at Steve, living by the sweat of his brow.

Look at that, honey. A bunch of other people planted rosebushes just like you.

Look at the belt buckle on the Robin Hood peanut butter label.

Look at the calendar. This isn't one of our safe days.

Look out, Dad.

Look, Dad's back.

Look, Francine, your friendship is dead and buried.

Look, honey, I'll make you a deal.

Look, I can sharpen my pencil. Great gal.

Look, I know you,re mad, but I,m sliced. There's nothing we can do.

Look, I made a terrible mistake.

Look, I really don't wanna get into this right now.

Look, I really owe you guys an apology. I lost sight of what's important.

Look, if a mom takes a kid to the mall and loses the kid, do you blame the mom?

Look, if you skate with me, we can't lose. How about it, partner?

Look, Jeff is a part of my life, okay?

Look, Jeff, I know what it's like to have a lousy dad...

Look, Jeff, no one wants to admit their dad is a bad guy, but...

Look, just go away. It's never gonna happen. Ever.

Look, Ma, Mexicans.

Look, the symbol.

Look, the symbol.

Look, this is killing us. We need to get away.

Look, this is ridiculous. How can you be gay and Republican?

Look, your plan was never gonna work. I,m gonna handle this my way.

Look! There's the amulet!

Look.

Look. Every jar of peanut butter has the same symbol on it.

Looked like you were talking to the mirror.

Looking for this?

Looks like I'm hitting everything but rock bottom, huh?

Looks like we'll have to dip into the fund.

Lori Petty is the man who played Tank Girl.

Lost cause? What an awful thing to say.

Lots of guys are afraid of commitment.

Love will rise again each morning like the sun.

Luckily, there are ways to identify them.

Lying is awesome.

Ma, you won't believe it. He asked me to marry him.

Madam... Madam.

Magic Land?

Make it quick. You've got to prepare for your early press conference.

Mama, you,re hiding from me, huh?

Mama?

Mama?

Mama?

Mama?

Mama.

Mama.

Mama's gone, and so is the tree house.

Mama's hiding from Arnie.

Man, I'm glad we finally finished them.

Man, what's with all this traffic? We're never gonna get Jeff in time.

Man.

Maria! I just thought you quit without giving notice.

Marlee Matlin sucks.

Marriage is business contract. I must protect my interests.

Married? Oh, babe. Mr. S, you are so set. Wait right here.

Mary Martin, Cathy Rigby, Sandy Duncan, Mary Lou Retton.

Mashed spuds for milady?

May I see their papers?

Maybe all over the place?

Maybe an omelet? Do you know "omelet" yet?

Maybe being there for each other is what counts.

Maybe he still has some food left. I'm starving.

Maybe he,ll finally believe I,m heterosexual and let me towel myself off.

Maybe he's just gonna turn her into condos.

Maybe I imagined the mountain man. Maybe I am just a boob.

Maybe I ought to quit this whole president thing.

Maybe I would have made a holiday if you'd helped me.

Maybe it would be okay if we had another baby.

Maybe my mouth's not as pretty as you keep saying.

Maybe now you'll give this bear thing up.

Maybe one of our astronauts orbiting Earth.

Maybe she should go to the police. At least then she'd be safe.

Maybe we should start planning Steve's funeral.

Maybe you should take the whole afternoon. Maybe you should take a whole lifetime.

Me and my lady eating steaks, drinking martinis.

Me in the bathroom

Me? Speaking at the R.N.C.?

Mean

Mechanical, degrading, pulling gravel from my knees sex

Meditation, Cialis, Ginkgo biloba...

Melinda met us at the bar but she didn't have her ID and they were carding.

Melinda? Oh, my God, what happened?

Merry Christmas, Roger.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Merry... Crap.

Message received. I will build you your very own shelf

Mexican vampires

Mighty Agathor...

Milk! Well, that's much less disgusting.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, let's see how you like it on the floor.

Miss Elizabeth Protestant England will get it. She is our white, legal maid.

Miss LaBelle, are you thirsty?

Miss LaBelle, Stan Smith. I love R & B music.

Mitzvahs all around.

Mm hmm.

Mmm!

Mmm! Oh, Arnie, you,re my knight in shimmering armor.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm. Oh, my God

Mom can't find her car keys. What were you doing the last time you had them?

Mom, I can cut my own steak.

Mom, if we don't find those keys, we'll never rescue Jeff.

Mom, Roger stole my band.

Mom, you won't believe this.

Mom!

Mommy met Jared at Black Angus while we waited in the car.

Mommy, look, it's the monster.

Mommy's smoking, honey. Go outside and play in the dark.

Mondale handed complete control of the U.S. over to the Soviet Union.

More friend than hairpiece. I thank you.

More the worst packet I have ever read.

More... theatrical.

Morning, everyone.

Morning, neighbor. Reading the newspaper, huh, Mr. S?

Mr

Mr. Bacon, would you and your entourage...

Mr. Bullock, Dick just shot me with a curare dart.

Mr. Hallworthy, I have to tell you the truth.

Mr. Hallworthy's always been very sweet to me.

Mr. Pibb has really seen us through some times, hasn't he?

Mr. Pibb, the cornerstone of our love.

Mr. Pibb? Is it really you?

Mr. President, I have something important to show you.

Mr. President, what are you doing? You're a recovering alcoholic

Mr. President? Mr. President?

Mr. Smith, people talk smack about each other all the time.

Mr. Smith, we're from the Mr. Pibb Company

Mr. Smith, we've sold out of your adorable bears.

Must be the smoke inhalation. It's killing my eyes.

Must have been several strong men with a huge truck. What?

Mutants? What mutants?

Muy buena comida, Mrs. S

My address is... Huh?

My alien is dying? Cool

My baby.

My baby. Everything's gonna be fine.

My band was supposed to perform in the festival tonight.

My bears will be on shelves by May 14th, in time for Mother's Day...

My begonia!

My brother died in a car crash when I was 11.

My cheeses from Lyon just arrived.

My daughter and I were touring the Capitol and our car ran out of gas.

My essay

My eyelashes, alas, were not.

My fellow Republicans, last night I kissed a man named Terry.

My finger's not a gun. Everybody, do the Skull and Bones.

My first gig as Christmas Past and I tank it.

My first meeting of the Langley Conservative Republicans.

My God, everybody hates me.

My God, I did it! I won! What a rush!

My God, it's really over.

My God, where did you get that confetti?

My God!

My God! I,m ruined! Ruined!

My God. Listen to them sing about America.

My holiday Cele Bear Tions.

My knee. God bless it.

My Krispy Kreme mama got ****d by my McDonald's daddy.

My lungs.

My mind's a blank.

My mom had that real bad too.

My mother killed herself when I was 12... Track four.

My mother's maiden name? Something Italian.

My mouth! My back!

My name is not Klaus. It's Professor Max Hammer.

My office hours. They,re Tuesday from 1:00 to 3:00.

My one regret is not watching enough television.

My partner was down. But a little fall wasn't going to destroy my dream.

My partner wasn't as strong as kater as I was...

My phone was off. What's going on?

My selective dyslexia disorder finally pays off.

My what? My what? Is that it? Is that how it ends?

My wife would run me over with a car if she knew I was drinking again.

My younglings.

Nancy Calliope.

Needy.

Never mind. We,re here.

Never. Father's Day is the next big holiday.

Next up, Steve and the Asstones.

Nice meeting you, Mr. Rothberg. I'm out of here.

Nice recommendation. You. You.

Nice work. What kind of caviar? See? See what I did there?

Night Ranger, man. Night Ranger.

Night Ranger?

No daughter of mine is dating an illegal alien.

No decorations, no pageants, no Santa

No dumb people here. They herd them all into New Jersey.

No further shall you venture without the password.

No matter how much I messed up, my daddy always believed in me.

No more than anyone else.

No need. I already banked plenty of sperm...

No notes for you.

No one ever does.

No one to criticize me.

No one to disagree.

No one to...

No one will listen, and you got too drunk to tell the president.

No pool.

No problem. I'll just touch the battery.

No tanks! No Russian troops!

No time, friend. I,ve got to kill Jane Fonda...

No time!

No, "****." Lots of ****.

No, 90. Ninety records. Disco's dead. You,re broke.

No, don't go. Why would it be awkward? It's not awkward.

No, don't shoot.

No, don't.

No, go on. I have a lot of father issues too.

No, he said, "The Boob strikes again" and then you all laughed.

No, he's just kidding around. He loves me.

No, he's not, Jeff. He's turning you in to get the money.

No, he's right. If that movie doesn't get made in 1974...

No, I am an only child.

No, I didn't, Patti. Did you know that in the gay community...

No, I don't know my date of birth.

No, I don't know my social security number.

No, I fell, but it's totally cool.

No, I got a girl who reads things for me.

No, I need some me time anyway. You kids have fun.

No, I was already composing your suicide note when you stood up.

No, I'm gonna walk out of here, because I have legs.

No, it doesn't. Jodie Foster's the one Hinckley falls for, right?

No, it wasn't.

No, it's Mexico.

No, it's not fair.

No, it's not.

No, it's your job, but they're gonna help you.

No, let's do something else. Let's play catch with a Koosh ball.

No, ma'am. Let the boy talk

No, Mr. Pibb earns his paycheck.

No, no, I'm just locked out. I don't know how I got out here.

No, no, no, wait. Yeah, I do. I do. Sorry.

No, no, no. I'm fine. I'm pretty sure it's all out of my system.

No, no, no. That's him

No, no. I can do this.

No, no. It's too steady

No, Stan, this is Mr. Pibb

No, that's not how it works, man. Minimum wage is $ 7 an hour.

No, there is no Brady Bill. You can get a gun like that.

No, wait! Nice try.

No, we are a framing device.

No, we were just playing.

No, you can't leave. We need to seize the day like you said.

No,just a lively exchange of ideas.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! I have to be alone.

No! I just like musicals!

No! No, you don't! No!

No.

No.

No.

No. And by the way...

No. And it also didn't take me $300.

No. Anything you do here in the past could have drastic consequences in the future.

No. God, Roger, what the hell?

No. He's the Christmas Rapist. He ****s on Christmas. Is nothing sacred?

No. It wasn't any of that. No.

No. It's just that, well, you and Melinda got in a big fight last night.

No. Mr. Bacon, of course, it's on the house.

No. No, no. I'm not gonna be that guy who's always bagging on his ex.

No. Not quite sublime.

No. Now let's do it again. And this time

No. These are my friends. How many albums did we sell?

No. They really liked me, but they,re going with someone..

Nobody criticizes me. Nobody.

None of Steve's friends have seen him. I should have never let them leave.

None of us get to choose our fathers...

None of you.

Nope. Nothing here but a busted water pipe...

Nope. Rustle up some food.

Normally, I'd chastise you for watching an R rated movie...

Nose? What are you...? Oh, oh, that. Yeah, yeah.

Not a day goes by where you are not in my thoughts.

Not a parasite sucking on the blood of America.

Not all of them human.

Not as funny as Debbie. She cracks me up.

Not easy, is it? Sitting there for minutes on end...

Not eating isn't gonna bring him back.

Not every day you have the president to dinner.

Not for long, because I'm going out to kill us some breakfast.

Not it!

Not me. Can't do it anymore.

Not only are you not invited on the cruise...

Not ready? I,ve been watching you for four years!

Not so fast. It's time to teach our little geniuses a lesson.

Not to worry. I know just where to put you.

Not too dark, and a little sweet

Not until you put on your pants.

Note to self: I like cake

Nothing can stop us now.

Nothing, huh?

Nothing! Laugh it up, Ma!

Nothing. I went to the set of Klute. I gave Jane Fonda a massage.

Now blend, my beautiful blender. Blend.

Now come on. We've got some truth to spread.

Now don't forget to brush your teeth or goblins will kill your mother

Now don't look for a second.

Now for your drink.

Now get the hell off my lawn!

Now get your fat alien ass in my bike basket!

Now go. Go.

Now his own dad is gonna screw him over and take him to jail.

Now I can make this movie with the actor I wanted from the start.

Now I don't know how we're gonna get out of here... Wait.

Now I just have to find all the info on Jeff I can.

Now I know how you felt seeing all those rosebushes.

Now I know what you meant about it being just sex

Now I remember why I hate these places: Crowded, loud.

Now I see it. Now I,m seeing it.

Now I'm not his alien

Now I'm not his alien

Now listen, if you wanna keep racing, we,ll we,ll build a new car.

Now open up. Bernie Bee wants to find his flower.

Now put these on. They,re knee pads I made out of old diapers.

Now remember, you only need to wing him.

Now shut up. I can't think with your babbling

Now skating heir Mamma Mia! fantasy Stan and Francine Smith

Now the world can know the truth, right, Dad?

Now the world will never know the truth.

Now they want you to pay for it. With your life.

Now to just type "fossils... into the search engine.

Now we play the waiting game.

Now you shall learn the meaning of

Now you,re talking. But if you,re gonna street race...

Now, all that remains is your franchise fee of $50,000.

Now, I am going to require a substantial cash settlement...

Now, I don't wanna be late for my first Log Cabin meeting

Now, I found these small leather journals, so we can record our impressions as we go.

Now, I have a question for the president about Iraq.

Now, if you will all get into your van, we will escort you there.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

Now, the stress of this incident has given me walking nightmares...

Now, thirst isn't a war that can be won or lost.

Now, you might notice he smells like fish.

Now, you take care of your wife or I will.

Nuclear war? Stan, are you sure?

Nuh uh. I,m gonna kick your ass.

Nyet.

O'Shamus McPherson, present yourself.

Of course I am.

Of course not. I,m here to make sure you never have to go through anything that degrading.

Of course, sir. But how do we decide which one of us will...

Of course! Grab your bow.

Of course.

Of course. I skimmed it for keywords, which were "black" and "face."

Of course. Lincoln was the father of the conspiracy.

Of course. Peanut butter is my favorite thing in the world.

Of course. When the barn burned...

Of one of Lincoln's greatest admirers.

Of the Republican Party you founded, Mr. Lincoln.

Oh Oh, my God. Y You don't think Look, I,m straight.

Oh, a change pocket. That's nice

Oh, a wedding

Oh, am I? Would an insane man try to drink you?

Oh, and Hayley thinks you,re totally cute.

Oh, and you know how you told us to make a change for the better?

Oh, are people heading home already?

Oh, are you done? I was hoping you'd talk more about yourself.

Oh, come on. It was just a character in a game.

Oh, congratulations on superior depositing.

Oh, cool.

Oh, crap! Steve's friends.

Oh, crap. It's "trapdoor... spelled backwards.

Oh, crap. Look, kid, I gotta go.

Oh, Debbie doesn't care.

Oh, Debbie, look, this is my breakfast.

Oh, Debbie.

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.

Oh, Ethan, you should be a professor of food.

Oh, excuse me. Are you an ethicist? Are you?

Oh, for Pete's sake. I'm coming anyway

Oh, Francine, we are not alone.

Oh, God, Francine. Please tell me this is my blind date's father.

Oh, God, here she comes.

Oh, God, look at that one.

Oh, God, Stan. That's horrible.

Oh, God, that's the picture she chose?

Oh, God.

Oh, God. It's like being in a sauna with Michael Chiklis

Oh, God. The crowded restaurant so I wouldn't make a scene.

Oh, God. We didn't... you know?

Oh, good, criticize me more. That worked well the first time.

Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry.

Oh, gotta take this. Hello?

Oh, great. Sliced it. Are you even there?

Oh, guess I didn't need to give up smoking.

Oh, Hayley kins, this snow reminds me of my planet so.

Oh, he shut you down. What are you gonna do? Cry?

Oh, Henry, yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes.

Oh, here we go, Stan. Christmas carolers.

Oh, hey, girl. Holla at ya boy.

Oh, hey. I thought you two went to find Jeff.

Oh, honey, don't you worry. Single life is great.

Oh, honey, everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

Oh, honey, here. Let me do that.

Oh, how do I put this?

Oh, I cannot wait for the rapture!

Oh, I didn't miss.

Oh, I don't drink any more.

Oh, I have never seen her more beautiful than on that day.

Oh, I have some of those.

Oh, I just stitched together a little Mr. Holland..

Oh, I remember. Francine is fantasizing...

Oh, I tell a great story and I'm a liar...

Oh, I think we have a coupon.

Oh, I thought you said "fire." I've had water in my ear all day.

Oh, I was well looked after, Steven.

Oh, I,ll always have my little Stevie.

Oh, I,m so sorry. It's just See, I,m Stan's wife, and he

Oh, I,m sorry to hear that.

Oh, I,m sure that,ll come right out.

Oh, I'm harvesting one of your kidneys to sell, then I'm gonna buy Dollywood

Oh, is Debbie a larger woman? I hadn't noticed.

Oh, is it? I guess you know a lot about crates.

Oh, is that what that means? I thought you were hitting on me.

Oh, is that what this is about, my past?

Oh, it costs money.

Oh, it's a checkpoint. These are a good thing.

Oh, it's a disintegrator? I thought it was a penis enlarger.

Oh, it's you.

Oh, Jacob, you have made me so happy.

Oh, Jeff, huh? Well, you tell your boy that still counts as one. He got two left.

Oh, look how cute.

Oh, man, he's never gonna fall for this.

Oh, man. I'm Jeff.

Oh, mein Gott! He has heard everything.

Oh, my daughter, Hayley. She was just leaving.

Oh, my face!

Oh, my God

Oh, my God, Bullock's trying to kill my wife.

Oh, my God, I have fallen.

Oh, my God, I'm not beloved, I'm hated.

Oh, my God, it's him.

Oh, my God, it's him. It's the mountain man.

Oh, my God, look what's on Lifetime. Daphne Zuniga in Spooning with Anger.

Oh, my God, my cell phone. There must be other survivors.

Oh, my God, that looks so good.

Oh, my God, this is my song! I totally asked him to play this!

Oh, my God, your eye. Did he hit you?

Oh, my God! Stan, you,re bleeding! Where have you been?

Oh, my God! They,re dead!

Oh, my God! They've been stolen! I better call the sheriff.

Oh, my God! You missed it. Some cameraman was just creamed by a bus.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Hell hounds are coming out of the lava!

Oh, my God. Here. Here's some breakfast blend.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.

Oh, my God. It is Kevin Bacon

Oh, my God. Johnny fell in the pool playing with his new birthday present.

Oh, my God. She ended up on ABC Family.

Oh, my God. Stan, it's a bear.

Oh, my God. Steve said you were here

Oh, my God. This is an intervention.

Oh, my God. What is this and how can I replace my blood with it?

Oh, my God. You finally make your first move and you lose.

Oh, my God. You know how to kill him?

Oh, my God. You're choking.

Oh, my goodness. Did someone just take my advice?

Oh, my sweet. Soon we will be together. Soon.

Oh, no, honey. They,re not for you. Those are ambient roses.

Oh, no, my wedding ring. I must have left it at home

Oh, no, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine. I,m sure he's good for it.

Oh, no!

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Those are all mine.

Oh, no. What's happening?

Oh, okay. All right, okay.

Oh, okay. Like you,ve never overshot a freeway exit.

Oh, really? You just earned yourself a week of detention.

Oh, right. Sorry.

Oh, Roger, Stan was supposed to have sex with her, not fall in love.

Oh, seems like just yesterday you popped out of that box...

Oh, should I trip over her? Would that be funny? Or would that be mean?

Oh, soon, my sweets.

Oh, sorry. I,m I,m interrupting.

Oh, Stan, are you gonna do what I hope you,re gonna do?

Oh, Stan, I know we've been kind of rocky lately...

Oh, Stan, I'm so sorry.

Oh, Stan, nothing turns me on...

Oh, Stan, the Mr. Pibb factory? You are not playing fair.

Oh, Stan.

Oh, Stan.

Oh, Stan. Can't this year be different?

Oh, Staniel, I know that look. What's wrong, chief?

Oh, Steve, come back to Mommy.

Oh, Steve. Mommy's here, honey.

Oh, sweet, merciful heaven.

Oh, tell me the one about how people used to believe in the Bible.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, thank God. Mr. President.

Oh, that was... nice of you.

Oh, that's that's funny. Gay couples lie to each other just like regular couples.

Oh, that's a bridal registry. When couples get married...

Oh, that's awful. You must need a hug.

Oh, that's the caterer for my wedding. P.S., everyone, there's a wedding.

Oh, the sweet sound of illegals working for pennies on the dollar.

Oh, them you can see, but me getting my ass kicked, off the radar.

Oh, there it is. It just became about winning again.

Oh, there she is. Melinda.

Oh, there's already a guy in here. No, that's just a mirror.

Oh, there's my penis!

Oh, there's something I can do.

Oh, they aren't checking for weapons here.

Oh, this cup is irresponsibly hot.

Oh, too late! We passed her.

Oh, uh, hey.

Oh, um, Steve, Mommy's not feeling well.

Oh, wait, bear testicles. Yep, those are bear testicles. Man bear.

Oh, wait, no, that's a Jetta. No, the Pibbmobile's gone.

Oh, wait, you need a black guy.

Oh, wait, you're not in on it. It's here.

Oh, well, then, may I?

Oh, well. Now drink your poison.

Oh, what do you have there, honey?

Oh, what's this?

Oh, while I have you, does Francine have any other single friends?

Oh, who are we kidding? Come on, all of Palm Springs.

Oh, who gives a frog's fat ass? I didn't sign up for this.

Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah

Oh, yeah, she said she's gonna bring down the presidency.

Oh, yeah, that. But Stan, he was a new man, and he

Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.

Oh, yeah? Let me see the cash.

Oh, yeah? Well, let's hear one of your songs.

Oh, you are so dead.

Oh, you can do the kitchen however you want.

Oh, you don't have to pick that up. Inez... I mean Maria... No, no, Elizabeth.

Oh, you done? Okay, I will repeat myself one more time.

Oh, you mean besides being shot at by a bottom heavy freak?

Oh, you,re Francine!

Oh! I,ve dreamed of this day...

Oh. Awkward.

Oh. Oh, God. Um, uh, uh, my friend's really sick.

Oh. Okay then.

Oh. So by that logic, if something is right, you,ll want to hinder me!

Oh. Then what is all this?

Okay She's just gonna sit there. That's okay This is her issue, her drama.

Okay we'remaking the turn. We're heading back. just stay focused Don't look at her.

Okay, babe, the show's about to start. Let's get ready.

Okay, children, pay attention...

Okay, do you, Snot, take Svetlana to be your wife?

Okay, Henry, gotta go. Thank you. Be good.

Okay, Henry. Take it easy.

Okay, here we go. I knew it was only a matter of time.

Okay, here's my club persona. I'm a Persian stud, name of Rashid.

Okay, here's the shot. You have to bounce the ball twice...

Okay, I,m going in. You cover me.

Okay, I'll just let you talk.

Okay, look, you big tub of booze.

Okay, next, God's autograph.

Okay, people. Again, the curare darts are not toys.

Okay, people..

Okay, Steve, you win. We'll solve this thing together

Okay, that's Hinckley.

Okay, we want them. We want them.

Okay, you got me. These people aren't legal.

Okay, you're free to go.

Okay, your turn.

Okay? I burned that bridge when I left a little going away present on my boss's desk. So

Okay.

Okay. But can I just have one to help me with the laundry?

Okay. God bless you, miss.

Okay. No more slip ups. We,re just here to make a movie.

Okay. That checks out.

Old Glory. It must be a flagpole.

On the couch? But the window is broken...

On the other hand, I,m a spaceman working at Elaine's...

On the outside and the inside.

On thirst.

Once again, your strong arm has proved...

Once.

One day, a man will walk on the moon.

One hundred percent.

One lever moves the other. It's about precision.

One of the paramedics molested me on the way to the morgue, it's in the liner notes.

One of us has to find a woman for Bullock so he won't wanna work late.

One of us will have to bury this body in the woods.

Only if you get a boner, Son. Only if you get a boner.

Only victory.

Ooh, Donald Sutherland.

Ooh!

Ooh! Cold. Cold. But flattering.

Ooh! Ooh! A limo! You can do this, Steve.

Ooh! Scary.

Ooh! That would make a good cake.

Oooh, wow. See, uh Ah! I opened it upside down.

Open a tiny window, moth. How much fun is this thing, huh?

Open this door, damn it!

Or an American flag with Christmas trees for stars

Or any less.

Or as I like to call it, Smell O vision.

Or do we wuss out? Let's vote. Hayley, you don't get to vote.

Or just chilling out to some Zeppelin.

Or we could sit here in our underpants, drink Scotch, and listen to the barbecue.

Ordinarily, that would have racist implications...

Other than the fact that it's riddled with parasites. Could kill you.

Others say they're a drain on resources. All I know is, burritos are delicious.

Otters? We,re coming from our gay Republican meeting.

Our baby's dead because of you!

Our dream is finally coming true. Why are they throwing tortilla chips...

Our group is based on the founding principles Abe Lincoln stood for.

Our group is speaking at the R.N.C. this year...

Our little cowboy is in a better place.

Out of my way, I have band practice

Over drinks, maybe at my place?

Over here.

Over that of an anonymous tipster?

Ow!

Ow! Why? Why?

Package for Steve Smith. Sign here.

Paco and his family feel lucky just to be in this country.

Paco and his family here used to sing this song back in Mexico...

Paco, a prototype for my next holiday Cele Bear Tion.

Partner? What are you guys, cops? Partners in a law firm?

Password accepted

Peanut butter. Crunchy, creamy...

Peasant! I am not Steve.

Peasant! The mighty Kubalek desires...

People don't realize there are over 300 types of herring.

People? They're parasites sucking on the rich blood of America.

Perishables in the fridge, dry goods in the pantry.

Phone books? What the hell is this?

Pillow gun. Where danger and comfort meet.

Please fill cup our attendant provides.

Please stop encouraging him!

Please use good time magazines.

Please, come in. I'd like you to meet my wife, Francine.

Plugging my new self released CD... Real soul searching, heavy stuff.

Plus I can use the reward money to buy some disguises.

Plus I love music, Steve. I can't live without my jams.

Plus we're white. And I'm blonde, the best kind of white.

Plus, she's fast tracking our boy to manhood.

Plus, tonight is very special.

Point is, no matter how much I messed up... Flaming Everclears.

Politics

Post rapture, feel free to use our pool.

Powerful, powerful piece of cinema. Never saw it.

Praise Jesus.

Precious indeed. Without this secret...

President Bush is a good man and you're a liar.

President Bush?

President Nixon is in the White House.

President Reagan's inside.

Press shift control P.

Pretty? Bonnie Hunt's pretty. This one's Bonnie Bedelia gorgeous.

Previously, on my blind date:

Principal Lewis, those drugs aren't mine.

Probably comes from daddy passing on his defective chromosomes.

Professor, Hayley.

Professor, I was wondering if you,d like to come to dinner at my home.

Psst. Stan.

Pure Peruvian marching powder, grown on the Andes, north slope.

Push it, so we don't have to do this anymore.

Quick, wipe it off between your legs!

Quick. Coffee. The president's off his ass. We have to sober him up.

Read it to me, cover to cover.

Reagan? He's my hero.

Really, Steve, very nice turn of phrase back there

Really?

Really? Why don't you check the basement, officers?

Relax, sir. You've never looked more beautiful.

Relax, son. I know everything.

Relax. Henry won't tell anyone.

Remember me, fellas? I,m sure you,d all make fine Stan Juniors.

Remember that tavern, and you went to the bathroom? It just kind of happened.

Remember the kid from Jerry Maguire?

Remember, Steve, these hell bound folk..

Remember, you're the face, I'm the brain.

Remind me never to go to the circus with you, we'd have nothing to talk about.

Remove any notion of ownership. I mean, who's really the pet here, right?

Repeat after me: Thank you for calling Apple tech support.

Return the Pibbmobile, and we'll keep this matter out of the courts.

Rick Schroder sucks. Hejust He

Rick Schroder uses women. The end.

Ridiculous! You get pretty bad firehole, but it's totally worth it.

Ridiculous. Turn in your paper or face consequences

Right away, dear.

Right. Right.

Robbery!

Roger, don't go. I swear I'll change.

Roger, how did you come up with that lecture?

Roger, I forbid you to ever see that kid again.

Roger, I told you I'm not playing with you.

Roger, I'm sorry about what happened.

Roger, it's been hours. Are you gonna move or not?

Roger, it's been two days and no customers.

Roger, it's me. Jeff and Stan are at Jeff's father's house in North Carolina.

Roger, please don't do this.

Roger, tell him we want to get the hell out of here.

Roger, there's no baby.

Roger, this is incredible. We can save America.

Roger, we better get going if you wanna meet your parents at Space Cocoa's.

Roger, we have 20 bucks left.

Roger, why am I in a bathtub full of ice?

Roger, you look awesome.

Roger, you,re an uneducated alcoholic.

Roger, your lecture today was just a bunch of idealistic nonsense.

Roger!Roger, wake up!

Roger?

Roger? He's not a Christian.

Roger.

Roger.

Roger. Thank God. Where were you? You didn't come home last night.

Rohtaga.

Rohtaga.

Ron Silver!

Rumor has it, within its unexplored depths lives an Indian tribe...

Run!

Run!

Russell Rothberg. Can I get you something from the bar?

Sadness is my only friend

Said the carpet in the honeymoon suite was spooking his frog.

Salt. Remember, love is patient, kind.

Say hi to your folks for me.

Say, Steve, what just happened was...

Scary storms up there, Mama.

Screw him. He's a loser. You don't care about him.

Second, interesting footnote, I'm not your secretary.

See, I,ve organized them from mildest to boldest.

See, I've set the play during the winter of1863.

See, Son? People are desperate for a return...

See, that's perfect. Why couldn't we do that?

See, that's perfect. Why couldn't we do that?

See, the problem is that in the real world, things often suck.

See, this is why you people are going out of business.

See? He doesn't care about you.

See? The lost city of Atlantis.

See? This is Agathor, my mighty warrior character.

See? We go on right before you and your nonexistent Asstones.

Shake it. Shake it on my eggs.

Shall we get started?

She doesn't have to act like a whore until one of you marries her.

She doesn't want him. She just wants some excitement.

She had to uncover Stan's secret.

She had to uncover Stan's secret.

She is one vindictive...

She knew this date wouldn't work out.

She looks awful.

She loves the finer things, this one

She never skated again.

She wanted me to tell you something. What was it? What was it.

She was clearly nervous about meeting her hero.

She was our nation's first stripper, and that's the pole that bore her.

She's as graceful as a frozen turd.

She's convinced that if I have sex...

She's right on track to be president.

She's right, you're insane. This man is insane.

She's said it to me exactly four times in our marriage.

Shirley? What did you do?

Shoot him! Shoot him in the face!

Should I call her? No, no, I shouldn't. I don't wanna seem desperate.

Shouldn't you be out raping the star struck masses with it?

Shut up!

Since that terrible day, I,ve been damned to skate with the only partner I deserve

Since you read that book about crates.

Sir, don't say that. This country loves you. This country needs you.

Sir, my wife has to believe your date was a success.

Sir, please don't fight me.

Sir, she's been nothing but trouble. She stays out late, she lies, she drinks.

Sir, this is a disaster. Do you realize what you've done?

Sir, we need to sober you up. Get me some cold water to splash on his face.

Sir, you are a wit.

Sir, you killed your date?

Sit down, Mr. President.

Six decades of dragging my ass around this blue marble and what do I have to show for it?

Six months as a receipt checker at Best Buy.

SJ.P. is in the new Spielberg movie. It's gonna be huge.

Slow down, Stan. I can't keep up.

Smile, you son of a

Smith was so phony. Like my children 's love.

Smith, I was extremely impressed by your essay.

Smith, you,re suspended.

Snoopy wasn't running from a painful memory.

Snubbed by the Langley Conservatives after all I,ve done for them.

So can you make Tony Blair do whatever you want?

So come on, David Geffen. Get on board, Nathan Lane. Come on,Johnny Depp.

So come on, L.A. Sparks. Come on, halfthe population of Palm Springs.

So come on, let's go home. All is forgiven.

So Dad, Stan's a friend of mine from Langley Falls.

So did you get that part on Ryan's Hope?

So do you have a TV?

So I divorced him until such a time as Daddy can get some strange.

So I drove us 90miles to contest the results...

So I guess what you're saying is, I'm only human.

So I had to fire Theresa, hire a painter and get a new hygienist, all in one week.

So I know from good.

So I lost a little street cred. I,ll get it back. It's all part of the dance.

So I must break up with you.

So I need everyone's help to

So I took the train to Raleigh, and now I'm at my dad's farm.

So I was hoping I could take you to dinner and then afterwards have sex with you.

So if we were to play, say, Hide and Seek...

So just to show him I'm not a hardhearted man...

So let's review.

So maybe I should open my mind a bit

So my buddy Maloosh is producing some porn.

So next time you privileged suburban white boys...

So next time you privileged suburban white boys...

So remember your lines and don't break character.

So Robert De "Zero... wants to quit, fine.

So take your little rain slicker and your little boots and go die in an alley.

So the face becomes the brain...

So then it's cool to alienate gays?

So we came back here. You both put on lingerie and started mudwrestling.

So we might as well start learning Russian.

So we should get going.

So what's Denver like, Dad?

So where do I put my Oh, I see.

So where's all our stuff?

So why don't you two get lost before I kick off my Sunday shoe up your ass.

So you never told me. Who's playing in this baseball game, Dad?

So you,re the fabled Suit I,ve been hearing about for the past 20 seconds.

So you're just leaving me here?

So your mother and I are remarried and I think we're stronger for it, aren't we?

So, basically, all I have to do is stand here...

So, if my husband can't come up with the money, what are you gonna do to me?

So, INS, huh? I'm a CIA man, myself.

So, Lisa, who is this handsome new piece of arm candy?

So, Stan, what do you think of our humble organization?

So, where's the Pibbmobile?

So? It's me and hate monger Pat Robertson. I met him at some party.

Soft drinks come and go, Stan. It's not the brands that matter.

Some girl must have put the flask in there thinking it was hers.

Some say the hell spawn of a prostitute and a whore. Others say...

Some say they're essential to our economy.

Someday it,ll be worth a fortune

Someone has stolen all his awards. All of them.

Someone I've learned to respect and admire.

Someone's feelings could get hurt.

Someone's feelings could get hurt.

Something like I don't know

Something strong enough to punch a hole from the next world...

Something wrong with your car, Agent Smith?

Son of a bitch!

Soon the beam of light will show us the exact location of the...

Sorry I missed the race. I was getting, us victory Slushies.

Sorry I'm late, sir. Is this real?

Sorry, honey, I can't hear you over the street justice.

Sorry. I have to write a black history report...

Sorry. Just me again.

Sorry. That's for me to know and you to find out.

Sorry. That's how I wake up.

Sort out the rest yourselves.

Sounds great! And afterwards we can stop by the

Sounds like somebody needs their after dinner walk.

Sounds off the hook. But it's not Mr. Pibb.

Speaking of crackers...

Speaking of9/11, I believe that was my dad's S.A.T. score.

Spit out your cutesy quip and shovel on.

Spread your legs and fly.

Stan and Roger practived relentessly.

Stan Smith, is this your idea of a good Christmas?

Stan Smith, you destroyed America!

Stan Smith? Agent Hopkins, INS.

Stan Smith's famous dinner, cooked chicken.

Stan would become a loof, withdrawn, mysterious.

Stan would never go for another kid. His mind is made up.

Stan, are you okay?

Stan, could you help me bring the groceries in?

Stan, did you know that in some countries...

Stan, did you remember to get a gift for Roger?

Stan, do you feel lighter?

Stan, don't! I,ve got a turkey baster and...

Stan, enough. This day isn't about you and your lies.

Stan, every Friday night we go to the same restaurant and get the same steak dinner.

Stan, Francine. This is Jared, my current lover.

Stan, go to the quiet area.

Stan, how will we face the future without Mr. Pibb?

Stan, I almost forgot.

Stan, I like my coffee like my secretaries of state

Stan, I want another baby.

Stan, I wouldn't do that...

Stan, I wouldn't do that...

Stan, I,m your wife. If something's wrong, I want to help you.

Stan, I,ve been thinking.

Stan, I'm an alien. My skin is naturally...

Stan, maybe it's not right to listen in on...

Stan, thank you for the beautiful roses you left on my nightstand.

Stan, that was just sex. Sex without love is meaningless.

Stan, there is nothing you can do that will ever make me forget this.

Stan, there's an easier way to get rid of Jeff.

Stan, think about this. You're a federal agent.

Stan, this is ridiculous. You have to end this right now.

Stan, what are you doing?

Stan, what are you doing? You're supposed to be at the warehouse.

Stan, where have you been? I went to the park, I left you messages.

Stan, will you speak on our behalf?

Stan, you can't do this.

Stan, you can't let him quit. The movie's gotta be the same.

Stan, you don't have to prove anything to me. This is dangerous.

Stan, you don't understand. I

Stan, you really saved my tokhes back there.

Stan, you're here.

Stan, you're sinking an awful lot of money into this.

Stan!

Stan!

Stan! Damn you and your one outfit!

Stan!Nancy Callieop has been kicked out ofthe Langley Conservatives.

Stan?

Stan?

Stan. Promise to...

Stan. Stan, I,m ready to go. Stan?

Stan. The President. Dinner.

Stay away from me! I don't wanna catch your gay!

Stay away from us.

Step on it, Mom.

Steve

Steve and the Asstones are on our way.

Steve o, you can't mean that. I'm your alien.

Steve Smith. I'm doing a report on Carver...

Steve will be right down, honey.

Steve, do you know who said, "I can resist anything but temptation...?

Steve, don't just sit there. Say something.

Steve, don't worry. I,m just spending time with them...

Steve, for the last time, you're not psychic!

Steve, go put on a tie. We're going to the Four Seasons...

Steve, good you're here. I meant to call you. How do I put this?

Steve, help me put your sister in the pit of no return. We'll be right back.

Steve, hydrate me.

Steve, I I read your sketch packet, and I just had to meet you.

Steve, I noticed you weren't rooting through my garbage this morning.

Steve, I think you're cleaning your glasses with your mom's panties.

Steve, if you were a grownup, you'd understand why we have to destroy it.

Steve, is this really happening?

Steve, keep it down. I don't think we're supposed to be on this roof

Steve, nothing happened.

Steve, our parents are divorced.

Steve, sympathy is for the herd.

Steve, that's crazy. I was never gonna tell you.

Steve, this conspiracy dates back to the Civil War. This is what I know

Steve, we don't have a choice.

Steve, what have you done? You've ruined everything

Steve, you are the king of Dragon Scuffle.

Steve, you are the worst Hide and Seek player ever.

Steve, you can't be here. What if he sees you?

Steve, you see that button right there? That rolls up the window.

Steve, you were right to call Mommy.

Steve, you,re a big boy. You,re gonna be fine.

Steve!

Steve? Hayley?

Steven, I could be having sex with you right now. You,d be too dumb to know it.

Steven, you're a trustworthy young man. Is your cousin on the up and up?

Still no baby. I don't understand.

Stir of Echoes.

Stop doing that.

Stop making excuses for him.

Stop, stop, stop! You do know the competition's tomorrow, don't you?

Stop. No more, Jew jokes, I give up.

Strong, Reagan era swimmers inspired by the 1984 Olympic victories of Matt Biondi.

Such a command of the literal and figurative.

Sure thing, maid. Baseball seems to take a shine to you.

Sure. Paco, tell number 14 and number 8...

Sweet berries.

Take a jacket!

Take heart, men. They always put in a way to win these games.

Take it somewhere else, spaz

Take my sleeve, Stan.

Take the one on the end, she's related to Judith Light. Won't shut up.

Taking all the fruit from the helpless deaf kids...

Tell him you can't have a Log Cabin event without me.

Tell me where Bin Laden is or I'll kill the boy.

Tennis partners? Golf partners? Synchronized swimmers?

Terrorist!

Terry, I heard you tell Greg that it's open season...

Terry's gay too. He's my boyfriend.

Test drive the new Lincoln Continental.

Thai food. They should fine these people for littering.

Thank God for eBay and Steve's prized collection of death masks of the Little Rascals.

Thank God. That guy sucked so much.

Thank you for calling Apple tech support.

Thank you for noticing.

Thank you for taking the time. I'm worried about Melinda.

Thank you for the fascinating story about the shoes you couldn't decide between.

Thank you, Hayley. Oh, I must hurry.

Thank you, Steve. Thank you for making my shame more festive.

Thank you, young warrior. And now, with haste and grim dignity...

Thanks for helping me sneak the Mexicans out.

Thanks for picking up the tab.

Thanks for standing up for me, President Bush.

Thanks for taking that block off, Dad.

Thanks to Francine, Stan was no longer haunted by his past...

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Harvard.

Thanks, Roger. Don't mention it, Roger.

Thanks. I already have a kid doing that...

Thanks. I figured, "Hey, share the experience....

Thanks. I,ve always wanted to cook, but my father never supported me.

Thanks. What do I owe you?

That almost went horribly wrong.

That anonymous tip we got was clearly bogus.

That doesn't make me feel like a loser.

That doesn't sound like me.

That explains everything.

That explains everything.

That felt good. And I,ve almost died from auto erotic asphyxiation.

That fueled him to make Taxi Driver.

That game's kind of lame.

That he has. That he has.

That is so Raven.

That lanky, Canadian, Kiefer spawning bastard's going down.

That Linda Memari is one hairy woman.

That little feelings hurter is about to eat crow.

That makes sense, because it smells like Mexico.

That means "more tongue."

That means he has to poop.

That means there's something else going on in your woman theater.

That must be the Russian binoculars we ordered!

That seemed a little extreme. Couldn't they just escort us out?

That shock changed him.

That the wishy alien's passions for winning was even greater than his own.

That trick won't work on

That was a close one.

That was a great vacation, huh, guys? Best thing, totally spontaneous.

That was a test! You failed! God, you,re selfish!

That was A: before I knew they came in Republican form...

That was all three Smiths.

That was awesome how you killed that ice giant!

That was just my test model. The real one still stands. It's permitted.

That was my song! The masses should be cheering for me!

That was the beginning of the end.

That was the old me, Lacey. Now that I have Svetlana...

That you carry all our backpacks to the arcade.

That you couldn't make it on your own?

That'll be $ 147.

That'll get him. Good thinking, Stan.

That's That's where my genitals are

That's $2,000. We,re going to Rome!

That's a brilliant idea. We should form a think tank.

That's a good looking Glock. Your wife give you that Glock?

That's a great idea! I,ll show Francine I,m not boring!

That's a question I can answer.

That's a specialty, yes. But I have a lot of smart opinions.

That's all I care about: Money.

That's all you got? You're gonna die in my arms.

That's awesome. Thanks.

That's because I was born in America!

That's because they practically are spirits.

That's because you got drunk and blacked out, again.

That's classified, but it's gonna help a lot.

That's disgusting. She's 12.

That's good.

That's her room, right? I just wanna feel close to her again.

That's how she advertizes herself?

That's how you know you got pocket rocks. Happy birthday.

That's how you try to throw Francine off the trail, by killing her?

That's it.

That's it. I,m gonna go lay down.

That's it. Tickets are off the table

That's just it, Roger. I kind of do care.

That's just the latest in a long list of achievements.

That's lead based paint. Don't let your kids lick it.

That's more than you make in a year.

That's Mr. Hallworthy.

That's not funny. I guess comedy's really evolved.

That's okay, beautiful. I already have everything I want.

That's okay, you can work for my greeting card company.

That's okay. Irregardless, I,m glad to have you home, Son.

That's okay. You can stay right here at home...

That's one of my wife's lunatic concoctions for staving off evil spirits.

That's our favorite spousal abuse movie of all time.

That's Paco, Greg and Terry's dog walker.

That's plagiarism.

That's right, Stan.

That's right. Give me a hug.

That's right. Now you've cleared the brush, we can build a sandbox...

That's right. The second President Peanut

That's right. They make me see colors and I'm keeping them.

That's right. You're one of the few people outside of the Illuminutti...

That's right. Your skating has a spongiform encephalopathy, bitch!

That's the American dream, Francine.

That's the American dream.

That's the beautiful dream of vasectech.

That's the dumbest thing I,ve ever heard.

That's the most intimate thing a white woman can give a Mexican man.

That's the reason I moved up here 10 years ago.

That's the spirit, soldier. Tell you what.

That's very touching, but none of that's gonna matter...

That's weird. Hand me a magnifying glass.

That's what Andrew Cunanan wrote in his high school yearbook. Byesie daisies.

That's what I thought. Now scooch on over here and spell "hors d,oeuvre....

That's what the kids say, right? "Tight... as in "good....

That's why he can never know what happened.

That's why I became a professor, Ethan, to inspire people

That's why you shave your chest. Oh, Hayley must wear a muff wire.

The attic is above sea level, and popcorn doesn't pop above sea level.

The average white man thinks about sex every six seconds...

The bear gave him the confidence to try and fail.

The blue herring, the light blue herring, the medium blue herring...

The Boob strikes again.

The brother invented peanut butter. Stretch it over five pages and hand it in.

The buzz is your old man's a shoo in.

The C.I.A. talent show is in a week.

The Castle Roodpart. Who comes up with these names?

The CIA initiated atomic defense protocol.

The community theater's putting on a play about Abraham Lincoln.

The company would have to listen to us then. Right, Bob?

The corner of Excitement Street and Unpredictability Avenue.

The Cornfield Motel, providing you all the comfort and elegance of corn.

The couple always hanging around the factory.

The doctor said it would be a miracle...

The doctors gave her two weeks...

The dude who makes them uses a syringe...

The future depends on what you do now.

The fuzz is crawling all over this joint.

The Garden of Eden. The first garden.

The gays got to you with their insidious ways.

The gays got to you with their insidious ways.

The good kind, with g****s.

The greatest, baby.

The hat has gotta be in here.

The human dinosaur treaty fell apart...

The Illuminutti is convinced that our country will descend into chaos...

The Illuminutti's been looking for it for decades.

The INS has been watching this place all day.

The INS was waiting for us, so I lied and said the Mexicans were in Steve's band.

The Internet is down!

The jar of proof.

The Katzenjammer Kids.

The Langley Conservatives are determined to keep them out and the party pure.

The law is on his side.

The Log Cabin delegates trying to get in tonight didn't choose to be gay...

The Log Cabin Republicans will know I,m one of them.

The love and respect I have for you knows no limits.

The McRib is back!

The money's supposed to be on top of the phone books. Run, Francine!

The monster from the hit movie Hollow Man.

The mouth on this one.

The name's Bu...

The original President Peanut. Well, here goes.

The pain. My moaning stems from pain.

The parent company decided to go a different direction.

The Partridge Family toppeth the charts with "I Think I Love You....

The people who survived the nuclear blast.

The president falls off the wagon after 15 years of clean living...

The question is, do you like me?

The question isn't, can I kill him?

The rides give you the same experience as looking at her.

The role of a hag.

The salvation of

The scratch marks on my back will forever be a tribute to my love for you.

The second fastest racer on the street.

The symbol.

The thing is, I've been with so many men that he couldn't perform in bed.

The war in Iraq is over?

The wedding's about to start.

The whole incident was captured by a nearby traffic cam.

The whore, not the prostitute. Here, I'll do it.

The world didn't really end.

The worst day. Stupid boss.

Their dog must have gotten off leash and he was chasing after him.

Then explain this.

Then I only have one question: Do you have our tape of hot jams?

Then I realized I could be my own father figure.

Then I'll have "kiss my ass" money.

Then peaches. Listen, I'm gonna go...

Then we started to drift apart.

Then why are you skating like a wiener?

Then you should try JDate. It's the place where ******* singles meet.

Then you'll get it, princess.

Then you'll see that sex with somebody you don't love is no big deal.

Then your faith is well placed, because we're the last ones left on Earth.

Then, in5.000B.C...

There are two fridges there now, Francine, one that's just for drinks.

There he is, Mommy, the monster

There he is.

There is none. She can either be dead or she can be right.

There is so much beauty in the world.

There it is, Paco. Sweet freedom

There it was. She knew exactly what it meant.

There she goes. How about a tour, Mr. President?

There should be no more terror at all very soon.

There was a Thai menu hanging from her doorknob...

There was a whole sweatshop down there.

There wasn't even any pressure. He didn't know I stuffed it with pot.

There we go!

There we go. Dumb alien. That's good material.

There you are. Stan, I,d like you to meet my partner, Tino.

There you go. Now you,re holding up your end.

There, I've done it. I'm an old man and I've said a crazy thing.

There, there. Hey, I know what,ll cheer you up.

There. Now you have closure and our grass will be green all winter.

There. She's gone.

There. This should show people you're not cheap

There's a $50 million reward for Osama bin Laden, and I know where he is.

There's a bounty on his head in Florida.

There's a simple lesson to be learned from...

There's a storm coming, Mama.

There's a vial of proto Smiths at the government storage center outside D.C.

There's a war on, Francine, and it's going great.

There's an old CIA warehouse downtown.

There's another coffee shop.

There's gonna be chafing dishes, a carving station...

There's gotta be a mess hall around here somewhere.

There's just so much laundry, Stan.

There's lots of places to hide on a farm.

There's no room for you in our stories. Hey, wait up.

There's no seagull.

There's no such thing as mutants because the world didn't end.

There's no time!

There's no way I,m shooting Reagan.

There's no way you can enter that contest.

There's no way you can transport a criminal to Florida.

There's only one thing I do with non blended drinks and that's drive.

There's only one way to save America.

There's only one way to save Christmas

There's room for everyone. We all belong in the G.O.P.

There's six months worth of casseroles in the freezer.

There's the bell. I'll see all of you who don't die of cholera, tomorrow at 8.

There's your criminal. Give me the money.

Therefore, each of you will need to take home and hide...

These look like they're handwritten.

They absorbed enough radiation to become...

They always put in some way to win these games.

They are after this amulet.

They aren't parasites. They're people.

They bit Dad and now he's one of them. Run!

They chose to be Democrats. I,m not telling you to stop hating.

They found me. Francine, get on the counter. Now!

They get deported and we buy our way out of trouble because we'll be rich.

They had this machine that stole our dreams.

They love me.

They said it violated the spirit of the game, but not the actual rules.

They traveled together, shared secrets, hopes, dreams.

They,ll let me speak at the R.N.C. So I,m making this choice.

They,ll stay out there until they respect me.

They,re a present for the bedroom.

They,re checking for something far more dangerous: gay.

They,re gonna announce who gets to speak at this year's Republican National Convention.

They,re in the tree house? Oh, thank God.

They,re not letting me speak at the R.N.C.

They,re supporting the economy by buying high end appliances and teacup poodles.

They're 20 bucks. You want them or not?

They're for temporarily paralyzing your enemies.

They're gonna be okay. They're gonna be okay.

They're Hot Pockets I stuffed with rhinestones.

They're in my son's band. They're playing the festival this evening.

They're latex copies of actual celebrity noses.

They're on a Gumby keychain.

They're right here on my screen. I could say them to you.

Things gotta be pushing other things.

Think, Gordon. How would Mello Yello handle this?

Think, Stan. What did you do when you were back in 1970?

This doesn't make me gay, does it, Dad?

This has gone too far.

This has gone way beyond you speaking at the convention.

This has gone way beyond you speaking at the convention.

This is a national disaster.

This is all just a dream you,re having.

This is awful. We have to call the police. I have to turn myself in.

This is awkward. I'm gonna go.

This is definitely my new boy.

This is delicious.

This is difficult for me to put into words.

This is gonna be even bigger than the six other hits you,ve given me!

This is how life should be.

This is insane

This is just a photocopy of a 14 year old boy's butt

This is my choice. I wanna be gay. I choose to be gay.

This is my home now, Stan.

This is my son, Sanget.

This is one sweet ride. What is she, a Huffy?

This is one sweet ride. What is she, a Huffy?

This is outrageous.

This is perfect. If he goes to prison, he'll be out of my life forever.

This is Scotch. I quit alcohol 15 years ago.

This is so fun. Steve's too busy with science and girls to play with me.

This is so humiliating. Can't you just have sex with me?

This is the best Black History Month ever.

This is the best Christmas ever

This is the first time in 20 winters we,ve done anything together!

This is the largest sex garden in North America.

This is the New York Stock Exchange!

This is the spot. Where's the ship?

This is their mysterious symbol.

This is your fault, Smith. I told you I was rusty when it came to dating.

This is your fault. I have to teach you a lesson.

This isn't the way to the steak house.

This log cabin will represent the strong roots...

This never happened. It's all a hallucination.

This one is for you, but I think it's broken.

This one's pretty.

This pedometer is the best Christmas gift ever.

This place is amazing. Did you do it all yourself?

This place is great.

This tape is from the future

This was a stupid idea. Let's get out of here.

This was actually my last tour anyway.

This was to celebrate.

This wasn't properly anchored.

This whole divorce thing was a bad idea.

This whole thing with Melinda has made me really horny.

This will provide shelter and hold things.

This year, Santa smelled like whiskey and the midget smelled like pot.

Those monsters are gonna pay.

Those things don't make your daughter a lost cause.

Through the winter and the spring

Throw that in with two measures of gin and vermouth...

Throw this when they announce my name.

Tickets to Battlestar Galactica On Ice? These have been sold out for months.

Time to celebrate our brothers from other mothers.

Tire inflation? That is so great. Course, I'm not surprised.

To attend the convention this year.

To good old fashioned conservative values

To help us get back to our roots for the future Republicans of this country.

To know the man, I must taste the man.

To most mature

To tell you one of my funny bedtime stories.

To Texas, where the president pretends to be from.

To the proper authorities for speeding and for wastefully burning rubber.

To the shopping mall!

To your favorite song in a magnificent costume?

To your left inner edge skating forward!

Today made me realize...

Today made me realize...

Today's liberals are yesterday's hippies.

Tomorrow I'm having a sex change operation.

Tomorrow, we're going to the park. I can't wait to show my nose...

Too depressing. Bums my apex, man.

Too late, Mr. Smith. My dad's in there right now, clearing my name.

Too much. It's ruined. Get out. You disgust me.

Toshi's sister, Akiko.

Touch it!

Trap door.

Trish, do you have a bag or some kind of container?

Trish, that Denver omelet was great.

Trust me, honey. This is the best way.

Trust me. A little rain won't hurt,em.

Truth is, Stan, America just don't like me no more.

Try jogging, you gross bowling pin.

Try Pibb X tra.

Turn the chicken crap they call their lives into chicken salad.

Twice a day, you take a shot of insu lying.

Twisted Sister, man. Come on. Do the Skull and Bones.

Two hours, seven minutes. Not bad.

Two hundred dead count.

Two hundred thread count.

Two ponchos and a flute that summons a leprechaun.

Two teenagers sitting on an old man's lap as a midget snaps a picture.

Two, four, six. eight. Gays are bad God is straight

Two. Mine was never on.

Ugh, these preconceived notions about gay people.

Uh Uh, you know what would really be seizing the moment?

Uh, Ethan, it's been a lovely evening...

Uh, Father? Are you gonna marry us or what?

Uh, I believe that one's entitled "Quantum ****....

Uh, I don't think so, Stan.

Uh, I had a gun.

Uh, Stan, I,m gay.

Uh, Steve, I don't think that's a good idea.

Uh, Steve, I don't think that's a good idea.

Uh, the guy from Monk?

Uh, yeah. Why don't wejust have some wine instead? That should break the ice.

Uh, you,ll probably wanna put your pants on for when the police come.

Um

Um, I met Martin Scorsese, got him off drugs.

Um, Roger, those were guys.

Um, uh

Um, we,re kind of in a hurry.

Um, yeah. If you just keep going down the the way you,re going.

Um,Jesus?

Understood?

Unfortunately, I couldn't find any crystallized methamphetamines...

Unfortunately, it can only be read with a special ocular device.

Unfortunately, it was my left glocknick. Didn't know the code.

Unfortunately, John Wilkes Booth...

Unhand that child, underwater molester clown.

Unless you wanna make it a little more interesting.

Unload those in the kitchen.

Vampires!

Vasectomy is the serious procedure.

Vasectomy?

Very fun, Stan, but we really need to get going to the Memaris' barbecue.

Very well. If you need me, I'll be in the... Oh, wait. You don't need me.

Wait a minute

Wait a minute. Monocle, cane, hat..

Wait a minute. Stan, you told her she was a lost cause?

Wait a minute. You're not dying. You were planning on ditching me...

Wait a second.

Wait, no! No, no. No good bye, Christmas.

Wait, Steve. Don't declare fudge just yet.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. I can do this. Six divided by...

Wait, you gotta believe me.

Wait! Where are you folks going?

Wait. Are you too stoned to drive?

Wait. Does this kid know you're an alien?

Wait. How,d you buy this last night?

Wait. I have a question about Iraq.

Wait. I was just about to say, "I told you so"...

Wait. I'm not a mutant.

Wait. Is it?

Wait. Is there another "G...? Or is it

Wait. It's a cheetah.

Wait. Someone accidentally ordered a woman in the mail?

Wait. That's an anagram for "Find the monocle."

Wait. That's the wrong jar.

Wait. This can't be. They have to be there.

Wait. This crate is way too big for binoculars.

Wait. This is the Hilton. This is where Hinckley shot Reagan.

Wait. This isn't the jar of proof. He switched them on me.

Wait. This man hippie is innocent.

Wait. What am I doing? I,m a man of the law.

Wait. You got gay from Lincoln Lover?

Wait. Your marijuana?

Wake up, you drunk. You were supposed to tell him we found Osama.

Walk me forward!

Wanna play that game where you start with a tower of blocks...

Warn the cops,,cause I,m gonna make a killing in the stock market.

Warner Books On Tape presents...

Was a season of solitar despair for poor Francine.

Was not entirely true.

Washing the dishes?

Wasn't the speaker supposed to be Colin Powell?

Watch SJ.P. take off.

We are opening our offices for a totally unrestricted inspection.

We are so pleased you have chosen to purchase...

We can force emancipation of the slaves upon the South...

We can go anywhere.

We can handle the truth...

We can have the wedding in my back yard.

We can manipulate your stupid father to get everything we want!

We can turn in Jeff.

We can. We can totally do that! Let's do it right now.

We can't afford another night here.

We can't afford another night here.

We can't keep doing this. It isn't working, you and me. We,ve grown apart.

We can't keep doing this. It isn't working, you and me. We,ve grown apart.

We can't let INS take them.

We could see who can do the best pretend elephant.

We cover public domain songs.

We decided to go in a different direction and voted you out.

We did it, Dad. Soon the whole world will know the truth.

We did it, Francine.

We did it, Ma!

We did it!

We did. Lovely woman. Things were going swimmingly.

We didn't steal it. We borrowed it for a higher purpose.

We do now. Congress is letting the CIA seize any property...

We don't have $50,000.

We don't have a chance!

We failed. Good bye, America. Good bye, Christmas.

We finally did it!

We gave it higher marks than Valerie Bertinelli's classic...

We get The Tennis Channel for just pennies a day!

We got over a hundred hits already.

We gotta get that pole

We had a good run. Remember my fifth birthday? Oh.

We have another date tomorrow. We're going on a picnic.

We have to destroy the body so you won't be implicated

We have to gain his trust so he invites us into his home.

We have to get you home. You have a press conference in four hours.

We have to save Jeff. There's not a moment to lose.

We hooked up at the ARCO while the kids were pumping gas.

We know you,re not gay, Stan. But we,ve always maintained Lincoln was.

We left everything behind: Our house, our cars, my little brother.

We like to show up right at 5:30. Punctuality is kind of our thing.

We lock ourselves in until they finish the bears, then we turn them over to the INS.

We met Morgan Freeman, didn't we? You got to shake his hand, Steve.

We need to cause a distraction so we can sneak them out.

We need to get back to Concord for my mom's funeral

We need to take a trip far, far away.

We Pibbs are survivors.

We picked him up at the rest stop an hour ago.

We really should get over there, I'm on fire

We really should set them up with some nice women. Hey, how about your sister?

We received a report that you're harboring illegal aliens.

We settle this like adolescents with very poor judgment.

We should call FEMA. They can rescue him in four or five days.

We should get more of them to be Republicans.

We should've just stayed with Buckle.

We shouldn't discriminate against gays.

We talked, shared some laughs, had some gunplay.

We told you, no drugs.

We used to have paint cans all over, but then I put up a shelf.

We were competing in the Southeast Figure Skating Regionals.

We were playing, and I didn't eat anything...

We were playing, and I didn't eat anything...

We were walking on the beach...

We won't be working any more late nights, sir?

We won't have to worry about that baby any more.

We,ll ignore them and see just how long they can last up there.

We,ll think of something. Wait! Pull over!

We,re going to let the secularist nonbelievers...

We,re going to the one place on Earth...

We,re gonna be dead like my uncle's left hand!

We,re gonna take first place for sure.

We,re having Christmas after all

We,re just here to warn people about the Holiday Rapist.

We,re married. I,m your wife.

We,re not going to a steak house, but there will be stakes high stakes.

We,re trying to watch the skating here.

We,ve heard it a million times. Get over it already!

We'd live in a sunken pirate ship. That'd show global warming.

We'd make a game of everything

We'll get Charlie's dogs. Close off the perimeter.

We'll play all day, and we'll make a fort out of pillows.

We'll work it out. I wonder what's keeping her?

We're gonna be best friends.

We're gonna get to the bottom of this. It's ringing.

We're gonna go down and convince them you're innocent.

We're gonna need help to fill an order that big. Do you have any relatives?

We're having fun now.

We're now Krispy Kreme McDonalds' Jamtastic Roller Boogie Prawn Experience.

We're pals.

We're running out of air, lieutenant.

We're sad about your mom being gone, but here's something to cheer us all up:

We're Steve and the Ass todos.

We're your friends, Steve, and you have a serious problem.

We've got to find it first so America will know the truth.

We've got to get the word out and save Mr. Pibb.

Welcome Langley Conservatives.

Welcome to the Mr. Pibb experience.

Welcome to vasectech vasectomy Systems.

Well All right, let's do it!

Well dressed, wearing sandals, holding a brightly colored drink and listening to Celine Dion

Well, are you?

Well, come along, kids. You can play house while Jared and I fornicate...

Well, date night was a rousing success.

Well, delicately kiss my pomegranates.

Well, don't tell Debbie about her because she,ll eat her.

Well, every five years.

Well, everybody's busy.

Well, he just turned two.

Well, he pays me to call hotels before his arrival...

Well, I am not gonna let my husband stand in the way of me getting pregnant.

Well, I can't change how I feel.

Well, I didn't have anything else to do.

Well, I don't know if I had said this yet..

Well, I go inside, and there's this gorgeous guy buying a pretzel.

Well, I grew up around some very strong women.

Well, I guess he won't be needing it

Well, I guess he's better than Cheney.

Well, I guess I could sit down and let you make me some breakfast.

Well, I guess it's time to have sex.

Well, I guess TV night's canceled.

Well, I just wanted to bring you and the boys some cookies. Is that a dead squirrel?

Well, I know a muscle car is any off the line street vehicle...

Well, I learned it from you. I guess maybe you are all grown up.

Well, I took your advice and stabbed my father 38 times.

Well, I,ll skate with you. It,ll be fun.

Well, I'm not gonna let that happen to me.

Well, I'm sorry I lied.

Well, isn't that cute? Roger's making a snow angel.

Well, it's 2,000 miles above sea level, so the winds are fierce.

Well, keep up that "follow your heart... crap.

Well, let's find out.

Well, looks like my late nights at the office are finally over.

Well, merry Christmas.

Well, no flagpoles in the VIP room.

Well, no girl will ever love you as much as Mommy.

Well, no sign of any illegals.

Well, normally, no. But you know how nasty you get when you drink

Well, now that's settled, how about we watch some skating tapes?

Well, okay. But we,re not getting back together. This isn't a make up quest.

Well, Roger, it's good to have you back.

Well, shalom.

Well, sir, I'm not gonna sit here...

Well, slop me up a bit of coincidence.

Well, Snot wins. I guess hejust wanted it more.

Well, Stan, it looks like we have a special guest with us...

Well, Steve, they kicked me out.

Well, terrorist, you leave us no choice. We will now torture you...

Well, thanks for the party.

Well, that didn't solve anything. Guess I'll just go out and get hammered.

Well, that's because his father owns a herring farm.

Well, that's it. Hinckley hated it.

Well, that's not stardust on your hands, Michelle.

Well, the law says he can park out there as long as he wants.

Well, then give me money for that. What do you care? I'm thirsty.

Well, then I,m taking away 50 points from Gryffindor.

Well, then, at least let me help.

Well, there is someone I kind of look up to.

Well, there is Steve's college money.

Well, there was the waterfall.

Well, there's only one way to settle this.

Well, they're off to somewhere in a hurry.

Well, things can happen to families too. Bad things.

Well, this is the address, but I don't see any flagpoles.

Well, this is what they're referring to. So do we have a deal?

Well, too bad. I,m here to save Christmas, and you can't stop me!

Well, we do have one thing the Illuminutti doesn't:

Well, we have to do something. We can't keep living like this.

Well, we thinkyou encapsulate what we,re all about.

Well, yes, Steve. You gave me that for my birthday.

Well, you did buy me this bucket of balls.

Well, you did use an awful lot of string

Well, you don't mind if I watch it and turn it up as loud as it goes, do you?

Well, you have three hours to get it. Until then, we keep your wife.

Well, you know. You bought it for me.

Well, you weren't gonna do anything from a movie.

Well, you're a young man now.

Well, you're drunk enough.

Were playing with them or borrowing them to audition for the community theater?

What a douche.

What a freak accident!

What about Little League? I thought he was gonna be in Little League.

What about Sanget? I don't want an Indian baby.

What am I doing in here?

What am I doing? This is a friendly competition.

What am I gonna do now?

What am I supposed to do with this rectangular monstrosity?

What an exciting life!

What are we gonna do about Dad? He's completely lost it.

What are we supposed to drink together once you're gone?

What are you doing here? The mountain man could be anywhere.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Rehearsal doesn't start for three hours.

What are you guys talking about? You guys are divorced?

What are you talking about? Get out.

What are you talking about? He totally ignored me and I don't think he's hot at a

What are you talking about? SJ.P. is a Canadian chiropractic supplies company.

What choice did he have? Freezer burn ruined 90 percent of them.

What did you call me? I,m gay, damn it!

What did you say?

What do you know about cars?

What do you mean, "drill"? You telling me the world hasn't ended?

What do you mean, Jeff's never won an award in his entire life?

What do you mean? Everything in there is gold. Pure gold.

What do you think of that? Wanna see yourself die?

What do you think that street racer we saw last night eats for lunch?

What do you think, Clive?

What do you think, man?

What does E.R.A. stand for?

What else can I do? What else can l...? Oh, I got it.

What happened to the land of the free? These people have a right to be here.

What have I done? Jeff was telling the truth. He's innocent.

What if they really did go to New York?

What if we got a million signatures on a petition?

What if we got a million signatures on a petition?

What in God's name is wrong with you?

What in the name of Phil Spector happened?

What is she doing here? Why is she wearing lingerie?

What is that, guava?

What is the meaning of this?

What is the meaning of this? We are invited guests ofthe R.N.C.

What kids? If you don't fix this, you and Francine might never meet.

What kind of filth are you trying to look up?

What madey,all scooch on up to the Big ol, Apple?

What the ****! Succubus!

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is going on?

What the fudge, Stan? You have been avoiding me for a week.

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell are you talking about, Larry?

What the hell happened to our house?

What the hell is the matter with you?

What the hell was that?

What the hell, man?

What the hell!

What the...?

What was that, Steve?

What we had must finally end

What we need is a 20 foot president

What would you like to lay down? A tray?

What, just tell us what we need to do.

What, with your ability to come up with ideas and my ability to assess their worth.

What?

What?

What?

What? Does Terry know? Oh, poor, straight Terry.

What? Francine, why would you bet 50 grand?

What? Hey, no, no, no! Dude, where are you going?

What? I thought you wanted to be his friend.

What? No, it's for work. Get out of my shower!

What? No, no, no, it's okay. I'm in a good place.

What? No!

What? No.

What? No. I'd let you give me a mole frijole.

What? Stan, that's crazy.

What? There's nothing there.

What? Upon my chain you surely do yank.

What? Why are these people chasing me?

What? Yeah, right.

What's a Soviet tank doing in America?

What's going on?

What's going on? I have an appointment with the curator.

What's happening? Somebody must like me.

What's this? You were supposed to be working all night. Where's Paco?

What's your name, funny guy?

What's your problem?

Whatever beverages the future holds...

Whatever book I,m teaching you about, and it's this:

Whatever it takes.

Whatever our issues are, we'll work through them together.

When caught, I framed my favorite grandfather. I don't know why I did it.

When I was his alien

When I was his alien

When she cried, I called her "Little Sally Crypants".

When they ask me what my greatest loss in life was...

When was the last time we went out?

When were you gonna tell me you were Illuminutti?

When you have codependency...

Where are my manners? Would you like a snack? Have a Dolly Pocket.

Where are we gonna get that type of cash?

Where are we?

Where are you going? We're 40 fathoms under the sea.

Where are you hiding Osama? We broke the code. We know he's here.

Where do you think all the hot air comes from?

Where is my leprechaun?

Where shall we order? Hoagies and Wings?

Where the hell am I?

Where we can turn our intelligence into a big pile of money.

Where'd they all go?

Where's Francine? Oh, God, I hope she's not mad at me for

Where's my hacksaw? I wanna kill Jeff with my hacksaw.

Where's the drug room?

Which is why I,ve decided to have sex with a man.

Which is why I'm prepared to offer you $99,000 and not a penny more.

Which is why it's better to put too many bullets in the head than too few.

Which made life better for him and everyone around him.

Which means it's time for another Roger fashion montage.

Which means john Hinckley never obsessed over her.

Which means Reagan was never empowered by surviving an assassination attempt.

Which means she never cast Jodie Foster.

Which means we have to cancel this function.

Which means you,ve already seen the first one.

Which reminds me. I have an oral report on fossils tomorrow.

Who does that fatso think she is?

Who is the only person to win an Oscar, an Emmy and a Tony in the same year?

Who wants a free holiday bear?

Who wants a Smirnoff Ice and some bootleg Ukrainian porn?

Who wants to go home to an empty house?

Who wants to know?

Who, Kevin? Of course I saw him.

Who's "The Boob"? Is that what you call me?

Who's a good boy? Who wants to play catchy ball? Come on, catchy ball.

Who's forcing me to walk in his ignorant footsteps.

Who's the idiot now?

Whoa, good move. Reese's Piece me.

Whoa, moth, what the hell did you eat, a poncho?

Whoa, murderer

Whoa, they're here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, not so fast, padre. I still need to see some ID.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You were a fish?

Whoever holds his breath longest gets to marry her.

Whoever saves him will certainly be beloved.

Whoo! You can look again, Ma!

Why am I doing this? I am a mother, a great mother.

Why aren't these labeled?

Why did you do that?

Why do they stay, Steve? Why do they stay?

Why do we even bother? The Boob strikes again.

Why do you need to go to a grocery store to research Carver?

Why does he stay?

Why does Stan always show us his class ring?

Why don't you just marry Best Buy if you love it so much?

Why don't you pick an interesting black person...

Why don't you say something to the manager.

Why don'ty,all come on back to my hotel?

Why is there a half eaten meal on the table?

Why is there a leopard on the Cheetos bag?

Why is there a scuba tank on the wall?

Why would the killer stick the curator to the roof of the statue's mouth?

Why, hello, Lisa.

Why, it's a dream come true.

Why?

Why? Why are you here?

Wigs you,d probably just put in the attic and never check on to see if anyone...

Winning was more important to me than my own partner's safety.

With a horsepower to weight diviser of 18 or above.

With all the other women who can't make it with a straight guy.

With Mommy... forever.

With my idea.

With the National Figure Skating Association.

Without the salve of peanut butter, the nation's wounds healed slowly.

Woman you worship talking.

Working hard to earn an honest buck.

Worse. You've given my wife a reason to say "I told you so."

Would you be able to hold us both up if I add my legs to this hug?

Would you consider speaking on our behalf?

Would you like to check any specific name?

Would you like to save some father fluids?

Would you relax? I,ve got a plan.

Wow, a brand new Glock.

Wow, Dad, you switched jars on him. That was so awesome.

Wow, front row Clay Aiken. This is the best meeting ever.

Wow, I can't believe you're taking me to a baseball game.

Wow, Johnny, you're right.

Wow, now that is awesome. I can't thank you enough.

Wow, so we can just seize anybody's house we want?

Wow, Stan, you have a real problem with competition.

Wow, thank you.

Wow, that's a snug fit.

Wow, that's nice, Steve. The G.O.P. has lost its way, Francine.

Wow, they have hoagies and wings. Oh, they also have hamburgers.

Wow! That is some nasty porn!

Wow. All the Peter Pans, and in order.

Wow. I guess running away builds up an appetite.

Wow. I,m really intrigued.

Wow. Maybe someday, if I study hard enough...

Wow. Paco must be Mexican for "lightning hands".

Y You,re affixing the negative prefix "ir... to "regardless....

Yea!

Yeah, a hard 12!

Yeah, but if you,re not Asian, it's impossible to get in.

Yeah, but to Steve, it was everything.

Yeah, choke hold, you miserable bastard thief.

Yeah, Debbie made me a desk caddy.

Yeah, guys take you out, treat you special...

Yeah, I can't wait till the family finds out.

Yeah, I don't really trust computers. I'm just gonna go with my heart.

Yeah, I think that's it.

Yeah, I use my dad's to shoot the eyes out of squirrels.

Yeah, I wanna golf.

Yeah, I'm over that. Look at this.

Yeah, look, I lied. I'm not an orthodontist.

Yeah, my game was pretty tight last night.

Yeah, no. Sure, yeah, let's play.

Yeah, seems like a long way to go for such an easy conclusion.

Yeah, she's my wife. It was my honeymoon.

Yeah, so pick a black guy and do a report

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure. Give me, give me.

Yeah, that was about as obvious as the setup for the sequel...

Yeah, that would be great. It's like life and death or something

Yeah, the Prawn Experience also booked that gig.

Yeah, we're gonna help you.

Yeah, well, anyway, I called my people and told them to pick me up.

Yeah, well, I don't want an alien. It's not cool anymore.

Yeah, when you,re locked in a Cadillac sinking to the bottom of the ocean..

Yeah, yeah. Now hand it over

Yeah, you,re right. She's too hot. God, is Gwen hot.

Yeah, you,re right. Who got me what?

Yeah!

Yeah? Well, what kind of music do you play?

Yeah. And then the rapist spends eight pages...

Yeah. Fun.

Yeah. I'm gonna pull an all afternooner.

Yeah. So I,d like to reward the guys fighting the drug war.

Yeah. They,ve asked us to call him the Holiday Rapist.

Yeah. They're discontinuing Mr. Pibb.

Yeah. This is where Hinckley used to shoot Reagan. But not anymore. Remember?

Yeah. Yeah, right there. Take my pollen.

Yee haw!

Yep, this junk means only one thing.

Yes to these? Floor it!

Yes to these? Stan?

Yes, and his heart is filled with wonder by that fact. Unlike some people.

Yes, except for Stan Smith 's interminable yammering.

Yes, I deleted it immediately.

Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

Yes, I knew it. You're over, Paddington.

Yes, I,ve been down here quite a while.

Yes, it is, Son. Gays are the new blacks.

Yes, mighty Kubalek.

Yes, Stan, they brought me out of the home to talk to you.

Yes, terrific to have my son's girlfriend gobbling up my family's precious food.

Yes, thank you. That would have sounded awful coming out of my mouth.

Yes, that's the only reason.

Yes, the orthodontist.

Yes, uh huh, I'm with you.

Yes, we couldn't get it started.

Yes, yes. Trust me.

Yes!I was two sharks and a monkey! Now shut up and go to bed!

Yes?

Yes. But no one will believe us unless we have the jar of proof.

Yes. He says yes.

Yes. He's posing as a junior accountant at MacMillan & Sachs right here in DC.

Yes. Now, in return for this information, you must give me...

Yes. Play along. I'm gonna squeeze this old coot for some quick cashish.

Yes. Well, as it turns out...

Yes. Yes, that seems pretty fun.

Yo, yo, Suit's in the house.

You are a lost cause.

You are some of the best hos I've ever had

You are sorry?

You bastard!

You bet I am. This punk does't stand a chance.

You bet your ass it is. I'm Kevin Bacon.

You better go hit the singles bars. You should go to Tuggles for ladies' night.

You better lay off that Cougar Boost.

You better sleep with one eye open, Stan.

You better wake up and listen to what you're saying.

You can jump in the basket, and we'll go play.

You can only use it three times, so choose wisely.

You can sleep out in the barn.

You can talk? But you're an alien.

You can thank me when we,re duck hunting with Strom Thurmond in heaven.

You can't do this to me! You can't leave me here!

You can't go five minutes without doing a fashion montage.

You can't keep us apart. You don't know me.

You can't run away! Great.

You can't take it from the top.

You can't talk to me like that.

You can't treat me like this. I'm Mr. Pibb.

You changed something in the past that affected the future.

You come after us, I'll turn him in to the government...

You don't appreciate what I've done for you. I made you lieutenant.

You don't care about the truth. You're just gonna destroy it.

You don't fly to biblical allegories?

You don't get it, kid. He did it to himself.

You don't get paid to think, you get paid to look honest.

You don't have arthritis.

You don't know anything except Qv.C. return policies.

You don't know him.

You don't know what Henry is capable of.

You don't marry Jeff and I won't bake a roofie cake...

You don't need him. We've got food. I just killed a bear with deadly stillness.

You don't see these anymore.

You don't understand. I was wrong and you were right...

You don't wear contacts.

You either learn about cars, or you die.

You escaped the pit of no return? How did you get past my...

You fixed everything.

You folks on vacation?

You get caught high, you lose everything.

You get the e mail I sent with different ideas for Pibb T shirts?

You go...

You gonna offer me 100k, or are you gonna let Jonathan Lipnicki's bitch...

You got nothing. This is my band, so we're gonna do what I want.

You got to admit, it was a pretty crazy plan.

You guys should get involved. It makes you feel good about yourself

You had a loose nail. And I don't believe you.

You have a big future here, Paco.

You have finals at community college?

You have the shot, take it. Take her down!

You have to believe me, there's no such thing as mutants.

You have to help me.

You have to help me. I,m the Ghost of Christmas Past...

You have to shoot the president.

You have to take care of your brother.

You heartless bitch. I'm kidding.

You ignorant cretins. I,m more than just a clown.

You just sit there and keep on making me proud.

You kids with your autoerotic asphyxiations.

You killed Agathor. How could you do that?

You killed her.

You knew what Christmas was about back then, didn't you, Stan?

You know I was wearing a vest?

You know it's awkward when I try to jog.

You know what else is a choice? Being a Democrat.

You know what Horse Renoir thinks? Horse Renoir thinks...

You know what I meant to ask you? How did we get out of there?

You know what my dad will do to us if he finds out your cover was blown?

You know what would be even better, Ethan?

You know what, man? You,re right.

You know what? I don't even care any more. I'm through with you.

You know what? I'm out of here

You know what? Kevin Bacon is gonna take as much free stuff as he wants.

You know what? You're boring me. Make it a thousand, cash.

You know when people say the walls are closing in on them?

You know who's to blame for this? Well, do you?

You know why? Bullock's wife is still being held hostage in Fallujah.

You know, because you,ll be menopausal.

You know, cucumbers are just brineless pickles.

You know, Danny, I think I'm gonna rob you.

You know, every time you interrupt someone, your penis gets a little shorter.

You know, for your memory, because you forgot how to get a boner.

You know, have another baby.

You know, he was the narrator in March of the Penguins.

You know, I did some research on the Internet about the whole gay club scene.

You know, I did some research on the Internet about the whole gay club scene.

You know, I had a crappy dad, too.

You know, I'm a little boho myself. I once pierced my glocknick.

You know, if it isn't boiling.

You know, nothing fancy. Wejust threw it together at the last minute.

You know, she was trying to get me to play strip Battleship. I said no!

You know, that's not fair. I really enjoyed her work on The West Wing.

You know, the Web site where you buy and sell celebrity stocks...

You know, to show them they're wrong about you.

You know, we make a great team.

You know, when Inspector Gordon gives him that Joker playing card

You know, when you dumped me, I blamed myself.

You know, you should get involved in politics.

You know, you should get involved in politics.

You know, you,re all right, big stuff.

You know, you're a real bright kid, Johnny.

You let your own son take the fall?

You lied to us, Dad?

You look thin and, therefore, have value.

You lost my husband in the past?

You lost? You never lose!

You made good points, but got out of hand.

You made me think I was a murderer?

You made us look like complete racists back there.

You making love to all those other men.

You may be beautiful on the outside like Kevin Bacon...

You may have thought this class was about literature.

You mean an illegal alien?

You mean it's not Sarah Jessica Parker?

You mean the "Christmas Rapist.... The guy who strikes every year on Christmas.

You might say I,m Captain Derickson to his Lincoln.

You might want to check between Faye Dun away's legs.

You missed!

You moron. You can't get $50 million for a kidney.

You must be from a family of morons.

You must be the Hannigans. Maurice Barnes, All Star Realty.

You must now carry my backpack of holding.

You must plunge into the pool of life.

You need to go.

You never lived up to the goals I set for you.

You poached my bear!

You positive this is what the invitation said?

You push the button halfway to focus.

You realize we can't speak to one another for a long time?

You really haven't read my My Space page, have you?

You saved a mutant.

You saved us from nuclear annihilation. We have complete faith in you.

You say you have, but you really haven't.

You seem to have it all figured out.

You should be nicer to Debbie. If my Stevie likes her

You should write for basic cable.

You sound just like Daphne Zuniga from that Lifetime movie.

You sounded like you were gonna say something important about Francine.

You speak Russian?

You stabbed her with your knife set and...

You stumbled upon the most dangerous secret in American history

You suck!

You talk a big game, but what do you say...

You talking to me? You talking to me?

You think he cares that 2,000 years ago our Lord and Savior was born in a "mangler...?

You told me that everyone's either a sucker, a crook, or just plain greedy.

You took a limo with Stan to do a report on the new otters at the zoo?

You waited. I made that happen. Now go.

You wanna get some coffee...

You wanna have sex with a man?

You want that, Stan? A house full of liberal Greek midget babies.

You want to set Bullock up with one of my friends?

You were a cook when we started playing.

You were criticizing me.

You were right! I,m a loser!

You were right. Francine's hot for that street racer.

You were wrong. This class is about life.

You will each receive a coupon good for a five night stay at the Cornfield Motel.

You won't hurt me! Come on. Isn't it time we spent one winter together?

You You know about guns?

You You people really grasp at straws.

You, Francine. I love you.

You, me.

You, um You look good.

You,ll find someone new. Maybe you,ll get some cats.

You,ll lead the carefree life of a barren spinster.

You,re a... Republican?

You,re an idiot. I quit.

You,re bad candy, babe.

You,re breaking up with me.

You,re clingy, and you,re smothering me, and... it's over.

You,re destined to be a great woman.

You,re gonna be left behind! You,re gonna be left

You,re gonna be left behind! You,re gonna be left behind!

You,re grounded.

You,re invited guests ofthe devil!

You,re just gonna make fun of me ,cause I can't speak French

You,re not going to spoil my Christmas.

You,re right and I,m wrong, and there is nothing suspicious about that.

You,re right. I,m not gonna put my wife's life in danger just for a set of wigs.

You,re so bad. Isn't that right, Heath Ledger? Isn't Poppy bad?

You,re the Cowboy of Sixth Avenue

You,re the goat man thingy.

You,re the professional.

You,re You,re magnificent.

You,ve single handedly created the disco revolution.

You! This is all your fault.

You'll get a lot of that. People are afraid of the gift.

You'll get the next one.

You'll get the next one.

You'll miss out on all the fun...

You're a lie abetic. You have lie abetes.

You're an addict.

You're creeping me out.

You're dead to me.

You're gonna help Jeff escape? So you're a good father after all.

You're gonna love my wife's cooking, sir. Her desserts are to die for

You're gonna love this house.

You're handing me the salt? I want it on my eggs

You're hired. I'll pay you 4.50 an hour and all the Mr. Pibb you can drink.

You're hurting me. Let go.

You're in our hearts.

You're my alien, and I'm gonna take care of you from now on.

You're my friend, my best friend.

You're not the monster you think you are.

You're one of them.

You're ready for everything the Internet has to offer.

You're right, it wouldn't be fair to the neighbors.

You're right. You were totally right. Curse my damnable pride.

You're saying that to make me feel better because I've never had sex with anyone.

You're so caring.

You're so fat and ugly.

You're still working on that?

You're strong.

You're the coolest thing I ever saw.

You're the most backward ass advanced life form ever.

You're the one who tricked me and pretended to be my friend.

You're wearing my jacket, sir. That's the essay I wrote.

You're welcome, darling. Now, if you'll excuse me...

You're wrong about my dad. He cares more about me than anything.

You've got a press conference in the morning and...

You've officially put more time into that essay than he has on his presidency.

Your brother is not the problem. The problem is Agathor.

Your cover's been blown? Where are you?

Your discarded Q tips have lost their allure.

Your eyebrows tickle.

Your friend can rest here while you and I adjourn to the bedroom.

Your Japanese friends told me about your banked sperm.

Your kids might never be born.

Your long search for the terrorist mastermind...

Your name is Radblaster. Can you say "Radblaster"?

Your one mistake was leaving me alive.

Your passion for our commander in chief is inspiring.

Your son's wanted in Florida for a drug bust.

Your thing looks more interesting.

Your typical homosexual male will be in great shape...

Your uterus will fall like Saigon. And Steve was the last chopper out.

Your vasectomy is about to beginning.

Your wife put down 50 G's on the race.

Your wife will never know. No one will.

"While I'm here..." "While I'm here..."

A better, faster car. No, Stan.

Above the sink. Above the sink.

All I want is to be with you, Stan. That's all I want too.

All right. Let's eat. You're a lifesaver.

An American flag? Or

And now I,m finally awake. Oh, I,m awake too. Totally awake.

And now it's just me. Wait, how am I gonna get out of here?

And Shirley's standing by to help us! Forget it.

and talk about Professor Baxter's ideas? Sounds great.

And that happy little boy is you. Whoa!

And that just pisses you off, doesn't it? Yeah, it does.

And we,ll still be friends. Oh, sure, friends!

And your cough is getting worse. I,m fine.

Anyone wanna make fun of me now? No, sir.

Are these rocks? Not just any rocks, pocket rocks.

Are we part of the story, Grandpa? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Are you the hooker? Sorry, wrong Smith.

at the end of Batman Begins What are you talking about?

based on the ups and downs of their careers. No!

Beat that. Actually, I,m going over to Debbie's tonight.

Beauregard! Look at you two poor things out here in the cold.

because he represents danger and thrills. That's ridiculous!

Bilbo. We still on for drinks after work? You know it, Ted.

Bill, I need those reports by 4. You got it, sir.

Booby trap. There's something inside.

Brett Butler is a monster. I am a monster, Francine!

But I could... No

But it's just for fun, so I can show you I love you. Bastard!

But it's time to move on. This isn't happening.

But no, you have a phobia of needles. Hey, you have a phobia of seagulls.

But Sunday is such short notice... Daddy, I want this.

But we can go anywhere. Come on, Gilbert.

But where does that leave me? In the best position of all

But you love disguises. What? Where'd you get that idea?

But you were my last. All of these?

But, Stan... Look, I'm sorry, Francine.

by adding apostrophe "S " All right!

Can I take your order, honey? Oh, hey, Gladys.

Can I talk to you for a second? No.

Can we take five? Take five?

Can you really do that? Yes.

Can't catch this doggie. Mr. President, stop.

Can't you do this downstairs? No, I need you. You're my muse.

Can't you just pretend it's an unfolded flag? No!

Cat food? Lf I hold this, I won't float away.

Check the bowl. Got them. They were in the bowl.

Checked the wrong box. Not giving it up. Oh, yeah?

Come again? The prize is a lousy set of wigs.

Come on, everyone, let's go. Dad, I'm tired and hungry.

Come on, man. What's wrong now? Why were you talking to the mirror?

Come on. Let's go home. Don't you want to see our scores?

Cool. A real spaceship. Then again, he is 9.

Couch upholsterer? Bingo.

Dad wanted us to eat possum. Nothing wrong with possum, son.

Dad, don't do it. Trust me, son.

Dad, help. Out of the way, I'm passing over.

Dad, I'm going with you. Sure, you're part of the family...

Dad, I'm scared. I wanna say something too.

Dad, what the hell is going on? You're in over your head.

Dad! Mmm.

Dad! You're under arrest.

Daddy, will you read to me? Who the hell are you?

Did that couple's check clear? Yep. Fifty grand for you, 50 for me.

Did you tell him about Osama? What? Oh, no. We started drinking.

Didn't expect to see you here. The kitchen?

Do it, then. Think I won't?

Do you have any more bears? Unfortunately, no. But I do have this

Doing a bang up job, son. Thank you, Mr. Hallworthy.

Dollywood? Dolly Parton's theme park.

Don't do it, Roger. You don't understand. He needs me.

Don't I do a salchow right there? You call that a salchow?

Don't talk about my dad that way. Ow!

Don't worry. I have a plan. Well, it's about time.

Don't worry. I'll throw her off the trail. Thank you, sir.

Don't worry. They're just blanks. Why did you do that?

Drive, drive, drive! What? What's going on?

Dude, that was awesome! Thanks. The amulet!

Dude, what the hell? I needed a diversion.

Enough. What the hell?

Even porn. Wow, porn.

Everyone, it's Larry! Larry!

Exactly. Stan, you,ve got to skate in this competition

Excuse me? I,m playing Dragon Scuffle online with my friends.

Excuse me? Intercourse

Excuse me? See, my friends and I like to amuse ourselves...

Fine. Fine. Go down to the lake.

Forget it. I'm begging you.

Francine, is the president with you? Who? Klaus?

Francine, stop this. If you won't give me a baby, I,m gonna get one myself.

Francine, wait. What?

Francine, wake up! What's wrong? Is one of the children dead?

Francine, you're blocking me. I'm in the shower.

Francine! What? I,ve had to pee since the,70s.

Francine! Street racers! Oh! Oh, right. My mind My mind's all drifty today.

Funny. I never said he was murdered. Yes. Yes, you did

Gay? Some Republicans want to allow gays...

Give it to me. This isn't child's play. And I'm not a child.

Gone, all gone. What are we gonna do?

Good lord. He's more liquor than man. This is what the internet was made for.

Gotcha. Hey, suit guy, totally nude nudes.

Gotcha. Stan, who's that?

Grandpa Klaus! I just came by...

Grandpa, is this the same story? No, it is a little side story.

Grandpa, is this the same story? No, it is a little side story.

Greg? Terry, I thought you were at bonsai topiary class.

Gross. Cut!

Guess we're eating dinner here. Again.

Halt, fair stranger! Out of my way, dork of ages.

Happy holidays. Just say, "Merry Christmas....

Having sex in the road? Or having sex in the road.

Hayley, dig a fire pit. Steve, you go find some berries.

Hayley? No. I am Morwen Nerdbane...

He has no proof. I've got his confession on tape.

He was just a happy dog on skates! I,m glad you feel that way...

He's a pig headed... No neck...

He's an idiot! That's what I was trying to tell you.

He's onto us. They'll be back. What are we gonna do?

He's right, you know. You have been kind of a jerk...

He's skating with Francine. When did that happen?

he's... stupid. Oh!

Hello? Smith, we have a problem.

Hello? Yeah, everything's cool.

Hello. I got your money. Let's do this.

Hello. My son, Steve.

Hello. Roger!

Here's your mail. Oh, dandy. My French vogue came.

Hey, Debs. You kids have a good day at school.

Hey, excuse me. How did you like the movie? Eh.

Hey, hey, hey. Where's your nose, Kevin?

Hey, lights out. It's past your bedtime. Dad, I'm too old for a bedtime.

Hey, you're not Francine. You're an assassin. A midget assassin.

Hey! Awesome! Yeah!

Hi, I,m here for the Log Cabin Republicans sunset cruise. Whoa, whoa. Straight check.

Hi, I'm..

Hi. Hi.

Hmm. Good afternoon, everyone.

Hold steady. Stan, the car is right there.

Home from Henry's already? Henry has a full schedule today.

Honey, can I have my lipstick? Oh, sure.

Honey, I can explain. Oh, you didn't know?

Honey, look what I got. Oh, what is that stuff?

Hosted by Denzel Washington. Thank you.

How can you tell someone you love you,re a monster? I don't understand.

How curious. How can you be sure?

How dare you gloat at this? What do you expect?

How did you get them? How does anybody anything?

How did you know I was wearing a vest? I didn't.

How do they do that? They,re insidious.

How gauche. Oh, yes

How odd. I don't think she ever made it home.

How was your day? Fine.

How you like your new house? Better than the one on Lake Drive.

How,bout we just sit and watch? You have the best ideas.

How,d the record do? Take me off speaker, Roger

How's it going? What? When did you meet him?

Huh? I mean, for all those winters I left you alone.

Hyah! Hyah! Time travel me. Yeah, that's not how it works

I am a Russian bride. These are the best binoculars ever!

I am starved. Use the mitts. It's hot.

I can't afford to do that. Hello, Father. You remember Paco.

I can't believe you brought an engineer. I can't believe you didn't.

I can't believe you,re doing this over the phone. Good bye,Jeff.

I can't hear you. You could hear me five seconds ago.

I can't make it, Stan. Yes, you can.

I can't skate in this competition. Oh, yeah.

I can't skate with you, Roger. What are you talking about?

I didn't tell her the whole story. No, of course not.

I do? I didn't know that. That's because you always black out.

I do. Swell. Do you, Svetlana, take Snot to be your

I don't even care. You are one cool customer.

I don't have to put up with this. Go ahead, Steve.

I don't know how it got there. Oh, sure.

I don't know. Let's talk about this later

I don't know. Nonsense. It'll be great.

I got you cornered. Oh, yeah?

I gotta poop, Stan. Oh, all right, okay, gotcha.

I had a great time tonight. Me too.

I had that one extended. This isn't over.

I have a 14 year gym membership. I have a lifetime subscription to Ebony.

I have half a mind to There he goes exaggerating again.

I have to get back to work. I'm sorry. Yeah, you will be sorry.

I I don't have any ideas. I,m not even a real professor. What? You,re not?

I just wanna clear the air with her. Well, she's still pretty mad at you.

I know you set me up, Mother. What?

I know. I'm not forgiving you.

I love you, and that's all that matters. To you, maybe.

I love your work. You saw my six minute film about a guy shaving?

I made you a wallet out of their hides. No!

I never saw Backdraft. Me either.

I own sandals. Yes, but you can't pull,em off.

I really miss Mom. Me too.

I robbed the place! What?

I swear it was him. Enough, Stan. No one's listening.

I think he'd make a great father figure. Well, Jeff, I'm flattered...

I think you did it. I know I did it.

I think you just need to punch me harder. You had a vasectomy?

I think you mean "manger.... No, no. Honey, you,re thinking of"manager....

I thought Duper won the essay contest. He did.

I thought Jeff was innocent. We gotta save Jeff.

I thought that was the password. It's not a word!

I thought you hated me. What? Why would you think that?

I wanna be naked. Let the man be naked.

I want a popcorn maker for my attic. Don't be stupid, Roger.

I was gonna vote for free stuff. Really? Well, look at you. Okay.

I was prying it off my throat. Boy, was he riled up.

I was talking to Steve. Sure you don't want to be a nurse?

I was wearing a wire. Why were you wearing a wire?

I win. Let's have a rematch.

I,m all you have. What?

I,m dumping you. What?

I,m going to the kitchen. Cool. I,m gonna decorate this page with glitter.

I,m having a baby. No! My eyes!

I,m Kichiro. And I,m Mojiro.

I,m on it. Uh,Jeff, hello

I,ve never seen a naked woman before. There's no shame in that, Snot.

I'll be fine. I feel like I'm gonna be fine. Did you tell him he gonna die?

I'll march over and get married right now. You think I won't?

I'll shoot back. I'm gonna.

I'm also not *******. You'll convert.

I'm an ethicist. Well, screw you, I'm Kevin Bacon.

I'm busy. No. We're playing Detective Agency.

I'm cocking my gun. One. Safety's off

I'm gonna go powder my nose. I'll freshen your drink.

I'm gonna wear these out. Great. I'll ring those up

I'm listening. When the target starts his car...

I'm not even human. Who is?

I'm not scared. I'll marry the crap out of you.

I'm not waiting 10 seconds. I'm gonna put my hand in the cheese

I'm pretty eager to get home myself. Don't touch me.

I'm recently divorced. You? No. I'm married to my work.

I'm sorry we doubted you. So you don't think I'm a boob?

I'm sure she's fine. You're probably right.

I've got some legislation I need to pass. I don't understand.

In the red hat. That's a hat rack.

Into your cupboard. Oh, good. Now it's my cupboard.

Is it 99 cents? It's $1.07 with tax.

Is Roger here? You must be Henry.

Is that a hickey on your neck? What? No, it's a choke bruise.

Is that her? Where?

Is that President Lincoln? Yes.

Is that something I can even do? Sure it is. Watch.

Is that true? Oh, we don't discuss finances. I just make the dinner.

Is that...? Yes.

Is the Pibbmobile in the lot? Yeah, it's still there.

Is there anything else we can lose? No, nothing!

Isn't he great? Great?

It has no end. Oh.

It meant nothing. Liar.

It seems that What does Steve see in Debbie?

It tastes as if derived of the nutted pea. Don't eat that.

It works. You can read the map. Dad, it's not a map, it's a message.

It's It's not? No.

It's a good first date? What do you think about doing it a...?

It's empty. It's a dead end.

It's getting late. It's that Steve, isn't it?

It's go time. Are you sure you can do this?

It's June. Crap.

It's like I,m on crank, I,m so awake. Exactly.

It's my only copy, and Stop talking. I totally get it.

It's over, boy. Give me the jar. President Jimmy Carter?

It's probably nothing, but... No. It's, like, this huge thing!

It's the last clue. Really?

It's what I do, baby. I mean, it's uncanny.

Jacob. Jacob, is it warm in here? It's warm, dear.

Jane Fonda. Jane Fonda

Jeez, come on. Man, this sucks.

Jeff? I,m sorry, dude. I just had to be near Hayley.

Jerry, what are you doing? Nothing, man.

Joanna, could you give us a...? Sure, I'll be in the car.

Just because he doesn't know everything, doesn't Aaah!

Just so we,re clear

Just take it! We,ll see each other around the house

Kichiro. I know about the government storage center, Stan.

Klaus, he's gonna kill me. Say Agathor's name backwards.

Klaus, shut up! You shut up!

Law enforcement? Mercenary? No, the complete opposite.

Leave him. There's no time. Stan, he's right in the window.

Let's race. You,re on, minority person.

Liar. Where?

Like an alien. Put on a disguise. I'm not gonna wear a disguise.

Like the sex I just had with Joanna. You had sex with her?

Listen, calm down. We,ll go inside and I am not calming down.

Look, Mr. President. Touch it.

Look, the war was inevitable. Freedom isn't free. Are you kidding me?

Look. What's in that one?

Lose,em! Duck!

Love it. Love everything about it. I should call Cheney.

Management doesn't want us saying that. Just say it!

Marry me. My Best Friend's Wedding!Ah, my eyes again!

Marty. Marty Scorsese. Martin Scorsese? Wow! Oh, you,re amazing.

Maximum two a day. At Best Buy we had a slushy machine.

May I help you? My friend and I will be staying indefinitely without paying.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Oh, my God, it's perfect.

Meet me in the attic. Pardon, junior?

Miss. Hey, wow!

Mmm. I,m so glad you came over for dinner, Debbie.

Mom, you,re home. Oh, Stevie. What's the matter?

Mom! We gotta save Jeff. Right. You tell Steve, I'll grab my keys.

Mommy's dying! You,re funny.

Mr. Epstein, Clive Davis is here to see you.

Mutants.

My baby. My meth.

My casserole? No, honey. We,re skating together in a contest.

My Uncle Frank. What? Oh, of course.

Never mind, we're okay. Oh, Jacob, I'm so impressed.

Nighttime. I'm not a parrot.

No escort will be necessary. Necessary?

No hugs. It was a business hug, but okay.

No time. Are you sure?

No way. Clifford, take her down with a tranq.

No, don't do that. Why? Did something go wrong?

No, don't think so. Oh. Okay.

No, it doesn't. I'll make it up to you

No, no, no. That's nice.

No, not really. But it involved training rats.

No, thanks. I thought you loved to gamble.

No, the president. Klaus is here with me

No. I said, get in the basket.

No. Thank God

No. Well, goodbye.

No. New York City. Fine. Go.

No. What about Francine? What about her?

No. You don't know what you're doing. There it is.

Nope. I can't believe it.

Not any more. Rick Baker's Celebrity Nose Kit?

Not Jeff, money. See? Wait. Am I Jeff or money?

Not really. Oh.

Not really. I'm still pissed off. It's about the journey.

Now don't squint your eyes. You,ll get crow's feet. There it is again.

Now, why am I wearing a cowboy outfit? It's your gimmick.

Nurse, I'm ready for my bath. Who's there? Santa?

Oh, did you think I meant... No. No.

Oh, do you think...? No.

Oh, God. You look tense.

Oh, I Yeah, yeah. No. I know what you mean.

Oh, look, another serious buyer. Hello, I'm another serious buyer.

Oh, my God, I see it. I'm going in. Finally

Oh, my God! I know. Lunch?

Oh, my God. I destroyed him. He's not destroyed.

Oh, my God. Is she dead? Quite.

Oh, no, I had sex with her. What?

Oh, no. Not this again. Yes, Francine. This again.

Oh, please. That is just... Beautiful. Read some more.

Oh, shrimp. And caviar.

Oh, that is better. No, no, no, it's not any better.

Oh, that's okay, Mom. Debbie took care of it. I,m sorry. What?

Oh! Stop, maiden woman.

Oh. Why does nobody respect me?

One of your items, please. How about this cassette?

Ooh! Oh, it is on. Somebody hold my rings.

Or was it a curse? You can't see no more keys?

Ow! Francine, what are you doing?

Ow. Stan, you can't kill Jane Fonda.

Patti LaBelle's here to see you. What?

Please step out of the car, sir. He knows!

Please, God. Let it be a car. Uh Uh, a truck, a fan, a car.

Please, let me play. I don't think you,re ready yet.

Please, skate with me. Forget it, Stan. I,m tired of feeling abandoned.

Problem, Steve? What are you doing here?

Protestants only. Oh, gee whiz

Quick, let's get in the car. No, running is certain death.

Ready to go home? You bet.

Ready, husband? Ready, wife.

Really? Figuratively.

Really? But how? I'm your father. Trust me.

Really? You would,ve thought with the tiny glasses.

Relax, there aren't any mutants. How do you know, Stan?

Roger, are you crying? Tears of joy, Stan. Tears of joy.

Roger, are you okay? No.

Roger, I've got an idea. We... Face, face, face.

Roger, we can't keep doing this. Yeah. I mean, it's stealing.

Roger, we,re on in five. Ready? I was born ready.

Roger, what's going on? Steve. Good, you're here

Roger, you ruined... Science. Up high.

Roger, you spit in his face. I don't think so.

Roger! Don't think I'll do it? I wanna do it.

Roger! Steve, it's a special big butts collector's issue.

Rude. Liar. Tie him up.

She didn't? No, not even a little.

She hasn't been this happy in ages. But y you just said I shouldn't.

She never wants to talk to you again. But Melinda and I never fight.

Sherry, will you marry me? It's Sharri, and yes.

Shrimp Gruyere puff? Mmm.

Shut up! Rude.

Sir, come with me. He doesn't have to go.

Sir, sir, over here. Sanders, she's all yours.

Sir, you are very drunk, and you have... Touch it.

So do you...? Stan.

So I got you a little something, you know, for saving my butt. Oh

So they,re not gonna turn you gay? Of course not, kiddo.

So, what do I do? Simple. Go find a street racer and challenge him.

So, you nervous? A little bit.

So? So?

Some people go by "Buck." No, "Buckle" feels right.

Somebody got a little nasty no no. No, not yet.

Sorry about your Redskins on Sunday. Next week, next week.

Sorry again for wasting your time. Please, don't give it another...

Sorry, it's been a really long night. The Garden of Eden.

Sounds like a good plan. I'm a part of this conversation.

Stan Smith is... Still a complete jackass.

Stan, do something. Trust me, Francine. Steve's not going anywhere.

Stan, isn't he just adorable? That he is, Patti.

Stan, stop it. He called me crazy.

Stan, we have to make this right. I,m way ahead of you.

Stan, what are you doing here? I've come to take you home.

Stan? I'm looking for my contact.

Stan? That's 2 Fast2 Furious.

Stan? Francine? Evening, Bob.

Steve Smith, you need to come with us. Why?

Steve, are you sure about this? Stop treating me like a kid.

Steve, where are we going? We,re going home.

Steve! We thought you were dead! What about me?

Still not there yet? Not even close.

Stop the car. I'm getting out. Francine, wait. I'll make it up to you.

Sure. I wonder if there's a real Mr. Pibb.

Tell the children I love them. Wait, Francine.

Thanks again. Bye.

That was a super hard job. I'm sure, I'm sure.

That was an abomination. Lincoln has been assassinated in the theater twice.

That was nice of you. Thank you for coming.

That was your flask. Great, you got me.

That you don't have the brains to make it out here? No.

That'll be... And this.

That's a stool. It's a backless chair.

That's classic. I'm going to bed. Not so fast.

That's classified. How'd you know that? I can see it from here.

That's it! Get out! Get out of my house! Stan.

That's just his eye. Look closer.

That's just the weed talking. No. No.

That's mine, I called it. No, it's not, it's mine.

That's our maid. Oh, fun. I love Mexicans

That's right. Prostitution is awesome!

That's when Abe and David really grew close. Hey you two.

That's where my heart is. You were a real jerk, Roger.

That's why they killed the curator. Okay, loud. Loud.

The curator was murdered. Oh, my God. Someone killed him?

The Illuminutti? That's who's chasing us.

The jar of proof must be in there. Hidden up Lincoln's proof chute.

The monocle. Yes, Steve

The monocle. You know what this is?

The mountain man. He's in disguise. That's not him.

the next minute he's gone. Oh.

The peanut in the pyramid. Oh, yeah. I guess that is what it is

The prize is a set of wigs? Yes.

The truth would tear this country apart. Maybe back then.

Then don't have some. No, no, no.

Then drop the damn cat food! Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Then go do it. Go do what?

then it's open season while you,re gone. Fine.

Then stay in the attic. It's my body!

Then why'd you hire me? Hire you?

There will be a next one, won't there? You bet.

There. How do I look? Great.

There's a seven day waiting period. The Brady Bill. Oh, you only shot Reagan

There's no detention in college. Oh, right.

Thereheis!Mr. President! Hmm.

These are my associates. They like to watch. Oh, that's unsettling

They found us. It's over, Stan. We failed Pibb.

They They won't? Oh, heavens, no.

They think you're Kevin Bacon. Yes, I understand things...

They,ll catch their death. Nonsense. Death has better things to do...

They,re catching up! Roger, we need more speed!

They're all dead, Dad. Even the younglings?

They're gonna have to work all night. Well, they can't work here.

This can't be happening. Steve.

This is all Debbie's fault. Let's be adults about this, Mom.

This is gin. Oh, my mistake.

This is it. The amulet of resurrection is in there. We made it!

This is the monocle. Hey.

This is the right year, and we,re in the right place. But everything's different.

This is where I grew up. Yes, Stan.

This thing is giving me carpal tunnel. I'll hold it, dear.

Three. Three

Timmy, it's not nice to point. But he doesn't have a nose.

To the lowa caucuses. No, Dad.

Too bad. He's on public property. He lives in his van? How bohemian.

Tremors won three Saturn Awards. Saturn Award?

Turn it off. Turn that thing off. Oh, Stan, who cares what they think?

Uh, 90. Ninety million!

Uh, excuse me. What? Were you saying something?

Wait. I know where they are. Steve, what are you talking about?

Wait. So he's skating with Roger? No.

Want me to get her? That would be great.

We are so screwed. No, wait.

We can stop by church. I don't need to be bored, Francine.

We could put on a show or raffle off a microwave or But I have $80.

We don't have any things. A shelf we don't even need. Lavish.

We gotta get out of here. I can't just abandon Jeff.

We have to go now. What about Roger?

We love laser tag, don't we, husband? I'm her husband.

We should call it Thoughts Unlimited. That's terrible.

We thought you were dead too. Dad, I said some pretty mean things to you, and I,m sorry.

We weren't expecting to get married. We were gonna play laser tag

We,re die hard Republicans. With dyed to match shoes.

We,re gonna kill you. Oh, my God.

We,re members ofthe Log Cabin Republicans. Log Cabin?

We,re not playing strip Battleship. Of course we,re not. No, no.

We,ve made it, Steve. That's right, pal. New York City.

We're gonna die! Hold.

We're not talking to you, Stan. What are you mad at me for?

We're supposed to eat that? Well, you are.

We've got to get to the bottom of this. Count me out.

We've gotta get you out of here. I would.

Weird. Not a cloud in the sky. Yeah, I know. Must be heat lightning

Welcome, ye gentle carolers. Oh, we,re not here to sing.

Well, aren't you a grumposaurus. I'm a grumposaurus rex.

Well, bye. All these years you,ve been a Republican?

Well, honey, I I,ll tell you why!

Well, it doesn't look like it's dampening their spirits.

Well, yeah. Actually, it does. I envy your innocence.

What are those? My Rod Stewart albums!

What are you doing here? I don't know, I usually do what you do.

What are you doing in here? Nothing.

What are you doing? Don't worry. I totally have a plan to get me out of here.

What are you doing? I went to talk to the dean. One lie led to another...

What are you doing? It's my half of our favorite TV cuddle position.

What are you doing? Writing down his license plate so I can report him...

What are you gonna do? I'm gonna gather wood.

What are you talking about? You and me doing it all the time.

What did you do to your computer? Gotta find out how it works.

What do we do with it? It's a suppository.

What do you mean? Think about it.

What do you think I grow here? The kind.

What is that, a rat? It's a possum.

What is that? A Manhattan. I feel great. And look:

What other explanation could there be? Don't worry. I got us covered.

What the Look out!

What the hell are you doing? I'm taking my bounty back.

What the hell are you doing? You shave your chest?

What the hell is going on? We're dating now.

What was that? Mosquito.

What was that? Probably just a loud noise.

What would your family do? But I killed my friend.

What? Honey, it was 1970. It was before I knew you.

What? I kind of want a coconut Popsicle.

What? Oh, I've seen my approval ratings.

What? What?

What? It wasn't me who... Enough with the past.

What? That's impossible. You made the switch. What happened?

What? What's going on? I'm Steve's cousin

What? Why? There are gays here.

What? Why? Wejust found out her second car is a Prius.

What'll we eat? I can't swim.

What's all the commotion? Wait.

What's so funny? Oh, nothing.

What's this? You can sleep with another woman...

What's this? Rum? It's not mine.

What's wrong with you? I'm dying, Henry.

What's wrong, Stan? It's weird.

What's wrong? I can't cheat on my wife.

What's wrong? You look horrible. I've had this flu for two weeks.

when I was in the bathroom? I told you not to go

When you went to the bathroom. You didn't stop telling the story..

Where are we? Washington, D.C., March 30, 1981.

Where are you going? India.

Where are you guys going? Taking Maggie for a long weekend...

Where are your keys? On the hook.

Where did you hear that garbage? It'snot garbage

Where did you learn to skate? On my planet.

Where do you think he goes? No idea.

Where is she? I left her. We were in bed

Where is this jar? Only the curator knew.

Where? In President Peanut's monocle.

Where's my money? If you,re smart, in U.S. savings bonds.

Where's the president? He wanted to party.

Which one? Five X.

Which one? The PDF.

Who are the Mexicans, Stan? Oh, they're...

Who cares? I already won. Mmm.

Who the hell is this? Horse Renoir, bounty hunter.

Who's Bonnie Bedelia? Die Hard's wife.

Whoo! Whoo! Oh, yeah. I like that

Why are you laughing? Because your plebeian rodent brain...

Why didn't you run for it? You wanna know why?

Why do my wrists hurt? Because you're lying on them.

Why don't you do it, then? Think I won't?

Why is she covered in dirt? Let me start from the beginning.

Why would anyone need you? Shut up, Klaus.

Why would she do that? Why would who do what?

Why, it's Christmas, sir. That's wonderful!

Why, thank you, Esteban. Aha! I knew it!

Would you forsake Socrates, Plato and Grandpa Walton? No!

Would you like another? Why not? I'm one of them now.

Wow, he's so smart. I just ate. I,m gonna wait 30 minutes.

Wrong. We,re going home. Oh, man!

Yeah, Gilbert. You have to take care of your brother.

Yeah, of course. Okay. Okay, good.

Yeah, the hat rack. Is that her? No, I don't think that's her.

Yeah, this is John Glenn, butt munch. Roger, you're alive.

Yeah! Okay.

Yeah. Hello, Stan. I know where Jeff is.

Yeah. Not the person in the mirror?

Yeah. I made Steve's lunch today. But that's impossible.

Yep. What? No.

Yes, great one? Give us a lively tune for butt searching.

Yes, sir! And, Zamfir.

Yes? Get him.

Yes. Of course

Yes. Oh, man.

Yo, you flute me? What? No, no, that was Jeff.

You are so cool. It's about time someone noticed.

You called me a pig. I didn't say you were a pig.

You can hardly even notice it's there. You like it? Dr. Bernbaum.

You can't live a gay lifestyle without being gay. Of coures you can't.

You can't teach. Quiet, please.

You crushed his van. Why can't Jeff live with his family?

You didn't belong with those people. You,re right, Son.

You ever think about changing the sign? It's not really up to me.

You evicted all our neighbors? It's their fault.

You excited, Jacob? Of course I'm excited. Twelve speeds.

You got the money? You got the manners to say hello first?

You guys know any English songs? There is one song we know.

You have my permission. But not God's permission.

You mean Jenga? I think it's pronounced "Henga"...

You okay, Bill? Yeah.

You on the list? Uh, yeah,Jack Nichol

You really think so? Of course. Didn't you read my essay?

You run a bingo parlor? Yes.

You said SJ.P. was a sure thing. I don't understand.

You took expired Ritalin. Please don't go.

You wanna shoot me, don't you? You have no idea.

You were gonna kill them? Yeah, but you can't prove it...

You were supposed to have sex with her. I'm easing into it.

You won a free air conditioner. Awesome.

You won, Roger? Of course. I,m the best.

You wouldn't. Oh, I would.

You You didn't? No.

you,ll end up Commies, and I,ll be out of a job. Let's go!

You,re an inspiration. I love you.

You,re gonna be okay, Roger. Thanks, old friend

You,re not invited, Stan. What? Why?

You,re rhyming again. I know. I hear it. I,m trying not to.

You,ve been here 60 years? Yeah.

You,ve been sneaking out for the last 20 winters to ice skate?

You,ve only been here four years. Try 60.

You're an ass, Mr. Smith. And you're funny looking.

You're as fat as a fart. I beg your pardon?

You're in the pantry. I'm looking for peaches!

You're missing the point. You're right. Kevin Bacon.

You're not the only one. I'm not?

You're out of the band. What?

You're running off to see him. Well, I kind of live there.

You're turning me in? Look, kid...

You've got to put on your clothes. You can't make me. I want pancakes.

Your brother can't keep biting through utility lines. He won't,Jerry. I promise.

Your dad's kind of a moron. No, he's not.

Your dancing was good. It was tight. Glad you liked it.

Your growling can intrigues me. So take a sip.

Your keys. I see them. Honey, you're delirious.

Your sight needs a tweak. May I? Please.

,Cause I just shotgunned a 40 of Robitussin, and everything's kind of awesome.

,Cause that's how long it takes to grow the guts figure skating demands!

,Cause we could watch it in our bedroom.

,cause we,re trying to get a place together and

,Cause you don't lay down. You lie down.

,Cause you,ve got, like, nine extra ones!

... and credit its invention to a black man.

... got wind of the plan and made sure it died with Lincoln.

... if one of them was responsible for such a tasty treat.

... who despised legume based racial harmony..

...a boy who won me something worth 750 tickets at the arcade.

...a hairy man is also known as a bear?

...about how we're gonna play together...

...about that blind date. Terrible. Bullock ended up killing Melinda...

...after getting into the garbage and eating some chocolate.

...allowing Carver to receive credit for the invention.

...and a bunch of wires.

...and answer e mails.

...and be up to seven Pibbs a day.

...and busted a growler in a museum donation box.

...and her last wish was to be at my wedding.

...and how every moment's gonna be great.

...and I can get my blender in time for Grey's Anatomy.

...and I don't take vows lightly.

...and I drove him right into the arms of a kid who beats him.

...and I have some questions about a symbol on peanut butter jars.

...and I haven't picked a subject.

...and I need a new one before the next episode of Grey's Anatomy.

...and I thought you wouldn't wanna hang out with me anymore

...and I'm hypoglycemic

...and I'm not gonna let him down.

...and in November 2000, he was cleared for takeoff."

...and it's no walk in the... I can't even get through that thought.

...and kudos on your commitment to the bit, but Jeff is your son.

...and letter of commendation back on that wall.

...and lots and lots of ****.

...and millions of people would accept it as fact.

...and never let you out of my sight.

...and out plops a human finger.

...and rat out your whole family.

...and rolling it down a steep hill.

...and she hates doorknob clutter.

...and taking Steve with you to your home planet

...and the brain is stuck in Mexico without a penny.

...and the most out of their soft drink.

...and the only other explanation is that someone's framing me.

...and tie your fallopians in a square knot

...and we can all go home.

...and you take them out and stack them on top until it collapses?

...and you wanna serve breakfast blend?

...and you've got a liar's martini. Look, I put my purse down

...and your complimentary fire extinguisher that shoots tequila.

...and, well, if he found out, it would really disappoint him.

...as long as we're drinking them together, we'll be just fine.

...as Mr. Pibb, I hereby exercise my Pibbidential authority to declare war.

...at this year's Langley Falls 4th of July Festival.

...because you need to learn English to survive.

...because you're not wearing a wire. I'm a cop.

...before the ground assault began.

...bring you to all the best places.

...bursts out of the air bag and strangles him.

...but Harry Potter does it and he's your favorite writer.

...but he only thinks about sex with a black man once a year.

...but I see you taking more poundings than Omaha Beach...

...but I've actually done something far worse.

...but if you wanna crap all over the Spanish, go ahead.

...but Kevin Bacon is an American treasure...

...but not in front of my house.

...but that's because I believed in you.

...but the fact is, none of us get to choose our fathers.

...but the liquor stores are closed. You got your flask on you?

...but those crackers will never embrace the n**** as their equal.

...but we do get to choose our father figures.

...but you completely disarmed me with a simple admission of your error.

...but you saw me as a stupid kid you could use...

...but you're ugly on the inside like Tommy Lee Jones.

...by our nation's greatest president, Grover Cleveland.

...clear into this one.

...during the drill. He was shouting.

...even when he's playing an invisible rapist.

...for Almighty God is his copilot...

...for it is far too hot for human consumption.

...from Andover, your old prep school.

...gets to meet the big cheese in person.

...having breakfast for dinner with an abusive Persian.

...having some poor immigrant working for me like that.

...he just found your stash.

...help me.

...I bought all his oranges, I bought all his walnuts, then I had him deported.

...I burned down their summer home.

...I have a press conference to stammer through.

...I have ever had the privilege to throw out of a moving car.

...I know you will all gladly lay down your lives...

...I missed a week of school and got addicted to hallucinogenic berries.

...I never ever wanna hear from her again:

...I saw a million faces and I rocked them all.

...I wouldn't be in a band with a bunch of 14 year olds.

...I'll build a relationship with him like fat people do: Through the Internet.

...I'll conquer my insecurities, and we can get married again.

...I'll lose their respect again.

...I'll say the two feet of lower intestine...

...I'm going for the boob.

...I'm going to go party my nose clean off my face.

...if this lie is ever exposed.

...if you let me take Jeff and collect my money.

...in front of you? Because it makes me feel like a princess.

...in my backless chair.

...in my basement for soda. Soda that I watered down.

...in the pursuit of signatures to save Mr. Pibb for generations to come

...in the studio today.

...is a 20 foot peanut with presidential aspirations.

...it can be hard to break free from an abusive relationship.

...it'd be my favorite thing in the solar system. Great idea, Mom.

...it's really important that we get married by Sunday.

...it's time for me to follow my true destiny.

...Lemon Drops, B 52s, Fuzzy Navels, Gorilla Farts, Scorpion Bowls...

...like 20 Hondurans stuffed in a giant shoe

...like Dr. Williams, who performed the first open heart surgery...

...like to dine at my fancy eatery? On the house, of course.

...like watching a dear friend get worked over by an old man.

...make you look like a punk in front of your hot wife?

...most people don't sit in chairs. They squat...

...nothing.

...of a giant bust of George Washington Carver.

...of a more compatible woman.

...of whatever the hell it is they sell here.

...of your most expensive wine

...on behalf of our product.

...on your father's old weight bench. Quirky.

...one of our many illegal items.

...or these pants will cut off my circulation and my legs will die.

...or Tim Meadows, luckiest man in show business?

...our young nation would have never survived.

...Please, Kevin, Not in the Face.

...preparing the perfect wedding for my Sharri.

...putting on airs and flashing around his lvy League diploma.

...right here in Langley Falls. What?

...said midget, now in our employ...

...sick days, pension fund. They gave you all that at Best Buy?

...Singapore Slings, Prairie Fires, Bloody Marys, Slippery Nipples.

...so help me God.

...so I can write a poem about it for my prison poetry slam.

...so I decided to book us a romantic getaway

...so I framed you because I didn't wanna hear you say, "I told you so."

...so I will now share with you painful and embarrassing chapters from my life.

...so perfectly embodied the American ideal."

...so you can drink kerosene and puke on yourself.

...somewhere in the amount of...

...street terrors, diabetes and hysterical pregnancy.

...thanks for saving me and the fish. I see where we stand.

...that could help in the war on terror. This is cool with Bullock?

...that had to be removed after I ate at this dump.

...that happen around me.

...that peanut butter was invented by a black man.

...that was on the cover of Sex Garden Magazine.

...the bear is considered a demigod?

...the exercise must be treated as 100 percent real.

...the global thermonuclear attack drill is about to commence.

...their boy glands emit a berry scent that attracts pedophiles.

...then I've gotta dedicate my life to helping others.

...then tried to throw him away by calling INS.

...there's only one option. There's gotta be another way.

...they can kiss my firm, white ass.

...they choose the gifts they want to receive from their guests.

...think Beethoven wasn't black, maybe you should look in the mirror.

...this bush will last forever.

...to add a dash of magic to every batch.

...to ensure they have pillows that can support his massive head.

...to find your precious jar of proof.

...to go upstairs and help my wife. Oh, no. Stan, that's not their job.

...to inject a squirt of sour cream into the centre of each bean.

...to that kid who spited my face.

...to the CIA beach house. The CIA has a beach house?

...turned into a double **** homicide.

...until he ascended to heaven...

...until very late last night.

...we became pawns in marijuana's mellow chess game.

...we can use the $50 million reward to buy Dollywood.

...we sneak the Mexicans out and drive to the warehouse.

...we'll be setting up our green mistress right here.

...were forcibly dragged out in the middle of dinner.

...what do you say we go for one big score and then call it quits?

...what is this delicious paste upon which I am snacking?

...whatever one of those lonic Breeze machines costs.

...when I was backpacking that summer I was super into rabbits?

...when Jon Stewart gets a hold of this.

...when the cubs come looking for their mama and find her dead.

...when we're going to a banquet honoring minorities.

...where Avery Jr. Can play safely.

...where Samuel Jackson isn't black.

...whether it's about bedtime or black people.

...which doesn't add up because she loves Thai food...

...which inexplicably broke that same night.

...which is really only a juvenile light blue herring...

...while dreaming of coming to America.

...while you say those awful things about my pride and joy.

...who are looking to get the most out of life...

...who have never seen a white man.

...who is responsible for tormenting our nation is about...

...who knows this secret.

...who never accomplished anything.

...with zero lumbar support.

...without being barraged by filth?

...without breaking your vows.

...you'd actually try to find me?

'tis Christmas morn, 1970.

"A house divided against itself cannot stand....

"A symposium on the Pangaea theory of the Permian extinction ...

"Babe osaurus.... Porn.

"Best songs from 1974 to 1980....

"Byesies.... I mean, "byesies....

"Camptown Races," "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep".

"Cele Bear Tion." It sounds like a cross between "celibate" and "abortion".

"Dear Roger, you taught me well. Perhaps a little too well.

"Disco's Greatest Hits "

"Find the cane that bore Old Glory. 1730 M Street."

"He doesn't make his decision on polls, expert opinion or even facts...

"I long to caress your..."

"I told you so."

"I,m Hanoi Jane. Don't kill Communists.

"In the elf condom."

"In the elf condom." What does it mean?

"Irregardless...? That's not even a real word.

"Lastly, tip your hat in the Garden of Eden."

"Live risky. Reach for the stars....

"May lead to extreme extremeness."

"My Sharona...!

"Not since Reagan has a leader...

"Reagan, Rove, Rumsfeld....

"Reno...?Janet Reno? That goes over here.

"Save us. We're in the first lady's purse and it's dark and smells like peppermint."

"tasty... "low fat... and "9/11....

"The love and respect I have for you knows no limits."

"The path to true friendship is paved with selfless generosity."

"Tooluck nuck nuck.... Oh, I,m sorry.

"Tyrannosaurus.... Fossil.

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