American Dad! (2005) - Season 1 Edit

A "geeeeenius."

A Areyou kidding? Hey, we're best buddies.

A babywhose nanny dresses her like crap.

A big star, huh?

A book about me?

A bullpen! Oh, it's like a sitcom come true.

A carwas broken into on Cherry Street this afternoon my car.

A cat that could kill you.

A chance? You don't even have the jobyet?

A clue! And there's a name tag. Now all we have to do is find this Stan Smith, and...

A Cosmo for the lady who changed my life.

A cult of murderous housewives.

A dolphin? No, that's stupid. We're in the woods.

A Dynasty exhibit. They must have gotten my letters

A fast lane life anda slow motion walk.

A gift certificate to the day spa?

A girl just groped me with her foot.

A healthy relationship is a partnership.

A hell of a lot better than that I want that $200,000.

A lady who keeps medical waste in her pockets.

A land dolphin?

A lipstick camera past the XR 21.

A man dress. It's beautiful!

A mistress on my salary, Francine? Come on!

A money suit, a giant Flavor Flav clock...

A necessary sacrifice to ensure our country promotes the best man possible.

A pamphlet on full blown AI DS.

A patriot and a terrorist are going in there, and only one of us is coming out.

A place called Melrose.

A place where we like to dump dead bodies.

A single glance at the rack ofinfinite wisdom...

A terrorist detainment camp theme party?

A tie? When do I ever wear a tie?

A tragic story: the actor who was supposed to play the cook,

A trust is broken forever.

A wise decision.

Aah! Son of a bitch!

Abandoned you? Oh, thank God! He's not here.

About American girls, but we don't go hopping...

About an hour ago, I heard somebody mention chili fries.

About that. I'm not sure I'm Ranger material. I'm thinking about hanging up my kerchief.

About the Ladybugs and what we stand for...

About three miles north ofhere.

Absolutely not. I could never grovel to my own daughter.

Absolutely, Son. Let's talk in private.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. Anyway, the only good hairdresser left is Mr. Beauregard.

Absolutely. Go, Team Smith.

Absolutely. We will absolutely get you a real estate costume. You'll look adorable.

Absolutely. We will absolutely get you a real estate costume. You'll look adorable.

Accidentally sent Get outta here, you crazy old herpes spreader!

According to my intel, he starts production tomorrow on a new movie called Dr. Love.

Ach, Gott. Is little Rogie gonna cry?

Ach, he's so delusional. Well, I'm late for my pedicure.

Ach, I'm sorry. I must have misdialed. Click.

Ach, that's the worst thing to happen to wine since the movie Sideways.

Ach, why didn't you say you were having work done?

Ach! Hayley's diary is delicious.

Acting's not that hard. Renée Zellwegerjust makes it look hard.

Actors! All a company of actors!

Actually, I was thinking more falafel.

Actually, it's "Publisherman." Bill Publisherman.

Actually, it's a Cape Cod. The shutters are a dead giveaway.

Actually, Mr. Smith, you had eight refills, and you used them all.

Actually, mywife and I just moved out here

Actually, Smith, you're staying behind to book our flight.

Actually, the kids never really did embraceyou, Bobby.

Actually, they put Agent Duper on chatter.

Add chopped celery, four eggs.

Admiral Egg spots hunger off the starboard bow.

Admission covers the entire seat, butyou'll only need the edge!

After all, I letyou go when you were just a baby

After breaking his tiny unicycle.

After much analysis, I've determined...

After that, we make thousands of duplicates, market the tapes on late night cable TV.

Afteryou're ****d... in the shower.

Agent Duper not only bested your time, he did so with a far better catchphrase.

Agent Smith, could you tell us the location?

Agent Smith, you're out ofcontrol!

Agreed.

Ah, beloved grandpa. Of course!

Ah, Francine, you're right

Ah, French maid outfit. Very arousing

Ah, I don't want to mess things up.

Ah, I knew this day would come.

Ah, just need a pinch offresh dill.

Ah, man! We were supposed to go on a dangerous mission to ****stan!

Ah, might as well make it a baker's dozen.

Ah, nature.

Ah, screw it. I'm just gonna blow the sucker up.

Ah, Snot, let's just make sure we never let a woman come between us again

Ah, that's whereyou come in. I wantyou to take my place.

Ah, three should do it What? Ugh!

Ah, what a good night's rest.

Ah, what else? Oh, we all know Bullock's wife is a hostage in Fallujah, right?

Ah, who will finish my masterpiece now?

Ah, your faith is so inspiring.

Ah,Jackson, thank God! Yeah, I just shot him.

Ah! Aargh! Oww!

Ah! Getyour greasy paws out of my "orificee cees."

Ah! I don'twant to relive it.

Ah! What the hell?

Aha! You thought you killed someone.

Ahhh, nothin' like a good night's sleep.

Ahoy, Rangers! Is the scoutmaster around?

Al Qaeda? Please! Al Qaeda wishes they could cater these guys' parties.

All across this country our forests are being replaced.

All acting under my direction.

All done, Mrs. Smith. Fifty g****vines and 1 2 tons of soil.

All I ask is thatyou let me say good bye to Francine.

All I need is my clock and my rocket boot.

All I need is someone with a little start up moneywho believes in me.

All I wanted was to reconnect with the neighbours,

All I was trying to do was keep my country and family safe!

All kinds offeelings I don't understand.

All my life, I've said guns were bad. I'm such a hypocrite.

All of our living code breakers are absolutely stumped.

All praise Steve Smith!

All right, everyone stay calm.

All right, fine. But ifyou don't wanna keep him, you have to find him a home.

All right, Francine.

All right, gentlemen.

All right, I'll handle this. Let me get this straight, son.

All right, I'm going!

All right, kids are dead

All right, let's do "Ammo Blammo."

All right, listen carefully. If you care about Jeff, you'll dump him.

All right, you've found me. Just tell me what I have to do

All right! I'm packed and ready to party.

All right! Maggots to the barracks!

All right. All right. Settle down. Back to the cyber terrorist.

All right. But be warned

All right. But I didn't miss them

All right. But the jewels staywith me, and this is your last robbery.

All right. I got stuff to do.

All right. I'll have a Cosmopolitan.

All right. Who areyou? And what have you done with my husband?

All the cool missions go to theyoung guys.

All theseyears, we never gave up hope.

All they have to know is I'm the guy dancing with the homecoming queen under the spotlight.

All this for a fat ass comment?

All this time I thought I was special because I married the homecoming queen.

All this timeyou said you were healing, and you werejust

All those wasted years ofwriting finally have meaning.

All you had to do was sit and be ugly.

Allow me to explain.

Almost forgot.

Also, there's no cursing, dancing, singing, no bars, no movie theaters

Although I find you exceedingly fly...

Am I right, fellas? Yeah. Americans. Ha!

Am I scowling? I want to be scowling.

America is the greatest country in the world!

America's favorite bosom buddies...

An adoring wife and a family that loves you.

An evil greater than civil rights and Communism combined.

And a beautiful wife who loves me and thinks I'm a winner!

And a case of morning after pills.

And a good media crusade is always a solid vote getter.

And a husband who took a sabbatical from work, moved to Prague...

And a perfect chance to premiere my new cargo shorts.

And all Smiths are winners. Therefore, all athletes are Smiths.

And all the teenagers were white and in their 30s.

And and you grabbed the tie to gain leverage...

And apparently taughtyourself to use the doorbell.

And as parents the most important thing we can do is be supportive.

And can bust out a blistering flute solo? Three, four...

And certifyyou in the career ofyour choice.

And Darth Vader on bass.

And don't tell me it's not a competition...

And Doug Ackerman [ Whispers ] bald.

And everybody's buying it!

And finally, a C.I.A. agent and a European recording star

And for that, I'm sorry.

And for the first five seconds it tastes so sweet and perfect...

And FYI, your roll on really worked wonders on my 'rhoids.

And go to America, become a police offiicer, and rise up through the ranks.

And go to sleep.

And guys in ironic trucker hats, like on The O.C.

And have a crowd of angry men throw rocks at your head?

And have a wonderful time.

And he didn't even haggle. By the way...

And he has ajet pack anda helicopter, and I bet he could beat up a cowboy.

And he has something to say about it.

And he informs me you have a growth you would like me to "take care of'.

And he made me sleep under the bed!

And he's eating a falafel recreationally. Terrorist.

And he's my dad! That's nature's wife.

And healing feels good. Incredibly good.

And here's the best rule. The man has final say on everything.

And here's your end piece, Steve. Don't forget to chew.

And hired mercenaries to help his wife seduce another man.

And his voice

And how great is my new horror movie ring tone?

And I blameyou, publisher man.

And I can't believe this all began just a few weeks ago.

And I didn't even get to say goodbye.

And I didn't wantyou to be mad.

And I found a surgeon in Sweden who's agreed to replace my testes with acorns.

And I have no idea how it works.

And I have spoken with God

And I have to abdicate my position.

And I have to get them off the street.

And I have you to thank for it.

And I hope this experience will bring us even closer together.

And I knew the show was dead when they started...

And I need a pretend dad for the next 30 years.

And I onlywish I had never known the sickly sweet scent of my father's love...

And I picked up your prescription of Viagra.

And I said it was okay.

And I say Saudi Arabia's the greatest country in the world.

And I still have some questions about... sex.

And I thinkyou'll be surprised to see what creature...

And I tried to make more, but there was no mayo, so instead I used...

And I want you to be there.

And I wanted to have a dad like that. And I feel bad.

And I was canned foryour sins. But I forgiveyou.

And I was finally free ofmyparents.

And I was, like, "Dogger, not only is that...

And I'd just learned Johnson was going to...

And I'll be fun at Costco when we're shopping for bulk paper towels!

And I'll dress up as a sea captain.

And I'll protect the neighbourhood from you

And I'll showyou! I'll showyou!

And I'm bored.

And I'm content to eat taffy, collect stamps...

And I'm going to letyou.

And I'm hardly a genius, but still, thankyou. That's awfully sweet.

And I'm letting the neighbor boy watch when I go to the bathroom.

And if she rejects it, it'll kill me.

And ifl "Ameri can't" teach you about it...

And ifyou didn't hurt me, that only leaves the gun.

And ifyou help me make it a success, the job is yours.

And in a way, those paintings are my family.

And in America, marriage is an equal partnership.

And it was a mistake to lie. You know why?

And it's healthy to explore them.

And it's not sillyjuice! It's necessaryjuice!

And it's studded with diamonds and gems...

And it's telling me to tell my mouth to tell you...

And just be a normal husband so I could have some friends

And just then my life flashes before my eyes,

And kiss his ass until they are sucked inside.

And let them know we've lost Mommy forever.

And look at my aquarium all day long.

And made me call the doctor for eight more.

And make more brainwashing potato salad!

And men hand over hundreds of their hard earned dollars.

And mine died years ago.

And my DVD of Personal Best to cut out right before the chicks did each other.

And my lucky condom from 1 0th grade!

And no one's had the decency to cremateyou and sprinkleyour ashes over Old Maid Mountain.

And no pig showers.

And not even a real movie. It was shot in Canada.

And not for the yuck United States.

And not my boss and today that woman is my wife.

And not once have I ever played a solo on the devil's clarinet.

And now I don't even respect myself.

And now I guess I'm feeling unfulfilled.

And now it's time for... the reversal round.

And on one brave Saturday night, sexual partner Jeanie Stone, who

And one, two, three. And one, two, three. And one, two

And only best friends can do it, and i it bonds you for life.

And opens.

And our darling Squeaky Fromme decides to assassinate my career.

And our lives meant nothing, absolutely nothing!

And people are gonna know that.

And please don't tell anyone we have cockfights here.

And pretty.

And punish them brutally.

And putting her hand in that bowl of warm water, that was just overkill.

And rapists. Sorry, Franz.

And realised her potential as an independent woman.

And risk getting my prettyface cut?

And S wants to C L T D F H C.

And say hello to clean TV.

And she posted them on HatefulTeens. com.

And she traded shifts with Tina?

And since now I'll never be able to break Clooney's heart...

And so I madeyou a sandwich

And so we will. Dr. Bearington will assist...

And so, by dividing up the disputed territories thusly...

And so, in closing, remember Galatians 5:14.

And speaking of coming out, ta da!

And Steve's been a super little brother

And suddenly things turned ugly...

And talking about my amazing dad.

And Terry's father.

And thanks, Lynn, for the delicious maple scones.

And thankyou for my SerJacopo Flammata.

And that fake lesbian kiss What a great idea!

And that I could have mustered something other than "Papa, no!"...

And that is how I bought my Camry. Ah, here we go.

And that sign reads: "Do Not Resuscitate."

And that something is...

And that's a violation ofthe First Amend

And that's how I lost a testicle.

And that's just for one house.

And that's the last time I buy prewashed spinach in a bag.

And the best part is I'm still lying toyou about a bunch of other stuff.

And the coup de grâce...

And the increased tissue consumption.

And the one way we don't like to kill things is that way!

And the paprika not enough.

And the piece ofjunk just broke down right outside.

And the Shouldland High team gets their asses kicked

And the string oftherapists who won't be able to helpyou.

And then a fly crawled in his mouth and and he ate it!

And then apologized, embarrassed, but he said...

And then head offto a fabulous show you know I've been dying to see?

And then I was overcome with crushing disappointment.

And then I'd break his heart...

And then it would just be a freakish mutant...

And then she climbed up onto our camel...

And then tomorrow I'm shipping you back to the States.

And then we retire and live out our days playing video games.

And then went on to be a big star.

And then you spend two hours in the bathroom...

And then your paranoid father locked 'em up in the backyard!

And there was only one place I could turn.

And there's an available kiosk!

And there's Trudy. She thinks Miles is meeting Earring Girl.

And they outnumber us four to one.

And they're just trying to give him a little knowledge.

And this dude is never ever gonna leaveyou.

And this guy, he grew up in the bayou, living with alligators, wrestling with alligators.

And this is my son, Rashad.

And this robot frog that does amazing things when you speakTaiwanese.

And this window shouldn't be closed.

And throw the same singles out there again.

And throwyour corpse in the fires of Lake Piracima!

And to get that, he'll need a hook.

And to read about you giving Coach Schwartz a Rod Carew in the Taco King parking lot?

And together we'll drive a poem across America.

And tonight, there's only one place he could be the sci fi convention.

And took pictures of my no no parts

And use guns responsibly and in service to our fellow man.

And used Barry's fat folds to open their beers.

And watch him cry until his eyeballs bleed.

And watch the entire first season of 24 on DVD.

And we have "nobody got shot" sex.

And we widen to reveal

And we'll have our spotlight dance!

And we'll piece together the shattered remains ofyour life or orwhatever.

And what do we reduce them to? ChiefShopaholic.

And what I did toyou Go ahead. Punch me in the face.

And whateveryou do, don't say anything to Francine.

And when she comes over tonight, I'm gonna tell her.

And when you are done, we will make the beast with two backs?

And when you say "children," I hear "migrant workers

And when your car's not in drive, it's in?

And who doyou propose teach this stupid class?

And you also said that this room has a maximum capacity oftwo.

And you can slip 'em in Carly's locker.

And you can tell everyone that you exist and that I'm not crazy.

And you cannot shoot what you cannot see. Ha!

And you don't want an octopus squatting on your brain, doyou, Son?

And you have broken no laws

And you turned him down?

And you! And you! And you! And you! And you!

And you'd be all, "Every freakin' time!"

And you'll all know I'm not crazy! And we can be a family again!

And you're Arrested Development.

And you're clearly doing the valet.

And you're gonna see him! And the boys are gonna see him!

And your aim at the urinal is..

And your favorite anchor partners are gonna be contestants.

And, I'm afraid, forthe rest ofyour life...

And, Klaus, you want a rose? Here's your rose!

Andhe's the dumb guy!

Anne Flemming. Herewe go.

Another sale? Wow, Maria doesn't have a prayer.

Any last words, Deputy Director?

Anything else?

Anything for me?

Anything to seeyou happy again.

Anyway, Dad...

Anyway, great visiting with you, Francine. I'll be in the study.

Anyway, once upon a time there was a magical place...

Anyway, today Stan Smith is trying to find a new home for his little friend.

Anyway, what are these photos doing laminated in our place mats?

Anyway, you mind if I, uh

Apparently, Betty Sue was so devastated by losing homecoming queen...

AR 1 5, MK5, MAC 1 0, paprika.

Arboreus, this was supposed to be a peaceful protest.

Are being forced to work as your slaves.

Are not things to subsidize!

Are you familiar with a TV show called Fear Factor?

Are you kidding? Smith, you take things too far.

Are you still into the juice and crackers thing?

Are you watching me on the telly? I'll wave to you.

Aren'tyou coming in?

Areyou gonna call them Stan and Francine?

Areyou insane? We're not stopping for their food!

Areyou kiddin'? That bank is a fortress.

Areyou kidding? He's only the contributing editor of Wizards andShut lns magazine.

Areyou kidding? That bank had to have at least a hundred steps.

Areyou questioning my competence?

Areyoustillmoping about Steve?

Argentinajust star sixty nined us.

Argh.

Arrgh! Not my butt! Arrgh!

As boring as a bad metaphor... or a simile.

As far as I'm concerned, we only have one child!

As he warbles his sweet lilting lullaby...

As Jessica Alba's G string.

As long as you can keep feeding it to them, we win.

As long as you provide your charming selves.

As myfamily usedandabused me.

As number one wife.

As salaam alaikum.

As soon as Francine gives up this muffin nonsense...

As they desperately cling to their last shred ofstardom.

As we all know, this country is surrounded by monstrous enemies.

As you can see, we can get to you, your family and your seasonings.

Ashamed I turned my back on the Eskimos.

At 2243, she was rushed to the hospital by her roommate

At convincing a long time female friend to have awkward pity sex with you once.

At his funeral, everybody got laid.

At least do it in a way that honours his memory and all that he meant to us.

At least he offered.

At least I had fun. And you learned there's no need to be threatened by my success.

At least I'm not being exploited like these poor strippers.

At least the last time you ran away you made it all the way to the stop sign.

At least tomorrow's TGIM.

Athlete? Stan, your son's a geek.

Attention! The boring suit contest is about to begin.

Au revoir, stardom.

Avoiding the one person on this planet who wants to talk toyou.

Aw, dammit! That's a very steep penalty.

Aw, I don't know what to write about.

Aw, I hate being a famous author.

Aw, I'm never gonna be a star.

Aw, put your money away. Deacons drink for free.

Aw, this should all be mine.

Awesome job, Dad! I really think we're winning the war on urges.

Awesome party, dude. To Steve's continuing good health

Awesome!

Awesome.

Awkward? Don't be silly. It was Francine's idea.

B But let's not just say it.

Babe, we did it, we took the plunge.

Babe, we're good together. Which is why I was thinking you should move in with me.

Babe, your dad digs me. I can tell he wants us to be together.

Baby, I just might have that affair after all

Baby, let's go home.

Baby, slowyour roll.

Bachelor party! Let's kill some hookers!

Back on the bus, Mrs Nesbaum

Bad idea. Just so we're clear.

Barry really pulled one over on us. How'd you know he'd pick the right glass?

Barry! Yoo hoo!

Be it defusing a bomb, or adjusting the pearls...

Be my guest. When it all gets too much foryou...

Because he chose you over me.

Because I am a strong, independent blackwoman.

Because I can't. Because ofyou.

Because I didn't have to. Because I'm the man, and what I say goes.

Because I have an adoring wife and a loving family.

Because I just want to forget about it, okay?

Because I knowyou soak not me...

Because I love him, and I'm so sexually attracted to him.

Because I woke up this morning in the car, fully dressed.

Because I'm Irish, Jimmy. Because I'm Irish.

Because ifyou are, I'll put on some Edie Brickell and join you.

Because it doesn't last forever.

Because it so is.

Because she feels awful about hurting you.

Because there'll be food and my boss likes to wipe his mouth on swans.

Because we're happy with the god we have now.

Because you're a hero right here in your own home.

Because your security clearances and background checks

Because, after all, we are just buddies, according to the government.

Because, you know, I'd have a penis.

Becauseyou were my first.

Beer breath and bloodshot eyes...

Before 9/1 1, l wouldn't have believed it.

Before I take my first sip ofO.J....

Before that shrieking monkey drove me from the room.

Before we adjourn, let's recite the N.G.A. oath. Hold hands.

Before, you said guns kill, not people.

Behold! It is here. The events guide to this weekend's sci fi convention.

Behold! Man and machine in an elegant pas de deux ofprecision and finesse.

Besides, aren'tyou having fun cooking with Mommy?

Besides, I couldn't be happier. Gymnastics was a prison I'm finally free from.

Besides, I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm healing.

Besides, I've got Barry now. I don't need you, per se.

Besides, sons have complex relationships with their mothers.

Best bud Oh, my God. I need a anotherTecate.

Best buddies, Barb Hanson and Cap'n Monty.

Best Buddiez! That's it!

Best buds have a ritual where theyjust really connect.

Betsy White, what did I tell you about hand holding?

Betterthan leaving toenail clippings in the sink!

Betty died? How did I get so out of touch?

Bible class, huh? Tell them the story of how God was denied his fruity cereal.

Big Buy? What the hell?

Big Foot's baking sugar cookies and Santa wants to take you to the Oscars.

Black men don't go to Colorado.

Blow up many 4Runners today or did you 4get?

Bob and Linda Memari. We'd love to come.

Bob, can you tell me how to get back to the road?

Bobby, you're fired. Turn in the costume.

Bobo, you crazy old herpes spreader!

Bodyguard? Who needs a bodyguard when I got the boys

Boo!

Boo!

Both ofyou, in the living room now!

Boxleitner what a pro.

Boy stuff.

Boy, I really got up in Stan's grille, huh?

Boy, it's been a while since he's cleaned the gutters.

Boy, that bathroom is so clean, Mrs. S.

Boy, when Mom and Dad get back from their trip...

Boy, whoever adopted this part ofthe highway is really keeping it clean.

Boys this age are only interested in one thing. Oops! Boobs fell in the punch.

Braces? You've got to be kidding!

Bravo, Smith, bravo. I knew you'd prove your mettle.

Bravo,Joel and Ethan Coen.

Bravo! Thatwas the gumball machine Henry Ford gave to Hitler.

Bread sticks, courtesy oftable four.

Brian Miller, child molester.

Bright and summery on the palate, with an explosive finish.

Brilliant! You really believe he might have a severe spinal injury.

Bring 'em on! I got some stories to tell about who's been hiding me.

Brings you a breaking story...

British Prime Minister Tony Blair?

Bro, I see families exploiting the talented dude all the time.

Bros before hos. Bros before hos. Bros before hos.

Broughtyou a dustpan of cake. Whatyou watchin', honey?

Bullock and Hayley are on a fast train to Splitsville.

Bullock can't hold a grudge forever.

Bullock stuck me with another pathetic assignment.

Bumper Cartridges? The Splatterhorn?

Bunch of douche bags. Praise Allah.

Bunch oflazy, immature guys getting drunk...

Burning down the gazebo? Smith, you have taken us to the next level.

But all's well that ends well.

But apparently, it just split the cheeks. Very disappointing.

But areyou willing to try something much more elaborate and unnecessary?

But at least he never ruined my life!

But at least there were two headlights at the end ofthe tunnel.

But at the last minute, God told Abraham not to sacrifice his son.

But at this rate, it'll be gone in no time.

But But these are my sales.

But do whatever makes you happy.

But don't worry. I'll keepyour secrets.

But enough about Fran Drescher.

But everything else should be mi Oh, God!

But first we're stopping for cheeseburgers and milk shakes. Jealous?

But Hayleywas the cesarean.

But he doesn't care! He just lays around inhaling groceries and pumping out pudding!

But he doesn't have a mustache.

But he has no one that depends on him.

But he makes up for it in otherways.

But he'd never cheat on you.

But he's still my husband, and only my husband

But he's the single most valuable weapon our country has in our war on terror.

But I 'm I 'm

But I "shuzzed" it up with a white belt.

But I actually know very little about sex.

But I can see, Francine, that you need sugar...

But I cannot let you do the same thing to our son.

But I l already had braces when I was a kid.

But I must now fulfill my destiny.

But I need that to get into bars!

But I think I know someone who could.

But I think this bathroom is the perfect place to discuss your promotion.

But I thought we could spend the day together at Six Flags Istanbul.

But I was already having a good time with my friends.

But I was never even having an affair.

But I'll be staying a little while longer

But I'll bet each of you 20 bucks I also get boob.

But I'm a shut in. TV's all I have.

But I'm fixing that. I've already had the chlorophyll injections...

But I'm kinda going through some stuff right now.

But I'm not a criminal, and I'm not going with you.

But I'm the real fish out ofwater.

But I'm too tired to question it.

But I've got to say, this is the greatest party I've ever thrown.

But if I don't make more potato salad, Stan's gonna rip my head off!

But ifshe loses to you, thatwill destroy her.

But ifthat stuffis still important toyou, it just means you're a real zero.

But ifyou ever breathe so much as a word...

But ifyou stay out ofhis ass...

But it don't really matter what we call him 'cause he's deaf. Ain't that right, Melissa?

But it ended up saving my life.

But it should be mine!

But it'll send you back to start

But it's a smartjoke and the fans have come to expect that from us.

But it's an experimental procedure your insurance won't cover.

But it's impossible to get an appointment unless you know somebody.

But may I suggest a third breast?

But my friend here thinks you're really cute.

But mylife had become boring.

But next time, maybe say sci fi con or S.F.C., because time is ofthe essence.

But no more, succubus!

But not smallpox! Kidding. Kind ofjoking, but not really.

But now I gotta know. What the hell, Francine?

But now I'm so confused.

But now it's like he's not into me anymore.

But nowyou're the queen, and we've got a spotlight to dance under!

But one day you'll stumble, and I'll have the last laugh.

But only with horrible, ironic consequences?

But rather all those who've ever hurtyou.

But she does know this.

But she kept earning more and more money and then one day, bam!

But she still loves to party.

But she'll get bored and go back to ironing and scooting her ass on the carpet.

But she's saving the spotlight dance foryou.

But that's another story.

But that's just not the world we live in anymore.

But the Eskimos? Their plight? That's the real stuffhere.

But the important thing is, the CIA is looking for you.

But there's gotta be a scientific explanation.

But there's no way I'm

But these areyour goldenyears, Pop.

But this American toast is delicious.

But this family's lucky to haveyou.

But this is my family, my house and

But to get on, he needs to have the number one children's book in town.

But tonight is LeftoverWednesday.

But turns out I was special because I married you...

But wait a second. Steve was the one who

But we are taking your beer.

But we may still have some crab cakes.

But we partied so much harder!

But we're behind on our project for the science fair.

But we're so good together!

But what if I told you it contained a horrible ingredient? An unholy ingredient?

But what we just did gives me an idea for a song.

But what we never get credit for is malt liquor.

But what's the deal with the gag and kimono?

But when it comes to oral hygiene, they phone it in.

But why don'tyou show us how Flipper swims backwards again.

But without Francine to cook foryou, you have two choices:

But you're a grinder, and you're getting braces.

But, gentlemen, l giveyou the true face of evil.

But, hey, don't take myword for it.

But, hey, that's okay because you're back...

But, honey, I don't get it. No one's gonna knowyou at my reunion.

But, honey, Steve is at that age..

But, well, when I thought we were gonna die,

But... I took that lamp offyour brace.

But... you win.

Butwe'll still be bros, right?

Butyou can't put off having sea monkeys forever.

Butyou do know somebody, Francine. You know Roger.

Butyou gotta believe me. This isn't my fault

Butyou just said "Oh" likeyou were impressed.

Butyou know what the kids did respond to?

Butyou know what won't? This.

Butyou know, I will admit, America's got its flaws.

Butyou were paralyzed by a gun!

Butyou were right. We were totally ready.

Butyou would never hurt me.

Butyou, you have a family, a son, a daughter

Butyou'd die for me, and that says everything.

Buying you Doctor Seuss's first typewriter.

By being so snuggly!

By destroying modern infrastructures...

By killing her boyfriend and eating his brain.

By morning she'll be back wearing footsie pyjamas, sucking on her Lion King blankie.

By the bed? Okay.

By the transitive property, I got some boob. Algebra's awesome!

By the way, under that covered bridge in our puzzle

By their cross town rival, Reality Check Tech.

Bye bye! Seeyou soon!

Bye bye. Seeyou soon.

Bye bye. Seeyou soon.

Bye bye. Seeyou soon.

Bye, Dad. We're goin' to see the new Michael Moore documentary.

Bye! Have a beautiful time!

Bye! Have a beautiful time!

Bye! Have a great time!

Bye! Have a great time.

Bye. Have a beautiful time.

Bye. Have a great time.

Bye. Have a great time.

Call a real ambulance!

Call if you ever need a real estate agent. I'm also a hand model.

Calling to apologize about the roast again.

Camille Paglia?

Can I fly it?

Can I get bootleg DVDs, like the new Michael Moore documentary?

Can I get some ketchup? Oh! No, it's already in there. I see it. I see it.

Can I have a few bucks for popcorn?

Can I help you folks with your bags?

Can I helpyou folks with your bags?

Can I helpyou?

Can I helpyou?

Can I just say hooray for Google? It's made my job so much easier.

Can I keep this mouse pad? I'm keeping this mouse pad.

Can I, uh, have my shirt back?

Can we get out of here? I gotta get away from my parents.

Can we have another pony ride?

Can we just pretend all this never happened?

Can you believe theywere just giving away razor blades?

Can't do it, pal. I gotta work on my toast for your wedding.

Can't run away on an empty stomach.

Can't you get your own?

Can't you just let me go, Son?

Capital idea! We'll make a game of it.

Causing me to lactate a viscous milky mucus.

Causing statewide blackouts...

Charity and brotherly love.

Cheer up, Stan. Hey, watch this.

Cheese and rice! Who are those guys?

Cheese Nips are not the same as Cheez lts.

Chicken satay, you filthy evildoers?

Chiefsayhow... delicious.

Child prodigy, and most likely...

Chinese toothbrush

Chips and dip? I tell you what, Francine.

Chuck still needs a tie. He's a double Windsor man, so we have a good two minutes to...

Chuck White offered to host the pot luck wake while I was in the bathroom!

CIA! To the Smithsonian! Drive!

Cloon tang, I loveyou too much to let this happen.

Cloon tang! Cloon tang! Cloon tang! Cloon tang!

Clooney has it written into all of his movie contracts.

Clooney, you smug bastard.

Coasters!

Code Red! My manual for the E.S. weapons system is AWOL.

Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!

Colors are brighter, jeans fit snugger.

Come back here, I want you to call my boss and apologise.

Come back!

Come celebrate on the patio.

Come near him again, l swear to God, I'll kill you.

Come on, baby. I I mean, God.

Come on, children. We're taking you far away from this man.

Come on, coach! I didn't payyou to not play my son!

Come on, Francine. Not this old routine

Come on, guys! Guess who I am!

Come on, Hayley! You're goin' to the movies with Jeffanyway.

Come on, Hayley. The N.G.A. won't reinstate my membership unless you apologize.

Come on, Mom. Women are doing bold, exciting things.

Come on, Roger. He'd never let you go.

Come on, Stan I mean, Mr. Moskowitz.

Come on, Stan. Figure a way out ofhere

Come on, Steve. Baby needs his bottle. Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, Steve. He's your dad.

Come on, Steve. We're leaving.

Come on, sweetheart. Don't be afraid.

Come on! We're hungry! Pull over.

Come on! What doyou think ofthis Incan wish bowl?

Come on. He's just going through a phase.

Come on. Let's go home.

Come on. No movie's that scary. One for The Soiling.

Come on. Walk me home.

Come on. We've gotta go save America.