Jon Benjamin Has a Van - Season 1 Edit

A chiste

A little late.

A real thing.

A van Shaped star door.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! The gun's hot!

Aah... aah.

About 20 minutes to think about it.

About my drug business!

About the world's most photographed baby

About where most of this is coming from

Absolutely

After countless surgeries even the best doctors

After falling into the feeder of a grain thresher,

Ah!

Ah! Get down!

Ah.

All day long.

All i can say is, god made man

All i could tell you is when god made man

All of you.

All right, i want everyone to gear up,

All right, well, listen, this is how this works.

All right. Yeah, well, hold on a second.

All this and more

All this and more on tonight's

All this and more on tonight's jon benjamin has a van.

All this and more on tonight's jon benjamin has a van.

All:

Allora, is that so?

And according to the record,

And also, you're invited to our celebration,

And another installment of "ocd after dark. "

And around the back and sides too.

And eat all our goldfish.

And eyes.

And he sat there the entire time.

And hear his incredible story.

And i can show it to you. It's right there.

And i hope you'll soon join us

And i love it,

And i was, like, um...

And i would start screaming from being so scared.

And i'll deal with you later.

And if we need it back,

And it's changed my life.

And it's really the strangest feeling,

And it's sooner than you think.

And jargon loprax over here should have known better

And just thinking about going to war,

And moving on to the next platform,

And my first child was killed by los zetas.

And my job

And on tonight's exclusive interview,

And see the truth.

And smoke yourself to death.

And that's all you need to understand.

And that's what sets us apart.

And the main cause of this,

And the writing on it tells us your van may be the key.

And then i immediately passed out.

And then i'll take you out to dinner

And then it starts to get ugly.

And then they take room from us.

And this was by far the worst thing i'd ever seen.

And this was my response.

And those who do it are disgusting pigs,

And walked the whole way down the sidewalk.

And we already got it.

And we shoot here, and then you're on the show

And we talk to the youngest person

And wealthy real estate developers.

And when the opportunity arose

And who knows how long before they take that from us too?

And you can't tell me what to do.

And you give it to frank to smooth things over.

And you got burned. See that camera?

And you slept with her.

And your lame party and your cupcakes.

And, uh, i want to thank you for this interview.

And, um, he said something about iced tea,

Andiamo

Are avowedly christian,

Are biological offspring!

Are incorrect? Is that possible?

Are you going to see him?

Are you leaving?

Are you still smoking?

Arf arf arf arf arf arf.

As for our human visitor,

As long as catalina says it's okay

As you can see from the imprint,

As you're doing it.

Aside from immigrants, is litter.

At a high rate of speed,

At first little, little italy and little italy

At first, i denied these allegations,

At the actual border itself.

At the celebration.

At the top of her lungs.

At this time to the official reentry point.

Aw, it's not that secret.

Be careful with that, jon. That's some strong stuff.

Beautiful.

Because it's a little bit better.

Because there's never a moment

Because this drunkard...

Because two other people were there

Because we're about positive energy

Been supportive of your condition?

Before frank leaves, okay?

Before i was deployed to afghanistan.

Before you go to the bathroom.

Biological offspring bring unhappiness to us all!

Border!

Both: Yeah.

Both: "to eat the world's due...

Brigitte? Jon?

Bring him. Now.

Bring me a box of pizzelle.

Bross was basically flayed alive.

Buddy, you're still gettin' burned.

But for us in mezea ministries,

But i can tell you this.

But i have not forgotten the lives i've left behind.

But i never even knew there was a little, little italy.

But i'm asking you only one more time.

But it was good that we made love.

But juan benjamin is in the casa.

But just as little italy is being squeezed

But most people are unaware of an even more secret location

But now, you know, you've done so much in a year.

But now...

But one former government official

But roy allston of roy allston's hair supply

But thank you for

But thank you very much. No, it was my pleasure.

But the most penetrating evidence is the shroud.

But then we received this incriminating footage.

But we believe that he smoked a pipe.

But we could use your language skills

But we mustn't let ourselves be led through life by them.

But what other secrets does it hold?

But within christianity, there are many different sects,

But, uh, mr. Lockley passed away recently

By a solar flare!

By his military service.

By nebraskan reporter, greg devlin.

By outside forces,

By suddenly crossing one eye so that bross' face

By the grave and thee. "

By the news media,

Bye, gabriella.

Came into little italy like it came to regular italy,

Can be at each meal.

Can't believe this.

Careened into jargon loprax's transport,

Casablanca

Celebrities wanted in immediately.

Chief magistrate, we should be thanking my client.

Chris, marie,

Colonel?

Combined with the fact that there was an even more

Come!

Come.

Conspiracy theorists have long claimed

Currently on death row.

Cut him loose and give him a gun.

Dave, tell 'em.

Dave!

Despite the fact that we've been saturated

Did i, nathan?

Did jesus smoke a pipe?

Dirty, disgusting,

Do not get in that

Do the joke.

Do you feel remorse for what you did?

Do you have a second to discuss gay marriage?

Do you have a second?

Do you know it? Si, si.

Do you like wine?

Do you love him?

Doctor, tell us right now.

Don't be a stranger, jon.

Due to complications.

Each with their own distinct and unique set

Either don't have or choose not to acknowledge,

Every ounce of strength in my body

Every second.

Excuse me, sir, would you like to play cash stall?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. You got burned.

Fat! Irresponsible! Lazy!

Fine, yeah, i'll do it, um...

Follow Up.

For a period of six months.

For centuries, bald men have been using wigs

For doing the joke a year ago,

For me to actually own a pipe that jesus himself smoked from,

For my story about you.

For this world ends for everyone!

Frank palantino and his gang,

Frank palantino has some trouble

Frank palantino told me

Free to go.

Freedom man, huh?

From basic training?

From his interview that day.

From importing tiny prostitutes from italy.

From our consumer advocate ed sheath.

From our consumer advocate edward sheath.

From our intrepid undercover reporter.

From the corner with your helmet on.

From the pictures from that

From your incredible story.

Get in the van.

Get it?

Get the end of the world right every time.

Get the out of here with this.

Get those bags out of your eyes, okay?

Good luck.

Greg already struggles to maintain his composure.

Guess i'll lock up.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha!

Had you been drinking?

Hang on each and every decision i make.

Hang on!

Has long been rumored to harbor alien life Forms,

Has recently come forward

He acts like he's a saint, but he's a hypocrite.

He just pushed me over, sir, 'cause it's funny...

He showed clarity issues.

He was selling information to the f. B.I.

He's never done an on Camera interview before,

He's visiting from florida.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Hello. Mangia, mangia, you hungry?

Help me.

Help me.

Here in america, over 76% of the population

Here in guatemala...

Here on the compound of mezea ministries,

Here! Cover us!

Here. Here's gifts from america.

Here's looking at you, jon.

Here's me eating an ice cream cone.

Hey, can you look at this for a sec?

Hey, hon.

Hey, i'm, uh, i'm in chamber with that human

Hey, jon, you forget something?

Hey, who'd you talk to over there?

Hey, you seem pretty cool.

Hey... yeah.

Hi, hi. Sir, sir...

Hi, we're with you can't shoot here!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Jon.

Highly Secured compound of el manta blanca,

His daughter makes them, so, uh...

His face was...

Hold on a sec.

Hold on one second.

How are you? I'm jon.

How did that happen?

How did you make it through till the end?

How do we know this?

How long you been working for nino?

However, in recent years,

I

I I just...

I I'm seeing me five years ago.

I I'm sorry. I

I am el manta blanca!

I appreciate it. Um...

I came through the star door from earth,

I came through the star door. I didn't see.

I can get in a load of trouble for that.

I can't believe you actually did it.

I can't guarantee that, though.

I can't hear you, so...

I can't stand papa.

I certainly didn't mean for you

I couldn't pass that up.

I didn't even comprehend

I don't even understand french.

I don't know if it's mozzarella or...

I don't know what he's saying, but i don't

I don't think it's

I don't want it.

I don't want to go through a star door.

I don't want to hit him.

I feared for my life

I feel like nicolas cage.

I figured. I thought that was

I go back and forth between you and nino.

I go back and forth between you and nino.

I got a lot of people want to rent out that back room.

I got my passport.

I had no idea. Guys, right?

I have so much to be thankful for here.

I have to go.

I have to pretend to be interested

I interviewed little italy

I just didn't feel like i wanted to deal with it there

I just dumped a ton of garbage in the street.

I just figured since... well, you know.

I just host a tv show. That's it.

I just like the way it sounds.

I know, that's what i'm trying to tell the guy.

I know.

I let myself go.

I liked it better

I live a waking dream!

I live for freedom.

I love pizelles, thanks.

I love you

I love you.

I made some iced tea. Ooh... oh.

I make the gesture to frank

I mean, i Not that i'm looking for it.

I mean, i'll just walk around and...

I mean, we both

I mean, we have a better producer

I mean, you know, they're lucky to have the back room.

I might just do that, if you don't mind.

I might stop off at the bar, though.

I need to ask you a couple of questions.

I really, really wish i could have passed out.

I think that if i was bald, i'd kill myself.

I thought that was good.

I trusted you with my little girl,

I used it to not run away.

I want all the guns on the street!

I was angry at first, but...

I was not in the war.

I wear a hairpiece.

I would like to request a mercy cube for my client.

I...

I'd ever experienced in my life.

I'd have to go all the way down there

I'll fight for you.

I'll I'll probably just come back

I'll make you laugh.

I'm a smoker.

I'm doing it right now, actually,

I'm doing the interview.

I'm edward sheath.

I'm glad i don't do this anymore.

I'm glad you came to see me, jon.

I'm going on In, uh, on the On, uh, email.

I'm going on web.

I'm gonna be your counsel

I'm gonna come with you.

I'm here to help you guys.

I'm here to see rob. A friend.

I'm jon benjamin from america.

I'm jon.

I'm just gonna walk...

I'm okay. Leo, no, come with me.

I'm out of bullets!

I'm saying, were you in a firefight or...

I'm serious. It's $100 if you

I'm smoking.

I'm so sorry, jon.

I'm sorry about

I'm sorry we didn't have any wine.

I'm sorry, you're in a meeting.

I'm sorry. You lost cash stall.

I'm the host of cash stall.

I'm totally free now.

I've become a very important man, as you can see.

I've been so pumped full of drugs,

I've begun to notice it looks more and more filthy,

I've done a lot of stories in my life,

I've found love, all because i smoke.

If i spoke to her then.

If you wanna come and help.

If you're convicted it's, you know, immediate execution,

If you're watching this right now,

In 2008, 32 year old farmer bross lockley

In 2009 he was interviewed

In a few hours, earth will be destroyed.

In all this nonsense they jabber to me about.

In america someday!

In america, you became little, little italy.

In human history.

In the bathroom.

In the case of the star door accident.

In the end, we commissioned most of them as officers.

In the face of adversity.

In the face of great adversity.

In the guitarist from metallica's house.

In the states.

In the town of la frontera comalapa.

In the world couldn't repair

In to see me, she screamed at the top of her lungs.

Including the only pipes

Including yours, my friend.

Indeed, i do.

Into guatemala,

Involved in top Secret operations.

Is a star door, a portal to another galaxy.

Is an offense punishable by death.

Is it in danger of disappearing altogether?

Is slightly blurred.

Is that a bald spot,

Is that sometimes it just gets very hard...

Is that the wife?

Is the back room of this deli.

Is there really such a thing as star doors?

Is there really such a thing as star doors?

Is to house extraterrestrial life Forms,

It also had other markings on it,

It is here on this most hallowed of land

It took me so long to put my life back together.

It was funny.

It was It was juvenile, and i'm sorry it happened.

It was like being in a dream.

It'll come off by itself, end up down the drain.

It's 9:00 a. M. Anyway.

It's a celebration.

It's a joke, rocco.

It's funny what happens, no?

It's happening tonight.

It's not important.

It's ours to take.

It's pretty.

It's quite clear that he smoked a pipe.

It's still almost impossible to communicate the horrors

It's stupid.

It's the end of the world, you know.

Jargon loprax, i hereby sentence you

Jesus christ, no!

Join us in the blessed sacrament that is

Jon benjamin has a van.

Jon benjamin.

Jon, come on.

Jon, could you please get my passport out of the van?

Jon, i understand your pain.

Jon, let me let you in on a little secret.

Jon, meet me at the compound.

Jon, tell 'em i I

Jon.

Juan?

Juan. What?

Just don't worry about nothing. I'm taking care of you.

Just like my barbecue sauce.

Just relax, let me handle this thing, okay?

Just so you know this has gotta be the last time

Just tell her we'll shoot around...

Just to get back into the states.

Kept the sign and the velvet ropes.

Killed them.

Killed those two offspring.

Killing his two offspring in the backseat of the car.

Killing two of his offspring.

Known to be in existence.

Known to have been smoked by jesus.

Large.

Let me explain.

Let's do it.

Let's drink all our punch

Let's eat.

Let's eat.

Like a fountain of youth.

Like a pile of raw chicken fat

Like specters from some lost civilization!

Like, a penis in their mouth.

Like, we got you on camera the whole time

Listen, i got to take this call.

Listen, jon, we can do this

Listen, you don't worry about nothing, okay?

Little italy and little, little italy?

Little italy has shrunk dramatically.

Little italy is coming!

Little italy remains one of new york city's

Little, little italy started.

Lived, studied, and smoked his pipe.

Log on.

Look at you all in your stupid white robes

Make love to me, then leave.

Make love to me.

Make me an egg.

Make sure that you take two pills a day.

Many soldiers return with life Altering injuries.

May i take your picture?

Maybe the world did end a little bit each time.

Maybe they weren't.

Me.

Most infamous drug lords.

Most of the time, they weren't fooling anybody.

Most of this information has been declassified now,

Much better.

Much of it has been absorbed by neighboring china town,

My client came from earth through the star door

My father...

My father...

My natural hair is so perfect

Need you looking good tomorrow.

Neighborhood association president frank palantino.

Nice. Oh, yeah.

Nightmare.

No offense, but... they're sort of silly looking.

No one's gonna know that hair's not real.

No problemo, guys. It's a joke.

No, i mean i'll call her,

No, no, no, no...

No, we all go through life with selfish desires,

No.

No. No.

Nobody's arguing those facts.

None of which All right, look,

Not that i need the calories.

Nothing. That was stupid.

Notice the trash can 15 feet away.

Now consisting of only a few new york city blocks.

Now my daughter, she make delicious italian cookies.

Now take a pill.

Now you help me!

Obviously, thank you for, uh

Of actually being there.

Of italy called "little italy. "

Of new york city is getting smaller and smaller.

Of rituals and beliefs.

Of the disfigured farmer about her experience

Oh Ooh.

Oh, did i mention they were female bios?

Oh, god

Oh, god!

Oh, great.

Oh, it's lovely down there. Yeah.

Oh, joy!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Oh, nino asked me

Oh, right.

Oh,.

Oh!

Ohh! Switch!

Ohhh!

Okay, i need you to be honest with me.

Okay, okay, guys.

Okay, okay.

Okay? You get some rest.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Well

Okay. All right. You can hear?

Okay. I'm mosham.

Okay. Well then, you two guys can get out of here.

Old friend.

On net.

On the contrary, they got it absolutely right.

On the other side of the star door.

On the show. Sure.

On tonight's jon benjamin has a van.

One is in an abbey in genoa, italy.

One of the western hemisphere's

One of the world's most secretive military bases.

One year later we went down to mexico

Onto transport lane 57 and collided with jargon loprax,

Ooh.

Or is it actually a solar panel for a sex machine?

Our exclusive interview

Our exclusive interview

Out of the van right now.

Over here.

Ow.

Perhaps this video will better explain.

Pizzelle con la macchina.

Please the court.

Please, amigo. Su pasaporte.

Pleasure to meet you. Enjoy your stay.

Pleasure was mine.

Plus a special "shame on me" report

Plus, a special report

Pointing to the fact that jesus smoked a pipe,

Premiere tourist destinations.

Previously we did a story about border security,

Private nathan glaser is one such soldier

Probably still smell 'em.

Pushed me over the border

Raise a foot if you believe me!

Really cool to meet you.

Really wants to advertise.

Recently, we received a number of complaints

Relax. I'm doing great.

Reverend rocco janson says he has a special insight.

Right at this moment, i'm driving into area 51,

Right here's good, guys.

Rob Rick, rick.

See before we came here, uh, we lived in an area

See if i can pick up some girls.

See the camera? Ohh!

See the camera? Okay.

See what we got.

See, little italy starts to shrink

Sex with.

Shame on me.

Shame on me.

Shame on me.

Shame on me.

She can make her own decisions!

She screamed

She's a full Grown woman,

She's so small.

Si, si.

Since i moved into my new neighborhood,

Since then we use it when big tourists

Sir?

So i have to cover it.

So i need to know who was driving the car.

So i'll do as i please,

So it's, like, a million light Years from here, right?

So many of us came to america to have a better life.

So not the best.

So thank you for being here, nathan.

So we burned you.

So we got you. Very good.

So we'll just do the story,

So we're done, man.

So you got 34 new messages this morning?

So you offer more realistic Looking toupees?

So, george, how can we help you?

Somewhere in the keenan system.

Sorry, fellas.

Sorry, what? "Casa" what?

Sorry.

Stay here, and, you know, space is a premium, so...

Suffered a horrible accident

Sure, it was hard to make a living first,

Taking your picture all the time.

Telling the story of where it came from.

Than to harbor biological offspring in his transport.

Than you ever were,

Thank you very much...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot, tom. See you, derrick.

That a young jesus of nazareth

That area 51's main purpose

That bross had suffered.

That jesus christ smoked a pipe.

That killed those, uh, kids.

That little italy has always just let little, little italy

That people think it's a hairpiece,

That was a movie.

That was That was...

That's hot.

That's me! Yeah!

That's That's my joke, you ass!

That's the law.

The answer is yes.

The are a myriad of theories on how and when it will happen.

The breeding of biological offspring

The church of the pipe of christ.

The cloth draping that wrapped the body of jesus

The doctors think it started in basic training.

The door might not remain open very much longer.

The end of the world is a horrifying, uh,

The extent of damage to my body.

The game cash stall? Wait.

The historic little italy section

The horrendous deformities

The is the interview man i told you about.

The joke.

The journey you're about to embark on

The moment i met him.

The most useless bios of them all.

The other pipe is here

The show you can't shoot here!

The smoke must be getting in the way of the signal.

The sweet and the smoky,

The top secret area 51

The tricky part was getting them through clearance.

Then you accuse me of being a fraud.

There is no entry here. No pasada aqui.

There's no question about it.

There's no tomorrow, i promise.

There's no way to determine what to expect

There's the camera right there. Okay.

They don't consider pre Traumatic stress disorder

They don't get it.

They shot the tire out!

They themselves are squeezing out someone else.

They're bios. It's case closed.

They're coming!

They're gone, aren't they?

They're gonna try to wipe us out.

They're more interesting than you.

They're so small.

They're so...

Things happen all the time.

Thinks he can change all that.

This area right here is the Yeah?

This bad blood.

This clarity Deficient earth idiot...

This cube clarity analysis disallowed.

This human came through the star door

This is all bull.

This is me! Every inch i loathe!

This is my daughter gabriella.

This is not mississippi where the age of consent is 12.

This next one's hard to believe.

This reverend claims to know exactly when the world will end,

This, um, pizelles. Pizelles?

Thousands of lives

Throw cigarettes at people

Time is money. Let's go.

To america entrado, okay? We'll see you back

To check in on rob and see how he was doing.

To death by execution, effective immediately.

To disguise their hair loss.

To give you this.

To have to live in mexico for a year.

To know exactly when the world will end.

To make things right.

To tell you to shut your mouth.

Today.

Top Secret discotheque

Trish!

Uh Huh. Yes.

Uh, benjamin.

Uh, cara, gabriella, bella,

Uh, i have a tv show.

Uh, we all get along.

Uh, we could make love.

Um, in brooklyn.

Um, stay with me.

Um, you're not gonna

Uncovered a relic which bore hieroglyphics

Unlike most, he claims with certainty

Until now.

Very awkward.

Very nice. Yes.

Wait till my wife gets a load of this.

Wait. Wait.

Want to stay in little, little italy.

We bring you the story of one man's courage

We don't take it all.

We even confronted me about this on camera,

We got you.

We have our celebration,

We have to hurry.

We let 'em use it.

We might have to use it in court.

We not only believe that jesus is the son of god,

We return to lockley farm to speak with the wife

We share everything.

We will not accept this. We will appeal this.

We'll visit with this soldier

We're all going to the next platform.

We're done.

We're down here doing a story

We're here to shoot video for the show,

We're just gonna shoot in the lobby.

We're just shooting around...

We're with the show you can't shoot here!

We've been taping you the whole way

We've been taping you the whole...

Weirdo.

Well that's a possibility More than a moment.

Well, hopefully we can get

Well, hopefully we can get

Well, i didn't know it was gonna be a road.

Well, i suppose for a, uh, non Believer such as yourself,

Well, i'm not gonna dispute anything the prosecution said

Well, it attracted a lot of attention.

Well, no, i felt the same way

Well, not many do anymore.

Well, obviously, i didn't get it right that time,

Well, you're not not in trouble.

Went a little awry.

What about august 9, 1998?

What about me?

What are you doing here?

What happened?

What the?

What the...

What was it like over there?

What, are you driving with blindfolds on?

What, because i've been wrong 17 times?

What? Are you serious?

When are you coming back?

When he was buried.

When i pushed you over the border

When i woke up from my coma,

When you get to the other side of the star door,

When you turned the corner

When you used to drink and drive.

When you're not constantly on guard.

Where i pushed you over the border.

Where we headed?

Where you push me over the border.

Which makes sense, because i'm a disgusting pig.

Which trish has determined to be a galactic map.

Which was called area 54.

Which, as you might well remember,

While working right here on his farm.

Who has authenticated over 700 religious artifacts,

Who Who's gonna wear one of those?

Whoa!

Whose life has been changed forever

Why am i alive?

Will be remembered as the single most important event

Will go to the left of the guard station

With area 51's biggest secret.

With blood drizzled on it...

With greg devlin.

With his communication skills, huh?

With images of war over the last few decades

With me.

With reclusive guatemalan drug lord el manta blanca.

With reclusive guatemalan drug lord el manta blanca.

With the faces of my past whispering past me,

Within area 51,

Within the top Secret military base,

Wonderful. Yes.

Would you like to play cash stall?

Wow.

Wow.

Y You

Yeah, all right.

Yeah, do you check it every day, or...

Yeah, hi.

Yeah, i don't take babies.

Yeah, i know. That looks bad.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, mosham.

Yeah, they're dead as a doornail.

Yeah, they're great.

Yes, i am, dave.

Yes.

Yes. Loving it.

You ass!

You ass!

You came here, you fell in love with a girl,

You can win $100 if you... Cash what?

You can't just run off willy Nilly

You can't shoot here!

You can't shoot here! You cannot shoot here.

You can't shoot here! And that's why...

You can't win this.

You dick!

You don't even speak her language,

You don't have to eat before, but just around meal time.

You don't mind that, do ya?

You don't wanna do that.

You got burned.

You got burned.

You got me, pal? Yeah, yeah... yep.

You got nothing to worry about.

You guys all right?

You guys okay? You good?

You have responsibilities.

You know what? I'm really happy for you, rob.

You know, it took its toll on my relationship

You know, living with my With my injury.

You know, they just moralize.

You know, those little.

You know, you have a wife and a family and...

You lazy jerk.

You look well.

You mind if i smoke?

You mother

You must leave now, sir! Let's go!

You take one of these pills, and i can understand you.

You tied down right now?

You too are not without blame.

You too, colonel.

You used to be such a self Absorbed ass

You wanna log on? I don't know how.

You want to come hang with us?

You want to come hang with us?

You wear one of my hairpieces on the street,

You were walking.

You will feel a little bit better.

You, in the next stall,

You, man.

You!

You!

You'll never guess who smoked this pipe.

You'll see it.

You're 45. No one starts smoking at 45.

You're a drug lord now?

You're a fraud.

You're a pro.

You're all too small and you know it.

You're on the show you got burned.

You've probably just asked...

Your sex life, your individuality,

Yup, we did it!

12 years ago, military archeologists

15!

'Cause he was saying that this is

"Joke," in spanish.

15 minutes in, greg manipulates his vision

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! I got you.

Aah. Your hands.

Actually, you don't, jon!

After holy and moley.

Agreed.

Ah, god.

Ah, thank you.

Ah, well, his death takes nothing away

Ah. And your interview with him.

Ahh!

Ahh! Ahh!

All right, all right, all right!

All right, all right, all right!

All right, let's read some mail then.

All right, now let's, uh, let's take a look,

All right, wait.

All right! Whoo!

All right.

All right. Bye, nino.

All you have to do is sign the form,

And now a jon benjamin has a van

And now all we got

And so when they brought my daughter

And then what happened? Well, then things change.

And what, uh, what happened?

And you didn't deliver it, you're still alive.

Anything?

Are they filming something? Yeah, this is you can't...

Are you serious? Those are the rules.

Aw, this is making me hungry, you guys wanna eat?

Bad things happen here.

Because i don't like

Because i've received the messages, jon.

Bethlehem The year, 25 a. D.

Booooomb!

But now it's just a irish pub.

But you can't do this.

But you don't see the whole picture, man!

Can you Sir, excuse me?

Can you Wait, i'm sorry?

Can you put that out?

Can you shoot video in here?

Carol? Uh, no, we can't.

Cash stall, like the stalls that we're in

Chief magistrate, as you can clearly see,

Christianity is the world's largest religion.

Cigarette?

Come on, we're going. Jon, you're getting

Come on! Get the jeep! Get the jeep!

Coming up on jon benjamin has a van...

Currently, there are only two surviving pipes of christ

Cut me loose.

Dave? What's up?

Defending statements.

Defense rests.

Denied.

Do you know if they all died?

Do you know, in the year since you

Do you want me to do anything here?

Don't lecture me, dave, okay?

Don't worry, rob.

Drive, man. What are you waiting for?

El manta blanca will see you now.

End of the world tonight.

Es un chiste, amigo.

Exactly, the whole way

Exactly.

Excuse me, edward, why are you throwing trash on the street?

Excuse me, sir, would you like to play cash stall?

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me? I'm jon benjamin.

Excuse me. Oh, we're...

Excuse me. Where you goin', eh?

Excuse me. You got burned.

Finish out the prescription, okay?

For clarification on this land dispute,

Freedom lights. That's my brand also.

Gabriella, we shouldn't.

Gabriella!

Gabriella?

Gabriella.

Gabriella.

Gay marriage? I don't know much about that.

Geez.

Get him!

Get in. You're driving.

Give it back! That's my passport!

Give me my passport, rob.

Give me my passport, you ass

Go now! Come on!

Good guess.

Good morning, eric.

Good morning, jesus.

Got a little mint to 'em, too.

Gracias

Gracias. Sorry about your baby.

Greg provided us with some of the raw footage

Ha Ha, i get it, 'cause i'm on tv, that's funny.

Ha ha.

Has the military or the veterans administration

Has this happened before?

Have fun in guatemala, rob!

Have fun in mexico, rob!

He brought me here. I didn't...

He can't hear. No eardrums.

He did?

He has to turn this thing off now.

He just had this feeling of strength coming off him

He makes his money

Here we are with dr. Emil bronnard,

Hey watch it, big man!

Hey, end of the world tonight.

Hey, jon. It's dave.

Hey, man, do you have a second to discuss gay marriage?

Hey, man, you got a light?

Hey, man, you got a light?

Hey, paulie, finish him off.

Hey, what are you doin'? What's your name?

Hi, gabriella.

Hi, i'm jon. Hi.

Hit him one more time, that'll give him

Hm.

Hm.

Hmm.

Holy moley. Get it?

How do you know this is gonna happen?

How has it been since you've been back

How'd the story go?

Huh?

Hyah! Ow.

I actually smoke as well.

I also lost my arm in the war.

I came for you.

I can't hear you.

I can't I know, i can't Uh, 'cause i'm on the phone.

I can't unders

I can't understand.

I could be the father that you've never had...

I could eat. Yeah, let's eat, let's eat.

I couldn't tell, the scale was off

I did it again. I gotta go.

I didn't do anything. Ah, it's probably nothing.

I didn't know you smoked a pipe.

I didn't know you was doing this interview.

I don't care, rob. Please, juan.

I don't know.

I don't like nightmares.

I don't mean to be insulting,

I don't want to run him over.

I don't want... oh, god.

I don't watch the news.

I feel like you need to do more to burn somebody.

I get 'em both goin'.

I got burned?

I got you

I have no idea what you mean.

I hereby revoke your driving privileges on gu'an

I hope you'll make it.

I I can't. I'm doing a show.

I just shot my father in the face.

I just... you know, i

I know.

I know. It's not as easy as it

I like this attitude.

I lost my arm in the war.

I lost my leg during the war.

I lost my voice thinking about being in the war.

I mean, but honestly,

I mean, thanks for being on you can't shoot here!

I only speak english.

I really love non Smokers.

I said, no, rob, i'm not getting it!

I still have nightmares.

I told you guys, i don't work for nino.

I understand, but you can't

I understand.

I understand. It's just...

I want you to do me a favor.

I was a government scientist at area 51,

I would love that.

I'd been getting ready for bed and brushing my teeth,

I'm going to try to go to my inbox.

I'm going to wash your wounds.

I'm jon, i'm just visiting.

I'm jon. I know.

I'm mike.

I'm not chasing you. I'm walking with you,

I'm not gonna take your baby.

I'm so sorry. Honey, i told you to knock.

I'm so sorry. I didn't catch that part.

I'm sorry, thank you. Absolutely.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I couldn't hear that.

I'm sorry. I don't understand...

I'm telling you. I'm telling you.

I've never fired a gun before, rob!

I've smoked for about two weeks.

In the first six months

Indeed, i do, eric.

Is she gonna be okay?

Is that trish? Mm Hmm.

Is the star door activated?

Is there really such a thing as star doors?

Is there really such a thing as star doors?

It didn't end well.

It exploded in his hand, nino, it was a tiny bomb.

It is, colonel.

It means you got burned.

It seems impossible.

It was probably the most disgusting thing

It was very difficult at first,

It was. Well, the thing is,

It would be an honor...

It's "life in the fast lane," rob.

It's 14, actually.

It's all right. I'll see you later.

It's all right. I'll see you later.

It's crazy that you live here, rob.

It's identifying the coordinates

It's no chiste.

It's not me this time, jon!

It's not over. I have to go.

It's not their land. It's our land

It's not what you think.

It's okay, brigitte. Jon is in pain.

It's the best wine you ever had.

It's the scariest thing you could ever imagine.

It's too late for excuses,

It's, uh... well, who's that?

Jackson! Team "a"!

Jesus christ, rob, what are you doing?

Jon benjamin, yes. Rob lives here?

Jon, come back. I can't do this alone.

Jon, don't be a prick.

Jon, jon...

Jon, this is all an illusion, okay?

Jon!

Jon!

Jon!

Jon! Drank a lot.

Juan benjamin.

Juan, please! I don't want to live in guatemala!

Juan...

Just tell her we'll shoot in the place.

Keep shooting! Blow out the tires!

Know what the problem with kids is?

Kramer, from seinfeld.

Leo. Leo!

Let's get a good story.

Lollipop?

Look, i do want to apologize

Look, i don't want to argue semantics with you.

Look, i gotta pull over and get more smokes.

Look, you're not my dad or my step Dad, all right?

Looks pretty good.

Maybe. Hey, you know what?

Mm Hm Hm Hm.

Mm Hm.

Mm Hm.

Mm Hmm.

Mm Hmm. All vehicles will cross here

Mm Hmm. What if the messages you receive

Mm Ooh, look, "sarah, chat tonight. "

Mm.

Mm.

Motion accepted.

Mr. Benjamin,

Mr. Benjamin,

Mr. Benjamin? Mr. Benjamin?

My name is jon. Ah.

My shoulder, it hurts. Hang on.

My wife, my children.

Nathan, shut up.

Never. Mm Hmm.

Nice.

Nino! They're coming!

Nino. Nino?

Nino. Papa!

Nino. What, scum?

No chiste. No pasaporte, no entre.

No filming in the store.

No mercy.

No problemas.

No what?

No, come on.

No, don't shoot me! Shoot the wheels!

No, i don't know what's happening.

No, i never was deployed. I never made it to afghanistan.

No, i was just talking to the border guard...

No, i'm getting no support from either of them.

No, i'm here for rob, rob shutterman.

No, i'm not a weirdo. I'm the host of ca Sir?

No, i'm not.

No, i'm very busy tonight. I can't.

No, it was from screaming.

No, juan.

No, no, i don't I'm jon...

No, no, no! This is an outrage!

No, no, no. No entrada.

No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. $3.

No, no, we don't.

No, no, you should definitely go.

No, please, you don't understand! Nino!

No, unfortunately you can't.

No, you can't shoot here.

No!

No! You're an idiot! They're gonna kill me!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. I'm hungry.

No. Jon, get my passport

No. Okay.

No. Yes.

No. You ready?

No. I'm not bald.

Noo!

Now go!

Now what are you waiting for?

Now you bring this box to little italy

Oh ho ho ho.

Oh, absolutely for. Oh, we got that light.

Oh, can you hold on a sec? Sure.

Oh, for god's sake.

Oh, god. I'm out of bullets!

Oh, hi, dave.

Oh, i mean, are you for or against?

Oh, i'm sorry, hold on.

Oh, i'm sorry.

Oh, it's fine.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, my god, they're shooting back!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Oh, nice.

Oh, no thanks, i just ate.

Oh, no, he was drinking.

Oh, so you're completely bald.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, we got

Oh, the jungle is so verdant.

Oh, we were just explaining that we're on the show

Oh, wow. Let's Yeah.

Oh, yeah, i love 'em.

Oh, yeah, i recognize him

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Great.

Oh. Oh, wow.

Oh. Okay.

Oh. We haven't made love yet.

Oh...

Ohh.

Okay, yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I'm sorry for the confusion.

Okay. Let me just get my passport.

Okay. Um... Okay?

On the grounds that jargon loprax's offspring

Oof!

Ooh!

Ooh.

Or yours, i mean you are the one that started it.

Originally it was a stop on the underground railroad.

Over there in that barn, interviewing him.

Papa... i love him.

People smoke because they want,

Perhaps this video will better explain.

Pervert!

Please, do something.

Please. Oh.

Plus you lose your freedom,

Pre Traumatic stress disorder.

Pretty thick jungle, huh?

Psst, jon.

Really? Yeah.

Right, i know.

Right, right, okay.

Right, right.

Right.

Right.

Right. How do you feel?

Rob?

Rob?

Rob. Rob.

Roy, you're You're not bald at all.

Seatbelt? Just go!

See the camera right there?

See ya, sucker.

See, you can understand me now, right?

Send in the van!

Senor shutterman, the army's coming!

She's 15, you sick!

Shh.

Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!

Show some consideration.

Si, muy bonita aqui.

Si. As you gringos say, life is a fast lane.

Sir, have you been drinking?

Sir, i'm not gonna tell you again.

Sir, i'm sorry, you're gonna have to make your way

Sir, were you driving this van?

Sir, you cannot cross here. Okay.

Sir, you got burned.

Sir?

Sir. Really funny, jon

Sit down.

Smoking causes cancer, you know.

So because there was already a little italy

So how do you know that jesus smoked a pipe?

So if i jumped over here right now,

So just explain what you're doing,

So now that you believe jesus smoked a pipe,

So pedestrians crossing on foot

So tell us about your specific injury.

So the interview's over.

So this is the actual border. Yes, sir.

So this is the hallway that led to area 54?

So we got you on the camera, so you got burned.

So you did not sustain your injury during an attack?

So you don't wanna play cash stall?

So you got burned.

So you look a little bit better.

So you were scared of the idea of war.

So you work for el manta blanca now?

So, uh, what do you do, man?

Something's definitely

Something's definitely

Something's happening, right?

Sorry?

Sorry.

Sorry. Bang Bang

Sorry. What the matter with you?

Sorry. It's

Sorry. It's just when cars go by,

Soy mexicano. No.

Sponsored by veterans against war.

Star door!

Star door.

Still to come, a special "shame on me" report

Still using a vhs.

Stop talking, brigitte.

Take off your shirt.

Tell me about it. Yeah.

Thank you very much for talking with me.

Thank you very much. No, thank you.

Thank you, timmy. Now go home.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah.

Thanks, sport.

Thanks.

Thanks.

That helicopter sound must not remind you of war,

That interview was, like, three hours long

That's a nice scarf.

That's awful.

That's correct. And that's how...

That's him! The one on the van.

That's interesting.

That's not the point, the point is that

That's, uh, not where you should put out your cigarette.

The answer is yes.

The border!

The celebration? We're celebrating.

The end of the world.

The guy in the wheelchair. He's right in front

The hieroglyphics tell us that the relic itself

The house is over here.

The idea that we were on a top Secret military base

The point is littering is disgusting,

The shroud?

The van is aligning itself with the star door.

The world is gonna end today?

Then i just ran away.

There's no doubt in my mind

There's thousands of cameras all over this city

Therefore, chief magistrate,

They're great.

This guy does interviews.

This is a stove.

This is bernie, my father.

This is boring.

This is it, no mercy.

This is my first one.

This is serious! You shouldn't have driven.

This is the guy you come and see?

This is the show you can't shoot here!

This is the story of courage and strength

This is what you do to me after i trusted you.

This is you can't shoot here! So...

This isn't a joke, jon!

This was bound to happen.

Three minutes into the interview

Through that door, to the right.

Times have changed, huh?

To victory, huh?

Today, later Sixish or so.

Tom brokaw, how you holding up?

Tonight on jon benjamin has a van...

Tonight on jon benjamin has a van...

Tonight on jon benjamin has a van...

Tonight on jon benjamin has a van...

Trish, i didn't realize it was your birthday today

Turn that fan off!

Ugh! Ow.

Ugh.

Uh Huh.

Uh Oh.

Uh, but then fascism

Uh, i'm not sure.

Uh, i'm sorry, i really don't.

Uh, no problem, greg, thank you for having me.

Uh, yeah, i've been smokin' freedoms for years.

Uh, yeah, these are they.

Uh...

Um, are you still wearing cologne?

Um, he has a pipe in his mouth.

Um, i I shouldn't.

Um, i think if i'm smoking,

Um, nino. Nino?

Um, sure.

Um, yeah.

Um...

Upon what grounds?

Vamonos! Vamonos!

Wait, what That's a joke, right?

Was it? Yeah. Oh, you have to go?

We burned ya!

We can't shoot there?

We don't want to read your mail.

We have information that other churches

We have spent the last 12 years trying to activate it,

We just burned you. You got burned.

We'll go on foot! You got blood on me!

We're doing the show

We're going through!

We're gonna be enjoying it today

We're presently on route to the secluded,

We're shooting in places where you can't shoot.

We've been taping you all the way

Welcome.

Well, a 50th birthday isn't something a lady

Well, he came into the room.

Well, heh...

Well, i didn't need to hear that,

Well, i do now.

Well, i do now.

Well, i guess what he's trying to get across is

Well, i I used to have more hair up on top going across,

Well, i mean, he did say they were getting squeezed, so...

Well, i was in his house, uh, interviewing his wife

Well, it actually started

Well, it is kind of a bad thing

Well, let me get

Well, let's do it. Mm.

Well, let's see sarah.

Well, not exactly.

Well, that sort of means the same thing.

Well, that's not nice.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Well, there is much evidence

Well, there were the four predictions last year,

Well, to each his own.

Well, um, i don't know if you knew this

Well, we bonded over being bald.

Wha I don't No.

What are you doing here?

What are you talking about?

What do you guys want, chinese?

What does that mean?

What i'm trying to say is,

What is that? Drug gang.

What is this place?

What joke?

What was area 54?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? That i wasn't drinking.

What? We don't have much time!

What? You have to come with us.

What? What's going on? Please come with us.

What's happening, rocco?

What's that all about?

When did you start smoking?

When you go into the shower, you have to take it off.

Where were you when you saw him?

Who are those people?

Who is this?

Who? You can't shoot here!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Why are you chasing me?

Why not, right?

Why would you build a road in front of a star door, right?

Why would you do that?!

Why? What'd i do? Right now, sir.

Why'd i get involved in a turf war between

Will you move? It's jamming.

With a history spanning back over a century,

With all due respect, sir.

With my toupees, you will look more realistic,

Wow, that's incredible.

Wow. That's amazing.

Wow. You really went all out this time, rocco.

Yeah, but they're not you got burned cameras.

Yeah, every morning.

Yeah, go ahead, i'm sorry.

Yeah, how are your new friends?

Yeah, how you doin', anderson cooper?

Yeah, hurry.

Yeah, i heard.

Yeah, i know, women are awful.

Yeah, i know.

Yeah, i mean, that's

Yeah, it's a peace offering i guess.

Yeah, kramer.

Yeah, right, right.

Yeah, sure. Thank you.

Yeah, that sounds good. Yeah, let's get dumplings.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, my god, really?

Yeah, yeah, the wife emailed me.

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. For instance...

Yeah. But i'm not bald.

Yeah. Look, i wanna apologize for doing the joke

Yeah. Rocco's holy moley.

Yes, i do.

Yes, it was, uh, right here on the left.

Yes, sir. Wow.

Yes, that's how

Yes, that's why.

Yes, the shroud.

Yes. Silly to

You are such a! You idiot, shut up!

You can win $100 if you answer all the questions

You can't what? You can't shoot in here.

You didn't go to afghanistan?

You don't smoke.

You don't smoke.

You got nothing in common with them.

You have a mole.

You have a second to discuss the issue of gay marriage?

You heard me.

You know i do. We have the best red wine.

You know what, i will.

You know what?

You know, i felt it would have been completely awkward

You lied to me, you had me deliver a bomb.

You lost your voice from screaming?

You make your own barbecue sauce?

You mean somebody took my picture?

You out your god damn mind?

You say that like it's a bad thing.

You see, juan...

You see, juan...

You should have told me you were 15.

You should have told me you were 15.

You tell nino he's lucky

You tell nino shut is mouth!

You, man! What the?!

You'll get the opportunity to look a little bit better.

You're absolutely right, jon.

You're gonna be okay, jon.

You're gonna miss 'em, aren't you?

You're hit!

You're on the show you got burned.

You're smoking?

Your eyes...

Your honor, we request a mercy cube.

'Cause that was When i left last night

'Cause you were never there.

'Cause you're not allowed to shoot... in here.

"Let this glutton be...

"My name is sarah. " Yeah, "my name is sarah. "

"Pity the world!

[Laughs