The Simpsons - Season 28 Edit

A beachside bacchanal

A booger!

A booger?

A booze guy,

A bunny and a hammer?

A business deal gone wrong.

A celebration of everything wonderful about... um,

A cell phone and a place to sit.

A chain mail ping pong player.

A charge plate?

A cheap piece of plastic with photos of ugly people?

A chessboard where the pieces are lipsticks!

A Christian?

A corking revenge rap.

A crate of Springfield apricots.

A cupcake? Please.

A decluttered life is a h... (gasps)

A decluttered life is a happy life.

A decluttered life is a happy life.

A distinguished senior journalist

A divine intervention.

A dog? He saved a dog?

A don't know my kids' birthdays guy,

A few are even having sex.

A few of these French Canadian bikers

A founding member of The Five Boyfriends,

A friend. Don't, uh, tell Ethel.

A great musician only needs her instrument.

A Harvard man?

A human booger, indeed.

A hundred dollars! (gasps)

A jester hatted ferret preener!

A little bit! But I shouldn't call her.

A lot of crazy names today.

A lot of things are America's shame, honey.

A lot of wood to work with out there.

A lungful of leaded gas and I'm better than ever!

A Magic: The Gathering gathering!

A magical holiday friend,

A man can have two faithful companions.

A man who discovered Rick Ross

A master of the game, kind, patient,

A new man, you hear me?

A Norwegian can muster.

A pie for Bart...

A pop up thermometer in him, just in case.

A prank so kick ass it started a country.

A professor, Ellen Langer, did a study

A rabbit in a bag.

A real newsman, eh?

A roller coaster, pornography, pornography,

A semi circle? What gives?

A sophomore at Exeter?

A soulful R&B quintet.

A Southie crew pulling a job.

A sport we first learned about five weeks ago.

A steal the blow dryer from the motel guy,

A stout defense by Grampa.

A thousand bucks a kidney?

A vacation to Boston?

A vast amount.

A very merry Christmas,

A very special fan club is waiting to talk to you.

A virtual family. Yes.

A wheelchair would never fall through the current opening.

A white nerd.

A Wild West afarian!

A wonderland of boutiques

A... better... life.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! My car! And my house.

Aah! Youse got milk on me!

Aah.

About show business, it's that there are a lot of clipboards.

About your time in Basra.

Abraham Simpson.

Absolute goulash!

Absolving us of liability.

Accident prone husbands.

According to a book sold separately,

Actually, as an imaginary friend,

Actually, I deliver little bags to guys inside.

Actually, I think you should take this tarp

Actually, I'm a hallucination caused by cell death

Actually, Parson, we all have the same boss.

Actually, that's it.

Adolphe. A name that will only be associated

Affairs were launched on my dance floor

After a pancake breakfast.

After all I've put up with for all these years,

After football.

After further review, Flappy the Flag is listed

After scoring the championship winning goal,

After spin class.

After years of pollution in Springfield Bay,

Against Capital City, the countdown clock

Against Capital City!

Ah, cha cha cha!

Ah, Cuba sounds a little dangerous.

Ah, ha.

Ah, I guess this summer's really over.

Ah, I love you.

Ah, it's like heaven for people who don't believe in heaven.

Ah, let me think. Um...

Ah, Snoopy knew what he was doing, all right.

Ah, there sure is, you can let me scratch your husband.

Ah, Tibor.

Ah, we really should have left it in the reservoir.

Ah!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. I just have to get more.

Ah...

Ah...

Aha!

Ain't gonna donate themselves.

All doors would open for Monogram Monty.

All I can offer is this, uh, festive shirt.

All I got to do is go in, get the pervert,

All I got was a pack of cigarettes and a college education!

All I had to release were the June bugs.

All I have left is my family mausoleum.

All I need is a front man and a partner.

All I wanted was to spend the holidays with you

All of his buttons fell off of his shirt.

All our American cars were built before 1960.

All right, all right.

All right, because up until now I've been such a great guy.

All right, but just one.

All right, I'll man up.

All right, I'll tell you what:

All right, Kent Brockman. Welcome to BizzFad.

All right, stop talking, you're ruining it.

All right, that's it. I'm comin' in there!

All right.

All right.

All the best world leaders have beards.

All the fighting seems to start with who sits where on the bus.

All the girl does is read

All the little children have a the adult anxiety now.

All these years I've been pretending

All those awesome Southies in The Departed, (CHUCKLES) those are my people.

All we do is share our deepest thoughts and feelings.

All we have to do is clean it up

All year round.

All you got to do is think of your children

All you had to say was your kid wanted a pair of wings,

All you have done is fly without falling asleep.

ALL: Aah! Sideshow Bob!

ALL: Aw!

ALL: Aw!

ALL: Aw...

ALL: Aw...

ALL: Aw...

ALL: Combing is murder!

ALL: Don't!

ALL: Huh?

ALL: Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

ALL: Ooh...

ALL: Riot!

ALL: We will rebuild.

ALL: Yay!

ALL: Yay!

Almost every kid wears a retainer,

Already on the mend.

Also, a last.

Also, every time you die,

Also, for a guy, you show way too much cleavage.

Also, haw haw!

Also, I saw you texting during my funeral.

Also, I sober up in the middle with no difficulty

Also, their spelling is atrocious.

Although we interpreted the theme a bit differently

Always had trouble with those.

Always sleep well after riding the waves.

Am I right?

America's number one doggy daddy.

America's two least watched sports:

Among our cutest children.

An excellent move by Homer.

An old man is prowling the school, looking for young children.

An old shirt! Wow!

And a drought of Chicago Cubs proportions began.

And a front seat you could fit all your newborn babies on.

And a little bit to Baz Luhrmann

And a man who dated Betsy Ross.

And a store to support.

And a willingness to eat anything you cook.

And actually mean it.

And after I read it, I knew I'd jacked my last courtesy shuttle.

And all his briny shoggoths,

And all in one dollar bills?

And all they can do is stare blankly.

And as God is my witness,

And because of our state's super socialized health care,

And book the funeral in a huge church

And bring him back to a park full of children

And by an excess of cataracts.

And check out my gnarly new tat!

And coated with powdered diamond.

And consummated on my floor floor.

And do as I say.

And don't forget the open auditions

And don't worry, Marge, I'm adding fruit.

And drunks are being rolled off the field.

And every day is a new test.

And every time he says "collective farming,"

And every time he won, he laughed that horrible laugh.

And everybody knows

And everyone who sees it.

And everyone's outdoorsy

And everyone's using senior dating sites.

And finally earn the town's respect.

And for a lot less.

And formaldehyde's our biggest sponsor.

And get me a quarter ton of lake ice.

And get ready to sweep up some broken boy.

And gets ready to clobber the dimpled round o.

And getting drunk on a boat

And go to work at, well, the sexiest nuclear plant on Earth.

And grow.

And grow...

And hack a 50 foot wide path to civilization.

And he didn't even say thank you, I just lost it!

And he made up this drink

And he never shuts his eyes.

And he was never heard from again.

And he was whipping me so hard.

And he won every time.

And helping out with the cost of this service was the least I could do.

And here to defend youth football,

And how was your fall?

And I adore you.

And I can drink at home!

And I can! On a multi function Minolta printer.

And I don't care.

And I found love!

And I found out why you are so good at chess.

And I get a hundred percent of the company

And I handled it as well as a freshman at Michigan State!

And I never saw Rachel or wore this nail polish again.

And I respect that.

And I thought she was just using me for a beard.

And I want to talk to you too.

And I win.

And I worry you drink too much beer.

And I... wait, wait, why are you taking out your phone?

And I'd like to introduce you to my boss,

And I'll be perfectly positioned

And I'll bet it's environmentally conscious.

And I'll have to kneel down

And I'll just constantly lapse into my elocution exercises.

And I'll see you early Friday morning.

And I'll see you Thursday night.

And I'll show you how a pro does it.

And I'll take the cake back to the home

And I'm a retired FBI hostage negotiator.

And I'm here for you.

And I'm not sure I want to.

And I'm stuck window shopping

And I'm Toilet Gin. Now listen up here.

And I've divided the playground into swingers and pushers.

And if you need another act,

And in with the brew."

And it changed my life.

And it is his will that we come together here for...

And it runs on pony smiles.

And it said...

And it was torture.

And it's the greatest feeling I've ever had!

And Jacuzzis full of brisket.

And Joe Piscopalian.

And letter of the corresponding grid square.

And life was no picnic, but let me tell you,

And like every good thing in my life,

And Lisa's only "B." Super joy.

And look at me.

And lose every discussion?

And love locks it in.

And Maggie, when we visit Gil,

And make it snappy.

And make it snappy.

And Miss Hoover, I don't want to be a smarty pants,

And most of his invitees are either dead or fictional.

And my cast is complete.

And my heart is palpitating.

And next week, we will have the MRT,

And no matter how much you try to pretty it up...

And no one gets hurt.

And no one goes to Heaven.

And no one's pants will drop.

And nobody crashes my party.

And Nongender Normative Malibu Stacy.

And not a hint of mischief.

And not have to help him chew it.

And not the scary ones like the basement and Bart's bedroom.

And now for a once monthly feature we do

And now it's time

And now please silently reflect

And now she needs me for nothing but sex.

And now some light remarks by comedian Drew Carey.

And now the man responsible for this miracle on grass,

And now the moment you've been waiting for...

And now to blow this whistle and make it official.

And now we've got nothing.

And now, please welcome the model for the original Lard Lad,

And one for the doctor.

And Paul Gait with the dip and dunk!

And peck out the eyes.

And people think you're a smoker.

And places Milhouse with no one.

And presiding over it all was me,

And pretend it was an older, stupider version of me.

And promised him the box to live in.

And realized I needed to drill in Texas

And replaced by me, Arnie Pye.

And ride till Gramma churns the buttermilk.

And share it with the seniors.

And silent for an anchor.

And Snoop While You Poop.

And Springfield is nothing if not a good Christian community.

And still retain the ability to function.

And studies show that exposure to objects from your youth

And tell me it's not a computer acronym

And thanks to the equal number of nonrioters,

And that cartilage became part of Hank Aaron's wrist.

And that is not cool.

And that leads to mate

And that means one thing in Springfield.

And that would mean you have to buy all new clothes.

And that's all. Just friends.

And that's where Lard Lad used to be!

And the boy's got one of those

And the courage to change the things I can."

And the dog gives us all the love we could handle.

And the girl thinks she's Queen of the May.

And the good news is, Spycraft Toys makes

And the king of a hip hop empire.

And the last one is journalistic activity.

And the people from Boston are so obnoxious.

And the picture in the therapist's office.

And the pursuit of a goose.

And the Springfield Atoms are your hometown team...

And the thing I love about you most

And the wall falls on me.

And the world doesn't understand them,

And their father and mother, Barry and Mary.

And their father and mother, Barry and Mary.

And their pants fall down.

And then I'll make them achieve their un dreamt dreams.

And then this happened.

And there he is, the living logo of Golden Goose Records,

And there's more!

And there's no way you can help?

And they'll blame you because nobody else can see me.

And they're organic!

And they're so smug about winning.

And this guy invented Ticketmaster.

And this is the guy who came up with the service fee

And this year's Nobel Prize for Physics goes to...

And three wolves!

And throw everything out, think of the kids.

And to keep him, I'll give up beer.

And trick him into signing a waiver of liability.

And trust me, I know cheap.

And underwear... 'cause this dress is mighty short.

And unlike the nuclear plant,

And up he walks.

And violence never solved anything.

And we like each other better than ever!

And we need a real newsman to break it wide open.

And we'll call it a day.

And we'll discuss stitching patterns over tea?

And we'll have fun when we get there.

And we're gonna Arnold Palmer Lenny when he walks in.

And we're here to tell you a story of a time

And we're really gonna need some laughs then after World War China.

And what do you have to say?

And what else does he need to sign?

And what is your problem, smart nuts?

And what part of "What I've never told you" don't you understand?

And what were those weird lines around his eyes?

And when I saw you, I realized you'd be the perfect carcass

And when they do, Old Sam the Sign Hanger

And who could forget Dr. Horse?

And willing to work 18 hours a day.

And with just two hours left until face off

And write your name on your drink cup,

And you are kind of mean.

And you call yourself a veterinarian. Ha.

And you did, you became even more horrible.

And you give me Ventnor?

And you had to ruin it by getting good!

And you have any flair at all,

And you just made half a dollar. Almost.

And you know what we found inside?

And you may ask yourself...

And you may ask yourself...

And you may tell yourself...

And you need this job?

And you were in the cockpit.

And you'll be married to a dentist.

And you're a tone deaf pauper who lives in a grave.

And you're gonna write it.

And you're just being nice.

And you've come to apologize.

And your dentist appointment is not tomorrow,

And your older, smarter brother is going to help you.

And your rubber cement boogers were very convincing.

And, Marge, I love you as much as that bike.

And, uh, as you explain,

And... action.

And... and this one.

And... evil thoughts.

And... hey.

And... What the...

Andre here sold secrets to the Soviets.

Andrew Nice Clay,

Anger issues? Anger issues?!

Anger issues? Anger issues?!

Angry mob, kill the intruders. Huh?

ANNOUNCER: But the ball is caught by the Americans' mascot, Flappy the Flag!

ANNOUNCER: Countdown clock brought to you by Ray's Steaks:

ANNOUNCER: Going into halftime, it's Springfield Atoms 7, Boston Americans 10.

ANNOUNCER: It's fourth and long, the Americans' last chance for a miracle.

ANNOUNCER: Once again, the Americans found a way to win.

ANNOUNCER: Swing and a miss! Strike two.

ANNOUNCER: The QB handsomely takes the snap,

ANNOUNCER: Vijay Singh has chosen a seven iron

ANNOUNCER: Welcome...

Another El Presidente cocktail, Señor Abraham?

Another thing I overdo bites me in the butt.

Any kid can learn to play lacrosse.

Any time we step behind a wall.

Anybody got a quarter?

Anybody got eyeliner and pancake makeup?

Anyone ever tell you that you're excellent at gluing?

Anyone with, you know, I don't know, um,

Anyone?

Anyone? Anyone?

Anyone's had parking at the Springfield Bowl.

Anything but that!

Anywhere but there!

APP: I was never here.

APP: Turn left.

APP: Turn left. Don't look at me.

Apparently, I'm their leader now.

Apparently, you didn't do anything wrong.

Are certified for highway use.

Are covered in barbeque sauce.

Are filled with formaldehyde.

Are going to be taxed at the same rate as ordinary income.

Are in at the dealership.

Are now safe to swim in.

Are pretty unhappy with the required seating.

Are required to try out.

Are roaming the playground.

Are super pumped for my latest Crush video.

Are they peer reviewed?

Are they worth anything?

Are we gonna fly or make love?

Are you almost through?

Are you going to the Allens'

Are you gonna let him do that?

Are you hearing yourself?

Are you here for my pig?

Are you home during the day because you were injured

Are you kidding?

Are you looking for high quality health care

Are you making envelope soup?

Are you Montgomery Burns, the despised billionaire?

Are you nuts? You had Dean Cain!

Are you ready for the surprise of your life?

Are you saying what I think you're saying?

Are you skipping town on me?

Are you sure we have to go to school here?

Are you sure you're not spending too much money?

Are you the host of this incredible soiree?

Are you wearing makeup?

Aren't those hospitals the ones they called

Arnold Palmer Lenny.

Arnold.

As always, laying out all the information you need to know,

As anchor of the Channel 6 News.

As any of you!

As far as the eye could see.

As it turns

As Mazda teaches us...

As the dog loving capital of the world.

As their champion.

As truly as a bike can.

As you know, I possess all the remaining water.

As your wife, I'm begging you,

As your wife, I'm begging you,

Ask Pepito.

Asthma, glasses, asthma!

At 555 555 5555.

At least based on the cheers you got at employee karaoke night.

At least his life wasn't in vain.

At least it's of natural causes.

At least someone in this family

At least there are answers in the back of that book.

At long last, I'm Mr. Plow!

At Monty Burns' Middle Hampton estate."

At my age, I can't stay anything at anybody.

At my funeral on the recorder?

At my sister's house!

At no cost?

At that Alcoholics Unanimous meeting!

At the end of the day.

At the fifth on St Andrews.

At the moment, it's really just lots of pornography,

At the production meeting?

At the start of this sentence!

At Tianjin Smelting and Mining and Donuts and Tarps

At work, school, museum, church, Iraq, elevator plummet,

At your old summer place?

ATM with giant service fee!

Attaboy!

Attaboy.

Attention, friends and neighbors.

Attention, lovers of studio perfectionism.

Attention, smothering parents

Aw, don't worry. I'll fix that.

Aw, good boy.

Aw, good doggy.

Aw, he eats the same way I do,

Aw, I have never been more glad

Aw, I remember the day she came into my life.

Aw, I'll row you over.

Aw, if I do a slip 'n' fall on the courthouse steps,

Aw, it's not the same

Aw, love you, man.

Aw, Mona.

Aw, sounds like someone wants an autograph.

Aw, that is really, really sad.

Aw, this thing sucks. I don't think so.

Aw, we'll never make it to the game.

Aw, who's candy?

Aw!

Aw!

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw...

Aw...

Awesome job, guys!

Aww, that's my girl.

Ay, caramba!

Ay, caramba.

B B Brains.

B flat, C, D flat...

Baby, I'm sorry.

Back to the baseball stadium you got it from.

Bacon? Really?

Bah! You're all incompetent.

Bald middle aged guy, sad paunch, given up on life.

Bam!

Bam! Done!

Bam! Got 'em!

Bands, comedians, chowder,

Barney, give me what you got.

Barney, mate in four.

Bart and I are friends again.

Bart and I haven't always been the best of friends.

Bart Simpson with the Canadian egg roll!

Bart, do you think we'll get out of here safely?

Bart, get in here and feel this stock.

Bart, I got a straight up swap.

Bart, we have a place for kids like you.

Bart, you haven't touched your clambake.

Bart, you're my son.

Bart, you're using informal Spanish

BART: Can I really toss this thing she's so crazy about?

BART: Charter what?

BART: Huh?

BART: I can't see.

BART: Kids singing?

BART: Let's see.

BART: My zombies have got you now.

BART: This is WJZZ, Springfield Elementary's

BART: We'll be free to do whatever we want.

BART: What time?

BART: Yeah, Homer!

Bart! Imbibing is eating, and formaldehyde is poison.

Bart? What is it?

Bart.

Basically, it was when you were born.

Bay of Pigs, eh?

Baz, you belong with the Flanders.

Be careful of the current.

Be careful, Dad.

Be gone, urchin. We have work to do.

Bear Who's Always There

Became more vigorous and engaged.

Because all you really need is someone to know what you're feeling.

Because for once, I'm with a kid who respects me.

Because I am a nice guy,

Because I am incredibly wasted.

Because I just ate several pies.

Because I know you're so loyal to me,

Because I refuse to learn 'em...

Because I smell like lamb, Lou.

Because I was told it was a potluck.

Because in America, everything's way too early.

Because losing teaches valuable lessons.

Because no one in my house

Because that a dog is a therapy animal.

Because the best thing you can do is offer a lifeline

Because there's no doubt you developed this idea on my time.

Because they make my fingers numb.

Because things you like don't fill you with delicious, delicious rage.

Because we're afraid to admit we were wrong?

Because you're a little taller.

Because you're the lottery ticket

Because, in dogs, we see the things we wish

Before he was escorted out by security

Before he was Jay G, he was Jeremy Gilroy,

Before I can scratch my ass.

Before I go, I'd like to get a few things off my chest.

Before it hurts somebody else!

Before that card didn't work.

Before that, 1848.

Before that, Seward's Folly.

Before the old man realizes what's what.

Before you judge me, look where my DNA leads.

Before yourself, that's all...

Begins with F and ends in C K.

Behind every successful man

Behind the curtain.

Being a douche.

Being careful is not going to get us

Being nice and safe in jail.

Being with family.

Besides this delicious homemade Bundt cake?

Between the last tycoon of the Jazz Age

Blake, I adore you.

Blake, I have to say, this whale watch

Blake, I really believed you could change.

Blake, is that you?

Blame the dumb animal who's supposed to walk him:

Blech.

Bloop, bloop.

Bob, seriously, man, one suggestion?

Bobblehead Aimee Mann, bobblehead Bell Biv Devoe!

Bone broth brittle?

Boo! Boo!

Books and checks... that's all I sign.

Boom.

Boop! (LAUGHS)

Boss wants to see you.

Both things are equally possible.

BOTH: ♪ Hear me sing ♪

BOTH: ♪ Michael, row your boat ashore ♪

BOTH: Excellent.

BOTH: Ooh.

BOTH: Ooh...!

Boy oh boy, a '20s shindig at Old Man Burnsie's.

Boy, I really don't want to get rid of the pig.

Boy, show him your moves.

Boy, the "putting him in a coma" idea

Boys, are you performing miracles?

Brainstorm a pattern for my new quilt.

Bring it on.

Bring up the couch.

Bringing back an early bird special.

BROCKMAN: In response to the outcry,

Broke?

Broke? Me?

Brothers in avarice.

Buddy, you deserve this.

Buddy.

BUDGIE: Dr. Budgie warned them.

Burger King ad, pornography,

BURNS (coughing): ♪ After the ball is over ♪

BURNS (over P.A.): Attention.

BURNS: Next.

BURNS: Oh, Smithers, could you remove the ankle bar?

BURNS: Prepare for

BURNS: Stick to the script!

BURNS: That's good.

BURNS: Within days

Burns'll never know.

But after that, ashes.

But after the eighth pan, it tasted like ashes.

But aren't you gonna get in trouble for missing work?

But because I don't lie anymore,

But before the last six fives?

But but I was supposed to redeem myself

But could you try not to get my new jacket dirty?

But did they listen to Dr. Budgie?

But did you ever think we cling to these guys

But do you really want to fill your life

But don't worry, I'll have your swine taken care of

But first I want you to put the kids to bed.

But for calming down, I prefer my mama's methods.

But for now, we have left ourselves open

But he never said anything about second parts

But he was under the water.

But I always believed people cared about a human being

But I am not a strip club guy.

But I can't even leave you in the park

But I don't want to talk about it.

But I feel bad leaving Mr. Burns. I'm all he's got.

But I feel good about it.

But I got over it.

But I haven't started my act.

But I need help from God.

But I only wore that with Rachel.

But I promise you this:

But I respect you.

But I sucked it up for eight years.

But I want to, um, hang out.

But I want you to know that your bike loves you

But I was the only friend he had left in the world

But I wasn't having that.

But I'm having a little celebration of my own.

But I'm just a kid.

But I'm keeping it cool.

But I'm not wrong for getting mad at you either.

But I'm sending him a picture of my junk.

But I'm the only one who takes care of him.

But if you could do even one little project.

But in a few weeks,

But it's a wound nothing can heal.

But it's in a home?

But it's really teachers, Ph.D. students,

But know this: Jay G ain't all that.

But Krusty's not ours till he's b b b baptized.

But look how much fun the kids' heads are having.

But my pig has to stay outside, like a common snowman?

But my saxophone no longer gives me joy.

But no. No, no. That's crazy!

But not stupid progressive.

But not, uh, too red.

But now you're a cheap, old lamewad

But once you start renovating it,

But one is always his favorite.

But remember, men of my generation

But remember, you're doing this for the kids.

But someday you'll understand that providing our family