It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005) - Season 6 Edit

A cold, calculated, heartless shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.

A couple of old ladies getting together, chasing men, eating cheesecake.

A father? None of these guys are fit to be fathers. They're animals.

A funny conversation pops up, you wanna remember it.

A good hockey wig could put this thing over the top, man.

A keg exploded in the bar. Blew Dennis's dick off.

A little guy time. Guy time.

A little something about how class works.

A lizard.

A lot lizard would be a, uh

A lot of A lot. I've acted in a lot of things.

A lot of great actors have done blackface.

A man's gotta make a living, and looking the way you do I'm not surprised.

A moment, please.

A monologue!

A monster most foul."

A piece of metal flew off the keg and hit Dennis in the dick.

A plus sign and a chicken.

A teacher is born.

A what day?

Aah! Frank, I gotta go see a chiropractor again.

Absolutely not. Dee, stop dancing.

Absolutely. But we are also looking to entertain guests upon this boat, so

Absolutely. Everyone's talking about technology these days because it's everywhere.

Actually, Frank and Charlie, I want you to start...

Actually, I came clean to my wife, and she kicked me out of the house.

Actually, if you'd like to join our swim club...

Actually, one's not even a dude.

Actually, you know what? I do give a shit about minutes.

After the fight and the kiss...

After the fight, Mac went to the bathroom...

After you broke free...

Ah

Ah, Dee.

Ah, he's dead.

Ah, shit, dude. Oh, shit.

Ah, shit.

Ah, shit. Somebody please tell me Frank's memory is not correct.

Ah, that's perfect. That's perfect.

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Here we go.

Ah! It's playing. It's playing.

Ah. I'll talk to you guys later.

Ah. Is it you?

Ah. Okay.

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahoy, ahoy.

Ahoy, ahoy.

All blackface is racist, and that is the point I'm trying to make.

All good things are ending.

All I'm saying is that you started off our domestic partnership...

All of my instincts and my training tell me to use this as a weapon.

All of us.

All of your instincts and your training are wrong.

All right, all right, all right! Fine.

All right, class, feel free to text...

All right, Dennis, let's get this over with.

All right, first of all, he threw the keys at me overhand.

All right, here. Grab the stick.

All right, I'll handle it. Charlie, we have an announcement to make.

All right, kids, settle down.

All right, let's get back to Halloween.

All right, let's go! Answer the question! Come on!

All right, let's jump into the forest and we'll find some food there.

All right, let's turn it up. Whoo!

All right, Mac from South Philly, you're on with Preston and Steve!

All right, Mac, so you're gonna come on the ice and fire out to center. Right?

All right, man. There's gotta be a reason why all those couples want to do it.

All right, Schmitty, please have a seat in the ceremonial seat.

All right, so it's going around.

All right, that's easy enough.

All right, the song.

All right, very exciting stuff.

All right, wait a minute. Here. I do have something for you.

All right, we got a lot of work to do.

All right, well, bump it?

All right, well, that would have been cool if I was standing backwards

All right, well, welcome aboard.

All right, whatever. No problem. No problem.

All right!

All right? Right. Then you just sort of haunch down a little bit.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right, look.

All right. All right. Thanks so much.

All right. Are the kids confined in any way?

All right. Here we go.

All right. I just need both your signatures on here.

All right. I'll tell you what. You know what?

All right. Kind of rude...

All right. Let's do this.

All right. Let's get out of here.

All right. Oh! For the rats, people.

All right. That's it.

All right. TV's going off. Boom!

All right. We're gonna do it.

All right. Well, you know what? You should go relax.

All right. Well, you wanna pop down here and help me chuck this mattress out?

All right. Well, you win this one.

All sorts of conversation would start happening.

All that "hawwoowin lauow"?

All this talk about marriage and Dee being such a whore has got me thinking.

All this talk has really got me thinking about taking a dip.

All you know how to do is talk me into doing shit...

Alligator tooth and snakeskin

Also, I don't want to rush you on this either...

Although don't go snooping around too much.

Although it gets a little confusing halfway through...

Am I Am I right in this?

An empty beer bottle to spit in? Yeah?

And it made me mad because he didn't ask.

And after a while, I just kind of cave in.

And all the stories of all the terrible, awful, awful things...

And also, we buried it and then we opened it 10 years later?

And anybody else who doesn't want to be here today, you can get out now too.

And as long as I get up after a day or two, we all good.

And ask that he be allowed to wear his makeup in school.

And bash you against a telephone pole?

And by far the most vulnerable...

And check out the decor situation.

And Dee followed.

And Dee thought that Dennis was Charlie?

And Dee used to be lovers.

And Dee's pregnant, huh?

And doing shit for other people...

And during this matinee, I saw this young woman. I introduced myself.

And everybody deserves that right.

And everybody likes it, it's pretty much fair game.

And figure out what that kid wants ourselves.

And having class means being able to mix with people that are beneath you.

And he runs with this rough crowd...

And he won't understand a word we're saying...

And he's all tripped up about some issue.

And he's died.

And how is that gay?

And I didn't peg you for one 'cause of the pinky ring, but that's great.

And I give you the satisfaction of doing something nice for somebody.

And I got you something I think you're gonna like.

And I guess I always thought I'd be married by now.

And I hate it! And it's annoying!

And I have caught you alone, you are going to get it.

And I have the perfect guest.

And I heard Charlie cry out for help.

And I just finalized a delicate truce with them.

And I just watched you walk in with it.

And I like it. I take it as a compliment.

And I made a little list of stuff that would really support that theme.

And I met an extremely young lady the other day, and she gave me this hickey.

And I offered her my services, pro bono, of course.

And I returned it and I bought myself this shirt, which isn't hideous.

And I saw that you were about to make a really bad choice...

And I say we take this lady out onto the sea and get loaded.

And I thought it would upset you and get you going, and it did, it worked.

And I want to show 'em how cool I am, so

And I was able to fell the seductive temptress finally.

And I was with the McPoyle brothers over at the jukebox...

And I was, like, "Sure, I'll give that my best shot too. " So we're best friends now.

And I'm a frothin' and a foamin', and I was thinking

And I'm assuming the teeth are fake, yes?

And I'm gonna need you to stop using my name at the gym...

And I'm inclined to agree with him.

And I'm probably gonna use it a lot right now.

And I'm saying, Charlie, you should get over it, move on.

And I'm surprised you even know who the Phantom of the Opera is.

And if you don't get a divorce, you're going to hell.

And if you guys are cool with it, then I'll be perfectly cool with it.

And it looks like it's gonna be you.

And it turns out you don't actually own anything in this apartment.

And it worked like a charm. I had Frank all to myself for a month straight after that.

And it's lifting us up into the middle class, dude.

And Josh Groban is a beautiful singer with the voice of an angel.

And just then the waitress came in.

And just to reiterate, we don't suck on people. We own a bar.

And letting you play Murtaugh in blackface.

And look at this bullet.

And mostly it involves me watching my stories to relax...

And my mind's telling me the following:

And not give yourself any time to fulfill any kind of dreams?

And now he's uncomfortable talking to me.

And now you're a bit of a third wheel...

And now you're bringing it back to the bar?

And now you're calling me gay, telling me I'm tripping...

And now you're destroying one?

And number one, and most importantly, uh, the car.

And once we start recording, Frank, I'm gonna need you to stop eating those crackers.

And our costumes were pretty cool, except for yours.

And rolled it up into a ball, and then she

And see if I could kill a couple rats.

And she does the spa thing.

And since you would have been my best man, you should probably throw it for me. Yeah.

And so I followed you into the store...

And so I'll write back what?

And so she took Charlie into the back office and had her way with him.

And sort of get used to the lay of the land or whatever.

And take a shot from center ice.

And take your top off.

And taking trash and throwing it into Dumpsters.

And thank you for saying you like 'em.

And that brings me, actually, to my next point.

And that that's not my

And that...

And that's all that parenting is

And that's how I wound up with this wonderful and very sexual hickey.

And that's okay. That's okay. It's not a bad thing.

And that's the way we have to think eat anything to survive.

And that's what she did, dude she broke that shell with marriage.

And the best way to do that was to trick one of you two into making love to her.

And the phone goes away. And the phone goes into your pocket or into your backpack.

And then he, like, gave us an ultimatum.

And then I retreat into the mist.

And then I'm, like, dude, what the hell did you do?

And then jamming it down a kid's throat.

And then option number two is a hat that you put on.

And then she gets all sexy with me, 'cause I've, like, got the sexiest costume in the world on!

And then there's like a pirate ship.

And then they just kind of right up there and

And then we grab that and eat it.

And then we wait for something higher on the food chain to come along and grab it...

And then we'll figure out how many of them

And then we'll get bigger and bigger and eventually slap shots.

And then we'll have the delivery guy come, and he can help us out.

And then you and I can be best friends?

And then you bought yourself a...

And then you did make that choice and you bought that other shirt.

And then you fished it out of the trash and you cut the sleeves off it...

And then you have the procedure, and I never got that call.

And then you showed up wearing a different costume at the last minute.

And then you wanted to go back and talk to your friend, Sophia.

And therefore we currently are and will forever remain upper class.

And they were in the middle of some kind of big argument.

And they're all into this Hawaiian underground shit, you know?

And they're gonna send in a crew to wipe down the loads.

And this whole environment is very different.

And to say to you, "Why do you hang out with these people?

And to sort out any problems or concerns.

And trying to confuse me with your liberal biblicisms.

And was gonna throw this second coupon in the trash.

And we feel like we made a big mistake...

And we want you back, buddy.

And we were looking to cool down a little bit.

And we'll start slow. Oh, my

And we're going to have a couple of tasty treats out there.

And what I need to do is a front flip.

And when we're underwater, we'll place our order.

And when you do that, you look like maybe you're a worm.

And would it be okay if you put your hands on top of mine...

And you also acquired Miss Ponderosa's debt.

And you are no Maureen Ponderosa.

And you can bash up a whole bunch of rats with one quick strike...

And you can bet your boots, Detective...

And you can make rash decisions based on fear.

And you can't miss that shot, right?

And you can't spare a couple bucks for a toll road?

And you destroy the interior of the boat, you lose the keys

And you don't know how 'cause you don't know how to flip or do karate!

And you drink soup out of my shoe.

And you had the tears coming out of your eye.

And you happen to be at capacity for us.

And you were feeling saucy...

And you... could check my oil.

And you're gonna ignore her?

And you're guiding it.

And you're not even getting that right.

And you're seniors, and so

And your beer.

And, Bill, take care of yourself or whatever people say.

And, Dee, you've got to set that rabbit free.

And, Dr. Meyers, you are Dr. Frankenstein, so get up here and get acting!

And, please, correct me if I'm wrong.

And, uh

And, uh

And, uh, also, I kicked a dog in a subway once.

And, uh, are either of these wars happening on U.S., uh, soil?

And, uh, that's probably what you're hearing is the relaxation.

And, unfortunately, I've been given some devastating news...

And, you know, they can't refuse

And... it's awesome!

Animals can see souls. That is a fact of nature.

Animals should be food, rugs and trophies.

Any multiple number of sperms could have gone up there and eaten the egg.

Anything could be down there.

Anything else that happened that night like Deandra getting pregnant?

Anything you need, I will do it.

Anyway, the point is, I am having

Are Are you absolutely sure that you and I did not have sex...

Are we just gonna throw him in the trash or find a laundry chute...

Are we stuck in here?

Are you You're saying you want to eat the eraser?

Are you acting right now?

Are you done having babies? What's going on?

Are you filming this, Richie? No. Come on, dude. That's bootlegging.

Are you guys crazy? This boat is awesome.

Are you guys mad at me?

Are you hearing this? Are you hearing this?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? I did not have sex with Dennis.

Are you kidding me? Is this what you've been upset about the whole time?

Are you literally trying to push me out of a moving car again?

Are you patronizing me?

Are you sure we're not taking this Weekend at Bernie's thing too far?

Are you telling me that this photo of Bruce Jenner...

Are you telling me that wasn't even the waitress?

Are you trying to say "spaghetti"? Are you taking me for a spaghetti day?

As a gay man, there's certain things you need to know about the afterlife.

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna go get that process started right now.

As a Philly sports legend!

As do I. Quite well.

As does that.

As far as shared assets, I'm not seeing much.

As I was saying...

As more people die...

As soon as you drop the soap, they **** your butt.

As well as the great investment.

As you are wont to do, 'cause that's your thing but whatever.

At least someone's banging my vagina!

At the beach house you're gonna be hanging out with the Flyers.

Atlantic City.

Atlantic City.

Aw, come on.

Aw, just throwing all these old, like...

Aw, man!

Aw, shit, man.

Aw, shit.

Aw, shit.

Aw! We love Charles Grodin. That dude is hysteri I love that guy.

Back in the day, sure, I would've indulged. Hell

Back me up on this, Dennis

Back together again at last.

Back with the Preston and Steve Show. Listen up. We've got to open up the phone lines.

Bash me like a rat and get it over with!

Bash some nerds.

Be sure to give it to Dr. Larry Meyers as a thank you for all of his inspiration."

Because a couple weeks before, we had some makeup sex...

Because getting stuck in an abandoned pool is extremely low class.

Because he's with a tranny? You were with the tranny. What are you saying?

Because I don't have a home anymore.

Because I got these two coupons in the mail.

Because I got to get back in there ASAP before I lose this pump.

Because I have actually packed on 15 or 20 pounds of solid bulk muscle...

Because I think Mac just made it up on the spot.

Because I'm getting a lot of phone calls about that, and that's a little embarrassing.

Because if I threw it in the trash, you would find it and then yell at me.

Because it is a disgusting dead bird, that's why.

Because it's an imagination based game.

Because it's really interesting and innovative, and I thought maybe you'd want some lessons.

Because Mac and I decided to switch parts.

Because my dick totally went back to normal, and it's fine now.

Because of an incident that happened a few weeks before...

Because of the implication.

Because she wanted another Dumpster hump, and I wanted to stay at the party.

Because she was trying to make me jealous.

Because that dust cloud, you know, really shows the laser beam alarms.

Because they caught a guy jerking off in here...

Because they love each other very much.

Because this was a pool for lower class people.

Because those delivery guys are always Chinese...

Because we don't serve spaghetti...

Because we want to make this official.

Because we wanted to tell you that we're sorry for picking Schmitty over you...

Because we were going through a little bit of a honeymoon phase.

Because we were starving ourselves for the casino buffet.

Because we're gonna be bringing back a couple of tasty treats, if you know what I'm saying.

Because you ate rancid, maggot filled meat, not because of animals.

Because you guys are trying to confuse me.

Because you weren't using the room, Dee, and the hospital's very full.

Because you're an irresponsible person...

Because you're not even supposed to be here.

Because you're spending the night in a museum, right?

Because, Ben, it's my understanding...

Because, Dee, that triggers my gag reflex, too, and then I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Ben the soldier is here with us, folks, and I want to talk to him...

Besides, did you guys see that cooze over there dressing like a peacock?

Besides, I certainly never expected you guys to be rooting around in the sewer.

Bet you wish you could take that one back, huh?

Better have some cool stuff at this thing.

Big, giant bird. Green bird.

Bill Ponderosa.

Bill? No

Bon voyage, Poppins!

Boom! Pool!

Boom. Mrs. Mac, your mom together. Could be the perfect situation. Come on.

Boom. Sc****. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Bro, when you tack on mass you sacrifice flexibility. That's just a straight up fact!

But I'm starving.

But also, since we're here...

But as soon as we get back to the bar...

But at least it's classy.

But come on, I mean, him?

But don't take it to heart, 'cause I got something that's going to cheer you up.

But ending it with a hot air balloon ride, that kicks ass.

But for now we're just a bunch of guys hanging out in a room.

But he has been obsessing about this luau thing...

But he is wasted on you.

But he plays guys that are normal size in movies.

But he wouldn't pay for the green screen on our side, so

But I can leave you guys alone, I guess.

But I can't get this goddamn TV to do anything.

But I can't wait to make my speech.

But I did have to drop you from my cell phone's family plan.

But I didn't really give a shit, because despite looking like a cartoon bricklayer...

But I don't question the things you do anymore.

But I feel the need to reconnect with the guys. So But you know what?

But I guess if he's serving us, then that makes him lower than us, so that's cool.

But I guess if we're off the hook, let's head back to the bar.

But I have to say, I don't think I've ever encountered someone...

But I thought we were gonna watch a movie tonight.

But I wish you gave me one of these a long time ago...

But I'm not gonna say anything because I don't wanna be cynical anymore.

But I'm sorry to tell you, fellas...

But it sounds like she doesn't want to have sex with you.

But it starts with gliding like cream. Go!

But it was Dennis that you went into the back room with.

But it's great because in the end I'm gonna end up with polished shoes.

But it's not too late to teach.

But it's probably like raw sewage that's been sitting here.

But keep my hands out of the shot. I'll put 'em down here.

But let's just say my friends here set off on a certain towel venture

But listen, you would consider me a pretty methodical person, wouldn't you?

But my friends here couldn't wait for that.

But nonetheless, uh, I really, like I said, I don't want you in my space.

But not a black guy with a black face?

But not out in your fingers, because I'm talking.

But she's thinking that they will.

But since you're not around, we decided to call you.

But that way, somebody could find him and put him back in my room.

But that'll last a little while, but it'll go away eventually.

But that's cool.

But that's not really how you drive a motorcycle.

But that's not the point. What do you see there?

But that's the power of acting. Do you see what I'm saying?

But that's what I would tell the ladies so I didn't have to wear a condom.

But the door was locked, and I heard the passionate, unmistakable sounds...

But the good news is she's fine.

But the line for the ladies ' room was too long...

But then the computer got water dumped all over it. It was a whole thing

But there is a bit of a heat wave going on in Philly right now.

But there's cab fare on the nightstand.

But they all promised to have blood tests.

But think about this, Frank. You know who's not gonna do that?

But we're just gonna keep it on the down low.

But what if you were to switch to some sort of smokeless tobacco alternative?

But with the excitement of the sea.

But you can't take a slap shot before you even know how to handle a stick and a puck.

But you can't wear 'em every day and expect for 'em to hold up.

But you gotta take 'em off every now and then.

But you gotta understand, we're both in uncharted waters here. Wouldn't you say?

But you were right, I was wrong.

But you're going about this all wrong, honestly.

But you're leaving out some major things.

But, Frank, that's because this domestic partnership thing is really worth doing, dude.

But, see, I distinctly remember there being...

But, uh, it doesn't meet, well, any of your specs.

But, uh, the lady... isn't interested.

But, um, get out!

But, you know, since you guys don't care about me or my body or my baby...

Butt dance 2.0. Butt dance 2.0.

Butt... butt!

Butter me up. I'm gonna be the watermelon and jump in the pool.

Buy your shit and let's get out of here.

By administering a sweet roundhouse kick to the bell.

By scraping the barnacles off the bottom of the boat

By the time you guys come back, I promise you, I promise, the boat will be looking better.

Call Charles Grodin a bitter old man one more time, and see what happens!

Call me a bird all night. Making fun, saying names.

Calls me names like army jerk, camo turkey.

Calm down, Charlie. Calm down. Relax. All right, all right.

Can I talk to you in the back office for a second real quick?

Can you believe that? Someone threw this away. Perfectly good orange, you know?

Can you feel it?

Can you just tell us about Halloween? Stick to Halloween night.

Can you take me to go get a beer? I need a beer.

Can't eat spaghetti. Can't follow the movie. Doesn't make sense.

Candles? Where'd you steal these from, huh?

Capacity? That is unbelievable...

Carmen? What are you doing here?

Center ice shot, baby!

Champagne! Champagne! Champagne!

Charisma. It's, like, you got it.

Charles Grodin is a bitter old man with a giant head...

Charles Grodin is coming in concert, and you didn't tell us?

Charlie and I found this abandoned pool that we used to swim in when we were kids.

Charlie and I have decided that we are going to be the father of this child.

Charlie keeps a book of dreams and aspirations.

Charlie should not have anything to do with these people. They are deranged.

Charlie, don't do that. Oh, goddamn it, don't do that. This is my thing.

Charlie, get Frank a beer.

Charlie, I think you're right, dude. I feel better about this.

Charlie, I'm not going in. It's your boat. You go on in.

Charlie, it lumped it up and mangled it like a chicken potpie down there.

Charlie, let's go. Get in here.

Charlie, look at this. I've been saving these for years. What?

Charlie, not in the corner. Put 'em in the closet, tuck 'em in the back.

Charlie, where's the boat? What happened to the boat?

Charlie, you gotta focus, okay? A pool is a major investment.

Charlie, you gotta help me, dude. This is my big break. Come on!

Charlie, you still haven't told me how this shit is going to be good for me. Me.

Charlie.

Charlie.

Charlie. Charlie.

Charlie. He's Frank's friend.

Charlie's been hanging around with this guy Duncan from under the bridge...

Chase Utley and Ryan Howard of the Philadelphia Phillies.

Check that box of tiki torches. Start setting those up.

Check your front pockets. What are you doing?

Clearly I'm the captain. Who else would be the captain?

Clearly, I did get my pump on, but that's 'cause I just did a bunch of push ups outside.

Clearly, this means a lot to you, so fine.

Clearly, we're not gonna come to any conclusions here today, so let's move past it.

Come back to bed and snuggle with me.

Come in.

Come into a considerable amount of money.

Come on in.

Come on now.

Come on now.

Come on, Dennis.

Come on, Frank, push him out!

Come on, let's go switch. You'll be okay, buddy.

Come on, man. No. I'm saying, we're already friends, right?

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Hey, good boy.

Come on. Hey, good boy.

Come on. It's our first night as a married couple

Come on. Jump on that.

Come on. Just relax. Take your clothes off.

Come speak to the kids. Inspire them.

Coming from the bathroom, but it wasn't me and Dee.

Congrats on all of your success. Stay grounded.

Congratulations to her.

Cool, guys. Good truce, good truce, good truce, good truce.

Correct answer!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but to make Night Crawlers a little bit better...

Could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to this position.

Could you wait a minute? I just want to make sure it's okay.

Couldn't find soup, but I found some dirty dishwater.

Course I know what he wants. He's lookin' at me right in the eyes.

Crash and burn.

Crazy ass white boy steadily dressing up folk and talking about Thor.

Crew meeting! Crew meeting!

Cricket, bring her some soup.

Damn catfish nipping at my heels all the way Endangered, my ass.

Damn foreigners! They ain't American, I don't want to know 'em.

Damn it, dude. That private pool's awesome. They have attendants.

Damn it. I was hoping I wouldn't have to admit this, but I guess I have to tell you.

Darth Vader was black.

Dead air!

Deandra. We have to take care of each other.

Dee came out of the bathroom in her new costume feeling quite saucy.

Dee came out of the bathroom in quite a rage.

Dee is like the most irresponsible person on the planet.

Dee Reynolds.

Dee was clearly on a warpath...

Dee was incensed that her costume was covered in milk.

Dee, are you seriously bragging about sleeping with a married man?

Dee, first you wanted to kill it...

Dee, get in your room. You're drive I

Dee, get the cup.

Dee, hey, we gotta talk.

Dee, I don't even think I'd want to be a part of some exclusionary pool club...

Dee, I gave you a car.

Dee, I go to a movie or a spaghetti place with you, and out there, I'm the rat.

Dee, pop this into your purse real quick.

Dee, we don't care about you or your body or your baby...

Dee, what are you doing?

Dee, why in God's name would you wear a costume with giant wings?

Dee, you were supposed to take Charlie.

Dee, you're pregnant as shit.

Dee! Dee!

Dee! Hey!

Dee's not gonna take care of you.

Definitely.

Definitely. For one day...

Delightful.

Denim chicken.

Dennis and Dee are gonna pull the plug on you so fast, your head is gonna spin.

Dennis and Dee Reynolds here. We're back to the podcast.

Dennis and I were born upper class...

Dennis is the father of that baby.

Dennis Reynolds and Maureen Ponderosa...

Dennis told me about these shorts. They're not white trash.

Dennis will sink his teeth into it.

Dennis, listen. We should hang out more together.

Dennis, remember you and Mac and you guys...

Dennis, that was amazing. I've never seen anybody drive that fast.

Dennis, we're going to an animal rights event.

Dennis? Did we get cut off?

Diabetes.

Did you have a vasectomy or not?

Did you want to say yes to the trucker? Did you want to go bang the trucker in that motel?

Die, you sucker!

Do any of you assholes wanna know how old I am?

Do Do we have the wrong yacht?

Do my back. I can't do my back. Go ahead.

Do not call the shorts white trash.

Do not speak until I turn my tape over.

Do you have any last words?

Do you have anything to drink?

Do you not know how to ice skate?

Do you realize how much money scuba equipment costs?

Do you think he goes home at night and shoots laser beams into his boyfriend's asshole?

Do, like, a cool turn, get the crowd going!

Does anybody want any more catfish?

Does the air taste weird out here, or is it just me?

Dog's tied up outside. I'll grab him, bring him inside, and then I'll be on my way.

Doing those kinds of things and make friends there, okay?

Dolls and compasses and hair brushes and shit overboard.

Don't Don't look in those drawers.

Don't You're You don't need to

Don't bring her in here stinkin' up the joint. Come on.

Don't ever call me here again!

Don't flush.

Don't get too excited about your mother's achievements.

Don't get too excited about your mother's achievements.

Don't give me lines. Jump in the ocean and get the damn keys.

Don't make me give it to ya.

Don't patronize me. Don't do that.

Don't really work though, 'cause I feel like I'm still seeing stuff...

Don't say anything. 'Cause every time you open your mouth, I'm, like, ohh!

Don't say anything. Quiet!

Don't snap at me, Charlie! You bring nothing to the table!

Don't take his soul and get his soul out.

Don't usually find lot lizards out in the wild.

Don't worry, guys. He will be back.

Don't you get it? We got big timed, dude. He called us lower class.

Don't you look at me like that. You certainly wouldn't be in any danger.

Don't you say that, Charlie! Don't you say that!

Don't you understand? This pool is our bootstraps...

Dr. Meyers?

Dude, 'cause I can't fund my own bachelor party. That's just tacky.

Dude, how much longer do we have to stay in here?

Dude, I did this Weekend at Bernie's operation earlier...

Dude, I just saw another rat.

Dude, I left my jacket in the truck.

Dude, it's crazy shit. It's insane shit.

Dude, since when do you have a cell phone?

Dude, that's what we need to be doing.

Dude, there is gonna be so many athletes and celebrities at that beach house.

Dude, we are gonna lose all of our money.

Dude, we did a complete 180.

Dude, what are you doing? Where's your Mario costume?

Dude, you gotta stop cursing.

Easy peasy.

Eew. What is that?

Eh, he wasn't a good fit. Remember?

Either way, it's gonna be a really, really great time.

Either way, she's pregnant and it's a guy, so let's get him.

Enclosed is a check for one million dollars.

Essentially, just to make sure that you're both comfortable with this new arrangement.

Even if we do figure out who it is...

Even sharks need water.

Even though it's a term that I'm gonna use a lot.

Eventually, I blew the crotch out of them things.

Every single thing in here is mine.

Everybody calling me a bird.

Everybody chill.

Everybody goes crazy trying to grab it. They can't grab it.

Everybody say a prayer.

Everybody should be able to get married to whoever they want...

Excuse me, ma'am, but there is an African American family right there.

Excuse me, sir. Are you You're very cold. He's very cold.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Hey, come here really quick.

Excuse me. Let me Let me

Excuse me. What is happening here?

Fancy pool got... old after a while.

Feel it. Let it out.

Find the keys. Just find 'em.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine. Excuse me. Hi.

First of all, don't say I went as Spider Man. I didn't go as Spider Man.

Five, six, seven, eight!

Fix that. Are there spiders here? Are there spiders there?"

Flashlight coming up.

For instance, that shirt that you're wearing right now that was my shirt.

For one day, let's make this lowly rat killer feel like a king.

For the slave is his property."

For the Web site.

For us to fiddle around with and play with.

Forget about it.

Frank Frank, we don't need to hear this part of the story, okay?

Frank and Artemis were sitting at the bar...

Frank has too much influence over this whole thing, all right?

Frank said you were gonna apologize to me.

Frank splurged on a green screen.

Frank started to apologize to me, and after a few minutes...

Frank, green juice, now!

Frank, I'd like to thank you for giving me the opportunity of a lifetime.

Frank, I'm talking about Maureen Ponderosa.

Frank, if you're starting with shoe polish, you're starting off on the wrong foot, buddy.

Frank, make me another juice, 'cause I feel like that green stuff's really working.

Frank, nobody gives a shit about minutes anymore.

Frank, now!

Frank, now!

Frank, stop picking your teeth for one second and back us up on this.

Frank, you are sick...

Frank, you might be right about us getting cynical.

Frank?

Frankenstein.

Get back to it?

Get into it! Get into it!

Get on the horse, Charlie. Bash. Bash 'em up.

Get out of here. Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! Come on!

Get out!

Get out! Get out!

Get out! That's fantastic!

Get ready for a rock in the eye, bro.

Get rid of all the strange dongs.

Get that dog off me! The dog stinks!

Get the nurse and get him out of here.

Get to work. We'll do the trim and then we'll be done.

Get your narrow ass back in that waiting room before I knock you in there.

Getting the nurse is not gonna do any good. That woman is stubborn as shit.

Give 'em the tape.

Give it to someone whom I've just met.

Give me that. You ready? Way up.

Giving somebody a birthday party a surprise party

Go ahead. Go on. Let's go.

Go back to your fancy pool. We're fine.

Go bash 'em up, buddy.

Go get Duncan and the bridge crew and bring them to the bar.

Go lie down. Lie down now.

Go suck an egg?

Go suck an egg.

Go. Do it.

God, it's terrible. It's really disgusting.

God, that is so gross.

God, that's your sister.

God, this baby is becoming such an irritating thing to me.

God, this is just humiliating.

God! You people have a very strange conception of what goes on in nursing homes.

Goddamn it! I got milk all over me!

Goddamn it! I got milk all over me!

Goddamn it! I've been cleaning up in there for hours...

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it.

Goddamn, this has been a really fun walk down memory lane.

Goddamn.

Goddamn.

Good morning, sleepyhead.

Good night, honey. Good night, Mac.