It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005) - Season 2 Edit

A crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough?

A long time ago, I met Bruce and we had this little affair, or whatever you want to call it.

A man called God.

A series of Mexican women.

A series... Unbelievable, dude. You're on fire.

A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage ****.

About what?

Absolute... The old Dennis would have said, "Dee, your sad little acting ship sailed a decade ago.

Absolutely

Absolutely. I say we put 'em on busses, ship 'em over to Iraq... make 'em fight the terrorists.

Absolutely. Try to remember what she does wrong.

Action!

Action!

Actually I probably need to take a shower, 'cause I'm crazy sweaty from those.

Actually, Dennis is lucky that nobody got killed...

Actually, no. I was doing some business stuff'cause I'm the manager now.

Actually, that was a long time ago.

Adultery... that's what this is.

After that, we'll hit the town, we'll tie on a serious buzz. All right, bud?

Afterward I felt like I was gonna throw up.

Ah, this looks beautiful.

Ah, yeah. This ought to do it.

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! That's what I'm talkin' about.

Ah. Uh, excuse me, sir.

Ain't no rules out on the streets.

All right, all right, all right. Have you done the urinal?

All right, all right. Uh, maybe you should punch something.

All right, boys. Now listen up. This week... Where's Chris?

All right, buddy. Baking soda, lube, balloons.

All right, Charlie, that's it!

All right, fine. It's in a box in the hallway.

All right, Frank! See? That's the spirit that beat theJapanese!

All right, guys. Hang on a second. It's like, uh...

All right, if you come down right on the top part and smash down with all your weight...

All right, kids, kids. Uh, why don't you line up on this free throw line over here.

All right, kids. Everybody take a knee.

All right, let's set up a couple rules. We'll set up a couple rules.

All right, listen. We've heard some things about you two.

All right, look, guys. We want you to come back to the bar, okay?

All right, look. Let me take you bitches to school for a second.

All right, look. We don't need to be doing this, okay?

All right, look. We'll go down to Crate and Barrel.

All right, now. Here, we're gonna start weight training.

All right, sign here, here and here.

All right, so this here...

All right, Team Wildcats! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

All right? 'Cause I got some kegs that I need changing.

All right? First of all, you two from now on are gonna do all of Charlie's work

All right? Now I wanna give you a couple lessons...

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Ah, check this out.

All right. All right. Maybe hit the gym a little bit. What the hell?

All right. All right. Why don't you just follow your friends around for a while?

All right. Here we go.

All right. How much did we get?

All right. I know what you're talkin' about.

All right. I think I follow, fellas.

All right. Jesus. You can start.

All right. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please gather around.

All right. Let's get this show on the road.

All right. Now the rest of you kids can go with those two losers right there.

All right. Okay. All right.

All right. Okay. What are we supposed to do then?

All right. These are for you.

All right. Three, two, one.

All right. Three, two, one.

All right. Um...

All right. We don't have any...

All right. We need volunteers for our Sunday basketball league.

All right. What are we doing? What are we doing?

All right. Yeah. All right.

All righty. Uh, you...

All those people staring at you and judging you...

Also, I am familiar with carpentry and I don't know who my father is...

Always trying to get over on people, scamming my way through situations.

Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat who's gonna blast me in the ass...

Am I the only one around here who's not getting laid?

Amazing. Hey, she's pretty too, huh?

An opportunity like this only comes around once in a lifetime, right?

And a lot of good men died in that sweatshop!

And and and and not liking the stuff and talking about you.

And as soon as Charlie sees who it is...

And beat the shit out of some guy in front of the bar.

And besides, you don't need it, sweetie.

And check it out. We can't find him.

And for the record, I think that you grew up to be very handsome.

And gets a big chunk of dough.

And go someplace else with it?

And go! Very nice.

And he bashes a Russian's face to all smithereens.

And he just drops right out of the race on me.

And he used to love me too, but then I was really mean to him...

And he's claiming to be our biological father.

And here's some for you!

And I brought a shitload of that.

And I know that you know that the sex was good, right?

And I need a wing man for that. Come on. Let's roll.

And I think it was for better, 'cause I'm doing this work...

And I think that's just because I was too stupid to realize how wonderful you are.

And I thought to myself...

And I threw a flaming bag of feces into a building and I burnt it down a little bit.

And I was doing some crunches, you know, working on my abs.

And I won't talk, and you can just kinda...

And I... I could be your wife, and I could spend the rest of my days making you happy.

And I'd just finished praying on my rosaries.

And I'm getting kicked out on the street.

And I'm sure she had her reasons, but she never told me.

And I've just been blowing him off.

And I've treated him like shit his whole life.

And it got me to thinking, uh, about maybe, you know, reconnecting with mine.

And just thank goodness that nobody important got seriously hurt.

And locking me out of my apartment!

And making crazy bets about absolutely nothing at all, Dad.

And maybe in a couple years, when this little graham cracker...

And maybe that was just so I could say I'm sorry, but that sounds stupid.

And Moses is about to step near a burning bush. That is gonna be hot.

And my Garbage Pail Kids. And...

And New Orleans and spring break.

And now we'll never know what could have been.

And patient.

And prison can be a very unpleasant place...

And remember the time we robbed a motorcycle and ran it into the river?

And say, "Dennis, you don't have to do Charlie work anymore."

And she's mentally retarded?

And someday you're gonna thank me for it.

And that crazy woman who claims we had a one night stand 30 years ago.

And that proves my point. Because you don't care, you never succeed.

And that's all there is to it. Trust me. Trust me on that one.

And that's when I saw it.

And the I.R.S. Affords thousands of dollars in tax relief.

And the money! My God, Dad! All of our money?

And the rest is mine.

And the winner will be head coach.

And then I am, just like Moses.

And then I I... I spent a little time in Afghanistan.

And then shoot back up and lock your knees in place.

And then we had five of our own.

And then you can get out of Charlie work too.

And then you start talking about Mom like she's dead.

And then, woo! Like that, it's gonna expand in your colon, okay?

And there's a steel toe in there. Don't be afraid to use it.

And these are safety pins

And they bang each other. They bang each other's...

And this unemployment thing is so great, because we've made really big plans.

And to allow you to be our father again.

And we were in Alaska. And then we went to Africa, to the Sudan.

And we'll shove it right in your brother's face.

And we're gonna just jump him and beat him over the head with a baseball bat!

And what are dudes in prison?

And what is this?

And why was I not made aware of this before?

And with fake hair on their heads that falls off when you're having sex with 'em.

And you can grab some trinkets or whatever and throw it in your tiny little car.

And you got a big problem on your hands.

And you guys are sitting on the stoop getting drunk all day long?

And you said that you loved me!

And you shall have it.

And you talk about 'em.

And your blood work to confirm your... crack addiction.

And your date with the waitress is all set up.

And, I mean, it was like magic.

And, oh, Matty, I mean you could really, really have me.

And, uh, I thought that maybe the three of us...

And, you know, Charlie never had a father.

And... ah! My story is boring. L...

Angie, I'm gonna have to stop you.

Animal!

Anyone tall? What are those, flip flops?

Anything in my life is yours.

Anything south of that dividing line belongs to me.

Anyway, I just... Yeah, it's all good.

Anyway, we have to convince this guy...

Apparently there is some confusion as to who is the head coach here.

Apparently, Mr. Frenkel is citing a zoning grid...

Are these my beautiful children?

Are those those stupid cards where babies are doing disgusting things?

Are you bangin' him? You bangin' this guy?

Are you gonna ask how I'm doing or what happened or...

Are you gonna buy me some food at some point? Or...

Are you gonna take care of the crime problem here?

Are you kiddin' me? Are you kiddin' me with that?

Are you kiddin' me? Are you kiddin' me with that?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Are... You guys are the Wildcats?

Are you kidding me? That is a water stain, man.

Are you kidding me? You don't find me sexually attractive?

Are you listening to me? We don't have any money.

Are you out of your damn mind, dude? You made me sleep out in the hall.

Are you ready to order, or do you need some more time?

Are you saying you want to go out on a date with me?

Are you soliciting a bribe from me?

Are you standing there? Come on, move.

Are you sure you're okay, dude?

Are you sure you're okay?

Are you the young man to whom the Holy Mother first appear?

Are you trying to solicit a bribe from me?

As bad or worse than he hurts you...

Ask and ye shall receive, sucker.

At least I got the one. Right?

Atlantic City. That's good.

Attica, man! Attica, man!

Aw, come on! This isn't fair.

Bash this ugly jerk's face in, Daddy.

Basketball, huh? Here.

Beat him with a baseball bat.

Beautiful.

Beauty and the beast.

Because he's obsessed with her and won't leave her alone.

Because I can't sleep in there! I can't get onto the stupid curb!

Because I don't want no... grandkids.

Because I got some boots to be shined, all right?

Because I really... like you.

Because I'm never coming back here again.

Because if I don't say it, I'm gonna regret it for the rest of my life.

Because it's bullshit! I'm the one that wanted to become a priest...

Because it's sacred ground.

Because my chickenshit brother and his friends ditched me.

Because otherwise, that stain, like, it'll...

Because the referees in this league aren't gonna call 'em.

Because the urinal, you flush it, and it sprays all over the place.

Because there's two of them and three of us!

Because they stamp it out and they get poop all over their shoes.

Because they're free to go wild. The girls go wild.

Because you are crackheads, children.

Because you can't have an... an agent without head shots.

Because, just like you, I like my sex old and ugly.

Before I go America all over your ass!

Before it becomes a more expensive problem...

Before we get crazy giving away our money here...

Better get on that. Blown fuses count as Charlie work.

Better not be, Mac.

Better not be, Mac.

Between friends at the welfare store.

Bit of an overreaction, don't you think?

Black hair and being 4'10"?

Break something... Don't... Don't break it too much.

Bro, I am in some serious shit. I needed him to drop out.

Bro, it's perfect. Nobody's gonna bet on a guy named Clown Baby.

Bro, it's perfect. Nobody's gonna bet on a guy named Clown Baby.

Brucie, do you know a nice restaurant in the area?

Bump it.

Burn. There you go, buddy.

But a few of you haven't. I'm sure you'll find David's story...

But any time you wanna stab me, it'd be really great for me.

But Dennis, Dee and Frank are all directly involved, and I gotta tell somebody, man.

But does my face look fat to you?

But here's the thing about the earrings...

But how come Charlie? Not fair. How come Charlie?

But I do know God brought you into our bar...

But I love the guy, all right?

But I need some help from an actor...

But I refuse to be subjected to it.

But I should warn you, you may experience some mood swings...

But I wasn't always a tease, you know?

But if you could give us some advice on how to handle a certain situation...

But if you want them, just... Uh... Africa.

But if you wanted to grab a drink sometime...

But in this country, we have to understand that it is a sensitive issue, okay?

But it is nothing compared to the long term effects.

But it's a totally different thing to put our lives at risk.

But just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

But that's because you have the freedom to choose to work here.

But the problem is it's really tough to tell just by eyeballing these people.

But the thing is, I didn't know you were actually gonna leave the Church...

But then I realized if you think about it...

But they might, which is why you have to be very careful.

But what's in between the lines?

But whoo...

But you will be handsomely rewarded if you just keep your hands off this money.

But you're doing it with the subtlety of a baboon.

But, Dennis. Dennis. Hobo vertising?

But, uh, I'm gonna go home and pay my taxes.

But, uh, it's an interesting stain. I'll give you that.

Butter inside. Cheese outside.

By all means.

By some square commie ass piece of shit!

Call me.

Can I help you?

Can I help you?

Can I throw a bag of poop through the window?

Can we stop talking about my wife for a second here?

Can we use some adult language, just for a couple minutes?

Can we... You think we can make this look more like a cave?

Can you pop out real quick?

Carl had two children from a previous marriage...

Charlie and I are gonna handle this situation just like we handle every situation.

Charlie is making me have sex with him to get out of Charlie work.

Charlie traded me his whole collection...

Charlie, are you here to try to have sex with me?

Charlie, for the 500th time, I'm not giving it to you. It's not yours

Charlie, get the camcorder. The father's gonna bless the stain.

Charlie, I have a real dilemma on my hands.

Charlie, if we keep this up, you're gonna be...

Charlie, if we're gonna put on our own demonstration...

Charlie, let's be honest. Punching boards isn't your thing.

Charlie, settle.

Charlie, sign here, here and here.

Charlie, we had an agreement.

Charlie, you gonna be okay, I leave you alone at the bar here?

Charlie, you got any booze in here?

Charlie, you want...

Charlie, you're, like, the toughest guy we know.

Charlie! Hey, this is my roommate, Charlie.

Charlie?

Charlie? Campaign manager. You don't need a blazer.

Charlie.

Charlie.

Charlie. Hi.

Check out the goods to my right.

Check this out. I'm not an alcoholic.

Check this out. L...

Chris, doin' really good. You got some good moves.

Christ, there is a sun in Philadelphia.

Come down just a little bit.

Come on, Brianna. Here we go.

Come on, Dee! Don't quit! Come on. We just rocked out there, Dee!

Come on, don't act like a baby.

Come on, Mac. Let's go get crippled.

Come on, man. You can't say things like that

Come on, Morris. We don't have time for this.

Come on, what the hell has gotten into you the last couple of days?

Come on! Come on!

Come on! That guy, he's like one of those cheesy...

Come on. It looks good. Beer him.

Come on. Just one more race.

Come on. Let's go get everybody out of the basement.

Come on. There are plenty of amazing women politicians.

Come on. Walk around a burning bush"?

Come on. You could kick... You You could kick that guy's ass.

Come over here.

Conspiracy to solicit a bribe. Racketeering.

Cooking and cleaning and raising your children?

Could all become, like... like, friends or something.

Could you guys go over there for a second? We gotta talk for a second. If you could just...

Could you stop thinking about yourself for once?

Crack.

Crack. Crack.

Cut, cut, cut, cut! What the hell are you doing, dude?

Cuttin' it pretty close there, pal. I almost sealed the deal.

Dad said he was gonna give all your stuff away, and then it was actually Dennis's idea...

Dad, what the hell are you doing here?

Dad, will you look at Sweet Dee's skin and tell me it's not blotchy?

Dad, you don't wanna do that. Our kids are terrible.

Dad?

Deandra, a woman in politics is like a donkey doing calculus.

Deandra, I'm your father. Go in and get the dog.

Deandra, it's just some jerk gettin' into office...

Deandra, move the pool table so you and your brother can lay some grout.

Dee and I have a little something we like to call "goals."

Dee, check out my blazer

Dee, Dee... Will you take it easy?

Dee, I'm not gonna bless a water stain.

Dee, please don't do this.

Dee, thank you so much for this acting opportunity.

Dee, that's for deadbeats. Come on. We got a golden opportunity here.

Dee, what do you consider to be a good movie?

Dee, what the hell is the point of this stretching?

Dee, you get everybody out of the bar. Charlie, you're a disappointment.

Dee, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing?

Dee. Wow. What a nice surprise. What brings you here?

Dennis and I are gonna train you...

Dennis Reynolds... baby rapist.

Dennis, Charlie is forcing me to have sex with him.

Dennis, I have an idea.

Dennis, I think you really gotta eat.

Dennis, no!

Dennis, we gave people too much freedom. That's the problem!

Dennis, we have to admit, it's over. It's done.

Dennis, when you become a veterinarian, will you buy me some new head shots?

Dennis, you shouldn't be sleeping with your friends' girlfriends.

Dennis, you son of a bitch!

Dennis!

Dennis's mom tried to have sex with me.

Did he tell you he had a wife?

Did my face look fat?

Did somebody get addicted to crack?

Did you bang my whore wife?

Did you say five head? I don't have that.

Did you see that, dude?

Did you send him a friend request?

Didn't even notice the toilet paper.

Dinner. That sounds good.

Dive into some kind of depression over this? No.

Divorce is a tricky thing. Oh! I found it.

Do I look like I need to be on a diet?

Do it, or I will kill you both.

Do we have any sharp knives?

Do we really have to get into all of this?

Do you even know what "vig" means?

Do you know how hard it is to get toilet paper off a building, especially if it rains?

Do you mean, like, "Mexico" poor, or can it be, like, "me and Charlie" poor?

Do you recognize this lamp?

Do you see what you've done?

Do you think maybe we could go down and see him?

Does anybody here have any illegitimate children with my whore wife...

Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God?

Don't be like that, man. You would have done the same thing.

Don't be modest now. You remember all the shit we used to get into?

Don't blame this on your brother. How low can you sink, Deandra?

Don't climb! Don't climb, Dennis!

Don't Daddy me. You blew your chances with this daddy. You're dead to me.

Don't do it, Charlie. Don't do it!

Don't fight it, Mrs. Mac.

Don't find you attractive.

Don't get all high and mighty because you got a pantsuit. You look like Big Bird!

Don't go. She'll come back.

Don't jump to any conclusions here.

Don't let him **** you, Philadelphia.

Don't need to now.

Don't say "this one."

Don't take it personally, Dad. That's just politics.

Don't worry about us, Mac. We'll be just fine.

Don't you ever contradict me in front of my team like that.

Don't you get it? We will never need Dennis and Dee again.

Don't you roll away when I'm talking to you.

Don't you think it's about time you start taking responsibility for your actions?

Don't youse ever stop fighting and just shut the hell up?

Dr. Lyon, please report to the emergency room.

Dressed like a terrorist threatening ****, Charlie.

Drink this. Drink this

Drive! Drive! Drive!

Driver, pull over!

Driver, we're done here.

Drug addicts, mentally disabled, people with dependents... that sort of thing.

Ducks.

Dude, I sat over the bag for 20 minutes. I'm throwing it.

Dude, if you don't think you're going to hell, you need to take a long look at yourself.

Dude, is that a question? I don't understand. What's going on?

Dude, you and my dad share this futon?

Easy. Easy! Your behavior is unbelievable, man.

Elbows. Knees.

Elbows. Knees. Say it with me once. Ready?

Empty your pockets.

End of story?

End of story.

Ever since you guys beat that guy up, I got to thinking. Hey, what am I gonna do? Huh?

Every once in a while you probably want a man, right?

Every time I'm gonna take...

Everybody settle down. It's not the end of the world.

Everybody try to be a little bit more like Chris.

Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac as campaign manager...

Everybody's got one, and they all stink.

Excellent. Excellent work. Now you're gonna want to utilize both of those...

Excuse me!

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Hi.

Extends from Morgan Street all the way to right here.

Father O'Grady? Uh...

Father? Wealthy? I never knew.

Fine. No guns. Piano wire. Maybe we can use some piano wire.

Fine. Okay, but this is exactly why you're not part of our gang.

First of all, gross. I don't think you're supposed to whore out your kids.

First things first... Squats.

First you force me to run over my friend Charlie.

First you wash your hands of politics. Now you want back in.

Five million people will die this year of smoking related illnesses!

Flop, come here for a second.

For 30 years, and I'm being asked to not make a scene!

For a couple of days until the election is over.

For a good lookin' young man like yourself.

For passing out in there and drinking too much or whatever.

For South Philly District 37 Comptroller?

For starters, I'm giving all my money to charity. Then I'm gonna hang out with you two.

For those of you who are new to the program.

Forget I came by about the stain. I don't care about that anymore.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 10 years since my last confession.

Fouls can lose a game for even the most dominant of teams.

Found the hair. So I guess I'll just, uh, see myself out.

Frank has a date?

Frank keeps coming in. He swoops in, he takes my chicks.

Frank, come on. They're gonna see that coming a mile away.

Frank, congratulations. You're captain of the gang.

Frank, I don't... I just don't think this is the best idea for our candidate's image.

Frank, I'm two years younger than you.

Frank, you have never gotten a chick with that move.

Frank, you've gotta be kidding with these receipts.

Frank!

Frank. Frankie, I gotta talk to you.

Frank's been hiding all of his money in my account.

Frankie Fast Hands, everybody. Yeah, keep livin' in the past, Dad.

Frankie Fast Hands!

From the basement. Frank and the boys have been rocking all night long.

Fundamentals don't mean shit if you got no strength.

Geez. Look, I'm an old man. I don't fight no more.

Gentlemen, I've got something here...

Gentlemen, we're gonna have to talk to you for a moment.

Get him with the elbow!

Get in front of the flag and the million dollar bill.

Get in your little van and drive out of my face! Okay?

Get out of here! Get out of here!

Get out ofhere! You're in the showers!

Get up!

Get... All right. You know what? Oh, what is this?

Girls can't pull trucks through snow.

Girls don't want to go wild in this environment, not even for T shirts!

Give his shit to poor people. Poor people?

Give it a rest. You're not the messiah. You don't know dick about the Bible.

Give me the little rubber hose. Whoa, he's got a knife!

Give me this chance. Just give it to me.

Give whatever you can.

Go ahead and kneel.

Go away.

Go down to Wawa, pick me up a couple of sodas.

Go get me a beer, bitch!

Go get the dog.

Go get your goddamn car and give me a ride home!

God awful. Get goin'.

God damn it! Where'd it go?

God damn it. That doesn't... I'm gonna sit here until you use words.

God doesn't think Moses is gonna do it.

God doesn't worship the ground. God made the ground.

God only knows what's going on down there.

God, I hate you so bad!

God!

God. Sorry. Okay.

God. Stupid Dad! Never gave me a goddamn thing.

Goddamn it, Charlie!

Goddamn it!

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it. Why do I speak to you, ever?

Goddamn you!

Goddamned stuffed elephant anymore...

Goin' to visit your friend over at the union?

Gonna blackmail me?

Good bye, Frank.

Good bye, gentlemen.

Good life decision, man.

Good, good.

Good? Doesn't sound good. Are you drinking the Red Bull?

Good. All right. I'll see you.

Good. Good. Good. Go ahead. Go ahead.

Good. I gotta get back there now because Alan...

Gotta coach kids. It's part of our, uh, sentence.

Grab your coat. We're goin' for a ride.

Great.

Great.

Great.

Great. Dennis and I will coach a team.

Great. I'll get changed.

Great. Well, we're out of here. Don't work too hard, okay, bud?

Greg, get my gloves.

Guess I kind of overlooked that detail. Okay, time for phase three, Dee.

Guess what. I am gonna act the shit out of somebody's ass.

Handing down life lessons to all the sinners.

Has a lot of relevance to your situation.

Has arrived.

Has tricked me into raising two bastards...

Have a good night.

Have a heart. The guy's going through a divorce.

Have the... Have... Make sure you eat some of the sandwich.

He called us nerds, Gary.

He could take a good ass whupping. And we're down with that.

He doesn't care about me. What kind of a guy does that?

He is my number two and doesn't really do the same...

He might be willing to help us out with the situation here.

He really gets my goat. You know what I mean?

He used to beat me, you know.

He was drinking a beer when he came in.

He was in Vietnam 10 years ago on a business trip.

He was sent home for the statutory **** of a teenage camper.

He will smite you all. God will smite you all!

He won't make me his friend. How am I gonna find him if he won't make me his friend?

He would recognize that the Constitution protects my freedom to blow smoke all over his face.

He's a little loosey goosey upstairs.

He's already got a construction crew in there working?

He's family, you know? I mean, we've been through a lot together.

He's gonna be a huge underdog.

He's gonna go get a weapon, everybody! Everybody! Everybody get a weapon!

He's hugging them. They're hugging him back!

He's made a commitment that can never be broken.

He's not hitting it that high, you know?

He's running for District 37 Comptroller, so it's cool.

He's, like, working at some stupid youth center thing.

Hear me out for a second. Now, technically, that stain did appear to me.

Hello, Frank.

Hello, gang!

Hello, hello, hello.

Hello, young man. I'm a bigwig from Big Tobacco.

Hello.

Hello. Hi.

Hello. Those are your brothers and sisters.

Here she is... The old gym.

Here we go. Nothing weird is going on.

Here you go. Stupid customers.

Here. Hey, Charlie, here's five dollars.

Here's a confession. I'm in love with a man.

Here's some for you! Here's some for you!

Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna take all the weight on your neck.

Hey Hey Hey, Frankie, it's me. Bobby Thunderson.

Hey o!

Hey o! What is up, bitches?

Hey ohh! What's up, bitches?

Hey, buddy.

Hey, Charles.

Hey, Chris, you in there? Chris, come on, buddy. Let's go.

Hey, Dennis! Dee!

Hey, don't listen to everything this guy tells you.

Hey, guys, I can't thank you enough.

Hey, guys, uh, can you do me a favor and not get too drunk?

Hey, guys. What do you think?

Hey, have mine.

Hey, have you guys seen this?

Hey, hey. Check it out though.

Hey, hey. Right?

Hey, hey. Take it easy here. Jesus. Show a little class, will ya?

Hey, how ya doin'? I like your top. Lookin' good. Mac.

Hey, I own half this bar too.

Hey, let's just all stay calm.

Hey, Mac! Get a chair, smash it on my back

Hey, Mac. Where you runnin' to?

Hey, Mac. Where you runnin' to?

Hey, man. There's nothing wrong with us. We're just expressing ourselves.

Hey, now we're talkin' here. She's a killer.

Hey, pal. How... How you feeling?

Hey, there's no one even in there!

Hey, uh... Not answering my calls.

Hey, um, how's your friend Dennis?

Hey, um, just... I want... Just good luck out there.

Hey, war hero. So...

Hey, what do you know? Hey, look at her. Look at her over there.

Hey, you come to witness the miracle for yourself?

Hey, you gotta relax there, Frank.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Guys! I can handle a chair. Go get a chair.

Hey! Hey, get out of here, you piece of shit!

Hey! Hey, that's Dennis and Dee!

Hey! Hey! What's up, guys? I didn't hear you guys come in.

Hey! Ho! What's goin'on over here?

Hey! How's the chip off the old block doin'?

Hey! Mr. Tibbs was not just some stupid stuffed element... elephant, okay?

Hey! Pour me a shot there, buddy boy. I got it.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. How'd it go with the priest?

Hey. Wow. I didn't know you were in A.A.

Hi, Charlie.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Do you want to introduce yourself?

Hi. I'd like to speak with you about some recent activity on your new account.

Hi. I'm Jenny. I'll be your server this evening.

Hi. Um, I'm a recovering crackhead.

High school. Firecracker. Hung out all the time.

His breath smelled like shit.

His feet aren't gonna get burned.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hold on a second. Don't pull that shit with me, okay?

Hold on a second. What's goin' on with you, Thunderson?

Holding... Do you have any money?

Holy shit!

Holy shit! Guys, come here! Come here! Check this out!

Holy... Holy shit, man. I'm training my daughter too.

How about you and me, we go out on the town? You know what I mean?

How are we gonna get this guy to bless anything? He's out ofhis mind.

How are we losers, dude?

How can you say that to me? After everything I've done for you.

How could you do that?

How could you do this to me?

How dare he do that?

How did you know that your mom wasn't gonna sleep with Dennis?

How do you do something like that?

How do you feel about that, huh?

How do you guys know each other?

How do you show love? You go and have sex with old people.

How do you wanna do this thing?

How does that help me?

How you doing? War hero. So... kind of a big deal.

How?

Huh?

Huh? No, you're good. Just... Actually, make sure you really work that sponge in there.

I am bustin'. Okay...

I am devastated. I don't understand what is going on with your father. And I...

I am done with rat detail. That's by far the worst job in the bar!

I am gonna punch a hole through your face.

I am not banging my sister!

I am not having sex with you, Charlie.

I am not laying grout.

I am sexually a...

I am sexually attractive. I am an attractive... man.

I am! I'm up for anything.

I assume you did something stupid.

I bet you're real tired of them pushing you around.

I can hear you.

I can talk to my son any way I want.

I can tell it is going to be a glorious performance.

I can yell at him!

I can't believe you could ask me a question like that in my time of need.

I can't even mention your balls around you. Okay.

I can't even talk to you anymore.

I can't get somebody to have sex with me unless I pay for it!

I can't read these words. They're not in the right order.

I can't, okay? L I... I can't.

I could give you one for free.

I could have taken a dive. I wouldn't have had to get my ass kicked.

I did bash Charlie good a couple times.

I didn't fight no damn war so I could be boxed in...

I didn't wanna say this before, but you don't have Kennedy hair.

I didn't want to say it because of the spirit of this whole thing. But I think you're right.

I don't care what you need. That is politics, bitch.

I don't care.

I don't care. I don't want to act anymore. I quit. I want to drink.

I don't feel like standing in this alley all night.

I don't follow.

I don't know how to take advantage of government programs.

I don't know if you guys have ever heard of that. Freedom?

I don't know what God wants for us, all right?

I don't know what that means. Does anybody know what...

I don't know what you're turning into, Frank, but it's making me sick!

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Am I?

I don't know. Could be. I'm not ruling it out.

I don't know. Phil, is there a problem?

I don't know. Poor people.

I don't know. This is really freaking me out.

I don't like babies.

I don't think I can handle two asshole dads.

I don't think it's a lot to ask to have them turn the temperature up.

I don't think that's why. That's not big enough. He works bigger than that.

I don't think this costume's gonna work.

I don't think we should be lying to the sick children.

I don't understand this.

I don't wanna be your sponsor anymore. It's starting to get in the way of my personal life.

I don't want a father figure.

I don't want to be his friend. I want to shoot him in the face. Can you help me?

I don't want to come off as anti Semitic. This guy's a ******* person...

I don't want to shove anything in my ass.

I don't win.

I don't... I never want to go out on a date with you.

I feel like I should have something in my hands.

I feel like maybe I was being a little judgmental.

I feel so much better. So much.

I feel very sick, but I directed the shit out of this video.

I figured maybe you and I could do a little father son bonding.

I fold. Deal me out. Hey. Hey, gang, what's the action?

I get it. You're busy. You're busy

I get that. We got a crazy history, you and me. Oh, well.

I give the guy my blood, sweat and tears, right?

I got a better plan.

I got a feeling I'll be pretty thirsty after this.

I got a good idea. I think I know how we can really up our game at the strip club.