Community - Season 2 Edit

A hundred G's.

A one man party can't be in an alliance. That's a paradox.

A professional?

Aah! No! No, no! I'm not playing! I'm not playing!

Aah! That doesn't make sense.

Abed. Stop trying to be Han Solo, it's making me embarrassed for you.

Afraid not, doll. Once I'm gone, I'm gone.

All right, Shirley, you have the most important job, okay?

All right.

Allowing Jeff's troops to take the stronghold.

Alpha 17, move in.

And carry out both plans simultaneously.

And I've never been friends with anyone here

And taking that gun for ourselves. Well, that's not how I would proceed.

And that his Achilles heel is..."wieners."

And waved enough money under your students' noses

And we were just picking a class we could all be in this fall.

And we'd love for you to join us.

And what role would that be? No time to squabble, Troy.

And you can make the check out to Greendale.

And you can't have City College students in a Greendale game.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know, I don't think you're immature.

Are we the Little Rascals? I was.

As for rules, they're clearly defined in your school's agreement

Aw, hell. Someone's gotta win this.

Aw.

Aw. I'm eliminated.

Because we are going to win, and you are gonna pay.

Britta, are you alive?

Britta? Britta?

Buddy, you okay?

But I'm calling dibs on the Han Solo role before Jeff slouches into it.

But if you need to explain it to your men, I understand.

But this one is actually the most terrifying.

But this place has always accepted me, sickness and all.

Can we move this along? I'm missing CSI.

Can you hear me? Who is this?

Charge!

City College is stronger, faster.

City College.

Come on, admit it, you like it.

Come on, Pierce. We all know there is no "day planner."

Commence Operation Troy's Awesome Leadership is Never in Doubt.

Cool down, Annie.

Cool.

Covering the right flank.

Damn it.

Deal.

Dean Spreck?

Do you happen to have a better plan? I do happen, Jeff. I happen very much.

Don't shoot me. Great. Now shoot him.

Don't shoot, red haired guy.

Eat paint, you Stormtrooping, City College knob gobblers.

Enemy soldiers are incoming.

Everyone evacuate through the air ve...

Everyone in the library is dead.

Everyone look alive. Leonard, good enough.

Final meeting of the semester now in session.

Final order of business, pick a class we can all take in the fall.

First off: Pop, pop!

For a no good, laser faced, Jabba scoundrel.

For one more pudding, I'll tell you why he's jealous of me.

Give me the vest, laser breath, before our conversation gets nasty.

Go, go, go.

Good for you.

Greendale Human Beings, it is now clear

Greendale students,

Greendale, it's been a pleasure fighting with you.

Guys, I know exactly what we should do.

Guys, we're dying out here.

Guys. Guys! City College is trying to destroy Greendale.

Ha. Losers.

Have you heard your plan? You wanna charge a machine gun.

He had some good ideas today. Thanks, man.

He uses a crystal instead of deodorant.

He was my ride. I'm going after him.

Hello, Craig.

Here it is.

Here, help me with this. Sure thing, your worship.

Heroes are great, but I'll take a blaster every time.

Hey, kid. Someone's gotta make it out of here alive.

Hey, Quendra with a "Q U,"

Hey, Spreck, you cheat.

Hey, thanks for sticking up for me back there.

Hey!

Hi, Pistol Patty. Did they take you hostage?

Hold on!

Hold on.

Honestly, ask yourself, what does "Liberal Arts" even mean?

Hoo.

Human Beings! Human Beings!

Human Beings! Human Beings!

Human Beings! Human Beings!

I agree to disagree.

I also have no choice but to accept the role thrust upon me.

I can hear you, Mr. Winger.

I can't afford to lose a single soldier. What?

I don't step up to being leader.

I don't take orders from girls, because they don't talk to me.

I guess I assume, eventually, I'll be rejected.

I had a dream it would end this way.

I hope I don't get shot waiting out here.

I hope you like getting balled.

I like having conversations with adults.

I like this school, but I'm done with whatever you call this. Adiós.

I love it. Second, Magnitude's a one man party.

I reluctantly accept it when it's thrust upon me.

I think it's called a "taint."

I think our only choice is to try and shoot our way out.

I think you're great,

I understand you've unified and intend to draw this game out.

I was only Han Solo because the context demanded it. But here.

I win.

I'd hate to go home to my babies.

I'm out. Me too.

I'm so glad that we didn't shoot you. Now we have the advantage

I've given this a lot of thought, and I've decided we should sleep on it.

I've got something to say.

If we surrender our individuality

If you get paint on you, you're out. I'm glad to see there's paperwork,

If you'll excuse me, I'm running late to drink a bottle of wine in my bathing suit.

In cats. My cats.

In five, four, three, two...

It is too early to tell.

It must be because we're entitled to the prize they promised,

It seems we've left the Western motif and are entering a Star Wars scenario.

It's a sickness. I admit it.

It's simple, Craig. I pose as a fake ice cream company,

It's true. And now he'll come slinking back

Jackpot. Shirley, you keep watch while we get these.

Jeff, every second counts. "For Greendale," on two.

Jeffrey, it's your friend, the dean. I'm safe.

Jeffrey.

Juggernaut. Which means, if we're gonna fight them,

Just below their balls? Their wallet, Leonard.

Just came back for my day planner.

Kill him.

Leonard, we're losing. Britta, I've been in a few real wars,

Looks like they're taking Troy's bait.

Looks like this is it.

Magnitude. Pop...

More than a semester.

My men have been registered at Greendale for weeks.

No, he's just acting out. I've seen this behavior before.

No, I'm the dean!

No, thanks. I'm done with you guys.

No! What?!

Now I understand everything.

Now your whole evil plan is clear as day.

Of knowing that Jeff Winger wants to be a ballerina

Oh, my God, is he okay?

Oh, my God. What is that?

Oh, now you're the leader? I don't see you stepping up.

Oh, that's Jeff Winger. You are in trouble now.

Oh, you haven't seen how mean this dean can be ean.

Oh! We win. We win!

Oh.

Oh. Star Burns.

Okay, I think we should split the troops in half

Okay, looks like we got her.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. On my count.

One, two...

One, two...

One... Guys.

Ooh, I could use that money.

Operation Troy's Awesome Plan is living up to its name.

Our sperm counts are higher, even in our women.

Paint in sprinklers?

Paradox, we're on the same side. Hasn't the other side already won?

Pierce, wait.

Playing Star Wars is worn out and immature.

Po... P... "Pop?" Pop what? Pop what?

Pretend I'm not even here. You guys are great at that.

Probably for the same reason I've been married seven times.

Pulling back. Fall back to placement positions.

Question. How long is the game gonna last? Andre's home with the baby...

Reconnaissance indicates the key to City College's strategy is

Resistance is as pointless as your degrees.

Right.

Risky. Sequels are almost always disappointing.

See you at Denny's? Denny's is for winners.

Shirley, forget your newborn child and think about the people that need you.

Shirley, nobody's making it out of the library. Pull the alarm

Shirley.

Sickness and all. It's worth thinking about.

Since when are you in favor of playing it safe, Han?

Sir, this guy tried to charge us three paintballs to use the bathroom.

Sit down.

So I, you know, test people, push them, until they prove me right.

So listen up or you'll be floating home.

Some of us won't make it, but there is a place

Somebody will make it through. Understand?

Sorry..."Han."

Sponsor your end of the year picnic

Squad B commencing Operation Actual Operation.

Star Burns, I need that vest. Pfft. Oh, yeah, right.

Stop shooting me! Aah!

Sure, shoot me.

Take him.

Thank you, Abed.

That gun's too powerful. I'm scared.

That we have no choice but to team up and defeat City College.

That whoever wins, we give the money to Greendale.

That's affirmative.

That's it. I think that's it. Is that it?

That's just the tip of the iceberg.

The floor recognizes Magnitude.

The Gatling gun inside the ice cream truck,

The one near the 15 exit, I'm banned.

Their balls? No.

Their goal was to make us trash the school.

Then I'll see you in hell. Let's kick some taint.

There's not enough immaturity in your life.

They can kill most of us, but as long as nobody gives up,

They kicked you out of study group after two years?

They're an unstoppable juggle knob. "Juggernaut."

They're right on our tail.

They've trapped us in a dead end.

This group gets so tangled in each others' feelings.

This is City College's Dean Spreck.

This is why we have to agree, right now,

This place accepted all of you,

Those guys are ballers, yo.

To form a faceless regime, how are we better?

To provoke them to destroy their own campus.

To repair the damage and save our school. Abed, tell them.

To shower everything in the building with paint.

Troy, your plan will lure people off the ice cream truck,

Ugh, gotta do everything myself.

Ugh!

Um, I think we have thought about it, Pierce, and you're right.

Unh!

Unh... It's my heart.

Vicki!

Wait, Abed, this was your idea.

Wait, did you say "bean"?

Watch it, quasar face. Annie's a good kid and a better shot.

Way to shoot.

We could just take Anthro 201.

We have to form a school wide alliance of rebels.

We just took out a professional paintball assassin.

We should see what Troy thinks we should do.

We trashed it. We still might hit them where it hurts.

We use sneak attacks to draw their patrols to the library,

We were gonna shoot him, but tell him what you told us.

We win. We won!

We're gonna need help.

We've got two Human Beings trapped outside of the library.

Welcome to Greendale. You're already dead.

Well, I'm out. We lost.

Well, if it's a war you want, it's a war you will lose.

Well, we're dying too.

What are we supposed to do? How about we save this school's ass?

What is he trying to say? Pop what, Magnitude?!

What the hell?

Whatever. I ain't in it for your revolution. I'm in it for me.

Where one of us will pull the fire alarm, activating the sprinklers,

Where we will see each other again, and that place is Denny's.

Which Denny's? We'll figure it out later.

Which I will have rigged,

Which we'll charge en masse, overwhelming their defenses,

Who hurt you, Steven? How could any dean be so mean?

Why do you think they sent in a ringer to win?

Why not? Something's not right about the game.

Why would someone who gets paid to do things be at Greendale?

Will you be Han Solo after we die?

With my fake ice cream company.

Yay! Go, Jeff Winger's study group.

Yeah, pull the fire alarm.

Yeah. What took them so long?

Yes, sir.

Yes.

Yes. Who are you?

You can't spray people with paint by remote.

You know I've been coming to this school for 12 years?

You like me because I'm immature.

You owe me a hundred G's.

You sons of bitches.

You'd certainly be doing Jeff Winger a big favor.

You're a hero for standing outside of it.

You're good, kid. Don't get cocky.

You're the worst. Okay, she is just saying that to fit in.

You're welcome. You're welcome.

Your mother's lover. Unh!

"Welcome to Greendale. You're already accepted."

After them. Go, go, go!

All right, we did it. Yeah, way to go.

All right! All right!

Aw. I wish it happened sooner too.

Codger down. You're it, kid.

For Greendale! For Greendale!

Garrett. I may be stuck in this vent.

Go, go, go. Lock the doors. Seal the room.

Keep them pinned down. It won't be long now.

Man's down. Copy that.

Oh, Jeff. You know, you're an idiot.

Okay. It's nice.

Ow! Ow! Damn, my leg. Take cover.

Thank you. Oh, that's very good.

That's low. Oh, man.

There's one. Go!

They're all over the place. They're all over the place.

Unh! Yeah!

We win. We win.

We're all dead. All of us. Paint is raining from the sky.

We're taking fire. We're pulling back.

What? What?

Yes. Ha, ha, ha. What?

You'd better watch it. Oh!

"For Greendale," on three.