Community - Season 6 Edit

A bunch of people in an RV? And I had to Christopher Nolan it?

A hand has two functions, to grip and to release.

A skunk patch.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Don't move, don't move!

Aah! Stop, stop, I'm yelling even louder so you have to stop.

Abed insert dialogue here by you dropping the fourth wall shtick.

Abed is the only human among you!

Abed, come back.

Abed, come back. Yes, yes, yes.

Abed, don't go out.

Abed, listen.

Abed, we're all on your side, so if you're also on your side, it's petty.

Abed, where's the dean?

Abed, you bonded with him.

Abed?

Abed.

Abed. Is this a show?

Absolutely.

Again, it's Blake with a B, the purchaser of the giant hand.

All in favor?

All in favor?

All in favor?

All of this weight.

All right, all right.

All right. Meeting adjourned, great.

All will be made right.

And by the way, I'm not sorry!

And for our part, we're sorry that charging our perfectly normal

And forced to decide somewhere in the backs of our heads, just in case,

And I have never seen so little gas in my life.

And I think we all know how ironic that is, no offense, Abed.

And Jeff can explain that choice.

And let go.

And let me just say, not a date movie.

And let me just say, not a date movie.

And probably stop showering.

And that solves the matter of the giant hand.

And that solves the matter of the giant hand.

And then it cuts to black and a title comes up and

And this is where logic gets you,

And we've kept the lights off and

And where are each of your phones now?

And you can't make me not cry.

And you, say you're sorry for buying a giant hand and letting it sit around

And you're lucky she was able to find some weirdo,

And your backyard is 24,900 miles long,

And your latest idea is to put it on the quad with a plaque that says

Annie, right?

Anything.

Anyway, it's been many hours since our scheduled appointment time.

Are we gonna freeze to death?

Are we out of gas?

Are we sure the secondary battery won't just die too?

Are you going to eat me first?

Asking people what they wanted before buying all the snacks for the trip.

At least we have the secondary battery to keep us warm for a few hours.

Be a hero by joining us here, in the moment, and

Because apparently it's today and it's really boning us.

Because dumb.

Because everyone complained about it.

Because I can't cry anymore unless someone brings me a Pedialyte.

Because it's the circumference of the Earth.

Because the secondary battery only powers the cabin.

Because there are three within 200 miles of this spot and

Because you have no home.

Bought a gigantic hand, I am proud to remain outside until I die.

But don't you.

But I'm pretty confident,

But without both of these powers, it is useless.

But, that's not what this is really about, is it?

But, the time we spend in control of our world,

Buttered noodles, grip one for too long and you lose so

Bye.

Can you please hold?

Can you send somebody or not?

Can you send someone or not?

Carefully, carefully.

Cell phones destroyed your weirdly fragile RV.

Close your eyes and concentrate.

Cold.

Coming up.

Coming, are they?

Confused with a road.

Could you lie then?

Craig, the hand currently crushing our lives

Darn it, I wanna hijack this RV, but

Darn it.

Deal with it.

Dean these temperatures are lowering our immune systems in a world that is

Dean, can I speak to you privately?

Dean, hang on.

Dean, we're so sorry, we love you.

Dean, we're sorry and we love you?

Dean, we're sorry and we love you.

Dean.

Did anyone need water?

Did something just fall off the roof?

Did stuff wrong?

Did they send you out here to be mean to me too?

Disappeared.

Does everything have to do with me,

Does everything you do to this family have.

Don't go through my stuff!

Don't you dare.

Dummy.

Elroy you got any booze?

Elroy, that's big of you.

Elroy, we're not here to snoop or judge you.

Everyone suppress every instinct you have to let him out and

Excuse me a moment.

Excuse me, bigger weirdo on eBay willing to pay cash for it.

Extra thick straps!

Extra thick straps!

Extra thick straps.

Extra thick straps.

Extra thick.

Extra think straps.

Fair enough.

Figures the one person on my side, is the one playing people chess.

Finish your thought.

Finish your thought.

Fitting that both war holidays have to fight each other

Flashback here and don't interrupt Okay, one quick thing and

Flashback with me.

Flooded?

For a flashback.

For the love of God, stop charging your phones!

Four hours of juice Charge, juice, charge.

Framed photos of yourself with two biracial teenagers in a park.

Frankie taught me that.

From being invested in any of this actual story.

Full battery.

Get your head our of your ass.

Give a hand to your brain.

Give him a shot. What's wrong with you?

Give me, I, I, I don't know what's real.

Give your brain a hand.

Go flashback and cut to stuff.

Go in the back and sit by yourself.

Go in the back.

Go!

God!

Good democracy.

Good idea.

Good idea.

Good.

Guys?

Ha. It's a possibility.

Hand tied to the roof.

Happened Like if Britta had a black eye.

Have any of you heard of Armed Forces Day?

Have you tried planning for success?

He's waiting for a better daddy, with a bigger hand.

Hear those crickets?

Heart attacks run in my family and you people aren't worth it.

Here.

Hey, that's my house.

Hi, it's me.

Hi, this is Blake, the gentleman to whom you're selling the giant hand.

Hope that the engine battery resets itself.

How do you lose a hand off a person haphazardly?

How'd this crazy scenario come to be?

Huh?

Huh. Here we are.

I almost killed him.

I am calling to confirm that you have the correct address?

I am sick of it.

I appreciate your appeal to my well know passion for athletics, and

I beg your pardon.

I call the hand.

I call the hand.

I can change my mind.

I can play this game all day.

I can. I'm Space Elder Britta.

I can't go all night being this angry.

I caused the situation by not topping off the tank, and

I demand it stay.

I don't care how we treat the dean tonight.

I don't know how. I'm over saturated with it.

I don't know, Karen.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't want anybody here blaming themselves for this.

I don't want to hear the word show again.

I forgive all of you.

I got nothing but fingers and time, pal.

I guess to make it really intriguing,

I have been driving for 25 years,

I have discovered the meaning of the giant hand.

I have something to apologize for as well.

I kinda hate you.

I know we're structurally overdue for a disaster.

I left a message.

I may have miscalculated the mileage.

I mean, what was it even?

I only draw limited comfort from the fact that nobody's running to unplug

I rewire the secondary battery to the engine and hope it can start it.

I saw all your true colors when the chips were down.

I set a flashback three weeks earlier.

I shouldn't be yelling at the dean in front of any of you,

I slapped a man.

I thought it would look really cool.

I thought you said you knew it wasn't a TV show.

I told you we need roadside service on Could you please hold?

I want everyone blaming Frankie.

I will drive my house off a cliff.

I, I don't plan for failure.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't poop.

I'd like to move that we establish this moment as the opening

I'd like to propose a heavy use of flashback in this episode.

I'll just, turn the light switch to the on position.

I'll put the watch in the garage.

I'll try to be a better house guest.

I'm a bad dean, okay?

I'm a verbal thinker, I'm not even sure I have an idea until I say it.

I'm an adult.

I'm foiled by its impenetrable post 2001 security measures.

I'm gonna check the battery.

I'm gonna go run to the other side and see if he's locked that door too.

I'm gonna go run to the other side and see if he's locked that door too.

I'm gonna walk the dog, and eventually leave you.

I'm here now, child.

I'm not sorry

I'm not telling you!

I'm pretty sure the answer is no.

I'm scaling the blanket rations inversely to the wattage of each person's

I'm sick of it.

I'm sorry but it doesn't apply to our situation.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I've been nailing it.

I've been trying to cut to three weeks earlier.

I've had some time to think about it, and I've decided, I'm sorry for not

Ideas, stories, pride, girls in soft sweaters, video games,

If I'm a child, you're a child abuser.

If it doesn't we're spending a very cold night with two dead batteries.

If it doesn't, then we're spending the night here, and

If there was ever a time to cut to three weeks earlier it'd be right now.

If there's no other business If we're doing this I'd

If there's no other business In a normal road trip story the first act

If there's no other business Let me just explain the need for

If there's no other business.

If there's no other business.

If there's no other business.

Intriguing scene with no context given encouraging you to wonder whoa,

Is everyone's phone charged?

Is not about being in the moment.

Is the time we spend letting go of others.

It didn't?

It exists.

It goes without saying that we've all learned to stop charging our phones.

It probably undercuts my goals to announce it out loud but

It'll have to be the disaster.

It's a good show, it's a bad show.

It's a show, it's not a show, it's your show, it's my show,

It's about a normal sized son.

It's gone. It's underneath the plastic or

It's how this story begins.

It's just sitting there in Memorial Day's shadow like a military Hanukkah.

It's my giant hand and I love it.

It's not about a giant hand, or a giant watch.

It's not good to be back.

It's not right that you're up here.

It's not that.

It's okay.

It's on empty!

It's on empty!

It's over Craig, you are lucky to have Frankie.

It's unprofessional.

Jeff? Abed, shut up.

Jeff.

Jeff.

Know what I mean?

Like newborn infants, we grab what comes near us, hoping to control it,

Like to restate importance of telling some of this story with flashback.

Like, the needle is invisible.

Man, I am dying up here.

Man, I wonder what they're talking about.

Maybe it'll come by this way if we offer them instruments?

Maybe the engine tried to use it as the fuel.

Maybe we did need a three weeks earlier flashback.

Meeting adjourned.

Meeting adjourned.

Meeting adjourned.

Most conventional weapons don't require electricity.

Much that you've never held.

My naive obsession with contrived flashback technique has kept me

Namely, that in spite of all we've experienced,

Nice uncontrollable question mark, Britta!

Nice. Careful you don't flood it.

No Abed, don't do it.

No, I can't hold.

No, I know what's important about the story, and

No, I mean, it's cold in the RV.

No, it's your RV.

No, no, no, we're not spending the night here, so what's the second option?

No, not cool, Annie.

No, that's what you always do.

No!

No.

No.

No.

Nobody knows why.

Nobody reroutes parades.

None possible.

Notable that the one we remember is the one with the theme of memory.

Now if we do run out of gas, guess who's got fully charged phones?

Now if we do run out of gas, guess who's got fully charged phones?

Now you can forget all about stupid three weeks earlier flashbacks and

Obviously something fell off the roof.

Oh my god, I fell for it.

Oh, damn, come on.

Oh, great.

Oh, I guess we'll not doing the three weeks earlier thing.

Oh, my God!

Oh, no.

Oh, okay, I remember thinking I really pulled that one off.

Oh, really?

Oh, stop yelling.

Oh, there's business.

Oh, you can't be serious.

Oh, you're right, that's way worse.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, I'm sorry about that apology.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay, let's switch the batteries then.

Okay, my apology now.

Okay, one, two, three.

Okay, that was pretty good.

Okay, this is like crate training a puppy.

Okay.

Okay.

One of us should be visibly injured in a way that makes you wonder how it

Ooh I never thought about that.

Over the same month.

Perhaps you recall earlier when it seemed as though we drove through

Phone.

Please don't.

Please hold.

Please.

Pretty comforting, huh?

Purchasing oversize items on the Internet.

Really feels like we needed that.

Reinforced.

Remember? No, I don't remember because it didn't happen.

Right, Britta?

Road side service, Moffett pass.

RV is full of crazy ladies.

Sarcasm, but I didn't actually bond with him.

Save our species?

Say nothing.

Says three weeks earlier.

Screw you!

Season two you mean?

See where that got you?

See?

She has.

She is the reason we are here.

Show, show, show, is a show, show, show.

Sitting in silence, crammed into an RV.

Sleep in bed with us.

So help me God.

So I rented Hotel Rwanda the other night.

So I rented Hotel Rwanda the other night.

So now it's a show about this?

So now, the secondary battery has maybe three or

So preventable.

So sad what happened here, all those centons ago.

So sad.

So then why the watch?

So, we'll just call the CIA, tell them we want to assassinate

Sorry for that, too.

Sorry I've been unavailable,

Sorry.

Space Elder Abed, can you reach backward with your mind and

Stop that.

Stop this.

Stuck in a Rocky Mountain pass at sundown, gradually freezing to death.

Sucking away our remaining battery.

Super realistic, Annie, you're a real sociopath.

Sure I can.

Sure I can.

Swarming with weird people's unvaccinated toddlers.

Talk to him.

Talking to the dean like a human.

Taste it, jam it into another child's eye.

Thanks Abed.

That the beginning story is now instead of then.

That vinyl accordion partition is a totem of distrust.

That way the person who killed us the most will die the soonest,

That'll never work.

That's a really stupid question, Annie.

That's great.

That's my arc.

That's not a real apology.

That's the fifth time you've reminded me not to flood something.

That's your arc.

The battery is dead.

The doors are locked on that side, too.

The fiberglass will preserve body heat.

The last thing we need is a panic.

The President, and we'll be home in time for Wheel of Fortune.

The problem is that we've already decided to take this trip weeks from now,

The question is what?

The real story is happening in the future.

The RV has two batteries, a primary, and a second Secondary.

The second act would be the trip ending with a disaster, and

The third act would be us getting back.

Then that solves the matter of the giant hand.

Then that solves the matter of the giant hand.

Then that solves the matter of the giant hand.

Then we have a choice to make.

Then you can talk about flashbacks forever.

There is a bright side to this.

There, that should do it

There's a cartoonish vampiric orgy of personal devices somewhere in the RV

There's no needle.

They never found his body on the ground,

They rerouted Kennedy's parade.

They should make hiking boots with a compass in the toe.

They're all in the same parade.

They're not

They're not traveling in time, dip ass.

They're sealed off behind this soundproof vinyl.

Think about it, it's the worst thing I've done on this trip.

This ball is yours or nobody's.

This giant hand, was sent to all of us as an invitation.

This is a flashback remember.

This is a lot of narrative pipe.

This is what happens when you make decisions outside the moment.

This isn't a bus. You're standing in my living room, kitchen, and bedroom.

This was my show.

This would be a challenging place to practice your stand up act.

Three weeks earlier.

To increase our mastery over the power to hold on.

Took you long enough.

Unless we make the decision, right now, that act one is a flashback, so

Until we had to deal with it, and say it without crying.

Way to make this about justifying your unmarketable sensibilities.

We are not sorry, we hate you!

We could wait for a couple of hours and

We could've put it outside the Art Department, or Biology, or

We got Britta'd, yes, I use it too.

We got no complaints.

We have to focus on what we can control.

We live at the end of a long driveway which often gets

We made the straps extra thick.

We overloaded the electrical system, and killed the engine battery.

We turned panic into preparedness.

We're all gonna die!

We're not in control of the gas, okay?

We're not selling it.

Well can I ask that it not be a show about you saying it's a show?

Well charged.

Well charged.

Well hello, guess who.

Well, apparently Armed Forces Day is the big one for tow truck drivers.

Well, stop being out of gas.

Well, there you go.

Well, where's that commitment to spinelessness when we're all admitting we

Wha, wha, what should do it?

What am I gonna do with the giant watch?

What are you gonna do with?

What are you guys talkin about?

What do you mean by restate?

What else can we talk about?

What happened?

What has gotten into you?

What the hell else are we supposed to do?

What the hell was that?

What would Arnold Schwarzenegger sound like if he was bit by Dracula?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? It's not a judgement, it's about biology.

What? Just trust me.

What's going on?

What's wrong with me if that's hot?

What's wrong with me if that's hot?

Whatever moment you were in the day you got on the Internet and

When they are the reason our son is Disappeared!

When they cut to three weeks earlier on TV,

When they put you on hold, hang up and call right back.

When they put you on hold, you hang up and you call right back.

When you tie the hand to the roof we'd like you to use extra thick straps

Which feels fair.

Which I am nicknaming little course of action.

Which means something even worse has to happen in act two.

Which means the end of act one won't be us going on the trip,

Which means the story starts with us already on the road,

Which proves he's still up there waiting.

Who are we kidding?

Who disappeared and it's all my fault, because I gave him a giant kite!

Who knows?

Who we'd eat first.

Why are you shocked that he's alienated?

Why do we call them elbows?

Why do you continue to buy giant size versions of everyday objects,

Why not arm knees?

Why would they put it in May?

Why you all looking at each other like that?

Winding through the mountain roads of Colorado with a 19 foot fiberglass

Wood working if we remove one of the fingers.

Would end with us deciding to go on the trip.

Wow, really?

Yeah, getting high.

Yeah, the one you put on hold.

Yeah, there's business.

Yeah, you were getting high.

Yeah, you were smoking pot.

Yep, here it is, Armed Forces Day, huh.

Yes, how could you not make that connection?

Yes!

Yes.

Yes. Charge your phones.

Yes. Yay.

You actually flashed back to now to help us.

You also thought that we were speeding cuz you kept seeing the same bird.

You are lying.

You bought this thing we can't return with money we don't have,

You can't even fake it!

You didn't give a damn about that.

You didn't say anything about six people sitting back there.

You don't belong up here.

You enjoy this.

You forgive us?

You get him to do something normal without abusing him.

You get it, don't you, Abed?

You have no sense of accountability.

You have to be lying.

You have, I haven't been.

You keep driving and nobody else needs to know about this, understand?

You know how sometimes a movie or a show begins on a random,

You know what, Annie Aah!

You know what?

You know what's important about the hand?

You know, I'm starting to suspect the unthinkable.

You know, when I agreed to hold this thing for you and the school,

You never just said, leave my hand where it is, I like it there.

You should be freaking out.

You thought that because you were high.

You turd!

You were getting stoned.

You will baby.

You, well, you could've told me that an hour ago.

You're all a bunch of bullies, and I will say, I'm sorry, however I want.

You're all right Frankie.

You're alone in the end zone.

You're dumb.

You're freaking me out.

You're like a child.

You're making it sound stupid on purpose.

You're not the first person to have dirty dishes, CD rom porn and

Your RV is full of crazy ladies, good bye.