Schitt's Creek - Season 2 Edit

A baby born in a prison cell does not know

A back room, or a dark basement to doodle in.

A brown bag, as a matter of fact.

A conflict of interest for you.

A conversation about this... You know, business.

A couple of pieces that might catch the eye.

A family of moths seem to have mistaken

A few blocks from here!

A handful of people showing up at a leisurely pace.

A happy anniversary?

A happy anniversary.

A key demographic this evening, you meant what?

A little but better than you.

A little healthy competition never hurt anyone.

A little more than you are,

A little um, stylish. A little elegant.

A lot about things, too.

A lot done around here.

A lot of pressing of the flesh, and greasing palms,

A lot to register, do you?

A mermaid, or something.

A new love of your life.

A nomination form for town council.

A pant fabric over the front and back okay.

A pillar of strength, and self healing.

A place like this.

A really good place right now?

A rumour about me running for council.

A Schitter? A Schitthead?

A slightly more contemporary look.

A story it is.

A thin stream, it's supposed to be a thin stream,

A tree of some kind just uh, over there.

A whole raisin.

A wise person telling you...

A year ago we had a staff of twenty five

About a half hour too early in the morning,

About affordable housing.

About me not doing anything.

About your high thread count linens...

About your singing group.

Absolutely.

Accepting free money.

After it's been on the floor?

After we broke up. It was almost annoying.

After we lost everything.

Against the wall here every day.

Ahh...

Alexander Wang once fired my friend over the smell

ALEXIS AND DAVID: Mm! Uh huh! Yeah! Mmm!

Alexis, I couldn't stop crying.

Alexis, seriously. I can't feel it!

Alexis, you're on my arm.

ALEXIS: David, the pedals make it move more!

ALEXIS: Don't stop! JOHNNY: No, it's nothing, it's probably an accident!

ALEXIS: Don't, David.

ALEXIS: Hey! Wait, can you help me please?

Alexis: I can still hear you!

Alexis: I don't have typhoid!

ALEXIS: I have something for you.

ALEXIS: I know we just met,

ALEXIS: Is that Stevie?

ALEXIS: Mm... it's creamy.

ALEXIS: Oh! Okay, then come here then, please, for a sec?

ALEXIS: Oh... okay, no. There was nothing.

ALEXIS: Okay, so you have to keep it upright.

ALEXIS: See David, this is what happens when you wash your face

ALEXIS: So I've been thinking about your job posting,

ALEXIS: Stop yelling!

ALEXIS: Ugh!

ALEXIS: Um, what is going on?

ALEXIS: What is that?

ALEXIS: Why is everybody screaming?!

ALEXIS: You're judging me! MUTT: I'm not!

Alexis! Please, dear!

Alexis?

Alexis?! I'm sleeping!

All I am saying is that you know,

All my self respect just right out the window.

All of us worried, and driving around

All right, don't spread it around.

All right, Johnny, uh, I guess just let me know

All right, oh, okay.

All right, so one o'clock, then? All right, terrific.

All right, you know what, I hate to break up this party,

All those big purchases, all that spending

All two hundred of them.

All you can eat buffet.

ALL: (Applauding)

ALL: (Laughing)

ALL: Cheers.

ALL: Moi ra! Moi ra! Moi ra! Moi ra!

ALL: Ohhh...

Also, this is probably the only job

Although it's really not that complicated,

Although, part of me is a little relieved.

An anniversary party every year.

An old family recipe.

And (giggles) Um...

And a janitor's mop on your head!

And a mood board, then?

And a precursor no doubt,

And a TV in every room.

And a zoo membership.

And all you two have done is complain about the food,

And an empty purse from two seasons ago!

And apparently quite prudish.

And awkward with those tiny doorways of yours.

And blend it really well. Uh huh. Uh huh.

And boy, did it hit me back.

And by breezy, I mean there's a slight but steady draft

And callipygian ass, while I had them.

And check in, so.

And close the store.

And compassion, when no one else showed

And could really get things done.

And David was such a little drama queen

And David, you will help me.

And David's missing. So...

And decided we'd take the scenic route home.

And deeply selfish, yet charming!

And dinner.

And do something interesting. You always do.

And Don and Borden are on their hands and knees,

And Elvis! I'm so glad you could make it.

And energy finding the few pieces that aren't um...

And even more specifically... the business community.

And eventually I will implement a plan.

And everything smelled like burnt hair.

And everything.

And get you back into the workforce.

And grab my bag.

And have dated.

And have tried to contribute to this town,

And he gets to push every button he can!

And he just gets all like, stubborn and selfish.

And he only speaks using sign language, but...

And he took it really, really well.

And he was my first kiss, but I don't know if I like,

And he was saying he had a problem with a muffler.

And he's asked me to get these things for him.

And help us "switch over our signs."

And her birthdays are still very well attended.

And her parents didn't notice,

And his entire compound was raided.

And how did he take that?

And I actually had to talk to him about that.

And I am almost positive now it wasn't cow's milk.

And I assumed that I would maintain my proficiencies,

And I can't deal with either right now.

And I can't have you not audition,

And I can't remember whether she's back

And I didn't want him to worry,

And I didn't.

And I didn't.

And I don't believe it's women with husbands.

And I don't care to relive my days as a secretary.

And I don't find it at all pleasurable.

And I don't I don't think that I'm in this enough

And I don't think your client will be very happy

And I don't wanna brag,

And I don't wanna tell you where I was thinking,

And I feel really bad about it.

And I get it, it's uncomfortable.

And I have decided that I am interested.

And I haven't been eating, and

And I hope this helps get you on your feet.

And I I can't... I don't...

And I just... don't know what to say.

And I just... pretended it wasn't happening.

And I know you two have a very special relationship.

And I may or may not have told her that to her face.

And I plan on putting a stop to that.

And I should've appreciated those firm round mammae,

And I sold the '93 Buick for $350 dollars.

And I think that's your best bet,

And I think you just approach these women

And I thought about bringing this up the other day,

And I totally get that.

And I want you to have this, you and Alexis.

And I was just like, I feel like I need to spend a few days

And I was like, this is great,

And I was president of the Video Retailers Association.

And I was sitting down Okay.

And I was you know, putting a lot of pressure on myself.

And I will be in touch.

And I will do it.

And I will not take no for an answer.

And I will one day,

And I would drive you. I was seven.

And I would love to regale you all night

And I... don't.

And I'm glad Roland has his space,

And I'm gonna have to let you go.

And I'm not just saying that

And I'm one very grateful dad.

And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be fine.

And I'm running a clean campaign.

And I'm sorry, obviously this has worked you up

And I'm trying to make sure

And I've always wanted one of these,

And I've been doing nothing but... treading water.

And I've been told you'd be the easiest one to crack.

And I've got no one to take care of my stepdaughter.

And I've kept it safe all these years.

And I've never been one to shy away from a good fight.

And if I like the place,

And If not, then you know, tomorrow.

And if we're gonna announce a new name,

And if you can get on the good side of these women,

And if you know a good ceramicist...

And if you need the cash...

And if you're any kind of a friend,

And if you're asking my opinion...

And ignorant perceptions of women like you.

And it cost less than the ring, so...

And it has been passed down through all the women

And it looks like this is a new card.

And it needs to breathe a bit, so...

And it won't happen again.

And it's been great.

And it's clear you have some strong ideas.

And it's it's messy.

And it's just really weird,

And it's memory foam! This must've cost a fortune!

And it's rare to find someone that beautiful, and smart,

And it's really helping, thank you.

And it's really important to me

And it's where we live.

And Ivan here, he's willing to do it for free.

And leave a ten spot over there for the hydro.

And let me tell you something, pal,

And let's be honest,

And like, a car would be nice, but do I need a car?

And like, help out a bit more.

And like, I haven't been sleeping,

And live at home. No offense, David.

And look at the apartment with me.

And making me feel guilty...

And many, many, many nights.

And maybe if we had talked more,

And meet you at your car, so.

And more focused on each other,

And my dad has developed more of a stutter,

And naturally I'll reimburse you for it.

And neither should you!

And no one really needs to worry.

And no one would hear you.

And nobody answered my texts?!

And nobody was taking the high parts.

And normally I'd be into it,

And not fan the flames of this provocative scandal

And not matter what happens do not tell them your real name.

And not necessarily relevant, so...

And not what was right in front of us.

And now he's a senator.

And now I know how it feels to be utterly helpless,

And now John, it's out there,

And now some lonely hoarder

And now we uh, have Eric here.

And now we walk by a mattress on the side of the road,

And on council?

And one foot on the ground, and then get the hell out of here!

And please keep in mind that

And pretend that you didn't leave us high and dry

And put 'em on the truck.

And regroup, and I just, I think it's so important.

And right now I'm in strategy mode,

And run for council!

And sales tactics. We're not over the skanky thing, are we?

And schooling Okay, What is happening here?

And sell our most expensive marble urn

And she ended up getting adopted by this really rich

And she hasn't left.

And she is single, so.

And she was in a regional production of "Annie."

And so he's coming this afternoon.

And so I am building a cedar chest for my sweaters.

And so I feel like I have the right temperament for it.

And so I had some of my students make these for you.

And so the dust just hasn't really settled

And so you bought me a bike!

And someone brought room temperature vodka.

And someone was offering you $10,000 to stop using the name

And started walking the streets.

And stayed asleep with no regard for my well being.

And suddenly I had people to do everything for me.

And take their signs.

And that hair.

And that involves... event planners

And that is not me!

And that is not what I'm talking about!

And that it was fake.

And that skin.

And the government pays you back for it.

And the logo looked great on a golf shirt.

And the magazine is celebrating her ingenuity!

And the next thing they do is drive out of town

And the performance was so riveting,

And the right... salesperson.

And the skanky blouse.

And then and then you pull it, and it just snaps, okay?

And then a citywide clean up,

And then bringing them down really hard.

And then he sort of mentions the Buick.

And then he's um... Jacob.

And then I remembered Gwen's nephew, Eric, here,

And then I show up.

And then I would've said,

And then I'd probably source out a bagel oven,

And then I'll organize the rest so you can grab 'em,

And then I'm also Jacob.

And then there's the whole Mutt issue,

And then they're just stuck for the rest of their life,

And then we both agreed that even though the sex was amazing

And then we get off, it's almost not worth it.

And then we get the blueberry cream cheese.

And then we'll just go from there.

And then what happens?

And then you and I are gonna sit down, update your resume,

And then you can have the floor.

And then you dated him...

And then you try it on and make sure it fits you,

And then, we'll see where that gets us.

And there already is a bagel shop in Elmdale.

And these poked a hole in the bottom and fell out.

And they are gonna pay me $10,000

And they are gonna pay me to use their name here.

And they need the name.

And they pulled him out a week ago.

And they want the name,

And this is how I'm teaching you!

And this one was quite the success.

And those people! Yeah...

And to answer your question, yes, there is parking.

And tonight, I'm wanting to meet someone.

And tragically, they won't be there.

And travelling, hit the beach pretty hard for a few weeks.

And uh, because we're not leaving,

And uh, I'll find something else for you to do.

And uh, it just didn't work for them.

And uh, just so you know, garage opens at eight,

And uh, perhaps a tad paranoid.

And uh, well, I got to thinking,

And um, a bagel Baker.

And um, see what happens?

And used his mayoral power

And very generous.

And we can't afford to eat right now, so.

And we didn't know the other person was stepping out,

And we didn't want all the food to go to waste, so.

And we didn't want to offend them,

And we made it work for like half a regime change, so...

And we want to discuss the

And we'll see where that takes us.

And we'll use her as a bargaining chip.

And we're gonna talk about boys that we both know,

And when that is not appreciated,

And while you were gone,

And while you're here, by yourself,

And who knows elegance better than you, pal?

And write them off!

And yet, he uses that against you.

And you and Mutt not wearing near enough clothing.

And you didn't leave town, so...

And you dress so well.

And you had a lot on your mind.

And you have no one to blame but yourself!

And you haven't told me what they are yet,

And you know whose name came to mind?

And you know, someone said it might be a nice project for me.

And you know, this is so awkward for a father

And you need to talk more, and listen less.

And you speak your mind.

And you with Robert Blake.

And you wouldn't really appreciate them.

And you, Audrey, you manage a team of accountants,

And you, Tara,

And you're all very busy, so why don't we reschedule this

And you're on the rebound, so text me when you're dressed.

And you're welcome.

And your phone was off!

And, drive me to the interview.

And, um, florists.

And, um, I think Now is not a good time.

And... airy in here,

And... second, I told myself that I would enjoy

Any more than is necessary.

Any of that vodka left?

Anyway, I'm actually really looking forward to this.

Anyway, if you've seen the state of my sweaters,

Anyway, it made a lot of people sick,

Anyway, it's great to see you, Alexis.

Anyway, just just uh, keep that in mind, and um...

Anyway, we can't be here, we need to go.

Anyway.

Apparently there is a Blouse Barn in Australia

Apparently, I have been using the name without their permission.

Are a little bit rocky right now.

Are a little suspect.

Are supposed to say to each other?

Are the mannequins a little too busty?

Are they being used for something,

Are we ready to order, councilor?

Are you capable of making an executive decision?

Are you enjoying your coffee?

Are you sure that you're cut out for this?

Are you?

Arghh!

Arghhhh! (Sniffles)

Around here aren't really used to,

As a guest bedroom.

As a regular person!

As an actress in television, which I put on hold

As cute in this town.

As everybody else.

As incriminating, so...

As it was an example of an idea.

As its bed, but we do.

As long as I could prove that I didn't actually make it

As long as it gets cleaned up at some point.

As long as you make extra for us,

As two people who used to um... be well, um...

As you can see, it's light and breezy.

As you women put into your businesses every day.

Asian family in Vancouver,

Asking for me, which I thought was very nice of you.

At "Kiss Kiss."

At $200 dollars!

At a blouse store?

At a clothier in Elmdale.

At a store like that?

At an apartment by myself!

At an awkward moment in our parent/child relationship.

At an upscale boutique.

At exactly the same time!

At my place.

At that AmFar dinner?

At that motel.

At the beginning,

At the last minute, John.

At the Los Passions Couples Resort told me

At the Ritz in Paris, you know, that sort of...

At the same time, and you're just standing there.

At the Sarkosy's.

At these things. Ooh, look at that mattress!

At this local drinkery?

Awww!

Back at the motel. Yeah...

Back from the salt mines.

Bar waiting to get laid?

Beautiful little poem.

Because all I'm saying is that it's nice to not talk,

Because anything you buy for the store is a write off.

Because before you were saying

Because before you were saying this isn't office space.

Because Dick Sinson is gonna be riding his bike

Because I already offered you the job.

Because I can't afford to lose any customers right now, Johnny,

Because I didn't want you to back out on me,

Because I don't remember seeing your application

Because I have a hard time with Australians.

Because I have been thinking about asking you that question

Because I have not taught you life's basic skills.

Because I kept picturing you diseased and all alone.

Because I know that it's light, and spacious,

Because I know you and David had a...

Because I need to present this coupon to the waiter first.

Because I said that I missed spin class.

Because I'm having a friend over.

Because I've never felt anything after a break up.

Because if you don't, I think it could lead to just

Because it's only me and Carol here.

Because my little lady had all of her lawn signs disappear.

Because no, you can't mention any of this to her,

Because now we can just express how we feel through silence.

Because someone gave him more than a cheap card!

Because that name on the wrong girl would just...

Because their upper lip sort of...

Because then I would have to pay you back,

Because there's another Blouse Barn in Australia

Because there's only one restaurant.

Because they're doing so well in life.

Because this man has a woman's touch.

Because this pie is scorching!

Because this poor town is sliding into disarray.

Because we do offer bereavement discounts.

Because we're only one small step above dial up here.

Because you gave me the distinct impression

Because you have much bigger plans.

Because you know what they say, if you can't be by yourself,

Because you seem so upset by it all.

Because you were right.

Because you're so thoughtful and perceptive.

Because you're uh... you...

Because you've only got one more chance at this, all right?

Before they steal my truck, yes?

Before we made any major decisions

Before you can assume somebody is dead.

Before you suggested it.

Being filmed out there that I'm not aware of?

Believe me when I tell you, if elected,

Best wishes to you.

Better you than a stranger in a storm cellar!

Between us that need to be adjusted

Between you two right now?

BEV AND DON: Oh!

BEV: Good evening.

BEV: Hmm! Here's a funny story.

BEV: Muah! Muah!

BEV: Something in agriculture, by the looks of it?

BEV: This is cozy. Hello. JOCELYN: Hi.

BEV: Well oh, yes! DON: That would be great!

Big bulbs is not doing it for me.

Blechhh! That's no necessary!

Blouse Barn Australia is paying you

Bob that's not it, no.

Bob wants us to meet?!

Bob, I don't want your check.

Bob, you know, this bagel shop idea was just an idea.

Bob, you know, we are... so f...

Bob, you're in the room.

BOB: Hey Johnny, you know I like to keep some milk

BOB: Hey, Johnny. Keepin' busy, or uh... hardly workin'?

BOB: No, I know, it's your space.

BOB: Oh. Well, uh...

BOB: So there was just one baby in prison,

BOB: Well, that just doesn't work, I mean,

BOTH: Ahem!

Bottom line, we're standing in your way

Breathe... breathe!

Bring it in, big guy.

Buh bye! Sorry, Johnny.

Bungalow... that

But "Us Weekly" once described me as "up for anything."

But $50?

But again, I think we can talk them down.

But again, it's all it's all you. So...

But also because she was adventurous, carefree,

But ambitious intern who's new to the city.

But apparently I'm not allowed to say that?!

But apparently, he was misinformed.

But at least it provided a buffer between us,

But believe me, one day you will look at those photos,

But boy, do you all love your bagels!

But call me if you happen to get off work early.

But can you imagine? No!

But decided against it, for some reason.

But Dick Sinson is the fella whose car you just sold.

But do you know how much a bagel oven costs?

But even if this bagel shop was a viable idea...

But everyone's allowed a mistake, am I right?

But good work. Thank you.

But her computer is several years old,

But here we are talking, so, what the hell.

But I am a quick study.

But I booked a restaurant in Elmdale,

But I can't leave Mittens alone.

But I couldn't find a cocktail shaker,

But I do have one thing.

But I don't actually work "here..." in the garage.

But I don't see how that is gonna help Dick Sinson!

But I don't work for the garage. I'm...

But I for one am not going to prison.

But I gotta say, it's a lot more fun

But I guess my texts haven't been getting through,

But I have a pretty stellar radar for being able to tell

But I have dealt with a lot of receptionists before,

But I have every confidence that they are brilliant.

But I haven't seen much effort on their part.

But I just thought, why not shake it up?

But I just wasn't sure if it was cute.

But I just, I physically couldn't do it!

But I ran out of money, and forgot my phone charger.

But I think he needs a couple more nights

But I think I'm going to take some time

But I think it's gonna be kinda nice to make money and stuff,

But I think that the important thing

But I think what's important right now,

But I thought that they might help.

But I would like my little lady to win this campaign.

But I would say you still look pretty spectacular.

But I'd love for you to get to know me.

But I'm an anomaly.

But I'm glad that my fashion pony is working.

But I'm here for you, and hope this helps.

But I'm so comfortable!

But I've always believed that you lead

But if I were to run,

But if Prince Harry trusted me with his life,

But if you're here a few minutes before that, even better!

But in the off chance that you're not,

But it tastes exactly like the butter we had

But it was a small room in my house,

But it was also wrong.

But it was kind of a... political schmoozefest.

But it's a little steep.

But it's a write off, so I don't

But it's been put on the body of what I can only assume

But it's only a cold, and I just need to get better.

But Ivan's about to hand in his notice

But keep in mind I did start Rose Video

But my secretary just quit,

But no, I have lost all my skills.

But not nearly mature or stable enough to marry.

But of course you never do.

But only when you act like a big child!

But she has myriad qualities worth voting for.

But she worked in a mental institute.

But some things have changed on our side,

But statistics tell us you have a 48 hour window

But taking my wife's signs?

But thank you for the vote of confidence.

But thanks for stopping by.

But that's not gonna help me when I am down to a Costco card

But that's okay! 'Cause you're a woman now!

But that's what makes it great.

But the early Elvis, not the...

But the gist of it is I'd be a shoo in,

But the good news is, we've replaced the ceiling fan,

But the irony is the people next door are completely deaf,

But then again, I guess you don't really have

But then at the same time I was just kinda like,

But then they had their own kid,

But then you talked me out of it! But that's okay!

But there would be animals around all the time?

But there's definitely he's looking inward.

But these treats are actually gonna go on sale next week,

But they found him, you should go.

But they left a dead bird inside.

But they're coming this afternoon!

But this is my office, and I do have a lot of work to do,

But uh, I get that that's all part of the planning,

But uh, I pulled a few strings.

But uh, you're more than welcome to take it

But um, it was so nice to finally meet you,

But um, it's good that we don't have to do that anymore.

But um... shouldn't we be s

But we're not talking heroin here.

But what does that mean really?

But what I bring is a certain sophistication,

But when I... had to go on our honeymoon without you,

But with all due respect,

But with the family there,

But with you, it just...

But yeah, it's salty.

But you gotta promise not to tell Alexis.

But you know Alexis will!

But you know what, we're not.

But you know, if a client of yours came in here,

But you still have... Considerable overhead.

But you're free, Doris, and, in a way, so is Mittens.

But you're going to be the only man here this evening.

But you're just not the perfect boyfriend for me.

But you're still talking about it.

But you're the first one to get sick here,

But your beard is like, my favorite thing about you!

But your disgusting clothes are all stuffed under there,

But, is this car your home?

But, luckily, I'm a step ahead of ya.

But, um, the upside, um...

But! But the good news is, you're not.

But... mummy's gotta fight for her solo.

By a concerned citizen.

By just raising your hands over your head,

By looking like you're enjoying this conversation

By Somali pirates for a week,

By some lovely gentleman she's yet to meet,

By the South Korean Secret Police on New Year's?

By your bed, waving her hands over your face.

Bye. Well, good news, folks!

Can I get you to take a quick look at my muffler?

Can I help you cling to lies, and not drive you to Elmdale?

Can I put you on hold?

Can I tell you something?

Can let me know before you order?

Can no one find nude photos of me on the internet?!

Can now come over for dinner

Can turn into a media circus.

Can you ask her if she has any extra bedspreads?

Can you believe it?

Can you imagine? No! (Laughs)

Can you just... let me know about that?

Can you pick up some new toilet paper?

Can you put some of them towards the electricity bill?

Can't you tell by how upscale the boutique is?

Carve out some time in a day to just escape.

Carved into the side of it, so it's really clear

Certain instincts you just don't lose.

Checking on the animals, and now some house calls,

Christie McFadden accidentally nailed her hand

Christmas cracker!

Cold air whistling in and out,

Come by around eight.

Come on, you made some great choices today.

Come on!

Come see this! What?

Come sit.

Conflicted about the whole thing.

Congratulations, Moira.

Congratulations!

Considerably in this town. It's not worth it.

Considering she came in well, we both did

Corrective leg braces for three months.

Could be.

Could I get a form, Roland? Please?

Could not have been more generous

Could see how he was eyeballing that Buick.

Could you come out here, please?

Could you stand, and excuse us?

Crawling through the doggie door in the kitchen!

Cultured, man of the world.

CUSTOMER: Hello? Anyone here?

Cut off from all medical services!

Dad, can you bring me some juice?

Dark things.

DAVID AND ALEXIS: A helmet!

David and I will manage!

David has spent the last three days on a farm.

David must've taken it, along with my last molecule of hope!

DAVID Well, that was quick.

David, Alexis!

David, I have an urgent campaign related question:

David, let us help you with your bags!

David, what is this?!

DAVID: As if you think that's what I listen to!

DAVID: Can you stop banging on the wall?!

DAVID: Have you seen my black shoe?

DAVID: Honestly? Nothing is more natural...

DAVID: How did it go?

DAVID: It's very quiet in here, Ray,

DAVID: Miriam makes the most delicious butter.

DAVID: Nobody get a camera! STEVIE: David! Over here!

DAVID: Nope, these are the enchiladas.

David: Okay, so I've pulled a few options.

DAVID: Okay, you're saying this was circulated around town?

DAVID: Then get them to turn it down!

DAVID: You know, being approachable isn't that important anyway,

David!

David! What does burning smell like?!

Dick Sin Sinson!

Dick Sin Sinson!

Did he invite you to his wood shop?

Did I get the job? Yeah, yes. You got the job.

Did I leave out a letter?

Did you know Jocelyn is running?

Didn't want to burn a bridge.

Different people come in.

Do I have a fever, though?

Do I have to remind you of the time