☊ Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - Season 5 Soundboard

A brand new sandwich called the "Larry David."

A check!

A couple of hours?! What, are you kidding?

A couple of hours.

A girl... I would worship Jane...

A guy in a suit is taking my paper?

A guy in a suit? Huh?

A higher rate than I charge most people.

A hotel? Hotels are good. You know, there's a lot of activity

A jerk.

A little chicken?

A lot of noise sometimes. Am I right?

A lot of people who have managers and friends need kidneys.

A minute later Ruth wins.

A Mr. Louis Lewis...

A pair of fours.

A plus. My best student of the day.

A skirt steak...

A suicide email?!

A suit's a good cover if a guy's gonna steal a paper.

A very, very dear friend of mine actually...

A young, fresh kid out of college just needs the opportunity.

About a week ago, and he moved back in with her.

About me being... adopted?

About to pull the plug? Are you crazy?

About you in the L.A. Magazine.

About your behavior last night at the banquet.

Absolutely. Come on.

Absolutely. Put it on.

According to one of the brothers, you said,

Actually, my housekeeper.

Actually, that might be Jeff calling about the temple tickets.

Actually, they named a sandwich after me.

Adopted?

Ah, all right, all right. I don't even like it.

Ah, jesús!

Ah! Um...

Ah.

Ahem, he grazed the ship.

Ahem.

Ahh, chicken teriyaki boy!

Ahh.

Aka Peter the tork,

All right, and...

All right, come on in for a second. You can come in.

All right, everybody. Are we ready to start another game?

All right, give it to him. Give it to him.

All right, great. Hey

All right, great. Little tattletale.

All right, hold on.

All right, I'll be there in like 10 minutes.

All right, I'll get some scalper tickets.

All right, I'll see you in about 10 15 minutes.

All right, I'll see you, uh, soon.

All right, I'll take the test.

All right, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do for you.

All right, I'm going to the bathroom.

All right, I'm gonna get something to eat.

All right, is it my imagination?

All right, it's gonna be fun. I love golf.

All right, just give me my key.

All right, let me give you a clue, okay?

All right, Mr. David.

All right, Mr. David. What's this call regarding?

All right, now go into the kitchen. Go in the kitchen.

All right, okay, okay.

All right, Sheriff!

All right, so what... what do I owe you? I owe you money.

All right, that sounds good.

All right, uh...

All right, what else you got?

All right, whatever you said just now,

All right, whatever.

All right, you know what?

All right, you must... missed "passion of the Christ."

All right, you're welcome.

All right!

All right.

All right. All right, kiddo.

All right. I am so bummed out.

All right. I'll get your jacket back.

All right. I'll talk to you later.

All right. Man, take it easy.

All right. Thanks for your help.

All right. What the hell. What's the harm?

All right... Pima! Pima!

All the bow ties or something?

All the information from the wife who doesn't hold any secrets.

All you do all day long is this Blackberry thing.

All you need are flip flops and jeans.

All: Hi, nat.

Almost broke my hand with that shake.

Am I detecting a little... Daytime sex here?

Anchorman: this has been the third hold up

And a portobello mushroom salad.

And apologize for the whole kamikaze statement

And at no point, he says to you, "hey, what about the fat guy"

And be uncomfortable?

And before we go, I want to say something to you guys

And call it a day, no. That's not how it works.

And Cheryl was mocking me for wearing a coat,

And come back here where we're going to be getting married.

And come down and join us for the rest of the seder.

And crash the plane into a ship?

And do you, Marla, take this man, Mark,

And don't tell me, after that game

And don't worry about that other thing.

And everyone's always accepted it quite graciously.

And gave it to his daughter and didn't tell me why.

And gonna be alone on passover,

And he remembered what I said and he got me this.

And he started choking and couldn't breathe

And he tried, he didn't actually kill himself.

And he was your favorite. You liked him more than Palmer...

And he'd really appreciate it.

And he's resting.

And her... I see her leave with the same uniform.

And hold the date of the 14th

And I could ask that kid Wilson, to go with me.

And I couldn't hear the waiter because some of your brothers

And I couldn't help but mention the...

And I couldn't help but notice

And I feel like I have to tell you.

And I finally got it back.

And I got so worked up I lost control of my car

And I have Larry David's place card right next to hers.

And I have to say,

And I kind of invited him to the seder.

And I know it takes place on Wednesdays and Fridays.

And I looked in the front seat and the trunk.

And I mean no disrespect.

And I mean this. I admire the both of you.

And I prefer to leave it at that.

And I said, "Larry, would you like to make a toast?"

And I say that it happens every single time.

And I should be rewarded for that foresight, not punished.

And I should have something to you soon.

And I was smart, you know, to bring the jacket.

And I was... I was putting it back on.

And I won your dollar.

And I'll get in a lawsuit or something. Who the hell knows?

And I'll tell you what,

And I'm a huge "Seinfeld" fan.

And I'm a single woman.

And I'm deposited right on the beach.

And I'm gonna hide this, and you've got to go find it.

And I'm not gonna... I don't want to get into that whole game.

And I'm trying to get Richard Lewis moved up on the list.

And I've written her a letter.

And if I hook one up I call you tonight.

And if my cousin stays in that coma,

And is not expected to survive.

And is seeing his secretary.

And it seemed like you two were the same size.

And it's kind of like, you know, if you have a driver's license

And it's missing.

And it's warm and sweet.

And just see if there's anybody who you recognize.

And let me ask you a question: You like this sweater?

And not wanting to ruin the party.

And only Muslims get 'em? What the fuck, Larry?

And out goes y o u.

And play a round of golf with Gary player.

And sable.

And said she didn't call one of the numbers.

And satin?

And see exactly what the community needs...

And she gives the dollar to her friend.

And she wants to know what it's regarding.

And someone said, "Larry went home to take a shit."

And somewhere... I'm not religious at all...

And start rifling through her underwear.

And stay away from her, will you?

And that's it.

And the Asian salad. A strange combination,

And the only issue, of course, is the size,

And the other people stay in.

And then another 77 years, you got w.

And then became fearful, I guess it's possible.

And then he and Marla broke up.

And then if they have the right kidney, then they have the surgery...

And then it's a whole process of... you know,

And then snack on pistachio nuts!

And then the boy went right over and found the matzah.

And then they make up for it with something like this.

And then you write it and you put it on the TV

And then, and then go away into the night as if nothing happened.

And then, I left the hipsters,

And then, what did I say? I said,

And they were talking about Israel

And they've always introduced it with "We need to talk."

And this is my wife Cheryl.

And this will be the kidney decider, all right?

And to have lunch with you, and 18 holes of golf, what a way to have a day.

And to have to overcome

And walked right on out of here!

And wanting to buy a bra for me,

And we don't know the alarm code or anything.

And we got to talking.

And we're turning the whole damn world around.

And we've got so many cocky people in this country.

And what about you sweeping the chips off the table?

And what they believe and don't believe.

And what'd you think?

And what's all this mincing around? What is this?

And when women broke up with you,

And who can blame them? It's like a happy couple.

And whoever finds the matzah is gonna get a dollar.

And you just completely put it out of your head.

And you just started talking to a stranger?

And you know what else?

And you know, we can't leave the house.

And you shoot yourself swinging and then analyze your swing frame by frame

And you too. I mean, as soon as you get sick,

And you're going to love it. Just trust me.

And you're turning it into a bad thing.

And... you know...

Andy, he didn't send me anything for my birthday. He always sends...

Andy: Okay, watch the step.

Andy: This is my jacket! It's mine!

Andy: What is with you?

Another perfect one. Who's ready?

Antoinette tracked her down.

Any day

Any luck in finding the guy that...

Any progress on, uh...

Any relative who would know, they're all dead.

Any sign of anything, I'm just...

Anything you can find out about his guy would be fantastic...

Anyway, I replaced the four iron with a nine wood.

Anyway, it's okay. There's extenuating circumstances here.

Anyway, you just need a nail. Get a nail, hammer and a nail,

Apparently, I've got to spot him in a line up or something.

Are becoming very friendly in that nursing home

Are brothers and sisters a little overly sensitive

Are these pickles?

Are you all right?

Are you coming to my parents' 25th anniversary party?

Are you crazy? Are you insane?

Are you gentlemen used to hanging out with known felons?

Are you going to temple for the High Holy Days?

Are you gonna try some of this eel?

Are you having fun or what?

Are you kidding me?! I was consoling her! I was touching her hair.

Are you kidding? I don't have a big vagina.

Are you kidding?!

Are you loving that? Is that fantastic?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you positive, Mark?

Are you ready to do eeny meeny?

Are you saying I have dirty feet?

Are you sure?

Are you? Boy. That's very nice of you, thank you.

Aren't you a cosmetic surgeon?

Aren't you supposed to be in here?

As much as the women know. You know, it's their equipment.

Asking her to buy a bra.

At a Jack in the box with some guy and now I'm his alibi.

At the fact that she was dating a boy.

At's funny. Part of the perk of being a doctor.

Aw, come on man. You're already in the doghouse,

B 11.

B 4.

Back up into this fucking hotel

Bad fingers. Hurt my fingers.

Banzai!

Basically what I'm saying is,

Bathroom key.

Be helping my community.

Because he had on a suit.

Because he took it in the bathroom and contaminated it.

Because he's an organ donor, and his organs need to be free.

Because I couldn't put my fingers through your dainty cup!

Because I know in the movies you guys tend to make

Because I never let anyone

Because I told him to try and find out. Hello?

Because I want to show it to Hefner

Because it's nice. You connect

Because maybe she's afraid that you'll find out

Because once it's in the hip, then you're gone. They all say you're gone.

Because we talk, Larry.

Because you woke her up with those things in your shoes,

Because, you know I got my father in law here.

Before we came, I was taking the coat

Before you can leave a party.

Being that we are a forgiving people, I have decided

Ben heineman.

Besides family and my work

Best birthday a fellow could ever have.

Big bosomseverywhere you look.

Big gray house with white columns.

Big time conservative. Do you want to bring him to the seder?

Bingo!

Bingo?

Bingo's a distraction.

Both of your blood types are compatible with Mr. Lewis

Both: Celtics!

Boy, I tell you something, this is one hell of a titty festival.

Boy, they sure make a lot of noise.

Bra shopping.

Bra.

Bridget: Maybe.

Broke my hand with that handshake!

Brr.

Buddy up to him. Kiss his ass. Who knows?

Bullshit? No, it's not bullshit.

But anyway, because my father's coming to visit,

But everything I look for, gone!

But he likes this one.

But he's home from the hospital.

But honestly, I haven't seen a handicapped person in the bathroom,

But I am not bringing my black ass

But I can't get a hold of him. Maybe he's stuck in traffic.

But I cannot go to the baseball game on the sabbath,

But I don't know any naked women. My wife, that's the only one I know.

But I figured maybe it was somebody that you knew

But I got a distressing call today

But I got some bad news.

But I had a burger with a...

But I like that one.

But I prefer the other one.

But I think if she gets the letter,

But I was... I had the bra in my hand,

But I would be happy to do this for you.

But I... I wouldn't have said anything! You

But I'm gonna have to charge you

But I'm not really a fish guy.

But I'm pretty sure

But I'm still not 100% sure that he said it.

But it goes down easy, and it comes out fast.

But it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with him.

But it'll wash out, it's fleece.

But it's a ******* thing. It's sort of like a tradition, you know?

But it's sick and you better fix those goddamn shoes too!

But look...

But not a minute before.

But rather...

But something should be done. Either... you know what?

But the bad news is that I can stand the sandwich, between you and me.

But the doctor prefers this one.

But the thing about the smart pig that made his house of bricks,

But there is something wrong with it.

But trust me, it's just... It's not gonna work out.

But we don't snack and apologize...

But we thought they would be festive if they were appropriately sized.

But we'll have him here for awhile.

But what can I say?

But what... I wonder what turned it around.

But why would he say I'm a doctor? I would know if I'm a doctor.

But yet, I'm a very good doodler.

But you are an employee of mine.

But you don't go into someone's car and take their coat.

But you need a ticket, and I've got my tickets.

But you're gotta do one thing... you gotta call Yoshi at home

But you're not gonna get somebody like me.

But, ahem... I've also

But, you know, he's...

But, you know, I'm sort of new to the neighborhood.

But, you know, uh... that's all.

By the looks of things, better than ever.

By the way, jesús... Jesus... either one?

By the way, my in laws can't go skiing,

By the way, thank you for carpooling with us.

By the way, were they with shells or without?

By the way, where's Rosie O'Donnell?

By the way...

By your logic, I'm the one who should.

Bye.

Call me back when you hear from them.

Call me Mr. Tibbs.

Calling some bingo games or something?

Came over, looked at my card

Can I get a pastrami, corned beef thing?

Can I help you?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Can you believe I bet the clippers? What kind of moron am I?

Capers.

Cedars Sinai, okay. We'll be right there. Bye.

Changed my whole life, man. I mean, without it,

Check out the bow tie here.

Cheryl and I were having a conversation the other night.

Cheryl, he's a Jew. He's a Jew!

Cheryl, you need to tell the whole table?

Cheryl: Larry, come on

Cheryl: Oh my god, that is so great.

Cheryl: Scared to go to bed

Cheryl: So somebody borrows your jacket,

Cheryl: The playboy mansion? That's where you were?

Cheryl: What took you so long? Where were you?

Cheryl: Who drank all the beer?

Cheryl: You don't walkaround looking...

Cheryl... right now, look at this... are you..

Chicken teriyaki boy!

Chicken teriyaki.

Chicken!

Chicken! Chicken!

Chicken.

Christ's sake.

Close your eyes. Don't look

Cofey is here!

Cofey!

Cofey?

Coma in the hospital. How long can he go on?

Comas are unpredictable for Christ's sake.

Comas are very unpredictable.

Come here. Come here. Look at this

Come in.

Come on over here. This here is Jeff.

Come on, come on. What's the matter, honey?

Come on, hand me the jacket.

Come on, how's that possible?

Come on, it's just Wanda. It's just Wanda.

Come on, let's get him some help.

Come on, man. What is that? What's up with that?

Come on, pfft, beat it.

Come on, that's out. I nixed that.

Come on, you took the test. You're a match. Are you gonna give me the kidney or not?

Come on. Come on. Invite 'em.

Come on. We'll be "going to a movie" or something.

Come through for me. Thank you.

Come, sit down. We'll sit, we'll talk a little bit.

Congratulations!

Congratulations! Good for you.

Congratulations.

Considering it's none of your business, I had better use for the money.

Converse, Adidas, I know all that stuff.

Could a ball worth an excess of $20,000

Could handle a big load i think, you know?

Could he have lost face or have been ashamed

Could I have you step up to the glass?

Could wake up in five seconds, five minutes,

Could you do me a favor? They won't let me order any food

Could you leave the room? It's like calling for a date.

Could you tell him I called?

Could've had something to do with the stroke?

Couldn't get any dates, so you went back?

Cousin of actor comedian Richard Lewis, is in a coma

Cover your ears. Okay, I'm gonna hide it now.

Dad! Dad, I'm coming in.

Dan, Danny, come over here. I want you to meet somebody.

Daytime sex? I love daytime sex.

De nada.* de nada.

Dennis, hey!

Did he copy other people?

Did I interrupt the praying? I'm sorry.

Did I leave my cell phone in your house?

Did I replace the nail?

Did Larry David leave his cell phone in the house?

Did the pizza place call by any chance?

Did they have anything at the gallery?

Did you get the news? Huh?

Did you know that a sex offender moved into the neighborhood?

Did you light up like that?

Did you read the memo of the check I sent you, Larry?

Did you remember to call your mother?

Did your parents ever mention anything to you

Did...

Didn't you have some idiot cousin living out here or something?

Die, die, die!

Distracting?

Do a little check into it. That's all I ask.

Do black men who aren't Muslims ever wear bow ties?

Do me a favor? For the rest of the night, just leave us alone.

Do Muslims shake?

Do not even think about it.

Do not pick up that phone.

Do you have something against receptionists?

Do you know anything about this game, doctor,

Do you know what that means?

Do you mind if l... if I, uh...

Do you want coffee, dessert, on the house?

Do you want your life changed, Jesus?

Doctor!

Doctor.

Doctor...

Doctors don't like to have their authority questioned.

Does she know what she's doing?

Does she like you that much or does she dislike me that much?

Doesn't he have a... a cousin?

Doesn't help me any. Schmuck.

Don't answer that.

Don't even waste your time talking to this man.

Don't like the support things, they're uncomfortable.

Don't look!

Don't they have a screening process of some kind?

Don't try to pretend you're concerned.

Don't underestimate bingo.

Don't you feel good about doing this for Richard?

Don't you think that's ironic?

Don't, don't try to get involved.

Don't... don't worry about it.

Don't... don't worry. I'm sure he was gonna tell you.

Douche bag.

Drawn to landscaping work.

Drink of water here!

Drives a gold Cadillac

Edible underwear!

Edible undies?

Eeny meeny miney moe, catch a tiger by the toe

Eeny meeny miney moe, catch a tiger by the toe. If he hollers, let him go.

Eeny meeny miney moe. What do I care?

Eh, I don't like it there so much. You know.

Eh, oh... okay

Eh!

Either one, si. It's okay

Either way, it's still a favor. Okay.

Either way, right?

Emergency boob job, no doubt.

End of discussion, moot point.

Enough with the tooth fairy!

Especially Yankees. I love to ski.

Ethel, hi, how are you?

Ethel: Larry. Larry.

Even if I had someone, how are you gonna get out of here anyway?

Even if you're married to her.

Even with the mercury.

Every day is a gift.

Everybody have a nice big swig of wine.

Everybody here seems to know, but the rules don't apply to you?

Everybody parked in front of my house. Everybody here,

Everybody's got the car parked in front of my...

Everyone?

Everything's gonna be all right.

Exactly.

Exactly. The dog is racist.

Excuse me for having a curious mind

Excuse me, could you just keep it down a little bit?

Excuse me, excuse me. You know what? I'm sorry.

Excuse me, sir. I'm gonna need to see your ticket.

Excuse me, uh, no. Just some gefilte fish.

Excuse me, you're not giving your fucking kidney.

Excuse me? You wouldn't happen to know

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Fair enough. Good answer.

Family. Fuck family.

Father. Blood thinner.

Feel free to try on anything here that you want.

Fell?

Fine, let Lewis decide. Yeah, sure sure.

Fine, no it's not... Of course it's not for you.

Fine, you go with the pharmacist.

Fine. That's your job.

First of all, I want to thank you...

First of all, I'm really sorry about the other day.

First of all, she makes the best chicken salad.

First, how did you find me?

First, the person who... Has to be tested,

Five years! You don't know. You just don't know.

Flip a coin, man.

For "the passion of the Christ."

For an entire week... Yes, every day.

For his kidney transplant.

For Pete's sake, I've...

For putting me up on the board...

For some reason. Something drew me to the water.

For the way you treated him at the seder?

For those of you who don't know, I'm sure you don't,

For what?

For your sweetheart or your wife? Girlfriend?

Forget it. I would have to come up with somebody else.

Forget the whole thing. I don't want my kidney.

French fries, and a diet coke.

Friends, let us continue on page 133.

Fucking idiot!

G 41. Not in my purview.

G 55.

Generally, when couples break up,

Get off my skis.

Get out of here. I was touching her hair. She's crazy.

Get over here.

Get some scalper tickets.

Get the fuck out of bed!

Get the fuck out of my house!

Get this: The doctor divorced his wife

Get to see a lot of women naked?

Gigantic. So why is she going around making this accusation?

Give me $600 for the two.

Give that guy the Mickey mantle ball, it's done, it's over.

Given what happened, don't you think I should?

Go ahead.

Go, pray, pray.

God bless you. Now you two kids go. Go ski.

God, you know how archaic that word is? "A handicapped person"!

God. Oscar!

Goddamn it! ( Coughs )

Golf nut, okay? Took me to his backyard.

Good boy, good boy! Yeah!

Good dog! He probably smells my dog.

Good for them. Good for them!

Good job, doctor. I think you got me.

Good news! Fantastic.

Good night.

Good question. I'm in...

Good to see you. I forgot to tell you something so important.

Good work. Okay.

Good yontif.

Good. Feel great, better than I have ever in my life.

Got a good selection for you here.

Got a Klan dog!

Got that, but what is the call regarding?

Got that? And I need you

Got the right kidney for him

Guy in a suit's gotta be able to afford a paper.

Ha ha ha. Huh? Oh my god. Did you see the whole thing?

Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha. Cheat.

Ha ha, I won a dollar!

Had a jumbo Jack... pretty good.

Half the things you say here on the couch...

Happy birthday!

Happy man. Your dad's happy, you father in law's happy,

Happy New Year. Tickets?

Haroset.

Has he gotten any worse?

Has it barked at any white people?

Have a nice day.

Have you been stealing my newspaper?

Have you been thinking about this for a while?

Have you ever been to that Japanese restaurant

Have you ever noticed anything strange going on there?

Have you ever seen a black man wearing a bow tie

Have you ever seen any crossing on a snack, ever?

Have you heard of the theory, the 77?

Have you see Oscar? Was he outside?

Have you seen it?

Have you... have you guys been getting your newspaper?

Having my own sandwich!

Hb ( theme music playing )

He bumped me.

He can't handle the truth.

He CC'd a few people, yes.

He could barely walk two steps... Jeff!

He didn't even tell me now.

He didn't kidnap and eat your dog, okay?

He didn't say anything to me about it.

He didn't say anything to me.

He didn't tell you that there was a problem with his kidneys?

He doesn't remember stuff anymore.

He doesn't want to give up his kidney until he's dead.

He found the matzah, pay up. That's that!

He gave it to me because he likes me.

He gave it to you for this.

He gave the money to his daughter, said she needed it.

He gave them all boobs jobs, invited his clients.

He gets nervous when he putts.

He gets so worked up. Doesn't surprise me.

He got me information about the head of the kidney consortium.

He had some things he wanted to say before he...

He has a dog that attacks black people.

He has a racist dog.

He has no reason to send it to you. It's my birthday.

He has one and I complimented him on it.

He hasn't barked at any white people.

He keeps it in the drawer somewhere.

He kind of got confused and he must have written your name on it.

He kinda wants to go a different way with the medication.

He knows he's getting sent to the doghouse,

He knows! You don't call a dog fat.

He left something. What is this?

He moved back in with her a week ago

He must have taken it the wrong way.

He needs his kidney, number one. Number two, he's a fat fuck.

He never fixed the dent.

He promised me this jacket.

He protected the other little pigs that came over.

He said he has no intention of getting the car fixed.

He said she needed it for something.

He said the problem didn't lie with his small penis,

He said you were eating something on the phone.

He saw Oscar there. He was kind of drooling over him a little bit.

He saw some of his family...

He saw you whisper in your son's ear then watched as he ran to the bookcase

He says to me,

He sent me his smoking jacket.

He should not be in our presence on a holy day.

He thinks they're too big.

He told her to tell me to go fuck myself.

He took my nail! He took my Nai!

He tried to commit suicide. Cedars Sinai.

He wants to donate all his organs after he dies,

He was like that.

He was lying in the backyard and now he's gone.

He was shaking like this.

He was woken up and now he's very tired today.

He won't talk to me since his daughter jumped off the chair lift.

He'll be upset if he doesn't see it up there.

He'll call back.

He'll keep you company. ( Speaks Hebrew )

He's a beautiful dog.

He's a fucking nut job, this guy.

He's a little deaf, so I have to scream.

He's a little hard of hearing, so when you talk to him,

He's a nutcase. He's... he works at Jack in the box and...

He's a pharmacist.

He's a yankee fan... Big Mickey mantle fan.

He's a... he worked alongside of a dental hygienist.

He's as fat as a house. My god, look at the size of him.

He's doing very well and it's nothing for you to worry about.

He's going to freak out.

He's gonna be fine. I've got him lightly sedated

He's gonna be fine. We're going to take him home.

He's good.

He's got a net. What a setup this guy... my life is changed.

He's got all these organs he could be donating. You know what I mean?

He's got the yips.

He's got tubes coming out of his mouth.

He's gotta find somebody who can...

He's in an irreversible coma.

He's in the hospital, the bed, you know?

He's just confused. It's so obvious.

He's kind of a "slam, bam, thank you, ma'am" kind of guy, right?

He's kind of new in town.

He's not fat, he's lean. He's just right.

He's not the same as he was.

He's on the phone with Jeff right now.

He's sitting there holding on to bow ties

He's smart. He's funny.

He's the one that tried to kill Ruthie.

He's was a little... It was short lived,

He's was... I'm sure he was gonna tell you.

He's... something wrong with his kidney.

He's... you know, he's all right.

Hef invited me to a party at the mansion.

Heineman told me that he took the money I gave him, the $1500

Hello there, Nattie!

Hello, doctor.

Hello, Mr. David.

Hello, Ruthie. Come on.

Hello?

Hello?" yeah, "how do you feel, Mr. David?"

Hello.

Hello. ( clears throat )

Her pulse is okay. She's breathing fine.

Her tooth falls out, we stick it under her pillow.

Here you go.

Here, on me.

Here, take it. Take it all.

Here's what you should be concerned about...

Hey hey hey hey, Larr. I stood up at the meeting,

Hey hey hey hey, wait wait wait, calm down here.

Hey hey, look who's here.

Hey hey.

Hey look at that, she seems to be about the same size as Maria!

Hey, ask her how the Knicks did. I got $150 on them...

Hey, boychick.

Hey, by the way,

Hey, by the way, I don't know

Hey, by the way, you and Jodi...

Hey, did Yoshi mention my name?

Hey, did you mention me in that suicide email?

Hey, do you mind if I stop this for a second?

Hey, guess what.

Hey, honey.

Hey, how's Lewis? You hear from Lewis?

Hey, I'll do it. Don't worry about it. Relax.

Hey, Jeff. George Lopez.

Hey, Larry.

Hey, let me ask you this, okay?

Hey, let me give you a hand here.

Hey, look look, he found the matzah, pay up.

Hey, Mr. David.

Hey, my wife tells me

Hey, nice dog.

Hey, pulgoki's Oscar!

Hey, remember in camp, when you used to do...

Hey, seriously, come on.

Hey, so our fathers are becoming very friendly

Hey, stop the car for a second.

Hey, thanks for sending the invite back.

Hey, that's a handicapped spot.

Hey, that's that guy Pete... The guy I got out of jail.

Hey, there's no matzah here. Let's go, beat it.

Hey, this guy completely changed my life.

Hey, um, first of all,

Hey, we're married, you know.

Hey, what do you got there?

Hey, what's going on?

Hey, what's... what is this? Again?! Again?! ( All chattering )

Hey, when we get back to the lodge,

Hey, where do you think you're going, pal? What are you doing?

Hey, you got something from Marla,

Hey, you know what I did last night?

Hey, you know what we should do?

Hey!

Hey! Hey, little buddy. Come here.

Hey.

Hey. I think I want to go home.

Hi.

His 500th home run

His are bigger too. It's a big hefty kidney,

His life is not threatened. He's fine and he's resting.

Hm.

Hmm, it's kind of curious, given that...

Hmm.

Hmm. How's it going with the wish?

Hmm. I haven't gotten my paper in six days.

Hmm. I wonder if he's campaigning in there.

Hmm. May I ask why?

Hmmm, I doubt it.

Ho ho ho ho, okay.

Hold on. Wait... Larry... take me.

Holly.

Holy shit, it's all over your glasses, your whole face.

Holy shit! Don't you see?

Holy shit. That would be unbelievable!

Honest to God, is my penmanship.

Honey, what could it hurt?

Hopefully we can we can avoid these conflicts, you know?

Hopefully we won't have to keep going through the same thing.

How 'bout a nice snuggle here?

How about that for an idea, huh?

How about you and I having a doodling contest, huh?

How about you, Yosh?

How am I gonna get one?

How are we gonna get home? We carpooled with you.

How are you, sir?

How are you?

How can you do that?!

How come you never have cash, Larry?

How come you want me to be eeny?

How could I sit there freezing to death

How dare she? I'll tell you what.

How did you do last night?

How did you even know that I like Gary player, by the way?

How did you guys come up with the low talker?

How do I let you talk me into this?

How do you even know about this?

How do you fellas know each other?

How do you know if he's dead?

How do you know that?

How long do you think he has?

How long have we not been getting it, six days?

How nice it is?

How sensitive you were about Oscar today.

How was everything?

How would you know?

How? The kid's 11 years old, already.

How're you doing?

How's he doing?

How's he doing?! He almost killed himself!

How's it going, pops? How's the nursing home?

How's the adoption thing coming?

Huge. Huge.

Hugh Hefner has your jacket?

Hugh Hefner took my jacket?

Huh?

Huh? Get some inside information?

Huh? it's just insane.

Huh? Okay.

Huh? That's what she does? She dances, mincing around, washing dishes?

Huh.

Huh. Hey, whoa, Nelson.

I already apologized to him, I told you that.

I always talk to people outside.

I always wondered, do you walk around in your bikini at home?

I am buying her... I have to buy her a bra.

I am considerably older than him.

I am nuts about that bow. It humbles you.

I am.

I apologize.

I believe I have.

I bet you there's a ton of guys out there

I bit into a bone!

I bought this on the Internet.

I bribed him. That's rich.

I build my house with bricks.

I called up, I was very polite and respectful,

I can get you to the top of the list. I'm not kidding.

I can see worshipping Jesus if he were a girl.

I can tell the difference. That's the knock off.

I can't be here alone with you after sundown.

I can't be here with you after sundown!

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it. Mark is stealing the paper.

I can't believe my wife got in touch with you to do this.

I can't believe that that sandwich might have been responsible for this.

I can't draw to save my life,

I can't go, I'm so deep in the doghouse now.

I can't hear. Could you repeat that? What's that?

I can't hit it anymore.

I can't stand them. I don't know how...

I can't take that chance. He's operating on my father.

I can't wait.

I can't wait. What is it?

I cannot get over how similar this jacket is to that.

I could be adopted.

I could have a relationshipwith a Jane.

I could have sworn he... I figured he told you!

I couldn't live without pockets.

I couldn't wait. It was an emergency. I had to go!

I did fine. How did you do?

I did not ask her directly for the jacket.

I did not call l 17.

I did see somebody

I didn't call him chicken, I ordered chicken!

I didn't deliberately set out to look at the size,

I didn't finish it.

I didn't knock. I figured you knew I was going out...

I didn't know it was going to be about something like this!

I didn't really mean anything to happen.

I didn't see anybody.

I didn't see him, I just saw the car.

I didn't see it.

I didn't...

I do! I know I could do it.

I do.

I don't care how you figure it out. You know what?

I don't even know if I'd be alive, to tell you the truth.

I don't even know what that means.

I don't even know what to say to you, but...

I don't feed him oreos!

I don't get it at all.

I don't get it.

I don't get the whole dog thing anyway.

I don't give a shit

I don't have four. Wait I have...

I don't have one.

I don't have respect for speech?

I don't hear that very often from you.

I don't know exactly when,

I don't know how you can eat this thing, really.

I don't know if I could pick one.

I don't know what he's got. He's getting tests.

I don't know what it is, but I need a prescription

I don't know what kind of guy you're going after with those things,

I don't know what the hell it is,

I don't know what the hell she does.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know what's going on.

I don't know where he keeps the nails!

I don't know.

I don't know. Did you leave...

I don't know. I kinda forgot about it.

I don't know. It's from nat.

I don't know. See how friendly he is?

I don't know. She said she's leaving.

I don't know. What you got up your sleeve?

I don't like being snubbed by lesbians.

I don't like to bury before coffee.

I don't need to buy a new jacket just 'cause you say.

I don't really care what it sounds like to you, okay? It's disabled.

I don't really wanna tell you what it's about.

I don't see a way that you would, uh,

I don't see the point to it.

I don't subscribe to the wait for dessert rule

I don't think it applies to snacks.

I don't think so.

I don't think that's really an appropriate question.

I don't think you want to go bowling with me.

I don't trust. I don't know how she got into this place.

I don't understand why you buy tickets.

I don't understand why you would walk into her laundry room

I don't want to discuss something like that.

I don't want to find out you've been calling him up and saying,

I don't want to spoil your fun. You're having a good time.

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want you walking around in this jacket anymore.

I don't want your chicken teriyaki, but thank you.

I don't. I feel awful.

I don't... I don't know what you're talking about.

I eat anything off the menu.

I even cheat by watching it on television. I shouldn't do that.

I felt like you were looking at...

I find it all...

I forgot to bring it back.

I go, "What is it, Dad?" He goes...

I got a check from Marla made out to me for $150. I'll sign it right over to you.

I got a feeling I think I nailed it.

I got a whole handful of them.

I got him eating out of my hand. He's going skiing with me.

I got information you might be interested in.

I got it right out in the car.

I got it taken care of. The beach is a good idea.

I got to go to the bathroom. Pardon me a sec.

I got to use the bathroom.

I got ya.

I got you something.

I gotta choose healthier friends.

I gotta go again. I'm so sorry

I gotta pay off my knick loss.

I gotta tell you something. The doctor was upset.

I gotta tell you, Mr. David, I was thinking about taking the case,

I guess I should keep it, right?

I guess, otherwise you'd be crossing all day long.

I had a kidney transplant. My wife gave it to me.

I had a nanny when I was...

I had an "us" magazine that was...

I had an answer

I had bingo. You all know I had bingo.

I had her pegged all wrong, I think.

I had no idea you liked Mac and Ethel so much.

I had the foresight

I had this phone number written on the back of a magazine,

I had to go to the bathroom. Somebody was in there.

I had to really finagle to get out tonight.

I hate these calls.

I hate when that happens, right?

I have a question for you. Have you seen that "us" magazine?

I have a stutter,

I have a stutter!

I have an idea.

I have arranged for you to have lunch

I have fabulous... two seats, right down front.

I have good news, gentlemen.

I have money! Here!

I have no idea.

I have not been stealing your newspaper, Larry. That's appalling.

I have permission,

I have the exact same thing!

I have them imported from Italy.

I have this setup that you won't believe. I've got a net, a tee.

I have to be honest with you.

I have to confirm something before I give it to you.

I have to have constant contact all the time.

I have to tell you that I'm quite impressed with your dedication...

I have to tell you, when you get married,

I haven't been able to find my can opener.

I haven't worn one in 15 years.

I heard your conversation.

I hit the ball now on account of him.

I hope you don't mind.

I I don't know what people eat them for.

I I love that freaking dog.

I just came from the pharmacist.

I just don't know what size she is.

I just found out, and I gotta tell you something.

I just got a little excited, but not...

I just happened to see the bra there, so I thought,

I just know how to do it. I know this machine.

I just need the opportunity.

I just saw him last night.

I just told him the celtics lost.

I just want you to know

I just want you to know, gone, like it never happened

I just wish I had a kidney match so I could be involved.

I kinda like these orthotics.

I knew it, 'cause I think the same thing as you!

I knew there was no tooth fairy even before my teeth fell out.

I knew you were already mad at me for the magazine, okay?

I know as much about basketball as these idiots.

I know it's random. I have a winning percentage

I know sneakers, birds I don't know from.

I know that you do. Here, take a piece.

I know that, but I know who yours are.

I know that.

I know the bingo is for the residents, Larry.

I know when I've done something wrong. I'm not afraid to apologize.

I know where you're going... When he dies...

I know, as long as he's gonna be a sex offender I wish he had a full head of hair.

I know, but it had to happen eventually.

I know, but kamikaze pilot kind of implies

I know, but that's a big move.

I know, but your snuggle always leads to sex.

I know, I know and I i... listen,

I know, my gift is on hold.

I know, yeah, but you know what? It's kind of cute.

I know. I talked to susie.

I like that, a little bow. See that?

I like to walk around with underwear on my head.

I like watching you do that.

I listen, I pay attention. I'm a good bingo player.

I lit a match.

I love dogs. I have a couple of my own.

I love that dog. I mean...

I love you. Everyone loves you. All of us.

I loved it when it was so big, you know?

I made a little... You're the one that egged it...

I mean it just couldn't have been more perfect.

I mean, it was dark, but honest to god

I mean, the only other option is if...

I mean, this could be a huge thing for me.

I mean, what if you were a psychiatrist

I mean, you know, I don't care either way, I'm just curious.

I mean, you'd have to be inhuman not to feel something in a moment like that.

I mean, you're my friend. You should have jumped right on it.

I might be adopted.

I might wear a bow tie.

I missed you too.

I missed you, honey.

I must have dropped it!

I must... the private investigator...

I need a kidney, man.

I need my base.

I need to get close to him quickly.

I need to send in the RSVP and...

I need to talk to you, Larry.

I need to use the bathroom.

I needed to buy a bra for the housekeeper,

I never followed through on my Christmas present to Mark.

I never said go buy her a bra! What is wrong with you?

I never said that. Never.

I never, ever do this.

I never... I never said you were adopted.

I notice that you went to the bookcase once.

I noticed that you haven't contributed anything to...

I noticed there's a similarity.

I noticed they got some...

I paid for those things.

I present to you a straight with a seven high.

I really did win! I have bingo!

I really didn't know you then, so...

I really do!

I really had no idea that you didn't know about that.

I really haven't got time for this. They're waiting for me upstairs.

I really kvell from this.

I really never expected you'd get in my car again

I remember seeing a half a sandwich

I remember you said when you were a kid you loved Gary player

I respectfully disagree. I've snacked and apologized many times

I said that after hi. I said hi, then I said that.

I said, "Dan, this is Larry David." Then I left you.

I said, "God, help me!"

I saw you talking to him outside the temple.

I see you recoiled. Was it a breath thing?

I sent you $150. Did you receive it?

I should have taken one of those carts, you know, but..

I submit you took that baseball,

I swear to God. I wouldn't lie to you, not to you guys.

I take care of myself all these years...

I talk to deli owners! I talk to pawnbrokers!

I tell you, Pete,

I think he could afford the paper if he wants to get a paper.

I think I can move him up on the list.

I think I hurt my back lifting her up.

I think I would prefer handicapped.

I think I'll get that Larry David to go.

I think I'll go with the doctor.

I think I'm adopted.

I think I'm adopted. I might be adopted.

I think I'm going to have to go with that Ted Danson.

I think I'm gonna get me one of those.

I think it. You're gonna win.

I think it's 'cause they don't like to see people happy.

I think it's gonna be a big addition to this passover.

I think it's the exact same one. I'm not kidding.

I think Lenore is either in cahoots with Ruth

I think maybe I'II... go back to base"?

I think my tooth fell out.

I think she's about the same size as Maria my housekeeper.

I think the bingo game is fixed.

I think you know what kind of person would do that, Mr. David

I think you went a little... too big on it.

I think you're being a baby right now.

I think you're here, aren't you? So what's the problem?

I think you're just a little overdressed.

I think you've been waiting for this man to die

I thought about our conversation and, uh...

I thought it was very touching

I thought you knew... Would've known that.

I thought you'd be happy to hear that.

I told everybody, "I know the guy."

I told her you were just maybe a little overjoyous

I told him I had to go with the pharmacist, you know?

I told him to buy a jacket...

I told you it takes a while to break 'em in.

I told you you're feeding that dog too much.

I told you... accusing him of stealing your newspapers?

I took care of myself. I was never an alcoholic

I took you to the playboy mansion.

I understand. Tell me if you think this is an appropriate question.

I vouched for you. You're all right.

I wanna know. What did he say?

I wanna talk to you a little bit about something

I want to go. Can I go?

I want to see a naked woman.

I want to tell you that, uh...

I want you to meet a friend of mine. Leo, this is Dr. Sewell.

I want you to take a look around this room here, okay,

I want your cock.

I was checking to make sure the tooth fairy left it.

I was consoling.

I was curious about it, so I asked.

I was driving by the restaurant

I was just kinda curious...

I was just thinking that maybe...

I was kind of wondering why you're not doing it.

I was like a baby drawn to the nipple.

I was listening to ******* radio

I was listening. I'm meeting Wanda...

I was out to dinner with one

I was pretending to be happy for your benefit.

I was putting money under her pillow because her tooth fell out.

I was saying, "Die, die."

I was the only one who anticipated that it was going to be cold.

I was thinking about it.

I was... your bra was kind of... it was about to fall off

I wasn't going, and now I've changed my mind.

I wasn't really happy for him, I was pretending I was happy for him.

I wasn't sincerely excited.

I watched and worked closely with a dental hygienist.

I went by Leo's Delicatessen.

I will think of you as the third pig.

I wish I could help you. I really do. I wish I could.

I wish my mother were alive to hear you say that word out loud.

I won that game, fair and square. Fair and square.

I won, everybody! I won!

I won, I yelled "Bingo."

I would rather just get rid of her.

I would really miss that.

I would've already been on the phone.

I wouldn't say that to you, no.

I wouldn't want to know, to be honest with you.

I, well...

I...

I... that's not mine to begin with, so...

I'd be intimidated, I know that.

I'd be more than happy to donate 'em.

I'd have been better off just eating crap and smoking.

I'd have to be a sociopath to hit somebody's car

I'd like a Larry David to go, please.

I'd like to help you out, Wilson, I really would,

I'd like, um...

I'd love to go to the game, but not on the sabbath.

I'd love to go.

I'd say gum stimulation, very important, flossing...

I'll abide by his decision. Will you?

I'll be in the examining room. Just wait out here. I'll be back.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back. How did he even know I was here?

I'll be right there to check you out.

I'll bet you Mark is the guy who's taking the paper.

I'll bet you Mark...

I'll buy you one, you'll try it,

I'll come get ya.

I'll continue to investigate, Larry.

I'll delete it. Stop it, get off me.

I'll get your chips back, you'll get your money back,

I'll go get the smoking jacket. Stay right here.

I'll go with the pharmacist.

I'll have a cupcake.

I'll just try it on and let's see.

I'll keep the check.

I'll leave it in the car. What's the big deal?

I'll meet her another time, I'm sure.

I'll see you later.

I'll see you then. I'm gonna hit a few.

I'll suss it out. I'll feel it out.

I'll take a rain check, however.

I'll take the $300.

I'll take the jacket with me. I can wash it. It'll be fine.

I'll talk to her. I'll talk to her, no problem.

I'll tell you something.

I'll tell you what I'm driving at.

I'll tell you what. Let's go double or nothing. Bingo.

I'll tell you why. 'Cause when we were younger,

I'll walk around with a dialysis machine. That will be fine!

I'll, uh, I'll take the test.

I'm a big fan of "Seinfeld."

I'm a doctor, Larry.

I'm a doctor, you idiot!

I'm a doctor?

I'm a friend of his cousin.

I'm a lucky man to have two of you guys

I'm a private eye, not a psychologist.

I'm actually... I'm calling to apologize.

I'm adopted.

I'm apologizing all the time, telling people I'm sorry.

I'm awful. I don't know how

I'm chicken teriyaki boy.

I'm chief surgeon here.

I'm completely spent.

I'm curious about how you can be a kamikaze pilot

I'm depending on you.

I'm drowning.

I'm eating pistachio nuts.

I'm expecting a phone call from Mrs. Seiderman.

I'm fainting. I'm gonna faint.

I'm fine, thank you.

I'm getting a little chilly.

I'm giving you susie's bra size, give me Cheryl's bra size.

I'm giving you the bread and the ball.

I'm giving you the deal of a lifetime.

I'm glad you liked it.

I'm glad you're bringing it up 'cause it's...

I'm going to let you have any sandwich you want.

I'm going to the bathroom.

I'm gonna be on the lookoutfor people who crossbefore snacking.

I'm gonna buy you a bra, how about that?

I'm gonna buy you a piece of cheesecake.

I'm gonna call my cell pho8 if you hear it ringing,

I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna do your father's surgery for you.

I'm gonna get the skirt steak. Want me to order for you?

I'm gonna get you a bra.

I'm gonna have to get on that kidney list

I'm gonna kill him!

I'm gonna see what else is in the fridge.

I'm gonna write him a little prescription though.

I'm happy if Jodi's happy. You're overblowing this whole thing.

I'm her mother! Trust!

I'm hungry too.

I'm impressed that you even realize what a nice gesture that is.

I'm in a transition at the moment.

I'm in there all the time. I'm in there three times a week.

I'm just saying it's idiotic what you're doing

I'm just saying this kind of foamy, soft material

I'm just trying to find out why he went back to the bookcase.

I'm kinda happy to be anywhere.

I'm making it up now. I'll take the test.

I'm meeting him there for lunch.

I'm meeting Julie.

I'm not crazy. I'm chief of staff here. I know what's going on.

I'm not going up to that lodge. Come on, man.

I'm not gonna have that conversation with someone.

I'm not gonna let anything happen to you.

I'm not gonna let anything happen to you...

I'm not gonna take a coat... What, am I nuts?

I'm not gonna think about it, but whatever.

I'm not good at identifying birds and animals.

I'm not keeping it down. I'm sorry,

I'm not making it up. It's really not for me.

I'm not pulling any plug. So, come on. Enough of that.

I'm not really a big fish guy to tell you the truth.

I'm not really a big...

I'm not really the right... I'm not a good person to...

I'm not saying I justify it,

I'm not saying it's for me. It's not for me.

I'm not talking about for a long time.

I'm not the one who has to go out and buy a bra.

I'm not your link into the black world, okay?

I'm on to you, Mr. David.

I'm putting up a mezuzah.

I'm quite sure I haven't been taking it.

I'm really sorry about that. I'm returning it today, I promise.

I'm Rick leftowitz. Great to meet you.

I'm so sorry to bother you. I'm trying to get some food.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry if I said anything

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, but you know what?

I'm sorry, sung. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, the first that we have is

I'm sorry, this is your smoking jacket. That one's actually my father's.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. He's very friendly.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was so cold.

I'm sorry. It's impossible.

I'm sorry. Won't happen again. Won't happen again.

I'm still not convinced he didn't take it

I'm sure he didn't eat your dog... I shouldn't have brought it up.

I'm sure it is, but I'm more of a pastrami, corned beef kind of guy.

I'm taking this to the doctor, I'm getting a new prescription

I'm telling you something. I got a housekeeper who steals.

I'm telling you. I can't believe the way

I'm the pig with the bricks.

I'm thinking about it, and I think I can actually help your friend.

I'm trying to have a good time with my family over here. Know what I mean?

I'm uncertain.

I'm using the ass as a lever to draw you in.

I'm very excited about this.

I'm well. I have a prescription.

I'm working on some things. I have some really nice leads

I'm, a adopted?

I'm... ( clears throat )

I'm... I don't have the cash.

I'm... I never would have said anything, obviously.

I'm... I'm... I'm clear on what I'm torn about:

I'm... in the throes of a moral quandary right now,

I've been golfing for a long time. I'm fairly good.

I've been paged by the hospital. It must be an emergency.

I've decided to take the test.

I've got extra sneakers that I don't wear anymore

I've got your glasses.

I've never heard anything like this.

I've really got some kind of talent for that, you know?

I've see that on the menu... everybody's got their sandwich.

I've suspected this a long time. I really did.

If every blue moon I have sex, I'm not gonna pick up.

If he had a daughter Jane,

If he hollers, let him go.

If he sits here like a lox for a couple of weeks

If he wanted you to see it, he would have copied you.

If he wants to get so involved,

If I say don't say anything,

If I see... all right, I'll tell... I'll tell her.

If it was my father

If mom says, "don't say..." I didn't say anything.

If my wife needs a kidney, you can give it to her.

If only he had picked up.

If she can't get in touch with me 24 hours a day.

If she ever sees him again, she'll recognize him.

If the Mr. Danson say okay,

If the sandwich was caught...

If there's anything I can do to convince you,

If you don't like them, you can brush them off.

If you had to pick one.

If you heard anything about what's been going on...

If you like, I could write it down for you.

If you saw him again, would know him?

If you were a little bigger celebrity,

If you were here, I would have given you first dibs.

If you're doing an Andy Williams summer show.

If you're married to your wife for three years and I've known her for 20,

If you're playing with just two people,

If you're pleasant to people...

If you're...

Imagine going through your whole life without seeing a naked woman.

In buying a, uh...

In case they wanna burn down the house.

In fact, he had a completely different take on it than you.

In Los Angeles.

In that room, okay? She called my number.

In the hotel lobby. I think that's a good thing.

Including ****.

Incredible deal you got here.

Instead of going through all this drowning saving business?

Instead of ordering a Ted Danson, people order a Larry David.

Invite the cranky neighbors who...

Iove the bow tie.

Is a pilot who crashed and died, right?

Is cut up onto mixed greens.

Is he... is he in?

Is it possible

Is it wrong to assume

Is something wrong, doctor?

Is that heineman's daughter?

Is that what this is about?

Is that your name?

Is the rainbow roll, because it gives you

Is there a problem?

Is there anything more disgusting than that?

Is there something wrong with that?

Isn't that a wonderful coincidence?

Isn't that George Lopez?

Isn't the damage done already from your parents?

Isn't there an aunt or an uncle or somebody from your childhood?

Isn't there something with the stroke

It can really screw up the books, these things.

It can't be done. Can't be done, Rick.

It continues to grow. There's a lady who comes in a couple times.

It could have been a coincidence.

It doesn't even look... Who is that?

It doesn't really matter. He grazed it...

It happens all the time.

It helps me save time and we ask those questions so that we're prepared

It hurts on the bottom of my feet.

It make you feel better.

It might be a blessing in disguise.

It might have been. I was eating it, it's choc...

It said, "replace fleece jacket." Replace fleece jacket.

It saved me!

It seems like a lot of trouble you people go through for this

It seems to me you're using the wrong toilet.

It takes a little time.

It was an attraction out of pity 'cause I'm always the one

It was fun. You know, he's...

It was in the other room, it...

It was like that.

It was nice of him to give you his ball like that.

It was not about your stupid jacket. They got engaged.

It was so nice of you to invite us.

It wasn't my fault.

It would be fun to go in with my dad and eat my own sandwich.

It would have been rude to stop and pick it up on your way home, too.

It would look like an elephant tumor.

It would mean an awful lot to me.

It wouldn't hurt anybody. You're laughing in my face.

It'll be fun, really. Think about it.

It'll be such a nice gesture

It's a "double transgression" theory.

It's a big bowl of wrong.

It's a cheap, cheap imitation.

It's a classic. People come in, they order a Ted Danson.

It's a green... It's a green sport jacket.

It's a little early for burying.

It's a little gay, isn't it?

It's a mezuzah.

It's a mistake. You're taking advantage of an old man.

It's a natural question to ask.

It's a skirt steak, sir, or stir fry,

It's a slow transition. I'm... I'm...

It's a smart look.

It's a tough ticket to go to High Holy Days.

It's all right, it's okay.

It's all right, though. I don't think you should

It's already open now.

It's at the beach...

It's been 15 minutes already.

It's better not to eat when you apologize.

It's completely random.

It's delicious.

It's disgusting. Keep you goddamn hands off my brassiere, okay?

It's fantastic.

It's from "the passion of the Christ."

It's good to have a big friend, you can smack him around. Look at that!

It's hard to say.

It's hard to say. It could be days, weeks, months.

It's her first time in temple.

It's Jodi, okay?

It's just a saying.

It's just for a few months until the renovation's done. You know.

It's just my opinion.

It's just something you may have observed.

It's like a little kinda, you know,

It's like a whitefish. It's a smoked fish.

It's like a yoga mat, huh?

It's like having a bum living in your house.

It's lovely to meet you. You have a wonderful home.

It's making it hard to kvell"...

It's my money. I can do whatever I want with it, no?

It's nice to have you back, Larry.

It's nice, it feels good.

It's no way my friends are gonna take anything,

It's none of your god damn business, Larry.

It's not a big deal. You know what I mean?

It's not about subtlety, Larry, it's about excellence and confidence.

It's not hard to get dates.

It's not herring, okay?

It's not kosher. People... kosher,

It's not like there's something wrong with her and she's got an illness

It's not my... this is a knock off of my jacket.

It's not proper etiquette!

It's not true, no.

It's okay, Pop.

It's over?

It's over. It's over. Out.

It's part of the whole marriage thing.

It's proportionate... it's natural at a freak show maybe.

It's quite delectable.

It's really getting annoying.

It's regarding his kidney transplant.

It's ridiculous. He can use this bathroom.

It's right on the right side.

It's Rosh Hashanah! It's the New Year!

It's so soft, I like that. I like that.

It's something that makes me prouder than anything.

It's somewhat ironic.

It's sort of a personal thing.

It's that sex offender.

It's the "double transgression" theory.

It's the beach, it gets chilly on the beach.

It's the big... you know, you give it up.

It's the first time I really kvelled...

It's the situation. We're sitting around a campfire.

It's un fucking believable. Why would you do that?

It's unbelievable, isn't it?

It's uncanny, Larry. That's exactly like the jacket

It's unfair. He didn't give me a birthday present.

It's very nice of you to do what you're doing with him...

It's very private, Larry.

It's very sweet.

It's whitefish and sable. That's not herring.

It's you! You're the tooth fairy!

It's... it's... it's...

Jack in the box. I was just there the other night.

Jake: I told my mother I would call her after the seder.

Jedi?

Jeez, what am I going to do? She was a basket case.

Jeez, you know what I just realized?

Jeff asked me if he could bring his in laws.

Jeff Greene and three guests.

Jeff is a fat fuck. Oscar is just big boned.

Jeff, do you hear this? "It had to happen eventually

Jeff, look in the garden shed. He's got to be somewhere.

Jeff: All right, good. Let's get out of here. Come on

Jeff: I'm in the kitchen.

Jeff: We don't have a choice, but it's a mitzvah.

Jeff: Why why did you tell her the dog's fat?

Jeff?! yeah, very small, very small.

Jesus Christ, I'm shocked.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. By the way, that... see that ball?

Joshua lancel stigmeyer.

Just 'cause I want to wear underwear made out of a bra.

Just a... you know, she'll sleep it off,

Just close your eyes and think if it was reversed you'd be really bummed out.

Just disappear into thin air?

Just having some people over.

Just leave it alone. I'm going to go say hey to Cheryl.

Just put 'em in the bottom of your shoe,

Just seen Ethel.

Just so I wouldn't have to give up my own kidney?

Just so if anyone asks me, what's in my new sandwich?

Just tell me how much time we have left.

Just the test isn't gonna hurt you.

Just, uh, you have to wait overnight for the...

Keep your ears open. Keep your ears open. Listen,

Keep your eye on this Ruth.

Kev, come on, back me up here.

Kev! Help me out!

Kind of interesting... you got one of those Christ nails

L 20.

Larry David sandwich, huh?

Larry, come on over here.

Larry, do you want the jacket back?

Larry, get rid of those orthotics!

Larry, incidentally, the thing we were discussing earlier.

Larry, Rob.

Larry, they got engaged tonight, okay?

Larry, this is fresh meat.

Larry, we need to talk.

Larry, what are you doing here?

Larry, what the fuck? I'm having fun.

Larry, you are adopted?

Larry, you trained the dog to hate black people?

Larry: And the hipsters went out on their own.

Larry: Gold... the gold Cadillac. See it?

Larry: Hey, Mr. Jones.

Larry: Huh? Isn't that good news?

Larry: I don't know what to do.

Larry: I was in the band, okay?

Larry: I was trying to imagine what it would be like

Larry: If the jacket were big enough for two people...

Larry: In a hurry, doctor?

Larry: Look at this thing, huh?

Larry: Okay, big yankee fan. He's an orthodox Jew.

Larry: So, anyway, enough about us.

Larry: So, I'm looking at the size of it.

Larry: What happens to the moustache in a coma?

Larry: Where are you?

Larry: Why? Because he is fat. He's gained about 25 lbs.

Larry!

Larry! God, Larry, come on, what are you doing? We're late for the barbecue.

Larry? Larry, what's wrong?

Larry.

Larry...

Laundry room. I looked at the tape.

Lenore came over,

Lenore, the woman who runs the game,

Leo named a sandwich after me? You're kidding!

Leo!

Let go.

Let him go. You're done here, gentlemen.

Let me ask you a question.

Let me ask you guys a question.

Let me ask you something:

Let me ask you something.

Let me ask you something. Have you ever played in that bingo game?

Let me do that. I'm closing my eyes, but now I'm asking you...

Let me give him the Mickey mantle ball.

Let me introduce you to some of my friends here.

Let me just posit this, okay?

Let me just say this, okay?

Let me look at it in the mirror.

Let me say this: I would have gone on record at the deli. ( Phone rings )

Let me talk to some of my community leaders

Let's be realistic. You're trying to get Lewis moved up on the list

Let's figure out what this woman has...

Let's go home.

Let's go in and pray.

Let's go.

Let's go. Open her up.

Let's keep this between the two of us, okay?

Let's pretend to be ventriloquists, okay?

Let's put her here on the bed.

License plate number 2 f a n 3 2 1.

Light up?

Like everybody else.

Like he knows what I'm talking about.

Like if god had a daughter... Jane. I'll worship a Jane.

Like put my friend on the top of the kidney list.

Like Ruthie, does she win a lot?

Like this. He can't talk.

Like you were so happy that she wasn't with women anymore.

Like, I've heard that the guy who's the head of the kidney consortium

Listen, anytime, anytime

Listen, get in the car. Really, I'm... this whole day was just a mess.

Listen, I grew up with eeny meeny miney moe... grew up with it.

Listen, that Larry David sandwich,

Listen, that's a very serious thing you're saying.

Listen, this adoption thing,

Living in his house while he was locked out.

Look at my license plate!

Look at that, huh?

Look at that.

Look at that. Hey, it fits you.

Look at that. Larry David sandwich.

Look at the Mick. I mean, the Mick... I love the guy,

Look at this thing.

Look at this.

Look at this. "Cofey was here."

Look at this. Boy, oh, boy.

Look behind the picture.

Look familiar?

Look what you look like. Look at the bow tie.

Look what's doing here!

Look, I can't... I can't hear you.

Look, I'm not a dentist, but I enjoy discussing dental hygiene...

Look, look, I wanna freeze it right here. Wait, right there.

Look, Mr. David,

Look, you don't have to ski.

Looking at me like I'm a damn T bone.

Louis Lewis.

Mac: I tell you something, my wife, she got a good look at him.

Made some calls, but no go on the tickets.

Man on intercom: Speak into the rock.

Man: How do thosefeel to you?

Man: These machines are really finicky.

Man: welcome to Jack in the box. May I have your order?

Mark and Marla?

Mark obviously invited a lot of his clients.

Mark, do you take this woman, Marla,

Marla and Mark got back together.

Marla's wearing my jacket.

Marty Funkhouser's 25th anniversary party.

May I help you?

Maybe ever. So I thought I could perhaps take my chances.

Maybe for one afternoon,

Maybe he said, "You're a doctor." I don't know.

Maybe he thought he was dying.

Maybe if you had faith or a belief in something

Maybe it'd be more funny if...

Maybe not that. 11 years sober. Thank you.

Maybe she was walking by and saw it in the back seat.

Maybe this is why you were saved

Maybe this is...

Maybe we should go bowling sometime?

Maybe you can get a job in a carnival somewhere.

Maybe you could call him.

Maybe you shouldn't have propagated this ridiculous myth!

Maybe you'll start to be more respectful to people,

Mean, a really good look.

Men would talk about.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Might as well be called manson manson.

Mm hmm. Yeah, I mean, he really takes care of his friends.

Mmm.

More so than any other community.

Morning!

Morty, menus, please.

Most people are not like you.

Most people, I have to say, and my mother always used to tell me this,

Move that away from me.

Mr. David, I don't think this is gonna work.

Mr. David, what are you doing here?

Mr. David.

Mr. Lewis is getting a kidney transplant?

Mustn't interrupt intercourse.

My allegiance to you as a friend,

My bathroom key

My brother in law is a little...

My business and what I do...

My dad and I were eating in the deli...

My dad and your dad

My end of the bargain so fork over the money you owe me.

My father promised me this smoking jacket when I was 14 years old.

My father sent that jacket for me. That's a mistake.

My father would always send a gift to him so he wouldn't feel left out.

My father would not just send you his jacket.

My father's coming right now!

My father's gonna freak out. He's gonna be here any minute.

My father's got the exact same smoking jacket.

My father's pulling up! Where's a hammer?

My feeling is we may do a little corrective surgery.

My friend said he read this big article

My friend told me, that's how I know!

My god, she makes chicken salad,

My jacket is a roselli jacket. Take a look at this thing.

My jacket's not in the car.

My luck.

My lumbar section of the back hurts a little.

My mother says to pick this one

My mother says to pick this one and out goes y o u.

My patients are...

My pleasure. Ethel, what I want you to do is

My sandwich is turkey, coleslaw, Russian dressing.

My second piece... I'm surprised you're even letting me.

My size.

My treat.

My wife's in New York. She gets very aggravated

My wish is for Hugh Hefner's smoking jacket.

My yarmulke almost fell off, I'm so taken aback.

N 44.

Nah, a kidney's a kidney's a kidney.

Nah, we're just renting. They're working on my house.

Nat never said anything to me, to my mom,

Nat: Nice to meet you.

Nat: That's nice. That's nice.

Never slept with a lot strange women. Although I wanted to,

Nice to meet you.

Nice to see you and Marla back together.

No brain activity, and if anything happens...

No no no no no. Uh, thank you, thank you for that invitation,

No no no, I do the mezuzah...

No no no.

No no, all that happened was I was trying to order

No no, we're losing time. No no, it's fine. I'm tired.

No one's going to kidnap a sedated dog.

No other place got this whitefish but me.

No problem! It is my pleasure to put the Larry David sandwich

No such thing as extenuating circumstances.

No tongue!

No wonder why they're all being so nice to me in there.

No, "die."

No, don't!

No, don't... don't cry.

No, for me, for men.

No, go back.

No, he's... he's...

No, I didn't fix the dent.

No, I didn't train it to hate black people.

No, I don't like 'em.

No, I don't think I'm a match anyway. Let's just do eeny meeny.

No, I just cleaned them.

No, I never said that.

No, I see you on the... never happen again, I promise.

No, I'm saying you seemed like

No, I'm, probably the biggest "Seinfeld" fan ever.

No, it fell. It fell on the floor. I'm picking it up.

No, it gets chilly at night at the beach, are you kidding?

No, it's a big schlep. Hey...

No, it's about the same. No worse, no better.

No, it's gonna be so good. It's gonna be so good.

No, it's good. You should be eeny.

No, it's really weird. You're being really inappropriate.

No, it's true. Yeah.

No, let me get this. I know how to do it. I've got the touch.

No, no no. This is the roselli.

No, not liking, not liking, sung, loving.

No, not yet.

No, really? Oh!

No, that means you're out

No, that sounds great. I got nothing else to do.

No, that was my money I gave to you to replace the soiled jacket.

No, that's not mine. That was...

No, that's ridiculous. I didn't try to kill her.

No, think about it, seriously. Think about it.

No, this is a fairy tale.

No, we haven't even had dessert yet.

No, you do not leave before dessert.

No, you just thought you wouldn't have to worry about it

No, you lost! You're out. You're it.

No, you sent it to me because my name was on the package.

No! No, that's a human thing...

No! Not at all! No, of course not.

No.

No. But, you know, to worship a guy...

No. Okay, every 77 years there's a great president.

No. no.

No. So...

No. You do it.

No... we were just... I was at his office.

Nobody beats me at bingo. Nobody!

Nobody else has been in the house, save for a few friends.

Nobody's picking up.

None of your business. The new year.

Not bad.

Not for me.

Not for you to judge! She's our kid,

Not in my purview.

Not your business, Larry, you misanthropic moron!

Nothin'.

Nothing, nothing. Totally free

Nothing. Parents never said anything?

Nothing. This is wild.

Now I'll never get back to sleep!

Now if you'll excuse me.

Now look, I can hear better than anybody

Now there's a 1961 masters jacket.

Now you've learned a lesson. Please, don't ever go

Now, you... you would have found out eventually.

O 62.

O 69.

Of a Jack in the box in the past two months.

Of course she wins a lot. This woman is a winner.

Of course, jesús freaked out about the whole thing.

Of course, my housekeeper, I had to tell her to wear a bra

Of course, of course!

Of inviting an orthodox Jew and his daughter.

Of kamikaze pilots that are still alive.

Of meshugana Muslims, though, running around, are there not?

Of offering me the eel, whatever. Just ask me.

Of that sex offender guy. That's him.

Of times somebody can cross in a day.

Oh dear. Uh oh.

Oh get out of here! Fetish...

Oh God, yes! Oh!

Oh hey...

Oh hi, I thought you were jesús!

Oh jeez. You asked me what it was regarding!

Oh my God, did you hear what happened to Yoshi?

Oh my god!

Oh my god! Oh my god, there's something wrong with Sammy.

Oh my god.

Oh my god. ( Laughs )

Oh my God. Good going.

Oh my god. That's not gonna wash out.

Oh my God. What...

Oh my gosh! Oh, it's a doctor emergency.

Oh my gosh. Oh dear.

Oh my gosh. Oh, what happened?

Oh no!

Oh well, oh god.

Oh yeah, it's the least I could do.

Oh yeah, your dollar.

Oh yeah? What, like a stone or something?

Oh yes, fuck me!

Oh, all right, fine, okay.

Oh, and I forgot to mention

Oh, and Mr. David, too!

Oh, Andy.

Oh, boy, look at the Jew girl.

Oh, boy!

Oh, can't shake, Rob. Got a bad hand.

Oh, Christ. Really?

Oh, come on, Larry.

Oh, come on. Nobody could help me. People have tried before

Oh, come on. You'll have fun.

Oh, come on... It's Oscar, man.

Oh, dear.

Oh, everybody quiet.

Oh, flamingo.

Oh, fuck me! It feels so good, oh!

Oh, he didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Oh, he has... oh my.

Oh, he saved me so I can give up a kidney?

Oh, hello Larry.

Oh, hey, and this is my dad.

Oh, hey, I'll see you inside.

Oh, hey, let me ask you something.

Oh, hey, there's sung, my bookie.

Oh, hey, Yoshi, this is Larry David.

Oh, hey.

Oh, housekeeper, okay.

Oh, I can't believe I forgot.

Oh, I forgot to tell you, I was in the pharmacy...

Oh, I got it from one of the cars.

Oh, I know what you mean. No, 'cause I was talking to my father...

Oh, I think I'll... get my coat.

Oh, I think so. Larry, he's a doctor.

Oh, I want your big cock!

Oh, I'm a yankee fan... I'm a huge yankee fan.

Oh, I'm more likely to do it than you?

Oh, Jeez.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, jeez. All right,

Oh, jesús was very upset that you were talking about my breasts

Oh, Larry, you're unbelievable.

Oh, Larry.

Oh, lesbians love me. They love me.

Oh, look!

Oh, Mickey.

Oh, my foot fell asleep so I was kind of jumping up and down

Oh, my four iron.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my orthotics

Oh, nice to meet you. I've been such a fan of "Seinfeld"

Oh, no. Don't like 'em.

Oh, okay, good.

Oh, okay, so it's longevity no matter what,

Oh, okay. I thought...

Oh, okay. Okay, no wonder...

Oh, please, I sneak out all the time.

Oh, poor thing. Oh, jeez.

Oh, remember?

Oh, right.

Oh, sacred intercourse cannot be interrupted.

Oh, thank you, doctor.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's too bad. He's a good dog.

Oh, the Knicks? Oh, that was a great game.

Oh, the orthotics.

Oh, there's somebody right now

Oh, they live about two blocks up,

Oh, um...

Oh, we don't have that sandwich anymore.

Oh, what would this do to my trip?

Oh, yeah, Wilson. I met this kid in the hospital...

Oh, yes, yes. Mr. Lewis. Yes. Right, yeah.

Oh, you kiddin'? Who'd forget this day. How's your dad?

Oh, you know Tanaka,

Oh, you know what?

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.

Oh, your stutter's gone, jackass!

Oh! No. No slamming, no bamming.

Oh. Pulling plugs. Where did you get that from?

Oh. Hi, doctor

Oh. I think I threw that out.

Oh. it's kind of a long story,

Oh. Let's see, wait a second.

Oh. Oh, there's nothing to overcome, really.

Oh...

Oh... my favorite thing to do in life.

Ohh, mmm hmmm.

Okay okay, I wait.

Okay, but let me ask you this:

Okay, gently. Gently, guys.

Okay, get ready, kids.

Okay, good boy! Good boy.

Okay, he's the head of the kidney consortium

Okay, here we go.

Okay, hey, you know what?

Okay, I do... the dog is racist.

Okay, I feel like I've been cutting apples for, like, two hours.

Okay, I tell you what I'm going to do for you.

Okay, I'm gonna flip this coin

Okay, I'm sorry, sir.

Okay, it was good.

Okay, it's in golf.

Okay, it's, um...

Okay, just forget it.

Okay, kids, you can come look for the matzah now.

Okay, let me just check her.

Okay, listen... once again like I said,

Okay, okay.

Okay, on Tuesday...

Okay, so Larry, you think Lenore is taking kick back

Okay, so that's two inappropriate questions.

Okay, thank you.

Okay, then switch.

Okay, try them all on.

Okay, we'll talk to you soon. All right, bye bye.

Okay, well, it's not a big deal. Let's not make it a big deal

Okay, you're really reaching now.

Okay, you're welcome. I'll be here.

Okay? He watched over them and helped them,

Okay.

Okay. All right, okay, there you go.

Okay. ( Bangs )

Okay. All right, get dressed. I'll think of something.

Okay. All right.

Okay. Bye

Okay. I'm sorry if I did anything that...

Okay. I'm willing to overlook this whole thing.

Okay. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Okay. Thanks, Mr. Jones.

Okay. Um, one other thing.

Okay...

Okay... I don't even have enough cash.

One built his house with bricks.

One built... the wolf was after the pigs.

One second! Come on, I'm starving.

One tastes good and one sucks!

Only the best for sung.

Ooh, Larry.

Open it up. What is it?

Or a buddy comes through. Then I'm... you know,

Or a drug addict.

Or fire her.

Or humiliated or anything?

Or maybe even a few other people. I don't even know.

Oscar went into the pantry, had three boxes of oreos and now he's gonna die.

Oscar, where the fuck are you?

Oscar's missing.

Other than the fact that, you know, there's a lot about me that

Our table.

Out goes y o u

Out goes y o u give the kidney

Out goes y o u. I'm out, he's in

Out? What do you mean? Out for a walk or out with me?

Out. Out. It's over. It's over. Leave. Leave.

Oy, perfect

Pastrami, tuna... I would've taken tuna...

People are used to my sandwich,

People come to me for help. I help them.

People don't eat bacon. What, are you nuts?

People who are alive they need the...

Perfect in our house once we get back to it.

Pervert! You sick fuck pervert!

Peter the crybaby, Wendell the conspirator,

Pfft, boy, that went well.

Pharmacist.

Pick up the phone and call the doctor.

Pig?

Pizza was coming, it would have been rude to leave a pizza guy...

Please please, think about it.

Please, I've been through everything.

Please... oh, you turned it off. Come on.

Police believe that the suspect, Peter hagen, is responsible.

Pop sicola.

Pretty good. Pretty good.

Pretty, pretty good.

Pretty, pretty,

Probably move Richard up the list.

Proceed up the driveway please.

Prognosis isn't good. So...

Puma? That's a sneaker.

Put a little concierge desk over there.

Quiet for intercourse.

Quiet. What's that noise?

Rachel, come. Come.

Rachel: Are you gonna jump?

Ran into somebody you went out with.

Ray: you know who Peter is?

Really swelled up with joy.

Really?

Really? First of all,

Really? How much?

Really? I haven't read about that.

Really? Maybe that's whatyour problem is.

Really? That's one of my favorite episodes.

Really? The hospital has a barber?

Really? They got scalper tickets?

Really? what does somebody do

Really? Why?

Really?! yeah, not too long. But uh...

Really?! you never looked better in your life.

Remarkable. They do impressive work in Korea.

Remember I got him a subscription to the "times"?

Remember the other day when we were in here and I saw

Remember when I smashed into it?

Richard Lewis?

Richard: what did you do to my assistant?

Rick: It is an honor to meet you, sir.

Right now? Okay, where's your car?

Right over over there,

Right, right upstairs he's going. Right upstairs.

Right? Yeah. How're you gonna do that?

Right. Yeah. I'm making some great headway also.

Rosie O'Donnell's gonna be there.

Sable. It's a fish.

Sammi caught me putting the money under her pillow.

Sammy, Sammy, get up.

Say hello for me if you see him.

Scared the hell out of me. ( Laughs )

Second from the right. That's him.

See this? It's called an orthotic.

See you at the wedding.

See, that's what I'm saying.

See, you're bringing your hips through.

See...

Seeking attention, getting rejected.

Seems a pity though, that...

Sex is consolation. Isn't that consolation. No?

She asked me what the call was regarding!

She can't breathe. She can't breathe.

She caught me, now she knows there's no tooth fairy.

She clips his moustache, she does his hair.

She comes into my office crying,

She has a big vagina. Why would would she even do that?

She has no pockets. I mean, if she, if she hid a ball in there,

She knows that there's no tooth fairy now!

She never forgets a face.

She said she was leaving. I thought she was leaving me.

She still believes in the tooth fairy?

She thinks I'm coming on to her? Get out of here. Get the hell out of here.

She told me you had...

She took my jacketfrom the car?

She was gonna tell me when her break was. I'm gonna visit her.

She wears brassieres, she does it all!

She wins a lot?

She'll be here.

She'll be upset that she didn't get to meet you.

She's a perfectly healthy woman wearing my jacket, I'm freezing.

She's back on the team. Everything's good. Don't even think about it.

She's bad news. There's something about this woman

She's coming around. She should be down soon.

She's dating a guy?!

She's dating a guy. I think it's serious.

She's freaked out, having a nervous breakdown, and might even quit.

She's gonna get in touch with me.

She's great. She's great.

She's just going out to have lunch with her friend.

She's my friend.

She's not a lesbian anymore.

She's not going to come and take her clothes off for you.

She's not here yet.

She's really pissed off at me because I threw away her magazine

She's... she's crazy! I was consoling her!

Sheriff the fucking dog that eats black people.

Sheriff?!

Sheriff's racist?

Shh shh.

Shh! Don't disturb the intercourse.

Shh.

Shit, I mean, you're renting, so I can be honest.

Shit!

Shit! My tooth fell out!

Shit.

Shkiyas hachama. That's what's going on.

Should I go clean it for you before you go in there?

Should only be a few minutes.

Since the last time I saw you.

Sir, are you in a car?

Sir, this is a drive thru line.

Sir, you're gonna need to control your levels

Small favor, okay?

Small favor... It's hardly even a favor.

So basically what you're saying is,

So Cofey was there.

So did you ask this Louis Lewis? What did he say?

So every anti semite in the neighborhood will know that we live here

So good to see you!

So he said, "Mr. David can go fuck himself."

So I did.

So I don't get hurt. I protect myself.

So I don't know if you're aware of this or not, but...

So I figured, I might as well go to the mansion,

So I got, uh... see this thing?

So I lean in, and he whispers in my ear.

So I needed to find out what your size was!

So I took a little peek at her bra size, big deal.

So I took that Liberty. I hope it's okay.

So I was thinking maybe you wouldn't mind switching with me.

So I'm just sort of conditioned for that response.

So I'm out. I'm the winner.

So I've got an opening for you and Cheryl if you want it.

So it's a question of longevity? That's it?

So it's interesting to see how an artist like yourself works.

So it's just a can opener, you might not think it's much.

So on the way, he grabs some food off the kitchen table.

So stop asking me shit about black people and stuff, all right?

So sue me! Lock me up!

So that Mr. Lewis can get it.

So that would sort of be the best choice. It's really good.

So the community has completely embraced you.

So then he goes like this...

So um...

So we have three choices.

So we installed cameras throughout the house.

So what about the Funkhouser party?

So what are you two guys talking about?

So what did you think of my brother in law?

So what do you think he should do? 'Cause he's like on the bottom of the list.

So what happened at the last second there?

So what? I can't hear, you know?

So what? We don't need dessert. Come on.

So what's wrong with that? Why shouldn't it lead to sex?

So when we go to their wedding, it's not gonna be weird.

So whenever I go in, they go, "Oh, chicken teriyaki boy!"

So Wilson, have you thought about another wish?

So you can get one of his organs, preferably his kidney,

So you don't have to give up your own kidney to Richard.

So you just didn't give him his gift?

So you just speak up a little bit...

So you think he's a Muslim?

So you won't have to give up one,

So you're going to Grant my wish?

So, any... Change?

So, anyway, huh? Amazing?

So, are you going to the playboy mansion?

So, did you replace the nail?

So, he kind of got confused, you know, he's not...

So, uh, I saw that car you hit the other day in the parking lot.

So, um, you know,

So, what? You want this guy dead or something?

So, you know, I hired a private investigator

So...

So... he likes my dog.

So... kind of in touch with your emotions.

Some Koreans eat dogs.

Some of the sculptures that we saw today.

Some pretty erratic behavior.

Somebody was in there. I had to use the normal one.

Somebody's been drinking all the beer.

Somebody's been stealing my newspaper

Somebody's gonna have to jump.

Somebody's gotta step up.

Something comfortable. She hasn't worn one in 15 years.

Something should be done. I don't know what can be done,

Something wrong, doctor?

Sometimes you just want to snuggle and you don't want to have sex.

Sometimes you rip up these checks, it screws up the books.

Sorry about the bingo game.

Sorry for bothering you but...

Sorry, Susie.

Sorry.

Sorry...

Sorta disagreed with you.

Stand to watch her clean room to room

Start with me. Start with me. Start with me

Starts with a "J" and it ends with an "I."

Stashed it in your unusually large vagina,

Still on that table.

Stop it!

Stop it! I'll delete it.

Stutter my ass! That's for people who can't walk.

Sure you invited her?

Sure, man. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

Sure, yeah. Excuse me for one second.

Sure. no campaigning.

Sure. what's this regarding?

Susie: And how did that feel? Did it feel good?

Susie: But I wasn't attracted to him from the band

Susie: Food, you know, dog food.

Susie: Honey...

Susie: Quite a show, Larry.

Susie: Why'd you have a nail around your neck?

Susie: Yes, it was "the hipsters."

Susie's sister's in town,

Swear to God.

Switching sandwiches?

Take a drink of water.

Take a look around.

Take a look at the seams here. It's a shmata, man.

Take a mint.

Take a pop at him. Go ahead, take a pop.

Take a pop. Doesn't feel anything.

Take a shot.

Take it, take it, take...

Take me to your place.

Take off your little smock here,

Take off your tie, sit in on a game,

Take some water.

Take this off. This doesn't belong to you,

Taken the Liberty, with your permission,

Talk loud. He's losing his hearing.

Talking about the bra,

Tell her.

Tell me the details of your last conversation.

Tell them! Kev?

Thank you for your opinion, Larry.

Thank you very much. I love cheesecake.

Thank you, Louis Lewis.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you. I mean, I'm trying.

Thank you. Marla, I'm sorry. I'll see you at home.

Thanks, buddy. I really appreciate it.

That a black man wearing a bow tie is a Muslim?

That asks questions of people.

That doesn't make me a pervert...

That finds kidneys for...

That had a phone number on it.

That happened to me today.

That hurt my feelings a little bit, buddy.

That I need to somehow befriend this guy.

That I personally like a lot better.

That I'm a friend o' lesbians.

That I've so much wanted to go to see it.

That is the deal, but we...

That is your fault, not mine. I said don't, you did it.

That kidney transplant list. It's so unfair.

That means he didn't, which means he's alive.

That might be the way you do things in your family,

That might have been inappropriate.

That Muslims are a very forgiving people.

That son of a bitch don't come in anyway!

That that was there. ( Laughs )

That that's something that friends...

That that's what the whole deal was.

That the make a wish foundation turned down.

That the sandwich

That was great. That was just great.

That was left by a couple of my co workers.

That whole area is so mysterious to me, you know?

That would be wonderful, wonderful!

That you're not telling me?

That you're running around with nude women?

That, uh, you don't wear a, uh...

That, you know... a kamikaze pilot

That'll be fine. I'm on L.A. time, okay?

That's a necessary rule of being kosher.

That's a perfect fire I built.

That's a perfect name for a racist dog.

That's all I have to say.

That's all I'm saying.

That's all, just the opportunity.

That's all.

That's bizarre.

That's demeaning, don't you know?

That's fantastic!

That's good. That's good, jesús.

That's great... great news.

That's him.

That's how I react to things. I go the other way,

That's how they introduce it, you know, "We need to talk."

That's if you're playing with more than two.

That's Jesus' nail!

That's like asking me to play golf against Tiger Woods. Play you in bingo?

That's like from the '80s. Who doesn't know that?

That's like the Twinkie defense.

That's my jacket.

That's my nickname, 'cause I always order chicken teriyaki.

That's my stall! Did you see the plaque on it...

That's nice. Oh, that's nice!

That's nice. That's nice. When did this happen?

That's none of your business!

That's personal.

That's pretty good... Pretty good work.

That's really noble.

That's right. Let me ask you a question, Stevie

That's sounds awful.

That's the knock off. That's my father's.

That's true, because, you know,

That's very nice of you though.

That's was the... ( Speaks Hebrew )

That's what I know, and I know they enjoy it.

That's what I should have been doing all these years... eating crap and smoking.

That's what jesús said?

That's what she did. That's what that check is about.

That's what you want, right? Don't you want to be eeny?

That's what you're doing? Staring at everyone's breasts?

That's why she thought it might your friend of yours.

That's why we were there, because we were concerned.

That's why?

The answer of course is no. I'm a professional.

The best kind.

The bingo business?

The bow tie... I just tried out a bow tie, so what?

The cantor will be practically spitting all over you.

The diet, the exercise, the whole thing,

The girls were pretty interested, you know?

The hearing is going and the mind is, you know, it's...

The Japanese guy, his son tried to kill himself.

The Larry David. If you go in there...

The marriage.

The men's room key from the private investigator's office.

The Mick... do the Mick rounding the bases.

The milchig plates... well, they should be in the cabinet.

The nail.

The next time there's any sign of anything wrong

The one who built his house with bricks?

The one who ruined my jacket? That Marla?

The only noticeable thing I have in common with them,

The organs aren't going to be worth it.

The other day he's rifling through my things looking at my labels.

The other day when I was here, I mistakenly

The pharmacist had a nametag that said "Cofey."

The pharmacist?

The pig... "the three little pigs," you don't know that story?

The poor dog is fighting for his life, you know,

The questions about organs, come on.

The racket we all heard upstairs?

The reason.

The red one with the black trim.

The roselli.

The sandwich gave him a stroke. How do you like this?

The sandwich.

The score of the knick game last night?

The situation's reversed. I need the kidney.

The Ted Danson sandwich all of a sudden has herring and lox.

The thing about it... I was wondering,

The victim of the shooting in this case,

The way he talks, you'd think that he's got...

The what?

The whole adoption thing...

The whole kamikaze thing.

The whole kind of small penis thing. It came out.

The whole sexual thing, you know?

The whole situation,

The Yankees are playing and I would...

The yips.

Their essence remains for us in the life to come.

Their fruit we eat now;

Their kid's in town and

Then I'm golden.

Then she'll be fine.

Then the one who's out is the winner...

Then you can just go on with the rest of the day

There are people, though, let's face it, who do have a foot odor problem.

There are so many other sandwiches.

There is no tooth fairy!

There there, it's okay.

There was a Mickey mantle ball,

There was some kind of malfunction with the plane?

There was something I want to tell you... oh!

There you go.

There... I didn't buy a new jacket.

There'll be a fire. Why are you wearing corduroys?

There's a check.

There's a chicken rotisserie

There's a difference when you're younger, obviously.

There's a difference. Here's the difference.

There's a Johanna Seiderman in a nursing home

There's actually something else you could do for me too.

There's been cases where patients have been in comas for years.

There's bones in the chicken salad!

There's gotta be a maximum number

There's no need for the third degree. Just pay him the dollar.

There's no nude women. They covered all up when they saw me.

There's no other way. Somebody's gonna have to jump!

There's no pistachio crunching in apologizing.

There's no way. Come on.

There's no... everything... Everything's closed.

There's nothing perverted about it!

There's one person.

There's one stall for me, and you're in it!

There's one that I think will be

There's so many times when the Yankees were playing in anaheim

There's some cream cheese. It's...

There's something fishy going on in this place.

There's whitefish, uh, sable,

These big vagina ladies are getting away with murder.

These people languish like this

They are not kamikaze pilots.

They are the same plates, but they've been washed.

They are?

They award you when you win the masters.

They do eat dogs.

They do. We have matching panties.

They had shells.

They have all kinds of things in the Internet

They make a lot of noise. You gotta break them in.

They need the humility of the bow here.

They own the equipment, so they know what to do with it.

They ran away from you, Larry.

They show up and all of a sudden they're eating...

They steal from me. I am telling you something, Larry.

They take a while to work in.

They talk amongst themselves, and the word got out

They they're festive, man. That's a festival if I ever saw one.

They won't let me order any food unless I'm in a car.

They won't let me order unless I'm in a car.

They wouldn't... you know...

They'll fix it.

They'll take less.

They're a lot happier with the other drug.

They're all over the place.

They're all smiling at me. Of course, it makes perfect sense.

They're getting three and a half points

They're giving a kidney to Richard Lewis.

They're gonna have to get somebody else.

They're inviting and cozy and cottony.

They're like Siamese twins, whitefish and sable.

They're may be some capers. I'm not sure.

They're monkeys, they'll attack you. They'll claw you to death.

They're really loud.

They're unpredictable.

They've made some great technological advances in bras in 15 years.

This guy is the head of the whole kidney consortium.

This happens to be a very expensive hat, mister.

This is a fact. This is like numbers, okay?

This is a nail.

This is a roselli. That's a knock off.

This is a very... you know, way too much information here, okay?

This is completely natural, Larry.

This is how your housekeeper washes dishes, like this?

This is Jodi's new boyfriend. This is Larry David.

This is Kelvin han yee live from studio city.

This is like a ******* thing.

This is me from now on.

This is no good.

This is not a roselli?

This is not a roselli. How did you get it?

This is not my smoking jacket.

This is probably a birthday gift for me.

This is quite a gesture.

This is really hard. I, uh...

This is some kind of sandwich, my friend.

This is sung; Cheryl, susie, Oscar

This is terrific. That way you'll have definitive "yes, no."

This is the best birthday I ever had.

This is the best bra we make.

This is the best chicken salad I've ever had.

This is the best whitefish in the whole wide world.

This is tragic. Because this guy, he was sharp.

This is wonderful.

This is... you know what?

This isn't the first time it's happened.

This jacket? My friend gave it to me for a birthday present.

This makes me feel so much better to know how you feel about Marla now.

This man is a racist.

This package is for you.

This project demands I get back to my base.

This smoking jacket...

This the guy?

This was not about you.

Thought I'd bring him by. Told him you were filming here.

Tickets?

Tickets? Tickets? Who needs...

To a movie or something.

To be the housekeeper and have those breasts

To be your lawfully wedded husband,

To be your lawfully wedded wife,

To being told to keep it down?

To bring the coat

To clear your calendars

To either of you? I love that jacket.

To find out if I'm adopted.

To find some other fucking pig

To get your ticket six months in advance.

To go skiing. My goodness, what a wonderful gesture.

To have and to hold in sickness and in health

To have and to hold until death do you part?

To his question.

To life! L'chaim!

To put it over the door here.

To see who's winning at the bingo game.

To switch sandwiches with me?

To take in stray animals, you know, that's...

To take on your case.

To tell you the truth,

To tell you the truth, he has some crazy...

To use the bathroom. It's like..

Today, changed, irrevocably.

Took the nailright off my neck!

Took the wrong smoking jacket and...

Totally embraced me. Completely.

Touching hair is part of my consolation routine.

True story, every word!

Trust me. Trust me, they'll take less.

Try the jacket on. Let's see you try it on.

Two jumbo Jacks,

Uh, and that's...

Uh, around the neighborhood, nearby.

Uh, but I saw something very shocking,

Uh, he... he'll know what it's about. I'm a client.

Uh, I can't go into it right now,

Uh, I got a little thing I need to talk about with you.

Uh, I think we're gonna have to let Maria go.

Uh, I wonder what the record is.

Uh, I worked alongside a dental hygienist.

Uh, I'll have the portobello, yeah.

Uh, no, I'm not kidding.

Uh, no, Larry.

Uh, Ted Danson, or something.

Uh, you know...

Uh, you know... ( Speaks Hebrew ) it's not a big problem.

Uh...

Uh... celtics lost by three.

Um, "my freaking back is killing me and"

Um, I'll be right down.

Um, is that a key to the men's room?

Um, we ran into some problems.

Um, why don't we do eeny meeny?

Um...

Unbelievable.

Unless I'm in a car. Will you...

Unless, of course, any other emergencies arise that require a nail to remedy it.

Unless...

Until death do you part?

Until today, I never even thought about that,

Until y'all get rid of that fucking Klan dog.

Upstairs? What the...?

Upstairs.

Usually I delegate it to somebody else,

Very funny.

Wait a minute. Is that my nail?

Wait a second, what is this?

Wait a second.

Wait a second. I'm taking it to the drycleaner.

Wait till my father hears that Hugh Hefner

Wait, wait.

Wait, what do you mean, an orthodox... an orthodox Jew and his daughter?

Walk up your walkway there,

Wanna tell me what you're driving at?

Want me to be eeny? Do you want me to be eeny?

Want to go to the playboy mansion?

Was he coming down, all of a sudden, he said,

Was it good? Did you go?

Was the problem.

Was trying on his smoking jacket.

Washington and then you go 77 years, Lincoln.

We actually dated a little bit.

We are in the brotherhood of the adopted!

We can't hear the waiter. We're trying to order.

We can't watch porno together. I don't think...

We could play bingo.

We could...

We decide when she knows about the tooth fairy!

We didn't put it out. We thought of it between hands.

We don't have a choice. You invited them.

We don't have that kind of relationship yet.

We don't like to be referred to as "normal," okay?

We don't need to talk about your bathroom..

We got a dog.

We had dinner with him.

We have a mutual acquaintance. I know Jeff.

We just try and keep him comfortable,

We made eye contact. He saw it.

We need to keep it down for Tucker Carlson over here.

We sedated him yesterday at the vet.

We see a lot of drugs. I think this is a good choice.

We should invite Mac and Ethel.

We should invite them for seder, don't you think?

We talk, Mr. David. We talk.

We took him to Japan.

We used to hang out together doing comedy.

We want you guys

We wanted to show support, so when you got home your buddies would be there

We were friends. Mantle got his liver just like that...

We were trying to recreate what happened 25 years ago,

We'll do one more. Rachel, uh...

We'll just go down there and try to get some.

We'll let Lewis decide. How about that?

We'll see what Mrs. Seiderman has to say.

We'll see.

We'll snuggle another time.

We're "able bodied." "Able bodied," not "normal."

We're all done in there.

We're going to continue with the game.

We're gonna have a great time skiing, snowboarding maybe.

We're losing the sickness and Heath clause.

We're not having a sex offender over for dinner, no!

We're not ready to leave, Jeff.

We've been married 11 years.

Weeks or months?

Welcome! This is our new house.

Well then, she should have brought her own jacket.

Well, "heineman" could be spelled a couple different ways.

Well, at least it's not his hip.

Well, because we don't know what we're doing

Well, because women have broken up with me many times,

Well, give it to me. What are you opening it for?

Well, he understood it as you calling him a chicken.

Well, he's a pharmacist.

Well, here. Maybe you should take another look at it.

Well, hopefully, she'll wake up soon

Well, how could I do anything less that that?

Well, I didn't buy a new jacket.

Well, I don't think that will be a problem.

Well, I don't think you did what I did, but...

Well, I got these new orthotics, you know...

Well, I had no idea

Well, I heard that you just got so excited,

Well, I mean it was pretty easy to come up with.

Well, I met sort of a new friend.

Well, I saw Mr. dunkle

Well, I think you're doing the right thing.

Well, I wanted to know if we're going or not.

Well, I'll tell you something, that I think he's a Muslim.

Well, if **** don't have any place to go for seder,

Well, if you're the bottom of the list, you're fucked.

Well, in a week or two, you're gonna come up to me and go,

Well, it is my friend's cousin.

Well, it says "men" on it. Yes.

Well, it was obviously something about you that made them do that.

Well, it's nice to meet you. ( Speaks Hebrew )

Well, it's not a roselli but it's a great knock off.

Well, it's pretty simple. There's no heartbeat,

Well, it's probably a flamingo.

Well, it's rude. You stay for dessert.

Well, Larry, then you're gonna have to tell her to wear a bra

Well, last night, actually.

Well, like I said, I'm gonna have to think about it.

Well, listen, she's my friend.

Well, looky here!

Well, maybe it's just a golf condition.

Well, she's got some kind of personality disorder I think.

Well, she's on a lot of medication.

Well, she's passed away a number of years ago.

Well, somebody does something wrong

Well, susie's been coaching me through it all.

Well, thank you for your opinion.

Well, thanks... Thanks for coming over.

Well, that doesn't sound so hot.

Well, that's a big bowl of wrong.

Well, that's cute. I'm glad you made a new friend.

Well, that's the ultimate form of consolation.

Well, that's very nice of you. Thank you.

Well, then you wait!

Well, then you wait.

Well, there you go. Sorry.

Well, they feel pretty good.

Well, they're in trouble then.

Well, they're very good for my feet, I could tell you that.

Well, unfortunately he's not doing too well.

Well, until things got, you know, intimate,

Well, what's it regarding?

Well, what's the address?

Well, whatever you have to do.

Well, where are you?

Well, where the fuck is he, Jeff?

Well, while we're on the subject,

Well, you got another half hour.

Well, you haven't taken the test.

Well, you just looked like you were about to pull the plug.

Well, you know it's not a myth,

Well, you know what? I would love to help you.

Well, you know,

Well, you know, I took, uh...

Well, you know, I would love to help you out. What's your name?

Well, you know, the fact that she's been with women before you.

Well, you know, you said, "We need to talk."

Well, you've got your Al Capone hat on.

Well, your dad has had a mild stroke.

Well...

Well... no. Oh, I was a little gassy.

Well... ( sniffs )

Well... hey...

Were making too much noise at the next table, that's all.

Wh wh what?

Wh what did you hear?

Whack job.

What a great great pleasure to meet you.

What a mitzvah it was for you to leave that note on my car.

What about a big brother kind of thing?

What about a nail? Where's a nail?

What about your relatives? They're the ones who're supposed to be doing it

What about...

What am I doing?! What are you doing?!

What am I going to do?

What am I supposed to do? Sit here for four hours

What are we talking about anyway? Losing what?

What are we talking about? Our housekeeper's been stealing, Larry,

What are you breaking 'em in in my house for? It's crazy!

What are you doing for passover?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? What are you doing with that money?

What are you eating, sung?

What are you looking at?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? About bingo?

What are you talking about? Awful?

What did he say?

What did l... hello, boy.

What did you do?

What did you say to Dan?

What did you tell Jodi?

What did you wish for?

What do people have against whistlers?

What do you call that cotton?

What do you call that?

What do you care now for?

What do you feed the dog?

What do you mean you want to show it?

What do you mean you're adopted?

What do you think about that?

What do you think you're doing?

What do you think you're leaning more towards...

What do you think? Huh?

What does that have to do with anything?

What else is in it?

What fuckin' idiot put bones in a sandwich?

What ha... what happened to your leg?

What happened exactly? Did he try

What I do is I service the community.

What if I got somebody

What if one your kids needs a kidney one day?

What is all the... All that sound, that noise,

What is it?

What is sable?

What is that language?

What is that?

What is this dessert thing? We don't have to leave after.

What is this with the Blackberry every... all the time now?

What is this? Huh?

What kind of meat?

What kind of person would do something like that?

What kind of thing is that to say?

What made you go back there a second time?

What needs to be done here is

What pig? I don't know what pig is.

What should we do?

What stinks in here?

What the fuck, Larry?!

What the fuck, man? I'll tell you what,

What the heck is this?

What the heck is this? This is not my...

What the hell are you trying to pull, Larry?

What the hell is all this screaming about?

What the hell is going on?

What the hell is that?

What the hell is this? What is that?

What the hell, man? Why did you touch my hair?

What the... heineman's here?

What was I thinking?

What was this wish that they wouldn't Grant?

What were you talking to him about?

What you got... what you got up your sleeve here?

What you need to see is a doctor or a psychiatrist,

What you're doing is an unbelievable act of friendship.

What, "b" cup?

What, are you crazy? You're making bacon?!

What, are you fucking nuts?

What, are you kidding?

What, are you kidding? She's like 11 years old.

What, did l...

What, is that a Japanese thing?

What, tooth fairy.

What, what are you looking at?

What?

What? How did you get a hold of this dreck?

What? I can eat and apologize.

What? I don't know why...

What? I...

What? I'm a doctor?

What? Look, maybe it rolled off.

What? No, nothing.

What? Oh my god.

What? This is the one you beat Palmer in '61, right?

What? what are you saying?

What? What did I do?

What? What is going on?

What? You know who that guy is?

What? You're kidding!

What?!

What?! biggest vagina known to man!

What?! he's at the vet. He's gonna die.

What?! bacon?!

What... what a whack job.

What... what's going on?

What's a motivation there?

What's going on there?

What's going on?

What's he gonna do?

What's one guy, what's two guys?

What's over?

What's so shocking? You don't understand children.

What's that animal walking around outside with the long neck?

What's that?

What's the advantage of that?

What's the big deal? What?

What's the difference?

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter?

What's the mezuzah doing over there?

What's the number?

What's the problem?

What's the story with that?

What's this? There's something in his foot!

What's very bad for the community is that he's a sex offender.

What's with him?

What's with the snub?

What's with the walking?

What's wrong with your dog?

What's your business, please?

When am I going to get it?

When am I gonna get my dollar?

When did it happen? In the news?

When everybody hates me, my dog loves me.

When he was over at the house the other day... yeah?

When I get back, I want you out of that jacket.

When I got out of college, you don't know about.

When I play I think I'm gonna win. Isn't that insane?

When I went... unreal!

When the phone call does get to me.

When the soul is crying to...

When we get there, will you please apologize to Mark

When we get there... think of me that way, the third pig.

When we went to the hospital, I come back,

When you were drowning that day.

When? You're kidding me?

Whenever it was my birthday

Whenever you want, go ahead.

Where am I gonna find someone who loves me enough just to give me a kidney?

Where are the milchig plates? Where are they?

Where did you get that jacket?

Where did you get this dog, the Klan meeting or something?

Where did you learn how to do this?

Where do you live?

Where have you been?

Where she really needs the jacket.

Where? To stay in the chalet with us?

Where'd you come from?

Where's the new jacket, Larry?

Whew!

Which I have to say I didn't really know your size.

Which means my brother in law's in town which means that

Which way you wanna lose? Horizontal, vertical or diagonal?

While she's wearing my jacket?

While you're apologizing to me?

Whisper in his son's ear.

Whitefish.

Who can match. Hopefully, he knows somebody who's...

Who else would be doing it? It's him.

Who has a wedding on the beach?

Who made this up? Where's this rule?

Who needs it for something far more important than fixing a car.

Who needs this?

Who needs tickets?

Who promised him a gift for Christmas and never followed through on it.

Who should give your wife the kidney? I've known her longer.

Who the hell fucking knows?

Who wants to be eeny?

Who would do something like that?

Who's been here? Lisa, the nurse, a couple of close friends and you.

Who's practically a vegetable, to die,

Who's waiting for you upstairs?

Who's Wilson?

Who've been labeled with "small penis

Whoa. Is this place your house?

Whoo! Yeah!

Whose idea was it to have s'mores tonight?

Why are you asking me some bullshit like that?

Why are you buying her a bra! You don't have to.

Why are you looking at her breasts?

Why can't I catch a break on this shit, oh!

Why did he have to give me whitefish?

Why did you have to answer the phone?

Why did you throw away my magazine?

Why didn't Jesus put the mezuzah up?

Why didn't you just say, "Hello, I'm Larry. Nice to meet you"?

Why do you need a ticket to go to temple? It's crazy!

Why do you think he would wait until now to tell you?

Why doesn't he just fix his kidney tonight while he's sleeping

Why don't you just burn everything you eat to a cinder?

Why don't you put a little bellman's cap on...

Why don't you taste the sandwich?

Why is it that before you have a meal,

Why not?

Why should I do it?

Why should there be as many big vaginas as there are small penises, right?

Why stop at the marshmallow?

Why would I do that?

Why would our marriage be over?

Why would you bury a plate?

Why would you even say that?

Why would you even think that?

Why? Too much schlepping. I'm not...

Why? We'll put you someplace else.

Why? I don't know.

Why? So what? I don't know.

Will you look how proud he is.

Wilson: Mercedes benz, sl300 si.

Wilson.

With all the people I know.

With any of my friends... if I think they're gonna be going to the hospital,

With number two on the 23rd... Approximately 10:15 P.M.

With oxygen to his brain?

With the guitar, they liked that.

With the red and the...

With your big vagina.

Without a bra. It's very distracting

Without talking to me first!

Woman: We're eating Oscar!

Working alongside a dental hygienist?

Worry about it. Just... it's all good now.

Would like to get together and play?

Would you takethe test?

Wow, wow.

Wow!

Wow.

Wow. And they're coming tomorrow.

Wow. The whole thing about the bra,

Wow. Pretty good.

Wow. Well, he's got to go to his family or his friends.

Wowie. Better?

Y'all stay here and pet your crazy ass racist dog,

Yeah

Yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Yeah yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd know him.

Yeah, 'cause that's...

Yeah, a lot of flopping going on.

Yeah, and I eat and I breathe.

Yeah, as ready as I'm gonna be.

Yeah, because he saw me hiding it.

Yeah, but at the last second, what happened?

Yeah, but he's not... He forgets things,

Yeah, but his feet feel really good.

Yeah, but I'll close it again and pay for it, because, you know.

Yeah, but not if he's upset with somebody

Yeah, but they blend very well together.

Yeah, but you can walk.

Yeah, but you're not there. You don't go in there.

Yeah, do I want to? Yeah, but can I? I don't know.

Yeah, good, good. ( Inhales )

Yeah, got a pizza coming.

Yeah, have your own little booth.

Yeah, he was mad.

Yeah, he wrote out a drug here.

Yeah, he's a bald guy, too.

Yeah, he's fine. He's home now.

Yeah, he's okay, though. He didn't... he's fine.

Yeah, I don't really know him. No.

Yeah, I gave your father a check for the car, $1500

Yeah, I guess you could look at it that way.

Yeah, I have a personal relationship with Christ.

Yeah, I know. You don't want to give up your kidney.

Yeah, I was at a Jack in the box.

Yeah, I wish my mother could hear me say... my mother would flip

Yeah, I'll bring latkes.

Yeah, I'll see you at the party.

Yeah, I'm interested in, um...

Yeah, I'm leaving it... it's in my will. It's yours.

Yeah, in my backyard,

Yeah, it's a great thing, but you've got

Yeah, it's great. It's great.

Yeah, it's true. I'm good at it.

Yeah, just wait till I'm done with him. Different man altogether.

Yeah, kind of, well, you know, he knew me from "Seinfeld."

Yeah, let me give you a hand with that.

Yeah, me too. That's why I went to the car to get the jacket.

Yeah, mezuzah. I don't... I don't know what it does, really.

Yeah, might as well do something else wrong.

Yeah, most definitely, most definitely.

Yeah, my pleasure. It's always something.

Yeah, no one cares what you subscribe to, okay?

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, problem. Now she's back with a woman.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, she's no longer gay.

Yeah, she's very happy with the bras, by the way.

Yeah, sure. Your smoking jacket.

Yeah, tell Mark I said hi.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, that's mantle.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, that's what you said.

Yeah, that's worth the trip from New York, huh? ( Laughing )

Yeah, they lost by four.

Yeah, they're really going to help.

Yeah, this is Larry David.

Yeah, tooth fairy'll be coming tonight.

Yeah, we need to talk about Marty Funkhouser's party!

Yeah, what happened to your brother? He told me last night

Yeah, what happened?

Yeah, why not? Great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah! Fuck yeah!

Yeah? He would be indebted to me for life.

Yeah? You seem a little down.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, where is the new jacket?

Yeah. Wow. So did you have a good time with him?

Yeah. ( Laughs )

Yeah. He would do anything I asked him,

Yeah. Hey, I wanted to tell you, you know?

Yeah. Hey, you coming to passover seder?

Yeah. I suppose.

Yeah. Nailed, nailed the bra size.

Yeah. No wonder why the car's there.

Yeah. Pete.

Yeah. She's a nice lady.

Yeah. Yeah, I know what you wished for.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you like this.

Yeah...

Yeah... the pig also didn't come home

Yes yes, mom, yeah.

Yes,

Yes, a singles and he was there trying to pick up every girl imaginable.

Yes, and I'm a doctor.

Yes, because there is no fucking tooth fairy!

Yes, he hadn't been back since the war.

Yes, hi, um...

Yes, I have.

Yes, I know, but somebody was using the other one, so l...

Yes, I think so too. It happened for a reason.

Yes, I understand that. We've got that under...

Yes, Larry, we screen them to make sure they're old and sick and need care.

Yes, look who's here.

Yes, my father thought it would bring more joy to my social interactions.

Yes, of course she wins a lot. She plays a lot...

Yes, she still believes. What's the matter with that?

Yes, so?

Yes, that is an inappropriate question.

Yes, that's too bad. It's too bad.

Yes, we have emergencies in that field as well.

Yes, yes!

Yes! Oh my God!

Yes.

Yes. No, no, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

Yes. I would love to invite you

Yoshi tried to commit suicide,

Yoshi! Yoshi!

Yoshi's doing great.

Yoshi's in the hospital. He tried to commit suicide!

You actually probably meant to send it to me for my birthday.

You are a guest in this house.

You are a Muslim!

You are healthy and thin. You're giving the kidney.

You are my brother!

You are the whitefish sable period.

You betcha. Bobbi sue.

You bumped into me.

You can always try for a scalper.

You can sit inside and enjoy the snow.

You can't accept the fact that he sent me a gift.

You can't accept the fact that your father sent me a lovely gift.

You can't be sincere about apologizing

You can't get in any more trouble,

You can't get your index finger in there. What's the point?

You can't speak to him until you tell me what this is regarding.

You cannot leave an affair before the dessert is served

You celebrated!

You check out the date of birth. That's all.

You cost me a lot of money. I know for a fact

You could say that.

You could speak a little clearer.

You could start drinking again if you wanted to with that thing.

You could startat 8:00 though.

You couldn't cut it in your single life there?

You did? Did he seem weird?

You didn't think that I would mind

You do not invite a sex offender over for dinner

You do something wrong, you say it.

You do the whole cross thing, but not for a snack.

You don't do something like that without asking me!

You don't go in there. I'd like to eat my own sandwich.

You don't got much pockets in there, huh?

You don't have a lot of respect for speech.

You don't have an illness either..

You don't have to go through this charade

You don't know child psychology,

You don't know what I wished for... it's none of your business.

You don't tell her that. You can think that, tell me even.

You don't tell me Cheryl's, I ain't telling you susie's.

You don't understand because you're not *******, okay?

You done?

You ever get aroused?

You ever see a handle like this on a cup? What's the point?

You fucking prick!

You gave me my money. I can do with that money what I please

You go around calling Jeff a fat fuck.

You got a step and you got a little carpet here. Hey ya guys.

You got it from my car. That's actually my jacket.

You got it. I'm going to go up and change.

You got something?

You got the huge vagina. It's not necessary.

You got whitefish.

You got yourself a doggie!

You got, like, a community center for bingo?

You gotta listen to her. She knows what she's doing.

You guys are all still playing poker, smoking, eating pizza.

You had to get your sandwich!

You had to tell yourhousekeeper to wear a bra?

You had your hands on it, you were kind of...

You have a racist dog!

You have got to be kidding me.

You have no idea how hard I've been working on your birthday present.

You have no idea what a deal this is.

You have not apologized to Yoshi properly.

You have some fetish about bras...

You have to be in a car to order.

You have to bury the plate to purify it. It has to go underground.

You haven't fixed the dent on the car.

You just couldn't take it, could you?

You know he promised that jacket to me.

You know how you said that you were the smart pig?

You know it and I know it.

You know my beautiful jacket, my smoking jacket?

You know the story of the three little pigs,

You know what I find very interesting?

You know what I mean? "You people?" I don't know if I like that so much.

You know what I mean? 'Cause I knew

You know what I'm going to do?

You know what this is about? I'm sorry to tell you this.

You know what would really cinch it?

You know what you should do?

You know what, Cofey?

You know what?

You know what? I love that show

You know what? I think you smell from the onion.

You know what? I'll make some calls,

You know what? This is really... it's a serious thing for them to get engaged.

You know what? You oughtta try wearing a bow tie.

You know what's going on down there?

You know what's in here? Matzah.

You know what's up on the board?

You know whitefish?

You know, "Jesus, this kamikaze business might not be for me.

You know, "the three little pigs."

You know, a little small talk, "Hi, how are you doing?

You know, and in as much as you don't go in there,

You know, and you know what's pissing me off? I'm so low on that list,

You know, as you know, the dairy and the meat are on two separate plates.

You know, because I spoke to...

You know, he deals with this stuff all the time.

You know, he's...

You know, I just ran into your doctor.

You know, I spoke to our mutual friend.

You know, I...

You know, I'm kinda glad I ran into you.

You know, I'm loathe to mention this, okay,

You know, if a... you know, if a... if a good friend

You know, if you wanna taste my chicken teriyaki,

You know, it could have been a defense mechanism.

You know, it could raise his blood pressure.

You know, it's a personal thing. It's a wish.

You know, it's like the dog who pees on the rug.

You know, it's too bad. Ethel's coming down soon.

You know, it's totally unfair.

You know, like sneakers, I can identify.

You know, like... bad example, okay? Not this.

You know, most of the time once in awhile

You know, so I brought the jacket and...

You know, the lesbian community used to revere you.

You know, there's another drug out on the market

You know, things are booming right now, you know?

You know, uh, Richard Lewis needs one.

You know, we couldn't help but notice

You know, we missed you at Funkhouser's party.

You know, we put it over the door

You know, we saw that picture on the flyer

You know, what happened that day was

You know, why don't you just tell her to put a bra on?

You know, wondering what's going on.

You know, working and doing dishes.

You know, you pushed him off a building... ( Laughs )

You know, you're a stupid fucking idiot! I cannot listen to this!

You know? Everybody's not like me.

You know? Or an adult drawn to the nipple.

You know...

You left my party before dessert!

You like it, yeah? You like it?

You line up to putt and your hands shake.

You little snitch. He spilled the coffee, by the way,

You look fantastic. Look at you.

You look like you should be pulling a rickshaw.

You might as well get your money's worth.

You might not be happy, but you'll know.

You mind if I just go and have a look at this in the mirror?

You move on. You don't worry about. You don't think about it.

You mumbled it, which is something you do a lot.

You need a prescription from me for something the pharmacist

You need tickets?

You need to call him and tell him not to do it.

You never know when you're gonna need a nail.

You not only get the sex, but you get all the other stuff too.

You noticed anything strange going on in that...

You paid for those giant fake titties.

You pick up the phone during sex?

You play golf?

You pricks!

You pull that plug and I'll tell.

You really want to go? Give me the jacket.

You remember... you know Patty, my friend Patty.

You remind me a little of my wife... ( Speaks Hebrew )

You ruined my wish.

You said that you brought it with you.

You said,

You said... nat... why the hell would I send that beautiful jacket

You say that, and I say to you,

You should go out of the room

You shouldn't have brought it up. That made me a little...

You stay here. Okay, boy?

You stay, Sheriff.

You stink.

You stole my sandwich? Is that what you did?

You stupid idiots! You don't even know how to play eeny meeny miney moe.

You sure I'm not adopted?

You taunted him, you called him chicken.

You think Farrakhan went out and bought up

You think I would wish for somebody who's in a coma,

You think that he did not send this to me?

You think that's an excuse really?

You told everyone in the restaurant that Yoshi was a chicken.

You took that paper. I know you did.

You try it again. I don't want whiplash.

You two gentlemen shared a meal

You understand. So what about the party? Marty Funkhouser's party...

You wait.

You wanna take me on in bingo?

You want a mint?

You want me to find out if you're adopted or not.

You want me to go undercover to play bingo? Is that what you're saying?

You want one?

You want some cheetos for the trip, huh?

You want the other half?

You want to come to my house?

You want to give her a kidney, so I'm gonna let you.

You want to invite Ethel and Mac?

You wanted her to put a bra on, and I was just fine...

You went a little big. Were you drunk at the time you did this thing?

You were consoling me and that's... That's consolation to me.

You were down $300. You actually owe me $300

You were right about that bingo game."

You were so jealous that I had a sandwich,

You were told about the milchig plates, were you not?

You win more often than the other people?

You wished that Louis Lewis would die,

You work here, actually, so it's part of your job.

You wouldn't happen to know anything about it?

You wouldn't happen to know the score of the Celtic game last night, would you?

You wouldn't have ended up the way you did, you know?

You, my friend, are back in the lesbian bosom.

You! You, that's who... you!

You... I can hear it in the lobby, this thing!

You... what... no. I don't know.

You... you...

You'd be on the top of the list too.

You'll get a ride. There's plenty of people.

You'll go in the middle of Fifth Avenue. It's different for ****.

You'll have a great time.

You'll have to excuse me a minute.

You'll hurt his feelings.

You'll put it on, you'll see what I'm talking about.

You're a doctor. Yes yes, of course, you're a doctor.

You're a sick fuck, you know that?

You're a very sweet friend.

You're acting like you don't know?

You're back.

You're blaming me?

You're blaming the small penis, yeah...

You're close to him. You should be taking the test too.

You're eating a dog!

You're eating pistachio nuts

You're getting to be a real pain in the ass, you know that?

You're going to the playboy mansion?

You're gonna give a kidney to Richard Lewis? No no no!

You're gonna have to jump!

You're gonna love it.

You're having an intimate moment and you pick up?

You're his manager. You're his friend. Why shouldn't you do it?

You're his oldest and closest friend.

You're his oldest and closest friend. That makes the most sense.

You're in the middle of an intimate moment with your loved one.

You're it. You're it.

You're Larry David, right?

You're lying! You're a liar! You're the tooth fairy!

You're not allowed to eat pistachio nuts when you apologize?

You're nuts about this Jesus guy, aren't you?

You're nuts. You're out of your mind.

You're on the board.

You're out of your fucking mind? You don't want it?

You're practically calling me a murderer.

You're right, you're right, but I'm making up...

You're setting a bad example for my gentile wife.

You're shitting me. Why not?!

You're so funny!

You're supposed to invite them.

You're the one who made me get a bra for her in the first place!

You're the reason why Yoshi tried to commit suicide.

You're wanted at the grotto now, baby.

You're welcome. Have yourself a nice day.

You've never done that with me at lunch? It's the craziest thing.

You've undergone quite a transformation

Your father in law's gonna be very happy.

Your sandwich stinks, by the way. It stinks!

11. 11.

25 years of marriage!

36c!"

77 years there's... What's that guy's name?

'Cause I like you. Okay, okay, I'm sorry

'Cause I was cold. Well, so was she.

'Cause we have lots of those. This feels very nice.

"Adopted," you said? You have to leave now.

"B" what? B 4. Oh, good start!

"Cofey was here" on the table? Mmm hmm.

"Larry David and the hipsters." Susie: Yeah.

"Leo, can I please have a sandwich?" Oh, bullshit!

"oh, he's a lot thinner than I am." Find out I've been saying?!

"that just threw me off the roof?" No.

"The New York times." Yeah.

( All "ooh" ) okay, a dollar!

( Barks ) ( Larry gasps )

( Chuckles ) no thanking the ma'am.

( Doorbell rings ) oh, one second.

( Ethel gasps ) ( thud )

( Fire crackles ) 'cause earlier in fact,

( Jeff groans ) Larry: All right.

( Laughs ) in that order.

( Mimicking Hebrew ) ( speaks Hebrew )

( Mimics Hebrew ) ( Ben laughs )

( Mimics Hebrew ) ( laughing )

( Muted thuds ) ( muffled groan )

( Phone rings ) ( dog barking )

( Shoes squeaking ) sounds like your shoes.

( Shoes squeaking ) what?

( Silverware clanks ) Larry: Well, I've...

( Sobbing ) he didn't tell you this?

( Sobbing loudly ) yeah, no, don't worry.

( Speaks Hebrew ) ( mimics Hebrew )

( Window whirrs ) thanks.

$300 on the celtics. Winner.

A bald guy. Yeah, a bald guy.

a counselor of some kind. A doctor, no no no.

A kamikaze pilot. Wow.

A kind of person like me?! Yes.

a little bit of everything. Hi. Are you ready to order?

A little blood thinner. Um...

A little disappointed. Really?

a little thing. Yeah. A little thing with her, didn't you?

A very important number written on that magazine. What phone number?

Absolutely. absolutely.

across the street? Oh yeah, eat there all the time.

Actually, I have a bone to pick with you. Me?

after the other night. We're sorry.

Again? Yeah, that's a nice hand.

Ah, you know, please. You've been...

Ah. yeah.

Ah. Excuse me. Holly: See you later.

Ah...! Wasn't that lovely?

Aha! Look who's here! Hey, Leo!

All right, I got to get blood drawn. Thanks, George.

All right, just be patient. You called l 17.

all right, let's get serious now, okay? What?

All right, would you do that for me? Sure

All right? Thank you, Mr. David.

All right. All right, he grazed the ship.

All right. Hey, that bingo game...

All right. Hugh Hefner. He's got my jacket.

All right. I got it.

All right. Okay, okay.

All right. Why don't you go with her?

All right. Great. Unreal.

All right... Today. I'm getting it back today.

All the lesbians love you. Okay, love you.

And a pizza is coming. Got a pizza coming.

And by the way... I'm the third pig.

and carves into the table? Inappropriate.

And George w. Bush. That's right.

and given up for adoption. Here are some pretzels.

and got the matzah

And he did some landscaping. Yeah, I don't think so.

And he is alive. ...and he's alive.

And he's family. He's in a coma.

and I don't know what to do. Okay, um...

and I just became Larry David. Susie: Larry David.

And I said hi, I said hello. Yeah, yeah.

and I'll be back, Mr. Pharmacist. I'm glad.

And it's the big vagina. Yeah. Think of it biologically...

And look, same for you. Thank you.

and now I just feel like, why...? Wait, wait, wait!

and now she knows that I'm the tooth fairy. Really?

and she said "what is it regarding?" There's protocol.

and still be alive. There's a lot

and tell me what this call is regarding. Do me a favor,

And that's Sammy. Somebody drop a cute bomb in here?

and the chicken thing. Okay, I will.

And they became quite successful. Susie: Yes.

And they call you that. Yes, that's my name.

And this was with number two? Yeah, 5:00 and 8:00.

And you are? Holly.

And you would catch him. And I catch him.

and you wouldn't see him again, so who cares? Oh my god.

And you'll think about it? I will.

And... and what happened?

Andy: How are you? All right.

Andy: I know, huh? How about your nephew over here, huh?

Andy: Oh, it's from your father. Cheryl: Yeah.

Anybody coming? No, we're fine.

Are those new glasses? No, but I cleaned them.

Are you a sociopath?! I was consoling her and I touched her hair

Are you a vegetarian? Yeah, it depends.

Are you gonna wait? It's gonna be an hour and a half.

Are you okay? Yeah, I think I'm okay.

Are you sure? It it did its job, truly

Are you telling me the truth? It's gigantic.

As a respect... You bury, you bury.

As I explained, I've been paged by my hospital. Yes, I know.

as if nothing happen... Okay, okay.

As soon as I have 100% confirmation. Really?

As you can see we got him set up on life support. I see, yeah.

at the nursing home. Really?

Aw. Yeah, but you'll love it.

Aww. thank you.

B 4. Four.

B l N G O! Let me see, Ruthie.

Because he happens to love me. He's confused!

Because heroke up with his girlfriend? Yeah.

because I am a doctor. Yes yes yes.

Because if he said he tried to... Right.

because, you know, we really... Intimidated?

Ben: Needs a kidney. Needs a kidneys and he's...

Ben: New world record. Whoa.

Ben: Sorry. He's on the bottom of the list, Richard Lewis,

Ben: Well, don't do that. I'm going to faint.

Best thing ever! How unbelievable is that?

Big fucking deal. That's it?!

Big vagina?! Gigantic vagina!

Big. This is my vagina?

Bingo is the only thing... I'm gonna check on pizza.

Bingo! Oh, all right, Alice.

Bingo! Oh, sit down. Sit down.

Bingo. All right.

Bingo. I don't believe it.

Bingo. Watch. Let's see it.

Boom. Yeah. Well,

Boy, that was hard. Larry: Huh?

Boy, that's quite a collection. Yeah.

Boy, what are you feeding this animal? What you mean?

Boy, you don't see that very often. What's that?

Bridget: It looks good. Holly: Yeah.

Bridget. Hello. Hi.

Bring a jacket. Right.

Bullshit. Bullshit?

But anyway, here's my question. Okay.

But he didn't. He survived, yes.

But I didn't train him to be racist. Larry, forget about it.

but I love it. You love it?

But listen, know what I got? What?

But you ruined it for me now. Sorry.

Call him and say no. Cheryl, what would Jesus do?

can be gotten to. Really?

Can I write you a check? Make it out to cash.

Can you answer me this question? I think it's annoying.

Can you believe it? Yeah.

carving his nick... what is that? It's a shame.

Cheryl, Cheryl. No, no!

Cheryl: Good morning. Uh, were these not the plates

Cheryl: Great, okay. Omar: Enjoy your day.

Cheryl: Hi. Larry: Hey!

Cheryl: Oh my gosh. I'm not gonna snowboard.

Cheryl: That's okay. Oh, and I hope you don't mind,

Cheryl: That's so exciting. Mark: Oh, thank you

Cheryl: Wow. Wow. How lovely.

Cheryl's doing a seder, huh? Yeah, for my father.

Chicken teriyaki boy! That's just great.

Chicken teriyaki boy. I'm chicken teriyaki boy.

Cofey is here! Cofey is here!

Cofey is here! Cofey!

Come on over and have some. You never see people drinking g**** juice.

Come on, I heard. I'm in the loop. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah.

Come on! No!

Come on. You know how much I've done for you this weekend?

Come on. You're going to love it. Trust me.

Come on. Adopted? Don't ruin this for me.

Cosmetic surgeon. Seen my fair share. Really?

Damn. Yeah. You know,

De nada. Thank you.

Did you bump into him? No.

Did you hear from the nanny? No.

Did you meet Sheriff, my dog? No, I didn't.

Didn't work out. Yeah.

Didn't you? That is a lie! You don't know anything.

Do I have... I have the best seats. Yeah?

Do I smell bacon? Bacon?

Do me a favor, hand me that jacket. Why?

Do you even know what this thing is called? This is a, uh...

Do you feel like making a scene? No.

Do you know anything? No, hashem, I know.

Do you wanna bury it as the man of the house? Nah, you bury.

Do you win? I do win.

Do you? I do.

Doctor. Pharmacist.

Does anyone know mouth to mouth? Oh my god!

Does this happen often? Well, yeah, every once in awhile

Doesn't hurt him, doesn't feel anything. Don't feel a thing.

Doesn't she look great? Oh, thanks a lot, yeah.

Doing well, busy. Real busy. Oh, yeah.

Don't forget to take the dog out. Hello.

Don't tell me I couldn't! You don't have a clue.

Don't whisper to me. I said he almost

Don't worry about it. All right.

Doubt it? Well, it's an original.

eh, forget it. No no no, what did you think?

Eh, Larry, eh heh. What? "Eh heh"?

Eh. You like fish, but anyway...

Eh... girl: Very.

Ethel: Well, you know. Guy in a suit is taking my newspaper?

Ever, right? Unbelievable.

everybody would worship Jane. Stop it.

Everything okay? Si.

except the kids. Yeah, so what?

Excuse me

Excuse me? ( Mimics Hebrew )

Fabulous. Thank you. Are those new glasses?

Fan? Yeah, kind of.

fantastic, great news. Yeah, yeah.

Fantastic! Yeah yeah yeah.

Fantastic! Yeah, thank you.

Fantastic. All right.

Fine fine. Huh? Yeah!

Fine, my pleasure. Thank you

Fine. we'll do eeny meeny miney moe.

Fine. Why would you pick up?

Fine. Whatever. I respect people.

first, you destroyed my jacket. Before he sees you again.

Flower, dumb dumb. You're doing the flowers?

Fold your card. I just know he's concerned.

For about eight months. What'd you do in the dental field?

For medical emergencies, yes. Uh huh.

For your... It's not for me, no.

Four four! You're so noisy.

Freaks me out, okay? But for now?

Freezing! ( snorts )

from calling the numbers? Yes, I do.

From my mother's recipe. They smell good.

from the Air Force. He was in the war?

from the movie? Mm hmm, yep.

Fuck me! Yes!

Fuck. Enjoy your whitefish. Enjoy.

G 41. 41, yeah.

Gary player? Yes, because he's a huge "Seinfeld" fan,

Gee, I hate to hear that. I know, it's horrible.

Gentlemen, if you'll come in, please? I changed my mind.

Gentlemen! Chicken.

Get in the car. Oh.

Get in. Really?

Get off of me! What are you doing?

Get off! What?

Get the coat. Here's the coat.

Get the fuck out of bed. It's cold.

Get the fuck out. All right.

Get the fuck out. What?

Get the hell out of here! Really, a camera? And I've got a camera

Girl: Like what songs? Um, "gefilte fish blues"..

Girl: Of course. ( Speaks Hebrew )

Girl: Six years. Susie: Six years? Difficult

Give me a fucking break, asshole. Stupid ass.

Give me that jacket. No, this is my jacket.

Go ahead, take it. Oh, boy.

Go ahead. One more run. Okay.

go for the bacon bacon cheeseburger. Huh.

God bless you. You're taking an escalator up there.

God! Hey, come on!

Good afternoon. Yes, hello.

Good day, Mr. David. Good day, Mr. heineman.

Good for you. I'll take the test. Who knows?

Good looking woman, zaftig, you know? Okay.

Good luck with them. Thank you.

Good morning. Good morning.

Good night, nurse. ( Phones ringing )

Good night. What are you doing?

Good sense of humor. No no no.

Good to see you. How are you, Jeffrey?

Good to see you. I'm glad you came. So are we.

Good. Yeah, it feels nice.

Good. How are you? Good, brother.

Got them. How much?

Great, great. You don't have to.

Great. Good to see you.

Guess what? What?

H e i n e m a n. Yeah, I got it.

Ha ha ha. Just try to relax.

Hand me one of your cards. All right, take it.

Has been stealing your newspaper? No

Hashem says so. Hashem?

Have a good time. Okay.

Have I ever won on the clippers, huh? Never, never, mmm mm.

Have you ever observed a black man... Larry, I don't...

Have you observed... Larry, I don't...

Have you seen it? No, I have not.

He can't even survive surgery. How do you know?

he could be quite a downer this guy, this jesús. Yes, I know.

He didn't die. Oh yeah, good guy...

He didn't fix it. I gave him a check for $1500. Wow!

He didn't have a daughter! It's a shame it wasn't a girl.

He doesn't look that good. I'm in.

He found the matzah? Yeah!

He gets more diagonals than anybody. What?

He got excited. I figured I would check out the pilot.

He grazed it. Hmm, is that because

He had a kidney transplant. Right. Right right right right.

He had nowhere to go. I don't give a shit where he goes.

He had the bow tie. Huh?

He just got his food. You'll get a ride.

He quit? Quit.

He said that? I think he said that.

He sent me a jacket. He promised me that jacket.

He was a pilot. Really? What kind of a pilot?

He was coming on to me! I wasn't coming on...

he was coming. Yeah, Yoshi's supposed to be here.

He's a conservative? He's a conservative.

He's an orthodox Jew. You're kidding.

He's cool. You invited a sex offender over for seder?

He's going to feel very good about that. Yeah, I know.

He's gonna need a new one. Oh, well,

He's here. Thank God.

He's nauseating. He's quite a piece of work that guy.

He's the head of the kidney consortium. Okay.

He's the one. He lost.

He's the winner. Have you ever played eeny meeny miney moe?

He's you. No, and out goes y o u.

Heineman's car? Yeah.

Hello boy! He's a cutie!

Hello, Ben. Hello..

Hello, Rachel. Hi, Larry.

Hello. How are you?

Hello. Larry.

Hello. You remember Yoshi.

Here we go... Uh, okay,

Here you are. All right.

Here, come on. Be careful. ( Groans )

Here, let me help you. What are you doing?

Here's to... what did you say? Kanpai.

Hey, far out. So there you go. You've got your choice.

Hey, George. What's going on, Larry? How're you doing?

Hey, get out! You ordered another pizza!

Hey, hey, hey! Larry: Hey hey!

Hey, hi! How are you?

Hey, I almost did. Hmm...

Hey, isn't your brother playing? Yeah, where's Yoshi?

Hey, Jeff. Hey, man. I can't shake.

Hey, Larry. Dr. Sewell.

Hey, Sue. What?

Hey, there he is. Somebody order latkes?

Hey, Wanda, let me ask you a question. What?

Hey, what's up? I locked myself out of my car.

Hey, you know, I took you... You owe me!

Hey! Hey, Larry.

Hey! Hey.

Hey! Oh, hey.

Hey! All good. Got them.

Hey! Shit! Oh my God!

Hey. Hey Larry, how are you?

Hey. you ready to go?

Hey. Rick, yeah. Hey, Rick.

Hi Jodi. How are you doing? Hi.

Hi, how are you? How are you doing?

Hi, I'm Holly. Hello. Hi.

Hi, Larry David. Hugh Hefner.

Hi. Oh Larry, I'm glad to see you.

Hmm. Wow.

Hmm. You know what's good

Hmmm. Maybe later. All right, well, if you want one,

Honestly, I felt sorry for him

How about coming for one more run? Oh, sweetheart,

How about that? Congratulations. Thank you.

How are you doing, Ms. Jodi Funkhouser?

How are you doing? How are you doing? Great!

How are you, Dr. Skadden? I'm good. How's your dad?

How are you? Good, thank you. They feel great.

How are you? Good.

How are you? Great, great.

How are you? Pretty good, pretty good.

How are you? Pretty good.

How can I know such a thing? I just would think

How come you went back, Stevie? Stop it!

How did you know that? You're going to win!

How do you do? Hello there.

How do you know? He sent me a suicide email.

How do you know? My father told me.

How inappropriate is that? Mmm.

How is that? Well, when I first got to L.A.

How many times a week do you go? I don't know. Two?

How much fun is this? I'm having a good time.

How much time do we have left... want some?

How would you know that? How do I know?

How'd you get that sandwich? What are you talking about?

How's Ellen? She's good. Pregnant again.

How's he doing? He's okay, right?

How's he doing? You know how's he doing.

How's it going, Mark? How's the doctor? Doing well, doing well.

How's it look? You know,

Huge! You're kidding.

Huh, wow. What did he do in the war?

Huh? ( speaks Spanish )

Huh? Yeah!

Huh. And what about my bathroom key?

Huh. Yeah.

Hurry up. Get dressed. Come on. Okay.

I am back, as promised. I'm glad.

I am so ******* right now. Holy cow!

I appreciate it. You're welcome.

I appreciate that. If...

I beg your pardon? How long do you think he has?

I bet you 50%... It's the vagina, isn't it?

I brought it with me, in the back seat, right? Yes.

I can take it. Are you sure? You're not.

I can't be around illness. But for now?

I can't, you know... 32? 34?

I cannot... Really?

I could be general manager of a basketball team. No, you couldn't.

I could care less. But nonetheless...

I could just come in... Sure.

I could put together a better team... you could not.

I did not call l 17. You... excuse me, excuse me...

I did too! I know the rules of the game.

I did. I love that bow.

I didn't know that. Ooh, man. Poor Richard. Yeah, yeah.

I do mezuzah. Okay, great

I don't care. Huh?

I don't care. This is kind of important.

I don't even know. Nipping it in the bud?

I don't even need to read it. Watch watch watch watch.

I don't have any idea. I'd like to think I do.

I don't know if that bothers you. Why would it bother me?

I don't know the number. Bingo!

I don't know what I'd do, but... Oh.

I don't know, I'm kind of out of ideas. Um hmm. Really?

I don't know, she'll find out. A little problem.

I don't know. Hmm.

I don't know. Right.

I don't know. Same thing happened with Cheryl.

I don't know. I've looked everywhere. Huh!

I don't need benefit! You need benefit!

I don't see how it's her business... I had talk her into staying.

I don't think so, I think they're perfect. Not very subtle.

I don't think so. Excuse me.

I don't think so. We're at a party.

I don't ve a shit. Oh, yeah, you do.

I don't wanna give him my own kidney

I don't want to talk about it. Come on

I eat a lot of stuff too. I take stuff out.

I get deliveries. I give it to charity.

I go there five times a week. Big deal.

I got a sandwich. That's wonderful.

I got it. Come on. I wrapped it.

I got it. Mac: Nice, thank you.

I got the dog. That's what I want to see.

I gotta leave. I'll be back. Let's... okay.

I guess I don't. No!

I had a date. The playmate?

I hate doing stuff like this. You don't have a choice.

I have a Korean bookie. Yeah?

I have a little ski lodge. Really?

I have no idea. Maybe somebody kidnapped hi.

I have to bury the plate and we're gonna be done with it. You're gonna do what?

I haven't seen it. It'd be interesting to find that out.

I hired a private investigator. No, you didn't.

I hope it works out. It's been working out.

I keep my pager on vibrate... Oh, do you?

I know how to do it. Doesn't matter. It's my gift!

I know it is. Do you?

I know what it is. What is it?

I know what it is. Yes, indeed.

I know. Great.

I know. I would've shared it like the pig did.

I know... I'd be really intimidated by that,

I like it! You like it?

I love 'em. How does it feel?

I love baseball. Love baseball. Uh huh.

I love that dog. Oh, Larry...

I love the celtics. It feels good, huh?

I love the Yankees. You love the Yankees?!

I love you back. Love you.

I made latkes. Yeah. Latkes.

I mean, he's... he's in this... Oh, please.

I need privacy. Oy.

I need some information about a Ben heineman. "Ben heineman."

I never heard of it. It's an old one.

I paid for them, by the way. Excuse me?

I push him off the building. And I saved him.

I really hope you come. Well, thanks.

I said, "Hi, Dan." Yeah, what else?

I saw you roll about seven feet past. Yeah.

I see you there! What are you doing?

I see. Dinner's between 5:00 and 8:00 generally.

I think he's doing well. He's doing real well.

I think I like the Knicks. You and I connect.

I think it's a trick deck. He was born to poker players

I think this happened for a reason. Yes!

I think you're doing the right thing. Yeah, great.

I think, uh... Yes?

I thought we were gonna do a coin flip. Let's do eeny meeny.

I took an orange. You want some pizza?

I wanna go. Look, you little shit...

I want my own... Why?

I want to say something else. Uh huh.

I was concerned. Concerned?

I was consoling you. That wasn't consoling.

I was eating a s'more... Is that a s'more?

I was happy for him. I don't know what's happened to you.

I was involved in the dental field... Dental field?

I was just so cold. Yeah, 'cause...

I was pretty swinging in those days. Susie: Yes.

I was up about $400. Let's go. Out. Out.

I what? Larry...

I will check into it. Good, that's all I ask.

I wish I could help you, sir. Oh, yeah, right.

I would kill to go down there. You're a yankee fan.

I would love to try snowboarding. Yeah, I'm gonna try it.

I would. I can't promise anything.

I... you'd leap out the window.

I'd be happy to buy you a new jacket. I see s'mores,

I'd probably want to leap at it. Probably leap at it?

I'd rather not say. "C"?

I'll be eeny. Yeah, you can be eeny.

I'll be eeny. I'll be eeny. Okay.

I'll be happy to. That's all I ask. Just ask around.

I'll be there tomorrow. Oh.

I'll call you. Aw, shut up.

I'll come back. I believe that.

I'll get you another one. You took my nail?

I'll give you $300 for the pair. I'll take $300.

I'll inform them next time. Please.

I'll see you around. Yeah yeah.

I'll see you at home. Thank you, everyone.

I'll see you at temple. Okay.

I'll see you guys there. I'm excited. By the way,

I'll see you in a few hours. Huh? Few hours?

I'll see you in a minute. Okay. Look at this.

I'll take a dessert on the house. Okay.

I'll take it from here. Okay.

I'll talk to you later. All right, very good.

I'll tell her to put the bra on. Okay.

I'll tell you what. Yeah.

I'll think about it. Okay? You'll think about it?

I'm a disabled person. Oh, sorry.

I'm adopted? Let's go.

I'm all ready. Okay, all right.

I'm always doing that. Hey,

I'm amazed. It's the same thing.

I'm back. You are back.

I'm cold. I'm gonna get my jacket

I'm fine. Take a bite.

I'm finished. Come on, we have time for one more

I'm for that, I'm for that. Okay.

I'm glad. So am I.

I'm going with the pharmacist. Yes, sir.

I'm going with you. Thank you, sir.

I'm gonna go for another run. Go go, sweetheart, go.

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Did you say I'm adopted?

I'm gonna play a little bingo. Maybe your father.

I'm gonna take a lesson. Yes, we'll take a lesson.

I'm here with my dad. Oh yeah?

I'm his manager. Okay.

I'm just curious. ...and he lived, and...

I'm just gonna drop them like a hot potato. Smart.

I'm just gonna go back. No, there's time.

I'm just saying it's... Well, I mean...

I'm leaving. I was consoling her. I touched her hair.

I'm Lisa, his nurse. Oh, I'm Larry

I'm married, I can wear whatever I want. It does look ridiculous.

I'm not asking a lot. No, not at all.

I'm not ready to leave yet. It's enough already.

I'm not trying to ruin it. Don't rain on my parade.

I'm nuts? You don't want it anymore?

I'm on the board. That is fantastic.

I'm on the board. You've arrived.

I'm out if anything's wrong with you. Okay.

I'm out. You know that, right? Oh, well,

I'm really sorry. It's okay.

I'm so sorry. I didn't hear anything, doctor.

I'm sorry. Oh, you're sorry?

I'm sorry. That's my father's jacket.

I'm sorry. You got the wrong jacket.

I'm struggling. Well, what's wrong with Louis Lewis?

I'm sure I'd figure something out. Larry.

I'm sure I'll wind up doing stuff. Oh, definitely.

I'm surprised you didn't ask him. Yeah, me too.

I'm very nice to people. Yeah, fine.

I'm won't taste your stupid sandwich. So you're not tasting it?

I've changed my mind. Jeff: Gonna go?

I've never seen him like this. I'm really sorry.

If don't get a ride give me a call. Fine!

If I am, you should too. When did that rule come into effect?

If I could save his life or something. Uh huh.

if only we were a match, but unfortunately... Girl: Yeah.

if she knew I was doing this. Looks good.

if you wanna get technical about it. I'll tell you what.

In fact, this one... I wonder if they make underwear out of this stuff.

in my stall again! All right? Fine, okay.

in pretty good condition, I must say. Extra sneakers?

in Queens... Really?

in the whole place! Just go!

In what way? He's got a good personality

in your backyard. You can't just wash it and call it a day?

Is he happy? Yes.

is it always gonna sound that way? You need to break 'em in.

Is it there? No.

Is that amazing? Awesome.

Is that correct? Yes.

Is that me? It doesn't look like me. It's you.

Is that what he did?! Yeah.

is there a donor? I don't know.

Is this for you? No, it's for my father.

Is this your handiwork? It sure is, yeah.

Isn't she? Isn't she some cook? How did you two meet?

Isn't this fun? But I'm going home because I'm bushed.

It all worked out, right? It's great.

It doesn't hurt. Don't feel a thing.

It is! I wonder why more people don't buy it.

It is! Okay, then good night.

It looks like a pretend teacup. Look.

It might have been... What is that?

It was a wonderful show. Thank you.

It was an awkward moment. What is wrong with you, Larry?

It was like a peanut. That little... all right.

It will be comfortable. Yeah. It'll be comfortable.

It would make my trip so beautiful. I know, Andy.

It'd be a good look for you. Hi! Hi.

It's a good rule. You have to draw a line. Kidneys is past the line.

It's a light toasting. Doesn't matter.

It's a little unethical... It has nothing to do...

It's a medical situation. You're lucky that old lady fainted.

It's a smoked fish. You have two fishes?

It's a trade. I can't, I don't want to.

It's big in Japan. You should see

It's called disabled. Disabled. Disabled?

It's delicious, you'd love it. I think it's a very underrated juice.

It's going great. She's terrific. Cheryl: Fantastic.

It's gonna be... are you coming? Eh...

It's good, huh? Very nice indeed!

It's incredible. It's really an honor. Thank you so much.

It's just... Oh. Okay.

It's just... it's just a lever. Good night.

It's kosher, you know that. ( Cell phone rings )

It's like you didn't even hit it. Let's try it again.

It's loud! Well, you gotta break 'em in.

It's my pleasure. Fantastic.

It's nice? Very nice!

It's not a big deal. It's my present. Let go.

It's not even the cleanliness. Okay, just go.

It's not herring. Capers.

It's not. Well I'm sorry.

It's one of the reasons you get married. Normally,

It's personal! She asked what it's regarding, I told her!

It's rude. Let's go in and pray.

It's so good to see you. Good to see you.

It's the right thing to do. Yeah.

It's the writing. Why are you here by the way?

It's their prerogative. I'm their biggest supporter.

It's time she learned that! None of your business!

It's too loud! It's very hard for me. I can't hear.

It's unbelievable. Hang on to her, she's a good one.

It's very bad for the bald community. Oh, Larry.

It's... they're gone. We don't have keys.

Jake, did you remember to call your mother? What?

Jeez Louise! Oh wow.

Jeff, they want to go. We want to go.

Jeff: all right, go. All right.

Jeff: hello? Hey, it's me.

Jeff: Let me tell you something. Susie: Yeah?

Jeff: Look... Jesus, look at the size of her.

Jeff: Oh, there. You did it. It worked.

Jeff: Pleasure. How's it going?

Jeff: Take care. Oh, hey, George. What's his name?

Jeff: This is crazy. Let's go. All right.

Jeff: Uh huh. Go check the license.

Jeff: Unbelievable. Have you ever tasted anything like this in your life?

Jeff: Wow. Larry: Wow.

Jeff: You know it, huh? Wilson: Um hmm.

Jeff. thank you for helping out my friend.

Jesús! Yeah.

Jodie's really looking good. She does look great.

Just get in the car, come on. Huh?

Just send the invitation back, okay? Oh, thank you.

Just told me. Unbelievable.

Keep a lookout. I'm keeping a lookout.

Keep it down? We're trying to hear the waiter.

Keys keys keys. Yes, it's in here.

Kidney? yeah, both of them.

Kinda cold, like a hotel. Yeah.

L 20. Bingo!

L 20. L 20?

Larry picked him out at the pound. The pound.

Larry wants to go home... What...

Larry, move on. Move on... All right, you know what?

Larry: Bye. Hefner: Bye bye.

Larry: Hello. Hello.

Larry: Interesting, interesting. Uh, we met at a hillel...

Larry: ******* folk music, ******* folk songs. Susie: Folk, folk.

Larry: Really? Yeah.

Larry: That's it. Jeff: The Cadillac?

Larry: That's true. Like a five year waiting list.

Larry: They can't do this enough, can they? Oh, they love it,

Larry: what are you talking about? What am I talking about?

Larry: What's going on? Don't worry.

Larry: Yeah. It's pulgoki. The Korean florist brought it.

Larry! I kind of like it. Hi!

Larry! That's blasphemy!

Larry? ( groaning continues )

Larry? Hey, buddy, what's up?

Lenore is the checker. Lenore, Lenore, check this out.

Leo. How are you, Dr. Sewell?

Leo's... you know. Yeah.

Let me see that pad. No, you're not gonna see this pad.

Let me see, let me... You're not the checker.

Let of the package. All right!

Let's be clear here on what it's about. Okay, fine.

Let's go now. Dad, I'm adopted?

Let's go. Get a ride.

Let's just do it, okay? Fine.

Let's pick 'em. I love 'em. Yes.

Let's shake on that. Okay. Sure sure.

Lisa Thompson? Yeah. You had a little uh...

Lisa: No. Richard: No.

Listen, it... you're both a match? Yeah.

Listen, Mr. David... Look at the way you fold that up.

look at my pad. Really? Aha.

Look at that. Well, sure...

Look at that. Why would he send this to me? But it's beautiful.

Look at this? Exactly the same. Exactly.

Look at your hips right here. Yeah, no, I see. Perfect.

Look who's here. Hey!

Look who's here. Hi, Andy. How are you, pal?

Look who's here. How are you doing?

Lose with dignity. All right, wait a second.

Louis Lewis? Louis Lewis.

Love those s'mores. He should just try it.

Love you. Found it!

Mac: So, Larry. Yeah?

Makes no sense. I know.

Makes no sense. Stealing papers?

Man, oh man. Let's go.

Man. Wow. Big time. Wow.

Maria? Yeah?

Mark is not stealing our newspaper. No?

Mark: Aw, come on... They're toasting

Mark: Honey, is there a problem? What?

Mark: It's going to be totally cool. Mazel tov.

May I offer you some lunch? Please.

Maybe you want to have it filled. Okay.

Mixer, a function. Oh, in college?

Mm hmm. all right.

Mm hmm. Earlier, and um...

Mmm hmm? They're kind of distracting.

Mmm. Okay.

Mmm. What kind of moron is this Cofey,

Mmm. what kind of work you do, Pete?

Mmm. Yeah.

Mmph... he's my manager.

Mom says... I feel like you don't know what it means.

Move up to the glass please. I'll take the test.

Mr. birthday boy today. Oh, you remembered.

Mr. David. Mr. David. Ray.

Mr. heineman. How are you, sir?

Mr... Mr. David?

My feet feel a lot better. That's good.

My tooth! From a chicken salad sandwich?

Nat: Hey, gentlemen! He sent it to me!

Need one! G 41.

Need some help? Be great. That'd be great.

Needy recipients. Girl: Global.

Nice dog. Thank you. Good to see you.

Nice meeting you, Rick. Nice meeting you.

Nice meeting you. Take care, dude. Nice meeting you, George.

Nice to meet you. Thank you.

Nice to meet you. Yeah.

No condiments? Cream cheese.

No kidding? I've got my own sandwich.

No kidding? Really?

No kidding? Yeah, the biggest.

No kidding. It's crazy.

No kidding. Yeah, his shoes are like your shoes

No kidding. Yeah. It's worth about 20 grand. I mean...

No no no no no. Yes yes.

No no no no. No, I wasn't sincere.

No no, "die." Lie?

No you weren't! He was coming on to me! That's such baloney!

No, he didn't tell me anything! How could he have not

No, I don't think you deserve this. Oh, my god.

No, I i okay. You okay?

No, I'm safe. Oh...

No, it wasn't. Yeah, trust me. Oh yes.

No, it's gone. We'll look again when we get home.

No, it's not. Yeah, sure it is.

No, let me help you out. No, I don't even care... you know what?

No, no word on the bingo. Nothin'?

No, no, don't... forget it. All right, forgotten.

No, nobody ever talks about that. Really?

No, not at all. I noticed you put your head back.

No, not really at all. No?

No, out goes y o u. You're the loser. You you!

No, thank you. Take a bite.

No, that's okay. Really?

No, they don't flop... There's floppin'!

No, they're not, no. When I do something wrong, I say, "I'm sorry."

No, why should I? I know. Why should I?

No, you have not. What? I apologized.

No, you lost! Out goes y o u!

No, you... you would have... oh, jeez. ( Sobbing )

No, you're at an affair. What?

No, you're not liberal. I am liberal.

No! Why would you pick up?

No. He's missing.

No. Hold my phone.

No. No?

No. piece of cake. They can't see you.

No. Really?

No. Sorry about that.

No. Was he nervous? Was he anxious?

No. What?

No. What's the matter with you?

No. yes you do.

No. no campaigning. No campaigning.

Nobody checks out this pad. Why can't I check out your pad?

Nobody has that kind of nickname. And I kept up

Not a big deal. Onions.

Not a French maid outfit? No, it's not a Lacey French maid outfit.

Not all of it. My check, my check paid for those.

Not for you? No

Not real? Yeah, it's not real.

Not that there's anything wrong with it. No...

not to fix the car. It has nothing to do with ethics.

Not too many pockets there. We don't need pockets.

Nothing to worry about. Come with me. Okay.

Now. Okay.

Nurse: good for you. It is good for me.

Nurse: you think so? I know so.

O 69. Okay.

Of course. I want to go to temple this year.

Of course... Very grateful, man.

Oh my god! ( All cheering )

Oh my god. ( Groans )

Oh my golly. I went swimming that day

Oh my goodness. I'm going to the playboy mansion now, all right?

Oh my gosh, was he upset? Not at all, not at all.

Oh my gosh. ...and some of his military buddies

Oh really? But that's all. I was just pretending.

Oh really? Yeah.

Oh, fantastic. Okay, couple of weeks,

Oh, good. Did you say hello for me? I did.

Oh, great, thank you. I did say hello,

Oh, hey! Pete: Jesus!

Oh, honey... No!

Oh, how lovely. I would like to meet her at some point.

Oh, I got an idea. What?

Oh, I know. Oh, really?

Oh, I think you are. You're the perfect person. To confide in, no no no.

Oh, Jodi's dad? Yeah.

Oh, Larry! Let me ask you a question.

Oh, man. Jumbo Jack. Did I tell you? Huh?

Oh, my god. Come right in.

Oh, okay. Mark and Marla are going to...

Oh, really? Yeah, what are you doing?

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, right. He's working on the whole adoption thing.

Oh, she... oh, she has... Bingo!

Oh, shit. Hey, listen,

Oh, shit. Who's been here?

Oh, so it's my fault? Yes it is!

Oh, stop. "No no no no!"

Oh, stop. Stop what?

Oh, sure. I'm excited. We're gonna have a blast.

Oh, thank you. You're a lucky man, you're a blessed man.

Oh, thanks. Congratulations.

Oh, the rental house. This is a rental.

Oh, this is my wife. I'm Cheryl.

Oh, what a bummer! Yeah.

Oh, what a hassle. Is that leaving or quitting?

Oh, what happened with Oscar? Nothing. Forget that

Oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah. Oh, yeah yeah yeah.

Oh, you know who else is coming? Who?

Oh, you're not going to need a jacket. No, I am...

Oh! She has bingo.

Oh! Didn't even tell you! What?

Oh. Huh?

Oh. I know, but I just... I don't usually see you...

Oh. She's Lewis's nurse.

Okay, I'll put a bellman's cap on. ...and run around.

Okay, I'll take you. Okay.

Okay, I'll try it. You'll try it!

Okay, last time. Last time, sung. I'm sorry, I promise.

Okay, let's just snuggle. You can do that?

Okay, Mr. Larry? Ahh!

Okay, okay. I owe you money.

Okay, pal. You little snitch.

Okay, see you inside. All right, take care.

Okay, so you had to de shell. So you're not paying up?

Okay, well... Yeah.

Okay, what are you doing? What? What?!

Okay, you know, it's... Was is something like that, huh?

Okay? Okay.

Okay? okay.

Okay? Sure.

Okay? Like it never happened. Thanks, sweetheart.

Okay. I build my house with bricks.

Okay. I checked it out.

Okay. I found myself...

Okay. I know where you live.

Okay. I'll use my dad's phone.

Okay. I'm gonna call him and apologize.

Okay. If I can do it, I can do it.

Okay. It's a good idea. Gracias, Mr. Larry

Okay. thanks.

Okay. The guy?

Okay. The son of god!

Okay. We'll see.

Okay. Fine. Okay. Fine.

Okay. Oh, thank you. Yeah. How are ya?

Okay. Well, I'm sorry about the uh... that's fine,

Okay... But my foot?

Omar, good to see you. Hey, ray, how you doing?

On the house? Yeah.

One more run. One more.

One of my best patients. Really?

One of y'all wanna grab Cujo? Um...

One to go. I don't believe it.

Onions. Shut the fuck up.

or you're trying to save your own kidney? What's the difference?

Oscar! Jeff: I'm looking.

Oscar's gonna be okay. Susie: He's sedated.

Oscar's missing? Yes, he's missing. He was sedated.

Out goes y o u. No, that person's safe.

Out goes y o u. Right, you're it.

Patty, yeah. Well, she's a lesbian.

People they sit here with their organs and... nice talking to you.

perhaps you heard? Yes, I have

Pfft! Really?

pick it up, okay? Fine, fine.

pick up your newspaper... What?!

Please. It's not really my decision.

Please. what about him?

Pretty good. Great.

Pretty good. Yes it is indeed.

Purify, you have to purify. I'm sure you probably have a whole set of China

put it up. Si, mezuzah.

Ray: no hurryé here. All right, there he is.

Ready to go? Yeah, you ready?

Ready? This way. Hi, two. Yeah.

Really bad version. But I need to save his life.

Really, that's not the issue here. It's true, uh huh.

Really, why not? Well, you know, it's just...

Really? And willing to...

Really? Any one you want! Take it!

Really? He quit, yeah.

Really? I don't know how I do it.

Really? I think we're in historic times.

Really? It's a roselli.

Really? It's unrelated to the adoption.

Really? Mmm hmm,

Really? Oh yeah.

Really? Please.

Really? She'll know that face.

Really? To visiting this patient.

Really? We... I'd like to go.

Really? Wow.

Really? Yeah, let me try it on.

Really? Yeah, really, Larry.

Really? Yeah, why not?

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Really? yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yes, it has, absolutely.

Really? Yes. He's gonna be fine.

Really? Is that what he thought? Yes.

Really? no kidding. Pretty soon.

Really? third one. You Mr. Greene?

Really? You're sitting me next to her? Right next to her.

Remember that? Yeah.

Remember, please. Who can forget? I can't believe it.

Richard Lewis's office. Larry David calling.

Right. That's a very good distinction.

Rosie's coming. Rosie O'Donnell?

Ruth? Yeah, Ruth.

Ruthie, do we have bingo? Ooh ooh.

Salad? Yeah, well the portobello

same thing, every time you have a party... I'm sorry.

Same thing. Si.

Sammi's last tooth finally fell out. Oh, great, great!

Seriously? Get out of here. Yeah yeah yeah, seriously

She has the bingo. Oh yes, perfect!

She has? Yeah.

She is. Yeah.

She just grabbed it, she was cold. It's not her coat though.

She just works within the hospital or... within the hospital, yes.

She never does. Good for you, Lenore.

She thinks that's coming on, she's nuts. I'm leaving!

She wanted a dog. You have to walk it and everything?

She's a part of my business. There's a certain factor... Still, it's not you.

She's a wonderful cook, isn't she? My susie? Susie: My pleasure.

She's happy, we're happy, you know? Fantastic.

She's perfect. She's not going to do this.

should have got the jumbo Jack. Do yourself a favor...

Shove over. Jeez, you shouldn't be here.

Si. Can you do me a favor?

Sit down, please. Thank you.

So are you involved in "Seinfeld" as well? No. No no no.

So go use the bathroom. I don't want to use this bathroom

So good to see you! Great to see you.

So I just thought it was... Well, why would you...

so just go. You're the one who's telling everybody

So Omar Jones the private investigator? Yeah?

so one apology would cover both of them. That was your logic?

So sweet. Uh huh.

So what? Are you going out tonight?

So what's going on? Nothing.

So you really do need a bra, then? Yes.

So? I'm sorry I'm a little late,

So? So it's not allowed.

Some porno back there? Yeah...

Something like that. Yeah yeah.

something startles her. How long is she going to be out like this?

Sorry? What? Really! It's always a thing.

Sorry. Oh, boy.

Stevie! He found the matzah!

Such as? If you must know, I gave the money to my daughter

Sure, what's up? Um...

Sure. Can I go get it?

Sure. In the bingo game today...

Sure. Then stay right here.

Sure. Yeah. See, I thought he was pretending the whole time.

Susie: Great. Oh that'll be great. You didn't tell me that.

Susie: Not true, not true. Like a rock band?

Susie: Wonderful comedian. Wears black all the time.

Susie: Yes, yeah. I would give him my own kidney,

Susie: You know what? You... He can have my kidney!

Take it easy. No.

Take it off. Here, here, here.

Take it. It's a tough decision.

Taste it! I don't wanna taste it!

Ted Danson? That's yours. Thank you.

Tell him about... We're looking for a big penis.

Tell him, tell him, tell him. Hold on a minute.

Tell me you believe me. I believe you, of course not!

Tell me you're coming. Please. I don't know.

Thank God! Yeah.

Thank goodness for that. He survived?

Thank you so much for having me. It was great to meet you.

Thank you so much. You're welcome.

Thank you very much. It's no good. I got a flush.

Thank you, thank you. Do you know what Cheryl's size is?

Thank you, thank you. He got me.

Thank you, thank you. What happened,

Thank you. Beer?

Thank you. He's gorgeous.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. You're a golfer, right?

Thank you. Okay. Okay, Larry.

Thank you. You too. Thank you.

Thanks a lot. Hey, I'm sorry, you're...

Thanks for lunch! Sure.

Thanks so much! You're welcome.

Thanks. yeah yeah. Huh? How about that?

that defies logic. Hello, yeah.

That dog hates black people. Wanda.

That heineman's car? Yeah, that's heineman's car.

That I feel any optimism about. You play bingo?

That is a lie! Didn't you?

That is great. I'm up on the board.

That is so ridiculous. It's not ridiculous. It makes perfect sense.

That is the most ridiculous... I don't think so.

That makes two of us. So you say.

That means no. Okay. All right.

That sandwich at the deli! Leo gave it to me.

That would never come up. I said it's bad version. You know, bad version.

That, uh... Well, in case..

That's a handicapped stall. We're waiting in line.

That's a late dinner. My mother used to call it a late night snack.

That's alas, that is not the case. Ben: That's god's will.

That's all I said. All the lesbians hate me now.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. What's the problem?!

That's fine. Don't worry about it. If you gotta do it,

That's good. That's fun. You'll like that.

That's how I got it. Did you bribe him?

That's Mickey's run. Yep. Huh?

That's Mr. Greene. I'm Mr. David.

That's nice. It is.

That's nice. Seriously about art, and it's not...

That's Pete? That's Pete.

That's really strange. Huh?

That's ridiculous! Mm hmm.

That's ridiculous. It's not ridiculous.

That's something important... That's what I told him.

That's the 500th home run that the Mick hit. Really?

That's the gentleman you had dinner with. Uh huh. Yeah.

That's the sandwich? Yeah.

That's unbelievable. It's good.

That's very nice, very nice. He'll be very happy.

That's what everybody... You're a gentile.

That's what it was. Yeah.

That's where my money's going. Maybe covered the left,

That's why we're doing this. Mark: It's a fun...

That's wild. Isn't it?

That's your wish? Um hmm.

That's... that's Mr. Greene. This is Larry?

The ass is part of my snuggle. No, it's not.

The ball, yeah... that's was very nice. It was very good.

the bottom portion of the left half. Exactly.

The bread and the croutons. Hey, by the way, have you seen my cell phone?

The guests. Great.

The guy got me a present, huh? It's nice.

The guy, yeah. Women: What guy?

The kidney test for Lewis? Oh, good for you.

The milchig plates! Where are they?

The moustache? Yeah, his moustache.

the noise woke Sammi up. What's with your farchadat shoes?

The shoes woke her up? Yes, the shoes woke her up!

The wedding need flowers. Huh, huh.

The yips! I don't know what that is.

Then you can go. So what, dessert? It's no big deal.

Theodore Roosevelt? F.D.R.

There is a tooth fairy. You're lying! It's you!

There it is. Oh, well...

There's a lot wrong with it. You can't say that in this day and age.

They eat dogs?! Yeah.

They fit and everything? Mm hmm!

they love it. They love this thing. Well, you know what?

They named a sandwich after me. You're kidding?

They took it. Andy: No, no, no.

They took my smoking jacket. Uncle nat, no, no. You sent it to me.

They usually do. Huh.

They wouldn't Grant that wish? Of course not.

They're all dead? Every last one? All dead.

They're better? Si, yeah.

They're mine! ( Larry chuckles )

They're not bad. ( Sighs )

They're stealing from me. They're stealing?

Think about how he's feeling right now. He feels good

This bread... Good bread, right?

This guy. Heh.

This is a drive thru line. ( Horn beeps )

This is a knock off? It's a knock off.

This is Carol. Hi, Carol.

This is crazy. ( Scoffs )

This is Emily and Jacob. Can I talk to you a second?

This is Jeff Greene, my manager. Jeff: How are you?

This is Marla. Hi, Marla, nice to meet you. Rick.

This is Omar Jones, private investigator. Mrs. David.

This is Omar Jones. Oh, hi.

This is Pete. Hey, Pete, how you doing?

This is susie. His wife susie. Hi.

This is the one... Lovely.

This is unbelievable. I've never tasted anything like it.

This isn't bad. What?

This? Yeah.

to "Larry David." Marla?

to be funny anymore. It's not you.

to get the blood circulating again. ( Laughing )

To go to the playboy mansion! That would be great, wouldn't it?

to spend a weekend with these people. Why would you take them...

To switch with you? Yeah, maybe, you know...

told you about this?! I don't know, but he didn't tell me anything about this!

Tomorrow, the nursing home, 2:00. 2:00.

Tooth fairy? Both: Yeah.

treat people better. I'm respectful to people.

Trust me. Times 30. Uh, you're not really getting my drift.

Try them on! Tell them, Maria.

Try this one. Try one. No, it doesn't taste good. I don't want it.

Tucker Carlson? Tucker Carlson.

Two blocks? Yeah.

Two... two kidneys. Wow!

Ugh! Well, you know what?

Ugh... what?

Uh huh. One of a kind.

uh, capers, onions and cream cheese. What? What?

Uh, no we can't. I guess we'll starve tonight. No, no, you can't wash it

Uh, not quite, no. He's... no.

Uh, we have an announcement. Marla: Yeah

Uh, what was the name of your band? "The hipsters."

Uh... what?

Um, so this your wife? No! What? No!

Unbelievable. Is that not divine intervention?

Unfortunately, that's not the worst of the situation. Jeff: What?

up on the board. It's such a wonderful thing.

up to the... through the pass. Oh, hey.

Very good. Good to see you.

Very good. It's a lot like ambrosia, except...

Very nice to meet you. Rick. Nice to meet you.

Wait, what are you doing? What?

Washington, Lincoln, f.D.R. And w.

We agreed on a coin flip. I think I'd rather do eeny meeny.

We can just go. Come on. Why do you want to go home?

We can leave before dessert. Better to leave after.

We didn't even settle up! Out!

We didn't know your alarm code. I don't have an alarm!

We figured it was... I told you guys we should leave.

We got it. If he had a daughter, everybody...

We got that covered. Okay. Well, thank you.

We had a dog... sheriff, remember? I know sheriff.

We have it on DVD. Wish I could have gone.

We should all get together. Absolutely!

We'll find somebody else. Really?

We're a hell of lot more discrete than they are, right? Oh, man, they...

We're gonna take off. What? We carpooled with you.

We're having lunch, you know. L... the coffee.

we're here. We are here.

We're idiots?! I don't know how to play eeny meeny?

We're just happy. It's cold.

We're not going home... What's the matter?

We're playg eeny meeny miney moe, okay? Yeah.

Welcome back. So...

Welcome to the neighborhood. Thank you.

Well, doesn't that make you feel good? No.

Well, good. Good talking to you, okay? Okay.

Well, I i... Really nice.

Well, I mean, come on. No, it's nice to know.

Well, I think you got about two minutes. Oh.

Well, I'd like to see it. Would you?

Well, I'm gonna take off

Well, if he's alone. Aren't you a doll?

Well, it's true. There's a lot

Well, look who's here. Wanda!

Well, thank you. Eh.

Well, that's a half hour. Fine.

Well, you should. I don't.

Went into overtime. Really?

What a great show. I miss it. I miss it! Ah, go on.

What a guy! Yes, indeed.

What a nightmare that's gonna be. What?

What a pleasure. Great to meet you.

What an interesting theory. Well, thank you.

What are you doing here? What do you mean?

What are you doing in bed with me? My back hurts.

What are you doing now? All right, let's go. Nothing.

What are you doing? I'm getting a jacket.

What are you doing? What?

What are you doing? No, no, no! I'm going to rip it up...

What are you doing?! Using the bathroom.

What are you excited about? No, what do you mean?

What are you so happy about? I won!

What are you talking about? No, I never did.

What are you talking about? What am I talking about?

What are you talking about? You stole my sandwich!

What do I need benefit for? You need benefit.

What do you do? I'm the head of a foundation

What do you mean? Didn't I put the jacket in the car?

What do you say? I'm feeling nauseous right now.

What do you think of that? You're gonna wear a bow tie?

What do you think you're doing? I'm not doing anything.

What do you think? Well, what do you think?

What do you want me to do? What about tongue?

What do you want? Get me the chicken.

What does Funkhouser want? I don't know.

What does she need it for? It's none of your business.

What does that mean? Look at the board!

What else do you want me to do? I want to see a naked woman.

What had to happen? His orthotics, whatever the hell they are,

What happened? He just fell.

What happened? Oh, nothing.

What has she done? Jeff: Holy shit.

What is it? Let's see, um...

What is that noise? I don't know.

What is this "eh"? Eh.

What is this dish? What, you're talking about this?

What is this, g**** juice? Yes, g**** juice.

What is wrong with you? Problem?

What kind of response is that? That's my wife.

What the hell are you feeding it? She feeds it, I'm not.

What the hell is he doing here? No idea.

What the hell... I think it's you, Wanda.

what the... give me that jacket! No!

What time of evening was this? 10:15.

What was that? What are you talking about?

What what are you doing? What? Nothing.

What, they got some monkeys out there, huh? Yeah.

What? ( cheering )

What? Huh?

What? I don't like it.

What? I gotta go over there now. He's got a flower shop.

What? I had a phone number.

What? Shkiyas hachama.

What? Skiing. You said skiing?

What? They changed the name.

What? What's that noise?

What? You shouldn't be here.

What? you're turning consolation into sex?

What? Get out of here. Swear to God.

What? inappropriate? Are you crazy? Yeah, you were.

What? it's fair... it's a fair game. No, thank you.

What?! And you get the money too.

What?! I shouldn't be having dairy on these kind of plates.

What's difference? It's our policy.

What's going on? What's my name in this place?

What's happening? They're kicking us out.

What's that smell? What? Eggs.

What's the matter with him? I don't know.

What's the matter with me? Yeah.

What's the matter with you? No, I'm just saying.

What's the matter? My tooth!

What's with the hat? What?

What's with... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

What's wrong with it? It's not a good rule.

What's wrong? Mayuki,

When my father was lying on the hospital bed... Yeah?

When? Soon.

Where are we going? I don't know. I'll have to think.

Where are you from?" and all that. That's it?

Where you going? Bathroom.

Where's the ball? I don't know.

Whi white columns? Yeah, can't miss it.

which you threw out. I I'm sorry.

Whitefish. Whitefish,

Who did? My father.

Who does that? Hey, Larry.

Who else is coming? ( Doorbell rings )

Who says so? The law, the torah says so.

Who? You know, my nanny.

Who? Huh? Loving.

Who's it? You're it.

who's not a Muslim? Who gives a fuck?

Whoa ho. Hey hey hey hey hey. Hey hey hey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... Shh

Whoa. Uh huh.

Why do you have an answering machine? Thank you.

Why don't you fire her? 'Cause I don't know for sure.

Why don't you make an announcement? Hold on here.

Why don't you try it on? Really?

Why not? Because you're a man

Why should I? Well, why should I?

Why would he send it to you? Look at this...

Why would I go skiing? Come on.

Why? Why?

Why? Your ticket, sir.

Will you say hi to me or are you gonna dis me? No, I don't dis people.

Wilson: What are we doing here? I forgot my cell phone.

With an e or a y? With an e.

With some big balls... Okay, we've actually been talking...

with susie and Jeff. Skiing? Are you kidding?

Woman: Hi. Larry: Hi.

Woman: Jones security. Larry David for Omar Jones.

would be nice down there for me. It's so smooth, yes.

Would you mind if I... Woman: No, I'm sorry.

Would you? Sure.

Wouldn't he be dead? Um, not all of them died.

Wouldn't that be nice, everybody? All: Yes, yes.

Wow, great to see you. Yeah. Bye bye.

Wow! Hello.

Wow! New jacket? It's nice, right? Yeah.

Wow. But you know what?

Wow. Isn't that a beauty?

Wow. Okay. All right.

Wow. yeah.

Yeah yeah yeah. Hmm...

Yeah yeah. Oh, Jeez.

Yeah, absolutely. Without it turning into anything?

Yeah, and I'm giving you... Although, I thought

Yeah, bingo, that's right. Tomorrow. Double or nothing.

Yeah, exactly! No, I knew I had to buy her a bra and I thought...

Yeah, he's a good dog. Yes.

Yeah, hi, Larry. Listen, what I told you earlier about the kidney?

Yeah, how are ya? Great, how you doing?

Yeah, I do. What, what, what?

Yeah, I have. That's how it works. Have you?

Yeah, I know. Look, it's downhill. I'm worried it'll hit a car

Yeah, I saw his picture on a flyer. I know, it's terrible!

Yeah, I should hear something pretty soon. No. You know what, Larry?

Yeah, I'll come back. Soon?

Yeah, it's very childish. Takes a knife out

Yeah, l 17. That is not correct.

Yeah, me, too. Absolutely, yeah. Really?

Yeah, okay, yeah. That's nice.

Yeah, the smart pig... exactly, yeah. That made his house of...

Yeah, there's something wrong with that. That's very funny.

Yeah, this is nice. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, we'll just snuggle. See? It's sweet. That's nice.

Yeah, yeah, I went. Yeah, it was good?

Yeah, yeah. Could not have been better.

Yeah, yeah. I don't like it.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not an artist, you know?

Yeah, yeah. It's not gonna happen.

Yeah! To life!

Yeah? Good night, nurse.

Yeah? Hey, Richard. It's me.

Yeah? Huh?

Yeah? what are you saying?

Yeah? Yeah, they're very loud.

Yeah? You Grant my wish

Yeah? ...when I was a little kid.

Yeah. both: Louis Lewis.

Yeah. Did I light up?

Yeah. do you want to take the test?

Yeah. Expensive?

Yeah. Fine, I don't care.

Yeah. Huh.

Yeah. I adopted too!

Yeah. It does, honestly.

Yeah. It was just his 80th birthday party.

Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Something's fishy.

Yeah. Terrific.

Yeah. Thanks for trying.

Yeah. the next time you come through,

Yeah. Where are you going?

Yeah. Yeah

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. You gotta like fish.

Yeah. You think about it.

Yeah. Well, I'm not that good, but I like... I'm not so good myself,

Yep yep yep. I can't believe it. I'm on the board?

Yep. That's good news.

Yes we are. We're very forgiving. Really? Huh.

Yes you are. No I'm not.

Yes, I needed this. You're gonna need it when we go skiing

Yes, nice to meet you. My pleasure, welcome.

Yes, of course. Ruthie gets a dollar!

Yes, sir. I do! I respect speech!

Yes, this is our revolutionary "elasticene." Yeah.

Yes, we do. Great.

Yes, we do. You do?

Yes, yes. Oh no, isn't that cute?

Yes, you know them? I'm going to the wedding.

Yes, you may borrow the key. Thank you.

Yes! I disagree!

Yes. I will have the chicken teriyaki.

Yes. May I borrow the key?

Yes. Okay.

Yes. That's me.

Yes. What? What?

Yes. You know, so, obviously,

Yes. Sure. Oh, you know him?

Yoshi tried to commit suicide. What?!

Yoshi, hey! Hello, nice to see you.

You all right? Yeah.

You always said you wanted me to have that jacket. You gave it to me.

You are? This is Rick leftowitz.

You called him chicken. I ordered chicken, you idiot.

You can help me. Just ask Jeff. I don't know...

You can't do that. You can't do that.

You can't even taste it? I don't wanna taste it!

You can't find it? No.

You did? Yeah, I'm sorry.

You didn't ask? Nope.

You didn't bump into me? Larr, please.

You didn't know about this? Are you kidding? Oh my god!

You do a lot of mumbling. Okay.

You do? Well, yeah.

You don't know the first thing about eeny meeny! Y o u. You're out.

You don't know who your parents are? They're not those nuts!

You don't like 'em. Mmm mmm.

You done with this? Yeah, I am.

You figured what? You never said that.

You give the kidney. You give the kidney. No no no.

You go too, as soon as... I will.

You got it! Thank you.

You got some... Huh?

You got the huge vagina. Oh, do I?

You got time for one more run. One more?

you gotta do it. It is okay. Fine. Thank you. Thank you.

You guys drink g**** juice? Sure we do, it's a great antioxidant.

You guys ever do a line up? No.

You had a nanny? I had a nanny... Johanna Seiderman...

You have a good day. You too.

You have no idea. Don't be late. Don't worry, I won't.

You have to bury the plate. Why would you bury a plate?

You have? Yes.

You hungry? Yes, I'm very hungry.

You invited me to the ski lodge? Yeah.

You ****, is that better? That's better, yeah.

You know

You know Jeff? I do. Yeah yeah.

You know Rosie O'Donnell? I know her from New York.

You know what I think? Huh?

You know what I think? Is that divine intervention?

You know what it is? What?

You know what size she is? No. I can find out.

you know what that is. Well, they don't have to eat it.

You know what you just did? What?

You know what? Hmm?

You know what? What?

You know what's going on. Huh?

You know who I'm liking? I have a feeling.

You know, I hope... Are you eating something?

You know, it's... it's fair. Me play you in bingo?

You know, to be honest, it's kind of personal. I'm sure it is.

You know? I know.

You know... Bring a jacket.

You know... What?

You look great. Mickey mantle.

You must be on pins and needles. Yeah.

You never heard of the yips? No.

You never know. You never know.

You really have evidenced... What?

You remembered that? I remembered that.

You said "before." After the seder.

you should know something very definitive. Larry: Great.

You spend time with them. Cheryl: I'm not going to hang out with them all day.

You still got it. I love you, Larry. I really love you.

You sure? Yeah, of course, thank you.

You sure? Yeah, you take it back.

You sure? Yes!

You think she's leaving or quitting? That's a good question.

You used to be such a liberal guy. I'm liberal.

You want a bite? Huh?

You want to go to the playboy mansion? Yeah.

You want to go? We carpooled. We want to go.

You want to see a naked woman? Um hmm.

You weren't invited to that? Nope, no no no.

You wished... I don't like to say what I wished for.

You won't even taste it? You keep it.

You'll be hearing from us. Yeah, you'll come back and get us.

You'll forget about this? You agree?

You'll give it to 'em. I might not be the match.

You're a friend o' lesbians! Yes, they know that.

You're a guest of...? Jeff Greene.

You're certain of that? Yeah. Pete.

You're desperate, aren't you? A little.

You're gonna be okay. I'm not.

You're gonna be there? Yeah!

You're gonna have to step out. I have a ticket.

You're gonna pick up? I'm...

You're gonna take the case? I'm gonna take the case.

You're his friend. You're his manager. Yeah yeah?

You're it. You lose. You fucking idiots here!

You're kidding me. No.

You're late. I'm here.

You're late. Yeah.

You're like a little brat... I'm a brat? You fucking moron!

You're not adopted. It's okay, you can tell me.

You're not being sincere now. No, now I'm being sincere.

You're not screwing me? You're screwing me maybe.

You're out of your mind. You don't think I saw you?

You're something, you know that? Come on, come on!

You're sorry. Oh, sorry.

You're still playing? Yeah.

You're supposed to be talking to me. L...

You're taking the test, I'll take the test. Gentlemen,

You're the loser. No, you're the loser.

You're their biggest supporter? Yes I am!

You're welcome. I, uh...

You've got a sandwich! That's a disgusting sandwich! Really?

You've got to see him. Sheriff! Sheriff!

Your brother in law's a conservative? Big time.

Your name is what again? I forgot. Bridget.

Your sister's husband. Man, oh, man.

...101. Actually I took the 110

...who's not a Muslim wearing a bow tie? That's all.

...with the whole kamikaze thing.

'cause he was a generous pig.

'cause I can't do this in front of somebody, honest to God.

'Cause I know you brought it.

'cause I know you don't go in there very much...

'Cause I made fun of you.

'Cause I told you I was expecting a call.

'Cause I'm... I'm freezing and everything.

'cause it's freezing, you know.

'cause my sandwich is a great sandwich,

'Cause number two is Peter hagen,

'Cause that's kind of what happened at the party.

'cause the freaks at dupont might get out of the cave.

'cause they have the same blood and all that.

'cause usually... hello!

'Cause you know what he did? He woke Sammi up the other night,

'Cause you know, between you and me,

'Cause you told him where it was hidden.

"A handicapped person"?

"Andy David." Look up at the top, in the return is "nat."

"Be among those who cherish truth above ease.

"Best Best Private Investigator in Los Angeles."

"Double transgression theory."

"He grazed the ship." That sounds to me like

"Hi, Larry, sorry about the jacket, Marla."

"How do you feel, Mr. David?"

"I don't know." I totally accept it.

"I think I might head home. This is fucking insane."

"I'm planning on killing myself. I want to talk to him."

"It must be hard, as a guy, to follow..."

"Keep it down

"Keep it down"!

"Larry, you know what?

"Leo, I didn't get a sandwich. I want a sandwich."

"Less is more."

"most people aren't like you, Larry."

"Oh, it's over?"

"Puffy shirt" is my favorite episode.

"Step right up. You are...

"We need to talk."

"You're a chicken." "I'd like a piece of chicken."

"You're a chicken." "I'll have some chicken."

( All laughing, talking )

( All retching )

( All yelling )

( Barking ) Larry: Holy shit, it's Oscar!

( Both yell ) yeah yeah yeah!

( Car alarm beeps )

( Cell phone ringing )

( Chuckles ) I'm not so sure about that, but you know, whatever.

( Chuckles ) it even fits.

( Clears throat )

( Clears throat ) I've been paged for a medical emergency

( Coin jangling )

( Continues ringing )

( Coughs )

( Door signal beeping )

( Doorbell rings )

( Engine revs )

( Exhales loudly )

( Footsteps receding )

( Gasping )

( Gasps ) Larry! Larry!

( Hisses ) what the fuck? What are you doing?!

( Jesús whimpering )

( ******* dance music playing )

( Knock on door )

( Larry groaning )

( Larry whistles )

( Laughing ) I don't need to tell you more.

( Laughs )

( Laughs ) ready?

( Laughs ) see, you still got your sense of humor.

( Line rings )

( Loud crunch )

( loudly ) "hello, hello?"

( Male voice speaking softly )

( Mimics Hebrew )

( Moaning )

( Moaning continues )

( Moans )

( Mutters ) Andy.

( Mutters ) holy shit.

( Phone rings )

( Reverse signal beeping )

( Safety belt signals beep )

( Screaming )

( Screaming ) Oscar!

( Shoes continue squeaking )

( Shoes squeak )

( Shoes squeaking )

( Sighs )

( Sighs ) if anything ever happened to him, I i don't know...

( Sighs ) schmuck!

( Sighs ) well, how are we gonna decide?

( Singing in Hebrew )

( Snapping )

( Speaking in foreign language )

( Speaks Hebrew )

( Speaks Hebrew ) it's a pleasure to do it for you.

( Speaks Hebrew ) there are two things in my life that I love.

( Spits ) ah ah!

( Squeaking )

( Squeaking grows louder )

( Stammers )

( Stammers ) and it gets... The snuggle tighter.

( Susie calling ) Oscar!

( Theme music playing )

( Toilet flushes )

( Voices talking )

( Whimpers )

( Whispering ) i got to start with me.

( Yelling ) you're eating a do oooog!

(a we ate the pot roast on last night?

$150!

5:41. Shkiyas hachama is at 5:41. All right.

10:15? yeah, 10:15.

150. Okay.

300. 300.

Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - Season 5
Curb Your Enthusiasm is a popular television show that premiered in the year 2000. Created by and starring Larry David, the show is known for its unique blend of humor, satire, and improvisational style. Season 5 of Curb Your Enthusiasm takes viewers on yet another hilarious and cringeworthy journey through Larry David's life. The cast list for Season 5 of Curb Your Enthusiasm includes Larry David as himself, Cheryl Hines as Larry's wife Cheryl, Jeff Garlin as Larry's manager Jeff, and Susie Essman as Jeff's wife Susie. The show also features recurring guest appearances by various celebrities who play themselves, adding an extra layer of realism to the comedy. In this season, Larry David finds himself in a myriad of awkward situations, usually resulting from his own well-intentioned but often misguided actions. From social faux pas to bizarre misunderstandings, Larry's life is a constant source of comedic chaos. Whether he is accidentally offending others, getting entangled in misunderstandings, or simply expressing his unfiltered thoughts, Larry's lack of a filter leads to countless hilarious moments. One notable episode from Season 5 is "The Therapists". In this episode, Larry and Cheryl decide to see the same marriage counselor separately. However, things take an unexpected turn when Larry discovers that his therapist has been sharing their confidential conversations with Cheryl. This leads to a series of misunderstandings, confrontations, and of course, comedic confrontations. Another standout episode from this season is "The Smoking Jacket". In this episode, Larry becomes obsessed with acquiring a valuable smoking jacket that once belonged to the legendary comedian, Bob Einstein. The jacket becomes a coveted item among Larry's friends, leading to a hilarious competition to see who will be the lucky owner of the iconic garment. Season 5 of Curb Your Enthusiasm also tackles various social issues and cultural norms in its trademark satirical style. From mocking the obsession with political correctness to lampooning societal norms, the show fearlessly explores the absurdities of modern life. If you're a fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm, you can play and download the sounds from Season 5 by visiting our website. Relive the laughter and cringe-worthy moments from this iconic season whenever you want. With its unique blend of improvisation, satire, and irreverence, Curb Your Enthusiasm continues to entertain and captivate audiences. Season 5 showcases the witty writing and brilliant performances that make this show a true comedic gem. So, grab your popcorn and settle in for a hilarious and sometimes uncomfortable ride with Larry David as he navigates his way through Season 5 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. And remember, you can play and download these sounds here, so you never have to miss a moment of the laughter!
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