Curb Your Enthusiasm - Season 6 Edit

A CUP OF COFFEE, A PIECE OF PIZZA.

A DOCTOR WROTE ME THIS NOTE. I CAN'T MAKE OUT A WORD OF IT.

A GESTURE, YOU KNOW, UH...

A GREAT PARTY. OH YEAH, WE HAD A LOT OF FUN.

A GUY WHO GOES INTO A STORE AND GOES, "I NEED A PAIR OF UNDERWEAR.

A LITTLE TRAVELING IN EUROPE MAYBE,

A LOT TO SAMMIE,

A MUSTACHE, GROW SIDEBURNS. BECOME ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER, MAN.

A SUCCESSFUL WRITER PRODUCER WHO PUTS GERBILS UP HIS ASS FOR FUN.

A WITCH! 'CAUSE I'M BALD, IT'S CHANGED EVERYTHING.

ABOUT AN ISSUE

ABOUT THE DOG. HA HA HA.

ABSOLUTELY. OF COURSE NOT. COME ON, THAT'S INSANE.

ABSOLUTELY. THAT'S CRAZY. OF COURSE I WANT TO BE HERE.

ACTION MOVIES, ALL THAT STUFF, MAN.

ACTUALLY I'M ALL BOOKED UP TONIGHT, BUT I AM AVAILABLE TOMORROW

ACTUALLY, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE TOO.

ACTUALLY, UH...

AFTER I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE

AFTER THAT, IT'S OUT OF MY CONTROL.

AFTER WE MET AND CONNECTED,

AFTER YOU DO THE MOVIE, JUST REACH OVER,

AFTER YOU WERE TAKEN AWAY...

AGAIN, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR CHA CHA.

AGAIN, LET'S FOCUS ON THE NEXT STAGE.

AGAIN, THE TOILET WAS BROKEN,

AGH HH!

AGH! AGH!

AGH! AUNTIE RAE!

AH, LET'S TAKE A LOOK HERE.

AH!

AH!

AH! SPIDER! SPIDER!

AH.

AHA.

AHA. CHA CHA?

AIN'T NOBODY GONNA GET HURT. I'MA GRAB THE FUCKING PURSE...

AJACKALIT.

ALANA DIDN'T SHOW UP. YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE HER PHONE NUMBER.

ALL I CAN DO IS GIVE YOU MY EXPERT OPINION, OKAY?

ALL I'M SAYING IS, DON'T TAKE ANY CHANCES HERE, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD, PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THE POINT IS,

ALL RIGHT, CHARLIE.

ALL RIGHT, DAVIDAY, FORGET I SAID IT.

ALL RIGHT, DON'T GET MY WATERWORKS GOING HERE.

ALL RIGHT, DON'T TELL ME. I DON'T WANNA KNOW.

ALL RIGHT, FINE, THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, FINE. FINE, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, GOOD. WHAT?

ALL RIGHT, HEY. OKAY, I GOT IT.

ALL RIGHT, I CAN HANDLE THAT RIGHT NOW.

ALL RIGHT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY. THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

ALL RIGHT, I WILL TEMPORARILY LIFT THE BAN.

ALL RIGHT, I WON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH. FINE.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GET YOU SOME WATER, OKAY?

All right, Larry, thank you.

ALL RIGHT, LARRY. HOLD ON.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO TO LUNCH.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, I WATERED THE PLANTS.

ALL RIGHT, MR. GREENE. I UNDERSTAND NOW WE'RE GOING TO HEAR

ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, ONE SEC! THIS IS REALLY UNBELIEVABLE.

ALL RIGHT, TELL HIM WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. TELL HIM YOU'VE BEEN

ALL RIGHT, THANKS FOR COMING, I GUESS.

ALL RIGHT, WELL YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET GOING.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, I GOTTA GO.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT HAVE WE GOT NEXT HERE?

ALL RIGHT, YEAH, NO NO NO,

ALL RIGHT, YEAH. WELL, YOU'VE GOT MY NUMBER.

ALL RIGHT! WHAT'D I GET?

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. MAN, I'M ABOUT TO BUST.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY, ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET YOU THE WHEAT TOAST. OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S YOUR RIGHT. FINE.

ALL RIGHT. THOSE ARE 35.

ALL RIGHT. YEAH, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW.

ALL THESE PEOPLE THEY HAVE NO PLACE TO GO RIGHT NOW.

ALL THIS PLAYFUL HITTING? ALL THAT STUFF?

ALL THIS TIME, ALL THESE YEARS,

ALL THOSE ALL THAT.

ALL WE HAVE IS BASIC CABLE, RIGHT?

ALL WE NEED IS YOUR SIGNATURE ON THE PAPERWORK.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MAKE A LEFT TURN.

All: HEY!

All: OH MY GOD!

ALLEGATIONS OF PHYSICIAN MISCONDUCT

ALSO, PLEASE DON'T THEN.

ALTHOUGH I GOTTA SAY,

ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM TELLING FEVER.

ALZHEIMER'S?

AM I GOING TO THE BATHROOM A LOT.

AM I SMILING? HERE WE GO.

AM I? DO YOU THINK I AM?

AN UNBELIEVABLE ASSHOLE

Anchor: 33 deaths have been reported and thousands left homeless.

AND AND I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO BRING 'EM THE ICE CREAM BACK

AND "NO NO, I DON'T WANNA DO THAT;

AND A NICE VIEW.

AND ACCEPT MY HEARTFELT AND HUMBLE APOLOGY.

AND AND AND AND GO STAB SOMEBODY ELSE, MAN.

AND ANYONE WHO'S NOT IS NO NEIGHBOR OF MINE.

AND AS FAR AS WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER,

AND BE SENDING 'EM NEXT DOOR TO THE NEIGHBOR

AND BY THE WAY,

AND CHERYL KICKED HIM OUT?

AND CHERYL'S GONNA BE THERE WITH THIS GUY.

AND CONSIDERATE ENOUGH TO DO IT.

AND DO NOTHING AND FREEZE AND NOT BE ABLE TO PUT THE RADIO ON

AND FIGURE IT OUT, SO THANKS.

AND FRUIT AND NUTS LIKE A JEW SQUIRREL?

AND HAD IT REPLACED WITH ANONYMOUS.

AND HE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK, SO WE THOUGHT...

AND HE HURT HIS HAND, AND HE AND HE'S SAYING,

AND HE'S TALKING TO A FRIEND OF HIS AND HE'S GETTING VERY UPSET,

AND HE'S UPSET AND HE'S COMPLAINING.

AND HERE'S YOUR SANDWICH. CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK?

AND HIT ON HER AND SHE DOESN'T RESPOND

AND HOBBIES DOES SHE HAVE ANY?

AND HOW YOU WISH YOU COULD GARDEN HERE,

AND I I'M

AND I I'M REALLY SORRY.

AND I ALSO THINK IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU

AND I ALWAYS TELL THEM, "THERE'S ANOTHER SIDE TO LARRY THAT YOU DON'T SEE."

AND I AM IN LOVE WITH HER.

AND I DECIDED, YOU KNOW WHAT?

AND I DIDN'T GO OVER TO SOMEBODY'S HOUSE

AND I EAT A LOT OF SALAD TOO. SO THAT'S GOOD.

AND I EXCUSED MYSELF TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

AND I GIVE IT TO HIM. HE'LL COME IN AND GO OVER THIS.

AND I GIVE IT TO THE DOCTOR. SO WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME THE REASON YOU'RE HERE?

AND I HAD JUST BEEN VICTIMIZED BY A TERRIBLE INCIDENT IN THE CAFETERIA.

AND I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.

AND I HAD TO TAKE THE TOP BECAUSE OF THIS 300 LB ******.

AND I JUST HAVE I JUST WROTE YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING.

AND I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO SPEAK TO ABOUT IT

AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

AND I JUST WOULD LOVE TO BE IN ON THAT.

AND I LEFT THERE AND I WENT TO THE OPERATING ROOM,

AND I LOVE "GREASE," AND I'D LOVE TO GO,

AND I MADE THIS TERRIBLE MISTAKE, FOR WHICH I'M SO SORRY.

AND I MISTAKENLY SHAVED YOUR HEAD,

AND I MUST HAVE SIGNED SOMETHING INADVERTENTLY,

AND I NOTICED THE INVITATION TO YOUR PARTY.

AND I OVERHEAR THIS GUY TALKING ON HIS CELL PHONE.

AND I REALIZED NOT EVERYBODY'S LIKE YOU.

AND I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HER.

AND I RETURN THE HANDBAG

AND I SAID, "WELL, YOU KNOW,

AND I SAW HER WHEN SHE WAS, LIKE, FIVE MINUTES OLD.

AND I THINK I'D LIKE TO TRY THE BANANA, PLEASE.

AND I TOLD HER IT WAS BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME.

AND I WANT TO HELP YOU.

AND I WAS SO ANGERED AND I WAS UPSET AND I WAS CONFUSED,

AND I WAS WORKING AT MR. GREENE'S HOUSE

AND I WENT INTO A BLIND RAGE,

AND I'LL BE IN TO SEE YOU IN A FEW MINUTES.

AND I'M GOING TO TELL EVERYBODY.

AND I'M LIKE A GOD, YOU KNOW.

AND I'M NOT GONNA BE NEXT TO YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.

AND I'M SCARED.

AND I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S KILLING ME.

AND I'M WONDERING WHERE HE IS RIGHT NOW.

AND I'VE NEVER HAD ANYONE COME IN

AND IF I'M NICE TO HER, SHE'LL THINK I'M INTERESTED.

AND IF THERE'S NO DIVIDERS, IT'S KIND OF LIKE GOING IN A TROUGH.

AND IN FACT, THE CUSTOMER IS USUALLY A MORON AND AN ASSHOLE.

AND IT CAUSED SCROTAL HEMATOMA AND CONTUSION.

AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT. I ADMIT IT. I'M JEALOUS OF THE GARDENER.

AND IT WAS AWFUL. IT WAS JUST ABSOLUTELY AWFUL.

AND IT WAS SPECTACULAR.

AND IT'S BEEN QUITE DEVAS

AND IT'S NOT RIGHT FOR THE WOMAN WORKING BACK THERE.

AND IT'S TOO LATE FOR MY CAREER

AND JUST ADMIT RIGHT OFF THE TOP,

AND JUST SORT OF, YOU KNOW,

AND KICKED YOU IN YOUR OWN ASSHOLE. YOU FEEL ME?

AND LARRY WAS THERE.

AND LOOK AT THAT OFFICE ACROSS FROM YOU.

AND LORETTA HAS ONE TOMORROW. THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

AND MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER, OKAY?

AND MAYBE IT'S BEEN A WHILE LET'S DOUBLE DATE,

AND MY BROTHER GOT FOOD POISONING, SO THEY CAME BACK EARLY,

AND MY WIFE IS GONNA LOSE HER HEALTH CARE.

AND MYSELF I WANT TO WELCOME YOU.

AND NEEDED AN EXCUSE, I WOULD JUST SAY I'M SICK OR SOMETHING.

AND NO SEX FOR AT LEAST A WEEK.

AND NOT JUST THE BACK ONE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND PEOPLE MOVE UP FAIR AND SQUARE.

AND POP YOUR HEAD OFF YOUR NECK.

AND RICHARD SAYS THANK YOU TOO.

AND SEE WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY FIRST.

AND SHE CALLED ME FROM THE PLANE.

AND SHE FOUND A STAIN...

AND SHE HAS UNTIL MONDAY TO DECIDE,

AND SHE SAID SHE WAS PUTTING SOME FLOWERS IN YOUR ROOM.

And she told me I shouldn't ever be speaking to you again.

AND SHE WAS VERY IMPRESSED WITH THAT.

AND SHE WROTE ME THIS NOTE,

AND SO I CAME TO THE OPERATING ROOM

AND SOMETIMES SOMETHING OF YOURS GETS TAKEN.

AND SPACIOUS TOO. I MEAN, JUST

AND TALK TO THEM ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE?

AND TELL HER THAT WE'RE BREAKING UP.

AND TELL HER, "I LOVE YOU."

AND THAT TOASTER TAKES A YEAR.

AND THE DOCTOR SAID I CAN'T HAVE SEX FOR A WEEK.

AND THE HOSTESS ASKED ME

AND THE ONE WITH THE MOST STICKS WINS THE POT.

AND THE SAUSAGE AND EVERYTHING.

AND THE THERAPIST GAVE HER THE GREEN LIGHT,

AND THEN AFTER I GET 'EM BACK...

AND THEN AT DINNER THAT'S WHEN YOU HAVE TO UP THE STAKES.

AND THEN I JUST REALIZED TODAY THERE'S NO OTHER SIDE.

AND THEN I REMEMBER SCRATCHING MY FINGER

AND THEN I'LL JUST GO BACK TO BEING THE WAY I AM.

AND THEN WE'LL HAVE SEX

AND THEN WHEN THE UPS GUY COMES,

AND THEN YOU HEAR THIS SHIT'S GOING ON. COME ON NOW.

AND THEN YOU RUN AWAY. YOU RUN AWAY.

AND THERE'S NO OVERSIGHT. IT'S JUST COMPLETE CHAOS

AND THERE'S NOT A WORD OF TRUTH TO IT, OKAY?

AND THIS GIRL LIKES ME.

AND THIS HORRIBLE MAN USES THE MOST VILE WORD

AND TOOK CONTROL THAT DIDN'T SEEM REAL.

AND WALKS AROUND IN IT, AND YOU HAVE NO RECOURSE.

AND WE COULD ACTUALLY HAVE A FAMILY HERE TOMORROW.

AND WE HAD A VERY... SOULFUL CONVERSATION...

AND WE'LL FIND IT. I'LL GET IT.

AND WE'RE GONNA GO HOME.

AND WE'RE GONNA PLAY "THE NEWLYWED GAME."

AND WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON THAT FOR SO LONG.

AND WHEN I GOT HOME, FINALLY, THEY SAID,

AND WHEN THEY'RE TOGETHER, SHE GOES LIKE THIS. SHE GIVES HIM A SLAP.

AND WHY DON'T YOU PUT UP "ANONYMOUS" INSTEAD?

AND WHY WERE YOU IN THIS BATHROOM USING THIS TOILET PAPER?

AND WINTER FRUITS AND NUTS.

AND YOU CAN JUST REALLY READ ME.

AND YOU CHOKED IT ON SAMMY'S TEDDY BEAR

AND YOU COME HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

AND YOU FLIP IT. NOW HE'S TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU.

AND YOU FUCKED ME WITH TESSLER.

AND YOU FUCKED ME! HARD!

AND YOU HUNG UP ON ME,

AND YOU JUST SAW A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF IT.

AND YOU KNOW I NEED A GOOD SERIES.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? AND I KNOW YOU LOVE SCUBA DIVING.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD GET A KICK OUT OF THIS.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? JEFF IS BANNED FROM YOUR HOUSE?

AND YOU KNOW, I HAD THE TIVO GUY IN THE HOUSE.

AND YOU LOOKED AT YOUR WATCH AND YOU SAW HOW LONG I WAS IN THERE,

AND YOU TRAUMATIZED THE DOCTOR

AND YOU'RE CHARLIE THE LIMO DRIVER, MAN.

AND YOU'RE FUCKING ON THE COVER.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO TELL HER THAT THE WHOLE THING WAS YOUR IDEA.

AND YOU'RE HERE. SO COME ON IN.

AND YOUR NAME'S COMING OFF THAT WALL.

AND, LIKE, CRUISE THE LIST OF PATIENT NAMES

AND, OH, I SAID I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE

AND, YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN DOING THAT MOST OF MY LIFE.

AND... I TOLD HER TO CALL ME BACK IN 10 MINUTES.

AND... WE CHOSE CHERYL.

Announcer: Lakers down by two with seconds remaining.

ANONYMOUS. YOU REALLY I KNOW. I KNOW.

Antoinette: OKAY, THANK YOU. ( hangs up )

ANY SPECIFIC PROMISES THAT YOU CAN'T FULFILL.

ANY TIME YOU WANT TO HAVE A COLON CONTEST, BUDDY, YEAH.

ANYBODY CALL ME FROM WOODCREST FINANCIAL?

ANYHOW, HE'S MY CLIENT NOW. HE'S COMING

ANYTHING?

ANYWAY,

ANYWAY, ALL RIGHT, SO FINE.

ANYWAY, I JUST WANNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT AND TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON.

ANYWAY, I WENT INTO THE STALL.

ANYWAY, JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND TELL HER I WAS JOKING.

ANYWAY, SO I WENT INTO THE STALL

ANYWAY, SO I'M IN THE STALL,

ANYWAY, THEIR THEIR NAME IS "BLACK."

APOLOGY ACCEPTED

APPRECIATE IT.

ARE CUT DOWN TO MAKE THIS TOILET PAPER,

ARE GETTING SEATED. HOW COME I'M NOT GETTING A TABLE?

ARE THERE ANY VISUALS AROUND HERE TO JACK OFF TO?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SHE WAS CONCERNED.

ARE YOU AWARE OF THAT?

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH THAT?

ARE YOU COMING TO THE FUNERAL?

ARE YOU EXPERIENCING ANY DIZZINESS?

ARE YOU EXPERIENCING DISCOMFORT?

ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY, HUH? A TICKLE IN MY ANUS?

ARE YOU GOING TO THE BATHROOM A LOT?

ARE YOU GONNA DRAG ME OUT OF THIS MOVIE

ARE YOU JOKING?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR?

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR CHRISTOPHER?

ARE YOU OKAY, BY THE WAY? DO YOU HAVE ANY

ARE YOU OKAY?

ARE YOU SURE?

ARE YOU SURE?

ARE YOU URINATING A LOT?

ARE YOU WAITING FOR THE DAVIDS BY ANY CHANCE?

AREN'T THE INVITATIONS GREAT? I TOOK A LOT OF TIME ON THAT.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE WAS WEARING GLASSES.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND

AS OPPOSED TO MR. ANONYMOUS,

AS OPPOSED TO, YOU KNOW, MR. WONDERFUL "ANONYMOUS."

AS SOME KIND OF REVENGE MASTURBATORY PAYBACK!

AS TO WHETHER OR NOT HE WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU.

AS WELL AS THE BIG SCALE STUFF. THAT'S GONNA FALL IN YOUR LAP.

AT A GOOD TIME FOR ALL OF US.

AT ALL TIMES LIKE I DO, HUH?

AT THAT POINT SHE'S FEELING VULNERABLE.

AT THE DRY CLEANERS, NO ONE EVER RETURNS ANYTHING.

AT THE DRY CLEANERS.

AT THE DRY CLEANERS. I LOST D****S!

Auntie Rae: ALL RIGHT.

Auntie Rae: DARYL! KEYSHA!

Auntie Rae: WE'RE GONNA MISS YOU TOO, LARRY.

AW, JEEZ.

AW!

AWFUL. I WAS WATCHING IT TODAY.

BALD?

BALL THE PAPER UP, THE NEWSPAPER, AND THROW THE NEWSPAPER ON THE FLOOR,

BAM!

BAN HIM FROM THE HOUSE?

BANANA!

BARACK OBAMA, "I'M THE PRESIDENT, I'M HITTING THAT ASS."

BASED ON YOUR SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS,

BATHROOM. I'M GONNA USE THE BATHROOM.

BE CAREFUL.

BE COOL, LARRY. I'M GONNA GET THAT SHIT BACK FOR YOU.

BE ENTHUSIASTIC, BUT DON'T MAKE

BE GONE WITH YOU! OUT!

BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU.

BECAUSE AFTER YOU LEFT,

BECAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE GOT PISSED OFF, SAID, "FUCK YOU,"

BECAUSE HE KNEW IT WAS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!

BECAUSE HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYBODY THAT KNOWS YOU.

BECAUSE I

BECAUSE I I CAN'T GO TO THE FUNERAL.

BECAUSE I CAN'T WORK AND I CAN'T SLEEP.

BECAUSE I JUST GOT A PHONE CALL, LARRY.

BECAUSE I KNOW WHEN I LEFT YOU WERE IN THE BATHROOM FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

BECAUSE I STAY TO THE END, TILL THEY'RE DEAD.

BECAUSE I THINK IT'S THE EXHIBIT.

BECAUSE I THINK THE WHOLE SYSTEM IS FLAWED.

BECAUSE I WAS SICK. I WAS RUNNING TO THE BATHROOM ALL DAY.

BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO THINK I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

BECAUSE I'M BALD! I MEAN, COME ON.

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO DANSON'S PARTY TONIGHT.

BECAUSE I'M TIVOING IT.

BECAUSE IT'S MORE DRAMATIC THAT WAY.

BECAUSE NOW KEYSHA AND DARYL ARE NOT GOING TO GET

BECAUSE OF THIS 300 LB ****** WHO WAS "

BECAUSE OF YOUR RECOMMENDATION.

BECAUSE SHE'S ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDING

BECAUSE SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENED TO ME, NOT JUST A MASSAGE.

BECAUSE THEY CAN'T TOUCH EACH OTHER, IT'S FORBIDDEN.

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE MY BREAKUP STORY

BECAUSE, LARRY, HONESTLY, I DON'T WANNA BE NEXT TO YOU FOR ETERNITY.

BEING A PUSSY REALLY WASN'T MY PROBLEM WITH HER.

BELIEVE ME, IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN.

BEN STILLER WON'T WORK WITH ME

Bert: NO, IT'S REALLY NOT UP TO US.

BETWEEN 5:00 AND 6:00 OR ANYTIME AFTER 8:30

BETWEEN EARLY AND MIDDLE. WHAT'S THAT CALLED?

BETWEEN THE GUESTS AND THE STAFF.

BETWEEN THE SLAW AND THE SOUP, SO I BROUGHT YOU BOTH.

BIG BAND, SPECIAL GUEST.

BIG NEWS: THE CEMETERY PLOTS CAME THROUGH.

Black man doin' his thing, baby. Barack Obama, motherfucker.

BLACK MAN'S DOIN' HIS MOTHERFUCKING THING IN THE WORLD, BABY.

BLECH!

BOOKS THEY COULD BE 500 PAGES,

BOOM! AW!

BOTH BEFORE I GO AND AFTER I GO. IT'S TOO MUCH.

Boy: Isn't he something, Billy?

Bright: IT'S THE MOST BIZARRE EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE

BRING HIM IN. I DON'T CARE. PUT HIM IN THE BACK.

BRING SOMEBODY? WHO AM I GONNA BRING?

BROTHERS AND SISTERS AROUND.

BULLSHIT YOU LAID FOUNDATION.

BURIED NEXT TO EACH OTHER FOREVER. OH MY GOD.

BUSY WITH THE TIVO GUY. YEAH, I WAS BUSY WITH THE TIVO GUY.

BUT BUT

BUT YEAH.

BUT ANYWAY, I'D LOVE FOR YOU TO HAVE THESE FLOWERS

BUT ANYWAY...

BUT HE BROUGHT ME A LOVELY BOUQUET OF FLOWERS IN APOLOGY.

BUT HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THIS?

BUT I DON'T THINK SHE BELIEVED ME.

BUT I FEEL LIKE SHE NEVER REALLY

BUT I GUESS BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, SHE DOESN'T HEAR,

BUT I HATE BEING SINGLE. I JUST HATE IT.

BUT I MEAN, COME ON, GIVE ME A BREAK.

BUT I MEAN, COME ON, GIVE ME A BREAK.

BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK I WANT TO CALL HER

BUT I WOULD LOVE TO WASTE YOUR TIME FOR COUPLE OF HOURS.

BUT I WOULDN'T TAKE SO MUCH CREDIT, BECAUSE IT'S NOT YOUR DNA

BUT I'LL WE'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

BUT I'M NOT A JEW, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

BUT I'VE BEEN TALKING, YOU KNOW, TO THEM...

BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY LAST NIGHT.

BUT IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS.

BUT IT'S NOT TOP OF THE LIST OF MY PRIORITIES RIGHT NOW.

BUT MY BROTHER AND SISTER JUST CAME BACK.

BUT SHE NOTICED THE TUCKED IN

BUT SHE'S GOT A KIND OF WAY OF LOOKING AT ME

BUT SO WHAT? SO WHAT?

BUT SO WHAT? THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S A GOOD THING.

BUT SOMETHING ABOUT IT THAT KIND OF TURNED ME ON. SHE'S SICK.

BUT THAT'S IT ONLY THE SAFETY OF MY GLASSES.

BUT THAT'S WHY I KEPT MY NAME OFF,

BUT THE DEADLINE

BUT THE THERAPIST DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME.

BUT THEN YOU SWITCH WITH JEFF.

BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING IN HER TONE

BUT THERE'S ONE THING SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY,

BUT THEY ASKED ME THEY WERE VERY UNHAPPY

BUT THIS ONE LIKED ME PARTICULARLY.

BUT WAS REALLY TED.

BUT WE CAN GO THERE FOR DINNER.

BUT WE HAVE TO STICK WITH LARRY.

BUT WE SEE EACH OTHER ON THE STREET, WE NOD.

BUT WHAT WHAT IS THIS OH CHOC CHOCOLATE

BUT WHEN I REALLY THINK ABOUT IT,

BUT YOU CAN SELL IT PRIVATELY IF YOU LIKE.

BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING, LARRY? YOU SHOULD'VE MIND YOUR BUSINESS ON THIS ONE.

BUT YOU KNOW THAT MEANS THAT YOU'LL BE NEXT TO SUSIE.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE'S NOTHING IN THE CUPBOARD.

BUT YOU STILL FORGOT ABOUT US.

BUT YOU WERE JUST LIKE CLINT EASTWOOD.

BUT YOU WOULD HAVE TO USE THE MONEY FOR SOMETHING ELSE

BUT, YOU KNOW WHAT? I WOULD DO IT WITH HER. I REALLY WOULD.

BUY IT. BUY IT. IT'S A GOOD ONE.

BY THE WAY, CAN YOU INTERPRET THIS THIS NOTE?

BY THE WAY, HOW COME YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP LAST THURSDAY?

BY THE WAY, PEOPLE SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL REAL CRAB FROM FAKE CRAB.

BY YOUR PRESENCE. HE TOOK IT PRETTY CALMLY.

CALL ME BACK. NO ONE'S TAKING THIS 50. I CAN'T GET RID OF IT.

CALL ME, ACTUALLY. I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

CALL THAT GODDAMN DOCTOR, GET A DIAGNOSIS,

CALL THIS MAN DR. JAY WHITNEY.

CAN I DO THAT? IS THAT POSSIBLE?

CAN I GET A REFUND ON THE OTHER PLOT?

CAN I GET THAT IN THE NEXT HALF HOUR?

CAN I GET YOU GUYS A DRINK? YOU WANT A DRINK, RICHARD?

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING ELSE?

CAN I HAVE THOSE FLOWERS?

CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, EVERYBODY?

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

CAN I TRY THE RAS RASPBERRY CHOCOLATE, WHATEVER THAT IS?

CAN WE RESCHEDULE?

CAN WE TAKE THE LIMO HOME?

CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW STUPID WE ARE?

CAN YOU DO US A FAVOR? CAN WE GET SOME SOFT TOILET PAPER TO USE?

CAN YOU IMAGINE? FUCK.

CAN YOU PLAY SOLITAIRE OR ANYTHING? WHAT CAN YOU DO HERE?

CAN YOU TOAST IT AGAIN? 'CAUSE IT'S NOT

CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, MAN. I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU!

CAN'T WE JUST GO TO TED AND MARY'S?

CAROL,

CENTER? WHY? YOU THINK THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE

CHA CHA AND ME AND YOU AND CHERYL.

CHANGE...

CHARLIE, GET ME TO THE SHOW. JESUS CHRIST!

CHARLIE, I DIDN'T PAY FOR THIS. COME ON!

CHARLIE, LISTEN. LITTLE TIRED RIGHT NOW, OKAY? THANKS.

CHARLIE, PULL THE CAR OVER. THAT'S IT!

CHARLIE, THANKS. I GOTTA TELL YOU,

Charlie: YOU GOTTA BRING IT BACK, MAN.

CHARLIE!

CHASING HIMSELF, PLAYING TAG.

CHEAP ASS TOASTER, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED.

CHECK OUT THE FREAKS, MR. MCENROE.

CHERYL CALLED ME UP, TOLD ME

CHERYL FOUND OUT ABOUT THE STAIN ON THE BLANKET.

CHERYL HAS YOU KNOW, SHE'S AN ENVIRONMENTALIST.

CHERYL IS GONNA BE THERE.

CHERYL LEFT ME.

CHERYL TOOK CARE OF ALL THAT STUFF.

CHERYL, COME ON.

CHERYL, DON'T GO. COME ON.

CHERYL, I'M HOME!

CHERYL, THE THERAPIST TOLD ME TO SAY THAT

Cheryl: ARE YOU GUYS EXPECTING COMPANY?

Cheryl: I CAN'T WAIT TO GET TO THE AIRPORT

Cheryl: I GOTTA TELL YA, THE NEW LARRY IS REALLY WORKING FOR ME.

Cheryl: IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.

Cheryl: LARRY!

Cheryl: OH, LARRY.

Cheryl: OKAY, SO WE'LL JUST CALL YOU IN A FEW HOURS OR SO.

Cheryl: THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN.

CHERYL!

CHERYL!

CHERYL.

CHERYL.

CHERYL'S A GREAT GIRL,

CHERYL'S GETTING OUT OF HER THERAPY APPOINTMENT

CHICKEN AND FRUIT GO TOGETHER. YOU CAN HAVE THIS FOR DESSERT.

COME ALL UP IN HERE.

COME DOWN HERE, YOU FUCKING PERVO.

COME HERE FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE.

COME ON DOWNSTAIRS, MAN. THE FAMILY WANTS TO TALK TO YOU A LITTLE BIT.

COME ON IN, YOU GUYS.

COME ON IN.

COME ON IN.

COME ON IN.

COME ON IN. COME IN, CHERYL. IT'LL BE FUN.

COME ON OVER AND WHACK OFF. HAVE A GOOD TIME.

COME ON, ALL THAT CHOLESTEROL. IT'S NO GOOD FOR YOU.

COME ON, BOY! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

COME ON, CHARLIE. COME ON, GET UP.

COME ON, CHERYL. COME ON.

COME ON, FIVE MORE MINUTES.

COME ON, HONEY. I DON'T CARE ABOUT CHA CHA.

COME ON, I'LL TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER.

COME ON, JUST STAY. DON'T, DON'T.

COME ON, LARR.

COME ON, LARRY. THIS IS PERSONAL.

COME ON, MAN.

COME ON, MAN. THAT'S CRAZY.

COME ON, NO BIG DEAL.

COME ON, QUICK. GET OUT OF HERE.

COME ON, SCHMOHAWK!

COME ON, SIT DOWN.

COME ON, STEP, STEP, COME ON.

COME ON, WHAT IS IT? $250?

COME ON, WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG?

COME ON, YOU FUCKING SKINHEAD,

COME ON!

COME ON.

COME ON.

COME ON.

COME ON. I'M PRETTY EXCITED, BRIGHT.

COME TO MY HOUSE AND DO IT. WHAT DO I GIVE A SHIT?

COMPLETELY APOLOGIZE. I'M SO SORRY, BUT...

COMPLETELY RETRO, VERY OLD SCHOOL.

CONFIRM MY STORY.

CORRECT, YES. AND SHE'S HAVING HER BAT MITZVAH THIS YEAR.

COULD YOU COME IN FOR A SEC?

COULD YOU GET ME SOME WHEAT TOAST?

COULD YOU HAVE HER MAKE IT OUT TO "ZEV" THIS TIME?

CUM STAIN.

CUM STAIN. CUM.

CUT THE TIME IN HALF? SO YOU INTERCEPT HIM IN THE HALL?

DAD, I'M THRILLED

DANSON?!

DEAF PEOPLE REQUIRE THAT YOU GO TO THEIR HOUSE.

Dean: KELLY, WHERE ARE THE FLOWERS?

DID HE, BY ANY CHANCE,

DID NOT KNOW THAT THERE WAS A PENIS IN THAT BOX

DID YOU CALL FUNKHOUSER?

DID YOU EVER GO OUT WITH A BALD GUY?

DID YOU GET THAT JERSEY FROM THE DRY CLEANER?

DID YOU GO TO FUNKHOUSER'S PARTY LAST NIGHT?

DID YOU ICE IT RIGHT AWAY?

DID YOU JUST GET IN A FIGHT WITH SOMEONE AT THE ICE CREAM SHOP?

DID YOU STICK A GERBIL UP YOUR ASS?

DID YOU TAKE THE FLOWERS AT MY MOTHER'S SITE?

DIDN'T YOU HAVE FUN WITH US, HANGING OUT?

DISINVITES ME FROM THE PARTY, CHOOSING CHERYL.

DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF?

DO I LOOK GOOD?

DO I LOOK HEALTHIER? DO I LOOK RELAXED?

DO I SMELL FOOD? COME HERE, AUNTIE.

DO WE HAVE A TIME FRAME? CAN YOU GIVE ME A TIME FRAME?

DO WE HAVE TO GET A NUMBER ATTACHED TO IT?

DO WE HAVE TO GET INTO A SPECIFIC NUMBER?

DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, A GOD OF SOME KIND?

DO YOU HAVE A DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE WARRANTY CARD IS

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, LARRY?

DO YOU HAVE TO BE THAT SKILLED TO BANG ON SOMETHING?

DO YOU HEAR THAT? HE'S LITERALLY JUST DOING IT

DO YOU HEAR THAT? LISTEN, YOU HEAR THIS?

DO YOU KEEP SAYING, "I'D LIKE A SODA, I'D LIKE A SODA,

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MILLIONS I'M LOSING BECAUSE OF THAT?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MILLIONS OF VIRGIN TREES

DO YOU KNOW THAT?

DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS MAN WAS?

DO YOU MIND IF I BRING HIM IN?

DO YOU REALIZE HOW SICK I AM?

DO YOU WANT ANY COFFEE? I'M GONNA GO GET COFFEE.

DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO EAT, SWEETIE? LET ME GET YOU SOMETHING.

DOCTOR, YOU'VE SEEN HIS BALLS, RIGHT?

DOES HE HAVE MINTS? HOW IS HIS BREATH?

DOES THAT REALLY SURPRISE YOU?

DOESN'T WANT A BALD MAN TO BE REPRESENTING HIM!

DON'T BLAME THIS ON ME, AUNTIE RAE.

DON'T COME BACK!

DON'T DO IT, OKAY?

DON'T DO THINGS OUT OF THE GOODNESS

DON'T EVER SAY TO ANYONE YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY GIRLF

DON'T FORGET ME, BUD.

DON'T MAKE THIS WORSE THAN IT ALREADY IS.

DON'T NOBODY TALK TO MY MAN LIKE THAT.

DON'T SAY "AND THEN..."

DON'T THEY MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY? I MEAN, EVERYBODY BUYS A DRINK.

DON'T TRY TO BULLSHIT ME! WHY, WHAT HAPPENED?

DON'T USE THE PHONE FROM MY RIGHT EAR?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU MADE ENOUGH OF A MESS.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE 50. I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

DON'T WORRY, I WON'T!

DON'T WORRY. WE'VE GOT SOME FOOD LEFT OVER,

DON'T YOU DARE GET ON THAT COUCH. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DON'T YOU THINK SHE WOULD SAY "EXCUSE ME, MA'AM"?

DOWNSTAIRS, YEAH. SEE YOU THEN.

Dr. Flomm: AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WHEN YOU TURN YOUR PALM?

Dr. Flomm: IT'S OPEN. COME ON IN.

DR. PAGE ACCIDENTALLY SHAVED MR. GREENE'S HEAD

DR. SCHAEFFER. ALL RIGHT.

Driver: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. GET IN.

DRIVING BY THE BUILDING. I KNEW YOU GUYS WERE HERE FOR YOUR INTERVIEW.

DRY CLEANERS.

E WHAT?

EH, DON'T WORRY. JUST COME WITH ME.

EH, FUCK IT.

EH, I DON'T WANT TO GO BY MYSELF.

EH, PLEASE, REALLY.

EITHER WE'RE BACK ON, MOVE BACK IN,

EJACULATE?

EJACULATE.

EVEN THOUGH I'D LOVE TO, JUST CAN'T

EVER PLAY PING PONG? PING PONG'S MY GAME. I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING:

EVER. AND WHO'S EVER HAD MORE CAKE THAN ME?

EVERY OTHER KIND OF HANDICAPPED PERSON YOU CAN APOLOGIZE TO ON THE PHONE.

EVERY TIME HE FARTS, HE CALLS THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.

EVERY TIME I SIT DOWN AND WATCH IT, IT'S NOT WORKING.

EVERYONE ELSE WAS HERE.

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

EVERYTHING COMES OUT WRONG. IT'S LIKE THROWING LEFTY. I CAN'T DO IT.

EVERYTHING OKAY WITH YOU?

EXACTLY, YEAH. ANYWAY, I'M

EXCEPT FOR THE DEADLINE PART.

EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT YOU'RE COLLECTING AWARDS.

EXCEPT I CAN'T REALLY CALL HER.

EXCUSE ME ONE MOMENT. KELLY!

EXCUSE ME, COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

EXCUSE ME, LADIES. I SHALL RETURN.

EXCUSE ME, NURSE.

EXCUSE ME? CAN I GIVE YOU A DRINK ORDER?

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME. HI, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.

EXCUSE ME. I'M SORRY.

FABRIC SAMPLES. THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

FANFARE? WHAT FANFARE? I DON'T LIKE THE FANFARE.

FATHER SICK, PUPPETS

FEEL LIKE YOU'RE PUTTING ON AIRS OR SOMETHING, YOU KNOW?

FEELING GOOD, AND I WAS AWAY FROM THE TABLE.

FEMA is estimating damage from this category 5 hurricane

FIND YOU HERE WITH MR. DAVID.

FINE, OKAY. NOW I KNOW THAT.

FINE.

FINE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. COME ON, CHERYL.

FINE. HAPPY?

FINE. YOU CAN PUT MY COLON UP NEXT TO YOUR COLON.

FIRST NIGHT IN THE HOUSE.

FIRST NIGHT IN THE HOUSE.

FIRST OF ALL, I NEVER HIT ON HER.

FIRST OF ALL, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING,

FIRST OF ALL, LOOK AROUND THIS PLACE, MAN.

FIRST, YOU'RE GONNA BE RUBBING ALL UP AGAINST ME, THEN WHACKING OFF IN THE DAMN CAR!

FIXTURES GOING ALL ALONG THE STAIRCASE

FOLD IT THAT'S IT, OKAY.

FOR ANY REASON.

FOR BEING RUDE, OBNOXIOUS AND UNCIVIL IN THE ICE CREAM STORE.

FOR BRINGING UP THE ONE LINE IDEA.

FOR CHERYL.

FOR GOD'S SAKE FOR MY FAMILY.

FOR INSTANCE, THIS IS YOUR GROIN. JUST YOU JUST MASSAGE ACROSS.

FOR ME TO GO INTO THE STALL, IN A WAY.

FOR SAMMY TO GET INTO DRYDEN

FOR THE RECOMMENDATION. I GOT THE GIG.

FOR THE WAY I BEHAVED EARLIER.

FOR TWO MINUTES WOULD THAT BE OKAY AT THIS CEMETERY?

FOUND THEM IN MY HOUSE.

FRANKLY, YOU KNOW.

FRIENDS THAT I DIDN'T THINK I WANTED TO HAVE A SECRET.

From Hurricane Edna which has left extensive destruction in its wake.

FROM LIKE ALBINO TO THE HEART OF DARKNESS AFRICA BLACK.

FROM MR. DANSON TO WEAR THE BOW TIE.

FROM MR. LARRY DAVID,

FROM MY SNORING. I WAKE UP MY DOG.

FROM THE N.R.D.C. FUNCTION THE OTHER NIGHT.

From Woodcrest Financial Services calling. I'm calling about the offer.

FUCK HIS WHOLE ASSHOLE UP, EAT SOME SNICKERS BAR,

FUCK HIS WHOLE ASSHOLE UP, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

FUCK YOU, LARRY, WIT' YOUR MONKEY ASS!

FUCK YOU, LARRY!

FUCK YOU!

FUCK YOU.

FUCKING FAGGOT.

FUN TO BE WITH.

FUNKHOUSER HE KNOWINGLY SERVED US PENIS.

GEEZ, I SAID A LOT OF STUFF LAST NIGHT.

GENERALLY, WHEN I WHEN I USE A PUBLIC TOILET,

GET DOWN THERE AND GET BREAKFAST. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GET ME A NEW BLANKET, NEW BED, ALL THAT SHIT?

GET OFF! GET OFF!

GET OUT OF HERE, YOU STUPID CREEP!

GET OUT OF HERE.

GET THE DOOR, PEANUT!

GET THE FUCK OUT!

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

GET THE PURSE FROM YOU.

GET YOUR ASS OUT OF WH ?

GET YOUR SMILE ON, COME ON.

GET YOUR SMILE ON. GET YOUR SMILE ON.

GET YOUR STINKY, NASTY FEET OFF MY COUCH.

GET...

GETTING SAMPLE AFTER SAMPLE. SHE HAD 10 SAMPLES!

GHOST IS NOT THE FIRST THING YOU THINK ABOUT.

Girl: "OKAY, WHAT IS JIM JONES'S MOST FAMOUS SONG?"

GIVE ME ALL THE INFO.

GIVE ME TWO MINUTES, LARRY.

GO AHEAD, MOVE IN.

GO AHEAD, SIR.

GO AHEAD.

GO DO IT.

GO EAT SOMEWHERE ELSE!

GO GO, YOU GO TAKE A LOOK AROUND.

GO INTO A DELI, YOU TAKE A NUMBER.

GO JUST GO TO THE AIRPORT. GET TO THE TERMINAL,

GO TO PETCO AND GET A BAG OF KIBBLE?

GO TO THE AIRPORT FOR YOU. THIS IS REALLY UNBELIEVABLE, CHARLIE.

GO UPSTAIRS, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES,

GO, WHEW GO GET 'EM.

GOD DAMN IT! WE'RE GONNA MISS THE SHOW NOW!

GOD, GET

GOD.

GOING ON AT THIS TABLE AFTER I LEFT?

GONNA GO TO DINNER AND GO TO A CONCERT AND HANG OUT.

GOOD APPLE.

GOOD LUCK.

GOOD NIGHT

GOOD NIGHT.