Curb Your Enthusiasm - Season 5 Edit

A long time till I see you again,

About a relationship in our lives

About his will?

Adop... adoption.

Agree to assist in the event of emergency.

All right, how much?

All right, nose, toes,

All right, so, if you go on a date, where do you go?

All right, thanks.

All right, um,

All right.

All we need to know is that you're willing to assist

Also...

Am I a good friend?

Am I giving the friend in need

And above all, perhaps,

And all the extended relatives of that family.

And frankly I don't have to do anything.

And he told me the Blue Book value was $5,000 less than that.

And his Mother Mary.

And I knew you were here so I stopped in to see you.

And I played out of my mind with it.

And I'm going to.

And if that's the case..

And let me tell you something. You're moving your feet.

And make right with?

And most of all, we thank You for our son, Larry,

And she was lovely, but she was a little loud.

And she was the prettiest girl there

And sneeze and he'll bring you a tissue.

And that is the bond of friendship.

And the people that misplace the DVDs

And then he passed me and he looked at me.

And then I'll tell you all about them.

And they currently reside in Bisby, Arizona.

And they tell me you're in here all the time.

And they... they wanted a baby so badly.

And throw them in a suitcase. That's not real.

And we're gonna send you back into your body.

And we've been inconsiderate to other people.

And what about going to the bathroom?

And, before long,

Any idea?

Anything except loan him your putter.

Are there restaurants? Are there movies?

Basketball, if I was on the foul line

Because I'm cheered up.

Because they take the cover and put it someplace else.

Because you had a system.

Because, I notice I've been here a while

Been here for hundreds of years.

Ben Hogan.

But he was very secretive for a while

But I've noticed,

But she... she sort of ruled the roost.

But there is another bond,

But this is the greatest thing that anyone's ever done for me.

But we're not really close friends.

But you must practice love and forgiveness.

But you're a lucky man.

But, we didn't have any money and...

C O N E.

Can I pull down? Do you have to be strong? I don't even know.

Cheryl?

Cheryl.

Chug, chug, chug, chug...

Come on, I'll take good care of it, I promise.

Come on. That's not fair.

Congratulations again on the...

Cover and put it on top of the DVD player.

Dad.

Dear Lord, we thank You for this bountiful meal.

Defend me? Why don't you call "E.T." or Pat O'Brien?

Devoted sister? Beloved cunt?

Did you do something with it?

Did you hear my wife telling me that I could... she said I could fool around?

Did you hear my wife telling me that I could... she said I could fool around?

Did you look behind the couch, Larry?

Did you once look behind the couch, Larry?

Did you read the brochure?

Do you have to get clearance for that?

Don't blame it on me.

Everybody should do this.

Except I keep my watch and wallet on the same side.

For the sake of him,

For what I'm going through? It doesn't seem like you do.

For you about your case.

From doing good deeds.

Get me out of here! Get me the fuck out of here!

Get out right now!

Getting out of the coma.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. That's what Jesus would do.

Give me another chance.

Giving their kidney to people?

Go! Whoa...

God bless you.

God will watch over me.

Good luck with the surgery.

Good, Son.

Gosh. Come on in.

Gotta say, man,

Have I sacrificed my own well being

Have you always had this?

Have you seen the, uh, case for the "Sopranos" DVD?

Having this great meal. Amen.

He did not rip him off.

He said he has some information for me.

He wanted me to give Lewis my kidney.

He wants me to come to the office tomorrow.

He was all over the place. Jumpy, fidgety.

He wouldn't even loan me a putter, actually.

He's a racist. A bona fide racist

He's more of an acquaintance.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hey, I got a bite, Pop.

Hey, Larry. Come here.

Hey, look. Dave. Hi, Dave, how you doing?

Hey, stay here. What are you doing?

Hey, what are you gonna do about your cousin who needs a kidney?

Hey! Hold the door!

Hey. Let's go.

Hi. I'll go ahead and get you another seat, okay?

Hi. Um, listen,

Hmm, all right.

Hmm. He didn't watch over the last guy.

Hold on a second. Louis Lewis has just come out of his coma.

How about I get you a drink? Would you like a Merlot?

How are you? Good to see you.

How come my dad bought one of those?

How dare you say something like that?

How do you feel?

How do you spell your last name?

Huh, I sold a Prius to a friend of mine

I avoided good deeds my whole life.

I borrowed this from my friend a few weeks ago

I can't do it, Ben. I can't. I've tried.

I can't do this. Oh, no no! I'm not adopted.

I can't find it anywhere.

I can't really sit here by the emergency door exit.

I can't stand packing.

I can't...

I cannot be of any help whatsoever

I completely understand. L... l...

I don't even get it

I don't think with him, though.

I fooled around a little

I go around, I do volunteer work.

I got... I don't... I can't die.

I got... I got it. I got one.

I had to use the bathroom.

I hardly know you.

I have a system.

I have a system.

I have a system. When I watch a DVD,

I have to go.

I just feel like if we're going to watch DVDs

I just heard him say it was the Blue Book value on it.

I just woke up. I'm gonna give things out now?

I knew you'd come through. You're a hero

I know it was you

I know it's gonna be...

I know why God

I know, Ben. I move my feet.

I looked in the wrong book, I guess, um.

I love you. I love you.

I mean you should have everything settled by now.

I mean, I know it's..

I mean, I'm not even that friendly with him.

I mean, who goes around

I mean, who... why do I even need you? What does a guide do?

I met you briefly once at Ritchie's house

I noticed you're selling your car here.

I put it back in the case, and then I put it back on the shelf.

I put the case on top of the DVD player.

I really looked like an asshole.

I really love your sense of humor.

I still love you.

I supposed I could have traveled more.

I think maybe I should use the bathroom before we go.

I think you better get someone else.

I think you do.

I think you're Thai. You're Thai? I knew it.

I thought when God takes someone young,

I visit people in the hospital and I cheer them up.

I want to have children.

I want you to give the $5,000 to Cher... to Cheryl.

I want you to meet our son. This is Larry.

I was so looking forward to meeting you.

I went to Europe once.

I will body slam you so hard,

I will panic. We will go down.

I would miss the entire rim. I couldn't even hit the rim!

I... I have a...

I'll do anything for you for the rest of your life.

I'll find the Blue Book value and that's what I'll give you.

I'll give the $5,000 to Cheryl.

I'll just move my wallet to the right side.

I'll look for a seat for you but you owe me one, mister.

I'll show you how it's done, huh?

I'll show you how it's done, huh?

I'll use less mayo, I promise.

I'm Gentile.

I'm going to a party tonight

I'm haunted by that look.

I'm not buying that.

I'm not done with you yet, buster.

I'm not giving anybody my kidney.

I'm not going to do anything. I'll take really good care of it, believe me

I'm not paying. I'm not paying.

I'm playing golf with Ben Hogan.

I'm shocked.

I'm sorry about the adoption.

I'm sorry, are you Chinese? You look a little Asian. I'm sorry.

I'm still young, rabbi.

I'm... I'm about...

I've been looking all over for this.

I've lost a lot of clubs. I've lent them out through the years...

I've never felt so refreshed in my life.

Idiot! And I'm surprised that your father

If for any reason a passenger seated in the exit row...

If you're blaming this on me, you're barking up the wrong tree, okay?

In any kind of non traditional landing or any traditional landing.

In case you lose a... that's a system.

In fact, adopted.

Is that you know you're gonna misplace the DVD

Is there anybody, right now,

Is there anything else?

Is there anything you can tell me

Is this a sweater vest?

It couldn't have been me.

It pays to be in a coma, I'm telling you.

It really is. He manipulated Jeff.

It was a bit of an emergency.

It was a... no, no, Cheryl.

It was like the specter of death.

It's a bad system. It's not a good system.

It's called heaven. Come on.

It's for my nanny. You're right.

It's for your nanny, right?

It's just an expression. I don't think you are Chinese. You look maybe Thai?

It's kind of small in there.

It's okay buddy. Everything's gonna be okay.

It's your mother, Larry

Jeff had no choice but to say "yes."

Jeff.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus.

Just ask me anything and I'll do it for you, I promise

Just plain ones, and you have them there

Just please find somebody else to sit here.

Kind of talked like that a little bit?

Lar.

Larry, I gotta tell ya, I'm too weak to really express it and articulate it,

Larry, is your house in order?

Larry, Marilyn Monroe was a huge fan of the "Seinfeld" show.

Larry, um...

Larry, what can I say?

Larry, what's wrong?

Larry, you piece of shit.

Larry?

Let you do such a thing. Wait till I see him again.

Like, how does that work? What do you do here all day?

Located in the rear, center and forward sections

Located in the rear, center and forward sections of the cabin

Look, I'm not paying it. I'm not.

Lots of them.

Making an exception in your case.

Marilyn Monroe?

Mmm, I don't think so.

Mmm, I love you so much.

My business manager, Matt.

My friend took advantage of me, Mom.

My friends are throwing for me 'cause I'm getting out of here,

My friends, I want to speak to you

My God, I love this putter.

My mistake. I'm so sorry.

My people came from, oh, England and Scotland.

Nah.

Needless to say, I'm quite prepared.

Nice day for a flight.

No big deal.

No thank you, I don't drink. I don't drink.

No, I choke under pressure. In any kind of game...

No, I didn't do anything with it.

No, I'm sure you will. But l... I prefer you didn't.

No, it it was an innocent conversation.

No, this is my jacket!

No.

Nose, toes...

Now your biological parents are Mr. And Mrs. Cone.

Of here all the time and I don't understand that.

Of the cabin. Passengers seated in these...

Oh and, uh, be a dear, would you and get me a gin and tonic?

Oh good. That's simple.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh yeah, oh that's a great idea.

Oh, I hope so. Thank you, man. Oh God.

Oh, I know it hurts, Son,

Oh, I love it. It's beautiful.

Oh, I love you, man.

Oh, Larry.

Oh, Mr. Great Guide who let me do that "TV guide" cover.

Oh, no no no. I'm from Illinois.

Oh, nose, toes...

Oh, okay, um,

Oh, someone must be in there.

Oh, won't hear of it.

Okay, all right, okay. Take it easy. Just come over here and relax

Okay, I get it.

Okay, I'll see you tonight. All right, bye.

Okay, is it the seat or are you just scared to fly?

Okay, maybe it isn't much of a system. You're right, it's not.

Okay, sir we're about three minutes away from wheels up.

Okay, so what happens now?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

On this beautiful Sunday morning

Or have I let my own selfish needs

Ouch.

Ow!

Passengers in the event of a non traditional landing.

Passengers seated in these exit rows

People just don't crumple up their clothes

Please notice this aircraft has three emergency exits

Please notice this aircraft has three emergency exits

Please.

Rabbi.

Read the brochure? I can't read that brochure. It's Chinese to me.

Saved me from drowning a few months ago.

Say hello to your mother.

See if I got some clearance, some sex clearance.

See, if this were yours it would say, "fucking douche bag."

See? This is what you get

She called the cops on you. What do you mean to... look at me.

She's very much looking forward to meeting you.

So I kissed her.

So what? What's so important?

So would it be okay if...

So you get some DVD jackets,

So you need to just stay put, okay? 'Cause we got a full plane.

So, Mr. David, I've got some very very interesting news

So, so we're both sort of Midwestern, Southern.

Son of a bitch bastard!

Spin the bottle party when I ran out when I was 12?

Stand in the way of being his best friend?

Sure

Sure, that's the actual Blue Book value.

Sure.

Tell me a little bit about where you're from, Brooklyn?

Than the Blue Book.

Thank you. I mean, it's ridiculous. I don't want to sit here.

That "Seinfeld" "TV Guide" cover.

That he's able to be with us here today,

That one was occupied. I had to duck in here for a second.

That was Omar Jones.

That we should keep the case nearby

That we sometimes take for granted.

That you can think of you'd like to ask for forgiveness

That you will poop your bald pants.

That's fucked up, man.

That's gonna be pretty good. Pretty good.

That's it, right? One, two, three, four.

That's it. Dig in, Larry.

That's right. I have a system I take the DVD..

That's the one thing I had going for me.

That's what I wanna know.

That's what you need. You want to name our baby "Tang"?

The adop... the adoption.

The caring, the compassion,

The Cones, they're not your parents. You're not adopted.

The devotion to loyalty,

The doc... the doctor?

The guy was a little nervous and jumpy.

The rabbi.

The recipient is going to love you, man.

The truth is, rabbi,

Then how come you let me eat those seven pieces of pizza at camp?

Then what do you do? You smash this thing?

Then when I'm done, I take the DVD,

There's already mayo in it.

They come out like new bears.

They had it right. They go into hibernation,

They just throw everything in.

They never fold when they're packing?

They're awaiting your call.

They're usually a good person.

Think of all that it implies.

This 5,000... you want the $5,000?

This is our son Larry.

To the generosity of spirit.

Towards, like the last five minutes of the game,

Turns out I was right.

Turns out you were right.

Uh, who, uh, what, adopted me?

Um, would it be okay if I borrowed this for a while?

Until you got there?

Very excited about this.

Wait wait, I like it here.

We all have moments in our life when

We can talk about it tonight over dinner.

We can't actually control events.

We got great courses up here.

We had a baby.

We have our family.

We have our husbands, wives, children,

We have, we have to say Grace first, Larry.

We must all ask ourselves...

We thank You for the love of each other.

We were just so young and just...

We... we, uh, that deserves a discussion, I think.

We're your guides.

We're your guides.

We've acted out of thoughtlessness

We've been watching you your whole life.

We've decided that you're not really ready

Well God is... is apparently

Well I'll tell you something, you don't have to cheer me up

Well then you wait.

Well, I had just come out of the Navy and, uh...

Well, let's talk about that.

Well, no I'm not. But may I ask how you arrived at that price?

Well, so we'll find him a kidney.

Well, so we'll find him a kidney.

Well, still, you have to pack the right way.

Well, that may be true of others.

Well, we just didn't know what to do.

Well, you know people get very attached to their golf clubs.

Well, your system's breaking down.

What are you wearing?

What are you, crazy?

What happens then? The door just suddenly opens miraculously?

What he needs most?

What kind of schmuck are you?!

What, because I said something about the system?

What, pull down? What is that gonna do?

What, you have to gossip? What kind of person are you?

What?

What?

What?

What's with the walking here?

Whatever you think is fair.

When then, what's the point of the whole thing?

When you walk through my door, you play by my rules.

Who adopted you? Yeah, we met them.

Who gives a kidney to an acquaintance?

Who misplaced that "Sopranos" DVD cover.

Who preferred not to work with any black people under any circumstances.

Who the hell knows how to do this thing?

Who took it out and didn't put it back.

Why did you tell dad not to bother me when you died? I missed your funeral.

Why don't you come out with me? We'll shoot 18.

Why is she giving me a hard time? Just find somebody else.

Why were you so happy when you thought you were adopted?

Why would you even bring it up under the circumstances?

Why?

Wow, this really looks yummy.

Yeah, all right, I'Il... I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah, and I'm from Virginia

Yeah, but it's not for you

Yeah, I know him 44 years,

Yeah, I know, it's pretty great.

Yeah, I've had these for awhile, you know.

Yeah, Larry, listen.

Yeah, let's go all the way.

Yeah, maybe you could, uh..

Yeah, no, invite anybody you want.

Yeah, the Spanish explorer.

Yeah, why don't you step... step right back here.

Yeah, you know that sex offender had a good tip for you.

Yeah.

Yep, letter her go. You interested?

Yes, I always wanted to ask you about that.

Yes, sir.

You are very, very calm, bro.

You are,

You can depend on me, ma'am. I won't let you down.

You can have my kidney.

You can't even get them anymore.

You did die.

You did it!

You don't have to put it on the bread.

You don't understand. If something happens we won't be able to get out.

You feel different after all this?

You get to leave in a wheelchair.

You guys, you've been around me my whole life?

You knew that my brother in law died on September 11th.

You know what?

You know, I gotta talk to the doctor.

You know, I heard that you come in and out

You know, I've been watching your golf game.

You know, I've never said anything,

You know, Larry,

You know, take your tie off.

You know, when they make tuna,

You know, yeah.

You know, you've got a lot of fans up here.

You look good. You do

You mother fucking, cock sucking

You need a good fucking ass kicking.

You notice how in the movies

You paid me $5,000 less

You really low balled me on that car.

You really never should have let me do

You remember anything about the people who you,

You should've seen him walking down that hall.

You take off your fucking shoes!

You told him about the putter?

You use way too much mayo.

You wait.

You want a doctor? A doctor?

You wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of her, though.

You're a disgrace to your people!

You're giving away a kidney

You're giving him a kidney, he wouldn't loan you his putter?

You're just not ready.

You're not Chinese. You don't look Chinese. What are you, Thai?

You're right. Larry, the rabbi is here.

You're the best. You're the best.

You're... you're what?

Your own personal slave, is what it is. You could be in China

'Cause I was... We were there.

All over the place. Fidgety, huh? Fidgety guy?

All right. Congratulations. Oh my gosh!

Amen. Amen.

and I would like you to go with me. Okay.

And, uh... Hey, you know what?

Anything else? No.

Are you sure? Yeah, I am.

Asshole. Thanks for nothing.

Behind the couch? It's behind the couch.

Calm down, okay? I cannot do it.

Don't push me again, you stupid... Larry!

Freak you

Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Motherfucker, what the fuck?

Fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck you.

Get him, Joseph! Take it back! This is ours

Get out. She talks often of you.

Giddy? I was not giddy. You were giddy.

Good afternoon. Afternoon.

Good boy! Banzai!

Goodbye, Larry. Goodbye, Larry.

Goodbye, Larry. We're sorry.

have extra DVD jackets. Whoa, okay.

He did kind of. That's exactly right.

He knows that. He loves it. Get outta here.

He really has it, doesn't he? I remember that, yeah.

He's petty in life, he's petty in death.

Hey! Hi, Wilson. Hi.

Hey? Huh?

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Jenny. Good to see you.

Hi, June. Hi, Jenny.

Hi, Wilson. I didn't know you had a son.

Hm mm. It's not believable.

How are you today? He's a Chevrolet dealer here.

How you doing? Pretty good.

Huh. What?

I actually defended you. Mr. David.

I can't lend them out anymore. I don't get that.

I can't lend them out anymore. I don't get that.

I don't know, I can't help that. I'm in trouble.

I don't need to say it, right? It's good. No no.

I don't think it's gonna work. Oh, Larry.

I got it covered. Really?

I got sick and had to go home? Yes, we remember everything.

I know what you mean. You know what I mean?

I know. Dropping the club. Dropping your...

I love you. Okay.

I mean, come on, I'm a changed man. I know.

I need socks and underwear. You'll learn all that in due time.

I respect your decisions. Really?

I think I might. Isn't that nice?

I understand. You know?

I was born and raised in Virginia. There, yeah.

I was scared. Nancy loved you then.

I wasn't happy. Oh, don't give me that.

I'm a completely different person. That's true.

I'm not adopted? No. Sorry.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. Hm mm.

It's a petty wish. You don't need the money.

It's a system. People misplace DVDs

It's true, isn't it? The truth.

It's understandable. You're not attached to your kidney?

Just be patient. I'm just asking a question.

Just gotten out, yeah. That's right, we met in Times Square.

Kill him, Joseph. Kill him! Shut up, Mary.

L... I worked things out with him. Good, good.

Larry, Larry... And what about this clothing?

Larry, nice to meet you. Hi, nice to meet you, Dave.

Larry? My God.

Larry. It's a rare opportunity, come on.

Let me ask you something. Okay.

Let's do it. Let's do it.

Listen to your guide. A little bit of respect

Marilyn! Don't go, Larry.

Marylyn! Don't go.

Mr. David! I mean, how dare you?

Mr. David... He wants... I guess he wants a doctor.

My friends... Mom, Dad.

My system is foolproof. There's no case

Nice little town. You're gonna like it here.

No, you wouldn't. Yeah.

Nose? ...and watch, wallet.

Of course. Cheryl, that's unreasonable.

Oh yeah. But you knew she was a good woman.

Oh yeah. You were at the

Oh, hey. Hey. Your chariot, sir.

Oh, is that so? A system is...

Oh, one more thing. Yes, what is it?

Oh, really? You know those bears,

Okay. Let's try the handicapped.

on top of the DVD player. Well, you're the one, probably,

Pleasure to meet you. Enjoying our town?

Really? Yeah, you look good, you know?

Really? Yeah.

Really? You're gonna have

Really? You've heard of Ponce De Leon?

Right, exactly. That's not a system.

Right, that's it. You have it. I kind of like that.

so we don't end up with just the... Do you have any sympathy

Son. Dad.

Stop it! My neck! My neck!

That's a system. No, that's not a system.

That's not a system. Keep the jackets in a folder.

That's not the point. Cheryl, you have a lot of money.

That's the Blue Book value? Yeah, right there.

That's very selfish. Selfish?

The "Sopranos" DVD cover... The cover.

there at the end and I just... Uh, Cheryl...

There's been a big, big mistake, okay? Huh?

There's golf here? Absolutely.

This is our son Larry. Larry, nice to meet you.

We do now. Are you sticking around?

We understand that. So, if you're my guides,

Well, hello again. Oh, hi there.

What a thing, huh? Yeah.

What about yours? What, are you crazy?

What are you talking about? You're not adopted.

What do you got there? Sign of the Cross.

What do you mean, relax? Okay, come on.

What the hell are you... stop it! What about my kidney?

What, Ritchie? Yeah.

What? It's true.

What? Oh my God.

What? We're sending you back.

What's going on here? If you need anything, let me know.

What's going on here? What do you mean I'm not adopted?

What's that? What's that what?

What's this putter? Larry, thank you.

What's this? Hospital policy.

Where you goin', Larry? Marilyn.

Who is that guy? I can't do this!

Why were you so humiliated? I felt so humiliated

Yeah? I'm home.

Yeah. But where was I gonna go?

Yeah. Hey, let me ask you a question.

Yeah. I wrote a screenplay about him.

Yes, we heard. You heard her say that, right?

Yes? Wow. Yeah.

You be quiet, big nose. Go fuck yourself.

You bought yourself a great car. Thank you.

You didn't, did you? Well, I didn't really look for it.

You fucked up. Larry, you ate the baby Jesus

You got a date. I'll be waitin' for you.

You got a deal, my big friend. All right, my friend.

You know? It's not interesting to watch, really.

You really feel like that now? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

You should've stayed. 'Cause I couldn't kiss anybody.

You were absolutely giddy. No, I was not giddy.

You were following my wife?! I wasn't following her!

You were very happy. I was not happy.

You're kidding. No.

You're my guides? Yeah, but you are dead.

You've got it. Huh? That's it?

You've seen me play? I have seen you play.

...and taste the joy that is God's reward

...give whenever the opportunity arises...

'Cause I was choking. Choking.