💬 Workaholics - Season 1

A pretty sweet used motorcycle.

A psychopathic family.

A really Victorian attitude towards sex.

Aah! My back! Hey! No, come on.

Aah! Oh!

About that bieberhole guy.

About to smash my solo,

Actually thinks you're really attractive.

Actually, I've never had the opportunity yet.

Adam looks like a baby man up there.

Adam, come on, man. One fedora per crew.

Adam, what do you say?

Adam, you idiot, you dumb idiot.

Adam, you keep doing what you're doing, bud.

Aggh.

Ah, make room. Going to a store.

Ah!

Ahh.

AKA Magic Town.

Alice.

All right, and we are gonna just assume

All right, crossing the line. Going shopping.

All right, guys, I know there's a lot of really fun stuff here,

All right, I'm gonna get the Collisions,

All right, ready? This is the deal.

All right?

All right. Thank you, Barry.

All right. Here's the plan.

All these pretty chicks running around,

All you guys do is stand out here,

All your employees calling people

Also let's hear it for TelAmeriCorp's

Also she makes soup.

Amateur Bodybuilders Competition.

An artist. Give me the tape.

And a bieberhole69 asked me to,

And a personal hero of mine, a mentor.

And a three and a two and a...

And Adam actually ended up

And all three of them have really bad coke problems.

And be such a creep at the same time?

And become heroes to Bieberites everywhere.

And beg for your job back.

And body and neck area.

And do it up in the office.

And gently masturbate myself to sleep, okay?

And get in here, flex that sales muscle for you.

And get out of here, please?

And go to Club Damnation, huh?

And go to the liquor store?

And he came home with a keg full of eggnog.

And he is just a man hunk.

And he looks just like your friend from the other day.

And he's pissing off our roof right now.

And her and my dad have sex on the regular.

And I can't do it.

And I can't reach him.

And I could've swore their thing was punk rock.

And I got some Kahlua Mudslide Mix,

And I have to tell the investors tomorrow,

And I like it. It's great.

And I want you to leave our wizard crew.

And I was like kah kah kah kah kah!

And I'd like to go home, drink a box of wine,

And I'm like...

And I'm not about to whore out my rap skillz,

And I'm pretty sure it ends with all the kids

And I'm seeing some booty sweat.

And I've got a sense of humor," that's for sure.

And if you could bring the troops home,

And if you don't get in that car,

And if you touch her,

And in the 75 hours that I've known Sharon,

And just do a lot of magic this way.

And just scream loud so, like, people think

And just started fucking little dudes every day.

And just take the heart and suck on a cockle.

And let's put something to attract guys, like...

And looking for an adult relationship

And meet back here in half an hour, let's say?

And much like buttholes, families are meant to be tight.

And my balls are dyed purple this time,

And my friend Karl and his **** van, so...

And our friend over there

And pick up chicks in that thing.

And powder your balls.

And saying, "Strikes are awesome!"

And see what Ders is up to, right?

And she asked you to kill her,

And some magic here.

And sometimes when you're a big dog,

And talk to the investors and tell them

And that guy smells like Boston Market.

And that's it for me. I'll retire after that happens.

And that's more important to me

And the last time I saw him,

And the wizard beats, he says they make him stronger,

And the wolves will get you.

And then park them inside your buttholes.

And then they just took him to prison.

And then you can see how them big dicks swang.

And this is my wrench.

And throw all the Vapetron up in the air.

And turn this little office

And union workers.

And we are opening for Mike "The Throat" Davenport.

And we've been here over a year without a vacation.

And what is up with you,

And you can kill me however you want.

And you don't have a girlfriend, man?

And you fucking faggots keep fucking calling me.

And you know I can't eat unless I've smoked.

And, uh... a Faygo. What is a Faygo?

And, yeah, we're a little bit drunk, dude.

Anders!

Anything you want, man, you name it.

Are are you being for real?

Are you beating my high score on Brick Breaker?

Are you better than American soldiers, man?

Are you drunk or something?

Are you gonna help, or are you just gonna

Are you ready for that?

Are you ready to kill someone dead?

Around his sweet little wheelchair body,

As a flying monkey in Wicked

As far as I'm concerned, they quit.

As of tomorrow, TelAmeriCorp is officially...

At Club Damnation.

At the Toledo Repertory Theater Company?

At the young professionals wine and cheese thing tomorrow?

Back outside! Hell, no!

Back outside.

Bah!

Because I am not mad at that.

Because I have a bodybuilding competition on the same day.

Because I've got the king of cards.

Because it's like,

Because now you are...

Because of your dorky Canadian outfits.

Because someone's breaking all the rules.

Because that girl is, like, the main reason

Because the funny thing...

Because there is no such thing as half Christmas.

Because they said I have to cut my hair,

Because we blazed the last of our

Because when I just get these hands

Because you're popping a straight up bone cone

Bed her down, and Adam will never want a piece of her again.

Been funnier.

Before we can continue anything.

Before you say anything,

Before you say anything, we're sorry.

Bene dick Arnold, over here.

Bene dick Arnold.

Besides all that weird little boy stuff.

Besides Red Rock Whoa! Whoa!

Blake said he left a message!

Blake went out to get some beer,

Blake,

Blake! Beer me, dude!

Boring.

Breaks my heart.

Bring my dog back.

Bruce, come on.

Brush your teeth, cut your fingernails,

Bungee cord does the trick.

Bust him!

But an overall note:

But at the last minute, I bailed.

But don't tell me I don't look exactly like Jason Statham.

But I can't go back out there.

But I can't have Jillian stepping on my game.

But I don't think that's what they call it anymore.

But I hate that guy's face.

But I knock on the wrong door, and I meet you fellas.

But I know you can leave.

But I was talking about the bonds of a family.

But I would have won if I were.

But I'm just saying, your guys' way.

But I'm really gonna go for a joyride.

But I'm sure he'll be done in a minute

But I've just had a really horrible day,

But if it is, we'll put some up around the office.

But it's seeping into my cut, and it burns!

But last year was a gigantic mistake.

But let's not forget why he came here

But let's try not to get sidetracked.

But never with the 'Tron.

But put on the blinders and just find Jillian.

But seriously, I need your buddy Karl's phone number,

But they didn't double bag it, so it's about to rip.

But we actually have fun here.

But we're gonna party like it's Friday, dude.

But what about, um, Adam and Blake?

But what if we chose a different name like...

But what would you want to do for fun,

But what's the closest thing...

But what's the time frame, man?

But word on the street is that you're in love

But you are only getting two paid personal days a year.

But you guys are you guys,

But you keep coming in... ♪ Down here ♪

But you won't kill a stranger for 10 grand?

But you're gonna have to take all of this down.

But you're gonna have to untorque your bone

But, uh, out of curiosity,

But, uh, you know,

But, you know, celebrities, they make life worth living.

But, you know, little bros before big bros.

By Blake Chesterfield Henderson.

By that high school kid again.

Call it an egg Nagasaki bomb.

Call the cops, take a picture for the paper,

Call this couch.

Can I get a picture of you for the paper?

Can I, uh, get some of your cards?

Can quote funny movies. Funny movies?

Can you give the heroes a second?

Can you give us a second, please?

Can you please excuse us for a second?

Can you talk to me right now about anything?

Careful, this door handle's a little loose.

Cash money, right? And what's this about?

Check out this dude.

Chicken noodle. Uh, beef noodle.

Come on, go get the underwear.

Come on, man. Let me in.

Come on. Here's the plan.

Commie scab!

Communists support unions.

Cool costume. Hey.

Cool pad, right?

Cool, good idea that we called.

Could you give me a... Got you, buddy.

Couldn't you just blow 11 dudes at 9 hundo a pop?

Create an internet profile.

Cut! Cut! Cut. Cut. What?

Daddy loves you. Bye!

Dangerous...

Deal with it. Okay?

Ders! He's coming!

Did an amazing job on this list.

Did I ever tell you guys about my brief stint

Did I show you my crossbow?

Did you even read the post on Craigslist?

Did, uh, bieberhole69 send you one of...

Digital age. We could do that.

Direct your attention to the front of the room

Do her quick!

Do we have beef already, dude?

Do we have those here? Oh, we should start a ditch day.

Do we really need to talk about this right now?

Do you ever read magazines?

Do you have anything that's not Faygo,

Do you like getting wild?

Do you remember? I do remember.

Do you, uh do you want my card?

Dodging full grown male penises.

Don't be racist, man.

Don't have to be bothered by that creep anymore,

Don't kill yourself.

Don't let him go.

Don't see you out there.

Don't you dare. What?

Dude, it's a phrase. It's a topical phrase.

Dude, that's balling.

Ease the pain. I get it. I'd kill my mother.

Ehh!

Especially her.

Even though you have been a jerk to me...

Even weirder, you guys are standing right behind him.

Everybody loves Waymond.

Everywhere I turn, it's bullies. Big, fat bullies.

Evidently my Grandpa DeMamp was a total pussy.

Except that I just realized that it is our fault.

Father figure to the kid.

Fedora brother. 7 Eleven hat rack.

Fighting our neighbor's cleaning lady.

Fit into the equation?

For $100,000, would you suck a man's penis?

For a short video presentation.

For being a sexual maven, man.

For people to hit people in cars.

For still being a part of the team.

For the Penthouse penthouse.

For the you know, whatever.

For you, sir, because you broke the blood oath,

Fresh off the boat from the training program.

From the roof?

Fuck all rules

Fuck you and your fucking religion.

Fuck you!

Fuck. Damn it.

Gentlemen, welcome to the Dark Carnival of Souls.

Get down!

Get in here. All right.

Get in here. Where you going?

Get in that power squat. Okay.

Get in the car. What are you doing?

Get this party torqued.

Get this, last weekend in Fresno,

Get your coworkers on your side.

Getback to the old Superman cave.

Gets your balls all tingly,

Getting on a boat, sailing off,

Give it to me. Whoo!

Give it up for our contenders!

Give me the tape. No.

Go again. You've been replaced.

Go! And also give us a ride.

God!

Gonna take it to the roof and use the Sun's heat.

Good guess, though.

Good luck out there. I believe in all of us.

Got a lot of... anger I need to work through.

Got in the way of our friendship for a while.

Got out that good ass baby oil, and I was in it,

Got your wizard beats right here.

Great. Oh, my gosh!

Great. Thank you.

Grow up.

Guess what, dude. We're gonna fight now.

H hell, I tried to jump

Had long blond dreadlocks.

Hardee's for everyone!

Have huge adult nerd boobs, dude.

Have some respect for it, man. I look like Sean Astin.

Have you seen these lips? I have.

Haven't even graduated high school, okay?

He had a bad day at the office.

He had a dimple. Uh, he was, uh...

He had, like, a hook for a hand

He is the premier sword swallower in the county!

He just does swish. He's a good kid.

He just does this. Fft.

He moves like water, like a water bed.

He was bleeding everywhere in the cop car.

He was going to lunch with you idiots.

He was he was gonna take us to the Penthouse penthouse.

He was supposed to be here a half hour ago,

He'll owe me forever.

He's 5'8",

He's coming over tomorrow.

He's got the best bangs in music since '80s Metallica.

He's got, like, ten times more of the bravery than you.

He's here. Who's here?

He's in jail, right?

He's in. You're out. Yeah, yeah.

He's never gonna find me in Barbados or Prague or...

He's not afraid to piss off of a stranger's roof.

He's probably nestling up to his cell mate right now.

He's so fast. He just

He's so good. "You can't handle the truth."

He's, uh he's actually single

Head shot.

Hell, at this point, I'd take a Dasani.

Hell, no! We won't go!

Hello. Okay, that's a number.

Here comes the Neighborhood Watch,

Here's my card. Take a couple.

Hey

Hey, Alice, it's Mr. Benson on line one from corporate.

Hey, Blake, "neden" is Juggalo for "pussy

Hey, bud, real quick, one more thing.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, how's everybody doing today?

Hey, I was just calling to double check

Hey, I wouldn't blame you if you did it, man.

Hey, look, thanks for having me over, guys.

Hey, Ro, Anders here works for TelAmeriCorp!

Hey, slow down!

Hey, there you... are.

Hey, uh, buddy, why don't you stay on the line

Hey, um, I see you got some cold beverages here.

Hey, um...

Hey, who wants to take over for me?

Hey, who's that chick right there?

Hey, why don't you losers try an organized sport for once?

Hey, you can travel the world or start that hobby,

Hey, you.

Hey, you're lookin' huge, Barry!

Hey. Dude, what the hell?

Hi, Alice Murphy's office.

Hi, yeah, I want to report a robbery in progress right now.

Hi. Alice Murphy's office.

Hmm?

Ho! Boom!

Holmvik! Adam, don't.

Honestly, I could go for a vitaminwater or a juice.

Honestly.

Hoo ha!

Hoo.

Hopefully, I'll be dead by the time you get back.

How come you don't bring out the, uh,

How do you explain that, party boys?

How does this turn off, man?

How mow.

How much to punch your mother in the face?

How would you like a date

How's it going?

Howie Mandel gets them all the time!

Huh?

Human poop fell out of your pants.

I am liquidating this company.

I belieb you are.

I can feel that shit right now.

I can touch my toes pretty flexible.

I can't just love 'em and leave 'em

I cannot go back to working at Hot Topic,

I couldn't even do that.

I did it.

I did that once after seeing the movie The Program.

I do have to tink.

I don't care, dude,

I don't care.

I don't even know what you're doing.

I don't even need your card anymore,

I don't have insurance. How much does this cost?

I don't have time for this chicanery.

I don't know the rest, but I will learn it.

I don't know, then. I don't know, then.

I don't l don't see you with your shirt off.

I don't think you're short at all.

I don't think you've met him. He's a friend of ours.

I don't want to kill the dude, but, like...

I get up something like this

I got 25 business cards and 12 Linkedln contacts.

I got a bunch. I got 'em all.

I got to get in there. She said I'm a five.

I got to go check my emails.

I hate that person.

I have a hard "On."

I have a new dream team.

I have an "On" at the beginning of my name.

I haven't even gotten a card yet.

I heard their fries are just rat tails.

I hope it's not Hardee's.

I hope this goes away soon.

I just don't want her seeing that side of me.

I just flipped off that.

I just logged in to the chat room,

I know how to spell, all right?

I know just the place to drop my body

I know what it's like to be trapped in a chair.

I know you're wearing boots.

I like the cut of your jib.

I like. I'll say that.

I mean, come on, the Ren Faire is in two weeks.

I mean, really, if you wanted, like, 10 Gs,

I mean, who wouldn't want to go to the Penthouse penthouse?

I might be in love.

I need you mobile.

I need you... ♪ Up here, dude ♪

I plan on doubling that.

I really do. Yoooo!

I really need to call my sponsor.

I really would, but...

I really would. I would. I'm your guy.

I said how y'all motherfuckers doing?

I said, 'Whoopi, dibs, Ders." Grow up! Stop!

I say luck is for nerds without Bluetooths.

I say that I'm 11

I should've just been a public school teacher

I sold that guy a garbage bag full of growth hormones.

I stabbed him, like, 35 times in the face

I stand corrected.

I still love ya.

I suggest you just go inside,

I think everybody knows that it's an unwritten rule:

I think I might have a plan.

I think I'm gonna have to side with Adam on this one.

I think it's super cute

I think maybe I have the wrong address, actually.

I think you should chop off your dicks

I think you should stop getting pets.

I thought for sure he was gonna fire us.

I thought it was pretty dope.

I tried to call!

I want you guys to start acting your age!

I want you to give your friends their last paychecks.

I was all just droppin' in on it,

I was gonna have sex with a little dude, yes.

I was nerding into some titties!

I was wondering if I could fire off the gun during sex.

I went from clay court to ghetto court.

I will fuck your face.

I will get Norwegian on you.

I will quickly get busy in that foam pit

I would love to just end your suffering.

I would never have realized what I need to do.

I, um, need you to get them up to speed.

I'd be wearing one of those stupid headsets

I'd definitely watch that show.

I'll be out back, waiting...

I'll explain that to you later.

I'll figure something out. You sure about this?

I'll get some booze, some Doritos Collisions.

I'll knock your dick tickler off your face, son.

I'll say that much.

I'll talk to you... now.

I'll tell you what we should do.

I'm a card shark.

I'm about to go make some whoopee with Whoopi.

I'm also single.

I'm basically Darkwing Duck.

I'm Bruce Benson yes, that Bruce Benson

I'm freeing you from this this prison.

I'm gonna dive in the way and pretend to get shot.

I'm gonna get in the car.

I'm gonna get in there, seduce Sharon Old Norse style,

I'm gonna jump you No! No!

I'm gonna just split you open.

I'm gonna put $5 right here on your gross, inflatable cooler.

I'm gonna...

I'm here for something totally different.

I'm in love.

I'm in sales too! TelAmeriCorp.

I'm just a lat guy, you know?

I'm just gonna rip this guy's heart out, right?

I'm just here to get some clean shirts for work.

I'm just living in an ab guy's world.

I'm kind of lost. I'm looking for somebody.

I'm like, "I'm not in. I don't have one."

I'm looking for a true love companion

I'm looking to get weird.

I'm not about to stand in the way of love.

I'm not Billy Zane, man.

I'm not gonna fire you.

I'm not gonna get on that bike.

I'm not gonna let it happen again.

I'm not gonna stand for that anymore, man.

I'm on it. Just give me 20 minutes.

I'm on the "do not call" list,

I'm on top of the goddamn world.

I'm part of the Rancho Cucamonga

I'm pretty sure we can charm the CEO's pants off.

I'm ready to, uh, join human society one more time

I'm really gonna cry here. You know what?

I'm so sorry. That was rude.

I'm so starving. I'm so starving.

I'm sorry, Anders, but Trix are for kids.

I'm sorry. We got to go.

I'm still liquidating the company.

I'm super interested.

I'm super sad about the beats!

I'm sure he's on his way.

I'm sweating right now.

I'm the goddamn Neighborhood Watch.

I'm throwing two more.

I'm torqued. You're torqued right now.

I'm yoked!

I've been in this seat prison for, like, 25 minutes now.

I've been so critical lately. I got to chill.

I've changed my mind. Get off.

I've got a plane waiting for us.

I've got standards. I'm not just blowing everybody.

I've got these amazing lats, and...

I've mismanaged this company into the ground,

I've never been more sane.

I've never really had a girlfriend.

If maybe we could get two days off

If that's what you're into.

If they want peach fuzz, we have to

If you don't want to tell us, you don't have to.

If you dress like that, you're asking for it.

If you have a map with a legend or anything...

If you if you live in the world.

If you like Fresca

If you see the neighbor's house getting broken into,

If you would have even bothered

If you would've caught me without these two,

Imagine this little headline:

In a good way.

In front of horses and knights.

In front of your car this morning,

In the magazines.

In the spirit world?

In the stairwell, we...

In, like, five minutos?

Instead of... this cool, leather cowboy hat.

Interests. What's Jillian into?

Into a magical half Christmas winter wonderland?

Is arm wrestling Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Is completely disrespectful to the rap game.

Is preparation meeting opportunity.

Is that Jillian?

Is that something Oscar handles,

Is that the Vapetron right there,

Is that what you're doing here?

Is that you were coming over to our house

Is that your family?

Is there a poop in here?

Is totally loose butthole.

It did not have to go like this.

It is gonna be so awesome.

It looks like he's losing a lot of blood.

It never was. I don't know why you guys keep saying it.

It started, like, four years ago.

It was ah, that was fun, though.

It was called Soft. . Pitch.

It was her house. Now it's gonna be our house.

It was kind of like A League Of Their Own, but

It was pretty dangerous.

It was so loose.

It was super sad. Impressive.

It was weird!

It was, um, well, it was pretty loose butthole.

It's "On ders."

It's a bit of a tradition in our household, so...

It's a huge weight off my shoulders.

It's a pun. I'm good at those.

It's a real issue in my life.

It's a respect laugh!

It's a white half Christmas.

It's called ****! And you got no dicks!

It's chindo.

It's contagious, dude!

It's cool.

It's FYI, "for your information."

It's good to meet you.

It's hilarious, so we're laughing.

It's it's really a funny story, actually.

It's just real guttural noises, like, "Uhh!

It's just so hot out here. It's so good.

It's like a candy cane.

It's like a coconut oil. What is that?

It's like a Saturday or something.

It's like if Picasso quit making music

It's like the wild, wild west up in there,

It's ni ice!

It's not a big deal, 'cause you know what?

It's not changing, buddy. I know. I got that.

It's not funny.

It's nothing you wouldn't have done for me, right?

It's okay, girls.

It's on, because I told them that you guys were coke dealers.

It's probably gonna be done in about two days or so.

It's probably just Karl high out of his mind,

It's ridonk. Wow.

It's rough. But you know what?

It's run by Lutherans.

It's safe to say that he's the ballingest guy

It's supposed to happen. Keep it on. Be tough.

It's the middle of July.

It's the wrong gun! It's the wrong gun!

It's us. You're safe now.

It's your credit card.

It's, like, a thing that you strap on to your

It's, uh it's not our fault.

It's, uh it's official. All right.

Jake.

Jason Statham.

Jeez, it's hot. It's like Hades.

Jillian can't be there,

Jillian's date's, like, a total psycho.

Jillian's here. She's Lady Gaga.

Junior national champion, 2005.

Just can you move, please?

Just a moment. Please hold.

Just a second. I'll put him through.

Just bah, bah, got in my power stance,

Just be careful out there, all right?

Just gettin' swole with it, brotha.

Just have sex with fake celebrities...

Just let me in!

Just like a little baby alien.

Just pretend your parents are here.

Just really making it our own, you know what I mean?

Just take it back outside right now.

Just the boo I was looking for.

Just the two of us. Best roommates ever.

Just thinking your sheep thoughts.

Just two dudes in a Jacuzzi.

Just walk in the door?

Just want to let you know we know we got off

Just wanted to shank you from the bottom of our hearts,

Just... cutting in line.

Justin Bieber Fan Club.

Karl is taking the wizards to a whole new level.

Keeps sending me pictures of his dong because he

Kept me off the team in '04, if you can believe that much.

Lady of the evening such as yourself.

Last thing I remember

Legs, heh heh.

Let me get this straight.

Let me give you my business card.

Let me introduce you to my friends.

Let me just get my fedora

Let me know if you want me to take Becca

Let me see them titties, girl.

Let's do this. Let's do this.

Let's get some more drinks. You got those coupons, right?

Let's go check it out.

Let's go get some wine and cheese.

Let's go to the pool

Let's just get the beats and then get out of here.

Let's let's just get some party supplies

Let's make it three hours, huh?

Let's take it from the top.

Like Afghanistan, Iraq,

Like I'm in Reel Big Fish.

Like my idiot mom.

Like, if your mother was on her deathbed

Like, think about other people.

Linkedln.

Listen, do you or do you not

Listen, this whole situation we're in right now,

Little picture of you right there.

Lives on in all of us.

Look, check it out.

Look, half of these people

Look, um, I know that you're big fans of the Dollar Store,

Lookin' swole. Lookin' good.

Looks like it's time to put your money where your mouth is.

Lots 0' magic.

Lovely woman, but... pow!

Lover boy is in for a rude awakening.

Lunch is on me!

Lunch, Maxwell's.

Lust. hey, hey.

Magic happened on this step

Make you want to live the rest of your life.

Makes you feel like your souls are boning each other

Man, I'm sick of getting persecuted and judged

Martin Luther King on steroids.

Maybe actually you guys aren't ready

Maybe I should call Hey, Vince. Come here.

Maybe just do it better for me next time, okay?

Maybe some booze,

Maybe take a warm bath,

Maybe that's what's up.

Maybe we can toss each other a little business.

Maybe you guys No, no, no.

Meet my new buddy here...

Miss Pouting Princess in the corner?

Mm! Mm!

Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm!

Mm.

Motherfucker.

Motherfucking Lord of the Rings in there.

Music's loud, not that loud.

My crank works just great.

My husband has lupus.

My jaw hurts pretty bad.

My question is, why do you want to die?

My work friends are here!

My, uh, laptop's right there.

Never could.

Nice. I like that.

No bra Fridays.

No offense and then you just go totally insane.

No, I'm like a, uh...

No, no, no, it's not a real strike.

No, no, no. They're laughing out of respect.

No, seriously, I think you guys

No, she's not. Can you please hold?

No, this is, um...

No, we know each other. Last year...

No, you didn't. You didn't have sex with her.

No! You're goin' down!

No? No.

No. In my...

No. Uh uh.

Nope, that is poop.

Not without the shirt too.

Nothing's gonna change.

Now, get out.

Now, his son plays on the church softball team.

Now, why don't we say bye bye to

Number one hatchet salesman in the southwest region.

Of a dude's dick on your computer, man.

Of Bruce's patented comedy bits.

Of destroying your whole face.

Of natural causes, like just being old

Off your roof first.

Oh, and "fwi," Ders...

Oh, and, "fwi,"

Oh, boy! Blake!

Oh, Fresca.

Oh, ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks a ton.

Oh, look, they got a sports section.

Oh, my Okay!

Oh, no! No.

Oh, shoot. I got to get that.

Oh, sorry. For legal reasons?

Oh, sorry. I thought everybody was gonna do that.

Oh, there we go. That one works.

Oh, wait, there's no bra here, and I like that much better.

Oh, what do you think that smell is, Blake?

Oh, yeah, we might have something

Oh, yo, I had some tight ass plans for today,

Oh, you dropped something, buddy.

Oh, you're gettin' so much stronger.

Oh!

Oh! Don't take the beats!

Oh! He cut off a chunk of your hair, dude.

Oh! Hello!

Ohh. Stairwell?

Okay, 'scuse me.

Okay, I'm not busy.

Okay, if you can hear me,

Okay, look.

Okay, okay, okay! I'm going.

Okay, so I'm just gonna reply to bieberhole69's post, okay?

Okay, thank you.

Okay, well, I'll tell you in great detail.

Okay, what about $75,000?

Okay, work sucks. Nobody likes their job.

Okay, yeah, we'll come get you.

Okay! God damn

Okay?

Okay? Can you handle that?

Okay? Only I laugh at my friend.

Okay? We do not need Adam.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Old Saint Dick.

On half Christmas eve, of all days.

On the "do not call" list, mister?

On the hushety hush, right?

One milkshake water fountain? Awesome.

Only this time, it's much more doper.

Ooh, inside voices. Come on.

Ooh, yeah. Come on, princess.

Ooohh!"

Open up, man.

Option to buy into company health insurance?

Or am I, uh, free to use my best judgment?

Or do you want to play with my boobs?

Or is there a special poop janitor I should call?

Or Jet Skis, or, like, just a cool riding lawn mower

Or my head, at least.

Or should I say who?

Or some sports shit.

Or something like a Nantucket Nectar, get lost.

Or whatever.

Our car is ring Ugh.

Over that damn newspaper.

Over the bra maneuv from the back side.

Pants.

Pass away before them.

Paula Poundstone here is wearing shoulder pads!

Penetration and pissing on the floor,

People forget that they have more than just,

People say it.

Peter North Pole?

Pig's feet soup.

Pinch and switch. Okay.

Please, it's the least I can do.

Plus, it's not our fault

Probably.

Psych. That's a potato gun.

Putting a bullet through my face.

PW. Whoo hoo hod.!

Quit your cryin'.

R.L. Stine. I basically read the whole series.

Really?

Remember that business lady from last year?

Remember that one legged wheelchair dude from last year?

Remember what he did, dude?

Remember what he did?

Report to the first aid tent?

Right arm, you're kind of looking weak over there, buddy.

Right here at the Dark Carnival of Souls.

Right now, so...

Right?

Rm Fafinwa?

Ro, can you grab another Faygo for Anders?

Rooh!

Rudy? Huh?

Sad. But it's raw.

Same breath

Say bye to the bullets.

Sayonara, boys.

Sayonara.

Score for the Ders!

Secondly, what's a union?

Seriously, you got to just chill out.

Sharon has this dude that comes, cleans it...

She actually gave me her real number.

She had to go home because her dog was sick.

She has won prizes with her soup.

She just totally touched both my nipples

She m fish. Fish soup.

She's a champion archer.

She's at a concert. How bad can a concert be?

She's done more for me and my bodybuilding career...

She's hot. I jerked it to her last night.

She's looking good. Nicholson. Jack Nicholson.

Sheriff Holmvik laid down the law in a major way.

Should have asked you guys.

Show 'em what team you're rooting for, big dog.

Show those Juggahos how we do.

Since I can't murder you?

Sitting in your seats upstairs.

Smells like laser tag. Mm hmm.

Smother her to heaven?

So come and get it."

So did you kill him or what?

So good. Have you seen it?

So how do you know the bouncer?

So how does Whoopi Goldberg and Dog the Bounty Hunter

So I can't get arrested.

So I doubt you're ready for it, but...

So I repeated, "do do," 'cause

So I think you deserve to hear first that...

So I was a little bit 50/50 on it.

So I'm definitely getting that dong near this thong.

So I'm gonna be moving out.

So I'm just kind of worried sick about you,

So if you guys wanted to hang out,

So if you wouldn't mind excusing me.

So it looks like you are being hunted as we speak.

So just smile and try to act normal.

So let's focus, please.

So oh, here you are. You are here.

So our annual investors' meeting is tomorrow morning

So seriously.

So that people don't think I'm old and weird.

So that people don't think I'm, like, old and weird.

So then you don't have any brain damage whew!

So they pretty much see everything they've ever loved

So this is her son's bedroom,

So we have to be naughty little boys, okay?

So we hired her celebrity look alike.

So we kind of have to adjust to that whole sitch.

So we're just

So we're just cuttin' loose.

So we're not going to kill this person, right?

So what are we thinking?

So what do you say?

So you do.

So, um

So, um, just between you and me,

So...

Society's costume.

Some holiday cheer, man.

Somebody get me a phone book.

Someone just dropped three turds off in my office.

Something that has an edge to it.

Soon as I said, "my feet," it was like...

Sorry it took so long. I was street racing Asian kids.

Sorry, bro.

Sorry.

Sounds like a joke to you guys?

Speaking of that level, guys,

Split us apart just 'cause we're stuck here.

Stand up, yeah.

Strikes are frickin' cool!

Suck our dicks!

Sugar Bear.

Surprise sandwich!

Take a deep breath.

Take him away, boys.

TelAmeriCorp family.

Tell Alice you're sorry,

Tend to push people away.

Than dressing up like a fairy wizard.

Than you guys ever have.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thanks, sweetie.

That asked us to murder them.

That came out weird, but I'm gonna do that.

That doesn't make sense. It's gibberish.

That fell out.

That God gave me, my...

That happened to me too. That's what's weird about it.

That I just really don't like you.

That I left on your bed, Anders!

That I'm in the newspaper and you have a picture

That is balling.

That is J to the Bieber.

That is my upper torso, okay?

That Jillian can't come with us to this thing tomorrow.

That Jillian got stuck at the stupid party...

That just gets you on all levels,

That might have been funnier.

That one got close. All righty.

That was l l don't know if that's good.

That was, like, intimate.

That we've made it, that we've arrived.

That were of legal age?

That will affect all of your futures.

That you are an intruder at this point.

That you brought at Traitor Joe's.

That you guys are taking this whole wizard/caveman thing

That, my friend,

That'd be great as well.

That's a good one. I like that too.

That's a promise.

That's balling

That's enough to get us our own hot air balloon

That's great.

That's how half Christmas was born.

That's just like the Playboy mansion,

That's not what they're for.

That's nuts.

That's official.

That's part of the sales thing, right?

That's Spanish for "minutes."

That's the Juggalo's call.

That's the way we like to"

That's weird!

That's what I like to hear.

That's what you can do. Fine.

That's why it's called the Soviet Union.

The boys' locker room. Really'?

The Case to Find the Missing Friend of Mine,

The CEO of TelAmeriCorp.

The flavor a little more?

The guy is a showman.

The guy was not svelte.

The one with the blanks?

The password, sir.

The world needs to see the madness

Then you'll get what you want.

There are some calamari... Sorry, it's really good.

There's a difference. Who knows?

There's a second time for everything.

These are for you.

These are my tools, and you throw them on the ground?

These are some hot, young rookies

These three psychopaths almost killed me.

They called me "harness bitch" the entire time,

They don't judge you here.

They even got me on stage to do a rapping battle.

They hate me. It's okay, man.

They live in the Penthouse penthouse.

They say your calves are 75% genetics.

They were brunette.

They're barely functioning alcoholics.

They're extremely lonely people.

They're flexible as hell.

They're legal. They're female.

They're not sure.

They're on their way.

They're trying to regain a lost childhood.

They've got deals.

Things tend to get punched in the face hard.

Thinking about putting a koi pond over there.

Thinking he's locked out of our house.

This entire outfit is completely tight butthole.

This guy gave me his card last year.

This is about cash money as well.

This is gonna get interesting.

This is good, right?

This is Jess, Bree, and over here, we got Shanna.

This is Macaulay Culkin. Anyway.

This is my gift to you.

This is my life! This is my life!

This is not about the "do not call" list.

This is not gnar. Not gnar!

This is not the speedway.

This is real. This is happening.

This is the second time in my life

This is where Daddy comes to work!

This neighborhood is on lockdown.

This office has a lot of triggers, Anders.

This person is the foundation of TelAmeriCorp

This spud's for you.

This... uh huh? No! Don't!

Those are her boobs. Oh, my God!

Those are nunchucks. Whoa!

Those girls had some big ole boobs, right?

Those numbers came directly from corporate.

Tight butthole area.

To a place like this?

To a rocky start this morning.

To a ten year old boy?

To any of us ever again in your whole life

To bang a little dude.

To be paid for by the company.

To butt ram a boy.

To celebrate half Christmas.

To crack the players handbook open

To die, hopefully.

To get creepy over at the Penthouse penthouse.

To just be a faceless drone in a bullshit society...

To know that those Beliebers

To sell hatchets.

To some adult nerds gone wild.

To take her out the same time as the mixer.

To try to look like those juiceheads

To use the "do not call" list to call people?

To what we were talking about

Topher,

Topher, Jillian.

Topher's, like, the fastest guy we've ever met.

Uberhunk?

Uh, Adam "The Snake Roberts" DeMamp!

Uh, but you know what confuses me?

Uh, honestly, you should give him a shot, though,

Uh, I tell you, it started two years ago

Uh, you're just you're missing wizard rehearsal again.

Uhhaah! Woof!

Um, I'm actually gonna go do a bunch of errands

Um, it's Anders Holmvik.

Um, no, but actually, I don't know who this guy is.

Um, or should I call you bieberhole69?

Underneath the shirt,

Unless you have some Schweppes

Unlike these freeloaders, no offense,

Until we die on the exact same day.

Up you go, up you go. In the chair.

Use that emotion, okay?

Using them for the bodybuilding competition.

Very normal. Real hunk, actually.

Very own Blake, Anders, and Adam.

Very similar. Oh, okay.

Wait a minute.

Wait! No, no, no, no, no!

Wait. Was that a

Wait. Stay down.

Walking around in your sheep clothing

Want to run with the big dogs?

Warriors cannot collide while erect.

Was tipped off by eyewitness Anders Holmvik."

We are gonna pulverize this guy.

We are gonna throw you a party that is just gonna

We are your top earners this month,

We are, like, three hours away from performing

We blazed the last of our weed,

We call it a keg nog.

We could just package deal, right?

We found everything we were looking for

We get him inside, we whup his ass,

We get Jillian a man

We give you the gift of life, and this is how you repay us?

We give you Waymond. Mm hmm.

We got a job to get back to.

We got to be careful,

We got to end this.

We got to get a new roommate.

We had a super busy morning,

We had an experiment.

We have our imaginations. Right?

We need to tell corporate to suck it!

We planned that.

We sang, and it got wild,

We should talk about it a little bit, right?

We support you.

We To Catch A Predator ed you.

We totally get it if you never want to talk

We want to get it back to that...

We went to middle schools together.

We were all worried.

We were waiting for you to come in.

We... don't have weed right now.

We'll just exchange cards. Yeah.

We'll just Google it later.

We'll probably be a little busy.

We'll tell it. We'll tell it.

We'll work on it.

We're all family, okay? And I...

We're all gonna we're all gonna take a trophy home.

We're all good.

We're done. Thank you.

We're getting into, checkin' out the

We're going to Iowa to fuck in the mud.

We're gonna discuss your future at this company

We're gonna go on strike.

We're gonna go to prison along with Topher.

We're gonna hook you up like you hooked us up, bud.

We're gonna keep all that "do not call" list stuff

We're good. Let's chill out.

We're having fun out there. Eggnog.

We're having sex or working out.

We're just thinking of knocking some walls out this bitch,

We're not a house full of Cubans, man.

We're not gonna wear bras on Fridays.

We're out of here.

We're telemarketers!

We're this close to being cool.

We're through.

We're trying to get people excited, right?

We're white dudes.

We've been thinking of doing some more entertaining.

We've ever met.

We've got a great pool.

Weekly.

Weighing in at 240 pounds.

Welcome to the muscle factory. Mm hmm.

Well, he thinks I'm a little boy.

Well, I hope we have chemistry!

Well, I need it.

Well, that can't be right.

Well, we haven't contacted him yet.

Well, what do you say we go get some decorations

Whaaat?

What about rent?

What are you doing with a gun in here?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? We're in the conference room.

What are you striking for?

What did this creep look like?

What do you say we take this party downtown

What do you think that the '60s was all about, dude?

What does any of this have to do with Mr. Benson?

What does your local union boss say?

What has been popping off in your world?

What if you just had sex with men

What is going on? Wow!

What is the absolute least amount of money

What is this? Fucking North Korea?

What is with all the guns today?

What part of Irwindale Renaissance Pleasure Faire

What the fuck is he doing?

What the hell is going on?

What the hell's going on here?

What the hell's wrong with you guys?

What you're liquidating here.

What?

What? No, I can't hear

What's even weirder is that he has his webcam on,

What's going on with Alice?

What's that thing on your back?

What's up, Ice Dog?

What's up, Jillian?

What's up?

When I came to my first Juggalo concert

When I do what I do in the bow tie.

When they went on strike, my family went on hard times.

When you were nerding out on some cards,

When's this turkey gonna be done, Karl?

Where can I do that? Right here.

Where did he go?

Where do you want to go, sweetheart?

Where have you been? It's been, like, three days.

Where is your head at?

Where the magic happens.

Where'd you get that at?

Where's it at?

Where's Mr. Benson? He's having fun somewhere

Where's your half Christmas spirit?

Whew.

Which is 4,178 years old.

Which is pretty good.

Which was cool and weird,

Which, in this internet era, dudes like that.

Which... they do.

While you stood there just crying?

Who am I?

Who are you, Adam?

Who I can spend every day of my life with

Who we should not punch

Whoa, dude. You're like that movie.

Whoa, hey, cool guy.

Whoa, my God.

Whoa! They've got a hatchet throwing contest.

Whoo hoo hoo hoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Ooh!

Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!

Why am I sweating so badly? We got to get you some weed.

Why don't you show me how this guy works, huh?

Why is Jillian hanging out with that bully still?

Why? 'Cause of magic.

Why'? Do you smoke?

Win an awesome bodybuilding trophy.

With a another adult.

With a Gerard Butleresque...

With a Z,

With all of them.

With everything here at TelAmeriCorp?

With losers like them, "An ders."

With noise assassin technology'?

With one hand at the same time.

With the first lady.

With us.

With, uh, aluminum chassis and combustion chamber?

Wondering where you are.

Words hurt, Anders. They hurt.

Work email? I wouldn't worry about this.

Work on your stems, know what I mean?

Work Town.

Would love to go to a concert with you tomorrow.

Wow, he's really doing this

Wow.

Wrapping paper'? Aisle six? Aisle seven?

Y'all don't know about my bedroom.

Y'all wanna know why? Yeah.

Yeah, baby, I wasn't even racin' anyone,

Yeah, baby, what?

Yeah, baby, yeah!

Yeah, baby!

Yeah, because they have no idea what a real strike is.

Yeah, because they haven't even seen it.

Yeah, boy!

Yeah, hello.

Yeah, I think so. Whoo!

Yeah, it's out there. I'm secretly a rap artist.

Yeah, look, I'm gonna have to let you go.

Yeah, okay. Give my best to Ruth.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, there's two massive choads

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, you're askin' for it.

Yeah. A butthole.

Yell at people, while not working?

Yes, everything is just fine.

Yes, I was there. You were crying, dude.

Yes, Mr. Benson.

Yes, that's a great idea.

You all right there, camper? You look lost.

You are a traitor! You're a traitor!

You are fully torqued, bro.

You are perverted.

You are so dead. Bring it.

You bang one chick who sort of looks like Michelle Obama

You can be Paul Walker if you play your cards right.

You can go ahead and drop us off right here.

You can have the rest of the day for your stupid party.

You can leave my house and respect my woman.

You can pee on the floor.

You can't have it,

You cannot be here, man,

You could get paid to blow a guy'?

You could get those chicks if you wanted.

You could just, like, cruise past ice cream parlors

You don't get it.

You ever see any butterflies?

You got beer, video games.

You got that butterfly joke, right?

You got to go back out there, though...

You got to learn how to wear a muzzle.

You got to make them feel special, desired.

You got to meet one more person, okay?

You guys are awesome.

You guys are my best friends. Forever.

You guys are not understanding where I'm coming from, okay?

You guys murdered it in there.

You guys talk it over.

You have an Escalade

You hear that?

You hound it.

You infected me with your boner.

You just arch your back. Lean back.

You just said the magic words.

You know that.

You know that. Yeah, that's true.

You know what, I'm gonna call you back tomorrow.

You know what? We had a good time doing it.

You know, fans of the Insane Clown Posse.

You know, honestly, I would have no!

You know, I got a 25 foot pontoon boat I got to pay off.

You know, I think you're a regular Derek Jeter,

You know, old hot dogs.

You know, we're more alike than you even know, man.

You know, Wolf, or something,

You know? It's, like, wasted talent.

You know... ♪ We be smackin' bass ♪

You love ten year old boys, right?

You mind if I buy one off of you guys?

You need to show me the rest of this house, if that's okay

You probably got big, dark nipples!

You saved my life.

You see that?

You see, I can't climax without it.

You see, I've learned a lot about family today.

You should stay at the mixer.

You stray too far from the herd,

You take everyone else's swagger.

You want a life with Sharon,

You want to come to Egypt? You want 10 grand?

You want to give it a shot, just let me know.

You want to know why?

You were great, by the way. Always am.

You were right up in here, so...

You weren't leaning against your girl's breasts like I was

You with us, Ders?

You would've been dead in an alley somewhere.

You wouldn't just take the pillow, and...

You'll let your heart get in the way.

You're you're here in person.

You're a bunch of pussies! Burn in hell!

You're all filthy animals!

You're distracting the entire office.

You're dressed like some kind of goddamn farm shaman.

You're getting your final paychecks on Friday.

You're going back out there.

You're going outside right now!

You're gonna be so proud of me.

You're gonna bust in, shoot at Bruce.

You're in the back. Okay.

You're like an Icelandic Raekwon.

You're not liquidating the company, all right?

You're offending me.

You're striking with us, huh?

You're the one wearing the costume

You're the weird one for not pissing.

You're too fleshy. Put on a shirt.

You're, like, handsome as hell.

You've got a chance to go on a date with...

You've got Redpop, Moon Mist.

You've got to ask yourself, are you a true Belieber?

You've got yourself a deal.

Your path to the top is gonna be littered

5:30 in the goddamn A.M.

10,000 bucks?

'Cause it's funny. It's a good story.

'Scuse me? Look, man...

'Sup?

"The suspect was apprehended after the RCPD

♪ 'Cause watching you is driving me insane ♪

♪ A good best friend in you ♪ Shh.

♪ Are you a believer in miracles? ♪

♪ But those who know me know I'm dealing the realness ♪

♪ Do you notice and recognize miracles? ♪

♪ Don't make this wizard mad ♪

♪ He's insane ♪

♪ Homies, homies ♪

♪ I love it when she make her booty bounce ♪

♪ I'm a wizard, bitch ♪

♪ I'm fresh ♪

♪ I'ma give you something real, baby ♪

♪ If magic is all we've ever known ♪

♪ It's all around you, you don't even know it ♪

♪ MC Ders in your butt ♪

♪ Oh, what a friend I have in you ♪

♪ Poof, pow, surprise ♪

♪ Straight out of Mordor ♪

♪ That's why I'm rollin' with my guild three deep ♪

♪ They found me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ You gotta be fresh ♪

♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta ♪

♪ You know who it be ♪

10 to 12. Okay.

30 grand, I'm laying that chick out cold.

100%. God damn it.

A father figure, yup.

A man's penis? I don't know.

Aah!

Aah! Cut!

Aah! Monsters! Hey, hey, hey!

Aah! Oh... fuck!

Aah.

About $900. $900?

Absolutely. Okay.

Actually, that's not a bad idea, Adam.

Adam Bear needs to eat.

Adam, I'm with Ders, man.

Adam, this guy's not dying, okay?

Adam? It's for a good cause.

Adam.

Ah, don't take the beats. Yeah

Ah, dude, Ders, you got a boner.

Ah, this guy's really putting the "work" in work out, huh?

Ah!

Ah! Direct. I like that.

Aha.

Ahh, you shot me, you dumb idiot!

Alice can't replace us.

Alice, I heard something about turds.

Alice, query. We

All I'm saying is, we need some new leads, man.

All right, boys. Are you ready to do this?

All right, come on. I'm gonna get you out of here.

All right, good call. Double true.

All right, here's the deal.

All right, I got a serious question.

All right, I got one.

All right, let's do it. Let's do it.

All right, let's split up

All right, okay.

All right, Topher, you know what?

All right, well,

All right, well, it is settled.

All right, well, you know what?

All right.

All right. Here we go.

All right. Well...

All right. Yeah, Sugar Bear.

All we're saying

Although if I wake up

An ocean of knowledge and experience,

And do I smell barbecue?

And Egypt. Yeah, hi... Yeah.

And I have a big announcement

And I love milkshake water fountains.

And I'm just gonna put this on there,

And I'm looking for more of like a nine or a ten, you know?

And I'm taking the beats back.

And if he doesn't choose one of you,

And let's just make tonight a tight butthole, dude.

And one legit half Christmas party

And that is why we're bringing down bieberhole69.

And that's my granddaughter Margaret.

And the bonefs down! Fight!

And then capitalize "come get it."

And then get him hooked up with the first lady.

And then just stay low to the ground.

And this is the bedroom,

And this right here is my office.

And we know today's Thursday,

And you have just swagger for days.

And you know what? What?

And you really got to try and knock her out.

Anders Holmvik!

Anders, I want you to escort them out the building.

Anything under $5, I got you.

Anything you want, buddy.

Anyways... Ar Anders.

Appreciate it, Toph, but got to check one thing for

Appreciate it.

Are there any firewall restrictions,

Are you a man, Anders?

Are you fucking kidding me right now?

Are you going to that as well?

Are you guys ready to get SLOPPY

Are you kidding me right now?

Are you okay? Are you all right?

Are you sure it just grazed him?

Are you talking about that super old lady

Are you the mascot for the competition or something?

Are you trying to seduce me?

As you can see behind me,

Aw. Oh.

Awesome, dude. Can I give it a try?

Awesome. Karl, go ahead and hit it.

Back outside!

Bah!

Be my pleasure.

Beautiful.

Because I have no emotions.

Because when you put Jillian in a room with free wine,

Because you're clearly psychopaths.

Before you go off to Egypt, I want to show you

Big deal.

Big Money Hustla's coming to Thanksgiving.

Blake, I get it. She's your friend.

Blake, I never agreed to this.

Blake, I'm not gonna leave right now,

Blake, it turns out,

Blake, wait!

Blake, what's the tightest thing in the world?

Blake! What are you doing here?

Blake's friend and my weed dealer, Karl.

Body shot, still died.

Booyah, bitch!

Break it up! Break it up! Break it up!

Bruce Benson, Adam, the CEO of the company.

Burger wolf. The burger wolf.

But I'm Paul Walker, right?

But it is so natural

But it's not illegal for me to call you,

But we were wondering

But we work for the weekends.

But with dudes. Yeah.

Buttholes.

Can we go?

Can we just get what we came to get

Captain Jack Sbarro. Cool.

Car dodging? That's cool.

Careful, Ders. They prefer "Hispanic."

Careful? I never am.

Celebrity look alike swingers party.

Check it out, guys.

Choose any dick I want to?

Civil rights?

College was a very drunk time in three girls' lives.

Come on, all we have to do is show Benson a great time...

Come on, babe. Get on the bike.

Come on, man, nothing happened.

Come on, what are you afraid of?

Commie scab! Move.

Commie scab! Commie scab!

Cool of you to disrespect the wizard beats like that.

Cool, cool. Thanks.

Cool, coworkers. Good plan, dude.

Cool, that's that works, I guess.

Cool.

Could we talk about something different?

Craigslist Casual Encounters is blocked?

Crank it down.

Croissant? From the bakery?

Cut it out.

Davis King,

Deal.

Ders, Adam?

Ders, she was crying.

Ders!

Ders. Wow, that was rude. I'm sorry.

Did he just bring those from home?

Did Jamie Foxx and Gabrielle Union

Did you say 900 bucks?

Didn't tell you the bad news yet.

Didn't you check your work email?

Do I know this guy, Jeff?

Do not let this communist bitch cross this line!

Do they know each other? Have they met?

Do you cut loose? Do you drink? Do you smoke?

Does she know we're irreplaceable?

Does this maneuv ring any bells?

Don't laugh at my friend.

Don't worry. I'm gonna be gentle.

Don't write that. Listen. Capitalize it.

Don't you get it? I'm spineless.

Don't you see?

Done deals. Guess what, chumps.

Dr. Neden, no!

Dr. Neden, you know Blake.

Dude, forget it. This guy got a trophy.

Dude, that's Barry.

Dude, where is everybody?

Dude, you can't just move out.

Dude, you got to join a book club or read or something.

Egypt it is. Off to the airport, boys.

Every year!

Everyone here is a brand whore.

Ew. God, how have you ever gotten laid?

Except Jamie Foxx. Right, that's true.

Except you guys got to take off those hats.

Excuse me?

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Fine, Alice. You leave us no choice.

Fine, I will give you your jobs back,

Fine.

Fine. Fine.

Fine. Sorry, just...

Fine. I'll go this way.

Fine. You're up. Come on, dude.

Fine. Your house, your rules.

Fire in the hole!

Five, four, three, two...

Five, I think. I'm not sure.

Free country.

From the tightest butthole on the block.

Fuck you, dude. Nice makeup.

Fuck you, guys. I said $9,000.

Fuck you.

Fumble! Oh!

Gay? You're not gay? But you

Gentlemen, Anders Holmvik. TelAmeriCorp, sales assosh.

Get 'em.

Get away from me.

Get down! You get

Get off my hood. I'm not a communist.

Get out of my court.

Get out of my way! Waymond, move!

Get out! I did business with them a few years ago.

Get them out of here.

Give me the tape!

Go ahead, Jer. Take her home.

Go back to sniffing Alice's ass, dude.

Go for it, ninja. Crack that dome.

Go for Karl.

Go get him, dude.

Go get it. Damn it!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go. Go, man.

God bless America.

God damn it, dude.

God. Whoo!

Good for you. You got my support, fellas.

Good morning, everyone.

Good, good.

Good. And that's to say I'm sorry.

Good. I can handle that.

Got it. Got it.

Great bangs. Oh, my God.

Great rapping, Anders.

Great, Ders.

Great. Great.

Gross. Hey, you guys.

Guess I don't know how turkeys work.

Guilty as charged!

Guys,

Guys, we can't let that Grinch's negativity

Ha ha! Adam! You were crying...

Ha ha! That's the beginning of a break dance, bud.

Ha! Sounds foolproof, man.

Ha. "Ghetto Court."

Hardee's or Arby's?

Have you enjoyed the presence of me eating a kielbasa?

Have you guys ever met someone

He does.

He looks Asian. Wow. He looks somethin'.

He loves this stuff.

He's a science teacher. He's a science teacher!

He's a witch! Burn him!

He's got a hard "On."

He's here. Come on.

He's probably gonna write a song about you, dude.

He's the baller I was supposed to be.

He's the coolest guy we've ever met...

Heads up, guys. I'm cleaning my grill.

Heisenripbauer, yeah. Heisenripbauer.

Heisenripbauer?

Heisenripbauer. That name.

Hell, no, we won't go...

Hell, no! We won't go!

Hell, no! We won't go! Hey, bag dude.

Hello there. Truly a pleasure.

Hello, ladies.

Hello. Hey, Blake, it's Jillian.

Hello. Hi, Mr. Benson.

Here.

Here's the deal.

Hew

Hew Shh.

HEY

HEY HEY

Hey, bro, chill out.

Hey, Bruce, real quick

Hey, buddy, someday, I hope I have a house like this.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, Ders, the turkey's almost done, man.

Hey, dudes, got some bad news.

Hey, everybody, Macaulay Culkin's here.

Hey, guys, check out my new wizard costume.

Hey, guys, maybe you could help me out.

Hey, guys.

Hey, how are you?

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, how's your food?

Hey, I get it.

Hey, I know what it's like not to have a girlfriend.

Hey, I'm sorry all my awesome muscles

Hey, Jeff, look who's back.

Hey, Jillian.

Hey, ladies, you know what?

Hey, left arm, how ya doin'?

Hey, legs, Anders Holmvik,

Hey, less pushing, more hugging what do you say?

Hey, let's give it up for the First Lady, y'all.

Hey, loner.

Hey, man,

Hey, maybe next time, we can use the strap on

Hey, Share bear, it's me.

Hey, sheep.

Hey, Topher.

Hey, uh, could we get a picture together?

Hey, watch the candles.

Hey, well, then it's official, right?

Hey, what did I do to you, Ders?

Hey, what up? I'm Topher. I'm friends with the guys now.

Hey, what's the beef, chief?

Hey, why don't you guys meet me back at the VIP booth

Hey, yo, what up, guys?

Hey, you guys know you have

Hey, you're being groomed.

Hey, you're the guy from the shirt, huh?

Hey! Guys!

Hey. Bruce Benson.

Hey. I got lunches for you guys.

Hi, guys.

Hi. Hi.

His body is lookin' tight.

Hmm. Some yard you got here.

Hmm. Interesting.

Ho, ho, ho, ho! Yeah, a lot of magic.

Holmvik. Yes.

Hop on, monkey.

Hope you're on your way. Miss you. See you soon. Okay.

How about you just go upstairs

How could you bail on that little Sporty Spice, dude?

How do you say, "I don't think so," in Chinese?

How does it look like I'm doing?

How so?

How you doing? " Ah. gross!

Huh, what? Nothing, nothing.

Huh!

Huh? No?

Huh? What?

Hung by the chimney with care, fine sir.

Hyuaaah!

I already really like him

I appreciate all your hard work.

I appreciate it. Thank you very much, guys.

I beg to differ.

I bet you lift weights

I call shotgun!

I can't believe we were at Olympic trials the same time.

I can't promise anything, but, yes, I guarantee it.

I didn't say I was gonna masturbate.

I do do what?

I don't get you, dude.

I don't know if I should

I don't know, Ders.

I don't know.

I don't know. Commie scab!

I don't know. Stock options? Is that a thing?

I don't remember anything from last night.

I don't think that's gonna be happening.

I don't understand. How did you guys catch him?

I get that, but this entire thing

I give him my blessing.

I got him.

I got to ask, what what brings a guy like you

I got to go... work out or something right now.

I got up at 5:30 in the A.M. this morning.

I got you some new work buddies.

I guess they're okay, like, from the back.

I heard $900.

I hope you're all proud of yourselves.

I just don't want children to have to be

I just got to get my deep V neck.

I just said I got it.

I know, I'm just checking it twice, homey,

I know.

I like her mouth. Chill out.

I love my life!

I mean, I don't know. Like, suicide, right?

I mean, it's a great backyard.

I mean, we'll see. We'll see, yeah.

I might even floss for you.

I respect his commitment, though.

I said 9,000. Relax.

I said I'm sorry.

I said, 'Whoopi, dibs, Ders."

I said, um, "I'm ten. Come over tomorrow."

I think he's dead. Wakey bakey.

I think so.

I think that guy's following me.

I think that's what he said.

I think you suckers are just jealous

I thought it was your office. It's both, all right?

I tried to tell you guys.

I trusted you. I'm so sorry.

I Want $500,000.

I want to go to the zoo.

I want to pay you $10,000 to kill me.

I want to run with the big dogs.

I was conducting my own experiment.

I was drunker than I thought.

I was just following orders to protect my job, okay'?

I would mind if you didn't take a piss off our roof.

I wouldn't mind Baracking her world.

I'd be 30 seconds away from getting

I'd do it. I'd do it.

I'd have to say..

I'd just like you to know that you are trespassing,

I'll do it. Thank you.

I'll put that hatchet in your head

I'll see you guys.

I'm a martyr! I am a martyr!

I'm afraid we got some bad news, Topher.

I'm as real as the streets, okay?

I'm gaunt right now.

I'm Geena Davis. Wow.

I'm gonna check out the pool.

I'm gonna go this way.

I'm gonna ruin you, man.

I'm gonna straight do what I came here to do.

I'm gonna straight wreck you!

I'm in. Ders?

I'm just happy to be a part of it, finally.

I'm not afraid of anything, except for maybe carbs,

I'm Paul Walker, not MacCulkin.

I'm really blown away.

I'm serious. I don't think anyone says that.

I'm so sorry I bailed on you guys.

I'm sorry... Do I know you?

I'm taking it off. It's like it hurts pretty

I'm thinking we got to break these two up.

I'm trying to "se Ders" you.

I'm understanding where you're coming from.

If I don't put away our drug stuff,

In a good way, though. Yeah.

Is it supposed to be chunky?

Is that true?

Is, uh ahem is there another photo we could use?

Isn't it kind of illegal

Isn't it obvious?

It also says, "I like to do weird stuff in the bedroom,"

It doesn't matter.

It means, "I'm gonna eat."

It sounds so gross when you say it that way.

It was a good scrap. It was a good scrap.

It was the loosest butthole.

It's "On ders." okay?

It's a good beverage.

It's all over, on the carpet...

It's definitely butthole something.

It's kind of the reason for the season.

It's my new strike thing. It's pretty good.

It's ni ice!

It's not a... Thank you.

It's okay.

It's pronounced "O n d e rs."

It's time to step it up.

It's Wednesday

It's weird. Girls are like, "I'm impressed by that."

J bell, do you feel that you're satisfied

Jeff, this guy wants our cards.

Jeff, what's a Der?

Jer, if we could just please keep it

Jesus

Jesus Christ, Jillian.

Jesus Christ. Wow.

Jillian,

Jillian, forget the mixer.

Jillian, hey.

Jillian? Jillian. Hey.

Jillian.

Jillian. Jillian.

Job is fun, but...

Job well done, boys. Thank you.

Just a little hug aroo for ya.

Just gonna get 'em taken up a little bit.

Just keepin' living. Yeah!

Just saying you're making a mistake here.

Just sit and listen.

Just wanted to thank you

Karl, I'll give you $10,000 to kill yourself.

Karl, we're not barbarians. What are you doing?

Karl! How's it going, blazer?

Karl's gonna fake assassinate me, duh.

Keep dreamin'. Takes a lot of hard work.

Keep it.

Knew what?

Knock, knock. Knock.

Ladies and... Waymond,

Laid out the tarp,

Leave. Gladly.

Let's bust this butthole surfer.

Let's do it. Yeah, we should.

Let's focus here.

Let's get real. 5 grand.

Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Let's just cut to the chase. Wait.

Let's just get vaped out right now.

Like, "Face down, ass up.

Like, little ding dong competitions.

Listen, without these three geniuses,

Little gang. Yeah, little keg nog.

Look who it is.

Look, all I'm saying is, last time,

Look, everyone. It's snowing.

Look, I already called the police.

Look, I don't want to be rude, okay,

Look, my dad had a plastics factory.

Look, Topher, we know what the deal is.

Looking good. That, I understand.

Macaulay Culkin, dude.

Magic. Nope, turkey bacon.

Makes sense.

Makes sense. Sorry, Karl.

Man, I'm so glad we're not working.

Man. Oh.

Maybe if they want to come.

Me? Yeah.

Michelle Obama.

Might as well. Yeah.

Mind if I light up?

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm. Screw it.

Mm hmm. We hearing each other?

Mm hmm. Yep.

Mm, looking good. Finish chewing.

Mm...

Mm... She's...

Mmm, I like what your tits have to say.

Mmm, jealousy does not look good on you.

Montez, how you doing?

More ashtrays?

Morning, scab.

Move your legs like an egg beater.

Move! You're going outside!

Mr. Benson, good to re meet you,

Mr. Benson, hello

Mrs. Lawler, it's almost after dark.

My bad.

My dog died.

My office, five minutes.

My oldest son is a Methodist minister.

My tits are telling me to sleep with you.

Nah.

Negotiate. Negotiate.

Negotiate. Negotiations.

Never heard of him.

News copters covering the strike, probably, dude.

Next stop...

Nice blazer. Whoa.

Nice try.

Nice!

Nice.

No sweat. Don't sweat it.

No way, dude, I called her. No, you didn't.

No way. Oh, yeah.

No, Adam. They need to be loved, okay?

No, Bruce. Bruce, Bruce, hang on.

No, don't take the beats.

No, don't write that.

No, I called I called that way.

No, I called you way more than that.

No, I didn't have sex with her.

No, I didn't. School. One school.

No, I don't think you know him.

No, I know. I was saying

No, I said "thousand," dude.

No, I said $9,000. I said $9,000.

No, I think Who do you think you are?

No, I'm a high priest.

No, I'm pretty sure the more fedoras, the better.

No, it wasn't. I did, Anders.

No, it would take you way longer than that, dude.

No, it's gonna sound crazy,

No, it's not obvious,

No, Jake Heisenripbauer!

No, Karl, you're out.

No, not from us. You brought that on yourself.

No, she talk to the handed us.

No, sweet baby prince

No, thanks. I'm gonna keep my job.

No, that's just ketchup,

No, they say it. Who?

No, they're the imitation kind

No, this is not working at all.

No, wait. Hold up. You shouldn't

No, wait. I am not done with that.

No, we don't. Ugh!

No, we totally should.

No, we're not going anywhere.

No, you can't.

No, you didn't tell us that. No?

No, you know what? They need to leave.

No, you obviously don't.

No, you weren't.

No, you're basically an idiot,

No, you've been replaced. It's already happened.

No!

No! We're cool, Vince.

No! Come on, dude. Oh, shoot.

No! Hey, wait.

No! Hey, wait. Hang on.

No. I'm not really serio

No. Like real tears. Like Native American tears.

No. No, no, no.

Nobody disses half Christmas!

Nope.

Nope. No. Busy.

Normal looking dude, if you ask me.

Not a bit. Very real.

Not until we go to the Penthouse penthouse, all right?

Nothing is going to change!

Now there's only four bullets left.

Now we just need a picture of her from the internet.

Now we're holding the cards, huh?

Now we're talking. If I'm honest with myself?

Now where am I supposed to buy my weed from, huh?

Now you do, actually. It's the attitude.

Now, go get her.

Oh, a computer.

Oh, and we met Topher at one of the Penthouse parties.

Oh, Ders got to go that way.

Oh, did I not call you back? Everything's fine.

Oh, do I? Thank you, Detective Zoobilee Zoo.

Oh, dude, you should say, "Hey, I'm ten years old,

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, God.

Oh, good.

Oh, great, now she's asking about Topher.

Oh, heck to the yeah.

Oh, hello. Look what we have here.

Oh, here comes Sharon.

Oh, hey, Jillian. What's up, girl?

Oh, hey. Nothing.

Oh, ho! Yeah, it is.

Oh, I can believe it,

Oh, I should have figured you to be a traitor.

Oh, I want sports. I got travel.

Oh, I'm being a Scrooge McDuck?

Oh, I'm creepy again. Right?

Oh, I've got to join a book club?

Oh, Jesus, Karl.

Oh, man, if he hasn't already.

Oh, man, so far so good.

Oh, man, Toph. This weed is the realness.

Oh, man! It's a gun!

Oh, man.

Oh, my God, that guy sends me the most suggestive photos.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Mm.

Oh, my God. He's hot. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Is this Fresca?

Oh, my God. Really'?

Oh, my goodness. You will!

Oh, my gosh, I'm so starving.

Oh, my gosh, is that a over the pants handy?

Oh, no, you probably shouldn't

Oh, no!

Oh, no. We're great. We're awesome, heh.

Oh, nothing.

Oh, okay. Oh, coworkers.

Oh, religious rights in the workplace, my sister.

Oh, see, that's the kind of love I'm looking for.

Oh, sounds awesome.

Oh, sure, hon. Thanks.

Oh, thank you, sir! Wait.

Oh, thanks, dude.

Oh, that one was kind of real.

Oh, that's airtight logic.

Oh, Vince?

Oh, we got one! See you. Thank you.

Oh, we know each other No, we'll tell the story.

Oh, well, he said that his dream girl was Michelle Obama,

Oh, wonderful.

Oh, wow. Okay, great.

Oh, yeah, baby!

Oh, yeah, most def. For sure.

Oh, yeah, nine, ten, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that dude totally punk'd you.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Mm hmm.

Oh, yeah. That is cold as ice.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Oh, you do do?

Oh, you got a great family. Oh, thanks.

Oh, you know what? It's yours.

Oh, you want the "el touro de la grando", huh?

Oh, you're saying I tickle

Oh! Adam...

Oh! He's gonna be there.

Oh! Boners are down.

Oh.

Oh. Cars, okay, okay.

Oh. Ders, what's up?

Oh. It's Jillian.

Oh. The CD is gone.

Oh. You work for Adam, right?

Ohh! So do I.

Ohh! Come on!

Ohh! Suck it!

Ohh! Yeah, that's it.

Ohh. Yeah, okay, yes.

Okay, Blake, I know the smell of weird

Okay, but I'm taking my drink with me.

Okay, Ders.

Okay, don't ruin this for everyone, Beverly.

Okay, easy, man. I'm just trying to help.

Okay, hold on.

Okay, how can you totally pull off a fedora

Okay, I call this way. I got that way.

Okay, I can't believe you're asking that question.

Okay, I don't think that I need to say this,

Okay, I said 9,000

Okay, I said 9,000, okay'? You want to go right now, dude?

Okay, I think we all know this is just one

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay, I've got a boner. I got one too.

Okay, it's not not "fwi."

Okay, no, they're looking for peach fuzz

Okay, okay! I like girls.

Okay, remember high school drama nerds?

Okay, she's your friend too, Roboheart.

Okay, shh. Let's bring it down.

Okay, so remember, wizards are immortal.

Okay, so we're all in agreement

Okay, take it easy, buddy. Take it easy.

Okay, thank you. You're a swagger hound.

Okay, that's kind of cool. I'm down with that.

Okay, that's... not good.

Okay, this guy's insane, right?

Okay, this is not what it looks like, okay?

Okay, we'll use that and then negotiate from there.

Okay, well, I'm kind of in the middle

Okay, well, maybe you guys are too good

Okay, well, you know what I know?

Okay, well, you're not sorry,

Okay, what is this fight in the Middle East all about, dude?

Okay, why aren't you guys ripping your shirt off?

Okay, yeah, all right. Let's try an experiment.

Okay, yeah. Yeah, I can do that.

Okay, you know what? Give me that.

Okay. Found it.

Okay. Hi, pumpkin.

Okay. I'm sorry. You know what?

Okay. No, I'm serious.

Okay. Uh huh, 100 Gs?

Okay. You know what?

Okay. Down, boy!

Okay. Okay

Okay. Swang!

Okay. This is my pen.

Okeydokey. That's good advice.

One for big Ders and one for little Adam.

Ooh, come in!

Ooh, cowboy hat.

Ooh, I think it's safe to say

Ooh, let's talk to the handed this office.

Ooh, Mrs. Jillian Heisenripbauer.

Ooh, uh, you smell like water trash

Ooh! Jake? Do I know him?

Ooh! More like Gerard Butt Cheeks.

Ooh. Yes.

Ooph. I'm sorry.

Or what?

Or, uh, we could do Linkedln.

ORGY

Our bad. It's not funny.

Out of what?

Ow, dude.

Ow.

Ow. Ha ha ha!

Pass. Pass.

Paula Poundstone.

Pierced vaginae.

Please do. I just finished Goosebumps.

Please welcome to the stage our next contestant.

Plus, they don't menstruate.

Pool? Right out here. Guess what.

Poor little sheepy

Potato gun? Guys!

Probably, man.

Psst. No bra Friday.

Quiet in the court! You goin' to prison!

Quite the quan trary.

Rahr!

Really resourceful. Not bad.

Really'?

Remember how he just held it out there

Remember that gun I took from Jason Statham last night,

Right in the middle of the good parts.

Right! Hey, can I get the creamer?

Right?

Right? Yeah.

Right? I mean, it's perfect. They're, like, 90 pounds.

Right. Yeah.

Rip. Bauer.

Rude!

School. Middle school.

Seriously'? Mm hmm.

Sharon is as old as my mom is.

Sharon,

Sharon, I hated chindoing you anyways!

Sharon, I'd love to go to the East Coast with you.

She makes all kinds of soup.

She's a girl, so... Gerard Butler.

She's fine. We're all fine.

She's not goin' anywhere with you.

She's way out of my league.

Shh, stop. Ahh!

Shh. Stop. He's here.

Shouldn't say that. I'm about to cry.

Show me how these tool/office supplies work, bud.

Shucks.

Sidetracked? This entire place should be firebombed.

Six paid personal days off per year.

So did you, like, used to be in some sort of crew?

So do I.

So final dick approval? All yours.

So good. Look at me.

So I have a lot of work to do before the competition.

So I'm just gonna leave this here.

So just tell her about Topher. Lie to her.

So let's not hang out with Juggalos anymore.

So the makeup, that's

So we were there together. Yes, technically.

So we're coming.

So what do you say?

So where are you girls living at nowadays?

So you'd suck a dick for $900

So you'll do it? Huh?

So, uh, how do you guys know each other?

So, uh, in this softball league that he plays on,

So...

Society's costume.

Softball rehearsal. Rehearsal.

Softball rehearsal. Yeah.

Somebody call 911!

Sometimes I like to keep the windows open

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror,

Sorry, GUYS

Sorry, guys. Bros before hos.

Sorry, you know the rules. I got the Doritos.

Spanish style, Spanish style home.

Stall him. Like, 20 minutes.

Stay here. Get to work.

Still as rude as ever. This is stupid

Stop it. Okay, clearly he is a psychopath.

Stop pointing it at me! 10,000 little cash monies.

Stop. Why do you want us to kill you?

Stree ike!

Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!

Suck it!

Suck our dicks!

Sugar Bear. That is...

Sure. Thank you.

Sure. I'd love it. All right.

Sure. It worked for fake Easter.

Sweet spot. This one's for Dad.

Sweet.

T.A.C.? Yeah.

Take a walk. Dude, my rotator cuff.

Take five. Crank down.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. Thank you guys.

Thank you, but don't joke about that.

Thank you, you guys.

Thank you! Let me show you in.

Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you. Stop.

Thank you. Wow, lookin' good.

Thank you. It's my tanning cream.

Thanks for the ride, Ders.

Thanks, man.

Thanks. Heads up.

That is a piss. You know what?

That makes sense to me.

That was a big chunk of your hair.

That was funny.

That, I get. The guy's infectious.

That, I understand. Yeah.

That? Oh, that's just a real gun.

That's a beautiful watch

That's a good idea. Hey, guys.

That's a great idea. I'm not gay, dude.

That's all we have to do.

That's cool. This is really weird.

That's great, and forgive me for not celebrating,

That's how cool he is.

That's pretty cool, right? You know what?

That's real?

That's right, ninja. Time to suck this nunchuck!

That's Sharon Livanos. She owns the building.

That's Spanish. I'm learning Spanish.

That's the way we like to camp.

That's weird, though. Well.

That's what we were saying. I'd tinkle all over the place.

That's why we do it. Big deal.

The advice you gave us,

The big boss.

The check won't cash until I'm dead.

The Der I get called the Ders.

The kid is a hell of a talent.

The Penthouse penthouse is a symbol

The sexy kind, though?

The streets are safe now, Jillian.

The who? Your local union boss.

Then yeah, totally. Definitely.

There he is. Wheelchair guy.

There's no way of knowing,

There's, like, 50 Beyoncé Knowles in here,

These guys need to be romanced, okay?

They all look like Satan.

They are who we thought they were.

They want naughty little boys, dude.

They're just blanks. In the gun, that is.

They're just going to Egypt. EGYPT

Think about someone else for once.

This guy...

This guys smells great.

This is fun. I'm gonna get going, though.

This is not working.

This is so weird.

This is the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Those aren't even Trix.

Tight butthole. Tight butthole.

Times of friendship.

To life.

To life. Yup, whoo.

Tomorr oh. But what about the mixer?

Tonight's party is gonna be weird...

Topher is the man,

Topher, if you don't jump on them,

Traitor!

Trash can, bro.

Turn your vehicle around, sir.

Ugh That'd be good.

Ugh, how many times do I have to explain this to you?

Ugh. I know.

Uh All right?

Uh huh. Do you want to continue

Uh, "camping" works.

Uh, because you had sex with your wife.

Uh, I think we're gonna stay for the solo.

Uh, I'm here to save you. You called us.

Uh, I'm kind of in the middle of a lesson right now.

Uh, seriously, Jillian,

Uh, we're on a stress break

Uh, well, he's our buddy Jake,

Uh, who are you even supposed to be?

Uh, yeah, yeah. I think so.

Uh, yes, she is, but can you please hold?

Uh, you said, "Penthouse penthouse,"

Uh... Heisen...

Uh... they're Juggalos.

Uhhaah!

Um, but I got burgers.

Um, Jillian. Jillian, uh, Topher.

Um, yeah, he's in jail.

Um. Are you serious, Adam?

Um...

Union boss.

Us either, actually.

Very cool. Mm hmm.

Wah...

Wait, uh, schools?

Wait!

Wait. No.

Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait. Who's he What's the plan?

Wait. We have to bust this dude?

Wait. Where's that going? Where's that keep

Wait. Why do you always get to seduce the girls?

Wait. You're in sales?

Walking, talking diarrhea people.

Waymond's a sales machine.

We accidentally hit this guy with our car this morning,

We are big fans of yours. Nice short program.

We are going to be just fine.

We can do that.

We can work with that.

We had to leave the country club in '95.

We have cars.

We just talked about that.

We live at the Penthouse penthouse.

We met a little trick of fate at...

We might get laid.

We thought of that, but I just...

We were worried. We were worried about that.

We're cool. Yeah, we're having fun.

We're fine. Hey, you know what, Vince?

We're following you right now.

We're going on strike.

We're gonna be outside. Should you need us.

We're gonna go back to the mixer, buddy.

We're here to make it better.

We're just trying to spread

We're not gonna take it anymore, guys!

We're on strike for more pay, better hours, insurance.

We're the dudes. Yeah, we're the dudes in it.

We're the Shauns! We're the Seans!

We're this close to seeing pierced vaginae, Blake.

Welcome to the Tri Valley

Well, actually, that's Faygo Moon Mist.

Well, here we go.

Well, I have a little announcement

Well, I tell them that I'm 11

Well, I'll let my little crime fighters

Well, I'm no ODB, but...

Well, it went straight to his voice mail,

Well, it's got to cook all the way through, man.

Well, it's never too late to learn.

Well, she pretty much just talk to the handed us.

Well, then answer the phone. Answer it.

Well, then who's gonna protect our jobs, Alice?

Well, they should be basking in the glory

Well, this is the third cat that you've had.

Well, this isn't gonna matter, anyway.

Well, throw out a flag and push me back ten yards...

Well, we are, and guess what.

Well, whatever. He wants to meet everybody.

Well, why don't you try to explain how you have

Well, yeah, I was about to bone that lady!

Well, you want to go on strike,

Well, you want to go on strike?

Well, you're not going home to masturbate just yet.

Wha He means your mustache.

What a cool ass boss.

What about health insurance?

What about them?

What are you you're doing that right now?

What are you doing?

What are you laughing at?

What are you thinking? Liquidating the company?

What did I say'? This is my toolshed.

What did you say?

What do you mean? Mr. Benson.

What does that even mean, liquidating?

What don't you see about that?

What if I don't play my cards right?

What is he suggesting?

What kind of person does that?

What kind of work do you do?

What now? Traitor!

What the See you.

What the hell are you guys wearing?

What the hell?

What type of girls do you like?

What up? I'm Topher.

What w why? Why not?

What?

What? Huh?

What? Maybe that.

What? Stay down!

What? Uh huh.

What? What?

What? You have to have a password.

What? Dude, no. Just two more days.

What? I can't hear you guys.

What? They're just blanks.

What? Yeah. Like I care.

What's what's his last name?

What's this? Making fun of me?

Whatever, man.

Whatever, Paula Poundstone.

Whee! Welcome to my house!

When do we get our break?

Where are you going? Our phone is runni

Where did you get this?

Where's this little pond you call a pool?

Who are you looking for?

Who are you?

Who the fuck are these people?

Who's that lady? Why is she just standing there?

Who's your dream girl?

Whoa ho ho!

Whoa, look at this guy, huh?

Whoa, no, no, no, no, no. Dude.

Whoa, somebody has had a little bit to drink.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Choker, choker.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.

Whoa, whoa. Bitch, be cool!

Whoa, yeah, you do.

Whoa!

Whoa! Oh, my God.

Whoa! Oh, yeah.

Whoa! What the hell?

Whoa! Who's this fake ass Juggaho?

Whoa.

Whoa. Scary.

Whoa. Bluetooth Jawbone Thinker?

Whoa. Hello. Oh, mamacita.

Whoever's dick, except for me and Blake's.

Whoo hoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Okay

Whoo! Thank you!

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! And I won!

Whoo! Let's do this, boys!

Whoo! Let's roll!

Whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop!

Whoop, there it is.

Why are you being such a Scrooge McDuck?

Why are you ripping your shirt off?

Why does he think that?

Why don't you be a better friend and lie to her?

Why don't you let Ders hit the pool?

Why don't you lie to her?

Why? This says, "I'm young, I'm fun,

Why'? What are you so afraid of, sheep boy?

Will the friends of Karl Hevacheck

Wish it didn't have to be like this, Ders.

Wish we had a shot to drop in here.

Woke up the burger wolf.

Wonder if Ders is diggin' the pool.

Woof.

Work em is that something that's real?

Worse things have happened.

Wow, Bruce, you're not even giving Waymond a shot?

Wow, Ders.

Wow, Ders. You're a wild man.

Wow, dude.

Wow, I'm kind of the furthest thing from a psychopath.

Wow, man.

Wow, okay.

Wow, that was that was exhausting.

Wow, that's a riveting story, Jer.

Wow, this is pathetic.

Wow, this is so harsh.

Wow, what do we got here?

Wow, you are super drunk, aren't you, Jillian?

Wow.

Wow. You know what, man?

Wrapping paper

Wrapping paper. Popcorn and string.

Yeah, Adam.

Yeah, all right. Of course you can.

Yeah, all the blood just sort of

Yeah, American soldiers kill people, like, every day.

Yeah, and you're not even the creepiest guy here.

Yeah, anyways, yeah, Jake Heisenripbauer

Yeah, but she wants to find a man.

Yeah, but this guy, bieberhole69,

Yeah, but we just drank that thick nectar of the gods.

Yeah, count me in.

Yeah, Ders, but these adult nerds

Yeah, exactly, civil rights, dude.

Yeah, fine. I'll do that.

Yeah, for sure. Okay, yes.

Yeah, he balls. He balls, big time.

Yeah, he does.

Yeah, he has, like, crazy pipes.

Yeah, he's a real beef castle.

Yeah, hey, are we cool?

Yeah, I You said "schools."

Yeah, I actually cofinancedit

Yeah, I almost killed that guy.

Yeah, I definitely agree,

Yeah, I don't swim, so...

Yeah, I forgot he was here to do that.

Yeah, I know. That's real, right?

Yeah, I like your passion,

Yeah, I mean, we were really pulling our hair out.

Yeah, I see it now. Cool.

Yeah, I'm Shaun White. Sean Astin.

Yeah, if you don't mind if I take a piss

Yeah, it does. That's that smell.

Yeah, it was a huge it was a success.

Yeah, it was great. It was a great time.

Yeah, it was huge. I know.

Yeah, it's a good crew.

Yeah, it's just, uh, me, this dude,

Yeah, it's pretty nice.

Yeah, make sure you get low, dude.

Yeah, most def. Tall, rich, handsome.

Yeah, most def. So...

Yeah, okay. Yeah.

Yeah, really. Is it a ditch day?

Yeah, seems fine, like a fairly non murdery fellow.

Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you.

Yeah, that's a great idea, but we also want 10 grand.

Yeah, that's actually the stuff that, uh,

Yeah, that's all we have to do.

Yeah, that's okay. You'll form a callus.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, they do. They love him.

Yeah, tight crew. Real tight crew.

Yeah, very un bueno, sir.

Yeah, we do.

Yeah, we're good, man. Oh, oh, we're cool, Blake?

Yeah, well, you're not hearing me,

Yeah, what about, uh, the wizards,

Yeah, what are we talking about?

Yeah, which we don't even mind,

Yeah, yeah, it was a crew of all there was five of us.

Yeah, yeah, they did. You got me back, and I'm back.

Yeah, you are!

Yeah, you can go right through. Okay.

Yeah, you do.

Yeah, you get to pick the dude.

Yeah! For sure.

Yeah! Suck our dicks!

Yeah? Well, I'm using 'em.

Yeah.

Yeah. And he's got moves.

Yeah. Everything's gonna be fine.

Yeah. Get him!

Yeah. Good work.

Yeah. It is ripping right now.

Yeah. Ooh.

Yeah. That's right.

Yeah. We're telling you now.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yep.

Yeah. Does anybody want a Powerade while we're in there?

Yeah. Go for it, man.

Yeah. I got this.

Yeah. It is.

Yeah. Or Iraq attacking.

Yeah. Well, you probably shouldn't say it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's cool.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

YEP

Yep, here we go.

Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes, but...

Yes, Ders. I mean, come on.

Yes, he is. Oh, my gosh.

Yes, I am so down.

Yes, I did. You saw me out there with her.

Yes, I think we all remember I was crying.

Yes, it did. Yeah.

Yes, it's a bathroom.

Yes, it's truly it's just something that happens

Yes, that is what I'm saying.

Yes, that's a great plan.

Yes, totally. Yeah.

Yes, you are. You're creepy.

Yes.

Yes. Really'?

Yes. Team Bieber.

Yes. Yeah.

Yes. Yes!

Yes. Ideally, a butthole.

Yo, boss, can I borrow the whip

Yo, you know what?

Yo.

You again. What do you want?

You are

You are frickin' dead, boy!

You are not taller than me, man.

You are so dead, dude. Okay, hold the phone.

You called me, like, 25 times.

You could have said "Benedict Anders."

You could say that.

You didn't let me finish, Anders.

You fucking cocksuckers!

You get it?

You gonna bring them next Saturday?

You got Okay, go! Go. Go.

You got the room for it. Waterfall.

You guys are right.

You guys aren't dressed up to standards

You guys both have boners now.

You guys never told me that you were in a play together.

You guys should come over sometime.

You guys, there's someone out there

You have ten minutes to take this dumb shit down.

You have to know the password.

You knew?

You know we have to stop you.

You know what they say.

You know what, why don't you guys watch me do what I do

You know what?

You know what? Not creepy at all.

You know what? We're not gonna fight right now.

You know what'd really be cool?

You know, guys, some say that luck

You know, you could have said Traitor Ders.

You knuckleheads.

You mess with my family, you mess with me!

You missed the most important moment of my life.

You rapped?

You really care about these people, huh?

You should go get her, man.

You thought you could get away with it?

You want another?

You'll kill me? No

You're a swagger hound. I don't get it.

You're firing us... Pretty good employees...

You're gonna die at my feet, you small minded

You're right. I'm on the case.

You're ruining my life.

You're so hot. Oh, ho, ho, ho!

You're such a dumb idiot!

You're, like, a five. Yeah.

Your wife is beautiful.

Yup, YUP

Zip it, lock it, keep it in my pocket.

' Cause this pad is... sick!

' Egypt. Egypt it is.

' GUYS, guys, guys, come on.

'cause he might still think I want him to kill me.

'cause I got a muzzle on.

'Cause I look like I'm in a ska band right now,

'cause I plan on being naughty.

'Cause I'm going to Mexico next weekend, so

'cause I'm in a cutting phase right now.

'Cause I'm not gonna get my ass kicked

'cause my lap gets all hot.

'Cause the spirit of half Christmas

'Cause there's only one rule in my bedroom.

'Cause this girl... ♪ Was hot for my flavor ♪

'cause we can be very unfashionable very quickly.

'cause we lost our jobs.

'cause we love working for such a multitalented

'cause we met each other earlier.

'cause you don't look anything like him.

'cause you were there selling goggles

'cause, uh“.

'Scuse me, Beth?

'Scuse me.

'Work." Is that what he said?

" Oh!

" Uhh!

" Unh!

"An ders."

"but I'm built like an eight year old,

"Dude Fucking Throws Pervert In Prison Forever."

"Life is an adventure. Live it till you die."

"O n d e rs." It's not "An ders."

"pull out my little boy ding dong."

"Tipped off." "Eyewitness."

"Uhhuhh!

“

♪ 'Cause I'm a Predator 2 a'

♪ 'Cause I'm holding ♪

♪ 'Cause we the number one sorcerers ♪

♪ And a million stars way above 'em at night ♪

♪ And I can give you something real, baby ♪

♪ And I can, and I can ♪

♪ And I see miracles every day ♪

♪ And know that's a miracle open wide ♪

♪ And they can feel this like a dope set of real tits ♪

♪ And when I rap, son ♪

♪ And when I'm bangin' yo' wench ♪

♪ And when I'm hittin' skins I rock and I leave with this ♪

♪ Bounce, b bounce, bounce, make her booty bounce ♪

♪ But I've seen miracles in every way ♪

♪ But you're gonna catch a motherfucking lightning slug ♪

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Do you notice and recognize miracles? ♪

♪ Don't make this wizard pissed ♪

♪ Don't step to us ♪

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Four more wizards come to your door ♪

♪ Give it to you like I should ♪

♪ Go ahead, dude, give it a try ♪

♪ Ho ♪

♪ Homies, homies ♪

♪ I be flyin' on a dragon ♪

♪ I cast spells ♪

♪ I could kill a hill giant with a flick of my wrist ♪

♪ I hope you feel the way I do ♪

♪ I make it rain like hells ♪

♪ I summon blizzard elemental ♪

♪ I'll be waiting by the phone ♪

♪ I'ma give you something real, shorty ♪

♪ I'ma, I'ma, I'ma give you something ♪

♪ In the woods, 'cause I was ♪

♪ It's that crazy ass mage ♪

♪ Juggalo homies ♪

♪ Karl got his vaporizer delivered to the house ♪

♪ Like Danny Glover on the GT ♪

♪ Make you feel so good ♪

♪ Motherfucker, wizards can't die ♪

♪ Now call me when you're home alone ♪

♪ Now we coastin' ♪

♪ Oceans spanding beyond my sight ♪

♪ Pop the dragon into three legged motion ♪

♪ Pour more of that maiden bangin' potion ♪

♪ Raised by wolves ♪

♪ Real life Juggalo ♪

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ So deep it's a spinal tap like Michael McKean is ♪

♪ So many miracles, the magic miracles ♪

♪ So when I get my hands on you ♪

♪ Step to me, I'll make you cry ♪

♪ Talk about those ♪

♪ Talkin' about road dogs of mine ♪

♪ Then it's easy to miss what really goes on ♪

♪ Walkin' out the goblin fortress ♪

♪ We don't have to be high to look in the sky ♪

♪ We throwin' up clown love signs ♪

♪ We wizards never die ♪

♪ What's with your eyes ♪

♪ While you dance up in the club ♪

♪ With my loaded 12 gauge ♪

♪ You be ridin' in a rental ♪

♪ You can try and creep to this wizard thug ♪

♪ You can't defeat me ♪

♪ You're so hypnotized ♪

$900.

âª So I can pick up âª

Workaholics - Season 1
Workaholics is a hilarious American television show that first aired in 2011. Created by Blake Anderson, Adam DeVine, Anders Holm, and Kyle Newacheck, the show revolves around the lives of three friends, who are also co-workers, living and working together in Rancho Cucamonga, California. With its unique blend of comedy and relatable characters, Workaholics quickly gained a loyal fan base. The main cast of Workaholics includes Blake Anderson, Adam DeVine, Anders Holm, and Kyle Newacheck, who also serve as the show's creators. They portray characters with the same first names as themselves, enhancing the show's authenticity and adding a touch of humor. Anderson plays Blake Henderson, a laid-back and often clueless slacker; DeVine stars as Adam DeMamp, an energetic and eccentric party animal; Holm takes on the role of Anders Holmvik, a straight-laced, responsible, but secretly ambitious character; and Newacheck plays the recurring character of Karl Hevacheck, a manager at the office where the trio works. Workaholics follows the lives of these three friends, who work as telemarketers at a company called TelAmeriCorp. The show delves into the absurdity of the work environment, their relationships with their co-workers, and their hilarious adventures outside of the office. Throughout Season 1, viewers are introduced to the distinct personalities of Blake, Adam, and Anders. Blake is often seen as the least mature of the group, frequently getting into bizarre situations and displaying a lack of common sense. Adam, on the other hand, is the wild card of the trio, always up for a party and willing to take risks. And Anders, although more responsible, often finds himself caught up in the chaos created by his friends. Some standout episodes from Season 1 include "Piss & S**t," where the guys must retrieve a urine sample for drug testing, leading to an outrageous sequence of events. "To Friend a Predator" follows the group as they unwittingly befriend a man they believe is a predator to help their friend who has his valuables stolen. And in "Office Campout," the guys decide to camp overnight in the office to prove their loyalty, leading to a series of comedic mishaps. The success of Workaholics can be attributed not only to its clever writing and absurd storylines but also to the chemistry between the main cast. Anderson, DeVine, and Holm have a natural comedic rapport that shines through in every episode. Their improvisational skills and ability to bounce off one another make for hilarious exchanges that leave viewers in stitches. The show's soundtrack, composed by David Katz, enhances the comedic tone and energy of Workaholics. Whether it's the catchy theme song "Goin' 'Gonin" or the background tracks during memorable moments, the music helps to create a lively and enjoyable viewing experience. Fans of Workaholics can revisit the laughs and adventures of Blake, Adam, and Anders by watching or downloading Season 1, along with the rest of the series, online. With its unique blend of workplace comedy and wild escapades, Workaholics has become a beloved cult classic, resonating with audiences who appreciate humor rooted in everyday situations. So, if you're in the mood for some comedic chaos and relatable workplace hijinks, make sure to check out Workaholics Season 1. With its unforgettable cast, clever writing, and energetic soundtrack, the show is guaranteed to leave you in stitches. Play and download the sounds of TelAmeriCorp, Rancho Cucamonga's finest telemarketing company, and join Blake, Adam, and Anders on their hilarious adventures.
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