Workaholics (2011) - Season 3 Edit

A "Captain Lou" Albano party with hockey chicks!

A Adam, what... what...

A booger serving station...

A chick masturbate with a summer sausage on the Internet.

A Dr. Telamericorp.

A freakin' phone book! Let's do this!

A gang of Tanqueray and some bubonic chronic.

A gentleman.

A good looking guy like yourself?

A great member of the sales team, right?

A hot dog bun

A huff of the hot... uh... The heat?

A la the funniest movie of all time, Austin Powers.

A lion?

A little ba ba ba ba...

A little bit of hype Williams...

A little blood of the patriots.

A little Lawry's seasoning, right?

A little too hot for you?

A lot of them probably haven't even sprouted pubes.

A lot of this money.

A month's all you got.

A piece of this country white bread.

A plain bagel with salmon cream cheese.

A Rob Huebel telescope,

A separate thing?

A she, an it. We're not sure.

A shirt that doubles as a cool hat.

A stout night out.

A super moon that we want to be well rested for tomorrow.

A tattoo parlor.

A way of saying that it, like, helps it.

A whole big box of raisins, boys.

A.K.A. "Psycho D."

A.K.A. "The Barracuda."

Aah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Whoa, no, no, no.

Aah, please don't kill us!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Ah ha ha ha!

Aah! Haa!

Aah! It's a big dick.

Aah!!

About any aspect of my lifestyle.

About that 10:00 thing.

About that, I can't, not today.

About the work guns and the free day.

About where I live,

Above the glade plug in in your house.

Above their heads to the glory of God.

Absolutely.

Abusive... you get the heck out of there.

According to her relationship status,

Act real, Alice, 'cause guess what.

Acting's for chicks, anyways.

Actually got a tattoo that says,

Actually jerky?

Actually scary scary movie marathon on Friday.

Actually still have that rock.

Actually, I don't know if we do.

Actually, I found a gray one the other day.

Actually, I ran out of batteries.

Actually, I was just about to leave.

Actually, me and the distance guys are

Actually, no. We don't know if it's a he,

Actually, nobody calls me Fartman anymore.

Actually, not bad.

Actually, since our houses have similar layouts,

Actually, they, um... They kicked me off the team

Actually, um...

Actually, we kind of still have them.

Actually, we really do need that pass, man.

Actually, we said one topic per.

Actually, you're right. I never even thought about that.

Actually...

Adam "the laugh giver" Demamp.

Adam and Blake.

Adam and I have some pretty lord worthy ideas

Adam, "The... The Laugh Ki... The Laugh... uh...

Adam, Adam, you okay?

Adam, are you sure this is a place to find street drugs?

Adam, are you... are you kidding?

Adam, come on, you're hurting the beer, buddy.

Adam, Ders... Ders is actually the cheater.

Adam, do not send me to voicemail.

Adam, great call with the safety harnesses, bud.

Adam, I got you!

Adam, just go to bed, all right?

Adam, no, I... I don't understand what...

Adam, no. I didn't...

Adam, park it.

Adam, this is not a bust.

Adam, what are you doing?

Adam, you can't kill them!

Adam!

Adam!

Adam! He's strong... Help me, Ders.

Adam?

Adam?

Adam? Oh, oh, my, oh, my...

Adam.

Adam.

Adam. Adam.

Adam... O.M.G. It's "G"

Adam's been possessed by Dr. Telamericorp!

Adam's choking, he's dying, man. We got to cut him down.

Adam's probably in there telling Bill to turn himself in.

Adjourning's the best. Obviously we're adjourning

After middle school, you were writing with my little brother.

After our big win, but this seemed like more fun.

After reviewing the evidence,

After the Xzibit concert, he deserves to know.

After them now!

Again?

Agh!

Agh! Grr. Whoo!

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I heard that.

Ah, cool. Uh, did you guys enjoy the show?

Ah, cut the crap. I know why you're here.

Ah, good movie.

Ah, I am so good. And you know what?

Ah, it skips me.

Ah, it's okay, bud. That's okay.

Ah, that sucks.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! That is so...

Ah.

Ah.

Ah...

Ah...

Aha.

Ahh!

Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahh...

Ahh...

Ain't that right, guys?

Ain't that right, way way?

Aka reality, aka consciousness.

Alas, there are but two handicap parking spots,

Alex. Temericorp. So cool. Hi.

Alice has moved on to greener pastures and I'm...

Alice just buzzed my celly

Alice Murphy from Telamericorp.

Alice Murphy, you dog.

Alice Murphy.

Alice probably felt some heat from the feds, right?

Alice, how many handicapped people

Alice, I am working it over there.

Alice, I Demamp to know what you did

Alice, perfect.

Alice, please, I haven't even lived yet, all right?

Alice, what they're trying to say is that

Alice, you're not gonna believe this.

Alice, you've got to shut it down now.

Alice! Hey, what's up? I... it's awesome to, eh,

Alice.

Alice.

Alice's computer accesses pornog.

All drug dealers have tattoos, right?

All fives.

All four at once.

All I saw was your faces.

All my friends are here. Is it...

All my friends are trippin', and I'm not.

All of a sudden, I have a little kiddie penis?

All of this on the day that would have been

All of your towels were my towels.

All right, a maniac, I like it, very cool.

All right, aim for this crevasse.

All right, Alice is breathing down my neck.

All right, all right,

All right, all right, all right, yeah.

All right, all right, all right.

All right, all right, don't hit me, okay?

All right, all right!

All right, already, Bill!

All right, and I'm just assuming that's your name

All right, Billy!

All right, but they're for protection.

All right, but you know those guys are like,

All right, cool. Like, so I go,

All right, dad, they're gonna send over the CSI guys to, um...

All right, Ders, fire this puppy up.

All right, Ders, why are you even bothering

All right, Ders, you're not understanding.

All right, Don, where is she?!

All right, dudes, he's gonna be here soon

All right, enough!

All right, everybody get back to work, now, please.

All right, everybody in the corner!

All right, everybody just be calm.

All right, everybody stay right where you are.

All right, fine, it's settled.

All right, fine. Let me think of another direction.

All right, freeze, bad guys.

All right, give me the painting.

All right, guys, let's go. We got work to do.

All right, here we go.

All right, hey, guys, tell me you're not

All right, hey, so are you sure you're ready, huh?

All right, I am under copious amounts of stress.

All right, I feel like you're making this stuff up now.

All right, I I love you, Jet Set.

All right, I just...

All right, I'll start low?

All right, I'm gonna go get my hot sauce from the car.

All right, I'm gonna show it to you.

All right, I've had just about enough of this!

All right, if we let these machines take our jobs,

All right, it's or this way, and

All right, it's time for you to meet our buddy,

All right, Jesse!

All right, just... well, don't break your neck!

All right, kevinjamesfan6 says,

All right, kick ass. All right.

All right, let's crank some cow cuttin' tunes!

All right, let's get over there before they get too comfortable.

All right, let's give it up for Adam, Anders, and Blake!

All right, let's go, Anders, you got this.

All right, like a tootsie roll, man.

All right, losers, I'm out of here.

All right, man. What are... what are we doing?

All right, now look, man, we got soup kitchens,

All right, now we find Alice, and we force her to free the people.

All right, now we're cooking.

All right, now, hold your breath as long as you can, okay?

All right, okay.

All right, once they leave, we'll make our move, and...

All right, so we're gonna

All right, so what the hell are you guys doing?

All right, so where's this acid?

All right, so, like, how many snaps should we write?

All right, so, uh, where's the bar?

All right, there's nothing more empowering

All right, this ought to make it fireproof.

All right, we'll just wait. We'll wait a little bit.

All right, we're handing it off to you, Billy.

All right, we're on a roll.

All right, welcome, welcome.

All right, well, hey, here is the TV.

All right, well, how do we go about doing that?

All right, well, I'll just, uh...

All right, well, maybe you are, but I'm not.

All right, well, we'll go get some bleach.

All right, well... try a "come hither" motion.

All right, whatever, but you three

All right, who's ready to smoke?

All right, yeah!

All right, you guys can have the pass.

All right, you know what? Get out. We're done.

All right, you know what? Take Adam with you.

All right, you take care, Bridget.

All right, you two are

All right, you're gonna want to listen to this.

All right!

All right!

All right!

All right! All right!

All right! Now...

All right? We all take turns pretending to be him,

All right? You have to give me odds.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Get this.

All right. Brajes and...

All right. Come on, come on, come on.

All right. Don't blow it.

All right. Lights!

All right. Oh, God.

All right. Thank you for your help, Mr. Vent man.

All right. That's terrible.

All right. Uh...

All right. Whoo!

All right. You got this, Ders.

All tattoo parlors have drug dealers.

All the fear, the emotions,

All the straw cowboy hats we can eat, and that's a deal.

All these kids, they're just children out there.

All these stupid ass trees.

All those things are true.

All you got to do is pretend like you were having sex

All: Billy! Billy! Billy!

All: Billy! Billy! Billy!

All: Billy! Billy! Billy!

All: Billy! Billy! Billy! Billy!

All: Ohh!

Also could we delete that?

Also, I got, uh... Gojo.

Also, Kevin Slater just tweeted,

Also, please let me know when a good time would be for my private apology.

Also, why'd you come at me so hard, bro?

Although this would be the room to do it in.

Am I the dude? Yeah, I'm the dude, man.

An amateur in front of my director.

An angel just got...

An Oriental.

And a boss who takes away my work guns is very bad,

And a free day to do whatever we want.

And a homeless person.

And a one, and a two, and a...

And a penchant for buggery.

And a reminder, all wolves fans,

And a suitcase full of your clothes.

And a three, and a two, and a...

And actually we said, "no cranking down."

And Alice kept sexually harassing him.

And Alice wants her bagel, so thank you.

And all I had was a B ball for them to sign.

And all she wants to do is murder you.

And all the babies crawling out of her vag.

And all, like, just punch each other, same time?

And also a lot of the pure strength.

And also how do you de blow a fuse?

And also money to take pictures with the Chupacabraj.

And also the hair, I would say, is an issue.

And also, I'd love to take you to lookout point of Rancho Cucamonga.

And also, who's Bill?

And another one of our commission checks stuffed into the pockets

And are you available this Saturday,

And as long as my mom thinks I have a job here,

And as we say in the ventilation business,

And be the kings of the Las Vegas strap.

And bill, I had the baby. She's in Phoenix.

And Blizz be sporting

And bring it to my car.

And bring them back alive.

And by bullet, I mean her vagina.

And by the time we come out here looking fresh to death,

And change the lanes to short course.

And check this out. I got a Swedish pen pal in town.

And cigarettes give you cancer, but I'm like, "worth it!"

And Cindy Lauper's dad.

And cook it. Oh, right.

And destroyed everything.

And destroyed it.

And disgusting man who was trying to ruin our party.

And do a bunch of acid with us.

And drugs... And titties.

And each one of us got four prostitutes!

And east and west if it'll find a goddamn cure!

And eat a dick. I quit!

And educated about women's bodies,

And force her to love us.

And formulate a well thought out plan.

And from all the stories I've heard about your dad,

And gaze at the super moon already?

And gently drop down to safety.

And get a knife finger up their butt

And get a look see at how you do things around here.

And get on outta here?

And get on your jammy jams.

And get the hell outta this hell, all right?

And get to work, please.

And get to working! Do you get me?

And getting paid to do the robot?

And give us the bonus handicap parking spot, okay?

And go, "you gotta go change the Lane lines now!"

And goes on the street and begs for money.

And good bye forever.

And guess what he does on the weekend?

And guess what she called me, man.

And guess what we saw?

And guts. It's jerky. It's pre jerky.

And harden your hair, for Christ's sake.

And have your face.

And he can't walk up stairs!

And he gave us a little doggie bag.

And he gave us, like, a ton of free books.

And he immediately could speak Cantonese.

And he just continued to squeeze the life

And he knows that, because we've been through this, Arthur.

And he put me in charge of surveillance.

And he wants you...

And he was cool with it.

And he's asking for you.

And he's back outta my life again.

And he's gone, and he's never coming back.

And he's gonna be like,

And he's my mate,

And her name was Roberta Paulson.

And here we ar...

And hey, God bless. Have a great day.

And his beard slips right through my fingers.

And hopefully you'll come back

And I actually need weed for, like,

And I always fill it with fresca,

And I am in charge of the pig.

And I am not footing the bill

And I am throwing you... A party, bro,

And I apologize in advance for marrying her.

And I became a Beagle Scout,

And I can't even concentrate on that

And I certainly don't know what "butthurt" means.

And I cherish you.

And I couldn't figure out how to pronounce it.

And I couldn't find it at first, but then I found it...

And I didn't get itchy at all.

And I don't approve of it.

And I don't know what he's gonna do next.

And I don't mean to be a dick about it,

And I don't think you're being fair.

And I drop the baby, and then I catch it.

And I gave her the dunking donut,

And I get why you guys like this place, man.

And I gotta save a spot in line at the video game store.

And I gotta say, it is so wonderful working with a fellow animal lover.

And I haven't even done anything with my life.

And I just thought of a good one.

And I know it's not uptown, 'cause I would remember that.

And I know...

And I let Travis take advantage of my innocence.

And I like parties.

And I liked it.

And I need you to find those little birds.

And I never got to Eiffel Tower a chick with one of you guys.

And I scratch it on my chest, and I say,

And I sliced my finger...

And I take off my shirt,

And I thought maybe you thought I was serious.

And I want receipts.

And I want the best bed 'cause I'm probably

And I wanted it to be perfect for you, you know.

And I will deliver.

And I would just absolutely loved if you weren't

And I would just laugh my shaft off.

And I would like to ask you

And I wouldn't say they didn't like it...

And I'll be perfectly honest.

And I'll just put it there, so...

And I'll pray for you.

And I'll tell you everything you want.

And I'm gonna bark at him like a big dog,

And I'm gonna be bunking with my boy

And I'm gonna get that contract with The Barracuda.

And I'm gonna prove it to you.

And I'm happy for the first time since I bowled my 300.

And I'm hungry.

And I'm not cranking down.

And I'm not jealous, P.S.

And I'm not just talking about the lush greenery.

And I'm not talking about this piece right here.

And I'm not talking about your Aunt Holly.

And I'm not talking about your Aunt Silvia.

And I'm not, and it's bothersome.

And I'm out.

And I'm out. Have fun roasting this bald pig.

And I'm ready for the acid life.

And I'm ready.

And I'm sure you had a climax that was unbearable,

And I'm the kind of guy that needs to just

And I'm thinking we can use my room

And if he doesn't deliver, it's on you.

And if I don't smoke something soon,

And if I'm being real, I'm worried about you, man.

And if we don't get there soon, she's gonna burn alive.

And if you could, por favor, keep eye out for Gus.

And if you ever call me again,

And if you're interested, we'll toss em to you.

And in conclusion,

And in exchange,

And in the heart cavity area.

And in the same way that Dr Pepper Ten

And it doesn't have to rest on a urinal cake.

And it sure as hell isn't a good joke.

And it takes over my soul, and then it 9/11s my whole body,

And it tastes exactly like that!

And it was a long sleeve shirt, so where's my dap at?

And it'll only be a matter of time

And it's a short list.

And it's about time you knew too.

And it's definitely not salmon flavored.

And it's gonna be super, so let's hit it.

And it's not good, man.

And it's so good to see you!

And just some more cookies.

And just working all day tomorrow.

And just, pbbbbb... Fug me hard.

And last, but definitely not gay...

And made some sort of sick voodoo,

And made them do it? Freak 'em out, right?

And may I remind you you are under oath?

And miss the pizza eating contest?

And mutated it into *** jazzercise

And my hair straightened out for, like, a month.

And my other boys in...

And my yerba mate.

And neither are we, because we're out.

And never tell a soul, all right?

And nighttime's a very dangerous time to work out.

And not get the $8,000 security deposit back.

And not liar people.

And not only are their hearts tender,

And not wearing moon boots. Oh...

And nothing but the truth about a vile

And now I'm just waiting for her to pass it.

And now is the butt kicking time,

And now it's time to take you back

And now this morning my brain's broken.

And now we're gonna have a sausage fest

And now we're the only ones that can put him back.

And piss on that mirror?

And put it in.

And put it on Youtube!

And remember her is by immediately forgetting her,

And right now, I've kind of found it

And she can't get away for up to 20 minutes.

And she might have Asperger's.

And she stabbed me in the head.

And she was committed?

And she's got the power to bring us out of the red.

And since we do have you here,

And since we're friends now, I was wondering

And since we're hiring, I figured he'd be

And sips from his frosty brewth.

And slim Jim dare.

And smoke a cigarette with the Lord's Force.

And some bubonic chronic.

And some meaty traps.

And some of these people in here are my friends.

And spermicide on my doughnut.

And sprayed nature lizard milk down my throat,

And stop flipping me off.

And stroke it and...

And suck their own.

And take two to one odds on our prop.

And takin'.

And tell us where the flag is?

And that I own my own home, which I don't, clearly.

And that is awesome, because we have those things.

And that is what we call the hammer tire!

And that just proves my theory

And that really bummed me out.

And that's not creepy.

And that's real.

And that's something I never thought I'd say.

And that's the one thing you should know about us.

And that's why I would like to introduce you

And that's, like, the gayest thing in the world.

And that's... that's a real thing.

And the answer is yes.

And the day keeps getting better.

And the fact that she showed the entire office her titties

And the last thing she said before she passed was,

And the living room's almost...

And the only reason I was so hard on you

And the screamin' when you ejac.

And the way you smack your pussy.

And the winner gets... Read that bottom line there.

And the yard is our house,

And then "cension."

And then add a little Jeff garlic

And then after we watch the show,

And then come back and nuke your mind

And then edit it around

And then he gets to see the unveiling

And then he transforms those idea people

And then he's probably gonna beat you up,

And then I had that bitch doing

And then I had to adopt her,

And then I read on another website

And then I think we sold an idea to trick.

And then I'm gonna take him to the yard,

And then Justin Timberlake, like, knocked him

And then my room will be a little jerk flavoring,

And then now you're...

And then once I get off work, I'll come bail you out, please.

And then she invites her new stud over...

And then there's this big hide and seek game

And then they always fall for it.

And then this is the killer.

And then Trick turned into a total wankster...

And then we can have Justanna move in with us,

And then we'll trigger the defense mech, in case they try to discharge.

And then when they sell out, you could sell 'em on eBay.

And then you beating us up, throwing us in a van.

And then you came in and made me look like

And then you die!

And then you handed it to a dog

And then you know how the story goes.

And then you'll feel like a stupid idiot

And then you'll probably hate it,

And then...

And then... and then we also caught him stealing a sandwich,

And then... and then when she gets all, like, horny...

And there you have it.

And there's gonna be a bunch of real gnar brajes and brajettes

And there's some pretty nifty items up for grabs.

And these two bisexual tweekers are...

And they also wanted to perform together.

And they just rip it out

And they're forced by their ruler, Tina,

And they're just, they got to...

And this is my version.

And this is my very good friend shipwreck.

And this poor bastard got dookie in his pants.

And this tall drink of champagne over here is the homey Andre.

And this? This is intestines.

And those Brazilian kids that were dancing behind each other.

And Tina persists where you would feel intrusive.

And to get her drunk.

And took eight bullets up my ass.

And took my scholarship, so...

And two... And three!

And use 'em as cereal bowls! You get me?

And wants me to join her in West Covina

And was stuck in a bathtub all night with instant oatmeal.

And watch mama toss.

And watch more classic movies.

And we all agree the best way to commemorate Homegirl's life

And we all love a back scratch!

And we all were just screaming, "Montez, stop,"

And we are going to murder the devil!

And we are going.

And we can begin the implant process,

And we can get to this proposal, 'cause I got some ideas.

And we can turn it into light!

And we can't make lightning strike luck twice.

And we did not rehearse that Lisa Loeb song

And we followed Bill this weekend.

And we gonna name her Montessa.

And we left.

And we love what we've been shmeeking.

And we need a new drug dealer...

And we need to talk about that.

And we surely don't wanna work with you either.

And we want to announce to everyone

And we want to share the rest of our lives with you.

And we would pick up the hind legs and walk down the street and wave at people.

And we'll be back

And we'll kill you too.

And we'll never forget you, so...

And we're all still coming into work tomorrow.

And we're gonna make enough money

And we're here to put an end to the reign of Tina.

And we're just sitting here all merona ed out.

And we're S .O.O.L.

And what, I'm supposed to, what,

And what's funny is I even found you dudes a present,

And what's her name, Ders?

And whatever's in arm's reach.

And when he got hit by a cement truck

And when he's about to pound her,

And when I get there, what to do with it.

And who are the idiots here?

And why don't you ladies go ahead and give him a hand?

And why don't you take the rest of your life

And yeah, he beat me up pretty good.

And you are off the chain. Thank you.

And you are taking it.

And you didn't give us any of that.

And you invited us to party here?

And you just swipe a card, and they give you

And you know how crazy that guy can get.

And you know I can't have it at the house

And you know what, I'm not ready to lose

And you know what's weird?

And you know your bitch has a sweet tooth.

And you know, Ders is working on that little ice pick.

And you live on the swim team floor.

And you poison the whole team?

And you probably got something like just crazy,

And you ruined our last day in America.

And you threw a rock. You... you did that.

And you, frankly, were not meeting those needs.

And you're absolutely right, you know.

And you're gonna be super sorry about it, okay?

And you're gonna see a line.

And you're just the woman, God, to help me with it.

And, dude, we looted this grocery store.

And, dude, you should have seen what I did in my pants.

And, like, you're not scared, right?

And, uh, also there was a name

And, uh, he's the best I've ever met.

And, uh, just kind of... oh!

And, uh, we'll come up, and we'll save you in a minute.

And, uh, you know...

And, uh... and Blake the...

And...

And... and now there's nothing left of her.

And... Let's do acid.

And... thank you.

Anders Holmvik, resident advisor.

Anders Holmvik, resident advisor.

Anders, follow the leader.

Anders, son of Thor.

Animals.

Anna! I'm being told there's someone in your chat room

Anna?

Anna?

Annie, this is for you and the kids.

Announce yourself next time.

Another planet devoured by the mighty Galactus.

Another sale stolen by Tina.

Another Valentine's day with my boys,

Any and all betting at RC South goes through us.

Any dude that wears a cane, you know he's, like...

Any other time, I swear to God, okay?

Any sign of what's clogging the drain, my main man?

Any sign of what's clogging the drain?

Anybody got any hard drugs?

Anybody got any hard drugs?

Anyone else wanna be a hero?

Anyway you can get 'em, man.

Anyway, hey, this was fun, but we should probably head back.

Anyway, I made you breakfast.

Anyway, look,

Anyway, so it'll just be me and you,

Anyway, uh, given, you know,

Anyway, um, you took a picture of me which was not cool,

Anyway, what's been going on with you guys, huh?

Anyway, what's going on with you, Ders?

Apology accepted...

Apparently it happened way before I was born.

Apparently you do.

Apparently, some homeless people broke into the old offices

Appreciate you rinsing your hair out.

Are responsible for training him.

Are the kitty's titties.

Are there cats everywhere?

Are way worse than the coyotes out there."

Are we human...

Are we just gonna let him go?

Are we sure we want to hold up a mirror to society

Are you asking me?

Are you crazy?

Are you guys crazy?

Are you guys talking to us?

Are you having sex with each other?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding, after last night?

Are you kidding? You just drove a boat through my yard.

Are you leaving?

Are you men or not?

Are you pregnant? Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.