Modern Family (2009) - Season 2 Edit

A bad doggy treat.

A bad doggy treat.

A big gay angel.

A bookshelf fell...

A bruja is a witch, and a gargle is a gargle.

A couple of puzzles, no shots.

A cracked valve, a stripped pipe.

A doctor had to cut off my wedding ring.

A door lock. How embarrassing.

A dreamer, a poet.

A few weeks ago, they asked for someone to be in charge of the school dance...

A flavor coyotes hate.

A herd of cows dropped dead for no reason.

A hunch? I'm skipping church based on a hunch?

A hyphen?

A little more expensive, but I can swing it.

A little off his game.

A little? It's hard to watch.

A little.

A loud noise.

A man that can say no when I can't.

A necklace made of the Froot Loops. I love it.

A new attitude towards kale.

A sex symbol?

A shot. Oh, with our only child. Sure, why not?

A tolerant attitude toward your flights of lunacy.

A tool, a douche and me...

A trip to Colombia?

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah! Aaah!

Aaah! My hand!

About a guy eating in a diner, alone.

About eight years old...

About even the tiniest comment concerning his physique.

About Maria Victoria's first communion.

About that little accident that "wasn't your fault"...

About that obnoxious parrot of yours that's always squawking.

About that, I've been thinking. College is still a ways away.

About the Chiavari chairs... I want you to bring 'em when you come.

About what would happen to Lily if anything were ever to happen to us.

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

According to my credit card, my wife is in Europe...

Ace, you wanna wire my boy up here? Go ahead.

Act like it was a big, funny mix up. Crack a few jokes, lighten the mood.

Action. Oh, no!

Actually you might be able to help me with this one.

Actually, I think they meant "Slow down," talking to you.

Actually, I wanna talk to them, because I've been thinkin' about what you said last night...

Actually, I'm trying not to think about my act right now.

Actually, I've been writing a little song of my own.

Actually, it was really great.

Actually, it's not.

Actually, Miss Daisy was the one being driven, not the one driving.

Actually, she's peeing on the ground floor.

Actually, the most adult adulterers ever.

Adopt. Yay!

Adopting! Yay!

After that, I didn't return any of her phone calls...

After the meltdown I just had in there...

After you invest in Good Doggy Bad Doggy...

Again, I'm... I'm so sorry.

Again, sorry about that.

Ah, are you making a bad pun or just lisping?

Ah, finally. There's a spot.

Ah, Gloria, come on. Let's sit down.

Ah, Irene opened her big trap.

Ah, no one's grabbing anyone. It's a neighbor.

Ah, there's nothing wr...

Ah, you're welcome. Very sexy.

Ah!

Ah! Ow.

Ah! That is great news!

Ah. Sheesh.

Ah. Was I that obvious?

Ah. Well, it's great to see you.

Ah. Wow.

Aha!

Ahead!

Ahh... Ohh!

Alex is right. We're idiots.

Alex, come on. Hurry up. The later we are, the more Cheryl texts me to do.

Alex, honey, come on. We're gonna be late.

Alex, take it off.

Alex? Honey?

Alex.

All I ask is that a little girl's birthday wishes...

All I ask... all I ask... is that you leave me Halloween. Yeah, Halloween.

All I know is you gotta fight for what you want.

All I want is, when I go to bed at night...

All I'm saying is that there's no downside to more education.

All mine!

All of these schools like to brag about their diversity.

All out in the open, so she has nothing to be ashamed of.

All out of napkins. Paper towels in bathroom, Mitchell.

All right, ahh.

All right, all right. Shut up!

All right, and now, because I never wanna hear this again...

All right, but we gotta be back early...

All right, do me. Do me, do me, do me.

All right, go get your gavel, Judge Judy.

All right, Haley, nothing's gonna happen to your sweater.

All right, if I'm thinking about it...

All right, if you have to say something...

All right, just bring it this way. This way.

All right, kid, come on. Get on.

All right, now. I just wanna run through this really quick with everybody.

All right, so everybody has to be here at 5:30 to rehearse our house of horrors.

All right, so I would tell Cam to lose the bike shorts?

All right, uh, Manny. I can't get involved, but...

All right, what do you suggest we do?

All right, wish me luck.

All right, you should also know that I, in no way...

All right, you're solids, which you won't be able to eat in a few years.

All right!

All right! You in the mood to lose?

All right? I'm your rock.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Claire. Claire.

All right. You bet.

All right. Hey!

All right. Hey. One for Daddy. Whoo!

All right. Let's see.

All right. Or maybe I can just wave my hands over it and heal it that way.

All right. Thank you very much, and if...

All right. Well, Cam, it's just that sometimes...

All she's hearing is, "I'm smarter than you."

All the girls at work love it when I bring Luke by.

All the women at work were too busy to use the certificates.

All those joke e mails she forwarded to me months after I'd already seen 'em.

All those kids out there...

All those Mother's Day cards I sent her.

All we need is a tablespoon of love, one cup of warmth.

Allow me, Dad. I'm a great teacher.

Alone with my thoughts.

Also, I talked to the insurance company...

Although he never said anything was black, 'cause he was a pretty big racist.

Although I doubt he stopped there.

Although if this was the '60s, we'd be a couple of "confirmed bachelors"...

Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that?

Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that?

Am I gonna start doing stuff like that all the time?

Am I right?

Am I wrong, or has it been working? I feel like it's been working.

Amazing.

America doesn't have a king.

Americans spent $40 billion on dog training?

Amongst other things, for years, and you never listen to me.

An empty coffee can.

And "these people," as you call them, are not just employees.

And a couple of hours later, I was knocking the hide off that ball.

And a mango kiwi smoothie, all ice cream.

And all he wants is an hour of your time... half hour.

And all you could see were the whites of my eyes.

And all you do is mock me. Just go.

And an hour to kill.

And another flock of birds fell out of the sky.

And as the music swells...

And attacked him with Oasis for Men.

And because it was properly anchored to the wall, it was sort of a ripple effect.

And before he even sees her, he realizes he's fallen in love.

And before that, you thought you had a cold that turned out not to be a cold.

And Bob?

And boots.

And boys rule and girls drool.

And by the way, I'm the one who makes speeches on airplanes every time someone looks at us weird.

And by the way, Lily is Vietnamese, not Japanese.

And by the way, what do you think of that place... Billingsley Academy?

And call yourself Snoop Dogg, like you did last year.

And can you give me the sale prices for some things I bought last week?

And caught me doing the most embarrassing thing that a boy can do...

And Dad... Dad, it goes lightning, thunder, fog cue.

And did you think it might be a hoot to ask me first?

And enjoy this musical trip around the world!

And even though she's no longer with me...

And eventually it's Mother's Day every day.

And every beautiful woman deserves flowers...

And everyone was screaming, "That's him! Get Quasimodo!"

And felt betrayed and ran away and became a stripper...

And finally, here we are back at the office.

And for hours, I'm just lying there, fishing...

And for some reason I drag this boat out on the lake...

And for the better part of a half hour...

And from that moment on, there's always been a part of me that I've kept from him.

And Gloria, since when do you speak English?

And half of her last name would belong to the guy who left us.

And he does not have a crush on me.

And he does this with everything. He does it with books, with movies, with TV.

And he gets sick.

And he honked.

And he just stared back at me, mesmerized.

And he wasn't drinking or anything.

And he went into the garage and punched the car.

And he's straight, so there's no weirdness.

And here we have a phone in the shape of a mouth.

And here's the thing.

And hopefully you don't raise a serial killer.

And how are you gonna fend 'em off with a Popsicle stick?

And how do we know the right Middle Eastern businessman...

And how much longer do I have to listen to the Julia Child impression?

And I accidentally read a few flirty text messages...

And I appreciate how hard you're trying not to roll your eyes right now.

And I believe you are gonna finish it.

And I bought you a motorcycle.

And I bought you a motorcycle.

And I call the shots around here.

And I can't decide between french fries or onion rings.

And I can't slather that boring music in tartar sauce.

And I can't tell him because he gets incredibly sensitive...

And I certainly can't talk to him about it...

And I changed my forestry major.

And I could say it's 'cause we're family...

And I couldn't help but notice that you weren't alone.

And I couldn't help but think if I hit just one of 'em...

And I did everything I can to stop them from fighting.

And I do...

And I don't appreciate you making me feel bad...

And I don't have time to go home and change.

And I don't know if you do or not, but...

And I don't know why that's such a bad thing.

And I don't like you here with my ex.

And I don't think that you were the good girl you pretend you were.

And I have never once said a word...

And I have ordered one dozen Mylar balloons.

And I haven't seen her since.

And I hit that with a bent club.

And I just co said it.

And I know that sounds a little bit like a racial slur...

And I know why you worry about me...

And I know... Stop it. Okay...

And I let him know, without saying a word...

And I mean me, not another guy named Dylan.

And I mean nobody yells at my little...

And I need to do better, and I will.

And I put on the sugar jacket.

And I ruined Cam's event.

And I swear she was trying to say your name.

And I tell Phil to lose the jokes.

And I think it's best you don't come around here anymore.

And I think it's gonna throw people off if you move them around.

And I think sometimes, I don't know, maybe the boys would be better off...

And I thought I would die. But it passed.

And I volunteered.

And I wanna hear this story sometime, but I'm sorta counting down to a rupture here!

And I wanna hold onto that for a little while longer.

And I want him to be healthy, so it is all good.

And I was afraid that it would start a big fight and that you would hate me...

And I was not arrested, per se.

And I was thinking, I don't know...

And I wasn't gonna dent this one.

And I will take Luke to do something fun.

And I would have lost the love of my life.

And I would never forgive myself if I came between you.

And I wouldn't blame Broderick if he did too.

And I... I hate to see those tickets go to waste.

And I'd still be trapped in a loveless marriage.

And I'm a very bad good cop.

And I'm doing this for you...

And I'm going to be an evil village bruja.

And I'm gonna have to trade you in for a newer model.

And I'm handling it really well.

And I'm just gonna lie in bed anyways

And I'm lower.

And I'm not just talking about us walking in on their little freak show earlier.

And I'm not the most demonstrative guy around.

And I'm older than you...

And I'm pathetic.

And I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.

And I'm sure you could understand why we would be concerned about that.

And I'm taking this with me in the car.

And I'm the last person who could say anything because he...

And I'm worried he's gonna humiliate himself in front of all those important people.

And I've got a super sweet job driving that limo outside.

And I've gotta go by the gym.

And if my plan had been successful...

And if she says, "Phil, the TV's driving me crazy"...

And if she says, "The waiter I had today was so rude"...

And if we have one person to thank for that, it would be...

And if you ain't White, you ain't right!

And if you knew Frankie Valli, you'd be cracking up right now.

And if your friends don't believe in you, then what else do you have?

And isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about?

And it got me thinking about where Gloria and I were gonna end up after we die.

And it is my job to make sure that you girls don't get involved with a predator.

And it is not strange...

And it made me realize this dance is about them.

And it reminded me of where I went in Missouri.

And it took us a year to make.

And it was awesome.

And it would explain why she was so awkward with me, and...

And it's a magical time.

And it's a whole lot of new friends and experiences...

And it's actually getting worse.

And it's always been kind of a fantasy for me.

And it's, uh, been leaking a little water.

And it's... it's been a big commitment, but it's totally worth it.

And Jay and I are throwing on the aprons and preparing a Mother's Day feast.

And jumped to some conclusions that were perhaps not true.

And just like that, peace returned to our house.

And just so you know, a lot of people think I'm adorable.

And keep your blinds closed when you're doing your little sexy dance.

And knock their socks off.

And L'Michael?

And left the car.

And let me tell you something, this chick was fat, okay?

And let's face it. Your mom can't keep her hands off me...

And Lily would be a Yorkie.

And little kids can be friends with old people, right?

And look, there's merry old England.

And loving and caring.

And made me look like a fool.

And make you happy sends the wrong message, Mitchell... I really do.

And maybe that doesn't mean anything to you anymore...

And maybe they don't let their kids play with Manny.

And mean.

And meet me at our hotel in 30 minutes.

And Mitch is uptight.

And moms who like to jog.

And my father took me out to the field...

And my teeth.

And needs a little bit of business advice.

And neither are you. You did Godspell one summer in a barn.

And no whatever else I can think of.

And not let a serial killer in the front door.

And not the heart of gold kind, the by the airport kind.

And now he's the perfect guardian for Lily.

And now I'm driving around from store to store...

And now she realizes she's wasted her entire life.

And now she's late.

And now you two.

And now, honey, I'm... I'm glad it happened.

And of course, J.J. McCubbin.

And on Monday they're gonna start the process...

And one of my fellow clowns put me out with a bucket of flammable confetti.

And our long Amish nightmare is over.

And pays for things with a hundred dollar bill?

And plants are life.

And plenty.

And really scary. I haven't been single since I was nine.

And rightfully so, but you have to help me.

And say good bye, shake hands, wish each other well?

And see how far you can push them, until finally, look at me, you win! You win!

And she also left me a fantastic recipe for sauce, which now is getting cold.

And she doesn't even have to come tonight if she doesn't want to.

And she loves her grandmother.

And she said she'd only been married a year...

And she said, "Take a hike."

And she says to him, "Let me tell you something. Nobody...

And she wants to be laid to rest with her new husband.

And she wouldn't find the stain for years.

And smart guys go for dumb girls?

And some putz who could never live up to me.

And sometimes it's just excruciating.

And Steven and Stefan?

And thanks for your help today, Cam.

And that doesn't make it any easier.

And that man doesn't necessarily needs to be you.

And that mook Joey Calieri stole my bike and you put his head in the ice.

And that song would be called "The Greatest Woman That Ever Lived."

And that song would be called "The Greatest Woman That Ever Lived."

And that time, I was the one getting it.

And that would preferable to, say...

And that you were gonna leave...

And that's a good thing, 'cause I never liked kids.

And that's the solution... Manny sleeps in the backyard till the dog dies of old age?

And that's what makes us such a good couple, you know? But...

And that's what she did. "Eh eh."

And that's when I saw it.

And that's where I met the Litvaks.

And the ambulance ride to the hospital.

And the best part about me is my family.

And the boys think you're cute, and you are cute.

And the fact that you hear it too...

And the ink spraying capabilities of an octopus...

And the man who loves her more than anyone else on earth.

And the next day it's gone? You tell me.

And the next time and the next time...

And the only restaurant within walking distance is Shawarma City.

And the poetry... it's not very good.

And the program will start in a few minutes, on time.

And the scared monkey became the brave one.

And the thing is I knew I was terrible, and I was going anyway.

And the van with the beanbag chairs.

And the way she's making my sister run around...

And the worst thing is that you sold me out without warning...

And then another story after."

And then at night Lily can hear our voices before she goes to sleep.

And then Gloria pops up as the evil village bruja and she says...

And then I see the way that he looks at you, and...

And then I would be the one taking care of a baby...

And then I'm going to the mall.

And then Luke threw up all over the car.

And then pushing part of the floor up, causing the bathroom door...

And then some idiot suggests it, and you can't wait to try a wedge salad?

And then the majestic Franklin Middle School insignia will drop into position...

And then the townspeople started chasing me and that's when I wet my pants!

And then there were three.

And then they do something that shows you...

And then this morning left a cute little note that said, "Having breakfast with Robbie."

And then threw my gym bag on top of them and completely forgot they existed.

And then tonight, right before the concert...

And then we complained for, like, a second and we're the bad guys?

And then when you get her, you can tell her whatever you want.

And then you come along and you steal my thunder...

And there's a lesson in there for you too.

And there's Frisbee golf, and you go snow sledding on cafeteria trays.

And there's water damage. There's water everywhere.

And they heard that there was a very special baby in a faraway land...

And they let me ride in the front seat before I was 60 pounds.

And they need to be broken.

And they need to try to live up to that person.

And they never shut the gate at the top of the stairs when we were babies.

And they want Lily.

And they were good looking guys, Jay, with money.

And they were, like, "Who's there?" And I was all...

And they're not crazy at all.

And this is just my way of saying thank you and I love you.

And this is just the beginning. Today is your day.

And this is my loving wife and devoted mother of three, Winnie.

And this is one of those moments.

And this year I predict total White domination.

And thought the hot tub was for the whole building.

And try and kiss him in front of a million people?

And we all get turns punching him in the stomach until he barfs.

And we bought Lily a beautiful birthday gift.

And we can all brainstorm your next idea.

And we can put the money in her college account.

And we didn't have bathing suits, and blah, blah, blah.

And we have a great set of encyclopedias... somewhere.

And we have all the answers.

And we have that concert tonight.

And we see this little picture called Solomon and Sheba.

And we skipped Alex altogether.

And we want to pass all that on to our children.

And we're left lying next to a complete stranger...

And we're never good together.

And we're really sorry we didn't let you go fishing.

And what does a bad dog get?

And what else?

And when it comes to my mom...

And when we do call, Amelia, you said...

And when we do, he's gonna get an earful of this.

And when you're nervous your little hairs twitch.

And with this guy, I mean that literally.

And yes, I went there.

And yet can't stop talking about it?

And yet here he was laughing with my friends.

And yet still you didn't get the rat traps I sent you for. Thank you.

And yet you wore the hat the whole time.

And you "fell asleep" on the stairs.

And you accuse us of taking your dog!

And you and Lily are the best things that have ever happened to me.

And you brought me my dinner up here and my comic books.

And you chewed Angela Lansbury's ear off?

And you don't want to miss that, because when it's gone, it's gone.

And you have been given a rare opportunity...

And you hear every little sound.

And you just hope there's not too much damage.

And you know I always eat after I talk to my mother.

And you know what I end up with? Wet dreams!

And you know what? Go karting's just the beginning.

And you know what? I wouldn't worry too much.

And you know, I'm the exact same way about my clothes.

And you lay down and I buy you a little dress, hmm?

And you like a sad old man that doesn't want to be happy! That's it!

And you need to take some of that power back.

And you should talk. You haven't even started on your gift yet.

And you want to upstage him.

And you were gonna take me for an egg cream.

And you're Clive Bixby. Remember?

And you're more of a caregiver, and I have... other strengths.

And you're not mad at me?

And you're probably not entirely off base.

And your mom fought it off with the fire extinguisher.

And, as I recall, the two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other.

And, Cam, put down the scotch. You're not fooling anyone.

And, darlin', I need a night with my homeys.

And, Luke, I want you to get in a hot bath right away.

And, oh, trust me, that doesn't last forever.

And, uh, we all participated...

And... I don't know... maybe the problem was me.

And... maybe I do touch you too much.

Another great thing about college... complete independence.

Another time I remembered, but she didn't like the gift.

Any idea would be a better idea.

Any... Any time. I can meet you wherever...

Anybody hurt?

Anybody puts my kid in danger doesn't get a second chance.

Anyhoo, guess who's sitting at the table next to us.

Anything else? Who wants a milk shake?

Anyway, happy birthday to me.

Anyway, he's a super cool guy...

Anyway, I saw you yesterday across the mall, after we spoke...

Anyway, my crush was gay. At least I had a shot.

Apparently, she always wished you'd married Robbie.

Apparently, this gentleman doesn't think I can throw a ball.

Are just lookin' for something that we've already got.

Are the movie rights available for that one?

Are those Haley's scores? Are you sure?

Are we all gonna have to get jobs?

Are we holding our kids back?

Are we looking at weeks, months?

Are you against life?

Are you aware that, last year...

Are you familiar with the term "Dunphy, party of one"? Because you will be.

Are you familiar with the term "throwing good money after bad"?

Are you going to hit him? I'd totally hit him.

Are you gonna get upset and start eating all the appetizers again?

Are you gonna walk faster, or should I get Lily's stroller out of the car and push you?

Are you here to see Deux Jour de la Vie?

Are you homeless?

Are you implying I'm not being a good dad now?

Are you insane?

Are you insane? Look at this place.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Calm down?

Are you kidding me? It's lucky.

Are you kidding me? Not the...

Are you kidding me? This is what I'm talking about, Mitchell. You never listen when I...

Are you kidding me? You were born 16.

Are you kidding? Their parents never talked about anything...

Are you living in our daughter's princess castle?

Are you not listening?

Are you okay, baby? Do you need another pillow?

Are you really getting on me about the dry clean...

Are you really the best judge of this kind of thing?

Are you seeing this? We are making every light, and we don't even have to speed.

Are you serious?

Are you sure this is teal?

Are you sure you're all right, Gloria?

Are you sure?

Are you talking about Rob Lowe?

Are you there? Put him on the phone.

Are you trying to get candy or Japanese businessmen?

Are you trying to get Claire's password?

Are...

Aren't my thing?

As a crowd of kids rounded the corner, saw the pile of candy...

As are you, Juliana. You look hot enough to cook a pizza on...

As if there's any other kind. Am I right?

As interchangeable stereotypes, not human beings.

As is evidenced by my law degree...

As long as we can agree he does not have a crush on me.

As long as you got it covered...

As my lovely wife, Gloria, pointed out, that's my fault, not yours.

As soon as I started talking about Reiki...

As soon as you heard I was sick, you treated me different.

As you get older and explore your sexuality...

As you give your homework, you wouldn't be in this situation.

As you know, Claire and I didn't quite finish ours.

Aside from you turning into a 16 year old girl.

Ask the gargle.

Ask you a little something... What are you doing with my mother?

At least I am trying to handle this better than the two of you did.

At least I don't look like an idiot.

At least once a month, I find a total stranger sitting in my kitchen.

At least you have an excuse, unlike Steven and Stefan.

At movie theaters, she says I'm 11.

At our 10 year reunion we got a little drunk...

At Pepper's Three Faces of New Year's Eve party?

At some point I realize I'm sitting on the button to the high school intercom system.

At the mall where sh...

At this rate, I'm gonna miss the first dance... at my wedding.

Aw, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan.

Aw, Jay.

Aw, so close!

Aw, that's so sweet. No. No, I didn't get anything.

Aw. Good.

Aw. That's the sweetest thing I've ever seen.

Awesome!

Awesome. Thanks so much for your time.

Awkward, actually.

Ay, ay, ay. My head.

Ay, Cameron, it's not Mitch's fault. He gets it from his father.

Ay, I want to get in the boat.

Ay, I would love to spend more time with her...

Ay, Jack is so nice.

Ay, Jay, wait!

Ay, Jay, you're so good to me.

Ay, Jay.

Ay, Jay. I... I think you have to take me now to the hospital.

Ay, Jay. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Ay, like you would be okay with me stealing a dog.

Ay, look at the princess. It's so beautiful.

Ay, look at this.

Ay, look. This might work.

Ay, Manny, I didn't mean any of it.

Ay, Manny, that's not a rash. It's red because you scratch it.

Ay, Mitch, I said I was sorry.

Ay, my poor papi...

Ay, no, no, no, Jay. Don't push me. I don't want to get hurt.

Ay, no. Not "the thing." I hate "the thing."

Ay, papi, why do you need these things to make you popular?

Ay, thank you.

Ay, wait. You left this.

Ay, you see? Problem is solved.

Ay.

Ay. Guillermo, I'm sorry.

Ay. I love the story about the old man.

Ay. I remember my own father holding my hand.

Ay. Sorry, sorry.

Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years.

Baby Jesus. BB gun. More baby Jesus. Ay, another baby...

Bacon. The bad doggy treat is very bland.

Barb, it's my fault too.

Basically, it's two adults. Adults.

Be careful with the bump.

Be in my corner. Don't be so critical.

Be nice. It took me 20 minutes to find my opera cloak.

Be right back.

Beats slapping the chicken.

Beautiful. One more, gals.

Because a kiss can mean so many different things.

Because Cam sent me a picture of her in her makeup chair.

Because Claire says so.

Because ever since I met him, I've been trying to get Phil to try a wedge salad.

Because everything is your thing.

Because God forbid I say anything negative about his mom.

Because he doesn't think it's funny. Or maybe you don't think I'm funny.

Because he's an old friend. What was I gonna do, not invite him?

Because I can assure you...

Because I can't live up to your impossible standards.

Because I couldn't live with myself...

Because I don't want anything bad to happen to you.

Because I feed you and I clothe you and I pay the mortgage.

Because I left them at your uncles's house last night.

Because I never get him to do anything different.

Because I say so and because I'm your dad...

Because I'd hate for my broken hip and subsequent pneumonia...

Because I'm not an idiot!

Because if Claire doesn't get her Halloween...

Because if you could care less, it means you care a little bit.

Because in Colombia, we trip over goats and we kill people in the street.

Because it is so easy to get a reputation.

Because my boyfriend and I had gone swimming in somebody's pool...

Because out on the porch, the scarecrow pops to life...

Because people look so much like raccoons.

Because right now it kinda just looks like a clump of tables and a big open space.

Because she didn't tell me. She just freaked out.

Because she drive me crazy when she's in charge of these things.

Because she wants to hit her own children.

Because she's angry I didn't show up.

Because somewhere out there is a worried little girl...

Because that's really gonna...

Because that's what sisters do.

Because that's what they do in Colombia.

Because the brakes weren't "working right."

Because the gray one washes me out.

Because the lady say you biting.

Because the personal electronics...

Because they're the first words she ever heard.

Because this is just like pool hopping all over again.

Because we feel sorry for you, 'cause books are your friends.

Because we're not buying Haley a car.

Because we're white and she presumably likes rice...

Because when somebody works in a salon, they know when someone needs to talk.

Because when this thing is behind us, we never have to think about it again.

Because whenever you do, I'm the one that...

Because you never tell me the bad stuff.

Because you're a bossy control freak who look down"...

Because you're all so involved with your little gizmos...

Because you're only interested in seeing these children...

Because your bike is here.

Before I hit you in the head, head, head.

Before we could stop him, it was all over everything.

Before you judge me, I have come in second to Gil Thorpe...

Behind him he hears a woman talking. He doesn't turn around.

Being disciplined by someone else outside the family scared him into stopping."

Being grounded is so much worse than it was in the olden days.

Believe it, girl.

Believe me, honey, there are many better options out there.

Believe me. And it's best for everybody if you just do it quickly.

Besides, I can't be mad at you, not on our special day.

Besides, this neighborhood's getting a little crazy.

Best Valentine's Day ever!

Bet it's the first time you ever heard that one.

Better start saving for some sort of home health care plan...

Better than Mom leaving the stove on, which she's done twice this month.

Between a bad doggy treat and the good doggy treat?

Bingo! And for the rest of my life, I swore one day I would marry Gina Lollobrigida.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!

Blah, blah, blah. So... It finally reached the point...

Blot! Don't rub, blot!

Bobby? Could you come out here?

Bobby.

Boobs Lori or adult braces Lori?

Book? Wake up and smell the Internet, grandma.

Bored is right.

Both of them? Wow.

Both times, I hit a goat. One was hurt pretty bad.

Bottle of red. Bottle of... What?

Boy, can that guy go on and on. Tangent after tangent.

Boy, I couldn't love this entry any more. It's very welcoming.

Boy, I think Claire's working through some stuff because...

Boy, I wish Haley would date some other boys.

Boy. I'm a boy!

Boys are surprisingly sensitive at that age.

Boys versus girls. Testosterone versus estrogen.

Boys, here's the only thing you gotta know about being a man...

Boys.

Brady's injured. No!

Brava!

Briefly... handling explosives...

Brilliant! We're going to be rich!

Brilliant.

Bring it, Laura. You wanna test me? I've been tested my whole life.

Bring it.

Broderick?

Buckle up, Luke.

Buckle up.

Buddy, don't close yourself off from new things.

Buddy, we're just looking out for you.

Buddy. You okay?

Built up resentment, money issues, met a younger lid.

Busted!

But after what she said to Manny...

But after you hearing my presentation...

But also like I ate a bad scallop...

But apparently, at this new company...

But are you by any chance the foxy mom in the new Horizon Realty ad?

But at home I sleep on the right side, so probably there.

But at least Mitchell's new here.

But believe me, we're close in our own way.

But better they fall short of the fake you than the real you.

But Claire won't take any of my ideas.

But did you see both sides? I didn't just do the gay ear.

But don't fill up. We've got intestines coming.

But don't forget the kids still have their big gift.

But guess what? He is still in the stupid bike shorts.

But he could charm your socks off.

But he made the people that makes the church, and you're making me angry!

But he's so much more realistic now.

But he's there when you get back.

But here we are...

But honestly, I don't see anything that's cause for alarm.

But honestly, sometimes I wonder about him.

But I also ate there again on Saturday, and she wasn't there then either.

But I also like rubbing Manny's head for good luck.

But I can't get this new printer to...

But I can't get to the car without going through the office.

But I didn't intend it that way.

But I don't have a better idea.

But I feel like it's leading to something else.

But I had a crush on your mother back in high school.