Modern Family (2009) - Season 6 Edit

A a and this is nothing to do with you,

A a few people feel that you came across a little

A are you saying no?

A bear, a hunter who doesn't take kindly to city folk,

A big one.

A bit distant.

A bookmark made of movie tickets

A br a break from what?!

A bra?

A career in real estate is what I want.

A coach has to do what's best for the team.

A couple of months ago, I was shopping at barneys

A crying baby complained about me.

A cup of coffee? $3.50.

A friend of hers needs it for a wedding,

A gold heart! Really?

A guy like me gets that lucky, he quits while he's ahead.

A hand off. Okay, what yeah.

A husband is somebody who loves you

A little champagne, and dinner will be ready in 10 minutes.

A little something about free will.

A little tip from an old pro

A lot of boys flirt with me.

A lot of criticism

A lot of people assume

A monster. Mm.

A movie called "demolition notice," right?

A new car!

A nursery.

A picture of mitchell and his prom date shaking hands.

A reflecting pond.

A spice I brought from colombia.

A standing ovation for you will crush him!

A superhero whose heart can beat a thousand times a minute.

A trip for just the two of us. It's perfect.

A weekend of dutch pancake balls after that.

Aaaaaaaah! [ laughs ]

Aaaah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! [ both laugh ]

Aah! [ laughs ]

Aah! Claire: What's happening?!

Aah! It's fine! It's fine!

Aah! Make it stop!

Aah! Ooh hoo hoo! Ooh!

Aah! Phil, nothing.

Aah! Phil!

About an hour ago, and guess what.

About boys.

About genetically modified space marines?

About taking it down a notch?

About the gymnast with the hump.

About the whole Greensleevers thing.

About this opening in miss sparrow's class

About this princess castle

About this whole thing with andy.

About where to go to school, it's you...

About why I want you to become a citizen.

Abracad ouch.

Absolutely not, lily.

Achoo! [ gasps ]

Action.

Activate voice control!

Actually, he learned two! Play him the other one.

Actually, I do have a tiny favor to ask.

Actually, mr. Dunphy, I was hoping I could speak with you.

Actually, now's a good time to look

Actually, one of them has asperger's.

Actually, she didn't say anything.

Actually, that's our boy.

Actually, there's a lot to like here.

Admit it you're happy it's gone.

Adopting lily, marrying mitchell,

Adorbs.

Adult braces. Nope.

After a storybook wedding and a magical honeymoon,

After a year, she pees, and a baby comes out.

After everything she just said to you?!

After four years of spirited competition,

After I fell for his "aw, shucks" act!

After that, I'm never gonna see her

After two hours of mind liquefying "zooboo,"

After you hit on sarah fink.

After your long winded summation on euthanasia,

Again!

Agreed. But can I just say

Ah, ah! En español, por favor.

Ah, I didn't think so.

Ah, it was my fault. I'm just a little...

Ah, señor pritchett. [ laughs ]

Ah, shoot. Well, I'll find something.

Ah, that's where I kno oh, hello?

Ah, the awning's a nice touch.

Ah, we got too much stuff. Yeah.

Ah, what am I crying about?

Ah, what the hell?

Ah, yes!

Ah!

Ah! [ laughs ]

Ah! We're almost 50!

Ah.

Ah. [ clicks tongue ]

Ah. But it's confusing in that house

Ahh, there's no way we can reschedule, huh?

Ahh!

Ahh! Thank you, doctor. I'm feeling better already.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahh. Huh? Uh huh.

Ahhhh.

Ahhhhhh!

Ain't this what you wanted?

Air conditioners are always gonna break.

Alan.

Alaska and hawaii.

Alec!

Alex brought your backpack in for you.

Alex dunphy. [ applause ]

Alex had a poem published in highlights magazine

Alex has great news

Alex has her awards and

Alex is gonna be fine. That's the one I'm worried about.

Alex is off building houses for the poor.

Alex needed to write a report about a family member,

Alex will be fine.

Alex, do you know where haley is?

Alex, honey, could I borrow you for a minute?

Alex, honey, do you remember

Alex, honey! Leave me alone!

Alex, I r no! What's the point?

Alex, oh, my god.

Alex, put the backpack down!

Alex, you have a boyfriend?

Alex, you have worked so insanely hard this year.

Alex: [ laughing ] oh, mom!

Alex: Especially that boy

Alex: Great. Maybe you can see how crazy you're being right now.

Alex: I got the mail!

Alex: My ride's on its way.

Alex: No one wins anything

Alex: Not that I could sleep with all the rats.

Alex: Oh, yeah. This is where we were all murdered.

Alex: Wait. I just thought of something. What?

Alex: What's in the crib?

Alex: Who has it now?

Alex!

Alex! Alex, stop!

Alex! Hey!

Alex? When'd you get home?

Alex's uncle cannot possibly be considered an impartial judge.

Algeria, algiers.

All because the one time I went on the boat, I spilled.

All by your lonesome.

All good.

All gross and grumpy and exhausted.

All I had to do was to get him past the 5:00 deadline

All I've gotten from them so far is "hola"

All night long.

All of a sudden, you're keeping something warm in my old crib.

All right, all right.

All right, cam

All right, coach tucker,

All right, dad, we're ready for you.

All right, get there!

All right, got your life changing popcorn.

All right, honey. Let me get some ice on that.

All right, I got it back.

All right, I'll get the plunger.

All right, in the briefest possible way,

All right, kids, four laps.

All right, let's get crazy. [ chuckles ]

All right, let's go. Okay.

All right, lily's camp is just through those trees.

All right, manny, take this pen from me.

All right, on your mark.

All right, this is it. This is it.

All right, tony, let's cut to the chase.

All right!

All right! Great! Great!

All right! Like the music! ¶ I live my life in the fast lane ¶

All right! Okay! Yeah!

All right.

All right. I'll throw in another 50 grand.

All right. Okay, bye.

All right. So, there you are.

All right. Well...

All right. Where's the spider?

All right. You can please wait here,

All that little girl wanted was a calculator and a chance.

All the final exams and the papers are in.

All the stuff brenda brought for one night?

All these lies just to win a trophy?

All these years,

All this happy wife, happy life sort of stuff.

All to protect a couch.

All we know is the jai alai lounge

All: [ chanting ] ditch day! Ditch day! Ditch day!

All: [ chanting ] ditch day. Ditch day. Ditch day.

All: Br br br br br br!

All: Jay! Hi, guys.

All: Manny!

All: Manny!

All: Manny! Hi, everyone.

All: Open it!

All: We're here! We're queer!

All: We're here! We're queer!

Almost instantly ask for some alone time.

Almost. Just a little bit of forehead.

Along with two weeks of bronchitis.

Already am.

Already? [ singsongy ] must be nice.

Also applies to adults probably more so.

Also talked me into two years of free satellite radio.

Also, is there a sauce going around or...

Although I hope I'm not on after the "grease" chorus.

Although, candles can be nice

Although, they are better at making girls disappear

Always putting my canned goods on top of my produce.

Always so much fun seeing you guys, though.

Always something going down at The Hut.

Am I allowed to sign this with a red pen?

Am I in your kitchen with you? No.

Am I so boring or is everyone in this family that self involved?

Am I the only one that got stuck in the break room

Am I? Mitchell...

Am I...?

Amateur.

Amazing! And with no commercials!

Amen to that.

Amnesia, evil twins,

Amy may have dumped me,

An actual groin pull, not the party on fire island.

An edgar vanderkoff hand crafted blanc de blanc sofa.

And and and you're using a picture of me as your mirror?

And and also, that thing about

And and daughter of two gay men.

And and I've never apologized for taking that away from you.

And and she made it very clear in no uncertain terms

And and they turn out to be exactly what you need.

And oh, god!

And "Just the nutmeg we want

And "that scotch is not for company."

And [chuckles] in a performance even more predictable

And a bunch of us got laid off.

And a little more "every man."

And a living wage?

And a lower one for the pots and the pans.

And a pedi.

And act like you don't even know that girl.

And after all those years of mitchell supporting me,

And after dating for an appropriate amount of time,

And after you made her brownies.

And after, I go home and say,

And alex! Come on, we are talking about

And all the bad guys were caught

And all the policemen had those those nice cars?

And another one who didn't care about that.

And are Koreans really better?

And ask a million stupid questions.

And be out of touch and not know what happened!

And be there before the ice melts.

And beating metaphors to death?

And because you think you're a sex machine,

And before I know it,

And begged me to lie and say that he got the better price, but he paid me the difference.

And bought in the orient like your wife.

And brought to you by ford. Beautiful things happen when you go further.

And brought to you by ford. Beautiful things happen when you go further.

And brought to you by ford. Beautiful things happen when you go further.

And brought to you by ford. Beautiful things happen when you go further.

And brought to you by ford. Beautiful things happen when you go further.

And brought to you by ford. Beautiful things happen when you go further.

And by the way,

And cam will end up dialing back the romance.

And came in my tent and kissed my neck?

And caramel corn yet? Oh, shoot, I forgot.

And carmel. Fine.

And check the date on the invoice.

And clive bixby,

And come on, that belt?

And come straight home...

And costs big bucks.

And cut out the embarrassing parts?

And cut.

And did you guys see the turtles?

And don't be whatever that is, either.

And don't worry about the money. I got my bonus.

And don't you know that oh, I get to do this.

And drag it to the nearest dump.

And drink it out of your bellybutton.

And dropping it in the middle of the serengeti.

And drops everything because she doesn't want you

And earl's desk had been cleared out.

And everybody there is listening

And fall asleep in front of the tv.

And fed your bellies. How could you?

And for me that includes my fam

And force fed me a cheese sandwich

And get all inspired by college again.

And get the backup turkey? Have a little faith.

And give her husband to be one of these.

And giving him my keys to suck on.

And gloria and haley and I will still be dancing.

And gloria will never find out.

And go flirt with somebody at the grocery store.

And go home with the closet of your dreams.

And grab a nightcap in the bar?

And guess whose room

And haley's gonna get one that says "daughter."

And Harry Hamlin would almost equal a down payment, and

And have as much fun as they do.

And he bit through one of the pool balls.

And he called me a know it all!

And he can stay as long as he wants.

And he is holding a picture of me,

And he said that he would quit

And he thinks "shucks" is the "s" word.

And he wants to get inside the mind of preggos!

And he was too embarrassed to say anything.

And he wasn't doing any of it for himself.

And he's a bit of a bad boy.

And he's not anymore.

And he's still crying. He's being such a baby.

And her nose would wrinkle up real cute

And her own mother and sister don't believe her?

And his best friend, george,

And hope that she makes good choices.

And horsy shower curtains and childproof locks.

And how would you say it?

And I also I helped the previous owners

And I am not leaving this office

And I am proud of the tail.

And I am sure that kylie won't like it either.

And I assumed it was about awards day and alex.

And I can't come close to the price you had over there.

And I can't make them stop. I forgot how to read!

And I can't move it because of the statue across the street.

And I dated the whitest puerto rican on earth.

And I did that thing you said about not throwing up.

And I don't know about you,

And I don't want to embarrass him,

And I feel like oh, god, gays.

And I feel like I have a serious connection with her,

And I found a receipt to the avian hotel.

And I gave her a little trinket.

And I got you a strawberry milkshake.

And I guess I should

And I hate how she smothers you!

And I have a cheat flag? That's all it takes?

And I have hyperactive sweat glands, but...

And I have to edit out all those sneezes

And I hope there's no hard feelings about manny.

And I just realized I've dropped the ball.

And I just saw my opening.

And I knew the right thing to do.

And I know what you want.

And I left her there, taking care of my mother.

And I love you very much, but that wasn't the question.

And I made her her favorite dinner.

And I only got to page two in "war and peace."

And I realized ed bradley had an earring.

And I repay you with bad weather over tampa.

And I said that they were so amazing,

And I said,

And I see these two young guys laughing at me,

And I support you in your journey of self improvement.

And I think I know exactly who did it.

And I thought I would just dry it out.

And I thought that he was finally getting over his binky!

And I thought you were sending me some signals,

And I threw a little charm her way.

And I understand why you hid it from us,

And I use it to free the party girl from the block of nerd.

And I want to spend this holiday with them.

And I want to talk to him about the sophie earl situation.

And I want to write something cute on the card.

And I want you to share in that 100%.

And I was about to leave,

And I was afraid you'd say no.

And I was hoping I could...

And I was just about to go on a bike ride.

And I went and I cried in my car.

And I will never forget that.

And I will never, ever...

And I wouldn't mind having some today.

And I'll be serving a big, old platter of "I told you so."

And I'll be stuck in the same shoe box

And I'll find a way to be okay with it.

And I'll invite my boyfriend, bigfoot!

And I'll just drop that into another table full of people.

And I'll, uh I'll meet you at the bar.

And I'm actually at the justice institute now.

And I'm always making an effort to look my best for you.

And I'm as flexible

And I'm going to get fired.

And I'm gonna break him in half.

And I'm gonna take the luggage to the laundry

And I'm just the pitchfork wielding she devil.

And I'm just worried if we let this go,

And I'm left holding the bag for two fur coats.

And I'm like, "no, thanks. Got nine."

And I'm like, "who is that handsome yentl man?

And I'm never coming out of my room again!

And I'm not gonna make the biggest decision of my life

And I'm seeing that here, okay?

And if she was gonna marry him,

And if we're pointing fingers...

And is getting plastic surgery to look like her

And it already sold.

And it couldn't smell any better in here.

And it feels like it never

And it is completely believable that you would have an admirer.

And it just makes me hate everything in our house.

And it makes the house so dark.

And it turns out he wasn't crying,

And it wasn't even valentine's day. So your advice is to do nothing.

And it wouldn't be right

And it's like nothing ever happened, see?

And it's made its way through the family.

And it's not like alex coming home

And it's pretty obvious.

And it's terrifying.

And jay agreed to fill in for our star bowler, maurice,

And just beyond the lake, there was a prison.

And just get your...

And just like that, it disappears.

And just like that, martin fell apart.

And just to wrap things up once and for all,

And last night,

And let her discover her weird smile on her own.

And let you live your life.

And let's just say it's made entirely of marble.

And look at the other kids. They're a wreck.

And look into my eyes and ask yourself,

And look where it's gotten me.

And low maintenance with lots of good reviews.

And magically he's in today's paper?

And mama has hers.

And manny he's been missing a lot of kicks lately.

And manny will be ready for his test.

And maybe see what's up with the u.P.S. Girl

And mine.

And mitchell needs to stop dressing like he's in a barbershop quartet.

And most prominently, you've got your

And most suspicious of all, she bought a book!

And my confidence caught in my throat like a three day furball.

And my ears and my neck and my hands, yeah.

And my eyes were watering

And my stupid boss needs me to pick up some stupid orchid.

And never so much as does a dish.

And no matter where we go or what we do,

And no one thought to push the button twice.

And no one told me to put my arm down!

And not a boy.

And not just any "ms. Pac man,"

And not just because mitchell undercooked the bacon.

And not to mention that tomorrow is luke's birthday.

And now alex winning just about every academic award.

And now he's in jail.

And now he's in jail.

And now I have over 50,000 subscribers!

And now I play checkers with spencer.

And now I really need a drink.

And now I'm not crying. Great. [ crying ]

And now it's got turkey juice all up in it!

And now she's like the fetal pig

And now she's making me pay.

And now there's one in my beer. What's up?

And now you're all crazy. [ laughs ]

And of course she told you,

And once you're off at brainy school,

And one chair.

And past the millikan library,

And pick up some paperwork.

And picked you up from camp.

And please don't say things like that about yourself.

And pretend we cut our trip short to be with everybody.

And pretended that the tea scalded me.

And pull the blanket.

And put pressure on him

And putting it back together

And ran off with some goofy guy to get married behind your back.

And remember you can recline. It's still america up there.

And risk our perfect 3 0 record

And robin givens walks in?"

And saw around myself in a circle.

And say what?

And see if there's anything that we would do differently.

And send these sons of bitches

And she definitely prefers stuff.

And she doesn't need to learn from two fuzz staches

And she feels like she's trapped in her house.

And she is the shiny, new thing.

And she picked me.

And she quenched my thirst with a big goblet of "wow."

And she wants to stay in your class.

And she was sniffling a lot,

And she was wondering

And she's doing this weird smile thing...

And she's really sweet and they're great together.

And since you have a little bit of time before ballet...

And soak this infected toenail.

And some of them are plus sized,

And some shoes from Gloria's closet.

And somebody broke into my house,

And someday, alex may have a boyfriend

And sometimes during the day.

And sometimes you're gonna come in second...

And speaking of jewelry and "shouldn't haves,"

And spencer is an old man

And sprinkled it into mom's soup.

And stab it with our marshmallow sticks!

And stand in it until I arrive.

And stay with me here...

And still be judged by the same standard as everyone else? That.

And still living in my parents' basement.

And stop haley from getting a tattoo.

And strictly from a marketing standpoint,

And strike out on our own.

And tell you to break a paw. [ laughs ]

And thanks to you, mr. Dunphy,

And that book is for my crazy boss

And that could be your new nickname.

And that is not me.

And that means two things.

And that the real present is in the other room.

And that they belong to my cousin?

And that we don't like. Don't like.

And that's five.

And that's only a very, very small part of it. I'd like to go back to that.

And the "poison" is guasca,

And the award for the saddest brawl goes to...

And the cigar I was just smoking.

And the doctors said he could burst an eardrum if he flew.

And the experiment will begin shortly.

And the gravy is out of the woods.

And the kids and the parents.

And the only reason you don't want to go to grandpa's

And the reason I turned you down is because...

And the three of us celebrate valentine's here?

And the way you roll your beautiful brown eyes

And the woman has to drink it.

And their desire to succeed.

And their filthy monkey a message!

And then curse at me

And then he just gave me this bonus at work.

And then I come back here and I

And then I got hungry,

And then I wound up waking up the whole house.

And then I'm gonna have to saw my leg off.

And then invite him back for dinner?

And then maybe lily will also consider

And then she doesn't even show up today?

And then the car wouldn't start, so I had to call aaa.

And then the smell from the garbage almost made me throw up!

And then there it was, right on schedule

And then there's lily's teacher, mrs. Plank,

And then they bail.

And then turning it down, and then accepting it again.

And then we tracked your cellphone

And then you join us for the perfect little summer

And then you rolled right off of our uncomfortable sofa.

And then you start chasing me around with a camera!

And then you swoop in with your tough guy swagger

And then you try and throw a chair

And then you would tell me, "you might not want to do it,

And then, like most unemployed people

And then, one day, I met spencer.

And there are people relying on you,

And there is some competition there

And there it is.

And there it is.

And there it is.

And there was a man in my village

And there's a perfectly reasona

And there's stella with the toy.

And these two little hellraisers are tammy and ronnie jr.

And they are sophisticated.

And they both think each other is totally hot,

And they say tina was brave for leaving ike. [ chuckles ]

And they won't suspect a thing.

And they're gonna name a country after me.

And think of a lie to tell my dad along the way.

And think what an amazing country this was.

And think, "the best thing that could've happened...

And thinks I'm living a secret life?

And this building is home

And this hot lady right here is my wife, amber.

And this is a crude prototype of my new invention.

And this last year, we got that back,

And this looks even worse.

And this sexy, sweaty someone

And this whole, um, super pac thing... Super pac.

And this would be, um...

And this...

And this...

And those blue eyes who called me hot.

And though it may be long overdue, thank you.

And throw money at this and make it go away?

And to think that my own sister...

And tom seems like he would quietly get the job done.

And treated us all to a little lecture on Pearl Harbor.

And two hours later, we were calling the auto club.

And usually I I'm fine with that.

And visiting my family back home.

And was carried off by his team?"

And watch the wedding video some other time.

And we are laughing.

And we demanded a refund for our gift cards.

And we did whatever we wanted.

And we don't want to change a single thing about you.

And we got you into...

And we need to take these people and we need to get them back...

And we stumbled, but who amongst us hasn't?

And we think she would be happier

And we want to meet your boyfriend. Mm hmm.

And we wanted to get them something really special.

And we...Started to get the slight impression that...

And we're freaking out it's gonna be on the east coast.

And we're not going home until we get what we need.

And we've been here exactly as long as you were there.

And what a fun neighborhood you live in.

And what do we know about this young man?

And when it does, who better to deal with an alex than you?

And when you come out of the shower,

And where did it get me?

And where did that small turkey come from?

And where was I during all of this family fun?

And whether you try to fit in by saying you fought a baby bear

And while [chuckles]

And while we are not happy, young lady,

And who knows what else...

And whoever wins gets to be valedictorian.

And why?

And years from now, you might look back on this

And you you made it all about you.

And you all can continue to enjoy

And you are learning from them.

And you brought back a gem.

And you brought him back with that dodgers cap.

And you can be honest.

And you can't beat the location,

And you can't see anything but your life swirling around you.

And you could wind up doing something dumb,

And you do have them I mean

And you don't want it in someplace

And you expect to meet somebody that screams john wayne. Yes. [ chuckles ]

And you gave me a b minus as an uncle.

And you get rid of the turkey.

And you have no dryer sheets.

And you have to obey my rules!

And you helped get me out of that funk.

And you know what? We could get renters.

And you learned a whole song.

And you never told me?

And you ordered this book!

And you said something?

And you should.

And you should've been there to walk me down the aisle,

And you thought my thing was crazy.

And you were second in line to get it, anyway,

And you'd get the big tv.

And you're you're trying to spare manny's feelings.

And you're done.

And you're getting that damn game, phil!

And you're gonna get over this thing with Andrew...

And you're just a smilin' and a bakin'.

And you're just gonna keep him talking.

And you're not leaving my side.

And you're right.

And your silver medal, mr. Vice president!

And your smile.

And, "whatever you need, dear,"

And, also, um...

And, by the way,

And, if need be, even sell mine.

And, in the morning, out of the house as fast as we can.

And, incidentally,

And, just maybe, a life.

And, oh, my god, I think I just talked myself into liking this hat

And, okay, isn't that what we're fighting for yes.

And, thanks to a little matchmaking, her new friend.

And, thanks to you,

And, uh where's joe?

And, um, she's like, "nope.

And, um... strictly from a keeping my job standpoint,

And, unlike my actually graduation,

And, yes, I loved it, but it was weeks ago.

And, yes, it happens to be 45 minutes from our house.

And...

And... cut.

And...Her weaknesses.

Anders: [ sighs ]

Andy is dating some girl in utah, and haley knows that.

Andy, back when I was dating claire, I used to think,

Andy, can you get that?

Andy, do you think this is a great idea,

Andy, please. "sir mr. Dunphy" is my british name.

Andy, what can we do for ya?

Andy?

Andy. I did not know you were there.

Andy. Of course. Come on in. [ chuckles ] yep. Okay.

Andy's in the hospital.

Andy's in vegas?

Andy's not gonna run off and elope with haley.

Angola

Ankle weights.

Anne gibbs actually wants to do a news segment on me!

Anne wants to see me help cook.

Anti aging buffing beads?

Anti glare plexi, reinforced podium.

Any more than you can justify that hat.

Any protesters out front this afternoon?

Any second, and I'm trying to stay sad. [ movie resumes playing ]

Any time.

Anybody want a plum? I'm good.

Anyhow, I'm coming out of the dressing room,

Anyone else?

Anyone know where jay keeps the 7up?

Anyone with a stopwatch?

Anyway, I got Haley a little gift,

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I hired the tutor back.

Anyway, I've been wanting to talk to you about something.

Anyway, uh,

Anyway, yeah.

Anyway...

Anyways, it's good for me every once in a while

Apology not accepted.

Apparently not.

Apparently, I had an uncle, uh, Cyrus,

Appendicitis.

Appreciate the back rub.

Are are going through some problems at home,

Are are you serious?

Are brought together by their willingness to work hard

Are gonna need to be professionally cleaned,

Are the cheeks turning nice and pink?

Are there a lot of openly gay coaches?

Are there potatoes? I smell potatoes.

Are they aware...?

Are they fighting or falling back in love?

Are they gone? [ chuckles ]

Are they the luckiest people in the world?

Are those my shoes?

Are we about to kiss, 'cause I've never really

Are we all so obsessed with being number one