Modern Family (2009) - Season 10 Edit

A a "no hard feelings" text.

A 'thin ice' sign and plunged "

A $20 bill in the printer.

A 12 year old daughter who reads those posts

A A As of today, I'm middle aged.

A a chance to make a name for myself.

A and I hope you don't get any of those beetles

A Are you serious?

A baby show ahhh. Don't say "show ahhh".

A baby with two hearts?

A baby. Unbelievable!

A big group of people to have fun.

A box set of DVDs of all the Dean Martin Roasts.

A breathtaking vision in virginal white

A buffalo that was struck by lightning.

A bunch of the things he heard us say, got upset, and ran off.

A bur bur burp. Boom. What's next?

A couple of standard treatments.

A couples massage since our honeymoon.

A dash of encouragement,

A dog in a pineapple? [ Laughs ]

A few spontaneous Frisbee opportunities and...

A fortnight after the first ripe tomato comes in.

A fortune teller once predicted

A four handed Balinese seaweed swaddle.

A Hall and Oates Magic Show."

A hole in the ceiling.

A kid in my class does arm farts.

A lifetime of service out the window.

A little bit like an insult.

A little bit, so I confronted her, things got heated,

A little bit.

A little less touchy feely

A little liquid courage makes all the naughty games better.

A little problem with perfectionism...

A little situation we have with the FDA.

A little tired. I overdid it last night.

A little too clean.

A lot of fake scrotums on the back of pickup trucks. [ Laughs ]

A lot of good, clean,guilt free victories.

A lot of people are watching this in hospital waiting rooms.

A lot of straight guys find me...

A magazine in your room. Whoa!

A major player in the snack food industry.

A mark, a full on sucker!

A meditation class, an ocean pillow,

A night guard.

A night of song and sketch.

A pair of black queens.[ Sighs ]

A pair of black queens.[ Sighs ]

A period is a Get Out Of Jail Free card

A person who hates chickens!

A personal gesture to this graduating class.

A plus, actually,

A product of our love.

A promise is a promise.

A quick scan into Google Translate

A rage bat, and a little machine

A ranch hand, a Dapper Dan at Disneyland,

A real life Encyclopedia Brown.

A reason to live life to the fullest.

A retired judge.

A right tuck,

A rose a month for the rest of my life,

A sacred Dagger Dance.

A second visit from the plumber,

A short side for a long side.

A six bedroom, seven bathroom, 8,600 square foot home

A spring loaded leg jets out to provide me with a comfy seat.

A stick horse that vibrates?

A t shirt designer, a sign spinner

A toe tuck,

A tribe of Inuits by interrupting

A very exciting period of of change

A very similar advance at the same time

A wonderful book about wine.

A wrinkly puppet with a Christmas light

A year from now, I'm gonna know what that means.

A, B...

Aaaaaaaah!

Aaaah! Hey!

Aah, I'm so stressed!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Hair, hair! Haley, help!

Aah! It's Cam's glitter card!

Aah! Oh! I beg your

Aah! The gifts!

Aah! What the hell?!

About a Facebook post.

About any of this stuff.

About anything sexual. [ Sighs ]

About anything, right?

About Communists.

About drinking dandelion wine with my with my grandma.

About driving around in the sweet ride I lost my virginity in?

About growing up in the boondocks. Mm.

About his actual involvement in the Alamo. [ Gasps ]

About how buildings from the early '70s

About how I should have the wedding that I want.

About how plants make carbon dioxide.

About the age difference,though.

About the Dunphy charm.

About their birthdays.

About what happened to her?Oh.

About what to do after I graduate this year,

About what we're supposed to do.No. I have an idea.

About what? This is first time I hear of this.

About why I wasn't drinking.

Absolutely. Right.

According to legend, the same fate befalls anyone

According to my sources, the gym had an executive level

Acorns, speak.

Act like a man.

Action.

Action.

Actually, Arthur Goodboy loves weddings,

Actually, could I trade? Your pretty face

Actually, from now on,

Actually, I thought

Actually, I was lookingfor a little alone time

Actually, I was referring to a thought experiment

Actually, it is for my new position

Actually, it's great for left brain stimulation.

Actually, that's what I don't want to talk to you about.

Actually, we always run a blood test before anesthesia.

Actually, we can get by

Actually, we want to thank you for laying down the law before.

Adopting a more empowering style.

Adorbs. They are adorbs.

Advocating for her early release.

After all he's done

After all your history together,

After an unpleasant struggle that I only won

After drinking a jug of whiskey.

After frittering away their fortunes on drink and dice,

After her divorces? Yes.

After her pregnancy test, I've had enough positives.

After I cut the ribbon,

After I developed a perfectly rational, fact based fear

After I solved the puzzle,

After I told him I loved him.

After it stopped a bullet shot by a very drunk

After last year.

After looking at a sexy picture.

After nearly five decades. Love it.

After posting that humiliating video.

After she got arrested and kicked out of college.

After so many years at Carnivàle,

After sustaining multiple scratches,

After that, one had onlyto repurpose

After they saw us in that horrible Denny's lighting.

After what you did for my sister, Pam.

After you offered me $20 and I said no.

After you told me about your kiss, um,

After?! Yes.

Again, I'm I'm so sorry that you can't stay upstairs.

Again, I'm so sorry abou

Again, I'm very sorry about impregnating your daughter.

Again, sir, I'm very sorry about that.

Against my better judgment,

Agent Mulder meant a lot to me, okay?

Ah, ah, ah. You'll get this back

Ah, I just remembered something.

Ah, I'm Pr I'm Prince Harry.

Ah, if only we had some kind of award winning,

Ah, it was too much to hope he'd be

Ah, it was too much to hope he'd be

Ah, it's not a complete victory.

Ah, it's very cute.

Ah, little nature trip.Oh! Sounds like fun

Ah, so happy that you came out.

Ah, so happy that you came out.

Ah, such lovely, general terms.

Ah, the whole place went to hell

Ah, then why a won't you take a big a, juicy bite out of it?

Ah, we're not home.

Ah, you make plans,

Ah! Ah, okay, that's my ankle.

Ah! Here it is. Someone must've heaved it back.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. [ Knocks on window ]

Ah. I'm sorry the juicy trial didn't work out.

Ah. My high school boyfriend could have used that.

Ah.You got it?

Aha!

Ahora y en la hora [ Gasps ] Aah!

Ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte.Amen.

Ain't nobody looking in there.

Alex decided to take off some time earlier this summer,

Alex Dunphy.[ Cheers and applause ]

Alex is going to be a very nervous man.

Alex is up for a very prestigious government job

Alex said it was okay if I came early?

Alex, get in here.

Alex, get in here.

Alex, he likes him, but it's not like

Alex, real or unreal?

Alex, run downstairsand get a screwdriver.

Alex, that's amazing. I knew you could do it.

Alex, would you mind runningdown to the hardware store?

Alex, you're a smart, confident girl.

Alex: Aah! Get out!Bill: Oh, that's not good.

Alex: Clothes?

ALEX: I don't know about this.

Alex: Our classmate Ashish Chug...

Alex: We're here! I did it!

Alex! Honey, what happened?Are you okay?

Alex! No, honey, you know what she's gonna say.

Alex's boyfriend, Bill, has cooked up some invention

Alexandra Dunphy...

Alexei: It's not too late.

All anyone's gonna be talking about is that awful picture!

All brains, no empathy.

All bullies are the same.

All cold.

All he could keep saying was,

All I have to do press this button.

All I've said is that sometimes

All manner of sticks into knives.

All of a sudden...

All of the men in his family propose on Valentine's Day,

All right, and now on to our commencement speaker.

All right, boys, hydrate like I taught you.

All right, Dad. We're ready to go.

All right, everyone.

All right, get up.Yeah, this I had the same issue with this.

All right, he is clean.

All right, let's get this over with.

All right, let's go. Just one last pull.

All right, let's maybe turn around and look over there?

All right, let's try the swaddle again.

All right, Mitch. Donna always goes first,

All right, one second. Let's get this.

All right, see you in class, buddy.

All right, set the pace. I love it.

All right, that's as gentle as I can go,

All right, um... well, hugs!

All right! It's come to my attention

All right! Wow!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Careful.

All right. Come on.

All right. Here we go.[ Beep ]

All right. It's getting late.

All right. Let me check you.

All right. Let's get this over with.

All right. My followeris gonna love this!

All right. Take five!

All right. There we go, Cal. Chew the peanut butter.

All right. Where should we put Mom?

All right. Yeah, here we go.

All right. You just rest now.

All right. Your breakfast is almost ready.

All rise.

All that calligraphy I've done for the dean paid off.

All that matters is you're gonna pay.

All that training, all those parties missed,

All the Altoids. He was here one night.

All the cabinets at home, right?

All the dads are performing. Well...

All the secrets that you kept from your mom.

All the time!

All these animals they seem so sweet,

All this traffic, I'll never make it.

All those auctions attended

All you did was take an interest in something

ALL: Coach Tucker's a person of value I admire and respect!

All... for your open houses.

Allow me to talk to the Earth Goddess.

Almost.

Alright, let's make a wish!

Alright, well... let's see.

Alright.

Also I got the job.

Also I'm pregnant.

Also not a question. [ Chuckles ]

Also sorry in my head.

Also, Haley and Dylan are having twins, okay?

Also, I ate Grandpa's sandwich.

Also, I saw your new photo on social media.

Also, I'm gonna learn how to speak Spanish.

Also, making them, selling them, all that other stuff.

Also, she's

Also, you don't need to whisper. Watch.

Also, you said you'd finally watch "E.T.,"

Although I have to say,

Although it's heartening print media isn't completely dead.

Although that rainstorm came out of

Although, here's a tip for you.

Although, I don't think you read that e mail

Although, I don't think you read that e mail

Although... I know you're about to say something catty.

Always proud to celebrate one of your awards.

Always!

Am I allowed in?

Am I okay sitting here,

Am I right?! Oh, hey.

Am I the only one who feels kinda itchy?

Am I wrong, or is your mom trying to get Alex

Am I, with this dress?

Amazing!

Amazing.

Amazing. [ Laughs ]

America loves closets,

America.

An abandoned cannery

An amazing opportunity in deference to the patriarchy.

An angry stomach is 12% larger.

An elite white man of privilege,

An entrepreneur and closeteer Mr. Jay Pritchett.

An escort, and illegal arms sales, okay?

An event.Is that why you're all dressed up?

An event.Is that why you're all dressed up?

An herbal soak...

An indiscretion from me for 16 years.

An owl appeared with his exact face

And and he needs me.

And and hormones. And And And, um, urges.

And and I did a real deep dive.

And And if it inspires you, then go for it,

And And then for some reason,

And and we'll help take care of Cal

And and you can barely crack a smile.

And and you'll still make it to school.

And Oh, my God, this plate is gorgeous.

And [Sighs] it sold out in seconds,

And $18 cocktails.

And a big ol' chain?

And a cardboard suitcasefull of dreams

And a couple of times a day, I wolfishly whistle at Claire

And a little gender reductive.

And a little more

And a minor in mask making

And a month in Europe. Excellent.

And a repeat chorus before

And a screen.

And a straight guy friend, never.

And a suddenlyvery uncertain future.

And accidentally walked out.

And action.

And action.

And after three hours of pummeling each other's privates

And again in '92.

And Alex has a huge victory today

And all of their friends to see that musical.

And all that great sex.

And all the bad thingsthat could happen to them.

And all the cookies you can eat.

And all went to brawl the Sausage Heads

And also has a pun in its name?

And also, um...

And an Amateur Inventors Association.

And an incontinent chinchilla,

And annoying.

And apologizes for lying.

And apparently, Mitchell's the law.

And aren't you at the minimum number of students

And asked for Haley's hand in marriage.

And at the bar, you said that her name

And auditioning to be an improv star,

And before that, I had never been to a gay event.

And besides, everybody bends the rules.

And best of all, the entire house is fully automated.

And break our two night in a row rule?

And bring a knife so we can cut this into 20 pieces!

And broke up with me.

And brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.

And brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.

And brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.

And brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.

And brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.

And build a life with two strangers.

And can I just say this

And can I say it smells amazing in here!

And can you please tell Rosa Garcia

And Claire wants us there.

And commence Operation Skylight.

And constantly broke down in public.

And curtain. Okay, they just started letting gays in here.

And Dad, well done.

And damn if I wasn't depressed for a week.

And David Duchovny's on the cover.

And did you go in there, too?

And do the last thing Jay would ever expect me to do

And do you know what she did?

And don't take it personally.

And draw a more accurate conclusion

And drives him to a gas station.

And drop him as a client.

And drove him insane.

And due to the videotaped evidence against our father,

And encountered a pack of starving timber wolves."

And enjoying her Tuscan cooking, and, two

And every time I talk to Dylan, I end up...kissing him

And everybody saw my underwear.

And everybody was like, "Good one, Craig."

And feed it toyour red headed girlfriend!

And fell for each other over our love of improv.

And festoon our dining hall with some bawdy bunting.

And filled me with hope for a better tomorrow.

And from now on,

And fuzz stache show up.

And gain 40 pounds in two weeks.

And gave yourself that cute fishtail braid.[ Chuckles ]

And give Gloria a heartfelt, sincere apology.

And give me that damn puzzle!

And goeth to the bumper cars.

And good news, David Duchovny.

And got dressed in front of the picture window.

And Grandpa's coming.

And Grumpy?

And guess who wo Aah!

And had a rather spectacular... session?

And Haley's totally getting rooked.

And hard work that you put into your beds.

And have a free drink without a sad ending.

And have no regrets.

And he acts like it doesn't bother him,

And he always helps me find the fun in life.

And he doesn't have the heart to tell you.

And he fell into the beehive,

And he hates Central Valley wine.

And he led a whole army!

And he met a very nice girlfriend,

And he ran off, and I had to track him down...

And he was good real good

And he'll always love me for it.

And he's getting his life together.

And he's in love.

And he's just trying to shape a young mind!

And he's never gonna buy a house.

And hear the Osmonds ask if they can get a "what what."

And hellno.

And helping out a friend.

And helps me feel okay.

And her dads fundedour new costume department.

And her hands clutched 10 pages

And her husband, Jerry, drove down with a bunch of junk

And his dad actually suffered

And his followers have been dying to see him in his new tux.

And his snooze rooster crow.

And home of the most perfectly tanned

And I I did feel deceived.

And I I think I'm ready for a new challenge.

And I accidentally kept the megaphone button pressed!

And I admit,this one is a re gift.

And I am going to make you pay.

And I am here for the baby shower. Okay, yep.

And I am prepared for every possible scenario.

And I appreciate you forgiving me

And I buy too much of one thing.

And I can't believe you did that!

And I chewed off a piece of my hair

And I co invented a technology

And I could be the studentwho's a few credits short.

And I couldn't put it back onbecause my feet were so swollen.

And I didn't ask a single follow up question?

And I didn't know it at the time,

And I didn't marry a quitter.

And I didn't want to show off in front of my friends.

And I do not want to talk about it.

And I don't always feel like I belong.

And I don't have to go to Branson

And I don't know how to fire you up!

And I don't want to lose you like that.

And I don't wantto give anything away,

And I feel like you're judging.

And I fell in love.

And I felt bad relaxing while Cam was...

And I find it very charming

And I forgot I had a bottle of water in my bag?

And I get a, uh, box of turquoise.

And I get to remember getting in some stupid argument

And I guess I'll be sitting next to a stranger

And I guess...

And I had to shrink myself down

And I have a little trouble visualizing space and scale.

And I have the 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. slot

And I have to get to the airport.

And I have to wear this as a hazing ritual.

And I haven't even gotten to my best stuff yet.

And I I I don't think you want to

And I I think that that was her way of saying

And I just may be able to help you

And I just want to make sure he's in a healthy relationship.

And I just watched the most beautiful love story

And I kind of want a sandwich.

And I knew they'd get all suspicious

And I knew this sweater made me look busty.

And I know Dad's got that dog bed thing,

And I know he loves me just as much.

And I know how much she means to me.

And I know I can always be myself,

And I know it's a little bit of a midlife crisis cliché,

And I know just the crew of handy honeys

And I know what you're trying to do here.

And I look forward to hearing your insights

And I made this whole day about myself.

And I moved into the basement.

And I noticed an old box of my stuff.

And I obviously didn't realize

And I promise I'll never count down the seconds to shame you.

And I promise never to forget again.

And I really have to pee!

And I recently prosecuted the Bel Air Black Widow.

And I relaunched it.

And I said, "Baby, come on.

And I saw the most beautiful girl,

And I say that as a soon to be nurse

And I screwed up at work today.

And I see a lot of it at work.

And I shampooed dogs in West Hollywood.

And I shouldn't have pushed.

And I showed up an hour before dawn.

And I spend a lot of my time covered in afterbirth.

And I spent the whole timein the library.

And I still have to jump through hoops

And I think he was wearing a wedding ring.

And I think it might be ending.

And I think my face ordered another one.

And I think that's an interesting topic

And I think that's what made it work.

And I thought Cam could be that buddy.

And I turned off the hot water,

And I want a HEPA air filter on account of I shed.

And I want my mom to be, too.

And I was always nice.

And I was completely jealous of your eyelashes.

And I was done with Rebecca Salkin.

And I was hoping we could have the girls sit down and talk it out.

And I was like, "Whoa! Who is that?"

And I was official.

And I was relieved that I didn'thave to do it alone.

And I was so damned excited.

And I was wrong for crushing your cellphone.

And I will kiss you through the fence.

And I worry that you might be turning them off

And I, uh... [ Breathes deeply ]

And I'll be here after you're gone!

And I'll be right behind you on that hummingbird, Mrs. D.

And I'll pour the hot sauce up your nose.

And I'm I am so glad that I was able to tell her that

And I'm I'm sorry that it bothered you, okay?

And I'm "cissy gendered" enough to admit it.

And I'm afraid she's gonna forget

And I'm afraid that the distance between us

And I'm freaking out.Oh, honey, don't worry.

And I'm here to build them, damn it!

And I'm hoping you'll forgive me,

And I'm not a weird man.

And I'm not dressed!

And I'm not entirely sure

And I'm on permanent host probation forever.

And I'm out the door in seconds.

And I'm pretty sure it's too late.

And I'm pretty sure some's in my hair.

And I'm really sorry about everything.

And I'm scaredhe did something to your food.

And I'm sorry about the silly Playgirl thing.

And I'm sorry. I I didn't catch your name.

And I'm supposed to be on camera.

And I'm too sad to eat it.

And I'm trying to book us a hotel, but the call keeps dropping.

And I'm very sorry about that,

And I'mthe idiot for installing a shower chair.

And I've alwaysbeen young at heart.

And I've just wasted the last four

And I've seen you hitchhike in a bikini.

And if I can swing a few more board votes,

And if I don't lose all the money that I made

And if I have to turn him down,

And if I haven't let you know that, that's on me

And if I'm being honest,

And if I'm being honest...

And if she bribed Sensei Ron, who else did she bribe?

And if so, what was stopping them

And if we get this wedding started,

And if wecan handle it, you're gonna do just fine.

And if you could sell it, a "bravo" would be nice.

And if you don't want me looking at magazines like that,

And if you think about it,

And impossible yourself.

And in the meantime,we bent that bracket.

And inappropriate in public.

And is he here today in this, uh...

And is he, to your knowledge, the C.E.O...

And isn't Devon just a little cutie?

And isn't Uncle Ned's basically just stoner food?

And it is not okay for you,

And it just... didn't feel right to leave.

And it looks like a swastika, and in this day and age...

And it seems that, like our daughter, they

And it'll be easy to keep track of the baby!

And it's 2019.

And it's a little awkward. [ Laughs ]

And it's been going really well.

And it's everybody's fault!

And it's everybody's fault!

And it's exactly the same.

And it's gonna be great.

And it's gonna make you feel better.

And it's important that I continue to grow

And it's okay that you're gay.

And it's only one more week.

And it's over. Oh, gosh.

And it's pretty confusing.

And Jay here has been helping out.

And jealous Florence Nightingale.

And just because we're boys doesn't mean we

And just go out on a date?

And keep me on my toes, and I want to thank my family

And know that I've tried my hardest

And last week, you made the pharmacist cry.

And later, tell me what people say when I leave the table.

And legally we can't contradict him.

And let him make me disappear.

And let me Alex is too young to get married.

And let you know how I'm doing?

And lie for each other's family.

And literally, everybody else I knew was busy.

And look how clean that glass is.

And look, we're in Yucaipa.

And loving and a total badass.

And Luke and Phil and Gloria said,

And made it interesting.

And magnets with your face on them.

And make it look like we don't live in an insane asylum?

And makes you wanna be a better man.

And Marta Blanco,

And maybe de funk the kitchen a little?

And meanwhile, I'm just sitting here thinking,

And miss my chance of becoming principal?

And Mitchell, you get to keep her jewelry.

And move the furniture around.

And my fedora!

And my mom said he cried.

And my parents are constantly asking me about it.

And my Uncle Sam piñata,

And neither, apparently, are you.

And never come back, that was a joke.

And never once giving up a single secret.

And nine identically wrapped gifts.

And nine scorched, yet soaking wet gifts.

And no drama.

And nobody's asking that question.

And not just the boss's daughter.

And not just touristy stuff.

And not once has he brought homea bald eagle!

And not one of the cool ones

And not to brag, butI'm the first Latinoto get in there.

And now a nursing student with a baby on the way.

And now I can't imagine it without her.

And now I might have ruined everything with Arvin.

And now I'm a Christmas ruiner.

And now maybe you'll have some respect

And now she called a car and she's leaving.

And now something this painful

And now we'd like to take a moment

And now with Pam here,

And now, before, uh, passing out diplomas,

And now, please put your hands together

And nursed my baby back to health.

And obsessed with an uptight yet sexy redhead.

And off we go. Yeah.

And Oklahoma Comas. You know, I'd rather stay here

And once they washed them off, they were really cute.

And our butter fountain in the same weekend.

And our latest creation

And Paige was turned.

And pocket watch, you poo pooed it.

And pop out like a scary monster?

And pulled out a bottle.

And put a dream catcher in Dylan's ear,

And put us back on track.

And realizes all that money can't keep her warm.

And ripped her arm off,

And said I was a "horrifying disgrace."

And say what we love about Cam.

And say, "Gloria, I love and respect you,

And scene!

And scene. And scene.

And see if I stick around.

And see what pictures guys send us.

And send pledges to try to slow me down.

And seriously? Thisis what passes for auction calling these days?

And sexist.

And she can make comedy gold out of it.

And she can rub it on her belly when she gets cramps.

And she got a fair sentence.

And she left a dismembered Bratz doll in my purse.

And she made the best ones, you know,

And she said she always expected

And she snores a lot.

And she won't return my calls.

And she'd say, "That's just like you, Jay."

And she's a little depressed right now and we just

And she's never gonna know they're even here.

And shut it down with the one you don't.

And sit and wait for a package?

And so do all my friends.

And so should you.

And so, by the powers vested in me by NoPainOrdain.com,

And some of us do have a meanness.

And some suit pulls my draft number.

And someone needs to be thereto sign for it.

And someone who wears a lot of product in his hair.

And sometimes, we have to to deal with mean boys.

And sorry if I'm distracted.

And squat ov Be right back!

And start playing for Gerald.

And start teaching this class?

And Stella was fine

And still an idiot?

And strict. "What I say goes around here."

And syphilis.

And take a load off?

And talk about what this wedding means to us?

And tell her that it was your idea.

And tell me if I don't talk to Sherry

And tell us what... our nephew just asked for for Christmas?

And thank you for...sort of making it

And thanks for inviting me today.

And that I stay mentally challenged.

And that Mitch and Cam had them.

And that tuxedo is rented.

And that was a week ago, so we got to get it done.

And that you can be honest with me

And that's all we're ever going to be.

And that's more her thing.

And that's only the beginning!

And that's the great thing about a tween girl

And that's why I brought all the ingredients

And that'show you roast! Bam!

And the award for the gayest thing ever said goes to...

And the babies are great!

And the charity was glad to get them.

And the dry spell continues.

And the entire time, without my blessing.

And the fontanelle is...

And the interviewer will be right here.

And the language you've been using lately