Futurama - Season 1 Edit

A delivery?

A fancy dress gala?

A faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens, who knows?

A few shreds of moldy, old robot pornography.

A Fishful of Dollars

A going over with the cleaning pick?

A grim day for robotkind.

A hundred years ago...

A lady that fine you got to romance first.

A little fire'll show them who's boss.

A little more.

A little.

A little.

A man with a dream.

A million years.

A missile would go right through it.

A mysterious world in the darkest depths...

A newly arrived refugee from earth...

A non metallic being has been sighted...

A package just came in.

A potent combination.

A real live spaceship.

A robot's apartment before.

A saucy puppet show.

A second ball of garbage.

A sexy mistake.

A split second is all it takes.

A standard legal release...

A stench so foul, it's right off the funk ometer.

A week would be a little much.

A well calculated move.

A world where humans are killed on sight.

A, a puppy...

Aah! Ooh! Ee! Ooh! Oh! Aah! Ee!

Aah.

About becoming a prime minister.

About my colleague, Dr. Mobutu.

About that unidentified ship?

About the time your people arrived, wasn't it, Zoidberg?

Across the galaxy and enjoyed a steam...

Act now and you'll get this Bender action figurine.

Actually, that's still true.

Actually..

Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation

Administer the test.

Admiral Crunch?

Admit it

After all, you're only human.

After all, you're only human.

After it became apparent that he was a jackass.

After that...

After the way I treated her?

Again.

Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery.

Ah, dang it.

Ah, good old Bender.

Ah, Hermes.

Ah, it's good to hear his voice

Ah, it's X ray eye.

Ah, just as I thought.

Ah, never mind.

Ah, no need to worry. I don't have an addictive personality.

Ah, now for a dash of salt.

Ah, screw the whole thing.

Ah, there you are, Your Majesty.

Ah, to be young again...

Ah!

Ah!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Functional.

Ah...

Ah...

Ahh!

Ahh! I can't take it anymore! They've been at it for hours!

Alas, I don't know.

All hail the new emperor!

All I'm looking for...

All in all, this is one day...

All Leela ever wanted to do was help me...

All My Circuits is brought to you by...

All right, all right, I'll call him.

All right, all right.

All right, Beelzebot.

All right, buddy, step away from the head.

All right, done.

All right, let's get to work!

All right, let's get to work.

All right, people...

All right, places, everyone.

All right, show's over. I'm tired.

All right, we don't have much time...

All right!

All right!

All right!

All right! Yes!

All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter...

All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe.

All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe.

Almost ready.

Also access to a lab...

Also, I guess I'll kill one of you..

Also, one month, my toilet broke...

Although in reality, it's not liquid, but gamma radiation.

Although we are technically in New Jersey.

Always happy.

Am I cracking up...

Amania!

Amen.

Amen.

America's favorite suicide booth since 2008.

Among other things

Amy, get the bottle.

Amy, why don't you give his body...

Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate?

Amy?

An A minus minus!

An agonizing and ironic punishment. Gentlemen?

An eyelash and three skin flakes.

An interstellar spaceship...

Anchovies!

Ancient Egyptian algebra.

And a big research grant.

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders.

And a corrupt government of incompetent robot elders.

And a couple of blank tapes?

And a dead man's tracks in the dust.

And a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

And above all, you don't like humans.

And access to the depths of sleaze that those things bring.

And all will be well.

And also a robot.

And also he got a race car.

And apologize for being such a jerk

And are given away to an inner city middle school.

And as a further cost cutting measure...

And at 2 percent interest over a period of 1 000 years ...

And be rewarded instead of punished?

And before he could even wipe his mouth...

And Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love...

And by "inconsiderate," I mean...

And by "people," I mean you.

And consistency of the garbage ball...

And doesn't want to see the "Sexiteria."

And don't you forget it.

And dream about being an astronaut.

And drive around on the surface...

And drop the bottle on the ground.

And eat them at their human brunches

And even though you're all young and naive...

And find something great.

And five graduate students...

And for each one, we've prepared...

And for each one, we've prepared...

And for once in your life, be careful.

And great lift.

And guess who's next?

And he needs help.

And he wants you to wear this

And he's a little sensitive.

And here it is...

And here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.

And his tiny inferior brain.

And hit the real party?

And I don't even know what galaxy they were from

And I don't know what I might do.

And I just went straight in the garbage can.

And I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

And I still can't cry.

And I think I know a way to do it.

And I want all of you to be alive.

And I was beginning to suspect...

And I was too proud and stupid to accept it.

And I won't rest until I get my hands on them.

And I wouldn't even be here in the year 3000.

And I, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps.

And I'd like it to be a pleasant one.

And I'm not going to let us get in any trouble.

And I've selected the '71 Hobo's Delight...

And if my calculations are correct...

And if necessary solve complex differential equations like robots.

And if you enjoyed that diatribe..

And if you need more proof that this is really 1 000 years ago ...

And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of...

And is made of a hairy, oily goo wrapped in a T shirt.

And it was great.

And it was running out of places...

And it's attracting owls.

And it's my job to make you do your job...

And Johnson played back in the days...

And let's have a look at that brain.

And lower you with the winch.

And mix them all together...

And Neil Armstrong's footprint.

And never will is...

And nobody likes spending a week with me.

And now for the presentation of the award.

And now Saturn.

And now they're gone.

And now, Fry, before you go into space...

And now, get ready to laugh till your sides leak...

And on that day...

And one giant line for admission.

And one with my all time favorite, anchovies.

And only 150 of them have anything good on.

And over here is where you'll be living...

And over there is my intergalactic spaceship...

And poke one out.

And preheating your oven to 3,500 degrees...

And promise you won't get behind the wheel...

And remember, Mom's oil is made with 10% more love...

And say we delivered it.

And second of all...

And see if he'll help us rescue those animals.

And she's so adorable.

And so, on behalf of the entire city...

And so, under cover of darkness...

And some of the animals survived.

And sound crummy?

And spot weld automobiles...

And such generous portions.

And suck your transmission fluid...

And that it would be in New Jersey?

And that one incredible rock that looked like a crater...

And that sandwich you're eating...

And that secret is...

And that's how you play the game.

And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif.

And the best one wins the academy prize.

And the cotton gin.

And the Crushinator.

And the grasshopper died...

And the infield blern rule is in effect. Right?

And the line's short...

And the octopus ate all his acorns...

And the only reason anybody ever comes here...

And the seventh inning grope.

And them space suits ain't' a heated...

And then give the whole thing a good blast...

And then he sold me my mom's VCR.

And then later, I found out he was taking drugs.

And then we'll go home.

And then we'll go ride the bumper cars.

And then you become a human?

And there's Hookerbot 5000.

And this appears to be a a...

And this deposit of America Online floppy disks.

And this readout tells you...

And this time I won't be able to save you.

And this time, I'm not going to be a total loser.

And those other brave guys no one ever heard of.

And throw your garbage on the floor.

And Vergon 6 is about to implode.

And watched TV.

And we only take up 1.5 cubic meters.

And what a surprise.

And what will you be presenting this evening, Grandpa?

And which one rocked your world?

And why?

And you know it.

And you made me feel like a jerk for trusting you.

And you'll never amount to anything.

And you're not taking them off while I'm here.

And your idiotic human ideals...

And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well.

And, of course, the technology...

And, well... will you marry me?

And... and... these fellas.

Animals in desperate need of rescue.

Animals?

ANNOUNCER: Do you remember when cookies...

ANNOUNCER: Lightspeed fits an active lifestyle, whether you're working...

ANNOUNCER: Mom, Iove, and screen door are trademarks of Mom Corp.

ANNOUNCER: This dream brought to you by Lightspeed!

Another job well done.

Anybody home?

Anyone interested?

Anyone want butter on that?

Anyone?

Anything in the trap?

Anything like the Moon you used to dream about?

Anyway, I'm sure it'll work out.

Anyway, it's going to take some careful piloting to avoid it.

Apology accepted.

Apology accepted.

April 13, point two.

April 13.

Are being transmitted on the same frequency.

Are guilty of the crime of being humans.

Are laughable.

Are pretty snappy, eh, First Officer?

Are so scared of a little robot competition...

Are there really giant birds like that?

Are we going to fly through space...

Are you all right?

Are you crazy?! That's little Bender you're talking about.

Are you jacking on in there?

Are you three, by any chance...

Aren't you getting this?

Around the olive pit and into this cigar burn...

Around Vergon 6.

As "Brannigan's Law."

As a metaphor for beating his wife.

As depressing.

As emperor, I refuse to be dripped out through somebody's armpit.

As I show you how to fricassee a mouthwatering Neptunian slug.

As long as I don't have to parallel park.

As long as it's less than five.

As long as it's not about my eye.

As long as we're here why don't we take in some exotic dancing?

As long as you don't make me smell Uranus.

As luck would have it, I saved the chips...

As new employees I'd like your opinion on our commercial.

As soon as we finish cleaning Bender.

As that death clock you presented last year.

As this shocking graph indicates...

As well as a solid gold fiddle.

As well as some of the more cunning monkeys...

As you know, one of the cornerstones of my empire ...

As your captain, I order you back to the ship.

At least from a technical standpoint.

At least hot dogs haven't changed.

At least I still have my self respect.

At least it's got a great view.

At least three of them Chinese.

At the setting of the three suns...

Atomic supermen with octagonal shaped bodies ...

Attempting to break the security cordon...

Attention, job deserters!

Au revoir, suckers.

Aw, all right, I'll go, but so help me...

Aw, boo hoo.

Aw, come on. Bender loves mobs.

Aw, crap.

Aw, crap... singing

Aw, forget it.

Aw, hell... I mean heck.

Aw, here you go, kid.

Aw, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long.

Aw, Leela's going to kill me.

Aw, she'll never help me.

Aw, thanks.

Aw, that was uncalled for.

Aw, this isn't right.

Aw!

Aw.

Aw.

Aw.

Aw... what's the point?!

Aye, aye, Captain.

B, a pretty flower from your sweetie...

Bachelor Chow... Now with flavor.

Back in the 20th century...

Baconated g****fruit?

Bad fish!

Bam!

Bam!

Bam.

Bang! Zoom! Straight to the Moon!

Baseball? God forbid.

Be you robot or human?

Beat this.

Beats the cold, mechanical heart of a robot.

Beautiful and deadly

Because I dared to dream of my own race of atomic monsters!

Because I've always wanted to

Because it's a little "meteor

Because it's educational.

Because my latest invention is unbeatable.

Because she has the same blood type as me.

Because those robots would kill Fry and me.

Because tonight's a special night...

Been wasting a whole heap of juice.

Before steroid injections were mandatory

Before the craving sets in.

Before they kill you.

Before we left.

Before we say robot grace.

Behind garbage can 738.

Behold!

Behold...

Belching smoke and flame, and he's going to download you...

Bender and me are guys.

Bender, are you all right?

Bender, are you all right?

Bender, do something!

Bender, drink that beer...

Bender, Fry, and Leela.

Bender, good news

Bender, I didn't know you liked cooking.

Bender, I told you to fill the tank...

Bender, is this salt water?

Bender, mon, it has come to my attention...

Bender, pick it up and put it in the engine.

Bender, stop.

Bender, wake up!

Bender, we didn't mind...

Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom?

Bender, why don't I just live in here?

BENDER: Tasty.

Bender! Hey, Bender! Over here!

Bender! Leela! Don't leave me!

Bender?

Bender?

Bender? No way.

Bender.

Bender's not a guy; he's a robot.

Bender's stupid religion is driving me nuts.

Besides causing eye cancer, they had a lousy, low definition picture.

Besides, the car's on a track.

Better mascots than you have tried.

Between this mass of coffee grounds...

Beyond 0.5 percent of a doubt...

Big Z.

Bingo.

Birds don't crawl.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

Blame rests with known human professor Hubert Farnsworth...

Blast off!

Bler r r rn!

Blern!

Bolt is a hyper sled racer...

Boo!

Boring? Baseball wasn't...

Boring.

Brannigan's Law.

Bring back the blood.

Bring it on, baby!

Brother Bender...

Built by humans to make their lives easier.

Burning garbage.

But a programmable bat on wheels.

But a thousand years ago, I used to look up at the Moon...

But actually I'm glad.

But after living on earth...

But astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620

But everyone on this floor is having trouble with their TV reception.

But first you'll have to get rid of that thing.

But first, since I love you all so much...

But for you, my darling, I'm willing to convert.

But garbage isn't something...

But here's a disturbing reminder:

But how do they feel about humanoid aliens?

But how do we get Fry's money out of the bank?

But how many robot managers are there?

But how?

But I am already in my pajamas.

But I did find a cute little companion...

But I do.

But I don't belong here.

But I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals...

But I have to install your career chip.

But I intend to do as little dying as possible.

But I still think he was gay.

But I understand how you feel.

But I'm genuinely not a human.

But I'm perfectly happy with my life...

But I've got a good feeling about tomorrow.

But I've never been to the Moon before

But if you like dank... forget about it.

But isn't that counter indicated...

But it's a useless antenna.

But it's just so artificial.

But Mom said

But no country would accept it...

But not in dreams. No, sirree.

But not these two.

But now he's gone, and your fate is sealed.

But now I realize that outside that child...

But oh, no. The park was too phony.

But our fungineers think...

But people already interfered.

But right now, we have business to attend to.

But seriously, you've got to tell Bender you're moving out.

But suppose we sent a crew to plant an explosive...

But that doesn't make it any less meaningful.

But that don't impress the robot devil, no, sir.

But that is a good idea.

But that's just a start.

But the ball is just too damn gooey.

But the judge already sentenced us at the trial.

But the one thing their captain doesn't realize...

But the phony stuff is what's fun.

But the rest is mighty wicked.

But the smelloscope is brilliant, I tell you!

But their concerns were dismissed...

But then later on, you realize he actually has a really good body.

But then the winter came...

But then you get to the end...

But then, after one fateful pop quiz...

But there's got to be a better way to deal with this.

But there's just not enough room.

But they landed an amusement park on the Moon.

But they're useful to us as a scapegoat...

But this electricity abuse crossed the line.

But those girls don't wear cases.

But through it all, you're completely alone.

But us guys from under the red sun, we're like...

But wait, there's more!

But we can always build more killbots.

But we don't have the proper career chips.

But we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of.

But we think it's about time he got his own place.

But we're all job deserters now.

But we're your friends, and we live here in the year 3000.

But what if we want to smell distant objects?

But where can we find a substance...

But won't that crush my bones?

But you are lazy, right?

But you can try on the demo pair.

But you had to go and wreck it by surviving.

But you used up all your days off...

But you'll never find a crew willing to take on a mission...

But you're right.

But you've earned my contempt once again.

But, Bender, we're your friends.

But... then we wouldn't be roommates.

By a giant ball of garbage.

By a murderous crew of radical robot separatists.

By assassinating the previous one.

By God, I am your nephew.

By God, I think the boy's got something.

By God, you're right!

By my operations manual?

By the way, I saved your stuff.

By the way, my name's Bender.

By which I mean your shredded remains.

Bye, Bender. I'll miss you.

Caffeinated bacon?

Calculon! You're alive!

Calculon? I thought you were in a coma.

Call technical support.

Can anyone drive stick?

Can do!

Can do.

Can I ask you a question?

Can I come, Leela?

Can I do the countdown?

Can I get anybody a beer?

Can I get this wrapped up?

Can I give you a hand?

Can I go into space now?

Can I please just go back to prison?

Can I try these on?

Can I wear your suit?

Can seem utterly insignificant.

Can they really breathe fire...

Can we borrow some?

Can we have some money?

Can't imagine why I would.

Can't we get away in the ship?

Can't we just...

Can't you ask a little more sexfully?

Can't you just accept that?

Can't you read the "Do not disturb" sign?

Can't...

Captain Brannigan, we really need...

Captain of the Planet Express delivery ship.

Captain to captain.

Captain to captain.

Care to sample our fragrance from Calvin Clone?

Cast iron cookware.

Caught salmonella from the flume ride.

Certainly.

Chaar!

Cham pag en?

Cham pag en?

Cheap, effective robot oil.

Check bounced. We're taking it all back.

Check out the glowing freaks.

Cheer up, meat bag.

Cheese and a

Choose!

Clean the gunk out of the mouse.

Clem Johnson?!

Collect call from...

Come along, Cinnamon.

Come and get it.

Come back, Bender! It's working!

Come here, Crushinator.

Come here, Fry.

Come on in. I'll give you the tour.

Come on, Bender

Come on, Bender.

Come on, Bender. It's up to you...

Come on, everyone line up for a hug.

Come on, everyone.

Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

Come on, guys.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Come on, it's just like making love.

Come on, Leela's not the type to hold a grudge.

Come on, man!

Come on, sin your heart out.

Come on, universe!

Come on!

Come on.

Come on. Come on! Kill me already.

Come on. Everybody help out Fry.

Come out with your hands up!

Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.

Come to present your latest napkin, Professor?

Come to think of it, I rest may case

Come! Your destiny awaits!

Congratulations, Your Highness.

Cool!

Cool!

Cool.

Cool. An alien.

Cool. Can I borrow the new ones?

Cool. Just like in Star Trek.

Cool. What's my job going to be?

Cool. You know, I've never even seen...

Correct.

COSMETOLOGIST: What a lovely face!

Could drop out of the sky, kill the emperor...

Could they still reattach it?

Could you guys please stop talking about my personal life?

Could you hold my purse for a minute?

Could you please get those keys out for me?

Could you shut the door, Edner dear? I think I feel a draft coming on.

Could you touch up this seam?

Count me in. I'm going to drink till I reboot.

Cram it, lobster.

Crew, meet Hermes Conrad.

CROWD: Boo!

Crud! We're 50 cents short.

Cut it out, Bender.

Cutting Leela's head off won't solve anything.

Daisy Mae 128 K...

Damn right!

Damn.

Damn. I knew you wouldn't have asked...

Dang.

Dark side of the Moon.

Dear Captain's Diary...

Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy

Death to humans!

Delicious.

Delivery boy?

Designed by a robot for a robot.

Destroy them.

Destroying himself.

Did he at least die painlessly?

Did he use his tongue?

Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?

Did you build the smelloscope?

Did you do that, you cute little...

Did you ever stop to think...

Did you hear that, Rusty?

Didn't die, and Leela got lucky.

Directly into the Sun.

Distinguished members of the academy...

Do I hear $1 0,000?

Do it now.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes?

Do solemnly swear to rule with honor and...

Do something.

Do we have enough money to pay Bender's fine?

Do you accept the principles of Robotology...

Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was?

Do you know how long it's going to take me...

Do you know how to play the fiddle?

Do you mean him or me?

Do you mind?

Do you take cash?

Do you think Calculon's evil twin will ever walk again?

Do you think you could survive a 700 foot fall?

Does anyone else think it's odd...

Does it hurt when I go like this?

Does it really work?

Does not compute. Does not compute.

Does that mean we can eat now?

Don't be a drag, man.

Don't drop that there.

Don't finish that cruller.

Don't forget to pick up a T shirt.

Don't girl me with that girl stuff.

Don't hold out on me like this!

Don't look. Don't look!

Don't touch anything or talk to anyone.

Don't try and stop me!

Don't we all look nice today?

Don't worry, guys

Don't worry, Professor.

Don't worry. This won't take long.

Don't you ever think ahead?

Don't you think I feel bad enough already?

Done.

Doodle of myself as a cowboy.

Down boy! Bad president.

Dr. Mobutu collected this crap...

Dr. Wernstrom, can you save my city?

Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy.

Dream on, skin tube.

Due to the shortsightedness of Old New York...

Duh... that's for sure.

Each pound of which..

Easy, baby, you don't want to get hooked on this stuff.

Eat my shorts.

Eh, "last year," you say?

Eh?

Eksi!

Elders, execute function control shift kill.

Eleven?

Engage rotor.

Enough to put dear old Mom out of business.

Enough. You all failed miserably.

Equally good it was an emperor.

Erotic! Erotic! Erotic!

Erotic.

Especially me.

Eureka!

Evans, where is that package from Earth?

Even for a second.

Even if it is deliciously fortified.

Even if it takes another hundred years.

Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds...

Every emperor ascended to power...

Every member presents an invention...

Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone.

Everyone needs to return to the office immediately.

Everyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.

Ew!

Ew! That's the saltiest thing I've ever tasted.

Ew.

Eww!

Exactly how long you have left to live.

Exactly, he was a machine designed to hit blerns.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Exactly. It's none of our concern.

Excellent, excellent.

Except ...

Except for the word "blern," that was complete gibberish.

Excuse me, I've missed a few lectures. What subject is this?

Excuse me, Your Majesty...

Exquisite choices, sir.

Face it, Farnsworth, you're over the hill.

Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as Mom and apple pie.

Fahrenheit or Celsius?

FARNSWORTH: It's very simple.

Feeding time.

Fetch