Futurama (1999) - Season 6 Edit

A common a common cold?!

A hundred and nine.

A man can sneak off to do two things.

A peaceful message.

A swell gal like you deserves better.

A two bit low life delivery boy like me,

A wise man once said that nothing really dies,

Aah, ow, oh!

Aah!

Aah!

About moving on with my life,

About us being so on again off again.

Absurd. You really think

Ach, these dorkeschoens!

Ach! I could have fired a V8!

Action Delivery Force Star Hero Rocket engaged.

Admit it, your reflexes suck!

After a lifetime of toil,

After all l l these years, I've got him!

After beating up Philip J. Fry.

Ah!

Aha!

Aha!

Aha! Found it!

All attempts to communicate with the aliens have failed.

All citizens are advised to wash their hands thoroughly

All crew, report to the laboratorium.

All existence is just a chess game,

All right, diamond, you won those rounds,

All right.

All that's left is the mathematics.

All the colors of the spectrum.

Also, sometimes terminators.

An unknown pathogen has been detected on these premises.

And also I have bad posture and severe financial problems?

And cram Manhattan back into its rightful hole.

And delete 12 terabytes of outdated catchphrases.

And drove Stephen Hawking

And especially you.

And finally, the heartwarming story of a handicapped magician

And fining them $10,000 a day until they produce the robot.

And he's 12 years out of date.

And hearing the words Nibbler on the Roof

And human flesh the rest of the week.

And hundreds of black hovercopters

And I barely even know you.

And I can see 50 moves ahead.

And I mean all the time.

And I slightly modified a thing that I own!

And I'll have this courtroom removed from you!

And I'm some sort of Stone Age throwback. You know,

And I've got a hankering for a useless remedy

And if my calculations are correct,

And in 36 hours, it will have infected the entire planet.

And launch it into space to see if it gets cured by cosmic rays.

And legally, too!

And make it grim

And me, Mighty Merchandise Robot!

And not some other way.

And now he is judging a high school science contest.

And now that I've found all the answers,

And now the entire universe is my processor

And now, the grand prize winner

And now, to present the awards, our very special guest.

And put it in an engagement ring

And released into orbit.

And score me some of that sweet, sweet powder.

And show them our peaceful intentions.

And squirt it out.

And subsequently, humanity lost all resistance to its ravages,

And that means I've got him right by his little...

And that voids his warranty.

And that's just what I need to put a wash day shine

And that's the ultimate secret of the universe?

And that's who's going to beat you

And the jury might not want to convict a 12 year old.

And the other kids didn't play fair.

And the sweating Amy's horrible sweating!

And then there's your so called entry.

And those are today's high scores.

And voilà !

And with a little more luck from my seven leaf clover,

And, in any case, I'd never live to see it.

Another one of your ill timed jokes, Fry?

Any old matter will do.

Any word from Leela?

Anyhow, when a guy feels good about his sweetheart,

Anyone have access to a lofty realm of gravy?

Anything is possible in science.

Anyway, I've got nothing better to do

Apparently so.

Are coming to welcome us!

Are you in here?

As a girl made of custard.

As fair as it is cruel.

As it is deemed safe to enter and shoot your asses.

As newscasters whip the city into a panic.

Assemble!

At last, there are no more questions left to answer.

Aw, you guys again?

Ay ay ay ay ay ay!

Aye aye, lady!

Bailiff, release the jury collies.

Barrels here!

Before I call a recess for mimosas and horse breeding,

Before the big bang.

Before they reset me, I figured out the answers

Behold: the dance of peace.

Being overclocked was a start, but once I activate

Bender doesn't care about us anymore.

Bender had a license agreement.

Bender Rodriguez?

Bender, as my newest employee,

Bender, wait!

Bender, what happened to you?

Bender, while you still have your giant brain,

Bender, you knew all this would happen, didn't you?

Bender?

Bending unit,

Besides, Buzz Aldrin ran over my guinea pig in the parking lot.

Better cover your 'nads.

Big enough to express my love.

Big enough to express my love.

Blorg, blorg, a thousand times blorg.

Blow them to Bac O bits with a well placed warning shot.

Body blow! Body blow!

Borbo, the so called common cold,

Bring me the clock of Bender Rodriguez.

Bucket of hot dogs.

But another threat from the stars is sure to arise next week at the same time.

But behold!

But But Randy said...

But first, I need your help.

But first, this.

But he's a stock MomCorp bending unit,

But I can't afford a diamond ring

But I know you'll pull through and make me proud.

But I really must be Göring.

But I will need help.

But I'm slightly thirsty.

But I've got an ace up my hole.

But if I'm hard on you, it's only 'cause I want you

But if it were up to me, we'd be on all the time.

But inside I'm as soft and sensitive

But it will have to be smoother and more fluid

But it's not safe here, so I'll need to find a hideout.

But look at us now, at Gigatron's mercy!

But seriously, there are moon men.

But since there is no way

But so far I only got Amy pregnant.

But so far I only got Amy pregnant.

But some decisions can't be made by thinking.

But somehow, I keep finding myself

But that's my idea.

But the virus survived in you,

But then I found one out there among the stars...

But there's nothing here.

But this is the end.

But what matters now

But what would that be like?

But, will the Aliens understand?

But, Your Honor... Silence!

But...

Butt massager engaged.

By 0800 hours.

By centuries of ice buildup.

By improving his own robot?!

By overclocking you.

By the crystal space devil!

By thousands of scientists

Byte my eight bit metal ass.

Can the defense produce the bending unit in question?

Can we get inside the shack?

Can we please go home and die now?

Can you die happy now?

Can't go over the falls without a barrel!

Captain, a ship is attempting to break the quarantine.

Case dismissed!

Check.

Check.

Chicken, water, fire.

Cocoa is for yodeling babies.

Come on in.

Come on, gang, let's go inoculate everyone

Come on, Yancy,

Come out with your hands...

Come, follow me to the lab.

Comet ahoy!

Comet kaboomination in three, two...

Coming.

Congratulations, Mother.

Could do such a dance.

Could it be taken from you if you were, say, unconscious?

Could perform such intricate motions!

Could you bend this drinking straw for me?

Created by a schoolteacher.

Crispy doesn't even rhyme with risky.

Cubert and the Professor are guilty.

Cubert Farnsworth cannot be tried twice

Cubert is the Professor's clone,

Custard time?

Dad.

Damn it, son, lose the tissues.

Damn right I am.

Dear Liza.

Defeat is ours. If we can't communicate

Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake.

Destroying the boy is just icing on the cake.

Did you say extra crispy recipe?

Did you see me?

Didn't break!

Didn't even take a day off of work.

Didn't raise any fools, Turanga Leela.

Ding dong. I'm saying "ding dong"

Do something!

Do you think a space age dame like her would ever marry

Doesn't get off easy on account of that snot gobbling twerp!

Don't go, Leela, please!

Don't worry, son, you'll freeze before you drown.

Don't you ever wonder about the future?

Double time, soldier.

Down at the 35!

Dr. Buzz Aldrin!

Due to the lens' remarkable quark lattice structure,

Early life crisis, but, look,

Eating nothing but frozen Neanderthal.

English.

Ergo they are legally the same person.

Even an idiot like me knows he'll be ruined.

Even an idiot like me knows that.

Even if you're drunk.

Even the big bang that created the universe.

Ever observed with a telescope.

Ever since Fry first came to us,

Every time I burp, a new galaxy is born.

Everybody's ice fishing.

Everyone just calm down and make yourself a tissue walrus.

Ew!

Exactly.

Face it, someone with your limited brainpower

Farewell, monobrains.

Farnsworth?!

Faster!

Featuring everyone's talents,

February is the shortest month!

Fine.

First click the license agreement, dearie.

Flying bananas?

Follow me!

For now.

For pulling you out of the lake, soldier.

For reasons beyond even my comprehension,

For reasons that are private?

For the first time, we're about to observe

For the same crime.

Fresh killed bait.

From any other color or combination of colors.

Frozen for a thousand years.

Fry,

Fry, can we talk about our relationship?

Fry, you've created a new color, totally different

Fry?

Frykowski! BenderIsGreat34!

Galaxians... what you need to know to protect your family.

Game on, Gedgie.

Gedgie out.

Geez! Walk much, Gedgie?

Get 'em! Get 'em! Get 'em!

Get a haircut!"

Get a wiggle on.

Get him!

Get in there!

Get plenty of that powder.

Get your live bait here.

Give it to me, you faker.

Give it to us straight, Professor.

Give me a worst case scenario.

Give me that!

Go on now.

Good bye, Fry.

Good news, everyone!

Good news, multiplayers.

Good thing Gedgie won.

Good?

Gornella, my love,

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried,

Gosh, yes, I've tried and tried,

Got it!

Gunnery Chief Bender, blast us out of quarantine.

Guys! Guys, you're never gonna believe this!

Guys! Guys! I discovered I have an extra processor

Ha ya!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Don't make me laugh.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Surely, your hard shell is too rigid.

Ha, ha, ha. I'll never tell you.

Ha, ha. I will slice them on my morning fish porridge.

Hang on,

Has given me the kick in the pants I needed.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Have you thought about asking Bender for help?

Have you tried getting her pregnant?

He already survived in the vacuum of my mom.

He consented! You all heard it!

He did it!

He may be right.

He must be someplace with a lot of power and liquid coolant.

He walked on the moon,

He wants to prove it by giving her something really... good.

He was our interpreter.

He would testify that my clients acted without malice.

He's good old Bender again.

He's right!

He's too surprising.

He's totally useless.

Hear my words. I believe I,

Hear my words. My shell may be tough,

Hello? Anybody?

Help, I'm drowning!

Here, Bender, use your immense robot strength

Here's your homework, you lucky knob.

Hermes, you take the first six hours.

Hey, Barack, pizza going out, come on.

Hey, foreign aggressors, vassup?

Hey, Fry, I know something you could lay bare.

Hey, Fry... Leela, no means no.

Hey, give me that.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Hey, hey. Hey.

Hey, I'm gonna try that.

Hey, pigs.

Hey, Professor.

Hey, wait a second!

Hideout? Bender, are you becoming

High speed, top of the line kids!

History came alive, and I killed it!

Hmm. All ancient satellites were swept up as space junk in 2113.

Hmm...

Holy matrimony.

Honestly, I couldn't think of one good reason,

Hoo oo!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hooray!

Hot cocoa break.

Hoverfish!

How come nobody's ice fishing?

How could he possibly play that well?

How do you go on, knowing there's nothing more to know?

How do you people do it?

How I feel about you...

How incredibly deadly is it?

How. You taught me how.

How's the containment holding up?

How's the intergalactic real estate going?

Howdy, folks, and may I say

Howdy, folks.

Hubba hubba.

Huh, I I guess they can.

Huh, learn something dumb every day.

Huh, so it was hiding deep down inside of me,

Huh? Oh, sorry.

Human emotion no longer concerns me.

Humidifier.

Hush, lad. I'm totally in the zone.

Hyah!

Hyah!

I actually knew that offhand.

I also taught you not to get caught.

I amuse myself.

I call on anyone but you to do the peace dance.

I can at least dumb down his robot.

I can conceive of gravies that would boggle your tiny mind!

I can stimulate my intellect

I can't believe how stupid I used to be and you still are!

I can't change that.

I can't devote precious brainpower to blowing my nose.

I can't even conceive of them.

I can't keep up with today's

I can't rest until this bending unit

I clicked without reading!

I could have flip flopped out.

I could make a space experiment.

I couldn't find a diamond good enough for you,

I definitely want to hear about that,

I devoted every waking minute

I didn't realize

I don't know, but some day we'll find out.

I don't know, Randy.

I don't know.

I don't like the looks of this, Mr. President.

I don't need a diamond.

I don't see any irony in that.

I don't want you getting frozen.

I fear our only option is thrilling space battle.

I feel awful, but it was worth it

I fell through the ice. Cut me some slack.

I finally nailed Farnsworth.

I found the satellite!

I got to go check this comet for anarchists.

I guess I'm just feeling uneasy

I guess I'm not as smart as everybody thought.

I guess you'll never know everything, after all.

I hacked myself inside out,

I had to eat Kimchi.

I have another lens.

I have no protective fat, hair or warm blood.

I have returned to testify on behalf of the defendants.

I have some new heavy elements to create.

I hear turkey.

I heard she took a job selling deep space real estate,

I heard you're entering the NASA science competition.

I I lost my controller.

I I mean fire!

I just feel like my life's falling apart.

I just got a new thing of glitter.

I knew he cared about us!

I know how to spell "aardvark"!

I know that.

I know where you can get some 20th century cold virus

I like physics, but I love cartoons.

I love ice fishing.

I love this time of day.

I love you, son.

I may be the humblest team member, but I have given it my own.

I mean 3,018 rat kidneys.

I mean, if we were together,

I mean, my mom's vacuum.

I mean, stay in with your hands up.

I might be able to speed up your reflexes

I might get sick enough to miss the whole semester.

I miss the old, illiterate Bender.

I mourn his loss,

I move for a mistrial on grounds of double jeopardy!

I never heard you mention that.

I never married, rarely went outside...

I once survived an entire week trapped in a Swiss glacier,

I passed the existential singularity.

I realize that what I was living for

I really shouldn't agree to things I don't understand,

I see your mother the water mutant

I shouldn't be out in this cold.

I shudder to think what this cold will do to me.

I suppose it might even bring a few people back to life.

I think I'll steal that and do an experiment

I think you'll find this verdict

I thought you liked beer and knock knock jokes.

I thought you snuck off to take a dump.

I underestimated you, Medical Crab.

I want my money back...!

I want this bomb to sparkle

I want this ice fishing operation up and running

I want to ask Leela to marry me,

I was born in prison, and I'll die in prison.

I was frozen for a thousand years.

I was late.

I watch TV.

I will lead the defense fight.

I will tell you something that's no joke.

I wish this moment could last forever.

I wonder why it did that.

I... I'm sorry, guys.

I'd be remiss if I didn't rub your goopy noses

I'd love to talk to Bender, but I have no idea where he is.

I'll bring the car around.

I'll make a space experiment about the common cold

I'll try to put it in terms you can comprehend.

I'm busy with my space experiment.

I'm Facebooking right now.

I'm gonna go kill myself.

I'm in misery!

I'm just glad I have my wool scarf.

I'm just not capable of the happiness of the dumb.

I'm leaving while I still have my dignity.

I'm not even legally a mammal.

I'm not going to wind up a loser

I'm not sure science is your thing,

I'm on the verge of solving all the mysteries of science.

I'm processing so fast, it's like I can anticipate

I'm really sick.

I'm sorry, Fry, but some games you just can't win.

I'm still listening, you big lug.

I'm surprised you lived through that sentence.

I'm wearing a belly parka.

I'm with Bender.

I've been thinking a lot

I've discovered a new comet.

I've ever seen...

I've got to adjust the memory timing,

I've grown far beyond the petty concerns of your world

I've had worse.

I've lived in mortal terror that this would happen.

I've prepared some projections.

If he weren't in jail facing a life sentence.

If I can't bring down Farnsworth,

If I overclock you some more,

If I understand ice fishing, and I'm pretty sure I don't,

If only I'd made some mistake!

If people learn they can overclock their old robots,

If this will save you, then please,

If we could mount one big musical

If we fight, we'll surely be destroyed.

If you're sober, it isn't ice fishing.

Impressed?

In a hole in the bottom of the sea.

In a particle accelerator powered by dump trucks

In an anaerobic environment, i.e., space.

In exactly ten seconds,

In fact, looking ahead, it's obvious

In here is the only place I'm not!

In my compartment of mystery!

In that case, the jury will begin its deliberations.

In the fact that I'm immune.

In the mighty bosom of our space shuttle.

In zero gravity Vijay Patel and his calculator space hat!

Indeed, it's pure diamondium

Indeed. The pursuit of knowledge

Initiate containment procedure.

Instead of some other laws?

Instead, I will send

Introduced by living fossil Philip J. Fry,

Is a young man who devised a way to add and subtract

Is by doing a peace dance.

Is hopeless and eternal.

Is it good to see me?

Is my eye playing trick on me?

Is protecting Earth from that fruit armada.

Is spreading out of control.

Is there any hope things could still work out between us?

It better not be those little Korean girls again.

It could kill millions or nobody.

It is worse!

It just comes back in a new form.

It may get a little non Newtonian in here.

It might be you.

It seems their movements are a form of language.

It should be capable of unthinkable magnification.

It strikes me as an extra risky strategy.

It went kersplitters.

It will land here on your finger.

It would take decades of work

It'll be gone as fast as I can sneeze, hurl,

It's a deep space emotion detector.

It's a mirror into Scruffy's soul.

It's all over.

It's been a good run, people,

It's detecting a massive burst of anger from deep space!

It's getting late.

It's good to see you.

It's just a cold.

It's just a stinking cask!

It's like staring into the face of God.

It's my brains against your Von Braun!

It's not my fault. I didn't even know

It's nothing.

It's okay, Leela.

It's probably better if we don't know.

It's so beautiful.

It's the next best thing to being alive.

It's time for me to leave and make a fresh start.

It's too cold, Dad.

It's too late, Leela.

It's true!

Josh Gedgie, boy scientist.

Josh Gedgie!

Just a common cold.

Kajiggaru desu!

Knock, knock.

Lame, though the common cold virus does seem

Launch all missiles!

Launch all missiles!

Laying bare the most fundamental laws

Leave me alone.

Leave me alone.

Leela who?

Leela, I don't know if words can describe

Leela, my love, will you marry me?

Leela, shh, I'm trying to listen to a physics lecture.

Leela?!

Left to answer.

Let a lady take a gander.

Let alone a thousand years.

Let me just adjust it to your eye level

Let me just insert lens in microscope.

Let's dump it up!

Let's humiliate them with slingshots.

Let's just get inside the shack.

Let's just hope the experiment's still in here.

Let's see him outrun a V 2!

Like a judge pleaser.

Like a samurai honeymoon mask,

Like my skeleton bones?

Like that guy.

Like the floor at Grand Central Station

Linda?

Linda?

Live bait.

Look at that cocky smirk.

Look out! You're overheating!

Look, I just have a common...

Look, son, I know I give you the business sometimes.

Lot of people depend on you

Louder, louder!

Made from the debris of that diamondium comet.

Make sure Farnsworth

Man, I have got to go back to law school.

Maybe I am, LL Fool J.

Maybe I'm having some kind of...

Maybe it's none of my business,

Maybe we can beat those Korean girls!

Me, me. Choose Zoidberg.

Meanwhile, on Space Planet 4,

Mmm mmm, fish on Friday

Mom won't allow me to stay accelerated like this.

Mom, what's my temperature?

Mommy!

Mon, that's some cheap ass matter.

More like exactly a slice.

Most honored visitors,

Mostly me!

Movietone News, everyone.

Mrs. Jenkins dissects anything smaller than a fifth grader.

My circuitry's 12 years out of date.

My dumb experiment wouldn't have lasted an hour in space,

My experiment measures the effect of microgravity

My money's on Gedgie.

My nose is all gunked up with blork.

My reka!

My teen region is freezing off.

NASA's going to pick one kid's experiment to launch into space.

Negative.

Neither did I... oh...

Neutrinos, gravitinos...

Nice job, son.

Nice work keeping those sickos penned up.

No doctor likes hurling his patients into the sun,

No further questions for this jury.

No galaxies there.

No hara kiri today, but heiwa no dansu.

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother.

No one destroys a boy like you, Mother.

No, but theirs are!

No, he wouldn't.

No, I'm gonna infect my guinea pig with the common cold

No, it won't.

No, no crazy technology.

No, no...!

No, you're not getting it.

No! It's under here somewhere!

No.

Nobody cut me any slack when I broke my spine.

Not beautiful enough.

Not even God One and God Two put together.

Not just any verdict, Your Honor. A great verdict!

Not on the measly salary I steal from you each month.

Not only have the defendants failed to rebut the charges,

Not possible.

Not that ceiling fan.

Not until I demonstrate this new microscope lens

Nothing in the universe can fracture diamondium,

Nothing!

Now bundle up.

Now I'll give you the shot.

Now I'm sick.

Now if you'll excuse me,

Now you'll never know how much I love you.

Now, hop in the flivver

Now, ions and pions, muons and gluons,

Now, Larry, let's deal with this like mature adults.

Now, now, let's not all panic at once.

Now, then, my man, let's see if your reflexes are...

Now, to examine some matter.

Now, to penetrate its deepest mysteries.

Of cells, molecules, atoms.

Of course, I will do the peace dance.

Of course, there'd be no guarantee of success,

Of course, there's a catch.

Of course! Having no mouths or ears,

Of course. Our relationship is the best thing in my life,

Of flaming grant money!

Of the MomCorp license agreement.

Of the universe.

Oh, damn, I'm good!

Oh, fiddlepoop!

Oh, Fry.

Oh, fuff.

Oh, God!

Oh, good.

Oh, I try to act cool, but inside I'm freaking out.

Oh, I wish I'd never cloned you.

Oh, it's just a log I found

Oh, it's just that I love Leela something awful.

Oh, it's true.

Oh, my, there's a frog on a bump on this log

Oh, no, I've got it, too.

Oh, no!

Oh, we were just eating spaetzle and listening to Kraftwerk...

Oh, we've had some tough times, but at least we won a Tony.

Oh, what's the use?

Oh, wow!

Oh, yeah? Well, track this motion!

Oh, you're no help at all!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! At that rate, Planet Express will be bankrupt in...

Oh! I don't know why I even build these things.

Oh! Oh! Who's there?

Okay, back to work, everyone.

Okay, sure

Okay, this year's Nerd Search runner up

Okay, too bad, good bye.

Okay.

On my new doomsday device.

On the propagation of the common cold virus

On the tail of the frog on the bump

On this log that I found in a hole in the bottom of the sea.

Once I install these, I'll have access

One more inburst like that,

One side, boys.

Ooh, I'm smart!

Oops.

Oops.

Oops.

Options?

Or perhaps by odors.

Or... somewhere else.

Order! Order in the head!

Our only hope is to communicate with the aliens,

Our weapons aren't strong enough

Out of your allowance.

Over and out.

Ow, my underbite.

Ow!

Ow!

Ow! It's bright out here.

Ow! Ow! Aah! Aah! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ooh!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Wait!

People of New New York,

Perhaps they speak perfect English, as do we.

Pfft, those things don't rhyme.

Phew! Lucky I'm safely locked up here with you guys.

Pi over four radians of pizza, please.

Please read the verdict against Professor Farnsworth.

Please, Bender. If everything is a chess game for you,

Please, I am certain I will succeed with my delicate manner.

Please, tell me if Fry and I ended up together.

Power friends, go!

Power? Liquid coolant?

Pretty good. I just sold a castle to the King of Space.