BoJack Horseman (2014) - Season 1 Edit

A bunch of horse tranquilizers, ha ha.

A fire called Having a Good Idea.

A genre which thrives on

A gin and nutmeg just like you asked.

A great Rodney Dangerfield impression.

A Halloween store that's open year round.

A lot of further questions.

A lot of sensitive information here.

A lot.

A mosquito got into my tent. What do you want?

A naval officer on leave from Afghanistan.

A rare lapse in taste and judgment.

A sad day for the sport of horse racing.

A sick, sick joke, indeed,

A store where people can buy Halloween stuff.

A sweet cocaine booth/sex closet.

A truly immersive Halloween experience

A very lucrative business opportunity.

A western about a one horse town and you're the horse.

Aah!

About a seemingly mandated celebration of our military

About American bank routing numbers.

About breaking and entering, BoJack.

About his reality show.

About how he hates the troops.

About me being smart and talented and good?

About mix tapes.

About Sarah Lynn anymore?" After all, she is 30.

About stealing a meal from Neal McBeal, the Navy SEAL.

Actually, it kind of feels like you're the one

Adult... man.

After he exchanged blows with Sir Paul McCartney.

After one more quick anecdote.

After party at my restaurant!

After we made love, he covered himself in sheets like an Arab.

Again, I am not a crow

Ah, ah, phone is ringing. Phone is ringing.

Ah, no other director has enough weight

Ah, no, you're right, of course.

Ah!

Ah! I wasn't gonna pee.

Ah! Lemur on fire! Lemur on fire!

Ah! Lemur!

Ah! Sorry, sorry!

Ah.

Ahab's got a white whale to catch, baby!

Ahem.

Ahem. We give you Halloween in January,

Aiding ravaged communities and displaced people.

Al Gore, Zoe. George W. Bush, total Zelda.

All Andrew ever wanted to eat was stupid lasagna.

All Neal wanted when he got home...

All right, everyone.

All right, fine, fine, fine, but the reason I propose

All right, gang, when Virgil Van Cleef gets here, look alive.

All right, look, I mean, I stepped on a needle earlier.

All right, Todd. PB Livin' needs a new project.

All right. Now we just got to make sure we focus

All that exists is what's ahead.

All that work for nothing.

All they needed was some good, old fashioned love.

All this time, I never even...

All you have to do is smile and stay upright.

All you need to do is get off Diane

All your films are so human,

Along with newspaper clippings about gluten.

Already acknowledged.

Also, I am not deeply ambivalent

Also, I'm alone, so alone, so, so alone.

Also, I'm drunk.

Also, it wasn't here. It was at my office.

Also, my book was not a movie. You do know that, right?

Also, please don't put in my book

Also, there's less Halloween stores. Coincidence?

Also, you should bring this email with you

Although I did bet the network's gonna give your show

Always happy to be of service.

Am I crazy, or are you not into this?

Am I crazy?

Am I just grasping at straws?

Am I just hungover, or are you talking like a Muppet?

Am I saying that right?

America needs to know that I'm not that little girl anymore.

American made.

An All Hallows' Eve store in January?

An endorsement for a Slovakian yogurt.

And a list of fun facts about Legally Blonde.

And a People's Choice forTemple Grandin.

And a tape is something you listen to,

And abandon you for the next sexy thing?

And action.

And actually disrespects those we mean to honor

And actually follow through on this.

And again, it's bizarre

And another autograph,

And any goodness I started with just slowly

And as I once said to a young Ed Begley Sr.,

And as you can see, progress has been swift.

And be friends with each other.

And bite his finger off!

And BoJack used Margo Martindale as a plant

And by kid, I mean middle aged adult.

And by you, I mean me. And by "go" picture,

And Coolio.

And damn it, you're good.

And Diane's family is from Vietnam,

And did you know there are orphans in Sudan...

And don't waste time on foolish flights of fancy.

And drove over to tell you how I feel.

And especially since I'm doing so much for Eva Braun,

And eventually, he internalizes it.

And eventually, you'll be dead.

And everything they do.

And feel sorry for yourself? Oh, guess what, Bo J,

And finally, I don't...

And get on to something else.

And give me something real.

And he does seem to take up an awful lot of your time.

And he says... he says, "Why the long face?"

And he's loving, but you and me, we're Zoes.

And his first appearance at the Globe ceremony

And hold for Princess Carolyn, please.

And how about Sara Lynn as Sabrina? Isn't she wonderful?

And hup

And hup. Hup.

And hup... No.

And I already have a billion other awards,

And I can't afford to waste one second, so let's get...

And I can't have a bunch of folks over making a lot of noise.

And I can't really think about our wedding

And I certainly did not bet on my own races.

And I could get him a feature by the end of today.

And I definitely want to keep having it,

And I don't believe saying that cheapens the word

And I don't need you...

And I don't need you...

And I don't want you to waste any time looking back.

And I emphasize, from Afghanistan...

And I got really excited about the ice skating,

And I got so swept up in my campaign for class president,

And I got you the lead in a romantic comedy.

And I happen to know this is

And I have a lot of thoughts in my head,

And I have sex, and I do sexy things.

And I hope you have enough decency

And I let myself get excited anyway.

And I like to go to school, but sometimes I get sad.

And I said, "If I can make just one person out there

And I said, "Well, I'm not one to call myself brave,

And I saw this empty store front, and I thought,

And I say, "Hey, buddy, I can't help it."

And I think I have enough to go write the book,

And I think I know what you need

And I think I'm on the right track.

And I think it's important that we stay friends.

And I think Todd swallowed a cyanide pill

And I thought about what I did.

And I want to be that person they think I am, but I'm not

And I wanted to get money for drugs.

And I wanted to show her that she was a top priority,

And I was boy crazy.

And I'll be fooled for the rest of my life.

And I'll bet he knows how to treat a lady.

And I'll bring you up to speed?

And I'll never get it back in me

And I'll probably get an appetizer.

And I'll thank you to respect

And I'm determined to get the jargon

And I'm especially not doing all those things at once!

And I'm going to bite her finger off.

And I'm gonna make you love me.

And I'm here to finally tell her how I feel.

And I'm in love with her.

And I'm meeting with her tomorrow.

And if it got out, it could destroy the whole wedding.

And initial here, here, here, and here.

And into your shitty lives.

And invitations..

And it hit me.

And it says here you do

And it terrifies me to say this,

And it's gonna be mostly synonyms from here on

And it's not like giving a jerk a gun and telling him

And it's not like giving a jerk a gun...

And it's really clear,

And it's the responsibility of big shots like me

And kablamsky!

And lover.

And make me 0% of my money.

And maybe I am a little jealous.

And might be dead.

And my dad resented her for it.

And nobody's confused about anything.

And now my morning is ruined.

And now we got to find a new lead.

And once you zero in on his Achilles' heel,

And plants need water.

And present to him a box of muffins as a symbol

And pretend you're a happy Zelda,

And pulling me out of that oh so predictably BoJack

And put our own feelings aside

And ruined my rock opera

And sabotage our friend's engagement.

And she has skybox seats at the Staples Center.

And she's gonna make me a lot of money.

And she's, like, an inspiration, but now, she is old,

And shriveled, and gross, and nobody want her no more, okay?

And since that goes in your tummy...

And since you're such an expert,

And sleep on the ground and poop in a bucket.

And some of the FMEERS are already moving in.

And some things take a leap of faith.

And spend some hard earned American money?

And take the car to the place.

And that is the last of the Toaster Strudels,

And that little boy never found his mother

And that was a last time I worked with David O. Russell.

And that way, everybody knows what I want.

And that's the most cowardly thing a person can do.

And the consumption hung low in the air.

And the Golden Globe for Best Comedy or Musical

And the great Lenny Turteltaub producing,

And the gripping psychodrama of a thriller

And the other bad news is BoJack's gone.

And the tall person rides at Disneyland. I want to have fun.

And the truth about me is, I... I...

And then a much, much larger dose

And then eating them all on the drive home.

And then got my ass here as quick as I could.

And then have it roll over me time and time again

And then he tore it down while I was at summer camp

And then just get right into the big, famous part.

And then once a week, you say, "Secretariat wouldn't do that."

And then said, "Uneventful."

And then she took a dump on a sofa

And then that led to a whole conversations about sticks.

And then we talked about his favorite Smash Mouth CDs.

And then you took the strippers ice skating?

And then... Did we ever get the new floor installed?

And these guys were just champing at the bit.

And they come back as stale hamburger buns,

And they learn their ship

And they said, "That's really brave."

And this is the thanks I get?

And told me to rush over here because of an "emergency,"

And traffic is jammed today coming into Louisville.

And Uganda and Chechnya.

And we can age you down in post, but I'm gonna tell you now,

And we want you to get in on the ground floor.

And we wouldn't be able to send out

And we're both adults, and we're both a little drunk.

And when I get back, I want everyone out of my house

And when I get there, I'm gonna find

And when it does, I want you to call me.

And when you throw in the murder of Tupac Shakur...

And wouldn't have to be alone with yourself.

And you are a horrible person,

And you are a horse, and I am a horse.

And you can bury it deep in burritos as big as your head,

And you don't mess with crazy.

And you give those people what they want.

And you got your heart broken

And you keep running forward, no matter what.

And you know I am really excited about getting married,

And you not understanding that you're a horrible person

And you sat here in silence for five minutes

And you shut yours, Van Cleef, or I will buck it shut.

And you'll forgive me if I chortle no longer,

And you're not even really in love with her.

And you've never asked him anything about himself?

And... Oh, oh.

Andrew Garfield hates Mondays and loves lasagna?

Andrew, this is BoJack, my TV dad.

Andrew...

Andrew's my boyfriend. We're a celebrity power couple.

Andrew's the one who flies off the handle

Another one? What happened to your Halloween store?

Any comment on BoJack's controversial remarks this week?

Any favors by refusing to set boundaries.

Any one of them would make a wonderful movie.

Anyway, could this show be ready to debut in six weeks?

Anyway, I need a little favor.

Anyway, I'm off to Malibu to see Herb Kazzaz.

Anyway, now we're all about smoodies

Anyway, our launch party's tonight,

Anyway, the former television actor

Anyway, the response to this book has been incredible.

Appealing as that sounds,

Are not jokes, so, you know, look out.

Are the best friends you'll ever have.

Are we going to gelato?

Are we talking about me again?

Are you at all worried that audiences will grow bored

Are you gonna head out soon?

Are you here to interview to be my driver?

Are you kidding? I'm Sarah freaking Lynn.

Are you seriously trying to make me jealous

Are you still searching for happiness?

Are you... Are you breaking up with me?

Aren't stale hamburger buns just as good?

As a character consultant.

As a Chavez. Look, I got to go.

As a class E felony.

As a vassal state to the Craterman kingdom!

As a venue for your wedding.

As fast as I run, I can't get way from that.

As I once said to a young Lionel Barrymore,

As I said to Ed Porter

As Oliver North would say, "I do not recall."

As soon as I finish this toast,

As the omelets your secretary makes,

As we are often wont to do.

As we often do.

Asshole!

At LACMA today. You know I love Diane Arbus.

At least we got to bond a little on the drive to Malibu.

At the bank and the convenience store,

At the Comedy Central roast of Gloria Stein...

At the end of the day.

At the premiere of The Great Train Robbery,

At this very moment,

Attagirl.

Aw, crap. I left him in Malibu.

Aw, dude.

Aw, fish.

Aw, he just wanted to come over and brag

Aww.

Aww...

Aww...

Ayako, hey, I need you to get me three tickets to Kyoto.

Back it up, horsey.

Back to Joey Bishop.

Back to one, everybody.

Bad news, P.C.

Bad news... I lost my driver's license.

Basically, it's Tommy by way of Cirque du Soleil

Beautiful day for a drive, though, huh?

Because a lot of things you might think are jokes

Because he didn't even really have dibs.

Because I can constantly just surround myself

Because I can't do anything wrong

Because I didn't think of that, and now I feel stupid.

Because I found this bag of stale hamburger buns.

Because I got you a job. Aren't you excited?

Because I have friends like George Bailey.

Because I have no self control and I hate myself.

Because I might not remember it because I just took

Because I was babysitting Todd, who's too drunk to work,

Because I'm famous and so well adjusted.

Because in their own way,

Because instead of hearty, Christian nails,

Because it just says the letter "B" 27 times.

Because it's the only place they don't have insurance to film.

Because Mr. Peanutbutter kept scratching up the hardwood,

Because somebody got a DUI.

Because that's all we're gonna do today.

Because there are three of him.

Because we got distracted by something else,

Because we only make... Which one do we make?

Because we're all just products of our environment,

Because while you were talking, I just got an amazing idea.

Because you know I'll bleed for you.

Because you switched out the prop bourbon

Because you were at a strip club "eating stripper" for lunch,

Because you were on some dumb kids show a million years ago?

Because you're talented, you're smart,

Because, Diane, this is deadly serious.

Beep bop boop blurp bleep.

Before I go, I got you a little sexy something

Being a teenager in the '80s and buying zoos"?

Beloved character actress Margo Martindale

Best of luck.

Better question: How long does it take to write a BuzzFeed article?

Between an animated GIF of a cat falling asleep

Bi Monthly Curated Box of Snacks has been an enormous success,

Biding your time till we're ready to strike.

Blech. Word to the wise, Laura...

BoJack hired Margo Martindale

BoJack Horseman makes me sick.

BoJack Horseman thinks that because he was on TV,

BoJack Horseman, from the '90s sitcom Horsin' Around,

BoJack Horseman?

BoJack Horseman. Take the mic.

BoJack is not my client anymore.

BoJack writes, "Dear Secretariat,

BoJack, are you watching MSNBSea right now?

BoJack, be nice.

BoJack, can you drive me to the mall today?

BoJack, I need to thank you

BoJack, I think I speak for everyone when I say...

BoJack, I'm an agent. I believe everything I say.

BoJack, I'm in a very important breakfast right now.

BoJack, is there anything you'd like to give Neal McBeal?

BoJack, isn't this exciting? Smoodies, right?

BoJack, it's your favorite agent.

BoJack, she knows how you feel.

BoJack, these people feed off controversy.

BoJack, we are going to get you back on your feet.

BoJack, we notice you've been pretty down in the dumps lately,

BoJack, what you did today

BoJack, when I was your age, I got sad.

BoJack, when you get sad, you run straight ahead

BoJack, where did you go to college?

BoJack, you know Kelsey Jannings, our director.

BoJack! This is not a TV show, okay?

BoJack.

Book, book, book 'em, dildo.

Bother.

Bouncing around like marbles

Bourbon is the name of a county.

Boxer versus raptor.

Boxer versus raptor.

Boxer versus raptor.

Boxer versus raptor.

Boxes is what cereal comes in.

Braff used your merger as an opportunity to jump ship

Breakfast.

Brilliant.

Bucket!

Bucket! Bucket!

Bucket! Bucket! Bucket! Bucket!

Business, business, business. Is that all you ever think about?

But all the while, you'll be studying him,

But do you buy it in a store? What're the physical attributes?

But do you let him stay here because you're kind

But don't forget about the registry.

But don't worry, I still saved the day

But don't you want to know what my Rosebud is?

But even I know that the only reason

But first, pizza for breakfast?

But how come your never see a Halloween store in January?

But I actually decided to take a job on the Secretariat movie

But I also have this other non movie related idea.

But I ate the muffins.

But I can't even commit to my favorite type of stick.

But I can't worry about that right now.

But I didn't know what the protocol was around here,

But I don't need rehab. Look, good as new, huh?

But I got into this game to make movies,

But I guess you had to leave work early.

But I just keep thinking about the muffins thing,

But I keep having this dream where she's gone.

But I know you, and this isn't you.

But I made a lot of bad decisions.

But I see you went to Northwestern.

But I think that you more than anyone

But I thought maybe for one night,

But I thought you might want more than that.

But I thought you were always gonna be there for me

But I want satisfaction now.

But I want you to know that your actions

But I was more asking,

But I... I know there's nothing there.

But I'm about to tell you something very important,

But I'm actually a raven,

But I'm actually young at heart.

But if you don't swallow your pride,

But if you just listen..

But if you think we're not ready, I mean, I'll listen to you.

But if you want to make a movie, and you're ready to work...

But in all, it's spellbinding.

But in the dream I feel... relief.

But in the meantime, help yourself to an intern,

But it's definitely him.

But it's my engagement ring.

But just because I don't like the idea that I can't.

But let's not take it out on the great title

But my bank card got declined for some reason.

But my friends call me Jelly.

But now because of you and your friends,

But now, we're on my turf.

But one day, I started running, and that seemed to make sense,

But remember, I'm coming for you,

But right now I'm working,

But Secretariat was dead at 27, so who we kidding here?

But she gained a friend.

But since you said it, yeah, I am."

But someday soon, that darkness is gonna come out,

But sometimes the biggest thing a man can do is tell the truth.

But tape is also a sticky thing

But teach a man to fool me,

But tell me more about this falafel idea.

But thanks.

But that doesn't matter. Not everything's about me.

But that doesn't mean we should love them any less,

But that's not usually the kind of thing I write about.

But the current was too strong.

But the important thing is we've gone public,

But the malaria will give you death,

But the part ended up going to Robert Downey.

But then I realized it's okay to not know everything.

But then I took a timeout,

But then instead of ice skating, you left me at home

But then you also made him drink with you.

But then you kind of fall into one thing and then another...

But then you're not married to your secretary, are you?

But then, when I got to the restaurant,

But there is an open bar...

But there was something else happening the whole time.

But this, it's a new drama from the Coen Brothers.

But wait, doesn't Diane want to marry Mr. Peanutbutter?

But we have something that we think is going to cheer you up.

But we'd have to cancel the doves,

But we've got some big news on the BoJack Horseman front.

But when you deny the dibs called by our men and women

But who would play the lead?

But you can't outrun the truth.

But you don't let them

But you gotta stop asking people if they get things.

But you had a permit, right?

But you know what? He's a good friend.

But you know who the real winner is?

But you're also mean.

But you're not gonna find what you're looking for

But you're worse off in the long run, because you're

But your fans, you be good to them, and they'll be good to you.

But, Mr. Peanutbutter, didn't you hear?

But...

BuzzFeed is a website. There is no cover.

BuzzFeed? What'll they think of next?

By a nation that claims to value peace

By flirting with what is very obviously

By recreating someone else's,

By simply paying me and my partner here $150.

By the end of the day, great, do that.

By the power vested in me by one of those dumb websites,

By turning real people into political pawns.

Bye

Bye.

Bye.

Cameron Crow, you skinny bitch.

Can catch up some more when she gets out of rehab.

Can catch up some more when she gets out of rehab.

Can I ask you a question?

Can I at least get my blanket...

Can I get you to say that in a tuxedo?

Can we talk about dibs?

Can you be there in an hour?

Can you believe this weather we're having?

Can you get me another job?

Can you hand me that Ronnie Milsap cassingle

Can you make it out to Blake?

Can you remember exactly how many muffins were in the box?

Can you... drive me everywhere I need to go

Can your friends at least take the artwork off the wall first?

Can't you do all that in L.A.?

Careful. Careful. Careful.

Cate Blanchett's favorite book.

Cate, listen to me, you're making a big mistake.

Cate!

Cate? Hello?

Celebrates her 30th birthday this month,

Charlie was the editor of The Harvard Lampoon.

Charlie, get me Cate Blanchett.

Charlie, I hear NBC picked up your running tie show.

Cheer up, dummy. Your book is a huge success.

Chopping the complexities of our era

Clean up your shit! Oh!

Clearly we're in love with each other.

Clearly, muffins aren't supposed to be in the produce section.

Close your eyes. Come on.

Come back to my place, maybe get a little more naked,

Come here, you goofball.

Come on, come on, come on. Hurry up.

Come on, Decapathon, come on.

Come on, just me, you, and a bottle of Pinot.

Come on, Vincent, let's get away from the rat race.

Come on.

Congratulations.

Congress is going to vote on the new Education Bill...

Congress is voting on a major education bill

Consumption of refined sugar at a time when obesity rates are sky high.

Cool. Bye.

Cop that pulled me over after Adam Levine's Halloween party?

Could finally be Sarah Lynn, but I guess...

Could I have another soda?

Could Vanessa Gecko get you that?

Could you guys keep it down, okay?

Could you speak up, please?

Couldn't get that guy a job.

Cut, let's take ten.

Cut. That was great.

Damn it, Todd, the investor showcase is in half an hour.

Damn you, Tuesday BoJack.

Darling, please, I wanted to do this in a public place

Diane and I wanna thank you all

Diane deserves the best.

Diane getting engaged was the best thing

Diane got engaged to Mr

Diane, Diane, Diane, Diane!

Diane, if you can make people care about BoJack Horseman,

Diane, it's Princess Carolyn, BoJack's agent.

Diane's writing a book about you,

Did Cate drop out of your little Holocaust movie

Did I hurt your feelings last night?

Did I mention he got a new bandana?

Did I miss it? Is it too late?

Did Randy come up with that?

Did somebody hurt my precious baby?

Did Vincent seem extra weird to you last night?

Did you bring them into the store with you?

Did you ever stop that wedding?

Did you get rid of your old TV Guide award?

Did you get there?

Did you get there?

Did you just say you think the troops are jerks?

Did you know the human head weighs 8 pounds?

Did you say Sarah Lynn doesn't have an agent?

Didn't break the pact they made in act one

Didn't need boundaries.

Do I have to go on MSNBSea?

Do I remember that? Yeah, vaguely.

Do not pitch a Nazi romance to Steven Spielberg.

Do the damn commercial.

Do things the easy way or the right way.

Do we need letter openers

Do we really need to be filming this?

Do you even know what a smoodie is?

Do you get it? Do you get my joke about the track?"

Do you guys actually watch the movies you give awards to?

Do you like seeing me suffer?

Do you mean his sitcom that coincidentally

Do you really believe all that stuff you said to me earlier

Do you remember the last time I saw you?

Do you think it's possible that you inviting Sarah Lynn

Does it taste like magenta in here?"

Doesn't make you less of a horrible person.

Doing that night in the desert.

Doing the thing from The Little Rascals.

Don't be sad

Don't ever call this number.

Don't forget I'm your agent, too! I want 10%.

Don't get me wrong. I love Diane so much.

Don't label me. You don't know who I am

Don't make this about me. I've seen what happens

Don't play the ageism card with me, kid.

Don't put things in my butt if you want them back.

Don't tell me we left those dreams in the sweat lodge.

Don't worry, I've got a plan.

Don't worry. I won't let it get to my head or anything.

Don't you robot voice me.

Don't you stop running and don't you ever look behind you.

Done being famous, and nobody cares if they live or die.

Dude.

Dude. I'm done with this. No. No.

During my formative years.

Each

Edge of my seat over here.

Eh, "tomato," "tomato."

Either you know what you want, and you don't get what you want,

Empty calorie celebrity tell some,

Enjoy yourselves and each other.

Enjoying each other's company,

Enough about me. BoJack, you are on fire.

Enter the study.

Erica did have to lose the foot,

Erica, I don't have time

Erica, is that you? Who let you out of the burn ward?

Especially Blues music and its unruly nephew, Rock and Roll.

Ethan, didn't you already eat your pancakes?

Eva Braun is not a romantic comedy.

Eva Braun is your dream, remember?

Eva Braun was Vanessa's project.

Even if it empties you out until there's nothing left to empty.

Even if they're not funny, but also, be careful,

Even though I was definitely right.

Even though we did not actually have time

Every four years like the Olympics.

Every time I take a sip, pure happiness.

Every time something bad happens,

Everybody loves you. You just won a Golden Globe.

Everyone is just out to get me

Everyone's running from something, sugar.

Everything is because of society!

Everything is society's fault, and we as individuals

Everything's coming together.

Everything's gonna be just fine

Except for you and you and...

Excuse me, I just wanted you to know

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Excuse me. I just have to tell you how much I love your book.

Falafel or fawaffle?

Famed billionaire philanthropist/adventurer.

Fantastic.

Fascinating.

Featured a pair of twins, Zoe and Zelda.

Feel a little less alone, then it's all worth it."

Felt like that flew over your heads. Did you get that?

Fiddle dee dee."

Finally, a Halloween store for the rest of... Aah!

Fish. Of course!

Fish. Okay, you are Todd goddamn...

Five years ago, he found his way into

FME. A bunch of people got laid off,

Fool me chicken soup with rice.

Fool me once, fool me twice,

For a celebrity reality show.

For a few months and document my daring exploits

For a Halloween costume.

For a little bit.

For a second, I actually convinced myself

For another nine months.

For coming to our impromptu rehearsal dinner,

For coming up with plans and your ability

For example, Nixon was a Zoe and Kennedy, a Zelda.

For her role in a failed bank robbery

For his book One Trick Pony.

For my reality show,

For our 12 hour anniversary?

For staging a bank robbery, BoJack

For the big BuzzFeed cover story.

For the high flying world of rock opera

For the last two weeks, ever since you found out Diane

For the next three months?

For the rest of us.

For the rest of your life.

For tomorrow's investor showcase,

For what it's worth,

For women over 50.

For you, actually, struck a chord with our producers.

For your first day with Diane tomorrow.

For, to me, there is nothing the least bit funny

Forget we were ever here.

Former assistants with restraining orders.

Fortunately, that can easily be avoided

From Horsin' Around, but on her new dance pop album,

From now on, you are a robot.

Fun fact: Wayne is also my ex boyfriend.

Furthermore, I do not find it unbelievably appropriate

Gain his trust, chauffer him around

Garfield!

Gentlemen, dazzle me.

Get it?

Get it? Track, because horses run on tracks,

Get over here now.

Get over here, you.

Get some gelato, and maybe drive out to the ocean

Get this, I am starring in a pilot presentation

Get your crew to BoJack Horseman's house.

Getting caught with that pound of cocaine

Getting gelato?

Give it to her, Diane.

Give me something I can use

Give the kid a chance, Van Cleef.

Give us a taste.

Gloria Steinem, one of the leading lights of modern feminism.

Go ahead. Kiss, you lovesick dummies.

Go to work, be awesome at it,

Go, fighting Westerns.

God, we get it, Marla. Gluten.

Goddamn it, Todd, clean up your shit.

Goes to BoJack Horseman, my friend,

Gonna die alone and unloved, you pompous, affected asshole!

Good God, what's happened?

Good horsey.

Good luck with your business transactions.

Good luck with your finger thing.

Good morning, Louisville. It's August 22nd, 1973.

Good news, Princess Carolyn. Vanessa's my agent now.

Good night, Charlie.

Good, good.

Good, that's great. That's great and good.

Good. I went to the stock market today.

Goodbye, BoJack.

Got engaged to Mr. Peanutbutter.

Got him a job yesterday,

Gotta take this. Hello?

Great party, Sarah Lynn.

Great question.

Great, put her on.

Great.

Great.

Great. I'll get the car and meet you outside.

Great. Let's get to it.

Great. You got one month to get in shape.

Guess I won't be needing this piece of junk anymore.

Guys, guys, what are you doing?

Guys, guys, where am I? Can someone tell me where I am?

Gwyneth came in this morning,

Ha ha ha ha. No, but seriously, folks,

Ha ha, classic BoJack.

Ha ha. Don't tell VH1 that.

Ha ha. How are you?

Ha! You say that every time something bad happens.

Ha. All yours.

Haah!

Had the exact same premise as my sitcom?

Halloween in January? Please elaborate.

Halloween store. Feel like that's been done.

Halloween? In January?

Hands behind your head, everybody.

Hanging out with a little girl. Good one!

Happy birthday, Princess Carolyn.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

Has this ever happened to you?

Has to be a real hot penis about everything.

Have an effect on others, and I hate you,

Have an interest in not getting into the wrong hands.

Have you just been mashing keys this whole time?

Have you met Brendan Fraser?

Have you no shame, BoJack Horseman?

Have you seen him without his trench coat on?

He can be Princess Carolyn's new assistant

He can still find ways to surprise you.

He goes on, "My question for you is,

He got into some sort of accident.

He had a piece of all of them.

He has cancer, which, as you know, is a whole thing.

He just disappeared. I don't even know why he'd leave.

He just wants to unwind by watching R rated movies.

He listens to me.

He looks like he was up all night playing some sort of

He looks really sad. It's hilarious.

He made me build my own tree house,

He told me in confidence.

He used to make me cry with him

He very clearly isn't and doesn't.

He voiced his opinion, even though it was unpopular,

He's a good boyfriend.

He's happy and he's carefree

He's kind and he's generous and he's loyal.

He's kind of in a bad place right now.

He's right, you know.

He's willing to publicly forgive you if you publicly apologize

He's works a full time job at the business factory,

Heard you two were on the outs.

Hell, I'll do it

Hello, beautiful.

Hello, Oscar. What do you think?

Hello, other grown up.

Hello, sir.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? BoJack Horseman?

Hello? I think I put you on mute.

Hello? You still there?

Hello.

Hello. We're looking for BoJack Horseman's agent.

Help me help you.

Help you with your dumb ass rock opera.

Help yourself to some cold wheat bran, sport.

Her favorite book is Suffragette City.

Her favorite color is red.

Her favorite Spice Girl is Baby.

Her name is Diane, and your name is Diane.

Herb! How the hell are you, buddy?

Here I thought I was at the drive through at Carl's Jr.

Here to answer that question,

Here to help me with some business needs.

Here you are, milady,

Here, business boss.

Here's a list of directors who won't work with him,

Here's me thinking destiny over here.

Here's your omelet.

Here's your steak.

Hey, ain't you that horse

Hey, BoJack, do you realize what this means?

Hey, BoJack, I've got Princess Carolyn for you.

Hey, BoJack, settle a bet.

Hey, BoJack. Thanks for coming

Hey, can anyone find a handle?

Hey, can I ask you something?

Hey, did you hear Kazaz got cancer?

Hey, don't look a horse's gift in the mouth, right?

Hey, excuse me.

Hey, guess what, I can't give them back

Hey, guys.

Hey, honeysuckle. Great news.

Hey, I got to go. I think this is my big break.

Hey, I just wanted to thank you for getting me this job

Hey, I meant I was rich

Hey, I met this guy.

Hey, I want to give you something.

Hey, I'm bored.

Hey, I'm not the crazy one.

Hey, Laura, send those guys a nice fruit and nut basket.

Hey, look, Mr. Peanutbutter got a bucket stuck on his head.

Hey, man, she made her choice.

Hey, Marty, Princess Carolyn here.

Hey, maybe don't burn the bridge.

Hey, no. Hold on to that.

Hey, notice how I've been ignoring you,

Hey, Princess Carolyn,

Hey, Sarah Lynn, what say we spend the day together,

Hey, thanks for listening to all this.

Hey, Todd. Todd.

Hey, um, I just got kind of a weird phone call.

Hey, Van Cleef, Todd may not be ready

Hey, Vanessa, your client, BoJack Horseman, wants a job.

Hey, we both have substance abuse problems

Hey, weren't you supposed to be here

Hey, what's this?

Hey, where the hell is that cheeseburger?

Hey, where were you? We looked everywhere.

Hey, where'd he get that bucket from?

Hey, where's Sabrina?

Hey, who told that asshole he could sit in my chair?

Hey, why are we even waiting a month to get married?

Hey, you guys want to hear my new catchphrase?

Hey, you said yourself the train is moving,

Hey, you've done enough listening, buddy.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey. That name's my name

Hi

Hi, what it is, banana bread?

Hmm, all right.

Hold on, I got to take this. Hello?

Hold on, just to be clear, since this morning,

Hold on.

Holy shit.

Honestly, that would be amazing.

Honey, college is for ugly people who can't tap dance.

Honey, do you really think going to the mall's a good idea?

Honey, nobody wants to poop in a bucket.

Honey, of course your friends are always welcome here.

Honey, relax. Getting married is easy.

Hooray, responsibility.

Hooray! Everything is meaningless!

Hooray. And you know I don't throw that word around lightly.

Hooray. Betrayal.

Hope you like kicking ass, Charlie,

How about sending a little my way?

How are things at the old nine to five?

How are... things?

How could you think that that's the same?

How did it feel to check the girl you raised on television into rehab?

How did you survive in Afghanistan?

How do you not be sad? Sincerely, BoJack."

How do you not get that this is terrible?

How fiendishly droll. Aah!

How have I not heard of this book?

How is Diane? I haven't seen her since...

How much did I have to drink last night?

How the hell are you?

How? I barely just realized...

How'd I come off?

How'd you even get in here?

How'd you like to work with the BoJack Horseman?

How's this look? Looks good?

Hu aah!

Huh?

Huh? What the... ?

I actually think the time is right for "Secretariat,"

I actually think you and Vincent

I agree. Total garbage.

I always thought if I ever had kids of my own,

I am a good kid, and I like to play,

I am a horse just like you.

I am a horse, my face is long. You get it, right?

I am actually considered very handsome.

I am at a bar. It's the weekend.

I am his own personal Mother Teresa.

I am ready to talk.

I am very happy with my current

I am. I will. I can. I do.

I apologize for wasting your time with this talentless imp.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I still think that game is stupid.

I asked if you were close with your father,

I assure you, it still smells like cheap plastic and child labor.

I ate 12 muffins, and I didn't even want one!

I believe everyone's either a Zoe or a Zelda.

I brought you the paper, fetched your slippers.

I call it Newtopia Rising, Book 1:

I can go to the Arbus show with you, Diane.

I can seal these deals with my paws in my pants.

I can see my organs.

I can tell by your tone that that was something smart.

I can use that. I can actually use that.

I can't be your agent and your girlfriend.

I can't believe you never told me any of this stuff.

I can't believe you pawned my award.

I certainly would,

I checked her into Promises. 28 days, she'll be good as new.

I completely lost sight of what's important.

I could go out to a bar and try to forget about myself,

I did a business.

I did not know you would be here today

I didn't come from such a great home,

I didn't even post the ad yet.

I didn't have any doubts

I didn't know he was a Navy SEAL.

I didn't need to be the warhorse.

I didn't realize you were so into house music.

I do believe that is the expression.

I do get snacky. You think of everything.

I do not want to throw a party

I do tire of the limitations

I do! I do!

I do! I do!

I do.

I don't agree to that.

I don't care about that.

I don't care who was right about the muffins anymore,

I don't feel good about what we did here, BoJack

I don't hate the troops.

I don't have a job, I don't have any prospects.

I don't have time for these shenanigans.

I don't have time for you or cardboard you.

I don't have to answer your questions! What are you, the

I don't know if I'm ready to get married again.

I don't know if I'm up

I don't know if this makes you more or less excited,

I don't know if you want to tell it, though.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I don't know what you're talking about. This never happened.

I don't know where the receipt went.

I don't know, are you an asshole?

I don't know, BoJack.

I don't know, I just never thought of you

I don't know, Jesus, Ghandi, Malcolm Jamal Warner.

I don't know, some doctor, okay?

I don't know.

I don't know. I'll probably just go to the amusement park,

I don't know. I've already been offered this other thing.

I don't know. It sounds like a lot of work.

I don't know. It's the future.

I don't know. That's too generous.

I don't know. The sun setting over those two hills

I don't need to do it again.

I don't need you Pam ing up the place when she gets here.

I don't need you Pam ing up the place when she gets here.

I don't really think about her all that much.

I don't see how that's relevant.

I don't think our man is going to show.

I don't think that's gonna happen.

I don't think you'd be clipping Todd's wings all the time.

I don't understand

I don't understand it. How do you drink a mood?

I don't understand why you can't be happy for me.

I don't want to go to the stupid mall.

I don't want to pop!

I don't... I don't think Todd is ready for this.

I feel like I should mention

I feel like you didn't really finish the pep talk.

I feel like you see things in me that nobody else sees.

I feel like you two would love each other.

I feel like you're not even listening.

I feel more self conscious than ever.

I flunked out of school, my girlfriend left me.

I forgot why I was running in the first place.

I get enough of that from my ex wife

I get it. Like the song.

I get letters every day from boys telling me

I got a bad vibe. What was I supposed to do?

I got a wedding to shanghai.

I got everything I need right here.

I got here as soon as I could. What's the emergency?

I got Princess Carolyn to invite Virgil Van Cleef

I got so distracted by trying to get tickets

I got some great news about the picture

I got some news about "Secretariat."

I got to go get my whiskers trimmed.

I got to hand it to Diane.

I got to ride in a police car.

I got your number from Pinky Penguin.

I guess I just assumed I always could.

I guess I'll see you around.

I guess saying they called it off

I guess there's a reason they don't call it "the rock opera fun."

I had a attitude problem,

I had dibs!

I had to offer up my restaurant,

I hate everything about it.

I have Lenny Turteltaub for you.

I have lunch plans with Vincent.

I have never bet on horse racing,

I have no idea what you're talking about, but that idea is terrible.

I have to call the guy at the office

I have to push a boulder up a hill,

I have to say, I agree with Todd.

I have to thank the Hollywoo Foreign Press.

I have two Golden Globes

I have your email right here.

I hear the note. Let me see what I can do.

I hid them in the produce section!

I hope you don't mind I brought Wayne along.

I hope you mean mourning with a "u,"

I I don't understand. Oh, my God, are you dying?

I just don't understand why nobody else

I just found out I got 80 bucks in the bank.

I just hate one specific troop. I don't even hate him, really.

I just hide out here for a little bit?

I just missed an important meeting

I just put them down for a second

I just think that he's wrong about the muffins.

I just thought he was the regular kind of seal.

I just thought you were a dumb freeloader

I just use a small dose to help me fall asleep at night

I just want my privacy back, so I can finish writing

I just wanted to make sure he had everything he needs

I just... need to focus on the book right now.

I keep telling him he works too hard.

I kind of think all you are is just the things that you do.

I know all I need to know,

I know her, but how? Wait.

I know it's my resume.

I know that might be hard for you to hear.

I know what you're going through right now.

I know what's been going on

I know you don't have your resume with you,

I know, BoJack... just like always,

I know, but I got a movie to put together.

I know, but I was sitting there drinking bourbon and...

I know.

I know. I know. She's taking advantage of me.

I know. We got another box.

I left at 8:30. What is it?

I like business... transactions.

I like that guy.

I like to watch racing, and you are my favorite racer."

I love Sarah Lynn. I grew up on her music, okay,

I love the part about how you became famous

I made things weird?

I mean I'll make some phone calls, we'll see what I can do.

I mean, can you imagine this body in a swimsuit?

I mean, didn't you have anyone who helped you

I mean, I didn't stop playing

I mean, I've already done it twice.

I mean, if this thing's a hit, I could finally move out.

I mean, just horrifying..

I mean, maybe you could have been a better role model

I mean, obviously, I'm a fan of her early work

I mean, that's when I first realized, you know,

I met him at Adam Levine's Halloween party.

I need to feel the grass between my toes.

I need to find a new director.

I never met a girl who was so curious

I never thought I wanted to get married.

I never understood why

I now pronounce you married.

I open up the newspaper, and look at this...

I ordered it, like, an hour ago.

I own the restaurant, so we can go crazy.

I probably won't ever finish the rock opera I'm working on.

I put my name on, it's like I won it myself!

I ran out of time.

I really appreciate you giving me this opportunity.

I really blew it, didn't I?

I really can have it all.

I really can't, sweetheart. I'm super busy

I really shouldn't eat chocolate

I really want to go shopping, but I'm not allowed to drive

I really wanted you to like me, Diane.

I regret not being a better friend to you

I remember you. You came in yesterday.

I run into walls for days, but I look hot.

I said I don't want to talk about it!

I said, "Feel awful,"

I say good riddance to Mr. Houseman

I see it now.

I see what's happening here.

I see you've already met a new member of the team.

I seem to recall another time you went shopping

I should be getting back to work.

I should have to point this out... three young boys

I should hire a driver!

I slept here.

I specifically didn't ask,

I spent a year in Afghanistan making America safer,

I spent the last ten months...

I still haven't regained the feeling in my fingers.

I think I just got cast in Secretariat.

I think I'm addicted to heroin now,

I think it might be good for me to get out of L.A.

I think it's gonna be a long time before I see Sarah Lynn again.

I think it's some kind of an adult onesie

I think now's the time to finally make "Secretariat."

I think someone mixed alcohol into his prop drink

I think that you had the right idea yesterday.

I think they're gonna send me up to Lompoc,

I think you have a serious drug problem.

I think you just blew this thing wide open.

I think you should just go, just git. Get out of my life.

I think your writing does make a difference.

I thought he was ready. He seemed ready

I thought I was gonna be doing really important work.

I thought I was ready for a real adult relationship,

I thought that was a really profound observation.

I thought this story was about running into Paul McCartney

I thought this was a place where Sarah Lynn

I thought we were going to see the Diane Arbus show

I told my friends they could tear this wall out to build

I told you, I don't know where it is.

I tried to buy the muffins,

I used screws, which he called fancy Jew nails.

I want to do something important.

I want to fix this as quickly as possible.

I want to hear the truth.

I want to help people and do good work

I want to stick an AK 47

I want to wear jeans. I want to dance.

I wanted to be a big man.

I was actually already in a bad mood,

I was gonna keep hanging out here if that's all right.

I was gonna say catty because you're a cat.

I was in the middle of my second soul cycle class

I was just looking at them, but I got to say,

I was just taking my penis out.

I was just trying to be a good friend

I was more than just a worthless screw up.

I was so excited, I rushed home,

I was tweeting about all the weird stuff you do in bed.

I was up for Dr. Decapitator in the movie version.

I wasn't sure you were gonna make it.

I went through hell and back today, but it was worth it

I will always be there for you.

I will see who it is.

I wish my boyfriend was that mature.

I wonder if it still smells the same.

I would be.

I would have said, "Junior."

I would like to offer my restaurant

I would love to be alone. That is all I want.

I would rather that happened than your rock opera.

I wouldn't wipe my ass with these pages.

I'd feel awful if this great idea fell apart

I'd give it to them one day. I want you to have it.

I'd like to be an adult about this, but frankly, I'm hurt.

I'd like to think the smoodies make us.

I'll be alive tomorrow. After that, who knows?

I'll bet she'll drop everything to play the part.

I'll get the muffins, and they're on me.

I'll just make it out to "Evelyn."

I'll just tell my friends to come here.

I'll take it in here, Charlie. Hello.

I'll take it.

I'll walk. It's a beautiful night.

I'm a grown up, sophisticated woman now,

I'm a sporting agent.

I'm actually not sure you do get it.

I'm all right. How'd it go down there?

I'm an agent. I don't have feelings.

I'm at a place right now where I never need

I'm from Arizona, Jerry. I went to Arizona State.

I'm getting another call.

I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna be happy.

I'm gonna be sexy forever!

I'm gonna enjoy myself.

I'm gonna give it to her so... hard.

I'm gonna have to put you on hold.

I'm gonna level with you, honey.

I'm gonna regret buying muffins?

I'm helping! Hooray!

I'm in a hurry, so I'll make this... snappy.

I'm in it now. Oh, God, no! I'm a part of it.

I'm kind of on a date right now.

I'm listening.

I'm looking for a journalist to follow me around

I'm married!

I'm no longer cute, so I have nothing to offer this world.

I'm not "tearing him apart."

I'm not going to waste another thought on you.

I'm not gonna let you start on this until we stock up

I'm not looking for a new agent right now.

I'm not one of those agents who can't turn it off.

I'm not sure how I feel

I'm not trying to play out some weird, sick dad fantasy,

I'm not your dad, and you're not my child.

I'm now receiving word

I'm on the phone.

I'm really glad I went through with this.

I'm really glad you think that.

I'm really more of a before rehab friend.

I'm scared. Olivia told me

I'm single again, and I'm loving it.

I'm so overwhelmed, I can barely consider

I'm so sorry,

I'm sorry it's not as good

I'm sorry, I... I don't understand.

I'm sorry, is that supposed to be encouraging?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry. I misspoke.

I'm sure a lot of the troops are jerks.

I'm sure a lot of the troops are jerks.

I'm the best agent in the biz

I'm the face of this brand, I'm the man behind the thing,

I'm the pink cat, the one who used to date BoJack.

I'm writing a nuanced portrait of a complicated man.

I've already reached out to the McBeal camp.

I've asked him to get a job, I've asked him to move out.

I've done the whole big wedding thing.

I've gotta tell her how I feel.

I've laid farts that lasted longer than your entire career.

I've never been forced to confront my problems head on.

If anything, this bank robbery is reminding me

If he had legitimate dibs...

If I could say a few words?

If I keep going,

If I know me, this will be a romp.

If I made things weird.

If I want to be alone, I have to go to the roof

If I want to talk, I'll call you.

If instead of confronting my problems head on,

If it's even possible for women to reclaim their sexuality

If it's in there, that's the price.

If that's what you're looking for,

If the ring is just a symbol for love,

If the Turbidians had some reason

If there's no jelly.

If Vanessa Gekko wants Cate that bad, she can have her.

If we were bothering you so much,

If you can't be happy tonight,

If you dignify the story with a response, it's just gonna fan...

If you don't care about the ring,

If you don't cut him loose, you're never gonna be happy.

If you flip them real quick,

If you need me, I'll be at work.

If you put muffins down, they're not your muffins.

If you want to get him a movie

If you want to poop in a bucket, we can get you a bucket.

If you're making small talk up there,

Imagine if the Holocaust happened

Important phone call beep boop blorp.

In America,

In fact, he never even graduated high school,

In fact, none of your notes have been notes.

In my own shitty, ass backwards way.

In order to be a has been, you have to have actually,

In the '90s, we laughed at your antics.

In the bathroom at the Golden Globes.

In the Coolio video.

In the game of Hungry Hungry Hippos

In the meantime, libations!

In the middle of your whole thing

In the new James Bond.

In the room for War Horse.

In the trash, sadly, far too often.

In the world, but your last few albums tanked,

In these awful made up places.

In this deeply entrenched patriarchal society,

In this world, you can either

In your hand and prove them wrong.

Into easily digestible chunks of empty catchphrases.

Into the bathroom with me?

Into your house now is your way of compensating for not...

Is a very impractical way to put out a fire.

Is getting out of control, okay? She's taking advantage of you.

Is in police custody tonight

Is it just me, or does this fake booze

Is it serious? I'm only asking for the article.

Is making a movie about Secretariat.

Is making some very cogent points.

Is our money back!

Is overseeing the Eva Braun package?

Is probably not right.

Is she gone? Is it safe to come out?

Is she gonna ask me a bunch of personal questions?

Is she? I've heard that.

Is taking meetings with his ex, get it all over town,

Is that Quentin Tarantulino?

Is that really weird?

Is that what you want to hear?

Is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Is there a light bulb above my head?

Is this a necessary conversation

Is this a necessary conversation

Is this like the time you invited me to lunch,

Isn't that kind of dangerous?

It almost seemed weird that I wasn't repping her.

It appears that BoJack's Lexus is coming out of the garage.

It could have possibly gone, so hooray?

It did seem unlike you. I'm gonna go get some cotton candy.

It doesn't hurt to have a little money in your pocket.

It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.

It goes in the registry.

It is arid.

It is now day three of the great BoJack jerk off...

It is? .

It is. I thought you would appreciate some context.

It just doesn't work.

It looks like the tie is running.

It made me realize you're the one I need to be with.

It made me realize...

It quotes a line from Jerry Maguire,

It really makes me wonder if you care about

It says they're stained with authentic Yankee blood.

It was longer than two minutes.

It was not handled well.

It was so important to keep those two apart.

It was tough. I would have liked to reconnect with her.

It was very good, very professional.

It was winter in Prague,

It wasn't personal. I just thought your award was stupid,

It would be a shame if these pictures got out.

It would defeat the whole purpose of wiping my ass.

It's "burritos as big as your head" day at El Taco Loco!

It's "tomato," "to mah to."

It's a beautiful morning, the sun is shining,

It's a cold Sunday morning a bunch of years from now.

It's a disgrace is what it is. This is the '70s.

It's a heart.

It's a mood that you drink like a smoothie.

It's a mood that you drink like a smoothie.

It's a pun.

It's a really big deal.

It's a symbol for how we throw our veterans

It's a vomit pass at what might become a rock opera.

It's a... it's a work in progress.

It's actually happening right now.

It's all so sudden and unexpected.

It's always guys in places with you.

It's an exciting new business venture

It's an irredeemable jumble of shit.

It's an urban German bourbon.

It's dexitriathylphenolbarbatol.

It's exhausting. I got to take an angry nap.

It's fine. I'm sorry.

It's for my reality show.

It's got a light sensitive sound chip,

It's hard to keep track of who's getting promoted

It's in the cupboard.

It's January, and the Halloween store won't open

It's just that this wedding is kind of

It's kind of his thing.

It's like I'm Miss Daisy, and you're Minnie Driver.

It's like Vincent always says...

It's no big deal.

It's not a pun if it only works one way.

It's not about that.

It's not even about the muffins.

It's not just the pooping in a bucket.

It's not like he makes this company any money,

It's not the marriage.

It's not your fault.

It's not... your... fault.

It's okay to kill people

It's okay, we'll get more muffins.

It's pretty cutting edge, huh?

It's pretty personal."

It's R2 D2 and C 3PO, Zooey and Emily Deschanel.

It's Sarah Lynn and Andrew Garfield.

It's so naked and honest and revealing.

It's so weird,

It's the cushiest job in the world.

It's the kind of work we talked about

It's the part you were born to play.

It's the wedding and the year of build up.

It's to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense,

It's too late.

It's wordplay.

Jeez.

Joan, I'm sorry to interrupt you,

John Stamos and I got our ears pierced

Just a fire I met once. Named him Gabe.

Just a sec. I'll see if she's available.

Just as surely as Lisa Lampanelli

Just go to her and speak from your heart.

Just jump right in.

Just kidding.

Just let the credits roll, let the credits roll

Just pretend they're not there.

Just reminding you that you are trying

Just say you don't have any ideas.

Just set the project up and give me an audition.

Just thought you should know

Just three kids stacked on top

Just to get the creative juices flowing?

Just wanted to look my best for you, lover.

Just you and me, away from all the haters?

Just... Well, um... with the leg...

Keep all that in mind as you give it up for Todd.

Keep this dummy out of trouble.

Keep this up, and the only thing we're gonna get

Kelsey, be nice.

Kids, kids, I don't need a present.

Lady, you work too hard.

Last couple weeks, and I think it's pretty obvious

Last night? Oh, you've been on a bender

Laura, clear out the rest of my day.

Laura, do not respond to him. Goodbye, BoJack.

Laura, hold my calls, cancel everything!

Laura, I know you're listening. You got it, right?

Laura, the dummy took the bait. Now for phase two.

Laura! What's happening?

Leak to the trades that Andrew Garfield's agent

Lenny Turteltaub here to see you.

Lenny Turteltaub, you skinny bitch.

Lenny, look, I know I'm a little long in the tooth,

Let me get my blanket out from under...

Let me guess.

Let me just freshen up my whiskers.

Let me just get my checkbook.

Let's dig in. Where to start?

Let's do something fun today.

Let's do something small and casual

Let's go feel grass between our toes.

Let's go ride in the car!

Let's just have a look here. Mm hmm.

Let's skip that one for a minute.

Let's start at the beginning.

Let's take a break and get lunch.

Let's take it back to "prickly muffin."

Life is a series of closing doors, isn't it?

Like a "buying you a new bed"?

Like a half hour ago?

Like I said, totally normal.

Like two to four muffins?

Like you said.

Like you're not gonna tear BoJack apart in your book.

Like, how could you know, right?

Like, what do you think about her living here?

Listen, dummy, I want to make sure you're all set

Listen, I was looking over my notes,

Listen, the Turteltaub Company

Literally, someone tells me that every day.

Liverpool had unique access to all aspects of American culture,

Long story short,

Long time.

Look around. This day is not about you, okay?

Look, BoJack, I appreciate what you were trying to do,

Look, BoJack, I appreciate what you were trying to do,

Look, honey, I been in this business a long time, okay?

Look, I asked her to turn it down, but apparently,

Look, I can write you the standard

Look, I don't even want the muffins.

Look, I don't want to get

Look, I don't want to get into a whole thing here.

Look, I get that helping other people is not your thing, but...

Look, I have a right to be here.

Look, I know tempers are high,

Look, I played a dad for nine years on TV,

Look, I'm trying to have a moment here. I can't...

Look, I've been doing stand up for a year now,

Look, I've been following you two around for the

Look, I've had a rough morning, so I don't need...

Look, if marriage stresses you out,

Look, if you don't have any ideas,

Look, if you really want to help people,

Look, if you're not ready to talk, we can wait.

Look, okay, I'll buy it now, but I won't play it

Look, things have been tough for you, and I understand that.

Looks like some idiot parked his car on the bridge.

Lover's kind of a weird word,

Loves to revitalize dead careers.

Made a hot breakfast for my three wonderful girls,

Made love to my husband of 15 years,

Made me think of a big ass, and that made me think

Made out of a reclaimed propeller.

Made out of Confederate bayonets?

Made up by the Post Office to keep tabs on us.

Make your own happiness.

Man, I really regret buying those muffins

Margo Martindale?

Marvelous! We'll schedule an investor showcase posthaste.

Maybe because you're skinny and maybe 'cause you're pretty,

Maybe I do. Maybe I want to poop in a bucket.

Maybe it's a different Secretariat.

Maybe it's about time I start listening.

Maybe robots have taken over, maybe they haven't.

Maybe she knows things I don't.

Maybe some of the troops are heroes but not automatically.

Maybe that's all we ever were.

Maybe that's all we're ever gonna be.

Maybe the circus, fly a kite on the beach, watch the sunset,

Maybe the Zoe has a little Zelda in him after all.

Maybe you didn't get it.

Maybe you'll never be happy again.

Mi casa es su casa.

Mm.

Mm...

Mmm, that's some Guten Bourbon.

Mmm! Tell me all about you.

Mmm.

Mmm... if that were really true,

Mommy didn't do what Mommy did to that Star Search

Mommy, can I have an omelet?

Mon dieu! Never have I ever!

More like early turd gets the sperm.

More than three words at a time,

Morning, sleepy pooh, you want pancakes?

Most people are jerks already,

Most people are jerks already,

Mr. Normal Childhood, Mr. Uneventful Father?

Mr. Peanutbutter has got some serious opinions about sticks.

Mr. Peanutbutter is nice to everybody.

Mr. Peanutbutter is nice to me!

Mr. Peanutbutter likes having his tummy scratched,

Mr. Peanutbutter, Diane.

Mr. Peanutbutter, I want to take that leap with you.

Mr. Peanutbutter, I'm a big fan,

Mr. Peanutbutter, you know I love you.

Mr. Peanutbutter's a Zelda.

Mr. Peanutbutter's been nice to me.

Muffin, I've got to work on my book today,

My book will be in libraries for hundreds of years.

My boyfriend's filming a reality show at our house.

My client Cate Blanchett starring,

My father was a failed novelist.

My film production company. Read your title

My God, Andrew Garfield said yes.

My God, it's the best day of my life.

My heart at Adam Levine's Halloween party?

My memoirist is gonna show up soon,

My mother was the heiress to the Sugarman sugar cubes fortune,

My pumpkin's throwing up because Halloween encourages excessive

My tell all memoir, so everyone will pay attention to me again.

My tie got stuck in the copier this morning.

My total lack of interest in your personal life.

Nah, he's right. I'm pretty much worthless.

Nah, I'm just horsin' around.

Nah. I never know what to do with my hands.

Nantucket is great in the summer.

Neal McBeal.

Neal, was it a small container of muffins,

Need anything else?

Needless to say,

Never mind. Think I've figured it out.

Never need to take responsibility for anything?

Next month, but of course, Andrew Lloyd Webber

Next, I hear she's doing a picture with Cameron Crow

No further questions, Your Honor.

No matter what happens, no matter how much it hurts,

No need to mention her in the book either,

No one ever wants to hear the truth.

No one has ever said "no" to me, ever, so is it cool

No one wants to hire him.

No problem.

No respect, indeed.

No shit, toots.

No stage, no script, no net.

No, 'cause maybe now I want the muffins.

No, BoJack Horseman from Horsin' Around.

No, but I was going to buy them.

No, Diane, I'm just helping out a friend.

No, Herb and I aren't on the best...

No, I am. It's just...

No, I cannot believe this weather we're having!

No, I cannot believe this weather we're having!

No, I don't think we need to talk about that.

No, I don't want to buy them.

No, I mean, he got a little fatter,

No, I'm not great with sensitive information.

No, I'm not watching MSNBSea right now.

No, I'm running from nothing. I'm terrified of nothing.

No, I'm stupid.

No, it means you're my assistant

No, it's a smoodie... A mood that you drink.

No, it's adorable.

No, it's an important distinction.

No, it's not the video game's fault. I blew it.

No, Mr. Peanutbutter's right.

No, no, no, no, no. Sweetheart. Sweetheart.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. It's like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

No, no. Why are you...

No, of course you don't. Maybe Todd's worse off today,

No, see, she thinks she does, but she actually doesn't.

No, thanks, Laura. Go home. I'll see you tomorrow.

No, there were three left.

No, Tom, there were a good deal more than that.

No, we should do it somewhere people will actually see it.

No, we should do it somewhere people will actually see it.

No, Zooey's a Zelda. Emily's the Zoe.

No!

No. I don't know.

No. I... think you have great depth of untapped

No. No. No, no, no, no. No, no, no.

No. Smoodies.

No. You made Todd your designated driver,

No...

Nobody moves, nobody gets shot.

Nope, don't care. Not interested.

Nor a reason for you to drop by.

Normal childhood,

Normal rules don't apply to you?

Not because I actually want to date Princess Carolyn anymore,

Not big on parties?

Not BoJack. Todd.

Not Bronson Pinchot, but the other one?"

Not chase the mail truck?

Not for the show, it was just for the weekend?

Not gates!

Not getting nominated for a People's Choice Award

Not gonna put up with any woe is me bullshit

Not gonna put up with any woe is me bullshit

Not hiding under the table, that's for sure.

Not jealous.

Not just there. We're also going to Haiti and Thailand

Not just with her. With...

Not like L.A., which is so hot and dry.

Not my problem. A better man than you once said, and I quote,

Not rain, not sleet, not dead of night,

Not the exact same. Mr. Peanutbutter's House

Not to anyone ever at any time.

Nothing I do has consequence!

Nothing stops them.

Nothing.

Nothing's going on.

Now his new agent's asking for twice the money.

Now I can date you and have a better agent.

Now Quentin Tarantulino's got four arms up my ass

Now that I've got the room to myself,

Now that the wedding's at my restaurant,

Now think, Todd. Gotta have something I can use

Now we can be in love.

Now you can infiltrate Mr. Peanutbutter's inner circle

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm having lunch with my friend.

Now, the pills will give you nightmares...

Now, was the show's acting ham fisted and the writing moronic?

Now, you have to understand that as a port city,

O M G. O M G!

O M M F C S D V R Q Q P Q F G!

O... ho ho... kay.

Obsession with sex, but I do wonder as a third wave feminist

Of ass cancer, and that made me think

Of course, of course.

Of each other under a trench coat?

Of Herb Kazaz's ass cancer. You really didn't know?

Of regrettable life choices.

Of seeing auditions, so whenever you're ready.

Of stage, film, and television.

Of the word "wordplay."

Of this 12 point master plan.

Of this German bourbon blurbin'.

Of what this was.

Of your great admiration for the American military

Officer.

Often dismiss her as a mere puppet of the industry...

Oh G... Oh, my God, my arm.

Oh, also, extortion can be prosecuted

Oh, and let me tell you,

Oh, and, um, I got you something.

Oh, Andy. Fool me once, shame on you,

Oh, BoJack, what am I gonna do with you?

Oh, by the way, I called Vanessa Gecko,

Oh, come on, buddy.

Oh, come on, character actress Margo Martindale.

Oh, come on, Decapathon.

Oh, except California law prohibits taking photos

Oh, funny story, I'm filming a reality show later,

Oh, God, am I blowing this?

Oh, God, I wasn't driving around, was I?

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, great, for ten grand, I can sleep like a hobo.

Oh, great, well, that's a relief.

Oh, hello, I'm Andrew Garfield.

Oh, here I am blabbering on about my plans.

Oh, hey, BoJack.

Oh, hey, Diane, I got you something.

Oh, ho, with a resume like this,

Oh, how we laughed. "Ha ha ha,"

Oh, I don't really think about her all that much.

Oh, I forgot to mention you were naked for a lot of that.

Oh, I gotta go dance with my husband.

Oh, I had dibs on the muffins.

Oh, I just have a guy there who calls me

Oh, I know.

Oh, I know. I know, but I can, so I will.

Oh, I see what this is.

Oh, I see. I'm a burden to you.

Oh, I'm done being the voice of reason.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize.

Oh, man, they do have a lot of saturated fat.

Oh, man, you guys are perfect for each other.

Oh, man. Oh, man.

Oh, my God, you're going to see Herb?

Oh, my God. Decapathon VII? This just came out.

Oh, my God. Look at what she's done to your house.

Oh, my God. Take another one.

Oh, my God. Thanks, Mr. Peanutbutter.

Oh, no. What happened?

Oh, no. Why'd I ask that?

Oh, not the sneezing pic...

Oh, okay.

Oh, ooh, oh, oh, over rotate. Hey.

Oh, really?

Oh, right. Well, just tell whoever, then.

Oh, right. Well, what was your relationship like

Oh, shit. Don't tell me one of the new agents is...

Oh, shit. Forgot about jury duty.

Oh, someone's at the door!

Oh, sticky.

Oh, th... that's... that's fragile.

Oh, thank you, my friend.

Oh, that damn video game.

Oh, that reminds me of another funny story.

Oh, that's too much, man!

Oh, the universe makes sense.

Oh, they can't find any?

Oh, they did, and then I just mixed it with bourbon.

Oh, this will be a romp.

Oh, uh, you're gonna move out?

Oh, well, it'll happen. You're still..

Oh, well, you want to make a good one?

Oh, whoa, whoa. Who says I'm looking for a new client?

Oh, whoa! She is losing a lot of blood, BoJack.

Oh, why don't you do it on Peanutbutter and Jelly?

Oh, wow. BoJack, thanks. You're sweet.

Oh, wow. We make a great pair.

Oh, yeah, Todd?

Oh, yeah. Did I not tell you?

Oh, yeah. That was happening.

Oh, yes, I got jury duty,

Oh, you know what I'm going through? Why?

Oh, you know where she should go?

Oh, you like that.

Oh, you mean from a P.R. standpoint?

Oh, you pretenders.

Oh, you took that the bad way, didn't you?

Oh, you were saving those? I ate those too.

Oh, you're working on our wedding registry.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Hi.

Oh. Really? Not the time when she gored herself

Oh. Thank you

Oh...

Ohh, God damn.

Okay, all right, there's no need to get...

Okay, but before I do, tell the audience.

Okay, enough about America's heroes.

Okay, fine. You're not stubborn.

Okay, from now on, full truth, warts and all.

Okay, full truth, here we go.

Okay, here we go. Song time.

Okay, I got to go. You're in charge, Todd.

Okay, I see... Yeah. Caw is what crows say.

Okay, I'm gonna do it.

Okay, I'm gonna go get breakfast,

Okay, less yakking, more snacking.

Okay, let's get started.

Okay, let's get to work.

Okay, let's see here.

Okay, okay, but can you just acknowledge that...

Okay, okay, it wasn't that funny.

Okay, party's over. Everybody out.

Okay, picture our lives together.

Okay, so before we put to bed the whole

Okay, so we start in 1887

Okay, so you know in the second act closer when the

Okay, so you know in the second act closer when the

Okay, stop thinking. Just give me raw data.

Okay, talk it over with your husband.

Okay, thank you. I'll work on that.

Okay, there's a whole page of this.

Okay, think of all the great rock operas

Okay, well, that is very interesting,

Okay, well, the headline is, I hate it.

Okay, what if there isn't a robot army?

Okay, why don't I come find you when it's over,

Okay, you can let go of the bag now.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I was heading down Wilshire,

Okay. Saturday it is.

Okay. Was your father...

Okay. Well, I...

Okay. What's going on?

Okie doke. I guess I'll just move out and find one of

On a spaceship?

On his little errands to the groomer and whatnot,

On private property without a permit,

On snacks and Red Bull.

On the books for this weekend, someplace Italian.

On the frontlines, that is a sick joke, sir.

On the last box..

On the other hand, I worry that conversations like this one

One more day to figure out how to stop this wedding,

One of my house parties and never left.

One of the rising stars at our company...

Only I can call a house meeting.

Oof. Way to harsh the vibe, Kissinger.

Ooh, hold on. I gotta take this.

Ooh, let's hear the other idea.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. There you go.

Ooh, tough break, champ. I just gave the last one

Ooh! Good things, I hope.

Ooh. I want to say yes, but no.

Or cut through the Panama Canal like some kind of democrat?

Or diva histrionics.

Or even try to retroactively fix my own childhood

Or Fire Island.

Or get what you want, and then you don't know what you want.

Or his grandfather, maybe like an elderly witch doctor

Or if claiming to do so is just a lie we tell ourselves

Or just because you're terrified of being alone?

Or maybe a fire called Friendship.

Or maybe you're the third kind of person,

Or resolve a deep guilt for past neglect,

Or should I just play one game now,

Or the future or me being married to you.

Or the larger world outside of my living room couch,

Or whatever that horse's name is.

Or you could find my nude erector...

Or, "Todd, what was the name of that guy from Perfect Strangers?

Or, "Todd, why haven't you cleaned up your shit yet?"

Otherwise, we are washing our hands of him.

Our guest via satellite is Neal McBeal,

Out of old train tracks and a reclaimed pier

Ow.

People come up to me, they want my autograph,

People don't change, Diane, not really

People don't usually want to hang out with me after rehab.

People don't usually want to hang out with me after rehab.

People like sex, okay, and since I'm sexy right now, they like me.

Perfect for sabotage.

Plant incriminating...

Playing hard to get? Only makes you want me more.

Please accept this bag of stale hamburger buns.

Please don't do this.

Please don't put that in my book,

Please don't. Hey.

Please tell me we got that.

Please, hold your applause.

Plus, free finger

Plus, Halloween costumes are a gateway to casual racism.

Plus, he hates me, so I could really use some good news

Plus, hey, you're getting married.

Pop star and child actress, Sarah Lynn,

Post Office.

Potential and I wish to mentor you in your... art.

Preferably someone kind of washed up.

Pretty cool, eh, BoJack?

Princess Carolyn needs to talk to you immediately.

Princess Carolyn, John Stamos died.

Princess Carolyn, look. I met John Stamos.

Princess Carolyn, what are we doing?

Princess Carolyn, what are we doing?

Princess Carolyn, what are we doing?

Princess Carolyn, your client is out of control.

Probably more than one bottle and some entrees

Producer so that you could be an architect.

Pseudo? Would you say that to Eric McCormack?

Pull yourself together, man!

Raising the question, "does anyone care

Randomly changing the channel to MSNBSea

Read for this today, and we are all so goddamn sick

Read to them, dropped them off at their elite private school,

Ready for the tagline? Here's the tagline

Really find the character, but it's pretty distracting

Really, you, specifically, made America safer?

Really?

Really?

Really? Now? Aren't you a little, um, very too old?

Really? You had dibs?

Refused to respect my dibs.

Remember when that guy stole the D from the Hollywood sign

Right here in town next month.

Right in front of her. Heh heh

Right now, it's set mostly in space, but we're not married to that.

Right. You definitely should have already been gone.

Rock opera? More like "schlock flop era."

Ruin any lives lately?

Sabrina, nobody's popping on my watch.

Said the Zoe.

Sarah Lynn wants you to know that she is hot to trot.

Sarah Lynn, I actually wanted to talk to you about that.

Sarah Lynn, I hear what you're saying,

Sarah Lynn, this is for your own good.

Sarah Lynn!

Sarah Lynn! Ah! What the... ?

Sarah Lynn. You remember that name.

Say it, BoJack. Say I'm a hero.

Say when.

Say, which one of you

Scouring out his weaknesses,

Screw it. Throw it in a bowl with some bourbon

Sebastian St. Claire here,

Secretariat banned for life from competition.

Secretariat was kind of my hero as a kid.

See you Monday!

See, that's the problem with all your ideas...

See? You say something to someone enough times,

Seekers of Newtopia are in the Turbidians' dungeon

Seems to notice that she is dating a man

Seen here sneezing at a Christmas party.

Seriously, though, please don't tell VH1 that.

Serves you right for having feelings.

Set in space, with heavy erotic overtones,

Settle down, boy.

Settle down, boy.

Sextina, what's your take?

Sexy, 14 year old dubstep wunderkind, Sextina Aquafina.

She and I are both high powered working mothers,

She got it.

She has nowhere else to turn. She broke up with her boyfriend.

She should go wherever famous people go when they're

She stabbed herself and closed the wound with duct tape.

She wants a framed picture of my mother's maiden name.

She was at the convenience store

She's actually just getting out of a meeting.

She's Australian, you moron.

She's gone.

She's hilarious.

She's just cranky because she's already seen 30 people

She's just gone, and my life continues without her.

She's practically as famous as I am now.

She's smart and kind and beautiful,

She's the one who asked me

Shh. No, no, no. Put it here. Put it here.

Shit.

Should I write him back and tell him I get it?

Should we get started on the book?

Show me the money.

Since his controversial remarks on Monday

Since his forced removal in 1992

Since I am friends with both of you

Since we can't be together every second,

Since when are you working on a rock opera?

Since you weren't able to give me any useful intel,

Six weeks? Uh, damn. Yeah, I guess so.

Sloshing around in that pot infused Jell O shot

Slow your roll, Speed Racer.

Smart kid.

Smoodie bottle opener?

Smothering to death under a pile of burning asses?

Sneezing on Marisa Tomei was the best...

So clap really hard and laugh at all the jokes,

So common misconception.

So every time you walk by it,

So forget all that.

So get the hell off my lawn.

So good, so great.

So he could kill my rock opera!

So he could propose to his girlfriend?

So how long have you been dating Mr. Peanutbutter?

So I can put that other thing

So I drank a lot more bourbon

So I got all my cars' mirrors taken off.

So I shredded BoJack's contract

So I think I know a little bit more about parenting

So I think the big third act number Virgil wants

So I thought I'd drop by with the old tennis ball and chain.

So I understand her priorities,

So I want you to listen carefully.

So I'm firing you.

So I'm gonna let you off with a warning this time.

So I've taken the liberty of letting you use mine.

So if you see anything

So let's make a movie.

So maybe we could put a pin in this

So maybe you should just stop trying

So now I'm better than everybody!

So now, I don't even know what you are anymore.

So now, that's probably gonna be a whole thing.

So she could make my little Cameron Crow movie?

So she's switching to Gekko.

So sorry we have to double up on everything

So that's still a no on driving me around?

So the makeup they were putting on you was

So then I just kept running.

So they could bring the secret knowledge from

So they're doing it here

So we agree that this is on you, then?

So we can more comfortably cater to the male gaze

So what do you want to play, like, Secretariat's dad

So what you're saying is,

So what you're saying is:

So what, I was supposed to take them

So when he gets home,

So when you woke me up in the middle of the night

So where are we going?

So where are we gonna do this?

So where does Sarah Lynn go from here?

So yesterday, you let yourself fall in love a little bit,

So you could be constantly surrounded by distraction

So you could go to the strip club

So you took some licks, but you're gonna bounce back,

So you wouldn't make a scene

So you're going to want to take the pills, Diane.

So you're the quote unquote person, singular,

So Zooey's a Zoe?

So, one minute I'm making a movie with Cate Blanchett.

So... I'm just going to do that.

So... should we talk about how you just tried to kiss me?

Some good, old fashioned love, and I'm gonna give it to her.

Some of us have weddings to ruin.

Someone a little more BoJack Horseman.

Something truly beauti...

Sometimes, at school they have pop quizzes.

Sorry that took me so long.

Sorry to bother you.

Sorry we didn't get you a birthday present.

Sorry, I think I just need to be alone right now.

Sorry, kind of went off on a tangent there.

Sorry, my... My hands are really sticky.

Sorry, stopped listening.

Sorry, wasn't listening. See ya.

Sorry. Hello?

Spilled out of me, and now it's all gone.

Spin us a yarn.

Spiral of self loathing and substance abuse.

Stacked on top of each other under a trench coat?

Stacked on top of each other under a trench coat.

Stamos!

Staring at me with their blinking red eyes.

Starting now, you are a hard, heartless career gal.

Starting to feel like a lot.

Still not interested.

Stop being so crazy, crazy.

Straws are used to drink soda or water,

Studio wants to go young, but I was thinking we'd get

Studios that won't hire him,

Submitted and is under board review

Suck a dick, dumb shits!

Suck a dick, dumb shits!

Suddenly turns that jerk into a hero.

Sure, I think I'm ready to commit to Diane,

Sure, you'll act all friendly,

Sure, you're smart and sophisticated and cool,

Surely you can make them care about emaciated orphans

Sweet Jesus.

Sweetie, you know I support you, whatever you want to do,

Take a cruise someplace wet and Latin.

Take another one.

Take the cyanide!

Take the job now, help the orphans later.

Taking advantage of her. She's the one

Talk to me like I'm Michelle Pfeiffer

Taste a lot like real booze?

Taxi.

Tell her that, BoJack.

Telling our children that violence is never the answer

Than you two jokers. The kids on Horsin' Around

Thank you for inviting me into your home. It is lovely.

Thank you for your interest in the role of driver.

Thank you, Dad.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Thank you, Tom.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot, Todd.

Thanks for asking.

Thanks for hearing me out the other night

Thanks for letting me crash here, BoJack.

Thanks for your help, character actress Margo Martindale.

Thanks, Laura.

Thanks, Laura.

Thanks, man. You're, like, my hero.

Thanks, phone.

Thanks.

That actually feels kind of nice.

That better not be my last Toaster Strudel.

That could completely restructure the...

That does sound like me.

That doesn't sound so bad.

That ever happened to me

That ever happened to me.

That everyone's so crazy about.

That game basically destroyed my life.

That girl is a PR hurricane that you don't need right now.

That guy's dead weight, Princess Carolyn.

That hooker getting pregnant

That I use horse tranquilizers, ha ha.

That I was the first girl they masturbated to.

That is a problem for Friday BoJack.

That is insane!

That is neither funny nor a story

That is not John Stamos.

That is not your ear.

That is our random and cruel universe.

That life is short

That makes him better than everybody.

That man, the defendant... You saw him?

That means Margo Martindale likes tapes!

That my book was not a comedy or a musical.

That phone call just pulled me back to reality.

That ring is a symbol of your love.

That said, I don't see why we can't make something really great here.

That slippery, slimy, cold blooded, bug eyed...

That terrifying bank robber

That the troops are heroes.

That this conversation is taking place on reality television,

That was an important phone call.

That was fun.

That was great! This train is moving.

That was the longest two minutes of my life.

That was... and I don't say this lightly...

That wasn't a sign to you that maybe someone else had dibs?

That we've got BoJack himself on the phone.

That would be like making Rice A Roni

That would be me, sir.

That would make a great movie,

That you ruined someone else's night tonight,

That'll show everyone I'm crazy,

That's a great letter.

That's all I've ever wanted, and if I can't get it now,

That's equal parts new and exciting.

That's four years in prison, easy,

That's great, Charlie.

That's hiding?

That's how confident we are in our product.

That's it for the toasts.

That's it. Of course.

That's not a song

That's not really a note.

That's not what's happening.

That's right, Neal.

That's right. Next summer.

That's some shoddy craftsmanship, son.

That's ten, everyone. Let's make it a tight ten.

That's the kind of idea that wins Golden Globes.

That's the last box, and I had dibs on them.

That's the name we came up with for this?

That's the thing. I don't think I believe in deep down.

That's too loud.

That's too much, man.

That's what makes him so stupid.

That's what you get when you fall for a horse.

That's where the Arbus exhibit is heading next.

That's why we need to be good friends right now,

That's why you never know.

The answer might surprise you.

The B&E is really the least illegal piece

The bad news is that there actually is no good news,

The best agent in this building

The best agent in this building

The big wedding in Nantucket, all these presents...

The billion people who will let me party at their house.

The cave back to her, and then establish Newtopia

The clumsy bastard broke every bone in his body,

The effects of the Elixir of Failed Remembrance

The emergency you were referring to

The Gorbachev stuff, it's killer.

The guest room is yours as long as you want.

The Halloween store.

The important thing is it's Sunday morning.

The jury finds the defendant not guilty on all charges.

The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning.

The last thing I want to do is hurt Diane,

The mail truck pulled up right next to me.

The meanest, hardest queen bitch of the yard,

The most important thing is, you got to give the people

The mystery of my missing goddamn self respect!

The night I bought that video game

The old gang's getting back together.

The only drug I need is horse.

The opportunity is we're blackmailing you.

The premise is bad and the execution is also bad.

The reason I have called this house meeting is...

The system works.

The troops are all heroes, every single one.

The Turbidians are a loyal people.

The two of you are playing with fire.

The universe is a cruel, uncaring void.

The woman we're paying to ghostwrite your memoir?

The woman wearing it.

The working title is, "Nine Jokes From the '90s

Then all of this has been for nothing.

Then find the biggest person at the wedding

Then get them the hell out of here!

Then give me the muffins.

Then hooray!

Then I figured she's smarter than I am.

Then I think you fell asleep on the keyboard

Then I'll head back to my place

Then you really don't know me at all. Hey, everyone!

There are people in your life

There has to be a difference between monogamy and monotony.

There is no truth to these allegations.

There were, like, ten horses in that movie.

There's a darkness inside you,

There's always later.

There's been some reorganization

There's more to being an adult than just work and business

There's my superstar.

There's no break up, no tragedy.

There's nothing for you behind you.

There's something I really gotta get off my chest,

There's your goddamn news story,

These last three months have been really amazing.

These pages are shit.

These pancakes are so good.

These people are simple, agricultural types.

They all just want to hear what they already believe.

They call it "the rock opera business."

They called off their wedding.

They decided against a big destination wedding,

They didn't give you fake bourbon on set?

They don't have ground floors.

They drank a lot.

They practically find their own jobs.

They said they wanted someone hipper,

They say that there are no good parts

They see a greatness in me, and they mistake it for goodness,

They think they recognize something in me,

They want my picture.

They want to bring you on board as a character consultant.

They were working for Queen Darneesa,

They weren't that weird.

They... they wouldn't betray their queen. Unless...

They're looking for American celebrities

They're so normal. That's crazy.

They're talking about you.

Things are good. You?

Things good with you?

Think '90s.

This "person" you're in love with...

This book has been everything she said it would be.

This charcoal mellowed bourbon is so smooth,

This could be Todd's big break,

This has been the role of a lifetime.

This idea of dedicating yourself to something

This is a first win for BoJack Horseman

This is a very bad idea.

This is all just happening so fast.

This is classic Hollywood elitism.

This is from BoJack H. BoJack is nine years old.

This is gonna be fun. Hey, everyone,

This is great.

This is guerilla theater..

This is never gonna let up.

This is perfect.

This is real life.

This is the happiest day of my life.

This is very big news, indeed.

This is what our celebrity culture does to people.

This isn't fair. I know everything about Cate.

This just doesn't make sense.

This merger is very exciting.

This movie is a done deal.

This movie is gonna be amazing.

This one.

This pawnshop on La Cienega was selling one

This place isn't good for you.

This story isn't about that.

This volume was prescribed by Dr. Who

This was a mistake. I've been acting crazy.

This whole you hating the troops thing is not great.

Thorough deconstruction of my past,

Those are cameras, Todd. We're making a commercial.

Those are my muffins!

Those are my muffins.

Those doves were being jerks anyway.

Those fancy invitations you liked.

Thus physically forcing me to watch MSNBSea, so no.

Till after I've written the new song.

Time for operation "I don't."

Time to practice the trombone.

To a young Buster Keaton, "What?"

To always be looking out for the little guy.

To at least feel a little bit crappy about it.

To be a Zelda but you're so obviously a Zoe.

To be charmed to death right now.

To be having right now?

To be looking out for big shots like me."

To bed before it spirals out of con...

To enter the Cave of Swollen Dreams that

To everyone that you shouldn't be with Mr. Peanutbutter.

To get me through the day.

To grow as a person or rise to an occasion

To hand her that tape from the 10¢ bin.

To handle a movie about the last days of Eva Braun.

To have a relationship with someone who is...

To have all these robots

To hear them without contributing

To listen to you talk about yourself.

To make a movie out of it,

To make me find that video game

To make them call off their wedding.

To mess with other people's lives.

To remember me by.

To Sarah Lynn. Early bird gets the worm.

To talk about how much they like to drink.

To the bank on Thursday.

To the New Kids On The Block concert,

To treat something called "uptight dickhead disease."

To watch any number of Disney princess movies

To you for help.

To your loving husband and children?

Today I'm just a customer who wants a warm slice of pie

Todd can do it! Todd can do anything!

Todd Chavez?

Todd clearly thinks the world of you.

Todd is neither a singer nor a trained musician.

Todd thinks the world of Pop Tarts.

Todd, how do I turn this thing off?

Todd, how many times have we been over this?

Todd, I just got a phenomenal idea

Todd, it is all happening.

Todd, thank God you're here!

Todd, this is a bad idea!

Todd, this is no time for a relapse.

Todd, we gotta stop this wedding.

Todd, you got the job.

Todd?

Todd.

Todd's not ready or you're not ready?

Tonight, I choose to be happy.

Tony, hi. I'm calling in that favor.

Toodles.

Trying to hate ourselves a little less.

Turned out to be the best thing

Ugh! What are you, the paramedic who restarted

Ugh! Why did the water have to come out of your mouth?

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh. Go stand on the other side of the room.

Ugh. Too much nutmeg.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Ugh. What do you want, Todd?

Uh oh. People only say they're fine when they're not fine.

Uh, actually, I had another point I wanted to make.

Uh, are you supposed to be snorting it like that?

Uh, hello? Still there?

Uh, hey, guys, guys...

Uh, Neal, as a token of my admiration,

Uh, no, oh, no, wait.

Uh, no. Not exactly. I was just saying that...

Uh, nope.

Uh, okay.

Uh, okay.

Uh, should you be taking all those pills?

Uh, telephone.

Uh, that somebody was you, right?

Uh, uh, sorry, I can't...

Uh, well, you should not do that.

Uh..

Um, adult stuff.

Um, I think it was a little longer than two minutes.

Um, the canal?

Um, what are you doing this weekend?

Um, who is... Okay, I don't...

Um... can you believe this weather we're having?

Um... yes, I am.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable. When your powers combine...

Uneventful.

Unless it's a business book.

Until I realized she had doubts.

Until my mom threw me out of the house.

Until they can find her a permanent one.

Vanessa Gecko got Andrew The Social Network,

Vanessa Gecko is actually Andrew's agent, and she's really great.

Vanessa Gekko.

Vanessa, you really shat the bed on this one.

Videographic game. He's in no condition to debut a song.

Vincent Adultman.

Vincent is an adult,

Vincent.

Vincent. Well, you've got some nerve showing your face.

Vinnie, what does a guy like you do for fun?

Virgil Van Cleef is the biggest name in rock opera.

Wait an hour, then get me lunch with Andrew

Wait, did you say smoodies or smoothies?

Wait, did you say you feel awful or falafel?

Wait, is this going to be like that time

Wait, no, that's not even what I'm saying...

Wait, that guy from the bar who is actually three boys

Wait, wait, you stole muffins from a Navy SEAL?

Wait, why do we need...

Wait, why were you at a pawnshop?

Wait!

Wait. Straws... That's it.

Wake up! It's the morning!

Wanna come over and bang it out?

Was a slap in the face of America's heroes.

Was Diane getting married a year from now?

Was his favorite brand of breakfast muffins.

Was it? You know, I'm trying to do good work here,

Was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Wayne's writing an article about me for BuzzFeed.

Wayne's writing an article about me. We're the same!

We are calling it Peanutbutter and Jelly.

We are rolling. Sound speed

We both know that if you play that game tonight,

We can edit this to make me look smart, right?

We can hide out at my place while we make a plan.

We chortled in rapturous glee.

We could get married Saturday.

We did the right thing today, BoJack.

We don't have to get married.

We get it. You don't like him.

We get letters here on the show, and one particular letter,

We got to figure out a way to stop Diane's wedding.

We gotta go right now!

We have an offer on the table for you to play the bad guy

We have so much in common,

We have some very delicate pictures you might

We have the home field advantage.

We Haven't Stopped Laughing at."

We haven't worked out all the kinks yet,

We live in a cynical world, a cynical world.

We make a pretty good team, don't we, Todd?

We need to wake people up.

We send our muffins overseas,

We should get married even sooner!

We thought night swimming would be fun,

We took the floor out

We were supposed to mount a J.C. Superstar revival

We will take... him... down.

We'd like to discuss

We'll have choreography and pyrotechnics for you.

We're cynical and we're sad and we're mean.

We're f friends, right?

We're friends.

We're going through a rough patch. It's hard, you know.

We're just a man and a lady living in a house together,

We're just two single ladies having a no presh rap sesh.

We're putting together.

We're still a few miles...

We're Zoes, Diane.

We've been here for ten minutes!

We've hung out a couple times.

We've met a lot of times. You came to my wedding.

Welcome to the program, Neal.

Well, according to facts, there's more suicides in January

Well, anyway, this is my businessperson...

Well, are you familiar with Mr. Peanutbutter's House?

Well, at least you've got some privacy.

Well, BoJack, surely, even you would agree

Well, Cate and I had a really good talk today.

Well, clearly we had a different understanding

Well, do you think I'm a good person... deep down?

Well, don't fly into a jealous rage about it.

Well, don't just sit there! Get this down!

Well, get out of here.

Well, good news, bad news.

Well, guess what, BoJack, now I'm on TV,

Well, he's still three kids in a trench coat, so, no.

Well, here I am, hanging out

Well, I am a morning person.

Well, I could use a friend right about now.

Well, I didn't fall down on my remote,

Well, I don't know if I...

Well, I don't know if you can or not.

Well, I feel like..

Well, I got a stack of great scripts here.

Well, I guess I can keep my options open.

Well, I haven't seen her in a while.

Well, I think I'm a Zelda.

Well, I told you I'm not gonna do it unless I get points.

Well, I was hoping to talk to you face to face,

Well, I was talking to Wayne

Well, I'll see you around though, right?

Well, I'll take all you got.

Well, I'm awfully sorry to have wasted your time.

Well, I'm glad you called.

Well, I'm out of ideas.

Well, I'm taking Diane and him

Well, I'm working, and you are leaving.

Well, if you change your mind, give me a call.

Well, in that case, you know who'd be great?

Well, it could be working harder, and that's wordplay.

Well, it's a working title.

Well, it's not gonna happen this time.

Well, maybe if my secretary also refused to get an abortion,

Well, maybe the two of you

Well, maybe they could suck some out of my dick!

Well, my date with Ayako went really well.

Well, my name is Cameron Crow,

Well, my real name's Angela,

Well, someone's got to take the fall.

Well, sure, Diane is short, but I don't know about knobby.

Well, tell us what happened, Neal.

Well, that was another in a long series

Well, that went slightly better than the worst

Well, that's all a biscuit warmer's for.

Well, that's depressing

Well, that's horrible. Why would you tell me that now?

Well, that's the beauty part.

Well, that's the problem with life, right?

Well, the bank thing was a dud.

Well, the book's been huge for her, too.

Well, the circus is in town.

Well, them's the breaks. Take it sleazy, everybody.

Well, then BoJack should be a lot of fun for you.

Well, then I'll say to you what I once said

Well, then you're going to have to open up

Well, then, we might be doing different things.

Well, this night took a turn.

Well, those boobs and jerk wads

Well, we're down to the wire, but we still got

Well, well, isn't that a pretty ring?

Well, well, isn't that a pretty ring?

Well, what if we move that to the fourth act?

Well, you know what would taste even better?

Well, you know, here was a guy who had everything...

Well, you win some, you lose some.

Well, you've got time. There's always later, right?

Well... see you later!

Were you chasing the mailman again?

Were you close with your father?

Wha... "Early turd gets the sperm," nice one, Sarah Lynn.

What a crazy world.

What a great ide... Aah!

What a morning, huh?

What a weird coincidence

What about the Rock Hudson stuff?

What about you?

What am I supposed to do with that?

What am I supposed to do, okay?

What an unfortunate surprise.

What are you talking about?

What do I care? I'm not driving.

What do I do? What do I do?

What do you do when you get sad?

What do you guys think I should get Ayako

What do you mean sooner?

What do you mean?

What do you think? Pretty sweet, huh?

What do you want, Gekko?

What do you... What do you think about Sarah Lynn?

What does it all mean?

What does that mean?

What happened?

What have you got figured out that I don't?

What is Guten Bourbon?

What is happening?

What is the message behind your music?

What is this supposed to be, a lima bean?

What just happened?

What the heck is going on?

What the hell are you doing here?

What the hell is this?

What the hell just happened?

What they want, even if it kills you,

What Todd needs is an agent. Ha! Ha!

What was your childhood like?

What you're about to see is rough, very rough.

What, catty? Are you gonna say catty?

What, have they got a lot of saturated fat in them?

What, you think I can't open up?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Are you serious?

What? Herb Kazaz has cancer?

What? I let Todd live rent free in my stately manse.

What? I'm busy.

What? I'm busy.

What? No she's not. We have a special relationship.

What? Oh, my God, did we get that?

What? Thank God!

What? That's unbelievable.

What? Where did he go? The shoot is at his house

What? You just signed BoJack yesterday.

What? You said you wanted every detail.

What'd you say?

What's "PB Livin'"?

What's going on? Why are you talking like that?

What's happening this week?

What's happening with Mr. Peanutbutter?

What's mahumanunny?

What's new, pussycat?

What's really going on here?

What's that old expression?

What's that?

What's that? He's a talentless boob?

What's that? You hate his guts?

What's that? You'll never work with BoJack again?

What's the great news?

What's under that coat, Vincent?

What's your article on Mr. Peanutbutter called?

What's your hurry?

What's your name, stud?

What's your name, young lady?

Whatever it is, I'm trying new things.

When all your clients are in such demand,

When baby birds get pushed out of the nest too soon.

When he went to the supermarket and called dibs

When I got the news.

When I have the real thing right here?

When I was a kid, I used to climb onto the roof

When I was ten. By 20, I was packing stadiums.

When instead you could make things incredibly difficult?

When she was young, but also, she never really had a chance.

When things got pretty out of control.

When we booked you for this show,

When we started dating, you were the biggest star

When you're out there on that there racetrack,

When you're writing a memoir,

When.

Whenever his agent sets up an audition on a Monday.

Whenever TV awards come in so I can buy 'em.

Where else would I go?

Where's Sarah Lynn now?

Whereas Zoe was the smart, cynical introvert.

Whether I want or need a biscuit warmer,

Which both satirized and celebrated youth culture's

Which I think is how people end up with biscuit warmers.

Which I will be doing right...

Which is super impressive since you're a crow.

Which is that she's beautiful, she's British,

Which is what everyone wants.

Which is where Vietnamese food comes from,

Which means... Ugh!

Which we all agree is really clever.

Which would be my preference, I give you cardboard BoJack.

Which you are all welcome to partake in

While eating ice cream straight from the tub.

While I use Laura.

While I went to the bathroom.

While listening to Cole Porter records

While refusing to hold our own government to the same standard.

While simultaneously crippling myself,

While we work out who goes where and who gets fired,

Who are gonna try to hold you back, slow you down,

Who ate all my food and played video games all day.

Who came up with that? Was it Randy?

Who could that be?

Who could that be?

Who gave him a bucket?

Who gave them a potion that would counteract

Who hates our troops has not left his home

Who is clearly three little boys

Who o o lit my ottoman on fire?

Who o o wants chocolate chip pancakes?

Who o o wants chocolate chip pancakes?

Who provided me with a strong, masculine presence

Who puts a curse on him or something?

Who said that?

Who said you could use my assistant?

Who wants chocolate chip pancakes?

Who wants to see me take a dump on that sofa?

Who's the best agent in the world?

Whoa, that sounds like so much fun. Can I come?

Whoa!

Whoa! Does that mean I control the waves?

Whoa! Hey, hey, hey!

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. Easy, easy.

Whose only function is to drain the energy and life force

Why are you calling me crazy?

Why are you doing this to me?!

Why are you giving me advice?

Why are you here?

Why are you here?

Why are you telling me this?

Why aren't you dressed for school, prickly muffin?

Why aren't you dressed for school, prickly muffin?

Why did I say after party at my restaurant?

Why did you ever break up?

Why did you have to make things weird, BoJack?

Why did you take John Stamos?

Why didn't you just leave?

Why do they always use the sneezing picture?

Why does anybody pay for anything?

Why don't I keep the knife, Zo bo?

Why don't you and I dash over to the store right quick

Why don't you go home and cry about it

Why don't you guys leave this one to me?

Why don't you just put it in the living room closet?

Why have I been sleeping on the couch for five years?

Why not choose to be happy for once?

Why not this weekend?

Why was I so upset about Diane getting engaged?

Why would I need a symbol

Why would you ever make things easy for me

Why wouldn't I want to talk about my parents?

Why you're going through all this trouble for him.

Why? Why, God?

Why'd I buy these?

Will go down in the locker room of the Houston Rockets.

Will you apologize?

With a bayonet and shat on a floor model?

With a little encouragement, I'll bet he could really flourish.

With a young Emma Goldman.

With Braff directing,

With everyone, really.

With her when you were working on the show?

With missing limbs.

With Mr. Peanutbutter!

With my dad and look at the stars.

With my good friend BoJack Horseman,

With no regard for my well being.

With plenty of heart and more than a little humor.

With Princess Carolyn.

With substance abuse problems and daddy issues.

With sycophants and enablers until I die tragically young.

With the real bourbon. You are ruining my life.

Without a director, Eva Braun is as dead as Eva Braun.

Without them, you're nothing. Remember that.

Worse than a hundred September 11ths.

Would know not to count out an old pro.

Would really hit it off if you gave him a chance

Would you like alcohol?

Wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Wow, being a mom helped my career?

Wow, everything in this store is made

Wow, I'm convinced. This store could save lives.

Wow, so we're gonna be working together again.

Wow, this is a surprise.

Wow, Todd, are you sure we're ready for that?

Wow, what an honor.

Wow! Really?

Wow.

Ya hear that, BoJack?

Yeah, 'cause if this got out, oh, I would get flayed!

Yeah, but who doesn't love a dog with a bucket on his head?

Yeah, but why are you still here?

Yeah, definitely. So profound.

Yeah, dibs.

Yeah, gold doesn't strike.

Yeah, great, just get me away from the cameras.

Yeah, he was a lot of people's hero.

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah, I ate them all in one sitting

Yeah, I bought this earlier, and I'd like to return it.

Yeah, I guess there's always later.

Yeah, I know the story. I'm the director.

Yeah, I know who you are.

Yeah, I know. I just... When I first moved to L.A...

Yeah, I'll have a western bacon cheeseburger.

Yeah, I'm not seeing it.

Yeah, I've just been sitting in my car.

Yeah, if it's 2003.

Yeah, in October,

Yeah, in the butt. He's got, like, six months I think.

Yeah, in the produce section.

Yeah, it was, uh, normal... normal childhood stuff.

Yeah, it's me, straight off your TV screens

Yeah, It's not my fault. It's society.

Yeah, just to get some work done.

Yeah, like I want to spend my weekend

Yeah, me neither. I think we're in agreement here.

Yeah, okay, I don't care.

Yeah, Princess Carolyn's boyfriend.

Yeah, probably.

Yeah, she knows what she's doing.

Yeah, some agent, you couldn't even get me

Yeah, sounds good.

Yeah, thanks.

Yeah, that sounds great

Yeah, there were exactly 12!

Yeah, they're just giving them away behind In N Out.

Yeah, Todd really rose to the occasion, didn't he?

Yeah, we don't need rings, we have each other.

Yeah, well, Hamlet, you might want to turn it on.

Yeah, well, I'm not your agent anymore, so, no.

Yeah, well, you know what? Maybe I would listen

Yeah, why? Did you see him out there too?

Yeah, you are bad, very bad!

Yeah, you'll never guess who's here

Yeah, you're right. This was stupid.

Yeah, you're right. What's to talk about, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I brought him on board.

Yeah. I hope you don't get sick of me.

Yeah. I like that. I didn't do anything wrong

Yeah. I, um...

Yep, I'm pretty great. Got to go.

Yep. You got to get someone big

Yes, but also, I would like to...

Yes, I am BoJack Horseman, star of Horsin' Around.

Yes, of course.

Yes, that's right.

Yes, this is all very authentic and natural.

Yes, today, it's short and knobby, but tomorrow?

Yes.

Yes. Don't do it.

Yoo hoo! Buy me a drink

You and me both. Hey, screw 'em all, right?

You and Vanessa Gekko are sharing an office

You are 40.

You are a goddamn American treasure, you know that?

You are a winner, okay? You are Todd... Hold on.

You are BoJack goddamn Horseman.

You are in big trouble, young lady.

You are kind of unloading

You are looking at Mr.Peanutbutter's new driver.

You are somehow even more stupid than the sum of your stupids.

You asked me if I thought you were a good person deep down?

You asked me what I wanted to do. That's what I want.

You ate all the muffins?

You calling me to the bar the other night

You can be the fastest runner in the world,

You can keep all your stuff in the living room closet.

You can live your happy Zelda life in this happy Zelda town

You can live your happy Zelda life in this happy Zelda town

You can propose a house meeting.

You can use to seal boxes.

You can't call a show Peanutbutter and Jelly

You can't cheat in sports and get away with it.

You can't just drop him

You can't just make bourbon in Germany.

You can't pin that on us.

You can't stay here anymore.

You caught me off guard. I didn't know what to say.

You certainly haven't.

You come into the kitchen... Can you smell biscuits?

You come out to Malibu and say it to my face.

You come running to me for comfort.

You complete me

You couldn't possibly understand.

You didn't even have dibs, you stupid sea cow.

You didn't even put the muffins in a cart.

You don't give me any closet space.

You don't have the authority to call house meetings.

You don't have to go all the way the Chechnylavakia.

You don't love me. We're just two lonely people

You don't need kooky schemes or nutty capers.

You don't say no to Spider Man

You don't stop dancing, and you don't stop smiling,

You don't want to interview me anymore?

You finally got Zach Braff?

You folks enjoying the show?

You get me points on the back end?

You get that? Long face. Horses have long faces.

You give me back my muffins!

You go around the horn the way God intended!

You go on the roof?

You gonna go around the horn like a gentleman

You gonna write a book about those oranges?

You gonna write another book about it?

You got it, boss.

You got something to say to me,

You got to get your shit together.

You got to get your shit together.

You got to get your shit together.

You got yourself a "go" picture, kid.

You guys think I should call in and set the record straight?

You had me at "hello."

You have a guest room?

You just left them out here.

You just need a strong, responsible adult to say:

You just run the laser over the barcode,

You just think you are because you pay her

You know he's always wanted to direct a romantic comedy?

You know he's not a person, right?

You know how much Quentin

You know Jerry Maguire's my favorite movie of all time?

You know the worst part? I knew this was gonna happen

You know we need, like this biscuit warmer,

You know what the problem is with everybody?

You know what would be a great romantic comedy?

You know what your problem is? You're trying

You know what, this is a really good conversation,

You know what? Never mind.

You know, a lot of people said to me,

You know, I feel like we don't ever hang out.

You know, I run a small theater in North Hollywood.

You know, I think it just goes to show you,

You know, I thought I wanted to date a real adult,

You know, I'm an N.U. man myself

You know, it gets kind of boring

You know, just when you think you have a person pegged,

You know, Princess Carolyn was right.

You know, Sarah Lynn, I got a feeling

You know, sometimes I feel like I was born with a leak,

You know, with my knack

You know, writing stuff that makes a difference.

You left them totally out in the open.

You let that basket case into your house?

You literally wrote the book on Secretariat.

You look at your reflection too long,

You looking at some oranges?

You may have too forgiving a definition

You mean one on three time?

You mean to tell me that for a full year you were on the run

You might as well perform in a cage, am I right?

You might fall in love. She's gone.

You might remember her as adorable Sabrina

You must be really...

You need to go where you can get help, real help.

You need to lose 50 pounds and then gain back 20

You never know when gold's gonna strike.

You promised me you would always be there.

You promised to take me ice skating,

You said you couldn't be my girlfriend and my agent,

You say, "tomato," "to mah to," I say, "tomato," "tomato."

You scamper right back, pussycat.

You should be the one hiring a driver.

You should be, or at least I think you should be.

You should do a Shouts and Murmurs.

You should give her a caw.

You should have seen me in high school.

You should spend some one on one time with him.

You should write for the Shouts and Murmurs.

You sit in a fancy chair and eat pastries all day.

You sit up here in your little house

You slacked off and took the easy way out.

You sophisticated smooth talker.

You sound like a crazy person, not me.

You spend a lot of time reflecting on the past.

You stick with me, and I promise you,

You stop encouraging him and you stop encouraging him.

You take a boat from here to New York,

You take this job, you can buy all the orphans you want.

You take up 80% of my time with your drama

You texted me to tell me you weren't coming

You think I won't make a scene, you limey bastard?

You think I'm a hero.

You think I'm pretty?

You think that because you're a pseudo celebrity,

You told me repeatedly it was the nudie magazine

You understand? Shit.

You want a day old hamburger bun?

You want BoJack, you can have him

You want him to die in an ass factory warehouse fire,

You want me to put it out with my boob?

You want to get out of this stuffy old restaurant,

You want to know about my parents?

You want to spend three months in Sudan?

You were becoming my friend.

You were ramping up to a "yes," right?

You were right. I don't love you.

You weren't just working as my driver, Todd.

You will surely go down in the annals of history

You won't have to yell, "Hey, Todd, clean up your shit!"

You... You said you wanted a job.

You'd be the perfect director

You'd just won the Triple Crown, but then just this week,

You'd make me chocolate chip pancakes.

You'll get the guest room when you've earned the guest room.

You'll never leave this couch!

You're a better man than I could ever be.

You're a good friend. I'm really glad to know you.

You're a hero.

You're a real hero.

You're a really good friend, Todd.

You're about to have a hit rock opera on your hands.

You're back in my stable,

You're being very rude.

You're doing this is because you're in love with Diane.

You're funny.

You're going to regret this, BoJack Horseman.

You're having the Eva Braun meeting without me?

You're his driver? That's perfect.

You're not even gonna give me a ride home?

You're not gonna make me look like an asshole, are you?

You're not in love with me. You're in love with Diane.

You're not my dad. You're just a rugged, older man

You're not this girl's father, and you're not doing her

You're probably fine or not. Who knows?

You're right, and everyone else is wrong.

You're right, partly.

You're right. In these heady times,

You're saying smoothies, right? Smoothies.

You're supposed to be shooting a commercial.

You're the birthday boy.

You're the new face of Guten Bourbon.

You're the one who's always been there for me,

You're the only one with enough grit to play the part,

You're used to getting away with things,

You've been driving me around,

You've been out of control.

You've been taking on Mr. Peanutbutter? It's gibberish!

You've got a big future ahead of you,

You've got me thinking sequel here.

You've got some good material, you really do.

You've had a rough morning?

Your Ari Emanuels and Vanessa Geckos and what have you.

Your BuzzFeed article will be crammed

Your family will never understand you,

Your favorite movie.

Your lovers will leave you or try to change you,

Your roommate let us in.

Your uncle showed you with the three nippled woman.

Zelda was the sunny, fun loving extrovert.

1x03 Prickly Muffin

1x04 Zoes and Zeldas

4:30 P.M. Meeting with Eva Braun team.

7:00 A.M. Breakfast with Lenny Turteltaub.

Uh oh.

"Oopsy." Vincent?

# Down a fifth # # A a ah #

# Up a fifth # # Ah #

♪ Come on ♪ ♪ Dangerous ♪

♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ ♪ BoJack ♪

♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ ♪ BoJack ♪

♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ ♪ BoJack ♪

♪ Peanutbutter ♪ ♪ Come on ♪

Aah! Mr. Peanutbutter!

Aha. Whoa.

All right! Whoo!

All very above board. Uh, what'd you say?

and also, it was my birthday? No.

and bring me a ladle.

and daddy issues. Yeah, but she came

and have no ulterior motives... Mm hmm.

And how are you? Well, it's been really hard...

And I know what I want. Uh...

and put our feet in the water? That sounds great.

And so, you saw the defendant. Yes

and we'd love it if you came. We spared no expense...

And what's your name, darling? I... mm...

and who's getting fired. Oh.

And, BoJack... Yeah?

Andrew Garfield loves lasagna? I don't want to talk about him!

any plans for the weekend? Still hate the troops, Boj?

Anyway... Princess Carolyn.

anywhere but San Francisco. No, no, no, no, no.

Are they warm? Yeah.

Are you a Zoe or a Zelda? Don't know what that means.

Are you close? No!

Aw! Not you.

Aw. All right,

Because I'm Mr. Peanutbutter. Okay, who's jelly?

Because it's super bleak. Vincent Adultman...

birds are chirping... Hey, BoJack,

BoJack Horseman. Herb Kazazz.

BoJack, that... Dude, just let him have this.

BoJack. Ah!

Burner phone? Check.

But I love chocolate. Story of my life.

But then who do I know if they got it? They'll laugh.

Can I get your autograph? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can I invite a frien... No.

Can we go home now? Yeah, okay, we're done.

Can you hold for a sec? You called me.

Can you imagine? No.

Can you still work here? No

Charlie Witherspoon. Hello. I... Oh.

Cut, boom in the shot. What? I'll be in my trailer.

Cyanide capsule? Check.

Did you work on the song? Huh?

Do you know what today is? Sunday?

Do you want to get out of here? What?

Don't bother him, honey. Oh, it's no problem.

Enough! Clearly, Van Cleef has shown

Everybody wins. Oh.

everything's gonna be okay. Uh huh.

Excuse me? I got your message, asshole.

Fires aren't called things. What about the Chicago fire?

from his host organism. Come on, BoJack.

from the last 20 years. Okay.

from the Russian mafia? Well, a Russian mafia.

Gekko. In the flesh.

Good luck. Oh, yeah, about that.

Good morning. Ah!

Ha! Classic Zoe. I still don't know what that means

has been destroyed? No.

Has this ever happened to you? Has what ever happened to me?

Have dinner with me tonight. No way.

Have we ever met before? Never.

Have you got your tool kit? Check.

He sounds delightful. He was. Good guy.

Hello? BoJack Horseman.

Hello? BoJack, it's Kelsey Jannings.

Hello? Todd? Uh...

Hello. Diane.

Hello. I just want you to know I'm fine.

Hey, BoJack. Ah! Why are you here?

Hey, Diane. You still friends with BoJack?

Hey, let me buy you a drink. Get cancer, jerk wad.

Hey, now. I had my own fashion line

Hey, you see those people? Yeah.

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Mr. Peanutbutter. Take the cyanide, Todd.

honest and revealing? No. No, thanks.

Hope you like money, BoJack. This is so great.

How 'bout now? No!

How are you? Amazing!

How do you drink a mood? Like a smoothie

How's the pie here? Not good.

I brought you this Suffragette City...

I could still beg for a second chance. Shut your mouth, Todd.

I did. Oh, hello, Mr. Witherspoon.

I do! I do! Uh, what's going on in here?

I got it from a doctor. Your doctor or just a doctor?

I have to take this. Okay.

I have to work. You don't have to work.

I just need you to deliver... Hoo! Ha!

I knew it! Come on!

I know you're stubborn... I'm not stubborn.

I know. Ugh.

I literally cannot. Vincent, let's do a lap.

I need a drink. No. No more drinking.

I think he said his name was Dr. Who. Yeah, I don't think that was...

I think I'm in love. Okay.

I tried my best. No, you didn't.

I want to be an architect. Sweetheart,

I want to be thorough. What?!

I want to say yes, but... Great, let's go.

I was not gonna say catty. Oh, what were you gonna say?

I was talking about you. Ah, well, it was nothing.

I'd like to... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm a total screw up. You're not a screw up anymore, Todd.

I'm in. I'm out.

I'm proud. That's kind of the same thing.

I'm pumped. I'm beyond pumped.

I'm taking you to rehab. Nah,

I'm writing my book. Right.

I've got half a mind to... No, let me talk.

in the 10 cent bin? Sure thing, lady.

in these discussions herself... Obviously.

Is it weird I took this job? Why would it be weird?

Is that cool? No, that's not cool.

Is this your TV Guide award? It's the most prestigious award I ever won.

It needs a third act showstopper. I had the same note.

It's an untapped market. Yeah.

It's just a ring. Just a ring?

It's urgent. Great, put her on.

Junior? If it was Junior,

Just great, and also good. Mm hmm.

Justice. Mr. Peanutbutter.

Keep it cool, Todd. Hey, pal.

Let me buy you a drink. Oh, I don't drink.

Let me repeat... Princess Carolyn.

Like a smoothie. So it is a smoothie.

Like what? Like a cannonball!

Loam? "Rich with loam?" Yeah, it's a kind of soil.

long distance provider, thank you. What?

Look at my pumpkin, Mr. Peanutbutter. Pretty smile, Zelly belly.

Look who's not dead. Better than not dead.

Macaroni. Sabrina.

might be a big anthem that... Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy, buddy,

Mwah. Sorry that I...

My dibs were on those muffins! Your dibs were void!

N n no? Yes, but the Zoe/Zelda paradigm rang true.

No, it's not all right. What?

No, no. Just January. Brilliant.

No. Then hooray!

Normal. Normal?

Now, are you fired? Not exactly.

Now? You're not even inside of me.

of the deeply misogynistic... So deep.

of your social. Okay.

Oh, bother

Oh, dear. Whoa oh oh. Um...

Oh, keep the damn thing. Aw.

Oh, plane tickets? Yep, to San Francisco.

Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, friends.

Oh! Damn!

Oh. Diane, honey?

Oh. Get your hands off me!

Okay, good talk. Wha... Are you serious?

Okay, here we go. I love you.

Okay, I'll do it. Ahem.

Okay. Marker, sound, speed.

Okay. Sarah Lynn, get your coat.

Okay. You can applaud a little.

Okay. I got to go, too. Sorry.

Or Gabe. Who's Gabe?

Phone for you. Uh huh.

Popping, what? This is great.

Proposal denied. BoJack, this Sarah Lynn thing

Really? In fact, from now on,

Really? Yes.

Right here? And the last four digits

Rise and shine, Todd. I didn't sleep.

Seriously, you seriously don't know? I'm a bad "widdle" girl.

She fired her agent. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

She said drop it, Todd! Whatever,

Smoodie keychain? Smoodie cozy?

So what'd you get, anything good? Oh, I got everything.

So which one are you, BoJack? I think I'm... above this.

So? How can I put this?

sometime next month. What?

Ssss. Wow, that sounds amazing.

take it sleazy, everybody. Wait, BoJack,

Tell me about Todd. Todd? What's to tell?

than any other month. I'm getting pretty close over here.

Thank you. Go on.

Thank you. Good night.

Thanks for the suggestion. No! No, no, no, no, no!

Thanks, BoJack, for everything. This, I will get rid of.

Thanks. Ugh!

That is gross. Oh ho, I know!

That third act showstopper... Ha!

That was amazing. Really?

That was not a joke. That was not a real laugh.

that won all them races? Not today, ma'am.

That writes itself. You got to be kidding me.

That you are being jealous? Oh, oh!

That's all I ask. All right.

That's amazing. It's everything I ever wanted.

That's baby stuff. No, Vincent.

That's correct. The defendant was seen by you.

That's my same worry. ... incapable of engaging

that's too much, man. I always loved that catch phrase.

The hell we are. Also...

The Search for a New Utopia. Book 1?

The troops are jerks? Oh, God.

There was this one game, Decapathon. I remember that game.

They want Sextina Aquafina, baby! Ha ha! You're delightful.

this house meeting... Your proposal has been

Those are private! Are these the notes

to get some seed around here? Good one.

to organize a rehearsal. Or a dinner.

to our next rehearsal. Who in the what Van?

Todd, put it down. Is this really only a dime?

Todd! What? Clean up my shit?

Todd? Yes, Mr. Peanutbutter?

Tough but fair. Ahem.

Ugh. Good thinking, boss.

Ugh. I'll be right there. Ow.

Uh, sorry. Mm hmm.

Uh, what? But you know,

Uh, what? Your boob

Uh..

Um, hi. Sarah Lynn, hi. BoJack? Hey.

Um, how old are your kids now? I don't have any children.

Vanessa Gekko, sir. I know that

vis a vis resource management. What are you saying?

Wait, you want to get lunch with me? Yeah, that's right.

Wait? What? Oh.

We didn't do that. Yeah, yeah.

We got Braff. You beautiful dickhead.

We have our Secretariat. We got Andrew Garfield?

We're just wrapping up. But Cate is my client.

We're like the Brangelinas. Well, I'm happy she's happy.

We're merging. No shit. With what?

Well, guess I'll give up forever. That's the spirit.

Well, that's stupid. Yeah.

Well, whatever you are... A raven.

Wh What? Yeah, it's pretty much too late for me.

What about those brothers... Hello? Hello?

What about you? Yeah, okay.

What are you doing? Shh.

what are you running from? You want to know the truth?

What are you ta... That dude is funny.

What do you have? Well, I've got a table

What now? Right.

What the hell is going on? I don't know, Lenny.

What the... Don't look at those!

What? All right.

What? I am... supporting you.

What? I've actually been meaning to go myself.

What? Smoodies.

What? Vincent.

What? What?

What? Yes, hamburger buns.

What's up? Garfield's out.

What's your last name? Chavez.

What's your name? Pam.

What's your name? Pam.

when you were just starting out? Um, actually, no.

Who are you again? The girl you had sex with.

Who was she? I got it all.

Who's Wayne? I'm Wayne.

Who's Wayne? I'm Wayne.

Whoa! All sales are final.

Why are you talking to me? I thought maybe if I said that,

Why does that matter? I'm just trying to understand the story.

Why don't you hire a driver? Eh eh eh deh...

Why don't you refill your bird feeder, huh? Yeah, who's a bird got to blow

with Queen Darneesa. You have been listening.

with your name on it. What?

Wow. What happened in Malibu? I got to go.

Yeah, friends. And also to each other.

Yeah, you got any ideas? I'm done.

Yeah, you seem super jazzed. What do I do now?

Yeah. Good news.

Yeah. Great.

Yes. So can I.

Yes. There he is, man of the hour.

You are a good listener. Thanks.

you call a brain. Let's see

You choose to work. Hmm.

you going to rehab thing... BoJack, all my life,

You got my arm. Ow! Ow!

You gotta be kidding me. I'm BoJack's agent.

you know, been. You are way out of line!

You like daddy's good stuff? Not especially.

You need to let me in. Not right now.

You really are the best. I know. Talk to you later.

You said it. See?

You should be with me. No, I've dated you.

You told me to come at 9:00. That doesn't sound like me.

You want some? No.

Your last name is Chavez? Yeah

Your product... Smoodies. Yes.

... and infantilization, which is itself a product

... and then we'll be fully financed!

... society we live in. But like I said,

'cause he got all excited about making a rom com

'cause I ate them all, okay?

'Cause I kind of get the sense that...

'cause if so, that is a lot of sugar.

'cause it can literally kill me.

'Scuse me, young man.

"a coming of age story about rock music,

"Aah, the train's coming right at me."

"Diane, why don't you come over Tuesday morning at 9:00?

"Eh, shut up."

"Executive Vice President of West Coast Operations

"Fool me once, shame on me, but fool me twice...

"I'm Roger Dangerfield."

"It ain't a done deal till the deals are all done."

"It's the responsibility of little guys like you

"Secretariat Under Investigation."

"Sit, Ubu, sit." "Good dog." "Arf."

"Slaves." Just say "slaves."

"The woman who loved the man who hated everyone."

"When I grow up, I want to be just like you,

"Yes. Yes, you can move in with me."

"You know what this world needs?"

"You sure you want to publish this book?

♪ A planet rich with loam ♪

♪ And a... uh, little room to, uh, roam ♪

♪ And I'm trying to hold on to my past ♪

♪ And I'm trying to hold on to my past ♪

♪ And I'm trying to hold on to my past ♪

♪ And make you understand ♪

♪ And make you understand ♪

♪ And make you understand ♪

♪ And on this planet It's our home ♪

♪ And that's why this planet ♪

♪ Back in the '90s ♪

♪ Back in the '90s ♪

♪ Back in the '90s ♪

♪ Because Jellicles are ♪ ♪ And Jellicles do ♪

♪ Because Jellicles are ♪ ♪ And Jellicles do ♪

♪ Because Jellicles are ♪ ♪ And Jellicles do ♪

♪ Because Jellicles are ♪ ♪ And... ♪

♪ BoJack ♪

♪ BoJack ♪

♪ BoJack ♪

♪ BoJack the horse ♪

♪ BoJack the horse ♪

♪ BoJack the horse ♪

♪ But they couldn't make us slaves ♪

♪ Daddy's girl ♪ ♪ She's daddy's girl ♪

♪ Dangerous ♪

♪ Didn't know ♪

♪ Don't act like you don't know ♪

♪ Don't act like you don't know ♪

♪ Don't act like you don't know ♪

♪ Don't you know I'm feeling fine ♪

♪ Exec Producer Garry Marshall ♪

♪ Hey now, boy, come and try My clitoris is ginormous ♪

♪ I don't think I'm gonna last ♪

♪ I guess I'll just try ♪

♪ I was all of a landslide ♪

♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪

♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪

♪ In space ♪

♪ in this world ♪

♪ It really seems like ♪ ♪ Some things are forever ♪

♪ It was something to hold onto ♪

♪ It's been so long ♪

♪ It's been so long ♪

♪ It's been so long ♪

♪ It's ready for your stuffing ♪

♪ Jellicles do and Jelli... ♪

♪ Jellicles would And Jellicles can ♪

♪ Knick knack, paddywhack Give a dog a bone ♪

♪ Loam ♪

♪ Loam, loam, loam ♪

♪ Make u u u us ♪

♪ Mr. Peanutbutter ♪

♪ My clitoris is ginor... ♪

♪ Na na na ♪ ♪ Such a happy day ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪ ♪ La la la la ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪ ♪ La la la la ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Never meant us to fall in ♪

♪ No they couldn n n n't make u u u us ♪

♪ No! ♪ ♪ No, they could n n n't ♪

♪ No! No, they couldn't make us slaves ♪

♪ Oh and I ♪

♪ One, two ♪

♪ Ooh, prickly ♪ ♪ And it's muffin, and it's... ♪

♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪

♪ Ow! ♪

♪ Sha na na na na na ♪ ♪ Special moment ♪

♪ Sla a a a a a aves ♪

♪ sla a a a a aves ♪

♪ So far away from home ♪

♪ su u u u u cks ♪

♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪

♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪

♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪

♪ Three little orphans ♪ ♪ One, two, three ♪

♪ To find a new and better place ♪

♪ together with my girl ♪

♪ Traveling on a spaceship ♪

♪ Turn around ♪

♪ Turn around ♪

♪ We had our heads down ♪

♪ We learned a lot And had some laughs ♪

♪ We were young ♪

♪ We'll make this our Newtopia a a ♪

♪ When you're walking alone ♪

♪ When you're walking alone ♪

♪ When you're walking alone ♪

♪ When you're walking alone ♪

♪ Who's that dog? ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I don't think I'm gonna last ♪

♪ I don't think I'm gonna last ♪

♪ I guess I'll just try ♪

♪ I guess I'll just try ♪

♪ I used to think maybe..

♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪

♪ Mmm yeah ♪

♪ My prickly muffin ♪

♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪

♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪

♪ Why don't you touch my prickly muffin? ♪