The Big Bang Theory (2007) - Season 11 Edit

A 'splanation.

A "save the date" e mail.

A a Southern gentleman,

A All done. You know, fun fact,

A Also a complicated question. (chuckles nervously)

A And can people other than you see her?

A And I'm trying,

A And if she charges by the hour, we have to cover it.

A And, you know, Raj, I think it's great

A bad friend, a bad fiancée,

A bad friend!

A bottle cap, a balloon, and some super glue.

A boulder has a diameter greater than 25.6 centimeters.

A butter churn.

A C arm fluoroscope,

A cake made with salt instead of sugar...

A CD ROM?

A circle made of triangles served in a square box.

A contained microscopic black hole.

A cranial ultrasound...

A dad can't stay home with his children.

A dancer pretending to be a mailman.

A date night here at home.

A dress that looked like...

A fine institution.

A friend you haven't berated, lectured or condescended to yet.

A glass of water?

A laser show?

A little reception for Mr. Gates tomorrow night.

A little threatened by you, you know,

A little tip.

A little weird, considering you're my boss.

A location yet? 'Cause you don't have a lot of time.

A lot of people thought this would never come.

A maniac right now?

A map, and chocolate from me.

A massive inferiority complex.

A massive inferiority complex.

A nearby Chinese restaurant that Einstein used to frequent.

A non creepy amount of time after that

A parenting book

A perfect room temperature and a perfect dessert.

A potentially jealous man who's handy with an ax.

A real bonding experience for us.

A rental agreement.

A rock.

A slice of wedding cake in the shape of a cake.

A Star Trek uniform underneath my tuxedo.

A stranger's underpants?

A strong and independent woman.

A tiresome scold.

A way of programming computers

A welder, that could be your "something borrowed."

Abandoned our family.

About $65,000.

About all the stuff she's missing with Halley.

About all this baby proofing.

About being pregnant is drinking cranberry juice

About Bill Gates and it wasn't just part of an elaborate prank.

About employer health care plans.

About finger sandwiches: you put enough of them together,

About his work.

About one of the lesser known campaigns of World War II.

About our wedding plans?

About the food truck?

About the fungus he can't get rid of.

About three months.

About two weeks.

About yourself again?

Absolutely not.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Accelerating.

Accidentally drinks the Purell,

Actually, a cookie sounds good.

Actually, Amy and I had a breakthrough.

Actually, he was laughing.

Actually, I do have a question for Dr. Cooper.

Actually, I do.

Actually, I do. My mother

Actually, I don't, I don't know who that guy is.

Actually, I haven't had the courage to tell her.

Actually, I haven't told him about it.

Actually, I met Bill Gates.

Actually, I think she did. You should go

Actually, I was hoping to speak with you.

Actually, I was talking about you.

Actually, I was thinking I should stay home.

Actually, I... Uh, just say yes, or he's gonna want

Actually, I've I've already met him once before.

Actually, it takes everything away from it.

Actually, it's a turkey club.

Actually, Leonard told me Penny was over here?

Actually, that never occurred to me.

Actually, that's always the case.

Actually, the pie was cherry,

Actually, they don't.

Actually, we can't

Adjusted morale rating for the assault.

Adler thought they were about dominance... Then again,

Adults and children who have absolutely, for sure,

After all my sacrifices,

After I got the flip flops,

After one of her terrible plays

After today, you are officially

After what?

After working together for 15 years,

After you're dead.

Again, I know.

Agreed.

Agreed. Uh...

Ah

Ah GRAVY, yes. G R A V Y.

Ah, come on!

Ah, hey.

Ah, I should've taken that gavel

Ah, maybe it's not that big a deal.

Ah, that was fun.

Ah, there you go. Everybody wins

Ah, understandable.

Ah, very well. New business.

Ah, we got to see him run.

Ah, well, then this whole day's ruined.

Ah, well, you say that now,

Ah, World Cup.

Ah, worth a shot.

Ah, yes, disappointing fathers

Ah, you should have been there; dessert was bananas.

Ah.

Ah. How much do you need?

Ah. Left out?

Aha!

Ain't no party like a Stuart party

Airborne worms?! Have you lost your mind?!

All I did was sneak onto your computer

All I know is it looks like I tongue kissed Avatar.

All I'm saying is

All kinds of fun stuff.

All of the exciting research they're doing at Cal Tech.

All right, all booted up.

All right, Amy, you're up.

All right, but just a warning.

All right, fine. E mail it over. I'll take a look.

All right, fine. Let's start over.

All right, here we go

All right, I'll give it a try.

All right, I'll just roll for you.

All right, I'm all checked in to my flight.

All right, I'm gonna sic my dog on you.

All right, I'm putting a stop to this

All right, I'm sorry I gave away your stupid laptop

All right, just give her some space, all right?

All right, just, uh, look through here,

All right, Leonard,

All right, let's not get hung up on semantics.

All right, let's see what you got.

All right, now,

All right, Saturday is the big day.

All right, so just the four of us.

All right, so what are we celebrating?

All right, that makes sense.

All right, that moves us on to the tactical shipping phase.

All right, that smells too good. I got to get one of those.

All right, we can talk about something else.

All right, we'll have cookies!

All right, we'll see you next time!

All right, well, then don't work with Bert.

All right, well, you're wearing a Green Lantern shirt,

All right, when do you see her next?

All right, you know what, why don't we stay home, have a little wine...

All right, you ready for your next one?

All right, you're right, you're right, we don't need him.

All right! Yes! Great!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Allow me to show you my most recent journal.

All right. Allow me to show you my most recent journal.

All right. Good call.

All right. Then our..

All the money you took from him over the years?

All the years that we lived together,

All those answers make a lot of sense.

All tied, and...

All we are is two single people

All working on it.

All you did was look into it.

All you got to do is ask nicely.

All you need is for one of them to vote your way,

All you will need is a CD,

All you'll need is a pencil, some paper,

Allow him to choose from options that are acceptable to you."

Also something I would watch instead of cricket.

Also what my doctor said.

Also, he'd be named Jumbo.

Also, I'm from Texas,

Also, what's a body shot?

Also, why isn't that a show?

Also, wow.

Although every time I put that in Wikipedia,

Although I did drop it on my own foot, so kind of.

Although I do miss the way

Although I suppose bees do dance,

Although that would be festive.

Although that's from the Alan Scott era,

Although, as maid of honor,

Although, if there's time,

Although, if we don't eat it,

Although, if you want to be a part

Although, it is our wedding.

Although, not in a robot voice, so it wasn't nearly as cool.

Although, not quite as good as the provision in California law,

Although, Stuart's already friended her on Facebook,

Although, we're having trouble agreeing on a location.

Although...

Always get a little sad when Rocktober's over.

Always spotting continuity errors in movies.

Am I having fun being beautiful?

Am I terrible? No.

Amazon customer support?

AMY and PENNY and BERNADETTE: No!

Amy can't take him it's her bachelorette party this weekend.

Amy did. I solved it already.

Amy found a dress that she liked.

Amy had to go in early to show Howard around her lab,

Amy had to go in early to show Howard around her lab,

Amy has her bachelorette party,

Amy likes the quilting bee!

Amy made me realize that new mothers are cognitively primed

Amy took forever tying my shoe.

Amy, do you take Sheldon for your lawful wedded husband?

Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions

Amy, I've talked a lot about comic books lately.

Amy, the comic book store

Amy, this is my sister.

Amy, would you do the honors?

Amy, would you still love me

Amy, you know I'm more of an Enlightenment person.

Amy, you never said you were in a school play.

Amy, you said something about my bow tie

Amy, you're up.

Amy, your lab is amazing.

AMY: All right!

AMY: Bernadette?

AMY: Come on, first dance!

AMY: Don't make jokes.

AMY: Dr. Zane, Dr. Harris,

AMY: This is it.

AMY: Uh, guys, we have a problem.

AMY: Well, I already told him

Amy?

Amy?

Amy? Should we get her home?

Amy.

Amy.

Amy...

Amy...

Amy's in the bathroom and I need to..

Amy's just about to realize she wants to watch a Hulk marathon.

Amy's work, my work.

An equation.

And "ology."

And 45 minutes later, they thanked me for coming.

And a couple kids whose parents are willing to lie and say

And a deep distrust of Native Americans,

And a gentleman of honor

And a laminated

And a little bit sandwich. Yeah.

And a multivitamin?

And a spool of 50 micron thick cobalt 60 wire.

And a ton of experience with no relationships.

And a week to decide if brains can have lips on them,

And a whole bottle of wine.

And about yay annoying.

And academic rigor, yeah, I suppose they can join us.

And after that?

And after you've been such a good friend to me over the years.

And Albert Einstein was a member there.

And Albert Einstein was a member there.

And Albert Einstein was a member there.

And alive?

And all of them were too outsidey.

And all they wanted to talk about was their own nonsense.

And almost go to the beach in the same day.

And also,

And also, polyester gym shorts don't burn.

And Amy and Sheldon are getting married.

And Amy has to marry one.

And Amy's your best friend.

And and and and and and...

And and that's her, cause it's,

And and watch sports

And any time you start planning your wedding

And apparently all of outside wasn't enough for him.

And ask them to move?

And assume I don't know what I'm talking about.

And back up!

And back up.

And base it on empirical metrics?

And based on the sweatpants he left at her place,

And be by yourself.

And be by yourself.

And because it's a special day, a chewable gob of tree sap.

And because you can't reach me from that bed,

And before you say anything,

And Bernadette.

And besides,

And besides, that wouldn't be fair to you.

And besides, you're my best friend.

And blow up later, or do you just want to be

And bolder in the pursuit of food.

And boys prefer a dad with fingers.

And brought me honeyed sweets; on the other hand,

And by the way, Logan Dean can tell everyone he's five eight,

And catch me doing it myself.

And clean this up.

And close toed shoes and a...

And come all the way to City Hall.

And crank up one of his lectures and just...

And crap out a litter of kittens.

And create a customized bathroom schedule."

And cut off all contact with people?

And did you know that my Amy

And do something no one will expect.

And do you know

And do you know what he's never said to me?

And do you mind if I use your back room to smoke some meat?

And do you remember what happened next?

And dog eared some pages.

And don't mind if you lose teeth.

And don't think of women as having feelings.

And don't worry about Einstein.

And don't worry, I already called the owner.

And download your Bitcoin onto a flash drive.

And each of us makes half of them.

And eat her favorite crayon while she watches.

And everyone was talking about how cool dark matter was,

And everything I've worked for?

And finally, we built the Large Hadron Collider,

And find out what's going on.

And for $1 million,

And for me.

And for the record,

And forget about everything else.

And from Sheldon, a bottle of Purell...

And gave it to another man.

And get her out of here. Sit down!

And get my jeans the next morning?

And go as a ghost.

And guess what he'll be scattering instead of petals!

And guilted him into officiating the wedding.

And has he ever thanked you?

And has she been home?

And hate Tony Romo.

And have nothing to show for it.

And he didn't start an online petition to get Wil fired

And he doesn't tell me

And he gets to bring a date. Yeah.

And he had neither of those things.

And he jumped on it.

And he just gave in?

And he puts them into Elizabethan England

And he ripped his pants.

And he said he didn't want a wild bachelor party.

And he seemed like a totally different person.

And he walked away from you.

And he was always saying, "Shut up, Kitty!"

And he was the coolest person I knew.

And he was your team leader.

And he won't give it up.

And he would never hurt her on her wedding day

And he's agreed.

And he's avoiding my calls.

And he's gone. Okay.

And he's not mad it's not an Iron Man movie.

And help him solve string theory.

And here we are, stuck and letting him down.

And here we go. (grunts)

And his arch nemesis, Thomas Edison.

And his dogs and his horses all in matching pajamas,

And his mom said she won't come if his brother's not there.

And how a little asymmetry is good?

And how about you two?

And how fun it would be to recreate them.

And how great you are,

And Howard is making fun of me.

And Howard's hair was straight,

And I actually enjoyed it

And I believe you know what that means.

And I brought Indian.

And I can count on his discretion

And I can fit into the pants I wore in high school.

And I can program him to hurt you.

And I can taste the difference between rabbit and squirrel.

And I carried it, had to stay in bed for four months,

And I could really use your vote.

And I dare science to explain that.

And I do not want to talk about Leonard.

And I don't think this is working out.

And I don't want to get in the middle of that.

And I don't want to interfere, or watch you.

And I don't want to scare her off.

And I feel that I owe it to him

And I had a thought.

And I hate repeating myself,

And I hate to disappoint her again.

And I have a cousin named Dilip.

And I have a lot of party favors

And I have to go get him sparkling water.

And I I just threw up.

And I just, I don't want anything to mess that up.

And I keep promising I can make people's brains "grow younger."

And I know because they're classes

And I know that's not a real number

And I know why you didn't tell me.

And I like that kind of "take charge" attitude.

And I mean that politely, not sincerely.

And I need to know.

And I need you

And I only got two more minutes.

And I put "Rajesh Koothrappali" because...

And I really do love cleaning an oven. Move.

And I really want this,

And I regret how hard I was on you

And I saw some shirtless men.

And I still have a few things to figure out.

And I think "I can't believe that came out of me."

And I think she kind of expects it.

And I think you're forgetting that there are written documents

And I thought he was gone for good.

And I thought maybe Amy might be interested?

And I thought, "Well, sure, I'll give that a whirl."

And I want to say a very special thank you

And I want you to be safe.

And I wanted to finish strong.

And I was hoping to continue it.

And I will check to see if our soup spoons

And I will just check the assault differential column

And I will show up with a boutonniere

And I won't toss him aside for some Hollywood pretty boy

And I would love the chance to hang out with him.

And I would never let anything happen to you,

And I... I like that in a woman.

And I'll be on my way.

And I'll I'll price 'em out for you

And I'm as shocked as anyone?

And I'm done

And I'm going to try to do a better job

And I'm gonna go with...

And I'm gonna have three exhausted babies to deal with.

And I'm having trouble deciding between Penny and Bernadette.

And I'm in last?

And I'm proud of you.

And I'm sure

And I'm worried one's gonna hit me in the eye.

And I've been trying to hide it so I could go,

And I've got a little double vision.

And if anyone around here is like Tesla, it's us.

And if I don't want to invite him to my wedding, then I won't.

And if I kept going out with him,

And if I'd pretended a little longer,

And if it doesn't work out,

And if it doesn't work out, I hear that there is

And if it helps... these two are quitters.

And if it's viral, I'm screwed.

And if she is up to anything, what are you gonna do?

And if she poops, I'll light some incense

And if the movie gets too violent, I cover her eyes.

And if this is the sacrifice I need to make, then so be it.

And if we're not enjoying planning this wedding,

And if you ever need help, we are here for you.

And if you post it on social media,

And if you want to take a picture, just push that button.

And if you'd have said,

And if you'd have said, "No, Wil Wheaton,"

And immediately think "I need to call Raj"

And in Texas no one would have batted an eye.

And in that moment, I realized

And in the comics, it's made out of enchanted uru.

And isn't that word "no"?

And it could be worth, like, a lot of money.

And it it hasn't.

And it kind of gave me the goose bumps.

And it made me realize I wanted to be with Amy.

And it seemed interesting.

And it turns out, no one's seen it before.

And it was all that was available.

And it wasn't even her idea she stole it

And it would just stay there.

And it would mean a lot to me

And it wouldn't hurt you to drop a few!

And it wouldn't hurt you to drop a few.

And it's close enough to your office,

And it's in the past.

And it's not like that.

And it's wrecked his confidence.

And just like that, it's the worst day of my life.

And less like the guy who didn't invent the lightbulb.

And let her know the office is full of liars

And let them know he's coming.

And let you have this experience to yourself.

And let your uterus do its magic.

And listen to a bunch of work talk.

And look at that coffee maker.

And look at the cool incentives I'm offering.

And look: both clavicles.

And make him jealous.

And Mark Twain.

And maybe supersymmetry,

And my cash register doesn't, so... yeah.

And my dad said it was the best thing

And my math is worked out.

And my pet mongoose ran away.

And my phone.

And my stupid parents were always there for me.

And my watch showing the time as 2:30 in the morning.

And narrating all the planetarium shows.

And neither can I.

And nobody's voting for a man with smelly clothes.

And not asking him to turn into a truck.

And now he's not.

And now here we are for Sheldon's.

And now I regret it.

And now I'm dating her.

And now none of them want to be my best man.

And now they're working on a Saturday?

And now you also get to see an annoyed blonde

And now you show up with my favorite shape of food

And of course we would love to have you. Here.

And okay women.

And other events that people can't leave.

And our honeymoon would have coincided

And pack me a sack lunch.

And Penny has that, and (clicks tongue) it's me

And Peppa Pig, which is both funny and meaningful.

And percentage of blood.

And pick a fight with her at your wedding.

And planning the wedding,

And play on my phone.

And possibly the Geneva Convention.

And predictably, one of them fell off

And promising that Sheldon will never move back in here.

And put a ring on it.

And quantum mechanics.

And realize that she, too, can grow up

And reattached the gimbal controller unit.

And say something I will regret about your face, your height,

And say you gave Sheldon Cooper $70 million

And see how accurately we can predict the amplitude.

And send each other cards every year on our birthdays.

And set it quietly down in the backyard.

And she can do everything a mom can do and more.

And she gets to put up "Staff Picks."

And she had sex with you?

And she invited me out for a drink.

And she kissed me.

And she never complained about you once.

And she said it could still be another week or two.

And she said she was proud of me.

And she still doesn't.

And she was right. Well, was the store crowded?

And she's actually been really supportive about mine.

And she's doing great.

And she's just gonna have to accept it.

And she's the best.

And Sheldon's gonna go to the woods and get hunted for sport.

And shoved it right down this throat. Ugh.

And since you actually believe that,

And since you want to, you should stay home.

And since you're not...

And so I'll say it in Latin or Klingon

And some of those obstacles are gonna feel like boulders.

And some will perform those better than others.

And some yelling. Some suggestion

And somehow you manage to hold your head high

And sometimes, Iron Man is in a Captain America movie,

And somewhere there's a mime who's top in his field,

And sonar is based on bats.

And soon it's gonna burst its way out of me

And spelling is a sober person's game, so...

And spend the weekend with a crazy man you've never met?

And Stuart's working again, so I thought we could have

And sure, sometimes, the physics is hard,

And symmetrical facial features.

And take his clothes off...

And taking the credit for it.

And talk more science?

And tell them why. Because you're

And thank you for mocking me for all of these years!

And thank you for taking a walk with me

And thank you for taking a walk with me...

And thank you for taking a walk with me...

And thanks again.

And that her little plan didn't work.

And that is what separates the U.S. Postal Service

And that should've been me tonight.

And that was the largest space program in India.

And that we actually have multiple centers

And that will require funding.

And that would be...

And that's a little scary

And that's Barry Kripke. What?

And that's just stuff coming out of their nose.

And the checkout lady asked when I was due.

And the day before that.

And the dirty shadow puppet show

And the face and the hair.

And the first dance will be that we won't have one.

And the fungus is under the toenail.

And the horses' have little people.

And the last laugh.

And the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant,

And the letters are numbers. Oh.

And the movie Friends with Benefits,

And the next thing you know, you're featured in a book

And the next time we meet a woman

And the noise complaint we got

And the one time I drove on my own,

And the only way to do that is to introduce imperfection

And the sound of permits being denied.

And the story of how I met my wife

And the story of how I met my wife

And the subsequent birth of a child who will destroy humanity.

And the traces they would leave

And the worst part is, he's not even a scientist.

And then good news not quite double again.

And then a mailman'll probably show up

And then after dinner, we will have birthday coitus.

And then again tomorrow,

And then buy a tiger

And then call her pastor to pray for Missy's soul.

And then converting them into electrical impulses

And then design specialized tests for each.

And then double again.

And then find a bedroom to have coitus in.

And then five minutes later, Paul said the same thing,

And then fly away.

And then he passed it on to Paul Rudd.

And then his clothes will smell.

And then I had to catalog it

And then I met you.

And then I remembered I wasn't speaking to him,

And then I start apologizing for being nervous, and...

And then I was thinking about

And then I'll pick up some Chinese for dinner.

And then maybe we just go home.

And then Ruchi's gonna stop sleeping with me.

And then Sheldon's out and I didn't betray him.

And then the longer it went on, funnier it got.

And then the smoke detectors will detect it.

And then told Barry Kripke what is what.

And then wake up in the morning and do it some more.

And then when I go around

And then years afterward,

And then you were the saddest Darth Vader.

And then, when the lights come back on

And there's a lot of cheese there. Hmm.

And there's no one in that bounce house.

And there's nothing worse than being stuck

And therefore, has no standing to be president

And they actually took you seriously?

And they cast Wil Wheaton as Professor Proton.

And they gave it to me.

And they practically carried him around the room.

And they sounded angry.

And they want to talk about my work.

And they wanted to keep it that way,

And they were having fun.

And they were like, "Okay."

And they were like, "What?" and I was like, "You know,"

And they're known carriers of head lice? I get that.

And they're not allowed to park on our street anymore.

And think she made some awful mistake.

And third, it's not news, it's well established

And this could be good for his career.

And this is a good one.

And this is just the first box of many.

And this is our zombie makeup?

And this is the thanks I get.

And this year,

And this?

And Thor was in them.

And those feelings have only gotten stronger with time.

And thought maybe you could help me pick out an outfit?

And to anticipate your next questions,

And to make things worse, Stuart hired some woman.

And to save you

And today,

And together.

And told me to hold on to it.

And totally got one from me, no strings attached.

And trying to be respectful.

And turns into the Hulk, do you think he's covered,

And two times I had three doughnuts.

And Uncle Light Blue

And us getting one ring to rule them all.

And use protection.

And walk out as a married couple,

And watch cricket.

And we already have one.

And we can all hear your complaining,

And we find it, not by tunneling into the earth,

And we got to model rockets, yeah?

And we may not have chosen it...

And we screw him like he screwed us.

And we still asked you to get us a snack.

And we talked, and I think we're gonna give it another chance.

And we were still 400th in line.

And we weren't even there

And we'll call you when dinner's ready.

And we'll figure this all out.

And we're gonna turn it into a gym.

And we're stuck

And we're talking the Troy Aikman Cowboys,

And went down a sewer grate.

And what are the side effects?

And what has kept The Bachelor on TV for 21 magical seasons.

And what is he even using

And what is it?

And what kind of scientist uses " ish"?

And when he makes me mad,

And when they launched those, they said "T minus

And where Leonard got his PhD,

And whip up a family?

And who do you think that is?

And why are you reading Aquaman?

And why do you know that?

And why is my mom proud of Penny and not me?

And Wil Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me.

And with everything going on at the lab

And worse than that, Edison filmed the first on screen kiss,

And xenon has a bigger nucleus,

And yet, here we are.

And you break out the hot lights and the rubber hose.

And you burn easily.

And you can do whatever you want,

And you can feel that pleasure

And you can insult me some more.

And you can say that this doesn't mean anything,

And you can stay home with the Internet and have romance.

And you can't stop telling her how great she is.

And you couldn't handle it.

And you deserve what you got.

And you don't seem to care if you live or die.

And you got baby Flash.

And you have every right to be, okay?

And you have to figure out where they can sit without fighting.

And you haven't even said thank you.

And you just need to relax a little?