Family Guy - Season 3 Edit

A baby girl

A bad day to be a sperm.

A Bar Mitzvah! Perfect! How much for one of those?

A baum or stein or stin

A big, stupid, doo doo head!

A breaking story! A geek is on top of Town Hall! He's about to jump!

A Cambridge don.

A child's laughter

A degenerate, am I?

A drug problem? What's this really about? Jealousy? Am I stealin' your thunder?

A duet? Really? Let's see it

A family lost their lives when they swerved off the road

A fiddler on the roof. Sounds crazy, no?

A fish, a fish, a fishy o!

A half eaten meatball was clogging up the intake.

A jackal! Jackal! It's a jackal! It looks like a jackal! Jackal? It's a jackal! Jackal?

A little chicory perks up the taste of roasted coffee beans. It's a good thing.

A little spending money?

A man dressed in women's clothing

A man once portrayed on the big screen by Jeffrey Hunter.

A melan collie

A most remarkable young man whose friendship vould change my life forever

A mother knows when it's time for her babies to leave the nest

A new baby. That's wonderful. Call me when Kojak starts

A new challenger has entered the field

A new study confirms that no, they cannot

A paedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert

A peace offering, is it? Very well.

A phony lives here

A sleeve of balls, and this mobile ball cleaner

A speed limit sign that doesn't end in five or zero?

A teacher caught molesting children... with crackpot theories. Full story at 11

A tragic accident in the Providence area.

A trikey!

A week's paid vacation!

A word of advice

A..

A..

Aaaaagh!

Aaaagh!

Aaaargh!

Aaaargh!

Aaaargh!

Aaagh!

Aaagh!

Aaagh!

Aaagh!

Aaagh! Aaagh!

Aaagh! Aaagh! Oh, God! Aaagh! Aaagh!

Aaagh! Aaargh! Oh, God! Aaagh!

Aaaghhh!

Aaargh!

Aaargh!

Aaargh!

Aaargh! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Aagh!

Aagh!

Aagh!

Aagh! Aagh!

Aagh! I am a man eating tree

Aaghhh!

Aah!

Aah! Aah! You bastard!

Aargh!

Aargh! Dad! Help! Dad!

Abe, shut up!

About 3,000 miles that way. We're in the Middle East

About the seat, or about my ploughing your father's wife?

Absolutely. One of the worst days I've seen in years.

According to recent polls, air is good

Ace, that's what I want you boys to find out

Actually there is. I want reparations, just like Cleveland got

Actually, he wanted to ask you something

Actually, I kinda... I sorta have a headache, kinda.

Actually, I made it with Shake 'n Bake

Actually, I won't be a stand up comic. I'll be more like an amorphous blob comic

Actually, I... I was kind of looking forward to being a dad.

Actually, once you feng shui the organs, it's kind of cosy

Actually, our lunch is here

Actually, that guy was the only one who ever called me a fizzle

Add Mama to the Train, The Purple Head of Cairo and, uh...

Additional generic cop compliment, Brian.

Admirable. But foolish!

After 23 years of faithful service, I've been terminated!

After all, it's obvious we'd make quite a formidable team.

After coming to the States for her severely burned face

After Eddie Murphy said he was just giving the transvestite a ride home.

After today, only half the people who called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it

Again, I want to tell you how sorry I am about this. I don't know what came over me.

Against God's twisted designs. You'll cheer, you'll cry. You might get a cheap laugh

Agh, agh, agh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

Agh! Agh!

Agh! Agh! Oh, God! Agh!

Agh! Dammit! Look, I'm busy, all right?

Agh! How did these get up here?

Agh! No, damn you! Damn you, let me go! Agh!

Agh! Oh, my eyes! Could you please turn down that very bright light?

Agh! That's better

Agh! They're in Vegas gettin' a quickie Bar Mitzvah

Agh! What is this?

Agh! What the heck...?

Agh! What the hell is wrong with you?!

Ah

Ah, baby books. Nostalgic for the days of chafed nipples and episiotomies?

Ah, here it is

Ah, I see my colleague Tom Tucker is already on the scene

Ah, it'll be fine

Ah, it's so nice to be home

Ah, lunch is here!

Ah, screw this.

Ah, splendid. Fido McCoke Fiend is home

Ah, sweet! It's Kiss Saves Santa

Ah, thank God

Ah, the fat guy's struggling. Hit him, you stupid pigs! Hit him. Use the billy..

Ah, the sun's up. I'm safe for another night. Thanks, Meg

Ah, this is gonna be great

Ah, what the hell

Ah, yeah, that feels good.

Ah, yes, there you are!

Ah! Dostoevsky, the mad Russian.

Ah! Ow! What the...?

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Here they are.

Ah. Peter, it's OK. It's just Death.

Aha!

Aha! Hold my purse!

Aha! Liar. Tomorrow, my office, 9.30.

Aha! Meg's barrettes

Aha! So they do make bigger diapers!

Ahem

Ahem

Ahem. Peter, don't you have something to say to Mr Weed?

Ahh! Listen to that.

Ahh! No! Acid girl! It's acid girl! Ahh!

Ahhh...

Ahhhhh

Ahhhhh...!

Ahoy, Mr Pewterschmidt

Air supply

Airport, please.

Aisle three next to the creams. Oh, I don't like saying that word

Al, why haven't I leaped?

Alcohol doesn't really make you warmer. It constricts the blood vessels..

All he did was wish you a merry Christmas

All I've held you back from is failure

All in a day's work. If you ever need me,

All in favour of fining this evil tobacco giant $100 million dollars say "Aye"

All right

All right

All right

All right, all right. Brian, let's go for a walk

All right, Dad!

All right, Dad!

All right, hit me with this. Didn't work

All right, I know how to settle this. Whoever wants the money, raise your hand

All right, I'll kill your mother

All right, I'm gonna lower you in.

All right, I'm just going to put on a pair of gloves and we'll deliver this baby.

All right, just hold your breath and go

All right, Kringle! If the reward is plutonium, then your wager is accepted. I will be nice

All right, let's a wassail!

All right, let's see what we have here. The baby's crowning

All right, make like Siamese twins and split... and then one of you die.

All right, Meg, wait here. I'll be right back.

All right, Mike. The word again is "onomatopoeia".

All right, Samuel, when you lay her down, I want you to enter from..

All right, stand back, Lois.

All right, testing voice modulator

All right, that about does it.

All right, that's enough questions for Megan. Time to hand back last week's spelling tests.

All right, then give me one of them horoscope scrolls and some Skittles

All right, where's the wire? Show yourself, Claus!

All right!

All right!

All right!

All right!

All right! A bike! I'm outta here.

All right! Virtual reality!

All right. All right, that's it! I'm sick of both of you. Come on, Peter

All right. All right. I've got one. I've got one. OK.

All right. Clearly something very strange has happened here

All right. Hey, you're on KISS Forum.

All right. I guess I could fix us something when we..

All right. If anyone tries to lift the glass, the bell will ring

All right. If you want to live, come with me. And bring your guitar

All right. Let's do it!

All right. Let's see what we can pick up

All right. Take it easy, man. Everything's cool

All right. That's it. A little tie music.

All the clown fish and yellow tangs in the world can't help you now.

All the tellers go 'Whoopee!"'

All these months I should've been paying attention to what you've been saying.

All they got is this David Copperfield

All we gotta do is get you fixed up. Get your hair cut, give you a good, clean...

All you care about are your stupid ratings! You're a horrible man!

All? One gift was for charity. The rest were for the family

Alligator mounted me when I wasn't lookin'. Laid eggs in my lower intestine

Also trying to comprehend their obsession with the homosexuals from *NS YNC

Although I think Connie Chung might've been substituting for him that night

Amaze O the magician

Amen to that. You guys, here's one for you. Let's say none of us were married

Amen!

An idea so smart, my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about

And a copy of my coming of age teen comedy set in Wisconsin

And a few other equally amazing appendages

And after I said all Southerners have bad teeth

And after she does, I just can't read it

And all the pertinent data about your, um..

And always say somethin' funny before the commercial break

And as soon as the baby can crawl, it'll probably leave me too,

And begin life anew as Meil

And besides, my life is here with my family.

And besides, you're not exactly Father of the Year yourself.

And best of all, my own copy of Kiss Saves Santa

And blow through it in about 20 minutes

And bring that thing you use to make it go wah... wah wah wah wah wah

And check out the new toys we're making.

And coronae, which seem to be domes over large magma chambers. Here's five dollars

And do my taxes?

And don't you look at me!

And down here in small print it says "He's signing it, he's signing it, I can't believe it. "

And enough tranquilliser to bring down a bull elephant

And everyone will suffer the consequences!

And fast forward. You're an old man now. You're on your deathbed.

And for the future, you came on a little strong

And for what? Martha Stewart?

And for you naysayers, I have two strong words for you..

And from that moment on, I knew someday I wanted to be a knight like him

And Ghost Dad was the best movie I've seen since Leonard Part 6

And give me the ID so I can get inside!

And half the weight! Ooh..

And he beat me up at school the next day! It's all here in this pamphlet

And he had a big, stupid, doo doo head

And he hurt so bad that he had to apply it in the car with his sock

And he was devoured by Daggermouth, the man eating bluefish

And he's going to incredible lengths to ignore me

And help those bastards see what fun loving people

And his great grandpa was Thomas Griffin, a great philosopher

And his mom yelled at him when he got home

And how long has this been going on?!

And how!

And I assume "Rice Krispie treats" is black slang for money, so here's $10,000.

And I caught the ghost with my lasso

And I don't like you hanging around my girl.

And I figured I'd stop by and say hi

And I find it grows truer and truer as time goes by

And I had named him and given him a back story

And I have never been more turned on in my life

And I just want to say... I'm glad you married my daughter

And I learned something today.

And I love you, Lou Gossett Junior

And I need a little help, OK?

And I need someone to make me look good

And I needs to be mackin' style

And I only saw Heartbreakers on a plane!

And I sure as shoot don't want your kid hangin' round with my kid

And I think of all of the joy and wonder that Christmas promises

And I was there when Tootie got those terribly painful braces. Oh, yes

And I was tired, and I'd been swimming in a pool with too much chlorine,

And I will not rest until I find her killer, or killers

And I'll give anything to be with them. Anything.

And I'll use my razor sharp talons to rip your eyes out! Cookies are done.

And I'm all "I'm a flag girl now, I won't forget my lunch",

And I'm ashamed of myself that I let Peter's jealousy prevent me

And I'm not the only one who thinks so, doesn't mean I want you to kill yourself.

And I'm taken with her. I mean, look at her. Huh? Show us front and back there, Lois

And I've already had four eggnogs, so I guess you're it.

And if I have any advice to give you, it is this: Grow a beard

And if I were in your Bruno Maglis, I wouldn't stand for it

And if there's time, be ready with a... "Wah, wah, wah, wah.

And if you don't pay them within 48 hours, they get the house, too

And if you think I'm mad now, you gotta answer to them Civil War survivors

And if you're not, he's gonna come down and bust your freakin' skull. Amen.

And in entertainment, Mary Tyler Moore is 64 years old today

And in the city, glasses are considered really sexy.

And in the comedy competition, Stewie Griffin receives three and a half stars

And in the meantime here's a vision test

And into a ravine, exploding on impact

And introduce her to that mulatto boy who looks a lot like..

And Istanbul is in this general area, then who the hell is that?

And it comes through absolutely.

And it weren't no accident! His name was Salty

And it's my party, so I want Doug to go in the closet with... Meg

And it's Odai Mutambo of Kenya!

And it's really hard for me to talk about my feelings, but..

And John Williams

And last but not least, who could forget the fat guy?

And let's see how they stack up side by side

And letting those boys take pictures of you sleeping.

And look at Lisa in all of her curvaceous glory

And look at you two Quasimodo and Lumpy

And look who I had for dessert. Asexual former mayor Ed Koch

And look! Look! I left the toilet just as it was the night we went to the prom

And look. It says we have our choice of cabins port or starboard

And maybe with a condor! Yeah, then you'd have flying puppies

And my friend Lonny that knucklehead.

And my glasses were at LensCrafters, but I seen that fish!

And my grandma boy, was she somethin' else.

And my incarceration in this hellhole entirely on your awful mother.

And Nigel has a very sweet little daughter

And no one could hit you below the belt cos girls don't have anything down there

And now back to the movie of the week

And now I'm gonna give you $50,000 to be on your way.

And now it appears there's a woman chasing the dogs

And now the actual boat itself

And now we turn our attention to the lighting of the flame

And now, back to "Daggermouth and Boom Boom" on Nickelodeon

And now, here's something we hope you'll really like

And now, the last man to see Jonathan Weed alive has offered to say a few words

And on this day, the Sabbath, we gather here to..

And one of them muttered something anti Semitic.

And out

And people's parents will throw faecal matter down on them from the rooftops

And produce your own on air report

And quick out in front, Silver Dasher, followed by My Nose!

And red like the sauce on my mamma mia's gugotz

And regret humiliating him at his sister's wedding by calling him your other daughter

And remove her inflamed appendix before it bursts, causing sepsis.

And sent her off to the poop. "

And she's all "Don't forget your halftime routine

And should never be allowed to see his children?

And showed me lewd pictures.

And slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin

And so far, no. Nothing has.

And so on behalf of the El Dorado Cigarette Company,

And so we unselfishly think of others,

And so, because of his rough and tumble style of command,

And solo from the pet rock

And Soon Yi's retainer fell out of my pants

And strike back at the humans in the overworld.

And that miracle that occurred on that silent winter's night

And that one's mad for jazz. Watch this

And that'll be our lives, hm?

And that's when Clarence Thomas forced me into his chambers

And the award goes to... Brian Griffin

And the flight was delayed, so the headphones were free!

And the gum disease known as gingivitis

And the Incredible Hulk Put Together

And the kegs. And I'm not sure, but I think I've been shot

And the next day it's a damn oil spot on your cracked driveway

And the other children, they were very nasty to me.

And the resulting lawsuit bought us this house. You're my favourite mistake.

And the white guys are just as lazy but they're mad at the black guys for being lazy?

And then again when I was 30. And you? The same?

And then it's off to the pageant to see little Stewie play Baby Jesus

And then the cow came out of the barn. See? Look, there's the cow

And then when he's weary, emasculate him with your incessant nagging

And there's gonna be wind

And these games are under way.

And they pray for death, but death won't come.

And they would beat me and stick pine cones in my ass

And they're both "Sssmokin'!"

And this diamond tiara. And this wonderful sceptre

And this is his trophy wench, Maid Madeleine

And this is my deputy, McMillan and Wife.

And this is the perfect time for you to pursue that dream

And those barrettes were for my daughter, and..

And three.

And tickets to Bring In 'Da Noise, Bring In 'Da Funk

And we'd owe somebody a lot of money

And what a sweet ass

And what are you doing here, Griffin? I told you never to come here again!

And what does a cow say?

And what happened with the pyramid? I almost broke my neck!

And what you've done is a textbook example of insurance..

And what's with the razor blade slot in the bathroom? Do people really shave in there?

And when Arnold Jackson got beat up by the Gooch, I was there

And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to SeaWorld.

And when you went to that concert?

And where's that bloody knife?

And while you're at it, you can all ride a one horse open sleigh to hell!

And you got it all over your father's favourite shirt. Go to your room.

And you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside

And you take an antibiotic, it makes it not work?

And you, a glass of starboard. That's a nautical joke

And your funny talking dog... well, I'm impressed

And your small difficult words

And, barring a massive infection, a new lease on life

And, Danielle, your father had very bad haemorrhoids that stung him unmerciful

And, uh... um..

And, um... skills and..

And... he told me "You don't have to understand it. Your character does. "

And... scene. OK, any comments?

And... three!

Another baby? But I'm the baby

Another mai tai. Thanks

Anus

Any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me

Anyhoo, the perennial dictum is to spread goodwill towards all men.

Anyone seen my foot?

Anyone who opposes our demands will be destroyed!

Anyone with information regarding this suspect should contact police immediately

Anything can be expressed in binary,

Anyway, before he died, Mr Weed promoted me to head of toy development

Anyway, you're dead!

Aoow!

Apparently, you're a 12 year old prepubescent girl

Archaeological evidence shows Ireland was very different before the discovery of alcohol

Are all the other men out of the shower yet?

Are we all ready to cheer at the game tonight?

Are we talking a slope or full blown fried eggs hanging on a nail?

Are ya smoking yet?

Are you a student interested in the glamorous world of unpaid internships?

Are you ever gonna forgive me?

Are you gonna listen to me so I can tell you that I respect you?

Are you gonna listen to me?

Are you happy with your long distance service?

Are you kidding? I learned from the best

Are you serious? Is she serious?

Are you sure? I I think I did. All right, well, just to be safe..

Are you telling me I just sang Ladysmith Black Mambazo for nothing?

Are you trying out for flag girl?

Are you trying to seduce me?

Are you up for bids, too? You are just precious

Aren't you precious!

Aren't you supposed to be asking me a question?

Argh!

Argh! Argh!

Argh! Argh! Argh!

Argh! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Argh! Ow!

Argh! Ow! Argh! Ow!

Argh! You idiots! I had them! Cindi was right. We need a lot more work

As Beowulf havin' sex with Robert Fulton at the first battle of Antietam.

As God is my witness, from this day forward, Peter and Lois shall not conceive.

As long as it takes. He's a very important man now.

As long as we're all the same religion

As president of the Quahog Chamber of Commerce,

As was your fate, Mr Fly, so is the fate of every sperm in Peter's body

As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year

As we demonstrate in this scene from The Miracle Worker

As you can tell from my husband, I've got a thing for saggy, shapeless men

As you know, we of the Christian faith believe that Jesus is not really dead,

Aside from the truck part, this was the best day of my life.

Assured that our good behaviour will be rewarded with love... and plutonium

At a rate of five miles per hour. What time will Louie arrive?

At first I wanted you to fail. But then I realised you'd be out five days a week,

At her party I shall pass that guttersnipe off as a lady

At her peak, Pearl Burton earned 26 grand a year,

At this moment we're approaching the suspect's house

Attagirl! Shake your moneymaker!

Attention, everyone.

Aw, Chris. In a few minutes you'll become a smart, successful ******* man

Aw, come on, Lois. Just one more song.

Aw, man!

Aw, zip it, egghead. You with your big words and your...

Aw!

Aw! Look at the little baby!

B ball. That's what we called it.

Ba zing

Bababooie! Bababooie! Howard Stern's penis! Bababooie!

Babs, it's time we went to bed. Things'll look better tomorrow

Baby needs to suck ash! Baby needs to suck ash!

Baby Smokes A Lot?

Back to this breaking news

Bad rock! Bad!

Bah! He and his ukulele shall go wanting

Bam!

Barbie has a Dream Car, but you don't see eight year old kids driving. They're fun toys.

Based on what you've seen with your wife, what can we expect in terms of droopage?

Be my angel and set me free

Be right there. I have to put on my face

Beautiful to look at, but mess with one of my chicks

Beautiful. Again. Left kick..

Because a man in a pirate suit stabbed me in the ear when I was five,

Because he doesn't know enough about his own

Because he hit on my baby's mama? I should be there, not here!

Because I have faith in him, the way I have faith in you

Because I like him. He remembers my name

Because I'm protected by my impenetrable cereal box fort

Because it was Tuesday and I was on my way to see Maury

Because it's our anniversary and the getting's good.

Because no one told me. I thought you should know.

Because the Black Knight is a big jerk, just like that guy who fixed our vacuum

Because they're exotic and flavourful and very, very special

Because you have no self respect, and that gets you off, doesn't it?

Before those idiots from New York show up to watch the leaves change and take over

Before you go on a cruise, you gotta build up a base tan

Before you sit, we're due at Joe and Bonnie's for eggnog.

Before you tee off, here are your complimentary monogrammed bag towels,

Besides its beautiful historic architecture,

Besides, a person's religion is no guarantee of success

Besides, there'll be plenty of time for that on the ride back.

Besides, there's no need to kill 'em. Most of them are already dead inside

Better put in for some new interns

Bike ri... jump ro... go lay on the grass?

Bill's going to bring his Stretch Armstrong.

Binary code is a computer language in which words are translated into zeroes and ones

Bite me!

Blasphemy!

Blast! What is that name again? Bo... Bo..

Blast! Who the devil do the teenagers like? Morgan Freeman

Bloody 'ell! I've gone and wet meself

Bloody hell

Bloody hell! My lunch was in that hat! Egg and chips with jam butties

Blythe Danner still loves Gwyneth Paltrow. Oops! Score one for me

Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. Bob Dole.

Bob Dole's a friend of the tobacco industry. Bob Dole likes your style

Bob, there's nothing you can do.

Bobby Darin, tomorrow.

Bobby! Loved you in Raging Bull

Bonnie making chicken Marsala?

Boom Boom, did you do your exercises today?

Boom lacka lacka lacka lacka. Boom lacka lacka lacka lacka. Boom

Boy, that was lucky about the car

Boys, please. It's Christmas Eve

Bravo, Eliza!

Bravo, Lois. The last horse finally crosses the finish line.

Break it up! Break it up!

Brian should be allowed to see his puppies!

Brian, come here and meet Sea Breeze, my prize winning dog.

Brian, don't let him get to you

Brian, how about a little tie music?

Brian, I feel guilty. If not for me, you wouldn't have been exposed to that junk.

Brian, I know I don't speak up much,

Brian, I know this is a bad time for you

Brian, I've missed so much! I wouldn't be standing here right now if it wasn't for you!

Brian, it's moments like this that make me sad you're gonna die 50 years before I do

Brian, looks like somebody's checking you out

Brian, please eat something

Brian, quit it. You're embarrassing me

Brian, tape this for me.

Brian, this is a Sunday school class

Brian, wait!

Brian, what happened with your date?

Brian, would you please ask your new friend to leave now?

Brian, you know I can't do that. I haven't left this house in such a long time

Brian, you're drunk. You're drunk

Brian, you're quiet. Is community service not going well?

Brian!

Brian! I'm back. Tell me everything. I'm sitting, I'm hearing.

Brian.

Brian. Right on time. I like that. Come in.

Brian's choking! Do the Heimlich manoeuvre, quick!

Brian's depressed. Could you take him with you to the laser rock show tonight?

Brian's gone to Los Angeles to find himself

Brothers and sisters fightin' is as natural as a white man's dialogue in a Spike Lee movie

Brought down by a cruel twist of fate.

Built a sophisticated talking fish robot.

But at that time, I was ready to believe anything

But does anyone take responsibility and make it happen? No!

But El Dorado Cigarettes coated the inside of the house with a microfilm of Teflon,

But first I want you to testify against that horny mutt of yours

But first, decathlon frontrunner Joe Swanson will attempt the long jump.

But for you the sky's the limit

But from now on we're not gonna have any more anger in this house, OK?

But here in our little village of Anatevka, you might say each one of us...

But his roll of fat sucked up Ryan's shoe

But Huey Lewis needs time to create. We have to be patient

But I can never bring myself to throw a button away

But I can see you already bought out the store

But I can't eat it because then I'll get fat.

But I don't know if I can face him again

But I feel lower than a bow legged caterpillar

But I gotta tell you, it's not that bad.

But I gotta warn you, I've made some enemies on the Hill.

But I gotta warn you, I've made some enemies on the Hill.

But I guess that's why I'm not workin' out here in Hollywood, huh?

But I hear you people have such lovely services.

But I heard that if you use tanning beds, you could get something called melanoma

But I hope the cake's better than the last party I went to

But I I can't be black

But I think you need to find yourself a new director

But I... I seem to be so charmingly befuddled

But I... I wanted to tell you something

But I'd like to try it on a human

But I'll tell you what didn't kill her... Smoking.

But I'll tell you what's not funny. Killing strippers. Strippers are people, too

But I'm being serious here. We were all set to come see you joust today

But I'm not above eating grass clippings and regurgitating them on the rug by the door

But I'm sorry, I can't eat this

But I'm sure if you make a fuss, they'll give you a store credit or something

But if I told you, Lois'd beat the crap out of me

But it still sucked worse than ever

But it takes two weeks for delivery.

But it was wasted. Wasted on all of you!

But it's all right. It's Sloppy Joe day.

But it's so good!

But keep talking. All this stuff about eye gouging has gotten me all frisky

But lately I've just been having these urges.

But Lincoln gave me the wrong Gettysburg Address

But Louie Anderson's eating the decorative soaps in the bathroom. Why not try him?

But most people who call me that don't get away with it

But my crew gave me the 411 on that skank and she's all about the bling bling

But not quite up to the task of seducing green women.

But now I have you back

But play softly, for Pengrove Pig wishes to read aloud

But promise me you won't eat any of them

But seriously, you can trust me

But she has a penis. We'll have to do something about that.

But that he must let the world think he is dead

But that's all right because we're in England!

But that's the good news. We're back together. She's here

But the only thing I'm missing is my family

But the real story was inside the mouths of Meg Griffin and Neil Goldman,

But then it dawned on me. Your cruelty merely stems from a deep seated inner pain.

But this is where I always keep the gloves. Maybe if I dig deeper.

But too late. Oh, and by the way, when the lightning hit you, you soiled yourself. Enjoy

But wait a minute. I thought guns were bad

But we need to get our anger under control before we kill each other

But where are its verdant fields, rosy rumped maidens and bucktoothed solicitors?

But where are those good old fashioned values

But why do we have to cancel our cruise just cos the dog's a cokehead?

But you alleged experts obviously didn't notice

But you and your friends can find somewhere else to act like idiots.

But you could cut a roast on her face

But you handled that bear like a real man. I'm proud of you, son.

But you know that criminal who's after your son? He might know where you guys are

But you owe me. Later, under the mistletoe. Open mouth, no matter how drunk I am.

But you're all thirsty. I'll bore you another time

But you've sat there for two weeks

But your young friend would be perfect for our rising star programme

But, hey, I guess anything's better than looking at your smelly face!

But, Mom, I've got to use the bathroom now!

But, Mom, what's Dad gonna do for a job?

But, Mrs Claus, who would kidnap Santa?

But, uh, would I do it all again?

But, um...

But, unfortunately, not for another nine weeks. She's pregnant

But... but I was driving. I...

But... but... but I was also there for the bad times

But... that's not true

Butter's in the fridge!

Butterfingers!

By fining the El Dorado Cigarette Company infinity billion dollars!

By George, she's got it! By George, she's got it!

By the third season I was completely wasted all the time

By the way, Horowicz, you should show Joe your impression of him

By the way, I'm not so bad to look at either

Caller ID says you're calling from the kitchen

Calm down, Chris. It's only a trick

Calm down. Everything will be fine

Camels for sale! This one owned by a little old man

Can any of us be good? Are our primal urges innate or the result of our choices?

Can I buy some pot from you?

Can I change my answer..

Can someone fluff Paul? He's got a windsock thing goin' on.

Can they really say "bang my girlfriend" on TV?

Can we listen to the claims adjuster again?

Can we turn off the cameras, dude?

Can you believe it? Lois thinks I'm bad with money

Can you believe it? Our little Stewie learning to ride his first tricycle.

Can't get out that way

Can't we all just run around in a disorganised fashion?

Can't we eat? I'm so hungry, I could ride a horse.

Can't we skip it? I mean, if Chris could study he wouldn't need to become *******, right?

Captain Kirk is clearly superior to Jean Luc Picard

Careful. We don't want it to get too excited and go off in your hand

Carol, how did Nick answer the following:

Carol, say "David Banner, I just slashed your tyres

Carol, since Ted dumped you, can I have his shirts?

Carol, we'll get you through this

Carol... She the one with the Jacuzzi and the pool table?

Carrot Top, uh... Sean Hayes... Oh, you get the picture.

Carter, did you tell your son in law he's not supposed to swallow the wine?

Catching up. OK, me first. I'm in love. Ooh, too much dressing

Caused by the Griffin family of Quahog, who seem to have acquired superpowers

Challenger Sinbad receives..

Change me! I've leaked, and I won't face him wet!

Check, please

Cheer up. Be proud. You've given birth to the future emperor of the world.

Cheese and crackers! Now Lois'll know everything!

Chef Paul Prudhomme, you get your Cajun ass up here!

Chef?

Children washing cars to raise money for charity

Chris messed it up by writing his school schedule and a list of his fears on the back

Chris starts with all this "Yo, yo, yo" stuff, and I don't know what he's talkin' about

Chris, don't forget to mist under his chins.

Chris, duck

Chris, I'm watching the game. You know what to do.

Chris, nothing bad ever happens when you're asleep. Sometimes good things can happen

Chris, shut the hose off for a second. I have an announcement.

Chris, we've been over this a thousand times. It's pronounced "Griffin"

Chris!

Chris!

Christ, quit it! Mom, Chris put his foot on my side again

Chucky had the biggest hump of all the local camels, and was picked on for it

Cigarettes killed my father and ****d my mother!

Cindi is definitely the alpha of the group

Cindi, I'd feel worse about this if you didn't spell your name with that insufferable i.

Citizens of Quahog, we have a problem!

Citizens, I'm off to the toxic waste dump!

Clarence, I wanna live again! I wanna live again!

Class, we have a new student joinin' us

Clearly you've let yourselves become drunk with power

Cleveland, you got a minute? I really need to talk to you

Columbus discovered America entirely by mistake

Columbus took it to find a route to India

Columbus was going to America

Come here a second. This is gonna be hilarious.

Come here, kids. Give Grandma and Grandpa a kiss good night

Come here, you home wrecking bastard!

Come in

Come on in.

Come on, baby girl. Let's go to the park.

Come on, buddy

Come on, Chris. We'll have to go to plan B

Come on, come on. Get back in your big, fat body

Come on, get up. It's opening day for the Sox.

Come on, honey. It's the only thing I've asked you to do

Come on, Joe. Cheer up. What do you say you and me go roller ska..

Come on, Joe. You don't have to quit the force

Come on, kids. We gotta put a stop to this. Now!

Come on, ladies

Come on, Lois

Come on, Mordecai, let's get her

Come on, Peter. I wanna save some tape for the Hollywood sign.

Come on, Peter. You're almost there

Come on, Simon. We don't need that Bebe No worth

Come on, that's classic travelling music. Try to enjoy it.

Come on! Come on!

Come on. Hot, hot. There it is. You got it.

Come on. You... You have a great job

Come one, come all. She floats like a butterfly and stings like when I pee

Come out for all five shows of what we're calling KISS Stock!

Come talk to me sometime, sweetheart. I know what it takes to be cool

Comedian Eddie Griffin, get up here!

Coming to ABC, the simple story of a man and his chair:

Commercial! I'm getting some graham crackers

Commitment!

Completely. We totally reamed her. Did you see that look in her eyes? She hates you

Computer on

Congratulations. Stewie's gonna be on the show.

Congratulations. You got the job.

Congratulations. You've bought yourself a cursed boat.

Congratulations. You've passed the fourth grade

Congress passes these things for a reason!

Connie Demico even invited me to her sweet 16

Connie Demico's house is two storeys. If we set up booby traps here, here..

Consecrated before God Almighty

Consider yourselves lucky I'm not after your gully holes.

Constable, I'd like to report the theft of my tricycle

Constant surveillance of every child on Earth? Impossible!

Coo coo!

Coochie, coochie, coochie coo!

Cook anyway and we'll throw it out. I don't want you to get rusty

Cool it. I am not gonna put up with this racket for two weeks

Cool!

Cool! And I'll be Mambuto O'Malley

Cool! I get to be black and Irish

Cool! That's imitatable.

Cool. Well, that's our show for tonight. Stay tuned for Battlestar Galactica Forum