The Office - Season 1 Edit

A big surprise. Ok?

A bit of a... Oh, God, a bit of a mad morning.

A check for the kids, and for the teen.

A donate to the charity.

A first job in the country, barely spoke English,

A gay man's not going to put me off, I can handle myself

A good week end going there?

A group of people who work together.

A grown man but he said that's or its innovative you know the futon into bed and close all

A healthcare plan for our office,

A hero is born out of a child with trauma, or out of a disaster,

A hero is part human, part supernatural,

A hero kills people. People that wish him harm.

A little word that I think's important in management called morale.

A midget is still a dwarf, but their arms and legs are in proportion.

A profit.

A reason for everybody to get together.

A ride home like a taxicab all copyright Hong might be a ride home and coffee

A soldier

A special filing cabinet for things from corporate.

A spider is an arachnid. Not an insect. Yeah?

A spider is not an insect officially. Thank you.

A spy from the warehouse, trying to figure out our players eh man?

A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina.

A very nice United for death do I have a special someone %HESITATION will yeah of course bunch

A weasel, probably.

About 3 years, and we were supposed to get married in September,

About an hour. You're already here.

About protecting the sales staff and they said they couldn't guarantee it

About quantity and type of paper,

About that. But I'm going to have to slow down.

About the picture of David with the two blokes jizzing on him.

Abraham Lincoln once said that if you're a racist

Abraham Lincoln, definitely,

Actually better this way no it's not because I could just click on the icon and then I'm on to Michael can I ask you some I

Actually I prefer not to start that way.

Actually not Morecambe and Wise, because there's no straight man,

Actually that would be a good salary for me don't you think? Six million dollars?

Actually we don't have any staff birthdays coming up.

Actually you call me in here, but yeah.

Actually, people are really unhappy

Addict up double of the box why it's like a slang for Starbucks they're all over the place %HESITATION man that

African Americans!

After investigation,

Against letting gay men into the army.

Ah this is our receptionist Pam.

Ah.

Ai1 I can't. You do it.

Aka, for you.

Alan and I have created an incentive program me Hey how is our tell Alan that the Mets suck okay

Alan and the board have decided

All convalescences into...

All for that. All for that in the workplace.

All hot okay great off the hook excellent okay call alright have fun don't drink and drive take

All I know is I can type in...

All I will say is what I said at the time. Ok?

All it is is he was a member of a secret political party,

All it is...

All of the stress and responsibility of my job here just melts away.

All right

All right done deal, thank you very much sir,

All right everybody pretty, come on, here we go, it's time. Let's do some good.

All right everybody stretch out a little bit. Stretch, stretch it, full stretch.

All right fine, you know what?

All right guys, come on! Let's bring it in. Here we go.

All right Jim your quarterlies look very good.

All right let's go.

All right, all right, secret sign.

All right, here's the deal you guys

All right, I have some news for you. There is a big surprise.

All right, lads? What are you watching?

All right, lads? What are you watching?

All right, managing by walking around!

All right, Sheila?

All right, take care.

All right, there might chatting, and giggling,

All right, was it anything you wanted to add to the agenda?

All right, well let me show you how it's done.

All right, who did this?

All right, yes

All right?

All right?

All right?

All right?

All right?

All right?

All right? Don't rake up old graves.

All right? Enjoying the party?

All right? Especially for a soldier.

All right? One word, two syllables demarcation. All right?

All right? So, if you're ready.

All right. Cool! Very good.

All right. Now watch where I place this mug...

All right. Once you get down into the mine,

All right. See you then.

All right. That time it was correct.

All right. You tell them with my permission.

All that sort of stuff, yeah. Just like take control of the body.

All you need are Honesty, Empathy, Respect and Open mindedness.

Allright? starting off with your workstation.

Although I understand if they're absolutely necessary, as a businessman..

Although if I win it, I probably have got to take it back, or give it to charity or something,

Although you can all use her Oh, as the actress said to the bishop.

Always start with a joke.

Am I a good buddies I'm sort of Pam's go to guy for her problem you know stuff like work or I her fiance Roy or

Am I gonna tell them? No I'm not going to tell them, I don't see the point of that.

Am I making you nervous?

Am I?

American way %HESITATION magazine that's the in flight magazine some great articles and that they did this rate profile

An elf is a supernatural being.

An immature little tosser.

An office.

And

And a boss second.

And a boss second. Probably an entertainer third.

And a...

And an office can't function that way.

And anyway, I don't do sloppy seconds.

And Asia.

And basketball is like Jazz, you know you kind of...

And because you're getting old.

And bend your knees.

And black people are actually more racists,

And busy busy busy, can't step away, I just wanted to check in and

And by gay I mean, you know, not in a homosexual way at all,

And do not fuck with the big boys.

And do you always imagine doing it face to face with a bloke

And don't call my second in command, an arse faced weasel.

And don't... you know I like a laugh, Tim.

And every lunchtime!

And everybody finds it hilarious, and ground breaking,

And everyone put Vulcan, which is incorrect.

And find these people a plan that will work for them. Ok?

And Gareth went, "Oh, look just everyone gets one point,"

And go by the beat of a different drummer and nobody gets me and they're always put up walls animals turn him down just breaking down barriers

And go, "oh, hold on, what's going on here?

And he goes, "tag along if you want,

And he has started making redundancies, David.

And he wants to take the wave runners to the lake this Saturday, so...

And head down there, get to the hotel, the room is count.

And her dad's not only a copper, but he's a bloody big bugger, isn't he,

And here we have "Miter' Roger's neighborhood".

And here's one right. Witnesses that I started this one, right.

And I can't tolerate that. I'm going to have to pass on...

And I go into the exact same routine, same comedy timing,

And I had to go up to the room with him, and go, "Look, Dad, there's no Japanese sniper."

And I just think all those people really helped the world, in so many ways,

And I just want to take this opportunity to put the record straight.

And I knew all this stuff already so...

And I know nobody's going to want to do it, everybody's going to complain and bitch and,

And I play basketball every week end,

And I spend...

And i thought "ah he's using one of my catchphrases"

And I want you to look them over and sign them, as a kind of a group pledge.

And I want you to treat other people like the race

And I was thinking that

And I was wondering if maybe you would like to.

And I went, "i'll see if i can stand it." I was worse than them by the end!

And I wouldn't wish that on Joshua's men,

And I'd just like to say...

And I'm boring myself talking about it.

And I'm doing my own stapling.

And I'm going, ''No. Over my dead body.''

And I'm having a unbelievably busy day.

And I'm not homophobic.

And I'm seeing the flies and the starvation

And if he succeeds, then, you know,

And if I need the meeting room for a meeting, it's the meeting room again, so..

And if it were in my hands,my hands are tied. It's nothing personal, It's just based on factors that...

And if they've let me in charge of that one big pie,

And is therefore trying to get us kicked out.

And it could be worse. There's a neighbour of mine, Kelvin...

And it would also help me if you were seated.

And it's come down to the calculator.

And it's irresponsible to the rest of your unit as well, all right?

And it's probably more advanced than you're used to.

And it's up to either you or him

And it's up to either you or him to convince me that your branch can incorporate the other

And Jan is thinking about downsizing either the Stanford branch or this branch.

And Jennifer is talking of either

And just, ok, thanks, thanks for your help,

And listen, ok? Stop taking advantage of my good nature.

And my only problem with that is venereal disease,

And New York New York,

And not because I'm in it,

And not just another arbitrary job.

And now's the time to stop putting Gareth's possessions in jelly, all right?

And on the back it says: 100% post customer contempt.

And people file a complaint to corporate?

And probably God be the fourth one.

And professionalism is...

And put some bright side in his hair.

And says, "thank you, David, for the opportunity and continued support

And she if she is the boss

And she is black, and she probably... she's married. It's not even low.

And she seems to think the reason you didn't take the job was not because you didn't want it,

And some of you will lose your jobs.

And someone is going to come in and talk to us about diversity,

And spy on our other branch, no no no, but before he does so,

And take over the holiday and weekend work calendar.

And that is that we are...

And that is what I want, ok? That's all.

And that one call ends up being 25% of my commission, for the whole year.

And that there certainly wont be any redundancies so..

And that was three years ago.

And that...

And that's Crufts.

And that's not me being mean Dwight,

And that's something we've all got to look forward to. So,

And that's something we've all got to look forward to. So,

And that's why when I see... rubbish.

And that's, I think, what influenced her

And the answer was going to be Dostoyevsky.

And the best thing about it is that

And the birthday person is: Drum roll please....

And the board thought that either you or Neil should take over the role.

And the culprit, whoever it is, is in this room.

And the good news is I don't need to give you any severance pay

And the only reason why I made copies for everyone was that you wouldnít be embarrassed.

And the only thing that makes that crazy ride worthwhile is

And then explain it

And then head office said... yeah.

And then, they drip down the back of my throat.

And then...

And they made him a knight of the realm.

And they moved to the united states a year before I was born,

And they probably did oral.

And they put him in a Siberian labour camp for four years,

And they're all worried about their jobs,

And they're going, ''Don't put your neck on the line for us.'' And I'm going ''I will if I want to.''

And they've all entered your hole without you knowing.

And this year, I'm pushing recycle paper on them, for one percent more.

And this...

And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

And Tim.

And Toby is in human resources... and they're talking?

And today we're going to find out what those dangers are together.

And type of copier paper.

And uh.. Gareth's a culture vulture,

And uh.. That comes out.

And uh.. well then you'll probably go out and get a part time cleaning job or something.

And until that time, there will be no healthcare coverage for anyone.

And very nice to meet you.

And wake up in another five years time and say, "shit! Done it again."

And what I want you to do is shout out and shout, mind ''safe'' or ''dangerous.''

And whether they can pay for it.

And whether we can supply it with them,

And which I hate, and it is a waste of that kind of food.

And while she's under my roof, she will obey my laws. So...

And yeah, I'm looking forward to play.

And yeah, Jim, now is the time to stop pulling Dwight's personal effects into jello.

And you ain't gonna be messing with my children.

And you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win.

And you can't muck about there thats one of the rules.

And you cannot screw around there.

And you could do a man from behind?

And you do prefer it to the money?

And you don't.

And you got to just pretend to ignore it, wipe it away.

And you have made my life so much easier,

And you know something a little... just useful for a change, just this once.

And you're going to love me as well, not because of what I am, not anything sexual...

And you're lying there, they've caught you with your trousers down,

And you've made my life easier

And you've pitched your tent...

And your branch will be downsized and incorporated into his?

And, I'm sinking a few, you know swish swish swish,

And.. I think he put all his memoirs in that.

And... here it is, here we go...

Anderton.

Anton's a lovely bloke don't get me wrong

Any fluids. Right? Good.

Any messages?

Anytime Michael asks me to do anything I just tell me that Dwight should do it.

Anyway whatever happens it ain't going to be a flashy wedding.

Anyway, he is a vegetable now.

Anyway...

Apart from all the sex, but we'll do it at your place next time so you don't have to worry.

Arcady click click here if you are %HESITATION you like the new and improved Pam Pam six point out okay

Are we ready for the game?

Are you

Are you a team again?

Are you coming, jobless?

Are you going to apologise to Tim?

Are you going to apologise to Tim?

Are you going to engelate <?the cup brains?> on Sunday?

Are you going to the party?

Are you keeping Anton on because he's disabled?

Are you really in charge of picking an healthcare plan?

Are you saying you cheated science and faked high blood pressure

Are you sure about that?

Arista this is the mac Daddy of espresso well yeah well in the office well I know what you think is your

As a doctor you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.

As a joke, yeah.

As a woman with two men doing that all over me.

As cool well she might know great okay okay go ahead back I think in order to be a ladies man it's

As you are aware, there are going to be redundancies.

As you know, taking that job will mean a lot of you will lose your jobs,

As you know, there is going to be downsizing

As you went into the loo, there was a sign that said ''Mind Your Head.''.

Ask around. Find out who did the picture, yes.

Assistant to the Regional Manager.

Assistant to the regional manager.

Assistant to the regional manager. Gareth's my right hand man.

Assistant to the regional manager. They're gone.

Assuring them there would be not cutbacks in this branch

At diversity today our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations,

At diversity today we believe it's very easy to be a hero.

At last. So...

At that moment I was just so happy.

Atlantic City. Ok?

Attention on Dundler Mifflin employees, please we have a meeting in the conference room ASAP

Aw man, am I a woman?

Aw! Ok, foul, charging,

Away from home. I know boys will be boys.

Awesome.

Back off!

Back to work.

Bandied around this office willy nilly.

Based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with,

Basically, there are two types of black people.

Basically, there's a correct way and an incorrect way to lift stuff, all right?

Basketball, was kind of my thing, in high school,

Be like that at a party! Taht's be fun!

Be quiet.

Because "eeeh hee! Ah! Ch'mon!"

Because a company runs on efficiency of communication, right?

Because a company runs on efficiency of communication.

Because corporate wants somebody to be here on Saturday,

Because downsizing is a bitch,

Because Gareth was quizmaster then and the question was,

Because he put me in charge of picking a healthcare plan.

Because I met him."

Because I'm also competitive, you should feel free to come along.

Because if I have to work with him for another day,

Because in this room, I have special...

Because it's gross misconduct. So you can go straight away.

Because it's the exact incident I was brought in here to respond to.

Because me and my posse guys, we're going to be in your face.

Because of his little legs.

Because of the downsizing.

Because of the downsizing. Rumours.

Because of the whole alliance thing...

Because people out there are expecting it.

Because someone in this office has coming up with all those ridiculous stuff

Because that is gross misconduct, and

Because the purse girl I hit everything a checklist creamy skin straight to you curly hair Mazen

Because then I might

Because then I might actually get off my arse and do something.

Because there are starving people in the world,

Because they hate the other type of black people.

Because they're filming.

Because today is almost over.

Because we're strong Dwight, because we're strong.

Because we've been having a pretty horrible day.

Because when the disciplining has to be done,

Because you can be sure that if they were in my position, they'd take the job and go: "Yep! Thanks!.

Because you cut everything.

Because you don't get healthcare, and faster metabolism.

Because you know we are going out and it could be a good chance for you to

Because you will miss them when they're not around.

Because you work here, where time stand still."

Because, well, they bend over backwards for me,

Been at Wernham Hogg as general manager for eight of those,

Before he goes into battle, he's playing with his dog and everything.

Before I tell everybody what the big surprise is,

Being quite literally done doggie style.

Besides I can't cheer against my fiancÈ.

Better do these now actually.

Better get that back.

Better, thanks.

Between Michael and corporate about like staff issues.

Bladdered.

Bless would be those who sit and wait.

Bloody good guy actually, his assistant. Bloke called Terry someone.

Bloody good one, that.

Blottoed.

Blue.

Bono,

Boring, isn't it? Just, staying in watching ''Peak Practice'' with your life.

Boss.

Both of mine are dead.

Both of them with their laughing gear round the old single barrel pump action yogurt rifle.

Both um...

Bottom line. Do I need to be worried?

Breasts not for me for my children this roots produce very thirsty babies there you go nice steaming hot Cup of Joe thank

Brent, just Roper to beat!

Brent. All right?

Brilliant. Oh, God, look at that.

Buena vista Oscar thank you

Busy at work?

But a pledge, come on, who are we? The girls scouts? No.

But Angela said she doesn't like to gamble.

But because it degrades women...

But because they love me and I love them. You know?

But because you failed the medical because of high blood pressure.

But don't take my word for it. Let's take a look at the tape.

But don't you call it that,

But first, methinks the lady dost need a chair!

But get to know me, you'll see I'm mad.

But I am trained in covert operations.

But I don't because I'm a professional.

But I don't... I just don't want to be treading water

But I just thought, "too soon" for Arabs.

But I mean, good together you know... by now.

But I need somebody to come in,

But I think we'll gonna get married in next spring

But I was going to, and I think it's very important that we have this,

But I'm also the founder of diversity tomorrow,

But I'm getting paid to skip lunch right?

But I'm getting paid to skip lunch right?

But I'm the head of this family,

But I'm thoughtful and caring...

But if I tell you there's pornography, sexist pornography which I hate

But if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box.

But if there does have to be a cull, then so be it.

But if there were, I'd be protected as assistant regional manager?

But if we were in battle,

But isn't it supposed to last longer than two years, if it isn't effective?

But it was anonymous, how do you know?

But it's full of loose women.

But it's not company policy...

But it's out of my hands,

But it's the effect he has.

But listen, I'm gonna have to talk to her a lot.

But obviously, I'm the only adult here.

But only ways that would get me arrested.

But people do sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed.

But should he be working here?

But starts at seven.

But that's unrealistic so...

But that's.. you know.. no pressure.

But there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it.

But they don't.

But they're not a good idea. Office romances.

But they've said clearly

But this is a place of work.

But unfortunately, the history books are full of just people

But we're a team.

But we're a team.

But what some of you might not know, is that I am also part native American Indian.

But what sort of a boss would you say I am?

But women are dirty.

But you know I make one call over there, every year, just to renew their account.

But you know you have to answer loads of questions before...?

But you would follow me to the ends of the earth grumbling all the way.

But you'll, you'll know it when you see it.

But, David, if they do downsize here...

But, er...you know..

But, let's not say it won't be fun.

But, you know I usually credit someone if I use their comedy.

But, you know what you might want to do is just call the casino directly,

But, you know, that doesn't mean...

But, you know, this is a business.

But, you know...

But...

But...

Bye, Jennifer.

C'est la vie. If that's true, excellent.

C'mon, spit it out as your boyfriend said last night!

Call susan and arrange to meet the board and finalise all the details.

Called out the other night three a.m. by the nurses.

Calling to ask you a little favor Rooney my friend.

Came to me and said

Can I have everyone's attention, please?

Can I have the mail, please?

Can I just ask? Do you trust me?

Can I talk to you a second about the paper products?

Can I trust Jim? I don't know.

Can I withdraw my last comment?

Can I yeah yeah of course of him what I think Tom how do girls your age feel about futons a futon he's

Can we get some batteries for billy bigmouth? Take it out of petty cash.

Can we keep a lid on this for the time being? I really don't want to worry people unduly.

Can we talk about this memo?

Can you delete the history thing on the computer? We should really.

Can you get her, she's right there. That is Meredith.

Can you imagine if I wrote something like:

Can you promise that?

Can you reprimand him please?

Can you swap places with Donna, please?

Can you take this upstairs? We're busy.

Can you tell them, with my permission?

Can't put a price on comedy. Er...

Can't you give him something to help him sleep?

Cancer of them old testicles.

Careful.

Cartoons.

Case closed.

Cause I keep overhearing all these conversations...

Cause I'm suffering from both of them.

Cause Meredith has been divorced like, twice. Is that right?

Cause studies have shown that more information get passed through,

Cause you know what? We need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt.

Certainly will, all right mate. Take care.

Challenges me to throw one of these little copper kettles over his pub.

Changed many things, really.

Charcoal right yeah would you like to help me with a special project I left for home right okay just throw out all the evidence we

Check with the vicar first, always.

Cheers. Ciro Citterio.

Children don't work in warehouses.

Choose one thing. Choose a memento. From me to you.

Chris Finch, good to meet you. This is a very good friend of mine Sir David Brent.

Chris Finch. I heard about "Blockbusters".

Chris Finch. Innit, Gareth?

Christ, that'll do.

Christ. Give me half hour with her, I'll be up to my nuts in guts.

Classic beginners mistaken, eating before game.

Clean out your desk.

Close all right. Me, Stan the man, Jim, Ryan and Dwight. Sorry fellows.

Clumsy.

Cogito ergo sum we'll be fine.

Come and check out the opposition.

Come and look at my CD collection.

Come here

Come here.

Come here.

Come in, Gareth.

Come in!

Come on Dwight.

Come on over here, hey,

Come on shake it up, shake it in.

Come on, lets not be gloomy here man, we're on this together, we're a team.

Come on, sellers, over here. Bring it in! Come on!

Come on! Hey Dwight!

Come on! Olympics of sufferings right here Slavery versus Holocaust, come on!

Come on! That's horrible!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. God. Chill out, shall we, please?

Come on. Six million dollars man, Steve Austin,

Comes to me,

Coming through.

Condoms come in all different flavours now, don't they?

Congratulations and good luck.

Cool. You're on.

Corporate has deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me,

Corporate really doesn't interfere with me at all, Jan Levinson Gould

Could be used as confetti, yeah.

Could you give a man a lethal blow?

Could you mean vagina? Because if you do I want that covered.

Could you not do that here, mate? Sorry I was just wondering if you couldnt do that here?

Could you send one member of each of your teams up for a tie breaker?

Couldn't find the knock.

Coz If there was a sniper, you wouldn't see him.

Coz If there was a sniper, you wouldn't see him.

Coz it's got my name on it in tippex.

Coz' I can be like every other boss in this situation.

Current champions are this team here The Dead Parrots.

Curriculum vitae.

Cutbacks where?

Cuts? what? Dwight did you make cuts?

Dad isn't dead. He's in a home.

Damage to company property.

Damn it, why us?

Damn it!

Damn it! damn it! Jim!

Damn it! God!

Damn.

Dangerous.

Daughter of my best friends, Ron and Elaine.

Dave, it's Julian. Can you give us a ring, please?

David Brent.

David has trusted me with this because...

David, can I just ask why you've hired yourself a new secretary

David, it wasn't me, ok? it was your good friend Chris Finch.

David, it's Paul again...

David!

David?

David? I'm just saying...

David's made me senior sales clerk.

Dawn and Tim.

Dawn Tinsley. Receptionist.

Defense!

Defense!

Defense!

Defense!

Despite having done it twice.

Desree?

Dickhead.

Did anyone look each other in the eye, were there any emotion going on?

Did I no want to hear that, Jenny. because redundancies are a tragedy always.

Did no get an agenda.

Did she tell you I was mad?

Did you get the kind with the cookies, instead of the?

Did you get your tickets?

Did you talk to him?

Did you win anything or...?

Did you?

Didn't happen. We had to let him go.

Didn't happen. We had to let him go.

Didn't he?

Didn't know that.

Didn't know.

Didn't think it was a per mile kind of deal, you know so...

Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.

Different drinks for different needs.

Different frogs, different times.

Different people, different jobs. Isn't it?

Ding Dong!

Diseases.

Distracting. And that's actually one of the major arguments

Diversity... is the cornerstone of progress, as Iíve always said.

Divorce...

Dnmt all hate okay thank you to I'm against violence in the workplace how my and

Do as you're told.

Do I feel bad about betraying Jim?

Do I have a choice? No.

Do I know what the surprise is? Hell no!

Do I think I'll be invited to the wedding?

Do not be fooled by their job descriptions.

Do not be fooled by their job descriptions.

Do not look at those! Right. Disqualification. You're both disqualified.

Do you decide to fire me and not Anton?

Do you have disability quotas you have to fill?

Do you know who done the picture?

Do you like a drink at the end of a week?

Do you like to going out at the end of a week for a drink?

Do you mind if I go out for a drink with these guys?

Do you mind if I went out for a drink with this lot?

Do you need a deputy at all?

Do you think you could...?

Do you want a challenge or not?

Do you want me to tell them?

Do you want to answer that?

Do you want to form an alliance?

Do you want to look at mine?

Do you want to receive some swollen goods?

Does a struggling salesman start turning up on a bicycle?

Does my bum look big in these?

Does that look into his room?

Does that make me their doctor?

Does the corporate master ****

Doesn't matter, the point is, they're not unhappy anymore.

Doesn't really make sense, cause you don't call it colored people

Dogs you know, you should know me better than that.

Doing, "I'm forever blowing bubbles"!

Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor...

Don't cash that until Friday ok?

Don't even... It's not that...

Don't ever come out with me and Finchy.

Don't forget tonight. Oh, here we go. Straight away. Go on. Go on.

Don't get it on the carpet, Gareth.

Don't get mad at me.

Don't go down the warehouse.

Don't go, Dawn. Pull up a chair. I was going to call you in anyway.

Don't grab it unless you've got one ready coz it slows it down.

Don't listen to him Pam, trust me.

Don't make a sign.

Don't need it, never been sick, perfect immune system.

Don't recycling %HESITATION yes throw them away in the recycling bin jaundice yeah mn

Don't say out there what you said in here, apart from the good boss, if you want to.

Don't screw this up!

Don't tell anyone.

Don't tell me where I can and can't go in my own company.

Don't tie any more cash up in stock unless you have to.

Don't want you can order top seller with a bright two thousand dollars well how do you know how

Don't we all?

Don't worry about this.

Don't worry. I haven't got any balls.

Don't write Ebola, or mad cow disease.

Don't. Do it to other girls. That's fine. Please, just...

Done! All right.

Donna should not have to see me

Donna.

Dot dot dot please I am here inferior and I'm asking you this favor can you promise me that it would just be a ride home no

Down again.

Down again. Same on the way down as on the way up.

Downbeat, it's in the pocket, it's like you...

Downsizing the Swindon branch or this branch.

Downsizing?

Drew Carey and Ryan Styles.

Drinking a bit too much.

Drinks at eight in the Chasers.

Drinks at six.

Drinks at six.

Drum roll.

Dundler Mifflin this is Pam.

Dundler Mifflin this is Pam.

Dwight asked me to be in an alliance,

Dwight I was open. All right, let's go.

Dwight no. I'm using her...

Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager.

Dwight send around this memo

Dwight, listen to me very carefully, you are not a manager of anything.

Dwight, what are you doing?

Dwight, what the hell is he talking about?

Dwight!

Dwight?

East... East Side.

Easy to clean okay he's gonna win anyway mn so we get any mail yeah I gave it to you yes you did yes

Efficiency. Turnover. Profitability.

Efficient.

Eh?

Eh..What?!

El vino did flow.

Employer: Dundler Mifflin Paper Incorporated.

Er, which means that... Well...

Er, yeah,

Er, yeah. Um.. Going to... Do you know the Chasers?

Er, yeah...

Er, yeah...

Er... 70%.

Er... I need a tonnage price on matt coated sra1.

Er... right. I am aware of the rumours that have been circulating,

Er... what am I meant to have stolen?

Even brought it up on my interview.

Even longer.

Every bloke in the office has woken up at the crack of Dawn!

Every time the one type wants to have a good time,

Every time, every time black people want to have a good time,

Everybody knew how bad cocaine was gone man did they move paper %HESITATION the rotating our

Everyone's got e mail. Have you used e mail before?

Everything just kind of a all inclusive free kind of weekend.

Everything on the Trivia board. All those different subjects.

Ex sperminate!

Ex squeeze me, instead of excuse me.

Exactly, no. I'm embarrassed with even that close so. Now of course,

Exam my Michael or you know and love travel drink with us and I probably should've told you I don't need it right now because Jim can take me home after said you're

Excellent pupil. Fast learner.

Excellent, excellent.

Excellent, ok, now we need to figure out who's vulnerable...

Excellent. Good. Well done.

Fantastic sized shelves, and legs up to her arse.

Fat chance. He couldn't pull in a brothel.

Filing, paper works, who cares? Possible downsizing?

Fill that out, leave it anonymous.

Finally, this young lady is Donna...

Finch is coming down, so got to be ready to go at seven, ok.

Finch is on his way in for the quiz.

Finchy lager. Gareth lager, sometimes cider. So...

Finchy!

Finchy.

Fine.

Fine.

First class, please.

First of all, keep your back nice and straight. Straight back. And then..

First person to shout out the correct answer wins.

First test, I will not call you that!

Five fun runs in two years.

Flesh eating bacteria.

Football, is like rock'n'roll, it's just...

For a good reason, probably.

For a wedding that still has yet to be set.

For all your mole knows, they may or may not have said that to me.

For ever, right Pam?

For giving him a second chance.

For some serious buckage. Wow! Two dollars, three dollars?

For the alliance, who knows the most information about this office?

For the...

Formal introductions.

Foul! I'm sorry. Are you all right?

Foul! Naked aggression!

Frankly I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes.

Fray Bentos.

Friendly little game of basketball.

From a medical condition, won't receive the care they need,

From good do you don't look at his persistence is something special my goddess is

From me big time gunfire that not going to do that okay we've created an incentive program to increase I

Game over! That is it. I'm sorry you know.

Gareth ave you got a licence to carry that?

Gareth Keenan, assistant regional manager.

Gareth Keenan.

Gareth Keenan.

Gareth, are all these going to be about war?

Gareth, can you keep it down a bit?

Gareth, innit?

Gareth, it was just there, ok?

Gareth, it's only a trifling matter.

Gareth... come on.

George Michael's.

Get him over.

Get it done!

Get it over here! Get that over here.

Get out.

Get out. I mean it.

Get the works there. Red onion, provolone...

Gets him information, throw him to the wolves.

Gets that, for operation moral improvement,

Getting what you can while you're young.

Give me one of the ones you had. Fingers on the buzzers.

Glynn, I'm sure David's made it clear to you that you'll be losing personnel.

Glynn, I'm sure David's made it clear to you that you'll be losing personnel.

Go ahead! Lead a little. Come on Pam.

Go and check. Sussed. Go on.

Go away!

Go readyo! How are you, mate?

Go they're not doing is this is going to be good hi my name's why true and I've advised by others

God here we go again, got to go, I have to take this.

God this is so sad, this is the smallest amount of power

God you haven't got one already have you?

God, I don't even know how to explain this.

God, you were, we totally got you

God!

God! I'm sorry. Are you all right?

God! Just...

God...

Going round the office, then do you want it to wait?

Going to be giving her a ride home later well just me for a ride and so I'm going to give her a ride home is that all it is just

Going, "oooh"?

Good

Good Better, thanks.

Good bloke. Good laugh.

Good five o'clock sharp I will give you your purses a ride home I think actually right cocoa can yeah

Good friend of mine and a bloody good rep Chris Finch.

Good game. Word.

Good girl. It was a joke we were doing.

Good I thought you were going out for a drink with

Good job oh my man!

Good looking ones as well.

Good luck to Ricky,

Good luck to them but their hands are clean, while I'm down here in the office

Good ones that I didn't use.

Good point, but could you just throw it in the bin?

Good point.

Good question. Jennifer is coming in midday today, greenwich mean time.

Good spot. That's a good spot. That's where I'd be if I had to take someone out that lived there.

Good, I go with the rows. That's a good idea.

Good, innit? Oh.

Good! Let them, That's fine it helps our cause.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good. By yourself, just out there. Free.

Good. Fine.

Good. Keen. Excellent.

Good. Ok. The first step is to meet with Alan and the board.

Good. One more time.

Good. Tell me about yourself.

Good. Well done.

Gosh I am I would love to but my purses I sure hope pomp well we can have romantic love writing would you look after purses please Imus

Got back to mine, two hours sleep, yeah?

Got him a collection or a gift or something?

Got it, yes so it does.

Got to dream the dream.

Got you!

Government created killer nano robot infection

Great you're the Chris rock guy and you're the guy listening.

Great, guy listening.

Great, let me just

Great! you know, it will be a surprise.

Great. Now you see who was work on Saturday, your face.

Guess what?

Guests you know they don't know what they're looking at so I make suggestions I just think okay just him talking he

Guilty as charged.

Guilty! Get a new rule book!

Guys, you know, I'm the boss so...

Guys? Don't forget to say happy birthday to Tim. Its today.

Ha ha! Very funny. Do you want to hear the results or not?

Ha! Eight legs, six legs. Eight legs, six legs.

Had a stall you have a perfect pop once you buy her I one of hers purses are for girls toy that's not necessarily true do

Hang on. I read about it in er...

Hang on. I'll put you through.

Happy bird day.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you, and many more

Happy birthday to you, Meredith...

Happy birthday.

Hardcastle also told us the average age of a soldier

Has a gun good Kentucky for second and private I don't think some you just take a second nd just for a minute penalties

Has anyone got the right time?

Has anyone seen the first aid kit?

Has to be really really funny.

Has to deliver the bad news to the employees, I do it all the time.

Hat.

Have a good weekend.

Have deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me,

Have you advertised the forklift driver's job?

Have you got a price for matt coated sra1?

Have you had a good morning or a bad morning?

Have you heard George Michael's latest release?

Have you heard um...? Have you heard er...

Have you looked at them closely Michael?

Have you made any redundancies?

Have you not met me husband Paul?

Having said that, at Chasers,

He busted nnat hate I wonder what I worship here I was raised I

He can't see over the top.

He does.

He doesn't polish his own boots.

He has a surprise, he's cool.

He insulted us and he abandoned us.

He just makes people sad.

He literally won't come out of his office.

He probably does polish his own boots,

He put me in charge of the office.

He put my stapler inside a jelly again.

He put my stuff in jello again.

He said he was your best mate and you'd find it hilarious.

He says to me, ''You look knackered.''

He scores !

He started off with "interrogation room".

He still loves that after seven years!

He told us that the average age of a soldier in the Vietnam war was 19.

He used my computer.

He was convinced there was a Japanese sniper on the roof of Debenhams.

He was in an argument once and he went,

He was rubbish. He was rubbish.

He went to "interrogation office",

He wrote "House of the Dead".

He'll tell you. We all remember that. So...

He's 30 years young as I always say.

He's 32 and he still lives with his parents.

He's a great accountant, he is not much of an entertainer.

He's asking after me?

He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor near the shells.

He's feeling bad about himself.

He's frozen any wage increases.

He's going to fit in. We're like vic and bob... and an extra one.

He's gonna lose it when he reads that.

He's got great big platform shoes on so he can reach the pedals

He's got to come out sometime.

He's not a relationship but that's true so much more to talk to this girl you're both %HESITATION salesman

He's not even permanent member of staff. I'd have preferred if you slept with Gareth.

He's put a stop on all overtime.

He's running, but he can't hide, because you know what?

Head office don't really interfere with me at all.

Head office...

Headed out. Part of my busy day.

Health and safety.

Hello David. Paul Shepherd here. Can you give us a call?

Hello, Austin Powers. I'm the naked Mini Me.

Hello!

Hello?

Hello? Hello? Yeah, hold on one sec, hold on one second.

Hello? That's it, perfect. So what I was saying was... hello?

Hello.

Hello. Wernham Hogg.

Here he is. Chris Finch. Or is it Hamlet? Is it Macbeth?

Here in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Here we go, take a seat, cop a squat, and thank you for coming in.

Here we go, who's at him who's at him? Somebody get him!

Here we go! Come on come on come on!

Here we go. Always like this.

Here y'are, look.

Here you go Stanley the "manly"!

Here's the thing, this office, I think it's very advanced,

Here's the thing, whatever I write here...

Here's what I'm going to do. The hand strikes and gives a flower.

Hey

Hey baby!

Hey dude.

Hey how are you?

Hey Jim, good party eh?

Hey man!

Hey Pam, how would you like to be our cheerleader today?

Hey Pam! How are you?

Hey we are not all gonna seat in circle in it so are we?

Hey you're ready?

Hey, <?is old gut zumee ?>coming in today?

Hey, big queen

Hey, do you want something hard?

Hey, Everybody. Ice cream sandwiches.

Hey, Ryan? very good,

Hey, so listen, I was thinking that it might be a good idea...

Hey, temp, why don't you take two.

Hey, wassup?! I love that.

Hey, we can go

Hey, what bike you got?

Hey!

Hey! Oscar! Come on in. What's up?

Hey! Where are you? Yeah, we were supposed to meet here!

Hey. What a game, what a game!

Hi %HESITATION dinner trunks movie matching tattoos that's great stuff yeah what are you doing I

Hi Iím Michael Scott, Iím in charge of Dundler Mifflin paper products

Hi, Donna. How's it going? Settling in?

Hi, Dwight Schrute calling, acting manager Scranton branch,

Hi, Gareth. Quick question mate. I've got these invoices to file and I don't know...

Hi, is Mr. Decker around?

Hi, mate. Not around at the moment, so please leave a mess arge.

Hi.

Hi. Are you ready to see Karen Roper now?

Hi. Gareth. Welcome.

Hi. It's me, Gareth. I need a price on matt coated...

Hip hip hooray for David Brent! Hip hip...

His knob.

Hiya. All right?

Hiya. Come in.

Hmm, that's interesting.

Ho, God! Dwight no!

Hold on a second, I think Pam wanted to say something, Pam?

Hold on!

Hooray.

Hope she is not a %HESITATION permit employees so dnmt she doesn't think I should just know that I am

Horrible person!

Hot dog fingers.

Hours thinking of ways to get back at him...

How about birthday boy? Throw him over.

How are we going to know if it goes over?

How come Chris rock can do a routine,

How could you confuse Howard Jones with Nick Kershaw? Shame on you.

How did you find out?

How do you know it's yours?

How do you know that they're fake?

How is Elaine? She left you yet?

How many people can I fire?

How many pints have I drank this week if you're counting?

How many times have I told you that there's

How many times have I told you there's a special filing cabinet for things from the head office.

How many times have I told you? I'm the safety officer, not you.

How old do you think I look?

How science can't really find answers for the deeper human need.

How the thing is going at the library?

How's your headache?

How's your nephew? Is he in a good shape?

Howard, like Moe Howard, Three Stooges?

Husband?

Hypocrite warning.

I admire your culture success in America.

I am caring and sensitive.

I am going to do...

I am going to go with best, Jan.

I am going to go with the one with

I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish,

I am..I am being straight with you. I'm going to be straight with you now.

I bet it's gonna be me, probably.

I bloody love football, don't I?

I bought it for 1,200, done it up, now it's worth three grand.

I bring my own water to work.

I brought that in.

I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton, right?

I can find you lots of women who will blow your wages.

I can say to people, "come into my office"?

I can tell you now, the board have voted 5 2 in favour of you taking the job.

I can't believe this, I mean,

I can't leave until you do.

I can't run, a lion eats me, and I'm dead. "

I can't tell you at the moment.

I can't...

I cannot you cannot promise me you won't promise listen to wait do you love her like no I I don't know it's too early to tell I

I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men,

I could and I have! And yes I will take her home with me if I want.

I could be in David's chair in three years. So...

I could catch a monkey. if I was starving, I could.

I could give you a list 50 things I could beat them at.

I did, so.

I didn't ask her out. It was as a friend. Why does everyone think...

I didn't get any agenda.

I didn't want to tell the staff, but to you...

I do believe in that part of the pledge that I just read,

I do gags as well.

I do it so one day, someone will go, "there goes David Brent.

I do not want to be put in that position again.

I do not want to lose a good man.

I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though.

I don't believe that now it's unbelievable it's nice having Katie around it's another person for Michael to interact

I don't do it so they turn around and go, "Oh, thank you David for the opportunity.

I don't even want to know how it's done, in a way.

I don't give shitty jobs.

I don't have the guts?

I don't have time for the pie thing, David.

I don't know a Mr. Brent. David.

I don't know how I feel I think you've made a really good choice is really going to like that espresso I don't think you're welcome dnmt

I don't know I just feel like I want to...

I don't know I'm just going a little crazy...

I don't know if you met Tim. He's thinking of leaving.

I don't know of anything like that.

I don't know what I'll do, but whatever it is it's got to be a career move

I don't know what you mean

I don't know what you mean.

I don't know when...

I don't know where we're going tonight,

I don't know, I don't remember saying that.

I don't know, tonight, hopefully.

I don't know. A dirty picture with my head on it, as a sex object.

I don't know. I might just be a basketball machine.

I don't know. It's exciting. I'm staying out of it.

I don't know. Maybe we could share it.

I don't like acting like a kid, do you know what I mean?

I don't mean to have a go at you. You're fine. You're fine all right? No worries.

I don't mean to stitch anyone up, but it's nothing I've said?

I don't mind influencing a younger comedian you're not a comedian

I don't need them, superior genes.

I don't need your permission.

I don't need your...

I don't see it as letting people down.

I don't think I can sign this.

I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go.

I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist.

I don't think it's the one you're expecting. Firstly, I'm moving on.

I don't think she'd be missed.

I don't think so Michael.

I don't think.

I don't think...

I don't trust the way it moves.

I don't want futileness.

I don't want to go through all that again about you know,

I don't want to have to deal with that.

I don't want to have to look at you, Gareth.

I don't want to just disappear to one island somewhere.

I don't want to put words in your mouth,

I don't want you spreading your bad vibes around my office, all right?

I don't want you to come home with me. That's a waste of an hour.

I don't want you to think of me as your boss...

I dont think that I'm in a position anymore...

I er... was on "Blockbusters".

I examine myself regularly but... it's fine.

I feel a little bit like I'm wasting my time.

I found it at Spencer Gifts.

I found these pictures on his hard drive, downloaded from the internet.

I gave a speech only this morning to my staff,

I give them food.

I give them money.

I go along to Crufts, I go "Can I enter this dog in the labrador section?"

I go, "It's like saying, Oh! I've got a new pedigree dog breed.

I got a bit of a scare earlier.

I got Hooty the Blowfish, so let's move on.

I got one on tennis, one on the Suez Canal. Loads.

I got them off Nobby Burton who comes round with a suitcase.

I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I am a friend first,

I had to go home to get a book to prove it.

I hadnt nndb nndb this

I hate it

I hate the fact you bring me down to this. I really resent it.

I hate to do it this way, but you know that's just,

I have a bunch of these,

I have a dream that you all really let this spark fly

I have absolutely no idea.

I have an important question for you.

I have just convinced Dwight that he needs to go to Stanford

I have never even stolen as much as a paper clip and you're firing me.

I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since Halpert got here

I have some very delicious gookie cookie, only 99 cents plus taxes

I have something here, I want you to take a card

I have sport's bra. No, no! Ridiculous.

I have to make a call after I finish, my work

I have to make sure Finchy gets here on time for the quiz tonight.

I have two. White and Indian.

I have work up to my ears

I have, in a way...

I haven't got a problem with that

I haven't got a sign on the door that says, "white people only".

I heal them.

I heard they might be closing this branch down,

I hope they get rid off me..

I hope you're not gonna sleep with a woman, David, coz' obviously you find sex so disgusting.

I just can't believe their total lack of respect.

I just don't know what some of the people in like accounting are gonna do.

I just don't thing that this is the kind of task, that

I just hated it when that guy was in here,

I just need your...

I just think it's kind of cheap to undonate money to a charity.

I just thought it was a kind of a flat, you know,

I just wanted to do it our way, you know?

I just, I need something kind of embarrassing, you know.

I just, I need to know a little bit more about...

I knew it wasn't.

I know I probably seem like quite an imposing figure now

I know it was you. Ok fine, you know what?

I know it's it's fine I here what about the cast very one it's really I confessed if it's got a lot of yeah now

I know that it involves spying on people and we may build a fort, Pam.

I know that you're loyal to your family...

I know the RSC's in town, so...

I know what you're thinking "My youth's over."

I know what you're thinking, did I make five or six calls?

I know you're as nice as a superstar, but have you sent that fax yet?

I know you're the man for the job.

I know you've um...

I know, getting cocky right.

I know, grumble grumble,

I know, I know. Gutting. Gutting.

I know! But it's going to be a little tough

I know. They've gone mad.

I know. Well, ok. Drinks at six.

I let them get away with murder, in return and they let me get away with murder. The girls love me.

I like a laugh most of the time in and out of work.

I like the radio too.

I like the way you think. You know what I'll take that one step further:

I like to do illustrations,

I like to have a bit of fun when I'm teaching people.

I like to have a laugh just as much as the next man,

I live by another just do like I have Ginni anything above us purse gone future once you get on the suddenly

I love him. "

I love the work of Alain Delon.

I made him what he is today.

I mean everything Dwight does, annoys me.

I mean I can tell her it's part of the job.

I mean it is up to me, ultimately, but good luck.

I mean that's something right there true plus I can talk to about the origins of my last name it's all gold guys are usually my best customers they buy the high end stuff like the beads in the sequenc

I mean when I was 30, like you, I was going, "I'm in a rubbish job. My life's rubbish.

I mean, he had never met any of us before, and here he was telling us how to do our things

I mean, imagine a warehouse

I mean, that's just natural selection.

I mean, you know, like the bad at sports way.

I might bloody have to now. See you later.

I need a quick word.

I never actually talked to corporate about it,

I played by the rules 'cause she was out of bounds.

I pledge to always keep an open mind and an open heart.

I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect and open mindedness,

I probably wouldn't say Einstein, Newton...

I promise you that.

I read a book a week, so a question like that surely won't catch me out.

I really think I should be concentrating on sales.

I regret my actions, I regret offending my co workers.

I said nothing specific because I was so busy.

I said there's not gonna be redundancies, so that becomes gospel.

I said, "if head office try and come here to interfere they've got me to contend with.

I said, "No no, everyone does not get one point.

I said, if corporate wants to come in here, and interfere then they're gonna have to go through me, right?

I say, bring it on!

I see Angela right, Angela!

I shit you not. I'm seeing both of them tomorrow night.

I should have done this weeks ago actually.

I should probably get back to my table okay alright cool timid because she's cute QT pack back to work I

I showed you the ropes, Ibnurtured you, I gave you a good job.

I slashed benefits to the bone. I saved this company money.

I suggested we flip a coin.

I suppose I've created an atmosphere where I'm a friend first

I suspected the pictures probably came off the internet,

I think an alliance might be a good idea.

I think everybody likes ice cream cake.

I think green is kind of whorish.

I think I'd know if a woman living under my roof

I think I'll see you at the mall... yeah.

I think I'm a role model here, I think I garner other people respect.

I think I'm going to be up at the lake.

I think it has something to do with "survivor", but I'm not sure.

I think it was John Lennon who said...

I think it was you who didn't look closely enough at the "gold plan".

I think it's bloody hilarious. You're missing the...

I think other people tell me I have a very symmetrical face I don't know well maybe there are I don't you're going to help you that because I can bankrupt they'll drop dnmt get

I think promotion is generally considered good news.

I think she's been on the waccy baccy!

I think that goes without saying.

I think that if I had a catch phrase it would be,

I think that pretty much sums it up

I think the conference room should be fine.

I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump

I think you need to confess the fact.

I thought he was sucking one of them off.

I thought I found a lump.

I thought that would be too explosive, uh, no pun intended.

I thought you said something different. What are you gonna study?

I thought you said you were inventing diseases?

I thought your vagina was removed during you hysterectomy.

I told him that he should die his hair, to go undercover.

I tried being rational. Ok, and what happened?

I vouched for you, I vouched for you in front of Todd Packer, Dwight.

I want it to be like:

I want to be a psychologist.

I want to be the guy who gives everything back.

I want you to apologise and stop passing the buck!

I want you to really go for it, cause this is real

I want you to take the card, I want you to put it on you forehead and

I wanted to talk to you about the downsizing.

I wanted to talk to you in private because I wanted to ask you out on that date no Kim is that you know to talking

I was blar... tered.

I was in the meeting with Jan and she did said that it could be this branch that gets the axe.

I was in the territorial army for three years,

I was just going to say, that of course it wasn't his first major work.

I was just gonna say maybe we could have streamers but,

I was just laughing at what Dawn said.

I was just thinking, ''Will there ever be a boy born

I was laughing at her joke, that's all.

I was out with Finchy Chris Finch. Had us on a pub crawl.

I was wondering

I was, I really wasn't gonna with on this.

I will attack you with the north.

I will have for all of you

I will I don't I don't know what your views I mean I'm a not sure I go work earlier because I'm the boss you

I will not have her tunnel

I will play the Chris rock guy!

I will slit my throat.

I will throw anything that you choose over this building.

I will use your talents come baseball season my friend, or if we box.

I wish I had time to change it, but...

I would like to see someone else pull this off.

I would like to, but I'm really busy, rain check?

I would make poison darts out of the poison off deadly frogs.

I would say, "you're fired. Clear your desk."

I wouldn't even want him watching.

I wouldn't wish that on Neil's men, I certainly wouldn't wish that on my men... or women.

I your sister regionally system to the regional manager you know what like he's your work for us okay

I, I, I got to go I'm getting a call.

I'd be hiding, watching the hole, using it as a trap.

I'd be loyal to the whole family. It's one big family.

I'd believe that a little bit more if he hadn't jumped on top of you, when my back was turned.

I'd have done her, but that would be shitting on your own doorstep.

I'd have said much the same. In fact...

I'd have said that to him.

I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

I'd let you stay at mine.

I'd like to play, if it's just for fun. I played basketball in school.

I'd prefer your respect individually, but cheers.

I'd say you don't have the authority.

I'd say, at one time or another,

I'll be honest with you David, there have got to be cutbacks.

I'll be in charge of the...pie and the people are the fruit, and I'm..

I'll come down here.

I'll do it.

I'll give you one. A proper one. Um..

I'll give you paper stories that'll crack you up, so..

I'll give you three, then another two if you need them.

I'll have to get my P45 from my other job.

I'll make sure that's covered. Ok now, who wrote this, this hysterical one?

I'll practise it at home.

I'll tell you about families. You don't have to, in a way.

I'll work it out, thank you Dwight.

I'm 30 today.

I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad.

I'm a sales rep, which means that my job is to speak to clients on the phone

I'm a Schrute... And superior brain power.

I'm a volunteer sheriff's deputy on the week ends,

I'm about to tell everybody. Just a whisper in my ear.

I'm assistant regional manager, I should know first.

I'm assistant regional manager.

I'm better at hiding than they are at vision.

I'm boring myself just talking about this.

I'm David Brent. I'm David Brent.

I'm fine.

I'm going to give you twenty five dollars.

I'm going to let this go unless you stop acting like a fool.

I'm gonna have a chat to him, make him feel good about himself, turn it round.

I'm gonna have to interview each and everyone of you

I'm higher up than you, so I am.

I'm Hitler, Adolph Hitler

I'm in shock.

I'm into... I like ballet. I love the novels of Proust.

I'm just about to tell exeryone

I'm just checking whether you're gonna be sleeping with him again or spreading it around...

I'm just saying Roy is very competitive,

I'm just trying to think of other desserts to do.

I'm kidding. Kidding. Totally kidding.

I'm leaving to go back to university

I'm Lorna. This is Lindsey and Heather.

I'm not annoyed because I'm in it or I'm a prude.

I'm not doing this for an Esther Rantzen heart of gold,

I'm not even on that plan.

I'm not gonna do it but it's

I'm not having another fella involved. Another girl, maybe. Not another bloke. No.

I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it, so I can punish them.

I'm not passing the buck. This is someone else's decision. I didn't want to do this.

I'm not saying he's fat, but when he jumps in the air, he gets stuck.

I'm not thinking about it, I'm doing it.

I'm not thinking of leaving, I am leaving.

I'm now gonna read aloud your submitted medical conditions.

I'm saying, ok, I'll take the job, please.

I'm seeing you sunday, aren't I? For my sins?

I'm sorry David thought I knew everyone who works in the warehouse. What's her surname?

I'm sorry David, you've lost me.

I'm sorry it's an orientation, it's not a race.

I'm sorry mister Decker, I think I'm losing you.

I'm sorry to interrupt, do you think you can lose any more staff from down here?

I'm sorry, David, that sounds like management speak to me. I know you hate that.

I'm sorry, what?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry. Are you all right?

I'm sorry. Are you all right?

I'm sorry. Are you all right?

I'm sort of a student in comedy

I'm still not listening, so it's not offending me.

I'm sure you could lose more people from down here. Who's the foreman?

I'm team leader, so I am. I'm higher up than you.

I'm team leader! I should know first.

I'm the lion.

I'm trained in this. When I was in the army.

I'm trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost

I'm trying to think, another desert to do.

I'm trying to write something funny here ok?

I'm trying to,. Do you see what I'm doing?

I'm unreachable. I'm incommunicado capisce?

I'm very very excited.

I'm your guardian. You stayed out all night.

I've already set the bar really high.

I've been assigned to find out who did the picture.

I've been in Dundler Mifflin for twelve years,

I've been in the business for twelve years.

I've brought some burritos, some color greens, some pad thai, love pad thai

I've ever seen go to someone's head.

I've found the guilty man.

I've got 160 down here, but I'm sure that isn't right because when I spoke to Glynn earlier on, he...

I've got kind of hot hands. Sorry.

I've got one. Thomas the Tank Engine rolled into town!

I've got something she could take down in evidence!

I've got to do it, mate. Really.

I've had loads of offers here, but I go, "no way."

I've just got a complaint from a very important client,

I've just spent two days in Swindon with Neil, and he's made some big changes.

I've made a very sizable donation to Oscar's nephews

I've never stolen as much as a paper clip and you're firing me.

I've spoken to Joshua in Stanford I've told him the same as you

I've told him the same as you.

If a good man...

If a military man like you

If anything, they should be rewarded.

If Dwight fails and that is strike too and good for me,

If every single night of the week's too much!

If he was attacking me.

If he was cumming really hard.

If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career.

If I can't see you, I can't hear you, Gareth.

If I do a bit of networking, then there's every chance

If I do it, we win the quiz we win the prize.

If I knew they knew where I was.

If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head?

If I make them laugh along the way, sue me.

If I was forced to, I could. If it was absolutely necessary.

If she gets the job. So will you. If he gets it coz' you're both equal.

If someone's unlucky, you go, "I'm not saying he's unlucky,

If there's downsizing. Ok? But, there's no downsizing.

If there's two of you, it's cheating because one of you is bound...

If theres' any questions you want to ask

If this is a family, then maybe it's time to cut the apron strings and let them stand on their own two feet.

If we can get him to drive to Connecticut

If you and I formed an alliance.

If you are unhappy with your compensation, maybe you should take it up with HR,

If you do have any trouble from the men...

If you do not raise your hand, it will not be covered.

If you hadn't nailed him to the perch, he'd be pushing up daisies!

If you see three debauched drunkards in the corner, keep away from us!

If you think she's cute now

If you want to come through here,

If you want to save big on brand names, and Roy has to work, which he will,

If you were to ask me to name three geniuses,

If you're in the jungle, except you'd use vines from the trees.

If you're looking for a seat love, you can sit on my face!

If you're not man enough to do your job, I will do it for you.

Iím gonna have you all in tears.

Im sorry David that still sounds like management speak.

Imagine if I started doing that with you.

Imperative that people don't know your ladies so I kind of play that close that chest how we're going to say women are attracted to power and

In a global sense, streamlining,

In a way. it's sexist, and I hate that.

In books.

In order to simulate where someone might put a mug in real life.

In terms of racial awareness.

In that I have had my assistant Pam,

In that I'm going to have to let you go first

In the mid 1960s,

In the office. Walk this way.

In the Second World War. What was it?

In the song "19" by Paul Hardcastle,

In the wild healthcare is "How, I hurt my leg...

In the wild, some people wouldn't survive.

In the wild, there is no healthcare.

In your face!

Inasmuch as I'm going to let you go first.

Information superhighway!

Into buying me Hat FM.

Into the fray!

Into the workplace, in this way I can truly be a hero.

Introduce yourself, be polite

Ipso facto.

IQ of 142. One of the cleverest blokes I know.

Is well, you know people.

Is coming up, so we can have a little celebration for it.

Is do you take on Swindon's people at this branch or the other way round.

Is he going to be looking at the enemy or looking at me

Is it "Wank me off before you go go"?

Is it an intro? What I'm saying is...

Is it because Iím white, and Chris is black?

Is it questions?

Is it the building?

Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory?

Is it the stock?

Is it the turnover?

Is Josh concerned about downsizing himself?

Is Meredith card. "Happy Bird day."

Is Oscar around?

Is sad is a house that he did pretty good your horrible this one's really good for a hot date yeah

Is that a good or a bad thing?

Is that I get no pleasure out of saying the words "you're fired"

Is that like the robot?

Is that someone downsizes your age."

Is the great incentivize or in the office it's a drug is quite literally a drug that

Is this positive discrimination?

Is this the first time you've lost?

Is this what you're saying grasshopper?

Is to fill this out and write down any diseases that you have,

Is to put your through this seminar, for the comments that you made,

Isn't Schindler's List a brilliant film?

It could be out of your hands, Michael

It doesn't grow on trees!

It doesn't mean I have to do my own filing.

It doesn't seem too busy to me.

It easy you're not you two have a good night million so the life of later csnbayarea

It has been brought to my attention that some of you are unhappy with my plan,

It is a question of trust. Do you trust me?

It is a real bitch,

It is time, thank you, ok come one! Let's go! Get the cake, let's go.

It looks like there's gonna be downsizing.

It probably won't be for quite a while.

It says "garet" actually.

It says here right on the sheet.

It says here that I've learned something,

It says here that it's a...

It takes a little while.

It was a young greek guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of english,

It was a young Guatemalan guy,

It was actually. I slept with someone in the office, everybody!

It was as a friend. Put friend. Put friend down.

It was his imagination. There was no one there.

It was incredible. It had the Ann Bow ling Alley.

It was just a soldier to cry on.

It was offensive, and lame, so double offensive.

It was something no it's not there some in the straw there now you may throw it out well how many flare fishes if you eat that's

It was supposed to be with bills and doesn't work great with faxes.

It was us really? I didn't know.

It won't be out of my hands, Malcom, and that's a promise.

It won't be out of my hands, Stanley, ok?

It works with the turtle.

It'll just be a registry office you know. Save money.

It's a big, exciting, huge inflatable cock. Gawd.

It's a dead heat between the Dead Parrots and The Tits.

It's a free country. I can't do anything about it, so..

It's a great plan! It saves the company a fortune.

It's a Hooch for a pound and Wonderbras get in free night, so...

It's a industrial coal elevator.

It's a real shame,

It's a shame.

It's a spider.

It's a suicide mission, you know...

It's after five.

It's all about like late..late '60s, early '70s.

It's all coming over the edge here.

It's all coming over the edge.

It's all gone.

It's all that now, isn't it?

It's all true.

It's awful.

It's basically where Dostoyevsky goes on to explain

It's called an education.

It's called the wastepaper basket.

It's caused by a hormone deficiency.

It's colored greens

It's complicated.

It's cutbacks, being what they are, you are one of the unlucky ones.

It's ding ding da!

It's diversity day Jim,

It's everywhere. Oh.

It's fine. it is fine, that one..

It's gone, in the zone.

It's gonna be perfect, ok? Centrally located,

It's got an error an offline error 324.

It's got my name on it Gareth.

It's got two nightclubs, Chasers

It's it's not about the money.

It's just a challenge.

It's just it it... It's the ethics of the thing,

It's just that I was speaking to Paula and she seems to...

It's just that we need to know

It's just, I don't think it's many little girls dream to be a receptionist.

It's like an alarm clock's gone off and I've just got to get away.

It's like shitting on your own doorstep.

It's like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go,

It's like... comic relief.

It's not because you asked Dawn out in front of everyone and she said no, is it?

It's not even my joke it's my brothers joke and it's meant to be with bills. Doesn't really work with faxes.

It's not just from me mate, that's from Dawn as well.

It's not like I'm out again tonight with oggy.

It's not really a ride.

It's not sexist. It's the bloke saying it.

It's not specifically that...

It's not the first though.

It's not, not just about her so...

It's not, ok, because that would be dangerous even in the training situation.

It's ok here, but people some how is taking advantage because it's so relaxed.

It's one of the rules.

It's phrases like sloppy seconds which make her out of your league.

It's really uncalculable.

It's run out of batteries.

It's so... sorry, mate, what do you want?

It's surprise Meredith! One, Two.

It's surprising, because you didn't expect it.

It's that it's no really it is now here's the thing you know I do my best to to be my own man

It's the end of the financial year and spirits are in the sky.

It's the people. Investment in people. Yeah?

It's the time of month. When's it due?

It's their opinion.

It's very complicated. You open that, put that in there,

Jackpot.

Jan needs it by five and... What time is it? What time is it?

Jan wants you to call her.

Jan, hello!

Jennifer might come down once a week.

Jennifer Taylor Clark. We call her Camilla Parker Bowles!

Jim Carrey on acid!

Jim right here, give me the ball, Ryan cut!

Jim said mix berries?

Jim thinks they're good.

Jim wrote: "Meredith I heard you're turning forty six but come on...

Jim, Jim right here! Ouch! Hold it!

Jim, you're in charge of the vacation's schedule now.

Jim?

Jim? Hey, Hi Pam.

Jim.

Joking. The only knighthood he's got's a condom.

Judge is in cession. What is the problem here?

Just a fax.

Just a handshake's fine.

Just a little someí wiped up you know a little moral boost, no big deal.

Just a second

Just a second ok, I think we're losing sight of what is really important here.

Just a wet blanket, named Pam.

Just clack at me for no reason?

Just clean out your desk. I'm sorry.

Just clearing my desk, I can't concentrate

Just click on one at random.

Just click on that.

Just come from a meeting at head office,

Just do one, that's cool, that's fine.

Just don't guess.

Just follow my lead, don't pimp me all right?

Just for er... Sit down. To take a snapshot.

Just for the files. Just to keep on record. I'll do it. I'll do it.

Just for um...

Just getting a tea bag.

Just go free. Come on. Jesus.

Just have a seat, I was gonna call you in anyway, you know Ryan?

Just interested in that stuff about him being exiled in Siberia for four years wasnt it?

Just knock, please, as a sign of respect for your superior.

Just looking at the booklet at the moment?

Just looking at this. Checking it out.

Just one other thing and this is important.

Just promise me you're gonna say anything.

Just tell her i'll talk to her then

Just tell me quickly. Just whisper it to me.

Just the eight pints for me last night.

Just three of you, is it?

Just wanted to know why you're thinking of leaving, mate.

Just wanted to talk to you manager ‡ manager.

Karen Roper.

Keep it down.

Keep that one you'll only be able to use 20% of it when you get me and him together!

Keep your back straight and bend your knees. Right?

Keeping up morale.

Keith and Jamie are having these little...

Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith...

Kevin is a great guy,

Kidding %HESITATION so you got big plans this week I well I think in a CKD really yeah but he hasn't Amanda

Kind of a tough assignment.

Know whatever I'm not here okay graves why okay okay okay I guess it would be like I guess I would be okay nnj us good sounds

Know you are going to like this picked it up today thousand big ones is that from Starbucks yes uses a Starbucks digital

Know you can't win this prize I didn't mean me well first we have to do is find out what motivates

Ladies, not your best effort. Streamers?

Lager. Vodka and coke. Gave her the gig.

Larry bird, Larry legend.

Last month of Doris Roberts and where she likes to eat when she's in Phoenix illuminating this is my conference room so

Last night on "Trading spouses"...

Last place you'd want someone like that is in accounts.

Last year, I took a year out and I went travelling.

Leader thing so I Pam is this your lunch break or was that earlier when you're eaten in the kitchen of those guys how

Leave me alone!

Let Dawn get a few kiddies under her belt.

Let it go onto answering machine.

Let me ask you is there a term besides Mexican, that you prefer?

Let me just get your... what's that?

Let that be a lesson to you. Respect your elders

Let's be honest, David, I am 30.

Let's celebrate.

Let's do it, let's get ugly, let's get real.

Let's get down to business, and why don't I, just kind of introduce myself, ok?

Let's get that lovely smile on...

Let's get you started.

Let's go here, Oscar, right here, you're on!

Let's go to zone, let's go on a zone!

Let's have a laugh at work,

Let's have a laugh with them, not at them.

Let's keep this alliance totally a secret.

Let's let them get on with it.

Let's not dwell on whether it is or isn't this or...

Let's put him in the hallway given some chairs right decisiveness one of the keys to success according

Let's see... Jim.

Let's stop degrading women, please.

Licensed by, carried out by...

Lieutenant, sir.

Like confetti.

Like how even an extra day is going to prevent us from being downsized?

Like Springsteen. Born to run. The Slough branch.

Like strawberry and curry and that. Do you like curry?

Like that dwarf, from "Lord of the Rings".

Like this person. Kojak.

Like what?

Like yourself,

Liked to roll around with other women.

Listen I need your permission to fire Jim Halpert.

Listen Oscar, generosity and togetherness, and community...

Listen you are spending way too much time talking dnmt okay Encik mused about no you don't need John

Listen, I'm not going to fire you if you know anything

Listen, since I have you on the phone,

Little halter top you can tie that up,

Live by one rule no office romances No Way very messy inappropriate but

Loads.

Lock up your daughters, as they say.

Look at his ears.

Look at that !

Look at that face!

Look look at the sheet, it says "it's however many dollars per mile".

Look look look, I talked to corporate,

Look, I demanded ask her one question

Look, the, the guy Mister brown, he got us half way there, he got us talking.

Look, whether or not Anton is indeed a midget or a dwarf...

Looking good.

Looks like a... doesn't it?

Loser works on Saturday.

Lot's of cultures eat rice, That doesn't help me

Lovely Dawn.

Lovely. That looks nice. Lovely blue eyes.

Lucky. That's lucky.

Maintenance.

Make them think that anything's possible.

Makes sense. My personal favourite has to be...

Malcolm and Dennis!

Malcolm and Dennis!

Malcolm.

Man I should have gotten some food

Maybe going for one of those ice cream cakes from Baskin Robbins...

Maybe I should sleep with him.

Maybe next year. You know, the ball's in their court.

Maybe she should sit down here.

Maybe we could take them down to take a spin on your big ride.

Maybe.

Me lager.

Me no get an agenda.

Me no wanna hear that Jan,

Memo to Jan: I deserve a raise

Meredith bad breath. Meredith has bad breath.

Meredith had a little lamb,

Meredith is allergic to dairy so...

Meredith, Meredith...

Messages, date, lots to do lots to do...

Michael affirmative you just said let me %HESITATION check my notes you just then

Michael can I talk to you for a second please?

Michael can I talk to you?

Michael I would love to have your permission to run this session, can I have your permission?

Michael Jackson's new song he's doing?

Michael listen, don't panic

Michael look!

Michael paying a third thing there's a person that I that's right what god there's a person here who wants to sell handbags no

Michael, Michael please

Michael, Michael!

Michael!

Mister Decker, I'm sorry about that, would you wait one second?

Misuse of files? Right.

Mn hi hi I'm Jim by the way Katie I Katie Husn too that's

Moms Anita mom discussing their way for my mom to it and I would be all over that if I was a big fan we're

Monday?

Money don't make my world go round. I'm reaching out to a higher ground.

Money isn't everything Jim. Not the key to happiness.

Monty Python.

Moral.

More room.

Mostly water color, a few oil pencil.

Moving up can mean within an internal ladder, framework,

Mr Davis, can I call you back? Something's come up.

Mr Spock is half Vulcan, half human, ok?

Mr. brown? If that was his real name!?

Mr. Decker, we didn't lose your sell day do we? Excellent, ok

Muchos tequilas later, I'm in a cab with her.

Mungo Jerry. Ok. Yup, yup. Cheers.

Mutual. Likewise. Reciprocated.

My answer's the same to me, they're not mutually exclusive.

My bad.

My fiancÈ has plans for us this Saturday

My friend.

My idea. The last time I was down there I noticed they put up a couple of hoops.

My job is to speak to clients

My mum got me up really early this morning to give me my present.

My only worry is that the powers that be don't come down here,

My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17%,

My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profit by 17%,

My stapler.

Name the Cuban leaderwho's been in power since the revolution in 1959...

Name: Meredith Palmer.

Naming no names I don't know any

Neil's bringing his man with him.

New engine, suspension I've got some photos

New secretary. Good.

Next.

Nice shirt.

Nice straight back. That's it.

Nice to meet all of you. Anyone's fine.

Nice to meet you.

Nice, that's the way it is around here

Nice!

Nice. And underneath someone had written ''Don't get your Hampton Court.''

Night hood.

Nndb again and again device secrets of the ya ya sisterhood over here right

No actually, I think Roy is their best player, not lying.

No apologies necessary. Let's get on with the quiz but..

No captain no signs of life down there.

No chance you could throw it in the bin?

No come on, stir the pot. Stir the melting pot, Pam!

No definitely all right dude awesome, we'll do

No Doubt. Yeah. I thought it might be. I thought it might be No Doubt.

No foregone conclusion. Based on interview...and merit.

No good, don't bother. I've got the man here. He's perfick.

No I've got a sense of humour, But that.. you know, that was offensive towards women,

No it somewhere you go near by because I give you a ride now juror no I I don't know including

No it's the people.

No no I know that the warrantee is expired,

No no no no this is good, this is fine

No no no vendors in the office that is a distraction okay taller Utah hammer pants come on busy

No no no, do not take it out!

No no, no Stanley, no you did not see me in there with her.

No one is going to lose their jobs.

No one would be prouder than I am. I've groomed him.

No shopping. All right?

No this not a joke, ok?

No wait I didn't ask her out, that was... why does everyone think...? It was as a friend, ok?.

No warning don't freak out why this is a really nice car chase ever notices a girl I guess that is

No way.

No way. "You're fired".

No way. No. I don't...No. Not interested. No.

No we didn't close last time...

No we got a truck going out at one fifteen so, that's a busy time.

No wonder this place is going down the pan. You're a waste of bloody space.

No you're not.

No, absolutely. Under this regime, it will not leave this office.

No, because I'd be ready for them.

No, but that's not the point. It's the principle. It was about respect.

No, come on. Let's get out of here and go home.

No, come over. The drinks will be on me. In me!

No, coz' he's a little weasel faced arse.

No, do you think that would have been good for moral? No.

No, don't this hat, coz' it's a radio as well.

No, go ahead

No, he's not.

No, I don't have a great many ethnic employees, that's true,

No, I won't.

No, I, I get it.

No, I'm sorry I.., sorry you've got the wrong number. Bye.

No, it is. That was never in question.

No, it sounds good but seriously we gotta get going

No, it's Darryl, Darryl is "Miter' Rogers".

No, it's not George Michaels song, i'ts his release though.

No, it's not racist. I thought the column because he's... Yeah.

No, it's not... yeah. it's not funny because,

No, look, it's just jizzing.

No, Michael don't panic

No, no no no. I wasn't I wasn't, no no,

No, no, no, no.

No, no!

No, not at all. What are we doing?

No, that was straight from "thriller" though.

No, that's not of much fun.

No, with more ignorance. Right exactly. Instead we need to celebrate our diversity.

No, you need to go upstairs to the party.

No!

No! Jim let me out. Jim, let...

No! Where was the heart, I didn't see any heart,

No.

No. you can be assistant to the team manager. Assistant team manager?

No. C'mon let's go.

No. Come down. Come down. Definitely. What's your tipple?

No. He turns up in a newer car. Perception, yeah?

No. His first major work was "Notes from the Underground,"

No. I dont want to help. I haven't got time to help. Allright?

No. I got loads of...

No. I haven't done that for weeks.

No. I mean, no.

No. I mean, yeah.

No. I should be here in about an hour.

No. I'll be getting a proper assistant a p.a.

No. I've already got one.

No. I've got one over here ready.

No. it's just my head. They've put it on there...

No. Moving up. Yeah? Moving up.

No. My mum got me up at quarter to seven to give me a birthday present.

No. Not up the arse.

No. Number one, blocking out light.

No. Sleep with everyone in the office.

No. There's no way I can get away now. I'm snowed under at work.

No. Under this regime, Jenny, this will not leave the office.

No. You and I don't decide.

No. You give me a sum, I'll try it out. All right.

No... I'm not moving.

Nobody cares doesn't matter so I you know what I usually don't last listeners in the office but

Nobody knows what their race is, so

Nobody's coming in tomorrow, you have the day off.

None of the plans have acupuncture.

None, you're picking a healthcare plan.

Nooo. No way. You see I thrive on this.

Nope, nope.

Not 'cause of that, just...

Not at all.

Not bad, not bad at all, all right.

Not bad, pretty funny.

Not because I'm scared of her, because I'm not

Not dating or engage Geza mn

Not directly, but through the money...

Not downsizing himself but is he concerned about downsizing?

Not for me. I hadn't seen it.

Not friend is out of my hands nnova don't have because like everything wouldn't think coffee

Not gonna happen

Not her. Please. She's staying with me. Her dad'll kill me.

Not here, another place I worked at.

Not in that way.

Not man enough?

Not only did they undermine you in an authoritative sense...

Not only have I got people skills,

Not only is it derogatory...

Not only that, but me mate's bird wants to get a lift with me and this nympho.

Not so worried about that, but while you're lodging with me,

Not the guitar. I meant stationery. Something I can re order.

Not to her face because,

Not to her face. Not 'cause I'm scared of her.

Not tonight.

Not true, not true.

Nothing

Nothing but net! And their jaws just drop to the floor.

Nothing.

Nothing. Good to see you.

Notwithstanding the cruel to be kind scenario...

Now how many of you are familiar with the Chris Rock routine?

Now I need you to take these forms,

Now I promised you some kind of answer today.

Now I think I had a little stroke of genius,

Now I'm gonna ask you David, why, when there are three other forklift operators,

Now if you can't do that yourself, thats why I'm your boss, I can do that for you.

Now is that from the machine that was in your office and he I thought that was the incentive prize for the top salesperson very

Now she knows what it's like to be a minority.

Now this is a simple acronym, H.E.R.O.

Now, at the start of the session I had you write down an incident

Now, I know there's some rumors out there, and I just kind want to see .

Now, I want you to imagine that this is a mug of hot coffee.

Now, then. You two.

Now, when we spoke on friday,

Now, you do not punish someone, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs.

Now, you know what this is about. Obviously you've seen the picture.

Number one, inverted penis.

Number two, misuse of company files.

Obviously keep a t shirt on, like Charlie Dimmock.

Obviously keep a t shirt on, like Charlie Dimmock.

Obviously we get through a lot of paper.

Obviously you can't hear that, but I'm not talking to myself

Obviously. That's actually an official Territorial Army method

Obvliously, Finchy's a sophisticated guy,

Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.

Of course if you beat us, you're fired.

Of dundler Mifflin paper products.

Of my employees if I do choose between a one night stand with some stupid cow I pick up at a bar and

Of the nd I know I know I know I made a connection can you believe he'd never heard that before you worked here no

Of you naked on all fours,

Off the backboard!

Oh all right! ok!

Oh come on, what is wrong with me today? Usually hit those.

Oh do you want me to repeat the messages that I gave you before?

Oh God!'Course I would.

Oh he gave you discount? No, I don't blame you

Oh here we go. Fasten your seatbelts.

Oh hey, diversity everybody let's do it.

Oh I faxed one overdue this morning.

Oh I see, you're chickening out, you're bailing on me.

Oh I told you couldn't close it so

Oh I'm sorry, ok, I'm sorry, my mistake.

Oh Italian! Nice. Wow.

Oh kill some..well..They'll think you're the murderer. It's got your name on it.

Oh let's have someone who wasn't involve in the reenactment?

Oh my god!

Oh my god...

Oh my Gosh!

Oh no

Oh ok

Oh ok

Oh ok, "Meredith is so old..."

Oh right. Oh god too bad it's so good.

Oh Roy

Oh tell me, tell me.

Oh thank you Pam

Oh thank you Pam you got a fax

Oh that is, you're all right Jim? Suck it up.

Oh this is a good one

Oh well could you just have him call me after lunch? Thank you.

Oh yeah they're sad little men? He's thrown a kettle over a pub, what have you done?

Oh, careful. Watch this one. Gareth Keenan in the area!

Oh, dear.

Oh, elven dragon slayer. Ten point power sword.

Oh, Gareth, if there's one thing that I'm not, it is immature.

Oh, god, I had a skinful last night.

Oh, god, the dreaded form. Does it stay on there with you! Married or single.

Oh, god.

Oh, god.

Oh, God.

Oh, God...

Oh, here we go.

Oh, here we go.

Oh, hey do you like the Jamie Kennedy Experiment?

Oh, I don't believe it.

Oh, I don't want to talk about Mr Spock. That was.. that was all sorted out then.

Oh, I hope there aren't any more. There are more.

Oh, I know the ones.

Oh, I'm in my office, I am swamped.

Oh, midday. Are you just getting in?

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no, trouble. Sanj.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, god.

Oh, now...

Oh, right.

Oh, that is brilliant.

Oh, that one always...

Oh, that's not appropriate

Oh, that's why we all going out, so we can have an end of the week drink!

Oh, this is so important, I should run to answer it.

Oh, Todd Paker, terrific rept, do you mind if I take it?

Oh, well.

Oh, what code were you given

Oh, what is that?!

Oh, yeah, I know how to do it. I used to do all that stuff as well.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. But senior sales clerk is...

Oh, yeah. Tim's birthday today.

Oh, you got a new one. See where it says "new mail"?

Oh.

Oh. I thought you wanted to go back to university and everything.

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh... what's that?

Oi don't get at him just 'cause they beat you.

Oi!

Oi! Finchy!

Oi.

Ok "wow", cause that is a pretty intense accusation.

Ok everyone, gatherí round.

Ok fine three years.

Ok first, let's go over some parameters,

Ok great. "Germatitus". Thank you Angela,

Ok I'm sorry, I'm sorry he's ruining, he's butchering it, could you just let me...

Ok let's go, let's do it come on let's have some fun everybody.

Ok Michael, both my parents were born in Mexico

Ok no problem

OK ok so I don't know what the surprise is, am I worried?

Ok Ryan you have Darryl. I have Roy.

Ok since the last meeting, Alan and the board have decided

Ok thanks for filling these, I promise this will be quick.

Ok that's great, I guess,

Ok we, all right people hold on hold on.

Ok we'll see who is working this weekend then.

Ok we'll table that for the time being. Two, I'm gonna need an office.

Ok well if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies.

Ok, all right. See you later

Ok, can you hold on one second, I'm getting a bip.

OK, do me. Something stereotypical so I can get it really quick.

Ok, Dwight I'm sorry because, I've always been your biggest Flam

Ok, fine, have it your way.

Ok, get as much done as you can before lunch, because afterward,

Ok, he was in on he was my accomplice and

Ok, here's the deal, all right.

Ok, hold on,

OK, I like your food.

Ok, I will be out in a few minutes so it's lame

Ok, I will play guy listening.

OK, if I have to do this,

Ok, it's after five, so thank you very much

Ok, listen.

Ok, ok, I have something that totally tops the box.

Ok, questions? Comments? Anybody, Jim?

Ok, so let's put together the starting lineup shall we?

Ok, well, since I am leading this

Ok, yeah.

Ok, you know what? You can be a witness.

Ok, you know what? You can be a witness. and which I hate, and it is a waste of that kind of food.

Ok?

Ok?

Ok? And it insults me that you have to ask.

OK? Incorrect.

Ok? Not today, ok? Pam just, be professional.

Ok? Right?

Ok.

OK.

Ok.

Ok.

Ok.

OK.

Ok.

Ok.

Ok.

Ok. All right.

OK. Big smile.

OK. Can we steer away from gay people?

Ok. Can you just tell me please?

Ok. Gather.

Ok. Good.

Ok. Help her to settle in.

Ok. I don't really enjoy the work I do here. I'm sorry, but...

Ok. I will need some stuff.

Ok. I'll be a couple of minutes because it's twenty past five.

Ok. In position number four, Universally Challenged.

Ok. In position number four, Universally Challenged.

Ok. Is there a time limit on...?

Ok. Just a second. It is perfect.

Ok. Let's do it!

Ok. Let's get you started.

OK. Let's go.

OK. Listen, this is just going to be a friendly game, right?

Ok. Meeting with Jennifer Taylor Clarke present.

Ok. Question one...

Ok. Question two.

Ok. Settle her in. Get her started. Show her the phones and everything.

Ok. Thanks. Oh...

Ok. That's all. Anything else?

Ok. That's it.

Ok. Um...

OK. Welcome to Wernham Hogg Health and Safety Training

OK. Well, I'm quite into films and music.

Ok. Yeah.

Ok. You stayed with a friend, that's fine. I'm a little bit annoyed that her parents were not calling me.

Okay I should never have let the type touches I had all these great icons and now I have four folders so it's

Okay you know what Dwight? We can't write our diseases down for you,

On a more positive note, the good news is I've been promoted.

On file sharing on the computer yeah well bloody due to bad rap techno babble just good okay we have company right

On his meetings, and I'm like, these people are my friends.

On his mother's grave.

On his mother's grave.

On our own

On the phone about quantities

One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey, or a man.

One more time. That's it. So have you got that?

One o clock you'd better bring your A game,

One thing about deer. They have very good vision.

One thing about me...

One word, two syllables : demarcation.

Only one way to find out.

Oo can I have this when you've finished?

Ooh discipline, kinky!

Openmindedness is that a word?

Or any deformity.

Or could you take a man from behind?

Or don't write any disease down at all, and they won't be covered.

Or if Esther's handing out awards, then do it for my charity work.

Or longer.

Or one of the lucky ones in my opinion!

Or she. it could be a woman.

Or sideways to external, then up.

Or that I helped you teach something so, Pam, where's she?

Or told you the good news first...

Or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee.

Or women present company excluded...sorry.

Or you know, if you want to talk about anything at all...

Orientals make very good workers, for example.

Oscar works in here.

Oscar.

Other starters... me of course. I heard it that time.

Ouch! How much does it hurt?

Out tonight celebrating, I suppose?

Over here! Three!

Over several months Ryan still mn but the I'm bored thank you for choosing no

Overrated.

Pac man!

Pam gets a little down. Her toaster having broke,

Pam has been with us for

Pam Pam thank you Ma'am. Messages please there you go.

Pam says that one of the alliances is meeting...

Pam this is from corporate.

Pam, information is power.

Pam, Michael Scott, how's tricks?

Pam, Pam Pam! Pam Beesly.

Pam, you kind of have your foots on both camps here,

Pam! Pamela,

Pam? Can you come in here for a sec?

Pam? Maybe you should stick to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings.

Pam's favorite flavor of yoghourt, which is mix berry.

Pamelamela Ding Dong! Making copies.

Paradox.

Part of my job description rite?

Paul is it all right if Gareth comes back with us?

People could come to me and they could go,

People go, "Why is it important, a question about Mr Spock?"

People I respect, heros of mine, would be Bob Hope,

People more than anything else sex Italy or can't do that thing torture to come on Dwight just to help me out here stupid

People out here, do not care about...

People say I'm the best boss.

People say I'm the best boss.

Perfect cover, I can hear and see everything.

Perhaps that's why you should ask.

Permission granted. Go ahead

Permission granted. Go ahead I don't need your...

Permission granted. You do as you wish.

Personal information: divorced twice, two kids.

Philip, get that off him!

Phyllis, safe pass.

Picture for her yeah me too could always hear you there Toby's divorced he %HESITATION gosh

Places like the promised land to me what a business model to %HESITATION too that we know of the good stuff here have regular coffee is fine now

Play hard when we should be working hard sometimes, partly down to me, sure.

Please %HESITATION maybe some of them whatever you need I'm right on the other side of this wall is to be a window here there's not any more so

Please don't use my cell phone ever again.

Please, ok.

Pleased to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Plus a lot of other racists are also intolerant at gays so,

Plus,

Plus...

Poison with your bloody Four Non Blondes.

Political.

Pop their head round the door with their rule book,

Pornography?

Portable phone. Right?

Post It notes.

Post it notes.

Post it notes...?

Post It notes...?

Pot Noodle and a wank!

Practical joke. Don't give me away.

Practical jokes for the good.

Practical jokes, yeah?

Present company excepted. Is Neil concerned about redundancies?

Prick yourself, you'd be dead within a day.

Privately, in your office?

Probably a smoker.

Probably an entertainer third.

Probably closest several years on Paris I scare this is Katie Bulova Oscar the grouch nnat

Probably never been here in his life.

Probably the humour.

Probably why I got the..

Professor in charge of watching "Countdown" every day?

Psychology.

Pudding

Pulled off an amazing eighties party last year.

Punk'd, and all that kind of stuff?

Put it on you fore... don't look at the card!

Put that down there, and you...

Quack, quack, quack!

Question: how long do we have to

Questions were asked. Certain parties weren't happy.

R aargh!

Really? Cause I didn't did we get a fax this morning?

Really? I thought I'd take Roy.

Recently right you know why and your kids are older crowd so that was really messy he but one night in your car to

Rehabilitation notwithstanding.

Remember, you're only as old as the woman you feel.

Remember. Learn.

Repel her.

Resell of business Pam

Resolve!

Ricky Howard from the temping agency.

Ricky, the new temp. Introduce yourself.

Right for free, picks everybody up,

Right here, my vibe. Oh Pam, that's a guy thing Pam.

Right in your face.

Right now this is just a job.

Right, seriously. Now, just stop it.

Right?

Right?

Right? That whole round's about old entertainment.

Right? That's what this is all about!

Right? Think you could manage that?

Right.

Right.

Right. Bye.

Right. Here we go.

Right. I know you're not there.

Right. Ok.

Right. Since the last meeting...

Right. So nice straight back, bend your knees...

Right. Which Y was... Which Y had a hit single with "The Only Way Is Up"

Right. Who was it?

Right. You can be my witness. Give him an official warning.

Right. Your first answer was yeah.

Ringo Starr. Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Robin Williams, oh man, would I love to go head to head with him.

Rolled so I he's still mad at me why %HESITATION nement stop it are you based on that I don't know evenness

Ronnie Corbett doesn't get special treatment.

Ronnie Corbett's five foot. Anton's three foot four.

Roy is my fiancÈ, we've been engaged about...

Ryan Howard from the temp agency

S s s... sorry about that.

Safety violation, I could fall and pierce, and organ.

Same difference. Allright Einstein. If you're so clever, what am I thinking about now?

Same team Dwight.

Sammy, you old slag.

Say a race that you are attracted to sexually, I will go last. Go.

Say that to a waiter or something. Wank you very much!

Say who wrote everything. So we know whose is the best.

Saying that the figures I gave him are wrong, and...

Science... Science and nature.

Screw "Blockbusters"!

Screw Bob Holness and screw your Gold Run.

Screw corporate!

Second name?

See how everybody's dealing. Everybody cool out there?

See I learned improv from the greats, like...

See that? A clock, calculator in one.

See that? A clock, calculator in one.

See the raffle there? That's going to start later.

See what people are like outside the office, I think it could be fun

See you guys on Monday.

See you later.

See you later.

See you later.

See you later.

See you there.

See, this is what I'm talking about, we don't have to pretend that we're colorblind.

See? People think a strong man can't be sensitive,

Seedy little men with seedy little jokes.

Seem to like to touch things which had them Calvin I don't like to necessarily touch things so

Send them out to get the plants, the girls. It makes them a little bit happy.

Seriously because I'm just here to learn okay so I know about most of these but okay well that's what that's my truck on walk though

Service, barman.

Seven o'clock on the dot.

Seven. Cheers. Bye.

Shake it up.

Shame on you.

Shame.

Shame. Good man. How can you be sure?

She doesn't know football. Tell her later.

She never existed, did she?

She said you were a good laugh and, you know...

She said you were a good laugh and, you know...

She scores. It doesn't matter. Bring your boyfriend down tonight, if you want.

She went into an antique store and they kept her".

She will have the verdict then. Ok. I was just trying to keep the troops happy.

She won't be spilling any fluids or lifting things incorrectly.

She'll brighten up the place, won't she?

She's a general warehouse... in the warehouse. She was, so...

She's legal though. When cherries are red, they're ready for plucking,

She's lodging with me, so she's my responsibility,

She's not a lesbian, Gareth.

She's not the only one that's gonna be eating right?

She's prettier than you though that's a very rude thing to say have he like a painting constantly

She's so great.

She's still here.

Shot to bits. He was um... Oh, God.

Should be good. This is it. Go on.

Should have seen what we got Pete Gibbons. Oooh!

Should I trust Jim?

Shouldn't I say that as it was my investigation?

Show them respect by being the law.

Show's over. All right. Good. Well done. That's fine.

Showing a bit of respect.

Signed, daffy duck.

Similar.

Six... Six years in a row. Winners.

Smashey and nicey! Kick in here. Put the record on when I do that.

Smile Pam, I have had her go out and find out whose birthday,

So are some children. Children aren't disabled, are they?

So as good as.

So basically, I want to do something nice for my employees.

So corporate just said that I don't want to

So do you think we can keep a lid on this for now I don't want to worry people unnecessarily.

So Dwight tell him about the kung fu, and the car and everything.

So Dwight you have the east German girl.

So er...

So er... you know...

So hands off.

So hang in there, and I will see you at the end of the day.

So have a good... let's rock!

So he's embarrassed himself there. Next..

So how is that %HESITATION that coffee from earlier but I I knew it guzzle it down view green

So I can lower it.

So I can still be your assistant if you're going off to the...?

So I checked everyone's computer.

So I checked everyone's computer.

So I don't know what to believe!

So I get there, she's aged 19. Ferrari chassis,

So I go outside, take off my tie, tie it to the handle...

So I grew up in the united states and my parents were Mexicans.

So I like that

So I really hope Dwight doesn't make me work.

So I talked to this accountant, it looks good. I haven't signed anything.

So I thought "This might be kind of fun". And so I started messing around,

So I trust you'll be telling Chris Finch he won't be working with us any more?

So I was thinking, if you haven't already got the cake...

So I'm going to have to take the paper out.

So it's not a free fall?

So it's not offensive now it's Chris Finch?

So just give generously to all of 'em.

So just how to go okay how to alright I'll talk to her this one is hand alright girls breaking up you read infiltrated talking

So let's get it in perspective, yeah?

So let's say that my teeth turn to liquid

So putting together my team.

So so that's the way it's done.

So that leaves me with no options.

So that you could remain in the job?

So that's 5 out of 7. That's a landslide.

So the only reason you've been talking to me is because you want to shag me?

So there have been some redundancies?

So they offered you the job?

So this is my kingdom, as far as the eye can see,

So tie breaker situation.

So we have the entire floor,

So we need someone to work this Saturday, and I think that that should be...

So we should go for that drink.

So we're going to have to have a couple of people coming in on the weekends,

So we're gonna reenact this with a more positive outcome.

So well, ok.

So what better way to celebrate than a battle of wits? So..

So what does redundancy actually mean?

So what I'd like you to do,

So what is downsizing actually mean?

So what's an elf?

So what's the problem Pam, why I didn't get it?

So when are you leaving me?

So which health plan have you decided on?

So who else? Let's get it popping, come on. Whose gone?

So why are you guys here?

So why don't you ask Philippa Norris or Simon Coleman at Mencap

So why the move?

So you can't say for sure whether it's gotta to be us or them.

So you can't say whether it's going to be us or them.

So you choose anything, if he can throw it over, we've won the champagne,

So you faked high blood pressure in order to fail a medical test?

So you just go down there, and work your magic.

So you know, I buy a mini bottle of champagne, and celebrate.

So you want me to stay here, and stand next to the box.

So you won't fire them, as such?

So you won't hear this. You're a cock, you're a cock, you're a cock.

So you'd just go, would you?

So you're definitely leaving then?

So you've come to the master for guidance?

So,

So, Finch...

So, god, can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give.

So, have you felt vibe yet?

So, I'm going to let you pick

So, just do it with me a couple of times.

So, one o clock sharp, and we've got a game on.

So, take anything.

So, um... I'm more sort of character based, and he's more of a gag man.

So, you know, will it be opera, ballet? I don't know.

So, you know... have a word.

So. Looking few cards I've noticed that many of you wrote down the same incident,

So.. Two o'clock in the meeting room. Allright?

So...

So...

So...

So...

So... every cloud...

So... you know.

So... you've dug your foxhole,

Sold him two ton of high white.

Sold us out.

Some biiiip ass biiiip, I take care of my kids!

Someone has it.

Someone printed it out for me.

Something less offensive?

Something that I've been pushing,

Something you can wear.

Sometimes they're invisible, like fairies.

Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard, right?

Sorry, what's this about?

Sorry?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. Exactly which books do you read every week?

Sorry. That is a man's game. That is... That is... Yeah.

Sorry. What's that?

Sort of a virtual United Nations.

Sound fair? Good. All right, I'll be in my office.

Speaking of which I meant to tell you, very impressive,

Speech!

Speeds people are it's not the only drug that speeds people you hear stories about %HESITATION Dunder Mifflin in the eighties before

Spirit of the dambusters. Yeah? The squadron never dies, does it?

Spok, is there any signs of life down there?

Spoke to you at five, get the call at six from the lads,

Staff.

Staff. Only.

Stanley, I don't look at you as another race.

Stanley!

Star Trek.

Starring Michael Scott.

Stealing?

Stealing.

Steam mon well or nothing %HESITATION my right just bailed on me all all god I'm sorry isn't

Step forward.

Stiff upper lip and all that, eh?

Still no one calling.

Stop it!

Stop it. Seriously. Move on. Let's move on.

Stop looking up her skirt.

Stop playing with it! Did you get him that?

Stop trying to be funny for one second, Tim, ok?

Stuart Foot.

Studying? Quiz.

Suck tits? I thought you sucked knobs.

Sure, Mr. Davis, let me call you right back.

Sure.

Sure. Sure.

Surprise it's a joke, we were joking around, you see?

Surprise!

Ta.

Taffy phoned from the warehouse.

Taffy!

Taffy!

Take a card, any card

Take care.

Take it up a notch. Come on!

Take that there mate...

Talk to her, be friendly...

Talked about that already.

Tell him about the car and the kung fu and everything.

Tend to be more violent.

Terrific.

Terrifying.

Territorial?

Testicular cancer.

Than halfway up one you don't.

Thank you Angela for reminding me.

Thank you brazil nice

Thank you Michael.

Thank you, excellent, here we go.

Thank you, sorry about that.

Thank you, yeah

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Ok.

Thanks darer.

Thanks Dwight for a crappy plan.

Thanks Dwight.

Thanks for coming in.

Thanks for coming in. This'll take a minute.

Thanks very much Lee. You're a good man.

Thanks.

That feels nice, actually.

That I've been wanting to push for a long time, and corporate mandated it,

That is a great offer. Thank you.

That is a great story, that's the American dream right there, right?

That is his profit!

That is impressive, good for him.

That is Lonny and this is Roy, Roy dates Pam,

That is on their forehead. So everybody has a different race

That is part of my job, but...

That is...

That is... you won't need to use that.

That it's, it's really beyond words.

That makes me sick.

That must be avenged.

That one on Benny hill?

That the most efficient branch will incorporate the other one.

That ties in perfectly with something that Michael was telling me earlier!

That was a flagrant personal intentional foul.

That was a joke there.

That was a woman I was talking to... she had a very low voice.

That was beautiful. All her idea, too.

That was great, she gets it

That was lovely. Just give that a minute.

That was Michael Scott.

That was out of order in a way.

That was really this is yeah I didn't want to really get a good workout this is cool

That wasn't a waste of time.

That wasn't even mine, I got that off the internet. Website.

That way? Ooh!

That we can't justify a Swindon branch and a Slough branch.

That we can't justify Scranton branch and the Stafford branch

That whole round's about old entertainment.

That would be exciting! "Hi, I'm Mork from Ork. "

That would have really showed him up, wouldn't it?

That you found offensive in the workplace.

That you might want covered and I'll see what I can do.

That'd be a quiet night in at the library not!

That's a funny bit. Look at Gazza's face!

That's a joke!

That's all right. Just don't touch my head.

That's all.

That's all.

That's all.

That's Blockbusters!

That's clever and funny. I bloody hate him now. That's why we get on I think.

That's come from the top.

That's cool, that's you know what actually

That's dumb. Everybody have streamers.

That's foul. Ok I'll take it.

That's free. Thank you.

That's him.

That's it, then, is it?

That's it. Great.

That's just the rumor going around this is my first day I don't really know.

That's just to cheer these lot up.

That's just...

That's me. Pleased to meet you.

That's mine.

That's my responsibility as team leader.

That's my stapler.

That's nice. Oh, the hair all...

That's no different. You can't do anything with your hair at all!

That's not a phrase though is it? I couldn't come out and go: "I've got bad news and some irrelevant news."

That's offensive

That's ok. it doesn't matter.

That's politics baby, get what you can out of someone,

That's probably going to happen actually.

That's racist.

That's rough professional, thanks

That's so horrifying! Horrible

That's spontaneous "dentohydroplosion"

That's that, ok?

That's the correct way. Do you want to try that with me?

That's the dog's name. It's the '40s, before racism was bad innit? So..

That's the game. Convince him we're on an alliance.

That's the most profound thing you've ever said, mate.

That's the old office, so,

That's the one he's gone for. "investigation and meeting room."

That's the real quiz.

That's the thing about leadership. Sometimes you've got to sacrifice yourself.

That's the thing, it's a very sturdy paper,

That's the third time and it wasn't funny the first time.

That's the third time he's done it It wasn't even funny the first time.

That's the tragedy.

That's what I do all day so high coffee regular coffee for you high test or

That's what I say, so...

That's where I will be so if you need anything else something to make you more comfortable just don't hesitate to ask right

That's where we need you.

That's why I told them to shove their job up their arses!

That's why they shouldn't get involved, really.

That's why you have an assistant regional manager.

That's worse than the one before.

That's...

Thats all right. It's all right. I think it's quite a sweet present.

Thats mental. They'll have to change the stationery.

The "people".

The acupuncture, the****utic massage...

The back of the roof looks directly into his room, yeah.

The bad news is Neil will be taking over both branches

The big 3 0. That's the worst one, innit?

The big surprise is...

The birthday girl.

The board of directors come ot me and they go: "Oh, David, you're the best man for the job"

The chimp.

The correct way. Two things to remember.

The donation you gave to Oscar's charity.

The employees went crazy, I got no hope from corporate,

The first person. That's my point. Yeah?

The great thing about sports is that it is all about character.

The gun show.

The guys down here, the hands.

The handicapped...

The healthcare plan.

The hole punch. That's always handy.

The interview.

The landlord of the Lamb pub in Chichester

The last four as regional manager

The light green is a green.

The lucky contestants are...

The man who gives the jobs in the warehouse is a personal friend of mine. All right?

The most sacred thing I do is care, and provide for my workers, my family.

The old team on the scrapheap.

The point is David, my job is now available

The point is this, yeah,

The point is you talk the talk, but do not walk the walk,

The point is, if I did stay at Dawn's...

The problem Jim, is that people who are really suffering

The question is, do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya?

The questions were solved. End of discussion.

The says righted nights right now is a perfect smell like I'm not paying for the label right here give

The shoe could be on the other foot.

The singer?

The thing about practical jokes is, you've got to know when to stop as well as start,

The thing about practical jokes, is that you have to know when to start, as well as when to stop!

The thing is though, no one's dispensable in my book.

The U.S. Army replaced all existing infantry guns

The water cooler was brought over here for...

The whole ongoing enterprise of it.

The Wonder Horse!

Then Bridges, then Rige, then Roger, then Miter' Rogers.

Then crush them.

Then here he comes and he says "no, Jim, here's a way".

Then I can make that dream come true to...

Then I could teach her the ropes.

Then maybe you should adhere to the ongoing confidentiality agreement

Then the laughter stops for that amount of time, then continues,

Then the other type comes in and makes a real mess.

Then we'll move in with my mum for a few months.

Then why did you do that? You work here, don't you want good insurance?

Then why'd you write "work space".

Then you know you've made a profit margin.

Then you're putting this thing in my mind.

There are many hidden dangers in the workspace

There he is. Secret weapon!

There is a 1200 dollars deductible.

There is a log of every web page you've visited.

There is no good news, David.

There is... There was... Oh, my God.

There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, the winners.

There should be no ego when you're pulling together to do something good. Yeah?

There was cascand around booster thing, and

There you go take one take one it's all good.

There'd be no funny business. There was no funny business, fine...

There's a decision that needs to be made.

There's a lot of um...

There's a soldier down, he's wounded, gangrene's setting in.

There's a time when the joking has to stop though.

There's a weight of intellect behind my comedy. Yeah?

There's guys my age, and they look 50.

There's no dead wood.

There's no dental, there's no vision,

There's no downsizing.

There's no good news, David. It's only bad news and irrelevant news.

There's no logic to music, it's art.

There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, ok?

There's nothing!

There's people starving in the world, which I hate. It's a waste.

There's some other good news.

There's this great Chris Rock bit about how streets named after Martin Luther King,

These are my party planning biatches,

These people I pick them every time because with them it is an everyday stand and I still know their names in the more

They are absolutely mad, all of them.

They call it ''The nightclub that never sleeps.'' That closes at one.

They can sometimes get, you know, a bit...

They don't actually exist, do they? In real life?

They give you a big pile of chips, and your food.

They go, "God we've never worked in a place like this before,

They go, "we've never worked in a place like this before.

They have this thing where they send a bus,

They kind of beat me with the punch,

They love me over there, for some reason, Iím not really sure why,

They may or may not have.

They seem awfully chummy. Don't you think?

They trust me implicitly.

They went, "Oh, yeah, you're right again. Well done. You've won. Sorry".

They won't remember.

They'd be a lot happier if they knew they'd got jobs.

They're all bummers.

They're coming up to me one at a time and they're going,

They're forming an alliance.

They're going, ''Oh, cut back, lose staff. You know.

They're going, "who's that nutter?" "That's my boss."

They're out there thinking "Wow! My boss really cares about me.

They're very good. Very delicious.

They've discovered your camp,

They've got to trust me. I'm taking these guys into battle,

They've made you a partner? So that'll be Wernham Hogg Taylor Clark.

Thieving.

Think logical. Think.

Think of a decision, I make it. Good.

Third place goes to...

This does however mean that there is going to be downsizing

This guy does the best Ali G impersonation.

This has been a waste of time. Yeah.

This is a damn shame!

This is a ridiculously awful plan.

This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here.

This is big. Big and exciting.

This is confidential you can't tell anybody but..."

This is Dwight Schrute calling for Jan Levinson Gould.

This is exciting.

This is from Michael:

This is Jan.

This is Malcolm. This is Karen Roper, my new secretary.

This is Mister Scott.

This is Mr. Brent.

This is my bigger sale of the year.

This is my ship and I've asked you to trust me, and you can't go wrong.

This is my world, this is improv, this it "whose line is it anyway".

This is our warehouse, or as I like to call it, the whorehouse.

This is Ryan, the new temp.

This is Sanj. This is Ricky.

This is scary, David.

This is stupid!

This is the er... accounts department.

This is the incorrect way.

This is the kind of expresses the joint experience we had today.

This is the prettiest Honnavar I'm going to be the prettiest girl in the ball how how much okay

This is the sort of work we're doing.

This is the worst part of my job, you know.

This is true.

This is way way too good.

This is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me.

This is why the whole redundancy thing doesn't bother me,

This is your cell, I thought this was your off...

This isn't the big surprise is it?

This isn't the surprise.

This lot sound like they haven't read a book between them sometimes.

This morning, perfect example!

This Salvator Cheney has done are definitely definitely stepped in and out of it like that yes

This was tough.

This, is to save money.

Those are my instructions from the corporate offices

Those bastards!

Those of you who are kept on will have to relocate to Swindon if you wanna...

Thou shalt not steal unless it's only 12p.

Though he also said, "I am the walrus, I am the eggman",

Thousand big ones that's cool too I yeah I do I get to pick the price %HESITATION guests yesterday %HESITATION question does

Threat neutralized.

Three! What's with me today?

Three! What's with me today? It's gone, in the zone.

Three.

Through concentration I can raise

Throwing. No. That's good.

Tickle him! Tickle him! Tickle him!

Tim? Got you a pressie.

Tim's a great guy he's like a brother to me for like best friends in the office and I really hope you find someone you

Time out!

Timothy!

Timothy!

Tims advice is, it's better to be at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb

Tip it my way or you'll sleep in the car!

To be honest, I think you're mad to let me and Finchy on the telly!

To convince me that your branch could incorporate the other.

To her house Coxon and announces we come no I %HESITATION what is your name my fair less Katie

To learn about more than the price of opti bright laser copy paper.

To me in private or was that date both what colors do you like gray dark gray

To sell them down the river for a couple of extra quid a year so, not interested.

To sit down.

To small businessman I do I respond as men I also I subscribe to USA today and

To stop people borrowing it.

To the worldwide web internet.

To what?

To whit, the answer to the question, is it people or task

To you.

To your co workers.

Toby and Kevin, they're trying to get Angela kicked off.

Today at lunchtime we're going to be playing the warehouse staff in a

Today at the end of the day,

Today I am in charge, of picking a great new healthcare plan.

Today is diversity day,

Today, I bump into the mate whose bird I've done...

Too boring. Tell me about yourself.

Top salesman include up people who were at one time I such outstanding salesman that they've been promoted to

Trifling.

Trump

Trust received, responsibility given and taken. Yeah?

Try my gookie cookie

Twenty five dollars one time donation.

Twenty five dollars.

Twenty past five I've still to do my faxes.

Two for a tenner. Yes, please, four. So...

Two minutes. Thanks very much. Bye.

Two... and three... and four...

Typical. That'll work!

Uh yes that probably has something to do with the camera work. Anybody else?

Uh, Leprosy?

Uh, Outback Steakhouse, I'm Australian, mate!

Uh, yeah, who else?

Uh...

Um, Gareth, we're having an argument. We need your help.

Um, no. You can never have too many anyway.

Um.. I'm getting a secretary because I need one. So...

Um.. Vodka and coke.

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um... all that talk about, like, moving on in the world...

Um... Good. That's all in order.

Um... it's signs that Gareth's made for the door of his office.

Um... ok.

Um... people look at me, they say, "oh, he's tough. He was in the army.

Um... Well, I did GCSEs and A levels and...

Um...Yeah.

Unconditional trust. it's nice.

Under any conditions today I'm just too busy, too swamped, you know?

Unleaded bring it on though leann snow are you jealous because there's another girl around now

Unless he fails and,

Unless he's not. It's difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.

Unlucky.

Unofficially.

Until the perpetrator makes him or herself known.

Urgh. I don't want you to see this. I don't want to see this.

Verna sent me to start today.

Very good, ok.

Very good.

Very important.

Vodka and coke. Remembered.

Voted for me 5 2? There's only 7 on the board, isn't it.

Wait this isn't gonna work. The lid is open.

Wait what are you writing?

Walk athon.

Walking out?

Wanker.

Wanted to ask your permission to ask Acadie I know it's against the rules and everything no no no it's not against the rules I

Warehouse.

Was going to say I think that %HESITATION we're going to help raise cousin okay because rice got a truck that's cool yes

Was I too harsh? Maybe. I don't believe in coddling people.

Was it no...wasn't anyone in the office, was it?

Wasn't it?

Wassup?!

Wassup.

Wasted talent, yeah?

Watch out for this guy Dwight Schrute in the building!

Water cooler gossips than through official memos,

We all call him Taffy.

We all think you don't have a surprise.

We are going on a little mission.

We are not gonna have to give you any severance pay,

We are the most efficient branch

We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance.

We feel good? All right, good!

We got to get off.

We have Jim, we have Ryan, the new guy, right untested,

We haven't got...

We haven't made any decisions yet,

We haven't made any decisions. I've spoken to Neil in Swindon.

We just start cracking up, and people watching they go, "Why is that funny?"

We just wanted to say well done.

We make a lot!

We nearly lost it two years ago, unjustly.

We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance.

We sort of read each other's minds when we're doing a bit of stick.

We tell them why and they go, "Yeah. You are the best."

We were showing the new guy around the kind of, to give him the field of place, so

We work hard, we play hard.

We work hard.

We'd like to know now.

We'll have a look at that. Do one of you as well.

We'll incorporate Swindon. So...

We'll see

We're all on line here. Hooked up...

We're all on the same team here, the Dundler Mifflin team.

We're coming in Saturday.

We're going to have to let you go. We can't use you any more.

We're having a friendly game, it's a shame!

We're like a family here, and that's just, that won't fly.

We're like Morecambe and Wise when we get together.

We're like one big organism, one big animal.

We're not losing. The right questions aren't coming up.

We've been quiz champions for six years now.

We've both said it. We've had meetings where we've both said it.

We've got access to the internet, but it is not censored.

We've just been messing with him

Wear a little fancy skirt if you want.

Welcome to my convenient store. Would you like some gookie cookie?

Welcome, everybody. Just a few things.

Well

Well a dwarf is someone who has disproportionately short arms and legs.

Well but you said Yazoo first. You would have got it wrong on 'Blockbusters'.

Well done. Settling in.

Well for decorations maybe we could...

Well here I am thinking that you actually cared about diversity training,

Well I could if I got off with...at the wrong... Got off at the wrong bus stop.

Well I didn't say to write your name down, did I?

Well I don't know. Because if Kevin is in accounting...

Well I really wouldn't want to be here when you bawl out Finchy.

Well I recommend it, it's very good.

Well I'm finding out now. I'm doing investigations now. Was it one of you two?

Well I'm going to the outlet mall on Saturday, so

Well if this were my career,

Well it's all part of a quiz isn't it? Isn't it supposed to be random?

Well it's my name it's not a test, ok?

Well maybe I'll write the questions next time and you can have this fat bastard.

Well no it's not. Would you rather have a face like an arse or a face like a weasel?

Well no, I got us talking. It got us nothing,

Well none at one!

Well that goes 300 feet in the earth but it moves really slowly.

Well that is...

Well then when are we going out?

Well then, yeah?

Well there's green.

Well we only have an hour.

Well yeah it is a promise, and frankly I'm a little bit insulted that you have to keep asking about it.

Well yeah! Sorry yeah I must be guilty if you've got your best man on the case!

Well, at least the little handicapped fella is able minded.

Well, can you give me, lets say, five practical changes that you've actually made?

Well, don't do that! Eat it out.

Well, don't go steaming in accusing people.

Well, he will have to be disciplined

Well, I didn't do it.

Well, I don't know about that

Well, I don't know much about that. I didn't cover it, really.

Well, I don't know that was anonymous.

Well, I don't know!

Well, I don't know. Circuitry? Sorry who is this I'm talking to?

Well, I'm glad that sometime is a busy time because whenever I'm down here,

Well, I'm glad we had this little chat.

Well, I'm not dead.

Well, I'm supposed to witness you do it so I can tick the box.

Well, if you were in the meeting with Jennifer,

Well, it's 500 quid guaranteed extra a year.

Well, let me check captain.

Well, of course, my favourite is "The Raw Youth".

Well, that was an invert, we didn't actually plan that

Well, there's good news and bad news.

Well, this is why we're going out...

Well, we can go out before. When does it start?

Well, what?

Well, while you're doing this, yeah.

Well, you know what it's kinda hard for me to talk about it. It's suffering

Well, you're not.

Well?

Well...

Well... I have promised it.

Went out with a few of his mates, didn't we?

Were there any connections between any of us?

Were they both jizzing on him?

Were we talking earlier about Dostoyevsky's "House of the Dead"?

Were you one of the two or by yourself? Because..

West yes up with them and they should be in on over the arctic chill back there I want that in the passenger's couple think

What a great guy, I love him.

What about Neil? Does he need an...? I could be his assistant.

What about the surprise?

What about this by the power Jake %HESITATION was labor blue bliss out a flavor that says flavor blue glass over

What about us?

What am I drinking?

What am I gonna do with a removed uterus?

What am I suppose to have stolen?

What an office. What an office!

What annoys me is you obviously didn't do it in your own time...

What are they worth, about 12p?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? That's ridiculous.

What are you going to do, phone me?

What are you talking about?

What are you?

What are your names?

What color do you guys think?

What D was a Russian dissident who wrote the novel "Crime and Punishment"?

What did I do? I did my job.

What did she get you?

What did you say then? Go on.

What do you mean?

What do you want me to...Do you think I enjoy doing this? This has been imposed upon me.

What do you want to be a psychiatrist for? They're all mad themselves aren't they?

What do you want to know?

What do you want to know?

What do you want, Gareth?

What do you want? Cookie?

What does she do?

What does that even mean?

What does that mean? What is it, a tie? What's going on?

What have we got here? Hmm.

What I'm best known setting up alright let's talk about purses okay I'm kidding but you know what don't try to some okay

What I'm most concerned with is...

What I'm saying is, don't think of me as a boss,

What if she's up for it?

What if that killed someone?

What if we go around and everybody, everybody,

What is that?

What is that?

What is the most important thing for a company?

What is the single most important thing for a company?

What part, native American?

What she needs is a good shagging!

What the hell is this?

What the hell man?

What they think of David Brent?

What time do we have to come in?

What type of alien is Mr Spock?

What upsets me about the job? Um...

What was that?

What was that? Oh ok! Here's a good one.

What we're going to do is play a little fun game that I've made up.

What would you call that?

What you doing in so early? Shit the bed?

What, are you trying to cop a feel or something Halpert?

What, you got a problem with Ricky?

What, you got laser tag or something?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? David Brent's leaving?

What? David Brent's leaving?

What? Hello, haha, wait what?

What? I just want to know how come he knows so much about midgets.

What? Why?

What? You got to be kidding me!

What?!

What's black and slides down Nelson's Column? Dunno.

What's Dundler Mifflin? I've never heard of it.

What's going on?

What's going on? Hey!

What's going on? You guys are playing like a bunch of girls.

What's he been saying?

What's he on about? He's never burped?

What's in the bag?

What's that dnmt I'm engaged spoken alterations you know I think when anyone I wish

What's that supposed to mean?

What's that?

What's that?

What's that?

What's the damage?

What's the difference between your wages and your penis?

What's the schedule bud'?

What's white and slides down toilet walls?

What's worse cheating medical science or cheating friends?

What's your cut off point? Yazz. I know.

When are the rest of us going to find out?

When I am backed into a corner, that is when I come alive.

When I retire I...

When I'm playing hoops,

When Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately.

When people say...

When someone goes from this organization, they no longer exist.

When there are redundancies and you've told people that there won't be.

When you carry and I think so no or is your type mom primarily yep soccer mom single moms NASCAR

When you first came here, you didn't know about the paper industry.

When you hear yours read, please raise your hand, indicate that it is real

When you start getting a life mate, you can take the mickey out of ours all right?

When you're having to fire people like Alex this morning?

Where a little midget fella is driving a forklift.

Where are you going?

Where are you?

Where does Julie work?

Where I was officially offered the job as UK manager.

Where was my Oprah moment?

Where you're at.

Where you're at.

Whether he's a Vulcan or a human or vice versa.

Whether they can pay for it and...

Which canal links the Mediterranean with the Red Sea?

Which he wrote when he got back in St Petersburg in 1959.

Which I hate.

Which is disabilitating.

Which is ironic,

Which means, of course, that my old job is free.

Which puts me in a disadvantage because

Which Shakespeare play features a character called Caliban?

Which she got at her engagement shower,

Which'll be nice because then my mum can look after them.

While you're down there, love.

Whilst getting the job done, they're having a laugh at work

Who am I, then, Dixon of Dock Green?

Who am I? Am I Michael Scott?

Who are you?

Who else has seen this filth?

Who had a hit single with "Don't Speak"?

Who is it? Whose the birthday?

Who left that there?

Who loves you baby!

Who printed this out for Joan?

Who toil and fight for worthy causes and the freedom of others and...

Who you saw in the meeting.

Who?

Who's got Roy?

Who's off pursuing his career starting monday, so..

Who's protected the...

Who's the Cuban leader?

Whoa, whoa. Colombo here figured it out, did he?

Whoo! One up the bum, no harm done.

Why am I getting fired?

Why did you put Dwight in charge of that, he did an horrible job.

Why did you say Four Non Blondes, then?

Why did you write that down Jim?

Why do you want to work here? Shoot.

Why does that happen?

Why don't we make it more interesting? Loser buys dinner at Farley's.

Why don't you both go and do some work instead of whinging, please?

Why don't you do the jump ball?

Why don't you go in there Dwight?

Why don't you just eat it? Ok.

Why don't you run it by me and I run it by him?

Why isn't it in my hand?

Why should they be worried, yeah?

Why would a murderer put his name on a murder weapon?

Why would I steal post it notes?

Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?

Why?

Why? Because Martin Luther King is a hero of mine

Why? Crushed by cardboard or what?

Why? Well, theft, and stealing

Why's he got a... ? Doesn't he like girls?

Willing to prove himself right now, lot of passion, lot of heart...

Winnie Mandela? Oh, yeah, that's good.

Wish everyday was diversity day.

With charity for Cerebral Palsy,

With Gareth Keenan. OK?

With here is Toby from human resources cane until I I thought we can't it is going to %HESITATION %HESITATION

With little starving kids.

With me?

With responsibility comes harsh things.

With the M 16 rifle, and which fixed rate, repeat fire machine gun?

With the sword of damocles hanging over them.

With women... at us.

Women are as filthy as men.

Word from the top is...

Work out your notice, with the place you're at now, and we'll put you on a month's probation.

Workspace.

Worth of those like 50 cents?

Wotcher.

Would be good.

Would you be the Godfather to my child?"

Would you like to tell me, what you think the big surprise is?

Would you mind giving maintenance a call? There's a nasty smell in the lift.

Wouldn't mind escaping up her tunnel!

Wow

Wow! Is that trash talk from Pam?

Wow.

Wow... I'm angry.

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah baby, here we go!

Yeah but no one here has it.

Yeah definitely you too! Enjoy it

Yeah he's pretty good uh?

Yeah he's under me

Yeah I bet you would, just try not to be too gay on the court.

Yeah I'm just sensitive to the fact that you have strong let's say emotional ties to your team.

Yeah it has. What do you want me to say, Oh I'm sorry? That I'll give you a job back?

Yeah let's get him out the way. Follow me.

Yeah man really impressive.

Yeah no, this week end nothing I'm not really doing anything.

Yeah thats a good idea I get rid of a good rep just because he played a joke.

Yeah well randomly awful.

Yeah well, three dollars a miles will end up like fifty bucks.

Yeah you could do worse than Gareth. He hasn't missed one day in this office from ill health.

Yeah you do all that only for foreigners or women or disables to take advantage of it.

Yeah you show a weakness, he'll pounce. You should know about that.

Yeah, and from behind because your breath stinks of onions. Now I didn't tell you that, did I?

Yeah, and maybe I should just take them around to rival companies and just hand them out.

Yeah, but I never said that was...

Yeah, but Michael what if they downsize here?

Yeah, but there is the emotion as "good in business" syndrome, sure,

Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget. That's not a disability, that's just small.

Yeah, I do. So...

Yeah, I got a 78 2 8 <?daisy?>, I've bought her for 1200, fixed it up, now worth three grand.

Yeah, I know. Like a...

Yeah, I will, but there's a slight change of plan.

Yeah, in your face!

Yeah, it'll be you

Yeah, it's all right here,

Yeah, just a fax

Yeah, just one second. Thanks.

Yeah, like a specialist.

Yeah, listen have a nice week end!

Yeah, no that's actually another sells man here, yeah, I can re do it if you want to do that

Yeah, so what's that, we're coming on Monday right?

Yeah, some just came up, two minutes. Thank you very much.

Yeah, stop. That's ridiculous.

Yeah, sure, she'd say she's the boss, but...

Yeah, that was a joke, that was actually my brother's,

Yeah, the one

Yeah, this is it, actually. It's nice.

Yeah, we may have.

Yeah, what do you think that's about?

Yeah, yeah, yeah oh that's important, right.

Yeah, yeah. He's first aid trained, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Of course. I wouldn't miss it.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah?

Yeah? Good. Good.

Yeah? I'm out here in Africa

Yeah? My responsibility.

Yeah? The guys upstairs on the phone they're the mouth.

Yeah? There's a lot of truth in that.

Yeah? Um...

Yeah? Who's to say that, you know, hiring staff won't save money in the long run?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And we've all had a bit of a laugh about it.

Yeah. Bloody hormones.

Yeah. Don't eat it now. Chemicals.

Yeah. Hello.

Yeah. Hi, Chris. it's David here. Yeah. Bad news, mate.

Yeah. I had a job when I was studying, so...

Yeah. I just stayed in, had a big wank.

Yeah. I want you to say you're sorry.

Yeah. I'll just do it like this.

Yeah. I'm more worried really about damage to company property.

Yeah. I'm telling everyone now.

Yeah. I've got a tr3.

Yeah. If my life was in danger, yeah.

Yeah. If only for the conversation.

Yeah. Information is power.

Yeah. It's not there anymore.

Yeah. She said you had a nervous breakdown.

Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. The ''bosses'' are panicking.

Yeah. The thing is I've been with this nutty lot way too long

Yeah. There are limits to my comedy.

Yeah. There's gonna be a health and safety seminar later on,

Yeah. Two Gold Runs. Camping equipment, Walkman.

Yeah. We'll get a c.v. over to you this afternoon.

Yeah. Well, basically, I've checked all other possibilities

Yeah. Well, no. What's more likely is that I wouldn't be there

Yeah. Whatever. Ok?

Yellow.

Yes

Yes

Yes do you wanna?

Yes exactly.

Yes hello this is Michael Scott, I am the regional manager

Yes it is.

Yes Walking out?

Yes, but at the moment what we have to decide,

Yes, enjoy, absolutely. "Namaste".

Yes, exactly. Now, here's what we're gonna do, Iíve noticed that uh...

Yes, head office are talking of downsizing,

Yes, I have an office.

Yes, I liked to speak to your office manager please

Yes, new guy!

Yes, this is business. The business of team building and moral boosting.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! I can do it! I'm your man.

Yes. And my decision is final.

Yes. But I'm getting paid to skip lunch right?

Yes. Christ, you're good.

Yes. I've had office romances!

Yes. This is stupid.

Yes... In a way...

Yet you well I want to stress tested you know in case anything happens dnmt

You all right?

You are going to be my complice, just go on with that ok?

You are not going to play basketball,

You back me into a corner and I act...

You call that diversity training? I don't.

You can dish it out but you can't take it.

You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace.

You can win a printer. Something I'd bloody love.

You can't come in here. Quiz officials only.

You carry on. Listen, you bring me down to this, mate.

You could have done better than that don't you think?

You could have just told us about Neil and kept your promotion to yourself.

You covered for it so well, as well.

You did just check check and double check and check in on the check there is a very important office and so

You didn't get any of those. (MOBILE RINGS)

You didn't say you only had one go.

You didn't see me.

You do understand that if you take on my job, Neil will stay in Swindon

You don't get prizes for guessing.

You don't know what it is!

You don't know who sang "In the Summertime" do you?

You don't mind if Karen sits in just to learn the ropes?

You don't need luck when you've got 71% of the population behind you.

You don't solve town planning problems by dropping bombs all over the place

You dont know about these? I'm trying to fix this. It's got an offline 243 error.

You embarrassed yourself and all, didn't you, um.. asking Dawn out.

You get the knife in behind the windpipe, pull it down like that.

You go left, you go right, kick.

You got a fax

You got a fax So corporate just said that I don't want to

You got nice boobs.

You got to ask yourself, why did I get high blood pressure on the day of the medical. I cant..

You got to go for it.

You grow up, you work half a century, you get a golden handshake,

You guys believed me? Come on...

You guys gotta update your resume, just like I'm doing.

You had a look that you wanted to ask a question, just then?

You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults.

You have to break the interior bag.

You have to eat it out there,

You haven't been here long. Have you? Sorry.

You haven't even got e mail, Joan.

You haven't told me!

You idea why don't I introduce you around you know can can I get your foot in the door meet potential clientele right

You just go to internet page and then... history.

You just need to pick a provider, and then choose the cheapest plan.

You just need to spend a few a terms at the university of life.

You just still have messages for yesterday. Relax everything is under control

You know I could sign something that says that I taught something

You know I think I'm going to impress a few people in here.

You know it is pulp, yeah?

You know it's really just a good friendly game,

You know sometimes a manager...

You know the phrase "softly softly catchee monkey"?

You know there's only 7 people on the board, yeah...

You know this isn't just an exercise this is real life and

You know we were talking earlier about Dostoyevsky weren't we?

You know what I'm talking about. Who else has seen this filth

You know what if I were allergic to dairy I think I'd kill myself.

You know what is? Joy.

You know what they say one up the bum, no harm done.

You know what they say, there's none so queer as folk.

You know what, here's what we're gonna do.

You know what, I'm actually gonna have to call you back.

You know what?

You know what? Come with me.

You know what? Don't let anybody in my office

You know what? This is a color free zone here.

You know who would be great for this?

You know you should come with us,

You know, and not because they're scared of me,

You know, getting a little bit personal.

You know, help each other out.

You know, I don't care if you're black, brown, yellow

You know, I like to inject my own sense of fun into the proceedings.

You know, it's kind of dark out there.

You know, meetings.

You know, some pink tails,

You know, the slick boss

You know, tonnage price of minal folders?

You know, whether we can supply to them

You know, you can go a mess with Josh's people,

You know? "he looks tasty in his uniform."

You know. I'd go Milligan, Cleese, Everett.

You know. Look and learn. So...

You know... Girlfriend happens to be a boy.

You know... Girlfriend happens to be a boy.

You know... you're not going to lose your job.

You let him off all over you it's just pathetic.

You lied to me because you don't have the guts to do your own job.

You looked freaked, man, when we said surprise

You made it! Suit up you're on the team!

You mean the elevator that takes you down in the mine shaft?

You might want to make notes.

You need to push it, you know you could go a little bit further

You nicked in behind everyones back. I'd have got a bit if I'd known it was up for grabs.

You put it in the garbage can that was a special filing cabinet.

You really are a couple of sad little men. Aren't you.

You reject you okay I do there like many briefcases right lots I got them like those has

You rest a couple of years, and you're dead.

You said the first person to shout out the answer wins. Yeah?

You said the first person to shout the answer wins. You didn't say you only had one chance.

You said you were going to instigate some changes of your own. I just wondered How is that was going?

You seem to know a lot about my drinking.

You should have put him in custard y!

You should have seen her a couple of years ago!

You should put him in custard y!

You should remember that, maybe give more than three dollars next time.

You should sell a lot here because this branch made over a million dollars last year but they were all millionaires I

You steal a thousand post it notes at 12p, you've made...

You steal a thousand Post It notes at 50cents a piece,

You tell me.

You think you're so... just 'cause you got a bit of Donna because,

You try and do a good deed...

You wanker.

You want a soldier to cry on? What, are you bent or something?

You want to get some of this sorted out then.

You were involved, but you covered. Thats what I like.

You were like, "what? What the hell is going on here?

You weren't trying to get off with her, were you?

You won't do it like that though.

You would maybe not be a very good driver.

You'd be like, "Oh... oh... No one there."

You'd be like, "Oh... oh... No one there."

You'd be lying there waiting for it?

You'd be next Gazza likes some posh.

You'd like him. He's ex army.

You'll do well to impress me. So uh.. Nurse, the Polaroid!

You'll find Queen, George Michael, Pet Shop Boys.

You'll need more than that tonight. I heard about you and Dostoyevsky.

You'll notice, I didn't have anybody being Arab.

You're 30, and you're getting off on pretending Gareth's gay.

You're a cock.

You're a gentleman in the scolar.

You're a jerk

You're a soldier. Yeah? Eh? Yeah?

You're a twat, Gareth. A twat and a knob end.

You're all smug now. You're moving away. But think of me.

You're an accountant, just fudge the numbers"

You're dead!

You're fired, Keenan. Drunkard.

You're great, love Michael".

You're hilarious, and you get the best out of us.î

You're in with Jennifer today, aren't you?

You're not getting fired. It's redundancy. As I said, it's nothing personal.

You're not going to lose your job. You're not going to lose your job.

You're not looking at the whole pie, Jenny. Wernham Hogg is one big pie.

You're not the boss here, and you dont have to do anything for me coz' I've already made cutbacks.

You're so immature.

You're still getting it regular man?

You're still thinking about the bad news, aren't you.

You're such a sad little man.

You're taking a piss and I'm getting sick of it.

You're the best, love Pam."

You're thinking, ''How could I kill a tiger armed only with a biro?''

You're thinking, ''If I crash land in a jungle, will I be able to eat my own shoes?''

You've always made it very clear that you're 100% committed to your branch.

You've been under attack for days,

You've been X'd punk'd!

You've charmed me, yeah? You've got the job.

You've got our respect individually.

You've met this lot. This is Gareth,

You've met Tim, haven't you?

You've seen how I react to people, I make them feel good,

Your parents have entrusted me with their most valuable possession you.

Your university education didn't help you there, did it now?

Yup, it would appear so.

Yup.

Yup.

Yup.

Yup. Most probably.

Yup. What's 5 out of 7 as a percentage?

2,230 matches. Yeah?

52... equals...

71.4. so...

141.

300 foot drop.

"Count Choculitis. ". Sounds tough.

"How old is she?" Right everybody, you can do it?

"Macbeth." No. Ricky?

"Midsummer Night's Dream." "Hamlet." You've had your go.

"The Tempest." "The Tempest." He's got it!

# Oh, life! Oh life!# Don't do that. That's my favourite.

2/15th That fraction doesn't make any sense.

298 a gram. 24O a gram. Check the list.

A 6 on 7. I know, I saw that.

A chair? No, not a chair.

A lady? Hopefully, yeah.

A Matchless 5OO. Is that a Harley Davidson?

A weasel faced arse. Same thing.

A word with you now. Yup.

A wreck... I've got some photos.

Absolutely I do. Good, good.

Actually, we sell it. Yeah.

Actually, you know I was on top of him! All right.

ah! And then...

All right? Yeah?

All right? Yeah. All right.

An alliance? Oh, yeah.

Anal fissures. That's a real thing.

And people are freaking out cause... Pam, you, I'm sorry I'm sorry

And Ricky. Hi. Nice to meet you.

and sang with Plastic Population? Yazoo!

and that's it. That was the real quiz. Choose one thing.

And they were random, yeah. It wasn't really random.

And this is the foreman, "Miter' Rogers". It's not my real name.

And what part are you? Good question.

And you? Er, yes.

And, also, we'll be going out for drinks later this evening. What time?

Angela, what's the score? You're ahead.

Anton's not disabled. He's a midget, David.

Are you all right? Eh?

Are you all right? Yeah. Fine, thanks.

Are you done yet? Almost there.

Are you excited? First big quiz? Ya. Looking forward to it.

Are you getting it? Yeah. It's a tiny bit loud.

are you going to apologise now? Yes!

Are you going to let her? No, Malcolm.

Are you going to tell us? Yeah.

Are you gonna discipline him or not?

Are you ready yet? Yeah.

Are you ready yet? Yeah.

Are you serious?

Ask if you want to borrow it. You always say no mate. Whats the point?

Assistant to the regional manager Dwight. Yeah, so I don't have to worry?

Assistant to the regional manager. Same thing.

Assistant to the regional manager. Yeah.

Autumn? Probably not.

Awards: multiple "Dundies". I know that, I know,

Bad. Well, it's not for us to say.

Banter. No, it's not banter.

Be gentle with me today, Dawn. Why is that?

because that's confidential. Ok,

Because there's no good place to hide. No no! Yes there is.

because... you couldn't.

Been with us for ages, haven't you? Yeah.

Behind the shells. Oh my god. What? What? What?

Bianca. "Ricky! Leave it!"

Bigger than his! No, you cannot use it.

Bloody repeat. Yeah. Annoying, innit?

Born 1821. Died 1881. That's right.

Brilliant. Sorry I'm late.

Busy? Yes, er...

But I really hate it. I've always...

But if I did stay at Dawn's... Which you couldn't.

but Iím gonna add onto it later on. It was kind of hard to hear.

but know that I am. I don't think you are.

But then who would watch my TV?

But why on earth would you do that? Why? Oh...Don't know.

Call you immediately, good. Yes.

Can I be team captain? No I'm team captain.

Can I be team manager? No I am the team manager,

Can I fire Jim? No.

Can I...? Sure.

Can we have a chat? Yeah.

Can we not talk about redundancies? What we have to decide.. Well...we have to sooner or later.

Can you just tell us? Yeah. All right.

Can you moonwalk? Probably not any more.

Can't get a word in edgeways! Can't get a what in edgeways?

Carry on. What is it?

cause I like it when the cards go... Who doesn't love that?

Certainly the cleverest bloke you know. Chris Finch. Yeah.

Cheers, big ears. Awful. Awful man.

Choose a topic. Sport.

Clint Eastwood. Spot on.

College boys. Bloody students. Waste of space.

Come on down Meredith! But it's not until next month.

Come on now. Did it go over?

Come on, a little bit, a little bit. No I can't eat dairy.

Condom. I'm saying the joke worked.

Coz' you didn't see me in there with her. For his eyes only!

Coz' you're such a big high flyer. No I just...

Darryl Rogers. Darryl Filben,

David on the computer... I saw it.

David, don't even start. No, no, no, fine.

David, this is a meeting. Yeah, yeah.

David, what I want to know... That's what we call him. Not to his face.

David? I wasn't.

David... go on.

Dawn, this is from head office. I know.

Definitely out of your league. No. Smug.

Did it go over? Yeah. It came right past me.

Did you ask my girlfriend out? Eh? No. What?

Did you get him a gift? No. But it starts at seven.

Did you raise benefits? I most certainly did not.

Did you tell Pam about the alliance? No!

Discreetly. Undercover.

Do that bit with your nails. Shh!

Do you really have to do that right now? Yes I do.

Do you think we should go. I don't know, Kevin this is important.

Do you trust me? Yes or no? Yes. I trust you.

Do you want a hand? No no.

Do you want any...? Dawn lets go. See you, Tim.

Do you want me to go on? How many have you got?

Do you want to go out as well? Sorry. Burn your bra. Feminists.

Do you want to go out as well? Sorry. Burn your bra. Feminists.

Do you want to have a look at mine? Yeah.

Do you want to play with my hair? Huh?

Don't care. See? It doesn't have one.

Don't do that, man! Having a bit of a laugh here all right? I'm sorry.

don't get any ideas. Yeah. Good.

Don't know. Excellent. Thanks.

Don't worry about dating. I won't.

Double or quits. It's a challenge.

Dreaded first day. Yeah.

drop your heels back. You can't do it on this.

Dwight, what is this... Uh, knock, please.

Eh? Both good groups.

Either way is easy. Either way.

Er, in the next few weeks? Definitely.

Exactly. We're not colorblinds. That's fighting ignorance with With intolerance.

Excellent, it'll be fun, Yeah.

Excuse me? I'm sorry but that's not all it takes to be a hero. Oh great, what is a hero to you?

Exploring... Exploring yourself.

Fax for you. Thanks.

Fidel Castro. You know it now yeah. What did you say?

Finchy! So there I am, back of the cab,

Find the key. Happy birthday.

Fit enough to fly. He sleeps.

Five changes? Mmm.

From down there? Mmm.

From sales? Well.

Funny? It's all right, yeah.

Gareth Keenan. Cock.

Gareth. All right?

Get out now or I'll report you. Simple as that. Are these the questions?

Get out! I'm sorry.

Getting excited for the week end now. Yeah.

Gimli. Nerd.

Give her one for me, son. Ah.

Give it a go? Yeah. I used to...

Give it back. I'm just using it for a second.

Glynn! What?

Go above my head if you dont believe me. Oh, I will go above your head.

Go on. I don't.

Good luck. Jim! Damn it!

Good luck. It's your prerogative. Yeah, it is. It's my prerogative.

Good. We're doing Stuart first.

Gosh! Yeah!

Got a hangover, you big poof? Ah, that's derogatory.

Great. Good. What have you done?

Guilty! All right? Hi.

Gun holster. it's just my portable telephone.

Ha, yes! Six legs or eight legs. Yeah?

hands off. Yeah.

Hands up if you trust me. You don't...

Happy birthday by the way. Thank you.

Happy birthday Meredith. Read it out loud!

Happy birthday. Nice.

Happy birthday. Thank you very much.

Happy birthday. Thank you.

Happy birthday. Thank you.

Have a good game man! Yeah, you too, should be fun.

Have we've got a problem here, sweetheart? No, we haven't got a problem here.

Have you been fired? No. I've been made into a partner.

Have you indeed? Can this wait, David?

Have you let anyone go? Yeah.

He said good. No. I meant you're a great boss.

He's got another funny video for you. Thanks.

He's in a box? Pam, he's in a BOX.

He's using the laces. Bastard! I knew he would! I knew he would!

Heaven forbid. No.

Hello bloke it's Finch. Chris Finch. Bloody good rep.

Hello, mate. Nice to see you.

Hello? Hello.

Hello. All right?

Hello. Good.

Hey Hey

Hey baby! Hey!

Hey Jim, can I talk to you for second? Sure, what's up?

Hey ya, may I help you on here? I'm all set thank you.

Hey, David. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey! Oscar, how you doing man? All right.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. All right, mate. How's it going? Good to see you.

Hi. Can I have a quick word?

Hi. Hello. All right?

His parents weren't in. His parents. It's a bloke, so what?

Hiya. Hi, David. Are you ready?

Hiya. Hiya.

Hiya. ...push the green button.

Hmm? Can you stop it?

Hooray! Oh, yes!

How are you doing? All right, thanks.

How did it go? What did she say?

How do you know it was me?

How do you know it was me? It's always you.

How is the "invetigation" going? Good.

How many have I had this week? What?

How old is she? "She's so old...

Hum, hi how are you? Fine, how are you?

I am team leader. I don't give a monkey's.

I can handle it. Ok. All right.

I can handle that. Good.

I can probably get someone to come along. So.. Good.

I can't see. Accidental.

I could say something... No don't do that.

I could stay at Dawn's... No, you couldn't.

I could, you know. I'd be on the floor... Yeah we spent some time on the floor.

I could. How would that work?

I couldn't think of the question. All right. Ok well um..

I decide. You do decide but...

I didn't know. You do know.

I don't have a boyfriend. Whatever.

I don't know why you're laughing. Leave her out of it.

I don't know. Michael Jackson's latest release.

I don't really know... Let's put that down there.

I don't think I... # 'Cause we're living, we're living..

I don't want to come home with you. She doesn't want to come home with me.

I have a customer meeting. Yeah well if you leave we'll only have to...

I have a hoop in my drive way. No.

I have nothing to do. Oh great.

I haven't had a nervous breakdown. That was a joke.

I heard it. People hear a lot of things, man.

I hope she doesn't mind, she has a lot of extra space. No way! I think she really likes this stuff

I know you lost Julie Anderton recently. Who?

I know. I know exactly what to do. Great.

I live with my parents. Cherish them. Really.

I love all that. Leave it.

I love their sandwich. I love their sandwich too.

I need new shoes. How interesting, what kind of shoes?

I say that sometimes. Yeah I heard you say that the other day.

I think I should be on the team. No.

I think we might get a discount though, as we're in the business. 40% sometimes.

I think you do, mon. Stop it

I told you about it. Is it a good plan?

I usually get five, to be honest. Five Gold Runs?

I want to retire with some stories to tell. Not about paper.

I want you to answer, Finchy! What is it?

I was just going to say it back to you. Yeah, but I don't have a boyfriend. You do.

I was just saying to Tim maybe... I just thought of something.

I watched that ''Peak Practice''. Yeah I've never seen it.

I will not. I'm not gonna tell anybody Ok.

I won't have you fired because... you couldn't.

I won't look on him favourably. Let's put it that way Or her. Or her. It could be a girl.

I would't blame you. She's a good looking girl. Yeah, she is.

I wouldn't have said it on 'Blockbusters' so.. You'd have been all right, then.

I'll do it. That's worse than you playing.

I'll just show her on here. Yeah.

I'll make a sign. You don't need to make a sign.

I'm a loser. You're shit, you're shit!

I'm a... good boss, yeah.

I'm a... good boss, yeah.

I'm disappointed. You think I did this?

I'm doing ok, Busy?

I'm inventing new diseases. Oh great.

I'm just being fair. Oh really, I just moved my arm.

I'm just curious Honesty, Empathy, Respect,

I'm not counting. Aren't you?

I'm not having a go. I'm just, you know. No, it doesn't matter.

I'm not making any copies. Let's go!

I'm sorry to bother you. No not at all come on in.

I'm trying to work in here. Sorry, mate.

I've earned the right. Fine, don't worry about that.

Ice cake. Why don't you have some? I can't.

If I do it, we win the quiz. New challenge.

In fact there's a few of us going out tonight... Shall we crack on?

In the warehouse during Meredith birthday. Oh, my god we have to be there.

Interesting, what's that like? You should try it sometime.

is it about blow jobs? Yeah that thing in the toilet. It was a hand job.

Is it because you know I love Count Chocula? Do you?

Is that a philosopher? Desree.

Is that still a sport? You. All right. You. Capital of Borneo?

Is there a problem? Yeah. That.

Is this a wind up? Yeah. Sorry, mate.

It can be kind of funny. You know what, I'm on a deadline here,

It must have been something No, remember

It offends women. And our mums.

It was fun. Oh yeah bet it was fun

it was funny. Yeah.

It wasn't on your desk. It was overlapping.

It's always you.

It's between you and me. Yeah.

It's funny. You didn't get the joke.

It's her birthday. Mint chocolate chip!

It's in that situation... Tell them. What did you say then?

It's just office pranks. It's stupid, it's just office pranks.

It's just that... I'm sorry Malcom. Dawn wants to speak. Go on Dawn.

It's just... put it there.

It's like a paid decrease. Michael, he made huge cuts.

It's my dog shagging his dog. Oh, yeah.

It's not a question of trust. It is a question of trust, Malcom.

It's not banter. Not now. All right, ok so.. when we had the question,

It's not gonna be a popular decision around the old orifice. It's your job... so

It's not on your desk.

It's not one thing, David. It's lots of little reasons. go on.

It's not you, it's the other one. The other what?

It's on voicemail. Leave a message.

It's overlapping.

it's that. Afternoon, Mr. Jackson.

It's um.. Tim's birthday. Oh, yeah?

Jim can you rapid up please? Yeah.

Jim Halpert. Hey Jim, it's Pam.

Jim Halpert. Let me out.

Jim open the door! Good. How are you?

Just now! Oh no, no, no!

Just tell me, will you? No. I can't hear you.

Just tell me. If you want to speak to me then give me a ring, ok?

Just with your boyfriend? Just.. No. I was on my own.

Karen Roper. Mr. Brent.

Kelly, how are you? I've had one of the longest meeting I've ever...

Killer Nano Robots? It's an epidemic.

Kind of fun, inside. She had a hysterectomy.

Lager? Pint thereof.

Last year he walked eighteen miles. Son of a bitch!

Leave it. You lucky bastard.

Let's get u sat down. OK.

Let's get you into a tub. Yeah? And you in a tub.

Let's have a look. Doing, doing!

Let's just say, whoever was ahead won. That was you...

Life! Life! Chuck his hat over.

Like what? Like throwing.

Like what? Like... I don't know

Look, but don't touch. What do you mean by look?

Mad here. Can't you discipline him?

Maybe Angela would cheerlead? Yeah right.

maybe some spaghetti ok, Kevin you can take off that thing, ok?

Maybe, I, I mean... There... there

Maybe. Yep yep, yep.

Mexican isn't offensive! Well it has certain connotations.

Michael, I, I Know

Michael! Oh god, Dwight come on!

Michael? Just a sec.

Might go to the mall. The mall?

Missed. Did I?

needs child? No, and that's not even funny.

needs? No. I am a special...

Never heard of her. Loyalty.

Never mind No, yeah, I think that's a good idea.

Never mind. See you later.

Next person on the calendar. Ok.

Nice party Michael. This isn't my fault.

Nice to meet you. Hello.

Nice. Thank you.

Nick Kershaw's the little bloke... Howard Jones was the one with the you know...

******. That's not offensive.

No it's not. It's lower so. It's close.

No not all. You don't have anything you're doing.

No way it wasn't. Yes it was.

No, and you can't. What are you thinking, Gareth?

No, because.....yep. you hate that.

No, Dude no. Dude no! Just listen! Hey hey, come on!

no, he's a midget. What's the difference?

No, I'm not coming in on Saturday. Yeah this isn't happening.

No, you can't fire me. Yes I can, I'm manager for the day.

No. No.

No. Regular?

No. I can eat here. Of course you can.

No... But I just.. I don't really know what that is so..

No... Pam..."I like your food"?

Not at all, David. No. Definitely not. No way.

Not bad. That was Stanley.

Nothing going on between us. Not like that.

Nothing new... Let them unw...

Now what I'm gonna do is choose one and we're gonna act like... A few other ground rules?

Oh hey! This is Oscar. Martinez.

Oh no! Yeah. He's making me take notes

Oh um, wank you very much. Yeah. I invented that one.

oh, no, the girl on the... sketch oh, yeah, she's hot

Oh, sorry! Oh!

Oh, thanks a lot. Thank you. Happy birthday, mate.

Oh, yeah? Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky.

Oh! Feminist. Get your bra off.

Oh.....ok go on. No no no no, listen David. Don't panic.

Ok Thank you,

Ok anyone else remember? I remember.

Ok I know you told me that, several times. Yes, but you're not listening to me,

Ok I take it back it's a workspace. Temporary workspace, you can use it.

Ok thank you. Yep.

Ok then. I'll just have it on weekends! ok.

Ok we'll be skins! No.

Ok you ask me how I felt and I'm telling you... I don't want to know now.

Ok, David, listen to me, allright... no, no, you listen to me, "Tim".

Ok, you're thinking of a superhero. We all have a hero in our heart.

Ok. Last in, first out.

Ok. You're right. Yes

Ok. No problem. This does, however, mean...

once you make your case. Based on fact.

One more drink. I'm going home, David.

One more drink. Life! Oh, life! Shut up. Shut up.

One o clock. All right, see you at one.

Ooh, matron! You can have that one, lad.

Ooh! I'm not in trouble.

Opening a can of worms there. Julie Anderton. David fired her.

Or David Brent. Oh, speak to yourself...

Or do you use a kettle? No, the equivalent. Coconut.

Out of bounds. Yeah.

Pam could we change something on this? Michael can I talk to you candidly?

Pam! Right. That's good, good, pursue this!

Pathetic. Is it?

Paula? Alan's assistant.

Per mile. Per mile, yes.

Phyllis wanted red, I didn't. Oh, boy.

Phyllis, can you believe this? Keep me out of it.

Play with my hair. Play with your hair? All right, then.

Please don't throw a garbage at me. Oh Pam with this anger.

Please knock, this is an office. It says workspace.

Push it Great

Question one. All right... Wait hang on, Gareth.

Really today? Yeah.

really? Yeah, I downloaded it on her computer

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yup. Definitely.

Red. How about green?

Ricky, this is Chris. Hello, mate.

Ricky? Yeah.

Right. But he's all like

Right. Just as a friend.

Right. I'll take the sign down. Don't need to make a sign.

Right. It's about the army. Go on, then, quick.

Right... shoot.

Roaches. Caught you, drug addict.

Ryan you want to stretch? I stretched before I came.

Same thing. If it's the same thing,

Save on rent. Yeah.

See you later. See you later.

See you later. Yeah.

See, I didn't even know, first thing basis. We're all set.

Seen that film? Yeah. I've got it on video.

Seven. Always. ok. Well drinks at six then.

Shall I get him a card from you? Whatever.

Shall I tell them? You don't know what it is.

Shall I tell you what Neil's done? Can do.

Shalom, I'd like to apply for a loan. That's nice, Dwight.

she's cute hein? Yeah, she's engaged but

So do I. Yeah, but I've said it havent I.

So have you resigned, then? Yeah. I'm just gonna hand in my notice, make it official.

So is a pixie the same as an elf? Hold on, Gareth.

So now you know. Yeah. Brilliant.

So people don't notice we're both gone. Right. That's good.

So tape it down. I can't do that,

So then why didn't you do it? I'm saving that,

So what's a goblin? How long you gonna be mate?

So you're staying here? Yes. We all are.

So, what have we learnt now? Don't pour coffee off the computer.

So... David, I was just saying to Tim...

So... meeting a journed. Good. Excellent.

Solitaire? Yeah, free cell.

Sorry? Did not get an agenda, no.

Spare bird going. Not for long!

Stanley, of course. I'm sorry?

Stupid forget it. What?

Sure. We both know that Iím here because of the comments that you've made.

Surprise! No, it's...

Take it easy. No you take it easy!

Take you shot man! NO no no!

Tell you what. Next time I'll choose the questions. Good quizmaster.

Territorial. Territorial army.

Thank you Get in the cars! Get in the car!

Thank you very much... You'll get it back.

Thank you. Hi.

Thank you. No I'm always good...

Thank you. Am I right? Two out.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Thank you, Ok.

Thanks Dwight. "Retaliation". Tit for tit.

Thanks. There you go.

That he doesn't want! I didn't ask you.

That hurts, I'm sorry.

that is based on your past behavior. Oh please.

That is not the expression. Well that should be.

That is why you're not on the team. Just trying to be helpful.

That life's too short. Exactly. Thank you.

That looks good, what is it, turkey? Italian.

That should be enough, shouldn't it? Yeah. Fine.

that there are going to be redundancies. Oh I see.

That would be Meredith. Yes all right.

That's just to see if we... OK.

That's only four. Yeah. Whatever David.

That's probably throwing you off. It's not throwing me, I need your signature.

That's the boss. Yes, I am the boss.

That's true. They are hilarious. Hilarious. Put down hilarious.

That's, that's very generous. Oh my gosh, well.

The dog was called ******. Don't keep saying it.

The gold plan? Yep.

The hat? The hat, yes. Well done.

The information's elsewhere. He won't read it.

The profit on that's just under... new engine.

The they have to....does he understand....go on. David.

Their bread is really good. Their bread is very good.

then you won't be able to breathe. I can breathe just fine, ok?

There are alarm bells. No listen to me no no no. Don't panic.

There's not a seat belt big enough for you, you fat bastard. All bought and paid for innit.

There's nothing new. That's not what you said earlier.

There's nothing... be straight with us.

There's... have you seen it? No, I have a life.

They beat me? Yes.

They should be equal. Women are equal.

Thieving? Yeah.

Things do change..so.. Mmm.

Thirty si... Thirty, yeah....yeah.

This is a cold pack. Give me that.

This is gonna take forever... No, it was going to be what D,

This is just one big boy's club isnt it?! Not really.

This is not good. It's ridiculous.

This is Ryan he's temping upstairs. What's up?

This is silly... no, go on.

This is Stuart Foot. Hello, Stuart.

This is the recycling bin. Right.

This is the recycling bin. Right.

Thought it was a workspace, Dwight. Ok, Dwight.

Throw Gareth over. No, seriously...

Throw his shoes over. His shoes.

Tim! All right, mate?

Times are tough, Pam, deal with it. You cut more than you had to, didn't you?

To go to the bathroom. Kevin, that's inappropriate!

Uh, who else? I can help out if you need me.

Uhh, is that it? Yes I only had an hour to put it together,

Uhh..yeah. Nice hat.

Um... ****?

Understand? That's not entirely true,

Use the meeting room for now. I can say it's my office, can I?

Using the tie method? Oh, no. The shoelaces.

Was it? No!

Was that twenty five bucks? Well no, yeah you know.

Wasn't it? I meant no.

Wassup?! Don't do that!

We haven't made any deci... don't panic?

We're going to lose our jobs! You're not all gonna lose your jobs.

We've all had a coffee. No worries.

Well done again. Congratulations. Thank you.

Well yes, of course, yes. Good. Because I'm very concerned about redundancies.

Well, I don't know. Will you get fired?

Well, it's not worth it... it only takes a second.

Well, tensions were high in the kitchen. I can tell from the body language.

Well, that's what a walk athon is. I know.

Well, why did you get...? I er... don't know.

Well, you won't so... well, I have, so...

Well... you made her up.

What about confidentiality? You know what?

What are we going to do about it? Lee, please can I just get a word in? I asked her out as a friend. It wasn't as a girlfriend..

What are you doing?

What are you doing? I'm the quiz master and I'm doing the questions.

What are you guys talking about? Nothing Kevin.

What can we play now? I don't know.

What connotations Michael? No...

What did you watch on telly last night? I didn't watch telly I watched a video.

What do you play, center? Why of course?

What do you think of her? A bit out of your league, mate.

What do you think? He looked all right.

What is he doing? I don't know.

What ones of yours do I use? Same shit, different day.

What rank? Sergeant, I think.

what should she do, Dawn? Kick them in the balls.

What sort of a bloke would I be if I let that go? No. Listen. Can I just say...

What time are you gonna cruise down there? It's not definite that we're going...

What, on the telly? Yeah.

What?

What? Evening, all.

What? Gareth what are you doing?

What? Those are my keys.

What? Shirts on or off? On! Put it on!

What? Which memo? Dwight's healthcare memo

What's going on? My nephew is involved with...

What's in the bag? Just..tell her I'll see her later.

What's that? I don't know.

What's that? It's a bit of brie.

What's the capital of Iceland? Reykjavik.

What's you're watching? Supershow

What's your problem man? I didn't mean to do this.

when are you going out? To have an end of the week drink.

when girls are 16, they're... Gareth.

When I let him come to my pick up game... I apologized for that.

When? Tonight, hopefully.

Where are we going? What? I'm going home, mate.

Where is Michael Scott? He is not here right now.

Which insect produces gossamer? Sshh! Come on, man.

Which insect produces gossamer? What is that?

Which one is it? It's 30.

Which one is that again? That's when they remove the uterus.

While you're down there, love...! Close, but harmless innit.

Who is this? Dwight Schrute.

Who is this? Let me out or you're fired.

Who was it? Surprise, surprise, it was Tim.

Who was up there? No one was there.

Who's she? Don't know.

Who's that? No one.

Whoa, whoa. David? Right, that is it.

Whom am I supposed to be? It's called role play

Why did you do this? I didn't do it.

Why don't we just refer to Mr. uh? Mr. brown.

Why has he done that? I told him once that I don't like jelly.

Why not?

Why? Quiz.

Will I get fired? if you don't know.

Will you wish me luck? Yeah you're going to need it.

Would you have got that? I'd have had a guess.

Would you? Well, I don't know.

Wouldn't happen. Oh why? 'Coz he didn't go to university?

Yazz. Yup.

Yeah you can have it. When will you be finished?

Yeah you said go in the... No no no no no. You know what?

Yeah, I do. You'd get them all?

Yeah, we'll take on theirs. No...

Yeah, what are you up to? I'm not bothering you am I?

Yeah, when have you ever done that? I'm doing it, right now.

Yeah.

Yeah. How many miles did he do last year?

Yeah. Not for me. I like it.

Yeah. What are you doing?

Yeah. Yeah. it's easy, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. Lovely.

Yeah. I think we mentioned it. Which he wrote in 1862.

Yeah. I was just... I've got to go in a sec.

Yeah. Just one. Just one. Just one?.

Yes you did. No I didn't.

Yes? Where do I file these?

Yes. Thank you very much.

You are not going to believe this. What? I believe it.

You are not my superior. Gee, then why do I have an office?

you can be assistant to the team manager. Assistant team manager?

You can sit on that if you like. Yes.

You can't do that.

You can't do that. Why not?

You could be referring to anything. Ok,

You could stay at mine if you wanted. I don't want to stay at yours.

You did this didn't you? Absolutely not.

You don't look busy. Do you want me to get busy, love?

You have to crack this things open. You know the whole reason we're doing

You heard that one then. Well...

You hit on someone's girlfriend, you don't expect to get tipped? No no no no no mate!

you know the best looking one upstairs. Yeah yeah.

You know what? Oh what?

You know what? Let me take Roy. All right we'll switch,

You know, if... What?

You know, the works... Wait acupuncture?

You know, you made a mistake. That's fine. No I haven't made a mistake.

you lied. it's a form of acting.

You not heard that before? Yeah.

You said Yazoo. I know.

You should come. It'll be a laugh. No I'd love to. We're all right seriously.

You slept with Jeff. Are we done then?

You still want to have a party? Yeah why not, sure,

you think I'd let that happen? No..way. It'd be out of your hands.

You wanna get high? No.

You wanna go to the beach? Sure.

You wanted to see me? Yeah. What do you know about Meredith?

You were surprised weren't you? Yes.

You what? Just write the answer if you know it.

You, me and Lee. Yeah the three of us.

You'd be using your hole as bait? Yeah.

You're coming down? Yeah I'm just forwarding the phones.

You're going to be all right, aren't you? Yeah. I work hard. I earn my keep.

You're on. Ok.

You're right. Is that right?

You're sure? Yes.

You're thinking of someone else. Oh! Sorry.

You've got to ask yourself that. Did you?

You've made cutbacks already? Yeah.

yours is the only signature I need. Oh ok.

Yup. I'll have the guitar.

... always want credit for something they're supposed to do!

...am I going to be fired? When will we know what's happening?

...clandestine little chats about being out of work.

...managed to sc**** a first in the end.

...redundancies. Now, it is true or not?

..a themed nightclub called Henry VIII's, right?

''A.''

''A'' I'm going to give her.

''and daren't look up and see the stars, but belch instead, ''

''and dry it in synthetic air, and paint their nails, '' They want to look nice,

''And talk of sports and makes of cars in various bogus Tudor bars,

''Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough,

''Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough.

''In labour saving homes with care''

''It isn't fit for humans now.''

''Oh Mark Paxton, sir. He's got knob rot off some tart.''

''Oh, Will we be made redundantee, David?''

''That's the way forward. That'll save us money.'' Will it?

''The cabbages are coming now.

''The earth exhales...'' He's the only cabbage around here.

''Their wives fri'zz out peroxide hair,

''to get it ready for the plough,

''who can swim faster than a shark?''

''Who's used all the penicillin?''

'Cause of the joke.

"and 40 seconds."

"At the third stroke, the time sponsored by accurist"

"Boss and team leader in drunken night out shock horror," it says here.

"but i must warn you, David, they do get a bit rowdy after a few pints."

"but I've done that, I want to better myself, I want to move on."

"but if he fell in a barrel full of tits,

"Can I enter it in the Alsatian section?" "No." For the same reasons.

"Can you spare us a moment to tell us how to run a team?

"Carpet Munchers don't get a point, Dr Wankenstein doesn't get a point.

"Celebrate good times. Come on!" Let's celebrate diversity right?

"Did I enjoy it? What did I learn? What was the point?" that's where I come in.

"dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs."

"fetish."

"Gareth Keenan investigates."

"he'd come up sucking his own thumb."

"He's going to be hard. By the book."

"how can I hate women? My mum's one."

"How to keep them task orientated as well as happy."

"I must remember to thank him."

"in the work related arena,

"investigation office", just for...

"investigation room"...

"It's half Alsatian, half labrador".

"life is what happens when you're making other plans."

"Mary had a little lamb"...

"Meredith is so old..."

"Meredith, good news! You're not actually a year older,

"Meredith, happy birthday

"Meredith, happy birthday...

"Meredith, Liz Taylor called, she wants her age back and her divorces back".

"Meredith. Let's hope that the only downsizing that happens to you...

"Mr Scott,

"nanu nanu, jibiddy blu blu"

"No." "Why?" "Because it's not a labrador." "Correct."

"Nothing good ever happens to me. When will it change?"

"Now get that dog out of my sight."

"Off the hook"!

"Oh, I don't do anything all day, but I need more money to do it."

"Oh, look at him. He's not able bodied. I am. I'm prejudiced."

"Oh, you failed the medical. Oh, all right, stay with your...", you know.

"Ok? You can go and fiddle with Neil's people, but I'm the head of this family.

"Operation surprise. "

"Quiet please! invetigation in process."

"Ricky!"

"Ricky. No, Ricky!" what was his girlfriend's name on eastenders?

"S'cuse me David, you've been in the business twelve years.

"sex...

"Silence. interrogation." that's frightening.

"Someone", forged medical information, and that is felony.

"Steven Hawking's Football Boots don't Get a point. I do."

"Thank you for the wisdom. Thank you for the laughs."

"Thanks for these. Check them out."

"Thanks, I will. You've proved my point."

"the time sponsored by accurist will be 4.21"

"These people are mucking around."

"This has been imposed upon me!" "This has been imposed upon me!"

"We can't stand it anymore, we're going." and they just left!

"We're off. Thanks for the opportunity and the great jokes."

"Well I'm Bork for Smork".

"Who donated that hospital wing that is saving somebody's life?

"will be 4.21 and 50 seconds."

"would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss?"

"You're fired", "you're fired".

"you're hired, and you can work here as long as you want".

"You're not going to fiddle with my children. I am, if anyone does"

"You've got to take the job and we won't take no for an answer".

(APPLAUSE)

(DANCE MUSIC: ''OUT OF YOUR MIND'' BY THE TRUESTEPPERS)

(DAVID ) Thlis is the poem ''Slough'' by Sir John BetJieman,

(DAVID) Hello, Doctor.

(GARETH) It's not as if she's your daughter or anything like that.

(GARETH) Yea we go there every Wednesday night, and It's a fun place,

(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

(MUSIC: ''SPINNING AROUND'' BY KYLIE MINOGUE)

(MUSIC: ''TAINTED LOVE'' BY SOFT CELL)

(RICK) We'll see, we'll see, we'll see. We'll see when this is over.

(TIM) Slough's nightlife is incredible.

(VACUUM CLEANER HUMS)

# And don't it feel good

# and don't it feel good

# baby, you can turn me on turn me on... #

# Going on up to the spirit in the sky

# hey! All right now

# hey! Yeah... #

# I I I I can rest my weary face. #

# I'm not in love

# I'm not in love

# I'm not in love... #

# I'm reaching out to a higher ground

# I'm walking on sunshine

# I'm walking on sunshine

# In a crazy maze. #

# it's going nowhere

# it's hard to bear with no one beside you

# it's hard to bear with no one to love you

# it's just a silly phase I'm going through

# it's tragedy

# Money don't make my world go round

# Now I'm walking on sunshine

# ooh, you went a long time

# ooh, you went a long time

# Ooh, you went a long time for me

# oooh, you went a long time for me

# sex bomb, sex bomb

# so don't forget

# spirit in the sky

# that's where I'm gonna go when I die

# To a warm and peaceful place

# tragedy! When you lose control and you've got no soul

# when I die

# when I die and they lay me to rest... #

# when the feeling's gone and you can't go on, it's tragedy

# when the morning cries and you don't know why

# when the morning cries and your heart just dies

# whoa!

# whoa!

# whoa!

# you can give it to me when I need to come along

# you're going nowhere... #

# you're my sex bomb

# You're my sex bomb

%HESITATION here I guess a couple coffee would be great waved us kids ok I sure started another

%HESITATION nnj fineness

%HESITATION no toes are pretty much only two problems she'd be perfect for you she's been talking to Michael so

%HESITATION today I am going to break some rules and you can have a conference room your Spaulding pathfinder Thursday which are meeting in their eleventh well

<?Ted Nickels?> set me down to start today