Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee - Season 1 Edit

A Frenchman leaves without saying goodbye.

A little Latin.

A long time ago, a guy came up to me and he said:

About what time would you say he gets there?

Agent 99 and 86 and....

And he said, "I'm a lawyer. I don't wanna be a lawyer.

And I said, "I'll give you a buck...

And I snuck backstage, there's a little dressing room, I walked in it.

And it's playing, and I'm with a bunch of people in an elevator, a nice lady...

And somebody says, "Get some rest."

And the guy says, "I make a living."

Anything where they secure the perimeter?

Are you eating corned beef or pastrami?

Are you turkey or roast beef?

As a car, it's horrible.

Because he had done the pirate, so you went back even further.

Because that's when the food is the least interesting to you.

Because you look like you can use a drink."

Billy Wilder said, "The reason I'm having lunch with you now...

But the very fact that he did the definitive work against Hitler...

But wait a minute, Jeopardy!'snot on at 8:00.

But you don't do that.

Chris Rock, I saw right away, I said, "He's funny."

Chris Rock, that was '96. This is 2012.

Dances With Wolves? Boy, you're really just catching up.

Every day, I went to Chock full o'Nuts. And a guy started bothering me...

First day I met him, he got up and did a ******* pirate. Hysterical.

Get Smart. That was a show that changed my life.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I met a girl. She was incredibly thin.

Guy gets hit by a car, little ******* man...

Hank Mancini had made an instrumental version...

Have a good night. That is a gorgeous car.

He never gave up being a dentist, this guy, Alan Uger.

He said, "I came up with the Cone of Silence.

He said, "I've been around, I've never seen anything like that."

He went on. And the following day...

He wrote a couple ofGet Smarts.

He wrote comedy on the side, he was very good.

He's an excellent driver. Hell, he's younger.

Hello?

Hi, Mel. Well, this looks like potato salad.

Holy.... I have so many appoint

How is this possible? That you have this mug?

I admire his commercial aptitude.

I bet you nobody knows that the first four episodes ofSeinfeldwere shot...

I can move it forward. One strike, two strikes.

I don't know if they used that show but they used him.

I even wrote a line where one of the gay dancers says...

I got his autograph and yours and I still have it.

I had a friend who never picked up a check without saying:

I had a friend who never picked up a check without saying: "They're charging for butter?"

I knew that. I kind of knew, if I got stuck in a sitcom...

I knew very early at the Village Vanguard when I saw Richard Pryor.

I mean, he was so German.

I met you at an Alan King show at the Westbury Music Fair

I needed a black guy to justify our inordinate use of the N word.

I said, "Here's a man who knows everything."

I said, "You go get a drink.

I said, "You owe me.

I saw that a few weeks ago and I thought:

I took her to a restaurant. She was so thin, the maître d' said:

I wanna be a comedy writer."

I want sandwiches, I want chicken. Did you bring soup too?

I want you to be one of the writers onBlazing Saddles."

I was 5. Good night, everybody! Wonderful working with you.

I was in the area and I was wondering if you'd like to go grab a coffee.

I went to see Alan King at the Meadowland, and I saw Alan King...

I would love to do that.

I'm glad you like it.

I'm gonna have soft scrambled eggs and very, very crisp bacon.

I'm Jerry Seinfeld, and this is Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.

I'm just a prince, I'm not a king.

I'm sorry, this is terrible to do, but I

I've never heard anyone do the punch line like that.

If Billy Wilder likes it, I must be good.

If he had spent his time with this, he wouldn't have never doneProducers.

Interestingly, both of these aspects of both of you guys did things that are...

Is that you thought that there was a profound revenge for Hitler's crimes...

It has a 6.2 liter V8 engine.

It has a very elegant turning radius of 42 feet.

It was likeThe Godfather.

It's challenging and it's fun.

Just for my box set, do me a favor.

Let me see the room where you guys watch TV.

Let's watch the pilot again, see what we can remember."

My name is Ruthie and I'll be your server.

My very special guests today are comedy legends Carl Reiner...

No one has ever asked me that.

No, I just want to check the prices.

No, no, I'm not gonna go.

No. That's good.

Now I will. But do you ever work anymore?

Oh, God, you're breaking my heart. I love that show.

Oh, here, Mel brought these yesterday.

Oh, Jerry, yes, yes, how are you?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so Mel comes over.

One thing for sure, Mel, is this is getting cut out. I'll be damned...

Put it under his head. He says, "Are you comfortable?"

Richie Pryor was a good friend, we hung out together.

Right. I could talk about comedy a lot, but I think it's like talking about sex.

See the show and write aGet Smartepisode."

See, you get it? See, look at all the acting I did. For a lousy joke.

So crisp, they'll say, "That's too crisp." That's it.

So he did.

So he joined us.

So I had Andrew Bergman, Richie Pryor, Norman and Alan Uger.

So I said, "Look, I have a show calledGet Smart.

So that's 62 years.

Thank you for doing this, by the way. Do you have any idea what you're doing?

That was a great joke.

That's a long time between guys breaking out.

That's a privilege of old man ness.

That's another thing, I like to tape baseball games...

That's funny. Did you ever say this before?

That's it! That's the time. I only saw him one time in my whole life.

That's the most amazing story I've ever heard.

That's why you jumped into little clubs to say

The horsepower is listed as "adequate."

The nicest part about it, and I mean this sincerely...

The roast beef. Well, cheers.

The timing of the check coming at the end of the meal makes no sense.

The timing of the check coming at the end of the meal makes no sense.

The very first show.

Then in the end, there's a cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes...

This is 2012?

This is a 1960 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud II.

This is a comedy class. Morty sees Moshe on the street and says:

This was a surprisingly enjoyable experience.

Three dollars and 50 cents for a sailcloth, who can afford that?"

To me, when you take a big chance is when you bring...

To me, you're royalty.

We haven't left yet.

We like a movie if somebody says, "Secure the perimeter!"

We really should tip her before we eat.

We watchJeopardy!when we eat.

We wrote a lot of it in New York and then I took Norman with me.

Well, I mean, sometimes I'm interested in attitudes.

Well, that seems like a pretty nice life.

What's the difference between a Jew and a Frenchman?

Whenever I lecture or teach or do anything...

WhenThe Producerscame out, the play....

With brand new material that is bound to fail.

With the:

Wow, this is not very elegant.

Yeah, at this age, you wanna You don't have time

Yes. I won number one play In Berlin that season...

You can do any fancy dive you want, it's just a foot of water.

You can't understand why you did this whole thing.

You know something? I was just about to have breakfast.

You know who I admire lately? And not because I think he's funny.

You know, he said, "I can't afford to pillage and **** anymore.

You know, Mel, you have never seen him work in person.

You were sitting there. Alan King was there.

...and was the biggest hit. Really?

...if I'm gonna sit here hyping Louis C.K. I don't blame you.

...in making fun of him. Kenny Mars came in...

...in the world... Right.

...it's a swamp. It's quicksand. You're telling me.

"The balls on this guy." Yeah.

All right, ladies and germs. Okay. All right.

All right. Fantastic. Okay, so 8.

And I'll have orange juice and coffee. A cup of coffee.

Anyway, this is where he sits. Right

Chicken in a pot. Chicken in a pot.

Did you bring food? I did.

Eight o'clock to eat And what do you guys watch?

He falls asleep with his mouth open. Well, that's what old men do.

He had a partner, a dentist A lawyer and a dentist.

He just played it here last night. I got Buck Henry to come over.

He was my god. You're good.

He's four, five years younger. Right. Yeah, he's a kid.

Hello? Carl?

How long is that relationship? From 1950 on.

I didn't care. Who will know what sitcom writers are?"

I haven't had bacon in an awful long time. That's why you're 90.

I haven't had bacon in an awful long time. That's why you're 90.

I love you. Love you too. Great to see you.

I remember coming You visited.

I remember that. Remember?

I smell comedy, I really do. Yeah.

I tape it. You

I wanna know every detail of this. Well, one of the things he does...

I'll see you. All right.

I've always seen What are you bothering him for?

******* fella? Wonderful writer.

Look at Carl working here. Really.

Luminaries, yeah. What do you think "R.B." is?

Mel comes every night. Every night.

Mel is coming over tonight. Right.

Nate 'n Al's. What do you want? You like hot tongue sandwich?

No, because I will. No, you won't.

No, well, you do Tell him what I do.

No. That's good.

Oh, his business acumen? Yes!

Oh, oh, one more thing. Yeah?

Really? Yeah. But it's a nice living room.

Really? You came up with the shoe phone."

Really? Thanks again, Mel. All right.

Right. I knew it tickled me.

Right. Right. Became his pal. "This guy got it."

Roast beef. You're ready forJeopardy!, I can see.

So I don't. Do you miss it?

So I had this idea... Right.

Stop that. Jerry.

Thank you. Please come again. Thank you.

That doesn't usually go like that. No.

That's I was 8 years old.

The fact that I don't know whether they liked it...

This thing just keeps on going. My doctor says don't eat salt.

Tip before we eat? Yeah.

To show hits and catches. Compression, compression.

Was that your car making that noise? Yeah.

We're all, you know, comic.... Luminaries.

We're gonna be your eaters. Oh, okay!

Were you sure this was gonna work? No.

What do you think of it so far? It is quite beautiful.

What year was it? 1970.

When he eats, he sits here. This is the Mel Brooks Carl Reiner table.

When I go to a comedy club Why would you go to a comedy club?

When you go in the restaurant... That's a great....

Who is that? Louis C.K.

Who's that? It's probably Seinfeld.

Would you like to come? That'd be a huge thrill.

Wow, is this true? Yeah!

Yeah? It's Jerry.

Yeah. And a Jew...

Yeah. We watched the pilot, I said, "Buck.

Yeah. With wheels.

Yeah. It's a good life. Yes. I have to say.

Yes. What does Mel like?

You caught me at a perfect time. Oh, fantastic, I'll be by in a few minutes.

You do characters. No.

You have a breakfast menu? What could they have on the menu...

You order them on TV? Yes, absolutely.

You said you're going to Caesar's. You're not going to Caesar's.

You're kidding. The five of us wroteBlazing Saddles.

You're kidding. Is this true? Yes.

...2000 years ago," and I started to interview

...a posse of cowboys onto a sound stage...

...about the ego and the id. I mean, I was driven.

...about this movie about Bialystock and Bloom...

...and get together. You never go to his house?

...and he feels free to do that, he's watching television....

...and his pal of 62 years, Mel Brooks.

...and read it, and I was stunned.

...and that the musical played in Germany...

...and the cowboy says, "I'm parked behind the commissary."

...and the friend says, "Get a pillow."

...and then they want money for it. And you're not hungry anymore.

...and they're swaying. And I said:

...break through a set at Warner Bros. with gay dancers."

...do two hours of the most brilliant stuff on his family, his brothers.

...he cries, and the cowboy pets him...

...I came in and said, "Here's a man who was at the scene of the crucifixion...

...I say, "It's gotta please you. If you don't laugh, they won't laugh."

...I won the Ernst Lubitsch Award for theater.

...if you promise me one thing." He says, "What?"

...inside show business things. A joke about the commissary...

...is because you had a hundred cowboys...

...is to have a friend, and that you guys still live near each other...

...of "Springtime for Hitler."

...on the same stage as The Dick Van Dyke Show.

...or they were apologizing. I'm not sure.

...says goodbye and never leaves.

...so I don't have to watch them scratch.

...started pulling at my coat. Norman Steinberg.

...that you're not aware of? How many breakfasts have you had?

...to a rough cowboy after he fights, he fights with him...

...we're gonna have this great night.

...where they're doing a gay Busby Berkeley dance number.

...you'd think, "Who will know what a commissary is?

...you're so excited. The appetizers and you're anticipating...

"Can you give me a buck for a sandwich?"

"Check your umbrella." I'm not making this up.

"Get some rest."

"How can I just ? If I can get two laughs tonight."

"If they only knew the lyrics," you know?

"Moshe, I heard about the fire!" And he said:

"Old **** telling jokes." I'm an old Jew, I'll tell a joke.

"Thursday."