💬 Archer - Season 6

A black guy would be better than no date,

A child, I just realized, who's probably on her way up

A fat widdle baby, yes you are, yes you are. [Crying]

A ha! Maybe it is good for something.

A mandatory meeting at 7:00 A.M.?

A pathetic cheese farmer

A quart?

A salad bar roof on it,

A severe head injury on impact.

A very small town, in Nagano prefecture, but

A whole different word for it.

A woman named Lana, who got pregnant.

A ya!

A ya! [Cymbals crash]

A.K.A., me, Sterling Archer. Oh, yeah.

Aah.

About 500 miles from you.

About a little thing called confidence. And contrary to

About as rare as getting called up to the majors

About being a father when A.J. was born?

About getting phrasing back in the mix.

About me saving the lives of eight other climbers

About the communists?

About the staff meeting? Oh, right. Yes. Never mind.

About this exact thing we're doing right now.

About your dirty old junk touching mine...

Absconds with my child and she'll call me back?

After having sex with a prostitute.

After he literally stabbed me! In the back!

After I shoot you in the face.

After we rescue Pam. Now, shut up.

Again, I'm actually Canadian.

Agh, son of a

Agh, thanks jungle.

Agh! Well, you could have said that!

Ah, so you did know.

Ah.

Ah... oh, yeah, right down that road.

Aha. And also ah who?

Aiyah!

All right, I'd call this... a qualified success.

All right, pick it up, people!

All right, Virginia Slim. You're

All right! Jesus Christ!

All right. So we can make... I guess this will be a... Black Mexican?

All the equipment you'll need

All these stories about what a badass you are,

All your fault!

Although "enjoy" is maybe a bit strong.

Although actually yes, how is A.J.?

Although he has nailed his backstory.

Although I prefer the term "cleaner" to "assassin."

Although now that I think about it, this whole thing is totally her fault.

Although that can't bode well.

Although, I assumed there'd be a bar.

Although, no.

Although...

Am I right? Come on. They should call it a...

Am I strapped? No, homie, I'm not.

America, and the Empire of Japan.

An experienced climber like you said you were!

An extremely difficult climb tomorrow, guys,

An important assignment for us, which I'm sure

An ounce gotta go out.

And [Sighs] Can you promise

And hush. And what operation

And "B" through "Z",

And "no" is what I'm saying.

And also shit!

And also between us, okay? Because your mom likes to worry, A.J.,

And also kinda racist.

And apparently he's doing quite well.

And as we speak is up to his eyeballs

And besides, we don't need cell phones. We have a

And boosh!

And bottomless vin rogue.

And bully for you. Give it here.

And casually say, "Hi"!

And Cheryl is Cheryl.

And eat whenever?

And either way... I say we say he's dead.

And even if I were,

And exactly what are you doing with those bags?

And find out who the damn target is!

And for the record, being stuck in an elevator

And for what possible reason?

And get them to safety before the rest of these

And get us a motel room.

And hang on. Excuse me, are you and I gonna have a problem?

And happier and stronger than ever.

And he was an astronaut,

And here's your office, Ms. Archer...

And how about this renovation, huh?

And hundreds of crevasses

And I actually have some thoughts on that,

And I assume that's the only door, so...

And I believe the phrase you're searching for is...

And I need to borrow a shirt.

And I object to the term "babysit," because clearly I am not a baby.

And I resent you making me feel like that, so...

And I said hang the frickin shit on!

And I thought a real one would help me get into the character better.

And I want to smoke, so...

And I'm actually Canadian, not Irish.

And I'm already babysitting

And I'm not really in the mood for a WD 40 and coke.

And if anything happened to them,

And if I wanted to make you jealous

And if it gets on my suede boots

And if the rest of you will follow me,

And if you harmed one single hair

And if you screw it up,

And if you try any funny stuff

And if you two dopes didn't screw up

And if, huge if, you're gonna be involved,

And increasingly impatient for his bride to be's arrival

And Ireland was not an Axis power!

And is this...

And it doesn't strike you

And it wasn't "Japanese whorehouse."

And just where, exactly, were you hoping to smoke that cigarette?

And Lana, try to look actually, yeah. Matronly.

And let's get this extraction going.

And liquor and their therapist's cock.

And literally the most fattening thing

And meet the extraction team within the next two hours,

And Michiko Ishikawa, from Japan. Konbanwa.

And mother and Slater and the CIA are idiots for trusting him,

And now you are gonna follow me.

And of course your mother would do anything to impress the CIA.

And on top of that, we've got, I'm guessing, two flasks of bourbon.

And poop related septicemia!

And prosecutors and bankers and generals all over the world,

And run out into the snow.

And she asked me to be a bridesmaid.

And since when are you elevator boss? Birth?

And since you are

And since you obviously didn't read the mission dossier

And so basically, the only thing keeping you

And so Conway's plan

And some of which merely resembled it.

And speaking of toast, I don't know about you guys,

And that makes it better.

And that's A.M.?

And that's not just because

And that's pretty sacred to us, so...

And the CIA told mother the target has killed judges

And the rest of you, I can't see any benefit

And the second, on Nagasaki.

And the Soviet invasion of Bessarabia.

And the tea.

And then all the remaining ones?

And then are safe.

And then I'll be in charge of rationing it out.

And then it plummets down into the basement,

And then just waltz in here like you never left,

And then sit here sipping amontillado sherry

And then try to talk the stewardess into a handjob.

And then you are gonna apologize

And then, also, cover me, please.

And thermal underwear?

And try to reach her!

And two bivvy sacks! But that's okay,

And two, I'm talking about A.J., Lana.

And two, what's more impressive,

And watch this...

And we boing into that giant spring

And we gotta hurry. A storm's coming!

And we spent an entire year as coke dealers?

And what are you doing in the window?

And what are you laughing at, stroker ace?

And what fresh hell is this?

And why do you have a baby?

And why do you know so much about elevators?

And why? Why do you have the baby?

And you did blow up the plane?

And you got Slater in on it? With the fake blood?

And you must be our late reservations.

And you own a 500 acre dairy farm in upstate New York,

And you will be civil and polite.

And you will not let her push your

And you, my tweedy widdle

And you're just a regular Sylvia Browne.

And you're kind of a mean drunk.

And you're scared that we'll figure out you're actually just a Krieger clone.

And yours. What? Krieger hasn't!

And, also, several bullets, so

And, I don't want to sound racist,

And, Krieger? Coffee?

And, not only am I a secret agent,

And, not that it matters, also black.

And, trust me, it would be no place for a baby.

And, uh...

And, whose fiance dumped him,

And...

And... why are you telling me this?

Anyway [Sighs] his cover's been blown.

Anyway, he needs an extraction from

Anyway, I bet the top of the car smashed

Anyway, I doubt the robot has any bourbon,

Anyway, I need to go get one out of a plane

Anyway, I was walking him into a CIA safe house,

Anyway, if you don't wanna spend the next year

Anyway, until I find the leak and plug it, I need you to babysit him.

Anyway, you didn't ask if you could use his...

Archer comes in to save her,

Archer, if you do that again

Archer, just Or you!

Archer, shut up. You're gonna be okay.

Archer!

Archer! Do something!

Archer?

Archer? Archer? Archer?

Are fighting together for communism.

Are gonna have to establish some ground rules.

Are smashing around in here like crash dummies,

Are we not on the same side?

Are you a mind reader, too?

Are you crazy? That's cashmere!

Are you finished?

Are you guys so frickin' excited?

Are you happy?

Are you out of your shitting mind?

Are you really her boyfriend?

Are you strapped?

Are you tired of constantly

Argentina's using it for leverage,

Argentine intelligence is onto him,

Arn didn't even know she was alive.

As "Brazilian minstrel show meets Trading Places"?

As a woman scorned. Lana, remember?

As did I, but I was betrayed

As I was saying, before you, Pam,

As if...

As in, you're dumb, and you dress like a waiter.

As is that.

As opposed to?

As U.S. Marines attack the Japs

As, like, a tablecloth or whatever.

Asimov's three laws of look,

Assho

Asshole!

Asshole! What the hell?

Asshole.

At her coworkers!

At least give me the gun.

At the bottom of the elevator shaft,

At the rehearsal dinner,

At the thought of responsibility

Aur kya?! Bakri chowd ... oh!

Aur kya?! Bakri chowd sewer jinn!

Avalanche! Whoo hoo!

Aw, maaan...

Aw, son of a bitch! What's wrong?

Aw, you're absolutely insane.

Aw! I'm not saying nothing.

Axis power Germany...

Axis power Italy...

Ay!

Ay! Coronel!

B but, what about Michiko?!

Baby A.J.!

Barry?

Because Cheryl.

Because he's a frickin' cyborg.

Because I dunno what your plan was with that gun,

Because I feel like a total dick.

Because I had a very specific vision,

Because I will straight flush your brains out the back of your skull!

Because I'm afraid it'll hurt your feelings.

Because I'm the one that ripped of Conway's hand?

Because I've been lost at sea.

Because if it gets on these boots,

Because if you don't retrieve that computer

Because it's gonna hit 70 below,

Because Katya broke up with me!

Because no one else is here yet.

Because of the snacks, ya dickholes!

Because right now I'm going to explain

Because that's where over 80 pct of home accidents happen.

Because the next time you use

Because time's a bit of a factor.

Because we are out of Axis powers.

Because we, you and I,

Because what kind of sick bastard

Because you don't want me drinking liquor?

Because you jeopardized his mission.

Because you need help with the baby and you can't call Lana,

Because you'd give me a lecture on it.

Because you're a large diameter dickhole.

Because, how did you lose a baby?

Because, if anything happens to me, and

Because, turns out, you actually know this operator.

Because, you jackass,

Because...

Becoming a parent against my will.

Beep, boop, boop, boop! Come on, cyborg.

Before driving around in a car with your infant daughter!

Before I go home too much to ask?

Behind buildings,

Behind the bar. And quit yelling.

Behind the goddamn grain elevator" Olerud!

Behind whatever gay strip joint

Believe me, I tried.

Besides a place to blow farmers,

Besides snow?

Besides what Arn's balls taste like?

Besides, I'm not a CIA schoolgirl.

Big enough to hold a computer!

Big whoop, hang her in a bear bag.

Boom! Priapism!

Bowel or otherwise.

Breakfast. Hey, hey, wait a second.

Breaking into Ms. Archer's apartment

Broke the elevator somehow, we're stuck at the top.

Brought to her knees by the explosion

Bulletproof.

Bullshit, my asshole.

Buonasera.

Burn!

But and the implied threat here

But damn, wait. Okay. So, an astronaut

But Power through it.

But She's dead,

But "Kane" obviously spelled

But a bunch of his former colleagues were waiting for us.

But actually, without the honey and lemon

But all I have is tequila and coffee liqueur.

But all we have is breast milk...

But all you care to eat prime rib!

But Archer hosed me, and I don't have a sitter.

But are we married to Abbiejean, or...?

But do you know how to make eggs Woodhouse?

But for God's sake, six weeks is long enough.

But how did they know where the...

But I assure you, Mr. Archer, this is all very real.

But I bet you call before then!

But I didn't eat any...

But I don't know about those clams, though.

But I gotta tell ya, Farooq's not seeing it.

But I guess the letters could use a touch up.

But I just wanna say,

But I'm not sure if that's an accurate analogy.

But I'm talking about us flying on the same plane, Lana. What if it crashed?

But I've got other shit to do today.

But it almost would've been cheaper

But it's all just the same as it was.

But it's probably too late now, so...

But mini bottles?

But no, guess who she asks instead?

But now he wants to come over to our side.

But now you have a chance to right that wrong,

But now... can I assume you're CIA?

But obviously didn't know I was on to them.

But only as an inevitable consequence

But seriously, how in the hell

But she doesn't need to, because when you're with me, kid,

But shut up, just get A.J. outta here, I'll take care of the rest.

But since I'm stuck in here with you people...

But that technology doesn't exist!

But that was before I had a child, a child you threatened to harm.

But the safety brakes to stop it.

But there's about four feet of new wet snow

But this place is safe, though, right?

But we will take the mission, won't we, Sterling?

But we're alive! And you never let

But whatever badass shit that you heard I did,

But when you do... please shut up...

But why would you do this?

But would you mind keeping A.J. for the

But you could have gotten the disk yourself.

But you know you're no prize, right?

But you've got to pace me,

But, someday.

But, uh, that can't be good.

By a lying little country music wannabe.

By Argentine special ops on standing orders

By being out of position?

By hitting on this idiot beard face sweater model,

By Lurch from the Adam's family.

C'mon, c'mon...

C'mon, if you've climbed it...

C'mon, people, let's move!

Call 911! Call 911!

Called a schedule.

Calm down, Ike Turner.

Can I even wear shoes in here?

Can I just say one thing, before we get into all

Can we please put a pin in this?

Can we talk about this later?

Can you believe that shit?

Can you believe this other shit?

Can you see anything?

Captain shit nuts!

Carol, shut up.

Carol's got crippling claustrophobia.

Check out mah beard!

China, too. Called the Cold War.

Clean the jizz out of your ears, jizz ears.

Clinging to her dead and shriveled body

Coldblooded.

Come on, Archer, that's us.

Come on, come on, come on. Oh, keep your panties on.

Come on, Cyril. For most of us,

Come on, to that Nazi freak's lab!

Come on, what happened?

Come on! Of course you do. You just drank a 40!

Come on! Pam, stop it!

Come on. We're not gonna put a couple of untested rookies

Come out and play.

Come to what

Conway, shut up and try to look semi presidential.

Cool Honda scrambler Japan, or

Coronel Lando Calrissiano, de Las Fuerzas Especiales,

Could I possibly embarrass you?

Could pass for a Latino to get us in.

Crash has a bad feeling about one of the other climbers.

Crazy son of...

Cyril, come on. Hand on the Bible,

Cyril, let's get that sweater vest off, buddy.

Cyril, look How about this?

Cyril, secure the child.

Cyril, shut up. You shut up!

Cyril, what is that? Is that a bagel?

Dammit, Pam.

Dammit!

Damn it, Carol. There's nobody

Damn it, Ray, hold the frickin' door!

Damn! How creepy! Damn!

Day after tomorrow.

Define "soup."

Dibs on snacks.

Dickhole.

Did Archer seem a little, like... scared to you guys?

Did reality set it?

Did red dawn happen and nobody told me about it?

Did she dump pig's blood all over you at the prom?

Did you look in here?

Did you mean ?

Die Totenspitz...

Do not move! Don't move!

Do they? Oh my God, no!

Do you know what I would give to have seen her grow up?

Do you people think you're doing?

Do you wish there was a way to not keep constantly

Does that mean Barry possibly, literally froze his nuts off

Doesn't even make sense.

Doesn't strike you as unnecessarily complicated?

Doesn't work for you!

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Don't yell at me, I didn't lose her.

Don't you think she'd be better off if she were a...

Down this trail, and

Drank a third of a gallon of malt liquor,

Duh!

Duh. Me, too.

Dukes!

Easy! Hey! Hey! Pam, stop that.

Eat a buffet of dicks.

Eat a dick, blizzard.

Edie dogging you out in front of the entire school.

Edie, cut me down!

El Presidente de Brasil y su esposa!

Elaborate voicemail hoax

Elevator phone! Cyril, try that.

Err! Fine, but

Espere.

Esposa Grande.

Even for me, that was pretty lucky.

Even in a new dress, you look like ten pounds of shit

Even the damn phone is the same.

Everybody calm

Everybody shut up, because, spoiler alert, this is a baby.

Everybody stay put, keep the weight spread out!

Everybody stop talking! Trying to make a phone call!

Everybody's got a hole that needs to be filled.

Everything else is in plastic bags.

Everything is the same.

Ew!

Ew. Ew.

Ew. Of course it does.

Eww, which would make it a Rusty krieger.

Exactly like the old one did!

Exactly. That's the whole point.

Except for that Formula One team.

Except for you, Milton!

Excuse me?

Eye, idiot, eye.

Fast forward to me buying her liposuction

Feel that, she feels chubby.

Fifteen thousand feet of some of the most dangerous climbing in all of Europe.

Find what? Nothing.

Fine. Whatever. No more phrasing.

First lieutenant Sato Kentaro.

First of all, Lana, I didn't waltz in here,

First of all, Pam, shut up.

Flight 934, to Greenbay, Wisconsin.

Flower box.

Follow me.

For a free drink if you're a lady, so...

For a second, I thought you were Lana.

For A.J. and me.

For dropping those truth bombs.

For gay Republicans? That's a thing?

For God's sake, man, it has no sleeves.

For graduation.

For hurting her feelings.

For literally the dumbest guy in Russia?

For meat or Cyril's priapism? Both.

For moving to New York City.

For my shower at home.

For the love of God, will you just

For the love of God, woman!

For the millionth and last time,

For the TB 800 A.K.A. Cyberneddly Teddly.

For those of you who don't speak German, that means...

For two separate sessions of 80 uninterrupted minutes each

For weakness. The price is the price.

For your information, Lana... I skimmed it.

For?

From "half ass" to "quadruple ass."

From murdering each other is a lack of access to firearms.

From single a ball

From um from one of the other climbers.

From what? Your mom's antique vagina?

Gaping asshole.

Gentlemen, I'm afraid you mistake my hospitality

Get down! You're not my supervi !

Get help how? It's a toaster.

Get it, Archer?

Get it, get it, get it before it gets on me!

Get the computer, blow up the plane with C 4,

Get used to bananas!

Get your own goddamn bear claw!

Get your shit together, man.

Getting stuck in elevators?

Gimme that. Put it down.

Give me... Get away!

Go get help, boy.

Go, go, go, go, go!

God dammit!

God dammit! Let me go!

God dammit! Where the hell is it?

God damn it, Archer!

God damn it, Archer! I am not giving you a blowjob!

God damn it!

God damn it! Why are you going up?

God damn, son of a cyborg bitch!

God I love poker night.

God, finally. Okay, that's eight rounds,

God, is one last non malarial hurrah

God, okay, final offer, ten thousand baht,

Goddammit, it's not my ears! What?

Goddammit.

Goddammit...

Goddamn, dude! Dude!

Good luck with your... hate cards?

Good to see some fellow Americans.

Good. Why are you here in the first place?

Goodbye.

Got three on the hip, I need four for the weekend.

Gott I'm Himmel... Dio mio...

Growrrrf!

Guerillas, I think, Chinese and Malays.

Guess I should get in there and break that up.

Guess we can go ahead and use my suit pants.

Guten Abend.

Guys, be ready to pull on my command!

Guys, come on. Knock it off, please.

Guys, get the napkins! Okay, let's just take it down a n

Ha!

Ha! Because you also need my help.

Ha! Elaborate God damn it!

Had to get more Tom for the Collins

Hai, okay.

Halo!

Hang on Lana, hush.

Hang on, did she really?

Hang on, I'm coming!

Hang on!

Hang on! I'm saying hang on!

Hang on! What are you, deaf?

Hang on.

Hang on. Yeah, literally, that a giant hand has turned my dial

Hang on...

Hang on... No.

Hardened, keycard, and retinal scan entry.

Has Had

Has paid with his life.

Hatsumi?

Hatsumi.

Hatsumi...

Have you at least baby proofed this place?

Have you seen Archer?

He and Pam are at her sister's wedding.

He can't. Wha

He could soak up some of these bullets.

He kidnapped your sister, you jerk!

He literally stabbed me in the back!

He said

He set himself up in Europe as some kind of arms dealer.

He stole everything!

He was gonna sell the disk to the Soviets.

He's in here, you ritzy ditz!

He's making toast! I want to see!

He's the target! What?

Hell hath no fury, huh? Meaning?

Hello! Can you hear me?

Hello! Hello!

Hello?

Hello? I can barely hear you.

Hello.

Here?

Here.

Here. Have a cold... Wow.

Here's all the VJ day parades in America.

Here's some flyers.

Here's The Bad News Bears Go to Japan.

Here's you guys signing the surrender on the USS Missouri.

Here's...maybe six ounces of Bourbon.

Herr Hessler? Ze peak... of death.

Hey guys...

Hey, but slow down, though, we're, hey !

Hey, English, good.

Hey, freaky bigtime!

Hey, hey, now, listen to me, all right?

Hey, it's me, quick question

Hey, remember that time you broke some of my ribs?!

Hey, there's this new thing we have

Hey, track suit,

Hey, we are leaving in five, so

Hey, what's Milton doing? What do you

Hey, whoa!

Hey, whoa! Are guns really necessary?

Hey, you know what?

Hey, you know what? Besides how to dress like an adult?

Hey, you!

Hey, you.

Hey!

Hey! Enough, you two!

Hey! Guys, come on! Hey! Get your hands o

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Lana.

Hey! Remain calm. Do not panic.

Hey! What the shit, woman?

Hey! You're not the boss of me!

Hey.

Hey. Shh.

Hey...

Hijos de puta! Conmigo estan

Him and He and...

Hint of creme de menthe, and peppermint schnapps.

Hired a manny. Hey, I'm... Manny.

Hm? Oh, Takamori.

Hm.

Hmm.

Hmm. I want to say...

Hmm. Okay. But then we go with my plan.

Holy shit, I gotta wash that down.

Holy shit, is that really an

Holy shit!

Holy shitsnacks! What the Pam?

Horatio Kane. God damn it.

How about a Oh, wait by heads up,

How about a big hand for Pyle, gang?

How about cirrhosis?

How can I relax while we are at war?

How could you possibly be that excited

How did you even know I was here?

How did you get where are you?

How do you still have two hands?

How either, in this universe,

How exactly is this supposed to work?

How hard can it be?

How hard is it to remember gum?

How is it common sense that she thinks I want to masturbate?

How long have you been on this island?

How long was I out?

How scary this was for me.

How to grow actual bear tissue to cover it

How would you know when to jump?

How's the water?

Huddle up, and hang on tight!

Huh, I mean, I'm not a doctor,

Huh!

Huh?

Huh? Hm?

Huh? Oh, yeah.

Huh? Oh. No. No, no. Just that one phrase.

Huh? Yeah. Oh, sorry.

Huh.

Huh. I guess you had that coming.

Huh. I think I got a blowjob out here once.

Huh. Maybe?

Huh. Probably why that night in a Karachi whorehouse

Huh. That makes way more sense.

Hurry up, dammit! Get in your tent,

Hurry up, ya ding dongs!

Hypothermia.

I Ah! I am out of here.

I And if you did I don't wanna know!

I As in "beeswax," Lana.

I however you normally do it.

I I am blocking this number!

I no, I don't, and also, shut up

I that you the that

I that is what I'm doing now.

I why do you want it?

I wow, so you'd ask Krieger

I also have extreme claustrophobia.

I am gonna re hit that.

I am in fairly desperate need of medical attention.

I am not ridin' bitch in this tent!

I am not.

I am now going to feed our child.

I am sans bars. Yeah, you're not gonna get a signal.

I am the world's greatest secret agent.

I am way stronger than you.

I am, actually.

I am, if you'd shut up.

I am, obviously! If you'd shut up!

I am?

I am. It's not doing anything.

I asked everybody, even Krieger.

I assume from the jungle.

I assume on the back of my toilet.

I assume that was a sports analogy meant to be cutting,

I assume you're familiar with the brown note?

I believe the phrase you're searching for

I believe there was some mention

I bet he's just on the C.D.L.

I bet I won't.

I call 'em "Mike and Vikes."

I call it a Peppermint Patty.

I called immigration, tried to get his father deported.

I can promise you that.

I can still make the rehearsal dinner.

I can't believe Lana set this up. Just so I'd call and ask for help.

I can't believe they pulled it off.

I can't see her! There's a ledge!

I can't take it! I am smoking! Ray!

I can't. I don't have the intel yet.

I can't. It would kill Lou Ann.

I did. I thought you were being sarcastic!

I didn't know if I'd have time for lunch.

I didn't know what ceviche was!

I didn't, the CIA did.

I didn't, well that would be weird.

I do not have an erection!

I do not want to masturbate!

I do, Ken. I much very do.

I don't care if you are the president and first lady of Brazil

I don't do dossiers.

I don't know about any stories,

I don't know what people are gonna be wearing for apres montee!

I don't know what to say.

I don't know who all lies to you!

I don't know. It's a hobby.

I don't live on the sidewalk, you mope.

I don't need an excuse.

I don't need help with A.J. because I, uh...

I don't normally do it!

I don't think a baby can hurt anything.

I don't think it was the ceviche...

I don't want to show up with a black eye.

I don't want you drinking anything!

I dunno, it just feels weird.

I dunno. Some cereal.

I forget to make waffle.

I forget you were working the program.

I get all you can eat prime rib

I got a key, ya skimpnuts.

I got a plane waiting at an airstrip.

I got explosive ammo.

I got it.

I guess I've just always been fascinated by them.

I had a baby.

I had to shoot our way out of there.

I have a meeting. Good bye.

I have an idea!

I have been gone far too long.

I have kind of a weird bucket list.

I have no idea where it is.

I honestly have no response to that.

I hope I don't start crying later

I hope you check your messages,

I hope you do burn this place down.

I hope.

I installed an R.F. jammer on the roof.

I just I just needed some...

I just remembered, from the dossier!

I just wanted it to be all white.

I kinda scorned you last time we met?

I knew he was one of the good guys.

I knew it. In my heart of hearts,

I know what I'm doing. I've read ten Baby sitters Club books.

I know, but No. Shut up, because here's the thing

I know, but this is an emergency.

I know.

I know. At his age, it's like, why even bother?

I like him in vests. Me too.

I made a drink, my furrier called.

I made a mental note of it at the time.

I made another drink, but I was out of ice,

I mean

I mean jealous, because I aced the mission!

I mean, he'd have to be, right?

I mean, I'm sure we will at some point, but

I mean, is this a mugging, or...?

I mean, maybe.

I mean, really?

I mean, whatever the task, we are up to it.

I mean, ya know, I'm going back, obviously,

I mean, you know, relatively.

I mean...

I mean... Ugh, God dammit.

I meant oh, I get it.

I meant cut me down from here!

I need to think. About what?

I need you to Shut up!

I never had, but you just throw it away.

I punch the coordinates in the GPS,

I really don't think that this is the time to talk about that.

I see what you did there.

I sent her down into that crevasse,

I sincerely apologize for doing that.

I smell toast.

I still have a gun?

I swear to God I will do it again.

I swear to God I won't do it again.

I swear to God, if I catch you near this child again,

I think I might be concussed.

I think no.

I think she's robbing Mr. Archer.

I think the important thing now

I think you guys actually did that.

I thought so, yeah.

I thought the hole was bigger.

I thought you had Rambo sleepaway camp.

I thought you three were just some idiot wannabe tourists,

I thought you were going to renovate this place.

I thought you were thanking me...

I tried Cyril, Pam, Cheryl,

I wanna say a platypus,

I want to know why you don't want it to be mother.

I wanted to see if I could trust you to take care of A.J. by yourself.

I was actually thinking of Romania...

I was doing market research

I was going to, but come on.

I was gonna say "zip code," guys

I was having my apartment bug bombed,

I was lost at sea, Lana, and we had to ration the food and water.

I was offering you a drink,

I will not allow it.

I will not be responsible for my actions.

I will, but only because I choose to.

I wish. I mean, no! No.

I would be, if you quit jumping around.

I would if I had the strength, dick!

I would! I would love to talk, Lana.

I, uh, I

I, well, no, it'd have a, like a...

I... I think I could use a drink.

I'll call you back.

I'll catch up, I gotta run in here real quick

I'll drive you both upstate,

I'll give you the bullets!

I'll hate crime your ass right here.

I'll put my mouth right up next to the hole and blow into it.

I'll show her what Arn's balls taste like.

I'll tell you in the car. Come on!

I'm a verb now, Lana. Deal with it!

I'm actually not sure where we stand.

I'm archer izing this plan!

I'm calling for backup!

I'm getting married tomorrow,

I'm going upstate for SERE school.

I'm gonna blip blorp, blobba do dob onna beep borp,

I'm gonna clip on, abseil down on a v thread,

I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna parent the shit outta that kid,

I'm gonna stop you there.

I'm honestly kind of on the fence!

I'm just having a stroke.

I'm kidding, it's three, and also me. Ass.

I'm listening.

I'm not America's not your enemy!

I'm not a frickin' mind reader.

I'm not a huge fan of change.

I'm not a monster. You just had a kid.

I'm not a racist.

I'm not addicted to lecturing people.

I'm not addicted to masturbating!

I'm not here.

I'm not jealous about the mission.

I'm not the one who chugs balls

I'm on board for that. And Krieger...

I'm serious. I cannot stress this enough.

I'm sewn into this sumbitch.

I'm sorry about your foot.

I'm sorry, Cyril. I didn't know.

I'm sorry, Hank.

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry? I know, but nobody makes you wear them.

I'm sorry? With the controls.

I'm sorry? You said you are trapped in an elevator?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Seriously, I'm sorry.

I'm stuck in an elevator

I'm sure wait. Did you murder the baby?

I'm sure you did something to deserve it. What ?

I'm talking about the

I'm talking about the fact

I'm trapped in an elevator!

I'm upset because no one knew where you were.

I'm using it to backdoor my state of the art

I'm your guide, Crash McCarran.

I'm, uh, what do you call it?

I've been misusing the word "literally"!

I've locked out the entire morning for us all to do a team building exercise together.

Idiot! She's not on solid food yet.

If anybody's gonna choke my sister's bitch neck,

If anything, that proves my point.

If Cyril would hurry it up already!

If I have to pull this car over,

If I were to return after so many years.

If it's anybody around here, it's me.

If something happens to both of us,

If something happens to both of us?

If things don't work out with the kid.

If you wake this child, I will climb inside you

If you wish to negotiate, you may do so with my associates.

If you'd like to make a call...

If you'd like to talk while I do so,

If you're genetic females.

In a five pound bag.

In addition to impaling me on a bamboo stake,

In case you forget, I was forced into

In cobra whisky and ladyboy hookers?

In Soviet Russia

In telling Lana what happened here today.

In the entire goddamn fridge.

In the middle of a communist insurgency A what?

In the starting line up of game seven...

In the time lock safe until the game's over.

In the wheel well of a 747

In this crazy world.

In Wisconsin?

Inappropes.

Including the one in my shoulder, so he's...

Ireland?

Irish bastard!

Is um... I thought there were three of you.

Is "Thank you, Archer. That was "

Is full.

Is he gone?

Is it too much to ask, during the goddamn work day,

Is literally the dumbest thing you've ever done.

Is me and Santa Claus getting chased through the snow

Is not an emergency.

Is on an air America cargo plane

Is that a man?

Is that him? Is that Lana?

Is that I will shoot you in the genitals,

Is that medicine?

Is that we don't start any sort of panic.

Is the best birthday present I've ever gotten.

Is the CIA conducting in Argentina?

Is this Brett's blood?

Is this the way to the grain elevator?

Is... Are you playing strip poker?

It wait. Are you seriously asking?

It is kinda hard to tell with you.

It makes

It makes perfect sense. You don't make sense.

It means In the context of her memo.

It puts the vest on the floor!

It totally does.

It was it was calf's blood.

It was probably Gaius Baltar's

It was too bad they couldn't stop diphtheria.

It works!

It wouldn't come to this.

It'll be a man who remembers the gum.

It's that's not even if

It's a computer file with the real identity

It's a hydraulic buffer, but you don't want to be in the elevator

It's a telephone, kinda, that talks to outer space,

It's an avalanche! You... you...

It's called paradoxical undressing.

It's dead. Typical.

It's exactly like it was!

It's for rescue crews to get in.

It's gonna be me.

It's gonna trigger an avalanche.

It's good for confidence, or just, at least come out to a show...

It's grandmother Archer or nothing!

It's gravity fed back down to trucks and trains and shit.

It's his annual three days off.

It's just I'm worried, my entire life,

It's like why even

It's like...

It's mother's fault anyway, Lana,

It's normally two, but I let him roll over one from last year.

It's not a usual one, mother.

It's not stuck, it's locked from the outside.

It's still basically everywhere!

It's supposed

It's supposed to say "TCB."

It's that there's no guarantees

It's your own fault.

It's... I mean...

Japan finally surrenders,

Japan has no enemies! You're like...

Japan? Axis power?

Jealous?

Jeez, LaRue, can you believe this?

Jeezy Petes, this drawer squeaks

Jeezy petes! An inside straight?

Jerk dicks get here.

Jesus Christ, Arn.

Jesus Christ, Pyle! I heard you.

Jesus Christ, woman!

Jesus Christ, you could have killed me!

Jesus Christ! Did Lana pay you extra too shoot me?

Jesus Christ! Nope.

Jesus Christ! Will he not rest

Jesus, God, I'm having a stroke.

Jesus, what's up his butt?

Jesus!

Join the club.

Just "Slater." It's a mononym, like

Just "Slater".

Just don't make any sudden movements.

Just don't wanna have to listen.

Just get us in the damn garage, man.

Just like every car trip I ever took with mom and daddy.

Just me, Archer

K k k kill zone!

Kampai.

Keep it handy. I'm getting a majorly weird vibe

Keep your raggedy bits of shirt on!

Keith? Kenny? Kieran.

Ken, what are you doing

Ken, will you relax

Ken?

Kentaro San?

Krieger, how about the other guest bedroom?

Krieger, I swear to

Krieger, shut up. See? It's broken.

Krieger, the HVAC ducts are still chock full of nerve gas, right?

Krieger, what hasn't hatched? I've said too much.

Krieger, what's the deal? Would that really work?

Krieger, would that work?

Krieger! He was skulking around out there

Krieger?

Lana, I said shut up. I said shut up.

Lana, it's cashmere. There are rules.

Lana, relax. I won't drink while you're gone.

Lana, they're just gonna get broken.

Lana, wait! I just remembered a crucial detail about the target.

Lana!

Lana! Lana!

Lana?

Lana... What?

Lando Cal ?

Lando? Calrissiano?!

Last time we worked together?

Lemme finish!

Less than I was, to be honest.

Let it go.

Let me guess

Let me speak to Lana.

Let me talk to him. Let me talk to her.

Let Midge Olerud suck him off behind the sundae bar!

Let's hear it.

Liar. Why would I lie about the war being over?

Lie detector, gun to your head,

Like pissed covered animals?

Like the rest of them.

Like, literally the day after the war ended,

Like, name it.

Linguine and clam sauce.

Listen. I don't know what's going on,

Literally stabbed you in the back,

Literally aswarm.

Literally! The back! Stabbed it!

Little jealous? Little bit, yeah.

Look how I turned out.

Look, don't worry about A.J., okay?

Look, first of all, there's no giant spring at the bottom.

Look, I don't know if they were damaged in the crash.

Look, I know you're bitter

Look, my therapist says

Look, Ray, one is red and one is green.

Look, think of it as more of a merger.

Look, this isn't that hard, people.

Look, you're already here.

Looked pretty real though, huh?

Looking good guys, looking real good!

Looks like Pam's lucky night...

Lot curvier than I remember.

Ma'am, pranking 911 is a felony!

Ma'am, you have no call

Magnum P.I.'s house.

Make me, and also hang on.

Make ya do some pretty crazy shit.

Mallory and Ray are being lame,

Malory! I bet she's downstairs!

Malory?

Malory's apartment for me.

Man, I wish he was still with us.

Man, you are nothing like your file.

Many enemy soldiers patrol the jungle.

Mario Savino, from Italy...

Mawp, mawp, mawp, mawwwwwwp!

May I please have the sat phone? Rrrgh...

Maybe call Malory on the sat phone,

Maybe this will help you shed some of your negative energy.

Maybe we should pool it together.

Maybe we shouldn't eat or drink too much, because

Maybe we'll get lucky.

Maybe?

Maybe? What do you mean, maybe?

McCarran! That's an Irish name!

Me using his "goop" was your idea!

Meanwhile, your bodies

Meet me out by the old grain elevator.

Meh. But I'm gonna assume he just called for backup.

Michiko, right there, that's your line.

Michiko! Michikooooo!

Midge "Hey Edie,

Midge and Edie did.

Milton! There you are!

Mira aquí! Sucia! Sucia!

Misnomer house.

Mm hm.

Mm hmm. Well, you're looking good, girl.

Mm kay.

Mm... 20 minutes?

Mm... hello?

Mmblello?

Mornin', gang!

Moshi moshi.

Mother?!

Mother... Mother, it's

Mr. Slater Just "Slater"!

Ms. Archer looks like a mule kicked her in the face.

Must...

My cousin. The one you gave me looked like, so fake,

My family, even if they are still alive,

My fault oh, shit, I didn't blow it!

My guess, Avenue D. Anyhoo, we just, um, gotta grab...

My my my my

My my my my sis sis sis sis

My orders were to defend this island from the enemy

My phone. Uh, got nothing.

My sister Edie is getting married

My wife, Hatsumi, and my daughter, Keiko.

Nap time!

Ne tak li?

Negative nine?

Never mind what?

Never mind. They don't even apply to Barry

No no no, damn it!

No one's panicking, Krieger.

No shit, they're naked in the snow!

No sign of Ms. Archer or the baby...

No wonder she's so frickin skinny.

No, against fascism! And that was

No, American and Russian and Chinese

No, bring it back.

No, but once I figure out

No, but at the last second, you just jump up in the air.

No, but hey, I know it's late notice, and I really hate to ask,

No, I And I vote for mother and Woodhouse.

No, I meant Sterling, let me speak to

No, I totally didn't. Swear to God.

No, I was

No, I'm genuinely asking.

No, it's a pants shitting ray.

No, it's a stroke.

No, it's not. It's a CIA front!

No, Ken. Turn it off.

No, Lana, it look.

No, Lana, it doesn't.

No, Lana, we can't!

No, no, and the very fact that I told you

No, no, huh uh, no.

No, no, no

No, no, no, he's got her all weekend.

No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no!

No, no, no! Don't! It's

No, not him, one of the others.

No, not me, dummy,

No, not pig's blood.

No, not... Ugh! I mean, like firearms, for instance.

No, nothing in the study.

No, nothing.

No, now just calm Let me go!

No, seriously, I mean can you believe that shit?

No, she was totally in there.

No, the other one was just a hologram.

No, they're really small, now.

No, turn around dick nuts,

No, wait! Teddly's here...somewhere.

No, we actually made a couple of stops

No, what're you I'll just lie!

No, yeah, and I, ya know, I want to.

No, you can't! Wait a minute. Everybody stop now.

No, you're not. It's Milton! He came back!

No! Because you're gonna tell her she's agent in command,

No! Don't shoot! There's a baby!

No! I will not be called gee baw.

No! Revenge rampage!

No! Yes.

No! You know what, Patty? Hang on!

No.

No. About Or that he'll double cross us again?

No. Get off. Jeez, it's just napkins.

No. Hold the door. Hold the door!

No. I just didn't know if I should bring my sack

No. If anything, you were, if you think black or Mexican is an insult.

No. No, no, no, no, no. Of course not.

No. No.

No. That works. I've heard about people doing that.

No. Why do you think you would be in charge?

No. You told us that you had one.

No...

Nope.

Nope. My follow team created a diversion so that Slater

Nope. Ron and I are going

Nor consent to be your prisoner,

Not a king, or a pope, or a vice pope.

Not a lot of black guys in rural Wisconsin.

Not a real diverse crowd, huh?

Not a thing.

Not bad. I'm gonna give you a seven.

Not in my home. Speaking of which, why are you in it, and who is he?

Not Ray. One of the others.

Not that I do, necessarily, but

Not that other people actually work here.

Not that. A.J. If something happens to us.

Not the elevator itself,

Not to mention a decepticon!

Not to mention that stupid computer,

Not until you take me to your headquarters

Not with nine broken ribs, a punctured lung,

Not yet. I gotta blow this thing.

Nothing! Until we consult the ouija.

Now I'm even trying Krieger!

Now just try to retrace your steps.

Now your mother has absconded with my child!

Now, drop them.

Now, how'd the hell you find me?

Now, stay on it, and work across toward the ridge.

Now, then. Carol, you had an idea?

Now, we've only got two bivvy tents!

Now, what and where is this "intel"?

Now, what the hell is wrong with you?

Now, you listen to me, Barry, you

Now, you would know that if you were

Now! Aur kya?! Bakri chowd sewer jinn!

Now...

Number three, bang Joe Frazier.

Of course he did. He's a cyborg.

Of course. The one who smokes next to the baby.

Of every single CIA agent

Of fair trade practices?

Of intelligence headquarters es.

Of quality dump time?

Of the Argentine secret intelligence service.

Of the building? No, of the elevator.

Of the Central Intelligence Agency?

Of the Molotov Ribbentrop pact

Of The Six Million Man

Of two atomic bombs...

Oh for the they're not

Oh God, you told him about Arn?

Oh my God, in any sort of parental role for Abbiejean.

Oh my God, Pam...

Oh please, if

Oh thank God, you're still at the office.

Oh yeah, me, too.

Oh, and a secret agent, so...

Oh, and also rob a gun store.

Oh, and also some worse news.

Oh, and also, my life.

Oh, and dad was right, you'll never find a husband

Oh, and here's a link to an episode

Oh, and hey, give me a call

Oh, and how are your new overlords?

Oh, and I've got an extra twenty thousand

Oh, and just so you know, my worst nightmare,

Oh, and speaking of

Oh, and un shut up for a second.

Oh, as if!

Oh, boy.

Oh, call her back and tell her

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on. That's... All right.

Oh, damn it.

Oh, for mother, it's me, Sterling.

Oh, for Not even watching that?

Oh, for Ray, take a picture of him!

Oh, give it a rest, James Lipton.

Oh, give it a rest, Sterling.

Oh, God, somebody kill me.

Oh, God, you've got so much to catch up on.

Oh, God! That wasn't just bear claw.

Oh, God! What, did you wake up on the docks?

Oh, good lord!

Oh, good.

Oh, good. You made it.

Oh, gross! This phone is all sticky.

Oh, he's harmless, just tell him

Oh, how's A.J.? Because if the rash came back,

Oh, I've dreamed of this day.

Oh, is there a place that sells down jackets

Oh, it's a long story...

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, let's talk about drinking a gallon of black Mexicans

Oh, lord. Gross.

Oh, man!

Oh, man. She is pathetic.

Oh, man. Wait till they see

Oh, my god, could the CIA have a leak?

Oh, my God, I think this whole time

Oh, my God, it's just like maximum overdrive.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh my God!

Oh, my God, what if I am?

Oh, my god, will you relax?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Cyril, please.

Oh, my God! Oh, thank God!

Oh, my God! We work in a coal mine?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my god. Okay. Good stuff.

Oh, my God. We need this, too.

Oh, my God...

Oh, no, no, no!

Oh, no!

Oh, no! It's maximum overdrive all over

Oh, please, I oughta be worried

Oh, please, you can't tell them anything.

Oh, please! That's a baby skeleton.

Oh, please. You've all seen it!

Oh, right, yeah, no problem.

Oh, right.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, shut up.

Oh, shut up. Hey.

Oh, sorry. It's called "Operation Nunya."

Oh, that is

Oh, that must be the insurgency they were talking about,

Oh, that's probably just Milton.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, this is nothing.

Oh, this old thing? It's just Keep walking.

Oh, we're definitely gonna talk about it later,

Oh, well you should have asked

Oh, wow, where to start?

Oh, yeah, no, just tell him you're not interested.

Oh, yeah. It's a lightning bolt,

Oh, yeah. Shit. Hang on.

Oh, yes. [Knocking]

Oh! Oh, god. Wow. That is mierda.

Oh! Oh, my...

Oh! Ray, gun.

Oh! Yeah, let's talk about trust!

Oh.

Oh. "Oh"?

Oh. Morning, Ken.

Oh. Sorry. Never mind.

Oh. Uh, okay,

Oh. Uh, see how I switched to English?

Oh. Well that explains that...

Oh. Yeah, man, that hypothermia...

Okay good, now once you've... entered that...

Okay people, I want a good alpine start tomorrow,

Okay people, listen up!

Okay, A, that's Alf's name,

Okay, A: the thing last month wasn't a hate crime...

Okay, ante up, ya goat raping pig devils!

Okay, but what's the worst case?

Okay, first of all...

Okay, God...

Okay, good. I'll call you after I deal with the leak,

Okay, great climb, everybody!

Okay, here goes! And pull on my command!

Okay, here we go. So we have... Ugh, tequila and coffee liqueur.

Okay, I don't know this Lana, but...

Okay, I gotta have some irish, or at least some scotch,

Okay, I'm going to tell you anyway.

Okay, idiots, thanks for helping me get the disk.

Okay, it should be right up here,

Okay, it's the one new thing.

Okay, Jesus.

Okay, listen up, people!

Okay, now enter the command sequence string.

Okay, okay! Ease up, ease up...

Okay, on my signal, I'm gonna draw his fire.

Okay, Ray. Interface.

Okay, ready?

Okay, so here's the thing with that.

Okay, so how about we all agree to hold on

Okay, so there's this guy, Steve Austin,

Okay, so tonight we infiltrate this swanky climbing party.

Okay, so we tie the vest into, like, a pouch, and

Okay, so you don't have a gun on you, is what I'm saying.

Okay, so, Ken, we've got a situation.

Okay, so... that lesbian au pair has a gun.

Okay, that's obviously your abusive ex boyfriend,

Okay, the plane should be just about a half click

Okay, well, then let's open the

Okay, well, then, that's new, but

Okay, well, we've got

Okay, what is it?

Okay, you know what?

Okay! Jeez!

Okay. Here's what we do How about maybe let him finish?

Okay. So, here's the thing with that.

Okay. Wait a minute.

Okay. Wait. Does it have anything to do

Okay. You want a drink, you want to lecture us,

On a pan American goodwill tour

On her little brown head, I will

On Monday let's talk about

On one of your usual self pitying benders.

On the ground, Pyle! What are you

On the island of Guadalcanal.

On the top floor of the intelligence building itself,

On top of a malfunctioning elevator car.

On top of the ice crust,

On which, I think we both know, you smeared some poop!

One in every seven climbers

One of our well, I guess you could call him a freelancer

One of us is weeping in the car.

One step ahead of you!

One step ahead of you. Or am I?

One, I really think we need to have a serious talk

One, two, three, go! Trap door!

Only because they haven't hatched yet.

Only because you just broke two of my ribs,

Only I'm not getting whipped with a fan belt.

Ooh, and who also has a poopy diaper.

Ooh, can I try it? No.

Operating in central and South America.

Or any of it's infinite parallels,

Or blended, or... Jesus Christ, Woodhouse, stock the bar!

Or bourbon. Where's the bourbon?

Or Carol or Cristal

Or is your entire generation

Or the other three.

Or the world's greatest secret agent,

Or try to sneak up on me and slit my throat?

Or was. I swear! He [Baby crying]

Or whatever your real name is! [Parachute opens]

Or, a robotisist,

Organizations change. They evolve. They grow.

Ouch.

Our body heat. Wait, do huh?

Our child, Lana. And yes. And

Our upcoming shows are on there, plus there's a coupon

Ow!

Ow! Get your foot off my lighter!

Ow! God dammit, dude.

Ow! Ow! Ow, ow! Ow!

Ow. Khao lard gaeng.

P.M. dawn?

Painkillers. Mixed with candy.

Pam wet your pants.

Pam, hon? Edie's here.

Pam, how about in the kitchen? Pam?

Pam, I need you to find

Pam, shut up. I'll start.

Pam, shut up. Well, we tried.

Pam, stop it!

Pam, wait!

Pam! Baby!

Pam! Pam!

Pam! What? Goddammit!

Pam?

Pam. Pam!

Pam. Pam.

Patrick McCarran, mountain climbing enthusiast,

Paying to spend 24 hours sweating in a yurt

People like me are exactly why

People like you, who?

Peppermint patties! Still warm!

Pff, go back to Canada, Guy Lafleur.

Phony technology we wanted China to have.

Physically incapable of doing that?

Pick up, pick up, pick up

Piece of shit rental.

Please don't. You're listening for once.

Please, be more quiet.

Please, like you all wouldn't bang Alan Thicke

Plenty more where that came fr

Plus the food'll just fall out the neckhole.

Plus, I doubt you'll be talking very much

Plus... plus, you're covered in piss.

Por qué no te callas?

Pre chewing them and spitting them into her mouth...

Presumably some fresh nine volts,

Pretty much my whole life, pretty much right up until

Probably not that either.

Protect... baby.

Prove it.

Psst, Cyril. Try to rub one out.

Psych!

Puke Skywalker? Mm.

Pull!

Questions?

Quit saying that!

R2 D2 it. "R2 D2 it."

Ray forgot the gum.

Ray, Cyril, give me a hand here.

Ray, did you bring gum? No.

Ray, I am serious. God damn it!

Ray, if I ever have sex with a man,

Ray, open the trap door.

Ray, shut up!

Ray!

Ray! Lana!

Ray! Ray, call Malory!

Ray! She burned her.

Ray? Archer?

Read about the communist insurgency.

Read the dossier.

Ready!

Really regret sharing that with you...

Really?

Really? It's been six weeks?

Really? Really, really, really?

Reloading!

Reloading. I should probably stop saying that out loud.

Remain calm. Do not panic.

Remember how you ripped off my hand, woman?!

Remember when the office shut down,

Remind me, if this asshole doesn't kill all of you,

Rental car!

Right after an avalanche.

Right after I enjoy this mate and caña smoothie

Right into the motor, so

Right? Isn't it just so liberating?

Right? Oh, my God.

Ron gave them to us,

Rrgh! No answer at home, no answer on her cell!

S And Ray didn't bring the gum!

Safety brakes.

Sat phone? Yeah, sorry, I was just

Sato Hatsumi? Hai.

Sato!

Save the blarney for the Colleens, Paddy!

Saving your life?

Sawat Dee?

Screw it, I'll go. [gasps]

See that, A.J.? That was a teachable moment

See where I'm going with this?

Ser'yezno. Yeah, seriously.

SERE school, and I did,

Seriously, Barry, why all the anger?

Seriously, honey, come on. Baby on board.

Seriously, I swear to God,

Seriously, okay, as I was saying

Set adrift on memory bliss. Come on, buddy.

Severe penetration trauma to my foot,

Sharper image? Uh huh.

She can call an elevator repair guy!

She didn't come in today.

She hired you at?

She just had a baby.

She just rattled off our obvious addictions.

She said not to.

She said, flapping her wildly unkempt vagina

She sounds like a real practical joker.

She was kidding about the pig's blood.

She was right there in the pram.

She younger?

She's a baby.

She's a huge liability! Now shut up and wait for my signal.

She's dead.

She's gonna lord it over me and Ray,

She's missing! [Both gasp]

Shhhh. What is wrong with you?

Shit ass.

Shit their pants, or their onesie.

Shit, she's gonna

Shit! I don't have a will!

Shit. Come.

Shot gun.

Should include that other somebody.

Should we vote? Who's in?

Shut down the tractor beam.

Shut the goddamn door!

Shut up, no, uh uh. No!

Shut up, stupid. It's Milton!

Shut up!

Shut up! Conway was a traitor.

Shut up! We're all gonna starve!

Shut up. Let me talk to Malory.

Signing for packages full of her head and feet and shit,

Since 1945, I might add.

Since the tenth of May...

Slash assassin!

Slater? Did you get the disk?

Sneak attack. Typical.

So anyways

So Cyril ought to be able to jack it.

So do you seriously not even care

So for every ounce that goes in,

So God knows how many actual assassinations

So he could murder the shit eating Archer?

So I [Gasps]

So I can access the mainframe computer.

So I gained the weight back. Sue me.

So I guess there's no CIA leak.

So I know this a long shot,

So I suggest you call your super.

So I took her to the Plaza.

So I was wondering if you could do me a favor.

So I'll pass that on to who or whomever asked.

So I'm just gonna tip on out.

So if one out of seven climbers dies on this mountain...

So if we wanna live, we're gonna have to combine

So if you fire that thing, I guarantee you

So imagine, as I literally beat you to death...

So it's not assassination. It's just a extrajudicial killing.

So just a mile long trough of grain getting rained on all the damn time.

So just bourbon.

So just kill me.

So not only do we not know who the target is,

So now all I have to do is

So now let's talk about this name, Abbiejean.

So pack your gear and get some sleep.

So people would quit staring at their phones and talk to each other.

So shut up, please.

So take her with you.

So thank you, Pamela, for ruining my wedding.

So that when she's not pathetically trying to make me jealous

So then do you guys pick me up, or...?

So tonight at my rehearsal dinner,

So wait. Would the brakes stop us?

So we don't have to find out what "grave consequences" means.

So we gotta get to the armory.

So what we're gonna do is strip down naked.

So where did you get Axis power!

So while we're getting A.J. out of here, what're you gonna be doing?

So yes, she's earned her name, alri

So you might wanna take it easy on the...

So you should watch your step.

So you will not smoke in this elevator!

So you're just bug nuts crazy, huh?

So, apparently, Don over served on vin rogue,

So, before you shoot me, can I just say one thing?

So, diuretics?

So, does anybody have any idea what this meeting is about?

So, grain elevator.

So, here's the thing, Farooq.

So, hey, about this blowjob

So, hey, um, Archer totally flaked on me.

So, hey, why don't we all do this

So, I work with, and used to date,

So, if I just kinda leave, are you gonna be cool,

So, instead of antagonizing the person responsible for our safety

So, now you are...

So, ready to go home?

So, suicide pact. An oldie but a goodie.

So, thank you...

So, that bag is clothes.

So, the file is on the mainframe computer

So, this favor...

So, those guys... Kinda dicks, right?

So, uh, how come you and I didn't hook up

So, uh, should I come back?

So, why us? Why not keep it in house at CIA?

So, why'd you run away when you were so excited

So, will your feelings be super hurt if I bang him?

So, you done archer izing?

So, you really think he's dead?

So, you think Crash is dead, or...?

So... how'd you get the name Crash?

Some baby stuff. So, we're gonna go do that. Manny?

Some fill it with between meal snacks

Some fill it with work,

Some kind of ejaculation ray?

Some of which actually were fudge.

Some of which has blood on it.

Some people fill it with drugs,

Somebody please come in here and kill me...

Somebody should. I mean, this is a baby.

Somebody's sperm to impregnate yourself,

Someday soon...

Sorry, I don't wanna mess up.

Sorry, my ears won't pop.

Sorry, Ray forgot to bring gum

Sorry? Is I bet the sound an avalanche makes.

Sorry. I thought you were being racist.

Sorry. I was just kind of freaking out, man.

Sounds more like Krieger.

Speaking of what?

Sploosh. Sploosh.

Spoiler alert, he's robbing me blind.

Spyware into the CIA network, so ****stani intelligence

Sterling, a commercial airline

Sterling! Excuse me?

Sterling! Mr.

Sterling?

Still, though.

Stop it. No one else can hear you,

Stop torturing me! Stop torturing me!

Stop!

Stop...talking.

Su carat, Coronel, por favor.

Su carta, Coronel, por favor.

Su carta, Coronel! Por favor.

Suddenly went from pretty bad to much worse.

Suit yourself.

Super uncool Pearl Harbor Japan?

Super.

Supposed to be good for you.

Surely by now they have moved on.

Sweet baby James, it is perfect.

Sweet Jesus God, I would hope so!

Ta da!

Ta daaa!

Take a left. Take a left!

Take cover! C'mon, Cyril.

Take it easy, I...

Take them upstairs.

Tea? No.

Team building? Again?

Teddly? Teddly?!

Tell her I said hi.

Thanks, Krieger. I think we all needed that.

That asshole threatened to hurt A.J.!

That bag is diapers. The cooler is breast milk,

That being said,

That being said, this thing's stuck.

That can swallow entire climbing parties in a split second.

That crashed near here, so...

That doesn't ex... Wait, that's your excuse?

That don't work here anymore,

That even though Conway

That hint of bleach.

That is my real name!

That is waiting for you as we speak.

That is, if you ever wanna see your buddy

That it even happened in the f

That looks pretty computery to me.

That way if you get anxious about being away from her,

That we're about to climb a Swiss goddamn frickin Alp

That you had to see that.

That you won't do anything revenge y and stupid

That you would be A.J.'s legal guardian?

That's No. No. Shut up.

That's actually what Elisha Otis invented.

That's Coronel Calrissiano to you!

That's Hans Hessler, from Germany.

That's Hessler and Savino...

That's just gonna make this next part a lot easier.

That's just the altitude, dummy.

That's Lupus and Tanner.

That's not a bad

That's what I said!

That's what I was trying to say.

That's what I'm doing, I mean that was

That's what it is. If you added milk, it would be a white Mexican,

That's what they said about Tesla's death ray.

That's where you're Wait! Barry?

That's why you called?

The wait a minute, do you mean, like,

The communists.

The crazy Jew Santa chick.

The dead jeopardize the entire party!

The entire what?

The fall... must've broken her neck.

The first, dropped on Hiroshima,

The frequency that makes humans

The guerillas!

The idea, not our current situation.

The k 9000 infrasonic pulse rifle.

The K.G.B. bugs your apartment. They put a camera in

The last thing they want is people crawling around

The look on your dumb face.

The mainframe is a standalone in a secure vault.

The March of News!

The mountain is dangerous...

The only one around here who hates babies

The only phrase you know in Urdu is,

The pilot ejected, but without the onboard computer.

The plane blew up! Yes! I don't

The poor bastards rip off all their clothes

The roof's the first place they'll look.

The shit is that I am breastfeeding,

The six million who?

The Soviets are going to pay out the zadnitsa for this thing.

The strong, like me and you and Pam,

The sweater vest is literally good for nothing.

The target was from a country that in World War Two,

The target's an assassin, Lana,

The tide of war in the Pacific is finally changing,

The U.S. and Russia became mortal enemies.

The voice mailbox of...

The weather's good now but it can change on a dime!

The whole town thinks you're a giant asshole

The wind's probably gonna hit a hundred miles

Then wait, cows don't go up there to eat it,

Then A.J. would live with my parents.

Then A.J. would live with my sister.

Then blow it, and then come.

Then come on, get in the back.

Then hush.

Then I guess you'd know what we're all thinking right this very minute.

Then I wouldn't have had to watch you pound 20 drinks

Then may I suggest we get up there,

Then maybe that decision

Then tomorrow we extra judicially kill this guy.

Then we are at war!

Then we kinda became friends again.

Then went down in there and broke her neck for her.

Then yeah, I dunno.

Then you'll bring him to the new safe house.

Then, I guess go look everywhere else.

Then, what is the square root of nine?

There are no building in the jungle

There won't be a second one, so listen up.

There! Happy?

There's a logic to all of it.

There's a Mr. Slater to see you.

There's a sundae bar.

There's no room. It'll get kicked over.

There's no time to descend!

There's no time! Go get help!

There's other desks.

They all are! Hey, will you quit yelling?

They are communists? So, America's allies?

They died in your arms...

They were neutral! You asshole!

They will kill me, let me go!

They wouldn't belong to that dude Arn.

They'll kill me! Pull me up, or I will kill you!

They're both addicted to gambling.

They're probably pretty old, though, right?

They've been chasing their tails on the whisper drive for years.

They've given us our first freelance mission,

Things just usually work out for me.

This $10 million renovation

This a fawty, shawty! Thanks, Omar.

This is a cakewalk for a real spy.

This is a parachute.

This is exactly how Brett died.

This is exactly what a man should wear to a

This is one of your idiot voicemails, I

This is the main number at the zen center.

This is weird.

This minute, my default setting has been "half ass."

This was the team building exercise.

Those jagoffs and the Japanese broad

Those two, well that's kinda self explanatory.

Thoughts?

Threatening to trade it to the Soviets.

Time or space or whatever,

To assassinate somebody!

To be in a frickin avalanche?

To before the office got blown up.

To build a time machine and go back

To Don Ekblad, Jr. of all people,

To get snippy with me!

To Green Bay, Wisconsin.

To help a patient who's been burned?

To hopefully find a crying baby

To keep Ray's genitals away from mine!

To our entire way of life.

To our food and drinks for now, if for no other reason than

To our house in the Hamptons,

To raise my child?

To recap, you locked us in the stupid limo!

To shoot to kill any and all unauthorized personnel.

To store grain, dumbass.

To survival school?

To the roof so Aunt Pam can swat at biplanes.

To trick me into surrendering!

To unjam this stupid thing,

To watch your baby before you'd ask me?

To wit, once again you're off

Todos! Todos las armas on the ground!

Told ya, it's that jacket.

Too soon?

Too soon. Yeah, inappropes!

Trapping us in here like...like...

Travels with duct tape and rope?

Try not to burn the place down.

Try popping your ears, go like this...

Two days ago, an American spy plane

Typical.

Typical. Of what?

Ugh, and also a gaping, prolapsed anus.

Ugh, even the ice is the same!

Ugh, I know what, mother, I just don't know

Ugh, it's just us. You can say,

Ugh, it's soaking wet down here...

Ugh, no, just the same type.

Ugh, please don't talk about food.

Ugh, there's no telling. Our bodies are aswarm

Ugh! Oh, my God! Come on!

Ugh! Okay. I'll see you tomorrow night.

Ugh! That was a figure of speech.

Ugh. Conway, grab whatever you need,

Uh wait, what was your name?

Uh huh. It would not be fair to them,

Uh huh. Yep.

Uh uh, no. No. Ray is the DMZ.

Uh uh. No, but like "swearsie realsies"?

Uh uh. No. No. Not doing that.

Uh, besides jeopardizing the entire rope line

Uh, bueno. Conmigo estan El Presidente de Brasil

Uh, do you mind? Hmm?

Uh, from ten doubles.

Uh, hey guys?

Uh, hey, dick, I happen to be ****stani.

Uh, I was testing him. Good work, Pyle.

Uh, I'm Archer, uh, Pam's boyfriend.

Uh, mother, it sounded like you said, "cargo plane,"

Uh, no, actually I'm calling because

Uh, no, I merely implied that.

Uh, no, it's more like a freight train full of tornadoes,

Uh, no.

Uh, she should be right out, she's

Uh, well, Kato

Uh, why did you tell me that?

Uh, yeah, Scotch Irish, but I'm actually Canadian

Uh...

Uh... I guess head for the beach?

Uh... Midge Olerud!

Uh... yeah.

Um, A.J., my baby,

Um, I was actually looking at your pubic hair.

Um, okay.

Um, should somebody call the Ghostbusters?

Um...

Um... I do not surrender,

Um... I should be maid of honor, dicknuts,

Um... uh...

Understood? Yeah.

Unless that is, literally, the only thing to drink.

Unless you convince a blind man

Unless you're him...

Unlike some people I know.

Unstable seracs, frequent avalanches,

Until I was relieved.

Until we've all been enslaved by Skynet?

Until yesterday, Farooq was a cyberspy for ****stani intelligence.

Until, one at a time, you are each impaled on my priapic erection.

Very dangerous...

Victory in the Pacific!

Wa hoo!

Wait a minute. Well, then I'm peeing.

Wait till you see...

Wait, is it not the Imprahv able dream?

Wait, Lana. What's the favor?

Wait, no, I don't need a back story.

Wait, that's how you ask a woman out? Yes.

Wait, wait, Archer?

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait, wait, wait! I'm coming! Hurry up.

Wait, what the hell am I doing?

Wait, what the?

Wait, what?

Wait, what? Excuse me?

Wait, yeah, where is Carol?

Wait, you already knew the code?

Wait, you led me right into that damn tiger trap?!

Wait!

Wait.

Wait. Call who?

Wait. Is Archer blowing this off?

Wait. Isn't Argentina our ally?

Wait. Oh, my God, we actually have.

Wait. So you followed us down here?

Wait. What?

Wait. What? It's not for stranded passengers to get out,

Wait. What? What have you heard?

Wants to eat what's in your thermos?

Was an Axis power.

Was feeding A.J. Vienna sausages.

Was it obvious?

Was there not a staff meeting?

Was?! Wo ist Michiko?!

Watermelon's red?

We all jump up and down at the same time

We are going to go find Pam,

We are professional and [Intercom beeps]

We are stuck in an elevator.

We can kick right through the basket for a homerun.

We do kind of.

We do not have mini bottles!

We don't have anything.

We don't know how long we're gonna be in here.

We go wiss him! Americans go zair!

We had to fudge it a little on the stains,

We have to ration our food and water.

We head out at dawn.

We kill whoever it is.

We left it kinda weird.

We looked into that!

We must go now.

We need a minute!

We put food and drink on the vest!

We redid everything exactly like it was before

We should've gone then, I bet.

We thought you threw up.

We were going to watch Vision Quest.

We were very true to your vision.

We... we as in who, exactly?

We'll be preventing.

We'll go help you look for baby A.J.

We're all gonna be murdered, so...

We're all gonna put our food and drink in the middle,

We're gonna go three to a tent, three to a bag!

We're just heading into the bar for some gluhwein.

We're not! Here, shut up, look.

We're right there.

We've got a bagel, four coffees, a quart of beer

We've got a blizzard rolling in on us right now!

We've gotta bivouac right here, right now!

We've still got a lot to cover.

Weirder than the guy trying to make

Well great, trip's ruined.

Well Ken, I've got some bad news.

Well Paddy, if there's one thing I've learned...

Well that's just smart branding.

Well unless you wanna swim there

Well where is she?

Well yes, but you can hardly blame Sterling for being upset,

Well, "A", you were too busy banging Cheryl

Well, come on in and meet the rest of the climbing party.

Well, except for the terrace, but...

Well, for me.

Well, friend, wish and be tired no longer

Well, he didn't know I liked him, but

Well, I assume somewhere else.

Well, I hope you're happy...

Well, I knew dick van head over there

Well, I still don't see why that means I'm the one

Well, I want to drink, so...

Well, I wasn't in the sofa cushions.

Well, I'm not a frickin' mind reader!

Well, I'm not falling for it again.

Well, I'm sorry,

Well, if I know Ms. Archer, it's Butt bugs.

Well, in those stories, I'm probably not changing poopy diapers, so...

Well, listen up, Vinny voicemail.

Well, look, maybe it's nothing, but

Well, maybe not in person Bu bu bu bu bup!

Well, maybe not now, but say you get

Well, me. Obviously.

Well, Ms. Archer, I think you'll find

Well, not in this elevator.

Well, now nobody's answering their damn phones.

Well, now, let's just hear him out at least!

Well, now, that could be very good for us.

Well, now.

Well, since I can only assume

Well, Slater. When a mommy and a daddy

Well, technically, burgle.

Well, thanks to Ray, who let's just all assume

Well, thanks, ladies.

Well, thanks, other Barry.

Well, that's the only thing you do like an adult.

Well, then it's official.

Well, then slice out his retinas, okay?

Well, then this isn't a real airline.

Well, then you people ripped off his hands, so...

Well, there was...

Well, too bad, I'm in the hole!

Well, we should have. I actually ate it all

Well, yeah. Come on. We all saw this coming.

Well! Well, at the very least, maybe he'll bring back toast.

Well?

Well? What's going on in there?

Well? What's this "crucial detail"

Well? You wanna share it

Went down in the jungles of Borneo

Were from Interpol. They've been on me for months,

Wh And you lose the baby weight.

Wh oh, my God. Sorry.

Wh yes!

Wh ? How so? Gimme that...

Wh ? Why would we make a sudden bowel movement?

Wh ? Yes! How do you not know that?

Wh ? You better be eating snacks!

Wh ?! Nooope!

Wha

Wha you're asking the guy with a thermos full of human being soup?

What are you I flushed it!

What are you doing? Shooting out the glass.

What are you saying, Don?

What are you still doing here?

What are you, color blind?

What are you, jealous I'm a verb?

What are you... No, it wasn't!

What can I do you for?

What clearly is an actual baby, so...

What could possibly go wrong?

What cyborgs are, and why they're a threat,

What did you eat for breakfast?

What do you call him? I call him a freelancer.

What do you mean, you followed me?

What do you mean? What does it do?

What do you mean? Where'd they go?

What do you want? What is it?

What intel? Slater said, "extraction."

What is it, soup?

What is this thing? This device?

What is this, Soviet Russia?

What it is you're supposed to be doing.

What mission? To sell classified military technology to the Chinese?

What she needs to Shut up, please?

What the God damn it, Pam!

What the ?

What the heck's going on in...

What the hell are you doing?

What the hell happened to them?

What the hell is going on?

What the shit, Cyril?

What the shit, Manny?

What the shit? You shot me!

What the stupid shit are you doing?

What the...?

What was that?

What was thing two? Oh, nothing.

What you got a little shot gun? Huh?

What you may have heard, you can never have too much of it.

What, are your boobs full of corn syrup?

What, can you see something?

What, he give you anal warts?

What, in the name of God,

What, Lana? Look at all the shit I had to pack.

What, shamelessly flirt with him?

What, so it's non absorbent?

What, so people just quit? And on the subject of things

What, what? What just happened?

What?

What? Archer, what're you

What? As far as field operations are concerned,

What? I thought it meant, "I'm sorry."

What? I'm hitting door open.

What? I'm supposed to go find a computer.

What? I've got a signal!

What? Mother

What? No, no, no!

What? No, no! Uh uh.

What? No, that's not racist.

What? No.

What? No. Communists hate America.

What? Not what I was

What? Oh, right. Yes.

What? Quit yelling!

What? Serious shit,

What? That's That's all just common sense.

What? The brown note,

What? Two things.

What? What are you talking about?

What? What does?

What? What is it?

What? What's that?

What? Yes! Of course it's off, Don!

What? You knew about this?!

What? You'll never find a husband.

What?! I was supposed to blow up the plane!

What?! Malory, the whole thing about

What'd I do? You poisoned us!

What're you zip it up!

What're you Is that a radish?

What's new? How you been?

What's that what, what

What's that sound? What was that?

What's that?

What's that?! What the ?

What's the point?

What's wrong?

When he asked us to come rescue you.

When he opens the door?

When I saw you in Chicago, idiot,

When I'm a frickin' cyborg?

When I'm driving an automobile to or from a bar!

When is it? Saturday.

When it slams into it.

When obviously you meant,

When then? [Coughs]

When they were doing that weird open house thing.

When? When you were chugging balls

Where are you getting 20 drinks?

Where did you and Hatsumi and Keiko used to live?

Where do you think you're going?

Where is it? Where's what?

Where the hell did you get a bionic hand?

Where the hell is A.J.?

Where the hell is everybody?

Where you stand!

Where? I think I can get it all back in here.

Where's my stupid phone?

Where's the goddamn first aid kit?

Which are in turn full of shit. Sorry?

Which are in turn full of smaller freight trains.

Which are on the ground.

Which is a rare thing.

Which is actually recurring,

Which is heavily guarded at all times,

Which is the most adult thing a person could possibly do!

Which is what I'm taking now.

Which is why you're upset,

Which way to the extraction point?

Which, a blowjob says he does.

Which, again, curious as to why

Which, spoiler alert, you can't, it's too far

Which... I kinda take for granted.

While I went out to get ice.

While the other guy was asleep.

While you bleed to death.

While you run around the woods eating snails and beetles.

While you were knocked out.

Who am I, Charles Fedric Adrus?

Who are you? Wait. Hang on.

Who else would they possibly choose?

Who has dared to climb die Totenspitz

Who has to carry Pyle.

Who I think just did our job for us,

Who I've had for, like, six months,

Who is "they"? Big elevator.

Who is this little person?

Who is we? I do not understand.

Who should go where wise!

Who the shit is that?

Who want waffle?

Who will naturally prey on the weak,

Who you've met.

Who, by the way, forgot to bring gum!

Who? That other somebody who runs away

Who? What hasn't hatched?

Who'd wanna kidnap Pam?

Who's bionic!

Who's going to take care of her

Who's gonna take care of the baby?

Who's laws of what's its?

Who's ready for a piping hot cup

Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Hang on!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on! [Gasping]

Whoa!

Whoa.

Whomever, and... Whoever, and...

Whoo!

Whose head? Wait, do what?

Why aren't you wearing underwear?

Why do you care? You're just a wait.

Why do you have keys to her apartment?

Why do you keep your first aid kit in the bar?

Why do you... Never mind.

Why don't you go read the damn dossier?

Why don't you join us when you're ready?

Why don't you shoot me?

Why don't you want to talk about it, Lana?

Why drag us into it?

Why is this weird?

Why isn't my mother good enough to raise A.J.?

Why not just tell us what the mission is?

Why not make it horizontal, so the cows can just walk up

Why the hell do you need urinal cakes?

Why would you tell us that story?

Why?

Why? It's not your

Why? Why are you sorry?!

Why? You did what?

Why... would you do this?!

Will know everything they do in real time.

Will you be needing anything else?

Will you please hurry?

Will you shut up? I need to think!

Will you? Yes!

Witch...

With 600 Holsteins and two Herringbone milking parlors.

With belts on their necks?

With me, she's fine.

With microscopic organisms, Pam.

With my shoes on.

With our current situation?

With that stupid ceviche nobody asked you to bring!

With the rest of the Jesus Christ!

With what, my dick?

With what? There's nothing to wipe it up with.

Won't let you parachute into the jungle

Wonder what crawled up her butt.

Woohoo!

Worst case is we die. Impaled on your boner.

Would bring me to you, so that you would bring me here.

Would it be safe to say nobody here

Wow, still working on it. You also type like a gaping dickhole.

Wow, that is your major loss.

Wow! You drive like a gaping dickhole.

Wow. Read it on the way to the airport, and hurry.

Y mira!

Y su...

Ya find it?

Ya know, now that you mention it, he did actually seem a little nervous.

Ya know... I didn't.

Ya think?! Ya think ouch, do ya?

Yaaaaaaay...

Yaagh!

Yeah what's up, what're we doing?

Yeah, at Dream the improovable dream, down on Twenty third and Lex.

Yeah, but And now you have the chance

Yeah, but where on the floor?

Yeah, but you elevator it way the hell up there,

Yeah, can I start?

Yeah, come on. You coming?

Yeah, give it up, weakie.

Yeah, hang on! Ray?

Yeah, I am figuratively starving.

Yeah, I doubt if [Coughs] [Groans]

Yeah, I got, like, half a bar!

Yeah, I heard you, but I'm not going anywhere

Yeah, I was on the planning committee.

Yeah, it's nice,

Yeah, like she's one to talk.

Yeah, maybe it'll be you.

Yeah, mine at home gets bad sticky.

Yeah, or woman.

Yeah, probe around in there and whatever.

Yeah, remember right now?

Yeah, return to, uh...

Yeah, right?

Yeah, right? Seems like a win win.

Yeah, shut up.

Yeah, so maybe we should lock that?

Yeah, thanks, Mr. Bear jangles.

Yeah, that is not good for you.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Yeah, vaguely, but if it's revenge you want,

Yeah, what is this, Soviet Russia?

Yeah, why not?

Yeah, yeah. We kinda suspected that.

Yeah, you're booked through to New York.

Yeah, you're damn right it is.

Yeah. Duh.

Yeah. Hey, and over here, too,

Yeah. Hey, guys?

Yeah. In her defense, you didn't finish.

Yeah. It works for him.

Yeah. Like meat at a Brazilian steakhouse!

Yeah. Okay. But on you, I mean, like...

Yeah. Pam, shut up.

Yeah. Total burn.

Yeah. Uh, I I I guess that makes sense.

Yeesh. Hope the radio jammer's okay.

Yeh Farukh hain. Jaldi karo, muhje madad chaiye

Yep, yep, yep, but, first,

Yes it does, other Barry.

Yes you do. Shut up. You're Gordon Shumway,

Yes, Archer, besides snow.

Yes, Archer, I have a sister.

Yes, but on the plus side, there are seven of us,

Yes, call that person. Yes, do that.

Yes, Conway Stern.

Yes, I [Muffled] Dr. Kane, report to the burn unit.

Yes, I can! I do it all the time! Goddammit.

Yes, I know where this airplane is.

Yes, I'm American.

Yes, idiot. [Coughs]

Yes, it is entirely too much to ask!

Yes, Lana, that's why they made up

Yes, obviously besides that.

Yes, of course, I know you're

Yes, Pam? I have to pee.

Yes, so sober up and get a bunch of penicillin shots, because

Yes!

Yes! Lana. Now, if you'll excuse me,

Yes! Who else?

Yes.

Yes. All I wanted.

Yikes.

You Should be doing this.

You Archer?

You are American.

You asked me to bring it!

You both had sex with hopefully Ron?

You can just say "pants."

You can just say New York.

You can just...

You can't see it, but I really am.

You cannot make yourself a verb!

You cannot shirk your duty!

You cyborg son of a bi

You do not want tinnitus.

You do not want to know my thoughts.

You don't disappear for six weeks,

You don't know me.

You don't know who the target is?

You don't want to masturbate right now?

You don't, Archer. You...

You double crossing son of a bitch!

You get the disk?

You get to wear that ri dork ulous facerug.

You got the elevator stuck on purpose!

You guys gotta come down, ya know, maybe take a class,

You guys mind if I start? I'll start.

You had a boyfriend named Arn?

You have a sister? [Groans]

You have a situation. I am going home to Japan!

You have got to be Edie.

You have to try this! Hot cocoa, dark creme de cacao,

You have to! It's the only way

You haven't the foggiest idea

You idiot.

You idiots make make a run for it, find Pam and A.J.,

You in here?

You just want an excuse to wet your pants.

You knew I was lying.

You know

You know, to kinda...

You know...

You look amazing.

You mean her body.

You mentioned something about a plan?

You mother [Screams]

You nailed it. [Laughs]

You owe us a hundred thousand bhat!

You put Pam and Cheryl in charge.

You really need some context, because

You really think so? [Vehicle approaching]

You remembered about the target?

You ruined it.

You ruined my life!

You said this was the extraction point.

You said you wanted watermelon!

You see it sometimes with severe hypothermia.

You set this whole thing up? You had me shot?

You should be receiving a mission dossier...

You son of a [Growls]

You still lied when you said you weren't gonna drink.

You sure?

You think [Chuckles] Okay. Wow.

You think it's Hessler?

You think, in the event of their deaths,

You want more bear claws, you want to smoke, you want to masturbate,

You want to bet? Do you?

You were going to make her a robot?

You were saying something before you fell in,

You what now?

You win this round.

You would rather we both die?!

You, I took off a point because Pam

You.

You'd have no idea what

You'd think, right? After we threw them that lovely coup?

You're a major dickhole.

You're a seeing eye pig!

You're as safe as a bug in a...

You're back together? Like, for real?

You're fat widdle baby.

You're gonna need my help!

You're not even the greatest secret agent in that room.

You're not my coal mine supervisor!

You're obviously the one she should've

You're out...of sugar.

You're supposed to be looking for!

You're to secure it, then destroy the aircraft.

You've met yourself, right?

Your largesse knows no bounds.

Zip it, gee baw!

911 burn!

911 operator. What is your emergency?

1942.

24 hours. No!

Also good. Well...

And a hundred grand. Yes!

And a staff member will come and find me. In your stupid... What is it, a wigwam?

And also crabs. Ugh!

And listen! I need you to check

And payment will be... By wire transfer. Is that a problem?

And take that ridiculous thing off. Make me.

and they'll find the spyware. That was only one of many, many

Archer, come on. No.

Archer, I'm serious. Me too.

Archer, that's... Pretty heroic, I know.

Archer! Help! Please help! He's been shot!

Are they stored securely? Yes.

Black Mexican? No, thank you, I probably shouldn't.

Black Mexican? What?

but you're gonna hand me the baby. No, Mr. Archer, I am not.

But, you know, be careful. I got her. There we go.

clearly misdirection, right? Okay.

Eh... Eh...

Farooq? Um...

From ****stan? Where's Woodhouse?

Goddamn, woman. Seriously.

Good point. I was at gunpoint!

He's an actor?! Well, mostly improv, but...

I just saw a guy get shot. Well, if you get her started again,

I take this very seriously. Well, or at least Woodhouse does.

I wanted your full attention. Well, you nailed it, asshole!

I was gonna say overkill, but... What're you, on their side?

I'll find a sitter. Lana, go. A.J.'s in good hands.

I'm ... Wait, what? I mean, now I'm just gonna tell the CIA,

I'm a notary! Wha...?

I'm going to Hotlanta. Have fun, I hope you get hate crimed.

I'm sorry? Yeah. Me too.

if you had the chance. I think we should go check it out.

It just gets hot as balls in here. Literally.

It was just a regular crime. And obviously now I put my gun

It's a yurt. Wow. Even stupider.

It's empty. It's... What do you mean, it's empty?

It's in a time lock safe. What? Why?

Just don't hurt her. Well, I hope it won't come to that.

love each other very much... In your apartment!

My child is actually multiracial, so... Hang on. Go back. You speak Urdu?

My... ? Have fun. Say hi to your spirit animal.

No him, Slater said you were great. Aww, he's sweet.

Not really. Well, you are, so...

Nothing wild but the dealer. Hang on a sec.

Oh, I can think of a few more. You're right.

Okay, good. Wh...

Okay, well... Hang on! Yeah, literally.

Ow, stop it, cut it out, stop, ow! Wait a minute.

Ow! Gimme that.

possible things I could be doing. Okay.

Really? Yeah. I'm totally a Kristy,

Rehab. Oh, seriously?

Reloading! God dammit.

Right, I just came by because, uh... Aha!

Right? Totally.

Right. And what's the deal with that safe house?

Rodney? Rodney! Why was I thinking Kev...

She sure is. Can I hold her? Uh, yeah. Okay.

Should we just go now? I mean, yeah you should have,

Shouldn't what? Uh, swarm across the Rio Grande?

So cool. Were you assholes in on this?

So no beer? Why would I bring beer?

So when you realize you can't handle it... I won't.

so you came to ask one of us for help. For your information, Cyril,

So you have guns here, right? Yes. I literally have tons of them.

So... Oh my God!

Sterling Archer, this is Farooq Ashkani. Yeah. Hi.

the beating to death? What?

The black Mexican. Oh for... So what should we do?

The what? Canadian down low.

They weren't solid. The fact that you were

This one's good. Ow. Damn it!

to do it for him. Uh, no.

Toaster take picture of you.

until you put it up there. Fine. Whatever.

Wait, what? Me, or him?

Wait, what? What au pair?

Wait, what? Yeah, but...

Well for starters, I got shot. Twice. Where did you get a real gun?

Well, if we're not gonna play poker! I thought this was ouija.

Well, it's not paid. Ugh!

Well, ya don't see that everyday. I didn't even see it today...

Well? I'm kidding.

What about Cheryl? Who cares?

what I'm doing with your mainframe? I honestly don't.

What the... It's Friday night.

What, that's all for her? I'll find a sitter.

What'd he say? Well, my Urdu isn't as strong as I thought.

When we got shut down, that guy... Kevin. Kyle?

which obviously needs to go in the... Where do you buy breast milk?

Who? Lana!

Why did you hit me? 'Cause! Get your shit together!

Why the hell are people still here? I don't know. I guess it's...

with maybe, like, a dash of Claudia. Because I won't have my phone.

with the big dollar sign on it. Just bring him.

Works for Canada. Nothing works for Canada.

Wow. Really? They happen in the bathroom!

Wow. That is a lot of ass. Yeah, basically eight times the ass.

Yeah, and if he was here... Wait. What? Where is he?

Yeah, but... Hang on. Not literally, but a lot.

Yeah, he's... Because he's kind of a dick, right?

Yeah, I mean... Yeah, I mean, it's the penthouse.

Yeah, I really feel like I nailed it. So... you do improv, huh?

Yeah. Or a motel or a porta john, or... Are you trying to piss me off?

Yes. Good, because...

You had me going there for a second. I'm sorry?

You had Slater shot? No, the CIA guys did his make up.

You know what? Guys, come on.

You really, really should. Just make sure there are no surpris...

you're gonna see you get shot, so... Yeah, okay.

You're the one who's bleeding to death. Yeah. From my ears. So shut up!

...at night. Now, don't screw this up!

...goop.

...toast.

'Cause I could use some with honey and lemon.

'Cause I'm seriously asking.

'cause you people can't get married or whatever,

"A", those were mini bottles,

"first class luxury commercial airliner."

"Kinda"? So you sent us into a

"let's me and you blow Pam's boyfriend Arn

"Ma'am."

"Ma'am"!

"no, shit, you goat raping pig devil"?

"Screw it up."

"Takin' care of beaveness."

[ Trumpet blares ]

[A la Chuck D.] Base! Jumping. [Laughs]

[All gasp] [Cyril] That is...a nightmare.

[All] Conway Stern?

[All] What? [Cyril] What is it?

[American accent] "Bwaynos Air eez."

[Archer screams]

[Archer, sighs] Only one way to be sure.

[Archer, weakly] Me too, though.

[Archer, weakly] Nailed it. But mostly for revenge.

[Archer] Barry, just for you,

[Archer] No, Lana, it doesn't.

[Archer] Oh, God. Oh!

[Archer] Okay, here we go.

[Archer] Okay. Jesus Christ.

[Archer] Pam? Oh right, yeah, it's Pam.

[Archer] Yes. No.

[Archer] You're kidding.

[Archer] You're not worried? [Lana] Why should I worry?

[Baby cries]

[Barry, singsong] Archer...

[Barry] Hey, dummy.

[Barry] I was on my way to New York to kill you,

[Barry] Is it Barry?

[Barry] Jesus, Archer.

[Barry] Pam says Edie knows where it is.

[Barry] Said the dumb waiter.

[Barry] There we go. Looking good, Barry.

[Barry] Uh, I followed you.

[Blows landing]

[Body thuds]

[Both panting]

[Both yelling]

[Both] Tell him that! Pretty sure I just did.

[Breathes deeply]

[Breathing heavily]

[bullets ricochet]

[Burps]

[Cheryl] Seriously? [Gillette] Goddamn, dude.

[Cheryl] Was that directed at me?

[Cheryl/Carol] Starting with Dick cheese, Wisconsin.

[Choked scream] [Woman] Hey!

[choking] Just baby people.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckling] Yeah, you are definitely concussed.

[Clears throat] Uh, perdón?

[Cocks weapon] Boring conversation anyway.

[Cocks weapons] [Tango music playing]

[Computer shatters]

[Continues humming]

[Conway] Archer!

[Conway] I lied!

[Coughs]

[coughs]

[Coughs] And bourbon.

[Coughs] I'm done for.

[Cries]

[Cries] Pam!

[Cries] Stupid, frickin' Edie.

[Cyril] Hello? Lana?

[Cyril] I mean, not now, obviously.

[dial tone] Barry!

[Distorted voice] What are you doing, Dave?

[Edie] A what? I'm sorry, did you say a blowjob?

[Edie] Hello? I'm sorry, what?

[Edie] Spamela! Get your fat ass out here.

[Edie] You drive like a...egg.

[Electricity crackles]

[Elevator bell dings]

[Fabric tearing]

[Fighting continues]

[Gagging]

[Gasping, coughing]

[Gasping] I mean, I'm not a labor attorney.

[Gasps]

[Gasps] Great Bacchus plateau,

[Gasps] I will kill you! [Choking]

[Gasps] Oh.

[Gasps] She said try not to.

[Glass shattering]

[groans repeatedly]

[Groans]

[groans]

[Groans]

[Groans] [Raspy voice] Oh, good. You're making tea.

[Groans] Are...you...kidding me?

[growling]

[Growls]

[growls]

[Growls]

[Growls] So... Mallory...

[Grunting]

[Grunts]

[Grunts] [Choking]

[Grunts] [Glass shatters]

[gunshot]

[High pitched fart] In, like, five teen, 40 minutes.

[Humming tango music]

[Humming]

[Inhales deeply]

[Intercom beeps] Also, there's a Mr. Slater to see you.

[Intercom beeps] And certainly overusing.

[knocking]

[Lana groans] Happy?

[Lana] Don't drive angry!

[Lana] Hello?

[Lana] Just promise to use your powers for good!

[Lana] Seriously? [Archer] Yes, Lana, seriously.

[Latin American accent] Buenos Aires.

[Laughing]

[Laughs]

[Laughs] Actually, Barry,

[Laughs] Crazy like a fox!

[Laughs] Exactly.

[Laughs] No...

[Laughs] Uh, wow.

[Laughs] What are you doing?

[Laughs] What?

[Laughs] Wow, and here I thought

[Laughs] Yeah! Lose that weight, Conway Stern!

[Machine voice] Forgot what I was gonna say.

[Man] Wait. What happened?

[Muffled] ...of the world

[Muffled] Archer!

[Music ends]

[Music stops]

[Normal voice] Oh, shut up. Don't ruin it. I had something for

[Objects crashing]

[Objects shattering] [Groans]

[Out of breath] Called it.

[Out of breath] Oh.

[Pam sobbing]

[Pam] By dressing like a maitre D' on a dinner cruise

[Pam] I don't know, but you don't want

[Pam] Ow.

[Pam] Rehearsal dinner. Shut up.

[Pam] Told ya! God dammit, Pam,

[Pam] Whoa!

[Phone rings]

[Police officer] Sir, sir, over there.

[Rattling]

[Scatting]

[Scoffs] Well, I think one of us should.

[Scream continuing]

[screaming]

[Screams]

[Sighs]

[sighs] Hold this.

[Sighs] I mean, he obviously thinks he has a plan, so whatever.

[Sighs] I'm gonna go.

[Sighs] I'm pretty sure that was a coincidence.

[Sighs] Por supuesto, Coronel Cal...

[Sighs] Well, Conway...

[Sighs] Well, Edie, I was almost half way hoping

[Sighs] Yeah, and just a heads up

[Slams on brakes]

[Snoring]

[Sobbing continues]

[Soldiers cocking weapons] Idiotas!

[Southern accent] Maw, they got ol' Lando this time.

[Spits] Happy?

[Spits] Your worst frickin' nightmare.

[Strained voice] Swearsie realsies.

[Tango music continues]

[Tango music playing]

[Thuds]

[Timidly] Mee beep.

[Tires screeching]

[Toilet flushing]

[Whirring] So...

[Woman on P.A.] Attention, now boarding flight 934,

[Yells]

♪ teutonic butts ♪

♪ Teutonic butts ♪

♪ white on white butts ♪

Archer - Season 6
Archer - Season 6 is a beloved television show that aired in 2015. This animated spy comedy series follows the adventures of the hilarious and dysfunctional spy agency known as ISIS. The talented cast of voice actors includes H. Jon Benjamin as the suave and narcissistic spy, Sterling Archer, alongside talented performers such as Aisha Tyler, Jessica Walter, and Judy Greer, who bring the brilliant supporting characters to life. Season 6 takes the beloved characters on a whole new set of ridiculous and thrilling missions filled with humor, danger, and unexpected twists. If you're a fan of witty banter, clever pop culture references, and offbeat humor, Archer - Season 6 is the perfect show for you. You can play and download the sounds of this fantastic series here.
List of sound clips on this page:

To get the most from this site, please enable JavaScript.

AI-Powered Recommendations:

Halo 3 Soundboard Halo 2 Sounds Warhammer Ringtones All SCP Sounds (Free) Snoopy Soundboard

You Might Also Like:

Teen Wolf Archer Season 2 Archer (2009) Season 2 The Simpsons: Itchy & Scratchy Land Mis… Arrow Season 1 Archer Season 11 Archer (2009) Season 4 Archer Season 1 Archer Ringtones Sign SFX Archer God Family Guy Archer Season 4 Archer Season 9 Ramsay Bolton Game Of Thrones

Sound added

Error adding sound to your favorites.

Sound reported and our moderators will review it shortly.

Error reporting sound. Please use the Contact page.