Veep (2012) - Season 6 Edit

A father should slaughter two goats.

A feeling tour across America,

A heroine for our times.

A little word of advice, Congressman, don't wear the shorts.

A lot easier without any baggage.

A normal, on time blimp landing.

A punishment from Congressman Furlong and the speaker and the president.

A real president.

About a sand opportunity I'm currently involved with.

About me running for president.

About some salacious news stories about your trainer.

About the mining of those dead kids' social security and medical data.

Absolutely, we should make that happen.

Absolutely. Let's go get President Caldwell, please

Actually, I can neither confirm nor deny that.

Actually, I did write a zinger for "The Tonight Show" about Ray.

Actually, I'm here to thank you.

Actually, Madam President, the "Washington Post" called

Actually, what I really would love to talk about,

After all, this is Yale, not Brown.

Again.

Ah, welcome back, ma'am. Also, Ambassador, ahlan wa sahlan.

AIDS, the Advancement of Global Democracy,

AKA New Hampshire.

All right, good seeing you, Tanzy.

All right, I gotta get up early,

All right, we have to call Leon, too.

All right, Will, take the ball and tell 'em why.

All right, you know what? You know what?

All right? You and I both know

Although, actually, one time, Andrew did hide one of his women in the closet,

Aluminum? Tenafly? Ribbon?

Ambassador Jaffar, if I could nibble your ear for a moment

Among all our friends in lowa!

An astonishing bipartisan agreement.

An Indian casino gift shop?

And achievements of the Meyer presidency

And all of that stuff about Murman?!

And from the Hamptons to Wall Street.

And from the heady days

And gets all in my personal life

And God bless Jonah Ryan

And he was too afraid to get changed in front of the other boys.

And he's already passed, like, 10 bills.

And he's eating Luna bars for women.

And honors the men and women who suffered there.

And I do 'cause I slept with him for two years...

And I have to make America think

And I start a new gig tomorrow.

And I wanna hear their speakings.

And I'm running for president.

And if there's one thing that you should know about me,

And if you wanna know something about government,

And maybe give him some of that lesbian cooze potion.

And most of Europe, except Germany,

And no erection for six weeks.

And not President Laura Montez

And our boat is also made out of shit.

And Puerto Rico... if they can vote for president...

And replacing him with his cousin, Ezra.

And Sally was helping me get the stain out.

And so now the staircase goes right up and smashes through the glass ceiling.

And sucking each other off like Carter and Mondale.

And that eyeball of hers is gonna pop out and shoot across the room.

And that's why I need your help telling the Danny Chung story...

And the contractor sent me this video link.

And the headband, of course,

And the library's third biggest donor.

And the only reason that I voted for Hughes is because I knew you were

And there are some new options for me.

And there's a third.

And thinks about me 24 7, nonstop.

And this time, it's not Texas saying Satan made fossils.

And to Jane, incredible. Absolutely incredible.

And we had drinks with Ben?

And we have been sued by better terrible presidents than you.

And we're clear. Great job, everybody. Good job, Jane.

And you don't want me

And you will treat her with respect.

And you're doing the "Today" show one week from yesterday.

And your grasp of geopolitics is just...

And, if I remember my law school tort professor correctly,

And, Mike, I need to talk to you about your role, too.

And, Mike, where the fuck do you think you're going?!

And... oh, my God, what?

Any decent lawyer would've told me to do that.

Anything I can do to annoy the Armenians.

Anywhere in the world except...

Are there any nibbles on that Dave Barry...

Are you fucking kidding? I'm not in here.

Are you out of your fucking mind? I still have my trust.

Are you sure that this isn't too much medication?

As cum rags to the sex offenders in his prisons?

As devastating as this loss may be,

As genius operators.

As me walking out of a bar with less than 10 types of semen in my hair.

As of today, Jonie here is down three points

As the ultimate insider's outsider.

As they were prepping for the groundbreaking,

As you may have heard, today marks my departure

Asking for comment on the story that the library site

At least your dick won't smell like donkey pussy anymore.

At some of your tall buildings.

Babe, did you give up your inheritance for me?

Babe, so far, being ******* really sucks.

Balls are the only thing keeping me from choking on cocks.

Be sure to join us starting tomorrow

Because as any parent knows,

Because I would love for him to hear about the story

Because if it's not me, I have...

Because of the "Post" article.

Because politics has a sickness...

Because they're important to the American people.

Because this face belongs in broadcasting

Because this is public interest and fair use.

Because you were in charge of the book.

Because you're so tall.

Because, girlie,

Because, girls, this is imported French linen.

Before you even ask, we have taken a break from sex,

Ben's right... a lot of memories.

Black haw, and false unicorn root.

Both my daughter and my mother

Breaking news from the "Washington Post."

Broadway is your scene, Fringe Festival's in town.

Buried among many new scandalous acts

But also the emotional and psychological problems...

But before that,

But best not to contact him for personal reasons,

But chances of me pushing for any tax incentives for these private hoosegows

But he's Italian, so he knows how to keep bodies buried.

But I didn't wanna lock myself out.

But I didn't.

But I'm not gonna have my vagi brary underground railroaded by this.

But not as much as I would like.

But perhaps maybe you could flirt a little with him.

But the more I learned about those kids,

But this is the kind of thinking I need for my team.

But to be fair, we thought we were on top of it.

But tonight is not about that.

But tonight... tonight, the voters

But unfortunately, I've just gotten this emergency call...

But we've already given to a number of candidates this cycle, so...

But you gotta be careful with that McLintock cervix of yours.

But you'll still be able to find me weekly

But you're dating my daughter, so.

But, I mean, girls these days just can't keep a secret.

By shoving the guy that they hate the most

By the Seattle Seahawks, and by Jonah Ryan.

By the way, this is quite a photo on the cover.

By the way, what is in the bag?

Can I have a drink? I feel a little dehydrated.

Can I please, Mrs. Ryan?

Can somebody carry me to the bathroom?

Can you believe I put a pen in my pocket without a cap?

Can you hear me?

Can you stop blowing on my legs like that?

Can you write down your number in case we have any questions about it?

Catherine, I can't repeat myself

Catherine's on bed rest. She's been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix.

Childhood obesity. You sent me an email about it last month at 4:00 AM.

Chinese cover up over the tweet.

Come on, how the fuck do you turn this thing off?!

Come on, nobody's asking you

Come on, Shawnee, let's boogie.

Comes the revelation that it was President Selina Meyer

Congratulations, Mommy and Daddy.

Congratulations.

Congressman Ryan took our ball.

Congressman, I put up all your flyers.

Congressman, there's a simple and easy solution to the homeless problem...

Danny boy.

Did they mention the antique egg that we stole from the Oval?

Did you put a towel or anything underneath her?

Dipshit Mike and his shit dip diary.

Do I need, like, special glasses

Doctor says I gotta play 20 minutes every day,

Does a rabbit need a yearly vaccination for myxomatosis?

Don't look at me with that smirk.

Down Mount McRimjob, brown diamond.

Drinks are on you. Bye.

Earlier this week, you were booked on the show.

Ellen just got a spot in the Harper Day School and full financial aid.

Even Kobe Bryant wouldn't **** you in those things.

Even you would admit that freeing Tibet from Chinese rule

Every five seconds for your amusement.

Ew! No!

Exactly 20 minutes from Omaha.

Exactly what it's like to be a woman.

Except for the "Lhasa Express," though.

Except in this case, the wave is made out of shit

Ezra has more raw political talent in the tip of his rosy head pecker

First "chunge," we're gonna fix that slogan.

Folks, I will embark on what I call

For "CBS This Morning with Jane and Brie."

For "The Tonight Show" to kick off the book tour.

For chicken, doesn't it?

For defamation, libel,

For shitting the urinal so badly,

For the Presidency of the United States of America,

Foul. Foul.

From lowa to New Hampshire,

From Palo Alto to Hollywood,

From the "CBS Morning Show with Dan Egan."

From the moment I have left office,

From the US Postal Service Office of Investigations,

From this sort of "one and done" administration.

Fuck.

Get you one more of these?

Girl power.

Give me that. I'm talking. Hello, this is President Meyer.

Give us a little touch of the feminine.

Go to Hong Kong with you anymore.

God bless New Hampshire.

God bless the media and their "fly hitting a windshield" attention span!

God bless the United States of America

God damn it, ow!

God damn it. Ben, it's me.

God, get out of here, you great walrus Judas!

God, I love interns.

God!

God... motherfucker!

Good evening, ma'am.

Good evening.

Good for you.

Good. Nobody else can know.

Goodbye, Jonah.

Goody!

Got that. Thank you.

Grease the knob or the wheel or whatever it is.

Guess who is interested, all of a sudden,

Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, that's good.

Happy six month anniversary, my love.

Have said otherwise.

Have struggled greatly

He doesn't want sand.

He had a GED, guys.

He partied his balls off.

He partied his balls off.

He says he wants you to...

He wants to gargle my nuts and tickle my taint?

He'll call you if he needs you.

He's kind of cute, Amy.

He's like a bald dog with a bone.

He's like this demented creep

He's the biggest goddamn idiot I've ever...

Hello, sir. I just wanna say what a pleasure it is to meet you.

Her personal trainer and lover, Ray Whelan."

Here she comes. Madam President!

Here she is, the most beautiful woman in the spa.

Here we go.

Here, you want a dried apricot? They're Turkish.

Hey, Andrew, we have gotta fire that Mike guy.

Hey, how about those ice chips?

Hey, Kent, free at last, free at last.

Hey, listen, can you call somebody to bring me some fresh towels?

Hey, wake up.

Hey!

Hey! Ah! Whoo! How about that?

Hi, Mom. Hi, Jaffar.

Hi, there. Welcome to "CBS This Ride."

Hi.

Honey, what are you doing here?

How about this, a real president!

How about this? How about an interview

How are the girls and Big and Little Richard doing?

How come you never talk about your stay in Arizona?

How do you know, Kent? Were you at that summer camp?

How I pulled a Marine from a burning tank.

How is this even possible?

How long have you been working for "The Tonight Show"?

How often are you visiting?

However, out of respect for your veganism,

Huge miscalculation.

Hughes promised me an office here in the West Wing.

I adore Jane McCabe.

I am announcing my exploratory committee

I am gonna bid you farewell

I am not about to buried in a twat of my own making!

I can't believe this. We're back!

I can't believe you're actually showing that camel snatch you call a face in DC.

I can't impress upon you enough

I cannot stand that term.

I chose the South Bronx

I could really use the cleansing power of a charity right now.

I could've gone anywhere.

I cried each time. This time, it was tears of joy.

I did not exercise good judgment.

I did wanna clear the air about one thing.

I didn't see anything.

I do need to talk to you about your role.

I don't have a zinger for that one.

I don't have any problem with options.

I don't know if that's something that you're actually able to do.

I don't know, as long as you're here...

I don't know.

I don't need a bike helmet!

I don't think that there are any clean glasses.

I don't wanna retrigger.

I forgot. I was looking at Catherine's baby pictures.

I get first pick, and I pick Graves.

I got a place about three hours away.

I got you the wipe warmer instead.

I gotta get up in the morning, early,

I guess I'll see myself out.

I guess it was actually good I lost the diary.

I have another offer and I'm going to take...

I have to admit I was skeptical about it at first,

I have your ball, so you have to join my league.

I hope that's going in your mouth.

I hope you're not here for Shawnee.

I just feel a little woozy, okay?

I just got a lecture from a 22 year old piss twat with a SUNY Binghamton degree

I just got here, but I guess we're leaving now.

I just love... everybody here is so well behaved and polite.

I just wish we could leave this country forever.

I know how to spell my last name, Kent.

I know, but in my mind, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I know, but we are gonna fight this.

I know, Kent. I was looking up jobs

I know. It really is, isn't it?

I know. That's what I love about you.

I leaked it to Leon.

I love the new design

I mean I can't... I can't, um,

I mean, I studied that footage.

I mean, I studied that footage.

I mean, Jane... I will always remember

I mean, you could petition for a recall

I mean, you've been with this network for how many decades now?

I mean, you've got nothing here.

I might get my teeth re whitened

I miss it already. It was so romantic.

I need to go and unpack

I once dry shaved that woman's legs

I really thought things were starting to turn around.

I removed Leon West's balls with an ice cream scoop

I ruined her administration, like, four times.

I should've gotten a diary with a little lock on it,

I started to see that the problems are not just physical problems...

I started up a basketball league to endear myself to you assholes.

I stood right here in my old high school gym

I suppose I should've hired some goons to kick the shit out of you,

I think the Pulitzer I'm going to get from this

I thought we'd wait till we bought a house.

I thought you were taking the family to Italy.

I understand.

I wanna feel their feelings

I wanna get out. Shut the fuck up!

I wanna talk about you being the legal guardian to my baby

I want this room, okay? Everybody out.

I was a patsy, but to my knowledge, this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I was actually named after my godmother, Richardina.

I was forced to drink from.

I was here in 2012,

I went to summer camp with that dude

I will be in touch

I wish I didn't have one.

I wish I had let you do anal.

I won't let you down.

I would rather never have a presidential library

I wouldn't mind a little time in prison, get away from my wife,

I'll get your number.

I'll let you be Aquaman. No tidal wave.

I'm Bethany, and I'm gonna go over a few rules of "What's in the Bag?" with you...

I'm better at arms. You should see the page where I wrote about the arms dealer.

I'm curious, you're gonna sue us for what?

I'm embarrassed, but the university is going to have to

I'm fine. It's okay, I'm fine.

I'm going to be with the real folks out there.

I'm gone, I'm gone.

I'm gonna be buried there?

I'm gonna be like a disability check

I'm gonna let you walk the rest of the way.

I'm just gonna have to talk to Selina...

I'm not coming, but order me some slippery shrimp just in case.

I'm not mentioned in this book until page 134.

I'm not one of your precious inmates.

I'm not seeing that.

I'm pulling all my financial support...

I'm really sorry that I could not carry this one over the finish line

I'm so glad I came in person and didn't call.

I'm sorry, Jonah, but I'm gonna...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, ma'am.

I'm still relevant!

I'm thinking we need to distance ourselves

I'm trying to cut down on exercise, okay?

I'm your doctor, and it's shiksa.

I'm your host, Dan Egan,

I've been fired three times in my life...

I've been having doubts for a little while.

I've been rethinking things,

I've got a plane that's fully fueled always

I've never heard anything quite like... ooh.

If anything happens to me and Mary, okay?

If it were up to me,

If she were a man, you would call that confidence.

If that's not enough, she's written an autobiography...

If they weren't unconstitutional.

If we do this, though, one rule... no McLintock.

If we put up a very sensitive exhibit that talks about slavery

If you notice any swelling, let me know,

If you stay with him, you're cut off.

If you're trying to get out of town, don't take High Street.

In honor of you canceling on us,

In the Hillel function with the sombrero...

In the Selina Meyer Presidential Library.

In the Senate contest.

In two years, I'm gonna run against my motard cousin, Ezra,

In your reelection against Selectman Di Vicentis

Is a monumental achievement.

Is about as likely as what, Will?

Is good enough for me, so good evening.

Is having a "pee in" in front of Skull and Bones.

Is in the public interest

Is it bad?

Is it Richard or is it me?

Is Mama ready to roll out?

Is she gonna have to give up her Nobel Peace Prize?

Is that before or after I scheduled the surgery

Is that the final title or are you, uh...?

It does. Well, maybe. It depends on the rabbit

It has been nothing but a giant slalom

It is a dream of mine to cook with you someday.

It is a toxic infant blowout

It is so great to be back

It is. It's a perfect amount of time for a lot of these kids.

It just came out today, and we thought it would be fun,

It looks like a vagina, ma'am.

It really is. Yeah, thank you.

It smells good!

It was just fantast... well, regardless...

It was you.

It would've hurt less than this!

It's a copy of the president's book.

It's a good movie.

It's gonna put a real turd in her chalupa.

It's got the soldier whose leg you lost.

It's got the terrorist drone assassination.

It's just what I needed, you know?

It's kind of like the wave in "The Perfect Storm,"

It's knocked your teeth out, and it's making sweet love to your face!

It's Leon West.

It's like that fagela cowboy movie. "I can't quit you."

It's Meyer. There's no "S" at the end.

It's such an honor to meet you.

Jane covering the moon landing.

Jesus, I need to get drunk and slop fuck an intern.

Jim! How are you?

Jonah, I have been thinking,

Jonah, I just saw the latest polls.

Jonah, my boy, I've come to say farewell.

Jonie, look, I have a special treat.

Judiciary, legislative,

Just as soon as you finish your conversion.

Just call her back and rebook the whole thing.

Just in honor of your new book...

Just the site manager, that's it.

Just the two of us.

Kids read the darndest things off of cue cards.

Knock 'em dead, ma'am. Dan, you got a sec?

Leon West just called for the seventh time.

Leon West will not let this spa thing go.

Let me know when you find your wallet.

Let's go.

Let's guess what's in the bag

Let's just say that I've got some cousins...

Like Mrs. Lama on book club night.

Listen to me, Catherine Kinte...

Listen up, Ms. Tranz,

Look at this. I could watch this all day.

Look, I hate the homeless as much as any librarian.

Look, save your pity, Richard.

Look, you can see right here on the... on the bus.

Lookit, Marjorie! What do you think?

Looks just like both of you.

Love!

Ma'am, "The Tonight Show" is ripshit because you canceled.

Ma'am, Catherine's in an ambulance.

Ma'am, I think her water just broke, ma'am.

Ma'am, I'm leaving. Take good care of Catherine.

Ma'am, I'm so sorry you lost your library.

Ma'am, Leon West is here for your double secret meeting.

Ma'am, Leon West says he knows you're just making him wait.

Ma'am, that was a month ago. Gary is humoring you.

Ma'am, the nomenclature has moved away from African American.

Ma'am, the producer of "The Tonight Show" thought it would be fun if...

Ma'am, there's a remote possibility...

Ma'am, they've got the data breach.

Ma'am, we're getting requests for confirmation from all the big Tibetan papers,

Ma'am, you are confirmed for tomorrow night

Madam President, Ambassador, are you two engaged yet?

Madam President, we are all so honored to have you on the show.

Madam President!

Madam Vice President, I'm Jonah Ryan.

Maybe we can pull some strings and get you assigned to the EEOB.

Maybe we could start a new business,

Mayor Thompson, I hope you'll support me in November

Meyer instead sought the counsel of a high school drop out,

Mike!

Military Family Assistance, and Childhood Obesity.

Mm hmm.

Mm, I'm not gonna do that.

Mom, how are you feeling?

Mom, I'm so glad my doctor cleared me to come today.

Mom, we were thinking that maybe when you're feeling all better,

Mom, where have you been? They're ready to send us home.

Mom, you are going to be the grandmother of a child

Montez is not gonna be happy.

Montez's numbers are tanking.

Much like the Meyer presidency.'"

Muslim baggage?

My God, looks like Queen Kong's cooter.

My great grandfather bought it for her

My lawyers, the whole firm.

My presidency just got caught with a tranny hooker on Sunset Boulevard,

My prisons.

Native American lesbian life partner, Marjorie.

Next up, Melanie, age eight.

Nice to meet you, and I'll see you guys

No shit. So, what do you think?

No way.

No, her name is Kismit.

No, I just, you know...

No, I know. You know what? I'm gonna help you.

No, it's a great show.

No, no, don't take it so hard!

No, no, no, no, who is in charge of the library?

No, over the next few months,

No, sir. I am here with a final solution

No, the Chinese are expecting us.

No, the crypt.

No, wishes belong in the bottom of a well

No, with us... you and me.

No, you don't tell me what to do

No, you have...

No, you know what? Nothing's fun on that show.

No! From now on, I'm only buying senators and presidents.

No. My God, I'm not a goat.

Nobody is talking about any of the other stuff!

Nobody likes a tattletale, Marjorie.

Nope.

Not in a slavey way, but, like,

Now that the library is officially moving forward,

Now that's a pun!

Now, guys, what is our move with Leon?

Now, I've got you on the hook

Now, why do you think I'm here?

Of becoming the first woman president.

Of course. Yes, absolutely, sir.

Of Illinois, Missouri, North Carolina...

Of our third place finish in lowa,

Of you and Andrew on the bus with the pen.

Off.

Oh, absolutely.

Oh, ah.

Oh, and not to mention the topless beach.

Oh, and there's someone here to see you.

Oh, and this is my lesbian daughter's

Oh, dang! What's up, white boys?

Oh, God damn it, this office sucks my nard!

Oh, God, I like her. I like you.

Oh, God, I told you that was expired lube.

Oh, God, who the fuck invited Dikembe Mutomtard?

Oh, God, you're making a joke, right?

Oh, goody!

Oh, hello! Look at this little creature.

Oh, hey, Jonah, can we get lunch sometime?

Oh, I know, I know.

Oh, I love the Grand Canyon.

Oh, I'd love to know how my eye job...

Oh, it's Catherine's uterine tea.

Oh, lookie here, we got old Jesus

Oh, my God, Amy, you are making that terrible, terrible news face.

Oh, my God, I can't believe it!

Oh, my God, I love this!

Oh, my God, I'm gonna get upset!

Oh, my God, put it on really quick.

Oh, my God, the lost leg. Ooh!

Oh, my God, they're talking about my eye job?

Oh, my God, we should've invited him to come to the thing today.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, really? Well, now it's on top of you,

Oh, really? Why are you picking me?

Oh, royalty.

Oh, shit!

Oh, some black shit is coming out of it.

Oh, sure! I'll make waffles for breakfast.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, that's...

Oh, the "Lhasa Express" gives it five namastes.

Oh, we should get Mexican for lunch.

Oh, what a great county this is.

Oh, yeah, that... mm hmm.

Oh, yeah!

Oh.

Ohio, Florida, Texas, and the territory of Guam

Okay, Amy, you have to call my lawyer right now,

Okay, Cat... what room is this, Catherine?

Okay, come on.

Okay, I am not gonna say that joke to Johnny.

Okay, I gotta... I gotta go.

Okay, I haven't spoken to my neighbors in my entire fucking life.

Okay, I think all we have is Diet Coke in the fridge.

Okay, I'm gonna get the orderly with the big needles.

Okay, I'm gonna get you a bike helmet.

Okay, look, this is all about damage control, Amy.

Okay, look, Tiffany, I am so happy to be here,

Okay, Madison Monroe dinner.

Okay, people, look, the president can only do so much

Okay, perfect. Remember, three branches of government...

Okay, so Lu wants to meet in Hong Kong to talk Brazil.

Okay, so what are we calling him?

Okay, so you wanna talk about second class citizens?

Okay, they should not be allowed to call that stuff tea.

Okay, we're looking good.

Okay, well, Catherine, slaves have ruined my library...

Okay, well, I have a confession to make.

Okay, well, that's an excellent idea, Mike,

Okay, well, then to Brie.

Okay, well, what do you say we let bygones be bygones

Okay, when did you come back into the picture?

Okay, yeah, that makes sense. My teachers had to do that all the time.

Okay, you know what? Let's make him wait.

Okay?

Okay.

Old habits die hard, I guess.

On our CBS digital platforms.

On the oppressed backs of the ancestors of my child!

On the site of Yale's former slave quarters.

One of her parents to be here.

One of these days, she's gonna make that face

One... get the fuck away from me.

Only former presidents have libraries.

Ooh, hey, fantastic...

Ooh, page 93, suckers!

Ooh, that is worse. Thank you very much for that.

Ooh.

Or even a garbage bag, you know, in case she leaks.

Or how does this work?

Or is the baby gonna play chess against death?

Or, really, anyone who saw it.

Other than continue to be a woman,

Otherwise, I'm gonna sue you.

Otherwise, we're dead in the water.

Out both diaper legs and up the back of the onesie.

Over the last few days.

Ow! Nurse!

Pass mandatory sentencing laws for vagrancy.

Post Tibet.

President Meyer's discretion speaks well of her.

President Meyer's office. Yale University president's office?

President Selina Meyer! Selina!

Probably better from behind, though,

Ready for a "chunge."

Ready for a change, ready for Chung.

Remember a couple months ago after you got fired

Richard! So glad to see you. I missed you.

Right back in their faces.

Right here in New York City Yellow Cabs.

Right here. Here we go, push.

Right off the New Hampshire congressional ballot

Right, right, right, right.

Right?

Right? Okay, Marjor...? Okay, shit!

See, that wouldn't have happened if I paid you more.

See, the box is empty

See? Okay, that's from an expert.

Selina for you!

Selina for you.

Selina, Selina.

Selina! Hey! Uh, boy, I got...

Selina.

Shawnee, wait...

She was always so scared about monsters everywhere,

She's all over his diary. She's in every page.

She's gonna love these.

She's the President of the United... who cares?

Shows you what a president can do.

Shut the fuck up, you epileptic Picasso painting!

Shut up!

Since I went to college.

Sir, can you calm down, please?

Sir, how do you... I can't get the screen to go off.

Sir, I will do anything that you say.

Slaves, Mother?

So get the fuck off our court.

So I am pulling this creature from the jizz lagoon

So I brought you this.

So I could feel and smell what America was all about.

So it's time for you to make a decision.

So let's send them a message

So maybe you could help us

So she had reason to be somewhat alarmed.

So that the stitches don't get ripped out of my cervix.

So we'll deal with it later.

So, in the Quran, it is recommended

So, then what...

So, uh, what do you think?

So, we will go to Paris first.

Some interesting reading arrived.

Somebody you hired to make sure you don't get erections?

Something I've always wanted to tell you.

Sometimes I forget I do.

Sorry you're even related to that human melted candle

Sorry.

Specifically penetrative sex.

Starting up here, we've got Ella, who is age nine.

Sure.

Surrounded by Mike's poorly drawn doodles of legs.

Surrounded by my family and my... my friends

Take our shit show on the road.

Take some time to study the situation.

Take that cum shot in all four eyes, Leon.

Take your name off the ballot?

Technically, I am, but when you buy these ads...

Tell me this, did he sell your training bras

Than to have one that is built on the backs of dead slaves.

Than you have in this mangled abortion coat hanger

Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Thank you!

Thank you, Brie, you know, for everything that we've shared,

Thank you, Leon. Look at this.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. No, op, op, op.

Thank you. Thank you.

That ain't the first time I spent 20 million

That as the proud grand...

That come with obesity... the cancer, the diabetes...

That has a clay baked chicken dish

That Hughes would never do this if I was a male VP.

That I was just giving her a ride home.

That I'm gonna tell her once and for all th that...

That I'm gonna tell her once and for all th that...

That is what the Constitution requires, right?

That maybe you could come live with us.

That ocean air and the crystal blue water.

That this process only works

That tranny knuckle dragger is my fiancée.

That upon the birth of a child,

That was a success despite an almost pathological level...

That we put together with Scotch tape here.

That would be kind of cute 'cause then we could call him Little Richard.

That you did so because you were embarrassed

That you have to order 24 hours in advance.

That, uh...

That's an old... you know what? I don't know.

That's as inconsequential as any...'"

That's Leon. It's gotta be Leon.

That's not a bad question.

That's not my problem. All right, we're leaving, okay?

That's right, that's right.

That's right. So, kids, could you come out here, please?

That's the way to affect meaningful change.

That's what I think.

That's what we were going for!

That's why God created subzero winters and the third rail,

The "Washington Post" is running an exposé on your term in office.

The American public would like to know

The baby's crowing.

The band is getting back together again!

The Brazil plan is set.

The editors think he's lost all sense of objectivity,

The female pleasure center is quite extensive.

The first woman to hold the office of the president.

The Georgian election is here

The KKK... that's the Kool Kweers of Kolor...

The lady who does my Brazilian is from Hong Kong.

The mental health crisis in this country,

The only reason that I voted for Hughes is because you were on the ticket.

The PACs, the reelection committees, everything.

The people of New Hampshire are gonna be so grateful to me,

The point is now is not the time

The president doesn't actually want you to do anything

The president is very, very busy right now.

The shutdown really hurt you in Massachusetts' anus.

The three Meyersketeers hang a shingle?

The White House maids, the steward.

Then these unfortunates will finally have a home...

There are no typos, there are no food stains,

There's a typo on the first page.

There's an off... you see the off button?

There's just one last thing you need to do.

These are genuine pieces of the wall.

These revelations will continue to come out in a steady drip, drip, drip...

They discovered the library might be situated

They dropped off

They know! They finally know it's me!

They love you so much, they can't keep away.

They make her use Linda, but...

They said it's a little unstable.

They started demo at Mee Maw's for the birthplace and library,

They'll read you some of our favorite reviews

They're important. Can you handle it?

They're in Italy.

They're playing their usual games.

Things sure have changed

This entire conversation is off the record.

This is a gang bang on a pinball machine!

This is Catherine's tea for her underparts.

This is the best day we've had since I started working for you.

This is traumatizing for the baby.

This isn't an article,

Tibet! Tibet! It's all Tibet!

To cut my dick off so you could marry me?

To engage in some sort of human pleasurable activity.

To go putzing after representatives, congressmen.

To have some children come out here.

To seek your support for Congress

To show that all you need to be happy is right here.

To that wop wonder Di Vicentis,

To wish me a speedy recovery?

Two years ago,

Two... stay the fuck away from me.

Ugh, it's loud.

Uh, no comment.

Uh, yeah, yeah. What's up?

Uh, yes. No.

Uh, you can't talk to him like that.

Uh, you can't talk to him like that.

Um, is Tibet.

Um, well, you are an exceptional woman.

Um, well...

Um, you know, I think I wanna slow things down with us.

Uncle Jeff, come on!

Uncle Jeff, people loved the shutdown...

Uncle Jeff, shut up!

Under her desk during a cabinet meeting.

Vaginas are so gross.

Vice President Selina Meyer to see the president.

Wait, can I petition for a recall against Ezra?

Wanna play a game of Horse?

Was originally the university's slave quarters.

Washington insiders, they didn't like me very much.

Watch this film "Air Force One."

We are fucked two ways which till Tuesday.

We are going to be in the EEOB.

We are gonna ride that Dalai Lama

We did, ma'am.

We don't know my diary is the source.

We fought together for the dream

We get the kids out 10 minutes a day...

We have a league. We play here every Tuesday night.

We played that last night when you weren't here.

We wanna put a spotlight on our historic association with slavery.

We were telling so many lies, I had to write them down to keep them straight.

We'd be out, shotgun and beers

We'd be putting up drywall on your vagina building today.

We'll always have the shutdown, won't we?

We'll figure out where we wanna go next.

We'll have your office get in touch with my office.

We're fine with it. You have so many more important things to do...

We're getting some book reviews in.

We're gonna take her back to Mount Sinai, ma'am.

We're having Peking Gourmet.

We're having the groundbreaking today.

We're not gonna validate your parking.

We're very interested in discussing that.

We've completely spent all of our TV money.

Wearing nothing but blood diamonds.

Wednes... Tuesday.

Well,

Well, fine, you're welcome for whatever.

Well, good timing because we're in print

Well, I appreciate that,

Well, I could go to jail for that.

Well, I don't know how I'm not gonna get it hard

Well, I suppose I should say I'm sorry.

Well, I'm sure you're not alone.

Well, I've got a professor of gender studies suing for tenure.

Well, it's been quite a year for the Meyer Fund for Adult Literacy,

Well, it's just right across the street.

Well, ma'am, a buddy of mine works at the "Post" snack shop.

Well, most importantly, I hope that you've cherished...

Well, that sounds bad.

Well, the history books are being rewritten,

Well, the Voting Rights Act was in 1965.

Well, there's President Montez, Tom James...

Well, there's scans of it on the WaPo website.

Well, this isn't bed rest, this is couch rest.

Well, this thing shouldn't take too long, so we can get you out of here.

Well, two years is a long time.

Well, what are you standing here for?

Well, who's in charge of that?

Well, why should her cervix be any different than the rest of her?

Well, yeah, I'm on bed rest

Well, you don't have any frame of reference.

Well, you know, in case...

Well, you know, it's crazy.

Well, your mom said you could use some Splett pep,

Well?

What a vulnerable state you were in,

What are you talking about?

What do you mean a little while?

What do you want?

What does it say?

What have you and your 47 tangled chromosomes done?!

What if you trim the topiary around the edge?

What is it? Is it Leon West?

What is that you just... what was the thing that you just said?

What is this weather? Why doesn't everybody just go to St. Bart's?

What the fuck does that even mean?

What?

What?

What?

What? What are you talking about?

What? What, Mike?

What... mm... what?

What's going on with the foundation?

What's new?

Whatever happened to half a bottle of red wine and three Virginia Slims?

When I'm talking about my hog with some hot "shiska" nurse.

When there's bipartisan communication.

When you should be up by 20 points.

When you're choking them out afterwards.

When you're going to come clean about your stay at Whispering Sands.

Where I was chosen for many, many sports teams,

Which apparently we're not, it's a boy.

Which basically means I'm definitely running.

Which you're doing a pretty okay job at.

Who despises me like this?!

Who follows me around...

Who is this tranny knuckle dragger?

Who negotiated with the Chinese president to free Tibet.

Who puts the Jew in "why people hate ****."

Who says that she thinks that you chickened out

Who's been a congressman for, like, two days

Whoa, I'm only up five on Skeevy Deevy?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you drinking?

Whoo!

Whoo! Council Bluffs, lowa, here we are!

Why aren't they in the book?'"

Why do you work for me, you stupid mustache?!

Why don't I show you your office first?

Why don't we, eni?

Why don't you put your money where your mouth was... is...

Why? Why would you Kurt Cobain your own library?

Will you pass me one of those ice packs, please?

Will you stop being exactly like yourself?

With a camel toe and his child molester goggles

With the lawsuit and with one of our adjuncts

With the money he made from his first major arms deal.

With the soldier that you pulled from the tank?

With unwanted girl children.

With very serious mental health problems.

Without balls, I'd be swallowing dicks whole just like Joey Chestnut.

Without the cooperation of the Congress.

Woodward minus Bernstein plus Propecia.

Wow

Wow, that smells good. What is that?

Wow. Well, we'll have to see what I look like later

Wrapped around a pack of no filter cigarettes.

Written in crayon and mustard stains.

Yale pulled out without even coming on my tits?

Yammer my case to the morning TV yabbos.

Yards after the catch to Steve Largent.

Yeah, also what it's like to be a woman.

Yeah, but, you know, the options will be

Yeah, easier than explaining

Yeah, he owns, like, all these old people.

Yeah, I don't blame you.

Yeah, I think I, uh... I've been waiting a long time

Yeah, I'm not in there till 213, and I wrote the book.

Yeah, it's a broth of red raspberry leaf,

Yeah, Jaffar, I can't.

Yeah, most of the formers are buried at their libraries.

Yeah, she's telling Page Six that she and Brie are clam slamming.

Yeah, tell it, sister! Kick him in the cunt.

Yeah, well, I'm pregnant and it's yours.

Yeah, yeah, we all do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we had a lot of drinks.

Yeah, you know, I wish your husband was here

Yeah, you're welcome.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah... maybe.

Yes, and I think I did, 'cause I talked to you about that.

Yes, and they're working on the engineering.

Yes, he did.

Yes, I want it back.

Yes, I would like that very much.

Yes, I'm gonna make you look pretty, okay?

Yes, in sleeping with my trainer,

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, of course, I can be very flirtatious.

Yes, thank you, sir. Butch and Sundance

Yes!

Yo, you guys ready to drop that rock?

You and I could split those duties.

You are going to retract every word this very nanosecond.

You can go ahead. We're the "Washington Post"

You can have her.

You could get murdered in my country for saying something like that.

You guys can join my league. How about that?

You guys have to get me out of here.

You had to cancel, which, to us, is like, you know,

You have not seen the last of Selina Meyer.

You know how busy your mother is, Catherine.

You know how much I love the size of your jet,

You know what I love most about your daughter?

You know what I think? You sound like the world's gayest AM radio show.

You know what would be funny? We should put the men's bathroom there.

You know what, actually, I probably wasn't named after her.

You know what, Mom, as your daughter...

You know what? I should go.

You know, 'cause they overcorrect.

You know, I have to tell you, when I left the White House,

You know, I was thinking that I might wanna become more involved.

You know, I'm so glad that I've just run into you, Sally.

You know, if this administration continues to ignore

You know, last night, I dreamt that

You know, ma'am,

You know, my favorite cousin Hamid went here.

You know, my uncle, he poisoned an entire village with sarin gas.

You know, there's a restaurant in Kowloon

You know, there's been a lot of speculation

You know, this could be an opportunity.

You know, this is what I said in the beginning.

You know, under her bed and behind the curtain and in the closet.

You know, we could really use you, Ames.

You know, what about Richard?

You know...

You made the Hindenburg look like

You need to get in touch with Leon right now.

You remember Sally Nuefeld, our biggest donor?

You should be ashamed to call your body.

You should take this back.

You should've taken Amy and walked away.

You stole it.

You wanna do that? Blacks got the vote in 1870.

You wanna play?

You, too. Bye bye.

You'd think that'd count for something.

You'd think that'd count for something.

You'll be neighbors.

You'll be sorry.

You're about as welcome here as Jerry Sandusky at an open call for "Oliver."

You're beautiful. Catherine, you are truly beautiful.

You're gonna throw your neck out, you know?

You're kidding me.

You're Mark David Chapman's bullet.

You're only up by five points

You're... you're running again?!

Your circumcision was a success, Mr. Ryan.

Zinger!

24 hours seems like a lot of hoopla

...in this town, gentlemen. Yeah.

"A Woman First: First Woman." Yeah.

A boy or a girl? Well, if we're judging by sex organs,

a while back, I was working on this humor column... No, don't, Mike.

About a month. Hey, ma'am.

About? The chicken, right?

Absolutely, Congresswoman Meyers. Thank you.

Ah, there he is. Oh, hello, sir.

Ah. Uh, no, it's not.

Ah. We've got Elliot, age 10.

AIDS in particular has had... Wait, wait, hang on a second.

All right. Great.

And add another zero? That should be no problem.

And as... oh, my. Wow. ♪ Standing strong forever... ♪

And Gary. So passionate.

and have some goodbye cake? I told them you didn't want cake.

and I think I actually came. Is everything always ice cream with you?

And it's sick. How about some lipstick?

and ready to go at any moment. Why? Why is your plane always fueled?

And shame on Amy Brookheimer. Yes.

And that's the crypt, ma'am. Right, that's what I just said.

And what about Montez? She's a Mexican who stole your job.

Andrew. What?

Any job leads? I thought about teaching high school,

Are we close to a kitchen? Well, I actually have good news.

Are you in here? 12 mentions. Adequate.

Are you parked in the garage? Yeah, I'm just outside.

Are you pregnant? No, I'm not pregnant.

Arizona? Yeah, it was a spa. It was just a spa.

Ball in. Let's go, Congressman.

Balls. like the leaky prison faucet

Beats working for Jonah. Yeah.

Boom goes the dynamite. You're fired.

Boop boop! Hello, ma'am.

both on and off camera. Oh.

bringing you exclusive content... Oh, no, no, no, no.

but we have a situation. What are you talking about?

but what I have to say is... Holy shit!

but you chose politics. What is this, the clitoris?

But, yes. Mom, can Richard stay the night?

Bye, kids.

Can we play "What's... What's in the Bag"?

Can you come and get me?

Catherine. That's right.

Come on, honey, I'll walk you out. Oh, that's nice of you.

Cuckoo! Yeah.

Dad. I know I've had some setbacks...

Did they put the garbage bags down? I don't know.

Did you make the book? Just the dedication.

Do you need to leave? Where do I stand?

Everybody just called her Regina. Oh, boy.

Everybody loves you! Shut up!

Finally getting paid. Well, we'll see.

Finally got Catherine down. I could never get her down.

for all of you. ♪ And we can build this thing together... ♪

for us to get together. There it is.

Fortunately, I was available. So, what is it? What do we got?

Fourth time's the charm. Yeah, that's fourth, ma'am.

from the Meyer Presidency... Oh, no.

Gellardi, hit me, I'm open. What are you doing here, Congressman?

Get! Shh.

Go, just go. Open up a bottle of Chateau Montelena

God, I really thought we were gonna win Guam. And so, ahem...

God, that feels good to say. So where are the new digs, huh?

Good Christ! Are you kidding me?

Good luck, ma'am. Hi. How are you?

Good night, ma'am. What? I'm not on bed rest.

Good... yeah. Loud. It's so loud.

Gundupta. I'm gonna get you a cookie.

Have you decided on a name? No. What's your name?

He says Leon's on the outs. Really?

Hello, former Congressman Ryan. Oh, come on!

Hello, Jonie. Ugh, fuck. Hello, Uncle Jeff.

Hello, Marjorie. I'm sorry to be so hysterical,

Hello. Hey. Great.

Here come the shoulders. Oh, my God,

Here you go, sweetie. Thank you.

Here's your baby. Is that its hair?

Hey, baby! Hi!

Hey, guys. It's the woman who freed Tibet!

Hey, lookie, lookie! Hi!

Hey, you gonna pay? I'm in.

Hi, Mom! Watch your toesies, watch your toesies.

Hi. I ground these myself.

his campaign man... I have two things for you to do.

Hmm? Nothing.

Hog jaw! Yeah.

How are you? I'm good, thank you.

How are your kids, Ben? Ooh, touché.

How long have you known about this? Since Alabama.

I don't even know who they are. Oh, be glad. I've met them.

I don't have a pen. Oh, you don't.

I found him. How are you?

I got on the first flight. Hi, Andrew.

I got waitlisted there. Oh, oh, ow, ow, ow!

I have decided to suspend my campai... No!

I know that's not your bag. Okay.

I know! Leon West is on "CBS This Morning" right now.

I mean... Ma'am.

I mean... Uh, ma'am, Johnny...

I need ice chips. Hi, I'm Gary.

I need my speech. Speech.

I really need clarity on my role. Yeah.

I think I heard him leave. What? Oh, right.

I think I wanna run for Congress. Huh.

I thought that was you. No, I'm pretty sure it was him.

I thought you went to Smith. No, it's in the book that you wrote.

I'll check on you later. I'm pretty sure it's "shiska."

I'll have what she's having. You're beautiful.

I'll just give him a boop boop, pat pat. I packed your toiletries,

I'll take your purse. No, it's fine.

I'm all set with sand. But this is beach sand.

I'm drying the "glow tion." Don't use the word "glow tion."

I'm going! Knock 'em dead, ma'am.

I'm gonna help you out. Mom.

I'm leaving. How are you doing?

I'm not a porn star. You could be,

I'm so moved by this! You just started tearing down Mee Maw's house.

I'm sorry, Mike. It looks like arms.

I'm staying with Jonah. You are?

I'm... Ah, ah!

I've got Catherine, but, I mean... Let's just go.

I've got stomach cramps. Aw.

In America? In the United States, yeah.

Is it a second diary dump? Oh, it is beyond a dump

Is my baby okay? Come on, guys, we gotta go!

Is that a pun? Well, that's on you, Amy,

Is that the baby's name? Yes.

Isn't that good? Ooh, "Tonight Show" dresses.

It is black... No, I'm talking about grandmother.

It's a bit of a pun. No, it's not.

It's a little pun. It is a pun, kind of.

It's actually fourth. Fourth.

It's my dream, too. Aw, well, we should make that happen.

It's really nice. Hey! Whoo!

It's really, really nice. Thank you.

It's so amazing to hear you say that. Yeah.

It's the nursery. Seriously?

Jaffar, you are so sophisticated... Oh, come on.

Jaffar! Sources close to...

Jane, you are historic. Thank you.

Jim, I really do. But in the current climate

Jonah! Her name is Shawnee Tanz,

Jordan, jobs... Try Ryan.

Just say the word, ma'am, and I will... Amy, Amy.

Ladies and gentlemen, please help me welcome...

Ladies and gentlemen... Fuck!

Leon West has Mike's diary! Amy, you promised!

Leon West, ma'am. Ah, Leon!

Let me get my checkbook. Oh, can we have your pen, Andrew?

Let's not do that. You look beautiful.

Look at my neck, okay? Ooh.

Look how pretty! Oh, the prettiest!

Look how pretty. You think it's too low cut?

Losing was just the best. Aw.

Lovely to see you. Hi.

Ma'am, here's your speech. Yes? Oh!

Ma'am, um... Ahem, yeah?

Ma'am? Yeah?

Ma'am. What is it?

Madam Vice President. Yeah.

Marjorie! Marjorie!

Marjorie! Marjorie!

Marjorie! Marjorie!

Marjorie?! Marjorie?!

Marjorie. Marjorie.

Maybe a waterproof tarp. Yes, actually,

Mazel tov. Oh, thanks, Kent.

Mm mm. All right, who else knows?

Mm. Well, let us put together an action plan.

Mom, I don't want waffles! Okay, then I won't make waffles.

Mom, we have a surprise for you! Knock knock!

More towels? How many towels are you... Yes, I need them.

More? You never... Now, ma'am, there is a problem.

Mother. mother of an African American baby,

My book, my book, my book! Fresh off the presses.

My cervix is as tight as a snare drum. Oh, yes, it is.

My God. Well, where are the toys?

Name one. Okay, you know what I want?

Next time, I wanna stay longer. Hello, ma'am.

No offense. Hey, none taken. Former yabbo.

No such thing. Well, President Meyer's book.

No, I love this show. And then there was speculation

No, it's not. I have to say

No, mm mm. No. No?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

No, those are for Daddy. Ooh, God, Sandra?

No! Amy, Amy.

No! Yeah.

No! Yes, I've decided to suspend my campaign.

No. They know that you 100% knew

No. Well, I can't do the show.

Nope. You didn't want red meat for a week.

Not exactly. Okay, who has my speech?

not tonight, despite the title. Okay.

Now, what are you doing? Don't worry about it.

Nuefeld department stores. Hi.

of your book. Oh, neat!

Oh, Amy's out. No!

Oh, come on. What? Yale had slaves back then?

Oh, congratulations. Okay. I just wanna say

Oh, God. It's crystal clear.

Oh, he's not exactly on the yes fly list. Oh.

Oh, hey, Ben. Madam Vice President.

Oh, I heard her. You cannot build this library

Oh, it's incompetent cervix, ma'am. That's what I said, Marjorie.

Oh, Jim! There you are. Madam President.

Oh, like, twice a day. A lot.

Oh, money! We're moving the wedding up.

Oh, Mr. Cafferty! See that?

Oh, my God, Madam President! Hi.

Oh, my God. I mean, when did we build

Oh, my God. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, my God. Okay.

Oh, my goodness! Look at this.

Oh, my gosh! Yeah!

Oh, okay. Oh.

Oh, right there on the mark. On the thing? Okay. Thank you.

Oh, shut up, narc! You shut up!

Oh, so cute. Yeah, very cute.

Oh, sure. "A Woman First: First Woman."

Oh, sure. Yeah! Okay?

Oh, thank you. You're Monica from "Monica."

Oh, yes! How about you, Richard?

Oh! It's Kismit.

Oh! It's Kismit.

Oh! Grandma! Yeah.

Oh! Hi. Hi. How are you?

Oh! We threw the pen out. I don't give a fuck.

Oh. As soon as I heard

Oh. Okay, and she knows what this is regarding, Yale?

Oh. This is the President of Yale, ma'am.

Oh. Yeah. No, it's good.

Okay, and? One of us should go?

Okay, Doctor... Sengupta.

Okay, have fun. Thank you. Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, how does 25,000 sound? Well, I'll tell you something,

Okay, I don't know what that is. you can understand that this is not a time

Okay, just send him in. Okay.

Okay, next up, we got Ruby, age 10. Wow.

Okay, see? He's unhinged! Mm hmm.

Okay, you in the back. Uh, will this be on the final?

Okay? So...

Okay? Can you do that? Yes, sir.

Okay? I am still a young woman. Yes.

Okay. I am... oh, I am a West Wing intern.

Okay. If you change your mind before dinner,

Okay. Okay. We gotta go.

Okay. The hospital ones are so big.

Okay. You can give it to my husband, Andrew.

Okay. Yes, ma'am. Gary,

on a piece of pussy. Oh, good on you, Quartie.

On it, ma'am. Yeah.

on the building there. Yeah, right.

Ooh. Ma'am, do you need to sit down?

our time together. I'm... I'm sorry, Danny.

People think we're married. I think it's the perfect amount.

Podcast. What?

Pregnant daughter. from my pregnant daughter...

Quartie! Who's the head librarian now?

Really brings back old memories, huh? Ooh, and she's back.

Really! Look at my hands. Gorgeous.

Really? I'm kidding. It's great.

Really? That was Wendy.

Richard. What are you even doing here?

Right across the street here. What?

Right? Right. Very smart, ma'am.

Sandra. Yeah, not that.

See you around, Jonie. Wait, can he really do that?

See? Oh, I'll up the dosage on your spinal.

Selina, what are you... And those are assets

Selina, you have to do it. Mm mm.

Shame on Yale. Yeah.

She and I started here seven years ago. Oh, tell me about it.

She did, in fact, steal my job. Her numbers are under agua.

She has a penis? I don't know.

She's dumping you! Shut the fuck up, Uncle Jeff.

She's having some bad bleeding. Oh, my God, on the couch?

She's not dumping me. Oh, no, I am.

So they solved the design problem. Yes.

so we started an exciting new program...

so you're all set to go. Monnie.

So, this is your decision? Yes, it is.

Special delivery! Advance copies. Really?!

spend time with guys who get it. Yeah, learn a trade.

Stevie says we've gotta wrap it up. Yeah.

Still off the record. invasion of privacy.

Sweet. To Team Meyer.

Sweetie. Madam President,

Take a look. All right, let's see if I'm in here.

Tanz as in Sherman Tanz? That's right. He's my father.

Team Meyer! Second time's the charm.

Tell him to get in line. Oh, ma'am, the publisher said

Thank God. Would you like to hold him, Grandma'am?

Thank you so much for coming. Thank you!

Thank you! Have fun.

Thank you! What joy! We gotta go. It is like Selinamania, right?

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks for coming in, Ame. No!

That beautiful black and white stuff. Before me.

That could help. Nobody's gonna trim the topiary.

that is half black. And 1/16 French Huguenot.

That's an excellent idea. Yeah, thank you.

That's awesome. Well, it was nice to see you

That's Bethany. Okay, thank you, Tiffany.

That's copy editing. Congratulations again, Amy.

That's not an answer. Look over here!

The baby is in distress. and her baby is in such distress.

the body dysmorphia... Yeah. Hey, Jaffar, it's me.

The DRA guy? Yeah, and the Chinese.

The EEOB? Yeah.

the final model for the library. Oh, wow! Look at this!

There we go. Back at full strength!

There we go. There you go. Thank you.

There you go. Hi. Am I *******?

There's Amy. Come on in. How you doing, Danny?

There's no "S." Oh, *******.

There's one here. Uh huh, okay.

They'll never find it. Well, actually, ma'am,

They're ready for you, ma'am. Oh.

This belonged to my great grandmother. Oh, my God.

This is not good, ma'am. Wait, wait, wait, what if we own this?

to be able to see this in focus? No, no!

to restore me to power. Jonah, Jonah.

to shut that down right now? I'm so sorry to interrupt.

Ugh. And the library's third biggest donor...

Unequivocally, no. That's a great idea.

We can accomplish beautiful things... Absolutely.

We don't want to. I don't give a fuck what you want!

We haven't landed on a name yet. I don't mind Tenafly.

We need champagne! No, Amy's Ringo.

We'll leave Friday. That's so funny because

We'll see... We'll see you in the tomorrow.

We're good. Shh. Everyone say hello to Little Richard.

We're looking good. Here it comes. Oh, my God!

Well, good morning, ladies. Good morning, ma'am.

Well, he really likes Amy. Amy who?

Well, thank you. than our stupid show

Well, that's Catherine's problem. Okay.

Well, that's stupid. Yeah, it was a waste of $30.

Well, whatever. This is amazing.

What about you? What's next for the great Dan Egan?

What am I on? Nothing.

What are you doing here? Our daughter wanted at least

What do you mean? Nope. Mm mm.

What do you think? Huh, yeah.

What is the matter? What's going on? No, no, look!

What time is "The Tonight Show"? Call time is 3:30.

What? Don't worry, it runs in my family, too.

What? It's the tea for your underparts!

What? Ma'am, it is everywhere!

What? Nothing.

What? The first sentence.

When did women get the vote? 1920! Sistas!

Where to? 53rd and 3rd, please.

Which never happened. which never happened, by the way,

White working class voters. Nobody!

Who cc'd Mike? I get it, I'm Ringo.

Who is she talking to? I don't know.

Whoa.

Why don't I join you in that nightcap? Uh, Gary?

Yeah, absolutely, Madam President. The deal that we brokered.

Yeah, in 10 minutes would be good. It is good.

Yeah, make it a double. Atta girl.

Yeah, sure. Okay.

Yeah. so you can stop attacking me.

Yeah. Which, again, is tomorrow night,

Yeah. who sometimes get very angry

Yeah. Will you be nursing?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Boing! I know it.

Yep, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're familiar with the story.

Yes, it was. No, that was a fluke.

Yes, it was. Really?

Yes, Mom. Oh, isn't that nice?

Yes! Yes, thank you. Oh! Wow, thank you.

Yes. Yes. Yeah.

You are? We need to make a TV buy tonight.

You can have Amy. Wait, I don't understand.

You can imagine what that's about. Oh, my God.

You can't go in there! Sir, I know I don't have an appointment,

You don't mind that, do you? No, I just meant

You gonna hire a lawyer? No, I'm thinking of pleading guilty.

You know that's the case. Ma'am...

You know, I would love to, Selina... Oh, great!

You need to understand. Oh.

You see Jane's up to her old tricks? Mm mm.

you spelled Meyer right. Well, I am a grown man.

You went ahead without me. The baby has my elbows.

You were here yesterday. Yeah. That's right!

You're fucking ruining this. Ruining what?

You're the donor. Oh, father.

Your ex. No. Yale!

Zing! You got me, ma'am. Hey!

'cause Selina's...

'cause you don't want the sweat getting in your eyes

'We've been stunned by the revelations

"'Publisher Weekly' calls it 'Scattered and disjointed,

"'The New York Times' says,

"'The New Yorker' called it 'A trite, monotonous tune

"A Woman First: First Woman."

"Amy committed perjury today,"

"As Gary poured my tea, I realized the hostages..." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

"From the moment I entered the the White House."

"Ignoring the advice of experienced staffers,

"In sleeping with my trainer, I think you could say I did not exercise good judgment."

"Steve Bing'd" a couple stewardesses.

"The 'New York Post' says, 'Remainder City.'"