Three's Company - Season 3 Edit

A terrible cold? I can't lie to Linda like that!

Aaa...

All right, all right. I'll tell you.

All the other times you've been mad at him,

Alright. Oh.

And afterwards, Stanley?

And Chrissy and I will give you an alcohol rub right away.

And even though we are living in more permissive times,

And make you feel very very good.

And my cold is completely gone. (Inhales)

And remember, in eskimo land, that's six months long.

And then he asks me to wear the short shorts I wore to the office picnic.

And we go out and have fun,

And you want to know something?

And you.

Anything.

Anyway, Samantha’s looking for an honest guy.

Both of us. Together.

Boy am I glad to see you!

Boy oh boy Chrissy. Really?

But he just doesn't have the strength.

But just suppose you weren't.

But Stanley says you are.

But that wasn't it. He said he'd go out with me

But then I found out there was more satisfaction

Bye, Ralph.

Came out of nowhere. Yeah, I’d let you talk to him,

Chrissy, listen, I feel much better.

Come on, Jack, you do not have to be a hero.

Coming!

Don't I get a "God bless you"?

Don't make excuses till I make demands.

Don't talk to me! Don't look at me!

Don't think of me! Just... don't!

Down at the Regal Beagle. Seemed she was pretty upset.

Excuse me.

Fine. All right.

For another glass of wine.

For stopping by, nurse Janet. I won't be needing my treatment tonight.

Get closer. That's it. A little closer, Janet.

Get me some aspirin and a thermometer, please.

Good for you.

Good morning, girls! Isn't it a beautiful day?

He lied about having a cold.

He name is Samantha Evans. I lied to you about being sick

He seems to be tied up at the moment.

He's in the kitchen with his cold?

He's in the kitchen. I'll go ask him.

He's perfectly healthy.

He's picking me up at 7:00.

Helen, you don't understand.

Hello, Samantha. I'm Janet. I'm Jack's...

Hey, Larry! I'm glad to see you. I've got something to tell you.

Hi, Chrissy. Chrissy!

Hi, Jack, what do you say we...

Hi.

How can I think about having a good time when I want to go to bed?

How?

How's my little teddy bear tonight?

Huh? Yeah, I’ll see if I can reach him.

I bet you will. Just the way you have

I brought someone I thought you might want to see.

I brought you back your thermometer.

I can take care of myself

I didn't have time.

I didn't want you to think I was a creep.

I got myself a date with Samantha Evans!

I guess I won't.

I have to go back to the shop, Jack. We're checking inventory tonight.

I just talked to Jack.

I knew you wouldn't believe it. She's coming tonight

I know. I just didn't want you to think it.

I lied.

I made this soup with my own hands.

I mean it, pal. I really mean it.

I mean that I’m too sick to have people looking after me.

I mean we're going to.

I mean, it's Larry’s lie, not his.

I never had a cold.

I never was sick.

I only said I was sick to get out of a date, but it didn't work.

I said I’m not going out with any guy

I said, it's an old eskimo remedy.

I think you were supposed to eat it.

I thought we were going to go out and have a good time!

I...

I... I had to break a date. I'm sick.

I... oh.

I'd be happy to pinch it for you.

I'd take you to some fancy place for a few drinks...

I'll be better off all alone.

I'll put you to bed and tuck you in

I'm contagious (sneezes)

I'm gonna break my date and stay home with you tonight.

I'm grateful for small favors.

I'm in good hands. The doctor's here and everything.

I'm really impressed.

I'm sorry to bother you

I'm sorry, I can't make our date tonight, sweetheart.

I've heard all this before. I'm going to bed.

If I didn't wear anything at all!

If I give it to you, you'll pass it back to me,

If I wasn't sick?

In a real, meaningful, one to one relationship.

IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.

Is there any of that chicken left? Oh.

It isn't going to work for Stanley either!

It's all Larry’s fault. He's the one who made up that phony story.

It's easier to cook in the kitchen.

It's Linda.

It's... it's right in there.

Jack, do you need any...

Jack, I want the truth.

Jack, Larry told me all you went through to go out with me,

Jack, look, I will have you feeling good in no time.

Jack, why do you try to hide things from me?

Jack, will you show me something?

Jack, you'd better get out of those wet things,

Jack! You're full of germs!

Jack...

Jack's very sick, and I got my cold from him.

Janet: Chrissy, would you get that? I got to find my glasses.

Just finish taking your shower.

Larry, you're the best friend I ever had!

Like I said, first things first.

Linda. Wants to know what time you're picking her up tonight.

Listen, don't move. I will take care of everything.

Listen, I want to talk to you girls.

Listen, I was just wondering if you had a thermometer

Listen, it's just you and me, Sam. It's just you and me.

Look, girls, you don't have to stay, you know.

Look, I’ve got to soak my feet.

Me too. Me too. We can't leave you alone like this.

Mmmm...

Next time I see that Larry, I’m gonna tell him off!

No, Jack, you don't have a date with Samantha Evans.

No, no, I mean I have a cold.

No, no, no...

No, not tonight. You will never believe this.

No, the phone! The phone!

No, wait, wait, wait...

No, wait! Yes, I lied, I lied!

No, with his chicken.

No, you weren't wrong.

Not good, Helen. Not good.

Not that I didn't want you to,

Now, tell me about the Avon lady.

Nurse! She's my nurse. Thank you very much

Of course not. I'm cold, I got the chills.

Oh god, I forgot.

Oh Jack. Listen, I told my boss

Oh Janet, I’m so sick. It came upon me all of a sudden.

Oh no, Samantha, no.

Oh no.

Oh Stanley, we're gonna have such a wonderful time tonight!

Oh sure. I can see you're in good hands.

Oh that's so sweet. (Normal voice) You're gonna what?

Oh well... what the hell?

Oh you... oh I’m... oh excuse me, I thought...

Oh, but that's so expensive!

Oh, I... oh.

Oh, Jack, what was it you wanted to say to me?

Oh, Larry, when I think of those lips and those great long legs.

Oh, you just let Samantha take care of you.

Oh, you poor babies!

Oh. I'm sorry.

Okay, I have to go now, lover.

Okay, I was lying in bed, and this thing came through my window...

Okay, okay, okay. Just get me the aspirin.

Okay, she wasn't an Avon lady.

Okay, Stanley, but you remember,

Okay.

One to one, huh? Meaningful relationship? Huh?

Or leave them off and we'll stay home and have fun.

Party time! Whoo ho!

Poor baby. Linda brought you some nice chicken soup.

Poor you. You really do have a cold.

Ritter's voice: "THREE'S COMPANY" WAS VIDEOTAPED

Samantha... I don't know what to say.

Save my place.

See you later. Good bye. Keep healing the sick. Bye bye!

She brought me some chicken soup.

She's so dedicated.

Shoulders.

So get your clothes off and get into bed.

So I could be with her tonight.

So I see. Has her own key and everything.

So, that means that you're perfectly healthy too!

So, we talked and...

So, you have a choice, Stanley.

So?

So?

Stanley says it's walking pneumonia!

Stanley, suppose you weren't sick.

Stop pretending you have a cold.

Sure. Why didn't you say so in the first place?

Take the pho... Hey, Linda. Bad news.

Tchoo.

Thanks, pal.

That girl was Janet’s sister. She wanted to borrow a bible and I...

That was a rotten thing to do.

That was someone collecting for the church.

That was the Avon lady. They hate to take no for an answer.

That... that was...

That's perfect. Now we stay this way.

The healthy person sits in between the two sick people

The minute you get well, we're going out.

The sun is shining, the birds are singing,

Then I’ll give it to you. We'll never get rid of it.

Then they sit as close together as they possibly can.

They're the widest shoulders I’ve ever seen on a guy. Hi, Mr. Roper.

Trust me. I'll just lie down and take it quietly.

Wait a minute. Jack, look,

Well, I’ll just leave you two lovebirds alone, huh?

Well, I’ll wait.

Well, it seems there was some sort of misunderstanding.

Well, you know that French restaurant you're always talking about?

Wha... don't keep him up too late.

What a shame.

What am I going to do?

What did you tell him?

What do you say? You want to hit a movie later?

When you end up saying, "Larry, you're the best friend I ever had."

Where would we be going afterwards?

Where would you be taking me tonight?

Where's your powder room?

Who chased anything in skirts.

Who's only interested in me for my clothes!

Who's that? Who's that?

Why are we all whispering?

Why aren't you in bed?

Why didn't you tell us the truth in the first place?

Will you answer the door?

Will you cut that out? Who's on the phone?

Will you please leave?

Wouldn't we be more comfortable on the couch?

Yeah, and in the second place too!

Yeah, I’ll call you when I’m better, baby doll.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, Mrs. Roper told us all about your terrible cold.

Yeah, sure, he's...

Yeah, the nerve of that guy! First he makes a date,

Yeah.

Yellow! No, this is Larry.

You both got my cold?

You either put on these pants

You know, Jack, I almost didn't go out with you.

You know, Jack, maybe I was wrong about you.

You know, Janet, he has a point.

You know, you haven't made a pass at me all evening.

You liar.

You mean, we would have had a wonderful time.

You must think I’m really something special.

You needed me more than he did.

You no good, phony two timing twerp!

You promised to take me out tonight!

You said it. Not me.

You said you weren't going to do that.

You were going to tuck me in. Samantha, listen...

You!

You're just like all the rest, only worse!

You're not even warm!

You're not Jack.

You're nothing but an overblown, egotistical, girl crazed degenerate!

You're right. Just give me Samantha’s address.

You're right. That was foolish of me.

You're such a gentleman.

"You'd be better off soaking your head." (Both blow raspberries)

(Coughs) He does have a point.

(Coughs) You poor thing.

(doorbell rings) Get the door, Jack.

(Softly) Get out. So long, doc.

(Water splashing) (Stanley screams)

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪ ♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪ ♪ TAKE A STEP THAT IS NEW ♪

All night? Mm hmm.

And dancing. Dancing? You?

And I’m really flattered. Oh, it was nothing.

And they cover themselves with a blanket Wait.

But I am. Yeah, yeah.

But I’m really sick now, honest. Oh sure.

But this is our first date. Yeah...

Chrissy: I can't, Jack, I’ve got a date. (doorbell rings)

Did you see that? (Stanley sneezes)

Do you want me shivering in bed all night? At least you'd be moving.

Don't go away. I'll be right here.

Don't touch me! Sorry, I won't.

Dressed like that? She gets more donations that way.

First things first. I would do anything

For a home cooked meal. Jack...

For how long? All night.

Get away from me! (Sneezes)

God bless you... Thank you.

Helen, I’m in bad shape. Stanley, do me a favor.

Hey, Jack! I'm busy with my chicken.

Hi, Jack, may we come in? Huh... well,

Hi, Mrs. Roper. (Soft voice) Chrissy...

Hi, Mrs. Roper. Hi, Janet.

Hi, pal! You... you... don't you "hi, pal" me, pal,

Hi. That's Samantha.

I could borrow. (Soft voice) I think Jack has one.

I forgot we had a date. Tonight?

I got something I want to say to you. Whoa, hold it.

I hope you told him off! I certainly will.

I never have thought of it. Oh come on, Jack.

I'll go call my boss. (Nasal voice) No, I feel fine.

I'm gonna soak my feet. You'd be better off soaking your head.

If you... I ran into the little lady

It was a girl. I never saw... Jack, look.

It's an old eskimo remedy. Huh?

It's Linda. Say what?

Jack has a terrible cold. Come on.

Jack, Roper happens... And you should see those...

Jack! That settles it.

Jack? Huh?

Jack's just the one who told it. That's right.

Larry, I got things to do. Don't let me bother you.

Larry, will you get that? Oh, sure.

Larry... Mm?

Let me handle it. What about...

Linda. Jack.

My cold? Yes,

My head hurts, my throat hurts. But Stanley,

No, I’m fine. I made up my mind. I'm going to stay.

No, not this time. This time I’m really... Oh Jack, come off it.

Not if you tell the truth. Okay.

Now come on. Janet, Janet!

Now where were we? You...

Oh Jack. Samantha.

Oh, another lie? A little one.

Okay. That's it.

Ow! She's a friend.

Right over the head! Linda!

Say again

See? Jack!

She caught her last boyfriend with another girl. All right!

Talk! Wait, promise me you won't throw the soup.

That doesn't make any sense. Of course it does.

That's it? That's it.

That's what I said. Oh.

That's why. But you are a creep.

There we go. Oh Jack.

There's nobody here. Oh.

This is silly. No, this is serious.

Very good. Whew!

Well, are you sure? Oh trust me.

Well... Oh come on, girls,

What are you doing here? I was worried about you

What do you mean? I mean, your garbage disposal is broken too.

What? All those things.

What? I thought sure he'd be in bed

What? What?

Where do I start? Start with your cold.

Where were we? My glass is empty.

Who was she? Okay...

Who was that? Oh...

Who was that? That?

Why didn't you tell me he was here? What do you think...

Why? I was told you were the kind of person

With my own hands I’ll give it to you... Thank you.

Yeah, rotten. (Sneezes)

Yeah, we don't want him to get too tired. Chrissy!

You got what? Stay away from me. It's a cold.

You look terrible. Thank you.

You made a house call? Did you say something, Jack?

You mean, you lied? Not exactly.

You said you had a terrible cold. Excuse me.

You want me to answer the door? Will you answer the door?

You're both going out? yeah.

You're going to get sicker. Mrs. Roper, I am not sick.

(Cheers)

(Coughs)

(Coughs) Helen...

(Coughs) Yeah, did Larry tell you?

(doorbell ringing)

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings)

(Groans) Ow!

(Hums)

(Laughs) you know, I used to be that way.

(Mumbles)

(Nasal voice) Hello, Linda?

(Nasal voice) I have this terrible cold...

(Nasal voice) Oh, my cold?

(Nasal voice) That's wonderful news.

(Nasal voice) Yeah, I never heard anything funnier.

(Normal voice) Because Jack is so sick!

(phone rings)

(Sneezes) Excuse me.

(Sneezes) See?

(Snickers)

(Soft voice) Chrissy, I think the thermometer's in the bath...

(Soft voice) No bother. Come on in.

(theme music playing)

(theme music playing)

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND DANCE ON OUR FLOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ COME AND KNOCK ON OUR DOOR ♪

♪ DOWN AT OUR RENDEZVOUS ♪

♪ LAUGHTER IS CALLING FOR YOU ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO ♪

♪ THREE'S COMPANY TOO. ♪

♪ WE'VE A LOVABLE SPACE THAT NEEDS YOUR FACE ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU ♪

♪ WHERE THE KISSES ARE HERS AND HERS AND HIS ♪

♪ YOU'LL SEE THAT LIFE IS A BALL AGAIN ♪