New Girl - Season 6 Edit

A brand new...

A cartoon that is very derogatory towards Mondays.

A cop?

A lick of sense to me,

A lot of secrets came out last night, didn't they?

A print ad for it features a quote from David Strathairn.

A secret apartment?

A secret apartment?

A waiver? Jess, you did not say anything about a waiver.

A word.

Abort. Abort. Abort.

About a week. I had to go

Actually, I'm doing great.

Actually, we, we got this.

Actually...

After another.

Again, very sexual language.

Against the gym because I signed a waiver.

Agatha Christie's husband, David...

Ah don't.

Ah don't... believe it.

Ah, how could I let this happen?

Ah!

Ain't nobody at home up here.

Alcohol is kind of a cubicle for the insides.

All Enya, all up in ya.

All I want is to not be involved,

All of this damage we're gonna do.

All right, but I still said it.

All right, I'm gonna hang up now. Are you ready?

All right, I'm taking charge.

All right, Reagan, you can get to reading.

All right, this one right here is about to set the city up topsy turvy.

All right, time to face the music.

All right, well, I got you a filing cabinet

All right, Winston!

All right!

All right? So, work it out...

All right.

All right. We will ask for a bigger loan.

All you like is electronica.

Also it's crazy expensive.

Also it's crazy expensive.

Although, it is pretty good, because we get to see everything

Always had bad taste?

Aly and I just went long distance.

An actual pool at my apartment,

An outgoing mailbox,

And all of this would be over.

And at 33, no less.

And become a couple of Calvin Harrises e es.

And black the hell out.

And damn you!

And for friend reasons and just basic human decency,

And frankly, I agree with her.

And hey,

And hopefully, a little bit better.

And I am a truly excellent friend.

And I can't help, because this whole thing...

And I didn't want you to think

And I don't get why she wears it.

And I don't want to do that with you.

And I don't want to give you any bad news,

And I freaked out.

And I got Donovan the gig.

And I guess I didn't tell you about it because...

And I had to start over, so I invested in a computer...

And I know she's an idiot.

And I saw it.

And I told my boss that Cece's Boys would be there.

And I wanted a backup plan.

And I'm a Sagittarius,

And I'm freaking out.

And I'm gonna do it.

And I'm gonna get rid of all my gingham and I'm gonna...

And I'm gonna start working here right now.

And I'm quitting modeling

And I'm still here,

And I'm trying to find the black box.

And I'm Woz sitting next to you the whole time in a...

And if for some reason he's not, that is on me and only me.

And it was drug thing, so there are no ghosts.

And It'll be tight, but we'll manage it.

And it's, like, only five minutes from the loft.

And look...

And maybe have like a little ladies' night?

And more of that sweet gumbo.

And moved across the country for you.

And now you're celebrating with a street taco.

And she basically choked me out.

And sold them on flattyflattyboomboom.com,

And sometimes stuff comes up.

And speaking of jobs, by the way,

And start getting jobs for Donovan.

And stop putting stuff in your mouth.

And that thing is ugly as hell, man.

And that's gonna be tough.

And the and the boys are Cece's.

And the word is...

And the world goes 'round.

And then go for a run to preempt

And then we have time for the cafe afterwards.

And we are good.

And we want to settle you

And what if I say something that ruins our friendship?

And you couldn't tell it apart from a real one.

And you guys are all moving on.

And you guys are all moving on.

And you guys have to buy a house.

And you thought, "Okay."

And, Jess, why are you inserting yourself into this?

Any insight, ex to ex?

Any of these hobbies have anything to do with...

Any safety signs near the machine?

Anymore, because...

Anything you say, Officer.

Are cargo shorts gorgeous?

Are you buying a boat?

Are you guys doing okay?

Are you sure you want to start this thing off with Reagan

Are you wearing perfume?

Art Fonzarelli for a day.

As a lifestyle, but now...

As I am filled with the waters of rage.

As I live and breathe,

As I was saying, I never felt love like this.

As just M...

As long as I stay out of their stuff.

Ask Nick. He knows.

At the bar...

At the dining room table.

At the grocery store.

Babe, it's just a two month FBI training program.

Babe, we are not gonna do anything, okay?

Beautiful family.

Beautiful picture of it.

Because a lot of times in my dreams,

Because he could answer all your questions, is Nick.

Because if you're a cop,

Because menopause isn't just about women anymore.

Because the answer would be "no"

Because the only way I could get here from the airport

Because then I will gag.

Because this house is gonna go like this, I know it.

Because... I'm rich.

Become the everyone that you can be!

Besides, you don't even know what you told Reagan.

Better known as...

Bishop,

Bizarrely...

Bonjour! Crawdaddy's home, and he's ready to see his crawkids!

Boo yah!

BOTH: Carpet house.

BOTH: We got this.

BOTH: You hate the zoo.

Breathe, okay? We will find out about the house

Bring myself to knock on his door.

Bull!

But don't judge a house by its smoke damage.

But Donovan just quit modeling

But I can't even bring...

But I have a boyfriend.

But I think nailed the most important one:

But I will tell you this:

But I'm becoming a cop.

But if I am gonna graduate from the dining room table,

But if it's too loud,

But if we're gonna do this, we're gonna have to go to the bank now

But if you're a model, then you can be everyone.

But it also makes me, like,

But it is a little uncomfortable out there.

But it's kind of working.

But it's not personal.

But it's pretty major.

But maybe.

But Robby wrote a Cece's Boys theme song for the band.

But seriously,

But that's why being a model is...

But there was a situation.

But there you go.

But they had other things, you know?

But this is a real make or break moment for me.

But trust me, loan officers have a lot of discretion.

But trust me, loan officers have a lot of discretion.

But wait a second, why do you want to pay?

But we can't stay in here forever, can we?

But why do you automatically get to be in charge of the music?

But you and Reagan are acting like complete idiots,

But you can feel what the slipper is feeling.

But...

By living with me.

By playing a game?

By telling you about it.

By yourselves,

Can't just snap your fingers

Caramel?

Ce... ce...

Cece and I will make a song.

Cece, I'm begging you, please tell her to go home.

Cece, not everything's about Nick.

Cece, we're gonna have go put out a menopause fire.

CECE: Right?

CECE: Yeah, this place is actually perfect.

Cece!

Cece's Boys, where the men are boys,

Cece's Boys.

Chair? I thought this was the base of a fish tank.

Check me out.

Check yourself.

Come on, Robby, $400?

Come on, what did she advise?

Come on. You know you love it.

Complete silence. You got it.

Congratulations, Reagan. You have more apartments than I have jeans.

Congratulations, Reagan. You have more apartments than I have jeans.

Cool windbreaker.

Cool, cool. Hey, um,

Coupons.

Cowboy hat, hockey jersey,

Crawdaddy thing, but I... the point is, I'm home.

Damn it. [Sighs]

Damn right.

Deal.

Did we get the loan?

Did you have other plans?

Did you make police work look as boring as possible?

Didn't this woman change her whole job

Do I look scared?

Do this?

Do whatever you want.

Do you have a stamp for this letter?

Do you know what I think is really great?

Do you remember seeing

Do you see any signage? So here's my question.

Do you think he thinks I can't afford the full amount?

Do you think you can handle it?

Doesn't mean we can't be real with each other.

Don't glory in it, Cece.

Don't I know it!

Don't take this the wrong way about Robby, but...

Don't tell Nick, don't tell Nick.

Don't worry about that, your mind is in a weird situation.

Don't you basically work on ads for a living, Schmidt?

Donovan, you're a natural cop.

Donovan...

Drinking from a Styrofoam cup.

Drunk Maya Angelou.

During the fourth quarter.

Easy.

Easy. That's my sister.

Either I'll look back at this as my

Enya to play at the Super Bowl halftime show?

Especially considering it started

EstroFuel:

Even though I spent 7,000 hours writing it.

Every morning I just Google "house"

Everyone's help on this.

Everything's gonna be fine

Everything's totally fine

Fell asleep on my book.

Figuratively and literally,

Final offer.

Find out what the deal is.

Fine. Cece?

First off,

First things first.

Fluffies is cat farts.

Folks, we got a lawsuit.

Follow me.

For all of their transplants.

For all we've been through."

For booking her first client's first modeling gig.

For divorced dads and child actors.

For making Donovan the face of LAPD's recruitment campaign.

For real this time.

For Schmidt and Cece.

For the cover of The Pepperwood Chronicles.

For the same thing."

For the third time in my life,

For three months and she asked me to go with her.

Framed, shirtless picture of you.

From my drawing, I don't see any signage.

From the chair district

FYI, Ferguson's in one of those drawers making fluffies.

Game time, folks. Hands up, pants up.

Gator is Pepperwood's best friend...

Get in here!

Get in here. The code is, uh... 1234#.

Get out instantly.

Get out.

Get some beers and watch people bowl.

Get... yeah, got to fold it perfect. Oh. Yeah, okay. Sorry.

Give me a hug!

Go buy a 14 pack of tube socks...

Go check on your cat.

Go to Winston's room right now.

God, I hate her.

God, I missed you.

God, why are tiny rakes so soothing?

Going to town on Jess's bunny slippers.

Got two eggs right here. Got a pan right here.

Gotta go, bye. Three...

Guys, I know I found this place, but... yikes.

Guys, look at us.

Guys, we are in this together.

Guys! Let's just try being sweet to each other.

Ha ha!

Ha, ha! I'm buying a home.

Haberman, my Haberman. Haberman.

Haberman.

Haberman.

Haberman.

Haberman.

Haberman. My my my...

Had electric sex...

Has a lot of brothers and sisters.

Hated it.

Hates this kind of stuff.

Have a lot of fun tonight. Have fun. Okay?

Have fun looking like idiots, you morons.

He accepted, and now it's happening.

He eats onions like apples.

He has a girlfriend,

He is way too good for you.

He's been a buzzkill all day.

He's got a bat! [Panicked shouting]

He's in New Orleans with his perfect girlfriend.

He's like a tongue at a seventh grade birthday party.

He's way too good for everybody.

Heavy computers, heavy materiel.

Hell of a ladies' night, though.

Hello, Kimberly. You sound like your skin looks amazing.

Hello, normals.

Hello, sir, how are you?

Help you...

Her legs were as long as the deep...

Here goes. Um...

Here it is.

Here it is.

Here's what happened, let me explain this.

Hey, babe?

Hey, Day.

Hey, guys.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, no, no, time out, time out.

Hey, honey, this can't happen.

Hey, I gotta go.

Hey, I was just making some table legs.

Hey, Jess.

Hey, Miller.

Hey, Nick.

Hey, Schmidty, what are you doing, bud?

Hey, there she is.

Hey, what agency are you from? 2L?

Hey, you two lovebirds.

Hey!

Hey.

Hey...

Heyyy...

His gumbo...

His sex...

Hit the wall, make sure...

Hm... mm...?

Hmm? Oh, I recorded some candid audio.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Honestly, I've never really liked fiction.

Honey, that is a very radical career change, okay?

Honey.

How are you doing with everything?

How could I date someone who doesn't see me realistically?

How could I have been so wrong? Have I...

How how was everything?

How long does it take to respond to a house offer?

How much is it? How much?

How to... talk to him without having a heart attack.

How was New Orleans?

How'd I do?

Huh? Yea...

Husband and...

I almost rounded up all my ballet flats

I also don't have an extra hard copy so let's just talk about something else.

I also have something

I always thought of myself as a brand,

I am changing.

I am Donovan.

I am excited.

I am paying a top notch photographer

I am too hungover to deal with this, so I'm just gonna say it.

I bought the heaviest one I could find...

I can table them for later.

I can think of one of two things.

I can't afford this.

I can't believe my girlfriend has a secret apartment!

I can't believe that you did this!

I can't believe you told her.

I can't do anything tonight.

I can't even be in the same room as Nick.

I can't just run into the bathroom shouting,

I can't keep hiding from him.

I can't practice law.

I can't tell her that you fired her little sister.

I can't wait to start working here.

I can't walk away.

I cannot wait to R E A...

I cannot wait to read this.

I care, Winston. I care.

I could hear everything.

I could offer you legal expertise.

I could read the medical paperwork.

I crawled under the house and the retrofitting

I did not need to know that the Riblet sandwich is back.

I did!

I didn't even know you guys were in touch.

I didn't like that house that much anyway.

I don't even know what I was talking about.

I don't have to go to work.

I don't have work tonight.

I don't know anything about Agatha Christie.

I don't know if you remember this, but, uh...

I don't know what I'm saying

I don't know what the word "panache" means.

I don't know, Cece.

I don't know, guys.

I don't know. Her opinion means a lot to me, so...

I don't need to know anything except, like,

I don't really have any place to go.

I don't understand what's going on.

I don't want to do my thing, either.

I don't want to get involved.

I don't want you to feel trapped in a sack.

I feel fine.

I feel like Baby Bill here

I feel like we should probably...

I feel so bad.

I forgot you were there.

I got something better.

I got to say, a lot of international people living here, it's...

I had a major breakthrough this week.

I had a whole

I had during the war.

I had no idea you were going through this.

I had no idea you were having a conversation

I hate the way that tastes.

I have another apartment.

I have feelings for Nick again, okay?

I have to call off a boat purchase.

I have to figure out how to be friends with him again

I have to make sure Nick never finds out about this.

I have to meet Deedee. She's, like, a good friend.

I have to, um...

I haven't even gotten to the major part yet.

I haven't seen you in months. I need some Jess.

I hugged a limo driver.

I I I'm over him.

I jumped the gun.

I just can't be married,

I just feel like getting really dumb.

I just felt like if I came on too strong,

I just had my pupils dilated for an exam.

I just hope he doesn't look better in blue than I do.

I just want to let you know, I've thought about it,

I just want to use the cooktop first.

I just wanted to be...

I just went to the mall; I did a little retail therapy.

I know I just did something really stupid,

I know I reek.

I know she said that we have a secret between us.

I know that we just went long distance

I know that you don't want to be tied down, okay?

I know what's going on here.

I know you're capable of messing up.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know. Stay focused on the pool.

I know. We just do things sometimes.

I love it so much, babe. I love it so much,

I love it, I love it, I love it.

I love it.

I love this house, too.

I love you, too.

I love you. Have fun.

I made C.O.W., we ain't forgetting about all that.

I mean, for you and for the environment...

I mean, he wouldn't be Pepperwood but...

I mean, I came here to hang out with you guys, so...

I mean, I can't begin to understand what happened with us,

I mean, I have to go to the zoo.

I mean, I only have one secret, so...

I mean, is the pool, like, a drug thing?

I mean, look, I could have yelled out and said stop or something, but...

I mean, sometimes I act more like a...

I mean, sure, my feelings for Nick are complicated,

I mean, take Winston, for example.

I mean, there is a big sale at this Japanese cereal store.

I mean... What are you ta... how did we get into the house?

I need a project now that my table's almost done.

I need his help with the loan.

I need to learn how to manage my clients on my own.

I needed a private room

I never understood it either.

I now pronounce you

I owe you one American dream...

I perfected my "keep vamping,

I picked up an extra shift at the bar.

I poked my head in the shower.

I promised I wouldn't come back,

I put a Lego in my shoe to really push myself.

I really miss your lips on mine.

I really need to wash my hands.

I really think this is the best investment

I recorded a bunch of noises around the loft.

I rewrote the EstroFuel ad to star a hunk,

I said, Raisin again, didn't I?

I saw him for one second

I see him and my heart explodes.

I seem to have swallowed mine.

I should pay that.

I should pay your medical bill.

I should've said I don't... I don't know.

I shouldn't be looking for things to go wrong

I smell coyote babies.

I studied pickpocketing

I think I have some speakers behind the bar.

I think I really screwed up ladies' night.

I think it will.

I think it's really great that we all,

I think something terrible happened.

I think your sister is amazing.

I thought this was about a bill, but apparently,

I thought your whole thing was not getting involved.

I told him I was going to the zoo.

I told my lawyer that you're just an innocent bystander.

I took every precaution.

I tried to cover her with a blanket to be sweet

I turned your knee into a bag of marbles.

I understand that.

I want so badly to tell you yes,

I want to hang our wedding photo in our house.

I wanted you to kiss me.

I was embarrassed,

I was just driving to my doctor's office last night

I was like, I was like, "Man, she good..."

I was secretly recorded.

I was writing 2,000 pages a day by hand.

I will be in the cubicle drinking myself numb.

I will handle it, okay?

I will make no such promise.

I wish it were up to me,

I wish you had used a less alarming analogy.

I, uh...

I... love you.

I'll be your real estate agent.

I'll come back with you. Go... go with Jess now.

I'll have a milk.

I'll just be a moment.

I'll just hook up my phone.

I'll meet you guys there.

I'm actually gonna go to a bowling alley and, uh,

I'm afraid I'm not gonna like your book.

I'm going to the bank right now.

I'm gonna call my gal.

I'm gonna go home.

I'm gonna go shout into a toilet.

I'm gonna say that overall it enriches the experience.

I'm gonna smell everything.

I'm gonna splash you in your dumb wet face.

I'm gonna stay out of it.

I'm home!

I'm inserting.

I'm just saying that I don't really think

I'm just trying to avoid my ex.

I'm not a bank robber.

I'm not ashamed.

I'm not blind.

I'm not gonna sue you, Jess. Was that not clear?

I'm not over Nick.

I'm not selling my house.

I'm opening up a subtle Montepulciano.

I'm paying that bill.

I'm paying that medical bill, okay?

I'm probably gonna take a limousine.

I'm scared,

I'm seeing stars, too.

I'm so happy for you guys.

I'm so sorry, do you mind if I just

I'm sorry we got in a fight.

I'm sorry, but now it's all out there, so you can talk about it.

I'm sorry, I was holding my breath the whole time.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sorry, too.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. What?

I'm standing right here.

I'm sure there's some explanation.

I'm taking the gin with me, though.

I'm talking about you.

I'm the voice of reason,

I'm the... I'm the cop of the week?

I'm thinking about concerts that I really enjoy going to,

I'm totaling my assets.

I'm trying to enjoy my supermarket salad.

I'm trying to play it cool. I don't want to seem needy.

I'm... from an agency that is

I've already found, like, five open houses today.

I've given some really bad tours.

I've given you a lot of gator teeth.

I've highlighted the more sexual parts.

I've met them, and their pictures are everywhere.

If anyone's inserting themself, it's Winston.

If I don't have my taste, then what's real?

If it makes you feel any better,

If it wasn't, it would just be a box, wouldn't it?

If she thinks we're making a big deal,

If the old girl didn't like the dinner,

In an emergency, but Schmidt and I need to do this by ourselves.

In fact, I think she may have found a house

In my college production of Oliver!

In New Orleans, once while she was sleeping,

In Portuguese,

In watches, I just don't trust who sets them.

In which case I'll eventually crack. Damn it.

Interest rates are about to drop

Is it, like, a real, genuine place,

Is moving her up to Seattle...

Is pool cocaine?

Is really coming into her own as a real estate agent.

Is rookie work.

Is that a bill from when you were in the hospital?

Is that a bloody kite?

Is that what happened with us?

Is the trunk of a tree.

Is this leading to the secret?

It ain't gonna be that kind of party today, pal.

It checks out

It doesn't matter who else likes it.

It doesn't work.

It felt good.

It is actually my very first time.

It is by Diplo or Garrix

It is the mark of any EDM song.

It it would scare you away.

It makes no sense, but...

It means having a certain kind of flair.

It means the world to me.

It might have some life left in it,

It puts me to sleep.

It reminds me of a cardboard tea set

It sounds amazing.

It sucks to be so...

It was borderline Chachi.

It was great.

It was just a song. Okay?

It was way worse. Grown men fainted.

It's #1234, guy.

It's 1234#.

It's a date. I am gonna take a seven minute power nap

It's a Haberman.

It's a Haberman.

It's a little dark.

It's a little weird he didn't pick her up from the airport, though, right?

It's a place called Hash It Over.

It's a very sexual language.

It's a welcoming wine.

It's about our whole relationship.

It's an original Haberman.

It's beautiful!

It's been on the fritz for weeks.

It's disgusting, his breath smells bad,

It's EDM, electronic dance music...

It's going really well.

It's got to be much higher.

It's in the food court at the mall, it's a hash brown...

It's incredible. What a sanctuary.

It's it's tot... it's... Oh.

It's just, I have to meet my friend.

It's just... a thing that I do.

It's my boss, Kim.

It's Nick.

It's not a big deal.

It's not a post office, man.

It's not his birthday.

It's not important, we'll cut out cup ons.

It's not... nothing.

It's okay, 'cause we're the owners!

It's okay.

It's perfect.

It's perfect. Thank you. Total silence.

It's really bleak.

It's so amazing.

It's totally fine.

It's your first day of living together.

It's...

JESS [whispering]: Cece!

Jess, I found something.

Jess, I know that you have flaws.

Jess, I know that you've come here

Jess, I'm not gonna tell you, okay?

Jess, look at us for a second, the two of us, Cece and I.

Jess, why couldn't you marry me?

Jess, you've got to talk to her.

JESS: Oh, my God, the car's the other way!

JESS: Ooh...

Jess?

Jess? For Pete's sake. [Knocking]

Julius Pepperwood loved three things in his life...

Just a little thing that Reagan and I have.

Just a quick check in: How am I handling this?

Just because we're long distance

Just because, you know...

Just checking.

Just don't tell me about it 'cause Jess is out.

Just kidding.

Just like I said.

Just pretend like we're having a normal conversation.

Just so you get the New Orleans flavor?

Just the two of you?

Just, you know, for laughs.

Kim is happy.

Ladies night!

Lay it on me.

Learning Portuguese.

Leslie, I can't believe you pulled this off.

Let me just get... You got to...

Let the weevils take me away.

Let us see it in your feet. Dance!

Let us see it in your feet. Dance!

Let's crank this thing up.

Let's go to the pool.

Let's just piece together what happened.

Let's not get into the details again.

Let's talk about how mature it is for you to pretend to not care

Like Nick's fake bar shift?

Like ten minutes ago, so...

Like when my mom made me rehearse my haftarah portion.

Like, at all.

Like, I I don't judge people who do swim, but I don't.

Like, it's a really terrible jacket,

Like, this one is a fixer upper,

Listen, hey, hey, hey.

Listen, this is all part of our process, okay?

Living with roommates.

Look at our wedding photo.

Look at your hair, you hippie.

Look, I'm really sorry about today

Look, it is a complicated situation.

Look, just go talk to Reagan.

Look, my client will be here,