New Girl - Season 2 Edit

A con man like: What's the play?

A dad that gave me a wink when I left for prom night, and said, "Be safe, son."

A dad that spent Saturdays with me throwing the football. Heh.

A dad that took me camping.

A guy who once wrote for a little show called Crank Yankers.

A hookup. It meant nothing.

A ladder.

A line has been crossed. You, my friend, have become her fluff er.

A man who has proved so capable of talking about so little for so long...

A one or a three. Anything but a two.

A pan ethnic, pan sexual hive mind, and they want nothing to do with me.

A parent trap takes weeks of schedule. You're just throwing this together.

A pogo is what your friends talk about when you leave the room.

A pretty heavy drug problem.

A sexy undead driver's ed teacher. That's my sweet spot.

A smile class.

A suit? They put that on Morgan Freeman when they let him out of Shawshank.

A tiny little baby.

A world where I have not one, but two catchphrases.

A world where it's okay that I'm still finding myself.

A writing class is for somebody who doesn't think lyrically...

Aah!

Aah! Schmidt. It looks like an open Swiss army knife.

About my blue curtains...

About this in the morning.

Actually went to Legoland with them last year.

Actually, I'm gonna be remolding the minds of grownups.

Actually, um, I'm a bit of a sucker for second chances

Adjusted schedule. Let the snakes out.

Admiral Hornbeck! Brian, down!

Admiral! Brian!

African American male, life expectancy...

After we do it, you'll wanna talk, I can't allow that.

Ah, don't worry about him.

Ah, ha, ha, that's great.

Ah, maybe I was a little jealous.

Ah!

Ah! I knew it. I knew it. Didn't I tell you? I knew it.

Ah...

Ahem, you know what I mean?

Ahem. Hey.

Ahem. I really like your de...

Ahh. Eh.

Alisha, have a drink with me.

ALL (chanting): Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

ALL (chanting): Schmidt, Schmidt, Schmidt!

ALL [CHANTING]: Shot girl, shot girl, shot girl!

All bets are off if you take a shower.

All his murder victims are already dead, so they obviously don't need a detective.

All I do is help you get laid, Nick.

All I ever did was love him.

All I have to do is meet him...

All I'm looking for is a second chance.

All new styling. Eighteen inch aluminum wheels.

All right, all right, you know, this is the most elaborate way

All right, all right.

All right, calm down. Everybody just...

All right, honey, I'll take them off.

All right, I gotta give you something now.

All right, look.

All right, looks good. No leaks.

All right, man, I'm in. You lead, my man.

All right, man. You've gotta be kidding me.

All right, maybe, uh...

All right, Nick. Very funny.

All right, now, it's no big deal, but I'm on an adjusted schedule.

All right, Pop. You want me to lose your money, I'll be happy to.

All right, the bruise is gonna heal.

All right, there's only one way to solve this.

All right, whatever's about to happen is gonna happen.

All right.

All right.

All right. Ahem.

All right. What happened with that girl?

All right. You know what? Forget it. I give.

All the anger that used to be inside of me, it's gone! It's gone! It's gone!

All the things a boyfriend would do.

All the way to the hole.

All these racist in jokes about Romanians?

All those pictures of sad trees and your lunches.

ALL: FDR!

ALL: I am not a crook!

ALL: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

ALL: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

ALL: Schmidt! Schmidt! Schmidt!

ALL: Surrender your shirt!

ALL: Yeah!

Allie, Joe, Thomas, Gracie, Wyatt, Parker, Miles, Jonathan...

Always gotta have a plan B, Robby.

Am I right, ladies?

And a dirty one, at that.

And all I have to do is be infected with dengue fever.

And also, I do accept payment in the form of whip its...

And because these suckers think our horse is Big Brown's nephew, they'll overpay.

And bloody weapons.

And by the way, I know what you've been thinking.

And cutting peppers in the classic style de julienne.

And damn it, I'm in the red zone.

And don't talk like that.

And for that, my friend, I'm proud of you

And get up long enough for one of these bozos to hire you.

And googly eyes. The googly eyes are actually kind of sexy, but that's beside...

And here comes the weirdness.

And I broke that rule, and...

And I can do the same thing to a man's arm.

And I do... I do bad things.

And I got that really long, sharp toenail that you love so much.

And I have been in love with you for so long.

And I have been so good this week. I lost four pounds.

And I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything.

And I made an astute observation.

And I tell you what, there are parts of my butt only a tub can clean.

And I understand why you wanna break pipes now.

And I wanna ask you out for real, so...

And I will use a phrase you coined. Vagenius.

And I...

And I'd appreciate it if you don't just hug me randomly. That's weird and...

And I'm fast.

And I'm fine with that.

And I'm gonna give them to you

And I'm gonna kick him to the curb once I've used his body like a moisturizer sample.

And I'm the girl from my dreams of you.

And I've never said those words

And if you don't, I'm gonna water massage you again.

And in summation, I feel...

And it has room for your hips.

And it's because of you.

And just think, I am the worst?

And look at that font.

And my future biracial child.

And nothing has changed! Nothing has changed!

And now all I have is this stupid hat.

And obviously Cece

And please, please tell me he's on some sort of medication...

And pockets that don't quit.

And pretend like I'm just thinking of it, but I'm not...

And real relationships are not like that, they're more complicated than that.

And salt. What's this?

And she's gonna talk to you.

And so, Nickels comes in screaming, "Daddy, Daddy."

And such small portions.

And sure enough, there is a tick at the end of his little penis.

And that's not gonna happen.

And the answer is yes.

And the good news is you don't have to care about me either.

And the look on your face.

And the things that you say.

And the truth is...

And the winner of this contest will be declared the one true Schmidt.

And then everybody gets a churro.

And then he was always there.

And then I realized that there was only one way for the story to end.

And then I was like, "Nick, this might be the best thing that ever happened to me."

And then it gets better.

And then my dad's gonna be here at 2:30 and he's gonna stay till 7:30.

And then there was one.

And then today he turned in this amazing story.

And there has to be a clear

And they talk to the Ravens and their owner, Art Modell.

And to be honest, Jess, it scares me.

And turn that nonsense down!

And we can still tear each other apart.

And we say, "Ah, what a conundrum. Please join us."

And we will let you right out.

And what if I wanted to take a body shot off you?

And what's up with the way you kiss?

And when are you gonna get that through that giant head of yours?

And when I wear it, I feel hot to trot.

And work my way up to your facial hair.

And worse, if we met them now, you think we'd still be friends with them?

And you are one big challenge.

And you can hit on CeCe and make fun of me all day long...

And you look a little pale. What have you been eating?

And you picked the wrong guy.

And you, London Fog, you're looking hot to trot, baby.

And...

Andy and I have been sending each other some pretty dirty texts.

Anger problem? Living with them, are you kidding me?

Any chance that I sunny side upped my eggs?

Anybody asks, you're the ball boy.

Anybody seen a movie in the last five months? Can you describe the plot in detail and loudly?

Anybody want me to wet their whistle?

Anybody?

Anything besides marriage is, you know, an abuse.

Apparently this is an affliction that men suffer from all the time.

Apricot, apricot, apricot.

Apricots. Apricots... And butter.

Are you a doc... Is he a doctor?

Are you a doctor, is that why?

Are you a tongue er?

Are you angry at me about something, Little Penis?

Are you being serious right now? Are you really taking Schmidt's side?

Are you calling me stupid? You're stupid.

Are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan?

Are you gonna tell anybody about my underwear?

Are you happy now? Now I have to get to know the guy I'm sleeping with.

Are you in a band?

Are you kidding me? That's ridiculous. Twenty minutes of foreplay?

Are you kidding? Really?

Are you literally comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?

Are you living with drug dealers?

Are you lying to me? I really hate being lied to.

Are you not getting enough attention?

Are you ready?

Are you sleeping in it?!

Are you spelling it right?

Are you sure? It felt a bit weird.

Are you...? I wanted to talk to you about the regrettable contact between Cece's...

Are you...? You're having an orgy here? This is a big Indian orgy?

Aroused by other people's misery.

As a bartender.

As a friend, you can lift a heavy object...

As if!

As long as they don't get her big fat man feet. Yuck.

As your elder, can I give you a little advice?

As your elder, can I give you a little advice?

Ask him when I meet Kanye.

At least I can legally rent a car.

At least I don't live in a loft with three other...

At least I own a trash can.

At least use Palatino.

At night, I can actually feel gusts of frigid air coming from beneath your door.

Autocorrect changed "body" to "meat bar."

Available lane keeping system. Standard voice activated SYNC.

Bail, bail, bail.

Be some sex having tonight.

Bearclaw just told me a 10 minute joke about squirrels...

BEARCLAW: See, now it's retracting its claws.

BEARCLAW: That's why they call me Bearclaw.

Beautiful.

Because he's slow.

Because I'm about to dribble this hard.

Because it just doesn't seem like...

Because it would be cool. For me.

Because once you cross the bar, it gets messy.

Because she is still in love with me.

Because that's what he does. He lures you in with his charm...

Because that's where I'm at right now.

Because then what I'll do is, is I'll go outside...

Because we do. You both have pogos, my friends.

Because when Cece's all washed up as a model...

Because you don't have that specific hotness that shames men...

Because you drive me nuts, Miller!

Because you're always sighing like you're the president of the United States...

Because you're my friend. You're on my mind. Do you not think about me?

Because, sure, I could get a girl topless, no bra...

Because, you know, I can't...

Been that way since we were kids. Made my life hell.

Been watching you doubt yourself for months.

Before she can blink those big eyes, I'm stabbing her.

Befriending Kanye is the most efficient way to jump social strata.

Being a Romney.

Being secure in your masculinity.

Besides my pogo.

Big fight?

BIG SCHMIDT: All right, time for delts. Oh, yeah?

BIG SCHMIDT: Are we doing this or not?

BIG SCHMIDT: Oh, would you look at that? She is spectacular.

Blue Eyes gets her money back with interest.

Bob, I need to clean you up in the bathroom, please. Come on.

Bob, we are both grown ups. We can make it through one day together.

BOB: Brand new shirt.

BOB: What are we having, turkey sushi? What is this?

Boo! Ha, ha, ha!

Boom, illegal use of the hands.

Boom! Primetime for truckers.

Boring. Yawn.

BOTH [SINGING]: So I have to say I love you in a song

Both so beautiful.

BOTH: Adjusted schedule.

BOTH: Corn.

Bottoms on top!

Boy, am I thirsty.

Brains.

Bride and groom?

Bride and Ninja Turtle.

Bride and Ninja Turtle.

BRORIE: I can't take it!

Burglar? He's not a burglar.

Burn notice, France.

But a bunch of other th... can a man just want all the things?

But at least I'm not 23.

But clinically speaking, it's a good idea to know.

But damn the game If it don't mean nothing

But don't take offense. It's a staple of the genre.

But everything else was right.

But for the record, it was loving and tender. You squeezed my hand at the end.

But how can I not knock down such low hanging fruit?

But I don't know what to do about the giant stitches. Those are gonna scar.

But I gotta follow my passion.

But I love working at the Casserole Shanty.

But I mean, there's... Cool. It's cool.

But I must warn you, Jess, I don't have sperms, I have tadpoles of the gods.

But I won't.

But I'm out here with you. Okay? I love you and I want you to finish your book.

But if I did, I would run way faster than Robby.

But if this is gonna work, you're both helping me.

But if you wanna have dates before sex...

But in my defense...

But it could be bad.

But it gets better with age. It's the vagina Helen Mirren.

But it's because I have a keratin surplus.

But not anymore.

But nothing happened. She just wanted me to taste the V.

But on the plus side...

But she doesn't speak to me or live with me anymore.

But somehow I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation.

But that's someday. For now, let's scheme, my broheem.

But the bad news is is that it seems you are one of them.

But the reason I was in your van is because your little jujube was high as a kite.

But then I grew up.

But then tell me, why does it fit like a damn glove?

But then that's all he said for the next eight hours...

But to be fair,

But we're friends now.

But what if all that's left are the weird eggs? And the evil eggs?

But when you do things like this? I'm sorry.

But with a sexy new twist: Clinton rules.

But you insisted on coming here.

But you know what, I'm not Jenny McCarthy. I know that now.

But you know what? You finished it.

But you need me to have sex.

But you never listen during pipe talk.

But you probably eat fancy ramen now, with like figs in it. I don't know, man!

But you're a bad person, we discussed that. I'm a bad person, we can totally do this.

But you're a bad person, we discussed that. I'm a bad person, we can totally do this.

But you're fine with the rest of it?

But you're good.

Butch it up, Axel Foley. Shelby's coming.

Bye.

C minus. You kiss like a damn bitch.

Cake on your face. Cake all day.

Call your dad.

Calm down, all right? You're overreacting.

Calm down. All right, Schmidt, let's take a walk.

Can I get a broom?

Can I get an ice bucket for this bad boy? More than your normal amount.

Can I help? I'm really good with pranks.

Can I share something with you man to man?

Can you believe that the zoo won't let me borrow their white tiger? I mean, the nerve.

Can you believe that?

Can you imagine how much we'd get done...

Can you imagine how much we'd get done...

Can't find your phone, Jess? I'm not calling this time.

Can't help. At a crucial point in my novel.

Can't wait to hear more.

Can't. Booked a car show for tomorrow.

Casey. Thank you for joining us. Great.

Cece, honey, you have to move on, okay?

Cece, I can pay for our baby's college now.

Cece, I'm gonna pee in my swimsuit...

Cece, I'm ready for a serious commitment. I'm up for a huge promotion at work.

Cece, it's Jess call me back,

Cece, look, my dad left when I was 8.

Cece, please, just... Just open the box.

Cece, watch this one.

CECE: A doctor?

CECE: Hey. Hey.

CECE: Hmm.

CECE: It's fine. It's... WINSTON: You...

CECE: Let's try it one more time.

CECE: Not... No. No.

CECE: Oh, my God.

CECE: Ready? Two, three. ROBBY: Okay, one, two, three.

CECE: There he his.

CECE: We're good. Wear the whole thing.

CECE: What am I gonna tell Robby?

CECE: What are you two doing here?

Cece! You drink with mouth?

Cece?

Cece. Are you two kids back together?

CeCe's scared to end it with Robby because clearly she's still nuts about me.

Charmaine. Charmaine!

Chaz is with Fife, Brorie's with, uh...

CHAZ: If we move to Prague, should I paint my nails black?

CHAZ: Jess, what are you talking about? I did not make up:

CHAZ: No. You're just figuring it out.

CHAZ: Why don't we just move to Prague? I need to focus on my art.

CHER [ON TV]: Dionne asking Tai for sex advice...

Chew on that, you clown.

CHORUS: Who's that girl? It's Jess

CHORUS: Who's that girl? It's Jess

CHORUS: Who's that girl? It's Jess

CHORUS: Who's that girl? It's Jess

CHORUS: Who's that girl? It's Jess

CHORUS: Who's that girl? It's Jess

CHORUS: Who's that girl? It's Jess

Citrus flavored for a more refreshing summer experience.

Classic cologne fight.

Clean off! You'll look like Ken Dolls down there.

Close the door.

Close your eyes.

Close your eyes.

Close your mouth, close your eyes.

Coat of arms.

Cold! Cold! Cold shower!

Come here, baby.

Come here. Oh.

Come on jump around with us. Come jump with us, Winston.

Come on over. I wanna give y'all a big hug.

Come on, all you got to do is talk to her,

Come on, come on. Holly, wait!

Come on, guys, just tighten up, all right? Think young. What the hell is that smell?

Come on, Inspector Gadget,

Come on, it's not danger. Stop guessing danger.

Come on, kid. Bring it in. Come on!

Come on, let's make a bet.

Come on, Nick, you have a gift.

Come on, okay, you and I both know we never would have worked.

Come on, Petey.

Come on, we are getting hungry.

Come on, we'll do a big hug ball.

Come on. I spent $6 on this wine.

Come out with us tonight.

Coming to the festivities tomorrow?

Congratulations on your penis, man.

Congratulations, I see you've met the one.

Congratulations, I'm glad you found your passion and that you love what you do...

Congratulations, Schmidt. That... That's weird news.

Consider our sex contract void.

Constipated. I'm constipated.

Cool guy power!

Cool.

Cooler, Jess you are being a cooler right now.

Courtney. Such a pleasure.

Cut into these, please.

Cut my toenails. And the soaking really worked. Look.

Cut! Cut, Nick.

Dad, I'm sorry Katherine cheated on you but it's been months.

Dad, the gum. The gum had sugar in it.

Dad...

Damn it, Uncle Buck. This horse will never race again.

Damn it. Ha, ha.

Damn you, Zimbabwe.

Damn, you're good.

Dance until you can't dance anymore. Dance until you can't dance anymore.

Dance, monkey.

Danger.

Daring or gauche?

Definition is for chicks, man. It's all about size.

Did she ever text you some photos?

Did you guys see Cece's new boyfriend? The commoner.

Did you guys watch porn together?

Did you hit him with your car and become his reluctant caretaker?

Did you just ask me to pick it up to see me bend over?

Did you put shoe polish on your eyes?

Did you say you were "working" on that?

Didn't Schmidt make us get renter's insurance...

Didn't you think it was weird that I kept showing up at your door...

Ding, ding, ding, ding. That's the sound of round two.

Divorce.

Do I have a latex allergy"?

Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.

Do we invent them?

Do we own an industrial size paper cutter?

Do you ever wonder why we're friends with these people?

Do you guys wanna know what the ultimate test is?

Do you have another outfit in your car?

Do you know what the people I work with call it?

Do you know, once a week he cleans your room...

Do you love your legs? Because diabetes doesn't.

Do you mind if I tell you a story?

Do you mind if I, uh, put this somewhere else?

Do you think Cece and Pavun will make it?

Do you think I wanted to stop teaching?

Do you think I'm a bad friend?

Do you think if we met today, we would still be friends?

Do you think Jess would be mad if I got a turtle and named it Jess?

Do you think the neighbors will want four individual casseroles...

Do you think this is maybe about your dad?

Do you understand the position that puts me in?

Do you want me to go?

Do your thing, girl. Get crazy.

Does everybody tip badly in the future, or is it just you?

Does Jess know you're texting other girls?

Doing a little investigation.

Dollar, dollar bells, y'all!

Don't act like we don't talk about you two behind your backs.

Don't be scared, Nick. You're a grown man. It's just a haunted house.

Don't call my agency. Just tell me where to stand.

Don't call them sweet tangy balls, Jess.

Don't do this, Schmidt, please don't.

Don't do... Don't... No customers...

Don't eat the cat!

Don't feel like being yelled at, so I'm gonna leave.

Don't feel weird, Winston. Everybody has their weird thing. Even me.

Don't get self conscious, you've got this. You've got it.

Don't hog all the meth, Daddy.

Don't know if it's the sweet sounds of Croce...

Don't let me lay my eyes on the Malm collection.

Don't mean to interrupt, I just hear you're the best teacher.

Don't say "adjusted schedule." Super annoying.

Don't see the Queen of England with British people stapled to a cape.

Don't start thinking I'm some amazing guy. This is why I don't tell girls what I do.

Don't stop this. I'm super aroused.

Don't touch the blade, it's hot.

Don't trust your government, kids. Ahem.

Don't wear Old Spice.

Don't wink at me. Okay, look...

Don't worry about my friends. I'd love to hang out with yours.

Don't worry, my mom can throw that dress in with my laundry next time she's here.

Don't worry! I'm here!

Don't you ever prank me!

Don't! Don't!

Don't...

Double V. What do you think?

Drink it up. This is coming off weird. It's creepy, right?

Each shot that you do makes me know you're going that extra mile.

Earlier, when I gave you the cookie I heard: "I don't think about you."

Edgar lives with his mother. Of course he does.

EDGAR: Real nice, you two.

Emma is the craziest woman to ever hit on me.

Emma Sharp, divisional VP of all North America. What are you doing in the break room?

Even if I did show it by picking him up from school in my underwear...

Even if you were, you could always move in with me.

Even more than a real death.

Even though I had that name before she moved in?

Every kid knows what a wheelbarrow is. Put your hands on the ground.

Every man for himself.

Every single day, rain or shine, he just never came back.

Every time. It never works out.

Everybody does it all the time. How do you think I get through the day?

Everybody hates the ****. Your mom's in the majority.

Everybody scoot, a little scoot down

Everything looks good, Jess. Hormone levels are outstanding.

Ew, but okay.

Ew!

Eww! You have the door open, Schmidt.

Except for that one time when you walked out of my sleepover because...

Except only one of us dies at the end of the movie.

Excuse me, do you think this has been easy for me...

Excuse me, have you seen Rhonda? Have you seen the ferret lady?

Excuse me, my friend is too embarrassed to come over here...

Excuse me.

Exhibit D. He did this.

Explain to me again why we're doing this?

Face gets all red and puffy. Makes me sick.

Face smells like a dude's face. Not for me.

Family.

Father. We got your back, Father.

Feel like we're right there.

Feels like a fat man's sitting on my uterus.

Ferguson? Is that you?

Fertilize me, Los Angeles!

FIFE: Moo! ALL: Ha, ha!

Find a way to forgive him for not being a presidential candidate with great hair.

Fine, I'll take off my shirt.

Fine, leave!

Fine, then do it.

Fine. Then you'll see that I was right.

Fire.

First of all, Nick, it is not your coat.

Fish tail, fish tail. Up top.

Fish tails?

Five hundred dollars? You stole $500 from her to buy that horse?

Five hundred dollars.

Five year powertrain. Available active park.

Floor is yours, pal.

For crying out loud.

For me it was the third night of Chanukah '96...

For me it's every time I jet ski.

For some reason, that girl out there,

For sure.

For the EcoBoost engine, give me something mischievous.

Forget it, I'm done. I'm not getting a teaching job.

Forget it. No one understands.

Forgot what you look like when you're not dressed like the loft troll.

Found a dollar on my way out of the restaurant, I used it to buy a slice of pizza.

Four classifications of conflict? Anybody?

French maid handyman does...

Freshman year?

Fricking cake, dudes.

Friends in one box, boyfriends in another, but now...

From power plants that enhance efficiency.

From there, it was just your basic spackle and silkscreen job.

Fun fact: There's a reason why guys nicknamed me Tee Ball.

Funny enough, uh, I crushed it.

Further, go further!

Fusion Hybrid and the Fusion Energy are each powered by a combination...

Game time.

Gary, I can't get out. It's your old pal, Jessica.

Gave me cookie, got you cookie.

Gentlemen, hi.

Get a tub, man. Let's get a tub. I don't care.

Get away from my Edgar.

Get crunk with us, bro.

Get it all, get it all, get it all.

Get it? "Reigning"? Cats and dogs?

Get off my horse, Schmidt.

Get off my horse, Schmidt.

Get out of here, girl, you're missing nothing.

Get out of here!

Get out of the way, I was trained for this.

Get over here now.

Getting a lot of work done?

Give her the coat, Nick.

Give me a hug.

Give me a hug. Nick, give me a hug. Give me... Ow!

Give my little girl drugs again, I will end you.

Go ahead and start the car.

Go have fun.

Go in the "haunted house." I'm gonna go in the "haunted house."

Go like this:

Go, go that's the lava!

God bless America.

God bless Mitt Romney.

God, no. Babies wreck you, Jess.

God, that film, it just... it just reminded me

God!

God! Miller, just kiss me already!

God...

Going to get a bagel. In Chicago.

Good bye.

Good evening, everyone.

Good guess. It's a Wednesday.

Good news I'm lousy with the stuff

Good stuff.

Good thing that I have a security camera in there.

Good, because historically speaking, I'm like catnip to tough African American women.

Good, I love Pop Tarts.

Good, I love Pop Tarts.

Good, we got a lot of feelings going around.

Good.

Good. Look at the light.

Good. Now, what I typically do is I start over here...

Goodbye.

Got an idea. Instead of urine, we use acid. Ha ha.

Got any rings on your fingers? I need them for meth.

Gotta go to the store, does anyone want anything?

Great title. Do we ever get rich and famous?

Great, that's just what bacon needs, more fat.

Great. Good.

Groove is in the heart

Groove is in the heart

Groove is in the heart

GROUP: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Guess what I'm worried about. This sound.

Guys, fire!

Guys, guess what.

Guys, I'm not wearing a wire. I'm not a cop.

Guys, it doesn't have to be like this. Mom, you're in a great place with your practice.

Guys, listen to this.

Guys, that's crazy. This is objectively hilarious.

Ha, ha, ha! Awesome.

Ha, ha, ha. Whoo!

Ha, ha. I did.

Ha, ha. The joke's on you. There aren't any words in there.

Habit.

Half the soup? No, I think I got it.

Hands on the ground.

Happy birthday, Cece.

Happy birthday, dude!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Hard to believe that I used to be a great big fat person.

Harold Hill. Heh.

Have you ever been to the racetrack?

Having said that, it's so hard to move on.

He cares about people for a living. It's so much hotter.

He did it on purpose he did it to impress her!

He didn't pressure me to go on any rides I was uncomfortable with.

He farts when he runs.

He had guts.

He is so weird.

He lived in my freshman dorm. And one day, he was just there.

He looks like Hilary Swank mixed with a sad, wet dog.

He makes the white?

He never even went to the Spring Break house.

He once told me he spent $300 on a pocket square.

He remembered he was married to you, so he tried to beat the memory out of his brain.

He says, "Can't stop thinking about what you're gonna wear tonight."

He says, "Can't stop thinking about what you're gonna wear tonight."

He sent me an email asking how I want to celebrate our "tin" anniversary.

He took El Capitan! Damn it.

He wants to kill you.

He was all over the map. He spent 20 minutes talking about aioli.

He was not a mergentleman."

He was pretty great.

He was the last of his kind and he needed a mother for his merchild.

He works here.

He. He.

He'll move on to the EcoBoost engine and the new interior.

He's a businessman, what are you talking about?

He's a con man. Winston's obsessed with Walt.

He's all out of quarters.

He's freaking out. Amelia's coming to town.

He's going down.

He's gonna get his old on you.

He's gonna name the horse "A Father's Love" because you always wanted a horse.

He's gonna rip her off. He's gonna rip her off.

He's got a 401K and a six pack!

He's got a job? Poke a hole in that condom.

He's got game P.E., 1998

He's Julius Pepperwood from Chicago.

He's like the Hilary Swank of bald men.

He's my uncle.

He's not wrong.

He's really sorry.

He's still reeling from being dumped.

He's the first person I got to use first person narrative.

He's the kind of guy...

He's the plumber from the story. How did I not see this before?

He's tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed.

He's trying to get us to eat candy.

Heart, spirit, body, party.

Heh heh heh. Hmm.

Heh, heh, never talk about your toenails, Schmidt.

Heh, heh, that's a cool shirt. I like that shirt. You look cool, man.

Heh. Angie. Angie, Angie.

Heh. Weren't you here the other day?

Hell, yeah.

Hello?

Help me open this window! Help!

Help! Help me!

Her down there and my...

Her eyes are big. Too big.

Her name was Cecelia.

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here, sit down, relax, watch some TV.

Here's a crazy idea. What if you came?

Here's a picture of the whole family, and you are not in it.

Here's the thermos.

Here's what we do so the guys don't know.

Here's where it's at: I don't work with amateurs. I don't split tips.

Herringbone?

Hey yo!

Hey, Cece.

Hey, coach, put me in.

Hey, everybody! My name's Gary...

Hey, get out of here, you crazy lesbos with your baby making.

Hey, girl

Hey, girl, what your name is?

Hey, guys. Guess what?

Hey, hey, hey! Nick!

Hey, hey! No!

Hey, I drew a cat.

Hey, I got your text.

Hey, I think I might like Sam.

Hey, I'm not an idea of a person. I'm an actual person.

Hey, if we make love later...

Hey, is it totally obvious that I'm not wearing underwear? Because it should be.

Hey, Jess? Where's Jess? Jess,

Hey, Jess.

Hey, Jess. Jess, where are you going?

Hey, Jess. No. I'm, uh...

Hey, lady, can I introduce you...

Hey, lady. Crushing that flute, babe.

Hey, Lincoln, right? That's awesome. I was thinking about Lincoln today.

Hey, look, Cece. Fire.

Hey, man, 13 minutes of sleep. Honestly, seriously, 13 minutes. That's all I got.