Mike Tyson Mysteries - Season 4 Edit

A dinner fit for kings, eh? [laughs]

A few weeks later, another eyelash came out,

A fish processing factory. Jesus.

A gate in front of the stairs, etcetera.

Ah, so tragic!

Ah, well, at least it was a peaceful death.

All I want is to be with Josephine.

All right, Margaret. Get on out of here and go play.

All right, Pigeon, let's start with you.

All right. Let's go back in there,

All these wires,

Also because you just had your **** inside me.

An eyelash come out and I wished for an Asian baby.

And "not someone who could take care of themselves."

And anyway, Josephine is going to marry Tucker's best friend

And because "Marquess" sounds like "Marcus,"

And because I don't give a shit anymore, I respond.

And because you are all monstrously ignorant and lazy,

And being burned alive!

And everyone knew my songs, and knew who I was,

And good luck with that.

And he doesn't appear to be breathing.

And he works so hard.

And help them get us millions of dollars.

And I appreciate that, Pigeon.

And I didn't get hard.

And I know I don't tell you that enough...

And I will handle all of that.

And I'll be damned if I allow these parents

And I'll tell Josephine to meet you.

And I'm sorry, but who are we to play God?

And if money could buy happiness, I would give you my $5 million.

And it's like, "(BLEEP) me! I just died. I want a (BLEEP) Diet Coke."

And just as he's shared it with me,

And kale, and I got so sick of it

And make sure we have **** like outer protectors,

And Mary Lynne MacGovern.

And more importantly,

And now I'll never know because they forgot my three meat plate.

And now you want to just sit by the side of the road?

And remember, you're supposed to be sad.

And she was like, "2:38." Then I started setting it.

And slather soap all over her naked body,

And that I mattered in this world?

And that's what makes it great.

And that's why it didn't come true?

And the next day, poof, I got Marquess.

And the pit of my day...

And the trash,

And then get to the hospital for my night shift

And then I'll come home and eat a bite of stew,

And then my friend, Daniel...

And then you grab the spine and give it a yank.

And we are rich?

And we recently lost our child.

And yes, God is a man.

And you can sit there like Judge Judy with your can of Sprite

And you can't have any food or drink in there, unless it's water.

And you don't know what the three meats are.

And you increased my penis size.

And you want me to go with you and sign some papers in a bank,

And you're like, "Really? Because right now,

And your sourpuss and be miserable.

And, oh, my God, he loves the sound of his voice.

And, oh, my God, he loves the sound of his voice.

And... I'm sorry, is there maybe a scented candle we can light?

Angel, I have to go to the bank with these fine people

Anyone have any ideas?

Anyway, God is just up there, yabbering,

Are we there yet?

Are you serious? Are you mother (BLEEP) serious?

As I have said on numerous occasions,

As you know, I've been going through some tough times of late.

Asking for a friend."

Aw.

Aw. Okay. So, how do we get it into the Wishing Well?

Aw. Okay. So, how do we get it into the Wishing Well?

Because I didn't want to offend her father.

Because I watched you shower this morning,

Because I'm a bird.

Because no one thought about you.

Because of legal whatnots.

Because the very first time I was setting it, I was like,

Because you know what, Yung? You're miserable.

Buh buh buh buh. You don't need your seat belts, man.

Bumpers around any sharp corners,

But after you've been there for a little bit. You know, like a day.

But can I please have a cup of coffee in the living room?

But I did not say that precisely,

But I didn't, and I'm a man to my word.

But I have finished my dinner. May I please be excused?

But I know she'll wake up. We just need more time.

But I probably would because all I had today was a bowl of cereal.

But I think I would have enjoyed the answer more

But I'd say it's a tie between forgetting to record the opening round of the Masters

But I'm on a.m. and I'm trying to get on p.m.

But I'm sure he would prefer that we speak to him privately.

But if this is about Josephine Monahan, you're wasting your time.

But it can't. That's on you, Yung.

But man, like I said, I'm gonna run, not walk.

But not Josephine.

But sometimes, you can be a bitch.

But that's the world we live in.

But this says, if it's been unclaimed for more than ten years,

But we should really get going before the bank closes.

But, if I understand Nevada tax law correctly,

But, unfortunately, our families have been in a feud

But, you must remember that not all wishes should be granted.

Can I change my peak? This is the new peak of my day.

Can I have a ginger ale?

Can I offer anyone coffee?

Clayton, no!

Come on, lads.

Come on! Do you want your money or not?

Come, let us be a family together in Fantasy Forest.

Damn, son, see if I got any financial funds laying around anywhere.

Dear Lord!

DEER: (LAUGHING) Wonderful.

DEER: Hello, little Margaret.

DEER: Now, let's go meet the talking trees!

DEER: They're over by the babbling brook.

Did they forget my three meat plate?

Did you ever live at 17 4 9 7, East Tuckey Avenue?

Did you guys get my usual, the five fish platter?

Do you know anything about how to increase penis size?

Do you know where he is?

Don't you point that at me!

Drive faster, Marquess, and feel free to close your eyes.

Even if we were willing to end this feud,

Even some good wishes get caught in the Bush,

Every dollar counts.

Everybody likes the funny guy.

Evidently.

Ew! No way. Gross.

Feeling lots of feelings, and, uh...

Fiona, come meet my

First thing I'm gonna do is get a brand new wardrobe.

Fish heads in hot water,

For many, many consecutive hours.

From Western Savings and Loan.

Get in the van!

Go to one of those old distilleries.

Going back generations,

Great great great great great great grandfather.

Guess who's certified in CPR, bitches?

Has gifted me half of his fortune.

Hawaiian burger for you, Mr. Bird.

He better be out in the south pasture deworming cattle.

He didn't get that from me. He got it from his mother.

He has nipple rings.

He wasn't even wearing any jewelry.

He works in a factory,

He's not really dead. Come with me.

He's such a good man.

He's your living heir. You can't even get it out of the bank without him.

Here in this enclosed vehicle

Here you are, Fiona.

Here you go. Uh, utensils and napkins are in the bag.

Here, here, here. Lie down next to him.

Here, let me look it up on my phone.

Here, Pigeon, I learned the Heimlich maneuver.

Here. Now, play dead.

Hey, **** you, Pigeon! Okay, Mike.

Hey, Deezy, you didn't wanna join us for dinner?

Hey, hey, hey, everybody! You got a new mystery.

Hey, is that a race joke because she's Asian?

Hey, J.D., you got any more beer in that cooler?

Hey, man, we gotta go get you on the

Hey, put my name in there too. Let's see if I have anything in those unclaimed funds.

Hey, what you got on that computer?

Hey, you can give her your fish heads, lads.

Hey, Yung, you want to choke on a sucking candy?

Hey. Hey, hold up.

Hmm, I like that.

Hmm? Again, it's just a quick zip to the bank, zip in and zip out.

Hmm? Oh, yeah. Right, okay.

Hold up, where the (BLEEP) is my food?

Honey, I'm home!

How about you, Yung?

How do you spell "Yung"? No MSG, right? [laughs]

How the **** did I electrocute him?

Huh. Go (BLEEP) yourself, Margaret Moses.

Huh. Normally, you just put in your information and they send it to you,

Huh. Normally, you just put in your information and they send it to you,

I am rolling over in my own grave.

I am sick of that shitty van.

I ate too many of the delicious Tyson chicken nuggets.

I believe what we're all wondering

I believe you, Clayton, but no one else will.

I call it the weekend.

I can bring you back to life, man.

I can't not have my three meat plate.

I can't thank you enough, Deezy.

I can't thank you enough, Deezy.

I can't thank you enough.

I couldn't catch him, but it's okay. I'll just have cereal.

I did want to marry a Monahan.

I don't care what you're feeling,

I don't care what you're feeling.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know. I'm just so [bleep] mad.

I don't see anything.

I don't see your tits. What's your excuse?

I feel so bad for this Clayton boy.

I find that very interesting.

I found it.

I got a new meth recipe. Turn on the stove.

I got a stash in the barn. What the...

I have an address. Get this, he lives in Glasgow.

I have nothing.

I have the power of God. I am God.

I hear you, Yung. Economy of words.

I intend on sharing mine with all of you.

I just don't know how to change it.

I just said shut up.

I look like I'm in a [bleep] Jane Austen novel. Oh, my God.

I love hearing you talk, Marquess. It relaxes me.

I love you too, Clayton MacGovern.

I love you, Josephine Monahan.

I mean, I'm not not gonna drink, that's crazy.

I mean, what is this old timey [bleep]?

I probably just you told that to shut you up!

I promise this will all work out.

I promise you, we will make sure your wish comes true.

I said "Can I" not "May I." Burn.

I said you go first.

I should have just said, "Stop talking!"

I think I had a small savings there.

I think I had a small savings there.

I think that's old enough here.

I think we're all wondering,

I want Hugey Monahan to make the first move.

I want some alone time with Moms.

I was gonna say, "Why don't you drive back to that trailer park,

I was gonna say, "Why don't you tell us about the Wishing Well?"

I was just riding one of the stallions.

I was just trying to connect, you know, on a human level.

I wish I could, Marquess,

I wish I had said I was gonna drive, not walk,

I wished to meet my favorite Looney Tunes character,

I would be shielded from this grievance

I would say the peak of my day was,

I... I mean, you love who you love, and...

I'll be there in a second.

I'll go out and distract him while you sneak out the back.

I'll see you tomorrow night.

I'll talk to your parents, I...

I'm coming to be with you, Clayton.

I'm dying.

I'm going to run, not walk, to that CPR class.

I'm gonna get my buzz on.

I'm gonna watch My Best Friend's Wedding,

I'm in love with a girl, and she's in love with me.

I'm just, um...

I'm not a negative person, so, these are always hard to think of,

I'm rich! Oh, I'm gonna buy so many things.

I'm rich. Oh! Oh, my God!

I'm sorry, Marquess. I am really sorry.

I'm sorry, what about the Wishing Well?

I'm sorry, Yung, I didn't mean to call you a bitch.

I'm sorry. I just felt like I don't belong and nobody likes me.

I'm still inside of you, pretty Josephine.

I'm sure that woman will be fine.

I'm with you so far. Go on.

I've incurred massive debts and tax liabilities

Ian Douglas. I think he would be

Ian, it should be very straightforward.

Ian? Ian?

If I were "mentally disabled"

If I would have had a cold glass of ginger ale.

If it said Margaret Moses chicken nuggets, I wouldn't be eating them.

If the victim is wearing a necklace or any metal jewelry,

In the branches of the Bountiful Bush.

In the trash or in the garbage?

Interesting,

Interesting, how different people are.

Is it about his tiny dick? Just so we're clear,

Is that why it says Tyson chicken nuggets?

Is threatening to pull the plug on Friday.

Is why your two families are feuding.

Isn't that interesting?

Isn't that right, Hugey?

It came true! My wish came true!

It goes backwards and forwards, and this way and that way.

It sounds more exciting than it is, believe me.

It stands for... I don't know.

It was an accident, I swear!

It was around 2:50 or some shit.

It was Tucker I loved.

It's a special. They don't always have it.

It's fine, come on in. You can head on back to the bedroom.

It's hard to find because it's hidden by the Bountiful Bush.

It's never gonna come back in style.

It's none of your business.

It's now what she says, it's how she say it.

It's only 9:42.

J.D. Montague.

J.D., what are you doing?

J.D.'s dead. I killed him!

Jesus!

Jesus! Quiet! Back to work.

Jo Jo, what the **** are you doing in the barn?

John Douglas, the Marquess of Queensberry,

Josephine!

Josephine!

Just a quick trip to the bank,

Just give them all to Fiona here, she'll make a great fish head stew.

Just so you know, I'd rather die than marry J.D.

Lads, this fine man,

Let's find Margaret's wish!

Let's get him!

Let's go around the table and say our pits and peaks.

Let's just rest.

Let's see if Marquess is in there.

Like a pan? Like a frying pan?

Like her face is like a frying pan?

Like Romeo and Juliet. This is major.

Like the first thing in the morning before you get your coffee.

Like, right now, I'm wishing that car coming the opposite way

Little Margaret, you've lost your parents,

Long ago, it was cattle.

Look, I didn't support my son, Bosie,

Look, if wishes came true, you think I'd be living in this hellhole?

Man, where you want these fish heads, man?

Margaret, there's chicken nuggets in the freezer if you're hungry.

MARGARET: Oh!

MARGARET: Yay!

Marquess, don't promise her that.

Marquess, these people need the money more than you.

Marquess, what's your last name?

May I ask a question?

Maybe I wasn't clear when I said

Michael, this is silly.

Michael!

Mike, did you know this? Did you know your daughter is pan?

Mike! Hold up, team!

Mm kay.

Mm kay. It seems longer.

Monty MacGovern and Mary Lynne MacGovern,

Mr. Bird?

My great great great grandson, or maybe one more "great."

My name is John Douglas.

My side of the family, you mean.

My title is "Marquess of Queensberry."

Neither of our families would allow it.

Next day, Yung was on my doorstep.

No Monahan will ever marry a MacGovern.

No one cares.

No shit, Sherlock!

No, I'm I'm sorry. What were you going to say?

No, I'm talking about the driver in this car.

No, Marquess, I'll just sit back here ready to save lives.

No, Michael, I think everyone calls it the weekend.

No, no, we're not rich,

No, not just sneaking around in a barn at night.

No, she's a sweet little girl

No, that's not what we're wondering,

No, Tuck, we're out. Don't you got any weed?

No!

No. Not if you're already dead.

Nobody needs to die.

Nope, nothing in Nevada for John Douglas.

Not even remotely.

Now your wish will never come true.

Now, give me that mystery.

Now, here's something I did not know.

Now, it's just in our blood.

Now, let me go put on a tie.

Now, let's go (BLEEP) while it cooks.

Now, let's go get you your money, sir.

Now, let's go help little Margaret Moses get her wish.

Now, shut the [bleep] up.

Oh no, it's my brother, Tucker, and his stupid friend, J.D.

Oh, damn!

Oh, damn. You ordered from Ted's Grill!

Oh, God, don't even say such a thing, Deezy.

Oh, here we go. Shit.

Oh, I knew it was something bird, it's Tweety bird.

Oh, I'm just checking out the Nevada State Treasurer's Office website.

Oh, I'm sorry, I was listening to music.

Oh, I'm sorry, I was listening to you.

Oh, it's... Oh, it's so, it's...

Oh, Mi... Don't you wanna drive?

Oh, my God, just like that commercial.

Oh, my God! Is my screen not working?

Oh, my God! Mmm mmm. Mmm mmm.

Oh, my God! You don't even know that person.

Oh, my God. I'm rich.

Oh, my God. Just get to the point.

Oh, no! Oh! They're both dead!

Oh, no. That clock is wrong. It's still on daylight savings time.

Oh, really? So, you're just gonna judge me the entire flight to Scotland?

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. This dude's still breathing.

Oh, shut up, J.D.!

Oh, that's right.

Oh, that's right. You've got the body of an 11 year old boy.

Oh, the mom is a trailer park whore.

Oh, wait, we need to check and see

Oh, we were just admiring your home!

Oh, well... Uh... What about this mystery?

Oh, yeah. I do that all the time.

Oh, Yung, uh, you actually do know something about increasing penis size.

Oh!

Oh.

Oh. "Cludgie" means bathroom.

Oh. I would love a cup.

Oh. Oh! Even the rain smells in this godforsaken place.

Oh. Uh...

Okay, Deezy, how do I get my money?

Okay, Deezy, how do I get my money?

Okay, everyone clear.

Okay, everyone clear.

Okay, first thing you do in an emergency.

Okay, good, good. So an inspector will come out to the house

Okay, here's a John Douglas.

Okay, Mr. and Mrs. MacGovern...

Okay, no jewelry.

Okay, no jewelry.

Okay, no. Unfortunately,

Okay, now we need a second bullet

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay. So, in this scenario,

Okay, okay. So, when do you get off work?

Okay, that's three, let's go.

Okay, um, I'll go ahead and order another

Okay, you know what? Judge away, just judge away.

Okay? And I don't believe in labels.

Okay. Everybody, it's 11:59.

Okay. They tell you when you first die. Not the first thing,

Okay. Um, there is an additional reason your son contacted us,

Okay. What time is it now?

Okay. While I was in the joint,

On a lonely highway at midnight.

Once everyone leaves, you'll run off

Or a can of Febreze? Just a quick, quick, quick spritz?

Or as I sometimes call it, the "weekend."

Or just beef, caribou, penguin, and one more?

Or penguin, beef and caribou?

Our days of gutting fish are over.

Pigeon, her father is standing right here.

PIGEON: We're still not gonna go back to the trailer park?

Pigeon! Don't worry, Margaret. It's all gonna be okay.

Please come help. Her life is in your hands."

Please help. Yours very truly, Clayton MacGovern.

Please help. Yours very truly, Clayton MacGovern.

Please, call us Monty MacGovern

Precision in communication.

Put it in Yung's name. Her missing money is my money.

Put me in that weekend state of mind.

Really? Really.

Right.

Run, Clayton!

Scotland, bitches!

Scotsmen they got running around here.

Season 04 Episode 05 Episode Title: "Pits and Peaks"

See that, Mike? I get you that money.

See, this is why you put in all that hard work during the week,

She ain't your sweet Josephine for much longer.

She and the rest of her family can go straight to hell.

She's right. It works for me every single time.

Shh, shh!

Shouldn't that be all that matters?

Show some respect to the financial institution.

Shut up.

Sir, do I have your permission to render aid?

Sir, sir, are you okay?

Sir! Sir! Hey, hold up.

So basically, I'm just eating boneless, skinless chicken breast

So I'm gonna ask the victim for permission.

So much guilt, so much shame.

So our love cannot be.

So the scientists who study these rectums can find a cure! [chuckles]

So we don't electrocute him.

So what's your poison? The penis or the vagina?

So why did Clayton contact you, exactly?

So, all wishes are sent to the Wishing Well,

So, are we still going to Wyoming, or...

So, are we still going to Wyoming, or...

So, by the time I got the right 2:38 on there,

So, I thought I'd be the funny guy.

So, I'm gonna split the money with you.

So, let's give three cheers for John Douglas,

So, let's hear about this Wishing Well.

So, we came all this way for nothing?

So, you think Margaret wished for something bad to happen

Some people wish for some terrible things,

Sometimes, you gotta use your teeth, you know, get the knob of the spine.

Stay with him. I'll go get help.

Such a good husband and father.

Take a nap, and then watch Runaway Bride,

Take your pill, Mary Lynne.

Thank you.

That all daycare providers take a CPR certification class.

That I can never hope to repay.

That is on you.

That old situation.

That's almost $5 million.

That's because it's inside my body,

That's how come all of you are here.

That's not possible! It's midnight.

That's not your name? It's something Bird, right?

That's right, Sugar.

That's suprisin'. He's very flashy.

That's the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.

That's what makes it a (BLEEP) Hawaiian burger!

That's why you should always call first.

The bank closes at 5:00.

The Marquess of Queensberry.

The only way to get to Fantasy Forest is

The tires, oh. Mmm hmm.

The victim has passed out,

The Wishing Well in Fantasy Forest.

Then another eyelash came out and I wished for a live in maid.

Then I finally get to 2:38,

Then I guess I know where this week's mystery takes place.

Then it was oil.

Then run away with me! To hell with our families!

Then see if the victim is responsive.

Then you lay the carcass back for rendering.

Then, you can finally be together.

There things always have a way of working themselves out.

There you go, little Margaret Moses.

There, there, my dear.

There'll be another one, Marquess.

There's an unclaimed account in your name at the Royal Bank of Scotland.

There's no way in hell we're making the first move to end this feud.

These fishes aren't gonna process themselves. [chuckles]

These young men both dead.

They forgot the pineapple!

They said they can release the money to a living heir.

They send you to this seminar. It's called "Secrets of the universe."

They won't give me my money.

They're probably drunk. You gotta get out of here, Clayton.

They're under the sink, dumb ass.

This is called the AED machine.

This is so major.

Title : "The Monahans and MacGoverns"

To be going 100 miles an hour on a lonely highway

To get to the end of the week.

To have been fired.

To make the same mistake I did. I just...

To one of those red bearded sweaty

To the Mystery Mobile!

Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, man.

Tucker'll shoot you dead if he catches you on our property.

Tuna melt, that's Yung.

Tweety bird, and here is Tweety bird.

Ugh, anyway. You learn about time, you know.

Ugh, I'm not getting any reception.

Ugh! Fine!

Ugh. I bet poor little Margaret's wish

Ugh. Quit wasting everyone's time, Margaret.

Ugh. Your father set this clock completely wrong.

Uh oh. You just said your wish out loud.

Uh, but before you take on their mystery,

Uh, no thanks.

Uh... Rest and relaxation?

Um, sure.

Unfortunately, the state does require

Unless you wanna give me a hand?

Unreal.

Up high, Marquess!

Use a cludgie like the rest of us.

Wait, wait, Josephine!

Wait, what?

Wait. Why are we stopping?

Wanna know why? Because I'm deceased.

Was get the hell out of this shithole...

Was the stallion's name Clayton MacGovern?

We all fell asleep! We missed midnight.

We both do.

We did not order anything for you,

We don't even know what she wished for.

We don't need to know.

We got them as a hidden symbol of our love!

We have a big night ahead of us.

We have to trim the bush.

We just got to wait here together,

We just need to go to the Wishing Well.

We look like a gang of child molesters in that thing.

We were going 100 miles an hour

We'll have more time to spend with our loved ones.

We're getting married. Her parents said so.

We're going to a bank after all.

Weekdays are for jibber jabber,

Weekends are for... Wait, what are they for, Marquess?

Well, (BLEEP) you, you don't see anything!

Well, any moment before being burned alive.

Well, at least they both died a peaceful death.

Well, come on, then.

Well, do you have a living heir?

Well, for starters, "Marquess" isn't my first name.

Well, I do, sister.

Well, I'm doing this paleo thing.

Well, I'm only 18.

Well, if anything, I identify as pan.

Well, it could be a while. I've got to process the rest of those...

Well, it's not totally paleo, because I drink,

Well, it's you know, it is, um, well, it's just absolute...

Well, let me see.

Well, let's just pull over and wait.

Well, run outside. Maybe you can still catch the guy.

Well, then, you best get going.

Well, uh, I lived in Scotland. Can you search there?

What am I supposed to do with this massive erection?

What do you guys call it?

What if today was chicken, beef and penguin?

What is happening?

What is happening?

What is happening?

What is wrong with you?

What?

What? I was just... I mean,

What? What? I don't!

When families don't support their children in matters of the heart...

When he fell in love with Oscar Wilde

When she was little I used to call her "Frying Pan Fran."

When the clock strikes midnight.

When Tucker sees what I've done, he'll kill me!

Where are you, my sweet Josephine?

Where I remove rectums from cadavers.

Where you guys going?

Where'd you put all the chemicals?

Which I know you'll solve because you guys are the best,

Which is that I watched her shower

Which is why I didn't say what I wanted to say,

Which is why it needs to be trimmed occasionally.

Who thinks if you make a wish on an eyelash, it'll come true.

Who's Margaret Moses, and why is she gonna (BLEEP) herself?

With all this bush trimming talk,

Would now be a "daycare center."

Would swerve in our lane, and kill the driver.

Wyoming. There's a family feud involving a tiny penis.

Yeah, I got weed, you dumb ass.

Yeah, of course I know that.

Yeah, that's right. Rest and relaxation.

Yeah, this is so...

Yeah! Oh, this home is...

Yes. [gasps] That was my bank!

You are a great, great, great, great, great human being.

You are just too funny.

You are my great great great great great grandson.

You bet your little penis you will.

You call me "Marquess."

You can get drunk and lose your virginity

You cannot just render aid without their permission

You get me all hot and bothered

You got me.

You gotta know your role, Deezy, Yung is the funny guy.

You had to press that button so many times.

You just take a fish, and first, you saw off the head.

You know how many times I wished I was a singer,

You know that can't be.

You know what else we're gonna get? A new [bleep] car.

You know, any money that has gone missing in the mail or what have you.

You know, groomed.

You know, in case, God forbid, I choke on a hot dog or a marble.

You know, seeing if there's any unclaimed funds out there.

You know, to happen to other people.

You look around, you make sure everything is safe.

You said you didn't want me to join you for dinner.

You shot me!

You told me if you say your wish, it won't come true.

You would be my caregiver, and the Mike Tyson Mystery team

You'll be stuck here forever doing whatever job is your job.

You're a lesbian, aren't you?

You're gonna receive $2.5 million.

You're my great great great great great grandfather?

You're my great great great great great grandfather?

You're ruining my weekend with all your jibber jabber.

Your son is in love.

Yung, can we switch seats?

Yung, now be honest.

Yung, say something funny.

10:43, 10:50, something,

50 milligrams?

(YUNG SIGHS) But, fair is fair.

[all] Hurray! Yeah. We got it.

[horns honking] [Marquess] Ah, this traffic.

[machine whirring] [crunching]

[Pigeon screaming] Cannonball!

[thunder rumbling] Okay, Ian, listen.

BOTH: Well, why don't you... Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Buckle up. (ENGINE STARTS UP)

Buckle up. (ENGINE STARTS UP)

Dad, hurry! Oh, my God!

DEER: Oh, hold tight! MARGARET: Whoa!

Hey, those are for me! Oh, really?

Hip hip... [all] Hurray!

Hip hip... [all] Hurray!

Hip hip... [all] Hurray!

Hip hip... [all] Hurray!

Hip hip... [Marquess] Michael!

I want to be with you. You're with me right now.

It still is. What are you talking about?

It's my money. Not really.

MARGARET: Whoa! (BOTH LAUGH)

Marquess, slow down! I can't.

No, no. I I'm sorry. You go. No, please.

Oh, yeah. Then you got $1,981 coming to you

Okay. Hip hip...

Oopsie. Five second rule. [Pigeon] Hey, what the...

Pit and peak. Sorry for interrupting,

right now, just to save time. Thanks.

So, it's 11:00? It's probably around 10:40,

Tell them what you wished for. I can't.

That's because it's piss. Ugh!

The Wishing Well? Yes.

Well, it's not small anymore. What?

What do you mean? [laughs]

What is that? Sriracha sauce.

What? Yeah, yeah.

What? Yeah. One day I had

You remember that, Yung? Yeah.

you have to physically go in to the bank. Oh!

'Cause I don't have a tiny dick.

"because all I've been doing is drinking (BLEEP) water." (CHUCKLES)

"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team,

"Dear Mike Tyson Mystery team,

"Dear, Mike Tyson Mystery Team,

"I am seven and a half years old.

"I made a wish on an eyelash and it didn't come true." Ha!

"I wish that my dad would come home

"it doesn't feel like it's moving at all, because I have to piss,

"Margaret Moses, age seven and a half.

"My wish is that all the ****..."

"Please help, Margaret Moses."

"so I can (BLEEP) that whore?"

"so we could be a family again."

"the hospital where my wife is on life support

"Yung, what's the exact time right now?"

(ALL SCREAMING)

(BLEEP) you. Okay. So, the bad wishes get caught

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BUZZING)

(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

(FLIES BUZZING)

(GASPS)

(GASPS) Oh, no!

(GASPS) There! The Bountiful Bush!

(HORN BLARING)

(IN HIGH PITCHED VOICE) Oh! Hi.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

(SIGHS) Well, looks like we have some time to kill.

(SNIFFLES) If you'll excuse me, I have a client.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(YAWNS)

(YAWNS) I'm gonna take a nap for a bit.

[♪♪] Mike Tyson Mysteries Season 04 Episode 02 Episode Title: "Make a Wish and Blow"