Veep - Season 1 Edit

A condolence card for one of the most respected perverts in the Senate.

A dog? What, like your dog, Mike?

A little bit.

A lot of taxes you guys impose.

A lot of the online guys are still here.

A lot of them are fucking idiots.

A lot of wine was drunk and Springsteen was listened to

A man's man, a jock. (GRUNTS)

A quiet word with one of her staff

A receiver on the Ravens.

A Rubik's cube is not impossible to solve.

A source tells me that the VP shit canned a Secret Service agent just for smiling at her.

A source tells me that the VP shit canned a Secret Service agent just for smiling at her.

A sweaty upper lip underneath studio lights.

A team can't play itself, can it?

A vice presidential visual presence.

A while ago,

A whole lot of respect in that question.

A written, an oral, and a shorter oral in case of a time limit.

A, quote, "Sidney Purcell type figure"

Abby, you may have to pull an all nighter

About a pregnancy in the Vice President's office.

About how it always bloats you, beer.

About liking the one that I chose.

About me and the first lady.

About my children's future and, of course, their children's future.

About that, but let's reboot.

About the absurdity of allowing

About the... you know, the...

About what clean jobs is gonna be.

Absolutely great.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. I'm heading there right now.

Absolutely. Of course. Of course.

Ace play, Shakespeare. Really.

Actually years if you think about it, Amy?

Actually, he said he was your Pinocchio,

Actually, I think that is a good idea.

Actually, my name is Dan Egan.

Actually, she's not my girlfriend anymore.

Actually, they're just sweeteners I got at a NATO meeting last year.

Actually, though, great question.

Actually, what I would like...

After a traditional barbecue at the state function.

Again, not my words. So...

Against the President's will.

Against this bill, assemble some arguments.

Ah! This is fucking primordial.

Aircraft carrier.

All due respect, we did have

All during my primary campaign.

All ght, all right.

All I am saying is that if senator Doyle pulls that meeting,

All I have left is vanilla.

All I heard was the sound of a fuckup, okay?

All kidding aside,

All noises are good.

All of our emails, and all of our phone records.

All right, boys and girls, I got a promotion.

All right, get him out of here, Dan.

All right, guys, get this shot. It's real America.

All right, here. You take that.

All right, I'm going home.

All right, I'm gonna be in my office.

All right, let me get this straight.

All right, look, watch me, autismo. You take the little pod,

All right, look. Listen.

All right, ma'am, l...

All right, Mike, here's what we do, okay?

All right, move out. Slick's moving in.

All right, now let's say this does actually happen

All right, obviously it is not gonna be full disclosure.

All right, pack up your limbs and get the fuck out, Jonah.

All right, shall we, gentlemen? Uh...

All right, sir, no.

All right, so first order of business is to issue a press release,

All right, so the idea is if you're a fireman putting a wet blanket on something...

All right, so we get O'Brien,

All right, so...

All right, suicide pact finished, okay?

All right, that's all I want to say to him for the rest of my life.

All right, this might sound crazy, but go with it.

All right, we're going to a yoghurt shop.

All right, well, all due respect, cock nugget, there's been a little too much of this

All right, well, that means I've got two hours free.

All right, well...

All right, what we're gonna do is we're gonna walk slowly to the car, okay?

All right, you know what, guys? We're doing this.

All right, you know what? Forget about the specifics.

All right, you know what? Let's get in my office right now.

All right, you over that bombshell?

All right, you're gonna need to stay in your former position.

All right! Thank you for your patience.

All right? Chung for change.

All right? You're not exempt.

All right.

All right.

All right. I don't want to end up with a horse's head in my bed.

All right. To be honest, I was a little scared.

All the Secret Service office personnel records.

All these extra rules... it's kind of weird.

All they mean is that it does give them so much pleasure.

All we've got to do is set her up and let the cameras roll.

All you have to do, mom, is ask.

Almost as much as good governance.

Alone!

Although I'm sure he wouldn't miss it for the world

Although it's not always easy.

Although, if those wheels are in motion anyway,

Always bouncing back.

Always sticks with the incumbent veep.

Am I all packed, Gary?

Am I sure?

Am so happy you're here.

Ame?

Americans losing jobs to illegals, et cetera.

Amy and I are gonna be working pretty late, I think.

Amy Brookheimer, vice president's chief of staff.

Amy, come on, career wise, that's like joining Scientology

Amy, come up with a plan B. Okay? 'Cause...

Amy, fuck Doyle.

Amy, get into my office. Mike, especially you.

Amy, I used Dan to get what I wanted.

Amy, if I could just talk to you for a quick sec.

Amy, just sit down, okay? Just sit down.

Amy, this is Paul Burton.

Amy, what are we gonna do?

Amy, what the duck?

Amy, what the fuck? What is it, Amy?

Amy, what the hell is going on over there? Are you listening?

Amy, would you please...

Amy, you listening to Crock FM right now?

Amy, you pretended to have a miscarriage for me.

Amy, you're gonna have to start getting everyone to like me.

Amy, you're gonna need to...

AMY: Can you please keep your eye on him, please?

AMY: Every minute that we delay, "retard" goes up a font size.

AMY: Gary is going to go to Jonah's office

AMY: Have you ever had a weight problem?

AMY: I... It's...

AMY: It's the use of the word "retard."

AMY: Okay, here's what we do. Here's what we do.

AMY: Okay, let's not concentrate on that today.

AMY: Okay.

AMY: So Mike's jokes didn't work?

AMY: Thank you all for coming on such short notice

AMY: What I said. DAN: What I said.

AMY: Yeah, well, it's inaccurate.

AMY: Yes. MIKE: They called you Goofy Smile.

Amy.

Amy's got to go on a date with him tonight.

An iced tea would be great.

An informal understanding that she would endorse your run for governor.

An ocean of ideas comes pouring in.

And a bulletproof vest and an iron jockstrap.

And arguably a nine.

And as regards to the rift rumors, I'll keep my ear to the ground for you.

And back in a good old Washington shit storm.

And black is up, but brown is down now?

And come into my rose garden.

And Dan is his own man. He can go wherever he wants.

And Egan with an open your fucking ears.

And everyone's making it out like we had a catfight

And express public support for your position.

And for my wife's sake,

And fructose you to death.

And give you another kind of red eye to worry about.

And have as much fun with it as they can.

And have we heard from the President on the economic forum?

And he grabbed my left tit.

And he has a face like he's been stabbed in the groin.

And head for the border right now.

And his lovely mother Maria.

And humanizing.

And I am a...

And I believe very strongly...

And I don’t have any idea

And I get called in, what's it like up there?

And I have a ton of interests that I have to square...

And I know you're under a lot of pressure over there,

And I might as well nail a bunch of puppies to the ground

And I remember dear David

And I should tell you, I think you're borderline developmentally disabled.

And I think I might be pregnant.

And I turn around to find out that you have set fire

And I would...

And I'd also like to say

And I'll call you afterwards, okay?

And I'm gonna beat Scott to death with it.

And I'm gonna see to it personally

And I'm ready to eat you up.

And I've also thrown out all of the Strawberry Selina.

And if all the other eights that I do want to have sex with

And if they smell blood, if they think that you're going down

And in each of those did he say,

And in hope... certainly hope...

And in that capacity, I have a duty to shine a light

And it certainly isn't what I think.

And it's also another big win for you

And it's gonna have to be a big one.

And its role in the Macauley amendment.

And Jonah is here from the White House.

And just make sure there aren't any repercussions

And just so you know, this is also what would happen if we were in a lifeboat.

And kill the doctor in the desert.

And let's find a date where this would have happened.

And listen, in the spirit of reciprocity, ma'am,

And making them pay for cleanup, so now I'm eating everyone's shit.

And my ass is like the thunderdome.

And not as an attack on the potency of your campaign.

And not Penthouse.

And now all you've got left in the last 10 remaining years of your working life

And now he gives me obesity.

And now he just doesn't like what's...

And now I've got this Chuck bullshit.

And now I've got to say what? I've got to say,

And now I've, you know, been told to come here and endorse you.

And now you want me to unfix it?

And obviously there is something that he needs to confront me about.

And obviously you cannot tell anyone this or she will have you destroyed.

And oil hates me because of Chuck.

And order Jamaican rum with sprinkles.

And people are looking at me and whispering.

And people say you're bad at your jobs.

And pump up China?

And Senator Lucas was a maybe, but now he's definitely a definitely.

And service as in, ”You work for me, okay?

And she's got a horse, a sheep, and a pig, okay?

And she's got a horse, a sheep, and a pig, okay?

And Sidney Purcell will stay on as an advisor

And so that’s why I’ve come here today.

And somewhat surreptitiously get the card back.

And suggested that he or she take the best parts of Clean Jobs,

And technically this is a fully functioning office, too.

And Ted is just... Ah!

And that mark Rivera called me a diva in his column.

And that's not just the high notes.

And that's the essence of a grabber.

And that's why this is the greatest country on earth.

And the attack ads in Oregon came up four days too soon,

And the health advisors.

And the holders for toothbrushes?

And the next, your whole world's gone to pieces.

And the plan is that we got engaged, like, six weeks ago or something, all right?

And the president and I agree

And the President saw I was eating trail mix.

And the Vice President turned to me and said,

And the Vice President turned to me and said,

And then added that as an amendment to the fiscal responsibility bill?

And then everything went silent.

And then I'm gonna take that leg

And then I'm gonna take this to the Hill, okay?

And then she can go back to DC No big deal.

And then start running them over and crush their skulls with my campaign bus.

And then that small thing actually dies itself.

And then there are 60 separate pockets within the area.

And then you got that pregnancy rumor flying around

And then you guys can get moving.

And then you open it and... Shit.

And there it is.

And there was an implication, perhaps...

And there's gonna be a kill,

And they're gonna be talking about you.

And things got a little bit out of hand.

And this is your voice, ”'Do I smoke in bed?‘

And this meeting is now terminated

And this, I don't even know what I wrote, but it's basically

And use your eye sockets as a sex toy.

And we spell yoghurt with an H right there in the middle.

And we work for the Vice President of the United States of America.

And we'll be having cigars at the end of this dinner.

And what about Senator Reeves? Is he dead yet?

And what would you like?

And when we announce Chuck Furnham, an ex oil guy,

And where were you, Amy, by the way?

And who knew he wore kitten heels?

And yet you are disturbing me.

And you do not want to fuck with those guys

And you don't have the clearance.

And you get knocked back.

And you have put this entire office into a salad spinner of fuck.

And you know what, actually? She was kind of chic.

And you know what? You guys can just act naturally like you'd normally act.

And you really wanna show it

And you with your perpetual 5 o'clock shadow,

And you, Amy, who love this policy, you want me to vote against it. Yeah?

And you, you gay, Irish fireman... you, you're okay.

And you're gonna do life for murder and I never have to see your face again.

And you're gonna find your lungs have turned to pastry.

And you're not afraid to say what's on your mind.

And you're the starting pitcher.

And you've got to go down to that yoghurt store.

And your daughter's just arrived at the office.

And your eyes, then your hands and arms. Thank you.

And your passion about it is gonna sell it.

And, actually, I really don't feel like being dragged into the toilet with you, ma'am.

And, Dan, get over here and shake my hand.

And, honestly, that receiving corps over there,

And, Mike, you need to be there, too, okay?

And...

Andrew Miller, program director at rainforest conservancy.

Andrew, how are you?

Andrew, this whole thing is so nuanced.

Another one where we say, Awesome avocado!

Anquan Boldin, not looking good for you.

Anquan?

Any news, doctor, about our son?

Anybody else?

Anything about the Macauley amendment you need...

Anything out of line, you're looking at a perjury charge.

Anything.

Anyway, I work for the White House. What the fuck are you doing?

Anyway, I'm just talking about redefining...

Anyway, listen, you've gotta get me a ring. You've gotta go, you've gotta get a ring now.

Anyways, what motto? I don't have a motto.

Apologies, ma'am. Effed in the b hole across all networks.

Apparently there were rumblings in the blogs, but...

Are gonna have the White House to answer to.

Are these all the pregnancy tests you have?

Are they gonna live long enough to make it to election day?

Are we pushing the whole cornstarch utensils campaign now?

Are you a starting pitcher?

Are you absolutely sure that...

Are you guys all good on clean jobs?

Are you hungry, love? Do you want?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Chuck Furnham? That's fucking official?

Are you kidding me? Oh!

Are you kidding me? They want our records now?

Are you kidding?

Are you like a guy trying to be clever?

Are you networking with an eight year old?

Are you not gonna say anything?

Are you okay?

Are you pregnant?

Are you really waving? She cannot see you through the TV.

Are you Sappy? Is that it? Preppy?

Are you the new face of Louis Vuitton?

Are, are, are...

Aren't we just all finally just people? (CHUCKLES)

As a full time glory hole greeter at a Georgetown gay bar.

As good as announced is not announced.

As I'm sure you're aware,

As long as it's not one of those animals with three legs and a wheel.

As much as I appear to love my idiot son.

As opposed to what, the west wing of Graceland?

As soon as possible, in which case I can get someone in your office

As the current filibuster system.

As well as the funding request,

Ask your buddy Macauley about it. Maybe he can help you.

At the 11:30, you say that Senator Hallowes not only insulted the Late Senator Reeves,

At the back of that couch are your remains.

At the great governor Chung's book launch?

Aw... shit.

Awesome!

Awesome. Where is she?

Baby on board. That kind of thing?

Back in charge of the G.P.S.

Back to his tits and dip.

Bad news, everyone.

Barbara, it's so good to see you.

Based on trying to figure out when Tom Hanks is gonna...

Basically, I'm infallible, okay?

Be careful your ears don't pop on the way down.

Be careful. Careful.

Because he who speaks in maxims.

Because I am busy in there apologizing to that

Because I think that he is about to dump me.

Because I was backed into a corner.

Because I will not eat another fucking falafel.

Because I've got Dan backgrounding it right now.

Because if anyone thought this office

Because if it's Sunday, it's "Meet the Press."

Because it's better than watching Gary drip

Because now they are versus.

Because of your high taxes and noncompliance penalties?

Because otherwise you don't need a 1D.

Because she just talked about filibuster reform.

Because something more important than Catherine has come up.

Because the first lady is getting one, so now I can't get one.

Because there are two grandchildren.

Because they fuck in a very unpleasant fashion.

Because this was never a meeting to even begin with.

Because this whole place is swarming with bored reporters

Because three is better than two.

Because we have Joe Flacco as our quarterback.

Because you are gonna get rid of him. You're gonna kill him

Because you said that the pregnancy story is out there,

Because you were pregnant?

Because you've gotten a hold of yourself.

Because, you know, you're gonna be right in the line of fire.

Been a rough couple of months for you, though.

Before you get the DTs and you can't write in your notebook?

Being here for the American people

Besides catholics and butlers?

Beverly and Michael.

Bite and smile.

Blink if you understand me, Mike....

Blunder Woman, Selina Meh.

Bob Jeffries of the Plastics and Cellulose Association.

Bob Lewis has got emphysema. Sounds like a broken down leaf blower.

Boom shaka laka.

Bottom line here, Eric, we need him to sponsor this bill.

Bottoms up.

Breakfast news, but we tease it out.

Brett Kagan's blog picked up a tweet from us.

Briefing room, NSC meeting, hallway twice.

Buddy, I think you're as big as my gay dwarf.

Bullshit. You didn't know he was gonna roll over on Clean Jobs.

Bust some moves? Really, Mike?

But a crane has collapsed onto a ship at Portsmouth, Virginia.

But an unwed mother one aneurism away from the presidency?

But before we do any ordering,

But can I just say? You kinda look like an asshole.

But can you do it without looking?

But each individual egg

But everyone will be watching her, so I guess I can just wing it.

But he and we are very...

But he is busting my fuckin' lady balls here.

But he is.

But honestly, I don't want it to be you.

But I can't cry.

But I didn't say that 'cause I thought it would be upsetting.

But I do know that I can't know what you know or you don't know.

But I had to hang out with a bunch of boring grown ups. Bleh.

But I just need you to confirm that I did the right thing.

But I think he meant Geppetto, who was actually the puppet master.

But I wanted to talk to you about coming onboard the Clean Jobs Commission.

But I'm fructose intolerant.

But I'm here because I have work to do.

But I'm thrilled that you're here.

But I've got a game of solitaire going on,

But if I were, whew, this would be a big moment.

But if you could perhaps walk the vice President out to her car...

But if you really... If you get into some of the funkier stuff,

But it's a privilege nonetheless.

But it's really good to hear you're thinking.

But it's the thought that counts.

But kind of... didn't it sound a little glitchy

But my loyalty is with POTUS.

But not like that

But other than that, I'm good.

But politically speaking, you are damaged goods.

But seriously, Sue's not important enough.

But still, unfortunately, really dislike you.

But that she also encouraged...

But that would be safe, wouldn't it, ma'am?

But that's not an option for me, okay?

But the one that beats inside of me

But the President of the United States of America

But the thing is, is that I still think

But we both know that would look fucking horrible.

But we could invite the guys down to meet the Orioles players.

But we do not endorse. We give the press nothing to report.

But we were mighty proud of our buckeyes

But we've got filibuster reform talks this afternoon that we've got to deal with.

But why weren't we on it?

But you guys surround me, very purposeful.

But you need to do it very sensitively.

But you will come in early, right?

But you, you I do not like.

But you're not actually dead... Not yet.

But you're so fucking low rent, you can't even be exploited.

But, as you see, he ignored me and, by implication, you.

But, I mean, you're the old pro here.

But, like, what if Finnegan is a Ravens fan, too, you know?

But, you know, that is not what I meant

But...

But... you will have a private channel to the veep

Buy you some time and some goodwill.

By golly, I do.

By insulting the man and calling him an ape.

By our buckteeth.

Bye bye.

Bye bye. See you later.

Bye, Dan.

Bye, Sue.

C'mon, let's go somewhere. Let's meet the public.

Call her fat. Kidding.

Call him fuck weasel.

Can I get a heads up? 'Cause I'm standing over here like a fucking meerkat.

Can I get some of the...

Can I get the pen cap, too? This came with a pen cap.

Can I get you something?

Can I interest you in a blueberry bran muffin?

Can I just say that this is really exciting to watch?

Can I talk to you just for a quick sec?

Can move more air by farting.

Can sound wise.

Can we have just a quick second to chat?

Can we not have this...

Can we not strategize in a closet?

Can we talk about... I don't know...

Can you do me there?

Can you do that? Can you do that? Can you get Hallowes now?

Can you envision selling some of these items at any of your stores, do you think?

Can you get me a real coffee instead of this fucking beige paint they're serving, okay?

Can you give me a yes or no on that, please?

Can you give me a yes or no on that, please?

Can you go speak to the sound guy?

Can you imagine, Felicia, if I'm tired,

Can you put it down right there?

Can you try and sneak in incognito?

Can't get drawn into it.

Can't get over this heat.

Can't I just leave now with you?

Carlos Esquerra, C.E.O. of the Nasdaq O.M.X. group.

Carol Hallowes, hi.

Carrie Stringer, Center for Social Action.

Catch 44, he caught it. Pow! I'm sorry.

Catherine is waiting to skype with me.

Catherine, I didn't... okay, now I've got to deal with that situation.

Catherine, I'm really serious. Smile, okay?

Catherine, you want some more coffee?

Changed the "a" to an "e."

Check out page one.

Chief of Staff Amy Brookheimer, or Selina Meyer herself?

Chief?

Chinese daughter torture. It's a good one.

Christ has risen.

Chuck Furnham leaked.

Chuck Furnham's at 12:15. Now he's at 12:00.

Chuck ham is on and what?

Chuck is a gesture all right.

Chuck would just be token oil.

Chuck's oily, but he's not evil oily.

Clean Jobs almost ready for liftoff, right?

Clean jobs in the bag. So that's good.

Clean Jobs initiative, dead in the water.

Clean Jobs is one of them.

Clean Jobs was your office, right?

Clean jobs, yeah. What's going on there?

Clearly he hasn't heard you sing.

Close the door. On your way out, close it. Quickly. Quick, quick.

Cock blocking widow.

Coffee for the Vice President, please, Dan.

Colette, if you would do the honors.

Colette, if you would do the honors.

Collins made a bunch of faces, he was reassigned.

Come here. What the fuck gives with your boss?

Come on, Amy.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Come on, guys. Give it up for him.

Come on, ma'am, just some small talk. Even tiny talk will do.

Come on, Selina!

Come on, we just want to know what she's thinking.

Come on, what are you waiting for? Give her the signal.

Come on, why do guys in the army get a medal for doing their job?

Come on.

Come on. He wants to announce it next week.

Come, come. Catherine, this is Dan.

Comes with little senators inside of him.

Comparing our clothing budgets and our stylists...

Congrats on the big promotion. You and I should grab another drink.

Congressman, I saw passion.

Congressman, if you call me that again, you'll need to see a paramedic.

Congressman, she's on her way here right now.

Consensually, I might throw in.

Construction hit a gas main.

Converse generally? What about? The weather?

Copy that, I'm on it.

Copy that. Security clearance denied.

Corey Wilk, special advisor to the Supreme Court of Michigan.

Could say

Could spray her with pepper spray.

Could we maybe table tableware for now, Gary,

Could you hold on just one second?

Could you lip read earlier when I was talking about you to Amy?

Creative semantics.

Crossed wires. Potus just suffered heartburn

Cup of joe for the guys. Man, I need it.

Cut Doyle loose, all right? Call his bluff.

Dad, Dad, I like beer.

Dan Egan, I'm with the vice President.

Dan folded pretty quick.

Dan is a great choice

Dan is manipulative. He is cunning.

Dan is so good. He's come such a long way.

Dan only climbs up ladders.

Dan seems nice.

Dan, are you telling me that if I fired either one of these bozos,

Dan, did your boyfriend know anything about this?

Dan, look at me with your stupid eyes.

Dan, talk, please.

Dan, the man.

Dan, this isn't fantasy politics.

Dan, waiting for some crumbs to fall?

Dan, we're going to a hospital.

Dan, what do you think about this?

Dan, what was that phrase that you used in our meeting?

Dan, why don't you look after Catherine

Dan, you have about 10 seconds

Dan, you're getting a promotion.

Dan, you've never met Catherine. Have you met Catherine?

DAN: Hey, kids. Good afternoon.

DAN: Look, I'll do it. I got it.

DAN: NO.

DAN: The whole Chick fiI A narrative is just...

Danny Chung.

David Gregory is ill.

Deal. You keep oil guys off clean jobs,

Delightful. It will give us a chance for some juicy gossip.

Demanding an unproven solution

Dependence on foreign oil ended by me.

Despite what is said in some dark corners of the Internet,

Dickless van Dyke, Tawdry Hepburn,

Dickwad pie?

Did Dan tell you that this is your Cuba?

Did he do this thing where you don't know

Did I ask you to stay?

Did Jonah leave? Is he gone with that condolence card?

Did she firebomb a hospice?

Did Simon mingle with Garfunkel?

Did Simon mingle with Garfunkel?

Did the President ride through on a lion or something?

Did the Veep kill the last remaining snow leopard?

Did you find out who the President's playing golf with?

Did you just sidle?

Did you know old grandpa fumblepants couldn't even swim?

Did you say those things, Mike?

Did you see that caption

Did you see that photo? It's unbelievable.

Did you see the Chicago Tribune?

Did you see the Chicago Tribune?

Didn't get the Chief of Staff job with the Speaker.

Dilka.

Direct quote.

Dived on it. Mmm!

Do I add water to this machine? It's like a robot.

Do I look like a kindergarten teacher to you, Mike?

Do I look like a pimp to you?

Do it yourself.

Do not let him know that you're worried, do not make it a thing.

Do not say Chuck Furnham.

Do not say that it is obesity.

Do not say that to me.

Do these not bend the fuck back?

Do you ever write about yoghurt in your newspaper?

Do you have a suit you can change into?

Do you have any ideas on what I should say?

Do you have something that can fit

Do you know how yoghurt is made?

Do you know that I have my own flag?

Do you know what happens with all that shit, Amy?

Do you know what these oil wise guys call him?

Do you mean un redacting?

Do you need to squeeze my hand or something?

Do you see that he keeps touching me?

Do you still think you're gonna be able to make that happen?

Do you think anybody's gonna remember your primary campaign?

Do you think you can kind of do your magic and Photoshop me into it?

Do you think you're ready to be back at work?

Do you want a cat? I can get you a cat.

Do you want a glass of wine?

Do you want to follow this plan or not?

Do you want to know how toxic she is, Amy?

Do you? Really?

Doctor, we appreciate your hard work.

Does he ever say anything funny?

Does he want to operate me by remote control?

Does it get used in a clumsy and unpleasant analogy by you?

Does that bother you?

Does that exist, hurricane Selina?

Does the National Resource Committee meeting

Doesn't like what?

Don't be changing the talking points for my "Meet the Press" thing.

Don't be jealous that we've taken that step, Sue.

Don't endorse.

Don't feel like you have to come in early tomorrow.

Don't forget your booster seat

Don't fuck up that suit, Mike.

Don't say otherwise, you want me to vote for it.

Don't say, "If I were President." It's the VP bear trap.

Don't shoot. Don't shoot. Please don't shoot.

Don't talk to Furlong. You need to keep a low profile.

Don't tell Gary.

Don't tell me what to do, Doogie Fucking Howser.

Don't touch.

Don't worry about it, okay? We're not gonna have sex, all right?

Don't you patronize me with your no jaw.

Don't you say it gives you no pleasure.

Don't you worry for one second, all right?

Dormez vous? Dormez vous?

Doyle gives us filibuster, so put him there.

Doyle is essential. He's like the Russian doll of the Senate.

Earlobe... you're just there,

Egan, all right? Dan Egan. That's Dan with a capital D

Eh... I am taking the credit for this.

Eight minutes ago.

Eight years, I guess, if we got reelected, obviously.

Either he or his arteries are gonna quit any second.

Eric, apologies.

Ernest Lainchbury, Lifeboat Association.

Ethically, no.

Even in Spanish, you know, it doesn't sound like it's gonna work.

Even people who are dying of malaria stay up later than that.

Every single thing you say to me is emasculating.

Every time Ted stayed overnight at the residence has been fully disclosed.

Everybody seen it? Everybody got a good look?

Everyone has limits to their power, senator, even the vice president.

Exactly. That doesn't help.

Exactly. We are gonna fire someone.

Excellent. Perfect. Done deal.

Excellent. Well, then, I'm gonna go enjoy what's left of my Sunday.

Excuse me just for one second.

Excuse me while I get myself pulled together.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Experimental theater course?

Explains why you piss liquid nitrogen.

Eye drops.

F.Y.I., ma'am, the President is not calling.

Fantastic. I'm also parched and I'm wondering if! might...

Father know?

Father, no.

Faultless G.P.S.

Feed the dog. Walk the dog.

Felicia, one second. Feel free to dive right in on the daughter, okay?

Fellas, we shouldn't have a problem

Filibuster reform.

Filled with shit.

First lady hates you just because you're prettier.

First time I took this kid,

Follow me, I've got a beautiful spot

For an unnamed White House aide.

For any illegal immigrants who have been here for more than five years.

For fuck's sake. If this is broken, I'm adding it to your fucking rent.

For me, that was 12 years of marriage.

For the swift recovery of this great, great president

For us to search on to kind of pick up on blog coverage.

For what?

For you, it's early retirement.

For your adoring photo of girlfriend Carol Hallowes.

Foreplay, direct sunlight.

Frankly, ma'am, I'm angry. Will, tell her why.

Free from a major fucking political headache, I'd say.

From "Meet the Press,"

From a great state.

From an appropriate mental health charity...

From now on, you bleached, plucked asshole,

From the place that we like eight blocks away.

Front page of the style section of The Washington Post.

Fuck point you.

Fuck that POTUS

Fucking idiot.

Fucking listen to this.

Fucktard.

Full disclosure is now the name of the game.

Fundamentally the sequence of events

Fundamentally, I would say I misjoked.

Funny

Funny story. I was at the White House this morning

FURLONG: And now I'm being implicated in your disgusting little lies,

FURLONG: Odd Job. (WHISTLES)

Gary, are you all right? Are you getting the bug?

Gary, could you please ignore Jonah for me?

Gary, did you find me a dog yet?

Gary, Gary, just give it a light touch.

Gary, I have large, moving shapes covered.

Gary, look, a staffer at the Post told me.

Gary, loosen up, okay? I'm gonna give you the card, all right?

Gary, senator Doyle's guy looks like he's dying.

Gary, seriously, can you just shut up for 10 seconds?

Gary, that was my fucking flesh that you just...

Gary, this is not a competition.

Gary, this is way too much.

Gary, what are my nicknames?

Gary, what is this?

Gary, where were you and Selina at lunchtime today?

Gary, why are you talking in cliff hangers?

GARY: Hello, Dad. I'm still at the stadium. Yeah, yeah.

GARY: Hey, ma'am, I'm right here. Can I get you something?

GARY: So sorry. I just need to tell you something.

GARY: Well, let's not get into it. AMY: Yeah

GARY: Well, that's a capital offense.

GARY: You know what would be perfect in Paris is that pink jacket you have.

Gary?

Get a grip. It's a date and no sex.

Get a move on.

Get in there, Mike. Go.

Get into here. I need to talk to you for a second.

Get it. Quick, quick, quick.

Get lost before I shove that thing up your ass

Get out of my office.

Get some fucking nuts!

Get somewhere but without a ladder...

Get the fuck off it.

Get the hurricane name changed. Already done it.

Getting Senator Macauley to sneak in the VP's lame ass legislation

Give him a smile to take back to his boss.

Give me shit about filibuster reform.

Glasses on for the intellectual look?

Go into my office. Okay.

Go on, get the photo out, Mike.

God, how horrible.

God, I am so sorry.

God, I love saying that.

God, I'm gonna snort a line of tzatziki and go.

God, Parisian women really intimidate me.

God, she is gonna go ape shit menstrual over this

God, this gastric bug,

God, today feels like the perfect storm, doesn't it?

God, wearing some kind of shawl at a lion sanctuary.

God!

God. Where is Amy?

Gold plates are going up to platinum plates.

Golf. You know, men walking around with sticks

Good bye. Have you chosen a new dog yet?

Good for... Oh. Excuse me.

Good morning.

Good new Italian place opened up downtown, Amy.

Good night, Dan.

Good night.

Good night. Let's go, Jack.

Good to see you again, buddy.

Good to see you guys could learn a new word today... compromise.

Good, good. Just going over my notes for the press briefing

Good.

Good.

Good. You know, full of free shrimp.

Got a plan. Oh, uh, Dan.

Got played by Team Veep. They wanted me to make her cry.

Got to talk to her for one moment, please.

Gotta go, Jonah. Got incoming.

Governor? Hi. How are you?

Governor. Good to see you, my friend.

Grande skinny latte, extra shot, and a dash of cinnamon?

Granted, on a good night that's one and the same, but still.

G****s are... Hey, you can't beat g****s.

Great for the construction industry.

Great seeing you, as always, Madam Vice President.

Great, we missed the elevators.

Great.

Great. Cool. Fantastic.

Greetings from the clubhouse of power, Amy.

Grisly Madam, She Ra, Meyer the Liar, the Batcave, Pissface.

Guess I don't have to buy a hat now.

Guess what we were just doing? Just polishing up the latest draft of Clean Jobs.

Guess what? I've managed to get a fresh batch

Guys, a man is dead.

Guys, can I have five minutes?

Guys, seat goes right here.

Guys. Honey, you've got to change.

Ha ha! Tall, dark and tiresome,

Had anything to do with that amendment,

Had we not heard anything about this?

Hallowes is in quadrant three right behind you, right behind you.

Hallowes is on the ropes. She was reported by the blog

Hands off the suit.

Hang out here as long as you like

Has caused you to become so self conscious and gain a little weight.

Has POTUS said anything about how high the agenda's gonna go?

Hashtag Fakeveepweep. What the fuck?

Hat? Oh, wedding? (SCOFFS) No.

Have a good Monday.

Have a nice evening.

Have you been telling people about your appointment to clean jobs?

Have you ever read Faulkner before?

Have you noticed how he's...

Have you reached a dog verdict yet?

Have you told him about clean jobs yet?

Having sex is absolutely not, Dan.

He asked her.

He can be a gold plated fucking shit gibbing.

He can't.

He completely tore it up. I was afraid he was gonna cut my...

He did this with the defense budget briefing two weeks ago.

He died.

He doesn't fix the economy soon,

He doesn't really think that he's some sort

He doesn't want to have sex with you. He just wants dinner and a movie.

He has so many tubes in him, he looks like a set of bagpipes.

He has the gastric flu, too.

He has very little respect for my job.

He is already a huge advocate of the devil's.

He just niced me. I got niced.

He said that he was your puppet master.

He said that Leon West

He said that the press is saying you are pregnant.

He said that you were needed down at a yoghurt store.

He says we promised him no oil.

He scrawled something in the front for you.

He used you to get what he wanted.

He wants all focus to be on that bill.

He was born back in China before his dad got his citizenship,

He was gonna seze on you and I blocked it.

He was just not a nice man.

He was old even then.

He was ****y Reeves. When was that guy ever respectful?

He was still upset about clean jobs,

He was such a strong man

He was talking about fisting people.

He wasn't fired, he was reassigned.

He would just hang out in the shallow end and stare.

He'd actually much rather me work here.

He'd be a hollow horse.

He'd be a hollow trojan horse, sir.

He's a baker.

He's a starting pitcher as well.

He's at the yoghurt store.

He's dead now.

He's expecting a conference call in about 15 minutes

He's got a big, veiny boner for it.

He's got a brother in rage against the machine.

He's got a lot of sway with the pro Caucasian caucus.

He's got that little twinkle in his eye.

He's got the bug.

He's got the whole setup for one... the blankets,

He's Korean.

He's like a human teleprompter for small talk.

He's more of a stilettos kind of guy.

He's not oil. He's a fucking fossil, but he's not oil.

He's not oily enough....

He's not outside here, is he? Oh, hi!

He's not supposed to register emotion. He's supposed to be like a robot geisha.

He's not wrong. We are in a tight corner.

He's obviously making a joke, right?

He's shitty me, okay? I need a shit.

He's such a shit.

He's the chair of the American Foundation for Adult Mental Disabilities.

He’s saying it’s out.

Hear that? No fun.

Heard you only got two hours of sleep last night.

Hearing you say that gives me a massive hard on.

Hello, children who do not vote.

Hello, children.

Hello, penis enlargement clinic.

Hello! Hi!

Hello! Yes. I see you.

Hello? Hello, Ted?

Hello? Yes. Hi, Mr. President.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Did you tell them, Amy? Oh, come on. Come on.

Hello. Lightening the mood here.

Her crying was very authentic

Here tonight and thank you for coming.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go. Let's move. Car's open. Door open.

Here, he's picking up.

Here's an idea. Mike's already got the dog.

Here's the deal, Sue. You can't win, all right?

Here's the deal.

Here's the research Scott pulled on Chung.

Here's the thing... clean jobs.

Here's what we're gonna do...

Here's your glasses.

Hey, Amers, going on a muffin run.

Hey, can I have my pen back?

Hey, can I talk to you privately just for a second?

Hey, come on, I major in major.

Hey, Dad. Just wait until you see the photo. It's awesome.

Hey, Dan, can you get some more oxygen in here, please?

Hey, Dan, I'm gonna take a rain check on that beer, okay?

Hey, did she sing with the kids yet?

Hey, did you fire your tweet monkey yet?

Hey, did you get those local business initiatives

Hey, everyone. Oh, hey!

Hey, Gary, can I have a kleenex?

Hey, Gary, what are some of the other nicknames?

Hey, give me a J!

Hey, guys, quick sidebar meeting, okay?

Hey, have you boys read the latest draft of Clean Jobs?

Hey, hey, it's the flunkies.

Hey, hey, somebody talk about something else?

Hey, I missed that photo with the Orioles.

Hey, I'm on the phone with AT&T. Can you stop shouting ”menstrual?

Hey, it's about time. Thank you.

Hey, Jimmy fucking Olsen,

Hey, ma'am, it's leave o'clock.

Hey, ma'am. They need you on the floor.

Hey, man, yeah. I'm out of the office. I don't want to talk shop.

Hey, Mike.

Hey, Mike.

Hey, so goofball here can get in on the suicide pact.

Hey, suck up isn't gonna fix a fuck up, Dan.

Hey, Sue. Did the President call?

Hey, sweet cakes. I need to get in to see the Veep.

Hey, that photographer who reads lips, he's not here, is he?

Hey, there's this extreme metal band playing over at Labyrinth's tonight.

Hey, we're getting some press interest in this already.

Hey, where is Dan?

Hey, will you do me a favor?

Hey, you know what? I get fired, it's a big fucking deal.

Hey, you know what? Thanks for returning my call.

Hey! What's up, pumpkin?

Hey.

Hey. Oh, man. What's she gonna do?

Hey. So are you looking for

Hey. So what's the intel on the baby?

Hi, Ashley. Mike McClintock,

Hi, Dan.

Hi, darling. I'm sorry to keep you waiting, baby.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Gary. Okay, that's okay. We have plenty.

Hi, guys. I'm all set. I'll be there in just a second.

Hi, honey. Look at you. You're standing all by yourself.

Hi, I don't think we've had the chance to meet,

Hi, senator O'Brien. I'm Dan Egan.

Hi, Sidney. How are you?

Hi, sir. Don't turn your head.

Hi! Oh, Leon.

Hi. Oh!

Hi. Sorry to interrupt.

Hi. Yes, I have the vice president for you.

High pathetic.

His daughter Emily just graduated from Harvard.

His Facebook status is "may God have mercy on my boxers."

His started in, like, in his stomach.

Hit that one. That's a home run.

Hit the fucking button for two fucking seconds.

Hmm. Bummer. Looks like your girlfriend

Hold on one second, chief.

Holy Christ. Look at the size of this one.

Holy f...uck.

Holy mother of God and sweet Jesus Christ.

Holy shit.

Holy shit. These mushrooms are amazing.

Holy shitballs. Leon West is here?

Honey in the rose hip? Yes, ma'am.

Honey, what is plastics made of?

Hooray

Hooray

Hooray

How about if you scroll up?

How about that round of applause?

How about that?

How about that? It's not rocket science.

How are we gonna fix this?

How are you, sir?

How are you? I see you. I see you.

How big are her tear ducts?

How charming. I need to be getting home.

How could oil not like Chuck Furnham?

How did you get this job? You really want to base your press strategy

How do I break it down? What do I get?

How do we make it happen?

How do you do, sir?

How do you get that coat so shiny, Mike?

How do you suggest that I mingle with this few people?

How do you suggest that I mingle with this few people?

How do you think that plays?

How is my day looking, Sue?

How is she?

How is she? Is she good?

How many times can she be underneath that?

How should I know?

How sure are you on a scale of one to 10? Like one is the...

How was Hallowes?

How would you respond to that?

Huh.

Hurricane forecast is looking good,

Hurricane Selina... they say they can change the name.

Hyun Joo Lee, Urban Placemakers Forum.

I actually found it slightly erotic, too.

I actually have a story I'd like to discuss with the Veep.

I agree. I agree.

I always wanted a dog.

I am glad to be off dogs and hurricanes

I am gonna throw up a leg.

I am putting out two fires in there,

I am reminded tonight

I am Selina Meyer.

I am so mired in filibuster reform, I've got no conversation.

I am so sorry, madam Vice President.

I am so sorry, senator Hallowes.

I am so tired of... hey, Gary, I...

I am your fucking siamese stalker.

I appear to love that wretched shitnia lot.

I asked him because of the whole "veep point two" thing.

I assume the vice president would be too busy.

I assumed it was withdraw from the conversation.

I believe you asked a boring question, Leon, and I gave a boring answer.

I came across a little email from you to Macauley's Chief of Staff.

I can carry the baby around in a little sling or something like that.

I can find a way to get Chuck Furnham on the task force for you, no problem.

I can get you a tour if you'd like.

I can just take him down for disrespecting the office.

I can't believe we're doing this.

I can't do it because it'll make it look like a thing.

I can't lose Doyle.

I can't move my lips.

I can't put on my seat belt.

I can't say no to you again, so I'm just going to...

I can't say this. I can't tell you this.

I can't stand that passive aggressive stuff.

I can't...

I cannot believe you are dating your boss's daughter.

I come bearing a message of support from the President.

I come bearing a very minor request from the president.

I come from a broken home, too.

I could always use help from a fellow Daniel.

I could draw you a diagram, but it would be a very simple diagram.

I could pass out right now.

I could probably have unprotected sex with 30 men,

I did not forget.

I did one of these back in the '903 when I worked for Congressman Hartigan.

I did warn you about him, ma'am.

I didn't appreciate the reference

I didn't even know that you had a new roommate.

I didn't know that. You should have led with that, buddy.

I didn't know you had it in you.

I didn't mean it like that.

I didn't say "yes".

I didn't say anything.

I didn't say he was bad because he's part Chinese.

I didn't think you guys would eat the pineapple.

I do a serious job.

I do indeed.

I do know, however, that the past few weeks she has been pretty busy. (CHUCKLES)

I do need you to do that. And I want to know what you need from me.

I do think that we can start the countdown.

I do. Senator Doyle's kind of a stikler.

I document. I don't invent.

I don't blame you. That's gonna be a long labor.

I don't even like you.

I don't have a coat. I need to hide the card.

I don't have any children.

I don't have room in my head for yoghurt.

I don't have time to ignore you, Jonah.

I don't know anything about her private life.

I don't know how fucking big my finger is, Ted!

I don't know how that happened. Okay.

I don't know what that means.

I don't know what the hell she could have been thinking.

I don't know what to say, so I'm just whispering instead.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know where he went, you know?

I don't know, I give you this and you give me that

I don't know.

I don't know. It's hard to define exactly.

I don't know. Maybe the thrill is gone

I don't know. They're so Parisian

I don't know. Use your instincts

I don't know... maybe you and Dan

I don't like tension. I got acid reflux. Let's get to the bad part.

I don't like you, Dan.

I don't need a ball of yappy hair shitting its body weight every 30 minutes.

I don't need factoids about my daughter, Gary.

I don't read half the stuff I'm supposed to.

I don't really care for you much either personally.

I don't think I've ever seen you sidle.

I don't think it works like that.

I don't think we need to see the photo.

I don't think you are.

I don't wanna make it look like a thing,

I don't... I don't know if you saw the footage today

I don'think we're drenched at this end of the table.

I engineered Selina crying on camera.

I feel like a gecko.

I feel so horrible.

I feel that Ohio is the rubber ball state,

I forgot to find out something about the players.

I found that the turmoil made me more focused,

I gave 30,000 bucks, I get a chicken breast.

I get the stamp of approval from her,

I got a cock like a cappuccino frother.

I got an idea.

I got it. Okay.

I got Korean neighbors and I don't think

I got nothing. Use your Spanish.

I got something.

I got the cornstarch spoon, too.

I got the latest Grisham on the go and it's just awesome.

I gotta get back to the White House.

I gotta go, but you know what?

I guess all those tears must be dehydrating.

I guess he just looked like a Simon.

I guess I've got some business to attend to.

I had the mic on, but I don't think it was hot.

I had to pull the plug on Clean Jobs,

I hate these animals.

I have a black belt in Mike Kwan Do.

I have a condolence card for Senator Reeves' widow.

I have a dick and balls, okay?

I have a much longer reach.

I have a niece, but I fucking hate her.

I have a nutritionist appointment.

I have got a story for you.

I have loved this job more than I've loved life itself.

I have never meant those words more.

I have offered Dan a permanent post

I have one. Gary's coming with more.

I have some great ideas about tax reform I want to talk to you about.

I have stepped into the President's shoes this evening,

I have to go.

I have to use the bathroom right away.

I haven't reached menopause yet, you know.

I haven't seen my daughter in, like, three months.

I hear it's pretty nice there.

I heard about it, Dan, so it sort of is out there out there.

I heard what you said about those people.

I heard you have a new roommate.

I hope I'm not pregnant, because, fuck, if I am, I'm just finished, you know?

I hope that's one of our cellulose flags.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way,

I hope you find out first. I really do.

I hope you get the result you're looking for.

I I got to go with you ma'am, I'm sorry.

I implied to Chuck that we would announce today.

I just assumed you'd be there.

I just broke up with her about 15 minutes ago via text.

I just can't open it the way you do.

I just gave her that news.

I just got it from Google images.

I just had a senior attorney completely trash my yard.

I just issued a press release announcing my promotion.

I just love that.

I just need to know if everything's okay, you know.

I just signed for an auto lease. If I could get six months...

I just spent all afternoon fixing this for you

I just think that this could blow up in all of our faces.

I just wanna warn you, on top of everything else... Smile story.

I just want to know.

I just want to say that I'm a huge fan of the Clean Jobs initiative.

I just wanted to explain the state of mind I was in

I just wanted to tell you how much I thought of your husband.

I just won't be photographed eating a hot dog

I just... Did you see that?

I just... You're getting married.

I kind of want to call them out on their bluff.

I know

I know how to give a motherfucking speech.

I know that everything isn't always about me. I know that.

I know that I'm a Ravens fan,

I know you have to get going.

I know, but I am the vice president.

I know, but there's no way we can have them.

I know, I know.

I know, it's just stuck.

I know, that's what I'm trying to tell you.

I know, who'd have thought transparent government

I know. Gary told you.

I know. I know. I know what I said.

I know. She's not funny. Of course I know that.

I know. That's why I hired him. Why aren't you listening to me?

I like to call him sergeant Ted.

I like your thinking.

I made you a cake with your face on it.

I may have gotten involved in a little something.

I mean no, no. No, stupid idea.

I mean there's a narrative built right in.

I mean, am I still getting unequivocal support on Clean Jobs?

I mean, because he wasn't, um, born here,

I mean, do you have any idea what I have lost here today?

I mean, g****s are always good, right?

I mean, he's really a great man,

I mean, how are we gonna shut this negativity down?

I mean, how has he let this happen?

I mean, I can't tell you what to do.

I mean, I don't know what you did or didn't do,

I mean, I don't know why you would s...

I mean, if I can get cornstarch utensils in most federal buildings by the fall,

I mean, if I may, sir, it's... It's food nomenal, really. It really is.

I mean, if we were gonna really be...

I mean, in life or even just with love,

I mean, it means we're gonna have to undiva my party.

I mean, it was like a heavy period. Don't worry about it.

I mean, it's unexpected,

I mean, no, it wouldn't be totally fine. I mean, that would be a horrible thing.

I mean, seriously. Are you believing this fucking day?

I mean, seriously. I am not gonna let go the one person in this core group

I mean, that would be insane. It would be disloyal.

I mean, that would be like

I mean, there will be cameras on you.

I mean, this is a filibuster slam dunk.

I mean, this is not the '80s anymore, right?

I mean, this is such a great draft of the Clean Jobs bill.

I mean, wannabe?

I mean, you can't read everything.

I mean, you get tired

I mean, you know, I haven't...

I mean, you've only got four years of this, so...

I mean...

I meant for him.

I meant good stuck, like if your marriage lasts or whatever.

I meant, um, Carol.

I might be pregnant.

I might be pregnant. All right?

I miss your emails. Long time no cc.

I need a coffee.

I need some good, solid White House intel on this.

I need some sort of a discreet place

I need something for my head.

I need time. Do I have time? Get me more time.

I need to keep these off your jacket 'cause the static attracts and retains dirt.

I need to see the Vice President now.

I need to speak to the vice President.

I need you all to make me have not said that.

I need you to end it with Ted.

I need you to have... make me unsaid it.

I need you to move this desk.

I never said the pregnancy story's out there.

I overhear stuff as I move around. Plus, I can lip read.

I put a little Fig Newton there for you as well.

I realize now they're unbecoming of my office.

I really admired your primaries campaign.

I really do, Mike.

I recognize you. You're one of Selina's little gay dwarves, aren't you?

I remember that. They were just jealous. Remember that?

I resigned just about an hour ago.

I said "yeah".

I said she's repugnant. I said Selina's repugnant.

I said something to someone.

I saw a Chinese kid do it in like 10 seconds.

I saw the meltdown.

I say let the whale hang loose.

I see that. I'll make a note of it.

I sent over from the President?

I spent a night in jail when I was 19 once. That was more fun than this.

I spoke in favor of immigration amnesty

I spoke to her. You spoke to her.

I still miss my grandpa.

I still need to say goodbye to senator Doyle's chief of staff.

I suppose Chuck could be viewed as a gesture.

I take it back.

I think actually he should go talk to the sound guy.

I think he's wrapping up, so...

I think I made a big point by being there.

I think I might have heard of that.

I think it's treason. Let me get you a cup of coffee.

I think she's only paid 50 bucks.

I think that senator Doyle still might go cold on sponsoring this bill.

I think that Ted is getting ready to dump me.

I think they got it wrong. They counted those numbers wrong or something.

I think we got it, guys. Take a step back.

I think we should just fine the fuckers till the fuckers aren't fine.

I think we should just go for it.

I think we should just knock off the kid thing...

I think we're about even.

I think we're ready. Very excited for the kids.

I think you kind of know what it means, right?

I think you might have been hoist by your own retard there.

I think you might want to get yourself a helmet, okay?

I think you spent too much time in New Hampshire. That was in the bag.

I think you... probably just one...

I think you'd better get out of my office

I thought for the opener we'd do a little self deprecating joke

I thought it might be disrespectful, but you're right.

I thought that might be just what you wanted.

I thought we agreed to move on.

I thought we'd do the photo over here, if that's okay.

I thought you were about to fire me

I told him you were too busy to see him,

I tunneled through the shit, I get the dirty glory.

I understand that the boys and girls have a song that they wanna sing.

I understand.

I want Amy to go on a date with me tonight.

I want the people who are on time to think that they're late.

I want this bill.

I want to get there early.

I want to meet some regular normals. Where we gonna find them?

I want you to answer my question now.

I want you to be in charge of day to day rebuttal for me, all right?

I wanted to be the first one to offer my congratulations.

I wanted to talk to you about this.

I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't because I didn't know if you already knew,

I was actually gonna run a name by you.

I was deliberately late for work because I wanted her to believe

I was fucking transferred for nothing.

I was given your word, ma'am,

I was gonna follow up on that, ma'am. I didn't forget.

I was gonna say Eva Peron.

I was just about to, shit stack.

I was never really committed to this as an idea.

I was not in my own apartment last night. I just... I overslept.

I was promised movement on the clean jobs.

I was promised no one from oil.

I was stuck in traffic for two hours.

I was telling the guys about my riding mower I got.

I was there. No fire as I recall.

I was trying to use Jonah for intelligence.

I wasn't invited. What?

I will do what I can.

I will get out.

I will get you that pic, man.

I will have all the relevant documents forwarded onto your team.

I will make a call.

I will meet you out in the hallway in a few seconds.

I will sponsor the filibuster bill.

I will stand down. Peep you later.

I work at the White House, so I can just walk in and say,

I work hard, I work fast, and I get hot legs.

I would like him very much

I would like to be everywhere.

I would love a cup of coffee.

I would love to go to that party, you know?

I would say that the economy has changed a great deal

I wouldn't search on your name or your nicknames, really

I wouldn't worry about it, ma'am

I write about politics.

I... I always try to speak as honestly as I can.

I'd be the obvious choice for your replacement.

I'd better be going around myself,

I'd get more than a stuffed chicken breast.

I'd like everyone to follow me into my office, please.

I'd like to free that boy from the prison of obesity.

I'd like to introduce you to one of our actual platinum donors.

I'd like to know if you're going to offend us

I'd love to see a photo.

I'd make more money if I installed Will here

I'd rather be a pig than an ass monkey up on his high horse.

I'll be going to DC. a lot more.

I'll be on "Face the Nation."

I'll bet you a beer that we win by a T.D.

I'll call you.

I'll get it.

I'll get it. I got it. I got it.

I'll get the BlackBerry fired up.

I'll get you some tea, okay?

I'll get you some tea. I'll just leave Mike. He can stay here with you.

I'll give you a fucking deal on all three of them, too, if you want.

I'll give you a little squeeze on your hand.

I'll have some of what you're having.

I'll just think it.

I'll keep your budget safe.

I'll put it back. Do you want me to put it here?

I'll redact your fucking face.

I'll redact your fucking face.

I'll show you to some of our families.

I'll tell you something else... these need water, okay?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm about to go to France,

I'm absolutely fucking fine. Thank you very much.

I'm adding more clothes, Mike.

I'm also looking after my uncle. He has dementia.

I'm assuming I'm safe.

I'm aware of that, ma'am.

I'm binging it.

I'm building up the energy right now.

I'm closer to her than you are.

I'm coming in

I'm confused. Are we still talking about yoghurt here?

I'm director of communications for Senator Hallowes.

I'm feeling very fucking provocative.

I'm fine, mom.

I'm getting fucked every which way.

I'm getting really good at dacting.

I'm glad that you were so honest

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself.

I'm glad you're right on top of that. I can see you, Mike.

I'm going into coffee shops, I'm going into meetings,

I'm going. They can't keep me out of there.

I'm gonna be the dumper.

I'm gonna call that stupid POTUS myself.

I'm gonna check and see if this fireman thing tonight is getting mentioned anywhere.

I'm gonna get Sue to call Mart at the White House.

I'm gonna go draft a letter of apology

I'm gonna go talk to Catherine.

I'm gonna have a blowout if I walk to the pharmacy.

I'm gonna head home if it's okay. If I'm not needed.

I'm gonna need a temporary body man.

I'm gonna tell him to shove it up his ass. I don't see any reason...

I'm hearing some language that I don't like.

I'm hearing that your credibility is...

I'm her moon.

I'm in a meeting tomorrow and it's definitely gonna get discussed.

I'm interested in lobbying, advocacy groups.

I'm Jonah, by the way. I work at the west wing of the White House.

I'm Jonah.

I'm just coming in to see if the misunderstanding

I'm just gonna go do my homework.

I'm just interested, that's all.

I'm just not gonna accept this

I'm just waiting for the call to say that it's done.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. (LAUGHS)

I'm like the last guy in a human centipede with this.

I'm next to the veep more than any other human being.

I'm not a nutritionist, am I?

I'm not barren. I know it's unlikely.

I'm not doubting your fertility, ma'am.

I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight.

I'm not gonna be sitting here looking at your cow eyes the whole time.

I'm not gonna have you eyeballing me all day.

I'm not gonna say I don't enjoy it.

I'm not gonna say I'm not enjoying the President being in South Africa.

I'm not gonna tell you anything.

I'm not happy about having to give this press briefing.

I'm not here. I have plausible deniability.

I'm on Twitter, but it wants me to create a new account.

I'm really talking about a different kind of normal, Gary.

I'm right here. What the hell? I'm with her.

I'm saying anything could happen.

I'm sick of taking your shit, okay?

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry about your feud with the first lady.

I'm sorry I got so upset before.

I'm sorry I snapped at you there.

I'm sorry to hear

I'm sorry to hear that. Well, drink plenty of liquid.

I'm sorry, I don't.

I'm sorry, ma'am, but you have drawn the fat straw.

I'm sorry, ma'am. I thought you knew, ma'am.

I'm sorry. I didn't even realize. Are you okay?

I'm sorry. What are you guys talking about?

I'm supposed to call Doyle and beg him to come back?

I'm sure his absence has nothing to do with your rift with the first lady.

I'm sure they did, right?

I'm sure you can, ma'am.

I'm sweating all my minerals into my shorts here

I'm talking salad wraps and body mass index to these idiots.

I'm the new face of the veep's office, okay?

I'm the puppet master. I'm Pinocchio.

I'm the Veep I never wanted to be.

I'm the vice president of the United States,

I'm trying to watch TV. Would you please move?

I'm very excited about it. Good bye.

I'm with the team. My playas.

I've been polling the room. It's warm, it's friendly.

I've been telling Dan this for years.

I've been thinking ever since I saw them,

I've been trying to cynically use you,

I've been trying to talk to you this whole day.

I've been trying, Catherine.

I've got a headache the size of Nebraska.

I've got a purple heart on my chest,

I've got the Treasury Secretary calling.

I've made the decision that we are going to release all of our correspondence.

I've only got one, so you need to get as many as you can find, okay?

I've seen it, I've read it, I've eaten it,

I've showered in it. I'm back, my babies.

I’m gonna tell you the truth.

I’m so glad to be here in the 17th state of the union.

I’m sorry to have to be so blunt about it, but I don ’t have a lot of time.

I’ve come here today

If anything, Chung was too late.

If Gary is sick,

If governor Chung doesn't call back,

If he hadn't started this whole form of government, then we wouldn't...

If I could, I think it would behoove you to make an apology

If I joined one of those moronic Segway tours of DC.

If I may, it's food nomenal, really.

If I were writing a memoir, which I'm not,

If I were you, I would go straight to the pharmacy and take one of everything.

If it comes down to a tie, vote for.

If it weren't for the fact that he runs the world.

If she mentions my name, if I get the stamp of approval,

If she tries to fire me, you walk and vice versa.

If she'd wanted me to sign your name, she would have done this...

If that dead thing then farted out a sack of eggs,

If this plays in Ohio, it's gonna go national.

If we could just have some quiet, please. Thank you very much.

If we keep oil off of clean jobs.

If you can deliver that, I will appear to love filibuster reform

If you can get a Senate reform bill

If you did this, you went against Selina's explicit orders

If you didn't go too hard on filibuster reform.

If you ever want me to confess, don't rip out my fingernails,

If you like, I can go sit in the vice president's office.

If you say Chuck Furnham, I will go into anaphylactic fucking shock.

If you think about it.

If you'd excuse us for one moment.

If you'd just join me, okay?

If you'd just join me, okay?

If you're behind on the IGDN number redacting.

If you're gonna shit your pants, I don't want you here.

If you're supposed to hug him or crucify him?

If you’re happy and you know it And you really wanna show it

If you’re happy and you know it Clap your hands

If you’re happy and you know it Nod your head

If you’re happy and you know it Nod your head

If you’re happy and you know it Nod your head

If you’re happy and you know it Shout hooray

If you’re happy and you know it Shout hooray

If you’re happy and you know it Shout hooray

If, for some reason, we find out

Imagine how tired the rubber makers are here in Ohio.

Imagine something small has crawled up a dead cow's ass.

In a heart shaped, fucking oyster thing or something.

In a sympathetic women's magazine about the loss of the baby.

In all men, despite their age or their health,

In an unofficial capacity....

In catering?

In diary hierarchy,

In exchange for support on filibuster reform.

In fact, I need him to put the finger

In guiding our nation.

In six months when all this bullshit dies down,

In spite of your preface, I did not detect

In the end or anything like that?

In the fucking lady matrix?

In the map room or something.

In the me file under phase one.

In the shape of a dick.

In your face, Dan. (GRUNTS)

In your fucking face.

In your poly sci BA, did you ever learn how to write a press release?

Indeed, and this is strictly need to know.

Infallible like that, Gary?

Informal understanding going on around here.

Intel.

Interactive tourist section of the website is down.

Into a congressional investigative hearing

Into which I would like to pepper, like, five zingers.

Involved on clean jobs.

Is a damp apartment, cold crab cakes, and an invisible fucking dog.

Is a smaller, rotting dead thing.

Is anybody picking up on the back facials?

Is at odds with your jobs program.

Is he my boss again?

Is he the father?

Is he... ls Dan my boss now?

Is if she's assassinated before she starts showing.

Is it okay if I steal Dan for a second?

Is it true that she stole your stylist?

Is McCaulay the one with the nose hair problem

Is my fucking patience going out the window.

Is not a nice restaurant.

Is now in charge of rebutting questions over the Macauley amendment,

Is one of the privileges of this job.

Is red, white, and blue.

Is rendered ineffective by me?

Is she gonna go? I just understand today

Is she really pregnant?

Is standing up and endorsing me. You got me?

Is that even a joke?

Is that how it's gonna work? Here, take this, please.

Is that how the pregnancy story got out?

Is that right?

Is that some kind of a joke or something?

Is that some sort of dig about Chung?

Is that viral sensation that's sweeping the nation.

Is that what you mean?

Is that what you're gonna suggest?

Is that why you look like you wanna drink a bottle of Drano?

Is that you are a useless waste of fucking carbon.

Is the man you're looking at gonna be in a position a year from now

Is there a pouch or something that I put into this?

Is there an indoor pool at this place? I packed my swimsuit.

Is there any other stuff I should get for my sister?

Is there anything you can't do?

Is there even a name for that?

Is this about clean jobs?

Is this because your pass was seen at the drugstore?

Is this for real?

Is this the right room? Are we early?

Is this true, Mike?

Is this what I came into politics to do, Amy?

Is this your first day in the game?

Is very keen

Isn't this nice how the lettering works on these... On these tops?

It a much more complicated and nuanced situation.

It does well with the, urn...

It doesn't do the job, and it makes a fucking mess!

It doesn't even look like they're gonna break a tie

It doesn't matter because you're gonna talk about the Ravens.

It doesn't work?

It got a little out of hand.

It implies freshness, trust, traditional values.

It is a fuckload of bread. Believe me, you could feed a family,

It is intern season, Gary.

It is just great to be back in the state of Ohio.

It is me who tells Selina the good news.

It is unseasonably warm, though, okay?

It seems to me that somehow we can make this happen, then I'd...

It totally might have just been me,

It was a little more recently than you'd think.

It was a sneeze bullet. Right in the face.

It was like a dirty bomb and I... bam...

It was like getting of a mild food poisoning.

It was one tiny, little disagreement

It was out of context.

It was Paco Rabanne.

It was Paco Rabanne.

It was something about damage control.

It would also mean we'd go against the President's wishes.

It's 24/7. It's a public duty.

It's a good idea. We don't want you to look like...

It's a nice bag, Gary.

It's a pleasure to meet you. The children are waiting and ready for you.

It's a possibility, Amy.

It's a possibility, Amy.

It's a rhetorical question.

It's a shitty nickname.

It's a tough time, we're aware.

It's about people.

It's about people.

It's about self control.

It's about seven inches, hangs between my legs...

It's actually kind of worse for you.

It's always darkest before the dawn. And then he would kiss me.

It's always darkest before the storm. So...

It's bad?

It's been an honor to serve such an accomplished understudy, ma'am.

It's being put to me that, and I apologize,

It's being put to me that...

It's called a shitbull terrier.

It's Catherine, right? The absent mother blubber.

It's chicken Iinguini. I'll be over here.

It's done.

It's done. No one's gonna stomach that.

It's easy to forget what a big slice of our country rubs shoulders

It's exactly that. It's a very homeland security angle... Issue.

It's fine, I can do it. I can't... I don't know what that is.

It's fine. Just stay there.

It's funky, it's kind of sexual.

It's funny enough for these people.

It's gonna be last in and first out and you're a dead Dan walking... What the fuck?

It's gonna look like the Veep couldn't be bothered to sign

It's got my head all jammed up

It's gotten a bit complex, all right?

It's his feely, little, touchy, hot hands.

It's hot out. Let's go to a store.

It's imperative to me being here.

It's in the bowl. The remote's in the bowl.

It's just a hypothetical like yours.

It's just that I can't be seen doing it.

It's just various VP things

It's kind of a personal thing.

It's kind of moody, sort of sleepy, butleritis”.

It's like he's the horse whisperer or something.

It's like her divorce face.

It's like they're fucking tidal.

It's more expensive, but it's a really nice camera.

It's my job to know everything, Amy.

It's my letter of resignation.

It's not definite. She still needs to take some tests.

It's not enough of a motor...

It's not funny at all. Fuck off, Ted.

It's not like something we have time for in the first place.

It's not my job. I would help her if she was down.

It's not too diva like, this party, is it?

It's nothing to smile about.

It's okay.

It's one less grinning idiot with a gun you have to worry about.

It's out there. They're saying she's repugnant.

It's owned by three generations of African Americans.

It's parental ground zero.

It's probably only us who have noticed

It's really nice that my mom's getting a new dog.

It's really sweet for you to say that.

It's so late.

It's still non narrative. No momentum yet.

It's tagged ”Selina Sell outta.”

It's the guy from My Left Foot.

It's the Secret Service, for Christ's sake

It's too bad Amy doesn't.

It's too soon! It's too soon!

It's very rare.

J... God damn it... the senator from Arizona.

Jake Arrieta. He's a starting pitcher.

Jamaican rum flavor?

Jamaican rum flavor.

Jamaican rum is where we are headed.

Jennifer, quite frankly, I had more windows in my first apartment

Jenny Armitage, Disabled Sports of America.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. Fuck it, don't endorse.

Jesus!

Jesus. Corpse fucking?

Jim Palmer.

Jim Wiseman, United Laminants and guest.

Jonah, do you come bearing news from the gentleman's club?

Jonah, how many times have you talked to the President today?

Jonah, west wing.

Jonah, would you please get her a glass of water?

JONAH: Everybody knows this is me, guys.

JONAH: Your chariot awaits. So, yeah, grab your coat.

Jonah.

Jonah. Did the President cancel the Chinese premier

Just a random example might be

Just be a man,

Just because I'm not as close to POTUS as you thought I was,

Just because this isn't your baby, you don't...

Just confirmed...

Just got 80% more fucked! Okay?

Just how toxic the Veep is after these latest numbers.

Just keep smiling.

Just lay low, keep your head down.

Just let me get deep.

Just make me eat like a vegan for a fucking week.

Just not Cuban ones.

Just part of the job.

Just pretend like you're talking seriously to me.

Just pretend you're picking him up, you know, and he's blind.

Just punched out. Just two guys hanging

Just real fucked up noise.

Just rutting around with the regional swine?

Just smile now. Smile.

Just visualizing you kicking ass on "Meet the Press."

Just waiting for Jonah. Here he is.

Just want to make sure you're doing okay, Martin.

Just wanted to let you know.

Just when you thought he couldn't get any weirder, he did.

Just wing it.

Just wobbling.

Just..

Keep him hydrated. Lots of water.

Keith at Reuters says Secret Service story, it's out there.

Ken, is this where I should be?

KEN: All right, how about another one?

KEN: Yes, how about one where we say Let's get moving?

KEN: Yes, that was great.

Kids are unpredictable. They wet their pants.

Kind of bitter.

Kind of idiotic.

Kiss you, miss you.

Ladders, obviously germane to the firefighting business.

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests,

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to welcome you all

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies first.

Last two on the deck of the Titanic,

Leave my fake dog alone.

Left him a voicemail. Called him a name. Just a little thing we do

Leon said it in reference to you firing the Secret Service agent.

Leon West has given me his private cell.

Leon West is down at front security for you.

Leon West, ma'am. "Washington Post."

Leon West, Washington Post.

Leon West? Here?

Leon West? Leon West is here for you?

Leon, hi.

Let me be more clear.

Let me be very clear with you about something, okay, Roger?

Let me just have a deep think, okay? I need some me time.

Let me see this. Look, I can still read the names, okay?

Let me take this and I'm gonna be right back. I'm so sorry. Pardon me.

Let us pray.

Let's be cheerful out there.

Let's capitalize on this, you guys.

Let's concentrate on Ohio.

Let's consider other flavors.

Let's get her in. Come on.

Let's go knock the socks off of some seven year olds.

Let's go mingle the shit out of 'em.

Let's go. Don't give me that sad orphan face, all right?

Let's just get to the bad part 'cause I know you got one.

Let's just slow down for a second.

Let's pretend there's a female farmer

Liam Miller, NASA.

Like a bacon burka.

Like a fat family off the fuckload of bread alone.

Like he's got two raccoons in his nostrils?

Like it's attached to jumper cables or something.

Like that's all we care about?

Like the contents of a broken fucking condom.

Like the thrill of the whole power thing wore off.

Like when you bought pregnancy tests for the Veep wearing your staff ID?

Like working guy to working guy.

Like, um, maternity underwear?

Lion King DVD and two shots of Ritalin.

Listen to me for a second. I gotta tell you something.

Listen, but I can get out of here, right?

Listen, Dan, the congressman expects your boss to endorse him for governor.

Listen, I need your help, buddy. I need you to go back and tell Selina

Listen, I've got this covered now.

Listen, I've seen the disapproval numbers.

Listen, is Selina really trying to appease the oil lobby with Chuck Furnham?

Listen, the Veep and l are gonna have our photo taken

Listen, they wouldn't have recorded that, right?

Listen, while you take your fake phone call,

Listen, will you get the tests on the way to the school, please?

Listen, you're a dog person, right?

Listen. We are not gonna change the name of the hurricane.

Ll, most of the party photos need to be removed.

Long term beltway money's on him

Look at Gary go.

Look at him here. He is so happy.

Look at these fantastic children!

Look at this.

Look at this. This is classic Clean Jobs stuff.

Look at you guys making juice.

Look here. They want to take a picture.

Look who it is, everybody! It's your favorite Jonah.

Look who's playing golf with the President.

Look, Amy, I am genuinely sorry that my arrival here

Look, Amy, oil already hates me 'cause we're closing their tax loopholes

Look, I don't know, okay? It's like a fucking Rubik's cube.

Look, it's going to be in the papers tomorrow.

Look, Madam Vice President, I'm sorry.

Look, Mike, that's what you always hear because mentally

Look, Selina wants to fire somebody.

Look, this is my fucking private life.

Look, we throw them a few commitments to their cause

Look, you already know my feelings on this.

Looks like they do a mighty fine plate of ribs,

Ls Jonah the dad?

Ls Senator Dorsey confirmed?

Ma'am, frozen yoghurt, all right, is huge in this town right now.

Ma'am, here's your coffee. It's really hot.

Ma'am, I don't know if all these people are bereaving,

Ma'am, I don't want you to endorse my run for governor at this time.

Ma'am, I got you a little bit of ice cream.

Ma'am, I have a condolence card here for Senator Reeves' widow.

Ma'am, I just want to say I promise to do everything I can

Ma'am, I think we should start ramping up the whole launch

Ma'am, I thought you might want me in the office, given the circumstances.

Ma'am, I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear.

Ma'am, if you could just make your way in this direction, please.

Ma'am, it's Congressman Furlong.

Ma'am, Martin Collins, the Secret Service guy we reassigned...

Ma'am, potus also wanted to know when you would be announcing

Ma'am, senator Doyle just arrived

Ma'am, Senator Macauley loves this bill and he may decide to do it anyway.

Ma'am, that is a lingering image to try to overcome, I'll tell you.

Ma'am, we spent a nice afternoon bonding

Ma'am, why don't we just wait this out, okay?

Ma'am, your two hour with Glen Yates just canceled.

Ma'am! Ma'am! It's a fucking disaster.

Ma'am?

Ma'am. Hi. Good news.

Macauley thing, yeah, that didn't happen.

Madam Vice President welcome to Super Scooper.

Madam Vice President, a pleasure.

Madam Vice President, are youna do anything about taxes?

Madam Vice President, do you need five minutes?

Madam vice president, how are your Ravens doing this year?

Madam Vice President, if you would listen to me for just one moment.

Madam Vice President, may I get you a cup of coffee?

Madam Vice President, this is Anthony Holland,

Madam Vice President, top story today

Madam Vice President, we've been asked to tell you

Madam Vice President, you can't go back in there for future meetings.

Madam Vice President. Hi, I'm Dan Egan.

Madam Vice President. So good to see you.

Made you seem mean before you had to be.

Make a calculation, buddy.

Make a hole! Make a hole! Make a hole!

Make sure everyone gets to touch the hem of my garment.

Make sure there are no meetings there that I did didn't have.

Make two columns, one with filibuster, one with clean jobs,

Make your announcement today.

Making rubber day in and day out.

MALE REPORTER: It seems the Veep’s office has compounded the problem

MAN 1: With that construction outside, man,

MAN 2: God, what a waste of a morning.

MAN: (ON MICROPHONE) Here comes the Vice President.

MAN: Madam Vice President.

Massages at the residence. The press will obsess about those

Max Geldray knows shit about shit.

Maybe he just doesn't really...

Maybe he's just flaky like Gary's feet.

Maybe I'll sneak into your apartment with a bag of oranges

Maybe I've got a real excuse now.

Maybe the Israeli military every once in a while.

Maybe we don't need the accent.

Maybe we should get a rescue dog 'cause it'll play great.

Maybe you should make an address, okay?

Mayday at 10:00. Senator Doyle is approaching.

McLintock wants in on the suicide pact.

Me and the Congress of the United States will get your ass.

Meantime, we're buying time to figure all the other shit out.

Mi casa es su casa.

Mike engineered your crying, ma'am

Mike got you to cry on camera.

Mike is so good with facts.

Mike McLintock, Press Officer?

Mike will fill you in on the rest of it.

Mike, always a pleasure to see you be a stupid asshole.

Mike, big fat apology to Chung;

Mike, can't you make me not have been pregnant?

Mike, have you announced Chuck yet?

Mike, hi. Thank you.

Mike, I think that we're gonna have to have you pull an all nighter.

Mike, Mike, I wouldn't be smiling. You might lose your job.

Mike, talk to me. lam in a room with three people and a fuckload of quiche.

Mike, this is Anthony, the owner of the store.

Mike, who is incompetent, you or her?

Mike, you can't even announce a suicide pact correctly.

MIKE: Are you sure you set this meeting for 8:00 am. today?

MIKE: Hey, Jonah. How's the weather up there in your asshole?

MIKE: I've seen you. SEAN: I'm a drunk.

MIKE: Oh, no, no, no! AMY: What?

MIKE: Oh, piss. Ma'am. SELINA: Yeah?

MIKE: Sorry about the Senate meeting.

MIKE: When Dan goes home, I want that desk back here, okay?

MIKE: Yeah.

Mike!

Mike?

Mike... no, Mike. Don't touch that remote.

Mike's your 8:00.

Mint.

Mm hmm, mm hmm. Looking at them right now.

Mm hmm.

Mm, charismatic war hero.

Mom, stop talking to me like a fucking politician.

Mom's smile is starting to crack.

More accurately, the crapper.

More passionate, more determined to get the things I want.

Most of us learn that when we're four.

Move on from what? We dated for like a week.

Moved quickly.

Mr. Burton, love to bring you into my office.

Mr. Burton. I am so sorry.

Mr. Purcell. Hi, Dan Egan, vice President's office.

Mrs. Reeves, I am so sorry for your loss.

Mrs. Saunders,

Multiple filibusters on a single bill.

Multiple filibusters on a single bill.

Must be very hurtful for you, too, with all the gossip going around.

My balls are comprehensively busted here.

My bladder was like a fucking blimp.

My chief criticism is that I don't fully understand it.

My dad needs a picture.

My dad works in State Department.

My God, resignation completely rejected, all right?

My God.

My God. Do you see this?

My God. I'll tell you something else, too.

My grandfather, he was from Cincinnati, as a matter of fact. Oh!

My guitar is for seduction, not crowd control, all right?

My message is simple, my message is this... Yes.

My name is Dan. This is Amy.

My nicknames?

My plan was to go over there and get some ideas on what to say.

My Ravens are gold and I'll tell you why.

My zipper on my Leviathan broke,

NASA's gonna have to build him an escape pod.

Next week when he is back from Africa.

Nice, we'll just move to the car and get it...

Nicely done, Dandroid.

No hard feelings whatsoever.

No one can know about this.

No one will want to call their child by that name.

No photos. No clean photos.

No sweeteners.

No way. A terrier is a diva dog. Forget it.

No, a baseball stadium.

No, Amy is not going on a date with Jonah.

No, Amy, they're not gonna let me through. I'm running out of time here.

No, at lunchtime she eats lunch.

No, because I can't run the risk of talking to him again

No, bullshit. I don't have a Mike, an Amy, or fucking Dan.

No, but I'm sure it's fascinating.

No, but the line was there.

No, but you need to do a drop in on the gaming association in 303.

No, Catherine, listen.

No, Clive, no.

No, don't say ow. You know that didn't hurt.

No, he...

No, he's already got carpal tunnel in that area.

No, I can't. I've got the dog.

No, I did. I signed off with colon open brackets.

No, I didn't have it covered. And it's your job to know

No, I don't need five minutes.

No, I don't think so. I think they do that now.

No, I don't want them to see you.

No, I don't. I'm not a food writer.

No, I have no choice here, Amy.

No, I know him. He hates confrontation,

No, I think we got just the right tone.

No, I won't listen to you for one second.

No, I'm not in the pocket of oil. No.

No, I'm not scared of oil lobbyists.

No, I'm not. But I do know one thing.

No, I'm sorry, sir. We have no comment on that at the moment.

No, I'm still drinking this one.

No, I'm... oh!

No, it can't be.

No, it is just very warm down there.

No, it's not for me.

No, it's not impossible. I'm not that old.

No, it's not. I have very thick skin.

No, it's not. This is Will.

No, it's really not. Don't you yes men ever say no to her?

No, ma'am.

No, no, I mean, it's a pretend...

No, no, it's not out there out there.

No, no, listen. Mike is on his way out, all right?

No, no, my...

No, no, no, he didn't really. We're just gonna pretend that he did.

No, no, no, no. That's not right

No, no, no, you've got to move that back

No, no, no. Gary, Gary, Gary.

No, no, no. We want her to endorse now

No, no. I feel like a bad mom, you know?

No, no. Uh uh. That's kids with alopecia, their mothers are on crack.

No, no. Wait a second.

No, not that one.

No, of course you don't.

No, please. Don't stop because of me.

No, she cannot fall asleep on live TV.

No, she's actually really burdened right now with a bunch of...

No, sorry, Selina. That would be bad for me.

No, that makes me look even weaker.

No, that's really good. And it makes...yeah.

No, the President is...

No, the Vice President does not have a sliver of daylight in her schedule today.

No, wait, strike that.

No, we perfectly understand senator Murray's reservations.

No, we're finding you a guitar.

No, who is D.C.?

No, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? We got all those tours lined up.

No, you don't. Do you shit in the street, Amy?

No, you guys live in your own little world

No, you said you had it covered.

No, you shouldn't say that.

No, you were transferred for being jocular and over familiar.

No, you're right. We can't do that.

No, you're the guy with the big bag of lip balm, Gary.

No,no,no,no,no.

No,no,no. She won't be available for that, either. No.

No?

No.

No.

No. But now that you have that image, he's not that scary.

No. Come on, let's just head back.

No. I had you pegged for 39, ma'am.

No. I'm still working on that one.

No. It means that even if a guy uses it...

No. My first thought was, There goes your figure.

No. No, of course not, because she hates punctuality

No. No.

No. No.

No. No. It's the Macauley amendment?

No. That's not technologically possible.

No. You know, the newspapers just make...

Nobody needs to know which of my eyebrow hairs needs to be plucked.

Nobody wears that stuff. Sean might.

Nodding thing supposed to mean?

Noncompliance penalties, don't you think those should be greater?

Not a hollow horse. That's a trojan horse.

Not a single frill.

Not about the weather.

Not everything is always about you.

Not great, admittedly? Yeah, that should be the title of my fucking memoir.

Not in this situation.

Not literally, but... I mean, yeah, if it comes to it, then literally.

Not necessarily.

Not necessarily. Let's not make it the story and panic, okay?

Not on C SPAN. The irony would be too huge.

Not one of those guys has paid for their own lunch in like a decade.

Not really. She's middle of the road.

Not that I think your mother's a horse.

Not the Yellow House.

Not to mention the fact any restaurant that serves anything in a fuckload

Not to worry. I have a strategy.

Not too much longer, we'll get the group shot taken

Not with testicles.

Not yet. He's mostly intravenous.

Nothing about Sidney Purcell having access to Clean Jobs, all right?

Nothing. Just if burkas were made of bacon...

Now all we need are my parents on Skype. Do you have the tests?

Now ask yourself something, Mike.

Now he's here.

Now I don't fucking know if I can cry anymore.

Now that we have the permission to talk about anything...

Now what are our options, Mike?

Now you have to call him and tell him to stay quiet.

Now you keep talking like that, sweetheart,

Now, he's a hall of famer.

Now, if you had bad neighbors who came into your yard every night

Number one, Congressman,

Number two, number one again.

O kay, well, I think that worked out pretty good.

Obviously I didn't come into politics to do this.

Obviously they won't ask you guys because you have no...

Obviously this is in our little circle of two.

Obviously, I don't want it to be me.

Of "two point you" right now.

Of course I can. You can just shut it down.

Of course not. Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.

Of course, she bears ultimate responsibility.

Of course.

Of course. I like this room. This is great.

Of course. The staff restroom is right there.

Of credible vice presidential candidate.

Of face time with him after the Doyle meeting.

Of the Late Senator David Reeves.

Of the Late Senator David Reeves.

Of the U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln.

Of those European sweeteners you like so much.

Of what we've been able to achieve thus far.

Of where my actions will take me, okay?

Of wrecking the earth's don't say Chuck Furnham.

Of wrecking the earth's resources to print up a press release?

Of your Clean Jobs Commission.

Off the clean jobs task force.

Office of the vice President.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I'm very proud

Oh, Amy. Good job, Amy.

Oh, and I'm sorry. I just spoke to Mike.

Oh, and pump up China as a trading partner.

Oh, are you still tracking my every move?

Oh, baby, I'm ready to launch.

Oh, because you have the social skills of someone who was raised by wolves.

Oh, bingo, Amy. I guess I'll fill you in.

Oh, boy

Oh, boy. It seems with that cornstarch tweet, we were hoist by our own retard.

Oh, boy. Thank you so much.

Oh, brother. I'm just... You know what?

Oh, come on. Selina, please.

Oh, come on. This is masochism.

Oh, come on. Work it out.

Oh, congratulations, ma'am.

Oh, Dan is a shit.

Oh, dear, look at your neck.

Oh, did I miss anything?

Oh, did you put a dash of...

Oh, do you want them? You can have them.

Oh, dude, did you hear that fucking bullshit

Oh, everybody? Really?

Oh, for fuck sakes. Hey, Jonah.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Is this Ryan?

Oh, for what? Oh.

Oh, forum's not happening.

Oh, fuck it, it's gonna break anyway. Yeah, as a matter of fact,

Oh, fuck you. No, not you, sir.

Oh, Gary, did the Veep just bitch slap you with a door?

Oh, Gary, I need Advil.

Oh, Gary. Um...

Oh, gentlemen.

Oh, go on. Looking forward to you selling this one to me.

Oh, God, I'm gonna eat him up.

Oh, God, yeah. I heard something on the phone.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Amy.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, I want it in me.

Oh, good Lord.

Oh, good. All right, let's set up 10 minutes

Oh, got lucky there.

Oh, great, we've upset the plastics industry.

Oh, hello!

Oh, here we go.

Oh, hey, Dan. You haven't been picking up your phone.

Oh, hey, I'm just kidding.

Oh, hey, Jonah. Jonah. Jonah.

Oh, I can handle geometry, Barbara, all right?

Oh, I don't know where this is headed.

Oh, I got my first Zumba class tonight.

Oh, I know.

Oh, I take no pleasure in my colleague's very public, brutal...

Oh, I wasn't asking you out. I don't want you to think

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry. Should I give that to you?

Oh, is he still here?

Oh, is that what they call it still with two oil guys on it?

Oh, isn't that thoughtful, Amy?

Oh, it's fine. It's fine.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, Jonah, that's a good look for you.

Oh, Jonah.

Oh, just something like,

Oh, listen, tell Dan

Oh, lord.

Oh, ma'am. You've been off radar for over an hour.

Oh, mad action.

Oh, madam Vice President, you remember Eric.

Oh, Mike. I am sorry for your loss.

Oh, mmm hmm, I have the...

Oh, my God in heaven. So, let's see.

Oh, my God,

Oh, my God, Dan.

Oh, my God, this heat is just unbearable.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'd have more power in my hands

Oh, my God. Is she falling asleep?

Oh, my God. It's weakness. That's really all it is.

Oh, my God. With that provincial sensibility and that girlish figure, you're not gonna last.

Oh, my goodness, you got so hurt.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness. Well, this has been

Oh, my gosh, is this gonna become like Moonlighting?

Oh, my gosh, of course I don't remember that.

Oh, my! Okay, great.

Oh, my... Oh, my God.

Oh, my... Oh, wait, this is bad because she's not married, right?

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no, no. No way. I'm staying right here.

Oh, no. I had to take a personal hour.

Oh, no. Is it locked?

Oh, no. No way, dude. Fructose.

Oh, okay.

Oh, really?

Oh, really? Okay.

Oh, right, right, yeah.

Oh, second breakfast.

Oh, senator Doyle, it's all part of the game.

Oh, shit. They need me back at the West Wing, like, now.

Oh, shove it up your ass.

Oh, son of a bitch.

Oh, sorry about earlier. I thought you were in the chair.

Oh, Sue, did the President call?

Oh, Sue. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, sure! You know what? I blame George Washington.

Oh, swirl. Racial harmony and crossing the aisle.

Oh, Ted's gonna love that.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh, thank...

Oh, that's a shame to hear that.

Oh, that's clever, Dan.

Oh, that's cute, Mike. How's it going?

Oh, that's the name of your favorite whorehouse, too, right?

Oh, the dawn, the dawn.

Oh, the hot pants picked up some negative traction.

Oh, this is so great. I've never enjoyed reading this much.

Oh, uh, Amy, can you...

Oh, we don't get the "Post."

Oh, we got fired.

Oh, we're gonna redact that for sure.

Oh, we're very excited, too. Amy's practically having a baby about it.

Oh, well, however I can be of service.

Oh, well, once you're done buffering,

Oh, well, the White House is very much under the moon

Oh, what, is she out of hand sanitizer again?

Oh, wow, and look at this group.

Oh, wow, I'm shaking from that. Are you guys?

Oh, wow! That was marvelous. Wasn't that great?

Oh, yeah, I see

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Oh, yeah, you mean like firing Amy?

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes, thank you, Jonah.

Oh, yes, that is a wonderful thing to be in... In the hall of fame, for sure.

Oh, yes, you are.

Oh, you don't know and you want me to find out.

Oh, you got a nice big red dot in the middle of your forehead, Danno.

Oh, you mean that would be why you reassigned the Secret Service guy?

Oh, you want to know?

Oh, your house is so nice.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! And today with the senators, don't forget to smile.

Oh! Ooh ooh! Oooh ooh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. (LAUGHS)

Oh. How nice. Thank you very much.

Oh. I am the vice president.

Oh. I don't know. It just went out of my head.

Oh. Thanks, Gary. Yeah, they're great sweeteners.

Ohh.

Oil would think he's their trojan horse,

Okay,

Okay, ”Fire safety guy asked me the other day,”

Okay, Amy, here we go.

Okay, and you and you,

Okay, but oil gives us clean jobs.

Okay, can everybody come in here, please?

Okay, Chuck is dead and we're gonna just have to keep him quiet

Okay, cool it.

Okay, Dan, listen up. This is very important.

Okay, doesn't matter.

Okay, Doyle and the party hate me because of Chuck

Okay, endorse. Endorse. Endorse.

Okay, every which way but douche,

Okay, everybody, thank you so much.

Okay, everybody. Please come into my office.

Okay, everyone say Orioles.

Okay, folks, 12 hours. Let's make it happen.

Okay, Gary, come on.

Okay, Gary, get a hold of yourself. I mean...

Okay, get out, Amy. Get out of my office.

Okay, get your ass in. Come on.

Okay, good.

Okay, guys, I got a little sound bite for y'all to nibble on right here.

Okay, having a massive stroke is an excuse for coming in late to this office.

Okay, here comes Dorsey with your coffee.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, I just wanna give you a heads up, all right?

Okay, I just...

Okay, I need to tell you guys something.

Okay, I need you to get a pregnancy test for the Veep.

Okay, I will kill the children.

Okay, I'm going because Gary's calling.

Okay, I'm going to go back to the White House.

Okay, I'm gonna get you a cup of rose hip tea.

Okay, I'm gonna run it by an oil lobbyist.

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, of course you did. Of course.

Okay, it's time for the group photo, right? All right, great.

Okay, it's your bedtime. Get out of my office.

Okay, kids. Now, after four. All right? One, two, three, four.

Okay, kittens. Time to get drowned. Let's go.

Okay, let me put it this way, Sam,

Okay, let's go this way, then.

Okay, let's not do that again, all right?

Okay, listen. Mike, you go home.

Okay, little Jack Horner, there you are. You got a brand new desk in the corner.

Okay, look, we smile the smiles, we shake the hands,

Okay, ma'am. We should... We have to go.

Okay, now I can't read what you're writing.

Okay, okay, okay. That's impossible.

Okay, okay, stop squabbling! What am I supposed to do now?

Okay, okay, they only had three types of pregnancy tests I could find.

Okay, okay. Hey, hey, easy, dough boy.

Okay, okay. I think we can live with that. Shall we release the logs from the residence?

Okay, senators, let the reforming commence.

Okay, so I guess we're not going home.

Okay, so now we have two catch 22 situations simultaneously.

Okay, so you've got your critiques all prepared?

Okay, thank you, Mike.

Okay, thank you.

Okay, thank you. What's going on, Amy?

Okay, thanks for the input.

Okay, thanks.

Okay, that changes everything.

Okay, that's an acronym for National Aeronautics...

Okay, there's a White House request to publish

Okay, this is the hotel manager. We promised him four seconds.

Okay, uh...

Okay, um...

Okay, wait a minute. What happens if you scroll down?

Okay, well, fine. I'll just have Gary do the tests.

Okay, well, I'm not gonna remember that.

Okay, well, it's like the old Amy talking there.

Okay, well, we told oil we'd put one of their guys on clean jobs.

Okay, well, you tell sergeant Ted

Okay, who are the two cousins she never wants to see?

Okay, yes. I'm afraid I have to go, gentlemen

Okay, you know what? I'm gonna need a meeting with everybody

Okay, you need three versions of your statement.

Okay, your daughter gets here in two hours.

Okay, your working life

Okay?

Okay? He's gonna be the dumpee. So, you've got to go do that.

Okay? I am prepped.

Okay? It's gonna be partial disclosure light.

Okay? It's one of my languages.

Okay? Keep a low profile.

Okay? Okay?

Okay? She's gone from toxic to turn on.

Okay? Thank you very much.

Okay? That's how Washington works.

Okay? We're gonna have to forge the President's signature on the new one.

Okay? Why don't you go round up a few more senators?

Okay? Your dick is hanging out of your pants.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)

Okay. Ah. Two months ago,

Okay. All right. This is kind of a half an idea.

Okay. How about this?

Okay. I assume he's in on this.

Okay. I can't talk to him 'cause I'm with my daughter.

Okay. I guess I'll just add this to the press release.

Okay. I won't say it.

Okay. It's fine.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. That's exactly what we're gonna do.

Okay. Then you're all...

Okay. Watch your head.

Okay. Well, come.

Okay. What?

Okay. Whoa, whoa. Okay, wait.

Okay. Wonderful.

Okay. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Okay. You got hot hands.

Okay... What do you think of Dan?

On a happy note, we reassigned the smiling Secret Service guy.

On all clean job related issues.

On any of this kind of backseat, finger fucking insider bullshit, Dan.

On his left is number 39, Tommy Hunter. He's a starting pitcher.

On the button

On the clean jobs task force,

On the other hand, we are currently polling lower than a side of beef

On their goddamn, motherfucking knees.

On this vote, the yeas are 50, the nays are 50.

Once you go down that dark country road,

One condition: I watch you die first and I get to stab you repeatedly to make sure.

One day you're gonna wake up

One look at Kurt Cobain's shoes, he was bawling like a fucking baby.

One minute, you're enjoying this amazing sunshine...

One of the big ones. The industrial ones, not the little ones

One of those guys.

One right after the other, and it would be totally fine.

One right after the other, and it would be totally fine.

Online? Are you serious?

Only in title, all right? You're still senior to him.

Ooh, you got the nuclear codes in there, buddy?

Ooh.

Ooh.

Oops. That was mistake.

Open up a slot for Jonah?

Or a bootie to call on, you have my number, okay.

Or a suicide. I haven't decided which.

Or all those Americans are completely wrong.

Or any other phallic food.

Or anything like that, okay?

Or eligible to be held on a 5150 at a mental health facility.

Or fucking blueberry with fucking sprinkles on it.

Or getting a fucking neck tattoo.

Or should I say canine didates?

Or should I say steal Dan back?

Or someone who's undermining the President by back channeling Macauley.

Or the next thing that they'll find

Or would if it could still talk.

Or you're going to shoot me.

Or you're wearing that. Are you wearing that?

Or, we

Ordinary blue collar Americans.

Ordinary moms and dads.

Orgasmic is more like it, right?

Our favorite band or something, please?

Over the Macauley amendment and the attendant corruption.

People attack you because they think you're beautiful and you're smart.

People can start taking bets.

People don't shout at you

People won't equate you with a natural disaster, ma'am.

Perfect. Yes.

Perhaps if you had done your job better,

Perpetrated by someone who is either evil,

Persuading a guy to fist himself.

Photo op with the normals and the normalistas.

Photos with the nutritionists, hang with the players, over to the school,

Pick up this round, I'll get the next one. And grab some nuts.

Pinocchio wasn't the puppet master, Mike. He was the puppet.

Pissface? Huh?

Please be seated. Thank you so much. It is my very...

Please welcome Vice President Selina Meyer.

Please, please, Amy, grow up.

Please, she's just fucking jealous.

Please, stop staring at me like that.

Plus, he doesn't wanna look like he made a massive error picking you.

Politically speaking, of course.

Politics is about people.

Politics is about people.

Polluting corporations held accountable by me.

Postus wants to announce clean jobs task force

POTUS has signed, the VPOTUS needs to sign.

Potus Interruptus, that's what I call it. And I'm gonna tell him.

POTUS is so excited about this new narrative.

POTUS needs some successes right now.

Potus wants us to announce clean jobs task force next week when he's in town.

POTUS Will not like this.

Power. (LAUGHS) I'm kidding!

Presented a Thanksgiving turkey.

Press release for Selina approval.

Pro gambling. Loves to kill.

Probably in about an hour.

Probably sending photos of his dick to himself.

Processing information.

Proud enough to risk my life for this country.

Pure and simple, it's weakness.

Put a file together, you know.

Put a lot of time in on Alice

Put the little pod in the fucking hole, shut the fucking lid,

Quick, quick. God almighty.

Quiet, okay? I don't need to hear you.

Quiet.

Quite right, ma'am. Although, in my defense,

Quite the day, hasn’t it?

Quote, ”76% of government buildings now have cornstarch utensils!

Radical stuff.

Raise it to a whole new level of fury,

****y Reeves.

Ravens fan, so...

Ray Rice, Ray Rice, Ray...

Razor blades, a large amount of pain killers.

Read my lips. Don't read my lips.

Real people, and I've got to tell you,

Really quick.

Really, Amy? 'Cause I've met some people, okay?

Really? I think you do. I think you're a little sweet on me, Jonah.

Really? Like, where does it hurt?

Really? Okay, so you came over

Really? What position?

Regarding the thoroughness of their research techniques.

Relax, missy. I'm just yanking your chain.

Relax, you're really good at Senate vote reform.

Remember that name.

Remind me never to get trapped inside a burning building with you, Mike.

Remind me, who did you blackmail to get this job?

Repulsive, yappy, crepit looking terrier.

Right above climate control and child trafficking.

Right behind me? Probably not.

Right here.

Right now.

Right this way.

Right, but I have a 1D.

Right, right, 'cause they won't have time to read everything.

Right, we're gonna have to shut down this story

Right, well, you know, I've got to tell you, these caterers, they've got...

Right, with the lip balm if she got shot in the lips.

Right?

Right?

Right? So why don't you just take your beak and shove it up some corpse's ass?

Right.

Right. Yeah

Robert Van Der Merkle, head of Gambling Commission.

ROD: Please call in on this one. Should Amy Brookheimer go?

ROD: That’s right, Vic. She fired one of her Secret Service men because he smiled.

Sadly, the beautiful thing we had faded very suddenly

Said that you're pregnant.

Sam, I just have to ask you... you're a Bears fan.

Sam's going to make it.

Saved Selina from the bug. Pure instinct.

Saying "Selina causing large scale devastation"?

Saying that the Late Senator Reeves had a history of sexual misconduct.

Scented.

Sean, why don't we start with your question,

SEAN: Can you brief on the new health initiative?

Second generation Chinese American...

Secret as in, ”Shut the fuck up.”

Security guys are supposed to be like wallpaper.

See now, now I want to cry.

See that I am eight capable,

See that? Gary was a major at U.V.A. in science.

See what I'm doing?

See what?

See you later, folks.

See, it's kind of an open secret in Washington that Mike has an imaginary dog.

See, when he says things like that to me, it makes me anxious.

Seeing 17 dawns in a matter of 24 hours. Okay.

Seen this?

Selina does not even have to be here.

Selina is currently the most powerful woman in the world.

Selina is on next year's list of hurricanes.

Selina Meyer, has this Veep lost control?

Selina Meyer.

Selina might be pregnant. What do we wanna do?

Selina needs to find somebody else.

Selina, I need some air. And we need to talk.

SELINA: 'Cause of that smiling Secret Service guy, Amy,

SELINA: (LAUGHS) You're too much.

SELINA: And, uh, who else is confirmed?

SELINA: But the bottom line is, you keep the streets safe,

SELINA: Gary, can we get two coffees in here?

SELINA: He was the first senator to welcome me to the Capitol, you know?

SELINA: Hey, we should send POTUS a postcard from Paris.

SELINA: Hi, guys.

SELINA: How could that many Americans not like me?

SELINA: I just want to eat in a quiet corner away from these bozos

SELINA: I mean, I misjudged things.

SELINA: Jonah, can you see me?

SELINA: Listen, we have got to congratulate Martin on this.

SELINA: Mike, this is not a story.

SELINA: No, he of course doesn't.

SELINA: Oh, for fuck's sake.

SELINA: Oh, God, no!

SELINA: Thank you, Gary. Making physics fun.

SELINA: Well then, start the process.

SELINA: Yeah

SELINA: Yeah, I have.

SELINA: Yeah.

SELINA: You know that trip to Paris? GARY: Uh huh.

Selina's gonna be delayed at least an hour.

Selina's had a miscarriage.

Senator Doyle has just withdrawn his support.

Senator Doyle said that he would sponsor the bill...

Senator Doyle went "black swan" over Chuck.

Senator Hallowes is responsible for "Retardgate."

Senator Macauley, he'd sponsor that bill in a heartbeat.

Senator Mike Dudley. He's interested in maps.

Senator. Just wanted to let you know

Send her to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Seriously, getting me to endorse Furlong.

Seriously, Mike has a fake dog.

Seriously.

She appreciates the gesture of me

She can thank the troops, she can charm all the mouth breathers,

She can't cry three times in a day.

She didn't mean that. She's got a lot on her mind today.

She goaded the VP into using the word retard in a joke.

She got the filibuster in!

She has gone home for the evening.

She is magnificent.

She is not falling asleep.

She is such a fucking bitch.

She just got a new roommate.

She means hello.

She says she’s an environmentalist, but she vetoes environmental protection

She sees human vulnerability as a weakness.

She sets up a Clean Jobs Task Force that includes not one, but two oil men.

She speaks her mind. She's 84.

She was trying to be funny.

She'd always cry, I'd always get a hard on.

She'd be a rough fighter, though.

She's 84. She takes a while.

She's about as welcome here as a turd in a hot tub.

She's fun, she's sexy. She can advance my career.

She's gonna call me any second. Just give me a fucking break.

She's got a small moustache. It's a little disturbing.

She's got big shoulders. Those aren't pads.

She's got such a little body and he seemed like a big man.

She's mediocre, really. Of all the "ocres," she's the mediest.

She's not gonna fire both of us. That would look like a crisis.

She's not gonna fucking endorse.

She’s someone I know you know very well.

Shit, Sidney Purcell. Should we go another way?

Shit, yeah. Shit, yeah.

Shit!

Shit. Is he senile enough to forget?

Shit. Wait. Who is that?

Shoot him. You can shoot him.

Shoot the dog. Bury the dog.

Should go down and talk to...

Should I just put this right here?

Should I tell him that?

Should the situation become more serious.

Should we run?

Shouldn't that be chiefess?

Shrimp Iinguini and a porno.

Shut your fucking pie hole.

Sidney Purcell, too, 5:00.

Simon is an Alpha male.

Simon, black labrador.

Simon? What an unbelievable name.

Since I made those statements

Since you guys went out, you've been getting action, right?

Sir, this crying is tracking pretty well.

Sir, you're the Vice Chair of the Congressional Oversight Committee.

Sit down

Sixteen, two term.

Slaving away for Furlong?

Small talk's gonna happen at the end, right?

Smiling. And we're gonna talk about that.

Sneaking through legislation behind the President's back.

So by showing that we have nothing to hide,

So Clean Jobs is looking pretty exciting.

So do we have a plan to solve this Rubik's cube?

So do you understand how embarrassing this would be for me now not to endorse you?

So fucking what?

So grateful.

So great to be part of your feel good moment.

So he can't be president or vice president.

So he could get the tests.

So he knows Roger Aldrige?

So he would like you to head up a program

So here's an idea, let's put me onstage.

So here's what I'm thinking. We need to open with a funny joke.

So how'd the dog announcement go, buddy?

So how's the placement over at Arlington Cemetery going?

So I appreciate the delicate situation here.

So I don't know whether it's a pleasure or not.

So I guess you're gonna be needing maternity leave.

So I had to drive around trying to find a replacement.

So I have to have a little meeting

So I imagine that I would mix ape shit with bat shit,

So I said, "Do you like trail mix?"

So I think I'll give that a skip.

So I'm not gonna be the dumpee.

So if you could just move a little bit...

So if you ever need a shoulder to cry on

So is cookies and cream.

So it doesn't look as if we've just airbrushed the nipples out of this fucking thing.

So it's definitely out there out there?

So just, when we give you the nod, give her the signal, all right?

So let's nail this, okay, everybody?

So long, Scott. You are professionally dead.

So maybe it's a good thing.

So no apologies?

So no going home to walk your dog.

So now I have a very big announcement to make.

So now what I need you to do is go to my calendar thing, please,

So occasionally that's of use.

So other flavors aren't an option for me, okay?

So pleased to be shaking your hand right at this moment.

So thank you. Catherine.

So that people can only approach me in my office

So that whole stadium day was like a networking orgy for you, right?

So that's. ..

So the congressman would like to speak with you in his room.

So think about that.

So this is what we're gonna do, all right?

So today at the 3:30 press call, what do you want me to say about plastics?

So we can make this work.

So we need to make sure right now.

So we'll see you guys this afternoon.

So we're looking at a wedding.

So what are we gonna do?

So what do you think?

So what happened with your Hartigan suicide pact?

So what should we do, guys?

So what we're proposing is this, Chuck will stay on.

So what? There's plenty to do here in Cleveland.

So who's next?

So why don't you tell Dan

So why don't...

So wonderful. Thank you.

So would you take a bullet for the veep, Gary?

So you are actually saying that you want me to destroy the policy

So you can be harsh. You don't need to hold back or anything.

So you either have a very hot story for me,

So you feel you're back in the game?

So you know that I've been seeing Ted, right?

So you, Dan, who are absolutely against this policy,

So you, my friend, have your cock out at a funeral.

So you're saying that

So your job, Mike, is to keep him in your sight

So, Dan, are you enjoying working for Hallowes?

So, Dan, how's it working out with the V.P.?

So, here's the deal.

So, if you want to talk about that...

So, ma'am, potus would like your new chosen subject

So, ma'am... So you're the one who's pregnant?

So, madam vice president, if you'll just come with me,

So, we still don't know if this bill has unequivocal support from POTUS.

So, yeah, the Vice President will see you this afternoon.

So...

So...

So... should we get to it?

Solid narrative throughout it,

Some of the bloggers are linking Ted's overnighters to the pregnancy rumors.

Some of those takeout crab cakes from Levin's?

Some people say your immigration policy

Somebody keeps hacking into the site and changing her weight.

Someone needs to tell him that he's working with the White House

Someone who's cozy with oil, but not active oil.

Something about "getting fucked every which way."

Something Amy said at Chung's book launch.

Sometimes you've gotta go down to go up.

Sonnez les matines Sonnez les matines

Sorry to barge in, Madam Vice President.

Sorry to interrupt, but fuck a deedoo dah, fuck a Dee ay!

Sorry, Gary.

Sorry, I don't work here. I do work in the West...

Sorry, ma'am. This is the President calling.

Sorry, not you. This. Excuse me.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry. Because of the danger, we need everybody to stay in the room.

Soup?

Speaking of children, I've got to go.

Speaking of dogs, what's happening in that department?

Speaking of spacesuits, I met Buzz Aldrin at a book signing.

SRVA Fundraiser tonight instead of the President.

Stalin.

Stand up, get the fucking ring, all right?

Stay away from both. The utensils are politicized.

Step into my crib. We can hang.

Still creative.

Still up here in Cleveland, huh, Will?

Stop it, okay? Please, Mike.

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop laughing there, Vic. That’s treason.

Stop talking to that man, Dan. Stop talking to that man and focus.

Strawberry Selina. It's very tasty.

Stupid fucking midget.

Such a happy occasion, and...

Such a shiny coat, no?

Sue, can you please just repeat that part on more time for me?

Sue, did the President call?

Sue, did the President call?

Sue, did the President call?

Sue, it'll take one second, literally.

Sue, Sue, Sue, did the President call?

Sue, that is a lovely dress.

Sue, where's the clicker?

Sue, would you like to tell him about the encroachment rules?

SUE: No, she's busy. And tomorrow.

SUE: Want me to ring through, tell them you're coming?

SUE: Yeah, that's right. You can borrow my coat.

Sue?

Suggestion number one: a cake in the shape of a dick.

Suggestion number two: a smart new hat

Super. Super.

Sure, I'll get a stepladder.

Sure, okay.

Sure, talk about the boat.

Sure.

Sure. Do you have any

Sure. He's a massive and total shit.

Sure. Oh, and I told Sue to drop the yoghurt store.

Sure. Sure, yeah.

Sure. Yeah.

Surround me more, though. Surround it.

Swear to God, they put your office on top of hell.

Sweat right through 'em. I got very large pores.

Take a good look at me, okay?

Take care. Soup?

Take your little snack pack and your water bottle and get the fuck out.

Talk about politics and America working together.

Talk, talk, talk.

Talking to the President and myself

Team suicide.

Technically, the Secret Service guy was reassigned.

Ted proposed to me about six to eight weeks ago, okay?

Tell her that I'm canceling the lunch that was supposed to prove

Tell me that.

Tell me, Mr. Flatterbox,

Tell your brother I love his music.

Than the V.P. currently has in her schedule.

Thank you

Thank you for being here, madam vice president.

Thank you for your time, Congressman.

Thank you so much for coming. It really means a lot.

Thank you so much for seeing me.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. Did you get it?

Thank you so much. That was really kind of you.

Thank you so, so, very, very much. Good evening, everyone.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, by the way, for doing that.

Thank you, Dan. Yeah.

Thank you, ma'am. This is all I've ever wanted.

Thank you, Sue. Thank you, Sue.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. All right. (CLEARS THROAT)

Thank you. Goodbye. Why would we need to ban smiling?

Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Thanks for the support.

Thanks for working late tonight, Amy.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks, guys.

Thanks, I think.

Thanks, Joe.

Thanks, Mike, but it's Sunday.

Thanks. Oh, and not from here.

Thanks. You know, if it's a boy, maybe I'll name him after you.

That actually gives a shit about me.

That address makes me hard.

That Americans have to come first.

That and bathroom walls.

That could crack 'em pretty bad.

That didn't get me.

That does actually take place this evening.

That door should be half its height

That fucking noodle juice down his chin.

That guy didn't give 500 bucks, he's got a chicken breast.

That guy is no longer in a position to pay his iPhone contract.

That guy is no longer in a position to pay his iPhone contract.

That I don't want her to endorse me for governor, okay?

That I would love for them to have.

That if I say I have it covered, I don't have it covered and you cover me.

That is an actually uncanny impression of him.

That is completely non fucking functioning.

That is extraordinary.

That is great to hear.

That is just exactly what I wanted

That is literally your first thought?

That is nice work, Eric. I mean, you want to take another shot?

That is not the information I was given by Scott.

That is so great for me.

That is so romantic.

That is supposed to guarantee a strong and sustained erection

That is very important and very dear to his heart.

That is what we are working on, landing you.

That it gets chewed up like a dead prostitute in a wood chipper.

That looks like me after a long day in the Senate.

That made it in there!

That Max Geldray is saying that POTUS is avoiding Selina?

That means that we can't hang out anymore?

That means we have to leave before the food comes.

That must have hurt... Unless you had a C section.

That nobody from oil was gonna be on the task force,

That one.

That President, he is a suffocating son of a bitch.

That screaming, falling sound

That she doesn't want to see you anymore.

That she was more important to me than my job.

That shouldn't be news. How in the hell did this happen?

That shows you're normal.

That sort of that autumn... That sort of gloom to it.

That stupid story of Chung supposedly pulling some guy out of a burning tank.

That the first lady calls you creepy veepy?

That the President is golfing with Governor Chung.

That there was negligence that caused this accident,

That they forced the President to go with somebody else...

That took too long, didn't it?

That was a burn because I wasn't asking you out.

That was because I cut my lip trying to open the bottle.

That was fuckin' dark.

That was fun.

That was her telling me to sign her name.

That was quick. Look at that.

That was totally inappropriate.

That we had to bus people

That we tried to put lightweight Chuck onto the task force

That we... yeah, that we might like.

That were made earlier today.

That would be awesome, man. Thank you. That's great.

That would be completely wrong and it would be curtains for everyone.

That wouldn't spoil your plans, would it?

That you and I have been working on for months,

That you don't feel he's trying to nudge you out of the process of government.

That you lost... That you're no longer pregnant.

That you may stand down. The President is fine.

That your going to the fund raiser should be

That your noise about Chuck Furnham did the trick.

That's a complete freak show.

That's a nice way to treat people.

That's a really strong flavor choice.

That's a very emotive term, sir, and a little prissy, I might add.

That's because Mike McLintock there threw him into the Potomac River.

That's bullshit.

That's deep space cold, Dan.

That's everyone in America who's awake right now.

That's funny, you guys.

That's gonna be good. That's gonna be sweet.

That's good.

That's great. Thank you so much.

That's how I was raised.

That's how they talk.

That's it? How about that, kids?

That's kind of a great idea.

That's like a Disney version of a congressional committee.

That's like carbon offsetting.

That's like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo.

That's my defining vice presidential crusade.

That's my girl. Olympic style backflip.

That's necessary. Thank you, yes.

That's not the first time that that's happened, by the way.

That's now my job?

That's okay.

That's right, Mike. Good. You know what?

That's right. Does anybody have a better idea?

That's seven to Doyle's five.

That's the entire speech, okay?

That's the exact word that I'd use for this, Mike.

That's the fucking beltway butcher.

That's the past, ma'am.

That's the... See, it's the sevenths. It's the minor sevenths that give it that...

That's three strikes and you're out.

That's very funny, Bill. (CHUCKLING) You're fired.

That's what I'm worried about.

That's what it's called where they take your mortal remains

That's what we're gonna do. Make it happen, guys.

That's why I'm in here in here, Dan.

That's why it took me so long to split up with Angie.

That's why we got away with the cutlery tweet.

That's why you're so upset.

That's your Sergeant Pepper’s.

That’s how toxic she is.

That’s right. That’s you. Come on up here.

The "two point me" thing.

The accidentally racist brochure that we had to shred.

The administration is totally focused on the economy.

The As and the Es are like your basics. That's like the roots of blues and stuff.

The baby was mine.

The bag has got one big storage area

The bones are gonna come through.

The Children of Courage Awards. Would he have proposed then?

The Clean Jobs amendment passed in any form.

The crate, the balls, all the little toys and stuff.

The crying game play, all right?

The crying was manipulated, ma'am. I was manipulated.

The first dog, or F dotus, has been planned for weeks.

The fuckin' drudge report?

The grabbers, all right, they take the world by the scrotum, okay?

The guy at the drugstore saw the badge and sold the story.

The guy still had severe burns.

The guy that I have just put in charge of rebutting

The guy's a dick.

The journalist? The beltway butcher?

The key is you do it upside down.

The level of incompetence in this office is staggering.

The lights go out and the scarecrows come to life.

The McClintock shape that's not a Santa suit?

The message was, Please don't fucking call me again.

The Midas touch from Jenny Shitfinger, I'm coming for you, pal.

The next gentleman... Oh, that’s Jim Palmer.

The nod of my head is like I'm buffering.

The oil guy that's gonna be going on the clean jobs task force.

The one thing she will not be doing

The one who wants to random search people in ponchos?

The only intel he has is on his fucking PC.

The only thing that Chuck is plugged into is his fucking piss bag.

The pen cap. Where was the pen... In your mouth? Did you put it in your mouth?

The pig.

The pig.

The podium is definitely too high.

The POTUS doesn't want to get hit with questions on the fiscal responsibility bill.

The power of recollection of the electorate

The pregnancy test was for me.

The President already signed this one.

The President does not want

The President is avoiding me.

The President is experiencing severe chest pains.

The President is having a heart attack.

The president is stuck in economic talks.

The President is very eager to get the fiscal responsibility bill through.

The President knows how uncomfortable I am made

The President won't like that. I can tell you that right now.

The president's not gonna ditch you.

The press claims that you intentionally cried in order to divert attention away from the fact

The press know about this.

The press was supposed to pick on those damn back facials.

The Reverend Terrance Clark, Church of the Living Christ.

The same person you were begging me to take off of the task force.

The sanctions on polluters, tax breaks for the good guys,

The Selina who killed America.

The Senate being equally divided,

The senator Reeves recreation center.

The senator says, 'Thanks, buddy.'

The sergeant is standing at attention.

The skysc****r of shit has arrived.

The thing about Ohio is the weather is completely schizophrenic.

The thing is, ma'am, Flotus is currently procuring a canine for herself.

The thing.

The Times are saying we're trying to hide stuff by causing a deluge.

The toilet?

The veep has gone to the White House.

The vice President has decided to adopt a rescue animal.

The Vice President is here.

The Vice President votes in the negative and the amendment is not agreed to.

The vice President would love to have you on the clean jobs task force,

The Vice President, or Veep, has managed to punch her way through.

The VP look like she's about ready to open up a vein.

The way that my principles and conscience tell me to go.

The White House does not want anything in the papers tomorrow about oil, okay?

The White House does not want anything in the papers tomorrow about oil, okay?

The White House doesn't want us mentioning oil or cornstarch or plastic.

The White House says that they would like

The White House would like you to attend a 6:00 pm.

The whole thing that you guys have done with Krispy Kreme is just...

The, um, the...

Then I will reject the endorsement publically.

Then I would say go ahead and, you know,

Then I'd probably rip your face off

Then I'm going to be having some sex with an eight very soon.

Then that's great, you know?

Then the Veep has landed.

Then we can actually hide some stuff.

Then we've just got to tweak the tear nipple.

Then you know exactly what my world is like.

Then you must be even stupider than I think you are.

Then, oh, I could choose vanilla or chocolate

There are 3,000 people on the White House payroll, Jonah.

There are no more Adolfs. Soon there will be no more Selinas.

There aren't enough people to fill a fucking canoe in here.

There can be no... Are you writing that down?

There have been rumors flying around

There is not gonna be a lot of availability for a while.

There needs to be something embarrassing in there.

There you go.

There, that's three animals for you.

There.

There's a serious leak. Everybody must stay in here until it's made safe.

There's coffee on my coat.

There's Congresswoman Clements, you should speak with her.

There's just some nicknames that it's necessary

There's no international signal to endorse.

There's no room for you in this car.

There's not enough alcohol in the world, Jonah.

There's nothing more important than Catherine

There's one pitcher's mound.

There's one that has to do with the legislation you did

There's one that I know that I go to all the time on U Street.

There's probably more where that came from.

There's the briefing on the fiscal responsibility bill at the White House.

Therefore, she can fire neither of us.

These kids are gonna go berserk if they have to wait that long.

These people should be begging me!

These would need to be dealt with pretty urgently

They are saying that a prescription medication

They call him "who the fuck is Chuck Furnham?"

They don ’t pitch on the same day...

They don't even have a name. You want to check it out?

They only put those in after you started working here, right, Gary?

They really taste rather, um,

They suck.

They used a nickname, ma'am, and we were not searching on it.

They worked together. They probably socialized together.

They'd like the idea of me dating you.

They're anticipating another tied vote in the Senate.

They're calling it an e nami.

They're gonna be pulling that kid out of you in shifts.

They're having trouble moving big donor tickets.

They're not supposed to be grinning like some ape.

They're taking over our ports. It's like they've invaded us.

They've been complaining all day

Things are about to get very veep tastic.

Think I'm gonna get an orange juice. You want one?

This a way. Okay, so I am about to announce a certain realignment.

This bill is a fucking disgrace,

This doesn't come from me, okay, so just do it.

This doesn't give me any pleasure.

This has been pencil fucked completely?

This hasn't hit the mainstream media yet...

This in no way will be demeaning.

This is a 5D.

This is a family... they're waiting to hear about their son.

This is a fresh start for us.

This is a nuanced area.

This is a private moment. This is not a photo op.

This is a win for you on Senate reform

This is all I've never wanted.

This is an old, established family store.

This is Ashley, the hospital administrator.

This is class genocide.

This is cold, calculated, class genocide

This is deliberate, Amy.

This is fucking like being operated on by a chimp with a hard on and a hacksaw.

This is going in with the dirty dishes, man.

This is going to cause a total POTAL meltdown.

This is good. This is like cornbread.

This is happening..

This is how it works.

This is how they solved the Cuban Missile Crisis.

This is my Cuba.

This is real life. This is complicated.

This is really interesting.

This is rich white people and their rich white champion Selina Meyer

This is sad. You're like an old panda that's gonna get put down at the zoo.

This is some weird ass Through the Looking Glass shit right now.

This is the media here. Come on in, guys.

This is the new cornstarch fork, ma'am.

This is the reporter from Ohio, Felicia.

This is them.

This is what happens when you tell the truth. Nothing good comes of it.

This is why nobody showed up.

This is... This... Um, huh?

This man can't be as big a shit as he seems,

This out.

This place looks nice, huh?

This rapist face gets eights.

This smells like the inside of a taxi cab.

This thing is completely useless, by the way.

This thing is... Unbelievably cute.

This was a big mistake. Kind of a joke, really.

This whole building is bankrolled by plastics.

This whole day is turning apocalyptic now.

Those don't open. Those are anti suicide windows.

Those taxes are eating us alive.

Those who are responsible

Those yellow things look... So...

Though there's room for one now.

Through the place it's designed to reform,

To all of our most capable doctors and nurses.

To an unproven problem so they can sleep better at night.

To be immigration reform...

To be the next, the best, governor of Ohio

To Congressman Roger Furlong

To crap a buttful of drugs and beans on your flowers,

To drill me in my oval office.

To eat at a different fucking restaurant.

To find out what the F word is going on around here.

To fix Amy's botched full disclosure policy and Mike's security blunder.

To get plastics off your back?

To give my 100% support

To my potential suicide earlier. I'm not a joke.

To put back onto the task force

To start working on the yoghurt store, okay?

To steal the incorrectly signed card, Gary?

To stop distracting me,

To support women breast feeding in public.

To tell me that you're disappointing the shit out of me.

To the fucking fire truck.

To the guys who make toothbrushes

To the king of Minnesota, governor Chung.

To whom.

Today? Half of D.C. is at senator Reeves' dedication ceremony.

Tom Hanks could die, there could be a forest fire in LA.

Too full. Dan and Jonah out, please.

Too late. What's her shoe size?

Too shock? Too shock?

Touch me, you lose a finger. And a ball.

Toxic at the box office, all right?

Trade Policy Executive.

Trump the Care for Children's Association?

Try me.

Trying to figure out what flavor frozen yoghurt the veep should get.

Trying to trick her into believing that.

Turn that frown... (CLICKS TONGUE)

Twelve if you run for president.

Twitter eruption. Veep's trending.

Two fatalities, 24 injured so far.

Two things I would have done differently.

Two things? Oh, no kidding. What were they?

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

Ugh, can't wait to get home and burn my clothes.

Uh huh, like what I say happened, what they say happened, and the truth?

Uh uh. No. I definitely used him. I'm the user, and he's the usee.

Uh, Dick Cake.

Uh, except you, Ame.

Uh, Gary?

Uh, grateful dead.

Uh, guys, we need a wall around the Vice President.

Uh, I believe he was reassigned because of his cologne.

Uh, no, you don't. Okay, go ahead.

Uh, okay, well, then, we should head on down there.

Uh, POTUS is anxious, after recent events,

Uh, yeah, sure. We can do that.

Uh, you know, I would,

Uh, you know, when you come over,

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... I don't know.

Um, Dan, listen, do I have anything that I need to be worried about?

Um, here's the deal, though

Um, it was fine.

Um, Ma'am, I may have already issued a press release

Um, okay, okay.

Um, potus would appreciate it

Um, this is an interesting piece of paper.

Um, we thought you were gonna

Um, well, Roger,

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um... What are we gonna do with you?

Unconnected. For all the reasons that we loved him, they hate him.

Underneath the photo of me from the Hennessy fundraiser?

Undressing me with your eyes.

Unless we go on some sort of special vacation to Mexico

Unpleasant.

Up here on the eastern seaboard,

Up the stakes substantially?

Use your fucking head. Give her a thumbs up or something.

Vaguely personable. VIAGRA prohibitor. Visible panties

VaSelina, Betty Poop.

Veep has left the stadium. She's gonna be here in 20.

Very excited about this filibuster reform bill.

Very loyal. I got him from an Ohio Congresswoman.

VIAGRA prohibitor? (CHUCKLES)

VIC: (ON RADIO) 80 Vice President Meyer is under pressure today, Rod.

VIC: This doesn’t look good for the VP’s Chief of Staff Amy Brookheimer.

Vice President asked me to stop by.

Vice President I would like to, you know, fool around with.

Wait a minute, Gary.

Wait a minute. Hand sanitizer, ma'am.

Wait a second. Did you just call me buddy?

Wait, I'm confused, because now you're begging me

Wait, wait. No, I got it. I got it.

Wait, What about VPILF?

Wait, what was out of context?

Wait, what?

Wake up, Dan. This is oil.

Want me to have Scott put together a file on Chung,

Was yours?

Washington Post. Page 17.

Watch this. Uh, Senator Reeves just died.

Way to go, Dan.

We announce the dog. It's soft wash,

We appreciate that. Thank you.

We are both very big supporters of this administration.

We are going to get the card back and replace it with a new one.

We are not exactly selling that many platinum level tickets.

We are very excited about the Vice President's visit today.

We can also use my kitten heels gag.

We can call her. The vibrations will wake her up

We can do anything we want if we really want to.

We can do this.

We can offer a commitment that the vice president will oppose immunity

We can totally normalize with those guys.

We can't do this. Can we? We can't.

We come here today in togetherness

We could do a piece

We could even give Hallowes a post on your Clean Jobs Commission,

We don't have to have pictures taken here right now, okay?

We don't want to have a paper trail on Clean Jobs.

We got Leon West here and nothing to give him.

We gotta do something.

We gotta get rid of this whole prison yard vibe feeling.

We gotta keep nudging that one along.

We had unprotected sex,

We had unprotected sex,

We have a Captain Reynolds

We have an enemy and I want a name and a severed head that answers to that name,

We have guys in the office to do that, ma'am

We have to check Sue's calendar,

We have to leave. What a shame. I wish I could be here all day.

We have to take the Vice President away. Apologies.

We just found out that Governor Chung is golfing with POTUS.

We just got to put one guy on clean jobs.

We just got word from South Africa.

We just lost the numbers on filibuster reform.

We need some normal, regular people stuff.

We need somebody who is plugged in.

We need to be sure, okay?

We need to talk about the VP's speech, okay?

We need to talk.

We now go over live to the Vice President for her pissed off reaction.

We reach across the aisle

We say some of us mishandled things

We say we're looking for a name.

We should form a suicide pact. All right?

We should spitball on this, though.

We simply can't allow the possibility that your dog will overshadow F dotus.

We spoke on the phone. A pleasure to meet you, sir.

We stand here today with courage in our hearts...

We used to have a saying in our family

We used to say, We’re awfully embarrassed

We'll be back next week,

We'll bring that one back when it's ready.

We'll have some information soon for you, okay, Anthony?

We'll just change the redskins to whatever Finnegan's team is.

We'll see the senator and yourself.

We'll update you.

We're getting a dog. It's no big deal.

We're getting a little lunch from the deli.

We're getting a little lunch from the deli.

We're getting great media response to the interview.

We're getting married.

We're going to a hospital.

We're gonna do the picture?

We're gonna have more tests than you have pee.

We're gonna have to lose those huge photos of me.

We're gonna have to rewind this, okay?

We're gonna just pretend... Darling, don't turn around.

We're gonna put an oil guy on the Clean Jobs Commission.

We're gonna take you to the White House situation room.

We're having a complicated day here.

We're having to bump our silver plates up to gold plates,

We're not going trick or treating.

We're not nervous at all. With Flacco... forget about it.

We're so excited about the Vice President's visit.

We're talking about your speech for the Fire Fighters' Association tonight.

We're trying to run a fundraiser and she's kind of

We've got jobs.

Well, 've got to warm him up, 'cause we need his support on

Well, but it's not as idiotic

Well, can I un promote you? I don't think so.

Well, careful when you go to sleep tonight, asshole.

Well, Dan is working intel on that.

Well, don't sweat it. I can still bust some moves in this town.

Well, God bless the president, you know.

Well, good luck, Gary. I am convinced that you can probably do this.

Well, great. The more the merrier.

Well, he just went from a smiley guy to a frowny guy.

Well, he, uh... Ray Rice, he play nice.

Well, I am the senior advisor now. So I get free Wi Fi.

Well, I feel like provoking someone

Well, I have no idea who you are,

Well, I mean, it's a punishing schedule, that's for sure.

Well, I mean, the President can play golf with whoever he likes.

Well, I need you to keep oil guys

Well, I was gonna say that brings a smile to my face,

Well, I was hoping maybe, ma'am, we could have a moment.

Well, I would respond like this...

Well, I'd be surprised because technically he's not an American.

Well, I'll keep that in mind.

Well, I'll say this... in order to reform,

Well, I'll tell you it's all local

Well, I'm a political leper, and I'm an emotional time bomb.

Well, I'm so sorry I was a little bit late,

Well, if Senator Macauley wants to do it himself,

Well, if we get trapped here another minute, I'm gonna kill you and eat you,

Well, it's not a game to me.

Well, it's unseasonably warm.

Well, let's play this one by the book.

Well, like I was saying, the senator has a lot of time for filibuster reform.

Well, my constituents are fed up

Well, now you're singing a tune that we may dance to.

Well, oil was so pissed

Well, soup is solids suspended in liquid, so it qualifies as a liquid.

Well, thank you for dropping by.

Well, thank you. What a handsome young man.

Well, that could be a bit of an issue.

Well, that Secret Service clown has obviously leaked this

Well, that was lovely.

Well, that would be a betrayal from the veep.

Well, that would get the meat of Clean Jobs through, wouldn't it?

Well, that's a creatively semantic way of saying we're lying.

Well, that's good news.

Well, that's hardly incriminating.

Well, that's sort of a stupid thing to say, isn't it?

Well, that's terrific news.

Well, that's tomorrow in the plural.

Well, the redskins have a great running game this year

Well, the VP's office is a cataclysm on spin cycle.

Well, then get the hell out of my way, you leaning tower of...

Well, then you put it out there.

Well, they can't sleep because they're coughing.

Well, this is good for us. Right?

Well, we can work...

Well, we have lots to talk about.

Well, we have to release those. And that has got me thinking,

Well, we have to stay within the stadium,

Well, what do you got?

Well, what size is your finger?

Well, why didn't you say that, then?

Well, yeah. You can mention that.

Well, you know, y yeah. She's her normal self.

Well, you need to put Chuck Furnham back on the task force.

Well, you never mentioned that one.

Were fully naturalized American citizens.

West Wing. Jonah.

What a bunch of Washington bullshit that is.

What a productive morning.

What about Ray Rice? Hell of a lead runner.

What about the White House? They as stoked as we are?

What am I supposed to do with this? I'm supposed to eat around corners?

What am I supposed to do with this? I'm supposed to eat around corners?

What an e hole.

What are we gonna do? What?

What are you doing, Ted? You can't tell him to fuck his mother.

What are you doing?

What are you excited about, Chuck?

What are you gonna do? You gonna choke me with some Spanx?

What are you shooting with?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Nobody knows.

What colossal fuckup are we dealing with this morning?

What did I tell you? That's like two grain silos fucked right there.

What did Scott use as a research tool,

What did you do?

What do I get, stuffing?

What do you call that? Bi casual?

What do you mean?

What do you need from me, really?

What do you need? You need some non earmark earmarks?

What do you say? Meet me halfway?

What do you think?

What do you want me to do? What?

What do you want, Jonah?

What do you want, Mr. McLintock?

What do you write?

What does that mean?

What does that mean... bacon burka?

What dog?

What exactly did this email say?

What exactly did you say, ma'am, and to who?

What happened to your hot pants?

What happened, buddy? You want to talk about it?

What happens if I get called in before a congressional committee?

What I need is very simple.

What I was trying to say was... Jesus Christ!

What I'm saying is that we go with what I just said,

What I'm saying, you fucking ape,

What if he doesn't know that it's not definitely out there out there?

What if it hits and we get headlines

What if we put an ex oil guy on the task force?

What if we went to a friendly senator

What is going on out there with those two?

What is happening right now?

What is it that made her cry?

What is it that you're thinking?

What is that skirt? Is it a rug?

What is that, a fax? Is that a message to yourself from 1988?

What is that, Popeye?

What is that...

What is the utensil situation? Is it cornstarch or plastic here?

What is this? Eat, pray, fucking love?

What is? It could be a lot of things.

What kind of test do I get? Are there different kinds?

What the fuck are you still doing here?

What the fuck is the signal?

What the fuck, Amy?

What the hell just happened?

What the hell, Eric?

What was that? What just happened?

What would you say if we announced Chuck Furnham to the clean jobs task force?

What would you say were the two biggest campaign mistakes that we made?

What, are you checking your fantasy fucking football scores?

What, are you kidding me? What am I, 15?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? He's Captain fuckin' America?

What? No. Let me tell you something.

What? Oh, come on.

What? There is no rift.

What? What's a good thing?

What? What's going on?

What? Who wanted to make me cry?

What? Why am I repugnant?

What? You work at the White House?

What's going on with this group shot?

What's he for?

What's his ass had to tell me.

What's left here? I've got "Hello," and I have prepositions.

What's the French for "shove it up your ass"? (CHUCKLES)

What's the news from the mountaintop?

What's the problem? The vice President told me it's as good as announced.

What's this about, Congressman?

What's wrong? That was your bad okay. What's wrong?

What’s going on in my office.

When a sexual harasser dies, we sign his wife's card.

When anybody ever says that,

When he said withdraw, he's... he's not talking about

When I made the decision to reassign Mr. Collins.

When I was born, both my parents

When in doubt, call a vet an ape.

When they bring out the bread, you check it out.

When was the last time you cried twice in one day?

When was this "two point me" meeting with Selina?

When you first meet him, you think surely to God

When you say it out loud, you know, it does sound...

When you're standing next to the dead man's grieving widow.

Where are we going?

Where did Gary's thing start?

Where does Gary put those wipes?

Where I can have a rendezvous with Ted, please.

Where is Mike? Where is he?

Where is the bread at this place, asshole?

Where is the vice president?

Where the fuck is coffee?

Where the hell did you go?

Where we fall in love and start fucking?

Whew.

Whew.

Whew.

Which I already have written.

Which I'm pretty sure he already does part time.

Which is on you, Dan, because you put Sidney Purcell on the task force.

Which is the very thing he should be nowhere near rebutting.

Which is what I'm gonna do right now.

Which is why if one of us goes, we all go.

Which is why that was just a hypothetical.

Which means I've gone down 100 in my own.

Which strategically useful young woman will get to witness

Which way are you gonna vote?

Which way do you think that should be?

Which went against the President's wishes and policy,

Which, by the way, makes me wanna crucify him.

While we attend to this urgent policy matter?

Whistle blowing makes it sound patriotic.

White House is in the house. Everybody say way o!

White House press guys have just been in touch.

White House says we need to majorly redact this, okay?

White House. This is Jonah.

Who are on pervert memorial duty.

Who are you?

Who brings us McCaulay and Cunliffe.

Who does she get rid of?

Who dumped Ted for me today?

Who else has a bucketful of senators?

Who has been a...

Who is it gonna be, huh?

Who is?

Who the fuck is pretty boy? Who the fuck is pretty boy?

Who uses withdraw as a fuckin' verb

Who will get fired or have their wages cut to pay for these taxes?

Who will suffer when these companies are no longer competitive

Who works for large polluting companies?

Who? Who's he?

Who's gonna go first?

Who's the VP Liaison, Amy?

Who’s responsible for this deranged campaign?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just relax.

Whoa, whoa. Your desk is in the back.

Why are we killing the dog? I just announced it.

Why are you asking me that?

Why are you so tired? You don't do anything.

Why didn't I know about this?

Why don't you try working an iPad with your dick?

Why have I been given this pig's blood?

Why is that story out there now, Mike?

Why not release all of our fucking records?

Why on earth am I spending my lunch break

Why should I help you guys?

Why wasn't I told about this?

Why would I need a 1D to shoot this?

Why would we let you in on our suicide pact?

Why would you be told about that?

Why would you be writing that down?

Why, because when a guy's with me he doesn't need VIAGRA?

Why?

Why?

Wicked Witch of the West Wing, Veep Throat, Voldemeyer,

Widow, widow, widow.

Wife, not his daughter. Wife, not daughter.

Will fucking take his head off with a shovel.

Will you be watching Danny Chung on "Face the Nation"?

Will, tell him who lam.

Will, what were they saying about the disapproval?

Win big, win big.

Wish me luck.

With a failed state by the name of Mexico.

With all due respect, ma'am, wouldn't it be better if it came from you?

With an "a"... "from an admiring wannabe."

With covers made of shit, you'd think, "That's intriguing.

With eyes drawn on it, so...

With feeling outnumbered in their own country.

With governor Chung has been resolved.

With some chickenshit deal

With the IDGN number redacting

With the Orioles players. Huh? (LAUGHS)

With the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do?

With the president on immigration, all right?

With the President, secretary of state and general marsh.

With these owners. They're lovely people.

With your heads stuck up your Capitol Hill asses.

Withdrawing from filibuster reform, though, right?

WOMAN: We love you!

WOMAN: What is the mental state of a Veep that fires a man for smiling?

Wondered if you wanted anything special from the menu.

Wonderful. Bye bye, everybody.

Working above you or below you?

Working guy to working guy, you know.

Working to preserve a certain kind of American identity.

Would be immigrant labor.

Would take up so much of your field of vision?

Would you be quiet? What...?

Would you do me a favor? Could you go and pick up

Would you like Dan to get you anything?

Would you please get me a glass of water?

Wow, Gary.

Wow, that's got to be tough.

Wow, you're gonna have to buy a lot of spray cans to paint that turd gold.

Wow.

Wow. Gary. Good for you.

Wow. Yeah!

Yeah, 'cause you need to put it up on that star chart on your refrigerator.

Yeah, although I did have to make a deal with Jonah.

Yeah, Ame, listen.

Yeah, and I have the power to withdraw,

Yeah, and now they think they can be president?

Yeah, and of course your happiness is top of my agenda,

Yeah, and technically we didn't put two oil guys on Clean Jobs Task Force.

Yeah, anyone hear the banjo music?

Yeah, but aren't dairy products bad for your stomach?

Yeah, but ironically, the only affordable option

Yeah, but it was so much more depressing coming out of you.

Yeah, but, I mean, the president

Yeah, Clean Jobs, Yemen, mission to Mars.

Yeah, come in.

Yeah, food choices. Seriously, put it up.

Yeah, he just left.

Yeah, he thinks I'm about to be his boss.

Yeah, he uses it to get out of stuff like if he's late.

Yeah, he's gonna be the first to go, by the way.

Yeah, hurricane Selina.

Yeah, I can get you one.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I don't want to make too quick of a decision.

Yeah, I get back acne. Backne.

Yeah, I gotta get these images out of my head.

Yeah, I know, feel my soul slide out of my ass.

Yeah, I know. I'm gonna do it.

Yeah, I prefer that comparison. Less of a mustache.

Yeah, I saw that. I liked it.

Yeah, I selected a few candidates.

Yeah, I think I might jump.

Yeah, I want you to let him go.

Yeah, I was planning on it, unless...

Yeah, I'll hold.

Yeah, I'll talk about upstate New York.

Yeah, I'm leaving a little bit earlier.

Yeah, I've been a little bit busy, Mike.

Yeah, I've seen it before.

Yeah, is that a poppy seed there in your teeth?

Yeah, it looks astonished.

Yeah, it was like a funeral for a homeless guy.

Yeah, it's not gonna happen. I'm busy tonight.

Yeah, it's pretty much all here. We just need to...

Yeah, it's the Presidential suite.

Yeah, Larry, listen. Furlong is in the office.

Yeah, man. Let's go catch some decibels.

Yeah, moving... I'm moving them down.

Yeah, my man right here.

Yeah, naturally. It's amazing.

Yeah, next time pack an espresso machine in your big fucking bitch bag.

Yeah, of course, she must be guided by her conscience.

Yeah, okay, Ted. I'll call you back, then.

Yeah, publish everything.

Yeah, put your drink down, babe.

Yeah, she probably will. Although, when you think about it,

Yeah, she's predicting all kinds of backlash from oil.

Yeah, sure. What's in the bag?

Yeah, tell me about it.

Yeah, that means you're kind of slightly confused.

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing.

Yeah, that's great. Can I get some water?

Yeah, that's not what we're talking about right now, okay?

Yeah, they're the guys who fund the members

Yeah, this is not making me laugh at all.

Yeah, this one.

Yeah, we're all covered.

Yeah, we're aware of that.

Yeah, we're positioning ourselves right now with the Clean Jobs Commission.

Yeah, we've got it handled.

Yeah, well remembered. Sidney Purcell.

Yeah, well, I'll tell you, you wanna play a game, Danny?

Yeah, well, I'm fluent in bastard.

Yeah, well, it would have been better about two hours ago.

Yeah, well, with how many times you've got to get up and pee, Mike,

Yeah, well, you know what? I don't work for Senator Hallowes.

Yeah, why don't you run along and see if you can suck your own cake?

Yeah, yeah, I can work out how the fucking scale will go, Gary.

Yeah, yeah, I can work out how the fucking scale will go, Gary.

Yeah, yeah. Business card bukkake.

Yeah, you are. Like rubber Jesus. (LAUGHING)

Yeah, you could be legally electrocuted for doing that, just so you know.

Yeah, you know what? Run it by my secretary. His name is Mike

Yeah, you know, she’ll probably go a little menstrual.

Yeah, you spoke about soup.

Yeah, you think I don't know? You're fucking with me.

Yeah! Boom, come to mama!

Yeah! Oh, my God!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And that would have been a disaster for us.

Yeah. Give me their numbers.

Yeah. I didn't hear any glitches.

Yeah. I'm gonna watch your ass move.

Yeah. It's all fine and dandy and fabulous.

Yeah. It's much more relevant.

Yeah. It's the meat of Clean Jobs.

Yeah. No frills.

Yeah. That's exactly how I feel about the Clean Jobs legislation.

Yeah. Uhwait a minute.

Yeah. Yeah, he seems like a massive stickler.

Yes, but sometimes you have to go down to go up.

Yes, E as in ears

Yes, everybody.

Yes, front and back. Very little romance.

Yes, I can tell what you're saying now.

Yes, I had a miscarriage.

Yes, I'm back. Unfortunately we're just about to leave.

Yes, ma'am?

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am. We've got a whole online thing.

Yes, of course. I get it, yeah.

Yes, Richard. And I have some vice presidential M&Ms

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Went to Iraq with the Veep.

Yes, what a good song and we're gonna have to go on to the next thing.

Yes, yes. Story. What...

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Between us, we might possibly

Yes. On the phone you said the press is saying that she's pregnant.

Yes. She sends her apologies.

Yes. The truth is I had a huge story to give you.

Yes. Who else are you into, Mike, apart from the Eagles?

Yet again we find ourselves in an office

You and Ted went to an ice hockey game and had dinner after.

You are as good as dead,

You are distantly orbiting her.

You are getting the dog.

You are getting this little rat faced,

You are going to shut this the fuck down, okay?

You are like a...

You are looking at the last Selina.

You are no fun.

You are not fucking Thor, mom.

You are not in the pocket of oil?

You are the closest to normal we've got going in this office right now.

You back to DC. tonight, Gary?

You can in video games.

You can talk about anything.

You can talk to him about that.

You can't just make up acronyms, Jonah.

You can't stop me from endorsing you.

You carry a picture of it in your wallet, Mike.

You coming to see us?

You Congressman No Jaw!

You could talk about how you always get

You could talk about your boat or something like that.

You could use celery as a kind of shovel.

You didn't just roll your eyes, did you?

You do not do this to me.

You don't find it repugnant that Selina Meyer let a Secret Service agent go for smiling?

You don't have any idea what you're talking about.

You don't have multiple starting pitchers.

You don't know about an email that basically confirms

You don't listen to me. You never listen to me. What's going on?

You don't masturbate in the subway, do you, Amy?

You don't wanna give a loaded gun to that walking silo.

You dumped my daughter by text and didn't even apologize.

You ever been in the line of fire, Mike?

You go, ”Firefighters are always climbing ladders,

You good?

You got a convenient opening I can slide into?

You got anything to make me feel better?

You got breath mints in that bag? Let's go.

You got grabbers. And then you have the other kind

You got Macauley to add this amendment, didn't you?

You got rollerblades?

You got that?

You got the most nicknames when you were on the cover of Vogue

You gotta network to get work, baby.

You guys are burning a fucking hole through my stomach, all right?

You guys ditched me at a pervert's memoria that's some cold shit.

You guys got a name yet? You too afraid

You guys talk to O'Brien and get that border caucus.

You guys think you're fucking New York, but you're not.

You guys, are we seriously gonna let the guy

You had talks with Senator Macauley?

You have nothing constructive to say to me, Amy?

You have on a very sweaty shirt.

You have one community college meeting this afternoon.

You have to get Chung on the phone right away, Amy.

You have to give me something right now.

You have to perform.

You have to...

You haven't spoken much today about the Senate filibuster reform.

You hired him? You hired the biggest bastard in DC?

You its poster boy, Mikey?

You just have other areas of expertise.

You knew?

You know my motto, "I don't want to know."

You know none of these people genuinely like you.

You know that this needs to be way under the lid.

You know those dreams where your football coach is screaming at you,

You know what his favorite st?

You know what I did? I went to bed at 7:00 P.M.

You know what I heard? Senator Doyle wears pantyhouse.

You know what I say, it's a dirty job and I love to do it.

You know what I'm gonna do? Brush past.

You know what I'm sick of?

You know what really freaks those guys out?

You know what, Amy?

You know what, Dan?

You know what, Jonah? I don't think that we should see each other anymore.

You know what? Actually, this phone call is not fake.

You know what? I could use a walk. I'll meet you guys there.

You know what? I'm nervous about Doyle.

You know what? That sounds really good.

You know what? There aren't any waiters, at least that I've seen.

You know what? You can't find these guys on fucking iTunes.

You know what? You go ride with the security detail.

You know what? You no longer search on the nicknames.

You know what... I'm coming over there, like, right away.

You know who's a fucking diva? That's a fucking diva.

You know, democracy is fantastic, but it is also fucking dull.

You know, except for the whole secret service detail, I think I'm actually...

You know, he calls that "the Leviathan."

You know, he's dating my daughter.

You know, I am from oil, but that doesn't mean that I don't care deeply

You know, I can see right through your shirt.

You know, I mean, at the end of the day,

You know, I mean, this job has fucked me up so bad.

You know, I meant that more as a slight against

You know, I need to use the ladies' room very briefly, if I may.

You know, I saw a guitar in there. You play the guitar, right?

You know, I think Jamaican rum is a great choice.

You know, I wanted to tell you if you think this bill of yours is gonna go the distance,

You know, I was just thinking,

You know, I'll just get the water, okay?

You know, I've asked Dan and Mike to play devil's advocate

You know, if I wash my hands anymore,

You know, it's like I've ordered a hit on somebody.

You know, just kind of a little hint out there

You know, let's get one re.

You know, my mom said that Selina looked human and vulnerable.

You know, my papaw used to say,

You know, not because he's half Chine...

You know, Roger, do you sometimes think about,

You know, the key is in the details, though, Ted.

You know, we were on the campaign trail and we saw a woman with a very large boy.

You know, we were on the campaign trail and we saw a woman with a very large boy.

You know, what people might say against it and stuff.

You know, you don't have to entertain me.

You know, you should get something while we're here.

You know?

You know...

You like this place? I love this place.

You look down, you're dressed like Shirley Temple and then all your teeth fall out?

You look exactly like a pimp.

You looked tired a lot and the hat.

You love this. You love this.

You love this. You love this.

You may leave my office now.

You might get what we call corpse fucking

You might remember, actually, I used to work for Congresswoman Hayes.

You might remember, actually, I used to work for Congresswoman Hayes.

You might think about building a fence.

You must have a huge schaden boner over this Amy flack.

You need experience.

You need support during your reelection campaign?

You need to get back to your boss's corner.

You need to get to the west wing immediately.

You need to head back to preside again.

You need to know that the White House understands

You need to respect Gary's stuff here.

You nominate Chuck Furnham, and these guys

You offered to do this. What was your plan?

You okay, ma'am?

You okay? You seem to be phoning it in a little.

You piss off plastics, you piss off oil.

You proposed by giving me some sort of a ring

You put Sidney Purcell on clean jobs, it's over.

You really need to calm down, okay?

You remain crucial to my policy team.

You said this was a homeland security issue.

You see one mound or three mounds?

You see the seal right there? Except we'll need another one

You see what I'm saying?

You shoot a lot of sports? Moving action?

You should maybe talk some more to the food manufacturing guys

You should meet with Senator Hallowes. She is so tight with the plastics people, it's...

You should read...

You should really just go and...

You sold him to me as a shit and that's why I hired him.

You still got that guy Mike in your press shop?

You stole a car?

You stole a car?

You stupid little fuckers!

You sure you're ready, Mr

You take hundreds of pictures of herons catching fish?

You talk a lot about really wanting to be able to make change.

You talk as if you're passing the Civil Rights Act.

You tell that shit for brains President...

You think I'm the whistle blower.

You think that as a woman I might sense some disturbance

You three are important enough.

You told Gary?

You understand my point?

You wanna bet a beer that the Ravens will win.

You want me to tell you who's getting fired.

You want some water? You want some hand sanitiz...

You want to break out the white, pointy hoods, too, ma'am?

You want to expand on that?

You want to know the secret to keeping weight off?

You want to tell a congressional committee the truth, Dan.

You, did you check the Wikipedia? Did they change her weight again?

You'd better saddle up, cowgirl, 'cause I'm gonna ride this whole office

You'd get my vote.

You'd probably rather drink it, though. Right, Sean?

You'd think with all the money I'm jerking up the wall here,

You'll be such a great dad.

You'll be the new director of policy and presentation.

You'll catch partisan shit. There's gonna be grandstanding.

You'll figure that out when you get older. So it's, uh...

You'll have more influence over policy than the fucking task force.

You're a fucking dick.

You're a little bit out of control.

You're as stylish as any Parisian woman.

You're calling the Vice President repugnant?

You're changing the name of a hurricane, mom.

You're changing the name of a hurricane?

You're either freezing like a popsicle or you're sweating like a hog.

You're fine to order.

You're fucking kidding.

You're fucking kissinger.

You're gonna get hometown, downtown questions.

You're gonna get on it.

You're gonna have to go talk to him, okay?

You're gonna launch a nuke or something.

You're gonna need to leave 'cause I'm not really aware

You're in a fuckin' hammock on a back porch.

You're just making it worse. Get yourself together.

You're kidding me.

You're like the only one here who doesn't know that.

You're not even your mom's favorite Jonah, Jonah.

You're not gonna believe this.

You're not gonna get a border fence, all right?

You're not gonna get a good photo holding a book.

You're not that great to be around.

You're oddly masculine.

You're pouring oil on Clean Jobs?

You're right. I do do a proper man's job. I do.

You're supposed to be having lunch with Catherine.

You're taking steps to

You're talking about a 3,000 mile long fence.

You're the head of communications, is that correct?

You're trending, ma'am.

You're trying to control the weather.

You're very, very pregnant.

You've disclosed an email containing birthday gift suggestions

You've gone up 10 levels in my estimation, by the way.

You've got to eat the yoghurt now.

You've got to get up off your dead one, you've got to get moving.

You've got to put black marker over all the words.

You've got to put the corndog down,

Your back facials.

Your comments are noted.

Your filibuster reform stalled.

Your head looked weird in the hat, that's all I'm gonna say.

Your husband was a massive player.

Your mom is getting a dog. Apologies if that was a secret.

Your mom said your decision is final.

Your two hour morning skin care regime?

Yup, let's do some talking.

Yup, that's a regular granary gangbang.

Yup.

10 seconds, Mike.

20 years ago, you had no power, but you had balls.

20 years in D.C. Congratulations.

24/7 doesn't leave you much time for your family, your daughter.

34.

66% disapprove.

66%.

mmm, no, no. Great solution. Great solution.

...in Adams Morgan. Too dull, no.

"Unclog the backlog." "Unclog the backlog"?

A terrier? Yeah.

A ton of taxes. Hold on a second.

About what? About everything.

Actually, yes. Excuse me?

All right, good night, Sue. Good night, Gary.

All right, that's enough. Okay.

All right? Jamaican rum, mon. Okay.

All right. Bye.

All right. Tick it. We can pick up the dog tomorrow.

All set? You got everything? Oh, yes.

Amy, are you here? I am right by your side.

Amy. Yeah?

Amy. Yup.

And the country. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I meant.

And you still look... You look great.

Anything. Anything.

Are we early? Yeah.

Are you gonna take those with you? What?

as presidential material. Oh, really?

Beer makes me so gassy. You can talk about that...

Can we use your bathroom? No, I'm sorry, my mother is in there.

Catherine, hey. Buddy.

Chuck is oil. No. No, no, hey. I'm sorry, no.

Chuck's not oil. He retired a year ago. Yeah, from oil.

Chung is on TV live. What?!

Clean jobs is your legacy. Yes.

Clean jobs. Clean jobs.

Coffee. Hmm?

Come with me. Yes. Out of control?

Come, honey. Why are you ignoring me, ma'am?

Congrats on 20 years in D.C. Madam vice President.

Could you step in notionally? Yes.

Could you stop that? Really close.

Cup? Oh, uh huh. Sure.

Dan, can I talk to you for a second? Just one second.

Dan, you're gonna have to go in the limo. Oh, sure, yeah.

Dan. Yes?

Did you have a good Saturday night? It was okay.

Didn't say no. No!

Dilk... What?

Dilka. Dilka?

Do I? You look beautiful.

Do it now. I will.

Do that, Amy. Go. Okay.

Do you know Chung? Not really.

Do you realize that? Yes.

Do you think that it was on? I hope to God they didn't.

Do you want me to shred it? Yeah.

Don't come in here. Ma'am, I'm gonna...

Don't do this to me, Andrew. I'm going to do it to you, yup.

Don't make it a thing until it's a thing. Do you have any...

Don't patronize me. All right, you got it.

Doyle is right there. I know.

Elevator bank, first door. Okay. Yeah.

Enjoy, gentlemen. Oh, thank you.

Eric, of course. We just saw him this morning.

Even fucking Gary knew? Okay.

Everything okay? Oh, yeah, things are great.

Exactly. All right, you know what?

F.Y.I., Gary, no shit. Okay.

Fantastic. My.

Fascinating. This is one of my areas.

Forget it. No, wait a minute. What are you saying?

Former oil. That's lying.

Furnham? Yeah, Chuck.

Gary, come. I'll do it.

Gary, the belt can wait. Let's just put it this way...

Get her in. Dump her in there.

Get it on. Get it on. Where's the remote?

given the noise? No. No, no, no, no.

Go on. No, I'm not doing it.

Gobble, gobble. This isn't officially...

God. Let's do that.

Good job. That's why I get paid the medium bucks.

Good news. I just wanna say how grateful we are

Good. Things are great.

Good. I love being noted. Thank you.

Goody, I love humor. Yeah.

Gorgeous. Mmlooks like Madonna.

Got it. Okay.

Great name. Who's this one?

Great, that's our cue. Hallowes, hurricane Hallowes.

Great. Brilliant normalizing. I'm normal.

Great. Nice to see you. So nice to see you.

Great. Terrific. Wonderful.

Have a great weekend, okay? Ma'am.

He calls this Gary oke. It's so weird.

He can be a real hogfucker. He's a stickler.

He must be in the bathroom. That prostate of his.

He said fuck Chuck. God.

He was completely out of his element. Yeah.

He was such a wonderful man. Thank you so much, Selina.

He works for you. I mean, he almost sneezed in your face.

He'll probably bring up football. Football.

He's a triathlete. No, he's not.

He's ex oil. Yeah, you put it out today.

He's got a glass eye. I...

He's off. Well, that is great.

He's sliding in. Who knows? Yeah, that feels like a slide.

He's stuck with me... is that what... I don't mean it like that.

Heh hey! Dan, my man.

Hello, Leon. Hi, Mike.

Hello, senator. You looking for some fresh backs to stab?

Hello? ...trapped in there.

Here, I'll get that. Thank you.

Hey, Dan. Yeah?

Hey, how's it going? Well, with respect, ma'am,

Hey, Mike, your perspiration... I know.

Hey. I think I did the right thing,

Hi, Jack. Hi.

Hi, Sue. That's okay, Gary. I got all that.

Hi, you guys. Hey.

Hi. He works in your mama's office.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hello. Barbara. Hello.

Hmm, okay. Dead man walking.

Hold on a second. What?

How about catch 44? Gary.

How about that? Yes.

How are you guys? Great.

How are you, sir? I'm very well.

How are you? I've got a little bit of the bug,

How do you do, sir? Dr. Graber.

How do you know about the circumstances? Well, I'm Sue.

I am having the shittiest day. Yeah?

I can bring you major scoops. You can bring me major scoops?

I did not stay for his speech. Let me see this.

I don't... Can we run a check on that?

I got it. Oh...

I got it. Whassup, as they say in the late '90s?

I got something. What...

I have a hypothetical for you. Okay.

I have a recital coming up. Okay.

I have five. Okay.

I just have to get my stuff. How was your Saturday night?

I know. The title... Puh lease! Sue?

I mean, it's impossible at this point. What, Mike?

I think he's cute. Okay, yeah. Yeah.

I think her dad's Iranian. Iranian?

I took a bullet for the veep. How'd you take a bullet, Gary?

I want quiet. Quiet?

I was just bonding with Sue. Good.

I work at the White House. Are you okay, ma'am?

I... stop it. Okay.

I'm cool with my own thoughts. Thank God.

I'm down to my reserve pair. Look, Mike, I've got Sue.

I'm eager to be constructive. Right.

I'm gonna lighten this up a little bit. Please. Please do.

I'm gonna take him to the yoghurt store. I'm not worried.

I'm gonna use your desk in the back. As what, a pantry?

I'm just saying. Can't help it. Sign of a healthy body.

I'm not interested in... Please, be quiet!

I'm on it. Okay.

I'm out. Well, that's a shame.

I'm out. You're out?

I'm pretending to talk to you. But we are talking.

I'm saying Chuck Furnham. Fucking hell!

I'm sorry. It's okay.

I'm still working on it, Amy. Come on.

I've been going over... Here's an idea.

I've been here. Just keep your head towards me.

I've got plenty to give him. No, you don't.

Internal. Internal. Hmm.

Is Chuck announced yet? I'm waiting for the perfect time, okay?

Is it designed that way? Ma'am.

Is that right? Guilty.

Isn't she good to apologize? Madam vice President.

It did start in his stomach? He lost color right away, though.

It just can't wait. I have to take this.

It's a bullshit tzu. Bullshit tzu.

It's a sad privilege, of course... Yes.

It's amazing how the world changes. Mm.

It's casual. Got it. Mano a mano.

It's good, huh? Mm hmm.

It's just been back burnered. Oh, sorry.

It's like Charlie Brown and the football. Yeah.

It's open. Here we go. We're good.

Jim. Madam vice President. Good to see you.

Jonah's coming. Jonah's coming. Oh, fuck!

Just dive into it. I have to.

Just had triplets. Triplets.

Just right in here. Okay, Dan, a very obscure rendezvous.

Just this? Yeah.

Keep it simple. Keep it simple. Yeah, not good.

Let me see. What do you think of that?

Let's get the ball rolling. Thank you. Thank you.

Let's get to it. Let's... okay.

Let's seize the agenda. You're making it sound like a coup.

Like vanilla. Oh, c'mon. Vanilla is a girl's flavor.

Listen, working girl. Okay.

Look at her apologizing. Not a problem.

Ma'am, can I get you a glass of white wine? Okay. Yeah.

Ma'am, you, too. Yeah, thank you very much.

Ma'am. I need to gather my things.

Madam vice President. Chuck! How are you?

Madam Vice President. Yes?

Madam vice President. You're the widow.

Madam vice president... Yes.

Martin at the White House. What?

Mike wanted a word, if you don't mind. Mike McClintock.

Mike! Oh, hey.

Mom, I really hate pictures. No, honey, you're pretty.

More good news for "Meet the Press." Oh, yeah?

Mr. Egan. Good to see you. Anthony.

My college girl. Hi, mother.

No import to it. Okay.

No one's judging. Don't come in.

No way! Come on, this is the White House,

No, he didn't. He didn't say that. He is seizing his moment.

No, I like those. I know, they're great photos.

No, ma'am. 'Cause it sure looked like it to me.

No, no. It's not bad to be Chinese.

No! Kill the dog? Our dog? No, honey.

No! No! What do you think he's talking about?

No. No, you haven't. Come here. Come here.

No. No? Okay.

No. No.

No. It's okay. I already ate. Okay.

Now I fucking want to speak to the vice President. Okay.

Now look at you. Yeah, now look at me.

Of course they do. Yeah, we do. Yeah.

Office of the vice President. ...Starting to blend in.

Oh, and you must be Amy. Yes.

Oh, as are we. My son has named a yoghurt after her.

Oh, Bill. O'Brien.

Oh, God. Where? Where?

Oh, gosh. This is his surgeon.

Oh, I didn't hear anything. You better not have heard anything.

Oh, mind games. Love it. Yeah.

Oh, my God. No, no, no.

Oh, my God. Can I blow you? Uh, yes, you can.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry. That scared me to death.

Oh, of course. Eric. Madam Vice President.

Oh, that is just fantastic. Very good.

Oh! Oh, God.

Oh. Danny Chung...

Oh. Hold on. No, no, not yet.

Oh. It had a bad taste.

Okay, then we're gonna go, but thanks. Okay.

Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. All right.

Okay, you sure? Mm hmm, filibuster smackdown.

Okay, you're not gonna like this. What?

Okay. Amy, put on your dancing shoes

Okay. But it was a pleasure talking to you.

Okay. Did she choose a dog?

Okay. I can't uncross my legs.

Okay. I hope you like that.

Okay. If I could.

Okay. Now is it true

Okay. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Okay. This is Jack.

Okay. We'll do this quick. That's right.

Okay. Which way are you going?

Okay. Your mom should be here momentarily.

Okay. This way, Dan. I'm sorry to keep you holding, Mr. President.

Ooh. 7:00 P.M. on a Saturday night.

Otherwise I would not have been laughing. Gary knew?

Pentagon. Shh, shh.

Perhaps the widow walk? The widow walk.

Plays the trumpet. What important work you do.

Pretty sure? Mike, you're pretty sure?

Quite the wilf yourself. You're back.

Really don't need any of that, ma'am. Okay.

Really great. Good.

Really? Mm hmm.

Right. Gregory's a redskins fan.

Sam Finnegan is the fill in. Ho ho, a virgin.

Scott! Ah!

Selina Meyers... Is gonna come here in a second

Senator Doyle. Stop.

Sending Gary over there was crazy. Yeah.

Shall I sign a book for her? No... 'kay.

She do the sports yet? She's doing it now.

She's aware of that. Okay, I was charmed by Doyle.

She's prepping for "Meet the Press." Ah.

She's... There's my girl!

Shh! All right, what do I do?

Shit! Gary, call Sue. What do you want me to tell her?

Should I fire up the shit eater? Yeah.

Shut this thing down, Amy. Yeah, dialing now.

Sidney Purcell is right there. Good.

Sidney Purcell. Sweet hairy fuck.

So how's college? It's good.

so just converse generally, okay? Right.

so maybe I can... I'll do it.

So, you want to mingle? Yeah.

Somebody has to, Mike. No, they don't.

Sprinkles. Oh, come on.

Stop doing that. I'm sorry.

Stop saying F dotus. Ma'am, you need to kill the dog.

Su casa es mi casa. Mi casa.

Sue, did the president call? No.

Sue? A few brief words about the comments

Sue. Jonah.

Sue's pretty wasted. Yeah.

Super. Super.

Sure. Come on.

Sure. Let me see.

Sure. Thank you, mom.

Thank God. Mm hmm.

Thank you so much. You're so welcome.

Thank you, ma'am. And, you know,

Thank you, ma'am. You betcha.

Thank you, madam vice president. Absolutely.

Thank you. Here's a pen.

Thank you. No problem at all. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Well, let me tell you something...

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks, Todd. Problem? Problem?

That flavor's not an option for me. Okay.

That is incredibly great news. Well done.

that would be amazing. Yeah.

That'll be fine. Members of the media.

That's a good one. How was Chung?

That's fine. Great. Okay.

That's funny. Yeah.

That's not good. It doesn't matter.

That's sweat. That's lip sweat. That's shimmer.

That's the nature the job, I guess. I'm not complaining.

That's very good. Mrs. Reeves.

That's what I call it. All right, dig it.

the owner of the store. How do you do?

The person. What a fistful of fucks.

The President is calling. Dear. I'm sorry.

There are products available, Mike. I tried them all.

There. Thank you.

There's a book fair... Oh, my God.

This bozo Mike's on it. So today? Tomorrow?

This happens every time, does it not? Yes.

This is easy. Ugh.

This is legacy stuff. Yeah, it is.

This is life dairy defcon 1. Yeah, hi.

This is neutral territory. Yep. So I'm claiming it.

This is not the Hoover dam. Yeah, it is the Hoover dam...

This is nuanced. Nuanced?

to come to my 20th party? No, ma'am.

to the immigration reform caucus. What?

Uh huh! Uh huh!

Uh, Dan? Yeah?

Understood? Dan...

until we find a replacement. Okay, where'd he go?

Vice president. Thank you so much.

vice president's office. Oh, hi.

Voice mail. Keep trying. I'm so sorry.

Wait, mom, what's wrong with your face? Nothing, darling.

Was it dick stroke? It was dick stroke.

We call it his bullshit tzu. That's kind of genius.

We need a V.P.V.P. A what?

We need to talk. Okay. What can I do for you?

We're gonna go with Dan's idea. Okay.

We're staying. Aw.

We've got to get out of here. Widow walk.

Well, it's a great hospital, isn't it? Yes, ma'am.

Well, that changes the sports stuff. No panic.

Well, we just... And she will lobby the president

Well, you seem just fine. I'm not really.

What a jerk. I'm gonna steal that,

What channel? Channel? Any live TV.

What did you just say? Yeah, yeah.

What does that mean? Just talk to him

What is Finnegan's team? I'm pretty sure he's a Bears fan.

What is he talking about? Nothing. Nothing.

What is it, Mike? Must be ricotta or something in there.

What is it? Well...

What kind of animal? It's a dog.

What kind of dog do you have? I have a real dog.

What was that? "Two point me."

What? I... Oh. Hello.

What? You asked Dan to do that? Yeah, I did.

What's going on? Well, you know what?

What's happening here? Good job, Amy. It's not...

What's up? Need help?

Where are my people? Oh, here they go.

Where is Gary? Gary, are you here? I'm right here.

Where is she? I apologize.

Where's the clicker? Guys, it's in the credenza.

Who am I offending? Show of hands.

Why are you guys laughing? Stop, mom.

Why doesn't he' he take the pooch? That's a great idea.

Why don't I know this? Because you're incompetent.

Why? Gets him out of staying late for work.

Will you excuse me? Go ahead.

Woof. You got to be fucking kidding me.

Wow, I do not feel good. I feel bad. You kidding?

Yeah, Amy, don't make it a thing, okay? Okay.

Yeah, hit that hard. Right. You know what we need?

Yeah, I think the same thing. I can get right on this.

Yeah, just put it down, okay? Thank you.

Yeah, yeah. Senator Lowden's guy canceled.

Yeah! That's right.

Yeah? Mmm.

Yeah? What are you saying?

Yeah. Four legs good; Three legs bad.

Yeah. How did that happen?

Yeah. Oh, God. Okay. I get it.

Yeah. Okay, it's my policy.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. People finitely aren't having too much fun.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Not a problem. Thank you, darling.

Yeah. Sue? Yep.

Yep. Handle this for me.

Yes, sir. Where is she, Dan, huh? I don't know.

Yes, sure. Thank you.

Yes, yes. And...

Yes? We have an issue.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Right.

You are a good woman. Yeah!

You are well? Yes, sir. Very good, sir.

You could have said, "don't blow it." No, I'm not gonna say that.

You didn't say yes? No.

You guys will be right here. Oh, that's fantastic.

You here to spy, Jonah? I'm not here to spy.

You know, 'cause his parents... Well, I've gotta go.

You know? To drink or applied directly to the coat?

You look pretty. Oh, thank you.

You need me to sponsor this bill. Yes, I do.

You need something active. It's like kids read or something.

You saying I can't do my job? No. Oh, God, no.

You want to normalize it? Yes, exactly.

You were... you were on the phone? Mm hmm.

your grandchildren, Marion and... Richard.

...for me because I'm here. Mmm hmm.

'Cause this is shady shit. Okay.

(ALL GASP) Oh, sorry, disapprove.

(AMY LAUGHS) Hi, Jonah.

(APPLAUSE) Thank you so much. Yes.

(CELL PHONE RINGING) Sorry. Excuse me.

(LAUGHING) Oh, no, she's not.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, yeah.

(PHONE RINGING) And they are whispering, Dick cake.

(PHONE RINGING) No, she's not gonna fall asleep.

(SELINA CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Huh.

(SIGHS) We have to keep them entertained.

(SIGHS) What? Okay.

(WHISPERS) Here's your coffee. Oh, my...

a little afternoon delight? No.

A little more detail work, but, yes. Yes.

A little podule or anything? Jesus fucking Christ.

about the event and the food. Oh.

about your snooze in the Senate. No.

Absolutely. Oh, boy

All right. Thank you so much.

All right. Is that funny? No.

Amy, what's going on? Yeah?

AMY: Jesus. Okay, you know what, Ken?

AMY: Mmm. Janet, hey. I didn't know you were here.

AMY: Nothing. You want something from me.

AMY: We're expecting 50 or 60. Oh, good.

Amy. God, that is a lot of snot.

An hour? Yes, ma'am.

and focus on filibuster reform? No, no, no, but, Amy, look.

And it ain't a fucking bindi. Excuse me?

and it's all organic. Wow.

And my feelings for you... Okay.

And smile, though. Smile, smile. Wonderful job.

And then come back in, okay? The dog will be fine.

And they make it happen. This is just riveting stuff.

And you know that he's our tour guide. He's the tour guide.

And you, you upstate New York dickshit... Watch it.

Anybody? I couldn't. Do you?

Are you getting this, too? No, better.

Are you kidding me? Not great, admittedly.

Are you kidding me? Yeah, right after I leaked that story.

Are you still there? That's impossible.

Are you sure? It looks really pretty... No, I don't want it.

At all. I'm just kidding.

Awesome avocado! Awesome avocado!

Bam! Wow!

Bathroom. Okay.

Because she hates me. Okay.

Because that guy is a weapons grade retard. I know.

Big bully, what are you doing? You think that I'm a crybaby?

Big point. I was breathing really heavily, though.

Big three industries in Ohio. Yeah.

Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo!

Box me, Gary. Box me. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But Amy's an eight. Okay.

But, I mean, like what? Okay.

Bye, Sue. Hey, Mike, Mike. Yeah?

Bye! Bye.

Bye. All good?

Can I get you a cup of tea? Okay. Yeah.

Can I have a cup of water? Of course.

Cappuccino politics, okay? Right.

Carol. (CHUCKLES)

Chung. Shut up.

Cold and rather nerdy. Actually, it was an app.

Come on, I've got to get going. Yes, I have a ton on my agenda as well.

Come on, no. This looks really bad.

Come on. MIKE: Let's just roll.

Come on. Sorry.

DAN: Hey. Hi.

DAN: Hey. Hi.

Dan. Dan Egan. Hey.

Did somebody order a dick o gram here? AMY: Yes, seemingly.

Do you have a second? Sure.

Do you have a zoom on that thing? Oh, Ken, you know what?

Do you know what I mean? Mmm hmm.

Do you know? Yeah, he's all pissed off.

Doing you. What?

Don't be too clustered. Yeah, don't be too clustered.

Don't grab my shit. Thank you.

Don't stare at it, okay? Oh. Mmm hmm.

First of all, you should put the hood down. I wasn't going to put the hood up.

Fiscal responsibility. It's ridiculous.

Focused? A woman with vision.

For sure. Yes.

Fructose? Fruit sugars.

Fuck off. SUE: Uh, no.

Fuck! Don't call attention to yourself, all right?

Fuck. Okay.

Full disclosure. Are you serious?

Fun day. Thank you so... Wasn't it great?

Gary, could I get some water? GARY: Yeah.

Gary, the Veep needs her lunch. I'm on it.

Gary, we are going to need two coffees. Okay.

GARY: Ooh! You're the pro.

Gary! Yes, ma'am? Yes, ma'am?

Gary. Hmm?

Genius. Yeah.

Get him out. Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

Get the fuck out. Okay. Okay.

Give me a minute. I can't be seen

Go for the money. It's just pennies.

Go, Gary. Well done, buddy.

God bless America. Thank you.

God, if I were... Mmm mmm mmm.

God! You see?

Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

Good job. Okay, good job.

Good morning! MIKE: Morning!

Good morning. Morning, ma'am.

Got another one. All right.

Great. Ma'am, this is a fork.

Great. Not a compliment.

Great. Not a problem.

Guys, what's going on right now? I can explain that.

Have at it. Get it while it's hot.

Have you met Ken? Ken, let's get moving. Okay.

He actually spoke to me four times today. Four?

He does. (LOW GROWLING)

He's dropped five other pieces of legislation. No.

He's new. He is great.

He's not been picking up. I don't like that.

Hello? Dan.

Her mother, actually. What the hell?

here in the office. Okay.

Here, can you test this? Oh! (GARY GASPS)

Hey, approval ratings just came through. Oh.

Hey, come here. Relax, okay?

Hey, Dan. Yes?

Hey, did everybody get a chance to see this? No!

Hey, everyone. God.

Hey, Ken. How's it going? Good.

Hey, Mike. Hi, ma'am.

Hey, where is Dan? I have been trying him all morning.

Hey. Hey, Gary.

Hi, guys. Hello.

Hi, Selina. Hey.

Hi. AMY: I have just had a phone call from Mike.

Hi. Madam Vice President. Welcome to our hotel.

Hi. Oh, Madam Vice President.

Hi. Wait a second.

Hi. How are you? Hi. It's nice to meet you. I'm Amy.

Hit rubber. It's a big rubber state. Okay. Good. Yeah.

Hit the verbs. Thank you, I've got it.

Honor to have met you, Madam. Oh, thank you, Dan.

Honor to meet you, ma'am. And you are Jake.

How are your kids? Uh, she's good.

How long has she been pregnant? Oh, God, I don't know.

How was Hallowes? Oh, you know, the usual.

How will that work? No, not with his pee, Amy.

Huh. Well, it wasn't an actual call

I am here in lieu of that call. Uh huh.

I am, lam, lam. You are a starting...

I didn't even think you'd be here. Why?

I don't fucking know. I just need something. Okay.

I don't have a name for that. Oh.

I don't know how to do this. Well, then do that.

I don't know what to say to them. I can help you along.

I don't know who this man is. Hello.

I don't want this. Okay.

I know you did. Macauley is his own man.

I know. We dress you wrong,

I know. Don't tell me. What?

I like your glasses. No, glasses make me look weak.

I like your mom. Don't talk about my mother, Dan.

I liked the hat. What are you talking about? The hat hurt us.

I love this part. Could you...

I love those. Yeah.

I mean Ted. Oh, shit. No.

I need something. Okay, is there anything specific?

I really like her. That's the one.

I really think this is something to consider. (PHONE RINGING)

I saw conviction. I saw a fucking crazy lady. That's what I saw.

I see one mound. That’s how you play baseball.

I see. Knock ity knock, knock, knock.

I think our best agenda is to reassure... Whoa!

I think you got them all. Okay.

I thought... No, no, no.

I understand you're busy. I am.

I want to hear them. Well, there's two types of people.

I want you to stay here. Okay.

I will sign it. Fine, thank you.

I will watch my tone. Yeah.

I would love a coffee. You got it.

I'd hold off on the maternity underwear. Okay. Okay.

I'll get you guys a motel. Ugh.

I'll see to it. Yeah.

I'm afraid I can't do that, ma'am. What is this?

I'm gonna go. Okay. Okay.

I'm on it. Good

I'm only scared of two things. Yeah, bats and Alzheimer's.

I'm so sorry. So sorry. Yes?

I'm sorry about your tears. Yeah.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Another one.

I'm sorry. Let's just get to the bad part.

I'm very good in a fire. Ma'am, if I may. I think I have an idea.

I’ll go off that. Hold on. Let me see.

If I don't understand it... All right, good job, dummy.

Inappropriate. Inappropriate.

Intel, that's a brand of microprocessor. Strong joke.

into the fundraiser. Uh huh.

Is that a map joke? (LAUGHS) Yes, it is.

Isn't that right, Will? Yes, sir.

Isn't that right? Well, the children are waiting. Right this way.

It sure... Yes? Yes? MAN: Gentlemen.

It'll be fine. It'll be fine.

It'll come to me later. Okay.

It's fine. Okay.

It's gavel time. What bill is it?

It's good to see you. What have I been missing here?

It's good to see you. Why, you need a lawyer? (CHUCKLES)

It's just not... But it was a joke. It was a joke.

It's just really... Okay.

It's my sister. I'm sorry?

It's not bad. Gary, I'm a friend of yours.

It's obesity. No, no.

It's tomato juice. It's the Ohio state beverage. (SELINA GROANS)

It's wonderful to see you, too. Just delighted.

Jonah? Yes, ma'am.

Jonah. Are you here

Just a small change in the speech. What is that?

Just have a seat. Please.

keep plastics happy. That's actually a great idea.

Knock it. That's unbelievable.

Knock, knock. Hello. Hello.

l have a 1D. Huh.

Larry. Hey.

Leon West is here. Oh, great.

Leon. Go away. Why are you here?

Let me take your coat. Want to take our coats?

Let me teach you. Okay.

Let's get moving! Let's get moving!

Let's go. Let's go.

Like a human motorcade. Exactly.

Like that. Wait. Are there others?

Look alive, gang. Hey, good looking. What you got cooking?

Look... I know what that means.

Lower that. You're right, we need to get this over with.

ls punching allowed? Oh, you wouldn't stand a chance.

ls that it? Yes.

Ma'am, I am at your service. Amy, yes.

Ma'am? Sue, listen,

Ma'am. Let's get moving!

Ma'am. Yeah.

Madam Vice President, nice to meet you. What a treat...

Madam Vice President. Hello. I'm so sorry I'm late.

Madam Vice President. How do you do?

Madam Vice President. Oh, Roger.

Madam Vice President. Yeah?

Madam Vice President. Yes?

Make that two. Two iced teas.

Mammary Meyer. Oh, please.

Marcus. What?

Massages? What massages? That's good.

Maybe in a paper cup? Yeah.

Middle East. You can talk later.

Mike, she's spinning. Okay. I'll come back.

Mike, you found us. Oh, Madam Vice President.

MIKE: Repugnant? Yes.

Mike. Amy, what’s up?

Mmm hmm. He's back. He's been un reassigned.

Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm.

Mmm mm. No. That's a blessing.

Mmm... Mmm mmm Mmm mmm.

Move it. Yes, sir.

My Clean Jobs? Yeah.

My dad is having his birthday dinner. Nice.

Nine. That's almost a full 10.

No more Selinas? Okay.

No problemo. McLintock gold. Okay. Good.

No sweeteners? No sweetener. Sugar.

No sweeteners? Sugar.

No, be strong. He was the best.

No, I know. I thought I was fucking you in private.

No, I'm fine. Thanks. Okay. No problem.

No, my God! Okay, okay, a joke.

No, no, no, Gary! Gary, what are you doing?

No, who? No, no, no, who?

No, you didn't. Yes.

No. No.

No. No.

No. No. Yeah, okay. Right.

No. Oh, that's too bad. It was all good.

No. Yes.

No.Nope

Not a 1D? No.

Not so close, okay? Okay.

Not yet. No.

Nothing about cornstarch. Her whole position is green jobs.

Now you've lost me. Listen.

Obviously. Yeah.

Of course. Yeah.

Of course. There's some solutions. Thank you.

Oh, darn it. I know.

Oh, fuck. I know.

Oh, God, what? Sorry to disturb you, ma'am.

Oh, God! What?

Oh, God. Is there like an espresso thing?

Oh, good, good. Great. Great.

Oh, good. Can I get you something to drink?

Oh, good. Currently.

Oh, hi, Jonah. Hey, Jonah.

Oh, hope you're okay. It'll be fine

Oh, it's so easy. Too quick, I didn't see it.

Oh, my fucking lord! (METAL CLATTERING)

Oh, my God. Look at this.

Oh, neat. I'm excited.

Oh, no, that's not gonna happen. Not on the schedule.

Oh, outstanding, Gary. Yeah.

Oh, Selina. I know. I know.

Oh, shit. Yeah, it's good

Oh, so are you. Thank you.

Oh, sure. Yeah. Some wraps, maybe.

Oh, you know about baseball? I do,yeah.

Oh, you remember my Chief of Staff, Amy. Oh, Amy, it's nice to see you.

Oh! As you know, he called.

Oh! What?

Oh! That's awfully nice. Yeah, it's growing as we speak.

Oh. Back facials? What?

Oh. GASPS)

Okay, but I need ibuprofen. Okay.

Okay, here you go, first home run. Mmm hmm.

Okay, I guess we're done. We got the shot. Got it.

Okay, it's in a plastic, clear... It should be fine.

Okay, ma'am. Light and frothy. Yeah.

Okay, please, please. Okay. Okay.

Okay, take care. Bye bye.

Okay, well, get your spacesuits on. (ALL LAUGHING)

Okay? Mmm hmm.

Okay? Okay.

Okay? Okay.

Okay? All right. Sorry.

Okay. How you feeling?

Okay. Let's talk about this blog thing.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. One last push to keep these kids entertained.

Okay. The diary's been violated.

Okay. You got it?

Okay. Ken? Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Okay?

One of them. Yes, ma'am. Oh...

Ooh. Ooh.

Or a ballerina, or modern dancer. Okay, it's fine.

Or your Left Foot thing. Great movie.

Orioles! Great.

Philip. Ah, Madam Vice President. Welcome.

Pisa. No.

Please, come into my office. Thank you so much.

POTUS took a golf day

POTUS, he knows Clean Jobs has traction. (PHONE RINGING)

Press is up my ass. Oh, so, okay, great.

Pretty cool, right? Yeah. KIDS: Yay.

Probably. Yeah. Ugh.

Problem? There's a gas main leak.

Really? Ma'am, if we just table this...

regarding my promotion. Really?

Remember that? And God rest his soul.

Right now? Yeah.

Right, Mike? Yes, ma'am.

Right, Will? Yes, sir.

Right. Right?

Right. Yeah.

Right. Yes, yes, yes. Of course. Remember?

ROD: Uh oh, Blame Me Brookheimer. (VIC LAUGHS)

Rubber, petrochemical, agriculture. Right. Okay.

See you downstairs. Yeah.

See, I didn't mean that... It's okay.

See, I... 'Cause like if there were a book

Selina, hi. Hi.

SELINA: Can you see everybody? Thank you. I think they heard me.

SELINA: It's on. Yeah. No!

SELINA: Okay. Throw me a drumstick or something.

Senator Bixby is coming. Oh, good.

Senator Phil Dorsey, 2:00. I'm not a sniper.

Seven. Seven and a half.

Shame on you, Selina Meyer. Okay.

She can go off, can't she? Yeah.

She cannot know about this. SUE: Duh.

She fall for that? I doubt it.

She here yet? Mm mm.

She seems nice. Yeah.

She's great. That's the one.

She's in the bathroom. Why are we doing this now?

Shit, Shit. What? What? What?

Shit? Good.

Shouldn't that be three? Two is good.

Shut? Of course shut!

So eager that... Oh, shit, no.

So you must be Tommy. I am. I am.

So, Jim, you are a hall of famer. They let me in there.

Sorry, Gary. GARY: That's okay.

Sorry. Oh, no. It's fine.

Sounds good to me. Here we go.

SUE: Oh, Amy, I have a quick Q for you to A. Quickly, then.

Sue. Sue.

Surround me. Okay, I've got it. I've got it.

Take care of that. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Taking the black off. Yeah, yeah.

talking about their careers. Oh. Mmm.

Technically, yes. Oh, okay.

Ted, come on. I love to fuck you in private. (PHONE RINGING)

Tell me, how is Emily? Oh, she's good.

Thank you so much for being here. Ma'am.

Thank you so much. Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you, Gary. Madam Vice President. Yeah?

Thank you. (CELL PHONE RINGING)

Thank you. And I'd like you to watch your tone with me.

Thank you. Did you know that I have my own flag?

Thank you. Oh, sure.

Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. I got it. Okay.

Thank you. They're very helpful. Oh, good.

Thanks so much. Okay

Thanks, man. Yeah.

Thanks, Sue. Solution Sue.

That guy's a legend. Right.

That is a lot to remember, Gary. I know, I know.

that is difficult... Mmm hmm.

That was a play on "it's hammer time." I know. What bill is it?

That was good legislation. It was good legislation.

That's flattering. You know what that means? No, Gary.

That's funny. I actually... SELINA: Barbara?

That's kind of exciting. No, no

That's not gonna go right there. Relax, cow eyes.

That's provocative, ma'am. Yeah.

That's what we're doing. Oh, isn't this cute?

The inter nerds are on it. Okay, good.

The ones who don't grab. Oh.

The smile story? Yeah.

The White House would like... Hang on just a second.

then we pregnancy test you to fuck. Okay.

There it is. Thank you.

They are awful. (LAUGHS)

They bring kids in to watch that. Fuck off

They... Come on, use your head.

This is all we have. Here. Oh! Well, this is...

This is awesome! You know what, Mike?

This is the bear trap. I know, you're right.

This is what we're gonna do. What?

True words, ma'am. Yeah.

Uh huh

Uh huh. Well, equally, 'cause it's been my life.

Uh huh. I thought you knew that. The guy's like gay porn. He's everywhere.

Uh, may I? No, you may not.

Uh, yeah, he was. Five year olds get that.

Uh... Is your guy gonna be tweeting about this?

Vice Presidential, anyway. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

Vote against. Vote for.

Wait, he's the starting pitcher? Yes.

Want to hear it? No.

Was he full of wisdom? He was full of bourbon.

Was that a journalist? Yes.

We can't go to Paris. Shit

We have all night. I appreciate that. Hello. Uh huh.

We need to Shock and Awe this thing. Okay.

We were at my place. That's not protocol.

We're discussing important things. Like the pope.

Welcome to Camden Yards. Thank you.

Well, good luck with all that. Thank you.

Well, that's how I feel. Here we go.

Well, you can tell him to go fuck him... He's right here, ma'am.

What a dark thought. I'm not wishing that.

What a great job you did. My pleasure.

What are you planning? What?

What are you talk... Be quiet

What business? That's a need to know basis, Mike.

What if Tom Hanks dies? What?

What is that? Don't worry about it.

What the fuck, Mike? What the fuck, Mike?

What, did we declare war? No, it's worse.

What? Approve.

What? Can I just...

What? Not Selina's name, my name.

What? One second, please.

What? Or plastics.

What? Peep you later.

What? What?

What? Yeah.

What? Yeah. A classic move.

What? What? Look.

What's the delay? It's not much longer, ma'am.

Where is it located, Will? The toilet.

Where nobody goes. Yes, ma'am.

Where's Selina? She's on her way back from lunch.

Which one? Mrs. Doutheyer.

Who are you talking to? Okay, you vulture motherfucker?

Who is this fucking infant? No one.

Whoa, are you self googling? Yeah.

Whoa, head jerk. Just head jerked. Okay.

Why? Because of me? No.

Wipes. Scented, unscented?

Would you get me some whipped cream? Yeah, give me a minute.

Would you please get me some ibuprofen? I'm your rock.

Wow! Right?

Yay! Yay!

Yeah, a little bit so we're not all on one side. Just so we're not all on one side.

Yeah, I agree. Yeah. It's like a wheelchair for the eye.

Yeah, I had heard. Yeah, well,

Yeah, I signed my name. Oh. Father.

Yeah, I'll be the adult version of Gary. Okay.

Yeah, I've noticed. And his hands are really small.

Yeah, it's a word play or a parody. Mmm.

Yeah, okay, let's go talk filibuster reform. (CHUCKLES)

Yeah, sorry about that. That's okay.

Yeah, that's right. Simple.

Yeah, wraps. G****s.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Sorry.

Yeah. (CELL PHONE RINGING)

Yeah. Like a big, beautiful eagle.

Yeah. What?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like hanging with you

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You want me to stay?

Yeah. Go, go, go. Shut it down.

Yeah. Last I heard, he was three over par. Huh?

Yes, ma'am. Oh, how nice.

Yes, ma'am. Oh, how nice.

Yes, ma'am. Tuck your shirt in.

Yes. He ran press for Moses, didn't he?

Yes. Okay.

Yes. Wow.

Yes. Have a seat. Thank you.

Yes. Yes. Amy, no.

You are late. Yes, and I am incredibly sorry.

You are so going to regret... Amy, I need a shit.

You back your own policy. Yeah? You think so?

You can be my Gary? Yeah.

You can get out. Okay.

You can lip read? Yeah.

You cut me, I bleed metal. Great.

You don't have to be snarky about this. (PHONE RINGING)

You don't think anyone noticed that, do you? No. God, no.

You get a gag on top of... Mike!

You got it? Yes, I did.

You had no fucking idea. Dan, I had a fucking idea.

You having fun? No.

You know what I mean? Sure.

You know why? 'Cause they don't have a name?

You know you'll have to keep it. I know.

You know, like using the initials VP jokingly. Like what?

You like Italian? I love Italian, Jonah,

You okay? AMY: Yeah, let me get you some coffee.

You okay? AMY: Yeah, let me get you some coffee.

You said you had thick skin. GARY: God, no

You should mingle. Mingle?

You should mingle. Mingle?

You understand me? Yeah.

You want your scarf? No.

you would have resigned? No, ma'am.

You're a dirty little prick. (BOTH LAUGHING)

You're a woman. What?

You're kidding. Janet? No.

You're sure? Endorse. Yes

You're welcome. I appreciate that.

Your tea is almost ready. Thank you.

Yup, the Whitegeist. Right.

...and probably career ending humiliation, Jonah.

...upside down.

'Cause all ambition you had left your body a long time ago

'Cause everybody wants to be the guy getting the TV sound bite, okay?

'Cause I never let Catherine get a dog when she was little.

'Cause I think that I signed my name.

'Cause I'm getting emails like every other heartbeat.

'Cause if I genuinely don't know, then those bastards can't make me tell them.

'Cause if it is, the best thing for her legacy

'Cause if you ever wanna step several rungs down the ladder,

'Cause technically he's n an American.

'Cause that bombshell just gave birth to a bigger bombshell.

'Cause they're not for fucking sale.

'Cause we want to hit these disapproval ratings head on.

'Cause you can't drink a solid, can you?

'Cause you seem like a guy who thinks he's being clever.

'Cause you were feeling too much pressure.

'Cause you're gonna get your head shot, your back stabbed, and your nuts danced on.

"Clean jobs task force likely to be green lit!" Exclamation point.

"Dan, hi. I hate Chuck Furnham."

"Get moving" might actually be a good slogan for this damn thing.

"I wonder what's in this book that they saw fit

"I'm from the White House. What the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm melting. I'm melting."

"I'm the Vice President of the United States. Put the cupcake down."

"junk the jams" or whatever they're calling it now.

"Someone get this freak the fuck away from me?"

"The Good Fight."

"to give it covers made of pure shit."

"To vice president Salina Meyer"...

"Two point me."

"Two point me." That's exactly right. I love that.

"Who's the real first lady?" Sexist bullshit.

"You have to go down to go up."

”And I said, We never had any complaints.”' (CHUCKLES)

”and in politics you're always...”

”Firefighters have a passion for their work.

”Let's make it 100! Let's make plastic utensils extinct!”

”So why don't you shut the fuck up?”

(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL CHUCKLING)

(ALL CHUCKLING)

(ALL GROAN)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(BLOWING NOSE LOUDLY)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

(CHANTING) Go, Gary. Go, go, go, Gary.

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) Do you want to try me?

(CHUCKUNG)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CROWD LAUGHING)

(DAN SIGHING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(EXHALES)

(GARY GROANS)

(GAVEL BANGS ON TV)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

(LAUGHING STOPS)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHS) That's a good one. "Your own retard." Nice.

(LAUGHS) What?

(LOUD METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(LOUD METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(MOCKING ACCENT) ”Selina, hi.

(MOCKINGLY) "Why don't we just wait this out?"

(MOUTHING)

(MOUTHING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(PHONE RINGING)

(SCOFFS) Oh, come on. They're not gonna pull funding over this.

(SIGHING) Oh, fuck.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS) Do you mind?

(SIGHS) Oh, my God, what was I just gonna say?

(SIGHS) Plastics apparently talked to the President.

(SIREN WAILING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

(SIRENS BLARING)

(SOFTLY) Fuck, yeah.

(STAMMERING) Barbara, are you really willing to sell your soul

(STAMMERS)

(TAPPING KEY QUICKLY)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(TURNS OFF TV)

(WHISPERING) by fat people.

”Arsonists just have a burning desire