Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Soundboard Edit

A limo's just pulled up.

Abort.

Abort.

Abort.

Ah, no, actually, I'm English.

All right, baldy. Shut your cakehole

Alotta Fagina.

Alright. Watch me.

An evil vet?

And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!

And they're all: "Get out."

And we're like: "Make me."

And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset...

And you don't realize there is no world anymore.

Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him?

As you wish, sir.

At ease, boys

At ease, boys.

Attention. Stage one: laser cutting beginning.

Austin is very charming very debonair.

Austin, we won.

Austin!

Austin?

Avil?

Back in the sixties, I developed a weather changing machine...

Behave.

Can I er...

Can you believe John Smith is getting married tomorrow?

Ciao, darling.

Come on

Come on, Austin. Give it to me. Go. Go.

Darling, you have to understand, in Britain in the sixties...

Deadly to his enemies, a legend in his own time.

Deceased.

Depended on our having sex simply for procreation...

Din din.

Does that make you horny?

Duty calls, baby

Enjoy the show.

Everyone's had a ride.

Fascinating.

Frau Farbissina

Gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair.

Get up!

Has a knowledge of fine wines.

He admitted it, and they are now divorced.

He's dead?

Hear, hear!

Hello, hello!

Hello, Vanessa.

Hey, Americans! Yeah!

Hey, partner, come on, you gotta relax. Don't force it

Hey! Viva Las Vegas, baby. Hey!

Hi, Mom.

Hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage.

Honey.

How dare you break wind before me?

How did this get in here?

How do you do?

How many butts does she have?

I always have this with me, just in case.

I hate you! I hate you!

I have a business proposition you might find very interesting

I have a plan.

I know.

I mean, I'll go get a gun. We'll shoot him together

I never forget a pussy...

I shagged her rotten, baby! Yeah!

I still would not have sex with you.

I thought I'd stay in.

I wish I was never artificially created in a lab

I'll stay.

I'll take him.

I'm going to place him in an easily escapable situation...

I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.

I'm just beginning to see what my mummy was talking about all those years ago.

I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know it was your turn.

I'm the boss. Need the info.

I've got you now, Dr. Evil.

I've had enough of you pushing me around.

I've uncovered the details of Project Vulcan.

If somebody could open the retrieval hatch down here...

Intruders in the complex.

Is it cold in here?

It is the policy of the United Nations...

It looks like a watch, but, in fact

It... it's not what it seems.

It's a shame he wasn't more headstrong.

It's one of Dr. Evil's assassins.

Jimi Hendrix...deceased.

John Smith won't be coming.

Judo chop!

Judo chop!

Klinky?

Klinky.

Let this be a reminder to you all...

Let us repair to the main chamber

Let's lock and load.

Let's make a Vanessa sandwich

Likewise.

Listen, Mr. Powers.

Milk?

Mishaps?

Mister Powers

Mister Powers!

Move it!

Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset.

Mr. Powers...

My God, Vanessa, you are so incredibly beautiful.

My God, Vanessa's got a fabulous body...

No, Mr. Powers.

No, no, no. I'm going to leave them alone...

No, no! Let go of my mother!

No!

No.

Nomads, you know.

Not at all.

Now, come along. We have to leave immediately.

Oh groovy, smashing, yay capitalism #austin powers #capitalism #socialism #marx #marxism

Oh, er... indeed.

Oh, sure.

Oh. All right. Hold on

OK, then.

Okay, Austin needs his hand back.

Okay.

Okay. I'll hurry back.

One more peep out of you and you are grounded, mister and I am not joking.

Oops! Sorry

Or sometimes not at all.

Ow!

Patch me through to the United Nations security secret meeting room.

Please don't go.

Please.

Position the Vulcan.

Prince Charles did have an affair...

Project Vulcan is about to begin.

Project Vulcan.

Quickly. Come on, lad. Let's go.

Random Task Korean ex wrestler, evil handyman extraordinaire

Random Task, show them what you do.

Right now, we've got freedom and responsibility. It's a very groovy time.

Right, lads

Ritualistically shaved my testicles.

Scott!

See, what happened was er... I broke in trying to get to Dr. Evil

Sex: Yes, please!

Shipping in Texas, oil refineries in Seattle...

Show me.

Silence!

So powerful, it can penetrate the earth's crust...

Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy...

Speaking.

Thank you.

Thanks, Exposition.

That a breakaway Russian republic, Kreplachistan...

That's the spot right there. Look at that, now. Good God.

The ultimate gentleman spy. Irresistible to women...

The warhead is ours.

The world's deadliest assassins...

Then I'm going to regroup and come up with a new plan.

There it is.

They are mutated sea bass.

This is my Italian confidential secretary.

This place is going to blow!

Very shagadelic!

Virtucon alone makes over $9 billion a year.

Wait a minute.

Wait.

Watch out. Move!

We don't want to kill each other in here.

We must kill Austin Powers!

We would have done things differently but the spirit would've remained the same.

We'll take you, and we'll go out on the town..

We're gonna get through this.

We're not so different, you and I.

Welcome to my underground lair.

Well, as you know, Dr. Evil has escaped in his rocket..

Well, I just really met my dad for the first time 5 days ago.

Well, in many ways, the Big Boy never left, sir.

What's its current position?

What's the other?

Whe... Where am I?

When you see this jet a rockin' don't come a knockin', baby! Yeah.

Which we think may be linked to Dr. Evil.

Why don't you just shoot him now?

Why not?

With disease that had all the hall marks of syphilis.

Yeah!

Yes?

Yes.

You can't judge him by modern standards.

You didn't tell me he is so obsessed with sex!

You know I meant did you use a condom?

You know, I sometimes forget you've missed out on the last 30 years.

You seem surprised to see me, Miss Fagina.

Your timing is impeccable. Go ahead. Take Mr. Powers away.

~A look~ Good God.

Blow me

Born and shoot.

Burt Bacharach plays his hits... Hey Burt! Hey. Yeah.

Come here! I'm not coming over there.

Hug! Get away from me, you lazy eyed psycho!

I'm... Shh!

Oh god, Austin, get on with it. I'm going to do it.

Open the frickin' door!

Silence, Number Two! No!

Three!

Two!

Watch out! Watch out!

...the world pays us a hefty ransom.

...unless...

'Course. I had my nine millimeter automatic.

"We would like to ask you to fasten" Oh, turbulence!

~BBC Five. BBC Six. BBC Seven.~

~BBC Five. BBC Six. BBC Seven.~

~Both smitten by the love songs~

~But you never really know~ Ignore this. Ignore this.

~Call me.~

~Call me.~

~Call me.~ All right

~Call me.~ I won't bite...

~cause you will never show~

~Don't be afraid, you can~

~he stays a stranger~

~How I fell in love with you~ Oh, you know what?

~I touch myself, ooh~

~I touch myself~

~I'll shout myself hoarse for your supernatural force!~

~it's on~ everything you need to know.

~Look at yourself, look at yourself~

~Make love to me~

~Make love to me~

~Maybe it's late but just call me.~

~Maybe it's late, but just~

~Missis~

~No Gretna Green trip over~ Yes. Yes. Yes!

~no, but everyone.~

~No, not just for some~

~Of a deadly sniper~ You got your mojo working overtime, darling. Yeah.

~of love~ everything you need to know.

~Oh, I don't want~

~Put on the telly~

~Something you call love, but confess~ Go, fembots!

~That always comes my way~ Let's go. Come on. Come on. Come on.

~that I have been~ An animal! Yes.

~That's just~ Fabulous, darling.

~The charmed kittens~ Very good. Very good.

~the look...~

~The magic piper of love~ Smashing.

~the way it tends to be these days~

~These days~ Lord! Lord!

~These days~ Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

~They've giving you a number~ Judo! Judo!

~To change the things~ Okay. You're an animal!

~Watch out. Someone's gonna get me~

~Who cares what games we choose?~ It's my happening, baby, and it freaks me out!

~who leads a life of danger~ Right Back!

~You cannot just cage a bird~ Yes! That's it. Ya!

~you never really know~ Ignore this. Ignore this.

~You showed me how to do~

♫ cause you will never show ♫

♫ I will never know ♫