Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999) Edit

A guy with a pin to burst your bubble

A kamikaze bride from me

A little milk...nose...mustache.

A trillion is more than a billion, numnuts.

About what happened last night

According to this map...

Actually, that was footage from "Independence Day..."

After all, you are my father.

Again

Ah, Mr. Powers, Ms. Shagwell...

Airlock, open.

All crew at battle stations.

All I asked for was a frickin' rotating chair, OK?

All right then, maybe later.

All right, come on.

All right, everyone, you're dismissed.

All right, give him his money.

All right, slap head.

All right, that's enough, Fat Bastard.

All right, then.

All right, zip it.

All right. This is ri goddamn diculous.

Alleyoop!

Also known as tally whacker, schlong, or...

Am I wrong, but this makes me horny, baby.

An Eggo?

An evil doctor shouldn't speak aloud about his feelings

And be honest.

And believe me, you're gonna get the girl.

And do the bad thing.

And Frau, you look so...

And has traveled back to the year 1969.

And he fits easily into most overhead storage bins.

And I do

And I love you, Felicity Shagwell.

And I thought you'd never love me without my mojo.

And I'll get your baby.

And I'm spent.

And I'm spent.

And I'm spent.

And I'm still in quite a lot of pain.

And I'm taking it with me to the moon.

And I'm the man who will be killing you now.

And is heading for a rendezvous with the moon.

And it couldn't come at a worse time.

And Ivanna toilet made out of solid gold...

And just enjoy yourself.

And just who do you work for, baby?

And look.

And Moon Unit Zappa.

And Mr. Elvis Costello.

And now I'm going to kill you.

And now you're nothing.

And one for my homies.

And one of the models works for Dr. Evil.

And the Earth is ruled by damned dirty apes!

And they'll escape!

And try to lose some weight, for God's sake.

And when you're in the main chamber...

And why is that, ladies and gentlemen?

And wouldn't count in the other line of questioning.

And you're a big dope.

Any of you kids want another wiener?

Any ways, the key to this plan is the giant laser.

Any ways, this is the phase...

Anything that catches my fancy, you know.

Anyway, I have a new assignment for you.

Apollo Eleven has cleared the tower...

Apollo Eleven is good to go.

Apparently a rogue agent named Fat Bastard...

Are you gonna squirt some? You gonna cry?

Are you happy?

Are you happy?

Are you kidding, baby?

Are you OK?

Are you OK?

Are you suggesting that we blow up the moon?

Arm the "laser."

Arming the laser!

As much as I like seeing Powers in agony

As you know, the moon rotates around the Earth, like so.

As you know...

As you know...

Assigned to guard your cryogenic chamber.

At affordable prices.

Attention, arming the Death Star.

Attention, Moon Unit Zappa to firing stations.

Attention, prepare for launch.

Austin Powers always defeats me because he has mojo.

Austin Powers is no longer a threat to me.

Austin Powers is on the island.

Austin Powers was frozen in 1967.

Austin Powers, I presume.

Austin Powers, I've heard a lot about you.

Austin Powers? He's the snake to my mongoose.

Austin, I'm waiting.

Austin, the test results confirm...

Austin, there you are.

Austin, what's our plan?

Away from evil empires and towards Starbucks...

Baby back ribs

Baby back, baby back, baby back ribs

Baby back, baby back, baby back ribs

Baby: It's what's for dinner.

Baby.

Back off.

Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967...

Battle stations.

Be careful with that bag!

Be evil, but have my feelings, too

Be on special alert.

Because you're not quite evil enough.

Before you do that...

Before you kill us, let me ask you one question.

Begin "laser..."

Begin laser ignition!

Begin the countdown.

Better play it cool. Your friend works for Dr. Evil.

Billions?

Bless you.

Bless your little heart.

Breathtaking.

Bring him to me...alive.

Bring it on, skanky

Bringing Washington D.C. within range of my giant...

Building castles in the sky

Burrow!

But as far as I'm concerned...

But at least it can't get any worse.

But do we really have to be here, Felicity?

But I can't find them.

But I do know this

But I find you so...

But if I'm still frozen in 1967...

But isn't it interesting, Mr. Powers...

But it looks like a giant

But it's just not in the cards, is it?

But Scott rejected me, c'est la vie

But the real laser would be a lot like that.

But there'd be a ten minute period there...

But there's more.

But this time we have an operative...

But what you're really trying to find is on the inside.

But you lost the war.

By any means necessary.

By the way, would you like some chicken?

Call British Intelligence and let them know about this.

Called a Belgian dip.

Can I borrow that, please? Thank you.

Can I have a hug?

Can I have your autograph?

Can someone put a frickin' bell on him or something?

Can you save the world while I go get the girl?

Can you snap me a beer?

Captain, why don't you...

Care for a ride?

Change my life with Oprah and Maya Angelou

Charming.

Chili

Christ, I'm getting all emotional from it, you know?

Ciao.

Colonel, you better take a look at this radar.

Come here! I'm gonna eat you!

Come on out.

Come on, darling, let's hop on the good foot...

Come on, Felicity.

Come on, Mr. President, show me the money.

Come on!

Come on. Are you all right? Yeah, come on.

Come, Mini Me!

Come, Mr. Bigglesworth.

Cool.

Cor, baby. You look very shagadelic!

Cor! This coffee smells like shit.

Crew to all stations.

Crikey!

Crikey!

Crikey.

Cross check Fat Bastard's profile...

Cut me some frickin' slack.

Da, darling?

Dad, he put this in my bed.

Dad, what's that?

Dad.

Daddy's back.

Daktari!

Damage report! Damage report!

Damn it! You are handsome.

Damn it. How do we get in?

De lish!

Defeat Dr. Evil, and be back in time for tea.

Did we get Dr. Evil?

Do I make you horny, baby?

Do I make you randy?

Do I really have to ask you two more times?

Do I?

Do we really need this?

Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?

Do you remember me, Austin Powers?

Do you smoke after sex?

Do you swing?

Do you think I'll be happy here in the Nineties?

Do you think you could...

Don't That's just Now I'm pissed.

Don't be scared, Mini Me.

Don't go there, girlfriend.

Don't lay your hang ups on me, just 'cause you lost your mojo.

Don't mess with me, I'm one crazy mo fo.

Don't smack my bottom, Mummy.

Don't tell me what it's all about

Don't worry about me, Austin.

Don't worry about me, Austin.

Don't worry, mama.

Don't you dare move.

Don't you want to try the wheelbarrow...

Done with that. All right, that's done.

Down, Mini Me.

Dr. Evil sent me here to kill you...

Dr. Evil, I don't understand...

Dr. Evil, I don't want this to interfere with our work.

Dr. Evil, I'm late.

Dr. Evil, several years ago...

Dr. Evil, that was fantastic.

Dr. Evil, this is 1969.

Dr. Evil, we have a problem.

Dr. Evil, what are our plans regarding Austin Powers?

Dr. Evil, what are we going to do about Powers?

Dr. Evil, you have a little of the...

Dr. Evil! I'll kill him!

Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil's headquarters is right over that next ridge.

Dutch East Indies. Shore leave.

Easy!

Eating like a sexy man can

Eighteen....

Enjoy your stay on the moon.

Entire meals come in pill form...

Escape pod ninety five.

Even so, a God there must be

Every diabolical scheme that I have hatched...

Eww. Yuck.

Except one eighth your size.

Excuse me, Dr. Evil.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Fat Bastard left a floater!

Fat Bastard, could I have my mojo, please?

Fat Bastard.

Felicity Shagwell, CIA.

Felicity would never sleep with you.

Felicity, I can't blame you.

Felicity, I think you two may have already "met."

Felicity, make yourself at home, baby.

Felicity, why don't you come with me to 1999?

Fez is familiar.

Fifteen...fourteen...thirteen

Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?

Fire the "laser."

Fire the "laser."

Fire the laser!

First things first!

First we need to get past that one inept guard.

Five...four...

For all your trouble

Found only on one island, here, in the Caribbean.

Four...three...two.

Frau Farbissina, wie geht es ihnen?

Frau, would you please

Frau! Begin the countdown at thirty.

Frau...

Frisky, are we?

From my "Death Star..."

From the moment I heard Frau say I had a clone

General, we've got a situation here.

Gentlemen, I'm about to go to the moon.

Get in my belly!

Get me the president of the United States of America!

Get me the president.

Get my mojo, go back to my place...

Get off of me.

Get off!

Get out of my suit!

Get this jerk out of here.

Get your hands off my Heine, baby.

Getting a little afraid.

Give him my love and the things I never had

Give it a good tug.

Give it up!

Give me moment, hmm?

Go to hell, Powers!

Go, go, go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

God, you do this every time!

God!

God.

Godspeed, Austin Powers.

Gonna vomit.

Good lord, Austin.

Good to see you guys.

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Good work!

Good, Herr Doktor. And you?

Good.

Good.

Gotcha!

Gotcha!

Great plan, Einstein.

Great!

Great!

Great.

Groovy, baby!

Groovy!

Grr, baby! Very grr!

Had you for a second.

Halt!

Hands up!

Hands up!

Hang in there, Mini Me.

Hang on, baby.

Has been thwarted by Austin Powers.

Has the sample been analyzed?

Have developed a time travel device...

He is exactly like you in every way.

He kinda looks like a baby.

He put road kill in my sheets!

He used some sort of nerve gas.

He weighs a metric ton.

He'll be helpless.

He'll kill me the first chance he gets.

He's a biter.

He's a disgruntled Scottish guard...

He's at Paddington Station.

He's biting me!

He's evil, he wants to take over the world...

He's hiding in the secret volcano lair.

He's like a dog or something.

He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing.

He's my posse.

He's my special boy.

He's not fitting in?

He's right.

He's so small.

He's stealing Austin Powers' mojo even as we speak.

He's, like, cryogenically frozen...

Head an evil empire just like his dear old dad

Hello up there!

Hello up there.

Hello, Agent Shagwell.

Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon?

Hello, Basil.

Hello, hello. The signal's coming through.

Hello, Mummy. Can I have some chocolates?

Hello, Scott.

Hello. You all right?

Help me check them.

Her name is Unibrau.

Here goes nothing.

Here we go.

Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers.

Herr Doktor.

Herr Doktor.

Hey there, sport.

Hey there. How are you?

Hey, Austin from ten minutes from now!

Hey, get him. Get the baby!

Hey, what's that?

Hi, Scott. Nice to have you with us.

Him?

His name...Fat Bastard.

Hit it!

Hop on the good foot and do the bad thing. Yes!

Hot...for...you.

Houston, this is Condor.

Houston...we have a problem.

How about no, Scott?

How about one of your world famous massages?

How are things?

How are things?

How are you?

How could I have been unthawed...

How could you do it?

How could you do this to me, on national television?

How could you?

How did I miss those, baby?

How did that get in your bag?

How do you get into those pants, baby?

How does that feel, baby?

How does that feel, baby?

How we can hope to steal Austin Powers' mojo.

However, I'm just trying to get information from you, man.

Hurry!

I already had someone created in my image.

I am a sexy bitch. Yes.

I am your father.

I assume you know how to play.

I ate a baby!

I bet that's expensive.

I bid you adieu.

I can do that.

I can guess, baby.

I can't back that up.

I can't believe Vanessa...

I can't believe we're gonna pay that madman.

I can't do this.

I can't explain.

I can't let my feelings for you interfere...

I can't stand to be asked the same question three times.

I can't stay mad at you.

I can't stop eating.

I choose love, baby.

I demand a little respect.

I did what I had to do.

I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

I don't believe in science.

I don't get too close to anybody, Basil.

I don't know animals.

I don't know what I would do.

I don't know what you mean, Austin.

I don't know what.

I don't know, baby. I never looked.

I don't know, sir.

I don't know, son, but it's got great big...

I don't know.

I don't know. The Sixties were so groovy.

I don't like that insolent tone.

I don't need any consistency in the questions, do I?

I don't recall your name but your...

I don't want you to get sick.

I eat because I'm unhappy.

I fear it might be gangrenous.

I found the explosives.

I go back to the Sixties, recharge my mojo...

I got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey.

I got nukes up the ying yang.

I got stuck in your dirty pillows.

I got your hood!

I guessed wrong.

I had to pop a cop...

I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name.

I have his mojo.

I have to go.

I have to speak to you about this Mini Me.

I have your mojo...

I just did what I thought you would do in the same situation.

I just didn't want to fall in love again...

I knew that I'd be safe 'cause I'd never be alone

I know we do it every time, however it is important to

I know.

I know.

I love you, Austin Powers.

I love you, Felicity.

I love you, Mom.

I love you, too, son.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I mean, it's so boring.

I must've said something wrong, so he just left all of a sudden.

I need an old priest and a young priest.

I never knew it could be this way!

I put the "Grr!" in "swinger, " baby!

I received your memo from the future.

I salute you.

I seem to have fallen down a cliff.

I shall call him...

I spit at the question.

I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing...

I think he was...

I think I'm gonna like it in the Nineties.

I think my legs are broken. I'll try to stand.

I think we could get down to some serious business here.

I thought I wanted to be you, but then I realized that...

I thought I was a test tube baby.

I thought that

I thought you didn't like me.

I want my baby back, baby back

I want my baby back, baby back

I want my mojo!

I want some Mars Bars.

I want to be with you.

I want to make sure the explosives didn't get wet...

I want to see what happens in the Seventies and Eighties.

I want! I want!

I was distracted by that enormous flying

I was just doing my job.

I was just thinking that maybe we could work all this out.

I was just thinking the same.

I was talking about me.

I will destroy another major city every hour on the hour.

I will destroy every city on the planet.

I will destroy Washington D.C. with this giant "laser."

I will not tolerate failure.

I will not tolerate your insolence!

I will take it to the grave with me.

I wrote that, yeah.

I'd hoped Scott would look up to me

I'd love to.

I'd probably move on, get another replica.

I'll

I'll

I'll

I'll ask you not to open that inside, thank you very much.

I'll cover your rear.

I'll do that.

I'll give you piece of

I'll just feel around them.

I'll kick your...punk.

I'll kill you both!

I'll never fall in love again

I'll set the controls for 1967.

I'll try the other leg.

I'm a hard case, he says.

I'm a secret agent.

I'm about to travel through time.

I'm all right. I'm easy.

I'm back in the Sixties, baby, yeah!

I'm bigger than you.

I'm dead sexy.

I'm dead sexy. Look at my sexy body.

I'm even better off my feet.

I'm going back to the Sixties and steal Austin Powers' mojo.

I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy.

I'm going to get us some more champagne, jungle boy.

I'm going to kill you anyway.

I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers.

I'm gonna get you.

I'm gonna give.

I'm higher on the food chain.

I'm home!

I'm in an extraordinarily large amount of pain.

I'm just gonna go watch a movie.

I'm just one of his low level functionaries.

I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy.

I'm not kidding.

I'm OK.

I'm OK. All right.

I'm Rebecca Romijn.

I'm rich, and I'm dead sexy.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm still alive, but I'm very badly injured.

I'm still down here...

I'm sure "Operation Bananarama" will be huge.

I'm the man who will maintain the dignity...

I'm the same Vane

I'm unhappy because I eat.

I'm you, ten minutes from now.

I've beaten Dr. Evil before, and I'll beat him again.

I've been a frickin' evil doctor for thirty frickin' years, OK?

I've brought the best part of the Sixties back with me.

I've developed a device for traveling through time...

I've fashioned a make shift splint.

I've got a turtle head poking out.

I've got bigger titties than you do.

I've got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

I've got more.

I've got my mojo back.

I've got your mojo now, sonny Jim.

I've had bigger chunks of corn in my crap.

I've lost my mojo.

I've lost my mojo.

I've never felt better, Austin.

I've not seen my willie in two years...

I've seen bigger. That's...

If anything should happen to you...

If I'm preaching to the converted...

If we could put aside the family squabbling...

If we shift our resources...

If you have a time machine...

If you just joined us, today's topic is...

If you'll excuse me...

Ignition sequence.

In exactly six hours...

In order to get close to Fat Bastard, I had to

In the name of all things sacred...

In the Nineties and traveled back

In which we put a giant "laser" on the moon.

In your dreams.

Infiltrated the unit...

Initiate prelaunch sequence.

Initiation sequence in progress.

Inside the Ministry of Defense.

Into what I like to call a "Death Star."

Is he giving off too much of a creepy Oompa Loompa vibe?

Is it a hollowed out volcano like I asked for?

Is it me?

Is that all the thanks I get for the night of hot sex?

Is the movie over?

It got weird, didn't it?

It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with

It is shit, Austin.

It just irritates me.

It looks like someone's

It means that this is the location of Dr. Evil's lair.

It takes a keen intellect to play chess.

It tickles. It tickles.

It turns out that Vanessa was a fembot.

It was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist Dr. Parsons.

It will destroy Washington D.C.

It's a bit nutty.

It's a flu shot.

It's a gerbil.

It's a long road ahead.

It's a vicious cycle.

It's amazing, Austin.

It's definitely back.

It's just a good bye card, that's all.

It's just not cricket.

It's not meant to be.

It's not you.

It's OK.

It's OK. It's all right. Come on.

It's one thing to attack me.

It's only a television show. Calm down.

It's quite another to attack my Mini Me.

It's so big.

It's squidgey!

It's sweet.

Its appropriate lunar alignment...

Ivana Humpalot.

Ivana.

Jerry! Jerry!

Jesus Christ, he's tiny!

Jiminy jumpin' Jesus,

Judo chop!

Judo kick!

Judoflip!

Just a little prick.

Just a slob like one of us

Just grab on to the hook, all right?

Just keep digging, darling.

Just keep packing it in.

Just let me launch one, for God's sake.

Just love him and stroke him.

Just make love to me.

Just one calorie. Not evil enough.

Just say "go." Better.

Just taking a break?

Just the two of us

Just the two of us

Just the two of us

Just the two of us

Just the two of us

Just the two of us

Just the two of us

Keep a close eye on that Kreplachistan situation.

Keep up the good work.

Kill him!

Kill him.

Kill them both!

Kiss my ass, Powers.

Know this...

Known for his lethal temper and his unusual eating habits.

L'chaim!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex zip it "A."

Ladies and gentlemen, in just a few moments...

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach...

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my moon base.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Laser on!

Laser set to full vitality.

Laser set to full vitality.

Last night, I planted a homing device on Fat Bastard.

Launch procedure commence.

Leave Mini Mr. Bigglesworth alone.

Let me ask you a question.

Let me look.

Let me make you a deal, all right?

Let the magic begin.

Let's begin with Scott Evil.

Let's bring out Scott's father Dr. Evil!

Let's find Dr. Evil.

Let's get some smiles. It's all in here.

Let's go, baby, yeah!

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's let the inside out.

Let's look at the map.

Let's set up camp.

Lies. All lies!

Life is cruel, treats you unfairly

Line it with makeshift punji sticks...

Listen All You know

Listen, baby, I don't care if he is a Fat Bastard...

Listen, Felicity...

Listen, I don't want you getting too close to Austin.

Listen, missy, do you fancy another go?

Listen, past Austin...

Lock in target.

Look at him, he's crazy.

Look at me, I'm a big fat slob.

Look at me, I'm shaking in my little space boots.

Look at me. I'm a sexy bitch, baby. Yeah!

Look at that meal.

Look at that punum.

Look at yourself.

Look in the bottom.

Look, all I'm

Look, Austin, we're running out of time.

Look!

Looking for this, Mr. Powers?

Looks in no way like Southern California.

Lower.

Lt looks like a big...

Luckily, we, too...

Machine gun jubblies?

Made from sharpened toothbrushes.

Maiden name's Spitz.

Main rocket engines, ignition.

Make an interconnected series of tunnels like the Viet Cong.

Make love to me, monkey man.

May I present to you my spy in the Ministry of Defense...

Maybe someone in the lobby could call an ambulance.

Me spuds are boiling.

Meant to.

Meanwhile, you dig a pit...

Mini Me, are you hungry?

Mini Me, stop humping the laser.

Mini Me, you complete me

Mini Me.

Miss Humpalot.

Mission control, the swinger has landed.

Mojo?

Mom?

Mommy.

Moon Unit Alpha...

Move out!

Move! Move!

Mr. English colonel tellin' me to lose weight.

Mr. President, after I destroy Washington D.C...

Mr. President, allow me to demonstrate...

Mr. President, I think we have an understanding.

Mr. President, in twelve hours...

My bride...

My dad is the head of a worldwide evil organization...

My hurt and my pain don't make me too appealin'

My interest in this case is purely professional.

My mojo! I'll get you, Dr. Evil!

My mojo.

My mojo. I'm useless without it.

My name is Mustafa.

My name is Robin Swallows.

My one true love...

Myself.