Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Edit

A bit of a how's your father.

A chased man who died mysteriously

A lot's happened since you were frozen.

A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days.

A world renown photographer.

AAAH!

Abort.

Abort.

Abort.

About 15 years ago, we changed from volatile chemicals...

Absolutely.

Actually, I couldn't stop staring at your teeth.

Actually, my name is Austin Powers.

Actually, the boy's quite astute.

Actually...

Ah, er... look, it's a guard.

Ah, here she is.

Ah, sorry, I'm just not getting it.

Ah.

Ah. Number Two.

Aha!

Alcohol.

All right, guard...

All right, then...Vanessa.

All right. Let's begin.

All right. There we go.

Allez hop!

Allow myself to introduce...

Alotta Fagina.

Alotta meant nothing to me.

Alright. Get up!

Alright. That's great. Is the lighting halfway decent?

Always wanting to have fun, Austin, that's you in a nutshell.

An evil petting zoo?

And a factory in Chicago...

And all of these children are trying to chase him...

And an unorthodox entry angle.

And be honest.

And do some on site reconnaissance.

And er... Phillips, feed my fish.

And General Borschevsky, Russian Intelligence.

And greed and corruption ruled again.

And had himself cryogenically frozen...

And I bet she shags like a minx.

And I don't want to sound paranoid but...

And I love you, Mrs. Powers.

And I'm like: "Just back off."

And if you could, I wouldn't, because I'm not like that.

And not actually witness them dying.

And smoke started to come out of their jumblies.

And so Dr. Evil escaped...

And swing, baby. Yeah!

And that's how you'd like to live your life, is it?

And the future of the human race...

And the high quality of their character. It's two meanings.

And the toothbrush is the detonation device.

And then the guy says something in Paris talk...

And then there's this.

And these forms indemnify the ministry against...

And they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all:

And yet each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers.

And, Austin, Her Majesty the Queen informs me...

And? How's Austin?

And... and now you come back and just expect a relationship?

Any ideas?

Any mishaps that may occur in the line of duty.

Any suggestions?

Any thoughts?

Anything at all?

Are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners...

Are the wealthiest landowners in the world.

Are you in the show?

Are you kidding me?

Arm the probe.

As you know, the royal family of Britain...

At competitive prices.

At the age of 12, I received my first scribe.

At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilma...

At the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club...

Au contraire, baby.

Austin did some reconnaissance work last night at Alotta Fagina's penthouse.

Austin Powers is getting too close.

Austin was the most loyal and caring friend I ever had.

Austin, can I have a word with you?

Austin, I want to show you something.

Austin, if you want us to have a relationship...

Austin, let's go now.

Austin, let's go.

Austin, Mrs. Kensington has long since retired.

Austin, there's a company in Las Vegas called Virtucon...

Austin, where did you find these?

Austin!

Austin!

Austin!

Austin! Why on earth did you hit that woman?

Austin?

Austin. Let me bring you up to speed.

Baseball, cold showers.

Baseball, er... cold showers.

Be careful!

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Because you've managed to resist Austin Powers' charms!

Begin initial surface penetration.

Begin the unnecessarily slow moving dipping mechanism.

Both the size of their gun barrels...

Bring in the fembots!

Bring in the warhead.

But did you use protection?

But don't worry about the Italian bird, okay?

But first...

But I ended up specializing in foreign languages.

But isn't that what being an international man of mystery's all about?

But Mom, since Dad left, Steve's been like a father to me.

But my design was perfect.

But unfortunately for yours truly...

But who in the world gave us this drawing?

But, Dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.

But, Dr. Evil, we were unable to anticipate

But, Scott, who's gonna take over the world when I die?

But, you, like an idiot, wanted to take over the world...

By Austin Powers.

By caliber, of course I mean...

Caliber.

Caliber...

Call the President.

Can I show you something?

Cards are not my bag, baby.

Care for some sakÈ?

Care to have a little fun?

Careful, Austin.

Carnies.

Cat.

Changing a thousand.

Check it out, Butt head. This chick has three boobs.

Circus folk.

Cleansing complete.

Close the tank!

Come again?

Come on, babies. Work with me, people, all right?

Come on, baby, give it to me. Yes. Yes. Yes!

Come on, baby! It's gonna blow! Let's go.

Come on, darling...

Come on, let's go!

Come on, roll over. Sleepytime.

Come on, roll over. Sleepytime.

Come on! Let's split! Let's go!

Come on. Let's go.

Come on. Let's go. On your bike.

Come, everyone.

Come, Mr. Bigglesworth!

Coming through.

Commander Gilmour?

Commander, this is Ritter in Sou west Com Three.

Comp

Comp

Complications arose in the unfreezing process.

Considered to be...

Could I have a hug?

Could someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain.

Damn it, man. You're talking about my mother!

Danger Powers' personal effects.

Danger's my middle name.

Darling, you look fabulous. Okay, baby.

Decapitated by an ill tempered mutated sea bass?

Deceased.

Delivering a 50 kiloton nuclear warhead deep into the liquid hot core of the planet.

Did you ever?

Did you feel the same way?

Did you get my other gift?

Did you get that fruit basket I sent you?

Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah! Do I?

Do I make you horny?

Do me a favor and stop calling me baby.

Do you like your quasi futuristic clothes, Mr. Powers?

Do you mind if I do?

Do you mind if I join you?

Do you think she's prettier than me?

Do you want to speak to him?

Doctor Evil.

Don't look at me like I'm frickin' Frankenstein.

Don't worry, baby.

Don't you think we should maybe ask for more than a million dollars?

Dr. Evil has hijacked a nuclear warhead from Kreplachistan.

Dr. Evil, do you really expect them to pay?

Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.

Dr. Evil, it's about the sharks.

Dr. Evil, over the last 30 years...

Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil...

Drugs.

Due to a technical error by my henchman Mustafa...

Eh, comrades, eh?

Either the royal family pays us an exorbitant amount of money...

End of apartheid.

Enjoy that wine.

Er... Can you remind me what I pay you people for?

Erm... I look forward to working with you but...

Especially's on stag party.

Evacuation comp

Evacuation comp

Evacuation comp

Even after they pay me the money...

Even before you start, that was a preemptive "shh!"

Every bit an international man of mystery.

Every bit an international man of mystery.

Everything seems to be in order.

Everything seems to be in order.

Everything's gone perfectly to plan...

Evil?

Evil.

Except for one small flaw...

Excuse me!

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Face it.

Fall of the Berlin Wall...

Feline complications to the reanimation process...

Filled out by Austin Powers.

Finally, we come to my number two man. His name...

First, I plan to soil myself...

Five.

For 30 years, Number Two has run Virtucon...

Forget it.

Founder of the militant wing of the Salvation Army.

Four. Twenty one.

Free love, swinging parties, are all now in the nineties...

Freedom failed.

Gentlemen, I give you the Vulcan...

Gentlemen, in exactly five days, we will be $100 billion richer.

Gentlemen, let's get down to business.

Gentlemen, my name is Dr. Evil.

Gentlemen, silence.

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen...

Gentlemen...

Give it up, Mr. Powers.

Give your father a hug.

Give your libido a rest.

Go ahead, Austin. Don't worry about me.

God!

Gonna blow out your o ring, drop a lung.

Good God.

Good God. He's back.

Good night, Austin.

Good work, Mrs. Kensington.

Good. Gentlemen, it's come to my attention

Good. I'm glad you found me. Listen...

Got it. Okay. Toothpaste. Hello?

Great, baby! Yeah!

Guys, come on.

Had to die.

Ham sandwich.

Hang on!

Hang on. I'm going to floor it.

Has had an affair outside of marriage and therefore, would have to divorce.

Have a good one.

Have laser beams attached to their heads.

He comes back and... and now he wants me to take over the family business.

He leaves a tiny keepsake from his good luck bracelet...

He was decapitated by an ill tempered mutated sea bass.

He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.

He'll never be the head of a major corporation.

He's always offered the same high quality meals...

He's asleep.

He's handsome, witty...

He's quite wily, like his old man.

He's sophisticated.

Hello Austin.

Hello up there! Anyone!

Hello, Austin.

Hello, Austin.

Hello, Austin. This is Basil Exposition from British Intelligence.

Hello, Dr. Evil.

Hello, everybody.

Hello, Exposition.

Hello, hello.

Hello, lads, you still awake? Hello? Mr. Powers! Mr. Powers, please.

Hello, Mr. Powers!

Hello, Mrs. Kensington.

Hello, Scott.

Hello, Scott.

Hello?

Hello? Mommy?

Hello. Excuse me.

Hello. Hello.

Help me, guys!

Help!

Help! I'm in a nutshell!

Her name is Alotta...

Here in swinging London.

Here, have a piece of gum.

Here, have a piece of gum.

Here's my second plan.

Here's the plan.

Hey, I can take my Sega, right, Dad?

Hey, I've never seen that big star before.

Hey, partner?

Hey, that sounds pretty nasty. How about a courtesy flush over there?

Hey, there you are.

Hey! Hey, just grab ahold of something, bite your lip, and give it hell. Come on!

Hey! Hey. Check this guy out.

Hey! Isn't that the Big Dipper?

Hi, folks.

Hi!

Hi! Do I know you?

Hi.

His trademark a superstitious man...

Hit me.

Honestly, it's not mine.

Honestly, it's not mine.

Honestly, throw me a bone here.

How did I get into this nutshell?

How did you know?

How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process...

How do you feel, Mr. Cunningham?

How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first...

How does a hot chick like you end up working at the Ministry of Defense?

How was your day?

Howdy.

However, isn't it ironic, the very things you stand for...

Hug...

I actually had to be rather firm with him.

I also like to live dangerously.

I bought you your orange shirbirt.

I can't believe that you are married, Austin.

I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary.

I can't.

I can't.

I could get out.

I designed them myself.

I didn't spend six years in evil medical school to be called "Mister", thank you very much.

I didn't, baby.

I didn't, baby.

I don't believe you, Austin. She was repellent.

I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.

I don't get that, mommy.

I don't know. I was thinking I like animals.

I expect them to die.

I feel extreme relaxation.

I figure every creature deserves a warm meal.

I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent.

I hate you.

I have a gun in my room.

I have a phone call for the John Smith party.

I have been known to be jealous.

I have created the ultimate weapon to defeat Austin Powers.

I have gathered here before me...

I have no inner monologue.

I haven't seen you my whole life...

I hope I didn't say that out loud just now.

I just think like he hates me.

I knew I had to have you...

I know what... I'll take the elevator.

I learned a mind control technique during my travels to India.

I learned it from my Guru.

I like to live dangerously.

I like to see girls of that...

I love you, Dad.

I love you, Mr. Powers.

I love you, too, son.

I mean, this is crazy.

I mean, women loved him. I didn't see that one coming. No.

I need you to go to Alotta Fagina's penthouse immediately.

I really am trying to kill him, but, so far, unsuccessfully.

I really think he wants to kill me.

I say! Hello, vicar.

I shagged her.

I spared your lives because I need you...

I suggest you hit, sir.

I think I'm gonna like living in the nineties.

I think it is such a tribute

I think you can't resist me.

I think you're shagadelic, baby. You're switched on. You're smashing.

I thought, perhaps, we could disguise ourselves as tourists

I understand that cat's involved in big underground drills.

I want chicken, I want liver.

I want take you out for a night on the town.

I want you to forget what you saw here today.

I want you to know that I feel really bad about that Italian bird.

I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis Austin Powers.

I was going to have a cover story in Forbes.

I was married to your father.

I was partially frozen his whole life.

I will always love him.

I will never have sex with you, ever!

I will tell you all in due time.

I'd appreciate it if you could concentrate on our mission and...

I'll be sound as a pound.

I'll come back down here, boom! I'll blow their brains out.

I'll never forget the first time I saw you.

I'm always the designated driver.

I'm Basil Exposition with British lntelligence.

I'm going to go across the street and get you some orange sherbet.

I'm going to go across the street and get you some orange sherbet.

I'm going to need you to sign these release forms.

I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot.

I'm gonna have to see some identification, please.

I'm gonna have to send some to my mother.

I'm gonna stay here and keep an eye on Dr. Evil.

I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?

I'm just joking, Vanessa. I'm just trying to get a rise out of you...

I'm off to London, England.

I'm presently tracking it over Nevada.

I'm sorry, Basil. I thought she was a man.

I'm sorry, I...

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sorry.

I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned.

I'm still gonna melt every city on the planet...

I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine.

I'm very badly burned, so if you could just...

I'm with it. I'm hip.

I'm your father.

I've been frozen for 30 years.

I've been frozen for 30 years. Okay?

I've got an idea.

I've got some bad news.

I've got to get Dr. Evil!

I've got you now, Dr. Evil.

I've gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working.

I've had some bad relationships in the past and...

I've spent 30 years of my life...

If that is a woman it does look like she was beaten with an ugly stick.

If there was one other cat in this world...

If we'd known the consequences of our sexual liberation...

If you want it back, you're going to have to pay me...

If you were the last man on Earth and I was the last woman on Earth...

Immediately.

In a consequence free environment...

In a little while you'll notice that the Kreplachistani warhead has gone missing.

In case Dr. Evil should ever return.

In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you...

In Japan, men come first, and women come second.

In something called Project Vulcan.

In the protective layer around the world...

In the spring, we'd make meat helmets.

Increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is...

Indeed.

Intruders in the complex.

Involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.

Is about to transfer a nuclear warhead...

Is planning a trap for you tonight...

Is to keep up the context that we're a married couple on vacation.

It didn't matter.

It feels like that to some of us sometimes, doesn't it?

It says here Name: "Danger Powers"

It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.

It seems the tables have turned, Mr. Powers.

It seems we have no choice but to pay your ransom.

It sounded like you said your name was a lot of...er...

It was cool.

It'll be fun. Bang! Dead. Done.

It's 1997.

It's 1997.

It's a geosynchronous positioning device.

It's a homonym.

It's a man, man.

It's a television commercial...

It's Austin Powers!

It's Austin Powers!

It's been 30 years, but I'm back.

It's bizarre.

It's Bolton. We've got a problem.

It's breathtaking. I suggest you try it.

It's called blackmail.

It's fantastic, Austin. Come on, let's go.

It's for the mining industry Mr. Cunningham.

It's freedom, baby. Yeah.

It's frickin' freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth.

It's only corporations.

It's really bizarre.

It's waiting at Heathrow Airport.

Janis Joplin.

Jawohl! herr doctor!

Jesus Christ, boy.

Judo chop!

Judo trip.

Just know I have a whole bag of "shh" with your name on it.

Just sign the form.

Just stuck right in the cereal...

King for you, sir, and a three for you.

Knock knock.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair.

Laser cutting complete.

Launching the subterranean probe.

Let me just say this...

Let me see.

Let me slip into something more comfortable.

Let me tell you a little story about a man named "shh!"

Let's go out on the terrace. It's a beautiful night. We can look at the stars.

Let's go.

Let's make love you silly hairy little man.

Let's unpack.

Listen to the words he used:

Listen, son...

Listen, Vanessa.

Listen, why don't we go in the back and shag?

Look at that face. Coming in. Come on.

Look at the size of this bloody great big nutshell.

Look how beautiful the night sky is.

Look out!

Look out! He's got a knife!

Look what you did to Mr. Bigglesworth!

Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but...

Look. There's one over there.

Mama Cass.

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day.

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day.

May I wash you?

Maybe I'd be a vet.

Maybe like work in a petting zoo.

Me? No, of course not.

Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver.

Mhm. Mhm. Yes. Yes.

Miss Fagina, your boss, Number Two...

Miss Kensington is her daughter.

Mmh, yes.

Move! Move!

Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties.

Mr. Powers, the president's quite concerned.

Mr. Powers, you'll notice that all the sharks...

Mr. Powers.

Mrs. Kensington!

Mustafa, Frau Farbissina...

My childhood was typical...

My father was a relentlessly self improving boulangerie owner from Belgium...

My father would womanize, he would drink.

My God, man, what have you done?

My God! He's freezing himself.

My husband is a henchman in Dr. Evil's private army.

My jumbo jet! Smashing, baby!

My meat and two veg, my twig and berries.

My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

My name is Number Two.

My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my wife Oprah.

My son?

My wedding tackle.

Myself.

NAAAH!

NAAAH!

Naturally.

Nerd alert!

Never get up. I'm spent!

Never mind.

No doubt, luv, but as long as people...

No, actually I er... I have to save the world.

No, actually.

No, Austin. The floss is to swing ourselves onto the ledge.

No, but that's where you are. You're there.

No, don't be sorry, baby.

No, I'm not drunk.

No, man, freedom didn't fail.

No, man, what we swingers

No, no, no, no, no.

No, not at all, Basil.

No, not dead. Burned. Badly.

No, Scott. I have an even better idea.

No, this is me in a nutshell.

No!

NO! NO!

No! No! No!

No! No! No! Er...

No! No! No! I've got to get Dr. Evil!

No! Use it.

No! What are we gonna do?

No.

No.

No. It's been too long.

No. Only sailors use condoms, baby.

NOOOOO!

NOOOOO!

NOOOOO!

NOOOOO!

Not a good time to lose one's head.

Not in the nineties, Austin.

Not now, Austin.

Not really. Kill the little bastard. See what I care.

Not this time.

Not to negotiate with terrorists.

Not too much.

Nothing.

Now er... you tell us a little about yourself.

Now get dressed.

Now to Dr. Evil.

Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done.

Now, I really wanted to travel.

Now, I want you to find out what part Virtucon plays...

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the little boys' room.

Now, Mr. Evil...

Now, Scott

Number Two.

Of course you may, luv.

Of many items you can find right in your very own home.

Of the unfreezing process.

Oh and, Austin...

Oh dear. Hold on. Coffee?

Oh hey, all right.

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Oh, and, Vanessa, by the way,

Oh, behave.

Oh, behave.

Oh, behave.

Oh, blimey!

Oh, come on.

Oh, don't forget these.

Oh, er... Austin, I'd like you to meet somebody.

Oh, God! No! No, I made him sleep on the sofa.

Oh, good God. An underground missile?

Oh, groovy, baby. Yeah.

Oh, hell, let's just do what we always do:

Oh, I er... I hope I'm not interrupting your honeymoon.

Oh, I fell over again!

Oh, I ordered some champagne. Come in!

Oh, I tripped. Uh.

Oh, I've gone over!

Oh, ignore it, Austin. Come back to bed.

Oh, look, here's Basil.

Oh, lovely, Austin.

Oh, my God! The Big Boy's gone.

Oh, no. He's gone away.

Oh, no. Please, please. Let... Let's hear about your childhood.

Oh, Scott, that hurts Daddy when you say that, honestly.

Oh, thank goodness we made it, Austin.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that'll be Basil Exposition.

Oh, that's fantastic, Basil! Thanks.

Oh, the Italian bird. No, baby. She's rancid.

Oh, what a lovely pair.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. Virtucon runs a tour of its facility every hour.

Oh, yes. You're not officially working for Ministry of Defense...

Oh! Look. There's an emergency exit. Go get help.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Ah.

Oh. And there's all these little tiny bits of marshmallows...

Oh. Groovy. Smashing. Yay, capitalism.

Oh. Oh, mother. Mother, are you all right?

Oh. Yeah, I get it.

Okay, Austin. I believe you.

Okay, let me guess.

Okay, well, now, I'm going to have to go, mummy, but I love you.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Austin Danger Powers

Okay. Don't get heavy, man. I'll sign it, just to get things moving, you know.

Okay. Give in to the beauty of your feelings and say the words.

Okay. Good. Lovin' it.

Okay. Group, we have some newcomers here today with us.

Okay. I get it. I have bad teeth.

Okay. Moving on ...

Okay. Name: Austin... Danger Powers.

Okay. No problem.

Okay. Right hand green!

Okay. That'll do.

Okay. Well. We've heard from you, Scott.

Okay. You've all been gathered here to form my evil cabinet.

On every victim he kills.

On your right, you'll notice a door leading to a restricted area.

Once Austin has you in his charms, it's impossible to get out.

One blue crushed velvet suit...

One book: Swedish made Penis Enlarger Pumps And Me...

One credit card receipt for Swedish made penis enlarger...

One frilly lace cravat...

One hundred billion dollars!

One hundred billion dollars.

One million dollars!

One million dollars!

One silver medallion with male symbol...

One Swedish made penis enlarger pump...

One vinyl record album...

One warranty card for Swedish made penis enlarger pump...

Only authorized personnel are allowed...

Only two things scare me, and one is nuclear war.

Onward, boys.

Ooh, I'm sorry.

Ooh, that is the spot, all right.

Oooooh!

Or we make it seem that Prince Charles...

Ow!

Ow!

Pardon me for being rude. It was not me. It was my food. It just popped up

Patty O'Brien ex Irish assassin.

Peace. Peace.

People die!

People never think how things effect the family of a henchman.

Perhaps these photographs are the last piece of the puzzle.

Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage...

Phillips?

Please, call me Richie.

Plenty of Virtucon executives are gambling in this casino.

Powers volunteered to have himself frozen...

Prepare the jet, bring my overnight bag...

Pretty standard, really.

Quickly.

Quite impressive.

Randy?

Really?

Really?

Really? Are they ill tempered?

Reanimation complete.

Release forms?

Release the sharks!

Remember when we froze your semen?

Right over there's fine. Thank you.

Right then and there.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right. I've had enough.

Right. Let me go around the table and introduce everyone.

Right. Let me show you, baby.

Right. Okay, people, you have to tell me these things, all right?

Right. Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?

Right. Where's Dr. Evil? Huh?

Russian Intelligence? Are you mad?

SakÈ it to me, baby.

Sappy?

Saucer of milk, table two.

Say hello to Scott and his father Mister...

Scotland Yard would love to get their hands on that piece of evidence.

Scott, my boy, how are you?

Scott!

Scott? Don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living?

Scott...

Scott...

Sea bass.

See you in the future, Mr. Powers.

See, I designed this device myself...

Seventeen?

Shall I scramble Tac HQ for an intercept?

She was very groovy.

She's extremely dedicated.

She's the village bicycle.

Shh!

Shit.

Show me love.

Shut up.

Signed by Austin Powers.

Sit down, Billy.

Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in...

Small hands.

Smashing idea, baby. Yeah. Look at you.

Smashing, baby.