Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) Edit

A bit of a how's your father.

A chased man who died mysteriously

A lot's happened since you were frozen.

A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days.

A world renown photographer.

AAAH!

Abort.

Abort.

Abort.

About 15 years ago, we changed from volatile chemicals...

Absolutely.

Actually, I couldn't stop staring at your teeth.

Actually, my name is Austin Powers.

Actually, the boy's quite astute.

Actually...

Ah, er... look, it's a guard.

Ah, here she is.

Ah, sorry, I'm just not getting it.

Ah.

Ah. Number Two.

Aha!

Alcohol.

All right, guard...

All right, then...Vanessa.

All right. Let's begin.

All right. There we go.

Allez hop!

Allow myself to introduce...

Alotta Fagina.

Alotta meant nothing to me.

Alright. Get up!

Alright. That's great. Is the lighting halfway decent?

Always wanting to have fun, Austin, that's you in a nutshell.

An evil petting zoo?

And a factory in Chicago...

And all of these children are trying to chase him...

And an unorthodox entry angle.

And be honest.

And do some on site reconnaissance.

And er... Phillips, feed my fish.

And General Borschevsky, Russian Intelligence.

And greed and corruption ruled again.

And had himself cryogenically frozen...

And I bet she shags like a minx.

And I don't want to sound paranoid but...

And I love you, Mrs. Powers.

And I'm like: "Just back off."

And if you could, I wouldn't, because I'm not like that.

And not actually witness them dying.

And smoke started to come out of their jumblies.

And so Dr. Evil escaped...

And swing, baby. Yeah!

And that's how you'd like to live your life, is it?

And the future of the human race...

And the high quality of their character. It's two meanings.

And the toothbrush is the detonation device.

And then the guy says something in Paris talk...

And then there's this.

And these forms indemnify the ministry against...

And they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all:

And yet each of you has failed to kill Austin Powers.

And, Austin, Her Majesty the Queen informs me...

And? How's Austin?

And... and now you come back and just expect a relationship?

Any ideas?

Any mishaps that may occur in the line of duty.

Any suggestions?

Any thoughts?

Anything at all?

Are still having promiscuous sex with many anonymous partners...

Are the wealthiest landowners in the world.

Are you in the show?

Are you kidding me?

Arm the probe.

As you know, the royal family of Britain...

At competitive prices.

At the age of 12, I received my first scribe.

At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilma...

At the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club...

Au contraire, baby.

Austin did some reconnaissance work last night at Alotta Fagina's penthouse.

Austin Powers is getting too close.

Austin was the most loyal and caring friend I ever had.

Austin, can I have a word with you?

Austin, I want to show you something.

Austin, if you want us to have a relationship...

Austin, let's go now.

Austin, let's go.

Austin, Mrs. Kensington has long since retired.

Austin, there's a company in Las Vegas called Virtucon...

Austin, where did you find these?

Austin!

Austin!

Austin!

Austin! Why on earth did you hit that woman?

Austin?

Austin. Let me bring you up to speed.

Baseball, cold showers.

Baseball, er... cold showers.

Be careful!

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Because you've managed to resist Austin Powers' charms!

Begin initial surface penetration.

Begin the unnecessarily slow moving dipping mechanism.

Both the size of their gun barrels...

Bring in the fembots!

Bring in the warhead.

But did you use protection?

But don't worry about the Italian bird, okay?

But first...

But I ended up specializing in foreign languages.

But isn't that what being an international man of mystery's all about?

But Mom, since Dad left, Steve's been like a father to me.

But my design was perfect.

But unfortunately for yours truly...

But who in the world gave us this drawing?

But, Dad, we just had a breakthrough in group.

But, Dr. Evil, we were unable to anticipate

But, Scott, who's gonna take over the world when I die?

But, you, like an idiot, wanted to take over the world...

By Austin Powers.

By caliber, of course I mean...

Caliber.

Caliber...

Call the President.

Can I show you something?

Cards are not my bag, baby.

Care for some sakÈ?

Care to have a little fun?

Careful, Austin.

Carnies.

Cat.

Changing a thousand.

Check it out, Butt head. This chick has three boobs.

Circus folk.

Cleansing complete.

Close the tank!

Come again?

Come on, babies. Work with me, people, all right?

Come on, baby, give it to me. Yes. Yes. Yes!

Come on, baby! It's gonna blow! Let's go.

Come on, darling...

Come on, let's go!

Come on, roll over. Sleepytime.

Come on, roll over. Sleepytime.

Come on! Let's split! Let's go!

Come on. Let's go.

Come on. Let's go. On your bike.

Come, everyone.

Come, Mr. Bigglesworth!

Coming through.

Commander Gilmour?

Commander, this is Ritter in Sou west Com Three.

Comp

Comp

Complications arose in the unfreezing process.

Considered to be...

Could I have a hug?

Could someone call an ambulance? I'm in quite a lot of pain.

Damn it, man. You're talking about my mother!

Danger Powers' personal effects.

Danger's my middle name.

Darling, you look fabulous. Okay, baby.

Decapitated by an ill tempered mutated sea bass?

Deceased.

Delivering a 50 kiloton nuclear warhead deep into the liquid hot core of the planet.

Did you ever?

Did you feel the same way?

Did you get my other gift?

Did you get that fruit basket I sent you?

Do I make you horny, baby? Yeah! Do I?

Do I make you horny?

Do me a favor and stop calling me baby.

Do you like your quasi futuristic clothes, Mr. Powers?

Do you mind if I do?

Do you mind if I join you?

Do you think she's prettier than me?

Do you want to speak to him?

Doctor Evil.

Don't look at me like I'm frickin' Frankenstein.

Don't worry, baby.

Don't you think we should maybe ask for more than a million dollars?

Dr. Evil has hijacked a nuclear warhead from Kreplachistan.

Dr. Evil, do you really expect them to pay?

Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.

Dr. Evil, it's about the sharks.

Dr. Evil, over the last 30 years...

Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil.

Dr. Evil...

Drugs.

Due to a technical error by my henchman Mustafa...

Eh, comrades, eh?

Either the royal family pays us an exorbitant amount of money...

End of apartheid.

Enjoy that wine.

Er... Can you remind me what I pay you people for?

Erm... I look forward to working with you but...

Especially's on stag party.

Evacuation comp

Evacuation comp

Evacuation comp

Even after they pay me the money...

Even before you start, that was a preemptive "shh!"

Every bit an international man of mystery.

Every bit an international man of mystery.

Everything seems to be in order.

Everything seems to be in order.

Everything's gone perfectly to plan...

Evil?

Evil.

Except for one small flaw...

Excuse me!

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Face it.

Fall of the Berlin Wall...

Feline complications to the reanimation process...

Filled out by Austin Powers.

Finally, we come to my number two man. His name...

First, I plan to soil myself...

Five.

For 30 years, Number Two has run Virtucon...

Forget it.

Founder of the militant wing of the Salvation Army.

Four. Twenty one.

Free love, swinging parties, are all now in the nineties...

Freedom failed.

Gentlemen, I give you the Vulcan...

Gentlemen, in exactly five days, we will be $100 billion richer.

Gentlemen, let's get down to business.

Gentlemen, my name is Dr. Evil.

Gentlemen, silence.

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen...

Gentlemen...

Give it up, Mr. Powers.

Give your father a hug.

Give your libido a rest.

Go ahead, Austin. Don't worry about me.

God!

Gonna blow out your o ring, drop a lung.

Good God.

Good God. He's back.

Good night, Austin.

Good work, Mrs. Kensington.

Good. Gentlemen, it's come to my attention

Good. I'm glad you found me. Listen...

Got it. Okay. Toothpaste. Hello?

Great, baby! Yeah!

Guys, come on.

Had to die.

Ham sandwich.

Hang on!

Hang on. I'm going to floor it.

Has had an affair outside of marriage and therefore, would have to divorce.

Have a good one.

Have laser beams attached to their heads.

He comes back and... and now he wants me to take over the family business.

He leaves a tiny keepsake from his good luck bracelet...

He was decapitated by an ill tempered mutated sea bass.

He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.

He'll never be the head of a major corporation.

He's always offered the same high quality meals...

He's asleep.

He's handsome, witty...

He's quite wily, like his old man.

He's sophisticated.

Hello Austin.

Hello up there! Anyone!

Hello, Austin.

Hello, Austin.

Hello, Austin. This is Basil Exposition from British Intelligence.

Hello, Dr. Evil.

Hello, everybody.

Hello, Exposition.

Hello, hello.

Hello, lads, you still awake? Hello? Mr. Powers! Mr. Powers, please.

Hello, Mr. Powers!

Hello, Mrs. Kensington.

Hello, Scott.

Hello, Scott.

Hello?

Hello? Mommy?

Hello. Excuse me.

Hello. Hello.

Help me, guys!

Help!

Help! I'm in a nutshell!

Her name is Alotta...

Here in swinging London.

Here, have a piece of gum.

Here, have a piece of gum.

Here's my second plan.

Here's the plan.

Hey, I can take my Sega, right, Dad?

Hey, I've never seen that big star before.

Hey, partner?

Hey, that sounds pretty nasty. How about a courtesy flush over there?

Hey, there you are.

Hey! Hey, just grab ahold of something, bite your lip, and give it hell. Come on!

Hey! Hey. Check this guy out.

Hey! Isn't that the Big Dipper?

Hi, folks.

Hi!

Hi! Do I know you?

Hi.

His trademark a superstitious man...

Hit me.

Honestly, it's not mine.

Honestly, it's not mine.

Honestly, throw me a bone here.

How did I get into this nutshell?

How did you know?

How do I tell them that because of the unfreezing process...

How do you feel, Mr. Cunningham?

How do you like to do it? Do you like to wash up first...

How does a hot chick like you end up working at the Ministry of Defense?

How was your day?

Howdy.

However, isn't it ironic, the very things you stand for...

Hug...

I actually had to be rather firm with him.

I also like to live dangerously.

I bought you your orange shirbirt.

I can't believe that you are married, Austin.

I can't shake off this suspicious feeling about that Italian secretary.

I can't.

I can't.

I could get out.

I designed them myself.

I didn't spend six years in evil medical school to be called "Mister", thank you very much.

I didn't, baby.

I didn't, baby.

I don't believe you, Austin. She was repellent.

I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.

I don't get that, mommy.

I don't know. I was thinking I like animals.

I expect them to die.

I feel extreme relaxation.

I figure every creature deserves a warm meal.

I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent.

I hate you.

I have a gun in my room.

I have a phone call for the John Smith party.

I have been known to be jealous.

I have created the ultimate weapon to defeat Austin Powers.

I have gathered here before me...

I have no inner monologue.

I haven't seen you my whole life...

I hope I didn't say that out loud just now.

I just think like he hates me.

I knew I had to have you...

I know what... I'll take the elevator.

I learned a mind control technique during my travels to India.

I learned it from my Guru.

I like to live dangerously.

I like to see girls of that...

I love you, Dad.

I love you, Mr. Powers.

I love you, too, son.

I mean, this is crazy.

I mean, women loved him. I didn't see that one coming. No.

I need you to go to Alotta Fagina's penthouse immediately.

I really am trying to kill him, but, so far, unsuccessfully.

I really think he wants to kill me.

I say! Hello, vicar.

I shagged her.

I spared your lives because I need you...

I suggest you hit, sir.

I think I'm gonna like living in the nineties.

I think it is such a tribute

I think you can't resist me.

I think you're shagadelic, baby. You're switched on. You're smashing.

I thought, perhaps, we could disguise ourselves as tourists

I understand that cat's involved in big underground drills.

I want chicken, I want liver.

I want take you out for a night on the town.

I want you to forget what you saw here today.

I want you to know that I feel really bad about that Italian bird.

I want you to meet Daddy's nemesis Austin Powers.

I was going to have a cover story in Forbes.

I was married to your father.

I was partially frozen his whole life.

I will always love him.

I will never have sex with you, ever!

I will tell you all in due time.

I'd appreciate it if you could concentrate on our mission and...

I'll be sound as a pound.

I'll come back down here, boom! I'll blow their brains out.

I'll never forget the first time I saw you.

I'm always the designated driver.

I'm Basil Exposition with British lntelligence.

I'm going to go across the street and get you some orange sherbet.

I'm going to go across the street and get you some orange sherbet.

I'm going to need you to sign these release forms.

I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot.

I'm gonna have to see some identification, please.

I'm gonna have to send some to my mother.

I'm gonna stay here and keep an eye on Dr. Evil.

I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?

I'm just joking, Vanessa. I'm just trying to get a rise out of you...

I'm off to London, England.

I'm presently tracking it over Nevada.

I'm sorry, Basil. I thought she was a man.

I'm sorry, I...

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm sorry.

I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned.

I'm still gonna melt every city on the planet...

I'm telling you, baby, that's not mine.

I'm very badly burned, so if you could just...

I'm with it. I'm hip.

I'm your father.

I've been frozen for 30 years.

I've been frozen for 30 years. Okay?

I've got an idea.

I've got some bad news.

I've got to get Dr. Evil!

I've got you now, Dr. Evil.

I've gotta see if my bits and pieces are still working.

I've had some bad relationships in the past and...

I've spent 30 years of my life...

If that is a woman it does look like she was beaten with an ugly stick.

If there was one other cat in this world...

If we'd known the consequences of our sexual liberation...

If you want it back, you're going to have to pay me...

If you were the last man on Earth and I was the last woman on Earth...

Immediately.

In a consequence free environment...

In a little while you'll notice that the Kreplachistani warhead has gone missing.

In case Dr. Evil should ever return.

In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you...

In Japan, men come first, and women come second.

In something called Project Vulcan.

In the protective layer around the world...

In the spring, we'd make meat helmets.

Increasing the risk of skin cancer. That is...

Indeed.

Intruders in the complex.

Involving an overly elaborate and exotic death.

Is about to transfer a nuclear warhead...

Is planning a trap for you tonight...

Is to keep up the context that we're a married couple on vacation.

It didn't matter.

It feels like that to some of us sometimes, doesn't it?

It says here Name: "Danger Powers"

It seems the tables have turned again, Dr. Evil.

It seems the tables have turned, Mr. Powers.

It seems we have no choice but to pay your ransom.

It sounded like you said your name was a lot of...er...

It was cool.

It'll be fun. Bang! Dead. Done.

It's 1997.

It's 1997.

It's a geosynchronous positioning device.

It's a homonym.

It's a man, man.

It's a television commercial...

It's Austin Powers!

It's Austin Powers!

It's been 30 years, but I'm back.

It's bizarre.

It's Bolton. We've got a problem.

It's breathtaking. I suggest you try it.

It's called blackmail.

It's fantastic, Austin. Come on, let's go.

It's for the mining industry Mr. Cunningham.

It's freedom, baby. Yeah.

It's frickin' freezing in here, Mr. Bigglesworth.

It's only corporations.

It's really bizarre.

It's waiting at Heathrow Airport.

Janis Joplin.

Jawohl! herr doctor!

Jesus Christ, boy.

Judo chop!

Judo trip.

Just know I have a whole bag of "shh" with your name on it.

Just sign the form.

Just stuck right in the cereal...

King for you, sir, and a three for you.

Knock knock.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Burt Bacharach.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair.

Laser cutting complete.

Launching the subterranean probe.

Let me just say this...

Let me see.

Let me slip into something more comfortable.

Let me tell you a little story about a man named "shh!"

Let's go out on the terrace. It's a beautiful night. We can look at the stars.

Let's go.

Let's make love you silly hairy little man.

Let's unpack.

Listen to the words he used:

Listen, son...

Listen, Vanessa.

Listen, why don't we go in the back and shag?

Look at that face. Coming in. Come on.

Look at the size of this bloody great big nutshell.

Look how beautiful the night sky is.

Look out!

Look out! He's got a knife!

Look what you did to Mr. Bigglesworth!

Look, I know I'm being neurotic, but...

Look. There's one over there.

Mama Cass.

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day.

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day.

May I wash you?

Maybe I'd be a vet.

Maybe like work in a petting zoo.

Me? No, of course not.

Meow Mix, Meow Mix, please deliver.

Mhm. Mhm. Yes. Yes.

Miss Fagina, your boss, Number Two...

Miss Kensington is her daughter.

Mmh, yes.

Move! Move!

Mr. Powers, my job is to acclimatize you to the nineties.

Mr. Powers, the president's quite concerned.

Mr. Powers, you'll notice that all the sharks...

Mr. Powers.

Mrs. Kensington!

Mustafa, Frau Farbissina...

My childhood was typical...

My father was a relentlessly self improving boulangerie owner from Belgium...

My father would womanize, he would drink.

My God, man, what have you done?

My God! He's freezing himself.

My husband is a henchman in Dr. Evil's private army.

My jumbo jet! Smashing, baby!

My meat and two veg, my twig and berries.

My mother was a 15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

My name is Number Two.

My name is Richie Cunningham, and this is my wife Oprah.

My son?

My wedding tackle.

Myself.

NAAAH!

NAAAH!

Naturally.

Nerd alert!

Never get up. I'm spent!

Never mind.

No doubt, luv, but as long as people...

No, actually I er... I have to save the world.

No, actually.

No, Austin. The floss is to swing ourselves onto the ledge.

No, but that's where you are. You're there.

No, don't be sorry, baby.

No, I'm not drunk.

No, man, freedom didn't fail.

No, man, what we swingers

No, no, no, no, no.

No, not at all, Basil.

No, not dead. Burned. Badly.

No, Scott. I have an even better idea.

No, this is me in a nutshell.

No!

NO! NO!

No! No! No!

No! No! No! Er...

No! No! No! I've got to get Dr. Evil!

No! Use it.

No! What are we gonna do?

No.

No.

No. It's been too long.

No. Only sailors use condoms, baby.

NOOOOO!

NOOOOO!

NOOOOO!

NOOOOO!

Not a good time to lose one's head.

Not in the nineties, Austin.

Not now, Austin.

Not really. Kill the little bastard. See what I care.

Not this time.

Not to negotiate with terrorists.

Not too much.

Nothing.

Now er... you tell us a little about yourself.

Now get dressed.

Now to Dr. Evil.

Now, evidently, my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can't be done.

Now, I really wanted to travel.

Now, I want you to find out what part Virtucon plays...

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the little boys' room.

Now, Mr. Evil...

Now, Scott

Number Two.

Of course you may, luv.

Of many items you can find right in your very own home.

Of the unfreezing process.

Oh and, Austin...

Oh dear. Hold on. Coffee?

Oh hey, all right.

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Oh, and, Vanessa, by the way,

Oh, behave.

Oh, behave.

Oh, behave.

Oh, blimey!

Oh, come on.

Oh, don't forget these.

Oh, er... Austin, I'd like you to meet somebody.

Oh, God! No! No, I made him sleep on the sofa.

Oh, good God. An underground missile?

Oh, groovy, baby. Yeah.

Oh, hell, let's just do what we always do:

Oh, I er... I hope I'm not interrupting your honeymoon.

Oh, I fell over again!

Oh, I ordered some champagne. Come in!

Oh, I tripped. Uh.

Oh, I've gone over!

Oh, ignore it, Austin. Come back to bed.

Oh, look, here's Basil.

Oh, lovely, Austin.

Oh, my God! The Big Boy's gone.

Oh, no. He's gone away.

Oh, no. Please, please. Let... Let's hear about your childhood.

Oh, Scott, that hurts Daddy when you say that, honestly.

Oh, thank goodness we made it, Austin.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that'll be Basil Exposition.

Oh, that's fantastic, Basil! Thanks.

Oh, the Italian bird. No, baby. She's rancid.

Oh, what a lovely pair.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. Virtucon runs a tour of its facility every hour.

Oh, yes. You're not officially working for Ministry of Defense...

Oh! Look. There's an emergency exit. Go get help.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Ah.

Oh. And there's all these little tiny bits of marshmallows...

Oh. Groovy. Smashing. Yay, capitalism.

Oh. Oh, mother. Mother, are you all right?

Oh. Yeah, I get it.

Okay, Austin. I believe you.

Okay, let me guess.

Okay, well, now, I'm going to have to go, mummy, but I love you.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Austin Danger Powers

Okay. Don't get heavy, man. I'll sign it, just to get things moving, you know.

Okay. Give in to the beauty of your feelings and say the words.

Okay. Good. Lovin' it.

Okay. Group, we have some newcomers here today with us.

Okay. I get it. I have bad teeth.

Okay. Moving on ...

Okay. Name: Austin... Danger Powers.

Okay. No problem.

Okay. Right hand green!

Okay. That'll do.

Okay. Well. We've heard from you, Scott.

Okay. You've all been gathered here to form my evil cabinet.

On every victim he kills.

On your right, you'll notice a door leading to a restricted area.

Once Austin has you in his charms, it's impossible to get out.

One blue crushed velvet suit...

One book: Swedish made Penis Enlarger Pumps And Me...

One credit card receipt for Swedish made penis enlarger...

One frilly lace cravat...

One hundred billion dollars!

One hundred billion dollars.

One million dollars!

One million dollars!

One silver medallion with male symbol...

One Swedish made penis enlarger pump...

One vinyl record album...

One warranty card for Swedish made penis enlarger pump...

Only authorized personnel are allowed...

Only two things scare me, and one is nuclear war.

Onward, boys.

Ooh, I'm sorry.

Ooh, that is the spot, all right.

Oooooh!

Or we make it seem that Prince Charles...

Ow!

Ow!

Pardon me for being rude. It was not me. It was my food. It just popped up

Patty O'Brien ex Irish assassin.

Peace. Peace.

People die!

People never think how things effect the family of a henchman.

Perhaps these photographs are the last piece of the puzzle.

Personally, before I'm on the job, I like to give my undercarriage...

Phillips?

Please, call me Richie.

Plenty of Virtucon executives are gambling in this casino.

Powers volunteered to have himself frozen...

Prepare the jet, bring my overnight bag...

Pretty standard, really.

Quickly.

Quite impressive.

Randy?

Really?

Really?

Really? Are they ill tempered?

Reanimation complete.

Release forms?

Release the sharks!

Remember when we froze your semen?

Right over there's fine. Thank you.

Right then and there.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right. I've had enough.

Right. Let me go around the table and introduce everyone.

Right. Let me show you, baby.

Right. Okay, people, you have to tell me these things, all right?

Right. Shall we shag now, or shall we shag later?

Right. Where's Dr. Evil? Huh?

Russian Intelligence? Are you mad?

SakÈ it to me, baby.

Sappy?

Saucer of milk, table two.

Say hello to Scott and his father Mister...

Scotland Yard would love to get their hands on that piece of evidence.

Scott, my boy, how are you?

Scott!

Scott? Don't you want to see what Daddy does for a living?

Scott...

Scott...

Sea bass.

See you in the future, Mr. Powers.

See, I designed this device myself...

Seventeen?

Shall I scramble Tac HQ for an intercept?

She was very groovy.

She's extremely dedicated.

She's the village bicycle.

Shh!

Shit.

Show me love.

Shut up.

Signed by Austin Powers.

Sit down, Billy.

Slowly but surely, ultraviolet rays would pour in...

Small hands.

Smashing idea, baby. Yeah. Look at you.

Smashing, baby.

Smashing!

Smashing. Let's go.

Smell like cabbage.

So I thought I'd work my mojo, right? To counter their mojo.

So if you'll please take your seats...

So incredibly sexy...

So long.

So that a part of you could live forever.

So that when the kids eat them, they think...

So, Austin, good luck.

So, Scott, why don't we start with you?

So, what do you want to do, Scott?

So, which side of the bed do you want?

So, who is this Austin Powers?

Some of you I know...

Some of you I'm meeting for the first time.

Somebody help me!

Somebody's playing a prank on me.

Sometimes they work late.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Stage five: evacuation beginning.

Stage four: cleansing beginning.

Stage three: reanimation beginning.

Stage two: warm liquid goo phase beginning.

Subterranean nuclear detonation in three minutes and counting.

Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons.

Sure!

Tell me all about my mummy in the sixties. I'm dying to know what she was like.

Ten thousand dollars minimum bet.

Thank you, herr doctor.

Thank you!

Thanks for calling.

Thanks, Basil.

Thanks.

That ain't no woman.

That also already has happened.

That could have loved her and treated her as well as your dad...

That feels yummy.

That if you want me to be a one woman man...

That is beautiful that you can admit to that.

That is one crazy getup you got there, fella.

That makes me angry, and when Dr. Evil gets angry...

That makes miniature models of factories.

That really hurt!

That so many of his friends showed up to honour him today.

That the only reason we're sharing a room...

That this organization will not tolerate failure.

That train has sailed.

That you are to be knighted.

That's a lot more.

That's a start. You know. That's something.

That's all, for shits and giggles.

That's beautiful.

That's fascinating, Vanessa.

That's my business.

That's not mine.

That's not the way to get ahead in life.

That's not your mother. It's a man, baby!

That's right, buddy. You show that turd who's boss.

The cold war's over.

The complex will self destruct.

The complex will self destruct.

The complex will self destruct.

The details of my life are quite inconsequential.

The first female British Prime Minister...

The floss is garrote wire...

The game is blackjack, gentlemen.

The late Guru Shastry.

The legitimate face of my evil empire.

The only man who can stop me now.

The shouting is a temporary side effect...

The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

The toothpaste is plastic explosives...

The tour is about to begin...

The volume of my voice!

The winged horn. The winged horn.

The world's depending on you.

The world's most powerful subterranean drill.

Then all of a sudden, the fembots came by...

Then it was me.

There have been fabulous advances in the field of dentistry.

There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum.

There seems to be some sort of a problem.

There. Bit of hair. Bit of hair.

There's a good titty movie on Skinimax.

There's a lot of love in this room.

There's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster.

There's the bastard.

They are after me lucky charms!

They could get away.

They were put on the endangered species list.

They're coming!

This is Commander Gilmour, U.S. Strategic Command...

This is my mother... Mrs. Exposition.

This is our celebrity vault.

This is what I'm talking about.

This way, Austin.

Throw me a frickin' bone here.

To help me rid the world of Britain's top secret agent...

To our buddy, John Smith,...

To return at a time when free love no longer reigned...

To say hello and now it's gone back down below.

To Smitty!

To Smitty!

To the communications industry.

To the United Nations in a few days.

Top drawer, Kensington.

Turning this two bit evil empire into a world class multinational.

Twenty beats your five.

Uh! Ah.

Uh. Well, I went to Oxford...

Upon detonation, every volcano on earth will erupt.

Using these "lasers", we punch a hole...

Uuh!

Vanessa is one of our top agents.

Vanessa, I can explain.

Vanessa, I'm proud of you.

Vanessa!

Vanessa?

Vanessa? Er...

Vanessa? Hello?

Very shagadelic.

Very well. Where do I begin?

Virtucon has grown by leaps and bounds.

Virtucon is a leading manufacturer

Viva Las Vegas, baby! Yeah!

Wait a tick. I forgot something in the lobby.

Warm liquid goo phase complete.

Was that so hard?

Watch out!

Watch out!

Watch out.

We did.

We don't want to have to bail you guys out again like after WW II.

We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for...

We got cross mojonations, and their heads started exploding.

We have a potential bogey with erratic vectoring...

We have just received word that Dr. Evil...

We hold the world ransom for...

We make steel, petroleum products and volatile chemicals.

We might say that we do sometimes but we really don't.

We must go!

We own a steel mill in Cleveland...

We own cable companies in 38 states.

We preserved your private jet just as you left it.

We should try to make you a son...

We tried to get some but it would've taken months to clear up the red tape.

We'll be there.

We'll rendezvous back at the hotel suite.

We're going to outfit you with this.

We've got a lot of work to do.

We've got a madman on the loose in Nevada.

Welcome to Las Vegas, sir.

Welcome to the nineties.

Welcome to Virtucon, company of the future.

Well done, Mr. Powers.

Well, after a couple of years, we got a little impatient.

Well, erm... Agent Kensington will get you all set up.

Well, finally, those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh?

Well, I hope your boy's up to it.

Well, I won't lie to you.

Well, I'm sorry.

Well, it appears to be in the shape of a Big Boy.

Well, it means something to me.

Well, my friend Sweet Jay took me in that video arcade in town, right?

Well, no offense, but...

Well, since you've been frozen

Well, that's just groovy, baby.

Well, the best of luck to both of you!

Well, they should, those filthy beggars. They go from port to port.

Well, you have to admit, she is rather mannish.

Well, you know he works as a henchman for Dr. Evil.

Well, you know...

Were rebelling against is uptight squares like you

What about his teeth?

What are we going to do? We don't look anything like our photo badges.

What are you saying, son?

What are your plans for this evening?

What brings you here with us today?

What did you eat?

What do we have?

What do you mean?

What do you want Mister... Cunningham, was it?

What exactly do you do at Virtucon?

What exactly do you do, Mr. Number Two?

What happened? Was that John? Is he coming late?

What I'm trying to say is...

What sort of shell has a nut like this?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? God knows he tried, mommy.

What? Vanessa, don't have a thrombo.

What? What? I...

What? Why does everyone always laugh when I say that?

What's the other thing that scares you?

What's wrong?

What's your plan?

What's your point, Vanessa?

Whatever happens,

When do I begin?

When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds.

When you were frozen...

Where I excelled in several subjects...

Where is he?

Where's Smitty anyway? It's... it's... it's not like him to be late for anything.

Which has disappeared from our tracking system.

Which was in essence a sophisticated heat beam which we called a "laser".

Which we call the "ozone layer".

While at the same time experimenting with mind expanding drugs...

Who are these people?

Who does Number Two work for?

Who does Number Two work for?

Who throws a shoe? Honestly.

Who?

Whose bag was money and world domination. We were innocent, man.

Why don't I take the stairs?

Why don't you ever model for me, Mrs. Kensington?

Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?

Why take the escalator when I've got a perfectly good canoe?

Why take the stairs when I could take the escalator?

Why won't this wig come off?

Why?

Why? Are... Aren't you even gonna watch them?

With liquid hot magma.

With low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery.

With this cartoon leprechaun...

Without protection...

Women want him, and men want to be him.

Wow! Ooh! Yeah!

Ya.

Yeah, and I can't believe Liberace was gay.

Yeah, and that looks just like Uranus.

Yeah, baby! Yeah!

Yeah, but you didn't answer my question, mummy.

Yeah, what is that?

Yeah, yeah. Come on!

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Come on. Come on.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Cheeky, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. They're always after me lucky charms.

Yes, Basil, nice rack.

Yes, indeed. They got the flag up now.

Yes, look at you.

Yes, please.

Yes, we did, Basil, but you sent too much.

Yes, yes. Okay. Great!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes?

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. He's down there.

Yes. I'm having difficulty controlling...

Yes. This is Mrs. Harvin.

You always do that!

You can address me as... Agent Kensington.

You can see the stars and stripes.

You can't just go off shagging anybody anymore.

You can't resist us, Mr. Powers.

You can't resist us, Mr. Powers.

You could be a sex symbol and still have bad teeth.

You didn't ever want to, did you?

You didn't happen to see...

You didn't.

You don't.

You fight like a woman.

You give me five seconds, I'll get it.

You have 17, sir.

You have a lot of explaining to do.

You have been made a full agent.

You have my instructions. Bye bye.

You have to get it into your head that times have changed.

You just don't get it, do you?

You just don't get it, do you?

You just told me.

You keep your eye on the Italian bird.

You know how Mr. Kensington feels about that.

You know who.

You know, a lot's changed since 1967.

You know, can I just say something that may sound a little...

You know, er... we can talk about business later.

You know, I have one simple request...

You know, I haven't had this much fun since college.

You know, Miss Fagina.

You know, sort of see the world?

You know, that thing, and I ended up in my knickers here and then...

You know, top and tails, whore's bath?

You know, Vanessa...

You know, we have to stop.

You said if it didn't look like you were coming back...

You shot me right in the arm! Why did...

You shot me!

You take her.

You were so incredibly beautiful...

You'll be working with Miss Kensington.

You're all right, baby?

You're entering a restricted zone.

You're everything to me.

You're gonna be very lonely.

You're in the Ministry of Defense.

You're just in time.

You're right to be suspicious.

You're sleeping on the sofa, Mr. Powers.

You've been cryogenically frozen for 30 years.

You've got mail.

Your dad loved her very much.

Your stepfather was run over by a steamroller.

All I'm say... Shh!

Alright, stay very cool, baby. Okay.

Austin, have you gone mad? No.

Austin! Yeah, hold on, hold on one second.

But... Shh!

Bye bye. Good bye.

Come on, you boys. Get together. Come on.

Come on. Can I get a smile?

Do you want me to do it? Ah! Oh, go on!

Do you want me to do it? Yes!

Don't go. Stay with us.

Five!

Four!

Give me a hug. No way.

Halt. This way.

I hope this is part of the unfreezing process.

I... Shh!

I'm just... Shh!

It's no hassle. Shh!

Kill these women.

Kiss me. I can't, darling.

Let's go. Forget it.

Look... Shh!

Lord! Lord!

No! Not so fast.

Oh, no. That's it. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Oh, thanks. There you go.

Oh, yes, please. Okay. Thank you.

Oh. Our next move is to infiltrate Virtucon.

Okay, Austin. Yes?

One pair of Italian boots... Buon giorno, boys.

One!

Pretty much worth. What?

Pronto. What are you doing?

Send in the guards!

Seven!

Six!

Smashing.

Subterranean nuclear detonation in three

That's Dr. Evil's cat. How can you tell?

These are the latest word

They're gonna get awa... Shh!

We sh... Shh!

We... Shh!

What? Really, Austin.

Who's there? Shh!

Why not? 'Cause you're drunk. It's not right.

Yes, you are. No, I'm not. I'm the sensible one.

You're smashed. No, I'm not.

You're... Hey, don't touch me! Hug! Hug! Hug!

Zugabe!

Zugabe!

Zugabe!

Zugabe! Good morning, Austin.

...you're using a Virtucon product.

"Hey, leprechaun man! Leprechaun man!"

"Hey, quit hassling me 'cause I don't speak French or whatever."

"Oh, this is candy. I'm having fun!"

"We would like to ask you to fasten" Oh, look at that! Oh, turbulence!

"We're experiencing a bit of turbulence!"

"We're experiencing a bit of turbulence!" I hope this is part of the unfreezing process.

"We're experiencing a bit of turbulence!" Oh, turbulence!

"Who's going to take over the world when I die?"

"Won't you give your Lucky Charms?"

"your seat belts. Seat belts fasten." Oh, look at that! Oh, turbulence!

(This sort of thing is my bag, baby)...

[giggling]

~...me. Don't be afraid. You can call me.~

~A fool could see~

~A thousand thundering thrills await me~

~all your best.~ No man can resist their charm.

~And expect it to fly free~ Just the top of the hair. That's all I want.

~And expect it to fly free~ Ya, ya, ya, ya.

~and now someone else is gettin'~ Lethal, efficient, brutal.

~And now you love me too~

~And now you love me too~

~And now you love me too~

~And now you love me too~ Come and have some champagne with me.

~And now you love me too~ I'm sorry that bug up your ass

~And now you love me too~ Okay.

~And now you love me too~ Why?

~and see you before me~

~And taken away your name~ Eight!

~And taken away your name~ Nine!

~And taken away your name~ Ten!

~And that's just what they'll do~

~And that's just what they'll do~ Kill these women.

~And when I think about you~

~and when my heart has heard, well, it takes my breath away~

~another chance he takes~

~anybody else~

~Are you ready, boots?~

~Austin Powers, he's the man for you!~

~Austin Powers, he's the man for you!~ Pretty groovy jumbo jet, eh?

~Austin Powers, he's the man for you~

~Austin Powers~

~BBC Five. BBC Six. BBC Seven.~

~BBC heaven.~

~BBC heaven.~

~BBC heaven.~

~BBC One. BBC Two. BBC Three. BBC Four.~

~BBC One. BBC Two. BBC Three. BBC Four.~

~BBC One. BBC Two. BBC Three. BBC Four.~

~BBC peace.~

~Both smitten by the love songs~ And right here. Looking right there.

~but for everyone.~

~But you never really know~

~But you never really know~ Let's go. Come on. Come on. Come on.

~Call me.~

~can't disguise~

~Caught in the sights~ Oh, you're wicked!

~Caught in the sights~ You got your mojo working overtime, darling. Yeah.

~come on and love me now~

~Dead kings, many things I can't define~

~Don't be afraid, you can~ hard.

~Exactly what you do~

~Exactly what you do~ You all right?

~Facing insurmountable odds greatly~

~For the cool cats~ Is that okay? Is that all right?

~For the cool cats~ Very good. Very good.

~Good sense, innocence, cripplin' mankind~

~Good sense, innocence, cripplin' mankind~ There you go. Come on, baby. Yeah! Yeah!

~How I fell in love with you~

~How I fell in love with you~ You all right?

~I can be so warm and tender~

~I can be so warm and tender~ I won't bite...

~I can hardly wait to hold, feel my arms around you~

~I can hardly wait to hold, feel my arms around you~

~I can hardly wait to hold, feel my arms around you~

~I close my eyes~

~I do anything for you~

~I don't want anybody else~

~I don't want anybody else~

~I get down on my knees~

~I know it's never gonna let me~

~I know it's never gonna let me~ Fabulous, darling.

~I only feel embarrassed~ Can you change her? Can you? Can you?

~I only feel embarrassed~ Go change. There you go.

~I think I would die~

~I try, it's never gonna let me~

~I try, it's never gonna let me~ Go! Go! Go!

~I wanna make you mine.~

~I want you. I don't want anybody else~

~I will never know~

~I wish~ Go! Go! Go!

~I'm through with love hangovers~

~I'm through with love hangovers~ Okay. It's coming around now.

~I'm through with love hangovers~ Smashing.

~If you were to ignore me~

~If you're feeling sad and lonely~

~Incense and peppermints, meaningless nouns~

~Incense and peppermints, the color of time~

~Incense and peppermints, the color of time~ Austin, it's a swinging shindig.

~Incense and peppermints, the color of time~ It's my happening, baby, and it freaks me out!

~is in~

~Is love, sweet love.~

~Is love, sweet love.~

~is saying so much more than his words could ever say~

~It's best that I stay sober~ Coming around, yes.

~It's best that I stay sober~ Okay. It's coming around now.

~it's on~

~just how much I adore you~

~Little to win but nothin' to lose~

~Look at yourself, look at yourself, yeah, yeah~

~Look at yourself, look at yourself~ Can I get you a drink, Mr. Powers?

~Look at yourself, look at yourself~ Sure!

~Make love to me~

~Make me tea?~

~Make me tea?~

~Make me tea?~

~Missis~

~Missis~

~No Gretna Green trip over~ No! No! No!

~No honeymoon in Paris~

~No honeymoon in Paris~ Go change. There you go.

~No honeymoon in Paris~ No, it's not working!

~No rolling in the clover~ Yes, great!

~No rolling in the clover~ Yes. Yes. Yes!

~No, not just for some~

~No, not just for some~

~Now there is a sorrow~ Again. Try it one more time.

~Now there is a sorrow~ And I'm born and shoot.

~Now there is no simple way~

~Now there is no simple way~ Oh, behave.

~Now there is no simple way~ Okay. You're an animal!

~Occasions, persuasions clutter your mind~

~Occasions, persuasions clutter your mind~ Austin, it's a swinging shindig.

~odds are he won't live~

~odds are he won't live~ Oh, I tripped! Ow! Ow! Ow!

~Of a deadly sniper~

~of love~

~Of love~

~of love~

~of love~

~of love~

~of love~ and I'll show you

~of love~ Come in...

~Of love~ Come on, you boys. Get together. Come on.

~oh no, oh no, oh no~

~Oh, and I don't want anybody else~

~Oh, she deals in witchcraft and~

~One of these days,~ Kill these women.

~Put on the telly~

~Put on the telly~

~Secret agent man! Secret agent man!~

~Secret agent man! Secret agent man!~ Probe destruction beginning in...

~Shock, shock, horror, horror, shock, shock, horror!~

~Something you call love, but confess~

~Start walking!~

~tell me and I'll be around.~

~Tell me and I'll be around.~

~Tell me and I'll be around.~ Let me ask you a question,

~Tell the one who loves you, only~

~That always comes my way~ And I'm born and shoot.

~That always comes my way~ That's it. Yeah.

~That he's written~

~That he's written~ I'm not even looking.

~that I have been~

~that it wouldn't come and get me~

~That's just the way it tends to be these days~

~The charmed kittens~

~The charmed kittens~ And right here. Looking right there.

~The female of the species is more deadlier than the male~

~The female of the species is more deadlier than the male~

~the look~

~The look~

~The magic piper of love~

~The magic piper of love~

~The magic piper of love~ Come on. Can I get a smile?

~The magic piper of love~ Look, I'm not even shooting it. It's insane.

~The magic piper of love~ Okay. Come on.

~The magic piper of love~ Okay. Come on.

~There's a man~

~There's a service I can render~

~These boots are gonna walk all over you.~

~These boots are made for walkin'~

~These boots are made for walkin'~ Send in the guards!

~These days~

~These days~

~These days~ Okay. Show me eye.

~They've giving you a number~ Ten!

~To change the things~ An animal! Yes.

~To everyone he meets~ minutes and counting.

~to see tomorrow.~

~to see tomorrow.~ Open the frickin' door!

~To the BBC? Yeah, yeah, yeah!~

~To the BBC? Yeah, yeah, yeah!~

~To the BBC? Yeah, yeah, yeah!~

~To the BBC?~

~To the BBC?~

~To the BBC?~

~Turn on, tune in, turn your eyes around~

~What the world needs now~

~What the world needs now~

~When I think about you I touch myself~

~when I think about you, I touch myself~

~When I think about you, I touch myself~

~When you're around I'm always laughing~

~where you shouldn't been messin'~ in android replicant technology.

~where you shouldn't been messin'~ Lethal, efficient, brutal.

~Who cares what games we choose?~

~Who cares what games we choose?~

~Who cares what games we choose?~ Yeah, man!

~who leads a life of danger~

~Will ya~

~Will ya~

~Will ya~

~With every move he makes~

~Yeah, yeah!~ Austin, we've got to look for Dr. Evil.

~You been messin'~ in android replicant technology.

~You been messin'~ These are the latest word

~You cannot just cage a bird~

~You keep saying, you got something for me.~

~you know when my heart has heard, well, it takes my breath away~

~you never really know~ Ignore me doing this.

~You showed me how to do~

~You showed me how to do~ Oh no. No!

~You're the one who makes me come running~

~You're the sun who makes me shine~

~You've got the look~

~You've got the look~

~You've got the look~ Come in...

~your eyes~

~your face~

~your face~

~your smile~

♫ come on and love me now ♫