Just Friends (2005) Edit

A little corny, maybe even a little femme,

A Range Rover? Aren't those bad?

Actually, I go by Dusty Lee now, but yeah.

Actually, I was nervous, but, more importantly,

After all, they're the ones who're gonna be buying your album.

Again!

Again.

Agh! What?

All right, all right, break it up, break it up.

All right!

All right.

All right. Keep in touch!

All the time.

All you had to do was watch her for a few hours. What did you do to her?

Amazing! That's exactly what he said about you.

America will ever switch to the metric system?

And Darla's got this one picked out for TJ and it's great.

And everything will be just... just peachy.

And he'd go, Forgiveness every day, only all Bono y.

And here you go. Just like your old yearbook picture.

And hope that they like you back.

And I did the whole cold feet move and we slept in the same bed.

And I don't care if it's in the day or at night

And I hope we can do it again soon.

And I just don't have those feelings for you.

And I lost my stammer,

And I need my skates to show off my talents.

And I need salmon like now.

And I see myself getting married

And I want to marry you and I love you.

And I want to tell you how beautiful I think you are inside and out.

And I would love to do that, except I volunteered at the hospital

And I'm going out of my mind with boredom!

And I'm gonna meet you there.

And I'm here with Mr. Cluck Cluck

And I'm so horny.

And I'm sorry about that.

And look at... pecs, and...

And my new best friend Wafoofi

And one Sugar Mountain Supreme for the chubby bunny.

And raising a family.

And she's gonna be eating out of the palm of my hand in no time.

And started... I mean I had an internship first

And that's okay.

And the most precious gift that you can give...

And the truth is...

And then Dusty shows up out of nowhere,

And then Jamie gives him her number.

And then play it for us later, okay?

And then suddenly it just hits me.

And wants something else.

And we were laughing

And we were showing each other old pictures and...

And we're part of a kick ass humanitarian effort

And well, the opening of practically anything,

And well, the opening of practically anything,

And what kind of girl would you be if you didn't put out for the guy that wrote

And you know, don't get me wrong, I want the best for my kid.

And, um, I wrote you a song.

Another bee in the hive, my friend,

Another day date?

Are you guys even listening to me?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding, man? I love The Notebook.

Are you serious? I need them.

Are you sure that you don't want to go someplace else?

Ashton!

Ashton?

At the top of the jar.

Aw, he's gonna cry.

Aw.

Baby, ooh!

Back in high school, that's all.

Be right down.

Because I want to take you on a date.

Because I wouldn't screw you in high school? Get over yourself!

Because I'm on the Perricone diet

Because that's the nicest thing anyone's ever written me.

Being the girl who peaked in high school.

Besides, you don't have to show off for Jamie.

Besides, you you weren't terribly good at ice skating.

BFF!

Big surprise. Yeah.

Both?

Buckle up!

Buh bye now.

Bush.

But I am an artist. I am an artist!

But I can't let Dinkleman get away with this!

But I find something so resplendent

But I had to do it.

But I still play a mean guitar.

But I want to be more than that?

But I want to be more than that.

But I'm a person too.

But I've always found the middle class to be just so much more real.

But in our own little Chris and Jamie world.

But Samantha, What about the words to your song? Forgiveness!

But the aluminum foil wasn't.

But then I got to thinking that that

But this is what you always order.

But Tiny Tots is just too... oh, Mariah Carey!

But what if she doesn't want to be ravished?

But what what you may not know about this it girl...

But you know, I'm actually pretty damn good now.

But you look incredible.

Call Sheila, Ray. Call her right now.

Can I do you later?

Can't wait.

Care about the environment.

Carol, this little Japanese princess here is called the Prius.

Carol?

Check out that girl's ass. Huge!

Chris, can you put your feet on mine? They're freezing.

Chris, no!

Chris, no!

Chris, you're drunk! Go home!

Chris!

Chris!

Chris! Chris!

Chris! We need to talk about what you wrote.

Chris?

Chris?

Christmas is the time for giving.

Class of '95.

Clear!

Clear!

Coffee House is lame, dude. Come on...

Come in!

Come in.

Come on, it'll be like old times.

Come on, Jamie. It was like 100 years ago, all right?

Come on! How long does it...

Come to destroy the rest of the house?

Competition there, Chris. I mean, Dusty is a really nice guy.

Cookie Monster says the Cougars are

Cut! Cut!

Daddy, we're down.

Darla!

Darla.

Dear Jamie, when we're together,

Ding dong.

Dinkleman... is going way down.

Do you have any oil?

Do you know what else is adorable? You two.

Do you want to go ice skating?

Does she move to L.A.? Do I move back here?

Does this hat make me look fat?

Don't dab at it! Rub it.

Don't even think about how weird tomorrow's gonna be.

Don't worry about it. It happens to everybody.

Don't you have anything to say for yourself?

Don't you people have anything better to do?!

Don't.

Done!

Doofus! Doofus!

Doofus! Doofus! Doof...

Duck!

Dude, are you gonna boink Jamie tonight?

Dude, I think she left you hanging.

Dude, she's fine!

Dude, you're killing me!

Dusty and I are fine.

Dusty, come here.

Dusty!

Dusty! Dusty! Dusty! Dusty!

Dusty! Dusty! Dusty...!

Dusty. Hey. Why?

Dusty's a Jersey player, Jamie!

Eighteen.

Encore! Encore! Encore!

Everybody loves him. I can't compete with this guy.

Eww.

Excuse me, but I was wondering if you think

Excuse me, um,

Excuse you!

F this. I'm mobile.

First up tonight, you've seen her in the pages of magazines,

For keeping us in the friend zone all those years.

For putting him in the friend zone in high school.

For they know not what they do.

Friends watch New Year's Rockin' Eve.

Funny guy!

G'bye, fatty!

Get him, Terry!

Get it in! And goal!

Get off me, Chris! Why are you here?

Get off me, God boy!

Give a big round of applause to Miss Jamie Palamino.

Go away.

Go away. Wait. Not you.

Go on, make a move.

Go! Go get me lobster!

Go! Run! Lobster!

Go! Wait.

God damn it!

God damn it! Come on, Dusty!

God damn it! Come on, Dusty.

God, and we had this great night

God, can you believe that?

God, I need my guitar.

God, I still can't believe he wrote me that song.

God, I want to lick your skin off!

God, I've missed you.

God!

God! Just leave him alone!

Going to a movie tonight? Then maybe later

Good ol' Chris Brander, ladies and gentlemen!

Good times. Good times!

Good. Good. Make me happy.

Gotta go.

Great big cookies

Great. That's good.

Ha! Till we explained, of course, it was just her little friend Chris.

Haha! Chubby bunny!

Hasn't she, Chris?

Have a great life, 'cause Athena's out!

Have fun with Jamie. I know I will. Clark, always a pleasure.

Have you seen this poster? Have you seen...

He hacked me!

He juggles three tennis balls, but gets bored very quickly

He shoots, he scores.

He wrote me a song! That's so cute.

He's crazy.

He's Jersey. He skis in his jeans!

He's like the creative mind kid, he's like, brilliant and you can meet him.

He's out for revenge on you

Hell yeah. Her feet aren't even cold.

Hello, Joyce?

Here we go!

Here we go. You guys, you know,

Here's your money, bitch!

Hey Chris, it's Samantha. I just talked to my sponsor

Hey listen. I gotta hang out

Hey, anyone want some cocoa?

Hey, Chrissy!

Hey, didn't Dusty have like a huge crush on Jamie?

Hey, everyone. I'm Samantha James

Hey, Jamie, what about you?

Hey, let's hit the road.

Hey, listen, I don't want to make this weird,

Hey, look who's here! What's up, Hollywood?

Hey, Mr. Bus Driver Man.

Hey, wait a minute. Am I being Punk'd?

Hey, wake up.

Hey, what's up, Leon, Trevor? Great season. Great.

Hey, you got $5

Hey, you know... just migrated west.

Hey, you're the one that used to diddle her, not me.

Hey!

Hey! Dumb ass.

Hey! Stop bringing Dusty into your problems, okay?

Hey...

Hi, guys.

Hi, Mr. Palamino. How are you?

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Yes, I know, very exciting.

Ho ho ho! Who's got a Christmas present?

Ho ho ho.

Holy shit! Check out his shirt!

Holy...

Honey, look what just came for you.

Hope you enjoy unemployment, dickweed!

Hope you're not too late. You may already be girlfriends.

Hoping to be your boyfriend.

Hoping to be your boyfriend.

How are you? Oh, shit. Hold on.

How could you do that to your boyfriend?

How did you get in here?

How many times in a day?

How you doing, boss? Merry Christmas.

How'd it go with Jamie last night? You boink her?

How's my future star doing?

Hugs and kisses!

I always thought that if I had a huge career

I bet it would be in the south!

I bet you could definitely hit Jamie Pal.

I brought magazines.

I can put my arms around you.

I can still see it. I can still... rub harder!

I can't believe...

I can't eat that crap.

I can't hear you, Samantha. I can't hear you, Samantha.

I can't just sleep with Jamie Palamino. We have a history.

I cannot get over how great you look.

I could do that.

I didn't know you played guitar.

I do not remember Jersey being this cold.

I do.

I don't forgive you.

I don't know what that is, then I ended up shaking her entire body.

I don't know why you just don't take me serious!

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know. Jamie's come a long way since high school.

I don't know. Maybe. Why?

I don't think so.

I don't think there is one, but if there was one

I don't want other girls.

I don't want to be a lamp.

I don't want to be myself.

I don't work at The Maple.

I feel like I can just be myself.

I get dumped four days before Christmas.

I got you a little something right here.

I gotta follow my own advice. I gotta just walk away.

I guess Athena's out.

I hate this stupid thing too. It's a rental.

I hate this town!

I have a great idea.

I have some good news.

I have your poster on my wall,

I haven't been a very good friend to you and I'm sorry, okay?

I haven't had sex in, like, forever.

I just peed a little.

I just stayed with my dad for awhile, and...

I just wanna eat you both up!

I just... the truth is I'm I'm afraid to be your friend

I love it that you're taking me home to meet your mom.

I love it. Especially the money.

I love salmon. It's the prettiest color for bedrooms.

I love you so much.

I love you, angel.

I love you, Chris Brander. Mwha!

I love you, Chris...

I love you.

I mean he deserves the best

I mean it is gonna be sweet revenge on Jamie Palamino

I mean, Chris, you never told me you were so provincial.

I mean, I have feelings and needs

I mean, I wore the sexy white shirt

I mean, I work at The Maple but I don't really work at The Maple.

I mean, isn't Chris great?

I mean, listen, I know it might sound

I mean, my God!

I mean, my Sidekick broke and l...

I mean, the sex is good,

I messed with your head for three days.

I need a beer!

I need you to detain Samantha.

I need you to do me a favor.

I practically throw myself at you

I ran into Jamie Palomino last night.

I rented the nicest Porsche in New Jersey.

I said a lot of really crappy things the other night

I saw you at the Grammys sitting next to P. Diddy!

I saw you flirting with me out there.

I see you still have the best Christmas display in town, sir.

I signed your yearbook.

I slapped the ham to it like an hour ago.

I think I saw her go in the garage with the football team.

I think it's so neat that you kids

I think she might be maturing.

I think you're funny and charming and sweet,

I think you've pretty much said it all.

I thought it was supposed to be just the four of us.

I want one girl.

I want to apologize for earlier.

I want to talk to the guy who wrote me this.

I was born ready, bitch.

I was getting you food.

I was hoping I'd find you here.

I was in the friend zone. Friend zone's mine.

I was making cookies.

I was right.

I went in for a kiss, but she wants a hug, okay?

I won't apologize.

I would love to have lunch.

I'd be all... ¶ Forgiveness is the way, ¶

I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.

I'll be right out.

I'll have the pancakes and you can have my sandwich, okay?

I'll just enjoy this glass of water.

I'll show all of you!

I'll show you!

I'm actually only doing this part time till I can make it in music.

I'm being framed! I'm being framed!

I'm Chris Brander. I hang out with Good Charlotte and Pink.

I'm getting my butt kicked by Dinkleman,

I'm going over to Jamie's.

I'm gonna call my assistant and we're gonna go tonight.

I'm gonna friggin' puke.

I'm gonna get you a cab and take you home.

I'm gonna get you fired!

I'm gonna kill you! Not so funny now, bitch?!

I'm gonna make bubble.

I'm horny.

I'm in.

I'm just gonna play this whole thing aloof

I'm just saying you dated a lot of jerks

I'm living with my parents.

I'm not drunk. What's this?

I'm not gonna let you and Hong Kong Phooey up there

I'm not here to collect.

I'm not that pathetic little dweeb anymore.

I'm not the most boring person ever!

I'm not the same person I was in high school, pal.

I'm right back in high school again, you know?

I'm running back to my great life in L.A.!

I'm so glad KC got us back together.

I'm sorry I don't have a fat ass!

I'm sorry I'm being such a biatch.

I'm sorry I'm not... where're you going?

I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry, okay?!

I'm sorry. I was out of line, okay?

I'm sorry. I'll pay for everything.

I'm stuffed.

I'm taking this one.

I'm... I'm 18.

I'm... I'm laying there. I'm about to make my move

I've always wanted to say that.

I've been recording for my new album

I've got a little surprise for you.

I've really just been dating, you know?

If she wakes up, tell her I went to meet Bono.

If you feel yourself going there, walk away.

If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others?

In the simplicity of Nicholas Sparks' writing, you know what I mean?

In we go.

Is her humanitarian side.

Is that really how you feel?

Is there any other kind? That's adorable.

Is your life everything you'd hoped it'd be?

It was great talking to you, sir.

It was one date! And I ended up in the hospital.

It was so nice meeting you.

It was?

It's a Get well soon card from Jamie.

It's a joke! That's a joke between me and Jamie!

It's a lie, but if she wakes up just tell her I'll be back in a bit.

It's a little snug.

It's a Palamino Christmas!

It's a retainer and it's not that bad.

It's all good, baby, it's all good.

It's been the same key for the last 43 takes.

It's been...

It's called Jamie Smiles.

It's cold out here.

It's cool, you can have other girls. I like girls.

It's Dusty Dinkleman.

It's fine. Just don't cuss in front of the children.

It's gettin' late.

It's great, right? Two biggest geeks back in the day

It's hugs and kisses, dude. Mom writes that on my cards.

It's Jay Z's birthday party, you know, and I'm totally name dropping right now

It's just an old friend saying hi.

It's just that I'm supposed to be in Paris and I'm not,

It's just these damn rental skates.

It's like a true rags to riches story,

It's like the deep South Pole if there was one.

It's like the stalker's national anthem.

It's me Tim. You remember?

It's not that bad. Ha!

It's open mic night at The Coffee House.

It's probably just an important business call. Get off the phone.

It's Samantha... Call me...

It's the coast. Be right back.

It's the South Pole! It's the deep South Pole?

It's the South Pole. The deep South Pole!

It's you.

Jamie Palamino, this is my gift to you.

Jamie Palamino.

Jamie, I signed your yearbook.

Jamie, I'm opening your gate.

Jamie, we've been friends for a really long time,

Jamie!

Jamie! There you are.

Jamie?

Jamie.

Jamie. Look, Jamie!

Jamie. Look, Jamie!

Jamie...

Jeez, you know,

Jersey? We're in New Jersey?

Jesus, Dude. I thought you just wanted to sleep with her.

Jesus.

Joey, do you want some of my cookie?

Joyce?

Just give me a call sometime.

Just gonna...

Just one night, really? You can't stay any longer?

Just trying to look for my soulmate.

Just... just be yourself.

Just... just wait.

Kudos on the Christmas cookies, Mom.

L I r really...

L... about our relationship.

Ladies and Gentleman, the amazing Chris Brander.

Last time it was no more than five minutes.

Late '20s. Male Caucasian

Let's go, Chris. There's pee on the floor.

Let's go.

Like a brother.

Like her brother. Or a lamp.

Like that retard from Subway?

Like that skank you were banging behind my back.

Lined up for the spring quarter. Our number one priority:

Listen, about that...

Listen, I know it's Christmas Eve,

Listen, you're never gonna believe this, but I can't get a flight out.

Little problem.

Long story short, she fell.

Look at her. She's having a good time. She's got her toothpaste.

Look at you!

Look, don't sweat it.

Look, honestly, these pants make me look fat?

Look, I know you hate me, but I need to speak with Jamie. Where is she?

Look, I'm really sorry about yesterday.

Look, Paris can wait. This is important. You don't wanna be

Look, the timing just wasn't right, you know?

Look, there is a chance that my flight might be delayed an extra day.

Look, what better way to relate to your fans than to go with one?

Look, when you two get back, I've got this incredible marketing campaign

Look. I'll call...

Lover, aren't you gonna introduce me?

Make a move!

Mall people, they come and go...

Man, when you come back to town, you come back to town!

Maturing?

Maybe he just wants to be friends.

Maybe he's gay.

Maybe some salmon or something?

Maybe we could take the next step or something?

Maybe you should come back another time when you're...

Maybe you should try harder.

Me?

Meow. Meow.

Mike Brander. It is an honor.

Mike!

Mike! Good to be home.

Mom, I said I have a tummy ache.

Mom!

Mom! Mom! Truce!

Mom.

Mom. Please.

Mom's coming. That's good.

Mommy.

Mr. Palamino, how you doing?

MTV just got her a new reality show next year.

Mwha, mwha, mwha!

My bodyguard let me in.

My God, don't! Dusty! Don't!

My lyrics say dancing free with my guitar, Ron.

My publicist gave it to me to ward off stalkers.

Nice. What about Sheila? Are you making any headway?

No kissing!

No no no no. Listen to me very carefully now.

No one, Samantha.

No slap shots!

No, Chris! No!

No, I mean the guy that wishes they were a couple.

No, I'm driving through a tunnel.

No, I'm fine.

No, Mom. I'm in the living room, 10 feet away from you

No, put me on the 3:00.

No, sweetie. You need to do this alone.

No!

No.

No.

No. I wish I could, but l...

No. No.

Not at all.

Not happy!

Not happy!

Not the ham that I just bought?

Not to mention I already heard that song today,

Nothing! She's just all loopy from all the Vicodin.

Now Chris is trying his best here.

Now finally have a shot with the hottest chick in high school?

Now you get out there and you tell Jamie how you feel!

Now, come on! Mikey and I are making snow angels!

Of course you are. You know, I know a song called Mandy.

Oh God, look at that face. Look at that body.

Oh I can. He's been working on that song since high school, remember?

Oh my God,

Oh my God, I don't believe it!

Oh my God, isn't that so cute?

Oh my God, that is so cute!

Oh my God, we graduated!

Oh my God, you're sweet.

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Oh my God! Ha ha.

Oh my God! I just wrote a new song. You have to hear it!

Oh my God! Where does the time go?

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my God... plastic menus!

Oh yeah?

Oh, a little incapacitated, that's my baby, that's my boy!

Oh, after years of you being the biggest tease,

Oh, boy. Okay.

Oh, Carol, why don't you come join us?

Oh, Carol, you are so sweet!

Oh, come on, come on!

Oh, come on, man. Cut the nice guy routine.

Oh, Dusty...

Oh, f f...

Oh, God!

Oh, God! I should've just kissed her! What am I doing?

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, here we go again.

Oh, hey. Easy there, Gretzky.

Oh, honey, I gave those away years ago.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Oh, I could give you a massage.

Oh, I know. I'm living with my parents.

Oh, I love to travel.

Oh, I was trying to be all domesticated

Oh, I'm just busted!

Oh, it's about you! Now he's out playing you!

Oh, light bulb. There you go.

Oh, Mrs. Brander, do you have anything else besides ham?

Oh, my little boy.

Oh, nine, 10...

Oh, no no no, I never said that, Lindsay. I wouldn't do that.

Oh, no no no. I'm I'm not walking away.

Oh, pfft. Me? Look at you!

Oh, really? Me too.

Oh, so now I'm the tease.

Oh, this is gonna be a great song. Mall People.

Oh, well, honey, I'm sure you can rent a pair.

Oh, who loves her?

Oh, whoa, whoa whoa. Don't... don't do that.

Oh, would you mind?

Oh, yeah, well, this is my life!

Oh, yeah, you wish you were in the friend zone.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you're not a chubby bunny anymore.

Oh, your mom's car. You see, this is more like you.

Oh!

Oh! Well, Chris, what are you doing over at Joyce's?

Oh. Chris, let's get it to go.

Oh. Take that guy, for example.

Oh...

Oh...

Oh... okay.

Okay, 'cause... cause I wrote you that song and everything,

Okay, all right, one more time.

Okay, and speaking of really really important...

Okay, bye.

Okay, guys. Keep it clean.

Okay, I am gonna go to the little girl's room.

Okay, I can do it myself, okay? I'm good. I'm good now.

Okay, listen. We're getting creamed out there.

Okay, Paris isn't gonna work for...

Okay, Ron, which jokester changed the key on me?

Okay, she's got a bit of a headache.

Okay, sure.

Okay, we're done. Now...

Okay, yep, good. Thanks, Clark, for everything.

Okay? I need to transcend!

Okay? I'm sorry I'm not poor!

Okay? I'm sorry.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Bye bye.

Okay. I'm gonna kill you.

Okay. Now I know it's a little dorky,

Okay. One second here. Hey, Francine, you look great.

Okay. Who's the genius behind this?

On the same menstrual cycle yet or what?

One grilled cheese with ranch on the side

Only it was Janice's eyes that made him smile.

Only we get to mreow and they can't,

Ooh, more more!

Or are you just here because your boss wants to sign me?

Or practicing our cheers,

Or whenever, as long as it's a real date.

Or...

Ouch.

Palamino? Jamie Palamino.

Pants off in front of the computer by 10:01.

Paris, here we come!

Paris, here we come!

Peanut.

People love her. They love her!

Play the entire thing aloof and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end.

Please leave me alone.

Please, God.

Plus free promotion.

Porsche. Girls must love this.

Potty mouth.

President Bush, The First Family, really.

Pull my finger. Come on, pull my finger.

Raise you hand if your brother's a homo!

Read it... please.

Right back.

Rub, rub it, rub it!

Run away! Run! Daddy want a fish!

Samantha James is a crazy person.

Samantha, are you okay?

Samantha, these are my old friends.

Samantha! You're here! Shit!

Sarah and Joey and Brett. Hi!

See ya!

See you in another 10 years. Guess not.

Seen better days, I guess, pal?

Shakes come and go,

She puts them in the friend zone

She wants a sensitive guy...

She'll love it. Let's go show her. Come on.

She's a little incapacitated at the moment.

She's adorable.

She's all yours.

She's like a box of fine wine.

She's... incoming.

Shit!

Shit.

Shoot it!

Show us your tits!

Shut up, Tim!

Simply Dusty

Since Jessica Simpson and her father...

Since you're trying to hook up with Jamie, what if I went to Paris with Samantha

Sincerely, Chris Brander, BFF.

Sincerely, Chris Brander.

Slow down. What did you just say?

So do you really have my poster on your wall?

So how about you? You in love with anyone besides yourself?

So I'm living at home and I'm working...

So let me... let me... let me say hi to her.

So ostentatious. It's all they had left.

So pretty.

So that Paul could spend Christmas Eve with his family.

So that's what this is about?

So that's why she went with Dusty.

So we're looking at day cares.

So what did you you think?

So why did you disappear on me 10 years ago?

So y you gave her a body shake?

So, how'd you lose all that weight?

So, I'm gonna be real, okay?

So, um... so how long are you in town for?

So...

Some chick f'd me up in high school bad.

Son of a bitch!

Sorry about that, buddy.

Sorry, Miss Palamino, but he's just so terrible.

Sorry. Just,...

Stud muffin, getting it on in your love truck was hot!

Stupid rental skates.

Stupid town. I gotta take the bus!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Suckster! Suckster!

Suckster! Suckster!

Suckster! Suckster! Suckster!