Kicking & Screaming (2005) Edit

A blank slate.

A blessing in disguise.

A fair amount, in fact. What?

A general, blatant disregard

A header by Byong Sun from Ambrose's shoulder for a goal.

A hell of a game, bro.

A little early to start playing favorites, Phil.

A little high and into the crowd.

A lot of people are concerned.

A lot... lot of famous athletes have learned English through sports.

A monster.

About the cone thing!

About the distance between us.

About this Ditka thing. I don't like it one bit.

About your dad or Ditka tonight? Please?

About... About you and me,

Absolutely.

Actually, I do. Look at the size of this bad boy, huh?

Actually, Sam's right.

Actually, uh, I... I want you to assistant coach.

Actually, uh, truth be told, no one knows where he is right now.

Afraid of 'em?

Again. We can do this!

Ah, meat first. Yes, si.

Ah. Hey!

All day to get this order done.

All in all, just, yeah, good.

All right, coaches!

All right, everybody up. Come on.

All right, everyone.

All right, guys.

All right, look. Now what do you say I take Sam back,

All right, Tigers, it's game time.

All right, Tigers.

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Let's break someone's clavicle. On three!

All right. Okay, good.

All right. We're not gonna eat him.

All right. Well, then, how about, uh you, you, you?

All right. What else?

All right. You all had a laugh? Fine! Play on!

All right. You're starting the second half.

All the great players have done at one time or another.

All these leaves over in that yard before nightfall.

Alone?

Always play the Italians.

Am I the only one who cares about that?

Ambrose with a powerhouse kick!

Ambrose, you're big.

Ambrose.

An animal?

An important message from the King.

And as far as Sam not playing in the game, that's his fault.

And at least, give me that. I am not a liar.

And forceful tactics if need be.

And go get me juice boxes when I tell you.

And go on to greatness, or you lose.

And have a great season. Huh?

And he kicks the ball to Jack.

And he will win through intimidation

And honestly, I don't know what happened.

And I can do what I want.

And I did not go down.

And I didn't teach you anything.

And I don't even know what a whirling dervish is,

And I got some great news.

And I owe you, I owe all of you an apology.

And I should've been promoting that.

And I wasn't going to say this, but I think some of them have salmonella.

And I... I'm brand new to coffee.

And I'm getting under your skin.

And I'm like, I got, like, a headache almost.

And I'm Phil Weston.

And I'm serious.

And I'm the Prince of Vitamins.

And it's not freezing out here.

And keep your comments to yourself.

And less about the schedule.

And man, down the stretch,

And Massimo steals the ball.

And mix it with half of the decaffeinated version?

And probably face a series of cataclysmic events

And score and score and score and score.

And stops 3 feet from the first player.

And that same little boy was very happy when he won.

And that's what we are, right? Warriors?

And the ball goes to Ambrose who fakes.

And the only reason he is here is to support his team.

And then I had to park in the far parking lot.

And then I met my father.

And they pass it of to little Byong Sun!

And to make my stores the best they can be,

And to top it all off, I'm letting Sam down. My own son!

And vitamins.

And we are still losing, Phil.

And we should've just been having fun all along

And welcome to the HHSO Championship game.

And when you lose, it all comes down on you.

And who cares if he's a benchwarmer?

And you can put it on the board.

And you give me a second chance,

And you got balls!

And you guys just do e e exactly

And you sell that break even snake oil stand of yours.

And you think this suit's gonna help you?

And you win, it's the greatest feeling in the world.

And you're gonna come to work for me.

And you're such a great coach.

And, a Half Caff.

And, Phil... Yeah?

And, uh, gonna have a lot of fun tonight.

And, well, just a big thank you

And... And I... I didn't know if you might be willing to help.

Another Half Caff.

Another Half Caff.

Any more questions?

Anything that relates to soccer?

Anyway, uh, I I'm coaching my son's soccer team.

Apparently, I don't get it, okay.

Are we doing this? Is this happening now?

Are you a robot woman?

Are you following me? No.

Are you ready for this?

Are you serious?

Are your nephews working today?

Are... Are you guys getting any playing time, like...

At best, he's a benchwarmer.

At Buck and Phil's Sports Kingdom.

At prices so low, it'll blow your top.

Australia.

Aw.

Baby.

Back and forth!

Basketballs, footballs,

Be on a winning team, he'll get a trophy,

Be right back.

Beautiful day.

Beautiful. Grazie.

Because fire is the stuff of warriors.

Because I don't see him anywhere.

Because of my love for the game.

Because they're Italian.

Benchwarmer?

Besides, I'm the king in this house

Better or worse?

Better or worse?

Better!

Better! You're better than the other parents.

Better. Yeah.

Between the ages of 10 and 12,

Big on all kinds of balls.

Bing Bong?

Blow by blow of what promises to be

Boy, did that hurt my face.

Break people's clavicles.

Break through. Win the ball back!

Bring it in, guys.

Bring it in, guys.

Bring it in. Here we go.

Bring it in. Let's go. Huddle it up. Come on.

Bring it on.

Bucky with another open shot. Goal!

Bucky! Okay, Bucky.

Buddy, relax.

Bury you!

Bury you!

Bury you!

But Buck Weston has figured out this Tiger offense.

But he does look delicious, you have to admit, right,

But I got a good idea.

But i i it's not about winning.

But I'm gonna get my trash taken out, okay?

But if you cry, I'm out of here.

But in order to do that, we gotta get some fresh meat.

But in order to please my dad,

But is close to me?

But it's a good thing. Trust me.

But listen, when you put it all together,

But mainly, balls.

But my job in life is

But never ever in a game.

But remember, share the ball.

But remember. Meat first, then soccer.

But that's... that's what they were like.

But the truth is

But there is an "I" in win.

But this beats them all. I'm angry.

But those guys look pretty good.

But we don't have anyone to tell us when we do it.

But what about Sam?

But with a strong team effort, we will win some

But with me it's not about win lose.

But you have to try to find the positive in this.

But you really stepped up.

But you've turned him into a benchwarmer.

But, coach, how is this gonna help me with soccer?

But, I'm, like, really funny. I got like a million jokes.

But, uh, I really got a feeling like we could catch fire

But, you know, I want Sam to have fun.

By God, you're gonna be champions.

Bye bye.

Byong Sun and Sam, why don't you guys go on ahead, okay?

Byong Sun, stay low, okay?

Byong Sun!

Byong Sun. Oh, I see.

Can I borrow your glasses?

Can I go in now? I have fresh legs.

Can I have the ball?

Can I talk to you

Can you put me in?

Can you take half of the regular version of the coffee

Can't a guy just be enthusiastic about the game?

Catches it on the back of his neck.

Charge!

Chicago Bears?

Chop block.

Coach Benson will be good for you. He knows his stuff.

Coach Ditka? Yes?

Coach Weston is taking no chances.

Coach, did you order the pizzas yet?

Coach, I'm just saying...

Coach, um, where's Sam?

Coach, what are we doing out here, anyway?

Coached the 1986...

Coaches here, now!

Coffee is the lifeblood

Coffee will make you feel better.

Come here.

Come on, Beyonce, let's get that back end done.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, everybody. Let's go out and kick some butt.

Come on, everyone. Bay at the moon.

Come on, hands in.

Come on, move it. Move it! Faster! Faster!

Come on, move it. Move it.

Come on, Philly. Come on.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! That?

Come on! There we go, Gian Piero.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on, guys.

Come on. Guys, bring it in.

Compassionate human being,

Cool!

Couldn't ask for a more beautiful day.

Cut it out or you're out of here.

Cut it out!

Dad, he hit me. He hit me with the ball.

Dad, relax. Here, I'll handle it.

Dad, thanks, that's... that's exactly what I wanted to hear.

Dad, those aren't the Tigers.

Dad, you're getting a little creepy.

Dad?

Dad? Dad?

Dad? Hey, Dad! Barbara said "yes."

Dad? Yeah?

Dad.

Defense! Come on!

Defense! Push deeper! Deep! Deep!

Delicious.

Depressed? We won.

Did everyone see that?

Did Grandpa trade me?

Did the blacksmiths and the candlestick makers not make it?

Did you hear? The pressure of coaching got to him.

Did you just eat that?

Did you just kick your son?

Did you just push a kid to the ground?

Ditka is a great coach, we understand that, but he's a football coach.

Do it! Shoot it, Byong Sun. Shoot it!

Do what?

Do you have a card? Do you have a card?

Do you have scones?

Do you know Sammy Sosa?

Do you?

Does anyone here have a card?

Does that make sense?

Doesn't matter.

Doing my lawn.

Dominate and hammer them.

Don't be afraid to throw the elbow.

Don't bother me, okay?

Don't forget the meatballs!

Don't look back! Run!

Don't look like that to me. Please.

Don't remember that one.

Don't talk to me, it's father son time!

Don't worry, kind sir.

Don't worry. You'll be all right. Gonna be all right.

Don't you worry, I got you bratwurst all ready.

Donna Jones.

Drink the coffee. It'll make you feel better.

Especially not the championship game.

Even little kids in Mexico drink coffee.

Every home in Europe has its own coffee press.

Every time you say something back to me,

Every year, we like to take a little time

Everybody drinks it.

Everyone heard you.

Everyone should get one of these.

Everyone take a seat, if you would.

Everyone wave goodbye to juice box.

Everyone's hands should be up.

Ew!

Except, you saddled me with a bunch of stiffs.

Excuse me. Hey, y you didn't need to take up two spots.

Excuse me. Thank you.

Fakes left, fakes right, he shoots!

Faster!

Finches.

Find it in your heart to forgive me

Find yourself a coach, or the Tigers forfeit.

Fine!

Fine. Okay. We'll bet.

Fishes?

Foot and three inches.

For all the hard work.

For dramatic effect!

For our game plan.

For the coaches to come up here

For the day.

For the rest of your lives.

For those who live between Broadway and Grandville,

For what? I caught it. Why?

Forever.

Forget it. Pass it to someone else.

Forget the appreciation.

Four on one, three on another, right?

French Roast.

From being thrown out of this game.

Game's about to start.

Gather around. Come on in. Good job.

Generals! Generals! Yeah!

Get away from that. Don't... Don't get any ideas. Don't even touch it.

Get enough pizza?

Get him, Logan. Attaboy, Logan.

Get in here. Come on. Get in here, guys.

Get over there! Go, Hunter!

Get the door! Get the...

Get the rope!

Gian Piero, Massimo,

Give it up, Dad!

Give you guys a rest?

Gladiators moving the ball.

Gladiators take the lead.

Gladiators tie the game.

Gladiators with the ball.

Go and run a lap! I'm timing you.

Go back and take a look at these guys.

Go Bucky! Finish it off! Finish it off!

Go get them.

Go hemp!

Go!

Go!

Go. Yes.

Goal, and the Tiger goalie goes down hard!

Goal!

Goal!

God, I'm going to be honest, I... I didn't plan on speaking tonight.

God! That's a bad call, you know it!

Goo goo, gaa gaa baby language.

Good call, ref!

Good guy. Good guy.

Good job, guys.

Good job.

Good job.

Good job.

Good to see you.

Good.

Good.

Good. Good.

Good. Good.

Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good.

Good. Thank you.

Good. Yes.

Good... Good group effort.

Got you a gift.

Got you!

Gotcha!

Grab a ball!

Grab some bench.

Great effort. Come on, let's go.

Great game, Bucky.

Great goal, Samson.

Great hustle. Gian Piero and Massimo.

Great, great, great.

Great.

Great.

Great. I'd love to.

Great. Okay, now,

Great. Okay, yeah. I'd love to hear one. Shoot.

Gripping. Gripping.

Guatemalan with a little Ethiopian.

Guys, Gian Piero and Massimo.

Guys, I said no playing soccer in the house.

Guys? Oh. Settle down. Everyone.

Guys...

Half Caff?

Half Caff.

Hall of Fame?

Have you ever looked into his eyes?

He cracked.

He did.

He didn't teach me anything.

He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't...

He fell down! He fell down!

He hasn't been playing much lately and, I didn't know if...

He is going to play more, Philly...

He kicks it high. It's a perfect pass!

He needs to speak up, okay? I can't worry about every player.

He shoots! Score!

He started it.

He stopped that goal.

He taught us exactly how not to play soccer.

He was right there by my side.

He would love to play for you

He'll be here. Don't worry about it. Okay.

He's a lousy coach.

He's big. You... You might form one mega person.

He's confident, he's smart,

He's gonna get a lot more playing time now.

He's got my ear!

He's got vitamins.

He's like a jackal from hell!

He's okay.

He's on the bench.

He's right there. He's right there.

He's right.

Head.

Hello, I'm Phil Weston.

Hello, uh,

Hello? Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello. Hi, there.

Here we go again.

Here we go, gang. Let's go, Tigers. Come on.

Here we go. Fan out. Form a circle here.

Here we go. On three. Let's have fun.

Here, drink this coffee.

Here, I'll get rid of it, honey.

Here, take some of this back, 'cause I don't want it.

Here, you get the whole thing!

Here.

Here's all I heard.

Here's something your dad never taught you.

Hey, big guy, how'd it go?

Hey, Buck.

Hey, Buck. Yeah?

Hey, can I have this?

Hey, coach!

Hey, coach.

Hey, coffee is the number one drink in the world.

Hey, Dad, I didn't know if...

Hey, Dad, what happened to all your fish?

Hey, darling. How you doing? Looking great out there.

Hey, Ditka! Knock it off, would you?

Hey, Ditka! Will you knock it off?

Hey, do that later, would you, please?

Hey, do what you gotta do.

Hey, grab the pebble from my hand, Grasshopper!

Hey, guys, I just wanna say:

Hey, guys.

Hey, hey, get a grip on yourself, okay? Man up.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. All right.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey!

Hey, honey.

Hey, Hunter. I'm Phil.

Hey, I... I almost had you.

Hey, I'm Hunter.

Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you

Hey, keeper.

Hey, knock it off, would you?

Hey, let me tell you something.

Hey, look who's here. Two of my favorite people, and Phil.

Hey, Patty.

Hey, Phil.

Hey, Philly.

Hey, Philly.

Hey, ref? Injury? Time out?

Hey, Sam, you wanna give us a minute?

Hey, Sam.

Hey, stay out of this. It's between us, okay?

Hey, Stew.

Hey, the Tigers may be in last place,

Hey, wait.

Hey, welcome to the team, little fellow.

Hey, what's going on?

Hey, where's Sam?

Hey, why don't you take that pretty young wife of yours and go home?

Hey, you're... you're late.

Hey, zip it, kid!

Hey!

Hey! All right!

Hey! Here we go!

Hey! Hey, I'm warning you.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! I got eyes in the back of my head.

Hey! If it isn't fart face Jones.

Hey! Knock it off! It's all for you!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hi, Byong Sun. Hi, Byong Sun.

Hi, excuse me. Uh, Coach Benson around?

Hi, I'm Buck Weston, King of Sporting Goods.

Hi, I'm Buck Weston.

Hi, Phil. Uh, I I'll eat this worm for $5.

Hi, this is Byong Sun.

Hi, uh, my name is Phil.

Hi, you guys.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hey, Sam.

Hi. Um, uh, our son, Byong Sun, he's very shy and I was just wondering...

Hi. You can call me "Chief."

Highland Heights Soccer Organization parent's dinner.

Hit the field. Let's go.

Hit the road. Move it.

Hockey pucks, baseballs...

Hold on! Wait!

Hold this.

Hold up!

Honey, come on, the kids need a real coach.

Honey, do you mind?

Honey, it was your first practice.

Honey, that's great. Yeah.

Honey, wh where have you been?

Honey!

Hope you boys are ready. See you at the finish line.

Horrible.

How about a smoothie? What's in that?

How about I bring up someone who's new to coaching in this league,

How about you and your old man?

How about you use your eyes?

How are they better?

How could he crack? We're only one game into the season.

How did I get burned?

How did that happen?

How do you like that, Ditka?

How do you say "pizza" in Italian?

How do you say "spaghetti?"

How do you spell that?

How do you want your hamburger?

How does that feel?

How far was that?

How important today's game is, huh?

How many sarcastic pills did you take this morning?

How many times do I have to say this?

How much do you think those things are?

How much you pay him to make those calls?

How they mess up, right?

How would that help us?

However, I want all of you to know

Huh?

Huh.

Hunter, catch up! Catch up.

Hunter, I'd give you a kiss but you just ate a worm.

Hurry up and order.

Hurry up.

Hurry, run quickly!

I I'm sorry, Mrs. Ditka.

I am a very kind person.

I am very, very,

I apologize.

I appreciate that.

I appreciate that.

I beat you,

I beg your pardon.

I bet you this whole thing is gonna turn out to be

I brought your uniform just in case.

I called you twice.

I can defend myself, please.

I can take a punch!

I can't afford to lose this one, Umberto.

I can't believe it.

I can't talk to you about this. No, not anymore.

I can't talk to you. Here, you take this.

I can't.

I can't... I can't believe this.

I come back, pick up 5:00.

I could eat a box of cookies for dinner if I want to.

I couldn't really hear you.

I did not.

I didn't agree to pay you $5.

I didn't play the week before, either.

I didn't see you step up when the team was in need.

I didn't think I'd be coaching the little bugger.

I do see, Prince Phil.

I don't even know who you are.

I don't give compliments lightly.

I don't know why that's funny.

I don't know, it may just be me,

I don't know. But I'll tell you one thing.

I don't like coffee. It's a vasoconstrictor.

I don't say this enough

I don't think you should be butting in

I don't wanna see any laziness there, okay?

I don't want the ball.

I don't want to get thrown out.

I don't... I don't like...

I eat quitters for breakfast and I spit out their bones.

I go home when I want.

I got a job, Dad.

I got a little something for the Tigers here

I got a lot of work to do.

I got company!

I got it, right below the knee, the nub.

I got it! I got it!

I got my vitamin store to go back to.

I got punched in the face and it hurt.

I got this for you, too! Get out of here!

I got you put on a new team.

I gotta do it.

I gotta let go of this thing.

I guess we really got out coached.

I guess.

I had you come here early today,

I hated him from the first time I laid eyes on him.

I have no idea.

I have something important I'd like to tell you. Um...

I hear he's a woman now.

I heard it on a rap video once.

I just got caught up in everything.

I just got excited. Nice job. Nice job.

I just got laid off. I'm looking for a job

I just made it up.

I just wanna ask you if you... if you can

I just wanna have fun.

I just want you guys to know that I know that I blew it.

I just... I just need some help

I just... Ow! That got me right in the nipple.

I know it's a weird thought, but it's true.

I know that kid. I know.

I know we're on a five game losing streak, but I've got good news.

I know, let's all bay at the moon.

I know. But your skin's more important.

I like it.

I love him like a son. Come on up, Phil.

I love you, Dad!

I love you.

I may have inadvertently poisoned your children.

I mean I had a good time kicking your butt,

I mean, I know he's the most competitive man in the world.

I mean, I'm not gonna be the one staying up late at night,

I mean, I've never lived up to my dad's expectations.

I mean, there are other teams.

I need to tell him.

I only want winners out on the field.

I practiced every time you benched me.

I promise you, I'll play you next season, okay?

I really don't know.

I really lost my way, I mean,

I recognize that!

I said she's lovely and she's young.

I said, "Who's a winner?"

I saw a bunch of nonsense out there.

I screwed up, Sam.

I seem to remember a certain little boy

I strived to be the very best.

I take a vitamin every day, it's called a steak.

I think I got it.

I think maybe

I think this is your best commercial yet.

I think you mean smoke up my butt.

I think.

I thought I had the shot.

I thought it was. It's not.

I thought we were friends!

I told you. Every great thing in life starts with a brat.

I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror, and you know what I saw?

I took a punch from Hall of Famer, Mike Ditka,

I traded him to the Tigers.

I wanna win a soccer game!

I want you to play dirty,

I wanted to talk to you about Sam.

I warned you about, this has become all about you and Buck.

I was breaking my back for you, Coach,

I will never come back here again?

I... I am not a robot.

I... I can't do it. I can't coach. I can't beat my old man.

I... I just... I got caught at work

I... I was... I was actually hoping that

I... I... I don't think that's a very good attitude.

I... I... I... I completely blew it.

I... I... You just need to relax.

I'd fine you each $10,000 apiece.

I'd have an extra $5?

I'd like to make it up to you.

I'll be giving you a play by play,

I'll figure it out.

I'll give you a hint.

I'll give you that, but at least he's trying.

I'll go change in my car.

I'll never be mad at you. Never.

I'll see you inside.

I'll see you later.

I'll see you on the field.

I'll see you,

I'll talk to him.

I'll tell you for the last time. Hit the road!

I'll tell you, Dad.

I'll throw this out the window, honey.

I'm a coach that knows about winning.

I'm a frequent coffee drinker.

I'm a regular here. This line needs to move.

I'm actually touching it.

I'm Buck Weston.

I'm Buck Weston.

I'm building men.

I'm Byong Sun.

I'm doing this for you, okay?

I'm feeling fully alive.

I'm glad it happened, I...

I'm glad you figured it out.

I'm going.

I'm gonna be just great. I'm gonna be great.

I'm gonna be the new permanent coach of the Tigers.

I'm gonna push you guys like you've never been pushed before.

I'm gonna see what I can do about that, okay?

I'm gonna trade the whole team to the Tigers next year.

I'm having a baby. Oh, I'm having a baby.

I'm holding them.

I'm in the middle of a game, come on!

I'm in way over my head.

I'm like a tornado of anger, swirling about!

I'm losing vision, it's blackness.

I'm Mark Avery.

I'm never drinking coffee as long as I live.

I'm no juice box boy, I'll tell you that!

I'm not blind.

I'm not blowing smoke up my butt.

I'm not crazy. I'm just thirsty.

I'm not crying. It's frustration.

I'm not going to soccer practice with a dirty car.

I'm not gonna lie,

I'm not like my old man!