Silicon Valley - Season 1 Edit

A banged up 15 inch MacBook Pro with shitty stickers on it?

A better place through canonical data models to communicate between endpoints.

A better place through scalable,

A bridge loan of 15 million dollars, gentlemen.

A clear go to market strategy

A cloud based multi platform solution for user focused compression.

A complete teutonic shift has to happen.

A convicted felon to paint a mural on their garage?

A cool company needs a cool logo.

A corporate culture.

A few flyers, that's all we have?

A floating utility player? Like a jack of all trades.

A high number of these breadings have sesame seeds on them.

A hundred and seventy three people in North...

A live demo of what?

A lot of good stuff in there.

A lot of successful start ups launched with a different business model,

A lot of these guys come in here

A lot of those words.

A more keen sense of smell is because their noses are closer to the ground.

A multi billion dollar company.

A plumber got stabbed just last week,

A real asshole.

A relationship that has the potential to become

A tectonic shift is the earth's crust moving around.

A what?

A woman's hand until I was 17 years old.

About being a board member

About stealing other people's music, ok?

About the emergency capital injection.

About yay high, around your workspace.

About your company online, and I was like, Hey, Pied Piper!

About, you know, manipulating... data...

About?

Absolutely, David. What are we talking about, gents?

Accessible from any device.

Act erratically, and blindly lash out at everything around us.

Actually, I can't go back in there, so I'm going to go home.

Actually, I just need to close my eyes for a little bit. Ok?

Actually, sir, my tenants provide their own food...

Actually, that's not true. We've had some trouble encoding 3D video.

Actually, you know, I think a better analogy would be jazz.

Adderall. This is a highly controlled substance. Are these yours?

Adult or otherwise.

Ah, Gavin Belson just offered me three million dollars for Pied Piper.

Ah, Gavin.

Ah, no.

Ah, ok.

Ah. That's better.

Ahh.

All dropped out of college.

All I could think was, He's utterly useless.

All I know is that the rumor that TechCrunch is all abuzz about is unproven.

All I see is stars and swirls. I cannot see right now.

All of it? I mean, every aspect of it?

All right, each team will have six minutes for presentation and demo,

All right, everybody, this run through is for essential personnel only,

All right, give us a minute, please.

All right, guys, let's go.

All right, here's the real shit, Chuy.

All right, homeboy. Pop a squat.

All right, homey, I gotta go. My enema guy is here.

All right, I'm in.

All right, I'm taking care of this one.

All right, let's light this candle.

All right, let's welcome our final team to the finals

All right, look at me. Look at me. Look at me.

All right, ok.

All right, talk to me, Richard. What were you working on last night?

All right, well, remember to be an asshole.

All right, what about Smaller, spelled S M L L R?

All right, you have one hour! Go!

All right? And I would like to say I was just doing my job,

All right.

All right. It was worth a try.

All right. Well, what did he say when you told him I wasn't Mexican?

All seem lovely to think about...

All so people can sit around, stare at their phones all day.

All the test cases ran optimal.

All these features will be seamlessly synced to Hooli mail,

All these foreigners coming over here,

All these guys are like that, they're all about consumer facing.

All those YouPorn ones and zeroes streaming directly

All transmitting with no quality loss.

Also, from a parking lot at a gas station in Sonora.

Also... a reminder.

Always blue, always blue, always blue,

Always blue, always blue, always blue,

Always blue, always blue, always blue, always blue...

Always blue, always...

Always separate like this.

Am I a hologram over there too?

Am I being reassigned to something else?

Amusing coincidence that two of the three countries

An iconoclast.

An organizational system called scrum.

And $50,000, like they're going to need it, is Pied Piper.

And a hard spot.

And a promotion to go with it.

And after all I've given up for this company.

And also I may not be.

And and here at Hooli, contracts are honored.

And another guy that has disappeared...

And anyone that's under a three is a guest.

And ask him to cut me a new check.

And built our own company?

And by the way,

And celebrate the last new years on Earth.

And claiming to make the world a better place all the time.

And clear my... head.

And concentrate on everything else which the fetus just fucked up.

And D2F sub 3 needs to equal D2F sub 4,

And establishes you and Peter Gregory

And even if it was, I don't think you could ever sell the public on this.

And even with everyone on reduced salaries,

And for decades, we used these codes to compress,

And for the most part, you're right, I do.

And frankly, their tech's a little stronger.

And Gavin said I'm not humiliating you,

And Gavin's.

And get him to co sign these and the check and I'll be back as soon as I can.

And get into conversations with guests and be interested in them.

And Goolybib and all the rest, you know?

And has put the previously relationship behind him completely.

And he can clear it up for you.

And he has a boner and we're all sitting there

And he pioneered bottom up, and Lempel Ziv with left to right, obviously.

And he's gonna do our new logo.

And he's got another dick tucked behind his ear for later.

And he's somehow figured out a way to do a search on a compressed data space.

And helping the environment,

And hope some name randomly pops in my head.

And how important they are to the conference.

And I am officially legal.

And I am, along with this guy, him, him...

And I asked her point blank if she was crazy

And I can prove it.

And I can verify that the door is locked...

And I can't afford to pay rent here.

And I completely rebuilt our engine, from scratch last night.

And I couldn't get those sand hill road morons to fund any of them.

And I don't have a problem saying that out loud.

And I don't think he even realizes what he has here.

And I don't think it comes as any shock that the winner of this year's Disrupt Cup

And I don't think that the CEO of Microsoft has a paid best friend.

And I found images and I found bios and I printed them out

And I just cannot seem to figure out this stupid bug. Do you mind?

And I just think you should have somebody in there

And I may be wrong about being the Steve Jobs in our relationship.

And I own a very small percentage of Grindr.

And I put it in the water just to make it all completely wet.

And I thought I would be racist telling you, you were wrong.

And I totally forgot about it.

And I was just... I was thinking.

And I was like, Yeah, I should.

And I will always be...

And I will be reaching Sonora and nirvana in approximately...

And I wrapped our financials, I did a DCF valuation.

And I write sleek performant low overhead scala code

And I'm sure that burger king and sesame seeds

And if that's the kind of company you wanna run,

And if you could ever use someone with my business development skill set,

And in addition to holding TechCrunch liable for any damages,

And in many ways is the future of computing.

And it must have some water on there, right?

And it will once it reaches a critical mass of users,

And it's a 3D video file.

And it's just so insulting to have someone walking around spreading lies about you.

And it's... There's penetration.

And lets you know, even before it happens, whether you're having a panic attack

And look how fast this search is.

And neither did he. And he was kind of being an asshole back there.

And neither does congress.

And no Woz should go into a meeting like that alone.

And not just that, I will help you build this company.

And nourish his waning brain.

And now I'm in the middle of some pissing contest

And now they live here.

And now you're just gonna give me a seat on the board, only to retract that offer?!

And now, if the shortage spikes the global price

And now, would anyone like some BK?

And offer to be their keynote speaker.

And our regression test is... done.

And pass on any further funding,

And people get shot behind that.

And plus, I think I know what kind of logo you white boys might like.

And provide the counsel that you need.

And provides dubious value.

And purchase one of everything.

And push it to the global level.

And see it through.

And she chooses you over me,

And she swore to me, no, she's not crazy.

And since when do we have an intern program?

And singing a capella at Sarah Lawrence,

And sit out in the desert,

And so did you and everybody

And so I guess what I'm saying to you now is,

And some sandwiches?

And take a right at the weird thing.

And take that to Peter Gregory and ask for a new check

And talking about what cum tastes like.

And tell a guy with three assault convictions

And that comes with a retrieval kit.

And that goes right where you think it goes.

And that may not mean a lot to you, but where I come from, that means a whole lot.

And that, gentlemen, is scrum.

And that's how I got to where I am.

And that's without wasting ten thousand dollars on artwork.

And the compression is totally lossless.

And the donkeys at Nucleus a run for their money.

And the middle class

And the only way that I ever avoided being sued

And the simplicity one has come to expect from the Hooli family.

And their selection consists solely of these burgers,

And their Weissman score was 2.89, same as ours.

And then an East Indian guy.

And then at that point we've got some photos that we're gonna throw up on the big screen.

And then don't have him be fucking

And then his wife left him, because, you know.

And then I'll sort of close right here in the center

And then I'm getting the hell out of this town.

And then she dumped you and you became obsessed with her.

And then someone explained to me the concept of game,

And then the rats and the music.

And then they pivoted to become a playground for the sexually monstrous.

And then they pivoted.

And then, Richard. There you go. The man of the hour.

And then, whatever else you wanna do.

And then... Just Richard and I.

And there are three stories here.

And there is nothing you can do to stop me.

And there's already a Pied Piper operating in California.

And these stupid pink streaks and doesn't seem to be dominant at all.

And they can do all of the engineering stuff

And this is a universal lossless compression engine?

And this white, weird cocaine statue

And this would be like a smaller version of the word smaller.

And thought you were... a Mexican.

And three year summary P&I or there will be no check.

And thy passage is heralded by the deathless cries

And told me my parking app was fucking awesome!

And told me that Peter Gregory believed in me,

And tomorrow is trash day so make sure all the cans are out front.

And took down their entire system, that The Carver?

And turning and you're all queasy...

And until then, we need to do what any animal in nature does when it's cornered,

And watch you bleed out all over the stage

And we are truly local mobile social.

And we can't compete, so now we have to be something else.

And we have... we have a lot of work to do, so...

And we only have ten minutes to present. So...

And we were wondering if you could come in

And we were. Until yesterday.

And we will be ruined because I have no idea what I'm doing.

And we'll see whether this thing can do what you say it does.

And we'll see who's right?

And we're completely So Mo Lo.

And we're gonna sue the shit out of you.

And we're here to revolutionize

And we're just sitting around waiting for you.

And we're making the world a better place

And we're Mo Lo So.

And what do you think Hooli is going to do with it?

And what I say is, Jared, put Big Head in the business plan.

And whatever else you've been mumbling about in here

And whatever terrible decision he made about the money.

And when I did, we hit a Weissman score of 3.8.

And when they ran into trouble, they pivoted to something new.

And when they see how it saves the environment, they will be sold.

And while I know their market cap is seven billion dollars plus,

And who's hiding drugs? Shocker, it's the illegal immigrant.

And write me a check.

And yes, we're disrupting digital media.

And yet we have no boundaries and no protocol.

And you conveniently forgot to mention any of this

And you guys are standing around drinking shrimp

And you just, you pressured me into hiring him...

And you know what? We're going to win.

And you, as well.

And you?

And you're going to pass on that?

And Zenella is ready to bring it to the marketplace.

And, also, there's more.

And, Matt, you got what, like three years left?

And, uh, I just didn't know that any of that stuff was due yet.

And, uh, you know, want to make 50 dollars?

And, um, I think I'm going to go with Peter Gregory.

And, yes, also politeness.

And, you know, everybody's right, man,

And, you know, how many datas

And... and I'm sorry.

Andreesen, elevation and like a bunch of other seed funds are piling onto this thing.

Any of you guys currently on Adderall

Any of you. Pied Piper.

Any questions?

Anyone who tells you that their platform is faster than ours better have good lawyers.

Anything to do with error sounds like your whole vibe.

Anything?

Anyway, he's also offering a hundred k

Anyway, he's doing a TED talks in Palo Alto tonight.

Anyway, I just got a call from your attorney, Mr. LaFlamme,

Anyway, she said you guys went out a couple times

Anyway, you must be great with Java

Apart from you guys.

Arallon is an island, so how are we...?

Are one of you the homeowner?

Are they essential?

Are to implement profound changes in existing venture.

Are you crying?

Are you dressed like Steve Jobs?

Are you fucking serious right now?

Are you fucking serious? Lowercase letters?

Are you going to help me with this business plan or not?

Are you gonna fire Big Head or not?

Are you humming to yourself?

Are you kidding? It's like my specialty.

Are you ok in there?

Are you OK?

Are you ready for the ultimate tech startup competition?

Are you really kicking us out?

Are you saying we shouldn't even show up?

Are you serious? Is Jared out there?

Are you still enjoying your asparagus, sir?

Are you trying to say that Big Head might be dead?

Are you... are you crying?

Aren't in effect anymore. Let me know if you want to grab a drink sometime.

As an Aztec warrior just doesn't make sense.

As much as I've tried, it's just not.

As shocking as this is...

As such, I must have options.

As the board members of Pied Piper,

As we discussed, our North Carolina plant went sideways.

As you will now see, our Weissman score is the best in the history of compression.

Asshole vacuum and that void is filled by other assholes, like Jared.

Assholes.

At least it didn't happen in a public and brutally embarrassing way.

At least this way when I blow my eyeballs out

At which point that card is moved from the icebox

At which point the judges will ask a few questions...

Audio worked a hundred fucking years ago!

Audio, video, meta data.

Audious, play John Lennon's Imagine.

Awesome!

Baby...

Baller.

Bam! Am I right, guys?

Barking up the wrong tree here.

Be forewarned, the orange juice has vodka in it.

Beautiful man

Because all the guys in the other room

Because at the end of the day,

Because Gavin believes in this Japanese form of management

Because I feel like if I do I'm gonna puke all over Peter Gregory.

Because I have a three year contract and my stock options...

Because I just painted over some dude's shit

Because I know where I stand.

Because I look absurd.

Because I thought Pied Piper could be viable,

Because I thought that fetus was better than me

Because I thought you had a really great company.

Because I wanted him to paint our garage for cheap.

Because I was too busy getting my face pummeled

Because I'm broke, and I need money for food.

Because if it can't, then we're done here, right?

Because if she's posting comments about me being obsessed...

Because if we can make your audio and video files smaller,

Because it's about to get pretty fucking erotic in here.

Because it's still in prototype phase right now,

Because most of them die on their way down to the water?

Because none of those other companies have your vision.

Because of drop outs.

Because of Peter Gregory, Monica!

Because of you, Gavin Belson is debuting Nucleus at TCD.

Because of you, man.

Because of your visa?

Because one of the ten million would've been mine.

Because Richard will suck the dick right off of your pelvis.

Because she'd have to be crazy to tell him

Because that just basically just took out

Because that's an even smaller version of the word smaller.

Because that's basically what the CEO does.

Because the whole house smells like a bait station.

Because this is what it looks like when

Because we could really make the world a better place.

Because we have less than 24 hours 'til the preliminaries.

Because we started pursuing you...

Because you came to me when I was puking and freaking out

Because you did.

Because you don't even know what that is. Right?

Because you just know it as a weird thing, you know,

Being around angry people relaxes me,

Bertram Gilfoyle is the foreign national

Besides, I'm not even done with the demo.

Besides, I'm wearing sandals so I am iconoclasting a little bit.

Besides, the presentation is tomorrow.

Better yet, do you have those spotlights that...

Between two billionaires.

Big Head is a man with zero purpose.

Big Head, I'm gonna be meditating.

Big Head, man, congratulations on the job, really.

Big Head, there is a personal ad section

Big Head, you're not going home, man.

Big Head.

Big Head...

Big Pete Gregory!

Billions of breadings.

Bit Soup.

Boo yah.

Both of his optic nerves and then,

Boy, is she on the spectrum.

Breathe of his breath, o brother of the night

Brogrammers.

Brother Jason was kind enough to furnish this week's food.

Buddy, come on.

Business plan or any other relevant paperwork

Business plans that are created in support of new ventures

But a lot of it I didn't really understand,

But a metaphorical hole.

But almost every woman is attractive. It was her mind.

But at least it isn't racist.

But by his own admission, he's really more like a master of none.

But darned if that chicken isn't good.

But does anyone appreciate that?

But even if somebody wanted to use it

But even without all the symbolism,

But everything else is great.

But for some weird reason, Chuy took a look at you

But Gavin Belson just walked in.

But he offered it to me, Monica! He offered it to me.

But he really hates college.

But he shouldn't have because it makes him...

But he was such a tough negotiator that now all of his friends are suing him.

But here's a fact: I'm the only one of these clowns that can code in Java.

But I am actually having a little trouble

But I can't really describe to you what it is

But I could use your input on a few things for the business plan.

But I do know this, you are the Steve Wozniak.

But I get the feeling you're the kind of guy that does better

But I hear good things.

But I just...

But I made a personal promise to the Astraphile guys that none of their employees would lose

But I swear I only wanted Peter to seed you

But I think I'm close to being maxed out, so...

But I think I'm on top of everything.

But I turned the bass way up.

But I would definitely like to invest.

But I would still be able to jerk it off in one smooth motion...

But I write all of our tweets and we have like a couple hundred followers.

But I'm also not sorry.

But I'm thinking of ways to compress images, video...

But if you can walk, why does he need the car on the island?

But if you'll excuse me, I have to go lock down a motherfucking business plan.

But in the hands of the enlightened, hate can be a tool for great change.

But it never will be unless we make some changes.

But it seems like you got your shit together.

But it's not gonna change who you are.

But mainly we do lineal like you see out there.

But maybe a little less challenging?

But maybe I could burn through your gig over the weekend.

But most importantly

But my start up partners and I are looking for investors.

But no one actually calls me that, it's what people call a screen name.

But none of it ever seems to hit us.

But not so much in human anatomy.

But now I'm super happy. I feel like I won twice.

But now suddenly you're a hot chick,

But now we are not.

But now we get to go into the finals tomorrow

But now, for the first time, we are living in an era

But part of it is his personal commitment

But Peter Gregory demanded a lean, ruthless business plan.

But Peter Gregory's already funding him.

But regrets will kill ya so try not to dwell on it.

But seriously,

But that 10 minutes is just incredible.

But that is you, is it not? The individual on the right?

But that would be reasonable compared to this.

But that's because I was showing you to my friends

But that's irrelevant.

But that's the excuse that the Nazis used,

But the last thing we want is two lowercase P's in a square

But the thing is, they built a ton of really great stuff up on top of that.

But then I woke up to this, um, unexpected development.

But there's always been a hole in my heart.

But they get all hung up on technicalities.

But this ain't a safe place.

But we all know that, so there's no point in talking about it.

But we aren't going to do that.

But we need to hurry here.

But we really want to help you with your site.

But we've, uh, we've pivoted since then.

But what does that have to do...

But what happened was, last night I was watching my friends here have this argument.

But when I looked over, right? I looked in the mirror like this,

But when it comes to audio and video files,

But when we win this fuckin' thing, Richard, you're buying the next round.

But when you clean the fish

But when you combine our portfolios,

But with a confirmed score of 5.2, Pied Piper appears to have just doubled

But you didn't, obviously. And now I've got nothing to do,

But you gotta throw in some gas money.

But you have essentially aged 40 years in the last seven weeks.

But you have to do me a favor, Richard,

But you know what? I also have an offer to do some migration at Gittawonk this weekend.

But you own ninety five percent of a potential billion dollar company.

But you should know he is very excited to see you, Richard.

But you'd probably think I'm just out here shitting in a hole and wiping with my hand.

But you're wearing a jacket.

But, apparently, I can't have that.

But, as I mentioned, it will soon be gone.

But, I mean, he's really gonna have to sell me.

But, in fact, really the intention of Hooli from the beginning.

But, Jared, we already bought the t shirts.

But, rather than say anything more, why don't we just give you a file

But, Richard? Um...

But, the truth is he's not as good of a coder as I am,

But, when I come into work tomorrow, what do I... do?

But, you can't describe what that weird thing is

By another person.

By him thinking I'm Mexican?

By no metric could you possibly be considered more attractive than me.

Call it what you want.

Call that D2F.

Called me a Mexican? You're doing it again.

Can I give you my professional opinion, as your doctor?

Can somebody play something with a beat, please?

Can you at least help us figure out this insane DFT spider web he's using?

Can you do me a favor?

Can you explain this to me?

Can you help me, please?

Can you imagine what kind of shit show this one's gonna be?

Can't even describe to another human being?

Can't wait to tell me how stupid my website is.

Care to comment?

Cash money mobster.

Check, one two two,

Chuy Ramirez? Erlich Bachman.

Cicadas.

Citizen of Canada.

Cloud based, disruptive platforms.

Cock sucker.

College... has become a cruel

Come again?

Come on, Big Head.

Come on, come on, come on...

Come on, dude. Unless you can tell me right now what I can do for Pied Piper

Come on, focus, focus.

Come on, man. Why would you think that?

Come on.

Come to check up on your investment?

Come up from the ground,

Coming up with shitty names like, Smallulator, are at least doing something.

Congratulations, guys.

Congratulations! You were amazing up there.

Congratulations.

Consider that maybe this might not be the best choice for the meeting?

Cool costume. Where'd you get it?

Cool. Guys, the new logo!

Cool. Shoot.

Cool. Uh, what type of actressing you work?

Cool. Very cool.

Could one guy manipulate at once and, uh...

Couple hundred...

Cowards. My last company was genius.

Crawl in her frontal lobe and...

Creating unique cross platform technologies.

Crops from both countries will be decimated.

Crunching all those songs

Cut the shit.

Damn it.

Dead battery. That's a problem.

Declined.

Denpok, I know you were in Aspen, thank you for coming. Please, have a seat.

Denzel Washington has a beautiful smile.

Destination override. New destination.

Dial what up? He just ruined us.

Did everything that we were tying to do, better, way better.

Did Gavin Belson here have anything to do with it? Unclear.

Did he believe me?

Did he bring up the Iranian revolution thing?

Did he really have to paint me giving the thumbs up?

Did I not tell you about the walkthrough?

Did it take you a long time?

Did you give those brogrammer guys access to a player download or something?

Did you just make that up on the spot?

Did you just present yourself to my woman?

Did you just take a sip from an empty cup?

Did you overwrite the data schema?

Did you say thousand dollars?

Did you tell Dinesh that I want to have sex with him?

Different from the type of algorithm Richard created?

Dinesh wouldn't shut the hell up,

Dinesh, change the lighting to something erotic

Dinesh, leave it unbuttoned. We want you to look like shit.

Dinesh, uh, we may have a slight problem.

Dinesh, you built the edge video player so I'm gonna start with you first. OK?

Disrupt!

Disrupt.

Disrupting the cloud through...

Divide their existing work space into two areas.

Do not go back to college!

Do people think you do that? Do you do that?

Do what thou wilt, that is the whole of the law...

Do you even realize the impact that a compression

Do you happen to know Java?

Do you have a problem with me being Canadian?

Do you have an SS 4?

Do you have any idea how long it took me to become a citizen?

Do you have any idea how that happens?

Do you know how awkward it is to not be able to describe your own company?

Do you know what compersion is?

Do you know where that is?

Do you mind just sending them the form so they know you're here legally?

Do you see the irony there?

Do you see this?

Do you still talk to Richard Hendricks?

Do you think the piece is working?

Do you understand the difference?

Do you understand?

Do you... do you really want Erlich on the board?

Do you... I don't know... Do you accept amex?

Does he just want to piss off Gavin Belson?

Does he see us?

Doesn't bankrupt the entire fucking company.

Doesn't matter. Uh, it's called Pied Piper.

Doesn't Peter Gregory want what's best for the company?

Don't be a slut, Richard.

Don't call me ador... It's very emasculating.

Don't ever say that again! Do you understand me?

Don't hold the gun up to your temple, ok?

Don't pander to me.

Don't screw it all up now.

Don't talk to me while I'm in the bathroom please.

Don't tell anyone I cratered this bad.

Don't think different. That's Apple.

Don't touch anything. Failure is contagious.

Don't worry about it, Richard, is the platform up and running?

Don't worry, he can't come close to our Weissman score.

Don't you think it's weird that Tara wants some strange

Don't you want to be in the driver's seat when that happens?

Don't! Do not do that.

Douchebags.

Doug, help the CEO find his money.

Draft up everything like we talked about and it is all good.

Drive down here and beat the living shit out of me.

Driverless car.

DRM is now a thing of beauty.

Dropbox, Yammer, what have you.

Dude, do you understand any of this?

Dude, I just wanted to tell you that Gavin Belson wants to talk to you about something.

Dude, that was fucking badass. What did he say?

Dude, they're taking your code apart.

Dude, we're just messing with you.

Dude, where have you been?

Dude! Dude, hey. I owe you a big apology, man.

Each of those tasks would take me three max.

Either that, or show some promise for fuck's sake.

Either way, Richard, you may have to present instead of me so be prepared.

Elderly women looking for sex.

Elegant, tight.

Elon Musk. Eric Schmidt.

Emergency database rollbacks, and faulty transaction handlings.

Enjoy your ride.

Enjoy your ride.

Entering an everyman's competition?

Eric Schmidt, Erlich Bachman.

Erlich Bachman presenting Pied Piper.

Erlich Bachman. I'm an entrepreneur,

Erlich Bachman. This is Big Head.

Erlich better steer them away from that just to be safe.

Erlich is gonna kick me out.

Erlich went ham on all the tech sites.

Erlich, I have 48 hours.

Erlich, what are you thinking? This is kind of the big day today.

Erlich, you need to stop this. His wife is here.

Erlich... [Speaks spanish]

Especially when I said that I'd make the event

Essential only.

Even so. I think this is the most reliable metric for stamina.

Even ten percent. We'll profit...

Even the chef scripts are fucked.

Even though I kind of know where I'm going.

Even though you don't really know the exact address. Right?

Even though... it is just a matter of days.

Even with all this extra shit, it's like a fancy car with a crappy engine.

Ever assembled in a cloud based compression suite.

Ever.

Every dipshit who shits his pants if he can't get

Every fucking company in the Valley has lowercase letters.

Every guy in the audience.

Every single Fortune 500 company.

Every single line of code with you

Everybody involved in the music industry

Everybody's. So, um...

Everyone has been talking about your compression rate.

Everyone here has a beat up 15 inch MacBook Pro...

Exactly, right. [Moaning] Pied Piper!

Exactly.

Exactly. So why repeat the lascivious details,

Excuse me a second.

Excuse me please!

Excuse me, Mr. Carver?

Excuse me. Can you help me?

Excuse me. Hi, um, would you guys be interested

Excuse me. See you Friday. Hi Tom.

Excuse me. This check is made out to Pied Piper Incorporated.

Expensive joke on the poor

Fascinating...

Fascist.

Fat guy with a ponytail,

Fault tolerant distributed databases with asset transactions.

Feeling pretty happy about yourself?

Figured what out?

Finally, just us. Guys, this round is on me.

Fine, four grand.

Fine, just, you know,

Fine! You want me to be an asshole, I'll be an asshole.

Fine.

Fine. Don't compete. Do them at whatever speed you like.

Fine. Go ahead and pitch.

Fine. I'll just do it myself.

First of all...

First off, I said you seemed like someone I could fall in love with.

Five hundred! That's the deal. Five hundred.

Five thousand bucks and the name is yours.

For 600 grand a year to steal me away from you guys.

For a danish and maybe you misheard her?

For a sit down with us.

For a whole day and he didn't get any toilet paper?

For both. No good.

For consensus protocols.

For me, Kara, goodness, greatness, these are not simply catch phrases,

For purposes of extermination or to feed your pet snake.

For ten percent of your company.

For ten thousand dollars? No.

For the first time in 221 years.

For the walkthrough at 4:00 today.

For what?

For which I forewent, yes, that's a real word,

Four point six miles. Buckle up, please.

Fourth annual orgy of caring.

Friday, the pool cleaner comes.

From all their devices instantly.

From the future, obviously.

From the list of employees assigned to the Nucleus project.

Frontier Airlines just happened to like mine, Aviato.

Fuck it. I don't know.

Fuck these people.

Fuck you, the audio is working!

Fuck.

Fuck. It is huge.

Fucking billionaires.

Fucking Goolybib, man.

Fucking liar.

Fucking prick! Ow!

Full of robot forklifts.

Gandhi, MLK, me as an inquisitive child.

Gary! Namaste!

Gates, Ellison,

Gavin Belson just offered me a huge promotion

Gavin Belson said he wants to speak to Nelson Bighetti?

Gavin Belson, he's not going away anytime soon.

Gavin is running 30 minutes late

Gavin is very excited about your Pied Piper application

Gavin only offered you the ten million dollars

Gavin, you do not need to dignify any of this with a response!

Gavin. Hello.

Gentlemen, I bring good tidings.

Gentlemen, this is likely the last ten minutes of Pied Piper, so let's enjoy it.

Gentlemen, this is Tara.

Gentlemen, we just got back from the bank.

Gentlemen, welcome to the big show.

Get back down there and check out the competition.

Get delivered, un sniffed. So what do I do?

Getting any file on your mobile phone in an instant.

Gilfoyle and I finished the distribution services days ago

Gilfoyle bet me a hundred bucks

Gilfoyle told me.

Gilfoyle, come on.

Gilfoyle!

Gilfoyle?

Go back this morning until 20 minutes after he had left.

Go for Erlich.

Go into the woods and forage for nuts and berries.

Go work at Burger King.

God dammit. Fu...!

God help you. 'Cause I sure as hell ain't.

God, he's worse high.

God, I can't win... with that.

God, I hate Palo Alto.

Goddammit.

Goddamn. He's still not answering.

Good bye.

Good bye.

Good day, gentlemen.

Good luck with that.

Good morning. Whoops, that was weird.

Good, yeah, great. See you then.

Good. Good.

Google acquires your company for over 200 million dollars.

Googly eyed routine again.

Goolybib's integrated

Got it.

Gotta do something to fill the day, right?

Granted, it's not ideal, but we're just gonna have to...

Great seeing you last night, buddy.

Great.

Great.

Great. Peter Gregory is on his way out of town so I'm gonna hustle out there

Great. That's...

Great. Well, good luck. I'm gonna go find my seat.

Grow a pair and talk to her, find out for sure.

Guilty or not, Gavin, I stand with you.

Guys like us have gotten the shit kicked out of us.

Guys, can I just kind of say something real quick?

Guys, does girth similarity affect Erlich's ability

Guys, I was drunk, ok?

Guys, just five minutes. Please?

Guys, these next three days, 15 percent.

Guys?

Guys? Have you been out front yet?

Guys? I guess you didn't see the sign.

Guys? Richard's been locked in here for almost two hours. Do we think he's OK?

Had all of these disgusting affairs.

Hail Satan, it is done.

Half the kids in Palo Alto.

Happin! will revolutionize location based mobile news aggregation as you know it.

Has to be the same for each matching pair of dicks

Have a cold pitcher of water and some orange slices ready for me.

Have any of you ever eaten at Burger King?

Have I made that perfectly clear?

Have you been crying?

Have you been?

Have you ever been lost in a parking lot before?

Have you ever cared too much?

Have you ever met Gavin before?

Have you seen the blogs?

Having to tell Big Head that he's out.

He ate the whole bag of gold caps.

He came.

He cleared it all up for me.

He could find it just by sniffing.

He created it while living in my Incubator.

He did seem pretty bummed out.

He did the murals over at Facebook.

He didn't hack into BofA's. He was consulting there at the time,

He doesn't seem to know what he's doing.

He gets the same amount of shares as everybody else.

He got a stock option deal, ended up making like a hundred million dollars.

He hit TechCrunch, Recode, and PandoDaily.

He is the illest and the chillest?

He is?

He knew how to package the ideas, but it was Wozniak that...

He likes Pied Piper.

He literally got it while I was still looking for parking.

He may have been a genius programmer

He really has been through hell.

He regretted it so much that he ended up shooting himself.

He rode his bike to San Jose?

He said he was gonna get in his truck,

He says that she has an Amy Winehouse vibe.

He seems very distracted.

He shot himself because he turned down the money?

He shouldn't be that much longer.

He sold a mural today for a half million bucks.

He thinks this wall of Psych 101, MBA mind control bullshit

He told you that Tara wants to copulate with someone else in the house

He took a shit ton of hallucinogens.

He totally sniped us.

He wants to make sure no other investor in the Valley offers you a dime.

He was brought into the ER with a self inflicted gunshot wound.

He wasn't spying on us. He just said he likes us.

He wasn't with you guys this morning?

He watched the live stream via satellite and said he was "not unpleased".

He works for Gavin Belson.

He... Hello? Hello?

He'll be gone soon when his company cakes its pants.

He'll finish, Gilfoyle, he has to.

He's a famous negotiator. Wrote a bunch of textbooks.

He's a lightweight at everything. Brings nothing to the table.

He's a scary individual.

He's actually not... Latino.

He's adorable. You're adorable.

He's all up in there somehow?

He's as pointless as Mass Effect 3's multiple endings.

He's basically moving their carcass to the cloud.

He's going to make that noise.

He's gonna know pull our funding, Gavin Belson's going to crush us,

He's got a very powerful voice.

He's got asperger's too.

He's got to be doing it just to fuck with us, right?

He's in there, having a little trouble with his personal ingestion engine.

He's Mexican, right?

He's not using it, we're shipping off to Arallon tomorrow.

He's obsessed with me. I'm sorry.

He's out of control.

He's talking about cubicles!

He's the least cool guy I've ever met.

He's the reason why I'm quitting! [Chuckles]

He's trying to get us to compete so we work faster.

He's trying to turn us into corporate rock, Richard.

He's using it for some silly songwriter app.

He's with his spiritual advisor.

Hear that? Compared to...

Hello again.

Hello, Arnold.

Hello, Monica?

Hello, Mr. Garris.

Hello, Nelson. Thanks for meeting with me.

Hello, Richard Hendricks. I'm a total fucking retard.

Hello, what's your name?

Hello, what's your name? Visit us at microdrone.com

Hello! Whoo!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Did everyone leave?

Hello? Kevin.

Hello. My name is Saeed Jobrani.

Hello. Oh, hi, Gavin.

Hello... Hello. Hello.

Hello... Kevin.

Hendricks, you beautiful bastard!

Here is what we will do.

Here you go.

Here, here.

Here, just...

Here, put them on.

Here's the headline:

Here's the thing, it's not working.

Here's to many more nights just like this one.

Hey buddy, what's... going on here?

Hey, did you hear what Peter Gregory is doing?

Hey, Dinesh! Get in the fucking car.

Hey, Erlich, are you coming? Dinesh is.

Hey, guys, I just had a thought. OK, so this is it, right?

Hey, guys.

Hey, how's the demo coming?

Hey, I thought you were a satanist?

Hey, I'm at TechCrunch.

Hey, I'm not an accountant, you know?

Hey, is... Is Richard here?

Hey, Jared, you know who else is Canadian? Justin Bieber, the Hitler of music.

Hey, Jared. There you guys go.

Hey, Kevin, um,

Hey, man. Just wanted to say good luck.

Hey, Richard.

Hey, Rico, you been working out?

Hey, should we have left him in there by himself?

Hey, so what's the deal? Does the judge know or not?

Hey, there's some weather over the ocean

Hey, this is a private party, buddy. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Hey, uh, a double macchiato for me, dude.

Hey, um, you know that girl, right?

Hey, wanna check out twig boy's website?

Hey, what do you guys think about this Jared? He's shit, right?

Hey, what's wrong?

Hey, where have you two been?

Hey, would you like to masturbate to the subroutine I just wrote?

Hey! Don't look under there. Get away from there!

Hey! Make sure to clean off all the gunk off the front bumper, ok.

Hey! That is not cherry garcia.

Hey! Which one was it?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Little help?

Hey. Sorry if I scared you.

Hey. Tara and I are going to a Satanic baptism. You wanna come?

Hi Monica, it's Jared. Uh, quick question...

Hi, Arnold.

Hi, Big Head. What's up?

Hi, excuse me, Mr. Gregory?

Hi, I'm Richard Hendricks. You did a dance... The dancing at my house.

Hi, Monica. I work with Peter Gregory.

Hi, this is Richard Hendricks.

Hi! I'd like to talk to you about a company called Pied Piper.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Hello. Excuse me.

Hi. Um... I'm going to 5230

Hierarchies for maximum code reuse and extensibility.

Him getting points would be a big fuck you to all of us.

His works hang in the gallery of the streets.

Hm? That's what I thought.

Hm.

Hmm? What?

Hmph.

Hold on.

Hold on. That's unnecessary.

Holy shit, how did it find a match that fast?

Holy shit, look at Erlich!

Holy shit, this one is looking for

Holy shit!

Holy shit.

Homes, you lied to me.

Honestly, anyone?

Honestly, sometimes we forget you're here.

Honestly? Nothing. I've just been sitting around all day.

Hooli is about innovative technology

Hooli isn't just about software.

Hooli isn't just another high tech company.

Hooli people all over the place.

Hooli search and the full suite of Hooli computing power.

Hooli. Hooli is about people.

Hope you don't mind, the front door was just open.

Hopefully, Jurgen, you'll be able to bring a more positive element to the house.

How about you?

How are you?

How awesome is that? And Steve Jobs?

How could I not have seen this?

How could I...? Uh...

How could you not tell us you entered TechCrunch Disrupt?

How could you put Erlich on the board?

How did you...?

How does it taste?

How does this translate into Farsi?

How fast do you think you could jack off every guy in this room?

How long do we think each one will take?

How many times did you fuck this woman?

How much would it be worth to you if I told you I had a GPS app called Pied Piper,

How the fuck did he get up there?

How the fuck do you know that?

How we do here is the entire future of your company.

How would he do four guys...? He's got two hands, so that's two dicks at a time, right?

How'd it go?

How's it going?

How's it, um...

How's that sound?

However angry he is, I am one tenth as angry.

However, I have not had a lot of sexual experiences.

However, I think I'm in love.

Huh.

HumanHeater is a microwave technology

Humiliating each other is worth more to them

Hundred bucks says there's no church.

Hup...

Hypothetically, is minimize time, which is 800 dudes,

I actually think we're ok. The player I gave them

I actually went to Vassar.

I am devoted to him and to the precious thing that we're building together!

I am going to punch you in the fucking...

I am not a racist, all right?

I am not going to be giving you a course syllabus.

I am recovering and I am focused and we're gonna pivot. Don't lose faith, guys.

I am so sorry! I am so sorry. I thought you guys were gonna come get me

I am so sorry.

I am so sorry. I thought that I talked to you guys about the walk...

I am the CEO of ImmediBug.

I am the founder of Aviato.

I applied before I even met you guys.

I assume.

I believe in you, Richard. That's why I'm not.

I can follow your child anywhere,

I can give you some of this.

I can speak for myself. Erlich Bachman, Pied Piper.

I can totally see why you wouldn't want that.

I can't deposit that into a personal account.

I can't even remember doing that!

I can't focus. I'm out of Adderall.

I can't front a band without knowing what we're playing?

I can't go into Peter Gregory's office with a new name,

I can't go like this to the meeting.

I can't have dead weight at my Incubator, ok?

I can't hear you.

I can't take these back. It was an online order.

I cannot guide you until you give me...

I checked with the Secretary of State website,

I could actually argue this Gavin nonsense is a positive.

I could do a cash deal for a Latino company.

I could do that or, um,

I could easily have as keen a sense of smell as a dog's.

I crashed their entire system.

I did it again, I did it again.

I did think you'd be younger. What are you, 25?

I didn't enter the garage until this point.

I didn't hire her. I didn't even get a lap dance.

I didn't know I was working with an illegal.

I didn't know it was...

I didn't know you came here.

I didn't mean for him to hear it but it was true.

I didn't mean to snap at you.

I didn't turn down ten million dollars

I didn't want end up fighting with my roommates over percentage points.

I didn't... hi.

I do not need you telling me what binary is,

I do when my customers tell me

I do, actually.

I do. I get it.

I do. Sort of.

I don't believe you. It can't be safe.

I don't even know what that means,

I don't even think I could say, Pied Piper is a proprietary site.

I don't fully understand it

I don't get it.

I don't have time to even if I wanted to.

I don't know how to get out of it.

I don't know how you read your screen in the car.

I don't know what any of that means, but I'll give you six hundred thousand dollars for it.

I don't know what happened to that guy,

I don't know where he is.

I don't know why I did that.

I don't know, man, I'm just really into this whole rest and vest life, you know,

I don't know, maybe.

I don't know, Monica. He's toying with me.

I don't know.

I don't know. He must know that you're here.

I don't know. I didn't even know Richard got in.

I don't know. Is this a safe place?

I don't know. Paint over it.

I don't know. That's their business.

I don't know. Uh... I'm just very tired.

I don't know. Who cares? Four hours apiece?

I don't like the at first part at all.

I don't remember. But whatever it was,

I don't think I could write a song.

I don't think I have time to explain it all.

I don't think it's going to interfere with my irrigation company here.

I don't think so, sister.

I don't think so.

I don't think this couch pulls out. I guess I'll get myself a roll away bed.

I don't trust you and it can't be safe.

I don't understand. I thought you closed the name.

I don't want a new name. I want Pied Piper.

I don't want it.

I don't want to have a threesome with you.

I don't want to present.

I don't work. But, you know, just get back to Hooli.

I dress according to the moods that I sense in the room.

I eat the fish.

I entered TCD with an early build of Pied Piper,

I feel bad about saying that thing about him being dead.

I feel like we don't appreciate you enough,

I firmly believe we can only achieve greatness

I forgive you, Gavin. No matter how brutally I was assaulted.

I gave up a great job and stock options at Hooli to come here

I got Erlich to sign and you sign right there.

I got seven words for you.

I got us in here.

I guess he really regretted not taking that money.

I guess that hole is the what if.

I guess we'll find out.

I guess you could head out there and talk to them.

I guess... I guess we won't see each other again.

I guess... pretty good at code, develop algorithms... So forth.

I had no idea that you felt this way. I mean it, I am so sorry.

I had no idea who you were before and I read all this coverage

I had three startups, myself,

I had to give her my bike. She's just like everyone else in this goddamn Valley.

I hate Richard Hendricks, that little Pied Piper prick.

I have a fifteen minute refractory period.

I have a question. The program says that Dan Melcher is judging our round.

I have a startup that just got funded

I have an idea I'd love to pitch you, if you have time.

I have begun to do Pilates.

I have Dinesh Chugtai here, and he's pretty irate because...

I have gay friends.

I have never seen him so incensed.

I have not.

I have not.

I have started the countdown timer

I have thought about it. A lot.

I have to admit, I'm curious.

I have to say, I'm a little disappointed.

I haven't had more than two straight hours of sleep in months.

I heard about what's been happening.

I heard Richard Hendricks was here.

I heard you were having a launch party.

I hope that you enjoy the party.

I hope that's not a problem.

I hope this sucks.

I hope you've enjoyed your journey into the Nucleus.

I just don't want to rock the boat.

I just got a text from my friend at TechCrunch.

I just got an AMBER Alert for Rogilio Nuñez.

I just got back from Jackson Hole.

I just have... I don't know.

I just put it back on. Goddammit!

I just read Recode.net.

I just spent four days trapped in a steel box out on an oil rig

I just thought when I got a new garage door,

I just told you. Now I could get in trouble.

I just wanna say that I feel

I just want to say, uh,

I just wanted to work with computers and get paid for it.

I just...

I killed it. Our Weissman score on all tests: 2.89.

I kind of miss those days.

I knew it. You couldn't do it.

I know a lot of big players have come out of it,

I know Gilfoyle probably came in here and puked out a bunch of tech specs,

I know I can do it in two days.

I know I have somewhat ghost like features.

I know it's not what we hired you for,

I know it's stupid but, um...

I know that you look at me, and see a guy who has it all figured out.

I know that.

I know what Adderall looks like. It's not Adderall.

I know what Grindr is.

I know where it is. It's here.

I know you want to have sex with me.

I know, Jared, I know.

I know, they're on the Christian right,

I know. Just don't talk to me while I'm in here. It's weird.

I left way before he got back last night and then I didn't

I like it.

I like looking at it.

I like this new angry side to you.

I love

I love it.

I love what you did.

I made a few changes, but yeah...

I made a perverted, sexist, useless thing.

I made a purchase.

I make sure that one bad config on one key component

I may have found the perfect woman.

I mean it's always good to have more eyes on it.

I mean it's... It's just so fucked up, right?

I mean you're actually making it worse.

I mean, 24 gigs, that's less than a fourth the file size.

I mean, at best, we're a worse version of Nucleus.

I mean, before we officially go under.

I mean, come on, Richard. As far as Pied Piper is concerned,

I mean, he's a completely useless appendage and we all know it.

I mean, he's pulled funding from companies for a lot less.

I mean, honestly, Gilfoyle...

I mean, I agree with these guys. Jared's just not working out.

I mean, I barely remember her.

I mean, I can't just ignore that.

I mean, I can't tell you how much this means.

I mean, I liked it. I thought it had applications.

I mean, I'd have sex with that if you hose the Gilfoyle off of her.

I mean, I'll see you back at the house, man. I gotta, like, pack and stuff.

I mean, I'm already smiling.

I mean, I'm obsessed with her...

I mean, if you thought it was crazy getting to this point,

I mean, is that marijuanas?

I mean, it doesn't matter, but, hypothetically,

I mean, it is supposed to be sick.

I mean, it's the worst, right?

I mean, Jobs was a poser. He didn't even write code.

I mean, Kid Rock is the poorest person here.

I mean, last year, I threw a Frisbee and it chipped my tooth.

I mean, like, if he's dead...

I mean, Mass Effect 3? Harsh.

I mean, maybe Peter Gregory's right.

I mean, nobody can watch more than like a minute of that film.

I mean, not work, exactly, I don't...

I mean, right now Pied Piper just does audio,

I mean, should we go back in there?

I mean, they have 50 modules, and they're all awesome.

I mean, they just completely reverse engineered our entire compression engine.

I mean, they've been calling Erlich.

I mean, we all called him a great guy but he didn't overhear any of that.

I mean, we weren't even sure if we were gonna go.

I mean, we're really about to spend ten thousand dollars

I mean, we're still have trouble compressing 3D files. Who's lining up to buy that?

I mean, what am I going to say to Peter Gregory?

I mean, what do we even present tomorrow?

I mean, what we had before worked.

I mean, what would've I have even done if I didn't have Mochacino's card?

I mean, you almost gave him shares.

I mean, you're welcome, guys. I had to fuck a wife and take a punch,

I mean... God.

I mean... Maybe it's a bit too graphic for the space?

I met this dude! He came into the store

I need him as a partner.

I need to know what I'm presenting here.

I need to lay down.

I need you thinking about apps, software, websites.

I need you to be a complete asshole.

I need you to focus.

I only eat it for the nutrients.

I owe you an apology. I was way off base.

I own 10 percent.

I own ten percent of an app that locates all nearby water fountains.

I owned ten percent of Dinesh's app, ten percent of Gilfoyle's app.

I paid one of you people to set it up. Just fix it.

I paid twenty million fucking dollars to acquire this company!

I played you a little.

I pound Mello Yello, Oreos and Adderall and I don't sleep until I'm done.

I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world.

I prevent cross site scripting, I monitor for DDoS attacks,

I put the prototype up on github.

I put together a little secret weapon.

I realize I am unfamiliar with their offerings.

I really don't think scrum is gonna work for them.

I really want to get you in front of my partners.

I really, really, really need this.

I remember very distinctly thinking, That's what I don't have. Game.

I said cloud twice, shit.

I saw her at the Valleywag party last night,

I saw that Pied Piper

I saw the logo out front.

I say this only to motivate you.

I see.

I sent in the application a few months ago

I set 'em up for you, now knock 'em down.

I should be able to learn cloud, I have to.

I should call the sheriff.

I should get more equity than Dinesh.

I should have made that more clear to some of the current residents.

I should not have eaten all of that Satanist chicken.

I supported you, Richard. I bet on you.

I suppose. I had a fine night.

I think he knows.

I think he was out back, wishing he'd taken the ten million dollars.

I think I gotta take the money from Gavin Belson.

I think I have been played.

I think I'm just gonna take a walk and, you know, try and clear my head.

I think it's because the pixels change value differently

I think over time, maybe we could redefine your role.

I think that's him.

I think the Dark Lord would understand.

I think we can jump into the one on ones with each team member

I think we need to define our corporate culture.

I think we should get out of here, though,

I think when people see the savings on their utility bill

I think you have an unbelievably good platform.

I think you might be right, boss.

I thought he was in Jackson Hole this week.

I thought I had something in my teeth,

I thought it was a Place Holder.

I thought so.

I thought that maybe Monica could...

I thought we were gonna replace the name Pied Piper.

I thought you didn't want me to talk to you

I told you we'd do it! Come on! (LAUGHING)

I told you, we do things differently.

I tried to tell you.

I turned it down because of you!

I turned to these guys and said,

I understand you eat the fish.

I want a deal like that.

I want details.

I wanted to give back. That's why I started this place,

I was a consultant at the retail banking services.

I was drunk! You took advantage of me!

I was gaining root access to NSA servers.

I was going to say VHS over Beta.

I was just drunk.

I was just staring at his face.

I was looking to speak with his wife.

I was never enjoying it.

I was not erect. I... that was... I was only being polite.

I was one click away from starting a second Iranian revolution.

I was really high. I was just fucking with him.

I was sleeping. I'm sorry for sleeping and for lying about it.

I was surprised to see Indonesian sesame seed futures priced so low.

I was this close to giving up, and now you gave me my dream back, man!

I wasn't gonna say anything because I was gonna withdraw.

I watch a lot of black porn. I mean, a lot.

I will beat the shit out of you.

I will introduce you to the people you need to know

I will take a small piece, but the company will belong to you.

I won't tell anyone I hired you if you won't tell anyone you worked here.

I wonder if he's ok in there.

I would like to apologize for what happened out there this afternoon.

I would like to be there when you do that.

I would love to be a part of this.

I would love to have sexual relations with you...

I would not want to be Richard right now.

I would've taken cash only. I'm telling you...

I, uh, don't wanna be too assertive here

I... I can't argue with this.

I... I genuinely don't know how to respond to that.

I... I had some palak paneer and I watched a documentary about Liberia.

I... I just was under the impression that, uh...

I... I need to focus here.

I... I went through the entire list of conference participants

I... I... Whoever's doing this, no thank you.

I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

I'd be on a beach somewhere with ten million dollars in my pocket.

I'd just have to jerk it on an angle.

I'd like for this company to be different than Hooli

I'd put Erlich on the board before my mom. Backstabbing bitch.

I'll be an asshole to you and you and you and you and Peter fucking Gregory!

I'll be back in 24 to 72 hours.

I'll be back.

I'll be right back, but right now...

I'll break this. I don't care. I don't care.

I'll curb stomp that little face so hard

I'll give you three million dollars for it right now!

I'll go make a playlist.

I'll hack his browser history. We'll get to the bottom of this.

I'll have some money left for my family.

I'll kill your mother! I'll **** your father!

I'll let you know either way.

I'll never know.

I'll rip your dick off, you son of a bitch!

I'll see you guys back at the hotel room and we'll figure out what to do.

I'll see you guys Friday.

I'll see... you.

I'll talk... in a bit.

I'll tell you what, asshole,

I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what.

I'm a decent negotiator.

I'm a fucking us citizen.

I'm a good programmer. I mean, it's the only thing I am good at.

I'm a LaVeyan Satanist

I'm a pro, Dinesh. I won't apologize for it.

I'm a VP here and I only get to see him about ten minutes a month.

I'm actually outside of Gavin Belson's office right now, Mr. Gregory.

I'm actually picking up my check tomorrow.

I'm adding under this epic for the ingestion engine.

I'm awake! I'm awake.

I'm bending over backwards to not be racist right now.

I'm Brooke and this is my friend Anastasia.

I'm calling a behalf of Gavin Belson.

I'm elevating you.

I'm excited about it.

I'm glad I didn't do it then.

I'm going to give you my number.

I'm going to go get the stuff out of my cube at Hooli

I'm going to move out, get my own place.

I'm going to take the train I think, just... Do some thinking...

I'm going with Peter Gregory.

I'm gonna beat you in your face!

I'm gonna come back with a name so amazing that Peter Gregory will write us ten checks.

I'm gonna disrupt this bathroom.

I'm gonna go get in Gavin's head.

I'm gonna go network. Don't approach me.

I'm gonna need a better shirt.

I'm gonna need two of those...

I'm hearing you, it's just the image is...

I'm here if you need me.

I'm his partner. I can tell when he's vomiting...

I'm in year three of a five year deal

I'm just a little nervous 'cause you're so beautiful.

I'm just gonna check her Instagram real quick.

I'm just gonna go to the bathroom, check it out. I'll be back in a sec.

I'm just redesigning the compression. It just needs users.

I'm just saying people should trust themselves

I'm just saying that that's a possible thing that could've happened to him.

I'm looking for Dan Melcher.

I'm looking for Pied Piper.

I'm much more handsome than you are.

I'm not a code freak like you guys.

I'm not falling for that phony, mumbley mouth,

I'm not going on some fucking vision quest.

I'm not sitting this summer.

I'm not sure what it is now.

I'm not talking about a threesome.

I'm not trying to.

I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm offering you four million dollars right now.

I'm OK as long as I don't think about it.

I'm on the phone with the bank and they say they need an extra form for your payroll,

I'm paying you $200,000 for five percent

I'm pivoting!

I'm prepared to give you three hundred thousand dollars.

I'm pretty happy with ourself.

I'm really sorry that we're not gonna be working together anymore.

I'm Richard. I'm Richard. I'm Richard.

I'm rolling in it, and you're working your ass off.

I'm saving up all my humors for her.

I'm so sorry. Your voice doesn't really reach that register when you ejaculate, does it?

I'm sorry, guys. Gavin won. We lost.

I'm sorry, I don't remember reading in PandoDaily

I'm sorry, what... Mr. Car?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have rewritten all this code.

I'm sorry. What are we doing here?

I'm sorry. You said we.

I'm such an idiot. Middle out!

I'm thinking about getting in another line of work anyway.

I'm too busy working on my website.

I'm...

I'm...

I'm... I'm glad you're around.

I've already talked to Peter Gregory about insourcing a consultant.

I've been testing it on these guys all winter and they're fine.

I've been working on it for 15 years.

I've got a story, why don't you choke on my balls?

I've got to go to the bathroom.

I've got to pee.

I've had a cold for, like, a year.

I've just learned he's been fired from Oracle, and apparently his wife left him.

I've made contact with a programmer whose cloud architecture

I've seen the video.

I've sorted it out. We're good.

ID Keen. It's this facial recognition app that Monica put on our phones.

If anyone should pay her it should be you.

If first we achieve goodness.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have taken the stock.

If I had known, we could have withdrawn your application before any of this happened.

If I scurry to the restroom, do you imagine he would...

If the criminal returns to the scene of the crime.

If we are going to fail and be humiliated, why do it

If we integrate one module every two hours we should be in great shape...

If you can hear me, make a gesture.

If you can tell me to my face

If you continue to mismanage this company giving ten percent to whoever...

If you do end up taking that 10 million dollars

If you don't let it go, I can't roll it up.

If you keep screaming your name,

If you parked in the Sav On parking lot,

If you pull out, it looks like Peter is running away from Gavin.

If you run into Gavin ever you have to act really upset about it, you know?

If you want to fuck my girlfriend, I'm OK with it.

If you wish, I could tap that projected revenue and make you

If you're not an asshole, this company dies.

If you're this tech billionaire,

If your music is infringing on any existing copyrights.

In a way that kind of solves your problem.

In audio, video and data.

In buying some candy so you can send my church group to camp?

In fairness,

In front of God and the Flo Rider

In front of the world in eight weeks.

In light of this new information, who gets Big Head's equity?

In some babies with congenital diseases,

In that spirit Gavin is prepared to give you a very substantial raise...

In the coming months, Hooli will deliver Nucleus,

In the hands of a lesser person, perhaps.

In the homosexual community there's sometimes anonymous...

In the room with you.

In this porn, is the man black,

In your head. You always have.

Incorporated in the State of Delaware.

Incredibly busy with... this.

Individually, says Erlich Bachman, We are formidable.

Inferior products win out all the time.

Info trode, Info trode!? What the fuck is Info trode?

Informing me that in his view this incident is... actionable.

Infotrode...

Integrating open data spaces.

Interested in having sexual intercourse in a public restroom.

Interested, very interested, or very interested?

Into the in progress column and it stays there

Investors? No, this is Kelsey from the ARCO Station out on 108.

Is a compression algorithm that blew our engineering team away.

Is a perfect example of you having no vision,

Is an ancient Germanic tribe that fought the Romans.

Is either stealing it or sharing it.

Is going to be our third board member?

Is going to motivate us?

Is he trying to make Richard seem folksy?

Is in the Start Up Battlefield at TechCrunch Disrupt.

Is it a margarita machine?

Is it enjoyed?

Is it popular among your peers?

Is it stuck?

Is it?

Is now a good time?

Is offensive.

Is one of those racist, and the others aren't?

Is Peter Gregory toying with me?

Is Pied Piper a corporation registered with the IRS?

Is sleeping beauty awake?

Is supposed to be insane. They call him The Carver.

Is that definitive?

Is that Flo Rida?

Is that the Statue of Liberty?

Is that weird thing in your head an aneurysm?

Is that... do you... I hear you.

Is there a reason I wasn't invited to the party?

Is there any way to get him removed?

Is there cumin in this barbecue sauce?

Is there some sense that I'm not part of the gang?

Is... is that wrong?

It comments on the Latino struggle for justice in America.

It could happen to anybody. And in this case, at least something good came out of it.

It didn't compress the whole thing. It should be twice that size.

It doesn't matter. I have a solution.

It forces the assailant to acknowledge you as a human.

It gave me a house, money, fancy clothes,

It gives you the location of a woman with erect nipples.

It has all of that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it.

It has to be now. I just masturbated to heighten my focus.

It has to be something primal, something that you can scream out during intercourse.

It inspired me to call TechCrunch

It is now 5:35pm and I have ingested the psilocybin.

It is now, but we're not taking an follow on investors at this point.

It is pretty raunchy, though.

It is! Ten percent of Pied Piper!

It is.

It just didn't work out for you this time.

It looks like a guy sucking a dick

It looks like it's done.

It looks like Richard is going to suck Erlich's dick.

It looks uncomfortable.

It makes me sick as a dog.

It reminds me when I started Pied Piper in my garage.

It should reflect that I contribute more than Gilfoyle.

It sounds like it's the opposite of normal. Why are you telling me about this thing?

It sure is, Richard, it sure as hell is.

It took a team of seven engineers more than a week

It took me an extra 15 minutes to get across the border. Major hassle.

It was a shitty idea.

It was church candy, wasn't it?

It wasn't on a garage door, was it?

It would be able to reach up or down to another guy with a different D2F.

It... Actually, it's, um...

It's a classic fairy tale.

It's a fucking sketchy neighborhood, man.

It's a goddamn meat market.

It's a little embarrassing.

It's a men to men dating site

It's a pretty big fire.

It's a week until TechCrunch, Richard. We can't wait any longer.

It's about a predatory flautist

It's actually Richard, so that's...

It's amazing how the men and women at these things

It's amazing. It's holographic 3D teleconferencing technology that we've acquired.

It's an upside down cross.

It's been 12 hours.

It's better.

It's big orchestration stuff, a lot of moving parts.

It's Chick fil A.

It's Chuy Ramirez? I'm impressed.

It's desperate. I'm bursting.

It's done.

It's fine. I don't care about it.

It's fine. I'm fine. Uh, we just...

It's fleventyfive.

It's for compression.

It's going to feel as if Gavin is right here

It's gonna be a valuable business lesson for him.

It's gonna be famous. You'll know it, eventually.

It's gonna get pretty insane for you, Richard.

It's gratuitous.

It's him!

It's in the pdf, you'll see.

It's insane. $2800 a month,

It's just a formality, to get me caught up.

It's just a garden variety panic attack.

It's just aesthetically pleasing.

It's just half the size I thought it would be.

It's just I have to make this decision by tomorrow.

It's just not something I can handle.

It's just sitting here.

It's like alphabet soup but

It's like it's searching compressed files?

It's like the code of the streets.

It's like the fable with the kids

It's like they trade guys until they all have the right group.

It's like you need both halves of the brain, right?

It's like, I don't have any...

It's madness. You want a logo?

It's not her you're sexually attracted to, it's my code.

It's not magic, it's talent and sweat. People like me, ensuring your packets

It's not pretty.

It's ok for you to leave now.

It's ok. Just take a breath.

It's ones and zeros instead of the letters.

It's our own personal Herb Cohen!

It's Peter Gregory.

It's probably those brogrammers.

It's push.

It's really bright in here.

It's right here.

It's show business. We are not quitting, Richard.

It's sort of for management only.

It's the guy with the name.

It's the Hooli number again.

It's the wrong album, just give me a sec...

It's time to meet the original O.G. Gangster,

It's too bad we already have jobs, we could easily go work there.

It's up and down, back and forth all at the same time going on at once.

It's weird having a girl in the house. There's a very strange energy.

It's weird.

It's when someone takes pleasure in seeing their loved one gratified

It's... It's kind of chill,

It's... sent it.

It's... super good... Right now.

It's... yeah. I can see it.

Jared Dunn quit today to join Pied Piper.

Jared, can I borrow your car?

Jared, Dinesh, Erlich and Richard.

Jared, I bought these t shirts with my credit card

Jared, I can't talk right now.

Jared, I'm on a carpet in a bathroom.

Jared, you're with me.

Jared? Richard? Are you in there?

Jared. I have no vision.

Javeed over there is my ex room mate.

Jeannie. She's pretty hot, right?

Jesus Christ, man, I could barely stand next to you when you're in your towel.

Jesus Christ! Everyone remain calm.

Jesus Christ! I memorized the hexadecimal times tables

Jesus fucking Christ.

Jesus, are you OK?

Jesus, Cher. Are you bringing your whole closet?

Jesus, where did he get Amy Winehouse from?

Jesus! Why is it so expensive here?

Jesus.

Jobs, Dell.

Judges.

Just a quick question.

Just emailed you the board consent which appoints your new board member.

Just face it, Dinesh, you're gay for my code, you're code gay.

Just give me the basics and I can roll with it.

Just gonna grab it, and then probably walk right back through one more time.

Just in the world.

Just like I don't need you thinking about soup or taking pictures of it.

Just like my boy.

Just look at the flow diagram, dude.

Just stay here until he goes away, please.

Just think of it as a neutral colored enclosure,

Just to dance on your boner all night for free.

Just totally freaked out on me.

Just wanted you to know I had my associate

Just, so...

Just... please... Just, you...

Kevin, you got where you are by challenging sensibilities.

Kidney function, liver function, testosterone... I don't know how you did it,

Kind of adds a Latin flair to the company.

Ladies and gentlemen, obviously we're going to keep looking at this to verify,

Legally speaking, by sending Pied Piper directly through to the finals

Let me ask you something.

Let me explain something to you.

Let me hear it:

Let me in. Please, please...

Let me just demonstrate it to assure you...

Let me show you the room I'm offering. Some of his stuff is still in there,

Let's face it, ladies, is there anything less sexy

Let's get started.

Let's get through this. Ok, so, read this back to me.

Let's hear it for them!

Let's just make it... Let's just make it happen.

Let's just... Let's just do it.

Let's keep moving, shall we?

Let's pivot! Let's pivot!

Let's see how high this rocket can fly, partner.

Let's, uh, let's just think different.

License to kill 9. IB action dot erotica.

Life was simpler back then.

Life's funny isn't it?

Lights?

Like a big, big office.

Like Aviato.

Like how I would imagine cum tastes.

Like I wonder who she's here with because if she's telling her coworkers,

Like Instagram. That was a location based check in service when it started.

Like Jesus over Satan.

Like NipAlert, Big Head's app.

Like P3, or ground seven.

Like some aw shucks boy genius

Like this one. Don't mind him.

Like those motherfuckers across the freeway would make.

Like today. So will you please let me know...

Like we riff and improvise around a central theme

Like your personality. No, no, no, no.

Like, how do you do that? Because you can't just say Go to 415 elm street,

Like, I built Pied Piper and you could see it

Like, let's like not turn this into a corporate cult

Liquid shrimp. It's 200 dollars a quart.

Listen to this.

Listen to what Kara swisher says.

Listen, I don't even have to be in the room,

Listen, I'd like to institute

Listen, I'm sorry you walked away from the money like you did.

Listen, we all love Big Head.

Listen, wherever we end up here...

Listen, you were right.

Little hair of the dog.

Little more about me.

Living in this house is I do not tolerate substance abuse.

Look at all these ugly people and Gilfoyle and now you.

Look at how cute he is.

Look at me, I traveled back to 2009.

Look at that weissman score.

Look at them, all full of hope. Pricks.

Look at these fucking people.

Look at these poor fuckers.

Look at this place, it's a shithole.

Look at this... left from the previous tenant.

Look Dustin Moskovitz.

Look, a contract is a contract.

Look, Chuy, painting a guy named Dinesh Chugtai

Look, Erlich, I want to present, I do, it's just... I don't know.

Look, guys, for thousands of years

Look, I gotta go.

Look, I know eight weeks isn't a lot of time

Look, I took a run at a burn down chart.

Look, we shook hands on a thousand dollars. That's the deal.

Look, what you do inside the house is your own business...

Look, why don't you send me a link to your project and we'll take a look.

Look, you can be vulnerable, esé,

Look, you have two guys on either side with their dicks, tip to tip,

Look. I'm going to be straight with you.

Looks like Gilfoyle and his lady Satanist are back from the airport.

Looks like Nucleus is optimal.

Lot of paper to get through.

Lowercase f.

Lowercase t. lowercase g.

Lunch? Arby's on El Camino? I'll drive.

Make it business facing and use it for enterprise?

Makes for a better before photo.

Making the world a better place

Making the world a better place,

Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.

Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.

Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.

Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.

Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place.

Making the world a better place...

Man, they are brutal.

Man, they are really going at it.

Man, this has grown way beyond angellist.

Man, this place is unbelievable.

Man, we're just going to sit here like this?

Man. See, that's what I wish I had.

Mankind hath sought to make things smaller, but until now,

Massive functionality, inter connectivity,

Maybe a lot. I got caught up in making the deal.

Maybe grab a bite, play a little hacky sack?

Maybe he did blow him.

Maybe he's demoing it for someone.

Maybe I should re enroll and drop out again.

Maybe it could be another way, you know?

Maybe my leisurely pace is just a little faster than yours.

Maybe something that you could actually do.

Maybe this could be huge.

Maybe this is for the better.

Maybe we can help.

Maybe you can help us find an answer.

Maybe you could come and paint a new logo.

Maybe you're right. But we should probably

Maybe. I don't know if he found out.

Maybe. I don't know.

Me and Richard have just always been in this together, you know?

Me? Ok.

Meta data? Already? Makes no sense.

Microwaves? Are you kidding me?

Middle out! Middle out! Oh, my God.

Miss Palo Alto, 2K14.

Mm hmm.

Mm, there we go.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm. Um... Uh, that's not good.

Mmm. You think you can do our whole job in two days?

Mobile medical imagery,

Mochacino shows her tits for a living and even she was uncomfortable using it.

Mochacino.

Mochacino.

Mochacino.

Monica, can I speak to you for a minute?

Monica, have one of the assistants go to the nearest burger king location

More than a system that happily churns out unemployed debtors

Most missing children are never found.

Most VC's can't even do that math, but something tells me Peter is different.

Motherfu...

Motherfuck!

Move over.

Mr. Bel... Mr. Belson?

Mr. Belson is very excited to meet with you.

Mr. Gregory, we need an answer and we need it now!

Much like yourself. Uh...

Multi platform functionality!

Multiplied by mean jerk time, divided by four dicks at a time.

Mushroom stamp! That's great.

My car broke down on the ambassador bridge.

My dick and my head, totally separate.

My eye!

My first official purchase as CEO of Pied Piper.

My hands are tingling. I have this metal taste in my mouth.

My lawyers told me I'm not allowed to discuss it.

My real name is Donald.

My stomach cramps up so much I feel like I'm menstruating.

My suggestions could actually help you beat me in this argument.

My Uncle used to say,

Myanmar and Brazil.

Myself, him, uh,

MySpace guy.

Nah. Give it a week or two, you'll get, like, numb to it.

Names stick. My name's only Jared because Gavin called me that on my first day.

Nanotech.

Nathan. Are you Nathan Zimmerman, CEO of Flingual?

Navigation data for self driving cars,

Neither did Zuckerberg when he was running Facebook at 19.

Neither do I. That's the entire point.

Nelson, make a gesture... hear me.

Nelson, shut up for a second.

Newell Road, Palo Alto...

Next up, Executive Chairman and Chief Visionary

Next year they will hatch, simultaneously,

Next.

Next.

Nice to see you, Peter.

Nice to see you.

NipAlert isn't live yet.

No balls and no game.

No bars. No bars. No bars. No bars.

No interest. I entice the flesh, I don't pay for it.

No man...

No matter what you may have heard, size matters.

No offense, but it's basically going to be a public execution.

No offense, Richard, but you're not a strong negotiator.

No one does that.

No one in this house can touch me on that.

No one is ever going to buy one of these.

No one offered ten million dollars to acquire Gittawonk.

No one will step in, then you'll go bust.

No one's worrying, that's the thing.

No way.

No way. Look at it.

No, come on, dude, not...

No, he did not. I don't... You know what?

No, he's building one actually.

No, he's pretty sharp.

No, I just saw him in his room, wishing he had taken the ten million dollars.

No, I used Lyft.

No, I... hey, I told you he's going to handle it!

No, I'm not.

No, it has all that. Look, when it blows up,

No, it's fine. He's put it behind him.

No, it's just, everyone was doing it, I was just chiming in.

No, it's not great news. We love the name Pied Piper.

No, just stay here, please.

No, let's walk. It'll take longer.

No, Mo So Lo. No...

No, my face is completely symmetrical.

No, no, no, I don't think you do that.

No, no, no, let me finish.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no!

No, no, no. Don't think of it as a cubicle.

No, no, no. It's a company.

No, no, no. No, no, no! Close it!

No, no, no. You can't paint over it.

No, no, no. You listen to me. Ok. We had a handshake deal.

No, no, no. You thought he was Latino,

No, no! No more of this!

No, no. I got this. Fuck Erlich.

No, no. I'm not gonna eat a bunch of drugs

No, no. Its... I made an algorithm.

No, no. Please. Please.

No, no. They teach fucking jazz at Juilliard.

No, not the sandwich.

No, Richard. I'm not all right with it.

No, she didn't.

No, Sherry, it has to be now!

No, sir.

No, that's an asshole move.

No, that's... thank you. Thank you, holy shit.

No, the filter bank is part of the prediction loop.

No, this code was on her system.

No, we can't do two, Jared. It's not reasonable at all.

No, you're going down! Nucleus is gonna crush Wide Diaper.

No, you're still valued at four million dollars.

No! Don't!

No! It's... I'm... I'm...

No! No, I'm into her. Her, OK? Fuck your code!

No! Those belong to an underage kid that I brought to my house.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. All right.

No. All The Carver's work is gone.

No. And this, this... This is the craziest one of all.

No. I'm not the one who called you a Mexican.

No. It's ying and yang, they're opposites.

No. Just musty.

No. Maybe.

No. No, I have not.

No. No, it isn't. We're already seeded, Richard.

No. No, no. We don't... I don't need help.

No. No, uh, it was stupid and loud.

No. Not exactly.

No. Sorry. Executive decision, we are not doing TechCrunch.

No...

No...

Nobody jerks off to magazines any more.

Nope.

Nope. Worse.

Normally in the tech world it's two percent women.

Not a literal hole like you would find

Not a post man lady.

Not as good at being a prick as you, no offense.

Not as good at system architecture as Gilfoyle,

Not bad.

Not by height, technically.

Not even close. Not yet.

Not even the Goolybib guys were talking to girls.

Not from here it isn't.

Not Gavin Belson.

Not in my pocket, in a bank account.

Not partners, exactly.

Not really sure. Richard tried to explain some of this stuff

Not sure how he got my number?

Not tasks, stories.

Not that I am aware of. At this time. No.

Not this guy.

Not to mention that a hundred percent of the team

Not too many. Like six or eight.

Not unless there's a conflict of interest.

Not working. It's weird, you know?

Nothing I'd fund.

Nothing you need to worry about. You just focus on the cloud.

Now a bunch of important things are happening a day early.

Now Dropbox is winning,

Now go! Go! Go! Go!

Now he's got to live with all that

Now speaking of such things,

Now that just really pisses me off

Now that we're, you know, dead in the water.

Now The Carver's here doing teardown.

Now we just need an idea.

Now we're Pied Piper. So, later.

Now you get in your fucking house and you get me five Adderall

Now you make me laugh, shaggy man.

Now you're being an asshole.

Now, as you know, Hooli is seen as possibly

Now, I know the theoretical limit was 2.9,

Now, if Gavin sent you here,

Now, look, Richard, if you want to live here,

Now, Richard, when you pitched me

Now, that's something people want.

Now, this morning I really only had enough time to do one test,

Now, you are under no circumstances to order any movie on demand,

Now.

Nucleus is built on the same engine as ours, like exactly the same,

Nucleus will provide the most diverse features

Nucleus?

Obstacle averted. Resuming operations.

Obviously you're not obsessed with me.

Obviously, you know, we can't go back on my shares.

Of course I'm safe. I backup my whole system like five times a day.

Of course not. It was just an oversight.

Of course, Erlich would have to

Of course, it does. Time to orgasm, or T2O,

Of course. Incredible.

Of his guardian beasts.

Of my waking life for the past two months to him, OK?

Of net worth, walking around this party.

Of Pied Piper because frankly,

Of potentially billions in revenue and share value,

Of recorded music to find out if there's a match to see if

Of Start Up Battlefield, where you will compete for the grand prize.

Of this year's TechCrunch Disrupt Start Up Battlefield.

Of which they are presumably king? [Chuckles]

Of your vitals and it tells you, even before it's happening,

Offers of funding than you're going to know

Oh God, the marketing team is having another bike meeting.

Oh God.

Oh shit.

Oh shit. They probably hacked the prototype and decompiled the compression library...

Oh yeah, that means she wants you to lay her.

Oh, all right.

Oh, am I?

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. Here, I brought you something for your stomach.

Oh, but I am upset.

Oh, by the way, you owe me 20 thousand dollars.

Oh, Christ.

Oh, congratulations.

Oh, Erlich, you're here too?

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Oh, fu...

Oh, fuck, what?!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God!

Oh, God. This is...

Oh, good. Jared. Ugh. What the fuck is with that vest?

Oh, he's got his laptop in there, on top of his lap.

Oh, hey, Big Head, you were there.

Oh, hey, did I tell you? I'm getting a boat.

Oh, hey, guys.

Oh, hey, man.

Oh, I don't think the artist would like that, he's Latino.

Oh, I heard you.

Oh, I received an email from Ron Laflamme

Oh, I see, you know what you should do?

Oh, I see.

Oh, I told him, it's amazing.

Oh, it is? OK.

Oh, it would be my honor.

Oh, it's him!

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, let me move this.

Oh, look, Kwerpy's here recruiting.

Oh, my God, everyday feels like I've died and gone to hell.

Oh, my God, that is so mean of you!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Jared's been back from that island

Oh, no, but I need...

Oh, no, I don't uh...

Oh, no, no! No.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, no, that's not good.

Oh, no! No!

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, ok. Wow.

Oh, Peter, you're here. Uh...

Oh, really? Oh, that's so cool.

Oh, really? Well, do you remember this particular dick bag I got on video?

Oh, shit, it's frozen. It's frozen.

Oh, shit, that's him on the other line. I gotta go.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. I gotta get back to work.

Oh, shit. Look at this guy.

Oh, shoot. I think I got something stuck in my teeth.

Oh, some theistic tendencies.

Oh, sorry. Um, I must not have the right room.

Oh, that's the code your friend wrote.

Oh, the BofA deal.

Oh, there we go, thanks.

Oh, this is outstanding.

Oh, tremors, too, huh?

Oh, uh, long story.

Oh, wait, yeah, I totally did. I forgot about that.

Oh, we're doing that. Ok.

Oh, we're mostly working on a lossless compression algorithm.

Oh, we're working right now.

Oh, what have you given up?

Oh, wow, Microdrone. They just closed $17 million in seed funding.

Oh, yeah, I had nothing to do with that.

Oh, yeah, it is.

Oh, yeah, that's great.

Oh, yeah? [Nervous chuckle]

Oh, yes, sorry. I'll just plug it in here.

Oh, you fucker.

Oh, you're making fun of me.

Oh! Hey, neighbor.

Oh! That was a yellow.

Oh?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. I mean, I could've asked anybody, but your... race...

Oh. I think it's yin.

Oh. I'm gonna take my underwear off too.

Oh. Neat.

Oh. Oh, OK, that was dark.

Oh. Ok.

Oh. Um...

Oh. Yeah. No, she's... She's very pretty.

Oh... because in order to fully vest your options,

Oh... no.

Oh... shit, there's no way.

Ohh.

Ok, 10 million.

Ok, all right, see ya.

OK, and with this one here, did you delete it

Ok, are we getting the money or not?

OK, cloud architecture is just a giant turd that is clogging up our pipes.

OK, did I put your picture

OK, Donald, stay calm.

Ok, fine.

OK, fine. But do you know who uses cubicles?

Ok, first of all, nobody gives a shit

Ok, four million.

OK, give me your IDs and I'll go register us...

OK, guys, since we're kind of playing from behind here

OK, guys, this place is a vortex of distraction

OK, has anything that I've just said confused you?

OK, her.

Ok, here it is.

OK, here's how Panic A Tech works.

OK, here's what I want, as soon as the music comes up...

Ok, how the hell did he do this?

OK, I hate that metaphor, but Erlich is right.

OK, I mean it shouldn't take too long, it only compressed half the fucking file.

OK, I see where we are ending up on this. Thank you for your time.

OK, I think what happened was when you set it up,

Ok, I think you just need to talk to the guy who said all that.

OK, I'm gonna do this module by module.

OK, I'm gonna...

Ok, it's like trying to tell someone how to get somewhere,

OK, Kevin, um, we're from Pied Piper, we spoke earlier.

Ok, let me get this straight, you would rather do nothing than something?

Ok, let's get your pants on.

OK, let's start the meeting.

Ok, look, I fucked up. What do we do now?

OK, look, we need to talk.

OK, no, I don't...

OK, Richard, I just need you to approve Kevin's fee.

OK, Richard, you need to go to the hotel right now and finish.

OK, so here are the cards

Ok, so I have been instructed to remove you

Ok, so it's just sorta like notepad?

OK, so two of those, one on each side and then one in the center

OK, stay calm. Stay calm.

OK, Tara, here's what it is.

OK, tell me on the walk. All right, you dildos, let's go!

Ok, thank you.

OK, thanks.

OK, thanks. But what's with all the...

Ok, that's good to know.

OK, the alcoholism, the sexual impropriety at work,

Ok, there's 40 billion dollars

OK, we can talk to the guy,

Ok, well, actually this is a superior product, right here.

OK, well, anyway, I deleted all our modules last night,

OK, well... Well, then what's that?

Ok, yeah, great.

Ok, yeah.

Ok, you agreed to sell me that name for a thousand dollars.

OK, you guys set up the booth, OK?

Ok, you know what?

Ok, you know, we're making a lot of money.

OK, you see? This... This is a case in point.

Ok? Fuck all of you. Big Head stays!

Ok? I get all of it!

Ok? I'm just gonna go get some water...

Ok? This is my company. It was my idea and we do what I say.

Ok? What the fuck? I kind of just went out on a limb for you here, man.

OK.

OK.

Ok.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

Ok. A grand.

OK. Andy Stafford here has a file for you.

Ok. Ask me what nine times f is.

Ok. Great.

Ok. I understand. Uh, thank you.

Ok. No, I... Erlich, I want you to be in there.

Ok. No, no, no...

OK. Not now, please.

Ok. Read that back to me.

OK. So I keep the mural, and I keep the ten G's.

OK. So let me just tell you what's gonna happen.

Ok. There's the butt time.

OK. This increases visibility into our team's progress.

OK. Um, well...

Ok. We'll take a few like this,

Ok. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Nobody is being fired. Ok?

Ok. Why are there so many?

Ok. Why Delaware?

Ok. Yeah.

Ok. Yes, same address?

OK...

Ok... wait, what?

On a vision quest.

On behalf of the entire Disrupt conference,

On on on a logo we could generate in house for free?

On stage in front of 1,000 people and a live streamed audience?

On this asperger site.

On this board and reneging it

On what? This isn't home.

Once his company cakes its pants.

One Gregory Drive. Arallon.

One of our assistants has been confusing the eastern,

One question, uh, regarding our hotel accommodations?

One question.

Ooh, Jared, Jared, recycling's over there.

Or bitcoin.

Or Chat Roulette, OK, that was social media,

Or decision making, for that matter.

Or do we have to wait until everyone else has gone?

Or do you just throw a percentage at them like you did with this...

Or I'll slit your fucking throat! You understand?

Or if that's too embarrassing, there's also a Bluetooth suppository

Or just move it?

Or maybe he's not. I can't fucking figure it out.

Or no, he took the money.

Or no.

Or the woman black, or are they both?

Or was he like, I wanna shoot you in the face

Or we're not going to...

Or we're not gonna make it.

Or when he's vomiting because he had cilantro, which he loves

Or, we leave them and wait to see

Other than him and that someone is you, Dinesh?

Otherwise I'm wasting a lot of great strokes on a guy that's already busted.

Our first deposit slip.

Our startup sources actors to parties to liven things up

Our whole corporate culture is that we don't have

Out back. Let's go!

Out from under this table and have him go through

Out of Nucleus with Smiler.

Outside help? No, we're not getting any outside help.

Ow!

Ow!

Paris, Texas.

Part of that is Gavin's commitment to social justice,

People get shot behind that.

People may take credit for your idea and try and sue you.

People only want to see a picture of the board members.

People, are you ready?

Period. End of sentence. So basically, I think whatever equity I get,

Peter called. He saw Erlich's presentation, such as it was.

Peter Gregory and I account for billions of dollars in assets.

Peter Gregory doesn't care.

Peter Gregory is invested in a company

Peter Gregory just offered me 300, um...

Peter Gregory said specifically to trim the fat.

Peter Gregory?

Peter Gregory's check. So?

Peter is going to be a lot more hands on and a lot tougher on you.

Peter is going to be furious when he finds out.

Peter just wants to make sure that his money makes it to the ocean.

Peter will pull all of his support

Peter would spend millions just to mildly annoy Gavin.

Peter, I don't want to upset you,

Peter, I know that you are

Peter, I know you don't want to cause

Peter!

Peter's not really big on walking.

Photos?

Pied Piper incorporated amended board of directors.

Pied Piper is a cloud based compression. Without the cloud, nothing's left.

Pied Piper is a proprietary site that lets you find out

Pied Piper is the best, right?

Pied Piper just got into this year's Start Up Battlefield?

Pied Piper takes the data... And... smaller. To smaller.

Pied Piper will be able to search the whole world

Pied Piper you said it was gonna be, the Google of music.

Pied Piper, ladies and gentlemen!

Pied Piper? You guys are competing in the StartUp Battlefield, right?

Pied Piper.

Pied Piper. I'll look it up.

Pied Piper's mission is to bring its unique compression algorithm

Pills, in and out of rehab.

PlaceHolder would honestly be a better name than Pied Piper.

Please be careful.

Please be careful. Please be careful.

Please don't.

Please honk. Please honk.

Please shut up. Shut up.

Please, let it up. Let it up.

Plus, Tara's coming into town in a couple weeks.

Plus, we have this for the Pied Piper documentary

Potentially saving millions in heating costs

Pre sort guys by height, so that their dicks lined up.

Presenting for Pied Piper is Erlich Bachman.

Presenting for Pied Piper will be Richard Hendricks.

Pretty much anyone that's over a seven is with us,

Probably all those pesticides they put on the crops.

Probably too many.

Problem solved.

Proves that we're not dickheads.

Put it away.

Putting pieces of shit like that all over the good farmland around here.

Random question...

Rather than heating an entire room,

Really? Disgusting affairs.

Really? I... Wow. Ok.

Really? No shit, that's...

Really? That's the gratuitous part?

Relax, he's not gonna find out. She's not gonna tell him.

Relax, I will withdraw.

Relax? This house is chaos.

Release me, Richard. Release the Kraken!

Rent offices, get an assistant.

Respectfully... Respectfully, you're terrible.

Rest and vest.

Rich, Rich. Lawyer, not lawyer. I got you.

Richard actually developed Pied Piper

Richard Hendricks, Peter Gregory... Erlich Bachman?

Richard wrote the code, yes, but the inspiration was clear.

Richard, a name defines a company.

Richard, are you OK?

Richard, buried in that clunky UI of yours

Richard, can I talk to you for a second?

Richard, can I talk to you for a second?

Richard, could you please.

Richard, follow me. Follow me. Follow me.

Richard, I just wanna say, I really respect what you're doing here.

Richard, I'm just gonna recap for a second,

Richard, I've actually been holding off telling people I'm the co founder

Richard, if we are going to change the name, we need to do it now.

Richard, if you're not an asshole, it creates this kind of

Richard, it's Jared. Are you ok?

Richard, it's none of my business, but be safe.

Richard, it's t minus four hours until presentation time.

Richard, look at the board.

Richard, pace yourself, buddy.

Richard, stop being a fucking pussy and start being an asshole.

Richard, stop talking about this or I have to punch you in the face.

Richard, take Aviato. That's not a name I found, it's a name that found me

Richard, talk to me.

Richard, the ingestion engine is ready for testing. Have you seen Richard?

Richard, they can't see that, it's too small.

Richard, um, could I speak to you?

Richard, what's wrong?

Richard, why aren't you in there, coming up with new names?

Richard, why would you let that little fetus access the DDL?

Richard, you don't have to worry about anything

Richard, you need to get in touch with humanity.

Richard, you're gonna listen to me if you know what's good for you.

Richard! Hey, you made it!

Richard?

Richard? Is this the right build? I can't find the mobile suite here.

Richard? Richard?

Richard.

Richard. Hi...

Richard's a 10x er, I'm, like, barely an x er.

Richard's not gonna finish, is he?

Richie, pay the lady.

Richie, you tried your best just call him, leave a message, say he's out.

Richie!

Rick Smith, co founder of Crosscut Ventures.

Right at the theoretical limit.

Right in the middle. It was like:

Right over here. As if you're sort of a late addition

Right where you're standing.

Right, but you take something like this,

Right, so we're all settled then.

Right, uh, but why don't you just write it down on paper?

Right? I wonder who she's working with.

Right.

Ron Laflamme. Great to meet you.

Route guidance calibrated.

S M L R?

Saying that this gentleman

Scrum is designed to...

See? I told you he was taking care of it.

Seeded quite a few new companies.

Select destination.

Sergei and Larry from Google signed it.

Sesame seeds.

Sexual in nature.

Sexually. It's the opposite of jealousy.

She can't even make eye contact with the camera.

She doesn't know Java. I wrote that code.

She invited me to her room to watch Cloud Atlas later tonight.

She looks... What do we do?

She said it was sexist. She's right. It's actually perverted.

She said obsessed.

She used the word obsessed, Dinesh.

She wrote this Java method that was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.

She's attracted to ugliness.

She's in the booth right next to us, Charlotte.

She's my gift to you.

She's not even physically my type, she has blonde hair

She's not in the company. We need her here. That's the thing.

Sherry, I think her name was. She said you guys went to school together.

Shhh.

Shit, OK.

Shit, sorry. Hello.

Shit. Sorry, dude, I can't be talking to you like this. Later.

Shit. Yeah, I think it would.

Shit...

Shit... it's hung.

Short skinny Asian guy,

Should I get half of his shares...?

Shoulda worn more than my underwear and a bed sheet.

Shouldn't you more than Kind of know where you're going?

Shut the... That is the most disgusting fucking thing I've ever h...

Silicon Valley is the cradle of innovation

Simpler for you. I would have been a slave.

Since I abide by the maxim,

Since the dawn of time,

Sit around all day and get paid a bunch of money to do nothing.

Six months ago, these guys had 35 million and Series B Financing.

Small is the new big.

Small, come back now, are you here?

Smart cars.

Smoked you. And now...

So as long as Gilfoyle is not in the room

So as per our agreement, I own ten percent of the company.

So do I include him in the cap table or not? It's basically good to go.

So everyone.

So from rules based filtering we got to workflow,

So guys like that are gonna keep coming around.

So he wants me to go back to Palo Alto.

So how did you bypass Bank of America's network security?

So how did you know Madelyn again?

So I can put all of my attention on you guys for once.

So I feel it may be foolish to turn this down.

So I got a spot on my pants, kinda looked like I pissed myself like a big baby.

So I guess we're back to working together, huh?

So I really hope that you can do this.

So I went a little nutty and I got both.

So I'd kinda just nod and smile, you know?

So I'll catch you on the flip. Peace!

So I'll just have the guys pull it up front for you.

So I'll Lyft it back.

So I'm a little behind, being stuck on that island for four days,

So I'm not really sure how effective that one is.

So I've made my decision.

So if you just don't think about it it really doesn't bother you

So just print it, sign it, get it to Gregory to sign and it is donezo.

So let me ask you this? Are you an honest man or are you a goddamn liar?

So let me just walk you through it.

So like it or not, you are presenting a live demo

So maybe we could... Do you think you could get me some real Adderall?

So now I have to come up with a new name

So now the CEO of Pied Piper can't even afford to buy lunch.

So one of the guys judging us wants to fucking kill you?

So Peter met with Laflamme today and signed the paperwork,

So Peter would love to get started. Are you guys ready?

So please don't tell anyone.

So Richard wrote the code?

So she decides to get a reverse mortgage on her home

So so so, how do you know Peter Gregory?

So sorry these gentleman have kept you waiting.

So thank you.

So that it casts my shadow behind me, like a giant looking over his own shoulder.

So that our team could move forward.

So that you could do what you do best

So that's 400 times whatever the mean jerk time is.

So the platform can't handle 3D files. You know what, 3D movies suck anyway.

So the western half can celebrate the first new years on Earth,

So this is goodbye then?

So this is just kind of a gift for my guys to celebrate.

So we can give you any kind of file and you can compress it,

So we can move on to the finals on Friday.

So we don't need to talk about that... but I could because I'm the CEO.

So we finally went to the visa office.

So we have them all in one place.

So we need 15 million now or we'll have to shut down.

So we need to change our name.

So we're just going to work at a nice, leisurely pace, right?

So we've gone through all the research and all the steps.

So what do you guys do here?

So what I did was, I just took off all my pants

So what is going on?

So what makes you of value to the Pied Piper team?

So what we wanted to ask you was...

So what's the deal? I mean, is she hot?

So when you stroke up you're not wasting any energy.

So yo, Peter tells me you're popping your cherry with this.

So you better have some g****fruit ready, too.

So you can remember where you parked.

So you didn't write any of that Java code?

So you gonna give me stock options, or what?

So you gotta put it in the trash and then take the trash out.

So you have to say, you know, Go straight down that big road

So you just, you just write down what section of the parking lot you're in?

So you made some really over the top promises about Nucleus.

So you must know something about it, right?

So you want to have a meeting in the room where all the food is,

So you were being polite when you said that you loved me?

So you will survive.

So you'd type in the VIN number. And if you car didn't have AvL capabilities

So you're going full length. Four, see?

So you're just gonna give up?

So you're like the V.P. of spite?

So you're really about to go tell Erlich that he's not going to get his one million dollars?

So you're...

So, I gotta... I'll let you...

So, I will see you all at the conference.

So, if you're a song writer or a band...

So, imagine you were a song writer, ok?

So, it's made out to Pied Piper Incorporated,

So, just to be clear.

So, let's...

So, Peter Gregory, big fan of you.

So, Pied Piper, drop it on me. What is it?

So, Pied Piper.

So, Richard Hendricks is here!

So, should I call the cops now before anyone else does?

So, technically, Hitler was the Hitler of music.

So, that was hard, but I'm back.

So, uh, who else is paid to be here?

So, um, I ironed out our customer acquisition strategy,

So, um...

So, um... can you kind of catch me up on what you see as your role in the company?

So, um... last night, what was the girl situation?

So, we're fucked, aren't we?

So, what do you think?

So, what's up with you guys?

So, you know, it wouldn't be as bad. I've got it under control.

So? Actually,

So... do you guys think you could hire me?

So... I would like to propose that we put this incident behind us,

So... I'm trying to be vulnerable in front of you.

So... Perfect. So change that

So... uh, Jared, hey,

So... what do you got?

Some guy with crazy facial hair

Somebody make some motherfucking noise in here!

Someone is paying me. Ok. I didn't come

Someone smeared your name and number in shit on my bathroom wall.

Something just as artistic,

Something that I would call, "middle out".

Something that you should do.

Something to do with algebra?

Something to guide.

Sorry, Gilfoyle. Company business.

Sorry, man, but this is huge for me.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. Got a little light headed there for a second.

Sorry. I just can't be seen talking to you, you know?

Sorry. That is a terrible doctor in there.

Sorry. The TeleHuman is a great piece of technology.

Sounds fine.

Sounds great.

Speak English.

Speaking of which, Peter really wants you to come in on Friday

Spewing ignorance!

Spinder. It's like Tinder but for spinsters.

Start autographing by the flags.

Stay in your seats! Everything is under control!

Steve Jobs or Steve...

Still trouble me.

Still? It's been an hour. He's gotta get this done.

Stop it! Stop it.

Stop looking at my lips.

Stop. Let me out.

Stu Burns decided to walk the left hand path with us.

Stupid...

Suck it, Gavin Belson!

Sure.

Sure.

Sysbit Digital Solutions.

System architecture. Networking and security.

Take Dinesh and Gilfoyle.

Take it away, my good friend, Kid Rock.

Take the money or keep the company.

Take your food into the living room?

Take your time. There's no rush, Dinesh.

Tara is attracted to you.

Tara just whispered something to you and then she looked at me in a weird way.

Tara wants to have sex with you? You sure?

Tara.

TechBitData Solution Systems.

TechCrunch motherfucking Disrupt.

Technologies. Technolo Jesus.

Tectonic.

Tell them you got the wrong illegal drugs from a kid?

Ten million dollars and I didn't take it.

Teutonic, which is what you just said,

Than conventional...

Than we'll make in a lifetime.

Than when a user's visualization UX is completely sub optimal?

Thank God. Now we can move on to the next module and I can forget you ever existed.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, Florida.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I'm finished.

Thanks anyway, Chuy.

Thanks for coming in, Nelson.

That are actually mandatory.

That benefits only the perpetrators of it.

That can heat the surface of a person's skin instead,

That can't be safe.

That doesn't help at all. How is that helping?

That doesn't make it not true.

That Gavin Belson and Peter Gregory were fighting over Gittawonk.

That guy Richard I was telling you about

That hardly begins to describe it.

That I wasn't a founder of this company and now

That I've invested ten percent of my annual salary in.

That if I touched one object in this room,

That is a generous offer.

That is a lot of money.

That is a narrow car.

That is a relief, Jared. Thanks.

That is not me, obviously.

That is rightly called Pied Piper.

That is totally ridiculous, Gilfoyle.

That is unclear. At this time.

That links up to your smartphone and it keeps track

That makes a difference,

That may not stick around for the entire duration of the company.

That might be the last time we see him alive.

That might be worth something someday,

That must be worth something to me.

That no one else can, I'm gone.

That presents a great business opportu...

That provide the world's sesame seeds have such large cicada population, no?

That seems dubious, Richard.

That ship has sailed but from here on out.

That sort of went south on me, but you understand what I'm saying.

That stuff you're signing gives you

That stupid margarita machine maxed me out.

That uses GPS in phones to track people.

That was amazing. I mean, that was like everything in my head but, like, clear.

That was easier than I... All the talking?

That was HumanHeater.

That was nice, guys. He heard everything.

That was very abrupt.

That we're eventually gonna make.

That we're not gonna give him the money we promised him.

That will net you a million dollars outright?

That you have, were all guys that I recruited for this house.

That you seriously find Dinesh more attractive than me,

That your teeth will go flying, you little shit!

That's a big deal. Flo Rida's gonna be there.

That's a great question and trust me, it is very, very safe.

That's a kind invitation, but I have too much to do. I'm pivoting!

That's a lot of functionality.

That's a lot of jerking.

That's a... That's a Jared thing.

That's actually a really good question.

That's basically what I told him.

That's cool, yo. Not a lot of Latinos working in tech.

That's cool.

That's creepy.

That's exactly the same score as us.

That's exactly what they said when I was working at BofA.

That's fascinating. Let's just forget about it, OK?

That's great.

That's great.

That's it.

That's me. I'm, well, his new wife, we just got married.

That's more of a dental issue.

That's not me.

That's not really our logo is it?

That's not the language I speak.

That's not who I am.

That's not why I'm here. It's just... [sighs]

That's ridiculous. I'm way more attractive than you are.

That's right.

That's right. You guys said I was a bad negotiator, but I closed it!

That's scary. Should we go look for him?

That's the artist you were talking about?

That's the International Date Line.

That's the vision in Richard Hendricks' head.

That's the whole file.

That's true. That is true.

That's what the fuck I do.

That's what you need to be like.

That's where Campbell's soup is.

That's why cloud based is the holy grail.

That's why I'm here. Peter's on safari

That's why we're presenting tomorrow.

The algorithm is the product of the company.

The applications could be endless.

The audio is working? Excuse me?!

The best Weissman score ever measured. Doubled it!

The bigger, the better.

The BK double stacker.

The Carver just carved up our entire platform.

The Carver? That Black Hat guy who apparently hacked into the Bank of America

The Carver's Adderall prescription.

The cicadas of Myanmar emerge every 13 years,

The convertible note for funding

The core compression algorithm is optimal.

The database administrator for Yahoo is becoming a Satanist?

The file size is like, half.

The finals are starting. (CLEARS THROAT) Up!

The first three were fine.

The fragrances which abound therein, vapors of...

The fuck you will be.

The gates are flung wide

The grand unveiling of Nucleus.

The hammer of God.

The idea of getting an erection around men I live and work with,

The idea that I have a boner and you have a boner

The illest, the chillest, emperor of Rome, big Pete Gregory!

The impending crash of Hooli's stock...

The Internet... heard of it?

The irony.

The island's built right on it

The Jobs and the Wozniak. The ying and the yang.

The junior whopper?

The key value store.

The literal symbol of freedom.

The little fucker must have hacked into the DDL tables like he did with BofA.

The logical person in the house?

The longer the dick, the greater the D2F bridge,

The main reason dogs are perceived to have

The measurement that we're looking for, really, is dick to floor.

The microwaves only penetrate the top layer of skin cells.

The most progressive company in the world.

The most sophisticated compression software platform the world has ever seen.

The name of my company's all over the Internet.

The new dubstep Skrillex remix in under 12 seconds?

The old wife or the new wife?

The parking app?

The point is, I learned Ruby on Rails over a weekend when I was 17.

The postman lady.

The reason I pushed Peter to seed you is,

The stuff you'd be guiding us through.

The system's stable again.

The true value of a college education is intangible.

The true value of snake oil is intangible as well.

The universal respect of all the ladies.

The usual riffs on twitter and instagram.

The VC's did a full clawback and our Series A is DOA.

The very fact that you think this would be offensive to me

The way things are going,

The way you report bugs on your mobile platform.

The Weissman score is optimal.

Their job, which will happen at midnight to...

Then and only then will I concede defeat.

Then he and Peter Gregory can vote you out.

Then I have concluded that...

Then I won't speak.

Then it looks like Smiler.

Then it won't happen. Simple as that.

Then that's a whole 'nother group of people I gotta worry about.

Then the next day, they walk over to the eastern half

There is a second bar in back

There is a time limit, you have two minutes remaining.

There may be a drive by about to happen.

There she goes.

There you are, Richard.

There you are. Got your credentials and wristbands

There. I just saved this company ten thousand dollars.

There's a lot right with it.

There's been some kind of mistake.

There's just a few other things he wants me working on.

There's just something so hot about a woman that can code like that.

There's just something very exciting about that.

There's money flying all over Silicon Valley

There's no drinking and lying in this house.

There's nothing for me to do on Pied Piper.

There's still time.

There's that... shit! There's that cloud again!

There's this girl who's walking around, saying that I'm obsessed with her.

Thereby making the world a better place.

Therefore, with a little practice,

These are billionaires, Richard.

These people think they can just walk into this country...

These programmers, there's always a tall skinny white guy,

They actually tried to diagnose me with a wasting disease because of my slender frame.

They always travel in groups of five.

They are wasting an enormous amount of time arguing.

They can't just tell you what their vision for the company is.

They do tow.

They don't even know what's about to hit 'em.

They don't have to, Big Head.

They have other things. Chicken, fish.

They judge this contest on viability in the marketplace.

They just got 20 million in Series A at a $280 million dollar valuation.

They just use it.

They might as well be called Dripbox.

They only grow in certain microclimates.

They probably won't have seen up until this point.

They were originally from Scandinavia...

They were quite accommodating.

They wouldn't be able to figure out how to. It's incomprehensible.

They're all a bunch of assholes, especially Radiohead.

They're calling it Nucleus, whatever the fuck that means.

They're gonna reverse engineer a version as close as they can without getting sued.

They're just children.

Thinking that, now that's racist.

This all must be worked out.

This and all other Gavin Belson rumors are unsubstantiated.

This credit card is no good.

This good could have on the world?

This house talks to girls.

This is a billion dollar company?

This is a company party and you're the CEO.

This is a company,

This is displeasing.

This is exactly why we need to have clearer lines of communication.

This is game changing.

This is going very poorly.

This is gonna sound super mean, but the other night he was sleeping,

This is great. Look at this.

This is Monica.

This is not college, Richard.

This is Pied Piper.

This is Richard Hendricks, CEO of Pied Piper.

This is Richard.

This is Silicon Valley, all right, not...

This is the inefficiency I'm trying to eliminate.

This is the life that she chooses, right? She's attracted to unattractiveness.

This is the most ridiculous...

This is the type of evening that requires free balling.

This is very real!

This is what we need, you know what I mean? Something raw.

This is what we want?

This is which one?

This is your baby.

This just became a job.

This kid Hendricks and Pied Piper just ran a two minute mile.

This man will never be asked to judge again.

This morning you rudely reminded me

This seed... Atop the breading.

This tiny, little, shitty area,

This whole Peter Gregory, Gavin Belson thing.

This will never fly with Peter Gregory.

Those are sesame seeds.

Those guys are so fucked.

Those guys build a mediocre piece of software,

Thousands of employees who are all looking up to you.

Three fourths of which are total horse shit.

Through constructing elegant

Through cross platform business facing cloud...

Through minimal message oriented transport layers.

Through software defined data centers for cloud computing.

Through some of the stuff I thought that this was

Through this, the black flame of Satan thou walkest in Hell.

Time is a sphere and I've been reincarnated during the same time period in which I exist.

Time is equal to 400 total jerks at a two dick rate.

To a statistical degree of certainty, whether you were going to heaven or hell?

To a whole 'nother level?

To be able to develop something that you, as the head of the company,

To be honest, elements of this arrangement

To be staring at the screen when the car's moving

To chat about big picture stuff.

To comb through all the code and find my mistake.

To compress files is with Shannon coding, right? Top down.

To create one cohesive piece of music...

To do something big. To make a difference.

To find matches sounds like it would take incredible processing power.

To get this ready,

To his beneficence.

To jerk different dicks simultaneously?

To keep Pied Piper.

To people willing to skip or drop out of college

To prove a point that I'm not obsessed with you.

To pursue their idea.

To someone having a panic attack,

To the finals immediately after we present

To the people that work at Hooli.

To the point where they truly can access them instantly.

To turn down ten million dollars?

To unfuck it while it's still unfuckable.

To wit, maybe you could make out my checks to cash?

To your shitty, little smart phone day after day?

Today's user wants access to all of their files

Together, right. But to be clear, Richard created the algorithm on his own, yes?

Took me five minutes.

Took me five years. They asked me about Al Qaeda, like, 14 times.

Totally between us, our beta crapped out.

Totally get it. That's baller.

Totally.

Tracking the location of your child?

Transfers half a petabyte of data every minute.

Transforming the world as we know it.

Trouble?

Try and get the money.

Trying to make cool shit.

Tsetse fly, tsetse fly.

Tuples.

Turns out that Melcher is divorced, remarried

Twenty six.

Twenty thousand dollars for two days.

Twice that in exchange for... a futon?

Two hundred thousand dollars from Peter Gregory?

Two point eight nine. That is not an error.

Typical lazy immigrant.

Uh huh.

Uh huh. And what was it like there?

Uh huh. Yeah, yeah.

Uh oh. Here's another one.

Uh oh. To what?

Uh uh.

Uh, are the judges allowed to send us through

Uh, because you see, Hooli

Uh, Chuy's here.

Uh, do you mind if I break in here, just one question.

Uh, don't do that. Don't cry.

Uh, don't worry, he's not gonna find out.

Uh, Erlich helped me with all this stuff. He's very talented.

Uh, even on mobile. They can throw anything at us.

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, excuse me. Caleb?

Uh, file reports, or attend any Nucleus meetings.

Uh, Gilfoyle, ok, off to the center a little bit.

Uh, he be may naming me personally in a lawsuit.

Uh, here he comes, so can I call you back in...

Uh, hi. Who is this?

Uh, honestly, you're better off.

Uh, I have a meeting with Gavin Belson.

Uh, I just, I don't want to end up being a Hooli lifer.

Uh, I need some help.

Uh, is this gonna be a cash return, or does it credit back to the card?

Uh, it is nowhere. I deleted it.

Uh, it was nothing so how could I be obsessed? That's...

Uh, Jared Dunn's.

Uh, Jared.

Uh, Jobs or Wozniak?

Uh, my bed.

Uh, my pants they hit the countertop,

Uh, new board member, what?

Uh, no. Not yet. I don't know. Sort of.

Uh, no. That's... That's pretty clear.

Uh, OK, so anyway, we all know that the most obvious way

Uh, OK, yeah.

Uh, OK.

Uh, OK. Peace, Chuy.

Uh, ok. Thanks.

Uh, so I have a Model U.N. thing on Monday,

Uh, so Shannon coding and then David Huffman came along,

Uh, so, you guys having a meeting up here?

Uh, thanks for sitting down like this, Gilfoyle.

Uh, that is Jared Dunn.

Uh, that sounds great!

Uh, that's amazing. Thank you, Chuy!

Uh, that's bullshit, 'cause I think we went out two times.

Uh, the Pied Piper name and trademark are registered to a sprinkler company in Gilroy.

Uh, there's been some developments. You know how I fucked Melcher's old wife?

Uh, this is Richard.

Uh, to pick up the check.

Uh, umm...

Uh, walkthrough?

Uh, we just won the cup!

Uh, well, actually, that is a server farm.

Uh, well, then why did he back us?

Uh, well, you know,

Uh, what are you doing?

Uh, what are you talking about?

Uh, what happened with Madelyn?

Uh, why didn't you tell me about all the other compression plays Peter was seeding?

Uh, yeah, we didn't know about that.

Uh, yeah, yeah. No here. It's Peter Gregory.

Uh, yeah. I mean, not about Nucleus or anything...

Uh, you know, everything.

Uh, you know, honestly,

Uh, you know, our prize coder,

Uh. And what do I do if I feel another panic attack coming on.

Uh. Hi, this is Jared Dunn calling from Hooli.

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... actually there has been a change of plans.

Uh... algorithm, actually.

Uh... can I be honest with you?

Uh... I know these guys.

Uh... I think you forgot to update your software.

Uh... I'm think I'm just going to do the presentation myself.

Uh... It's this cloud service configuration,

Uh... no, he's out. Uh, wait... I don't know.

Uh... OK, so,

Uh... OK.

Uh... um... We are Pied Piper. A compression company.

Uh... Yes, sir.

Uhh, one of? How many does he have?

Uhh, what's going on?

Uhh...

Uhh...

Uhh...

Uhh...

Uhh... I think Erlich had a few thoughts.

Ultimately what we're trying to do is...

Um, but first, if you don't mind, I'd like to use the restroom.

Um, car? Mr. Car?

Um, except 3D video.

Um, I get to work with my boyfriend.

Um, I'm just going to maybe go for a bike ride real fast

Um, just to be honest with you, like,

Um, so, I've been thinking about

Um, the audio's still working. You could just use that.

Um, we're getting there. Uh, definitely... Getting there.

Um, what's happening?

Um, you turned down ten million dollars

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um... are there any water fountains in your offices?

Um... I am... My name is Richard Hendricks,

Um... I think it's this way.

Um... is that something maybe you could help me with?

Um... Mmm...

Um... programming.

Um... right, oh.

Um... well played, Hooli. (CHUCKLES)

Um... yours and mine.

Unbelievable. I can't believe

Unfortunately, the broadband isn't that great out here in rural Wyoming.

Unless any of you gringos wants to go out there

Unless Erlich jerks off four guys at a time, and then we can cut that in half.

Unless he had some reason to be frightened by Pied Piper and it's superior technology?

Unless that's better for you.

Unless you can hotswap dicks in and out. So on a downstroke, you get a new one in.

Unlike Myanmar and Brazil, Indonesia has no cicada population.

Until it is ready for testing.

Until now.

Up on the big screen in the auditorium? Yes.

Use the anger, chela. Use it.

Using our platform, Pied Piper users would be able to compress all their files

Very interested, somewhat interested, not interested?

Very soon, I hope.

Video compression is a completely different paradigm.

Visa? What visa?

Visit us at microdrone.com...

Wait a sec.

Wait a second. What's happening?

Wait, are you sure that she didn't ask Gilfoyle

Wait, is that you and Gavin Belson?

Wait, Jared, what are you doing here?

Wait, my phone.

Wait, Richard's getting rid of Big Head? Why?

Wait, so then am I being fired?

Wait, what? No, no, no, Richard, Richard, Richard, Richard.

Wait, why are you typing faster?

Wait, you just built all the indexes on the fly?

Wait. Just go ahead and leave the mural.

Wait. Just him or both of us?

Wait. You did DRM?

Was by agreeing to never tell anyone that I worked there.

Was from a retired repository that was audio only.

Was he like, Bro, you're my bro,

Was I brutally assaulted? Yes.

Was... was I?

Wasting? I got a great deal.

Watching the bottom line. Fuck it, dude. I'm done here.

Watching you say no to ten million dollars to build your own thing,

Way better than the rest of his other compression plays,

Way more than I thought I would be.

We all packed and ready to go?

We already have kind of a shitty name, Pied Piper,

We also may be totally fucked.

We are breathing rare air here, operating at the limit for lossless compression

We are not doing cubicles. No way!

We are officially Pied Piper.

We at Pied Piper look forward to giving Gavin Belson

We both say it out loud and I think that fact,

We bring thy garden, o mighty Lucifer,

We can make cancer smaller. And hunger. And AIDS.

We can relive it whenever we want to.

We can take my car but gas is on the company.

We control the pipe,

We could be the vikings of our day.

We could do two. That's reasonable.

We could put in some kind of portable barrier...

We didn't think we were going to get this thing done

We don't have to... We can keep it at the original thousand dollars.

We don't like sacrifice goats or anything.

We don't put it down. Leave it up.

We don't. And when Keith finds that out,

We each ripped through a full module this morning.

We got a name!

We got a name. Tell everyone you know.

We had a guy in here in almost the exact same situation,

We had a meth addict in here this morning

We happened, Richard. And the best part is,

We have a live demo in one week and our cloud is in the shitter.

We have a lot to do, so,

We have a solution for these problems

We have five that barely work.

We have the reach and the resources to take what you have done

We have the speed. We have the features. And we have... Shakira!

We have to call in a plumber to fix it.

We have to knock them dead in the preliminaries tomorrow

We just need a new idea, something that people want. Right? We can pivot, too.

We just need to really dial it up for the big show tomorrow.

We know it's kind of a little weird.

We may be fine. We may be totally fine.

We might as well have interns, we hire illegal aliens.

We need to establish a clear corporate culture

We need to operate like a business

We need to talk about Pied Piper.

We put it up.

We see people like you all the time.

We should all go.

We should get him if we can.

We should get on this, now.

We were So Lo Mo but now we're Mo Lo So.

We were supposed to meet 40 minutes ago with the guys from Astraphile

We will now.

We would just be coming by and saying hi, you know,

We'll call you when we want pleated khakis.

We'll exhaust all our funding in four.

We're actresses.

We're actually having a meeting here.

We're all currently... unassigned.

We're everywhere.

We're getting ready for this big Peter Gregory meeting.

We're going down. We have enough runway for maybe two, three weeks max.

We're going to be poor.

We're gonna go with Chuy.

We're gonna need to take those.

We're here to get your rats, STAT.

We're just like five guys hanging out in a house,

We're just sort of...

We're just taking a little break.

We're Lo Mo So, bro.

We're making all your files available for lightning fast download.

We're making history together, partner.

We're making the world a better place, through paxos algorithms

We're making the world a better place.

We're not going to be poor!

We're not gonna finish for five months,

We're not gonna kick the shit

We're not here to tell you what to do with your rats,

We're not jazz. We're fucking punk rock.

We're not like the Order of the Golden Dawners, you know.

We're partners, OK, and I've devoted every second

We're playing the multi channel router team in five minutes.

We're talking about how I didn't get to present in the prelims,

We're trending up, boys. We are trending up.

We're two halves of the same brain!

We're with the conference, is there any sort of discount...?

We've got a great logo, and we've got a great name.

We've got a great name. We've got a great team.

We've got a meeting with Gavin Belson. Pick up the pace.

We've had a number of complaints about your artwork here.

We've... We have a common interest...s.

Weird.

Weird. He switched to meta data extraction and now wants to see you.

Welcome to Silicon Valley.

Welcome to the next eight weeks of our lives.

Welcome to the Peter Gregory foundation's

Welcome, everyone, to a journey into the Nucleus.

Well then, a gift of congratulations.

Well then, what's with the cross?

Well, a couple months later

Well, and Dinesh's shaft...

Well, because as you know, I need some advice on the business plan.

Well, hopefully we'll talk to each other soon.

Well, how about this?

Well, I didn't know if you wanted original Oreos or Double Stuf

Well, I didn't mean to interrupt.

Well, I guess it's still a little ajar, I don't know.

Well, I just did but it wasn't easy.

Well, I looked it up.

Well, I mean, now that the rules about socializing with co workers

Well, I suppose Steve and I always have shared a similar aesthetic.

Well, I thought, maybe you guys could just

Well, I was just driven past one.

Well, I... I feel terrible.

Well, I'll admit, I'm sleep challenged.

Well, I'm all for that, believe me.

Well, I'm gonna call my mom and have her pick me up.

Well, I'm just saying what everybody's thinking.

Well, I'm sorry to interrupt your eloquent presentation, Richard.

Well, if you don't sign the documents, and you don't give them to Peter Gregory,

Well, it's like Gavin always says, it takes change to make change.

Well, it's lowercase,

Well, it's the least I could do.

Well, keep that in mind for future parties.

Well, love and hate... It's all passion.

Well, Mochacino seemed to like you. She let you into her apartment.

Well, our weissman scores are consistently high across all media,

Well, she was a nightmare.

Well, snap it off, we gotta go.

Well, sometimes we do center pivot,

Well, thanks for coming, everyone.

Well, that is before I just give up and go back to college.

Well, that is... That is great to hear.

Well, the thing is we agreed on a thousand.

Well, then I question your leadership.

Well, then, fine.

Well, there may be. I did have sexual intercourse with his wife.

Well, there will be after Richard gets rid of Big Head.

Well, they've got it now, man.

Well, uh, I might've made a breakthrough.

Well, uh, Pied Piper is compression and we all know that.

Well, um, just to remind you, you are not the co founder.

Well, we don't have any.

Well, we started off as a music app.

Well, we're just really excited to get going, Mr. Gregory.

Well, whatever it is your business does,

Well, why are you guys still coming in?

Well, yeah, you were.

Well, yeah. But this is for your phone.

Well, yeah. Like, not as good.

Well, you are not making this easier for me.

Well, you know, in your pamphlets it says that we are

Well, you told me you own ten percent of it,

Well.

Well... I hear that's good.

Well... well, go. I mean, go.

Were there gelatin shots?

Were you guys friends?

Western time zones of Arallon on work orders.

Wha... what... What's going on?

What a coincidence.

What a dick.

What a dick.

What about it? The website's up and running,

What about NipAlert?

What about, Dwarfism 2.0?

What app would do is use existing AvL technology, right?

What are we gonna do?

What are we, an Irish pornography company?

What are you doing down here?

What are you saying?

What are you talking about, this is lossless compression.

What can I do for you?

What did I buy?

What did you give up that money for? What is this company?

What do I do?

What do you do?

What do you get?

What do you mean, it's not Adderall? It's Adderall!

What do you say, please?

What does it do? Good question.

What does that mean? All tatted up and nowhere to go.

What exactly happened last night, from your side?

What guys?

What happened to the door?

What happened?

What happened? Did you fire Big Head?

What happened? How's it going at the hotel?

What happened? What happened? What happened?

What I'm asking about is the company itself.

What if Big Head is sort of like

What if I didn't sell?

What if Pied Piper was an app that could attract rodents?

What if she's spreading this lie to everyone at this conference?

What if there was an app called Pied Piper that could tell you,

What if we spell it...

What if we took Peter Gregory's 200k

What if we were to separate them, right?

What intern? You got interns?

What is happening? Is that Dinesh?

What is Hooli? Excellent question.

What is it your business does again?

What is that atrocity?

What is that? It's all just fucking meaningless words!

What is this file size?

What is this?

What kind of fucking idiot listens to what Gilfoyle has to say?

What metaphor to use to agree with each other.

What other percentages have you apportioned?

What the fuck am I doing?

What the fuck am I waiting for? See ya.

What the fuck are we doing here?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the good fuck?

What the hell are you eating?

What the hell does that mean?

What the hell were you thinking, Richard?

What they have is like Pied Piper, but not as good.

What was that, 17?

What we do, compression,

What were you thinking?

What you sold me was not actually Adderall.

What, like a "drink" drink?

What, me? Present? No.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? It was three years ago.

What? No, of course not.

What? No!

What? No... because it's nothing you need to worry about.

What? Oh. Whoa, whoa...

What? Those are the Pied Piper shirts!

What? Uh, Jared.

What? What does that mean? What's wrong with you, man?

What? What? She said I was obsessed?

What? Why? Why is he here?

What? Why... Why should I pay her?

What? Yeah, I... OK.

What?! Jesus Christ!

What... how'd you know I was here?

What... What's wrong with my car?

What... Why would you stab a plumber?

What's it called?

What's that supposed to mean?

What's that? I'm sorry,

What's the good part?

What's the... the red line?

What's up?

What's up?

What's weighing on you, Gavin?

Whatever shit you're about to dump on my head, you can save it, ok? I'm not in the mood.

Whatever the fuck the guy's name is who created Photrio.

When he took down the system by accident.

When I sold Aviato,

When I sold my company, Aviato,

When I was 14 writing machine code!

When in reality, he didn't even give a flying fuck!

When it was still just a music app.

When there's a fire lit under his ass.

When we didn't work out, none of us got reassigned.

When we had five months to do it. Now we have two?

When you said you'd guide us

When you were convincing me

Where is Jared?

Where length I creates a complimentary shaft angle.

Where not being assigned is the most shameful outcome.

Where the hell have you been?

Where the hell is Erlich?

Where the line is much shorter.

Where we can be in charge and build empires.

Where would I have gone? It's fucking pathetic.

Where you can find other men within 10 miles of you.

Where's Dwarfism 1.0?

Where's Richard? Why isn't he in here for this?

Where's that Jared guy? He was getting my refill.

Whether you're having a panic attack or an actual heart attack?

Which I apologize for not telling you about.

Which is a really rad way to pitch something.

Which is becoming super important,

Which is not something you'd generally reward with several points in what may some day be

Which may include the loss to Pied Piper

Which means Pied Piper is officially launched.

Which one? Which one? Which one?

Which one? Which one? Which one?

Which was crazy, by the way, dude, there must've been like 12 girls there.

Which, as you know, is the most flaming signaling risk on earth.

While residing in my Incubator,

While the Brazilian cicadas emerge every 17.

While we eat our food in the room where all of the computers are?

While you were busy minoring in gender studies

While you were in the bathroom. Make up your mind.

Who am I, Herb Cohen? [Chuckles]

Who ate my fucking quinoa again?

Who is it? What do they do?

Who is this?

Who murders children in a cave.

Who takes Adderall anymore.

Who the fuck cares?

Who was biologically younger than you are, and he's 58.

Who was the second woman you shook hands with?

Who was this woman that you shook hands with for the first time?

Who will actually have your back.

Who?

Who's Chevy Volt is that out front?

Who's that dude?

Who's that in reference to exactly?

Who's this guy? Watch. He is...

Who's we?

Whoa! Oh, jeez!

Whoa! You complete me!

Whoa.

Whoa. Hi. That's cool.

Whoa. What? What?

Whoa. What? Who? Who?

Whoa. Whoa, whoa! What is he doing here?

Whoa... Just trust in the system.

Whole thing's a scam, little scumbags.

Whoo. Yeah.

Why are you going that fast?

Why can't all those fucking VCs?

Why did I give you the name Pied Piper for next to nothing?

Why did Richard use a DCT filter bank?

Why did you do DRM? I said I would do DRM, you would do error handling.

Why did you do that?

Why did you say that was your address?

Why do we have to present at all?

Why do you keep your lips pressed so tight together when you're not talking?

Why do you need an app for that?

Why don't I have Peter's car take you home.

Why don't we run a Weissman test for verification, see where we went wrong.

Why don't you each take one story, right...

Why don't you grow a pair and I'll talk to her.

Why don't you shoot it over to us and we'll give it a look.

Why is it that every time I'm about to have sex with a lady...

Why Tara might be in to you more than me.

Why won't you answer your phone?

Why would Gavin have anything to do with this?

Why would he announce it so far ahead of the actual rollout?

Why would he enter Pied Piper in TechCrunch Disrupt?

Why would he let Richard do this? It makes no sense.

Why would I be offended by that?

Why would we enter a start up competition at a tech conference?

Why would you do this? You don't ever do this!

Why, have you not gone since you've been here?

Why, yes. Yes, I do.

Why?

Why? Because it's safe.

Why? Because they work.

Why... why were you so mean to him?

Will you help me?

Will you please tell us what the hell is going on?

With a 1.3 chip and only two gigs of RAM?

With a confidence and poise that, well,

With an airtight business plan,

With big tits and small nipples.

With bike meetings and voluntary retreats

With boners in our pants...

With higher order functions that will run on anything.

With Lorne Michaels and Kanye West until next week

With microwaves, is that right?

With some theistic tendencies.

With the data replication in the persistence layer.

With top pay and vested stock options.

With which all of us are undoubtedly already familiar?

Without any approval?

Without degradation, at this standard? Three eight?

Without having blown our wad in the prelims.

Won't be long.

Working at BofA? I thought you hacked in.

Would mean fewer of those, because we'd save a lot of memory space.

Would think you're more attractive than I am?

Would you be interested in a device

Would you be interested in a device that links to your smartphone

Would you be very interested, somewhat interested or not interested?

Would you come in here for a second?

Wow, Pied Piper sounds like a great place to work.

Wow, that doesn't sound at all downgraded.

Wow. Really?

Wow. This took a lot of work.

Wylie Dufresne made it.

Y'all put your hands together for my brother!

Y'all ready to get crazy?

Yeah, agreed.

Yeah, all good. They let me go.

Yeah, all the edge modules are humming.

Yeah, and he's one of the best coders we have.

Yeah, basically, it's a sound check for the competition.

Yeah, because I'm the genius marketer.

Yeah, but he's a know it all. I don't think there's room in here for him.

Yeah, but I drove.

Yeah, but you don't want stock in our company.

Yeah, cool. [Chuckles]

Yeah, drink it up.

Yeah, even if he's jerking two at a time, there are, what, 800 guys in that room?

Yeah, every party in Silicon Valley ends up like a hasidic wedding.

Yeah, freaked me out too, at first.

Yeah, Gilfoyle just told me, to my face.

Yeah, he does shit that no one else in the house can do.

Yeah, he is a great guy. Not like that Jared.

Yeah, he is, but you're not. You're ****stani.

Yeah, he is. One of many.

Yeah, how the fuck do you think I do that? Adderall.

Yeah, I agree with Richard, you should come work for us.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I don't pay for it. So...

Yeah, I don't think we can use that name anymore.

Yeah, I don't want to be there when you do that.

Yeah, I don't... I don't know what I was thinking.

Yeah, I get it, Richard. You changed a lot.

Yeah, I heard that. You guys live in my Incubator

Yeah, I know what binary is.

Yeah, I mean, she's attractive,

Yeah, I think I've seen that written around.

Yeah, I think it is.

Yeah, I think we got a dead zone, an audio dead zone right here.

Yeah, I'm coming. Slow...

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah, it does feel uncomfortable.

Yeah, just fyi, if you're ever gonna shoot yourself,

Yeah, maybe I'm not getting a... No, I'm getting a signal.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah, no shit.

Yeah, no, just imagine if you were.

Yeah, no. That's clear.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, ok.

Yeah, ok. Um, I know this isn't the best thing to say

Yeah, one question.

Yeah, remember? You need to be an asshole.

Yeah, she did.

Yeah, she is.

Yeah, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me.

Yeah, so my mom was like, Wow, really?

Yeah, that sounds great.

Yeah, that's us.

Yeah, that's what I just said.

Yeah, that's why he's a billionaire. 'Cause he knows how and when to be an asshole.

Yeah, that's...

Yeah, the database layers, the application layers,

Yeah, the obsessed guy.

Yeah, they're assholes.

Yeah, this it. Here. Pied Piper.

Yeah, those words mean nothing.

Yeah, uh, people refer to me as The Carver,

Yeah, um, we may have a little problem there.

Yeah, we're gonna win even if I have to go into the auditorium and personally jerk off

Yeah, working for the most innovative company in the world,

Yeah, yeah, of course. Um...

Yeah, you know, just a few.

Yeah, you're like an artist. An entrepreneur.

Yeah, your algorithm is solid. It's a really good schema.

Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Holy...

Yeah. I actually have some... some water, uh, cooking, I think.

Yeah. I am.

Yeah. I should probably get back to work, anyway.

Yeah. It'd be a real dickhead move to bail on Richard now, right?

Yeah. Maybe for you.

Yeah. Point of fact is, he's ****stani.

Yeah. We all got acquired by Hooli,

Yeah. We should probably write some of it down.

Yeah. Well, look. I gotta be honest,

Yeah. Yeah, he's Latino.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah. Yeah, ok.

Yeah. Yeah, that's fair.

Yeah. You don't have to ask permission to do that.

Yeah. You gotta find an outsider you trust. Like your mom.

Yeah. You know what?

Yeah. You know what?

Yeah. You know, a while back,

Yep, just a couple of non dickheads.

Yep, yeah.

Yep.

Yep. All good. Be there in a jiffy.

Yes, and I need you to do all the talking.

Yes, and public executions are very popular.

Yes, but where he come from?

Yes, he is. We're going to call him up on the TeleHuman.

Yes, I am.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I mind.

Yes, it does.

Yes, let's all keep moving. Let's move on from this.

Yes, Richard, for the cloud, to deploy the cloud.

Yes, she is.

Yes, this is Richard from the company

Yes, we are totally fucked.

Yes, you do.

Yes?

Yes? Happy?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. I eat the fish.

Yes. I mean, um,

Yes. It's an old photograph.

Yes. It's clear, we all test out.

Yes. So you felt this wouldn't look as bad.

Yes. The camaraderie is quite apparent.

Yes. Unless they're completely fucked up.

Yes. Who's we?

Yes. Yes.

Yes...

Yes... [Chuckles]

Yes... yep.

Yet you're giving this man...

Yikes.

Yo, Erlich!

Yo, yo, get that camera out my face.

You can have the name for a thousand dollars.

You can kill a man for entering your house without permission.

You can't leave the fish head and guts and shit in the sink.

You clearly have a great understanding of humanity.

You could just give me some of your points.

You didn't say shit about any business plan before today.

You do realize we quit working on our own apps to work for you, right?

You doing OK there?

You don't have to have an awkward conversation.

You don't know the half of it.

You don't put someone inside the company on the board.

You don't sound that impressed.

You don't think it's too incendiary for the offices?

You dumb piece of shit. Get the fuck out of here.

You fucking piece of shit t t t...

You fucking prick!

You give your loyalty to somebody...

You go on dates with failures? (AWKWARD CHUCKLE)

You guys taking it all in?

You guys want to walk to Arby's,

You guys, we can't change our name.

You have any weapons or drugs on your person at this time?

You have to download your own media player?

You have to have a boat guy.

You have to talk to Jared about that.

You have until I fasten the seat belt in my car.

You have until tomorrow to decide.

You have world class showman standing right in front of you

You hear that?

You just brought piss to a shit fight, you little cunt!

You just disappeared up your own asshole.

You just don't know cloud,

You just point it at anybody, tells you who they are

You just skull fucked my whole system.

You just went down.

You keep telling people I'm obsessed with you.

You kind of have a... Like a king ish feeling to you.

You know he wanted stock options until he saw Dinesh?

You know how sea turtles have a shit ton of babies

You know I wrote that code, right?

You know me well.

You know smiler is also something that guys call women's assholes.

You know this is a fucking domestic?

You know what I mean?

You know what I'm saying?

You know what my nickname was when I was a kid?

You know what you're going to say? You want to run it by me?

You know what, I'm really gonna go for this motherfucker

You know what, keep it open.

You know what? Fuck it! You offering me a position

You know what? Just get away from the door, please.

You know what? Uh...

You know where it is?

You know who else thought my price was too high? Bitraptor.

You know, a few days ago, when we were sitting down with Barak Obama,

You know, because we make things smaller,

You know, half of his face.

You know, Hitler actually played the bassoon.

You know, I actually have to...

You know, I almost forgot.

You know, I always knew I was missing something

You know, I don't actually have a ton of dance music

You know, I don't really speak all that Wall Street bullshit.

You know, I half jokingly said to Gilfoyle last night.

You know, I just want to...

You know, I turned down ten million dollars to build this thing.

You know, I wish this was Roman times. You know?

You know, I'm not gonna take the bait here.

You know, if a guy's dick was long enough,

You know, if he's gone, like, really truly gone,

You know, if I wanted to be a sell out I'd have done that already.

You know, JPEGs, MPEGs, MP3s, zips, all that stuff.

You know, lay out your vision in broad strokes.

You know, like Steve.

You know, like the fairy tale?

You know, Richard, the irony is that if you had taken the ten million,

You know, that was really sweet of you to be so concerned about Dan.

You know, that way I figured no one would really notice.

You know, the divorce nearly killed Dan.

You know, working here forever.

You know, you seem confused by this but for a different reason than I am.

You know. I'm Kevin.

You know. You've got a contract. And I've got a contract. We all have contracts.

You look like someone starved a virgin to death.

You look nothing like him.

You look ridiculous.

You look super fucked up to be honest.

You look well. Are you exercising?

You may have prepared?

You may take it.

You mean buying that island in the Pacific?

You must drink a lot of margaritas huh?

You need to completely change who you are, Richard.

You need to drag this little shit stain...

You never shoulda said no to my man, Gavin Belson.

You OK over there? You have any questions...?

You pack a lot of guys in here.

You played me.

You promised this guy ten thousand dollars

You read Recode?

You ready?

You really embarrassed me in there.

You really saved my ass even after I was such a dick to you.

You really think that you can come between me and Richard Hendricks?

You really want to just turn it all over to Hooli and walk away?

You said he had paintings in galleries.

You said it was a shitty idea.

You said you could code for 48 hours straight. That's like your thing.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

You see that guy? That's Chuy Ramirez.

You see this guy? This billionaire here?

You see what he's doing, right?

You see? You see, you guys are arguing over

You should get another tattoo that says, this side up on it.

You should have taken that ten million dollars from Gavin Belson, OK?

You should know that I've turned him down.

You should really pursue it!

You smoke weed?

You son of a bitch!

You still working on that last one?

You think Gittawonk's tech is stronger than ours?

You think he had any real world business experience? No. None.

You think those guys over at Nucleus are hiring

You think?

You turned down ten million dollars

You use the name Pied Piper again, I'm going to call my lawyer

You wanna smoke weed?

You want me to get a water or something?

You want me to hold your hand and help you out?

You want the name, it's going to cost you 250 grand.

You want to build something

You want to heat people

You want vision, I will show you fucking vision.

You wear this on your finger all day and it tracks your vitals.

You went back?

You will no longer receive any Nucleus related communications,

You would just type in whatever section of the parking lot you were in,

You would, right? Ok, that's great news.

You, me, Dinesh, Big Head, us.

You?

You'd be kicking back with a ton of money right now and I'd still be working.

You'd like to fuck my code, wouldn't you?

You'll burn through the rest of your runway,

You'll fit right in here.

You'll need, too, it when this town kicks you in the balls.

You're all right with me saying no to a deal

You're being a complete tool right now.

You're Canadian?

You're essential to the booth.

You're getting a private show.

You're going to have to grow a business, hire a staff,

You're gonna do what, bitch? Call the cops on me?

You're gonna need to paint over this.

You're infringing on any copyrighted material.

You're kind of breaking up there.

You're kind of doing that lip thing again there, buddy.

You're like a... Like a Norse hero from Valhalla.

You're like me, Richard.

You're my Wozniak.

You're not going to believe what it turns into from here.

You're not gonna be a board member.

You're not gonna believe this, but this is me.

You're not showing up at all.

You're one of Peter's compression plays, huh?

You're probably right, she just wanted to fuck a danish.

You're right once again.

You're right. I'm not.

You're saying that every woman in the entire world

You're the one being racist.

You're the only one of Peter's companies

You're up.

You've got to deliver.

You've got to network. That's why I brought you here.

You've gotta wait until your contracts are up.

You've heard the phrase, "Time to pay the piper," right?

Your borders are merely a construct.

Your mom?

Your point being?

Your ride's here.

Your whole life you've been an ugly chick

Yup, another day inside the Gavin Belson cult compound.

Yup, OK, I...

1.2 megabytes? No way.

2.89.

3D video's still a little hinky.

4,126 miles.

103 hours to destination. Entering sleep mode.

200 thousand.

Do you have any wind machines.

Yo, yo, party people,

(CROWD APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) (SHAKIRA) Hola, TechCrunch!

(CROWD GASPING) What the fuck?

(DINESH) Has he lost his mind? (GILFOYLE) He's lost his fucking mind.

(DINESH) What? Here they are.

(ERLICH) A fucking 3D file? Yes.

(ERLICH) Can we handle this? (RICHARD) I guess we'll find out.

(GILFOYLE) Who let you go? When was the last time you slept, Jared?

(MUSIC CONTINUES) (MUFFLED CHATTER)

(RICHARD) Uh, technically, no. (SNORING)

[Both chuckling] I kinda suck.

[Both exhale] Unless you need more?

[Chuckles] Pussies, man.

[Dinesh] Gilfoyle, Gilfoyle. Jing Yang. Jing Yang. Jing Yang.

[Knocking on door] Holy shit.

[Mochacino] Mm hmm. It's all here.

[Mochacino] Stop. [Yells] Doug! Oh, boy.

[Pop music playing] [Chatter]

[Sighs] Thanks for coming in, guys.

A lady who was a post... Let me ask you another question.

A thousand times, yes! He's doin' it!

A what? It makes files smaller.

About...? You.

Actually, we'd... I'd love some. Thank you so much.

All right, I'm gonna go have a shower. Mm hm.

All right, I'm running. Mm hm. Keep running!

All right. All right.

All right. See you at the hotel. See you.

And now he's blind. He's blind?

And we are so close. I mean, he is standing right there.

Another one down. Did you really?

Arallon? Yeah, the island Peter's building.

Are you available now. Ok.

Are you fucking kidding me? Goddammit.

Are you high? A little bit, yeah.

Are you ok? Look, I don't want to waste your time.

Are you Richard? Yeah. Yes.

Ashley's getting big! Aw.

at TechCrunch Disrupt. Uh, no thank you.

Aw, Ricky, man. Ricky. Ricky, come back.

Because I... I own ten percent. I know.

Because I'll support you... No. I don't. At all.

Bike safe. Yeah, enjoy it.

Both of them. Right there. Mmm. Mm.

Broad strokes... For the vision of the... Uh huh.

but as you can see here... I'm sorry. You scored a 3.8?

But he's a great guy. Great guy. But useless.

but I hope it works. (RICHARD) Me, too.

But I'm not a dickhead. No. Neither am I.

But they may refuse... Ok. No, no, no. I'll negotiate with them.

But... Oh, hey, Ron!

Can we please both go? You go first.

Can you deliver? Absolutely.

Can you hear me? Hello?

Can you hear me? Yeah, it's just...

Come on, Mr... Ok, ok. Get the camera out my face!

Constantly. OK.

Did what? I did it again.

Do you have something? I've got a file for him.

Do you understand? Yes.

Doing ok? Yes, much better.

Don't be a dick. Mushroom stamp!

Don't! Oh, shi...

Donald. I'm Donald. Richard. Richard...

Dude, no. No, you are.

Dude, sounds amazing. Yeah.

Dude, you are fucked up right now. Yeah, you're pinning bad.

Due? [Sighs]

Erlich. I may have been wrong

Evan? Sixty eight million dollars.

Everybody's been doing it. Gilfoyle did this?

Exactly! See? You get it. Yeah. I get it.

except for Pied Pier right now. Yeah, I know.

Five point two? How, how...? Wait, what?

For five percent. Huh?

From the despair... I just figured it out. It all makes sense.

Fuck this. No, no, no, no.

Fuck! Fuck! [Audious] Invalid command.

Fuck. Fuck. Kevin?

Fucking billionaires. Arnold? Arnold, hello?

Game. Game, yes! That's it.

Gentlemen! Hey!

Get me five Adderall, right now! OK! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Gilfoyle. See, I knew it bothered you.

Gilfoyle. Gilfoyle. My name is Richard.

Goodbye now. OK.

Hail Satan. Hail Satan, it is...

He just deleted everything. Maybe he moved it to the cloud?

He spent two hundred thousand dollars just to... Yeah, that's nothing!

He wants to join the company. Of course he does, Richard.

He's a Satanist, so it's good. Mm hmm.

He's my best friend. That's true.

Hello again. Oh, hi.

Hello? What's up, Richie Rich?

Hello. [Woman] Is this Pied Piper?

Hello. Hello ooo.

Hello. Hi.

Here you go. Thanks, man.

Hey, babe? Hmm.

Hey! Monica!

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hi.

Hey. Mushroom stamp!

Hey... suitcase. Yeah. Yeah.

Hi. Tara, this is the fellas:

Hi. Tara.

Hi. What's up, guys?

Hi. Deposit? Mmm hmm.

Hm? Um...

Hold on, what? Don't be offended,

Holy shit. I own 10 percent of Pied Piper.

Holy shit. Nuts.

Holy shit. Yeah.

Hooked on OxyContin? Decomposing?

How awesome is that? Uh... yeah, that's awesome.

How does that sound? I think that's...

Huh. Oh, my God.

I believe in you... No, no, I literally have no vision.

I can do it myself. All right.

I can solve it. Richard, you're a fucking rock star, OK?

I didn't. And why not?

I don't know who that is. Neither do I.

I don't... [Doorbell rings]

I drove all the way out here. To come to kick my ass!

I fucked his new wife, too. What?

I get it. You catch on slow.

I mean... Yes.

I will definitely find out. Please do.

I'll be back in a flash. Whoa, no. What?

I'll break this... I can't hear you.

I'm a great negotiator, Dinesh. You're a terrible negotiator.

I'm good. Fuck off, we're working.

I've been stuck on it for over a week. Wow.

Is this... I have no idea what you're saying, Nelson.

It appears we've lost him. Yeah.

It compresses the data overall... Yeah, I...

It looks like Smeller. Ok.

It's a really fun job. Plus, Yeah.

It's Erlich. It's great to finally meet you guys.

It's sort of fading. Hel l l lo?

Jamie, you don't... Well, you've helped me so much,

Jared, Jared. Richard, Richard.

Jared? Really? Yeah. He's your partner, right?

Jared. I'm Jared. Richard, Richard, Richard.

Just shush. [Knocking continues]

Just something to do. Come back in 48 hours

Kind of break you can...? Hm mm.

Let me give you a ride home. Good to see you again.

Let me help you. Don't touch!

Let's go now! No. I'm pivoting! I'm pivoting!

Like a snack dick. It does. No, it's... it's Pied Pipe...

like in Pride Fighting. Uh... I can check.

Like two Shake Weights? Yeah, so what we're trying to do,

Like yin and yan? No. Like yin and yang.

Look at this part. I'm asking this fat,

Look, Richard... No.

Making the world a better place. He's been in there all night.

Making the world a better place. Sir?

Mmm. But it's going to be amazing.

Mr. Gregory, this is ridiculous. Sir...

Multiple potential streams of income. Sure.

Music? I want you to hit me with a spotlight, bam!

My vision? Exactly.

Never mind, Kate, I'm fine. ...because he's sick

Nice. Thank you so much.

No idea. Y'all ready to take this party

No, you're not. I'm not? Why not?

No, you're not. Way better looking.

No! No! No! Please!

No? What?

No. No?

No. We are punk rock.

No. Actually... So if you'll just let me come in,

Obsessed. Richard, I don't care.

Of Pied Piper... I know!

Oh wait Monica. It just... Hi, Peter.

Oh yeah, you've gotta have a boat guy... if you have a boat.

Oh yeah. Oh, dog.

Oh, fuck you. No, think about it.

Oh, fuck. [Car horn honks]

Oh, fun. The point is, we love our company,

Oh, good. Hey. So what do you guys think, man?

Oh, great. Really impressed.

Oh, hey, man. Forgot my water bottle.

Oh, hi. Hi, Big Head. Hey.

Oh, I didn't mean to... You know, in the state of California

Oh, no. Uh...

Oh, no. We don't... We don't do that. Oh, no!

Oh, ok. Fuck you. No. Seriously.

Oh, she's here. Mmm.

Oh, through work. Mm hmm.

Oh, you already checked us into the hotel? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, you told them too? What the fuck?

Oh. He invited you to his toga party, right?

Oh. That's prejudice.

Oh... From the middle out. That does make sense.

Oh... You guys, company photo time

Ok, you got a deal. All right. Cool.

OK? OK.

OK. It's a 132 gigabytes un compressed,

OK. Literally, hundreds of people here.

Ok. Oh.

Ok. Come on in, guys. Um, I'm going to stay here, I think.

Ok. Sure. Let me get the door for you.

one million dollars. Mmm.

Ooh... So I'm funded!

or a heart attack? Yeah, yeah.

Ow. Uhh, well, we have a lot of work to get done

People seem to like it. Yeah, it's ok.

People will see that. Not if they get to market before us.

Perfect. Perfect.

Pied Piper, you're up. Let's do it.

Pied Piper. You're on. This is it!

Pied Piper's here. Sorry we're late.

Pied Piper's mission... Hey, guys.

Pied wiper. Wide diaper.

Pleasure to meet you. All right.

Pretty good. Hey, guys...

Really soon. Oh wow. I appreciate that, guys.

Really? Fill him in, Jared.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yes.

Richard, I'm gonna go now. No, I'm not obsessed with you, Sherry!

Richard, why don't you just take a step back... It's not true...

Richard... Oh, my God.

Right on time. Hey. You're the lawyer?

Right. I mean pretty soon, you could be managing

Say any other address. I don't know.

Sergey Brin does. [Chuckles] Larry doesn't do shit. See?

Shake on it. It's a deal.

Should I call 911? No, that's a pussy move.

So maybe we should do that instead, please. Dude, relax, OK?

So pony up. No.

So this is a rap concert? Yep.

So we're all good? We're all great.

So what are you going to say? Fuck, I don't know.

Solo. Mm hmm.

Sorry about the throw. Bursitis. Yeah.

Stop. I don't think I'm the one...

Sure. I have a car.

Sure. Yes. Ok, we'll be here.

Text? Audio? Video? Yes, that is correct.

Thank God! Praise the dark lord, that's great news.

Thank you. I just spoke with Peter.

Thank you. Sorry. Ok.

Thanks, Gilfoyle. Yeah.

Thanks. Thanks.

That sounded sub optimal. Yeah, it was.

That's accurate. Wait, are you Richard?

That's fine. So here's the thing.

That's hurtful. I'm sorry.

That's Nike, man. I know that's nike.

The bloated administrators. You are a dangerous man,

The Dark Lord. Of course, The Dark Lord.

the guys back at the house. Guys?

The new wife. Last night or this morning?

The train is this way... I just... Oh. I was gonna say.

The what? Mean jerk time.

There's no errors, look! (COMPUTER BEEPS)

This is weird. [Chuckles] I know, right? It's...

to a variety... One thing you should know about

to be on the Pied Piper board of directors. Yes!

To Pied Piper. Hmm? To Pied Piper.

to see if I can defend our cap table. Ok.

Uh, excuse me, no thank you. ...a free video of you

Uh, I think you may have the wrong number... Richie.

Uh, many common interests. Yeah.

Uh, nobody. He's a coder. You got a Latino working for you?

Uh, really? Yeah.

Uh, what was that? What?

Uh, which I know means... Richard.

Uh, yeah. Appreciate it. All right, man.

Uh, you... Run!

Uh... Very, very huge.

Uh... What the fuck is that?

Uh... bye. OK. Bye. (CHUCKLES)

Um, you know. Pull your head out of your ass, Richard.

Understood. Yeah.

Underwear? Pussy. Yeah. I'm with him.

Vikings? How are you feeling?

Wait, what is that? That's impossible.

Wait, what rumor? Thank you.

Was that racist? Why are you asking me?

we arrived at the conference. Which elevators?

We honestly don't. Come on.

We met outside the TED... Yeah, I remember you.

We need someone in the booth is the thing. Right.

We shook on it. Two thousand. Final offer.

We should try to get in. I dropped out of college.

We spoke on the phone? What's up, man?

We'll be fine. What?

Well done. Yeah.

Well, that's an expensive boner. Not a boner.

What an asshole. Yeah. What an asshole.

What do we got? (MAN) Does anyone have anything?

What the fuck!? Shit.

What time's the meeting? Right now.

what to do with. Yeah.

What? A woman that was a man?

What? No, no, I wasn't.

What? No, no. We don't have either of those things.

What? ****stani Denzel.

What? Um, Richard...

What? Why would I be offended

What? Yeah. For revenge. Because you took Jared.

What? Yeah. You know Dave Cho?

What? No! Enjoy your ride.

What? No. because he's nervous or when he's vomiting

What... No... What's it gonna take, a blow job?

What's happening? Gentlemen, I present to you...

What's your excuse? I didn't even shake

Where are you? You've been doing this ever since

Where's Erlich? He's outside with the intern.

Which one? Jobs.

Who? Herb Cohen.

Who's watching the booth? Yeah.

Whoa. Um... Hey, buddy. Do you have any drugs?

Why did you do that? Uh, OK.

Why don't we just Hooli Chat instead? Yeah.

Wow. [Phone ringing]

Wow. And a boat guy to take care of it.

Wow. That could have been us.

Yeah, drink this. Here.

Yeah, I handle errors like you every day. Scrum?

Yeah, I went to a lot... See this guitar?

Yeah, it is. It's really good, huh?

Yeah, it's a pussy move. Shhh.

Yeah, so you guys are fucked, huh? No. No, we're not fucked.

Yeah. Am I early?

Yeah. I did DRM.

Yeah. Uh...

Yeah. You're going to have more

Yeah. Unassigned. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Total dickhead move. Yeah. Yeah.

Yep. Do you need parking validation?

Yes, one of those too. All right.

Yes, scrum. Scrum.

Yes? We need money. Now.

Yes. Goddamn it!

Yikes. Right.

Yin? Yeah.

You bought the algorithm, which... No.

You damn right I do. Put a hundred on there for yourself, Mocha.

You do, Richard. Whatever.

you forgot to... I didn't set it up.

You know that? You did. Well, technically...

You like Flo Rida? Should be fun.

You realize what's going on, right? Uh...

You said you were in love with her mind. Oh fuck.

You... Love it.

You're a friend of Dan's? Yeah.

You're being a dick. There you go. Show that to your mom.

You're cutting him in? Um...

You're funny! Oh.

You're making up! What else could I do, Richard?

Yuck. Yeah. Gross. Ugh.

...Nelson. Nelson.

'Cause I know how long it would take me.

'Cause it's binary. You know, binary is just ones and zeroes.

'Cause they're like white.

'cause you fucked my wife, you cocksuck.

'Cause you might wanna come see this.

(APPLAUSE)

(APPLAUSE)

(APPLAUSE)

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) I was just happy you got punched in the face, Erlich,

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

(CROWD MURMURING)

(DINESH) I don't know what you did, Richard,

(DOOR LOCK CLICKING)

(DOOR OPENS)

(ERLICH) Dammit, I hope this works.

(ERLICH) Hmm. You don't think he'd...

(ERLICH) Really, so everything is working?

(ERLICH) Richard?

(GAVIN) And now, for the moment of truth.

(GILFOYLE) I don't understand. I thought he made the platform better.

(GILFOYLE) So D2F sub 1 needs to equal D2F sub 2,

(GILFOYLE) Wait, 24 gigs? What happened?

(GILFOYLE) Wait, it compressed the whole file?

(HOUSE MUSIC BLARES)

(INDISTINCT YELLING)

(MAN ON PA) Ladies and gentlemen, Gavin Belson.

(RAPID TAPPING ON KEYBOARD)

(RICHARD) Jesus!

(SCREAMS)

(SIGHS)

[Alarm blaring]

[Arnold] No, no, no!

[Arnold] So this is Pied Piper?

[Audious] Cueing, John Wayne in a mansion. Not found.

[Beeping]

[Big Head] I didn't even know you were coming.

[Big Head] Yeah, dude, Gavin wants to beat you to market.

[Both mumble]

[Cell phone beeps]

[Chuckles] Evan was kind enough to go out and get breakfast.

[Chuckles] What a dick.

[Chuckles] You remind me of my son.

[Dinesh] What about mine imize, like minimize but mine.

[Dinesh] What an asshole.

[Door opens]

[Door opens]

[Erlich] No, no, I am.

[Exhales deeply]

[Exhales] Hey.

[Exhales] That is not good.

[Gavin] The greatness of human accomplishment has always been measured by size.

[Gilfoyle] I did just walk into this country.

[Grunts]

[Gulps] Well, I need to return this machine

[Hip hop music plays]

[Hip hop music plays]

[Inhales and exhales deeply]

[intro music plays]

[Jared clears throat]

[Jared] Hey, Dinesh. Dinesh.

[Jared] Interesting.

[Jared] Yeah. [Chuckles]

[Knocking on door]

[Laughs nervously]

[Light rock music playing]

[Line ringing]

[Man's voice echoing] Good bye.

[Moaning] Gooooogle!

[Moaning] Huuuuuulu!

[Moaning] Uuuuber!

[Monica] Well, thanks for coming in, guys.

[Phone rings]

[Phone rings]

[Phone rings]

[Richard whispering] He's here, that's him.

[Richard] No.

[Richard] Wait, wait, are you sure about this?

[Scoffs] At least we can all agree on that.

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs] Can I see your cap table, investment deck,

[Sighs] Great. Great.

[Sighs] Look, that's not the deal.

[Slurps]

[Sniffs, clears throat]

[Speaks foreign language]

[Stammering] I don't know.

[Stammering] I'm actually kind of worried about him.

[Stutters] I did?

[Techno music playing]

[Whispers] I know that.

♪ (GREEN DAY: "MINORITY") ♪

♪ (SHAKIRA: "HIPS DON'T LIE") ♪

$4500 a month... With five people.