Silicon Valley - Season 2 Edit

A boyfriend?

A Christian oriented riff on dog sharing.

A complaint from the neighbor

A conflicting version of that to anyone...

A couple of weeks back, I went on a few interviews, okay?

A decision I do not take lightly.

A few days ago, i came in here, i did some things

A friend, your parents,

A fucking car whose doors open like this.

A function so game changing,

A functioning beta in time for CES

A gallery opening in Hunter's Point.

A girlfriend.

A home that happens to be the world headquarters of a company

A home... run!

A homeless guy in the coffee shop

A huge kickstarter party.

A lot less, actually.

A lot.

A man's dildo.

A McLaren 650S Spider.

A misstep of that magnitude, there's no excuse.

A moment where all the metrics and the numbers

A moonshot is an idea so big, so bold,

A pioneer in robotics

A porn company or something?

A positive step,

A protracted and time consuming ordeal.

A really joyful person with mental disabilities.

A second chance.

A seemingly endless string

A spoon?

A tension I will forever regret.

A valid employment agreement with Hooli.

A very competitive offer, but for numerous reasons,

A weird thing to have always wanted to do.

A weird vibe with you and Double A.

A young start up with an ip lawsuit hanging over its head?

Aaron Anderson wasn't very well liked in college.

About how it can lead to, uh, bed wetting.

About Pied Piper's

About shaving yoctoseconds off latency

About the Muir Woods. I need to get in there.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. We live in a society.

Absolutely. Your jobs are not at risk.

According to Google Translate,

According to security, he entered the building at 9:13.

Accordingly, on the count of wrongful solicitation,

Across new device platforms like Oculus and iWhack

Across state lines for sexual purposes?

Acting like a fucking moron.

Actually, 5.2.

Actually, I was pretty worried

Actually, it's just half a word.

Actually, our policy guarantees anonymity,

Actually, the Medici were Da Vinci's patrons.

Actually, uh, yeah. I think it would.

Actually, um, in all honesty,

Actually, with all the new servers I have running,

Actually, you're not being offered employment at Hooli.

Adult content has driven more

After all, this valley is the place Peter himself helped build.

After giving them our idea,

Again, I am not good at quoting in context.

Again, I have to stress that what the monkey chooses

Again, no. Nothing

Again, thank you for the compliment.

Again?

Against the leaders of our industry.

Ah, gentlemen! And lady.

Ah, that lawsuit we know to be frivolous.

Ah! Fuck. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Ah. What's that smell?

Ahh, don't.

AKA Jared, AKA O.J., apparently.

All I care about is that Nucleus is better than Pied Piper.

All of a sudden, I'm 22 years young and I'm worth 1.2B.

All of our new coders quit.

All of that.

All of them were started in unzoned garages.

All of them?

All of them.

All of them... Rackspace, Softlayer, Amazon.

All of us, because this is good.

All of us, to truly make the world a better place.

All of... All of us or just...

All right then. Here we go.

All right, fellas, what are we doing here?

All right, hit it hard, boys.

All right, I am unclipped.

All right, I got the crimper and some heat shrink.

All right, I got to clean out my shit box.

All right, I just wrote a mod of DBAN.

All right, I'll show you out.

All right, I'm gonna start compiling varnish to cache the manifest.

All right, I've got a good feeling about this one.

All right, Jian Yang, don't talk to anybody else.

All right, less than a minute to go, people.

All right, Richard.

All right, shut it down. Meeting over. We're out of here.

All right, this is gonna be a long two days,

All right, this one's ready to go out to the truck.

All right, uh, is there anything else we need to cover?

All right?

All right? Where people smoke all the time.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. As long as God isn't involved and there's beer.

All right. Well, Double A, I'll see you soon.

All thanks to Dinesh's garbage code.

All that money...

All the best companies... Apple, Google,

All the Raviga investors have the contractual right to cash out and walk away,

All the vcs turned on us.

All the way across the front yard.

All this hardware for $70,000?

All using only brainwaves.

All you have to do is show up and compress shit.

All: To Pied Piper.

Alleged but not proven.

Allen, Lisa, Josh, Yana, Katie.

Almost stole my girlfriend.

Aln, Lisa, Josh, Yana, Katie, Ramón.

Also I give you the one and only man

Also produces euphoria.

Also we would like to be open about the fact that pied piper

Also, if it's, if it's possible...

Also... I didn't see anything

Although I think he was hesitant after his disappointing initial return from Snapchat.

Although in that case, it was a positive,

Although, actually, this one is broken.

Although, there is the moral problem with letting him die.

Although, there's nothing small about Homicide, Double A.

Always blue! Always blue! Always blue!

Always in the last place you look.

Always tell me that... And tell yourself that.

Am I right? Cigarette company.

Am I right? Come on, shots.

Am I right? You know I'm right.

Am I threatening you?

Amazon has lost money every

Amount of people we can afford to hire for them?

Amyl nitrate, also known as poppers, at the time of my arrest?

An app that helps parents find the least crowded playgrounds.

An aura that if carefully managed by someone

An indictment of the technology itself.

And a certain someone

And a fucking stream of endless obstacles.

And a no kill animal shelter with Gavin Belson, right?

And accidentally sketched out our key components

And after Digg as well, for that matter.

And all he kept sending me were these photos

And all of a sudden, i'm bros with all kinds of people,

And also that other guy, Bannerchek?

And ammunition in a blast cellar.

And another hat.

And AOL gobbles us up.

And apparently it did.

And argue our whole lawsuit in just two days, and then we're done.

And as soon as we get our office space, we'll be out of your way.

And as such, Mr. Bighetti's grotesque creation

And ask for $250 million to buy you out.

And asked for less than what they offered that first round?

And at no time did you ever use Hooli equipment

And award the contract to whoever does a better job.

And bam!

And based on their recent investment patterns,

And be vulnerable and to apologize.

And beat one of the largest tech companies in the world,

And because I believe we didn't believe in you enough before

And bring me a proposal that turns the entire operation

And build our own generator.

And Business.

And carry your own shit around in a bag?

And celebrate. I certainly did.

And come back in with a little more?

And compress Nucleus out of the marketplace.

And confirm that the cat is dead,

And cross the shit out of him?

And deliver the information with warmth and compassion.

And did it piss off anyone else?

And did you work on pied piper on hooli time

And die. So we should probably...

And do it quickly.

And do you think you could integrate it into our platform

And don't tell me if you lied

And Double A loves me. He'd definitely hook us up.

And dump the jam into the yogurt?

And eat bacteria off their teeth.

And even if Hooli ends up owning it,

And eventually become a publicly traded what?

And everything in here to turn to magma.

And Filipinos find this amusing?

And forces the competition to tap out.

And found it very sticky.

And founder of Somerville Dynamics,

And frankly, I'm not going to let you bully me into doing it.

And from there, it was Super 8 film...

And fuck you so hard, your front teeth...

And Galveston Capital Fund and Yountville Ventures called.

And get the fuck out of here.

And Gina is super hot.

And got more dough at a different gig.

And grow at a reasonable pace.

And guess where I placed the biggest one of all?

And had run off prior to Peter exiting his tent.

And hasn't done anything since then.

And have a higher quality than EndFrame

And he does get two board seats right off the bat.

And he doesn't own anything. This whole thing is a loan.

And he had weed and beer.

And he has almost two million followers.

And he hasn't responded to our calls or e mail.

And he shot Peter Gregory by accident?

And he wanted me to convey that to you.

And he was the only one that we all agree on.

And he went?

And he would forgive you, Lev, for your misunderstanding.

And he'll never know that for the rest of his life.

And he's bringing a big bag of pied piper.

And hired sales people instead,

And his elderly mother across the country

And his name is Blaine.

And his utilities will be included.

And how soon is that going to be?

And how will you be paying, sir?

And i am happy to say that is no longer the case.

And I can think of no more exciting a way

And I don't wanna be inflammatory,

And i get it today rather than in a month or two.

And I get my... third comma back...

And I guess, with you

And i had nothing to do with the decision.

And I have some minor cosmetic repairs to do before I show the house.

And I just don't know how I'm gonna convert...

And I just... I feel that...

And I kind of want to start doing what I want to do.

And I kinda feel bad for the guy.

And I know that if Peter were here with us today,

And I lied and said I was getting a Mercedes.

And I make that fuck pile of Intersite money.

And I need a few more guys to build out our APIs,

And I need to bring my dog to work.

And i need you to be totally straight with me

And I placed 15 of these babies between his house and his office.

And I resent being treated like I did.

And I think I hope

And I want you to know

And I was hoping I could call her Cunty while I'm here.

And I was hoping you might do the same for me.

And I was very clear.

And i watched you put your testes on this reclaimed

And I will rescind the offer.

And I wish I didn't have to do this Hooli thing,

And I'm going to tell him that we're taking Russ's money.

And I'm gonna shove you right up their assholes.

And I'm not gonna say who.

And I'm residing in a halfway house,

And I'm so glad you got him away from Pied Piper.

And I'm tired of getting slapped for it.

And I've got half an ass to go to some other company

And if I can't call Cunty Cunty,

And if you don't fund us,

And if you fail, this lunatic

And if you get definitive information back and it's bad,

And if you know one end of a Barrett 50 cal from the other,

And in exchange for bringing you to them,

And in january when we have it and we come to market,

And in two hours and 47 minutes...

And it did not like that.

And it happens.

And it is customary for you to politely refuse

And it is extremely strong.

And it makes me realize the importance of forgiveness,

And it sucks.

And it sure as hell better be Nucleus and not goddamn Pied Piper!

And it will never be enough.

And it would have been digitally searchable,

And it would not be inaccurate to say

And it's my final offer. Take it or leave it.

And it's not like they're on fucking DVD!

And it's really distracting.

And it's working flawlessly.

And knocked out all your front teeth

And land on this 15 story building here.

And lastly, I have big news.

And laurie said that i can still sit on the board,

And leave me the fuck out.

And less about the the product,

And lighting it on fire?

And look at all these redundancies.

And look,

And look, i probably shouldn't say this,

And make restitution to my victims' families.

And make them bigger?

And Man, come to think of it.

And my numbers were, objectively, the most favorable.

And neither am I.

And no one was doing it. No one.

And no one will ever be able to recover it.

And not a homeless shelter or schools?

And not disappointed in Snapchat.

And not vengeance and competition.

And now he keeps promoting me

And now he owns us.

And now he's welshing.

And now we're at risk of losing their round.

And now you're going to sit there

And now you've been promoted twice.

And now, like it or not, I'm a fucking black hat.

And of his own volition.

And on the unjust enrichment charge,

And one more thing... Monica votes for Raviga's board seat.

And one never parts, shouldn't one return the said gift?

And our packages include nice salaries, cash earn outs,

And pay you enough money to go away forever.

And per your arbitration agreement,

And please tell Gilfoyle I'm sorry for what I said,

And power means energy.

And push deals out the funnel fast enough to yield real cash anytime soon.

And put it on this new thing called The Internet.

And release publicity.

And Richard won't tell us. It's confidential.

And Richard, I'd understand if you took it.

And riddled with bugs, wasn't it?

And right as we're gaining traction,

And said some things that i should not have.

And say Pass adena,

And Seth is out there lurking. Just lurking in the darknet

And shove us right up their fucking assholes.

And since the negative of a negative is a positive,

And since this phone's OS is a stolen prototype

And SLA back and forth,

And so here you go.

And some of them might not be as amused as I am

And somebody said you were heading over to Hooli.

And sometimes I can take that out on other people.

And speaking to that, Ron Laflamme has got us a new litigator

And start a subscription revenue model.

And starting illegal businesses in our garages.

And stick it up into my rectum. That got me high, Richard,

And stroke his dick for a while.

And surely these impressive promotions

And take a lot of the credit for Nucleus.

And talk to you on the phone at the same time, so...

And te Jian Yang he better bring it.

And technically, I'm not passing on Dog Dammit.

And tell me why you've been lying to me.

And that being said, we are open

And that Bezos motherfucker is the king.

And that hasn't happened... Yet.

And that he can relax, too.

And that is bad, certainly.

And that is just the financial risk. There is also a legal risk.

And that is the point.

And that you are a cyborg?

And that's all of these one man firms have a key man clause.

And that's because of you.

And that's enough for my sales team.

And that's night sweats level.

And that's what your ramp's gonna look like?

And the cartons are made from locally sourced organic...

And the entire platform's obliterated.

And the foosball table.

And the height of valuation.

And the tenacity and maybe the insanity

And the Ultimate Fighting Championship

And the user's ISP picks up the whole tab.

And the whole system lit up. And...

And then acts like he doesn't even want us?

And then apologizing profusely.

And then Erlich coded and it gave me chills.

And then Gavin promoted me just to spite you.

And then he dies.

And then he'll go LARPing and mogging

And then I got back to you guys?

And then I looked at it with fresh eyes.

And then I said I would? Well, I'm not going to.

And then in the body, I'll write fun stuff,

And then she spreads it from her vagina to your penis.

And then taking their tech when they meet with you?

And then when he heard i worked at pied piper,

And then when you're really worth something,

And then while he's in the hospital,

And then...

And there is a political risk... For the firm,

And there's nothing we can do about it!

And they couldn't write a scathing review

And they don't care either.

And they end up making more money than us.

And they said that it's very unlikely

And they voted to remove me

And they're all denying us.

And they've decided to take down the cameras today.

And they've done months of hard work.

And this buy out sucks. I'll have nothing to do with it.

And this is all hosted at a data center

And this is it.

And this is the guy in the house doing all the fucking.

And this would make her single.

And those flames burn far hotter.

And thus avoid these self indulgent,

And time is of the essence.

And to be honest, I could probably throw you

And to him?

And to this office,

And today, I'm pleased to announce

And traditionally, you give a gift

And truth is... I'm actually doing okay.

And try to close quickly.

And two, this was a win for our software stack.

And until they do, you're frozen.

And until we get real office space,

And up onto the web.

And using WebRTC to carry the bulk of the load via p2p.

And very pissed off systems guy,

And was getting millions of hits.

And we are good to go.

And we are meeting him in an hour.

And we could put Patakian here.

And we didn't even do anything wrong.

And we don't have that kind of money just lying around.

And we don't have that.

And we have to stand up servers,

And we know that you're probably going to go with Peter Gregory,

And we need to pay our engineers.

And we should actually get started.

And we took time away from doing that

And we will win this...

And we won.

And we, at Raviga,

And we'll sidebar this.

And we're already a week behind.

And we're going to punt...

And we're going to put bro over the top.

And we're just two grand away. Come on, you can do it, come on.

And weakly say that you are not worthy.

And went directly to the feed without the UPS ready.

And went through the front door? So,

And what about me?

And what about the Hooli AIDS and Cancer Societies

And what exactly do you think you're building?

And what I find is,

And what I saw was an anti anti Semite.

And what I want to do is be a self centered,

And what you're looking at is really a testament

And when I'm typing, like, there's a delay.

And when Pied Piper is a big fucking deal,

And when we finalized our agreement, he described his erection to me.

And when you win this bake off,

And which two of the several lodged a complaint?

And who am I to stop it?

And who else felt this product is messed up?

And wood opal fund have all passed.

And yet raviga, coleman blair partners,

And yet... something was wrong.

And you are stamped Property of Hooli.

And you can't just make that stuff up.

And you clawed your way into a $15 million deal.

And you don't have to do jack shit.

And you gave me hope and you gave me a sense of self worth.

And you have my word that if it fails to be

And you heard what Monahan said in court yesterday.

And you just break it down into strengths,

And you know it.

And you know, as soon as you went with Russ, I blew them off.

And you know, the last time I saw him,

And you may have to work pretty hard,

And you need to do that live stream.

And you think you're the cool one?

And you wanna sue EndFrame?

And you were very helpful.

And you will be irrelevant.

And you'll get smoked as bad as I did.

And you're dumb enough to leave your login info

And you're going to watch me do the same goddamn thing to you.

And you're gonna hear it eventually,

And you're not going to like it.

And you're not gonna use it? What kind of fucking attorney are you?

And you're not just wetting the bed?

And you're not very good at it either. You look great.

And you've been really cool letting us stay here for all this time,

And your logo looks like a sideways vagina.

And your shitty jeans with fucking metal chunks on them,

And Yoyodyne was one of them.

And, boy, they tried. They tried.

And, by extension, your career here, Monica, as an associate partner.

And, uh, I know that, um, EndFrame is telling you

And, uh, we can do whatever you need.

And?

And? So?

And...

And... okay, great. I'm on it.

And... we...

Another human's contributions to mankind?

Another lawyer? Really?

Answer everybody!

Anton really carried us.

Any actions he takes must be un coerced

Any of this, at all,

Any of us could have it.

Anyone who goes to an open casket funeral is a murderer.

Anything to do with Pied Piper.

Anything to do with your security config

Anything?

Anyway, next thing you know, we IPO, stock triples in a day

Apparently, erlich used some pretty assertive vaginal metaphors last round,

Apparently, every company our size has to have one of those.

Apparently, I said so much

Apparently, there is a line, and I crossed it...

Appreciate your cooperation here, gentlemen.

April 10th, 11:14 P.M.

April 11th, 2:48 P.M.

April 12th, 3:42 P.M.

Are actually treated worse.

Are already back in Boston.

Are doing their own live stream with Homicide.

Are going to grow up taking this technology for granted.

Are now co investors

Are physically in your office, it's not a hack.

Are really stepping stones.

Are those Homicide drinks for free?

Are we cool?

Are we getting a contact high off Erlich,

Are we really gonna drop everything to do this?

Are we sure we have to do this?

Are you are you dog friendly?

Are you asking if I do do that

Are you aware of this?

Are you aware that we own a $30 million ostrich farm in Morocco,

Are you dog friendly?

Are you doing that interviewing thing

Are you done talking now?

Are you feeling unwell? Do you need protein?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you fucking with them?

Are you guys saying that you'd rather me let Pied Piper die?

Are you happy?

Are you interested in selling? It's a great time.

Are you just asking what if...

Are you kidding me? Look, Gilfoyle,

Are you living here in the garage?

Are you out of your mind?

Are you saying Gilfoyle never penetrated my network?

Are you saying I should lie on the stand or something?

Are you saying you've added

Are you saying, work will set you free?

Are you shitting me?

Are you sure you're okay with this?

Are you sure? Because I've got Carla and five other coders

Are you telling us that the disastrous results

Are you telling us this entire case

Are you trying to say bros before hoes?

Are... are you serious?

Aren't you considered a joke in this town?

Aren't you supposed to just tip that little plastic cup part up

Arguably, a member of the original Pied Piper team?

Arizona, huh?

As a businessman

As a result, Hooli has no claim

As a result...

As a retainer.

As a woman.

As CEO of my own company.

As far as he knows, it's an accident.

As in, every fucking time we were hanging out without him,

As in, the number I'll have

As it is now, I mean, we can't get funded.

As long as what's on your mind is the word bro.

As long as you don't shit, piss, or puke on my bus,

As much as I hate to agree with Gilfoyle,

As opposed to ordering me to chortle her balls.

As proof that he's a genius,

As proof that he's a moron.

As quickly as possible, okay?

As soon as we run it, it will delete the entire code repository.

As to be impossible until it is not.

As you can see, we're just $5,000 away from our goal.

As your superior, I order you to give me that Oculus.

Aspen, it's time for bed.

Aspen, remember to take your medication.

At 10:00 am. You slap an 80k retainer on them,

At 20 megabits per second.

At 20 megabits per second.

At 25 million post money valuation.

At 5200 gigaflops, your algorithm flies

At a rate that until now was unthinkable...

At a swap meet to piss them off

At a third of the bit rate.

At all, ever.

At all.

At any time, richie? No, and no.

At best.

At every layer in the stack.

At least as far as I can tell.

At least give me a hint.

At least i have the common decency to shave mine.

At least I think this is your...

At least that's how I read it.

At least we can go back to work knowing

At least while the hooli lawsuit remains unresolved.

At seven megabits per second, 60 fps.

At TechCrunch Disrupt a few weeks ago,

At TechCrunch Disrupt, and you give me this tampon ad?

At the butthole doctor, then we'd have enough money,

At the current rate, the world's data storage capacity

At the last S.F. Vid/tech meet up.

At the same time?

At which point I resumed crushing it full time.

At your specific request have performed poorly.

Attack with the left!

Aw, man.

Awareness of this product will be unprecedented

Aye aye, captain.

Ba bam! Midland Oak's offer just came in.

Babe, go out back, grab some limes from the tree, all right?

Bachman votes one,

Back there, you said that your business needs to do

Bad culture fit.

Bad investments that my fucking money guy

Bannerchek was gonna step in at the last minute

Based on proving that Pied Piper

Based on what was on it, as it sucks.

Basically.

Be a part of the big show.

Be cool after OJ's big harassment speech.

Be honest.

Be reserved for the eating for Fage yogurt by me.

Beat my 43.

Because to make money.

Because all I hear from everybody is good news.

Because all we care about are the intellectual property claims.

Because based on your assurances,

Because he's like the Kool Aid pitcher from the ads.

Because her modeling agency is upstairs.

Because I gave you no money,

Because i have to pee. So, when you unpack...

Because I used one Hooli computer

Because I want it.

Because if I don't not do that,

Because if one appreciated a gift of such magnitude,

Because if you believe it, a jury will, too.

Because if you found your phone,

Because it was perverted.

Because it's a fucking egg.

Because it's a very private and personal matter!

Because it's the only warm thing

Because just thinking about it would probably stress you out

Because now I know we totally would have beaten them.

Because now more than ever, in these times...

Because now you can imagine that wedding however you want.

Because now you have the tools.

Because of a series of...

Because of people like us,

Because of the board, the scrum board.

Because of the lawsuit? Frivolous suit. It's nothing.

Because of your mediocrity.

Because one quarter of the jam can't come out.

Because she's as competitive as hell.

Because talking about it will only exacerbate...

Because that's who I am

Because three days ago i sat right here,

Because together, Richard, we'd be...

Because we're negotiating against each other.

Because we're way, way under our goal.

Because when one is given a parting gift

Because you don't know whether it is or not, it exists in both states,

Because you don't let people talk!

Because you don't seem to know shit.

Because, certainly, once they see Nucleus...

Because, Erlich, you tend to not let...

Because, let's face it,

Becomes the 2x dog.

Becomes the property of your giant, soulless corporation.

Bed wetting.

Before he brought us Digg, Kevin Rose...

Before her arrangements got too baroque.

Before or... after you gave it to 'em?

Before returning it, wouldn't one?

Before we burn it to the fucking ground?

Before you pull them out in public?

Before you spend a dime, let me prove it.

Being named Co head dreamer

Believe it or not,

Bereaved women do tend to act out sexually.

Between now and CES in January, unless you fuck up too badly.

Between now and January.

Between Peter dying and Raviga maybe being gone,

Big Head!

Big meat?

Bighetti has his team wasting valuable resources

Billion.

Billionaires are people, too.

Bin Laden.

Binding arbitration? What's that?

Blaine doesn't die,

Blaine is gonna launch off this ramp.

Blaine, these are the genius coders who are helping us with the live stream.

Blaine's last moment is realizing face is gone?

Boils down to three simple questions.

Bonuses all around, so...

Both resided. Is that correct?

Both.

Boy genius, what's up?

Boys.

Braces! Shit.

Branscomb? That's a solid shop.

Brazilian koa wood table,

Breach his contract with Hooli

Breach of contract, unjust enrichment,

Breach of non solicitation in the hiring of someone named donald dunn.

Bro him back! Bro him back.

Bro him.

Bro? It's a messaging app that lets you send the word bro

Bro? Like, it lets you send the word bro to anyone else that has the app.

Bros disclose. no one says that.

Building a device that is capable of this

Bus? Okay.

But as far as the video player goes...

But as soon as Monahan opened that box,

But believe it or not I actually tried to have your back,

But can we afford it?

But Carla doesn't. These guys don't.

But Christianity is borderline illegal

But come back tomorrow without Kool Aid, or don't come back at all.

But compound that uncertainty with a legal cloud

But congratulations.

But don't worry, I covered with aplomb.

But especially for me as its new leader.

But even drunk and high I couldn't take it.

But even if we set our burn rate conservatively,

But even so, compared to what my team

But for a second it was pretty scary there.

But he didn't screw up,

But he does have the option to take repayment

But he is a full stack engineer.

But he is horribly incapacitated.

But he's throwing away half the world's market.

But hiring someone only because they're a woman is bad.

But Hooli was like an abusive spouse to me.

But how exactly can we quantify

But I bought your pitch.

But I don't wanna live in a world where someone else

But I failed to do that. I wouldn't trust you out there

But I got roped into buying these two tickets

But I guess the sound of the gun startled Peter, who...

But I guess what really bums me out is I thought we got each other.