Love, Death & Robots - Season 3 Edit

A bunch of barbed wire, cousins with guns,

A certain level of tool use is nothing to worry about.

A circle will indicate a vote to sail beyond the peopled shores

A fixed position, guided pulse laser

A simple grouping stimulus.

Adrift on ancient chemical tides.

Ah, fucking…

Ah, well, fucking rats trashed them.

Ah, yes.

All right, ladies. I'm gonna call the Barghest to us.

All right.

All right. Cut the bullshit. We're on the job.

All wrapped in a solid inch of ballistic resistant gel under its skin.

Almost as big as my dick.

Alone.

Along with every other animal larger than a cat.

An especially vigorous one.

And allowing this thanapod ashore

And an X is a vote for a shorter voyage to Phaiden Island.

And as it has acquired a taste for…

And enough bullets and venison jerky, they could found a utopian society.

And for that I am grateful.

And I was born.

And I will deny any award he puts you in for.

And I you.

And I yours.

And kill the shit out of this fucking thing!

And let me guess. It's part of some Secret Squirrel op,

And please, call me Galina.

And so I offer you a choice.

And that is the beauty of the idea, Doctor.

And that machine is you.

And the food chain was saturated with microplastics.

And the reach of a god.

And the two of you make a perfect breeding pair.

And their skin was pierced by spikes, trickle, trickle, trickle,

And then emerge to form a new world order.

And they fought with a fury and inventiveness

And tomorrow, sir? If your friend below us gets

And treated my team like an Afghani buffet.

And used it to save the planet they were already on.

And wake me at the toll of the hour.

And you drink from a CamelBak full of lies.

And you really can "Fire and Forget."

And you've got all kinds of crazy sciencey shit under there,

And, according to my thorough historical research,

Another 500 meters… up.

Are you saying they went to Mars?

Are you there?

Armies of warriors.

Armored chassis, and the same targeting tech

Arrogance.

As an expression of low morale,

As long as no harm comes to the Nest…

As you know,

As you must now with me.

As you've discovered,

Awesome!

Aye, aye.

Aye, it's Mason.

Bar guest? That's a stupid fucking name for a honey badger.

Based on your samples.

Beaumont, on point.

Beaumont!

Before dying.

Beg your pardon?

Began collapsing, humanity's leaders retreated to these fortresses

Behold! The final stronghold of the superpowers.

Besides, look at these mines, they're ancient.

Bloody hell.

Bloody hell.

Bothersome.

Bullshit that's where you're from.

But didn't think to install a light switch?

But first, you and I must come to an agreement.

But I had no idea you'd learned to communicate with them.

But I have millions of years of racial memory.

But instead they chose greed and self gratification

But it says here you had five.

But now they are little more than parasitic savages.

But on the timescale the Swarm operates,

But only if you mean harm to the queen and her eggs.

But several symbiote species still do.

But the only thing that works is this setting that says "fuck off."

But these bodies did have blood in them at one point

But this nightmare is very nearly at an end.

But to work most effectively,

But we do not understand the profit you seek in studying the swarm.

But we only need the genetic information from one egg.

But what about the other 99.9?

But what they do have in abundance…

But where's the venison?

But with a hoodie and crippling social anxiety.

But you may address me as…

But your crude experiments

By a folded corner here, an irregular edge there,

Can't you see I'm busy not dying here?

Cannibal roaches with human faces and a giant fucking alien temple.

Carry on.

Catch your own fish, you disgusting meat bag.

Check right!

Choke on it, skin bucket.

Christ on a bike.

CIA built it back in '02, right after the invasion.

Clench up!

Closer by the minute.

Come check this out.

Come in, Orbital.

Come in.

Come on then, you mindless motherfuckers!

Come on, guys. Let's go to that base you don't think exists.

Coming on your left.

Competing with us within a few hundred years.

Connecting its own poles with the poles of Jupiter.

Consider the scavenger feeding on your vomit.

Contact rear!

Could uncover important insights for our nascent machine culture

Could you haul in the fishing net so I can eat?

Craven cowards who would gladly betray a stranger

Dammit! They built an impregnable nuclear fortress

Dang it. It was right here.

Decided they needed an entirely new planet.

Decided to split us up?

Despite the risk.

Diamond carbine canines,

Did any of these humans, anywhere, survive all this?

Did Burton go…

Did you?

Die, fucker!

Die, fucker!

Dilman!

Do I really need all this shite?

Do you accept my offer, Doctor?

Do you know a good pest control company?

Do you read, Orbital?

Do you understand?

Don't worry. I've got your back, donkey.

Done and done. Nearly as unpleasant as it was necessary.

Double the meal, double the time in between.

Down to one grenade. You?

Dr. Afriel, I think it's time you told me exactly why you're here.

Dr. Afriel.

Dr. Afriel.

Dr. Mirny. An honor to meet you.

During the collapse, some wealthy humans attempted

Each of you will have equal voice.

Elon Musk?

Enough!

Erwin!

Even though I won't live to see our race triumph,

Every last bite.

Every one of you made an X.

Everyone, go goggles.

Everything all right, Sergeant?

Evolution, you see.

Exploit it, you mean.

Fall back.

Fermentation in the worker's gut…

Fine, like I have to keep hauling this fucking ammo

Fine, like in no radio contact with anyone

Fine, like our idiotic fucking platoon leader

Fine, like Team Two's been torn into greasy shreds of man jerky?

Fine, we shall put it to a vote.

Fine. Fucking peachy.

Fire and forget.

Fire! Fire!

First vial contains the most basic pheromonal commands.

Folen, get the fuck back, you idiot!

Folen! You're gonna get shot in the dick if you stand in silhouette like that.

Food giver no good. Not feed.

For the last 50 fucking minutes?

Forcing the animal kingdom to adapt, et cetera, et cetera.

Friendly.

From government sponsored medical attention

From in there.

Fu… Fu… Fu… Fuck you, honey badger!

Fuck me.

Fuck this shit.

Fuck this.

Fuck yeah. This will do some damage.

Fuck yes, Coutts. Let's shoot it.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Fuck you!

Fuck you, honey badger!

Fuck you, honey badger!

Fuck you, honey badger!

Fuck you, honey badger!

Fuck you, honey badger!

Fuck you!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck, I got to do it.

Fuck. Goddamn thing's run out of juice.

Fucking hallucination.

Galina?

Gather, then dig.

Get ready to move.

Get some!

Getting there, Folen. Getting there.

Go on now.

Go!

God is dead. Embrace the suck. We gotta move.

Goddammit! Go, go, go!

Goddammit.

Good boy.

Good luck.

Good on you, humans.

Good.

Grab a few pics, and we're gone.

Grow food here, then harvest.

Guard what?

Guessing it wasn't like this when you left.

Had a variety of sophisticated survival strategies.

Harper, up.

Having paid strict attention as I handed them out, the duty falls to me

He gonna go rogue and try and eat us too?

He said, "Step to your right."

He's half more alive than anyone else will be

Heart of the Nest.

Hello, I am Elena, your electronic seastead attendant.

Hello, this is Mason.

Her offspring will build a new nest.

Here we go, guys. Come on!

Hey, hey, hey. It doesn't matter what did it.

Hey! Over here!

Hmm.

Hmm. I was worried this might happen.

Hmm. It will be sooner.

Hmm. Well, we humans learn wherever we can.

Hold on.

Holy fucking shit!

Holy shit!

Honey badgers don't give a shit!

How copy? Over.

How much further to the objective, Sarge?

How much?

How?

Huh?

Humanity is the kind of race

Humanity is warping the environment,

Humans are different.

Hungry.

I accept your challenge.

I am machine.

I am one of its castes.

I am only a few weeks old,

I am the only one who can keep this ship on a straight keel.

I am willing to see the failed attempt on my life

I begin with a confession.

I believe they were once a spacefaring race

I believe this to be the only fair way.

I bet that'll look great on a poster with some puppies!

I call these springtails.

I could have helped him.

I could. But I won't.

I didn't actually mark the ballots.

I didn't have to.

I expect they could be here,

I followed your study of the Swarm with tremendous interest, Doctor.

I found no Swarm castes that use language,

I fucked her sister.

I go willingly.

I hate to say it, but humans are the actual worst.

I have no name,

I just need to cancel a check.

I just…

I lied before. [panting]

I made each of these ballots unique, unbeknownst to anyone but myself.

I need some range!

I negotiated with it…

I refused to participate.

I salute your courage, sir.

I see ya, ya twitty wee shite.

I shall report what I see.

I swear it.

I told you, I was just petting it. It was scared. What was I supposed to do?

I told you, snackish.

I will be picking who goes.

I will kill myself.

I wonder who made it out?

I would have missed

I would never betray my race.

I… I…

I'll help you.

I'll stick with my fusion battery. Thank you.

I'm glad I won't have to absorb you.

I'm just trying to see how far out I can get it.

I'm not gonna make it.

I'm out of ammo.

I'm reading a temperature spike.

I'm sure that was the last of 'em. Come on! We've got science to do!

I've got the aim of an angel

I've learned to solicit food with a pattern of reflex tapping.

If I don't make it, better to die high.

If it meant saving their own skin.

If order is what you want,

If these work, we could control millions of workers.

If they could've learned to eat tiny exfoliating beads,

If you're a machine,

If, in fact, we do transport it in the hopes it will spare our lives,

If… if you intend to destroy us, we will

In there?

In three, two, one.

In which case, I would simply clone you and raise the children myself.

In… intelligence…

Including fucking nightmares like that thing.

Including loss of motor function, hallucinations, euphoria…

Inside is a selection of the Swarm pheromones we synthesized

Instead, they trusted everything to automated assistants.

Into her mind.

Io Expeditionary Mission.

Io is a sulfur rich moon.

Io,

Io.

Is greasy.

Is oil.

Is so extra fucking secret even you can't find it.

Is this not a bit fucking overkill?

Is too tough for any garment.

It appears the secret back entrance to your secret CIA base

It can take us further into the Nest.

It is an excellent strategy.

It is truly amazing.

It was on patrol with us last night when it started acting unpatriotic,

It was right there. It was there.

It will be a secret ballot with no man knowing any other man's choice.

It will convey your pheromones to the queen.

It would've been all right.

It's a buffet.

It's a genetically engineered grizzly bear

It's a honey badger.

It's a lot cheaper, but I don't know if I want to live in the Valley.

It's a lot like a regular millionaire,

It's already been made.

It's always fucking night in a cave.

It's always warm, it smells good, and there's plenty of food.

It's an armed rat fucking rebellion, is what it is.

It's coming from…

It's coming from…

It's enough that I can foresee that day.

It's getting kinda late. Maybe we should back trail and break camp.

It's gonna be okay, Folen. Just…

It's good to see another human face.

It's got a fucking face or something.

It's just another part of our hearts and minds strategy.

It's not a honey badger.

It's not as if they'd be staring up at the stars pining for their freedom.

It's not for you.

It's not stopping!

It's subterranean.

It's true.

It's… it's magnificent.

It's… It's the whole team. Muj didn't do this, Sergeant.

Its ancestors made the galaxy tremble.

Jesus fuck, those things ate Beaumont! [panting]

Jesus fuck.

Jesus fucking Christ, Macy.

Join with me.

Just as soon spit on you as nod, in my experience.

Just like a tech millionaire.

Just the poor ones.

Just the really, really rich ones.

Just this.

Just…

Language is data.

Less Darwinian theory, more rodent killing hardware.

Let conscience be your guide.

Let me check the rear sensors. Might be a sulfur eruption brewing.

Let's get some proper fucking ordnance

Let's get this done. [exhales]

Let's just get this shit over with.

Like a machine.

Like sparkling dust, like clouds of light

Like World War fucking IV.

Listen carefully, I am in no mood to repeat myself.

Little?

Living among the hundreds of specialized castes native to the Swarm.

Look around.

Look at this thing here.

Look, I don't have time to figure out

Look, we just drop a sensor package,

M Mama…

MAARS Bot, no!

Macy! Folen! Christmas come early, boys.

Maintain course!

Makes it taste better too.

Making sure.

Martha!

May result in paranoia, psychosis and hypomania.

Maybe death, maybe life.

Maybe I'm gonna live forever.

Me eat meat.

Me, you need intact.

Might save the last round for myself though.

Mm. Artificial vein.

Mmm. It's wonderful.

Most importantly,

Most likely, you'll destroy yourselves.

Mr. Suparin, adjust our course please.

Much like the Secretary of Agriculture.

Must eat soon.

My specialty is intelligence.

Neural configuration may be preserved.

Nevertheless, I propose another possibility.

Nice choice.

Nielsen, please… please tell my wife…

Nielsen…

No discerning marks of trauma.

No, no, no, no.

No!

No.

No. It fucking wasn't.

No. It's supposed to be a remote control,

No. No, no, no, no, no.

No. Stop!

No. They didn't have a chance.

No. You couldn't have.

Not all of them,

Not exactly.

Now that is what I call tool use.

Now we're talking!

Now, there is one more thing you have…

Of course you are.

Of course.

Of course.

Of life.

Off you go, Cert.

Oh fuck.

Oh fuck.

Oh my God!

Oh my God.

Oh, barely!

Oh, come on, Burton. Just one more klick.

Oh, don't you look at me like that with them little puppy dog eyes.

Oh, fuck me.

Oh, here it is.

Oh, I feel like a fat, fucking target of opportunity up here.

Oh, jeez. You landed us in a minefield.

Oh, sweet. More science shit.

Oh, thank God. I'm so tired of carrying all this fucking ammo around.

Oh, the irony is delicious,

Oh, who's your buddy, MAARS Bot? Who's your buddy?

Oh!

Oh! We've got a kill already.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, but Mars? I mean, it's dead and lifeless.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. [gasps]

Okay. Maybe a certificate of achievement. Maybe.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. So let's get moving in the opposite fucking direction.

Okay. We gotta get the fuck out of here.

On a spike.

On how to survive.

On the high seas!

On the rest of our voyage, Dr. Afriel.

On two spikes in that guy's case.

On your right!

One beam, no white light.

One man, one vote.

One more step.

One more…

One the Swarm has used to deal with threats like yours many times.

One would hope.

Only to become survivalist cult kebabs?

Or heard or felt came not but from myself"

Or maybe this is just one last dream

Orbital?

Otherwise, you might be considered an invader and killed.

Our exchange of information has been extremely valuable to me.

Our nests were the only world they'd known,

Over a healthy biosphere and the future of their children.

Oxygen levels critical.

Patience is the word of the day. We are well on our way

Per our transit contract, we shall return in 600 of your days.

Perhaps.

Phaiden Island.

Phaiden Island.

Phaiden Island.

Phaiden Island.

Physical configuration will be destroyed.

Please, Doctor, I'm just a tool.

Poetry now?

Radio is medium.

Raptor Base, this is Delta Zero Three. We have positive ID on the hostage.

Redundancy, son, saves lives.

Release me.

Release me.

Release me.

Release me.

Release me.

Release me…

Reloading!

Remain an intelligent living being or…

Retractable anti personnel titanium talons,

Right in the dick.

Right, or blow our shiny butts into scrap metal.

Sarge, for shit's sake

Sarge, we got permission to die now?

Sarge, what the fuck are you doing?

Sarge, what…

Sarge!

Sarge!

Sarge!

Sarge.

Save yourself, robot friend!

Sergeant First Class Morris, attached to Task Force Griffin.

She can create it.

Shell protects.

Shit.

Show yourself.

Shut the fuck up, Macy.

Shut up! No, really?

Since our basic biochemistry is similar, it's perfectly edible.

Six minutes until critical CO2 levels reached.

Small arms won't do jack shit, and even grenades won't hurt it.

So far, I've identified 15 unique symbiotic aliens

So good.

So if these tech millionaires had been just a little more socially inclusive,

So long, Elena! And thanks for all the fish!

So many mouths to feed.

So they left behind any humans with the practical skills

So,

So, now that we've chosen a leader…

So, the whole of humanity

So, their plan was to seal themselves in a mountain and have dinner parties?

So, what did they expect to eat?

Some sort of lichen.

Soon as you stop fucking donkeys.

Sorry for all the cursing.

Sorry.

Sounds good.

Sounds like…

Special delivery!

Spence, I want IR markers at 25 meter intervals.

Starvation set in, and the survivors switched

Stationed at Camp Eisenhower.

Step.

Still breathing.

Stupid fucking honey badger!

Stupid fucking honey badger!

Submerged in the warm ebb and flow

Sulfur is triboelectric.

Sure there is. You just didn't know about it.

Surely we can find a way to

Take me to her.

Take me.

Take that, ya nasty bastard.

Take that, you nasty bastard.

Technically true, but also, it is a fully sovereign nation state

Thanapod! Leeward side!

Thank Cerval!

Thank Cerval.

Thank you, Mr. Melis.

Thank you.

That happened to me.

That hole…

That hostage looked like he was in pretty bad shape.

That navy drones carry.

That points a crooked finger at my brother.

That sound…

That their self sustaining hydroponic systems began failing

That wasn't helpful at all.

That's all you got? Stupid fucking honey badger!

That's it.

That'sit. We've all gone crazy. Time to kill each other.

The all new TT 15 with gas cooled auto cannon,

The bugs aren't following us.

The entire Nest is a wonder of genetic automation.

The fuck you doing?

The meat

The obscenely wealthy 0.01 percent of humans

The people who built the seasteads were mostly tech millionaires.

The pheromones need to be combined in a chemical program.

The queen.

The status of hostage?

The Swarm is a near perfect organic system.

The thing speaks.

The very cradle of our mighty civilization.

The very latest in Traptech nology.

The wealthy and powerful, however,

Their wounded planet and save themselves,

Then return them to me.

Then where'd his fucking face go?

There lies Phaiden Island.

There was a fucking rock. Fucking there.

There's not much good eating on a jable shark.

These creatures are primordially innocent, Doctor.

These dudes, they made it through a minefield,

These nameless islands further on are deserted.

They are merely well organized animals.

They could've taken the money they spent on the spaceships

They made me.

They might have survived?

They must only guard the tunnels.

They pour their milky shine Into the deep black bowl"

They should never become pawns in some power struggle light years away.

They were mean to robots and then robots killed them.

They would be useless

They're not aiming out the windows because the deer were coming for revenge.

They're organic machines.

This course of action offers a chance at sparing countless innocent lives.

This is MAARS Bot.

This is Martha Kivelson.

This is Martha Kivelson.

This is our closest pass to Daedalus Patera.

This is some bullshit, Sergeant.

This is where I come to jerk off.

This is where it wants to be taken.

This is where the robot uprising began.

This Nest has been here for millions of years.

This really sucks.

This slipped past the Investor quarantine.

Those fuckers.

Through her memories, I understand your race.

Times a bunch of bodies, hence blood pit.

To create a new civilization in places like this.

To reveal I have succeeded in ferreting out the cowards in our midst.

To run the place.

To something they called "extreme democracy."

To the collapse of civilization.

To the defenseless men, women, and children of Phaiden Island.

To the nearest island.

To wait out the chaos deep beneath the earth

Together.

Torrin!

Traptech can solve your little rat problem.

Tried to make it through the end of civilization with guns and spikes?

Triggered certain genetic protocols,

Tunneler.

Twice.

Two cowards who voted to pass our terrible burden

Two million years ago,

Ugh.

Ugh. I thought I told you to shut up.

Ugh. Man, this trip is really starting to depress me.

Uh oh.

Uh, should we shoot it?

Uh, this is just an old oil rig.

Um,

Unconsumed.

United we are at last, in spirit, goal, and purpose.

Unless

Unless you get lucky, which you won't.

Up this motherfucking mountain?

Use us.

Various strains of nutrient rich fungi are the hive's main food source.

Very kind, thank you.

Voyaging through strange eons of thought

Wait till light.

Wait. I thought that's what the seasteads were for?

Warrior caste. Very deadly.

Was the Secretary of Agriculture.

We bred smarter, tougher versions of their own race to fight them.

We do advise that you keep other animals clear of the kill zone.

We enjoy doing business with.

We find ourselves faced again with a grim and terrible decision.

We followed the insurgents to a tunnel system.

We got bigger problems.

We got these fuckers now.

We have nothing substantial to feed it.

We humans are not so very different.

We may be able to take the monster there without it even realizing.

We must eat.

We must harness its power.

We never could have matched.

We reside together in this misfortune.

We saw that beast do exactly what it pleased.

We seek only knowledge and

We shall miss your conversation

We should take him home.

We still have a mission.

We won't become parasites.

We… we mean you no harm.

We'll need to test the synthesized pheromones

We're already past the Rover's operational limits, and you know that

We're gonna get through this, soldier.

We're gonna have to go mobile.

We're gonna lose comms in there. [sighs]

We're seeing quite a lot of this lately, Mr. Mason.

We're soldiers, not fucking archaeologists.

We're within 500 meters of the objective.

Weird shit, man.

Welcome to the ratpocalypse.

Welcome to the unsinkable libertarian dream that is seasteading!

Welcome.

Well, deer can't swim across the ocean, can they?

Well, I can definitely see all the bullets,

Well, I guess he won't be needing this.

Well, it is kinda cute.

Well, maybe now,

Well, Mr. Mason, there's only one thing for it.

Well, no need to worry, Mr. Mason.

Well, personally, I love what they've done with the place.

Well, Sarge?

Well, that thing is code named Project Barghest.

Well, you can't be too careful when it comes to pest control, Mr. Mason.

Well…

What about him then? He's already half done, isn't he?

What does this sound like?

What exactly is a tech millionaire?

What is it?

What is it?

What is your function?

What kind of bear is that?

What kinda weapon does that to a person, huh?

What the actual fuck?

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What unresolved psychological conflicts gave rise to whatever this shit is.

What? Uh, what?

Whatever caste of worker is needed,

When a fungus wiped out their first crop.

When they attacked the Swarm,

Where's Dilman?

Whether they work for us or the Swarm will make no difference to them.

Which I haven't the patience to explain beyond saying that it wants passage

Which I shall require.

Which puts us right back where we started.

Who discovered the Swarm and were absorbed by it.

Who the hell's this guy?

Who were you expecting?

Who will remember humanity in even a thousand?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Friendly.

Whoa! [yelling]

Why did they call 'em survivalist camps if they're just full of dead people?

Why not? I doubt this shit could get any weirder.

With a resource like this, we can bring order to the chaos of human expansion.

With a series of trials.

With a shit ton of mechanical augmentation.

With just four of these killing machines in each barn,

With sensors that can zero a woodlouse at a kilometer.

With that, we can grow our own queen.

With the wind at our backs, it's still another day and a half.

Without the Nest's pheromones to control them.

Wordsworth.

Would mean unleashing it on unsuspecting Phaiden citizenry.

X means you fulfill the creature's wish.