How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Edit

A barber, a stripper and a Jew...

A guy who's uncynical and sincere and believed in things.

A little cheesy.

A long time ago, I let this beautiful girl named Stella get away.

A long, sad life, knowing that he lost his only chance at happiness.

A medium long way.

A picture of Marissa Heller, the golfer.

About another one of her exes, me.

About robots battling wrestlers for intergalactic supremacy?

Actors.

Actually, I kind of like these stuffy, pretentious snoots.

Actually, it's porn.

Agreed.

Agreed. In fact, I even wrote myself another letter.

Ah, Stella. To what do I owe the pleasure?

All right, all right, "P.S. That top part was just for Ted.

All right, all right.

All right, do you guys wanna know why I'm nice to everyone?

All right, Don!

All right. Here I go. I'm doing this.

All you have to do is look that guy in the eyes,

ALL: (SINGING) Constance Fry Constance Fry

Alls I got time for is a two minute date, if you know what I mean.

Also, a little cheesy.

Am I to understand that there isn't a single soap opera fan in this entire elevator?

And a coupon for a bird store addressed to Marissa Heller,

And again, just so we're clear, no accent.

And as much as I love you as a roommate,

And be part of the gang again.

And besides, I like being friendly, okay? I'm not gonna change that about myself.

And come live with me in an apartment above a bar. Send her in.

And down your back.

And for these stuffy, pretentious snoots!

And for these stuffy, pretentious snoots!

And Giovanni Artusi simply didn't understand the new style of composing.

And give my package some stimulus.

And he hung out with one of his exes all the time...

And honestly, I don't think it would change our lifestyle all that much.

And I can't do that if I'm out drinking with you guys every single night,

And I know exactly where she is.

And I mean, it's such a minor flaw in an otherwise flawless film,

And I swear, she is so flexible,

And I wanna see where it goes.

And I'll never be able to do that if I keep hanging out

And I'm thinking a bean bag chair, just for special birthday stuff.

And it may be years before he can look certain family members in the eye again.

And Marissa Heller, the bird owner.

And Marshall wanted to stop and help some guys load their moving van.

And maybe tying me up?

And me heroically catching it.

And neither am I.

And nobody's making fart noises!

And now she's with some jerk

And remember the two minute date?

And said she doesn't wanna hang out with us anymore.

And since then, with each piece of mail we've gotten,

And spend eternity in her arms.

And Stella ran off with him to California,

And that one was hard to explain to the police.

And that would be Barney.

And that's when we'll start trying. Deal?

And the decidedly French influence on the inside. I know!

And the great part is he is gonna live

And the politics of semantics? Professor Hammersmith of Oxford.

And then as soon as you mention breakfast, she's gone.

And then I'll skedaddle.

And then there's more drawings of boobs.

And then wants it back the second another kid starts playing with it.

And then you can have her after that.

And there's no way she'd be on anticoagulants

And thinks she's fat but isn't.

And we both dated Robin.

And we both fell, ass over sex swing.

And we'll never, never say a bad thing about it. I promise.

And we'll talk about this when we get back, okay?

And when the moving van drove away, who should show up

And Will Shortz, editor of the New York Times crossword!

And you know what your biggest baggage is? You're too nice.

And you know what, Ted? I believe that deep down, you're still that guy.

And you know who taught me to be that way? A guy called Ted Mosby.

And you live with one of them.

And, of course, Stripper Lily.

Angry sex on the first date,

Any food at all that'll make me feel like a giant?

Any time I tried to get a little high minded...

Anyone?

Anytime you call

Are we sure she's not British, innit?

Are you saying that you don't have a pair of red cowboy boots in your closet?

Are you so petty that...

Are you talking about Monteverdi and his fourth book of madrigals?

Are you trying to kick me out because of the milk thing?

As far behind me as possible.

As Under Secretary of the Treasury, I had a big hand in crafting that legislation.

As your ex, before you jump into anything,

At least for a while.

At one point she was on top of me and underneath me.

At the London premiere of The Mikado in 1885.

At the London premiere of The Mikado in 1885.

AUDIENCE: Aw!

AUDIENCE: Aw!

AUDIENCE: Aw!

AUDIENCE: Oh!

Awesome. Thank you.

Baby, are you really starting to think about this?

Baby, did we just revolutionize modern marriage?

Baby, I love you more than life itself.

Backwoods, Podunk, cow tipping Minnesota hickville where you grew up.

Baggage is a good thing?

Barney is right. It's impossible to say no to that.

Barney, be nice. You only want her 'cause you can't have her.

Barney, what...

BARNEY: Oh. Oops, oops!

Barney?

Best baggage, hates her dad,

Best tradition ever.

Billy, no! The code.

Blah, blah, blah, we're very happy together.

Bollocks.

Boy, was Ted drunk. Embarrassing.

But by the time you reach your 30s,

But can you at least promise me that you won't get pregnant for another year?

But either way, not pretty.

But I am not gay.

But I feel bad for any woman with the kind of low self esteem

But I have to be up early, so...

But I've always wanted to see the inside of the Alberta.

But it really appeared as though there was no baggage to worry about.

But like anything else, it's easier when someone gives you a hand with it.

But listen, we can never pull crap like that ever again.

But no eating in bed.

But no matter what, to this day,

But not me. I look at them, and I say...

But now that you mentioned it,

But sooner or later...

But thanks for the reminder, Robin.

But that doesn't mean anyone with baggage is undateable.

But the owner of the apartment we had just helped some guys rob.

But the worst, the worst, was the ending. So they're at the wedding...

But then the day of the wedding, her karate instructor ex boyfriend,

But they're two different things.

But this is Robots vs. Wrestlers.

But we assume it's some sort of sporting event that pits robots against wrestlers.

But we just started to drift apart. So...

But we still got homemade lady fingers and piping hot Darjeeling.

But we're gonna do anything we can

But you see, music was changing,

But you're a million degrees.

But you're already seeing exit signs for it.

But, according to the movie...

But, Lily, Lily, babies.

But, Ted, you've never missed Robots vs. Wrestlers.

But, well, I still wanna be next to you.

Bye.

Can do's ville, babydoll.

Can we at least push them together?

Can you let me make you my wedding bride?

Can't make that promise.

Carefully orchestrated it that way on purpose.

Carved these panels himself.

Citrus and honeycomb flavors with crisp acidity.

Come hell or high water,

Come on, Royce. You've dated a few Jed Mosleys in your day.

Constance will fulfill your needs

Continue.

Could you come back later? We're taking a little catnap.

Crime free? Crime free?

Cue the river of drool.

Daddy!

Damn it.

Damn straight!

Dating Robin was a huge mistake.

Deal!

Deal.

Dibs.

Did he say Ted that time?

Did the Jets get new costumes?

Did you guys see the porte cochere and the terracotta spandrels outside?

Do you think I'm gay?

Do you wanna move in?

Do you wanna move in?

Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosley to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Don has twin beds, too.

Don's not gonna be a part of the group.

Don't forget your sweatshirt. Nice try.

Don't humor me, Marshall.

Don't worry. I won't go to the wedding.

Dude, relax. It's for Marissa Heller.

Dude, what is it with you and my wife's boobs tonight?

Emotional baggage is the bedrock of America's most important cultural export.

ENGLISH US SDH

ENGLISH US SDH

ENGLISH US SDH

Especially when "you guys" includes two of my ex boyfriends.

Even that thing with the nunchucks.

Even without those reminder postcards.

Eventually, we're all gonna move on. It's called growing up.

Everyone's leaving me and I don't like it!

Exactly.

Exactly. For the rest of her life.

Exactly. It's down the road, a medium way.

Except for these underprivileged children that I work with for free.

Excuse me.

Face, boobs, describe. Start with boobs.

Fantastic!

Film is an auteur's medium, full stop.

Fine, you guys can have a baby, but only under these conditions.

Fine. But you have to promise to be on your best behavior.

Fine. Then you are out of our gang forever.

First Robin moves in with Don, then Marshall and Lily have a baby,

First, Robin ditches us and now you!

Five front row tickets to Robots vs. Wrestlers.

Five letters, blank baritone.

Five, forget about four. You can whip them out whenever you want.

For some reason.

Four, no breast feeding in front of me.

Free booze at Marissa Heller's party, then Robots vs. Wrestlers.

Friendship, by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

From when it was first installed in 1906.

Funny thing about Willem Dafoe.

Funny, that was my memory of it, too.

Gladly.

God, Barney, enough with the abandonment issues.

Gong!

Gongs, right? They're louder than you think.

Good luck, Ted. That movie is worldwide. It's huge.

Good night. Thanks a lot. I had a great time.

Great. The old ball and chain.

Guess what I've got behind my back.

Guys, come on. I'm just trying to add a little class to these proceedings.

Guys, guys, guys, guys, Will Shortz! Editor of the Times crossword!

Guys, listen. I'm having fun here,

Guys, that's Peter Bogdanovich talking to Arianna Huffington

Guys, this thing with Don is real.

Have you ever seen you walk down the street?

He actually lent the burglars gas money.

He gave them money?

He may be so emotionally traumatized

He means well.

He never fully loves or trusts anyone ever again.

He was an architect with the soul of a poet, really.

He's following Cher on tour.

He's not gonna check.

He's such a type. The butterfly tattoo, the way he pronounces encyclopedia.

He's the one who got me working in porn.

Heck, I've been left at the altar.

Hell, two might be even better than one,

Hello?

Hello?

Her butt?

Her teeth look really nice.

Here's a hint, a giant yellow bird lives on it.

Hey,

Hey, Barn Door, hang on. I'm getting another call.

Hey, Barney, I'm gonna have to call you back.

Hey, bonehead! I'm Jed Mosley.

Hey, guys, I just wanna make sure Project Runway is recording.

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. Why don't you come upstairs?

Hey, hey, guy. You have anything in the mini cheeseburger department?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Tokyo Don,

Hey, hey! I don't make the rules.

Hey, how come you said "oh, no" when the movie started?

Hey, I stand by what I did.

Hey, if you know what you're doing, two minutes is all you need.

Hey, Lily, be honest.

Hey, Lily, you won't believe it, it's the craziest thing.

Hey, Lily! Marshall!

Hey, Robin, it's Barn Door. Guess what? I'm open.

Hey, Robin, it's Teddy Bear. Need a little honey?

Hey, Ted, do you think it's weird that Robin is still friends with Barney?

Hey, what took you guys so long?

Hey, Will. Ten letter word for diminutive egg based torte?

Hey, you know what we should get?

Hey, Zsa Zsa Gabor is still looking pretty hot, but otherwise, this party sucks.

Hey. Oh, my God, Barney?

Hi, pumpkin. Did you get our tickets to Maui?

Hints of crème de cassis, red berries, toasty oak...

His high school mascot was a hug.

His name kind of sounds like a frog talking to a parrot.

His wife's a 500 year old relic that hasn't been struck since W.S. Gilbert hit it

Hmm?

Hmm.

Honestly, I'm surprised your hourly pee breaks aren't just steam.

Honey, that's Don. That's not us.

Hook, line and sinker

How cool is it that Don makes sushi? He learned while on assignment in Japan.

How do you know that's his catchphrase?

How great are boobs?

How is being nice baggage?

How is that not gonna be a tradition?

How was your weekend away, or any other topic?

Huh!

Huh. Marissa Heller, I like your style.

I am Professor Hammersmith.

I am still that guy.

I asked her to marry me, she said yes. We were happy.

I brought you the blue French horn! Robin, Ted's just holding it for me.

I came to apologize to all of you. I overreacted.

I can't wait to make her move out of her beautiful house in New Jersey

I dated her for a year!

I definitely want her back.

I didn't have a ring, so I gave her a toy I won from a crane machine?

I do wanna go out there and get that girl.

I don't care. I don't care. I'm taking this to the grave.

I don't even know how to answer that.

I don't know what it is, but I want Robin back.

I don't know. The world seems pretty awesome right now, Barney.

I don't know. Well, maybe a little.

I don't own a TV. The only operas I watch are at the MET.

I don't think human beings were ever meant to sleep in the same bed.

I don't think so, sir.

I don't think so.

I don't wanna get divorced.

I don't wanna lose anyone else! We're all really sorry.

I get to touch Lily's boobs.

I go for it every time

I got to say I'm a little uncomfortable with that.

I gotta go.

I hope he pulls through.

I hope Ted is miserable right now.

I hope you like sushi.

I just don't know how I feel about her hanging out

I kept waiting to see what her baggage would be.

I know how to find him. Just give me one minute.

I know it's all fake, but didn't those seem like real characters?

I know the tricks

I know what it is.

I know, you don't have to say it. You don't decant white wine.

I know. I mean, I love you, but I want this new bed

I know. I was just so upset that...

I like you, Don.

I love him.

I love his juxtaposition between the North German Renaissance exterior...

I love spicy stuff, too, guy.

I mean, most people, they see another person walking down the street

I mean, sure, Marshall and I like to pretend, but the reality is scary.

I must have Robin back.

I need to meet this guy.

I promise.

I put the empty carton back in the fridge to remind us to buy milk.

I read that Kim Jong II said it was his second favorite movie of all time.

I say, "Howdy, stranger. Can I give you a hand with that?"

I swear to God, the second you fall asleep, it's like you grow extra limbs.

I think he's awesome.

I think it's kind of weird that I haven't met him yet.

I think it's weird that we're all still friends with Barney.

I think we should get separate beds.

I think you wanna go out there and get that girl.

I understand how you feel, Barney. Friendships are important.

I understand. You're right.

I wanted her to be the mother of my children

I was a little jealous. But now that I know he's gay, I'm okay.

I was gonna say was found alone in his apartment, devoured by his cats,

I was so, so happy when that loser got left at the altar, and you know why?

I will say this, though.

I wish I could, but I have plans with Don on Saturday.

I wish somebody would stop me.

I wonder what she was like.

I would blame that child for the rest of his life.

I... (SCREAMING) That's gonna leave a mark!

I'd been doing it for years.

I'll check, sir.

I'll make them for you sometime. They are insane.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

I'll take her until she's 40,

I'm afraid, my darling, you're too old for my taste.

I'm getting us into the party, that's what.

I'm going through with this wedding. I'm sorry, Tony.

I'm gonna drive you there myself and make you watch.

I'm gonna get a king size bed if Robin decides to move in.

I'm gonna get out of here before we do something we regret.

I'm gonna go to the... I'm gonna go to the bathroom,

I'm here for the Van Smoot party. My name is Marissa Heller.

I'm just gonna move to some country where no one's seen The Wedding Bride.

I'm moving in with Don.

I'm not feeling it.

I'm performing open heart surgery on the Dutch ambassador in the morning.

I'm really glad I can open up to you.

I'm really sorry. We both are.

I'm reciting The Divine Comedy in its original Italian,

I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth in the first place.

I'm sorry, Lily, but I gotta give this thing with Don a chance.

I'm sorry. Someone had to do that.

I'm taller than that guy.

I'm the most powerful and corrupt architect in New York.

I've always loved to imagine it as Dante did in The Divine Comedy.

If anything that comes out of that baby gets on one of my suits,

If she were about to undergo surgery.

If you have a daughter, the day, nay, the minute she turns 18,

If you'll allow me. In the original Italian.

Imagine missing that. How would that feel?

In 1994, the cashier from the feed store was held up at hoe point.

In fact, Emerson wrote a great poem entitled Friendship.

In his 1954 article in Cahiers du cinéma.

In the first place. I mean, even that guy's name, Jed Mosley.

In the penthouse apartment of the Alberta!

Into just two minutes to accommodate Stella 's busy schedule?

Is I just didn't get why Stella would even wanna marry a guy like Jed Mosley

Is it weird that Robin hangs out with one of her exes all the time?

Is what I would say if I ever plan on seeing such an awful film.

Isn't he the bad guy in that story?

It doesn't look so sad written in calligraphy.

It just won't work.

It says...

It should be a hoot and a half.

It sucks. And you're all stupid for liking it.

It was bold and romantic.

It was interesting. We went to see that new movie, The Wedding Bride.

It was just so real.

It was one time. I was on cold medicine.

It was pretty rough. I'm still getting over it.

It's a charity for inner city teens who don't have access to sports or healthy food.

It's a Sauv blanc, Loire Valley. Town of Sancerre.

It's a stupid movie, anyway.

It's about me.

It's an invitation to Jefferson Van Smoot's Annual Spring Social this Saturday night,

It's because I don't care about baggage.

It's been four days, she hasn't said another word about moving out.

It's genius. That way each bed would have a specific purpose.

It's gonna come out eventually.

It's just we all really miss you.

It's like if I said you can sit anywhere in this room except that chair.

It's like putting my leg against a tailpipe.

It's like spooning with a Hindu deity, Ganesh!

It's like that line from Dante's Inferno.

It's my ex. Sorry, we're trying to remain friends.

It's not that easy, Tony.

It's really annoying.

It's right behind me, isn't it?

It's right here.

It's Robots vs. Wrestlers, Lily.

It's the end of our friendship.

It's there. I don't know what it is, but when I do, party's over.

Jed Mosley may not be as handsome as you are, or as tall as you are...

JED: No! No! No! Stop doing that!

JEFFERSON: Oh, my heavens, no! That was Edgar Allan Poe's!

Just let me think about it.

Just like a heavy drinker

Just one little scratch.

Just... Just focus on the letter, okay?

Just... Okay.

Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!

Leaving me utterly and completely heartbroken.

Let me help you with that.

Let's face it, the gang is over.

Let's go watch wrestlers fight robots.

Let's settle this. You, me and Ted!

Like I said, just let me think about it.

Lily, Lily, wait.

LILY: Great, and now he's falling asleep.

LILY: Ow! His toenails are like daggers.

Listen to me. I'm completely unleashed. I'm the biggest douche on the planet.

Long story short, this exchange student's arms gave out,

Look, guys, Robin and I have to go do our show,

Look, I'm sorry, I got to... I got to think about all this.

Look, if it'll shut you up, I guess we can get married.

Look, let's give this party a chance, okay. There's free food, free booze.

Look, there's something I need to say.

Looking forward to it, buddy.

MAID: Housekeeping.

MAID: It's time to check out.

Marissa Heller, the wicker catalog shopper.

Marissa Heller! Barney Stinson.

Marissa Heller? She must be the woman who lived here before us.

Marissa Heller? She sounds hot.

Marshall, I'm worried.

Marshall, if we were at home with a baby tonight,

MARSHALL: I'd love a sandwich,

MARSHALL: My God, she's a thousand degrees!

MARSHALL: My knee itches.

MARSHALL: Okay, that was pretty funny.

Marshall!

Maybe I just set it down

Me, too. And some light snacking, but that's it.

Mexican Wrestler Ted.

Michael. Javier. Marcello.

Mine, too. I love spicy food. The hotter the better.

MINISTER: Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosley to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Miss Lily, in the living room, with the candlestick.

Mmm.

Movies. Right?

My baggage didn't seem quite so heavy anymore.

My browning torch is broken.

My chair! My chair!

My dad used to make multi grain pancakes.

My dear chap, what else?

My God. I'm out of control.

My gosh, I would never go and see that film.

Night, night, Papa.

No can do's ville, babydoll.

No can do's ville, babydoll.

No can do's ville, babydoll.

No can do's ville, babydoll.

No can do's ville.

No matter how great things are going, sooner or later, it's gonna get ruined.

No to that.

No, but she did at her personal trainer's house.

No, don't change, baby. I think it's sweet.

No, hanging out with one ex is fine. Even two, I'd give a pass.

No, I acted like a total drama queen.

No, I meant do you wanna move in on the couch so I could sit down?

No, no, no, don't, don't. It's working.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no...

No, no, no, no, no. Tony's not a jerk, not according to the movie, anyway.

No, you can't have kids!

No, you idiot. It's just...

No! No! No! Stop doing that!

No?

No. I have a system.

No. Mini pizzas? Little cups of fries?

No. The but is, there's always gonna be a but.

No. The main event is my pancakes.

No. You know what? No, Ted is not screwed.

Not gave, lent. They said that they would send us a check,

Not seeming so gay now, am I, Donny?

Not that I care. I mean, it's a chick flick.

Nothing. Forget about it.

Now get out of my bed.

Now I want her back.

Now, I wonder if you'd like to join me in the map room,

Now, Lil, you can do this.

Of course.

Of course. "Lyric" baritone, which is actually higher than a dramatic baritone.

Of course. Stands to reason.

Oh, baby.

Oh, Barney, you don't have to worry about Marshall and me having kids.

Oh, come on! You have done tons of stupid stuff to impress Robin.

Oh, except for the food and the ants.

Oh, go on, honey. Kiss him.

Oh, God, you already had the baby!

Oh, God!

Oh, God. Guys, what are you doing?

Oh, guys, no. I could not today. It would just be...

Oh, I miss you, too. Listen, I gotta go. Talk soon. Okay. Bye.

Oh, I'd like that.

Oh, I'm drawing a blank here. How did that work out again?

Oh, I'm sorry. That was a blast. And you're great.

Oh, look, don't be. It's like we never dated.

Oh, my God, Ted, this is how it starts!

Oh, my God! Look, I just got a text from Robin.

Oh, my God! We just got twin beds.

Oh, my God. That was so good! I'm laughing. I'm crying.

Oh, no.

Oh, Oh. Great, great.

Oh, spicy tuna with jalapeno! My favorite!

Oh, Ted's not...

Oh, that's great.

Oh, Tony, all I've wanted all my life was your love.

Oh, uh, no reason.

Oh, wait, I'm sorry. "He"?

Oh, wait, wait, wait. I got this one, left.

Oh, we're out of milk.

Oh, you meant the beds. No, I don't wanna do that.

Oh, you'll go all right.

Oh! Excuse me. Jefferson, darling!

Oh! How great was The Wedding Bride?

Oh! How was it?

Oh! It means everything.

Oh! What about when he got beat up by the goat?

Oh! You know, a poetry reading.

Oh.

Okay, are you sure it's about you? Because when I saw Spaceballs

Okay, don't get me wrong, Cher puts on a hell of a show.

Okay, guys, huddle up.

Okay, he definitely said it that time.

Okay, how about this? We agree there's no sense in having a baby

Okay, Lily, you leave me no choice.

Okay, okay. In my defense,

Okay, so, when we finally see Barney's doppelganger,

Okay, who are we kidding? She's with Don now.

Okay, why don't you leave a full carton to remind us we don't have to buy milk?

Okay, you're right. There's no hurry.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Wait. How about this? How about this?

Okay. Well, for whatever it's worth, I think that we're ready.

OLDER TED: And just like that, a picture began to take shape.

OLDER TED: And just like that, kids,

OLDER TED: And that's when I realized

OLDER TED: And that's when I realized Robin had failed to tell Don

OLDER TED: And then, somebody did.

OLDER TED: And then, something amazing happened.

OLDER TED: Aunt Lily still likes to remind Uncle Marshall he once said this.

OLDER TED: Here's how it worked out.

OLDER TED: I looked and looked and looked,

OLDER TED: Kids, I think I told you how earlier that year

OLDER TED: Kids, I'd love to tell you that over the years,

OLDER TED: Kids, the letter was a device I'd invented

OLDER TED: Kids, when you're in your 20s, dating is great.

OLDER TED: Kids, you know where this is going.

OLDER TED: Kids, your Aunt Robin had only been dating Don a short while,

OLDER TED: Now he knew.

OLDER TED: So I was resolved to put The Wedding Bride

OLDER TED: So the big night arrived.

OLDER TED: So, that night, your Uncle Barney and I sat down

OLDER TED: So, when Barney and Robin broke up the previous fall...

OLDER TED: Still not saying "kiss."

OLDER TED: That night, on my date with Royce,

OLDER TED: That's how it had always been for me with the gang.

OLDER TED: That's when I realized everyone has baggage, including me.

OLDER TED: Um, Uncle Barney didn't say "kiss."

OLDER TED: Who was Marissa Heller?

OLDER TED: Yeah, it's there.

Once he even fell asleep while we were doing it. I mean...

One and two, bang!

One of us just needs to pretend to be Marissa Heller.

One word, made up. Douche pocalypse.

One, you promise to always love me more than the baby.

Only women with major baggage go into porn.

Ooh! Can we come? Ted, you wanna see it again, right?

Ooh.

Or 9:40 because I have that meeting, but I can probably get out of it,

Or is it an issue of access?

Or literally.

Or, in the original Italian...

Or, stay with me,

Otherwise, I have some follow up questions.

Ouch!

Our first stop, the Alberta building.

Our new sleeping arrangement is only gonna bring us closer together.

Plus, the guy's a loser with a dead end job.

Probably more than you do.

Ready for what?

Really? 'Cause the last time I looked past a girl's baggage,

Really? A colleague of mine just prescribed Coumadin to the Dutch ambassador.

Really? Because there actually is a poem I'd like to recite.

Remember how I proposed to Stella?

Right behind a movie of him riding a horse in slow motion through a field of turnips.

Right, right, that was after you left.

Right.

Ringworm ilicious.

Robin never told Don she had dated Barney.

Robin Stinson!

Robin, I brought you the blue French horn!

Robin, I wanna win you back!

Robin, of the four people you consider your best friends in New York,

ROBIN: Oh, sweet.

Robin! Robin, I love you!

Robin's marrying Don! I'm gonna die alone!

ROBOT: Is that all you got, bitch?

Robots vs. Wrestlers is our most important tradition as a group!

Robots vs. Wrestlers!

Rumor is, Louis Lamar Skullnick, the architect who designed this building,

Run tell dat.

Say your name is Marissa Heller, and we are golden.

SECRETARY ON INTERCOM: Mr. Mosley, your fiancée is here.

See, I wanna have sex with her at least one more time!

See, Marshall, this is what I mean.

Seriously, I have not been able to find a girl

Sex.

She fine.

She is mine!

She must be remembering to go to the dentist

She said no? How could she say no?

She was smart, beautiful...

She's not yours! And she's not mine, either.

Sir, you need to leave, now!

Smoked foie gras with caramelized mango and crème fraîche?

So embarrassing. I forgot something.

So I think I'm gonna skip Robots vs. Wrestlers.

So is spaghetti your specialty?

So let's try for the 7:10.

So Marshall gave them our address.

So that's Marissa Heller, huh.

So they're at the wedding.

So why don't you have a seat on the couch, watch some television,

So, anyone been watching The Young and the Restless?

So, Barney's your ex and you still hang out with him?

So, do you guys remember anything from last night?

So, do you guys remember anything from last night?

So, I'm banging this Portuguese contortionist

So, just to be clear,

So, look, the point is you both are clearly very important to Robin.

So, Ted, where did those chums of yours scoot off to?

So, what are we doing?

So, what did you say?

So, what's going on with Robin?

So, why don't we all have dinner tomorrow night at my place?

Somehow sex and sleep got all jumbled together,

Something I need to say.

Something I need to say.

Sorry, buddy, all's fair.

Sorry, New York. I had to take that. Now, where were we?

Sorry, Ted. You're screwed.

Sorry.

Sorry. Go ahead.

Sounds terrible.

Spit it out, Barney! Spit it out!

Stella, I promised to make you my wife. And I'd like to live up to that promise.

Stella, if you still truly love me,

Stella, your happiness is the only thing I care about,

STELLA: I...

Stinson out.

Stupid rule.

Such a great party! Such a great party!

Super mild.

Sure you can stick to the small talk, and pretend it's not there,

Sure.

Suzanne. Hey, Deng. Let me help you with that.

Sweet, sweet, sweet mother of God. He's an idiot sometimes.

Take that, Ted Mosby.

Ted and Robin?

Ted Scherbatsky! I'll take her name. I don't care.

Ted, are you okay?

Ted, everyone has baggage, you just gotta look past it.

Ted, I think you need to tell Royce

Ted, if you don't come to Robots vs. Wrestlers,

Ted, it's not that big of a deal.

Ted, look, what happened with Stella was awful.

Ted, this isn't happening.

Ted, we got our first mail delivery!

Ted, what's up?

Ted, your lyric baritone is outstanding.

TED: I can't believe this.

TED: That spontaneous moment in the arcade.

TED: When I squeezed an entire romantic evening

Ted? There you are.

Ted's allowed to have a life outside of the group. We all are.

Ted's calling you? He's in trouble, all right!

Ted's gone, Robin's gone.

Ted's gonna get eaten by cats!

Ted's not gonna be around a lot.

Ted's not what?

Ted's on the other line, and I think he's in trouble.

Teddy Bear! Barn Door!

Thank you, Will Shortz.

That baggage belonged to a girl named Stella, and...

That depends. Does it say anything on that invitation

That hasn't been struck since W.S. Gilbert hit it

That is ridiculous. And I'll tell you why.

That movie y'all love so much.

That mystery began when Marshall and I first moved in together.

That ought to do it.

That reminds me, I killed my brother

That spring, I had just started dating a girl named Royce.

That stuff that happened to me,

That way, when you miss Robin, and you will,

That's a long way down the road.

That's exactly what it is, according to the Web site!

That's hysterical. Move over, Adolf Hitler. There's a new king of comedy.

That's my favorite book of madrigals!

That's normal.

That's not offensive, right?

That's the universe telling us it's go time,

That's what passes for comedy these days?

That's why I live with my brother now.

The last time was because I blew all our money on online poker.

The only thing we don't know is what she looks like.

The picture's become a little clearer.