How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Edit

A nice, small, simple Thanksgiving.

A yearlier, Marshall made a bet with Barney and won the right to slap him five times.

Actually still condone corporal punishment

After a very long night, it was finally the big holiday.

All right, we have a turkey.

An event Ted is also attending.

And as a special, added bonus, I've composed a song just for this occasion.

And Bob.

And for the rest of the day, we are going to enjoy a civilized, grownup holiday.

And hack you all up with a machete.

And if you have sex again, neither of you gets dessert!

And it did become a tradition.

And it's all thanks to you, Lily.

And speaking of bliss, sugar me, baby.

And the second.

And then a funny thing happened...

And then I'm going to slap you in your face.

And then that's it.

And then we high five again!

And Thursday at 3:01 p.m.

And we did it all the time

And when I tried to pull away, you kept your hand on my neck.

And you know why?

And you're not even trying to be a part of it!

And, apparently, our last.

Apparently not.

As Slap Bet Commissioner, I'm issuing a ruling.

At precisely 3:00 a.m. I'm gonna jump out of that closet right there

At your place, then you failed.

Back when we were dating, Robin and I had this running joke

Barney, come on, what do you got?

Barney, put it away.

Because he's a thousand years old.

Because once you start, it's surprisingly hard to stop

Because you don't want to hurt someone you...

Bob and I aren't that serious, and what happened last night with Ted was a fluke.

Brosnan.

But after the first year i get a major pay raise

But he discovered fire. How do you top that?

But he was actually there.

But if you insist, yes, I'll be there for the christening.

But Marshall had something special in store for the third.

But most importantly, you can never, ever be alone together.

But now we were broken up so when Marshall said

But she also started a new tradition.

But the truth is trying to be friends with your ex is a lot hard than it looks.

But when you sleep with the Crypt

But when your ex is dating someone new, your...

But yeah, I'm going to allow it.

But you are not allowed to slap my mind! Good day!

By the way, heads up, he's a little bit older than us.

By the way, I'm really swamped in here.

Canadian Thanksgiving celebrates explorer Martin Frobisher's valiant yet

Cause any kind of emotional or physical pain...

China for the first time wants to say hell, no,

Clearly, we need to ignore this.

Clearly, we need to talk about this.

Come on.

Corporal Punishment

Damn it!

Did you know that the Egyptian pyramids can be seen from space?

Dinner with the four people I love most in the world...

Do you think that I'm jealous of Bob?

Do you think that...

Don't stress, baby.

For the millionth time, sleep eating is a...

Four...

General Knowledge

Great.

Great.

Great. Well, this is great.

Guess we're not.

Happy Slapsgiving, everybody.

Happy Thanksgiving.

He panics and says the first thing that pops into his head.

He's 150; Robin's 27.

He's forty one.

He's forty one. He looks great.

Hey, Bob! Over here!

Hey, Bob.

Hey, check it out!

Hey, dudes, what's crackin'?

Hey, it's me.

Hey, say no more.

Hey, Ted.

Hey, uh, what time are you guys going to Robin's?

Horrible idea.

How are you guys not seeing this?

How do you respond to something like that?

How does it feel, Marshall, to sit there, impotently

How many days are in October?

How old is he?

I can totally see she has a pierced...

I can't eat. I can't sleep.

I counted it out.

I don't know.

I don't know. I'm sorry.

I don't like it one bit!

I don't want to get slapped again, and the first two times hurt so bad, I don't like it!

I gotta go.

I guess we're not.

I heard Noah gave him shotgun in the ark.

I I should get going.

I just like smelling it.

I like Halloween very much. Is nice.

I made Jell O shots.

I made Jell O shots.

I mean, what decent human being would want to...

I mean, when I pulled you out of that burning wreckage,

I mean, you can't talk about how close you used to be.

I said this is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever.

I think that's pretty amazing if you think about it.

I thought I ruined it by putting a clock on it, Barney?

I thought we were done with that?

I wanted to leave, but I couldn't stick her with making all the pies by herself.

I wasn't doing it to have a battleship named after me.

I will in... five...

I yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave.

I'm gonna go pay.

I'm not scared.

I'm not sure I have time to mash those potatoes,

I'm the youngest of ten in my family, so our Thanksgiving is a mess.

I've only got so many hands.

If that's cool?

If you're trying to freak me out about spending Thanksgiving...

In a minute, baby.

Is also tomorrow.

Is Bob coming?

Isn't it sad that I mean in 2007 some countries...

It just happens, you can't help it.

It reverberates back to the present, shattering the time slap continuum.

It'll give us a chance to catch up.

It's like eating with your nose.

It's mean.

It's not...

It's really a major buzz kill.

It's still kind of weird being alone with Robin, but if you were here...

It's Thanksgiving!

Just the five of us, right?

Kernel stuck in my teeth

Kids, you remember the slap bet.

Let's go get a drink.

Let's review: You and Ted broke up six months ago,

Listen, you have to come over here and make pies.

Look at us!

Look, I'm not mad. I just think...

Major Clean up

Marshall, you're not eating.

Masher's right there, next to the pot.

Maybe for the rest of our lives.

Maybe it's because Future Me slaps Future You so hard,

Maybe we should.

Mind tends to accentuate their flaws.

No, he went to see Green Day.

No, I'm not going to wear the medal of honor.

No, no.

No, no.

No, no.

None of you are!

Nope. This sucks.Eat up and leave.

Nope. This sucks.Eat up and leave.

Not only did she gather us all here together and cook a delicious meal,

Not really. We avoid each other.

Not too grownup.

Nothing but respect for that man.

Nowhere in the rules does it say that I have to sit through sort of mental torture!

Oh man I got kernel stuck in my teeth

Oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at Robin's tomorrow.

Oh, come on! You leaned into it.

Oh, God! Don't slap me again!

Oh, hey, by the way, if anyone wants to come over early Thursday,

Oh, Lily, it's not as bad as it sounds.

Oh, Marshall, are you working on the cranberry sauce?

Oh, my! Look at that.

Oh, no...

Oh, there's Bob!

Oh, there's the four people I love most in the world.And Bob.

Oh, what do we do now?

Oh, what the hell kind of Thanksgiving is this anyway?

Okay, maybe we should talk about this later.

Okay, um...

Okay.

Only because your hand was still around my waist.

Ooh, some classical music, maybe.

Ooh, the oven's pre heated!

Oops, I got hit by the pitch. Better take my base.

Our first one as a married couple, as grownups

Our first one as a married couple, as grownups

P.S. Fire is my one weakness.

Pecan pie? Why are we making that?

Perfect. Just to be safe, I'll get there like 8:00,8:30.

Pierce Brosnan is my favorite of all the Bonds.

Please don't slap me.

Please, you took out all the suspense.

Probably could kick your ass.

Probably?

Probably... Not?

Real Thanksgiving happened over a month ago.

Relapse five!

Right. 'Cause you blew it.

Robin and I have never really been alone together.

Robin is dating Orville Redenbacher.

Said what?

Secondly, have I said one word about the parade of dubious conquests

Secondly, have I said one word about the parade of dubious conquests

She was exhausted.

Slapsgiving.

Slapsgiving.

Slapsgiving.

So get in the kitchen and mash some potatoes, now.

So he just...

So it's...

So then this hot intern leans over my desk,

So we sat down to our first Thanksgiving together as a group...

So we're in the kitchen, starting on the pies, and we realize,

So we're making a pie for Bob.

So you're not coming to make pies.

So, to the first of many Thanksgivings together.

So...

So...

Solve this right now.

Sorry I'm late.

Sorry I'm late.

Sorry, the two big holidays.

Sorry.

Ted, can we please just deal with this?

Ted, lights!

Ted...

Thank you, Mr. President.

Thanksgiving is a day of peace.

That first Thanksgiving turned out to be a wonderful...

That first Thanksgiving turned out to be a wonderful...

That is a real slap in the face.

That is a terrible idea!

That is a truth fact.

That means we're in the final hour of the countdown.

That would just be tacky.

That's not allowed.

That's the general idea

That's three!

That's what friends do.

That's where we high five, then it's awkward for a little bit...

That's why every year, we go to Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall's for Thanksgiving.

The countdown ends at 3:00 p.m. the day after Thanksgiving.

The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is that I'm just an architect,

The pecan pie is gonna take the longest.

The real Thanksgiving?

The Slap Bet Commissioner's word is final,

The slap will occur in ten...

The worst part about getting slapped is not knowing when it's going to happen.

Then he makes it ten times more awkward.

Then why is your right cheek twitching?

There will be no slaps today!

They were totally on my case:

They're things that friends make together.

This is how I saw Bob.

This is our first Thanksgiving.

This is rad!

This is Thanksgiving.

Today, Lily did something great.

Um, it's my favorite.

Um, most Thanksgivings.

Upset me?

Very serious and delicious medical condition.

Wait a second.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, you...

Wait, you're gonna slap me on Thanksgiving?

We called a truce, we hugged,

We can only talk about the first Thanksgiving,

We can watch the Slapsgiving Day Parade.

We can't be alone together, can we?

We don't have a damn thing to say to each other.

We haven't even met him.

We just let it slide

We smile politely.

We're gonna do this again next year, and the year after that

We're in the last 20 seconds of Marshall's countdown to nothing.

We're supposed to be friends.

We're two people who pretend to be friends because it would be inconvenient not to.

We's gonna get silly, bitches.

Well guys have fun

Well this is gonna be a major clean up

Well, did you guys at least talk about it?

Well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, and I didn't know what to say.

Well, how come we're all allowed to bust on Barney when he dates some skanktron,

Well, maybe we should stop pretending.

Well, no, no, no. You can't leave.

Well, then, I'd like to say something.

Well, there, you said it again.

Well, what are we doing? It's Thanksgiving.

Well, you didn't ruin it; you made it so much worse!

Well, you know what?

Well... We aren't friends, are we?

Well... yeah.

What are you talking about?

What does that mean?

What the hell were you doing?

What?

What?

What? You're crazy!

What's up, dudes?

Who's coming to my Thanksgiving today...

Why can't I?

Why couldn't you just tell me that's what we were doing?

Why don't we put that one in first?

Why is baking a pie for Bob so weird?

Why would you be mad you started it?

Yeah, du he's in pretty good shape.

Yeah, I I just thought it might upset you.

Yeah, I'll be there, absolutely.

Yeah, if you and I are such good friends,

Yeah, some people just can't take a hint.

Yeah, they do.

Yeah, this is going to be great.

Yeah, this is gonna be the best Slapsgiving ever.

Yeah, we do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

Yep.

Yes it does everyone knows that it's like general knowledge

You are allowed to slap my face, sir,

You are correct, sir.

You can slap him.

You can't be as candid as you used to be.

You can't talk about how close you're not now.

You guys slept together last night?

You know what? I'm outta here.

You know, you could have just told me it was for Bob.

You may not realize this, but since we broke up,

You ought to be stoked I found my bliss.

You see kids, friendship is an involuntary reflex

You see on the surface, Robin and I look like we were doing great

You see what I got going on here?

You see what I got going on here?

You're dating another man...

You're hitting on someone right now, aren't you?

You're like the crappy kid in Little League who knows he's not going to make contact,

You're still getting slapped.

You've been on, like, three dates with that guy.

Your large, flaccid hand, just dangling in the wind?

7:30.

9:30 pm

30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos and say,

Baby, please... No!

But it's Slapsgiving. No!

Happy Thanksgiving. You, too.

he always does when there's an awkward silence.

Hey, man, how are you? Good to meet you.

Hey, that is... And if you and I are such good friends...

I...leaned into it? Yeah.

I'm glad we're friends. Me too

I'm going to make a phone call. I'll put it in t oven.

I'm gonna help Marshall pay. I'm gonna help Lily pee.

Is it really that big a deal? Yes.

Is Lily in the kitchen? Yep.

Just the two of us. just the two of us.

Major Buzz kill. Major Buzz kill.

Making pies. Pies.

Marshall? Lily?

No, Ted, what are you doing? Right?

She's got you making pies for this guy? Yeah.

Something really weird happened last night.

Terrible. What?

This is stupid. I'm sorry, too.

Truth is, I'm not scared. Really?

We need to talk. Stuffed mushroom?

What? Yes!

Yeah? Uh huh?

Yeah. Yeah.

You're allergic. I know.

you're standing right next to. And then Ted does the thing that

* A hot, red burnin' on the side of your face *

* And everybody laughed and clapped *

* And your lips are tremblin' *

* But you can't speak, you're tryin' *

* It was awesome *

* Not to cry! *

* Oh, you're tryin' *

* Slapped. *

* Tears start to fill your eyes *

* That's put you in your place? *

* Wait, you just got... *

* What is this feelin' *

* Ya just got sla apped *

* You feel the blood rush to your cheek *