How I Met Your Mother (2005) - Season 3 Edit

A 20% tip, really, for that waiter?

A big guy live in a pros con

A blt and gravy fries.

A blt and gravy fries.

A bottle of Dom Perignon, and can you put it on my tab?

A bunch of cobras got loose in Central Park.

A butterfly?

A Canadian pop star.

A clear winner and a clear loser.

A couple rules...

A crazy time unlike anything that ce before.

A drum circle!

A drunk jackass called "God!"

A drunk jackass with a box of pencils?

A few minutes later, I could totally cut him down.

A few weeks ago, Ted dumped me as his wingman.

A G CWOK!

A giant boob wearing a suit of money.

A girl is allowed to be crazy

A good one. He won full custody.

A great big knife...

A great friend, by the way.

A green tea with lemon for me,

A grizzly bear!

A hundred in the South Bronx at this time of night?

A hundred? We only got to 82 on our honeymoon.

A knock, knock joke.

A letter to the other person.

A list of do's and don'ts for all bros.

A little background.

A little bit closer to the way Gael

A little crush on our sports guy. No.

A little.

A lot of cool people would hang out at.

A lot of people don't eat pork,

A lot.

A miracle took place today.

A new car!

A Panama City license plate.

A pencil went up Barney's nose,

A place like this really needs a lady of the house.

A rainbow! That's beautiful!

A rainbow? Sounds like that bitch had it coming.

A suit of boobs.

A super hot girl just because you didn't help me get her?

A terrible... terrible secret.

A tramp stamp.

A tramp stamp.

A two syllable "damn."

A very important international business meeting.

A very rare frame from the turn of the century.

A veterinarian who works in the building,

A water slide park. That sure is different than what Robin does.

A while since I was intimate with anyone.

A whole sandwich by myself.

A year.

Aah!

Abby and I are in love.

Abby goes bowling with her church group

Abby is...?

Abby, I've told you before.

Abby, I've... I've got some bad news.

Abby, Pookie Bear...

Abby.

About 1,500 bucks.

About five years ago,

About four or five gigs away from really exploding.

About me and Wendy the Waitress?

About something called a super volcano.

About that...

About what you might get to do later tonight?

About whatever idiotic thing she cares about.

Absolutely not, Barney. We are not going to make a game out

Absolutely.

Absolutely. I just have to go to the ladies' room.

According to the bartender, I'm the guy

According to the Web site,

Account info, important addresses,

Ace!

Actually she is marrying him

Actually,

Actually, I came to see you.

Actually, I have an idea.

Actually, I, I want to have four kids.

Actually, if he practices law in another state,

Actually, it's associative regression.

Actually, it's on its own island.

Actually, Kleenex is a brand.

Actually, you usually say that out loud.

Actually...

Actually...

Actually...

Adult Video Weekly?

Affirmative.

Afraid of getting hurt.

After a big relationship ends, you need some time to recuperate.

After a couple of drinks but tomorrow morning

After a while, crocodile.

After a while, crocodile.

After four days without selling a single painting, Lily was getting desperate.

After he puked and cleared the line at the smoothie bar,

After lunch?

After that, her decision is made. She will not change her mind.

After they broke up, Robin went back to being Robin.

After they've broken up?

After this maybe.

After we all finished talking last night,

Again and again and again,

Again?

Again?! Really?! Wait...

Ah ooga!

Ah, a hundred and thir... What?

Ah, damn it!

Ah, hey, Marshall.

Ah, make yourself at home.

Ah, never mind. No...

Ah, no, it's not. It's actually a type of bird.

Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp.

Ah, there she is.

Ah! Again, I'm kidding.

Ah! Just in time. It hasn't started yet.

Ah. Point Robin.

Ah. Thank you very...

Ah... Stinson.

Aha! There it is! Robin's not going out with a guy with a kid.

Alan Alda?

Alan Alda. It was Alan Alda.

All done.

All I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule.

All in one convenient location Yeah.

All Lily's gonna find

All my friends told me, "Abby, be strong.

All of it.

All of them, but only about half buy a copy on the way out.

All of these women have a right to hate you.

All of us reminiscing about how we met me?

All of what?

All right, all right.

All right, Bob Marley.

All right, bring it home, boys.

All right, but you guys have to help me carry it.

All right, cool. How many do you want me to do?

All right, everyone out.

All right, fine.

All right, first of all, this isn't one of those,

All right, guys, guys, guys.

All right, hold on.

All right, I didn't want to tell you this in front of Marshall

All right, I'm gonna try something, and if this works...

All right, I'm taking off.

All right, Ignatius, one more hour. Nice.

All right, laugh all you want,

All right, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's go. Hmm.

All right, let's meet your new doppelganger.

All right, Mrs. Aldrin, I'm going to need your social as well.

All right, so if you're not allowed to date a patient, I'll just...

All right, Ted, if you're going to go for the belt,

All right, Ted.

All right, the beers are here.

All right, we're leaving, we're leaving, okay.

All right, you're suited up, I'm bearded down.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. But spoiler alert.

All right. I can't find your video.

All right. It hasn't clotted but I think

All right. Start with 100 push ups.

All right. We're ready. Let's hit it.

All sorority girls are sluts.

All subsequent worlds that I rocked were only so rocked because of the confidence I earned from said first world rocking.

All that stuff.

All the telltale signs are here.

All the time on my grandmother.

All this time you were, uh, you were supposed to say no, but you didn't...

All this time,

All three right there.

All you are is me on vacation

All you need to do is go down to the bar,

Allow Ted to do this.

Also known as the Vickie Mendoza Diagonal.

Although it's weird.

Although, I'm gonna be hitting it pretty soon.

Always...

Am a jerk to women.

Am I dead?

Am I dead?

Amsterdam?

Amy was cool and dangerous.

Amy?

An admission of guilt?

An And you make a kindergarten teacher's salary, right?

An idiot.

And lucky you I have room for one more student.

And "me" has the best game.

And a box of pencils called "destiny!"

And a bunch of seventh graders

And a clear loser.

And a funny list of things to do with my ashes.

And a lot of times boyfriends and girlfriends...

And a perfect way to end my scrapbook.

And a quality girl would pick me over you any day.

And after she takes you back,

And again with the Weinstein triplets.

And again.

And again.

And all I could think about was you being there first.

And and I have to get her back.

And apparently money's tight now, so...

And as fate would have it that someone was Marshall.

And as for the girl I made out with at the party,

And as the application erases itself leaving no trace we were here ever...

And as the customer, I'm always right, so...

And as you guys know,

And assume you were gay?

And because of my new job,

And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment shouting,

And beg for your old job back?

And besides, we've only just started to looking.

And best friends forever all sophomore year.

And break glass in case of emergency,

And BTW,

And by you, I mean her.

And can't control her bobowels.

And clear.

And coming out of the Upper West Side,

And conclude your association.

And could help pay for law school.

And dangerously close to the Shelly Gilespie Zone.

And dangerously close to the Shelly Gilespie Zone.

And do you know why I feel so bad?

And don't even pay attention to what we're talking about.

And don't even think about opening that can

And even though that girl ended up giving me a fake number,

And flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"?

And for God's sakes, Lily, you text him while he's on the can.

And for Lily and Marshall,

And for my friend here, the meatloaf, please.

And for the past five years, I've had no regrets.

And for what?

And Frank went on to traumatize Lily's entire class

And go to the bathroom?!

And have a commitment ceremony to my body if you want.

And have sex with her ASAP.

And he carried you six miles to safety on his broken leg?

And he didn't seem to remember any of his old tricks.

And he died at the army hospital which once stood on this very spot.

And he had the most amazing collection of Hard Rock Café T shirts.

And he'll never need to know.

And he's made 125 movies.

And he's probably racist.

And Heloise. She helped me do the decoupage.

And her ex boyfriend's name is Steve.

And here I am at the drum circle.

And here is my card.

And here's your water, in case you're dehydrated,

And hope that I absorbed it.

And how dare he deny you

And how to listen.

And how would that help me with Stella?

And how would you know? Because I live here.

And I am forced to mate with the same old lioness

And I buried the hatchet.

And I can see that now.

And I can't count on that car to hit you every time you do.

And I couldn't wait to see if my friends were as crazy about Cathy as I was.

And I definitely can't do that to her daughter.

And I did.

And I don't even have a kid.

And I don't know which one to go for.

And I don't scream at my kids,

And I don't want that!

And I figure I'm not gonna take this job anyway,

And I figured, what the hell would a musk ox be doing in here?

And I forgive you.

And I forgot my underwear..."

And I found a porno starring Ted Mosby!

And I got to think, somehow, they're saving my life.

And I gotta say,

And I have done some horrible things. I mean,

And I have to do some kite flying or setething.

And I have to tell you, for these prices,

And I just slept

And I just want to make sure you're okay with this.

And I know I have no right to be upset at you.

And I know there's no way to undo what I've done,

And I know this great place where we can go.

And I made a huge mistuge last night,

And I made a pile of money on the ipo,

And I met Mason Raymond.

And I now know for certain that I love you, Karen.

And I only stirred that with my pinky.

And I only stirred that with my pinky.

And I really like him, and he's got a British accent.

And I reassert my commitment to both the aforementioned paramour

And I resemble a young Harrison Ford.

And I shall inscribe it on theacack of the Constitution.

And I shl I include a provision

And I sleep on the couch.

And I think at some point there was a fish in it.

And I think I'd actually prefer it if you were mad at me; this is too weird.

And I thought I'd grab you something.

And I totally got some over the shirt boob action

And I want us to have our dream home.

And I want you to hear it from me first.

And I wanted you to be

And I was in a really vulnerable place

And I was right.

And I was right.

And I will make us some waffles.

And I would have been working there when,

And I, I feel terrible

And I, I wand d to just pretend like it never happened,

And I'd just gotten a big raise at work,

And I'll be honest with you, I didn't even know what it was,

And I'll tell you something else,

And I'm drinking for free the rest of the night.

And I'm enjoying living my life

And I'm getting a little sick of the whole charade.

And I'm getting rid of anything I have no use for anymore.

And I'm not looking for a mother for Doug.

And I'm not lying.

And I'm only in town for a couple of days, but,

And I'm sorry, but none of us can support it.

And I'm telling you you're fired, bitch.

And I'm Unreasonably Small Mouth Opening Girl.

And if anyone sees Heidi Klum dibs.

And if he's broken the Bro Code,

And if I chose wrong, I lose them both.

And if you ditching Holly in the woods

And if you had those feelings once,

And if you're going to break up with George,

And in any other relationship,

And in that time, we will convince you

And in this case, you're paying them...

And is a totally respectable size...

And it always plays out in the same eight steps.

And it changed my whole life

And it eats me up inside every day.

And it may be a moot point.

And it reeks in here.

And it seemed like that was the end of it,

And it turns out, her normal self.

And it turns out, that fixing the floors of the new apartment

And it was 9:59.

And it was a haze of cigars and scotch and Swayze,

And it was a huge mistake.

And it was a huge mistake.

And it was a huge mistake.

And it was good for you?

And it wasn't peanut butter.

And it'll be easier too, 'cause she knows me so well.

And it's a good thing I did,

And it's a good thing I didn't,

And it's all Lily's fault.

And it's awesome.

And it's definitely not you being miserable

And it's gonna take some time, too, so

And it's got a huge blind spot.

And it's not because I'm proud of you as a friend.

And it's not cheating if she's from a different area code.

And it's over a lot faster.

And it's so convenient.

And it's too late for them anyway, but Ted,

And just as she was about to lose all hope,

And just like that

And just like that, the illusion was shattered.

And just what are you accusing me of?

And kids, that's exactly what she did.

And King Larry...

And last night, at the hockey game,

And last night... ...you burst out of that cocoon

And later at the bar,

And lesson four:

And lift heavy things.

And Lily because they're old and married,

And look who plays the navigator,

And lying on the beach

And Mark is my present and my future.

And maybe a couple of Polaroids?

And maybe it's because of that movie Babe or something.

And money.

And more importantly,

And more importantly,

And move on with your life.

And moved into a one room apartment above a bowling alley.

And my girlfriend,

And no fiesta would be complete without...

And no one outside of this room, not even my husband, knows.

And nobody, not even artillery arthur,

And not at all macho and petty,

And not even remember her.

And not the early years...

And now he wanders these halls,

And now he's coming here? Robin,

And now I'm watching my wardrobe disappear piece by piece.

And now I'm working for the bad guys instead.

And now is the time when I'm supposed to pay her back.

And now it's literally driving me crazy.

And now it's time for "Puppy Corner,"

And now she's dry humping him on a hospital bed.

And now the universe is punishing us for it,

And now we wait.

And now we're being rewarded with a sea of beautiful girls.

And now you have to live with it.

And now, here's

And Number 3

And number 3 is please keep the noise to a minimum

And obliterate all life on Earth,

And of those 33 vehicles, I have had sex in/on 31.

And offer them a free painting if they throw a private art party

And old blauman was getting reamed out but good.

And old friend from Canada is in town and I'm meeting him for a drink.

And once you figure out if she's the girl from the bar, we run like hell.

And our hands touched for the first time,

And our hearts.

And punch you really hard in the face.

And resentment just isn't useful.

And retrieve passwords through secure servers.

And say my Uncle Linus can live with us?

And say we want to have a dinner party

And send a glass of champagne

And she also sheds, eats out of the garbage

And she comes back from vacation with that guy?

And she needed some help setting up her stereo.

And she really wanted to invite you, but she's too shy.

And she says yes.

And she says, "No hard feelings."

And she thinks to herself,

And she thinks to herself,

And she was doing well.

And she was talking about me?

And she's rather cute.

And since I'm a professional artist now,

And six months from now, I break up with her

And slip in a little clean stuff?

And so marshall finally had to tell lily what happened.

And so now you never allow yourself

And so the weeks went by.

And so they watched it again.

And so will all this.

And so, inevitably, you have to do the thing

And some werejust plain disturbing.

And sometimes you space out

And spend my 30th birthday in a strip club.

And stay away from the windows.

And step on it. We're in a hurry.

And strode into the world, Armani clad and fully awesome.

And suddenly I felt cold, so very cold.

And suddenly, I just felt all of it.

And suddenly, it all came back to me.

And sure enough, by session seven,

And sure enough, there was a clear winner,

And swim around in it naked.

And Ted, here's that yellow legal pad you asked for.

And tell him that he's the best you ever had.

And that asteroid that's headed for Manhattan,

And that box was labeled "stuff I have no use for anymore."

And that I had restored her faith in God.

And that little Web site went on to get 400,000 hits. Thanks, Barney.

And that person becomes sheer perfection in your eyes.

And that scares you.

And that still doesn't count as a Christmas present.

And that story begins, here.

And that was my yoga mat.

And that wasn't Spanish, that was cup size.

And that, kids, is how you turn a "no" into a "yes."

And that's all I remember until the hospital.

And that's all I remember.

And that's also how the sport of Apartment Roller Luge was invented.

And that's how your Uncle Barney

And that's just wrong!

And that's sports.

And that's sports.

And that's Step 2.

And that's what happened when I met...

And that's when I discovered Indian casinos.

And that's when I realized

And that's why Farmer Frank's breath smells like medicine.

And that's why Gael happened.

And the best part is I'm not even going to be representing

And the boob is lactating scotch.

And the consequences that follow.

And the Gerards across the hall?

And the guys will be in the booth,

And the market is really hot right now.

And the National Security Act of 1948,

And the next day,

And the only way you're ever gonna feel

And the philosophies he espouses.

And the shark...

And the truth is, I was doing really good.

And the whole thing shifted.

And the whole thing starts all over again,

And the worst part of it

And the worst thing is, tomorrow morning I have to walk

And the young metropolit was out on the town,

And then a few weeks went by, and all of a sudden...

And then a little later the same thing happened again with Tidbit...

And then along comes Step 3:

And then Barney will make his move.

And then go on a shopping spree?

And then go shopping?

And then he became a janitor at an old folks' home

And then he starts on his hair.

And then his cat and new vacuum cleaner both went missing.

And then his cousin's website tanked.

And then I have

And then I'll come in, looking hot as all hell.

And then in the meantime, I'll slowly work down my debt.

And then it exploded like a volcano.

And then it should have flames coming out the bottom.

And then last night started coming back to me:

And then loses it on the arabesque.

And then Marshall tried to storm out...

And then she made me cry, using only her words.

And then she says, "Give me another set."

And then snuck down the fire escape?

And then Ted, the love of my life, started dating my boss instead of me.

And then the strangest thing happened.

And then this morning...

And then we discover the movers lost all our kitchen boxes.

And then we fell asleep on the beach while counting the stars.

And then...

And then...

And there is something here so awesome,

And there was one young man who stood out above the pack.

And there were some problems.

And they offered me, like,

And they will staying with us how do you say

And they'll e mail it to you or something?

And they're going to come get her on Monday.

And they're going to take

And they're kind of competitive.

And things were going really well.

And thinking about peace?

And this is my friend, Ted.

And this was the third and biggest.

And those rights are, um...

And through 22 wonderful years of marriage,

And to your point, Ted, Lily is a quality girl.

And told me I was far, far better

And tonight, you're going to use The Force

And Too Much Tongue Guy was Colin O'Reilly.

And true game is about quality, not quantity,

And underneath, it should say, "I win."

And unless you're pregnant,

And was eating oneof Robin's washcloths and

And was eating oneof Robin's washcloths and

And was rewarded with two beautiful girls.

And we never went back to the gym again.

And we want to have a brunch double date

And we'll charge it all to one of my evil clients.

And we'll still be friends and move on, but...

And we're getting a hotel room in the city Saturday night.

And we're not buying it.

And we've been together for ten years,

And what about me?

And what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot.

And what followed was a new era in my life,

And what I do with these women should be between me and them.

And what was heading towards me.

And what's worse,

And when I got back...

And when it does fail,

And when Marshall gets really angry...

And when that happens,

And when they took him to the vet,

And when you do? Free drink.

And while I was down there,

And why?

And why?

And why's my doctor watching porn?

And win the whole thing.

And with a little luck, in a few days,

And yet people fell for it.

And yet you can say with absolute confidence

And you actually said, "I want to break up"?

And you bought all the tickets.

And you call it a miracle.

And you can't avoid them...

And you did. Well, you didn't keep your promise either.

And you feel a sense of camaraderie.

And you get to keep the duffel bag.

And you guys are trying to freak me out.

And you guys.

And you have to earn the right to call yourself a New Yorker.

And you have to sleep with the one that I dated for a year!

And you know how they say that your whole life flashes

And you know that girl I made out with

And you know what else?

And you know what, "Gayle"?

And you know why?

And you need to earn it with her for real.

And you need to find that woman.

And you never noticed that most of what Ted says

And you realize...

And you said I was the best you ever had.

And you should have known I didn't want to know!

And you smell something funny, and that is it.

And you start to let go of it.

And you want to take it for a spin yourself.

And you would pay me for that?

And you wouldn't expect it,

And you're a pre op transsexual nightclub singer

And you're coming with us.

And you're constantly using lame catchphrases.

And you're doing what you always do in relationships:

And you're getting sand everywhere.

And you're going to keep on having them.

And you're going to tell me which one approached you at the bar.

And you're just going to have to stand there and deal with it, okay?

And you're married to that little bit of a thing. How does that work?

And you're pointing it directly at Wendy the waitress's face.

And you're, like,

And you've got the couples version of the hots for them.

And your hands are shaking.

And your mom was perfect.

And, and one day I was out behind the school

And, boy, was I right, because what Missy the Goat

And, of course, the robot makes an appearance in the sad love ballad.

And, Ted, next time you're online playing World of Warcraft,

And, uh, there's a motel just down the turnpike.

And, um, I think I finally figured out what happened.

And, well, I don't know.

And...

And...

And...

And...

And...

And... date. Huh?

And... go.

Anna, hi.

Another couple?

Another girl I dated

Another girl, Ted?

Another kid just went,

Another rainbow? It's beautiful!

Any better about it is if you tell Ted what you did.

Any last questions for Farmer Frank? Yes.

Anybody would be stressed out meeting new people.

Anyone special in your life?

Anything else?

Anyway, because your first painting worked so well,

Anyway, both of these girls are into you; take your pick.

Anyway, both of these girls are into you; take your pick.

Anyway, call me back when you get this.

Anyway, continuing...

Anyway, every year, Ted and I go in together on this

Anyway, I am so psyched to be playing Sunsplash tomorrow.

Anyway, I was close to winning the bet when something unexpected happened.

Anyway, I'm calling to interview you about your latest project.

Anyway, it's been fun.

Anyway, one night, his band just finish playing this gig...

Anyway, Sir Scratchawan got really old,

Anyway, they picked a date, so, uh,

Anyway, this is serious.

Anyway, uh,

Anyway... I don't get it.

Anywhere but the face.

AOBCD8663.

Apology accepted. Let's go.

Apparently you can.

Apparently, a very common complication

Apparently, there's a rule that says I can't date Stella.

Apparently.

Apparently.

April 2008.

Architect, huh?

Architecturally speaking, fixing that's going to be...

Are the blinds closed?

Are the blinds closed?!

Are the colors "neat" or are they more "neato burrito?"

Are the girls in there hotter than our dates ?

Are the girls in there hotter than our dates?

Are they Betas?

Are they friends?

Are they ghosts? Can only we see them?

Are those new earrings?

Are we related?

Are you a former athlete?

Are you a model?

Are you a total idiot, Ted?

Are you being a little bitch in my gym?

Are you blind? I'm making out with a 12.

Are you certain you want to go through with this?

Are you hearing that? That's the universe.

Are you kidding me, Ted?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?!

Are you kidding me? Why didn't you tell me?!

Are you kidding?

Are you kidding?

Are you kidding? We're popping the champagne right now.

Are you legally certified by some type of governing entity?

Are you literally on cloud nine right now?

Are you mad at me?

Are you Marshall? Yeah.

Are you nuts?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay? Your nose is bleeding.

Are you paying these women?

Are you positive?

Are you s...

Are you saying you dnon't want to be bros anymore?

Are you saying you don't want to be bros anymore?

Are you seeing anyone?

Are you serious?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you telling me that

Are you telling me that we just spent our entire life savings and then some on...

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Are you trying to kill me?

Aren't you going to see the doctor about that mole?

Aren't you taking the bar tomorrow?

Arthur hobbes is one of the senior partners

Arthur screamed at you now you have to scream at someone else.

Arthur screams at you.

Arthur?

Arthur's boss screams at arthur.

Arthur's boss's boss screams at arthur's boss.

Arthur's boss's boss.

Article 29

Article 53:

Artillery arthur.

As a matter of fact, no, there isn't.

As a thank you, okay?

As far as I'm concerned, if I leave you safe on dry land

As his friends, we'll just keep him in the dark.

As if she knew

As in "We're good."

As in we'll be together six months from now.

As long as she is equally hot.

As old as the city itself: the Walk of Shame,

As soon as she started talking about the wedding,

As surely as they happened to all of us!

As we watch him walk barefoot down the aisle

As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby sitter.

As you shall henceforth be known, Ted and I have a schedule to keep.

As you would have them do unto you."

Ashlee with two "e"s.

Assistant Undersecretary of Only Okay.

At dinner.

At first she seemed great, beautiful, smart, way out of your league.

At first.

At my doctor's the other day.